298. Quick Thinks: How to Look Confident, Composed, and Credible

The nonverbal habits that make you look confident, composed, and authentic before you even speak. How you carry yourself can shape how others perceive your confidence, credibility, and authenticity—often before you say a word. In this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart https://www.fastersmarter.io/, Matt Abrahams shares practical, research-backed techniques for strengthening your presence through body language, posture, gestures, and eye contact. Learn how to stand and sit with confidence, move with purpose, use your hands effectively, and avoid common nonverbal habits that can distract from your message. Whether you're presenting to an audience, leading a meeting, or navigating everyday conversations, these simple strategies can help you communicate with greater composure and impact. Episode Reference Links: Ep.12 It's Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It: How To Communica… https://www.fastersmarter.io/12-its-not-what-you-say-its-how-you-say-it-how-to-communicate-power/Ep.137 When Words Aren't Enough: How to Excel at Nonverbal Communication https://www.fastersmarter.io/137-when-words-arent-enough-how-to-excel-at-nonverbal-communication/ Connect: Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart Premium https://www.fastersmarter.io/premium/Email Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>>Think Fast Talk Smart Website https://www.fastersmarter.io/298-quick-thinks-how-to-look-confident-composed-and-credible/Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>>FasterSmarter.io http://fastersmarter.io/Think Fast Talk Smart >>>LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/think-fast-talk-smart/,Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thinkfasttalksmart/, YouTube https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6caGRBUYZCmgDGM2RK6mxKB9jG_ccmm3Matt Abrahams >>>LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/maabrahams/ https://learning.fastersmarter.io/?redirect_from=podpageChapters: (00:00) - Introduction (00:37) - Be Big, Balanced, and Still (01:31) - The Right Speaking Stance (02:16) - Moving with Purpose (03:07) - Presence While Seated (03:53) - What to Do with Your Hands (04:38) - Gesturing Beyond Your Shoulders (05:27) - Effective Eye Contact (06:12) - Thinking While Speaking (06:57) - Bringing It All Together (07:44) - Practice Through Recording (08:30) - Conclusion ******** Thank you to our sponsors. These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost. Learn more about how Notion https://www.notion.com/?utm_source=podcasts&utm_medium=thinkfast can support your business at notion.com/thinkfast. https://www.notion.com/?utm_source=podcasts&utm_medium=thinkfast Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. https://learning.fastersmarter.io/?redirect_from=podpage

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Matt Abrahams?

  In the moment, conflict is difficult for everyone. In our October newsletter, out now, you will learn ways to help yourself handle these challenges better. Not only do you get specific advice, we're also providing an infographic to help you remember. Find our newsletter on the Think Fast, Talk Smart LinkedIn page or at fastersmarter.io under Resources.

• 0:24Matt Abrahams?

  Your presence at times can speak louder than your words. My name is Matt Abrahams and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business. Welcome to this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast. Today, I'd like to walk you through best practices for helping you to make sure you convey confidence and authenticity in your communication. The goal here is not to make everyone communicate the same way, but rather to introduce you to fundamental best practices based on academic research that can inform what you do with your body and your voice. The very first thing people see about you is how you hold your body. Three rules to follow.

• 1:05Matt Abrahams?

  You want to make sure that you are big, balanced, and still. What I mean by that is you want to pull your shoulder blades back so that you extend your chest. We're not pulling our elbows back, we're not puffing out our chest, but we pull our elbows down and shoulders down. Allow your hands to drop down by your side. This way, you look very big. Now, we want to make sure our head is straight as well. Many of us tilt our head or we lean when we communicate. We want to be still and balanced. To make sure we're still, we have to think about our feet. Many of us, when we stand, we stand with our feet facing out to a 45-degree angle,

• 1:50Matt Abrahams?

  like a penguin or a duck. This actually opens up our hips. If you've done any dance, yoga, or martial arts, you know that having your feet out like this makes it easy and flexible for you to move. The problem is, when you're standing up and speaking, we don't want to be swaying from side to side. can be very distracting. For my Stanford MBA students, when they have to do a big assignment, we'll digitally record them and I make them watch the recording without sound on 2X speed and they see themselves swaying in the wind. How do we fix this? We take our feet and we make sure they're parallel underneath our shoulders. We put one foot slightly in front of the other

• 2:33Matt Abrahams?

  and maybe even come up on our tiptoes and settle down. That pulls the weight forward. So with our shoulders pulled down, our arms by our side, our head straight and our feet parallel with our weight forward, we are in the starting position for communication when you're standing. Any sport you have ever played has an initial starting stance. This is the starting stance for public speaking. If you're being introduced, if you're speaking with a team and you're standing while someone else is speaking, this is how you hold your body. Now, of course, you'll move around if you're standing. I recommend stepping in towards the beginning of a communication. So step towards your audience with a broad gesture.

• 3:18Matt Abrahams?

  That makes you look very confident and welcoming. If somebody has a question or some feedback, step towards them in an open, neutral way. Again, making you look confident. And when you transition from one idea to the next, physically move your body a few steps and land back into this ready position. Now, often when you communicate, you're not standing. You're seated. Same things apply. Pull your shoulder blades down. Make sure your head is straight. Keep your feet flat on the ground. A lot of us, when we sit, we flex our legs a lot and bounce around. You can see that reflected in your shirt. And have your forearms on the table. We like to see people's hands. Speaking of hands, what do we do with these things?

• 4:01Matt Abrahams?

  It's the number one question I get asked when I teach people nonverbal presence. I've already shared one place for them, and that's down by your side. It took me a long time, years, to be comfortable talking with my hands down by my side. For many of us, it's much more comfortable when we stand to put our hands right at our belly button. We want to avoid being too low. This looks a little defensive, if you get what I mean. And we want to avoid our hands being up too high. This makes us look like we're praying not to get hurt. So placing your hands right at your belly button, palm on palm, interlacing the fingers, or even lightly steepling our nice places to rest your hands. We want to avoid doing anything that's distracting or tentative with our hands.

• 4:46Matt Abrahams?

  We don't want to just hold the finger. We don't want to crack our knuckles. We want to avoid playing with rings. And we don't want to do the heartbeat. Nice and neutral. So hands are either down by our side or right at our abdomen. When you gesture, I have just one rule. Go beyond your shoulders. Many of us, when we're nervous, we gesture in tight between our shoulders. How does it look if I say, "Here at our company, we have a very open and embracing culture." Really? Instead, I should say, "Here at our company, we have an open and embracing culture." Just going a little bit beyond your shoulders makes you look open. I like to tell people, "Think of your chest as a basketball key."

• 5:29Matt Abrahams?

  If you know the rules of basketball, you can be in the key for three seconds without getting a penalty. So I might say, "This is really important to all of you and me." And then I return to my neutral place. If I'm seated, I simply have my forearms on the table, and when I gesture, I gesture beyond my shoulders, and my arms come back. We'll be right back to finish our conversation. But first, we're going to take a quick break for a word from our sponsors. Their support covers the cost of production, so we can bring you this show for free. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. The best communicators don't just get their message across. They make it easy for people to know what to do next. Your website can do the same thing.

• 6:10Matt Abrahams?

  With Squarespace, you can build a polished online presence that clearly shows people who you are, what you offer, and how they can work with you. If you offer coaching, consulting, classes, or other services, Squarespace lets you showcase those offerings, take payments, And used Acuity Scheduling so people can book time with you directly. And with built-in analytics, you can see how people are finding and engaging with your site, helping you make smarter decisions about where to focus. So your online presence doesn't just look professional, it helps people take action. Go to Squarespace.com/thinkfast for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code THINKFAST to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 6:56Matt Abrahams?

  Teams don't usually struggle because people aren't working hard. They struggle because everyone is working from a slightly different understanding. One person has the latest version, someone else remembers a decision differently. Before long, you're spending more time getting aligned than actually moving the work forward. That's why I find Notion's approach so interesting. Notion is the AI workspace where your team's knowledge, projects, and AI all come together in one place. When everyone is working from the same shared context, teams move faster, stay aligned, and spend less time searching for information. What I like most is the philosophy behind it. It feels less like AI replacing people and more like AI helping people communicate, collaborate, and make better decisions together.

• 7:41Matt Abrahams?

  Learn more about how Notion can support your business at notion.com/thinkfast. That's all lowercase letters, notion.com/thinkfast to try Notion today. And when you use our link, you're supporting our show.

• 7:57Matt Abrahams?

  The final thing we need to talk about is what do we do with our eye contact? We need to make sure that when we communicate, we look at the audience that we're speaking to. I am always asked, how long should I look at somebody? And I wish I had a good answer. Long enough, but not too long. Some people will say one idea per person. I struggle with that just because one idea might be longer for one person than another. I recommend spreading your eye contact around, but not in a patterned way. How would it look if I just kept looking across the audience like this? A little strange. So if you have a large enough audience, let's say eight or more, create quadrants of the area you're speaking in.

• 8:42Matt Abrahams?

  Maybe I look in the back corner, then I'm here in the front, and then maybe over here. If it's a smaller group, certainly try to look at each person. Many of us, when we're trying to think about what comes next, we will often look up because looking at people's faces is one of the most drawn things that we do. We're so motivated to learn about what's on people's faces. It's really hard to think and take in all that information. So it's very tempting to look up in a way. Unfortunately, when I look up in a way, people see me as being distant, maybe nervous, not wanting to be there. It is better to look down than look up. When I look down, I look thoughtful and pensive.

• 9:27Matt Abrahams?

  When I look up, I look confused. So, train yourself if you have to take a moment to look down and then start again. A great way to do this is to move. Often when we need to think about what we want to say next is during points of transition in our content. And as I mentioned earlier, a great thing to do when you're transitioning ideas is to move laterally, side to side. So as I move, I might look down and walk. It's very normal to look down as you walk, so it looks completely natural. So taken together, when we work on our presence, just our physicality, what we do with our body, we can actually have a big impact on how people perceive us.

• 10:12Matt Abrahams?

  Again, we want to be big, balanced, and still. Pull the shorter blades down, have the arms to the side. Head is straight, and our feet are parallel. When we gesture, we gesture beyond our shoulders and we come to a neutral resting place, either right in front of our abdomen or down by our side. And when we make eye contact, we look around in a non-patterned way. Taken together, these skills will help you look confident and be composed while you're communicating. The single best tool to help you with this? is to digitally record yourself practicing. And when you watch, turn the volume down so you can see how you actually look and how others will perceive you.

• 10:55Matt Abrahams?

  In so doing, you will begin to improve your presence. Thank you for joining us for this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the Podcast. To learn more about presence, please listen to episode 12 with Deb Grunfeld and episode 137 with Dana Carney. This episode was produced by Catherine Reed, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams. Our music is from Floyd Wunder, with special thanks to Podium Podcast Company. Please find us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Be sure to subscribe and rate us. Also, follow us on LinkedIn, Instagram, and check out fastersmarter.io

• 11:35Matt Abrahams?

  for deep dive learning videos, education in English learning content, and our newsletter. Please consider our premium offering for extended Deep Thinks, AMAs, and much more at fastersmarter.io/premium. You'll also find value by joining our Think Fast, Talk Smart learning community at fastersmarter.io/learning. You'll find video lessons, learning quests, discussion boards, and my AI coach, along with book club opportunities. Again, that's fastersmarter.io/learning to become part of our Think Fast, Talk Smart learning community. Thanks for joining me for this Quick Thinks episode. If these takeaways were helpful, I'd love for you to listen to the full episode

• 12:20Matt Abrahams?

  that started this conversation. There's more context, more stories, and more tools to support your communication. Give it a listen, and as always, thanks for your support. Before we wrap up, I just want to say thank you for listening. It really means a lot to hear how people all over the world are using these ideas in their own lives. It inspires me and the whole team that brings you this show. If you want more episodes and resources, feel free to follow, subscribe, and explore past conversations. We're grateful for your support of Think Fast, Talk Smart.