197. Prep or Perish: Mastering In-the-Moment Communication (1 of 3)

This three-part miniseries is all about keeping your cool when speaking on the spot. Communicating effectively can be challenging enough, even with plenty of time to prepare what we want to say. But for most of our communication, there’s no time to plan, practice, or perfect — we have to respond in the moment. Spontaneous communication is a part of our everyday lives, but few of us have been trained to handle these impromptu situations with confidence. What does it take to flow, not freeze, when put on the spot? This special three-part series turns to experts for guidance, from a sports commentator, FBI hostage negotiator, and UN translator to a game show host, NFL referee and Sotheby’s auctioneer. Part 1: Preparation and Mindset Discover how to prepare for the unpredictable, manage anxiety, and find the right headspace for success. Part 2: Mastering the Moment Learn to stay present, read the room, and use techniques like mirroring and pacing to connect with your audience. Part 3: When Things Go Wrong Find out how to recover from inevitable mishaps and keep moving forward with confidence, turning mistakes into gold. In addition to insight-packed discussions, this Think Fast, Talk Smart https://www.fastersmarter.io/ miniseries offers practical exercises and homework assignments to help you implement what you've learned. Whether you draw blanks when put on the spot or simply want to articulate your thoughts more clearly in the moment, these episodes will transform how you think — and speak — on your feet. Episode Reference Links: Chris Voss https://www.fastersmarter.io/guests/christopher-voss/ - Former FBI Negotiator, Keynote SpeakerChris Voss's Book: Empathy and Understanding In Business http://fastersmarter.io/empathy-and-understanding Annabelle Williams https://www.fastersmarter.io/guests/annabelle-williams/ - Paralympic Champion, Sports BroadcasterGiampaolo Bianchi https://www.fastersmarter.io/guests/giampaolo-bianchi/ - United Nations InterpreterBrad Rogers https://www.fastersmarter.io/guests/brad-rogers/ - NFL Referee, ProfessorPhyllis Kao https://www.fastersmarter.io/guests/phyllis-kao/ - Sotheby's AuctioneerPeter D Sagal https://www.fastersmarter.io/guests/peter-d-sagal/ - Game Show Host, Author Connect: Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart Premium https://www.fastersmarter.io/premium/Email Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>>Think Fast Talk Smart Website https://www.fastersmarter.io/197-prep-or-perish-mastering-in-the-moment-communication-1-of-3/Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>>FasterSmarter.io http://fastersmarter.io/Think Fast Talk Smart >>>LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/think-fast-talk-smart/,Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thinkfasttalksmart/, YouTube https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6caGRBUYZCmgDGM2RK6mxKB9jG_ccmm3Matt Abrahams >>>LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/maabrahams/ Chapters: (00:00) - Introduction (02:50) - Pressure and Preparation (04:41) - Cognitive Load and Focus (07:25) - Speaking with Clarity (09:03) - Building Instinct Through Practice (11:07) - Overthinking vs. Acting Fast (12:47) - Staying Present Under Pressure (13:27) - Make It About the Audience (14:28) - Handling Public Scrutiny (16:32) - Physical Rituals to Manage Nerves (18:05) - Grounding Techniques Before Speaking (20:39) - Listener Exercises for Better Speaking (23:56) - Conclusion ******** Thank you to our sponsors. These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost. Learn more about how Notion https://www.notion.com/?utm_source=podcasts&utm_medium=thinkfast can support your business at notion.com/thinkfast. https://www.notion.com/?utm_source=podcasts&utm_medium=thinkfast Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. https://learning.fastersmarter.io/?redirect_from=podpage

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Matt Abrahams?

  In the moment, conflict is difficult for everyone. In our October newsletter, out now, you will learn ways to help yourself handle these challenges better. Not only do you get specific advice, we're also providing an infographic to help you remember. Find our newsletter on the Think Fast, Talk Smart LinkedIn page or at fastersmarter.io under Resources.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  You know, the over-thinkers make mistakes at the same rate as the people that are quick to pull the trigger. It just takes them longer to make the mistakes because they're overthinking it.

• 0:36Matt Abrahams?

  I'm Matt Ibramz, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business. Welcome to this spontaneous speaking Think Fast, Talk Smart mini-series. I want you to think back to the last time you were put on the spot. Your boss asked you a question. A friend wanted advice. You had to make small talk or maybe just introduce yourself. How did it feel? If you're like most of us, it was awkward, uncomfortable, and probably nerve-wracking. Planned communication, the presentations, pitches, meetings with agendas, those are hard enough. But when we have to speak in the moment, on the spot, that can be even more difficult.

• 1:19Matt Abrahams?

  But the good news is, with a little preparation and practice, we can all get better. In this three-part Think Fast, Talk Smart mini-series, we've put together a team of coaches to help you improve your spontaneous speaking skills. Your coaching team is made up of people whose jobs require them to speak on the spot every day. They do this stuff for a living. Everything from a Sotheby's auctioneer, to an NFL referee, to a former FBI negotiator. In this first episode, we'll tackle preparation and mindset, focusing on how we can approach speaking spontaneously in a way that makes us feel more comfortable and confident.

• 2:01Matt Abrahams?

  And we'll see, a lot of this starts way before we actually speak. To start, we're going to speak with a sports broadcaster and a para-olympic champion among many other swimming accolades. Her job is to get to the heart of the race and make people feel, in their hearts, connected to those that she speaks with.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  I know for the majority of people, public speaking, especially spontaneous public speaking is a huge fear. And I've been asked so many times, you know, why do you like doing this thing? This thing that most people absolutely despise. And I think it's because in many ways it mirrors being an athlete. You have to prepare a lot. There's a moment in time where you know you're going to be live. And in that moment, you have to perform. And it either goes really well or it goes really poorly. And if it goes really well, you get the same sort of adrenaline rush afterwards. And if it goes poorly, you have to grapple with that challenge and then embrace a mindset to go again or figure out how you're going to do it better, often with a pretty short turnaround time.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  On live television, sometimes it's moments from one interview to the next. And if you think one didn't go well, you've really got to figure out how to forget about that, put it behind you, move forward. And that's similar in a sporting context.

• 3:17Matt Abrahams?

  So you've actually just captured what I often share with people, that you can prepare to be spontaneous. And it sounds like that's what you're doing both when you train as an athlete, but also training to respond to what you're seeing as a commentator unfold in front of you.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  That's exactly right. And I think preparation is the absolute key. I do a lot of research about every single one of the athletes to know what their typical style is. And so you have to adjust your energy and your response and give them the platform they deserve in a very short period of time. And a lot of that comes down to preparation in advance and trying to anticipate how someone's going to go in an event, because it's almost impossible to do that live.

• 3:58Matt Abrahams?

  So we've just heard from Annabelle Williams about how researching in advance helps you stay on your feet during interviews. But what if your job came with the pressure of one wrong word sparking diplomatic disaster? That's the everyday reality for our next coach, Giampaolo Bianchi. As a UN interpreter, he relies on meticulous preparation to manage the intense cognitive demands of translating complex conversations in real time.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  For simultaneous interpreting, we have this concept, which is the cognitive load. And so the idea when you're interpreting is to try to use that working memory as efficiently as possible and avoid overwhelming yourself. And there are strategies to do that. It does mean that you are going to have to concentrate very hard for a sustained period of time. So it's very taxing.

• 4:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, I can imagine that you might be exhausted after some of the simultaneous translations. But would you mind sharing like one thing you do to try to maximize your cognitive bandwidth? Because I think all of us find ourselves in situations where our bandwidth gets tested.

• 5:09Speaker 03

  I would say like the number one thing that I do to avoid cognitive overload is just preparation. When a conference interpreter works at a meeting, they have to know almost everything about the meeting before it even begins. And that includes looking up the organization charts, figuring out who's the director general, who's the deputy director general. Sometimes you might even go so far as to look up the delegates online and see if there are already recorded speeches of them so that you can listen to them and prepare by getting used to their accent. You'll look up the jargon that's used in the organization because if you prepare that information beforehand, and if you really study it and learn it by heart, then you

• 5:51Speaker 03

  can almost automate the process of thinking about those things so that you can then dedicate your mental resources to something else. Every second that you spend thinking about, oh, what does that acronym mean, is a second that you're not spending on understanding what is being said and interpreting it.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  That's phenomenal. So it is in that in-depth preparation that you are freeing up your cognitive bandwidth in the moment. When you and I first spoke, we talked about this notion of pattern recognition. And what you're doing is you're identifying some of the patterns in advance.

• 6:23Matt Abrahams?

  From the world of UN diplomacy, we're heading straight to the gridiron, where high stakes and fast calls sound a bit different.

• 6:32Speaker 05

  There are two fouls on the play, both by the defense. Offside defense number 98, who was unabated to quarterback. We were blowing the whistle to shut the play down. Personal foul.

• 6:42Matt Abrahams?

  That's the voice of our next coach, NFL referee Brad Rogers. His job: to spot violations, make split-second decisions, keep players safe, and announce those calls to a packed stadium of passionate fans, all while maintaining order on the field. So Brad, many of us struggle to remember what we want to say. In your role, you're asked, in the moment, to decide if a rule was violated and then assess a consequence for that violation. How do you remember all the things you need to remember in that moment?

• 7:14Speaker 06

  You know, a little of it is the fact that this is my 33rd year of officiating. I've had 33 years of bad announcements or bad experiences. So you learn from those things. As referees in the National Football League, we work through reciting announcements for fouls. I say them in the car. I say them to my wife. Our wives, as referees, are probably some of the most learned in what to say and what not to say. But we have prescribed verbiage that's shared with us on a lot of different fouls, that we are messaging the same thing from one game to the next. I work through every announcement made each week. So I watch every game of announcements, and I listen to my peers, and I hear what they say, and I'm like, boy, that made sense.

• 7:58Speaker 06

  That's something I need to add to what I need to communicate next week. I listen to their language that was used in their announcement, and I try to implement those. I also listen to the TV announcers, and I see if they are confused or if they make positive comments about the announcement. I can control only my preparation and then learn from those mistakes.

• 8:19Matt Abrahams?

  From penalty flags to life-or-death decisions, we're raising the stakes. Brad Rogers relies on predetermined rules and regulations to make quick calls on the field. But what happens when there are no clear rules? And every word could mean the difference between chaos and calm. The answer comes from our next coach, former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss.

• 8:46Matt Abrahams?

  You've negotiated in incredibly high-pressure situations where life is on the line. How do you stay calm and collected while thinking on your feet and trying to manage to a positive outcome?

• 8:59Speaker 01

  It's just practice. It's preparation. It's putting in the hours ahead of time. Anything that looks easy, that somebody makes look easy, they put a lot of time into. And so like any skill, you break it down into small pieces and you practice it live. And then you practice it in small stakes interactions. As a hostage negotiator, I had enough confidence in the process. And I'm like, all right, I don't know sure how this is going to come out, but the best outcome is if I just follow the process. This is the best chance of success. That's my former boss, Gary Nester, his phrase is used all the time. What's the best chance of success? Which means it's not going to be perfect, but it means you're just gonna, it's gonna work more than anything else does.

• 9:41Matt Abrahams?

  So it sounds like there was a bit of a ritual to your practice, but it's really about relying on what you have done and know that you can get through it. When you're under pressure, how do you quickly gather information and adjust your approach? You constantly must be reading the circumstances and then making adjustments. Do you have mental shortcuts, heuristics, things you use to help you make those decisions? Or are you using some kind of pattern recognition?

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Your gut does the pattern recognition. It's not a conscious process. The practice and the preparation is about building my gut instinct. So when you get to the point where you can lean back enough to let your gut kick in, then you're going to be fine. Again, my gut's not perfect, but it's better than anything else.

• 10:25Matt Abrahams?

  Even with preparation and practice, it can be difficult to overcome arguably the biggest obstacle when it comes to successful spontaneous speaking, your own mind, that constant overthinking, analyzing and second guessing.

• 10:39Matt Abrahams?

  There are, however, many tips our coaches have to help you turn down the mental noise and keep your focus. Many of us in these high-stakes situations, clearly different than the high-stakes situations you've lived through and live in, we get in our head and we overthink. And that overthinking actually gets in the way of us just hearing what our gut is saying and being present. Do you have ways that help you turn down that volume of overthinking?

• 11:05Speaker 01

  I'm reading Creativity, Ick by Ed Catmull, the guy who founded Pixar. And he's talking about this very dilemma, exactly. The people that work for him that are the overthinkers versus the people that are quick to pull the trigger. And he says, you know, the overthinkers make mistakes at the same rate as the people that are quick to pull the trigger. It just takes them longer to make the mistakes because they're overthinking it. And I thought, that makes all the sense in the world. The entrepreneurs, they say, make the mistake now, gather the data, fail fast, move forward. You see it over and over and over again. And that insight in Ed's book just really opened my eyes to the dangers, the perils of overthinking.

• 11:48Matt Abrahams?

  One, we have to recognize we're doing it. And two, we have to realize that it's not serving us any better than just being present and going for it.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  That's the hard part. The reality is, you're not going to be successful at a higher rate with the overthinking. So you might as well pull the trigger and get the data.

• 12:05Matt Abrahams?

  Annabelle also had some helpful tips for dealing with the stress of spontaneous speaking. Anxiety around speaking in the moment looms large. And she says one thing that helps her is taking things one at a time.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  So I think one of the most important things with respect to live television is the mindset to compartmentalize things. When you go live, I literally think to myself, All I'm allowed to focus on at this point is this two-minute segment. And then when it's done, move and go to the next part. There is no point me thinking about, I know I've got an interview with ex-athlete in an hour and a half. You just take it one interview at a time, one segment at a time.

• 12:45Matt Abrahams?

  The idea of being very present focused and being focused on the moment or timeframe you have now and not what comes next can really help you do your best as well. Well, those listening likely won't need to speak in situations like you do. What advice would you give for them to be better speakers in the moment?

• 13:05Speaker 02

  Make it about them, not about you. I think a lot of people, whether or not they have to stand on stage or in front of a team or in a job interview, they think, oh, my goodness, how am I coming across? Do I sound okay? What's the style of my answer? Do I look okay? Very self-conscious in that moment. And my answer would be forget entirely about yourself. And then you think, what can I do to connect with this audience? And my entire focus is on making the experience a positive one for whoever I'm speaking to. And then when I have that mindset, I'm much less focused on myself. I'm much less self-conscious. I can ad lib in a different way. I look much more relaxed.

• 13:47Matt Abrahams?

  Super important. And embedded in that answer beyond think about the audience, focus on their needs, was that notion of be present so you can do that. In some situations, it can be beneficial to refocus attention to objects in the room to allow yourself to clearly communicate what needs to be said without becoming distracted by others' faces. Brad, you do your work, your high-stakes work in front of millions of people, live and recorded. And there's technology that's there to assess essentially if you got it right. How do you personally handle that stress of being evaluated by that many people and checked on by technology? How do you manage that?

• 14:33Speaker 06

  One of the things when you make an announcement, you're looking up towards people. And I made the mistake one time at a game. It was a college game and I made an announcement. It was a player that was going to be disqualified from the game late in the game. And it was an All-American, their prized player. And he was going to be removed from the game. And I made the announcement and I happened to be looking at a fan directly in the upper levels. And this fan, I could almost sense the hate, rage, anger coming from them as they were doing this, you know, pointing at me. And they were demonstrative with their frustration at what was happening. And I learned at that point, you don't need to look at people. Find an object, find something to look at

• 15:17Speaker 06

  as you're making the announcement. And so when I make an announcement, I find something to focus on. Maybe it's like the ribbon around the stadium. I'll look at a clock and I'll talk to that. Even though I'm talking to the people, I need to have something that's not going to give me any reaction back, help me stay focused. Typically, it doesn't matter what the call is. If it's in a home stadium and it's not going their way, they're going to boo no matter what. I tune that out and it's almost as if I can turn the volume down to the place and it lets my brain flow what needs to be said.

• 15:51Matt Abrahams?

  As we'll hear from Annabelle, there are also physical practices that you can utilize to help mentally prepare yourself for spontaneous speaking. What do you do to help you manage the anxiety that you feel in these circumstances?

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Okay, so the main thing I do, and actually I learned it when I was at Stanford, one of the improvisation classes we did. And I've done it ever since then. And I do it for any time I'm speaking, whether or not it's live television, spontaneous, prepared keynotes. I find a place five, 10 minutes before I know we're starting. And I jump up and down and I shake my hand and arms and laugh or try and smile. And I find that it almost does the opposite of what you would expect. If I feel a little nervous and my voice sounds a bit shaky, jumping and shaking everything out, it's almost impossible after that point to have shaky hands or to have a quivering voice. The other thing is I just talk to myself. I talk myself into it. I'm always nervous, always. I'm always nervous before I go on television

• 16:52Speaker 02

  or do any kind of speaking. And I think that is really important. It helps you to perform. And this adrenaline surge is essential to get into that state of flow where you're sharp and alert and ready to perform. So I think, great, thank goodness I feel this way. Thank goodness I have these nerves and this kind of energy. If I didn't, you know, if you felt, oh, well, this is just another day in the office, then I don't think I would perform as well. So I use the adrenaline as much as I can in a positive way.

• 17:24Matt Abrahams?

  So that movement and shaking around is a very common technique used by performers, for sure, athletes as well. And you're right, what it does is it gives an outlet for that energy and it helps you focus your behavior and calm down when you're done with it. And then I love this reframing that you're doing on the anxiety and saying, hey, this is good for me. This is giving me the energy I need. This is helping me focus. Giom Paulo, our UN interpreter, also has a couple of things he always physically does right before he starts translating, which we got to see him do in real time. Could I put you on the spot? I'm going to ask you a question. Would you mind translating the question that I ask and then answer it back in English? Would that be okay?

• 18:07Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 18:08Matt Abrahams?

  You've translated in really high-pressure situations with super important conversations happening. How do you stay calm and collected while thinking on your feet during these tense moments?

• 18:20Speaker 03

  Usted ha trabajado en situaciones de mucha presión y en situaciones en donde se entablan conversaciones muy importantes. ¿Cómo mantiene usted la calma y la serenidad sin dejar de pensar en esos momentos de tensión?

• 18:36Matt Abrahams?

  Wow.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  That's basically my interpretation of the question. And as for the answer, there are a lot of smaller actions that you can take to help you focus. For example, this might sound a little silly, but your posture, the way that you hold yourself while you're working. You have both feet planted on the ground, you keep your back straight, try to anchor yourself to the ground, and that helps. Remembering to breathe is also very important. As people get stressed, they tend to hyperventilate, so you have to remember to keep your Breathing in check. And on a mental level, the best thing that you can do is try and zero in on the present moment. Just focus on what you're doing at that exact moment. Don't dwell

• 19:21Speaker 03

  on anything else. Try and really zero in focus on what you're doing.

• 19:27Speaker 04

  So I like that there's a physical component. You get your body physically present. And then there's a mental component, which is extreme focus and breathing helps you do that. I want to just point out for our audience who can't see you, but I can. Two things happened. When I asked you to translate, you actually did go into that position naturally. It's not that you were slouching or leaning, but all of a sudden I saw you become more formal as you were listening. And I definitely saw you take a breath.

• 19:58Matt Abrahams?

  We'll be right back to finish our conversation. But first, we're going to take a quick break for a word from our sponsors. Their support covers the cost of production, so we can bring you this show for free. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. The best communicators don't just get their message across, they make it easy for people to know what to do next. Your website can do the same thing. With Squarespace, you can build a polished online presence that clearly shows people who you are, what you offer, and how they can work with you. If you offer coaching, consulting, classes, or other services, Squarespace lets you showcase those offerings, take payments, and use Acuity Scheduling so people can book time with you directly. And with built-in analytics, you can see how people are finding and engaging with your

• 20:42Matt Abrahams?

  site, helping you make smarter decisions about where to focus. So your online presence doesn't just look professional, it helps people take action. Go to Squarespace.com/thinkfast for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code THINKFAST to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 21:04Matt Abrahams?

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• 21:45Matt Abrahams?

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• 22:01Matt Abrahams?

  Okay, so we've taught you the skills. Now it's your turn to take this advice and put it into action. At the end of each episode of our mini-series, we'll be giving you, our listeners, some homework. A couple of ways you can try to implement what you've learned in your real life. Remember, it comes down to preparation, practice, and having the right mindset. And that's what this homework is all about. Giampaolo's first exercise shows us how listening and observing the people around us can help us become much better communicators.

• 22:36Speaker 03

  I would advise people perhaps to analyze what people are saying. When someone is speaking, really listen to them and try and suss out what is the idea that they're trying to communicate? And how are they communicating it? Why are they saying what they're saying? Why are they using certain words and not others? Or why are they avoiding the use of certain words? And really try and analyze what people are saying and how and why. And that'll help you when you have to do it yourself.

• 23:08Matt Abrahams?

  Your next homework activity focuses on improving your precision when you speak.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  The language that we speak is our primary tool when we're interpreting. And you should learn to use that tool as efficiently as possible. And one of the ways to do that is to practice different ways of saying things. For example, there's an exercise interpreters do when they're studying, when they're preparing. They'll take a concept and they'll think of as many different ways of saying the same concept as they can. So for example, how many different ways do you know of saying "go up"? Something can go up, but it can also grow. It can escalate. It can hike. It can balloon. It can skyrocket. And then the opposite for things that are going down. They can descend. They can plummet. They can bottom out.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  And really practice those things over and over and then try to use them in your everyday language. Instead of saying the same thing more than once, just use a synonym or use a different register, make it more formal or less formal. And that's, that's a fun exercise.

• 24:14Speaker 04

  Thank you for elevating our game without lowering our abilities. That was really helpful and I'm going to practice that. I think that's a wonderful tool. Much like an athlete might do lots of different drills to accomplish the same thing in their sport, you're suggesting we do the same thing.

• 24:36Matt Abrahams?

  So there you have it. The best advice from our team of coaches on how to prepare and get in the right mindset for spontaneous speaking. As we've heard from Annabelle, Gianpaolo, Brad and Chris, there's a lot of work you can do in advance to help successfully communicate when put on the spot. These include research, practice and preparation, mental reframing, compartmentalization, physically shaking out your body and other physical and mental practices to help you prepare.

• 25:06Matt Abrahams?

  In our next episode, we'll tackle mastering the moment. Our coaches, some you've met and some you have yet to meet, will share how they stay present and adaptable while still connecting with their audiences. Thank you for joining us for this first of three episodes in our Spontaneous Speaking mini-series. To continue learning more about how you can become a better spontaneous speaker, please tune in to our next two episodes, which will feature more exciting coaches and all of their tips and tricks. This episode was produced by Aru Nair and me, Matt Abrahams. Our music is from Floyd Wonder. With special thanks to Podium Podcast Company. Please find us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 25:50Matt Abrahams?

  Be sure to subscribe and rate us. Also, follow us on LinkedIn and Instagram. And check out FasterSmarter.io for deep dive videos, English language learning content, and our newsletter. Please consider our premium offering for extended Deep Thinks episodes, Ask Matt Anythings, and more at FasterSmarter.io/premium. Before we wrap up, I just want to say thank you for listening. It really means a lot to hear how people all over the world are using these ideas in their own lives. It inspires me and the whole team that brings you this show. If you want more episodes and resources, feel free to follow, subscribe, and explore past conversations. We're grateful for your support of Think Fast, Talk Smart.