I Have Some Thoughts Minisode | Miguel's New Relationship, Gladys Knight Stops Performing, Miss USA Justus Kelley

Welcome back to our minisode series, "I Have Some Thoughts." These short episodes are designed to contextualize the pop culture moments we're currently paying attention to through a mental health lens. Pop culture isn't just fun to chat about, it can reveal important information about how we relate, cope, and understand ourselves. Join us each Friday to hear Dr. Joy share her thoughts about the happenings of the week. This week, we're chatting about Miguel's new relationship, Gladys Knight stepping away from performing, and the new Miss USA Justus Kelley. Stay Connected​https://click.convertkit-mail.com/27uv20p9mpioh8edr34s8ug63w344hg/58hvh8ug08p6wzc6/dGhlcmFweWZvcmJsYWNrZ2lybHMuY29tb3JibGFja2dpcmxzLmNvbS9wYXRyZW9u Wanna chat more about the pop culture hot topics of the week? Join us inside our Patreon https://community.therapyforblackgirls.com/ community. Is there a topic you'd like covered on the podcast? Submit it at therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, check out the directory at https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/directory. Make sure to follow us on social media: Instagram: @therapyforblackgirls https://www.instagram.com/therapyforblackgirls Threads: @therapyforblackgirls https://www.threads.com/therapyforblackgirls Our Production Team Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford & Gabrielle Collins Director of Podcast & Digital Content: Ellice Ellis Producer: Ndeye Thioubou Production Assistant: Bria Mosley See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.

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  A rare disease diagnosis can change your life, but it doesn't have to define your future. In season seven of Untold Stories, Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition, host Martine Hackett continues the conversation with people living with MG, CIDP, and the broader rare disease community, exploring what comes after diagnosis through stories of hope, progress, and connection. Produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Argenx. Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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  Host Nora McInerney is back for an all new season of The Head Start, embracing the journey brought to you in partnership with AbbVie. As Nora continues her conversations with people living with chronic migraine, she's also reconnecting with familiar voices from seasons past to see where they are now on their journey. Of course, she'll be joined by headache specialist Dr. Christopher Rhine, who offers insight into these challenges and the questions many of us have. So don't miss season four of The Head Start, Embracing the Journey. Listen on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. A rare disease diagnosis can change your life, but it doesn't have to define your future. Tune in for season seven of Untold Stories, Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition, a Ruby Studio production in partnership with Argenx.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  Hosted by public health and policy expert Dr. Martine Hackett, Untold Stories, Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition pushes the conversation within the rare disease community forward. Featuring guests living with MG, CIDP, myositis, SMA, and other rare autoimmune conditions, each episode explores hope, progress, and connection. How does research create new opportunities? How do shared experiences help light the way forward? How do we best show up for each other? Tune in to find out. Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 3:07Speaker 05

  Hey, it's Niall Rogers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by my friend, John Legend. How does music actually enter your mind?

• 3:30Speaker 06

  I'm not sure why or how the music comes to me, but I think people who love music and write music, our brains are just filled with music.

• 3:39Speaker 05

  Right.

• 3:40Speaker 06

  Like, we have listened to so much music. We've been a part of so much music. I think of the story that I want to tell, the mood that I want to create with the music, start playing chords, see where they lead me.

• 3:51Speaker 05

  Sometimes I'm just not even thinking about music, right? And I hear this little thing and I go, oh, that could be this.

• 4:01Speaker 06

  You know, you just have to be ready for when the inspiration hits.

• 4:04Speaker 05

  It comes.

• 4:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:05Speaker 05

  Experience Before the Moment, the Lincoln original series on the iHeart Radio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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• 4:55Speaker 01

  Host Nora McInerney is back for an all new season of The Head Start, embracing the journey brought to you in partnership with AbbVie. In each episode, Nora has honest conversations with real people living with chronic migraine, people who are figuring out how to adapt, advocate, and stay connected to the things that bring them joy. This season, she's revisiting familiar voices and introducing new ones who will share their stories about what it means to live with this condition. From the missed moments to the strategies that help them keep going when things feel uncertain. As always, she'll be joined by headache specialist Dr. Christopher Rhine, who offers insight into these challenges and the questions many of us have. If you're new to the podcast, check out the three previous seasons,

• 5:38Speaker 01

  each one offering a different perspective on this condition and the theme of resilience, displayed while navigating it. So don't miss season four of The Head Start, Embracing the Journey. Listen on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  Hey, y'all. Welcome back to I Have Some Thoughts, our weekly therapy for Black girls mini show series where we talk about all things pop culture, but of course, from a mental health lens. And I am back today with Elise. Hey, Elise.

• 6:14Speaker 07

  Hey, Dr. Joy. How are you?

• 6:17Speaker 01

  I'm doing well. How are you?

• 6:19Speaker 07

  I'm doing great. I am really just basing the fact that we have one month left of summer. I feel like people try to cut it short as soon as Labor Day hits, but I am a full September summer truther, so.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna tell you. I was actually looking for boots this weekend, Elise. I'm not gonna tell that to you.

• 6:43Speaker 07

  Sometimes they call the people who are trying to cut summer short. They say you have unlimited imagination. I think we need to keep going.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  I hear you. I hear you.

• 6:52Speaker 07

  So the first topic on our docket today is a little bit about Miguel's new relationship. So a few days ago, singer Miguel, who you probably know from Sure Thing, what other songs does he have?

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Adorn was one of my wedding songs, so I definitely know that one.

• 7:12Speaker 07

  He revealed he's expecting his second child with filmmaker Margaret Zhang. The two began dating shortly after his divorce from his longtime girlfriend, whom he dated for 10 years before getting engaged, and they were married for seven years before finalizing their divorce. The news has sparked a lot of online conversation about how differently Miguel's relationship timelines have unfolded. While it took him years with his former partner to reach certain milestones like engagement and marriage, he appears to be moving much more quickly with his new partner. It's raised questions about what makes people move at different speeds in different relationships

• 7:54Speaker 07

  and how to make peace with the fact that someone may move differently with the next person. And I think the overall question here is why can one relationship take years to become what another relationship becomes almost immediately? And how can two relationships move at completely different paces and speeds without one being more meaningful than the other? How do you hold that, Dr. Joy?

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Wow, so one, this is news to me. I don't know that I knew Miguel had even one child.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  I didn't even know that there was a new person that he was dating, nor that there was a child and another one on the way. So all of this is breaking news to me. But I do think I hear something like this and there's a little bit of a pang in my heart because I know that many people will relate to dating someone for a very long time and then like they move on very quickly with the next person, which feels like really sucky. And I think the hard part is not internalizing that and making it about you in any way, which is hard, right? Because a lot of times at the end of a relationship, there are lots of unanswered questions. And the only thing that we often have is ourselves to pick apart. But I think the greater message in all of this is that if you are over identifying with this story,

• 9:06Speaker 01

  it may not be anything about you that indicated that they moved on quickly with the next person, right? Like, it is completely an indication of maybe the chemistry there or maybe the timing in their lives, right? Like, I know that that sucked as a breakup reason, but sometimes people just are not at a place in their lives where they're able to commit or maybe they're not able to give you what you're looking for. And so then the next relationship, it feels like they move really quickly, but it really is an indication of just the timing being different in their lives. And so as hard as it is not to internalize it about anything that you did, I think that that is the message to take away from this. If you are finding yourself in a similar situation is that it may not be anything that you did.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  It could have been completely outside of you why this person moves on so quickly.

• 9:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, and something I want to add there is it sucks to hear, but I feel like something I had to think about was maybe the person has just grown and they're willing and able to move faster than they were before. I know there are things that took me a long time to do in previous relationships that I am a little more open to now because I had those relationships.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I also think it's important for us to talk about, Elise, also, though. I think a lot of times as women, and maybe this isn't happening as much anymore, but I definitely feel like in my younger days and like, you know, for friends and peers, like, there was a lot of like game playing in terms of like, oh, if I just wait around for them to get more serious, like, they will know that I'm there when they're ready to get married, right? And so I also want to let people know, like, if marriage and long-term partnership is something that is a goal for you, don't let people play with your time, right? Like, don't let people who don't have those same goals string you along, right? When you know that ultimately that is something that you want for yourself. And again, it doesn't have to be an indication that they're a bad person

• 11:01Speaker 01

  or that your needs are wrong, but clearly y'all are not in alignment, right? And so if you know that marriage and long-term partnership is something that you want, it is okay to say, okay, after year two or three, if this is not something that has happened or is on the horizon, then you remove yourself from that equation.

• 11:18Speaker 07

  Yeah, do not let someone dangle a carrot in front of you.

• 11:24Speaker 07

  I want to maybe give someone listening some type of affirmation. How do you separate this from your worth? Cause I think that can go a lot into it. Like, was I not pretty enough? Was my life not situated enough to be someone who someone viewed as like worthy of partnership? So what would you say to that person?

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think much of what I've already said, but I also think it is really important to know that one person's choices are not an indication of your worth. We all get to make different decisions about our lives and sometimes it impacts people in ways that are really painful and really hard to hear. But it doesn't mean that it's anything about you. Like we've already talked about, there could be so many different situations and so many different reasons why like things just did not line up. But it doesn't mean that you are bad or that you are unworthy or unlovable. It could be lots of different things.

• 12:20Speaker 07

  Thank you for that. So moving right along, Gladys Knight is taking a step back from touring. She announced that she'll be focusing on the next stage of her career in life. At eighty-two years old, she says she'll be focusing on fewer performances and visiting her grandbabies. More. The announcement comes after reports and some social media chatter that she looked confused onstage during recent shows, often turning her back on the audience. And I think a lot of people are thinking through here, how do we adjust our expectations when the people we've always seen as strong and capable begin to age? And my question for you, Dr. Joy, is why can it be so difficult to accept that our

• 13:03Speaker 07

  parents, grandparents, mentors, or the people we admire are getting older?

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Hmm, that's so hard. It's so hard, Elise, right? And I think, you know, we've had lots of conversations here on the podcast just about how difficult death and like the finality of death as a part of the human experience is for us, right? Cause it's not easy to say goodbye or to really even fathom the idea that people we love, people we enjoy, people we care about will not be here at some point. And so I think it's just really difficult for us to, you know, hold space for all of those things. And so whether it is family members or a music artist that we love and adore, like I think it just really makes it personal. It feels like, oh, this is a part of like my story that is wrapping up or my relationship to the music that this person has created or where was I in my life when this song came out, right?

• 13:54Speaker 01

  Like, I think we have lots of emotions, especially tied to musical artists. And I think the artists themselves represent things that feel more familiar to us, right? Like maybe there is some concern around like parents and grandparents' health, right? Like I think when we see celebrities getting older and we have to accept the reality of people kind of becoming elderly, maybe not able to entertain in the same ways, it does make it so that we are thinking about, I think, the relationships in our own lives, right? And like, are there difficult conversations we maybe need to have with our parents and grandparents? Are our parents getting closer to retirement? Is that something that we're thinking about more? And I think there have been so many high-profile deaths recently too.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  So I think that all of that just kind of compounds in terms of the grief experience and it makes it something that's just really hard, I think, to think about.

• 14:43Speaker 07

  I know grieving is hard, but how can someone maybe confront? And I don't even want to use the word overcome, but really sit with getting older, whether it's seeing other people in their lives getting older or getting older themselves?

• 14:59Speaker 01

  So how can people get more comfortable with getting older themselves?

• 15:02Speaker 07

  Yeah, or seeing other people in their lives. Cause I think it is a bit, I don't want to say jarring, but it's not something we always talk about. The world talks about aging as quote unquote bad. There's so many anti-aging products, but it's the inevitable. And whether you think about the inevitable as just like getting older or the inevitable as death, how do you actually sit with that and hold it as it is outside of like the grieving process?

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think actively engaging with it, kind of like we're doing with this topic right now, is an important part of it, right? Like not pretending as if this is not something that we all hopefully have to deal with, right? I mean, cause aging and getting older is something that you hope to experience. Otherwise that means that you have sadly passed, right? And so I think getting more comfortable with it means talking about it and planning for it. I have been very excited to see so many more conversations, just like the conversations that we are having around like perimenopause and menopause and what it looks like to like age gracefully and rejecting maybe anti-aging kinds of things. Like I definitely feel like we are starting to have more of those conversations publicly. People are having those conversations with their girlfriends.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  And I think those kinds of things are what help us to be more comfortable with it, not actually pretending as if it's something that we don't have to worry about. I think some of the shock comes when people like get to be seventy-five, eighty or older and it's like, oh, my gosh, I look up and like all of these other years of my life have passed and am I closer to the end than I am to the beginning? I think that there can be some shock there, but if you're already just talking about it as a normal phase of life, I think it is something that people get a little more comfortable with.

• 16:36Speaker 07

  Thank you for that.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  More from our conversation after the break. A rare disease diagnosis can change your life, but it doesn't have to define your future. Tune in for season seven of Untold Stories: Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition, a Ruby Studio production in partnership with Argenx. Hosted by public health and policy expert, Dr. Martine Hackett, Untold Stories: Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition pushes the conversation within the rare disease community forward. Featuring guests living with MG, CIDP, myositis, SMA, and other rare autoimmune conditions, each episode explores hope, progress, and connection. How does research create new opportunities? How do shared experiences help light the way forward? How do we best show up for each other?

• 17:21Speaker 01

  Tune in to find out. Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 17:30Speaker 05

  Hey, it's Niall Rogers, host of Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series. I'm driving across the country, meeting some of today's most fascinating artists. We're exploring the stories before the moment that changed everything. This week, I'm joined by Miguel.

• 17:48Speaker 06

  My small experience with the discrepancy in the business of music made me angry in the best way and I wanted to, I wanted to finish. So I started really like leaning into my therapy, trying to get down to like what matters now. Somewhere Miguelito felt like he didn't have a place to say how he felt. And music was the place that I went to, to say how I felt.

• 18:11Speaker 05

  Experience Before the Moment, a Lincoln original series on the iHeart Radio app, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  This is Shirley Strawberry from the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability. And it starts with a great deal on an all-wheel drive Camry, Corolla Cross, or a Corolla sedan with the latest features and tech. Or test drive a spacious Grand Highlander or adventure-ready RAV4. And with so many hybrid models available, you can enjoy longer trips without all the stops. While Toyota's legendary resale value means you could get more at trade-in, get a great deal today and a great value tomorrow. Shop toyota.com for deals and details. Toyota, let's go places.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  Host Nora McInerney is back for an all-new season of The Head Start, embracing the journey brought to you in partnership with AbbVie. In each episode, Nora has honest conversations with real people living with chronic migraine, people who are figuring out how to adapt, advocate, and stay connected to the things that bring them joy. This season, she's revisiting familiar voices and introducing new ones who will share their stories about what it means to live with this condition, from the missed moments to the strategies that help them keep going when things feel uncertain. As always, she'll be joined by headache specialist, Dr. Christopher Rhine, who offers insight into these challenges and the questions many of us have. If you're new to the podcast, check out the three previous seasons, each one offering

• 19:44Speaker 01

  a different perspective on this condition and the theme of resilience, displayed while navigating it. So don't miss season four of The Head Start: Embracing the Journey. Listen on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 20:00Speaker 07

  And so for our final topic, we are discussing Ms. Justice Kelly, who was just crowned Ms. USA. Justice Kelly was Ms. Virginia, and she was crowned Ms. USA at 31, making her the first woman in her 30s, the first married woman, and the first mother to win the pageant title in the pageant 75-year history. The win comes after Ms. USA Organization changed its eligibility rules in 2023 to allow married women and mothers to compete and removes its age restriction in 2024. She nearly stepped away from the competition after welcoming two siblings into her home through foster care, but ultimately continued pursuing the title with her family's support.

• 20:45Speaker 07

  Her story has sparked conversations about timelines and the pressure women can feel to accomplish certain things by a specific age. How can we challenge the idea that if we haven't accomplished something by a certain age, we've somehow missed our chance, or it's too late?

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Wow, what an inspiring story. So I saw that she had won the title, but I did not know all of this backstory. So I think that that is really cool. So congratulations to her. But also, I think what a beautiful testament to the fact that it never is too late to give up on your dreams, right? Like whether they are something as big as a Ms. USA title, or going back to school, or finally becoming a photographer, or taking that dance class, right? Like, it really is never too late to do the things that we want to do, even if they look different than maybe what they look like when we had the dream maybe 25 years ago, right? I think that there is always some room for us to hold on to pieces of our dreams and to give ourselves the imagination to get in touch

• 21:45Speaker 01

  with those pieces of ourselves that maybe we abandoned for some reason or another, or maybe we talked ourselves out of it, or maybe somebody else talked us out of it, and now it is okay for us to revisit that. I think that this is just a beautiful testament to that.

• 21:59Speaker 07

  We all hear that comparison is the thief of joy. I know everyone has heard that a million times. Outside of losing our joy, what does it do to us when we are constantly comparing our timeline to other people's timeline?

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a great question. So I think it really robs us of some of our imagination, right? Like, I think that there are things that maybe are possible for us that we can't even imagine right now. But if we are too busy kind of keeping our eyes on other people's paper, like we talk about sometimes, then we miss like being able to imagine those worlds and those futures for ourselves. So not only does it kind of lead to less joy and more comparison, like, there's been all kinds of conversations and research that talks about like how comparison, especially on social media, leads to us like having less fun in our own lives, but also can be connected to like anxiety and depression. But I think it also really makes it

• 22:55Speaker 01

  so that we are not dreaming as big for ourselves as we possibly could, right? The cool thing happening for someone else may be their biggest dream and like the best thing that is possible to happen for them. But there could be something that is completely different and like completely outside of your wildest imagination that is designed for you. But if you are too busy focusing on what their big, beautiful thing is, then you never get to work on working on the thing that actually could happen for you. So I think that that is important for us to make sure that we are congratulating other people, celebrating other people, but also making sure that we are keeping space for our own imagination to run wild and to reach our biggest goals and dreams as well.

• 23:35Speaker 07

  Oh, I absolutely love that. Anytime I hear people say, you're going to be the next this person, or that person, or tells somebody that I'm like, what if they just want to be their own person? Like, if you're going to reach for the stars, you might as well make it as unique as possible.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Exactly. And how many things like exist that didn't even exist as like a thing to do? Like, 25 years ago, we didn't have podcasts, right? Like, you don't even know like how the future can unfold. And so I think it's really important to just kind of stay in your own lane.

• 24:04Speaker 07

  What a perfect note to close on. Thank you, Dr. Joy.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Thank you, Elise. Another beautiful list of topics for us to discuss today. And if there are things that you are thinking about or seeing in your timelines that you want us to weigh in on, you can always send those to us, again, at therapyforblackgirls.com/mailbox. Until next time, take good care of yourself.

• 24:23Speaker 07

  Bye, y'all.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  A rare disease diagnosis can change your life, but it doesn't have to define your future. In season seven of Untold Stories, Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition, host Martine Hackett continues the conversation with people living with MG, CIDP, and the broader rare disease community, exploring what comes after diagnosis through stories of hope, progress, and connection. Produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Argenx. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 25:02Speaker 05

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• 25:38Speaker 00

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• 27:46Speaker 00

  This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.