230: Healing My Anxious Attachment Style With My Mama

It’s pub day for Why Am I Like This?, and Sabrina’s mom Helly joins the show to talk honestly about Sabrina’s old dating patterns: texting nonstop, chasing emotionally unavailable men, people pleasing, and losing herself trying to make someone love her. Helly shares the advice she gave Sabrina for years, like “be careful what you wish for” and “you have to love yourself more than you need to be loved,” and explains why choosing yourself is where real change starts. Sabrina then opens up about imposter syndrome, needing outside validation, the pressure of content creation, and her mom’s health, and how hearing “I’m proud of you” changed things for her. If you struggle with anxious attachment, self-abandonment, low self-worth, or letting go of people who don’t choose you, this episode is a reminder that healing is messy, there’s no fully healed version of you, and you can still become who you want to be. Come see me on tour! https://sabrinazohar.com/tour Order Sabrina's book,⁠⁠ "Why Am I Like This?"⁠⁠ Get your free workbook and access to the companion course after pre-ordering 'Why Am I Like This?' by filling out the form at the bottom of the page at ⁠http://sabrinazohar.com/book⁠ Take the new and improved dating quiz! ⁠sabrinazohar.com/quiz⁠ If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step ⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠ Product of the week! https://amzn.to/4v1eHWj Get Ad free ⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠ Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video. Want to work with Sabrina? ⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠ Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show ⁠⁠HERE!⁠⁠ Don't forget to follow ⁠⁠Sabrina⁠⁠ and ⁠⁠The Sabrina Zohar Show⁠⁠ on Instagram and ⁠⁠Sabrina ⁠⁠on TikTok! Video now available on ⁠⁠YOUTUBE!⁠⁠ Chapters: 00:00 Mom Reveals My Past Dating Patterns 03:00 Obsessive Texting and Losing Yourself 06:00 Choosing Yourself After Hitting Bottom 09:00 Stop Waiting for Someone to Rescue You 12:00 Letting Go of Ego in Relationships 15:00 Chasing Validation and Self-Worth 18:00 Imposter Syndrome and Fear of Failure 21:00 There Is No Fully Healed Version of You 24:00 You Get to Choose How You Show Up 27:00 Stop Chasing the Spark, Choose Safety Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A. Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 02

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• 1:00Speaker 03

  You came to a point where you looked at yourself and you were really quite disgusted with what you saw. You knew in deep inside it was not you. And there was only one way or the other to go. And you chose yourself. And I think that's very important for every person to know. When you start to believe in yourself and want to choose you, that's when it starts.

• 1:21Sabrina Zohar?

  Hello, hello, hello. And welcome to another episode of the Sabrina Zohar Show. My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host. It's fucking pub day. Today, my baby's out in the world and you and I get to do this together. My babes, I am honored, grateful, excited to have you here. Don't forget, as always, rate and review the show, share it with your friends and let's get right the fuck on into it. What was I like when I was in my heyday of dating?

• 1:46Speaker 03

  You were a girl gone wild. And then you got wilder and wilder and wilder.

• 1:51Sabrina Zohar?

  What did you notice I was doing?

• 1:53Speaker 03

  I don't think I knew what you were doing, honestly. I think that you were everywhere, you were scattered and you tried to maneuver yourself like, I know what I'm doing, I know how I'm gonna go about it. You really didn't.

• 2:06Sabrina Zohar?

  No, I didn't. Were you worried about me?

• 2:09Speaker 03

  I was very concerned about you because I saw that you would leave for a date and you would be so happy and so full of life and you came back completely demoralized, sad, sulking and, you know, that's not the way you're supposed to be coming back from a date.

• 2:26Sabrina Zohar?

  What did you notice? Like, how did I perceive dating?

• 2:29Speaker 03

  I think you perceived it as the harder I try, the harder I try to make that person like me, it will happen. It's all about me doing everything I have to do. And it, it nearly broke you completely. It's, it's physically, emotionally, on every level, exhausting.

• 2:47Sabrina Zohar?

  What did you know? What was behaviors that you noticed I did?

• 2:49Speaker 03

  You were very short tempered, you were very, you were hot and cold. The, the behavior was always, I'm, I'm doing great, great, great. And then you plummeted. And that was, that was where I started to see the, the, that's where I was concerned. Where you would start at one level and then completely plunge.

• 3:12Sabrina Zohar?

  What did you notice I was doing with the guys that I was dating?

• 3:15Speaker 03

  You were always, seems to me, choosing the one that was completely unattainable. I mean, they were all the same guy, just different names, but they were all the same.

• 3:23Sabrina Zohar?

  What did, did you like any of them?

• 3:24Speaker 03

  They were okay. I mean, I don't think there was anything to dislike per se, but, I mean, you know, I could see that they really were out with, for a good time with a lovely girl. They perceived it as, we're going out for a date, we're gonna have a good time. You perceived it as, we may get married soon. Big difference.

• 3:42Sabrina Zohar?

  That's fair. What did you notice? Like, what were my patterns? Like texting too much or like falling in love with the idea of them? Like, what did you notice that I was doing just consistently? That you were just like, when the fuck is she gonna stop this?

• 3:54Speaker 03

  Well, I think it was obsessive about just the general aura of the whole concept of, I have to hear from him, I have to know what's going on, I need to know if we're going out and how we're going. It was, it was, everything was centered around that person. And it wasn't about you having a normal daily life. It's not like doing what you needed to do and if something came up, you would go. What happens is you, you sort of lost yourself just to be there for someone else. You always tried to increase the level of your, your maneuvers. They were all, when I started to see that you had, you were maneuvering things, they weren't organically happening.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  And when you're not being organic about a relationship, it starts to become a behavior, it becomes obsessive and, and delusional in many, many ways. You see that things are not working out, you see the, the, the pressure that you're on, but yet you come out of it as, oh, no, no, no, I just have to try a little bit harder. Just a little bit more, a little bit harder. No, the guy was clear. Nothing's gonna change it.

• 5:03Sabrina Zohar?

  Who did that remind you of?

• 5:04Speaker 03

  In terms of the guys?

• 5:06Sabrina Zohar?

  With my behavior?

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Oh, your dad. Well, yes, of course. I remember you always saying to me, don't worry, I just, I just, I'll, I'll change him. I'll change that. He'll come my way, he'll start to feel, he'll start to feel what I feel, he'll start to see what I see, he'll see me for who I am. I just have to be big and bold and speak loud because he'll hear me that way and he'll see me better that way. And of course, that doesn't happen. All you ended up doing was extinguishing yourself. You were slowly fading away. And the irony is many of these guys, that's the irony, many of these guys you really didn't even want. That's one of the things that I found very interesting. Under any circumstances, you probably, you wouldn't have even thought to even be with these guys.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  But it was the notion that they didn't pick you or didn't do what you thought they needed to do, that made you want them more because it meant they, that they want, they want you and they're not, not accepting you. You have to go through that, though.

• 6:08Sabrina Zohar?

  Don't we all? I was a fucking mess.

• 6:10Speaker 03

  You do have to, you, you did go through that.

• 6:12Sabrina Zohar?

  Boy, did I.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  You did go through that. And, and you know, and there were times when I saw when you asked if I was concerned, I knew you were getting yourself into a situation. But I also know you. Sometimes you have to experience that, that's, that's your way of growth.

• 6:27Sabrina Zohar?

  Is there anything you want the audience to know?

• 6:29Speaker 03

  It's not an easy fix. And I think this notion of, I want to be better, I want to do, it's a lot of work. And it's painful work. Once you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, and it's, and it's true to say that, it really is, because I believe that that's what happened with you. You came to a point where you looked at yourself and you were really quite disgusted with what you saw. Disgusted is the word I have to say. Because you knew in deep inside it was not you. To erase all you are and what you believe in, in order to try to please someone else, it's not sustainable, it's exhausting. And I think what happened is, for a young girl, you were, you, you, you were exhausted

• 7:13Speaker 03

  at every level. And there was only one way or the other to go. And you chose yourself. And I think that's very important for every person to know. When you start to believe in yourself and want to choose you, that's when it starts. That's when you start to see that I am not going to take the bullshit from anybody anymore. I think I need to be by myself if I have to and I need to be proud of myself and be happy with myself. Because I'm the only one who's going to be with me for the rest of my life.

• 7:46Sabrina Zohar?

  What is a piece of advice you used to give me all the time? Your isms?

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Be careful what you wish for.

• 7:53Sabrina Zohar?

  Why?

• 7:54Speaker 03

  Because if you're not ready to see the blessing that you're about to get and you're not ready for it, it will pass you. When you wish for something, it doesn't mean it's going to be abracadabra and everything is going to be fine. It means it's giving you an opportunity to be the person you want to be. And if you cannot recognize that, it will never change for you. And also, very importantly, you know, when you're very young, you have this infatuation of, of life, the fantasy, and you think that's what you want, you want what every young girl wants. And at the end of the day, at my age, I really think that it's important to know, it's really true what they say, it's more what you need than what you want.

• 8:33Sabrina Zohar?

  Ain't that the truth, Hallie? Any other isms that you used to tell me?

• 8:37Speaker 03

  Help me out.

• 8:38Sabrina Zohar?

  You gotta love yourself more than you need to love the other people. Your isms, right? I always am like, what my mama always says? So what is my mom always saying?

• 8:46Speaker 03

  Well, I think also is the old one, if you start at 100, there's nowhere else to go but down. So if you meet someone, whether, whoever, you meet someone and it's just too amazing to be true, you gotta question it because life isn't that way. When two people meet each other, it's not that, you know, okay, I'm not saying all, there are some situations where it does work out that way, but generally speaking, you don't. You know, you, you may not like the person at first and it may not be what you thought, but you hang in there. You stay with your discomfort and you kind of wanna know, you know, what is there? Is there something there?

• 9:28Speaker 03

  And, you know, that's why I'm saying, if it starts at zero, it only has up to go.

• 9:32Sabrina Zohar?

  Well, you fucking hope.

• 9:33Speaker 03

  Or then not, then don't waste your time. You're still at zero, you can leave.

• 9:38Sabrina Zohar?

  Yeah.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  I think an important factor is... If you don't realize what you need within yourself in life, you're going to look for that in other people. And when you meet someone and you think they're going to give you what you need, that's a total surrender. You know, that's the old adage, is someone going to rescue me? There's nothing wrong with having a fantasy, with having this young, you know, romantic notion. But at what point do you kind of get to and say, okay, I've got to, I've got to sophisticate that thought a bit more. And I've got to evolve with that thought. And so I think it's very important that you understand

• 10:23Speaker 03

  that nothing is well packaged, that you don't just meet someone and they're going to do everything on your list. And if they do everything on your list, boy, you really hit the lottery. But then again, too, because no one is perfect. I think another ism that what you like is poke the bear.

• 10:42Sabrina Zohar?

  Mm hmm.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  You know, you see them all in a good, in a good way. You know, when everything is fine, scratch the surface.

• 10:50Sabrina Zohar?

  Go on a trip?

• 10:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:51Sabrina Zohar?

  Say, no, do something.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  Show you, show also your personality that, you know, you don't, you, you, you don't accept everything and you question things. I'm not saying that you, you, you go crazy on the person. But you need to be able to understand yourself enough to know that certain things are non-negotiable. And when you know that certain things are non-negotiable, it makes it so much easier to pull, to pull away.

• 11:18Speaker 00

  Flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them? That's bull spend and marketers are calling it out in. Dashboard, confessions.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it, it wasn't.

• 11:36Speaker 00

  Cut the bull spend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com/campaign. Terms and conditions apply.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 12:18Sabrina Zohar?

  Did you ever think I'd be where I am right now in life? Did you ever see this coming?

• 12:22Speaker 03

  I've always had the confidence in you. That's why when you, when all this started and you had asked me, was I concerned? I just, I thought it was just the typical boy crazy and that you were going to, you know, go through the experiences, go through the, the notions of it and, and enjoy it. But when I saw you spiraling and when I saw that this need of having someone, you know, want you. And the irony is many of these guys, that's the irony. Many of these guys you really didn't even want. That's one of the things that I found very interesting. Under any circumstances, you probably, you wouldn't have even thought to even be with these guys. But it was the notion that they didn't pick you

• 13:04Speaker 03

  or didn't do what you thought they needed to do. That made you want them more because it meant they, that they want, they want you and they're not, not accepting you. So when that started, I start, that's where I was concerned. But I always had confidence because that's how I think you're wired, that you would. Now, did I ever think in this realm that you would be? No, but I thought, I, I, I did, I've always felt confident that you would find your path because you have this need to know also that you have a built in instinct that no matter how you don't agree with someone or something, if it's a good, if it's a good advice, you will take it.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  And I think that's what makes you good at what you do.

• 13:50Sabrina Zohar?

  Thanks, Hallie.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  I do believe that because at the end of the day, your ego is not so inflated that you always need to be right. And that's a very important thing in a relationship. You have to know when to let that ego go.

• 14:05Sabrina Zohar?

  Trust me, I haven't added ego since 1990 when I came out the womb, Hallie. Not with, not with dad in the house. You're not going to have an ego. But nonetheless, I had to eat shit and go through. I had to not only dig rock bottom, find a fucking hole even deeper for me to be able to get out of it. But I feel like, boy, boy, oh, boy, if I can get out of this, anybody can. I genuinely believe that. I listen, I know that everybody has their shit in life and everybody has their story and I hold a lot of space for that. But I believe that if you have you, you have everything that you could ever fucking need. Because at the end of the day, that's all you have is you. You have friends and family and community and you have all these things. But those can go away at the blink of an eye with a decision that might be completely out of your control.

• 14:47Sabrina Zohar?

  But I'm really proud of every single person that is trying to put themselves first and do the work and come back home to themselves. Because it is the most freeing and liberating thing that you could do for yourself. Because on the other side of it, it's not rainbows and butterflies. But what it is, is a life where you get to be authentically yourself and you've learned to grieve the ending of things that don't fit. And you're no longer abandoning yourself to keep people in your life who wouldn't give a flying fuck whether you were there anyways. And I just can't recommend it enough to stay the course. Because when you do, on the other side is a really, really magical space. And it's not, it doesn't necessarily look any different, but it'll feel a fuck ton different. And then from there, it will start to look different.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely. I agree with you. It may not be what you thought your life was going to be like. But the blessing of, of receiving yourself and loving yourself is definitely worth.

• 15:36Sabrina Zohar?

  Might be even better, Hallie. I love you.

• 15:39Speaker 03

  I love you too. And let me tell you something. I think what makes you so wonderful is that you're authentic and you're to the point and you really want to help people. You don't fudge it, you don't pretend and you don't make it like a fantasy world. You tell it like it is and you give people the tools to work with. And that is very, very special. You are my unicorn.

• 16:03Sabrina Zohar?

  Oh, thanks, Hallie.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 16:07Sabrina Zohar?

  I love my mom so much. And watching that back was so hard because I have this internal mix of emotions because she said something that is so real. Be careful what you wish for because when you get it, are you going to know what to do with it? And I've been so hard on myself. I've been so hard on myself because I don't want to disappoint anyone. And I've been so scared every time I create content. What if it doesn't do well? Every time an episode goes out, what if people don't like it? Every time I think about, people are reading this book as of today. I'm so scared of what they're going to think. But just hearing my mom say how proud she is of me

• 16:51Sabrina Zohar?

  made me realize I've been chasing the wrong validation this whole time. I've been so worried about what everybody else thinks of me that I didn't stop to allow myself to say, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of how far I've come. I'm so proud of all the work that I put in. And I'm tired of doing this to myself. I'm tired of bringing myself down. I am tired of being my own worst critic and looking for every other person that agrees with the fact that there's something wrong with me. And just hearing my mom say, I'm so proud of you, healed me in a way I actually didn't think it would. Because I've wished all of this.

• 17:36Sabrina Zohar?

  Everything I built was a dream of mine two or three years ago. And then you get it, but do you know what to do with it? Do you know how to show up as yourself? How to allow people to love you for who you are? How to allow people to fucking hate you for who you are? How to make choices for yourself? And I've been struggling with who am I? You know, the girl that started this podcast was the hot mess. Choo choo, a one night ticket. And I actually like feel bad even saying that about her because she tried her fucking hardest. But every guy that I tried to get me to love me, that I just worked harder and harder, that behavior didn't just go away. Welcome to my career.

• 18:21Sabrina Zohar?

  The girl that started all of this had something to say. And she just didn't give a fuck what other people thought until she was humbled by the internet and realized like, oh, people will tell you what they think. And when I started the podcast and started writing this book, I was finally finding my footing. But that doesn't necessarily mean I believed in myself still. And then when things changed and algorithms have changed and my life has changed and I went through some really hard things with my partner. But then, you know, be careful what you wish for because you get the partner that's by your side and then you stop and wonder if you're deserving and worthy of somebody being there. And then you have the family. I truly just have my mom and my sister.

• 19:06Sabrina Zohar?

  And even, you know, those relationships have their fractures and they're dense. But you realize that you don't need an army. You just need the right people in your corner to help you keep going. And that one day they won't be there. And watching my mom, seeing how sick she's gotten, how she's getting older, that she forgets words, makes me realize like, we're just on borrowed time. Like, we're not getting this time back. And it's like, what does my mom remember of me? Me being irate and short tempered and all over the place and boy crazy? And that's not the legacy I wanted to leave. I didn't want to leave being the, oh, you know, we were worried about her. And if I can fucking change, you can change. Like, you can do this.

• 19:48Sabrina Zohar?

  You could become the version that you want. And that's also me having to step into that version in 2026 right now. Because now it's me deciding, who do I want to be? Do I want to keep talking about the same thing? No, no, I don't. But I'm so scared that if I don't talk about dating and relationships and just the same fucking three things over and over again, that no one's going to watch and then people aren't going to come. And then the sponsorship. Like, I don't think you guys realize what goes on behind the scenes. That it's not just like flick on the camera and start talking. And then all of a sudden you shut it off and that's it. It's like, if only you knew what two people, me and Ryan do every single day. And the anxiety and the stress. And it's not that this isn't to say this to make anyone feel bad. It's to normalize and humanize the experience. Because I still have imposter syndrome.

• 20:32Sabrina Zohar?

  I am learning, these are new shoes I'm stepping into. I'm now a fucking author. Like, never did little Sab ever think in her life that she would be that. But I get to become who I've always wanted to be. But will that be enough? Will that be what other people want? Am I going to alienate people? I don't know. But I just, I'm so tired of having to be the same version every single day. Otherwise, algorithms impact you and up, nobody watches your content and people just forget about you. And it's, again, crunchy as fuck. But Trish, who I've told you guys about, my energy reader. She spoke to Clem the other day. And I said, is there something he wants to tell me? And she said, he wants you to know. And I did not tell her anything. That you are seen.

• 21:16Sabrina Zohar?

  You don't have to try so hard for people to see you. We see you. But you have to remember, it's like a tall building. People only see angles of it. Not everybody can see the whole building. But that doesn't still mean that you don't stand tall and shine. And then it's okay if someone sees the shadow parts of you. That doesn't mean that there's another beautiful side right on the other corner. But it's up to them in order to see it. It's not your responsibility to force them to. And it just made me realize in that moment, all I've been trying to do is be seen, but I'm not seeing myself. When have I stopped to say, I'm so proud of everything that I've done? I feel like this book is the most beautiful thing I have ever put out. And I also know that there are going to be people that don't like it. There are going to be people that love it. There are going to be people that say, I heard all this before.

• 22:01Sabrina Zohar?

  And there are going to be people saying, oh, my God, I've never heard it said this way. You know what doesn't matter? Any of that. Because all I've been doing is doing things to elicit a specific result. As if I'm not equally as bad as I was in my dating life. And that's me being honest about the fact that this work doesn't stop. You don't just fucking wake up one day and go, oh, I just don't have anxiety and I don't feel sad anymore and I'm accepted by everybody. That's a fallacy. There is no fully healed version of you. That doesn't fucking exist. But you know what does? A version of you that can hold this type of space and emotion for yourself and feel it and allow yourself to be a human. Allow yourself to disappoint people. If I'm too much, then go fuck and find less. I don't know what to tell you. You don't like it, that's fine. I don't know one thing on the planet that every single person likes.

• 22:45Sabrina Zohar?

  And this isn't just in dating and relationships. This is life. You try your best, you show up as you. And if that doesn't work, that's also okay. But I now can put my head on the pillow and say, I'm really proud of what I do. Just because it doesn't do well, doesn't mean that I don't still also think I'm proud of what I did. And what ends up happening is you start doing something you love and you become a career. And I'll say, I wouldn't wish content creation are my worst enemy. I don't think people understand the mental health impact it has. I don't think people understand what it feels like every day to get hundreds of comments of how people just don't like what you say. And think that they can just DM you and tell you that they don't like you. I know that you would say, well, Sab, you chose us. I did. But I also am so tired of having to hide what this is really like. And having to, my dad always says, put a smiley face on.

• 23:30Sabrina Zohar?

  No one wants to see you struggle. And I don't think this is about, I'm not happy with my life and everything that I have. But I can hold two conflicting thoughts and say, you're right. I dreamed of this moment. And I still am figuring out what to do with it. I dreamed of having a partner that is by my side. And I'm still figuring out how to receive that. How to fully allow myself to say, exhale. What did you do all this for? Masha asked me that years ago. What did you do all this for? And I said, to have the flexibility and freedom to be myself. Well, then I need to exercise that. And I need to learn that part of that comes with knowing that people are going to love you and hate you. That you're going to go out and meet people that want to date you and want to build a life with you. And then you're going to have people that say, no, thank you, I'm not interested. How somebody handles that says everything about them.

• 24:13Sabrina Zohar?

  That doesn't say anything about you. But how you internalize it and receive it does say everything about you and your core beliefs and your triggers and your traumas. Because watching my mom tell me how proud she is of me. All I kept thinking was, if I had had this mom growing up, where would I be right now? And that was her journey. My mom tried her best and I know that. And we have had so many conversations that I will never have with my dad. And in this moment, just now, I realized I've been mourning for so many years, the fact that I'll never have that relationship with my father. But I never once stopped to be so grateful and appreciative of the fact that I have an amazing mom I can have that with. That I don't have to focus on what I don't have.

• 24:57Sabrina Zohar?

  I can focus on what I do. And that can be enough. Just like I am. I am enough. I am worthy. I am deserving. And now it's time for me to genuinely step into that and believe it. And that requires holding on to the version that I was and also being really proud of the version I'm becoming. And knowing that I don't know her yet and I'm working towards her. And all she keeps telling me is keep going. That's all I know.

• 25:25Speaker 00

  Flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them? That's bullspend. And marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions.

• 25:34Speaker 01

  I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it, it wasn't.

• 25:42Speaker 00

  Cut the bullspend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com/campaign. Terms and conditions apply.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Take out some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 26:25Sabrina Zohar?

  If I can be the girl that used to text 100 times, that would freak out if someone didn't text me, that would take naps throughout the day because I was so anxious and couldn't sit still. And I can be a woman that is proud of who she is, that has done the work to really understand myself and to actually start to integrate that into my life, then you can fucking do it too. There is no reason that you can't also achieve that same trajectory. But I need you to know, it is messy, it is grueling, it is dirty, it is hard. Choose your fucking heart. You get to choose how you show up. You get to choose what you're willing to allow. You get to choose. And today, today is the first day of the rest of my life. And the reason I say that is because I'm now a published author. I am no longer just the TikTok dating coach.

• 27:09Sabrina Zohar?

  I now get to add a new pin to my lapel and say, I fucking did that myself. I wrote this book. I did the work. I showed up. And I am there for myself no matter what. And if I disappoint people, okay, I'm allowed to. And if I impress people and make people feel seen and heard and understood, I'm also allowed to. I don't have to be small just because someone never taught me how to take up space. And I am here to remind you that as well. You're allowed to. You're allowed to help people. You're allowed to be a beacon of hope. You're allowed to be a light in this world. And if somebody gets really fucking offended by how bright you shine, let that be their problem. Not something that you have to figure out yourself. If I try so hard to make everybody like me, I don't stand for something, I fall for everything. And then I'm not actually choosing myself

• 27:53Sabrina Zohar?

  because I'm telling every single person that comes into my life that what you think matters more than what I believe. And I am fucking tired of doing that. I make a promise to you today that things are going to change around here. And in a good way. In a way that is more about who we're becoming. And not just so about like, how do I get over this person? And why can't I get over them? And why can't I stop thinking about them? And why don't they want to be with me? And, oh, my God, there's more to life than that. Holy shit. You've got loved ones and family and friends that fucking need you. And you're focused on these people that aren't texting you back because you fucking met them online and created a false sense of intimacy? And now you haven't heard from them? Let that shit go. Start fucking choosing your battles more wisely. And remember that you don't get this time back. This is it.

• 28:37Sabrina Zohar?

  This is the life that you have. You can believe in whatever afterlife you want. I'm focused on the here and now because it's all I have control over. So please, look at who you are, what you offer and what makes you so fucking unique. You now know, why am I like this? I know why I'm like this. I'm tired of trying to understand why I'm like this. And I want to now live, and not just why am I like this? But who am I trying to become? Who do I want to show up as? Who do I get to be without my father, my brother, my sister, my mom, siblings, people in my survival, anybody telling me who the fuck I am? And that is your invitation now. You get to decide that. And I know it might sound close to impossible.

• 29:23Sabrina Zohar?

  But let friendships end. Lose people in dating in your relationships. Break up with the wrong people, but also hold on to the people that cannot be replaced in your life. You don't need to fucking chase the spark. You can date somebody that makes you feel seen, heard, and understood and safe. And I know how uncomfortable that might feel, but you deserve it. You deserve to have someone look at you like the apple of their eye in the same way that I hope you look at you and see that. I look at little Sab and I don't think it was ever her fault. I don't think she did anything. I think she was a child who had people that didn't know what to do with her. It wasn't her fault, but it is my responsibility to be there to remind her, to teach her something new and to help her along the way as I get older and evolve on this journey.

• 30:03Sabrina Zohar?

  And that is your invitation as well to fucking let it go and just step into who you are. And if that makes people feel uncomfortable, fuck them. Fuck them. I'm tired of watering myself down to make sure everybody comes back. And that's the promise I make you, that today is a new day. It's what we have right now. We don't get another moment, but you get to decide what you're going to allow moving forward. And what I'm going to allow is me being myself and not thinking so hard. And if it doesn't do well, it doesn't do well. That's what started this. When I created content and I started going to the internet, I didn't give a fuck about what was trending and what people were talking about. I cared about, I had something to say.

• 30:46Sabrina Zohar?

  And I've gotten so into the sauce of like, no, no, no, but the hook isn't right. And then you didn't get this person and you didn't keep them on. Then nobody understands how that kills your creativity and I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to worry about how to keep people liking me. I want to focus on how do I harness the relationships I have? And then how do I welcome new people in and let go of the people that are no longer meant to be here with me? And that's okay. And if this touched your soul, this book is for you. I hope that I make you guys proud too. I hope that I can give you even a morsel of an awareness or something that maybe you've already known, but I said it in a way that it unlocked something for you. Or at the very least, I hope I entertain you and make you laugh and make you feel good for just a little bit.

• 31:31Sabrina Zohar?

  And I hope that that feeling you get is something that you carry with you because you deserve nothing fucking less and you only deserve people in your life that do that for you. Today, why am I like this is out there. You can get it from any bookstore on the planet. You can go to your local bookstore and support local. You can go to Barnes and Noble, Target, Amazon, anywhere they're found. And by doing that, you're telling me you believe in me and I'm telling you how much I believe in you. And I am so fucking grateful. In a week, we'll find out if we made the New York Times list. And I know that's not the end all be all, but I'm also not going to hide the fact that I really fucking want it. And that would be awesome. But whatever it is, we're in this together and I'm so grateful for having you here. Thank you for being here. Thank you for always having my back.

• 32:14Sabrina Zohar?

  Thank you for rating and reviewing the show and sharing it with your friend and commenting and doing the things that mean so much to me and little Sab. And so this is the start of our new journey. You know now why you're like this. Now what the fuck are we going to do with it? I love you guys and thank you for allowing me to show up as me. And we're not going anywhere. We've literally only just begun.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 33:14Speaker 05

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.