Pod Insights The Romesh Ranganathan Show Which World Cup Footballers Would Shanthi Date? About this episode Would Shanthi date Harry Kane?
In this Thursday episode of The Romesh Ranganathan Show, Shanthi puts some of football's biggest names under the microscope as she decides which World Cup stars she'd date, which she'd avoid and why Cristiano Ronaldo could be her son.
Romesh attempts to teach Shanthi some football phrases ahead of the World Cup, Shanthi shares the story of the time she crashed into Romesh's gate, and there's a heated debate about whether Lionel Messi is actually as nice as everyone thinks he is.
Plus, we answer your listener dilemmas, including how to approach a neighbour about dog sitting and advice for parents navigating the teenage years.
A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform.
Chapters
00:00 Intro
04:14 Shanthi calls out Rom
07:51 World Cup chat
10:02 Romesh calls out TV Channels
10:46 God visited Shanthi
11:25 A dating game
23:04 The pizza van debacle
25:45 Shanthi wrecked Romesh’s gate
27:41 Detective Shanthi
29:17 Shanthi tries some footy cheers
38:12 On Emily Atack
40:40 Does Shanthi get nervous?
43:15 Answering your questions
54:08 Advice on parenting teenagers
01:00:44 Outro
This episode is brought to you by Dear England - the new new fictionalised drama from BBC.
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Transcript 11,834 words · 8 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Hello and welcome back to the Romesh Rang and Ethan Show, Thursday edition. Every Thursday, we chat about Monday's episode. Do you know that on one of these, I said every Monday, we chat about Monday's episode? And nobody picked it up and it went out in the podcast and I've been rinsed about it. So, do you know what I mean? You don't do a lot, you three.
0:27 Speaker 00 So maybe fucking pay attention, yeah?
0:30 Speaker 01 You could just say it correctly.
0:31 Speaker 00 Well, I could say it correctly, but people make mistakes.
0:34 Speaker 01 As written.
0:34 Speaker 00 Yeah, and you could go into the right email inbox, but we all make errors, don't we?
0:37 Speaker 01 What's this?
0:38 Speaker 00 Every Thursday, we chat about Monday's episode, which you may or may not, like my mum, listen to. And we answer your questions and dilemmas about life, love, family, whatever you want. I got a DM on Instagram
0:52 Speaker 00 from somebody saying, this is how much people love you, mum. I would love to see the numbers on the guest episodes versus the mum episodes. Because I love the Shanthi episodes much more than the other episodes.
1:05 Speaker 01 Can't they just look at the numbers?
1:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, I mean, it says it on Spotify, doesn't it?
1:08 Speaker 01 And YouTube, yeah.
1:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, and on YouTube, you can just look at the numbers and you'll see that the guest episodes far outweigh the mum episodes by about four or five to one.
1:18 Speaker 00 But it's a nice idea. How are you, mum?
1:23 Speaker 02 I'm fine, my son, I'm fine, thank you. Thanks for asking.
1:27 Speaker 00 No problem, no problem at all.
1:30 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:31 Speaker 00 And we're not just got mum here, call me Dr Dolittle, because sometimes I talk to the animals.
1:39 Speaker 02 Great work.
1:42 Speaker 00 Ben, Will and John, how are you guys? Yeah, good thanks, Ben. Excited about another Thursday app? You bet. There you go. Mum, could you please introduce the show today like you're a chef introducing the finest dish in a Michelin-starred restaurant?
1:57 Speaker 02 Teach me how to do it.
1:59 Speaker 00 No, go on, Ben, what are you gonna do?
2:00 Speaker 01 It's flamboyant.
2:02 Speaker 02 You want me to about the podcast?
2:05 Speaker 00 Yes. That felt pretty clear.
2:08 Speaker 02 Hi, everyone, this is Thursday episode, Ramesh.
2:13 Speaker 02 Ghanitan show. This is like Sri Lankan mutton curry and mutton roll. So please enjoy watching. I love you all.
2:25 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. It's very on the nose that, but yes.
2:30 Speaker 02 Oh, shut up.
2:41 Speaker 02 With me, Shanti.
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5:05 Speaker 00 It's the Romesh Ranganathan show with Shanthi Ranganathan. Now, Mom.
5:12 Speaker 02 No, you, why are you saying Ranganathan?
5:16 Speaker 00 That's the correct pronunciation.
5:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, Ranganathan.
5:18 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's what I said.
5:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, okay, okay. You don't need to shout.
5:22 Speaker 00 We can argue about everything, can't we?
5:24 Speaker 02 I love it because I never get a chance to talk to you.
5:28 Speaker 00 That's not true.
5:29 Speaker 02 Rami, I have been sending every day spiritual message, okay? One, sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn't.
5:38 Speaker 00 No, because Mom keeps sending me.
5:39 Speaker 02 Your friends like to talk to me. When I go to the gym, they come and sit down and hello, auntie, how are you? How is everything? One guy spoke to me for half an hour.
5:49 Speaker 00 Loser. What, what did he talk to you about?
5:55 Speaker 00 Who the fuck has got time to chat for half an hour there at the gym?
5:59 Speaker 02 Talked about his life, talked about religion, talked about why I am, I was there.
6:07 Speaker 00 Uh, I love you with all my heart. And then I replied, hello, mommy, how are you today? And he said, hi, my son, how are you? I'm fine, darling, take care. The next day, he said, love you, my darling. Said, hey, mom, how are you? Got a long day filming today. People loving on the podcast. What are you up to today? I am making sambar and pongal. Please give this prayer to God for looking after us. God bless you, my darling. Give all your talent today. Be calm, you look so handsome. Keep your heart full of love that reflects in your face.
6:35 Speaker 04 Do you have to raise something here?
6:37 Speaker 00 What?
6:38 Speaker 04 You're not saying I love you back?
6:40 Speaker 00 I am.
6:40 Speaker 02 Never says, never.
6:41 Speaker 00 I do, I do.
6:42 Speaker 02 He only loves his wife.
6:45 Speaker 02 Otherwise.
6:46 Speaker 00 Love you so much, love you mum.
6:49 Speaker 04 Okay.
6:49 Speaker 00 Love you son, God bless. Good morning mum, how are you? I'm fine my gentleman. They talked about our po- what do you think this is by the way? What we're doing now?
6:59 Speaker 02 Podcast.
6:59 Speaker 00 Okay, why did you say podcast in your text message?
7:05 Speaker 02 My spelling.
7:08 Speaker 02 Sorry.
7:09 Speaker 00 They talked about our podcast in Radio 4.
7:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's true, but one of the, somebody told.
7:17 Speaker 00 Apparently, somebody, one of mum's na- was it your neighbour?
7:19 Speaker 02 My friend.
7:20 Speaker 00 Your friend. Mum's friend said that Radio 4 was talking about our podcast.
7:25 Speaker 01 Radio 4?
7:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
7:26 Speaker 01 That's intellectual.
7:27 Speaker 00 So that's the, that's the youth demographic we're targeting. Bunch of dusty old fucks on Radio 4.
7:35 Speaker 01 But also welcome to the show.
7:37 Speaker 00 Also, thank you so much, anybody that's off the back of that Radio 4 recommendation.
7:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, you're a bunch of dust farters. Thank you so much.
7:48 Speaker 00 Now mum, today's very, sorry, that was, I was joking, but I don't, but I couldn't, actually.
7:53 Speaker 02 You should be grateful to people.
7:55 Speaker 00 I am grateful, I'm very grateful.
7:56 Speaker 02 No, it doesn't look like it.
7:58 Speaker 00 I'm very grateful. I genuinely am, I, look, okay, do you want me to do a bit of earnest, earnest moment?
8:04 Speaker 01 I'm good with that.
8:05 Speaker 00 Okay, fine. Fuck y'all! Now mum.
8:15 Speaker 01 No, go on, go on, sorry.
8:16 Speaker 00 No, no, listen, I can't, I can't.
8:19 Speaker 01 It just felt too.
8:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, I know, it felt too cloying, yeah, like horrible, like.
8:25 Speaker 01 What were you gonna say?
8:26 Speaker 00 I was gonna say, I'm really grateful that the podcast is doing so well. Can't believe it. And it's a real honour that you're playing such a huge part.
8:33 Speaker 02 You don't dare to say that. I don't know whether you, you mean it. The bloody bitch sitting there and everybody say, talking about her. Do you really appreciate?
8:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, of course I do.
8:44 Speaker 02 Okay.
8:44 Speaker 00 Yeah. Yeah, of course I appreciate you bloody bitch. Now, mum.
8:51 Speaker 00 Today is a big day. Can you guess why? 11th of June. Do you know what that means?
8:58 Speaker 02 No idea.
8:59 Speaker 00 11th of June, baby. Do you know what that means?
9:02 Speaker 02 No.
9:02 Speaker 00 It's the start of the World Cup.
9:12 Speaker 00 Are you excited, Mum?
9:13 Speaker 02 I am excited.
9:14 Speaker 00 How into the World Cup do you go?
9:15 Speaker 02 I don't have a sports channel, so I can't vote.
9:18 Speaker 00 A sports channel.
9:20 Speaker 00 You don't have a sports channel, okay.
9:21 Speaker 02 No, what do you call them?
9:23 Speaker 00 Yeah, sports channel, that's fine.
9:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
9:25 Speaker 00 They're showing the World Cup on BBC, aren't they?
9:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, then I can.
9:28 Speaker 00 Everywhere.
9:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
9:31 Speaker 00 Do you, how much do you know about football?
9:34 Speaker 02 I know they were running around and kicking the ball, but I don't know the rules and regulations like cricket. I have, I still haven't got the idea.
9:42 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. Who do you think's gonna win the World Cup?
9:46 Speaker 02 Arsenal.
9:47 Speaker 00 Okay.
9:53 Speaker 00 Oh no. Oh god. I wanna go home.
10:00 Speaker 00 It's actually, in 98, obviously Arsenal did win the World Cup, didn't they?
10:06 Speaker 00 Guys?
10:06 Speaker 02 See that game?
10:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:07 Speaker 02 What? I didn't know, what is it? Arsenal?
10:10 Speaker 00 In 98, Arsenal did win the World Cup, basically.
10:12 Speaker 02 How many years ago?
10:13 Speaker 01 French team, yeah.
10:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, French team, mainly Arsenal. But we've actually got a little World Cup game for you.
10:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:21 Speaker 00 And you don't need any knowledge.
10:22 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:23 Speaker 00 So that's helpful, right? Because you just predicted Arsenal would win the World Cup. Do you remember when you said that? Do you remember this, Ben? We were filming an intro for Parents' Evening. Did this make it into the show?
10:34 Speaker 01 I've never watched it.
10:36 Speaker 00 We were filming an intro
10:40 Speaker 00 for the, for Parents' Evening, and during that intro filming, you told me that God visited you in a dream.
10:45 Speaker 02 Yes, yes, in my dream.
10:47 Speaker 01 No, it wasn't.
10:48 Speaker 00 Wasn't that then?
10:49 Speaker 01 That was for the, that was for the Romesh Ranganathan show.
10:52 Speaker 00 Oh, was it? Okay. So you, oh, for the pilot for this, yeah.
10:55 Speaker 01 Pilot for this, but, yeah, when it was a TV show.
10:57 Speaker 00 So you said that God visited you in a dream.
10:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:00 Speaker 00 And...
11:01 Speaker 02 Blonde hair, man.
11:02 Speaker 00 Yeah. Oh yeah, this is when this was gonna be a TV show. Sorry, I should say this.
11:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:06 Speaker 00 Originally, this can be a TV show, but we got knocked back from making it. So can I just say to all the TV channels that knocked us back, fuck you motherfuckers.
11:15 Speaker 01 There it is.
11:15 Speaker 00 Look at us now. Huh?
11:19 Speaker 00 Suck a dick. Huh? And tickle the balls and reach around the back and finger the hole.
11:26 Speaker 02 That's enough.
11:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're not gonna get this game that we're gonna play.
11:31 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're not gonna get this World Cup game that requires zero football knowledge on your channel. Because you rejected us, motherfuckers. Oh, how come you didn't come to us with this? We did, and you said no.
11:45 Speaker 00 But mum, you said that God visited you.
11:47 Speaker 02 Yes.
11:48 Speaker 00 You were asleep. You, in your dream, let me just try and remember this right. In your dream, you were asleep in the living room.
11:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:54 Speaker 00 Asleep.
11:54 Speaker 02 Sleep.
11:55 Speaker 00 On the sofa.
11:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
11:56 Speaker 00 And then God came to the living room.
11:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, he woke me up.
11:58 Speaker 00 Tapped you on the shoulder.
11:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
11:59 Speaker 00 Woke you up and said, God, uh, England are gonna win the Euros.
12:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, I did, I did dream.
12:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:05 Speaker 02 Why would I lie? I told, I told, said that to you.
12:07 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:08 Speaker 02 But it didn't win.
12:08 Speaker 00 No. So what do you think was, what do you think went wrong there? A number of things. One, it was just a dream.
12:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:15 Speaker 00 Two.
12:17 Speaker 02 Maybe in my head I wanted them to win.
12:19 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:19 Speaker 02 So. It's a reflection, yeah.
12:21 Speaker 00 Or three, God doesn't know ball. You know? Okay, now what we've done, mum, is we've chosen eight top players due to play in the tournament.
12:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:30 Speaker 00 We're gonna show you their photo and all I want to know is whether you would date them or not.
12:34 Speaker 02 Oh.
12:36 Speaker 00 It's a game we. What, what's wrong?
12:38 Speaker 02 They are young guys.
12:40 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:40 Speaker 02 If I say on your podcast.
12:43 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:43 Speaker 02 That, oh, I'll date them. It doesn't sound right, though.
12:48 Speaker 00 Okay, it, in, like, okay.
12:50 Speaker 02 It's as a joke, yeah.
12:51 Speaker 00 It's not real. Look, look, I'm gonna tell you this now. I've not spoken to them, but they're not up for it. All right, so.
12:56 Speaker 02 Oh, good.
12:57 Speaker 00 It's a, it's a hypothetical. It's a hypothetical.
13:00 Speaker 02 Why are you pulling me down like that? You are. You're a fucker, you are.
13:05 Speaker 00 No, hold on, hold on, one minute. You're saying that it's a bit, they're, they're young guys, right?
13:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, so why would I date them?
13:12 Speaker 00 Okay, look, if any of them watch this podcast.
13:14 Speaker 02 The way they are going to think that I'm desperate, I'm not desperate for the league, okay?
13:19 Speaker 00 Just, can I just say to all the, to the eight footballers that we're including this, she's not desperate, okay?
13:24 Speaker 02 I'm not desperate.
13:25 Speaker 00 No, you're not. I'm saying that. I'm saying you're not desperate.
13:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah.
13:28 Speaker 00 Okay, good. It's a game we like to call World Class Dates. So, mum, are we gonna have a jingle?
13:34 Speaker 02 They are going to kill themselves.
13:36 Speaker 00 Why are they gonna kill themselves?
13:37 Speaker 02 Rome is mum trying to date.
13:40 Speaker 00 You're not actually, there's no, there's no further action required.
13:43 Speaker 02 Okay, okay, okay.
13:43 Speaker 00 All you do is you look at the photo and you go, would you, would you?
13:48 Speaker 04 Because Shanthi, you say that when you just look at someone, you can tell what they're like and you can tell if they're a good person or not.
13:53 Speaker 02 Oh yeah, sure, sure.
13:54 Speaker 04 So we think this, this, you can do that.
13:55 Speaker 00 A vague attempt to try and agitimize a scam.
13:58 Speaker 02 But don't let them know that I said that. They won't like it. Bloody old bitch.
14:02 Speaker 00 Okay, alright.
14:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:11 Speaker 00 First up, have you heard of Harry Kane?
14:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:14 Speaker 00 Okay, one of the best footballers in the world. Harry Kane, have a look, what do you think?
14:19 Speaker 02 He's okay, he's okay.
14:20 Speaker 00 Just give me a sort of a rundown of what you think, what you like.
14:24 Speaker 02 He's good looking, he's good looking, yeah. I think he looks like he looks after his body properly.
14:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, he's a footballer.
14:31 Speaker 02 And a kind person, that's all I know.
14:33 Speaker 00 You think he's a kind person?
14:34 Speaker 02 He is kind, yeah.
14:35 Speaker 00 How do you know that from the picture?
14:36 Speaker 02 The face says it all.
14:38 Speaker 00 But what's kind about the face?
14:40 Speaker 02 Eyes, very kind eyes.
14:41 Speaker 00 Okay.
14:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:42 Speaker 00 So you, you would date him?
14:47 Speaker 02 Maybe.
14:48 Speaker 00 Okay, Harry Kane, congratulations.
14:51 Speaker 01 Maybe, Harry.
14:52 Speaker 02 Nice.
14:52 Speaker 00 Okay, next up, we have got Kylian Mbappe of France. What do we think?
15:00 Speaker 02 I can take him as my son.
15:04 Speaker 00 Okay.
15:04 Speaker 02 Not I'm not going to date him, no, no.
15:07 Speaker 00 Also true of Harry Kane, I would say. But let's just assume that, imagine you're...
15:10 Speaker 02 The way he smiled, he still got the childish face.
15:14 Speaker 00 Right, so you think he's got quite a baby face, is that what you're saying?
15:17 Speaker 02 Baby face, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't think I will date him.
15:20 Speaker 00 So he looks too young, he doesn't look manly enough for you?
15:25 Speaker 02 He's a good looking guy.
15:26 Speaker 00 Yeah, but what I'm saying is he looks too...
15:28 Speaker 02 But I won't date him.
15:28 Speaker 00 He looks too childish, okay. Sorry Mbappe, you didn't score this time.
15:34 Speaker 00 Okay, next up for you.
15:39 Speaker 00 We have got arguably the greatest footballer of all time. Lionel Messi, what do you think?
15:44 Speaker 02 Lionel Messi, he's a rule bugger.
15:47 Speaker 00 Oh.
15:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, I have seen some of the clips.
15:49 Speaker 00 Okay.
15:50 Speaker 02 He, the, the, people wanna do ha- shake hands with him.
15:54 Speaker 00 Okay.
15:54 Speaker 02 He ignored them, even a child he ignored.
15:57 Speaker 00 Jesus, what a prick.
15:57 Speaker 02 I didn't like it, no chance.
16:00 Speaker 00 No chance.
16:00 Speaker 01 No chance of Messi.
16:03 Speaker 00 Sorry Messi, your magic hasn't worked on my mum. Uh mum, can I do, before we get on to, before we carry on to the next one, do you think you might be being a bit unfair on Messi?
16:15 Speaker 02 I saw, what I saw.
16:16 Speaker 00 He's one of the most, he's mum, he's one of the most, thi- this is.
16:18 Speaker 02 Maybe he's a famous, for, for example, I'm not comparing you and him.
16:23 Speaker 00 Please don't.
16:24 Speaker 02 Oh, no, he's in a different field and you are in a different field.
16:27 Speaker 00 Yeah.
16:28 Speaker 02 But the thing is, will you be ever rude to a child who wants to say hello to you?
16:33 Speaker 00 Mum, you, all I would say about this is.
16:36 Speaker 02 You, when you, when you want to ask a question, that you want, will you do it? I look out for everything.
16:42 Speaker 00 I know.
16:43 Speaker 02 Whether he's kind, he dresses well.
16:44 Speaker 00 I know, I know, I know, but just please calm down a bit, okay? All I'm saying is, you don't know what people are going through, he might have had, he might have just had terrible news before you. He's being asked for photographs all the time, he might be stressed out, he might have suffered a bru- you just don't know what people are going through.
16:58 Speaker 02 Why are you supporting him?
16:59 Speaker 00 I'm not supporting him, I'm not, all I'm saying is, you don't know what people are going through.
17:02 Speaker 02 So all that three occasions, he had bad news, is it?
17:06 Speaker 00 Maybe, well, so he's going through something, I don't know, or maybe he's.
17:08 Speaker 02 Going through, going through one throughage.
17:10 Speaker 00 Mum, people go through stuff, he could be depressed.
17:12 Speaker 02 He should stay at home, not on the field.
17:14 Speaker 00 Okay, well, if you're depressed, stay inside, that's what therapists say. Okay, shall we go for the next one? Cristiano Ronaldo.
17:22 Speaker 02 I won't date him, but I love him as a son, I love to have him as a son.
17:27 Speaker 00 Okay.
17:27 Speaker 02 Because his mother stays with him, in the same house.
17:30 Speaker 00 Right.
17:31 Speaker 02 And the permission he got from his girlfriend, when he was dating.
17:37 Speaker 02 Every time my, I will look after my mother, she should stay with me.
17:40 Speaker 00 Right.
17:41 Speaker 02 And he had a very bad, poor background and he didn't even have money to buy shoes.
17:47 Speaker 00 Right.
17:47 Speaker 02 And he used to go and go to the McDonald's and leftover foods he used to eat.
17:52 Speaker 00 Yeah.
17:52 Speaker 02 Look at him, God has blessed him.
17:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
17:54 Speaker 02 I love him so much.
17:55 Speaker 00 Wow.
17:56 Speaker 02 But I won't date him.
17:57 Speaker 00 Okay.
17:57 Speaker 02 He loves his mother.
17:59 Speaker 00 Ronaldo?
17:59 Speaker 02 He doesn't ignore the, the text of, she's with him all the time. Every time, whatever he wants to do, he asks his mother.
18:07 Speaker 00 How do you know, that bit you've just made up.
18:09 Speaker 02 I read it, I read it.
18:12 Speaker 00 You read that whatever he wants to do, he asks his mother, bull, bullshit.
18:16 Speaker 02 How do you know it's a bullshit?
18:18 Speaker 00 I think it's most likely to be bullshit.
18:19 Speaker 02 You are a rule burger.
18:20 Speaker 00 Hmm, okay. Uh, so Ronaldo, does Ronaldo, can we get, get a fact check on this? Does Ronaldo live with his mum?
18:26 Speaker 02 Yes.
18:26 Speaker 01 I watched the doc.
18:27 Speaker 02 Mum lives with him.
18:28 Speaker 01 I don't remember him, his mum being in the documentary.
18:29 Speaker 02 No, no, no, it's true.
18:31 Speaker 00 Okay.
18:31 Speaker 02 Google it and see.
18:32 Speaker 00 Yeah, we're Googling it now.
18:34 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:35 Speaker 05 Yeah, see, it does look like that, they have close living arrangements.
18:39 Speaker 02 There you are.
18:40 Speaker 00 Okay.
18:40 Speaker 02 There you are, will you have me?
18:42 Speaker 00 Well, I know, what I will do though is buy you a house somewhere else.
18:46 Speaker 02 There you are.
18:47 Speaker 00 Well, I'm just saying. I'm just saying.
18:50 Speaker 02 I know, I know that.
18:51 Speaker 00 Yeah.
18:51 Speaker 02 But you have done so much for me.
18:53 Speaker 00 Okay, don't start getting nice.
18:54 Speaker 02 But I love you.
18:55 Speaker 00 That's not what the podcast is about, okay?
18:59 Speaker 00 Here's our next one.
19:01 Speaker 02 No.
19:01 Speaker 00 Mark?
19:06 Speaker 00 Mark Cucurella?
19:09 Speaker 02 Cucurella needs a lot of hair product.
19:11 Speaker 00 Well, I mean, first of all, let's just be honest, what a bellend, but.
19:18 Speaker 00 Uh, do you, do you, no, he's not, he's a great, he's a great player, whatever, he plays for Chelsea and he fucking winds me up. Um, mum, why don't you like him?
19:27 Speaker 02 Something about him.
19:28 Speaker 01 Before this, you said you thought this would be the one.
19:30 Speaker 00 Well, cause mum, I did think you'd like him because he's got long hair, you normally like men with long hair.
19:34 Speaker 02 No. This hair, no.
19:36 Speaker 00 Why, what's wrong with that?
19:39 Speaker 02 I don't know, it doesn't suit him, for his shape of the face.
19:42 Speaker 00 Okay.
19:43 Speaker 02 Doesn't suit him at all.
19:44 Speaker 00 Alright.
19:45 Speaker 02 He should have a, just do the clips, you know, the band, if you put-
19:51 Speaker 00 Hairband.
19:51 Speaker 02 Hairband and things, it will look nice.
19:53 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay.
19:54 Speaker 02 I'm not makeup artist, I'm just saying-
19:57 Speaker 00 And can I just say, uh, if you're watching, Kukureya, stop fucking fouling Saka, you prick.
20:03 Speaker 02 Oh my.
20:05 Speaker 00 Okay, we know what you're doing, you're trying to neutralize him by playing dirty, and it's fucking rank. Anyway, sorry. Okay, here's your next one.
20:14 Speaker 02 What has he done to you?
20:16 Speaker 00 Pardon? I've just said what he's done.
20:17 Speaker 02 Okay.
20:18 Speaker 00 Okay, this is Kai Havertz.
20:20 Speaker 02 He's not a bad-looking guy, look at the cheekbones. Things looking up for Kai. Good cheekbones. Yeah, he's a good guy.
20:28 Speaker 00 Kai Havertz scores again.
20:30 Speaker 01 Hamma, hamma, na.
20:31 Speaker 00 Eh eh, waka, waka, eh eh. Sixty million down the drain. Kai Havertz scores again. With my mum.
20:44 Speaker 00 Kai, we'd love to have you on the podcast, and so would my mother. Okay. So, hold on, who have we, so you've said no to, how do you pronounce Kuk- is it Kukureya?
20:53 Speaker 04 Kukureya.
20:54 Speaker 00 So, Kane you said yes, Mbappe you said no, Messi you said no, Ronaldo you said no, but mitigating circumstances. Kukureya said no, Havertz yes, now we've got Rafinha.
21:08 Speaker 02 No.
21:09 Speaker 00 Oh, why?
21:12 Speaker 02 No, I don't know, I don't know. I don't.
21:18 Speaker 00 Why don't you like, what's the problem with Rafinha?
21:20 Speaker 02 I can't explain, no.
21:22 Speaker 00 What do you mean you can't explain? Look at him, good physique.
21:24 Speaker 01 Do you like tattoos?
21:25 Speaker 00 Smiley face, inked.
21:27 Speaker 02 That beard reminds me of somebody, so I don't like it.
21:30 Speaker 00 Oh no, okay, let's move on.
21:32 Speaker 01 Okay.
21:33 Speaker 00 Okay.
21:34 Speaker 01 Is this the last one?
21:34 Speaker 00 This is the last one.
21:35 Speaker 01 Last one.
21:36 Speaker 00 Name place for Arsenal.
21:37 Speaker 02 Okay.
21:37 Speaker 00 So be kind. Leandro Trossard.
21:42 Speaker 02 He looked like a prime minister.
21:44 Speaker 00 Okay, I don't know how to process that as a comment.
21:49 Speaker 00 Would you?
21:51 Speaker 01 Date.
21:52 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's what I mean. Would you date? Sorry. Whenever I'm asked that question, can we just assume that I mean date? Would you date?
21:58 Speaker 02 No.
21:59 Speaker 00 No, why not?
22:00 Speaker 02 I don't like politics.
22:02 Speaker 00 He's not in politics.
22:05 Speaker 00 He's not in, he's not in politics. Okay.
22:08 Speaker 02 I know, I'm not that daft for him.
22:10 Speaker 00 I know, I know, but I'm saying, so why are you rejecting him for being in politics?
22:13 Speaker 02 All politicians are lies.
22:15 Speaker 00 Okay, but he's not a politician.
22:19 Speaker 02 They, when they want the vote, they come and say all sorts of.
22:22 Speaker 00 I know, Mum, I know. Listen, I, I'm not disputing, I'm not disputing your issues.
22:26 Speaker 02 He looks like a prime minister.
22:27 Speaker 00 Okay.
22:28 Speaker 02 There you are.
22:29 Speaker 01 So Kai Havertz?
22:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, Kai Havertz. Kai Havertz, if you're watching, we'd love you to sort of send a video message. I guess he's, he's probably on Cameo, isn't he? Uh, uh, so there you go, Mum. What do you think? Is Kai Havertz your favourite?
22:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:43 Speaker 00 Okay, great.
22:46 Speaker 00 This episode is brought to you by Alice and Steve, a new Hulu original series exclusively on Disney Plus. My friendships are very important to me. My mates have stuck with me through thick and thin and dodgy sweater vests. I'm hard to offend, so they'd have to do something pretty bad to put our friendship in jeopardy. For example, if I saw one of my friends being rude to a member of serving staff, that would put it in jeopardy. If one of my friends thought that Tottenham potentially going down wasn't funny, that would jeopardise our friendship. But that is nothing compared to what goes down in Alice and Steve, a new six-part comedy series from the producers of Baby Reindeer, which can only be described as the ultimate wrong-com. Alice and Steve are lifelong mates until Alice's adult daughter sleeps with Steve.
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24:33 Speaker 00 Now Mum, we've watched football together, haven't we?
24:35 Speaker 02 Yes, we did. Very rarely, by the way. You don't make me lie, okay? I don't think I watch football.
24:44 Speaker 00 Really? We watched, you watched the Euros final at my house?
24:46 Speaker 02 Oh yes, yes, of course, with the pizza, pizza van. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
24:50 Speaker 01 You had a pizza van?
24:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:51 Speaker 00 Hold on, hold on, hold on.
24:53 Speaker 01 No, hold on.
24:54 Speaker 02 So many of them came, Ben. They didn't invite you, okay?
24:58 Speaker 01 No, I didn't get invited. He also went to the Champions League final, also didn't get an invite to that. But you had a pizza van?
25:04 Speaker 02 Van outside, yeah.
25:05 Speaker 01 Because you know they deliver, you just call them up?
25:07 Speaker 02 Call them up and already booked, already booked the van.
25:11 Speaker 00 Oh wow, yeah.
25:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
25:13 Speaker 00 Wow, what a day. I'm just waiting for this bit to unfold until I can defend myself.
25:18 Speaker 02 Defend yourself?
25:18 Speaker 00 It's called, it's a thing in Crawley where if you order a pizza, they turn up in a van. So it's like ordering from Domino's. But they turn up and do it on you.
25:29 Speaker 02 Whatever filling you want, whatever topping you want, they will do it then and there.
25:33 Speaker 00 A pizza van is like, actual hiring a pizza van is like what you had at your wedding.
25:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, like that, yeah.
25:40 Speaker 01 Yeah. That's a wedding, I didn't just do it for...
25:42 Speaker 00 It cost me like 50 quid for the pizzas, but they turn up at your house. And then the reason they do it is because in the street then other people can't go, I'll have a pizza as well, and then they start. But I didn't hire a pizza van.
25:55 Speaker 00 I didn't hire a pizza van.
25:56 Speaker 01 Shanthi, did he hire a pizza van?
25:58 Speaker 02 He did.
25:58 Speaker 00 No, I didn't. I did not hire a pizza van.
26:03 Speaker 02 I was all over the mall.
26:04 Speaker 01 What other food stalls did you have for this event?
26:07 Speaker 00 We put a Starbucks in the back garden.
26:10 Speaker 00 No, no, we genuinely, it was, the, I think it's folded now, that thing, because it, actually, I don't think it's economically viable.
26:16 Speaker 02 Invite all of us, man, yeah.
26:20 Speaker 00 Really great work. He doesn't interrupt much, but when he does, it's good value.
26:25 Speaker 02 But they lost, isn't it, the day?
26:27 Speaker 00 Yes, England lost.
26:28 Speaker 02 After spending all the money. I saw Alex jumping on the thing, thing, fuckers.
26:34 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay, all right, some, some details.
26:38 Speaker 00 Anyway.
26:39 Speaker 04 But no, I have, I have seen those vans.
26:40 Speaker 00 Yeah.
26:41 Speaker 04 Like they do it with fish and chips as well, it's fish and chip van.
26:42 Speaker 00 Exactly, you're right, yeah, thank you.
26:43 Speaker 04 It's for everyone.
26:44 Speaker 00 If I'd hired a van, I would have just...
26:46 Speaker 02 This is what we like, man, you call it, all of us, including your mother, including your mother. And hire a pizza van and have a party.
26:55 Speaker 00 I didn't hire a pizza van.
26:56 Speaker 01 So you know, anyone from the street can use it, is the idea. So do they have to come through your gate?
27:02 Speaker 02 This is in the old house, isn't it?
27:04 Speaker 00 It was at my old house, yeah.
27:05 Speaker 02 Not in this house.
27:06 Speaker 00 No.
27:07 Speaker 02 I can't even get into that house. I had to jump over the fence.
27:11 Speaker 00 Yeah.
27:14 Speaker 00 Uh, well, the fence isn't working properly, actually, since you crashed into it on your way out last time.
27:18 Speaker 01 Did you?
27:20 Speaker 00 Yeah, she, she, I said to her, the gate opened slowly, she twatted it as she drove up out of the drive.
27:30 Speaker 00 Just smashed into it.
27:32 Speaker 02 Then I rang him.
27:34 Speaker 00 R- Romy, this is almost exactly how the call went down. Romy, I don't think the gate is shutting. Oh, weird, why is that? I hate it.
27:52 Speaker 00 Anyway.
27:53 Speaker 02 What exactly happened? I saw my friend
27:59 Speaker 02 looking at the next door neighbour's house. And when I saw her, two ladies, I got a shock. So my concentration went on them.
28:08 Speaker 00 Yeah.
28:08 Speaker 02 And I hit the gate.
28:14 Speaker 02 I slowed down and I turned around and look, gate is not closing.
28:18 Speaker 00 No, it often, what they said to us is.
28:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:21 Speaker 00 When they fitted it.
28:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:22 Speaker 00 Is try not, don't crash into it. That will, that will affect the mechanism.
28:28 Speaker 01 How's your car as well?
28:29 Speaker 00 Fuck you Ben.
28:31 Speaker 01 No.
28:32 Speaker 02 No damage.
28:34 Speaker 00 Gate on the other hand, mechanism had to be replaced. Uh, okay.
28:39 Speaker 02 The way he said, don't worry mum, it's not a big thing.
28:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, I mean, I was, that's a good reaction, isn't it? I was chilled about it. I mean, it's, it's just a thing. I don't get upset about stuff like that really.
28:50 Speaker 02 But in, inside, you would have complained to Lisa.
28:54 Speaker 00 I didn't, no. I don't know what you, I don't know why you think I'm some sort of like, I'm Sauron when the door shuts. I, I just said, I mean, obviously Lisa said, oh my god, stupid old cow.
29:06 Speaker 00 No, she did, no, she didn't.
29:11 Speaker 02 Another thing I want to ask you, I used the opportunity.
29:14 Speaker 00 Please do, yeah. Do you know what? I prefer it when you do it on stuff that has, is broadcast. Go on.
29:19 Speaker 02 When you, when you, when I'm in the car with you. When you ring Lisa, why do you say, mum is in the car, why do you talk about me?
29:32 Speaker 02 Why do you talk about me? Warning goes first.
29:36 Speaker 00 Can I, can, okay.
29:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:38 Speaker 00 All right.
29:42 Speaker 00 Hold on one second, alright. First of all, let me address that. That is true, and I do do it deliberately. So that I accept that. I do immediately say to Lisa.
29:53 Speaker 02 Immediately, you'll say.
29:54 Speaker 00 Lisa doesn't, Lisa doesn't ever say anything about, I promise you, Lisa doesn't ever say anything.
29:59 Speaker 02 I know she doesn't.
30:00 Speaker 00 But my fear is, do you know when you have that paranoia that in this one instance, she will go, "Ah, have you visited, are you with the old bitch now?" Do you know what I mean? Or she would never talk about you like that. But it's just that fear that she might in that instance, do you know what I mean? Or she might go, "Oh, I can't wait for you to get back and give me a good smashing."
30:22 Speaker 02 Shut up. If you're a hundred percent sure that she won't talk about you.
30:25 Speaker 00 By the way, just to be clear. Let's be honest, Mum, you're not known, one of your trademark things is not underreacting. So, you know, what my fear is, that she says something for a joke, "Oh my god", and then it's like an ongoing issue forever. So that's what I do do there.
30:38 Speaker 02 Okay, okay, okay.
30:39 Speaker 00 But isn't it a normal thing to what to say?
30:41 Speaker 01 It's good etiquette.
30:42 Speaker 00 It's good etiquette, right?
30:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, I do think that's true.
30:44 Speaker 00 Yeah, you should try it. Okay, so Mum, what we're gonna do is we're gonna give you some stock things to say when you're watching a football match to make you sound more knowledgeable, okay? Are these on Mum's card?
30:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, she's, so she can read them out.
30:57 Speaker 00 Mum, so this is stuff that you say when you are watching the football. Alright, so can you give us a first one, please?
31:04 Speaker 01 You sort of set the scene, you're watching.
31:06 Speaker 00 Oh yeah, so we're in, we're, we're, we're around my house.
31:09 Speaker 02 Okay.
31:10 Speaker 00 Got it on the big screen.
31:11 Speaker 02 Okay.
31:11 Speaker 00 Ben's not there.
31:12 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
31:13 Speaker 00 John and Will are there.
31:14 Speaker 01 Have you got the sushi cart?
31:16 Speaker 00 No, we've got the pizza van's there.
31:18 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
31:18 Speaker 00 I've rescued that business.
31:20 Speaker 02 Okay.
31:21 Speaker 00 Okay. Go.
31:25 Speaker 02 Come on, England!
31:27 Speaker 00 Very good. I actually thought that was excellent, because normally we have to give you like three hours of coaching. Okay, here's your next one. Go on.
31:35 Speaker 02 Come on, get in my son. Come on, no?
31:42 Speaker 00 That sounds like you're watching me and Lisa have sex.
31:47 Speaker 02 So do you, you, you, do you think somebody has to stand there and say, come on, yeah?
31:52 Speaker 00 Okay, get in my son, it's after a goals, but you know, like, or a good pass or a good tackle or something. So shout it with a bit of aggression.
32:01 Speaker 02 Get in my son, no?
32:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:08 Speaker 00 It sounds like you're, can I, the way you're.
32:11 Speaker 02 That's, I don't like the sentence.
32:13 Speaker 00 I know.
32:13 Speaker 02 Get in my son.
32:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, but it's, can I tell you honestly, the last two times you've said it, it sounds like you're asking someone to be inside me.
32:26 Speaker 00 Okay.
32:28 Speaker 02 Okay.
32:29 Speaker 00 Uh, do you want to do the next one then? This is just like when the game's looking a bit lackluster or somebody's made a mistake.
32:34 Speaker 02 Wake up guys.
32:39 Speaker 02 I don't know.
32:40 Speaker 00 You've got to really shout, like, really shout, like, it's like when somebody's done something shit and you just shout, or they're like, they're, you know, they've lost concentration, just really give it some oomph. Like shout, you're aggressive, shouting.
32:51 Speaker 02 Wake up son.
32:53 Speaker 00 Yeah, why do you keep saying son at the end of it?
32:55 Speaker 02 Oh, did I? Cause like you're in front of me, that's why.
32:57 Speaker 00 Okay, but just imagine you're talking to a footballer.
32:59 Speaker 02 There's no son in there.
33:00 Speaker 00 I know.
33:01 Speaker 02 Get, get in, get in my son.
33:03 Speaker 00 No, no.
33:12 Speaker 00 Please stop asking that. Okay. All right, here, here, those are the beginners ones, so they've gone terribly, so.
33:19 Speaker 02 Is it not good?
33:20 Speaker 00 Here's the intermediate, okay, so go on, shout this one. Imagine you're watching the football on the TV.
33:26 Speaker 02 Get in the mixer.
33:31 Speaker 00 You keep doing it like it's a suggestion.
33:33 Speaker 02 All right.
33:34 Speaker 00 You've got like, you've got, it's a command.
33:36 Speaker 02 I don't know how to command, like rowdies.
33:40 Speaker 00 Like who?
33:42 Speaker 02 Rowdies.
33:43 Speaker 00 Rowdies?
33:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:45 Speaker 00 What's a rowdy?
33:45 Speaker 02 When they are drunk.
33:47 Speaker 00 Oh, like a rowdy person?
33:48 Speaker 02 Rowdy person.
33:49 Speaker 00 You call them rowdies?
33:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:51 Speaker 00 Okay.
33:51 Speaker 04 That is kind of the, that is kind of the energy, it's like a, you know, you're really telling them.
33:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, because you know everything.
33:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, go on. Do the mixer one.
34:01 Speaker 02 Can you say it?
34:02 Speaker 00 Yeah, get it in, get it in the mixer. So just shout that down at the TV.
34:07 Speaker 02 Get it in the mixer.
34:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's pretty good. It's actually, it's actually pretty good.
34:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's more like opinions that you could offer.
34:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, so these, these are, these are, yeah, opinions. So why don't you try, um, try the next one? Say it like you know what you're talking about.
34:23 Speaker 02 Of course the people already brought it home.
34:25 Speaker 00 Okay, so that one, no, but that, okay, so that, that one, that one's probably the, the first one that doesn't require that tone.
34:36 Speaker 00 So that one, that one's more of a, that's more of a conversational one.
34:39 Speaker 02 Okay, okay.
34:40 Speaker 00 Okay, so this is just, imagine we're at the pub after, or having a drink after the game. And.
34:48 Speaker 01 Just you two, two lads.
34:49 Speaker 00 Just us two, just us two, just.
34:51 Speaker 02 I'm a lad now, am I?
34:53 Speaker 00 Imagine you've got a pint of beer in the back. Yeah, you've got a chow, or a glass of wine or something, and then you say, what do you say?
35:00 Speaker 02 How could you not bring trend?
35:02 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's all right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Next one?
35:05 Speaker 02 We miss Southgate more than people realise.
35:08 Speaker 00 Oh, yes, yes. That's pretty good. Okay, this is God tier. So this is half time.
35:14 Speaker 02 Okay.
35:15 Speaker 00 All I want you to do
35:18 Speaker 00 is, is, is just read this out as best you can, all right? So imagine this is in conversation at half time, we're all just a bit fed up.
35:25 Speaker 01 Maybe you'll ask Shanthi what she thinks of the game.
35:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, so mum, mum, so I'm gonna say, what do you think of the game? And then you read this out, okay?
35:30 Speaker 02 Fuck all.
35:31 Speaker 00 No, so mum, so mum, uh, how do you think, how do you think, how do you think it's going?
35:36 Speaker 02 England are struggling to create overloads in the half spaces because of the inverted fullback isn't synchronising properly with the rest defence structure, which means they are unable to generate enough numerical superiority between the lines during transitional phases.
36:03 Speaker 04 And you're spot on, spot on.
36:04 Speaker 00 Really good. And that is probably gonna be what's happening. Really good. Please give it up for Mum's World Cup game. Okay.
36:16 Speaker 00 This week's segment is brought to you by Dear England on BBC iPlayer, the brand new fictionalised drama telling the story of Gareth Southgate is the England manager from the moment he took over, through the tournament runs that had the whole country holding its breath. It's an underdog story starring Joseph Fiennes as Gareth Southgate and Jodie Whittaker. At its heart, it's a story about leadership, pressure and belief. And belief's easy when no one's watching. It's what you do when everything's on the line that really counts. Gareth Southgate, one of Crawley's own, Mum.
36:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course I know.
36:45 Speaker 00 Went to the same school as me.
36:47 Speaker 02 Hesley?
36:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:49 Speaker 02 Oh.
36:49 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know he's from Crawley and his sister lives closer to Linnesh.
36:57 Speaker 00 Oh, that's nice. So there you go. But we're very proud of him in Crawley, aren't we?
37:00 Speaker 02 Of course I am proud.
37:01 Speaker 00 And he took the England team and turned it around. And he made the public image of Crawley, of England, sorry, much better, didn't he? Because there was a time when I didn't support England.
37:10 Speaker 02 No?
37:11 Speaker 00 What I mean is, is that, you know, England felt a bit like, it wasn't like a family experience supporting England in the tournaments. And I think Gareth Southgate kind of, he revitalised how players felt about England and how the fans felt about England. So he did a lot. And is it annoying that he's from Crawley and he's done so well? Yeah, it is annoying because I-
37:32 Speaker 02 It's not annoying. What's wrong with Crawley?
37:34 Speaker 00 Well, just because I want to be the main Crawley Don, do you know what I mean?
37:37 Speaker 02 No, no, don't be a big headed like that.
37:39 Speaker 00 But it's a great story. Mum, do you think that like when we were watching the Euro finals together, first of all, we couldn't believe that England had got to the final. You were very excited, weren't you? But we were very excited that one of Crawley's own had got England to the final.
37:55 Speaker 02 Of course.
37:56 Speaker 00 And you were screaming and shouting and it was great, wasn't it? I think what Gareth Southgate did was took England from a point where we had such low expectations, the press were on their backs.
38:07 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:08 Speaker 00 And he sort of, I think he turned that whole thing around.
38:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course.
38:11 Speaker 00 It was very exciting.
38:12 Speaker 02 I'm excited. I was excited. I thought they were going to win.
38:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:16 Speaker 02 He worked hard, of course. To, you know, you had to get up early in the morning.
38:21 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:21 Speaker 02 Get the guys here.
38:22 Speaker 00 That's the main thing about being a manager.
38:24 Speaker 02 Men don't like to get up.
38:26 Speaker 00 No, that's true. So the main thing about.
38:28 Speaker 02 When you look at them, when you look at them, they look so healthy.
38:32 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:33 Speaker 02 Because of all the exercise they do.
38:35 Speaker 00 All the exercise and they're getting up early in the morning and men don't normally like that. Uh, I tell you what else, I tell you what else, it made me reconsider wearing a waistcoat. Gareth Southgate loves a waistcoat, doesn't he?
38:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, why not? He likes it. He feels comfortable. Let him wear it.
38:51 Speaker 00 Do you think I could rock a waistcoat?
38:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, why don't we, one day, I wear a long dress, you wear the thing.
38:57 Speaker 00 I, i- i- if, if there was a reason, I'd wear a s- yeah, do you want me to wear a suit on the next episode?
39:02 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:02 Speaker 04 Yeah, we could do a fashion special.
39:03 Speaker 00 Okay, yeah, all right.
39:05 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay, great. I'll wear a suit, yeah. We'll see how hard those buttons have to work. With the World Cup just around the corner, there's never been a better time to remember how we got here. And maybe again, England will dare to dream. Dear England, watch on BBC, iPlayer, BBC.
39:23 Speaker 02 iPlayer.
39:24 Speaker 00 Dear England, watch on BBC.
39:26 Speaker 02 iPlayer.
39:27 Speaker 00 There we go.
39:27 Speaker 02 My dad loved it.
39:30 Speaker 00 Ben's dad loved it.
39:32 Speaker 02 Wow.
39:32 Speaker 00 And we've got some other stuff you won't care about later on in the episode.
39:41 Speaker 00 Uh, Mum, on Monday, we had, uh, Emily Atack on.
39:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, I saw that. I saw that. I haven't watched that, but I like the guys.
39:49 Speaker 00 Okay, Emily Atack is, is one woman.
39:52 Speaker 02 Oh, God, who am I mixing with?
39:55 Speaker 00 The Wayans Brothers?
39:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
39:56 Speaker 00 Okay, right, yeah. So Emily Atack is one white woman that you've confused with two black men.
40:04 Speaker 04 Easily done.
40:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, it happens.
40:06 Speaker 02 It's happened to you?
40:08 Speaker 00 What do you mean? It's happened to me?
40:09 Speaker 02 No, sometimes you do. Not everybody is perfect.
40:12 Speaker 00 No, absolutely.
40:13 Speaker 02 Oh, there you are. So don't take the Mickey out of me.
40:15 Speaker 00 I'm not taking the Mickey, I'm just explaining what happened.
40:17 Speaker 02 Okay.
40:17 Speaker 00 All right, so she was very funny, very good, what, really great guest, wasn't she? Uh, she is good at acting, stand-up, writing, she even shared a poem with us. And did you know that her first ever stand-up show, Mum, was at the Hawth in Crawley?
40:31 Speaker 02 Wow.
40:32 Speaker 00 We've got a clip.
40:33 Speaker 07 So, so I just, I invited a load of execs and again, fucking mental, um.
40:38 Speaker 00 Not to the Hawth in Crawley?
40:39 Speaker 07 Pardon?
40:40 Speaker 00 You didn't invite her to the first one? Fucking hell, Emily, are you serious?
40:44 Speaker 07 I did. That's how I got my sketch show. I fucking nailed it, Rom.
40:49 Speaker 00 How, do you meditate three hours a day?
40:51 Speaker 07 No.
40:51 Speaker 00 How the fuck are you doing that?
40:52 Speaker 07 I got everyone from ITV to come and all the jungle lot and, and yeah, and then they came and they commissioned my sketch show. Sorry.
41:00 Speaker 01 It's been had so many stand ups on here talking about how hard it is.
41:04 Speaker 07 Oh, sorry.
41:05 Speaker 01 And the craft and everything. And they talk about you just like, it's an impossible craft. Turns out it's quite easy.
41:09 Speaker 07 Sorry, no, that's really.
41:11 Speaker 01 And perform it.
41:11 Speaker 07 Yeah.
41:12 Speaker 01 Everything you've been talking about with all these comments.
41:14 Speaker 07 You should try, you should try.
41:15 Speaker 01 Write the jokes, stand and say them.
41:18 Speaker 07 Yeah.
41:18 Speaker 01 Get a show.
41:19 Speaker 07 Just like say really funny things.
41:21 Speaker 01 Make, it does make sense.
41:24 Speaker 07 Funny things, okay.
41:25 Speaker 00 Ben, I am, I've got to say, your behaviour in that was pretty disgusting.
41:30 Speaker 02 What? What did you do?
41:32 Speaker 00 Well, you just basically, you basically shit on stand up as an art form, didn't you? To sort of make, to sort of make Emily feel good. You took, you took stand up that you supposedly love and you just rinsed it. You just ridiculed it.
41:45 Speaker 01 I don't think I did that. I think it was just you said it was really hard, but she found it very easy. That was all.
41:50 Speaker 00 Um, yeah, I mean, stand up is quite hard. Not for me, obviously, a generational talent, but it can be, it can be really hard.
41:57 Speaker 02 What? Say that again?
41:58 Speaker 00 No, I was gonna say Emily, she did her first ever gig, invited the ITV people, got a show commissioned.
42:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:04 Speaker 00 And she wasn't, I mean, I don't know if she was nervous. She didn't seem to be nervous, did she?
42:07 Speaker 02 No, she doesn't look nervous at all. And.
42:10 Speaker 00 Do you get nervous?
42:11 Speaker 02 If I want to be, no, say comedy, yeah, of course I will be nervous.
42:16 Speaker 00 Do you get nervous doing this podcast?
42:18 Speaker 02 No, I'm not.
42:19 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:20 Speaker 02 I'm not because I was very confident when I was at school, when I was, uh, in my teens.
42:30 Speaker 00 Hmm.
42:30 Speaker 02 Got married and came here. I lost all my confidence. So I don't know why, why?
42:36 Speaker 00 But you're confident now, aren't you?
42:37 Speaker 02 I am, I am.
42:38 Speaker 00 Really confident.
42:39 Speaker 02 Nobody can fuck around with me.
42:42 Speaker 00 There you go.
42:42 Speaker 02 Nobody.
42:43 Speaker 00 Nobody, okay.
42:44 Speaker 02 I will open my, I was very quiet for so many years when I was working.
42:49 Speaker 00 Was that before I was born?
42:52 Speaker 02 And when I was working, man.
42:54 Speaker 00 Okay.
42:54 Speaker 02 But do I, I speak English, eh? No?
42:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, you do speak English.
42:58 Speaker 02 That's it, okay. So I.
43:04 Speaker 02 I was at work, I didn't.
43:06 Speaker 00 It's just I don't remember the quiet years, that's all.
43:11 Speaker 02 I was very quiet at work. I never say anything. I don't hurt anybody. I was so good.
43:17 Speaker 00 Yeah.
43:18 Speaker 02 There's a reason behind it.
43:19 Speaker 00 Okay.
43:20 Speaker 02 I thought if I open my mouth and start saying, they will ask about that. What happened? What this is? What exactly happened? Why he went to jail? So I'm, I completely shut my mouth. I never started any conversation. I was friendly, but that fear in my head, they are going to ask about your father.
43:43 Speaker 00 But, but what, what, when you've talked about it on this podcast.
43:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:47 Speaker 00 Lots of people have commented that it's really brave of you to share and it's a really.
43:51 Speaker 02 It is, it is, but at work, oh God, what is it?
43:55 Speaker 00 No, nothing, Karin.
43:57 Speaker 02 Why Ben laughed?
43:58 Speaker 00 Because I said, I'll tell you why Ben laughed and it's an unusual misstep for Ben in his ongoing arse licking of you. But I said, it's really brave to share. And then you went, yes, it is. And then Ben started laughing because he looked at it.
44:10 Speaker 01 You pulled a bit of face and it's just, it was a funny, it was.
44:13 Speaker 02 That's what I thought. You were joking. You're joking.
44:15 Speaker 00 I'm not joking.
44:16 Speaker 02 No, I can't get the expression from your face, whether it's a joke or you are taking it seriously.
44:23 Speaker 00 I am being serious right now.
44:25 Speaker 02 You'll be a good actor there.
44:26 Speaker 00 Thank you.
44:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:28 Speaker 00 Tell the Telegraph.
44:31 Speaker 02 Why they sacked you?
44:32 Speaker 00 The Telegraph didn't sack me. They, they very rarely employ actors as a newspaper.
44:37 Speaker 02 I see, I see.
44:40 Speaker 00 Anyway, Ben's gone bright red because he's upset that he's offended you.
44:42 Speaker 01 It was just a funny reaction.
44:44 Speaker 00 Anyway, it's time for audience interaction, Mum.
44:46 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm ready, I'm ready.
44:48 Speaker 00 Thank you for all your messages and voice notes. A reminder that you can always text or WhatsApp us on O seven seven three one six two three three five five. That's O seven seven three one six two three three five five. Or you can email podcast at rangavi.com. And don't forget, if you haven't already, please like and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Uh, first up, we have got a voice note from Ray.
45:10 Speaker 06 Hi Shanthi and Romesh, my name is Ray and me and my boyfriend Joel love your podcast.
45:14 Speaker 00 Thank you.
45:15 Speaker 06 And are obsessed with our queen Shanthi.
45:16 Speaker 00 Oh fuck off.
45:17 Speaker 06 I'm wondering if you guys could give us some advice. So we live in a flat next door to a lovely old lady with a very loud chihuahua that we are obsessed with. If we don't hear her barking through the wall, we genuinely miss it. And every time we see her in public, it literally feels like seeing a celebrity. We're such fangirls and we've always wanted to tell our neighbour that we'd love to look after her chihuahua or walk her if she ever needs help. But we're scared that we might seem a bit creepy. Do you think we should ask? And if so, how do we ask?
45:47 Speaker 00 Okay, so thank you, Ray, for your message. And I'm so glad that you love mum so much. Um, chihuahuas, do you like chihuahuas, mum?
45:56 Speaker 02 Yes, the little dog.
45:57 Speaker 00 The little tiny one. Chihuahuas are smallest dog, right?
45:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:01 Speaker 00 Well, they, are they bigger or smaller than the one that Sheridan had?
46:04 Speaker 02 Smaller one, smaller one.
46:05 Speaker 00 No, but Sheridan had like a, what did she have? A griffin. That looked smaller to me. The chihuahua is the world's smallest recognised dog breed.
46:13 Speaker 02 Why? How come you didn't know? You've got two dogs.
46:16 Speaker 00 Yeah.
46:16 Speaker 02 Chihuahua is a small dog?
46:18 Speaker 00 I know that mum, but what's that got to do with it? But, but did you see Sheridan's dog when she came on? It's like that. Tiny.
46:27 Speaker 02 How can a dog like that, how does it poo and wee?
46:30 Speaker 00 Ah, it's little tiny arsehole.
46:40 Speaker 02 This size.
46:41 Speaker 00 It was this, guys, I might, although it was a puppy, but she said it's not gonna get that much bigger than that. Really, really small. Um, do you like little dogs like that?
46:48 Speaker 02 I do, I do.
46:49 Speaker 00 You should get one. Do you know what would be a really good look for you is having a little dog in a handbag that you carried around with you? That would complete your queen state. Okay, I'm just saying, it would be cool.
46:58 Speaker 02 If I have an open house.
46:59 Speaker 00 Yeah. What does that mean?
47:00 Speaker 02 Open house means some space, veranda and things like that.
47:05 Speaker 00 I think you've got enough space, mum.
47:07 Speaker 02 Where the hell am I going to put the dog?
47:08 Speaker 00 Mum, you, you, your house is for a family of four. You're in there on your own. How much more space do you need?
47:14 Speaker 02 Need more space? I, I like a conservatory. Then I can have the dog, yeah.
47:19 Speaker 00 Okay, well, that's my, I will look forward to the invoice. Um, how should Ray approach looking, if?
47:27 Speaker 02 Will you look after him when I go on holiday?
47:30 Speaker 00 Will I look after what?
47:31 Speaker 02 The dog?
47:32 Speaker 00 Probably not, no.
47:33 Speaker 02 Ah, there you are. Who do I leave the dog with?
47:36 Speaker 00 There are places when Lisa and I go on holiday.
47:38 Speaker 02 I'm not that rich to leave and pay for that.
47:42 Speaker 00 Okay.
47:42 Speaker 02 Okay.
47:43 Speaker 04 What would you call it though? What would you call it, Shanthi?
47:45 Speaker 02 I don't know, darling. I can't get the name.
47:48 Speaker 00 Sylvie?
47:49 Speaker 02 No.
47:52 Speaker 00 That was a very, that was an incredibly niche call, but only absolute mega fans of this podcast will get that.
48:00 Speaker 02 Answer that.
48:01 Speaker 00 Um, I don't think, Ray, I, I, I'm loath to say this because you're a big fan of the podcast and mum in particular. I don't think you can ask that question.
48:13 Speaker 02 No.
48:14 Speaker 00 I, I, I, I think that, okay, you can ask that question, but I don't, I think the way you phrase it is this. I think you say to your neighbour, if on the off chance you ever needed somebody to look after your dog, we would love to be the people that did that for you. Okay? But what I don't think, I think that's fine. And then if she needs somebody to look after her dog, then she, she can lend, she'll think about you. What I don't think you can do is say, can we please look after your dog? Because I think that, I just think it puts a bit of a social pressure on her and people are really particular about their dogs. Like if somebody.
48:50 Speaker 02 Shall I say something?
48:51 Speaker 00 I'd love you to.
48:51 Speaker 02 You should get friendly with that person. You build up the trust first because dogs are expensive. If you don't bring the dog back or you sell it to some, be friendly with her first.
49:05 Speaker 02 It's happening all around the world.
49:07 Speaker 00 Yeah.
49:08 Speaker 02 So get friendly with her, bake a cake and give it to her and be friendly. She will offer it. Can you look after the dog, my dear?
49:17 Speaker 00 Okay, fine.
49:18 Speaker 02 That's what you should do.
49:19 Speaker 00 That's, it's Ray, bake her a cake.
49:23 Speaker 02 Darling, when you go and ask her first, shall I do your shopping? Do you want anything?
49:28 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay. But I don't think you should do that just so that you get her dog. That's a bit mercenary, isn't it?
49:32 Speaker 02 They are not trying to get the dog. They they they want to help her.
49:36 Speaker 00 Hmm.
49:36 Speaker 02 That's that's the reason.
49:37 Speaker 00 They don't want, no, that's not why they want to do it.
49:39 Speaker 02 They don't want to help her. They're happy when you ask for the dog.
49:43 Speaker 00 Well, this is the point I'm making, Mum. They want to look after the dog because they love the dog. They're not doing it because of a sense of.
49:47 Speaker 02 Then get a dog for yourself.
49:48 Speaker 00 Okay, well, there you go. I wish you'd arrived at that conclusion earlier.
49:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
49:51 Speaker 00 Um, I I got introduced, I was walking the dogs the other morning. One of our neighbours introduced, I don't really talk to, do you talk to your neighbours much? No, not really. Do you talk to your neighbours much? I mean, I know you've had an issue with your. Oh, yeah.
50:02 Speaker 02 Yeah.
50:03 Speaker 00 One of your neighbours shouted at Georgia, right? Hmm. Hmm. Well, do you talk to your neighbours? No, not much. So I got, one of our neighbours, I was walking the dogs the other morning, and she introduced herself to me. We had like a nice little chat. Don't normally do stuff like that, but it felt quite good.
50:17 Speaker 02 They do. They do. They do. I mean, you you don't smile. I'm I'm surprised that she spoke to you.
50:26 Speaker 00 Okay.
50:26 Speaker 02 Hmm.
50:27 Speaker 00 Thank you. Well, it was supposed to be a light story, but there we go. Give myself another hang up to add to the collection. Okay, our next one is an email from Rana. I'm going to be reading this, Mum.
50:39 Speaker 02 Okay.
50:40 Speaker 00 Unless you want to read it.
50:41 Speaker 02 No.
50:42 Speaker 00 Hi, Romesh.
50:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
50:44 Speaker 00 I wanted to ask, oh my God, what is this? I wanted to ask if you could dispense five liquids from your hand with each finger dispensing a different liquid. What the fuck is this? What would they be and why? Love the show. And hello, Shanthi. Thanks, Rana.
51:01 Speaker 02 Hi, Rana. That's a good question, darling.
51:03 Speaker 00 Is it?
51:05 Speaker 00 Is it?
51:05 Speaker 02 I'm very proud of you to put that question. Good.
51:11 Speaker 02 Answer it.
51:14 Speaker 00 I think one of them, you'd have to be water, wouldn't it?
51:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:18 Speaker 00 That makes sense, doesn't it? Uh, still or sparkling?
51:24 Speaker 02 Sparkling.
51:24 Speaker 00 I'm not gonna do two fingers to give the option, that'd be, that's a crazy way, that's a waste. Um, so I'd go sparkling water at the thumb.
51:32 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
51:34 Speaker 00 Hmm. Black coffee?
51:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:39 Speaker 00 Uh, Ribman, holy fuck, hot sauce?
51:44 Speaker 02 Hmm. What am I going to do with the hot sauce? You are not eating.
51:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, I am.
51:50 Speaker 02 She's asking for liquid, isn't it?
51:52 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's a liquid.
51:52 Speaker 02 Hot sauce is, it's not a, that's not a liquid, that's a sauce.
51:56 Speaker 00 Do you want some seasoning?
51:58 Speaker 02 And same to you, my sonah.
52:03 Speaker 00 That's what I'm doing. I'm putting hot sauce on the food. Do you want some over here?
52:09 Speaker 00 Do you want some on your side dish?
52:10 Speaker 02 No.
52:11 Speaker 00 Mum, what else would you like?
52:12 Speaker 02 No, thank you.
52:15 Speaker 00 Um.
52:17 Speaker 00 Oh, liquid.
52:18 Speaker 02 Sanitizer?
52:19 Speaker 00 That's not a bad shout.
52:20 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:21 Speaker 00 Sanitizer.
52:22 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
52:23 Speaker 00 Uh, and then finally.
52:28 Speaker 00 I just had the thought of what it was gonna be, a moisturizer.
52:31 Speaker 02 Only four, isn't it?
52:33 Speaker 00 Only four what?
52:34 Speaker 02 Forget the sauce, that doesn't count.
52:36 Speaker 00 It does count, that's what I want.
52:38 Speaker 02 Okay.
52:39 Speaker 00 What would you have in your five fingers?
52:40 Speaker 02 No, uh, she didn't ask me the question.
52:42 Speaker 00 I'm asking you.
52:43 Speaker 02 Uh, I don't know, orange juice?
52:45 Speaker 00 Orange juice, okay, what else?
52:47 Speaker 02 That's it.
52:48 Speaker 00 Orange juice out of all five?
52:51 Speaker 02 No, I'm filling it in, in your fingers.
52:54 Speaker 00 In my fingers?
52:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:57 Speaker 00 Orange juice?
52:57 Speaker 02 Orange juice, that's it.
52:58 Speaker 00 Hmm. I'd like, I, I used to, when I was a kid, I used to love the idea of like ice cream coming out of your finger. Would you eat an ice cream if it came out of my finger?
53:06 Speaker 01 Out of your finger?
53:07 Speaker 00 Yeah.
53:08 Speaker 01 Or directly into my mouth, or?
53:10 Speaker 00 No, I put it into a cone.
53:12 Speaker 01 Uh. Wouldn't be my first choice?
53:14 Speaker 00 No, I'm not asking if it'd be your first choice, I'm asking would you eat it? If it went like that.
53:21 Speaker 00 And then the flake came from somewhere else.
53:27 Speaker 00 No, would you eat ice cream?
53:28 Speaker 02 Why do I?
53:28 Speaker 00 Would you eat ice cream if it came out of my body? It's a very simple question.
53:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, okay. Would you?
53:34 Speaker 01 If it was hot?
53:35 Speaker 02 No.
53:35 Speaker 00 No, if it was hot?
53:37 Speaker 01 It's like a hot day.
53:37 Speaker 00 Oh, right, yeah. Will, would you eat ice cream from my body?
53:40 Speaker 05 From your body or?
53:41 Speaker 00 No, not off my body, but yeah, but.
53:44 Speaker 05 No, then.
53:45 Speaker 00 I'd produce from my body.
53:46 Speaker 01 He's saying he'll put it in a cone?
53:48 Speaker 05 Yeah, in a cone, maybe, yeah.
53:49 Speaker 01 Do we have to watch you do it, or could you just deliver it to us?
53:52 Speaker 00 I think, watch me do it with unbroken eye contact. Does that make it weirder or?
53:57 Speaker 05 I prefer that, actually.
53:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, there you go. Uh, John, would you eat ice cream that I'd secreted?
54:03 Speaker 04 It's horrible. Yeah, I would though, yeah.
54:04 Speaker 00 Yeah, good, there you go.
54:05 Speaker 05 You'd have petrol coming out of your finger.
54:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's true.
54:08 Speaker 00 That's good.
54:08 Speaker 04 Oh, that's a good shout. That's a money saver.
54:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
54:15 Speaker 01 If you urinated out of your finger, would that be better?
54:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
54:18 Speaker 00 Um.
54:19 Speaker 04 Better?
54:20 Speaker 00 Would that be better? Why would it be better?
54:22 Speaker 01 In my head, it means you could discreetly do it without having to go to the toilet.
54:26 Speaker 00 It feels less discreet than having a penis, doesn't it?
54:33 Speaker 01 No, I just think you could put it in a bottle, like you could be just like.
54:36 Speaker 00 Oh, right, you go, yeah, no, go, carry on.
54:40 Speaker 00 And then you've got a bottle of piss with you for the number of times I've been out and about. And I've thought, I wish I had a bottle of piss on me.
54:50 Speaker 04 Shanthi, if you could wee out of your finger, would you, would you wee out of your finger?
54:54 Speaker 00 Actually, do you know what? We're being a bit, because we're all men here.
54:57 Speaker 02 It's a bit difficult.
54:57 Speaker 00 No, but women might find that.
54:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
55:00 Speaker 00 Yeah, might find that useful.
55:01 Speaker 02 Men can go.
55:02 Speaker 00 Because then you can piss anywhere.
55:03 Speaker 04 Hmm, right.
55:04 Speaker 00 Literally, mum could go like that. No, carry on, darling.
55:08 Speaker 00 Do you know what I mean?
55:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
55:09 Speaker 00 Whereas normally after, I don't know what you do, but.
55:11 Speaker 04 So I think, well, I feel like women get annoyed because men can.
55:13 Speaker 02 Can go anywhere easily.
55:15 Speaker 00 Because, but they've got she-wees, haven't they?
55:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
55:18 Speaker 04 But have they, though?
55:19 Speaker 00 No, but, you know, you can get she-wees, can't you? But you have to, you have to carry around with you.
55:23 Speaker 02 For ladies, they're just got down to, and insect might go in.
55:29 Speaker 01 You've got a third question?
55:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, please. Thank you, Ben. Uh, the next one is a voice note from Brooke.
55:37 Speaker 06 Shanthi and Romesh, a huge fan of the show.
55:40 Speaker 00 Thank you.
55:40 Speaker 06 Transparently only found you guys about two weeks ago and I'm a little bit obsessed. It's all I've listened to and I'm quite picky with my podcast choices. Um, I, the first episode I listened to was the AI phone conversation and the desert island. Question, which I was thoroughly enjoying. I was about 10 minutes in and I had to take my son, my 13 year old son somewhere. And I'm sure that you're going to agree that it's wholly inappropriate, but he listened along with me and. Whilst I was wiping my hysterical tears of laughter from my cheek, I turned around to see that he was doing exactly the same. So.
56:16 Speaker 00 Oh, that's nice.
56:16 Speaker 06 Us big fans.
56:17 Speaker 00 Cross generational filth.
56:19 Speaker 06 My question, which is for both of you.
56:21 Speaker 00 Okay.
56:21 Speaker 06 Um, Shanthi, having raised your very own, I think you've actually raised two of them, 13 year old. Boys, is there any advice? Um, having never been one myself, I'm finding it quite tricky to navigate. So anything that you could advise me so that one day maybe I can have a relationship with my son where. We're also recording a podcast and he's threatening to smash me over the head with a Kindle. That's the kind of vibe I'm going for. Um, and Romesh, any do's and don'ts for me? Anything that stands out that I should absolutely not be doing or saying? Um, or anything that you would encourage me to do to, you know, get us all through the next few years. Um, thank you and I love you guys.
57:06 Speaker 00 Thank you, Brooke. Um, when people quote back to you things that have been said on this, it's quite a horrible. It's a horrible mirror to look into, isn't it? Um, Mum, for Brooke, thank you. What a lovely, what a thank you. Discover the podcast is good. Uh, and to your teenage boy as well. Um, Mum, you've raised two teenagers.
57:27 Speaker 00 Any advice?
57:27 Speaker 02 I must, uh.
57:30 Speaker 02 Brooke, that when I had problem, three of us left behind. We didn't know what to do. And we were very friendly and started watching comedy films and things to keep us happy. And the friendship is grew and I love them. First, you have to get friendly with your boys. And I love them with all my heart because I didn't have any siblings. When the baby arrived, they were everything to me. But you have to create the relationship with them. It's in your head. You should speak very clever and listen to them all the time, what they want, what they need. And don't just ignore them when they ask you something and answer them.
58:14 Speaker 02 And you can do the same thing like what I do. I love the boy, both boys. It's difficult sometimes because I was suffering so much. But still, I regret now. I wanted to give so much love because I had so much problem. But they turned out to be such a good behavior, loving boys that God has given me. I must tell you that.
58:42 Speaker 00 Really, really nice advice, Mum. Tied up beautifully. Brooke.
58:50 Speaker 00 I think, I mean, look, I'm not, we've got two teenagers in our house at the moment and one pre-teen. But I think that, um.
59:03 Speaker 00 I think the key is to, I think there's a lot of things, but I think to be friends with them is good. I think I'm very lucky to have a lot of common interests with the boys and that sort of helps. You know, it helps with your relationships and stuff like that. And we chat a lot about stuff that isn't to do with parenting and stuff. And I think forming that relationship, but then for them to also know. Because I think sometimes you can be friends with them and then they don't.
59:29 Speaker 00 Understand that what the relationship is, but but also for them to know what your expectations are. I think you can be friends with your kids, but have high expectations of them in terms of their behaviour and their conduct. And they know them knowing that there are certain things that are non-negotiables in terms of the way they speak to you, in terms of the way they speak to other people. And I think showing your kids a lot of love, I'm sure you're doing that, but showing your kids a lot of love. I think kids will accept any level of discipline from you or any level of kind of bollocking or whatever you wanna call it. As long as they feel like you love them and you've got their best interests at heart. I really think that goes a long way. And and our boys know that, I hope. And so when I'm having a go at one of them for something they've done, they kind of they accept it because
1:00:11 Speaker 00 they know that the reason I'm saying that, the reason that Lisa and I are talking to them like that is because we we're trying to guide them in the right way. So I think all of those things are really, really helpful. I do think also with teenage boys, what's important to them is different to what's important to us at our age as parents. You know, they're so tied up in their identity, they're so tied up in what other people think of them. They're so tied up in the changes they're going through and navigating the world. I I do think that whatever your kids come to you with, you have to treat that with
1:00:42 Speaker 02 Respect.
1:00:43 Speaker 00 Respect and ultimate importance, because even sometimes I think parents fall into the trap of a kid says something to them about, I'm really worried about this, this thing happened at school, and they go, well, that's not a big deal. But to them, it is a big deal and you have to treat it appropriately. And I think dismissing your kids about things that you don't think are big deals are the reason, are the road to them no longer telling you about those things. And and I think that, you know, your kids will have issues and I think what you want is to build up enough trust that whatever their problem is, they'll come and speak to you about it. But, you know.
1:01:15 Speaker 02 Can I add something?
1:01:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, please do. I'd love you to.
1:01:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, because Dad gave me an advice. You know, always I wanted the boys to be doctors or engineers or whatever.
1:01:26 Speaker 00 Fucking hell.
1:01:26 Speaker 02 My my husband, I'm so grateful to him. He said, let them do what they want to be. You don't advise them, you should be a doctor or you should be an accountant or. Uh, if you say that, you are going to. Hurt their feelings. They are clever. They are very clever. Do something like you become a comedian. Uh, so listen to them carefully and support them whatever they want to do. And they will be very successful and a happy human being.
1:02:01 Speaker 00 Really? Wow. Do you know what?
1:02:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:02:05 Speaker 00 Beautiful what you just did. That might be one of the best things you've ever done in this podcast and it's a high bar.
1:02:10 Speaker 02 Was I bad all these time?
1:02:11 Speaker 00 Not bad, but not as good as that. Uh, okay. That is about all we got time for. Thank you so much to all, all of you for your emails and messages. We're going to be back on Monday with another exciting guest. Don't miss it. And if you haven't already, please like and subscribe wherever you get your podcast. Uh, Mum, do you want to say goodbye?
1:02:29 Speaker 02 Yes, darling. Thank you so much for watching us and supporting us. I'm so grateful. I do pray for you all, all whoever who listens. I do say prayers for everybody. Thank you so much. The questions you ask, it motivate me and help me to live and be happy. And I love you all so much. God bless you.
1:02:51 Speaker 00 Thank you so much for listening. Tongue a crack, bitches.
1:02:56 Speaker 04 It was such a nice ending.
1:02:58 Speaker 00 Do we get one more? Get in my son to finish it?
1:03:00 Speaker 04 Yeah. Nice.
1:03:00 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah. Don't do it. One more. Come on, England. Get in my son.
1:03:04 Speaker 02 Come on, England. Get in my son.
1:03:06 Speaker 00 And then can you just, can you, can you just shout invert those full backs?
1:03:10 Speaker 02 No.
1:03:10 Speaker 00 Okay. Peace out, motherfuckers. Yo, thanks for watching and listening to the Romesh Ranganathan Show. Sup, y'all. It's genuinely lovely that so many of you keep coming back, but I'm hearing rumours, naive hearsay and conjecture that some of you haven't subscribed yet. If you haven't, now's the time. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss episodes. We've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. Monday's a big guest conversations where we talk about what they're up to and have a laugh. And Thursday's a me and my mum, Shanthi, answering your questions and family dilemmas as well as burning off any self-esteem I've got knocking about. We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest and then Mum will be back to give some great advice on Thursday, playing fast and loose with the word great.
1:03:54 Speaker 00 If you've got a problem, a story or a family dilemma, send it to [email protected] , voice note or text us on 07731 623355. That's 07731 623355. We love getting you involved and you might hear yourself in a future episode. Plus, it means less content for us to generate. See you next time.
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1:04:47 Speaker 06 Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite? Uh, Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.
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