We FINALLY Read Your Emails!

Can we fix the email problem? This week's Thursday episode is an Email Special, where we finally catch up with some of your unanswered messages. From family feuds over cats and awkward sex talks to relationship arguments, the pair call people out, offer advice and revisit the infamous “tortoise eating your ding dong” debate. Romesh also addresses complaints about eating on the podcast (don't worry we mute him) and Shanthi gets duped by AI and TikTok. Plus there's a failed attempt to pitch to M&S. With Shanthi being spikey and Romesh getting roasted it's one not to miss. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform. 00:00 Intro 04:53 An email special 05:25 On Ben Elton 07:08 An M&S sponsor attempt 08:17 A serious note from Romesh 09:00 A doctors opinion 10:00 Shanthi has a go 13:39 Some email stats 16:00 Would Romesh be a good model? 16:35 The first email 17:0 Tortoises revisited 20:18 A jingle and an ego bash 23:18 An email about a cat 28:13 Dogs or cats? 29:19 Shanthi’s TikTok finds 32:05 An email about the sex talk 38:26 A couple’s dispute 45:00 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Welcome motherfuckers. It's time for the Romesh Ranganathan episode, Thursday episode of the podcast. It says here, Romesh uses call keyboard to make typing sounds audible. And then do I carry on typing as I read?

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Up to you really.

• 0:16Speaker 00

  Well, it's not up to me, is it? Because I'm following instructions on the thing. So when you put this together, what did you envision?

• 0:24Speaker 01

  That you sort of do a bit of tapping as the sort of intro.

• 0:27Speaker 02

  This is like you are.

• 0:30Speaker 03

  So it's a bit like you're writing an email.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Taking the mic out of.

• 0:33Speaker 00

  Dear listeners on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. I hope this email finds you well. Thank you for your emails, all 6,510 of them. After a long time believing the way I said Rangabi had people not emailing, I want to apologize. Why do I want to apologize? It's not my fault. Sorry, now you're scripting me apologising.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 0:59Speaker 00

  Because I didn't do anything wrong.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Just a quick apology and we move on.

• 1:03Speaker 00

  No, not for me. I'm not apologising.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  Don't be so stubborn, mate.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  You weren't across the emails, let's just move on.

• 1:08Speaker 00

  This isn't my fault, okay. I want to apologize on behalf of Ben Green specifically. He logged into, you've put we logged in, I didn't fucking log into anything. Now I know why this has been scripted like this.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  We logged into the correct inbox.

• 1:22Speaker 00

  We logged into the correct inbox. I didn't, by the way. It was the team, it has nothing to do with me. And it turns out email is still alive and well. We appreciate you and all your emails. Sorry, what is this? As well as Ben.

• 1:37Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, yeah, keep going.

• 1:39Speaker 00

  Okay. As well as Ben, I am sorry. Oh, no. And in a lot of ways, the whole team is to blame, I agree with that.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Hang on.

• 1:49Speaker 00

  Ben, this is just you, isn't it?

• 1:51Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 1:53Speaker 00

  As in, why are you throwing us all under the bus?

• 1:54Speaker 01

  No, no, I'm just saying, as a collective, we're all sorry.

• 1:56Speaker 00

  Well, I've not seen mum's name mentioned in this at all.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Well, she's part of the team.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  Are you sorry, Shanti?

• 2:03Speaker 02

  I am sorry.

• 2:03Speaker 00

  For what?

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Don't be so.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  No, tell me what you're sorry about. Okay, you're accepting that you're sorry.

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Explain to me what you're apologising for.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Because we didn't receive the email on the right box.

• 2:14Speaker 00

  No, that's not true. We got the emails to the right box. Somebody, Ben Green, was looking in the wrong box.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Need to do surnames.

• 2:22Speaker 00

  And now he's trying to put it onto all of us.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Put the blame on us?

• 2:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:26Speaker 02

  I don't mind taking the blame. Everybody makes mistakes.

• 2:30Speaker 00

  But not, let me be clear. Everybody does make mistakes, but not everybody has made this mistake.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  I think we just need to put it behind us and this is like, this must be a positive, like, let's move forward.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  Well, I've not seen you, you've not apologised.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  I apologised a lot last week.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  There you are.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  In a lot of ways, how is the whole team to blame, though? That's what I don't understand. Because what? Tell me how the whole team's to blame.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Promised Ranganathan show.

• 2:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  Why didn't you correct them?

• 2:56Speaker 00

  How am I, mum, every week, we got one email. So what am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to say, oh, sorry, dumb fuck? Are you definitely looking in the right inbox? I assume that would be happening.

• 3:08Speaker 02

  You know, in English vocabulary, you know all the filth.

• 3:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Except that the good words.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Where the hell did you learn?

• 3:15Speaker 00

  Where do you think?

• 3:18Speaker 00

  Do you, do you think you?

• 3:21Speaker 02

  I never used them at home.

• 3:22Speaker 00

  When I was six months old, you taught me all the swear words alongside the presidents of the countries.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  I never did, I never did.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  And you said, this is motherfucker. Can you say it? Motherfucker.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Asshole.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Anyway, the point is, Ben looked in the wrong inbox. And he has now scripted this opening to the episode in order to try and put the blame on all of us.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  Please keep emailing in. Look forward to hearing from you. Live long and reply strong. Best wishes, Romesh. Please keep emailing in. We love our listeners, don't we, Mum?

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Of course we do. Please be nice to them.

• 4:03Speaker 00

  Okay, there's now scripted bit where this is, can I just say, this is incredibly ambitious.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Romy, you're wasting the time.

• 4:11Speaker 00

  Mum, let me say something. There's a bit now, there's a bit now on the autocue, which is not, Mum doesn't have one, by the way. So this is pass the keyboard to Mum, and then Mum is supposed to read the next bit of the autocue while typing.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Well, she can just make it up. That was just a guide.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  Are you fucking high?

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Why does it, you just go, Mum, would you like a go?

• 4:32Speaker 00

  Okay, Mum, would you like a go?

• 4:34Speaker 02

  No, I'm not ready.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Let's move on. Let's move on.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  With me, Shanti.

• 4:52Speaker 04

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 4:56Speaker 04

  Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. Taylor Hansen? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

• 5:15Speaker 04

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  Now, in all seriousness, I know I've been taking the piss out of Ben. The truth is, we're all very sorry about the email cock-up, right? And we thought we only, we only got one email.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  I am sorry as well. I'm so sorry.

• 5:32Speaker 00

  So in order to try and make some sort of attempt to redress what is clearly an oversight, this week is an e-mail special.

• 5:45Speaker 00

  Uh, well, we said this email special, and now immediately we're not, we're not going to talk about emails.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  No, I could move on.

• 5:50Speaker 00

  Well, we'll be getting to some of your emails shortly. Christ almighty. But first, let's talk about this week's Monday episode. On Monday, we had legendary writer and comedian Ben Elton on the podcast. He was a creative force behind Iconic, shows up Blackadder and The Young Ones. He's written bestselling novels, the musical We Will Rock You. I could go on, but that's the end of the list. He's got one simple wish. Mum, can you guess what Ben Elton's one simple wish is?

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Die soon?

• 6:18Speaker 00

  Die soon is correct.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  Isn't true?

• 6:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, he said, he came on, said, thanks for having me on the podcast. Romesh's final wish. I said, Sim, what would you, is there anything you haven't achieved in your career? And he said, I'd love to die soon.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Did he say that?

• 6:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, mad. No, it wasn't this.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Are you kidding?

• 6:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course I'm kidding. Fucking hell, when they come on, you've got to keep it light. I'd like to die soon. It's not the Romesh Ranganathan euthanasia show.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  I don't want him to die soon.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  I want him to do more shows.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  And make us happy.

• 6:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, let's have a look at the clip. My life's loves are language and sparkly tailoring.

• 6:55Speaker 05

  Definitely not me. I don't love sparkly tailoring. I don't love any tailoring. I'm an M and S man. In fact, I'm going to use this opportunity to say an idea I've had.

• 7:03Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 7:04Speaker 05

  I'd like to be an M and S model. I've never done, and I've never done an advert, but I've always loved M and S, right back to when it was St. Michael's in the back of your pants, you know, and I, uh, you know, I don't, the, these are, anyway, all I'm saying is, they had take that, you know, as venerable fifty year olds. Now I'm at mid sixties.

• 7:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:22Speaker 05

  And all I'm saying is, you know.

• 7:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, Marks and Spencer's, if you, if you could get in touch, I actually think you'd be a great shout for this. Anyway, he wants to be an M and S model. You could be quite good.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  Why not? Why not? He looks good for a day.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  He does look good. Does look good. What do you think?

• 7:36Speaker 02

  And he's got a wonderful skin though.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  What do you think's the best thing about M and S, Mum?

• 7:41Speaker 02

  I love their food to begin with.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  Do you know what I really love?

• 7:46Speaker 00

  Percy pigs. They are so delicious. I could eat them all day.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Get fat.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  No, if you eat that thing whole day long, you will get fat.

• 8:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm not saying I'm going to eat it all day long, but when you do, I could do though, but they're so bloody delicious. Percy pigs, who's with me?

• 8:09Speaker 00

  Me.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Ah, I love it as well. I love it as well.

• 8:12Speaker 05

  Who throws on to the animals?

• 8:14Speaker 00

  No, it's all right. Let's see if I can get you.

• 8:16Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 8:17Speaker 00

  Now, are you ready?

• 8:18Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  Oh my god. Flip it out. Oh, you are so good, Romy. Love it. Okay.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Also the throw, Shanti.

• 8:36Speaker 00

  It was actually me that did the throw. But Shanti said, well, then, Romy, I'm not getting my credit. We gave you credit for the email. Fuck up, you idiot.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Fair.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  Actually, I do wanna take this opportunity to say something quite serious, if you don't mind. Guys, if you don't mind.

• 8:53Speaker 00

  A lot of people have been getting in touch, saying that I'm too horrible to Ben. And he's been upset on occasion. And I do wanna take this opportunity to say that he is a very good friend of mine. And it's all said in jest. So if any of you are offended by the way that I talk to Ben, and you think that he might be upset over, fucking grow up, alright?

• 9:13Speaker 02

  And fuck off.

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, and fuck off.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  That's what he's there for. He's a piece of shit.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  Ah, here we go.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Stop it.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  No, I love Ben. He knows that.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. And there's some, one of the, while you're talking about this, one of the doctors said it seems, oh, he, Romy, he has been horrible to his mother, the podcast.

• 9:36Speaker 00

  What doctor?

• 9:38Speaker 02

  From Brisbane or somewhere.

• 9:39Speaker 00

  One doctor from, what, mum?

• 9:41Speaker 02

  One doctor, I, I found out from one of my friends.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  Some doctor from Brisbane?

• 9:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay? And I just wanted to let you know, let everybody know, you respect me in every way. I have no problem you telling things or talking to me like that. I can take it. I enjoy it, alright?

• 10:04Speaker 00

  So this is sort of becoming an intervention, like I'm some sort of monster?

• 10:07Speaker 02

  That's what I don't want them to think.

• 10:09Speaker 01

  We all enjoy, all the team say that as well.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  I enjoy it, Charlie. Otherwise, it'll be boring, really boring.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  We, yeah.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  We appreciate.

• 10:18Speaker 02

  Because I use this opportunity, I let them, I wanted to let them know.

• 10:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  You, sometimes you do say things, but I don't mind. I don't mind at all.

• 10:29Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Only thing worries me when you don't visit me, okay? That fucks me up, okay? Why don't you make your mother happy? You don't know what will happen tomorrow. So my mother's wish, you should always oblige.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  Mum, mum, I respect you.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  But I, it doesn't mean I should do whatever you want to do. You're not my, that's not how a mother-son relationship works. I respect you, I wanna do things for you, but that doesn't mean I do everything you say, that's mental. Who are you, Kim Jong-un?

• 11:01Speaker 02

  I remember a long time ago, we were organising a Christmas.

• 11:05Speaker 00

  How is this M and S bit going, by the way?

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Shut up, shut up, Ramit. Christmas dinner. You were telling me, this is twenty twenty, I think.

• 11:13Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  You said, oh, we have already booked to go somewhere to have Christmas. What does the Christmas mean? What does it mean?

• 11:21Speaker 00

  A birthday, a Christmas.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  We all work whole year.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  That, the special.

• 11:26Speaker 00

  Mum, one Christmas in forty-eight, I went away. I went, one Christmas, I wasn't here.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  You came to us after that, after the argument.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Shall we get, shall we get some emails? No, no, I need to, we need to deal with this, Ben, we haven't got time, we haven't got time to do emails now, sorry.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Email special.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  Email special is cancelled, right, so.

• 11:45Speaker 00

  One Christmas, we were away. I don't think that's a big deal.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  It is a big deal for me.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  I think you're being unreasonable.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  No, no. I love to see my son.

• 11:54Speaker 00

  You can't say no, I think you're being unreasonable.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  I am not unreasonable.

• 11:58Speaker 00

  I, doesn't matter whether you don't think it, I'm telling you, I think you're being.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  Don't you feel inside your heart? Oh, I'll make my mum's happy.

• 12:06Speaker 00

  Mum, I try to make you happy all the time.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I will, I will keep on trying to change you, though.

• 12:13Speaker 00

  This is, what do you mean, keep trying to change me?

• 12:15Speaker 02

  I mean, whenever I ask, now I have been asking, Kim, your date, we'll have a nice lunch, all the family.

• 12:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I said to you.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  If you don't give me the date, I will kill you.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Okay, that's another time she's, that's another threat on my life, okay?

• 12:34Speaker 02

  It is, yeah.

• 12:35Speaker 00

  All right.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Because it was.

• 12:37Speaker 00

  Mum, would you like to try an eclair?

• 12:42Speaker 00

  We've got M and S eclairs, Mum.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  No, no, I don't want to try it in front of the camera.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  Do you want them later?

• 12:46Speaker 02

  Chocolate, yeah, I'll have it later, yeah. I'll give you one. I'll give one to myself.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  I can't eat those.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 12:53Speaker 00

  Because they've got dairy in them.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  But you enjoy.

• 12:58Speaker 02

  I will enjoy, definitely.

• 12:58Speaker 00

  You're not going to do it on the podcast?

• 13:00Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  Uh, all right, M and S, get in touch if you'd like us to sponsor you. What we can offer is a brief talk about the product and then a fairly awkward conversation about me going around to see my mum.

• 13:13Speaker 02

  You can go as a model.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  We'd probably want them to sponsor us, wouldn't we?

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 00

  What did I say?

• 13:18Speaker 01

  You, we, we would sponsor them.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Sponsor them.

• 13:19Speaker 00

  Oh, sorry, no, could you sponsor us? I think, to be honest with you, us sponsoring them is more likely. This branch of M and S is brought to you by the Romesh Ranganathan Podcast.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 13:31Speaker 00

  Uh, okay, thank you so much for all your messages, voice notes, and did I mention email? They are brilliant. We've heard from listeners in Australia, New Zealand, Sweden, South Africa, Ireland, Canada, Poland, the UAE and Sri Lanka. You don't need me to tell you, but in case it's your first time here, as always, you can text or WhatsApp us on 07731 623355, or you can send us an email on [email protected]. The podcast email inbox is

• 13:57Speaker 00

  fire.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  Some of this is the podcast email inbox is fire.

• 14:04Speaker 01

  There's lots going on.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  So this week, we're having an exciting email special. We're going to start with, what is this? We're going to start with some stats. Okay, what the fuck are we doing?

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Do you want some email-based stats?

• 14:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, go on. Oh, I've got some, I've got a stat for you. Uh, up until last week, what percentage of the time was Ben checking the wrong inbox? Answer, 100. What percentage of the actual emails did Ben see up until last week? 0.00000001. What email-based stats do you have for us?

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Okay, 47% of the people who emailed in, let's not do that one, 32% of the emails.

• 14:50Speaker 00

  Just finish the email, what is it?

• 14:51Speaker 01

  32% of the emails had the subject line, here's your second email.

• 14:55Speaker 00

  Forty seven percent.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  No, thirty two percent.

• 14:57Speaker 00

  Thirty two percent, so here's your second email.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's quite a few double emailers.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  Okay, go on.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  Uh, nine percent of the emails are from people who were angry about eating, uh, monster munch.

• 15:07Speaker 00

  Oh, go fuck yourself.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  We've just realised we've also done it with Percy pigs.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, what's wrong with mon- mon- monster munch?

• 15:13Speaker 00

  They've not got an issue with monster munch. People don't like people eating on podcasts.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  So you asked me, do you eat this, uh, chocolate de clear?

• 15:22Speaker 00

  I d- I didn't, I wasn't doing it to sabotage you.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  You were?

• 15:25Speaker 00

  I wasn't. Also, monster munch is a lot noisier than...

• 15:28Speaker 02

  Oh, right.

• 15:29Speaker 00

  You're in a real shitty mood today, brother.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  I'm not in a shitty mood.

• 15:31Speaker 00

  You're being quite spiky.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  I'm using the, I'm u- no, I'm calm from age. I'm very calm. I meditated this morning.

• 15:38Speaker 00

  You meditated this morning?

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Yes, yes. I will be nice to my loving son.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  Okay, when do you think that meditation will fully take effect? Okay, uh, what, any other stats?

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Um, I'd say about ninety five percent were saying how great Shanti was.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  Okay, you've just freestyled that. You're not even looking at the thing.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  It says ninety five percent. Estimated ninety five percent.

• 16:03Speaker 00

  Estimated, that's quite good, isn't it?

• 16:04Speaker 01

  A comment on.

• 16:05Speaker 00

  I might just have another Percy pig.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  Wait, you are annoyed at you?

• 16:09Speaker 00

  This is terrible.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Promised you were such a good person.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  We're gonna get murdered.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  John, he's, he's so blessed by God.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  There's no menace at all.

• 16:26Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Wait, finish your mouthful first.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course, yeah.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  You were saying before that Ron would be a good model for M and S.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  You will be man. I, the way you stand, the way you do your hair, so many people have complimented and said to me that your son is so handsome.

• 16:44Speaker 00

  Great, thank you.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  He could be a model. I am not making it up. It's a truth. I don't lie. Okay?

• 16:52Speaker 00

  No. Sometimes I wish you would, yes?

• 16:54Speaker 01

  There's a lot of comments about how great you're looking. Genuinely, that's actually not true.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  That wasn't, no, it's true. That's genuinely not true.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  I'm quite tired today, sorry.

• 17:04Speaker 00

  Shall we do the first email?

• 17:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yes, yes.

• 17:09Speaker 00

  Hope you enjoyed the email special.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:11Speaker 00

  Hello, I'm a big fan of the podcast and always look forward to the episodes, both with guests and Shanti. Following on from your misquoted game, I thought I'd share a drawing I did inspired by my favourite quote from Ram and Shanti. I often draw when watching the pod, and one day this happened to inspire this silly little drawing. Hope it makes you smile like your podcast does me. All the best, Indy. Let's have a look. Are you prepared to lose your ding-dongs? To what? Tortoises?

• 17:34Speaker 02

  Tortoises, yeah.

• 17:34Speaker 00

  This is when you thought that in the ocean, there were tortoises that eat your dick.

• 17:37Speaker 02

  Tortoises there, yeah. This is lovely.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  It's lovely.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, because I was looking after your vital part, that's why I said that.

• 17:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay. Don't ever say that again. Have you done any more? Did we find out if there are any tortoises in the ocean?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  There, there must be.

• 17:54Speaker 01

  Turtles.

• 17:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think you were thinking of turtles, Mum.

• 17:57Speaker 02

  Oh, maybe I used the wrong word.

• 18:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, you definitely did.

• 18:04Speaker 00

  You did. It's turtles.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Because back home, one of the guy lost it.

• 18:08Speaker 00

  His dick to a turtle.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not making it up. He had to live without the dick. I don't know what he did after that for bang, bang.

• 18:18Speaker 00

  Is this a true story?

• 18:19Speaker 02

  It is a true story. He went to wash his ass.

• 18:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  And something bit.

• 18:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  And...

• 18:25Speaker 00

  How did he know it was a turtle?

• 18:27Speaker 02

  I, I thought maybe crocodile is too big, he would have taken the whole lot, isn't it? He's only a bit gone.

• 18:33Speaker 00

  Right.

• 18:34Speaker 02

  So...

• 18:34Speaker 00

  So basically, a crocodile, so did he actually see the turtle?

• 18:39Speaker 02

  How can I go and ask?

• 18:41Speaker 00

  No, but at the time, when you heard the story,

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:44Speaker 00

  Did he say, "A turtle has bitten my dick off"?

• 18:48Speaker 02

  That's what the people said.

• 18:50Speaker 00

  What people?

• 18:52Speaker 02

  The people live around my area.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  They said a turtle has eaten his dick.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, turtle, Amma, Amma, Amma is turtle, turtle, Tamil word.

• 18:59Speaker 00

  Amma, Amma, Amma.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Amma, Amma.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  Amma, okay. Amma has eaten his dick.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:07Speaker 00

  And did they see it?

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Why were they filming?

• 19:11Speaker 00

  I'm asking if they see it.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  How do I know? I was only a little girl.

• 19:15Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  If I ask my mother.

• 19:17Speaker 00

  I just think it's.

• 19:18Speaker 02

  Because it's it's to do with the dick. My mum would have slapped me.

• 19:24Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  So I didn't ask any further questions.

• 19:26Speaker 00

  Okay, fine, fine.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  So I I just heard and I kept it to myself.

• 19:30Speaker 00

  You do see, I don't know if they have snapping, you know snapping turtles? And they go.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  That's it, yeah, yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  But, yes. They can apparently eat your dick, is that right?

• 19:40Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  Can we look this up, please?

• 19:42Speaker 01

  What can turtles eat penises?

• 19:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  Uh, to be fair, Ben, that is a good question to fire back at me. What am I asking you to look for? Uh, do turtles, are there any incidents of turtles attacking humans?

• 19:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 20:01Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  They can bite and injure humans. They generally do so only in self defence if they feel threatened or if they mistake fingers for food. But that could be a penis as well.

• 20:10Speaker 00

  It could be a penis, yeah. Certainly mine, it's got a knuckle.

• 20:15Speaker 00

  Okay, what do you think about having your, uh, quote, immortalising artwork, mum?

• 20:21Speaker 02

  It's wonderful. He put a lot of thought into it. And, uh, uh, based on what I said, so I really like it.

• 20:32Speaker 00

  Yes, it's based on what you said.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  Based on what I said, yeah.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  So it's beautiful. Beautiful, my dear. Thank you so much.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  Thank you so much, and thanks for including my words to what?

• 20:44Speaker 00

  Really felt special. Okay.

• 20:48Speaker 00

  Here's our next one, as part of this email special. Are we gonna have like a little, can we get licensing from Macarena?

• 20:56Speaker 01

  No.

• 20:57Speaker 00

  We're just doing emails because it is an email special, doing more emails because it is an email special, doing some emails, it's an email special. Oh, email special, right?

• 21:07Speaker 02

  Don't sing, you can't sing, can you?

• 21:11Speaker 02

  Somebody told me, don't let Romans sing in podcasts.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Follow my face. Try to teach you. You're singing through your nose.

• 21:22Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  But as a mother, I know if you practise. But you can rap well.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Not singing because you take it as a joke. You don't sing properly.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay. You're, uh, Mum, just allow some self-esteem to develop.

• 21:38Speaker 02

  Okay, okay, okay, okay.

• 21:39Speaker 00

  You don't have to, you don't have to pull your pants down and take a shit on my confidence every minute.

• 21:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, definitely don't shit, definitely don't shit on my face.

• 21:54Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by Virgin Red. The team had a question for me this week.

• 21:59Speaker 01

  Um, all right, Rom. So your job is literally to give people an epic night out. You're on stage, people having like the time of their life. But when did someone last give that to you? When did you last sit in an audience or turn up somewhere and just think, yeah, this is brilliant?

• 22:13Speaker 00

  It's a very good point. Thank you so much for asking the question. And obviously, I'm somebody that does deliver epic nights out, you know? I, I don't want to overstate it, but my job is literally to sort of change people's lives through the live experience. Do you know what I mean? They, they come, they watch the show. It's transformative. You know, a lot of people are saying it's transformative.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  It's a comedy show, yeah.

• 22:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a comedy show that, but it's, you know. It's an incredible experience. But sometimes I watch audience members leave and I think to myself, God, I wish I was you. The one curse of being me is that I don't get to watch me. It's sad. Um, and sometimes think, well, maybe I could watch somebody else. Do you know what I mean? But the truth is, a lot of the time you just think, I, I'm not gonna do that. I've got a long list of people that I wanna go see, a long list of artists that I'd love to go and see. A lot of the time I think about I'm gonna go and then I never go. But then every time I do go, it's an amazing experience. The ones I've actually done, you always remember, you talk to your friends about them, you go with your friends. And you just think, I'm so glad I did this. And every time you go to one of those, as you're leaving, you go, we should do this more. But thankfully, Virgin Red rewards include epic experiences, gigs, events, afternoon teas, hotel stays.

• 23:17Speaker 00

  You earn Virgin points from everyday life and redeem them on something genuinely memorable. And honestly, I know better than most what a great live experience feels like from the stage. Turns out it's just as good from the audience. If you want more of those experiences that actually stay with you, the ones worth sharing, Virgin Red is how you make them happen. Say yes. Virgin Red means go. Ready to dive in? Become a member and start unlocking rewards that make life feel a little more epic.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Can I go to one of your gigs?

• 23:43Speaker 00

  No.

• 23:44Speaker 04

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite? Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 23:53Speaker 06

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 23:55Speaker 04

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 23:59Speaker 06

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 24:01Speaker 04

  Try one.

• 24:02Speaker 06

  Mmm.

• 24:06Speaker 06

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 24:09Speaker 00

  There's nothing like it.

• 24:17Speaker 00

  Okay, should we do another email? Hey! Yay! What special? Five years ago.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  This is anonymous. Five years ago, shortly after getting married, my husband convinced me we should get a cat to complete the family. I'd never had a pet and assumed it would be like a fluffy little roommate. Cute, manageable. Wrong. The cat and I did not vibe. I gave it a full year of trying while being silently judged in my own home. My husband adored the cat. The cat adored my husband. I was clearly the third wheel. After many emotional conversations, we made the difficult decision to rehome the cat. My husband was sad, but we moved on. My in-laws, however, have not spoken to me since. Five years. Apparently, I gave away their cat. My husband and I are very happy and very much in love. He's over the cat. His parents are not. What should I do? Uh, so do you get that, Mum? Did you? I read it quite quickly, but do you get the gist?

• 25:08Speaker 02

  I did get that. The cat belongs to the, the, his parents.

• 25:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  Husband parents, is it?

• 25:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's anonymous. His or her. But anyway, gone.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  Anyway, yeah, it's not a problem. She can give the cat away because there's no vibes between them.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:25Speaker 02

  Buy them another cat. Wildly available.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Cats are.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, so buy one.

• 25:32Speaker 00

  Cats are widely available.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  And, and give it, give it to them.

• 25:34Speaker 00

  Why? Why?

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Because they are sad.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  No, they're not sad, Mum. They're being pricks, okay?

• 25:42Speaker 02

  They are not being pricks.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  They are being pricks, Mum. It's not their cat. And now they're not talking to them because I gave away their cat.

• 25:50Speaker 00

  Do you know?

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Ah, the couple's cat.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, the couple gave away their cat.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Now I got it.

• 25:55Speaker 00

  And now the in-laws are not talking to them.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  Oh, they are breaks then.

• 25:58Speaker 00

  There we go.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Definitely.

• 26:00Speaker 00

  There we go.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  Definitely, they were looking for something to pick on them.

• 26:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  Horrible people.

• 26:05Speaker 00

  Horrible. What I would say to you is, if somebody that would get angry with you for a decision you've made about your life has stopped talking to you.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:14Speaker 00

  Congratulations, all right?

• 26:15Speaker 02

  I tell you something, man.

• 26:17Speaker 00

  Please do.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  If they, about the comments on the phone or everything.

• 26:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:24Speaker 02

  If they attack you, send it back to them because they have nothing better to do. They are not successful, they are missing on something. Don't worry about these comments, but they say nasty things to you, just pray and send it back to them.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Okay, are you talking about this or have you been looking at my Instagram?

• 26:45Speaker 02

  Pardon?

• 26:46Speaker 00

  Are you talking about this still?

• 26:48Speaker 02

  No, it's different thing, different thing. You can cut it off.

• 26:51Speaker 00

  No.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Tomorrow.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  No, it's fine.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 26:54Speaker 00

  But what are you talking about?

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Talking about, you know.

• 26:56Speaker 00

  Have you been getting upset about negative comments?

• 26:58Speaker 02

  No, I haven't had any negative, anyway.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  That is actually true. Has mum had any negative comments online at all?

• 27:05Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  Only you give me negative.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  What, when have I said anything negative to you?

• 27:11Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  No, please, just quote me directly.

• 27:13Speaker 02

  I forgot.

• 27:13Speaker 00

  What, you forgot? I'd love you to tell me something negative I've said about you.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  I'll mark it down.

• 27:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  I will let you know.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  Yesterday, you tried to fool me at the restaurant.

• 27:25Speaker 00

  No, that was not, that was not a negative, that was, that was not a negative thing.

• 27:30Speaker 02

  It is.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  What, what did you do? I told mum it's that sea bass was pronounced bass. So then. But that was, that was just, that was like, I was having a bit of fun.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Just imagine the waitress come and can I take your order? Then because you are one here, I take your word for it.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  Luckily, I didn't.

• 27:52Speaker 02

  C bass, how how does it sound?

• 27:54Speaker 00

  I said it's pronounced bass. But you knew I was joking, it was so obvious I was joking. I was joking. Anyway, it didn't come out like that. We said to the waiter, the waiter just come over and then mum said, can I ask you a question? How do you, and then I stopped you and I said, sorry, we're having a little bit of a funny thing about how you pronounce bass and bass. And obviously she's just trying to take the order. So she's like, oh, that sounds hilarious. What a hilarious family. I'm lucky enough to be serving today. Can you just tell me what you fucking, so do you want the bass? Okay, cool. It was like that, wasn't it?

• 28:26Speaker 02

  It was delicious.

• 28:27Speaker 00

  She was actually very polite. I liked her. Yeah, she pretended she found it entertaining, but it really was embarrassing. Um. So anyway, what I would say to you is your in-laws are out of order.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:36Speaker 00

  I do, I do think when you say, what should I do? The answer is nothing. Okay? If they choose to not talk to you, they are losing. It's on them and I don't think any good can come from trying to take ownership from somebody of somebody else's reaction. If that's what they want to do, that's what they want to do. Okay? Leave it and they will regret it in time to come. It's on them. It's not on you. I hope that you feel all right about that. What do you think about that, mum?

• 29:08Speaker 02

  That's a good advice.

• 29:09Speaker 00

  What would you give it out of ten?

• 29:10Speaker 02

  Ten, ten out of ten.

• 29:11Speaker 00

  Ten out of ten, okay, great, thank you, thank you. Mum, are you a dog or a cat person?

• 29:15Speaker 02

  Uh, both. Back home I had cats and dogs.

• 29:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, you had a dog called Ravi, didn't you?

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Ravi.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  And I came here because of the, the house, it's all cooped up and not big enough. Um, so I didn't want to keep the animal indoors. Um, so I didn't feel like, you know, they will dirty the house, but I love animal. I'm not saying I don't love. If I have a massive open place and I will have cats, dogs, everything.

• 29:46Speaker 00

  Horses?

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 29:48Speaker 00

  Horses?

• 29:49Speaker 02

  Ho- why will, how can you have horses?

• 29:51Speaker 00

  Okay, uh, guinea pig.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  You're making me a right fool.

• 29:54Speaker 00

  No, I'm asking, what animals would you like?

• 29:56Speaker 02

  How can you keep a horse in the house?

• 29:59Speaker 00

  Not in the house, but in the back garden.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Back garden?

• 30:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  White horse.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  So you would like a horse?

• 30:04Speaker 02

  I would like a white horse.

• 30:05Speaker 00

  Okay, fine, well, that's a big turnaround, isn't it? Do you know what I really felt, I, I saw a TikTok of? Box, oh, there's some type of duck that's so cute. I can't remember what they're called, but they're little tiny pet duck things you can have running around the house. I asked Lisa if you could get them, she said no, I'll leave.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Uh, other thing I saw in TikTok, am I allowed to say?

• 30:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:23Speaker 02

  What little bird feeding their, their, their chicks? The bird has got boobs like women.

• 30:32Speaker 02

  It's, I saw it, I want to sell it to you. Oh, it's good, tiny little boobs, they were sucking it.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  It's on TikTok.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  If you happen to see this thing, you are blessed.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  If you happen to see that thing, you're blessed, why are you blessed?

• 30:56Speaker 02

  You saw the world with boobs.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  So what type of bird is it?

• 31:00Speaker 02

  I don't know the name of it, it had two boobs.

• 31:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, and then what were the other birds doing?

• 31:06Speaker 02

  The, the chick, the babies are sucking.

• 31:08Speaker 00

  Mum, birds don't lactate.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Maybe it's A I, I don't know.

• 31:12Speaker 00

  I suspect it is A I, a bird with tits is breastfeeding its kids. Shall we look for it now?

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, please, TikTok, TikTok, the bird feeding, come on, come on. Yeah, yeah, believe me, I found it interesting though.

• 31:28Speaker 00

  Bird, bird with boobs?

• 31:29Speaker 02

  Boobs, yes, feeding the babies.

• 31:32Speaker 00

  That's quite a lot, bird with boobs. Would it be boobs?

• 31:37Speaker 02

  It is boobs, yeah, what else?

• 31:39Speaker 00

  Oh, my god.

• 31:45Speaker 00

  Ah, what? Do you think it's nice? It's fucking disgusting.

• 31:51Speaker 02

  No, I didn't like it.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  It's horrible.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's bad. I didn't like it at all.

• 31:59Speaker 00

  Okay, it's AI.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Oh, what a bastard.

• 32:05Speaker 00

  Can I, can I?

• 32:08Speaker 00

  What a great takedown of AI.

• 32:12Speaker 00

  Um, why the fuck would you use AI to make that? That's what I don't understand.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  Maybe he's a pedo.

• 32:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, could be. Mum, that can't be your default answer for everything. Email special. Oh, email special.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Email special.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  Everyone together. Oh, email special.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  Why? Late, too late.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  Try one more. Oh. Ready? Oh, email special.

• 32:42Speaker 00

  Oh. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Oh, email special. I don't know if I think that's really good or awful.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  Oh, we can change it.

• 32:51Speaker 00

  Hi, to what? I'd love a suggestion.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Woof, woof.

• 32:59Speaker 00

  There you go, that makes sense. That's the logical replacement for that.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  I like this bit.

• 33:05Speaker 00

  Hi, Romesh and Shanti, I love the podcast. Would you like to read this out?

• 33:08Speaker 02

  No, no, no, you read it.

• 33:09Speaker 00

  Hi, Romesh and Shanti, I love the podcast so much. My favourite part is how you guys don't shy away from discussing sex and sexuality.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:15Speaker 00

  It wasn't something discussed in my home growing up. My kids are relatively young now, but I'll, I know soon I'll need to have the puberty and sex talk with my eldest. Shanti, did you have the sex talk with Romesh and Dinesh?

• 33:25Speaker 02

  I did.

• 33:26Speaker 00

  You just, um, do you want me to get to, is it hard to get to the end of the email? I think you think that

• 33:35Speaker 00

  I'm that person, I'm just reading this email. So I'm gonna get to the end of it, then we'll reflect on it.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  We'll discuss, yeah.

• 33:41Speaker 00

  Very rare to interrupt the podcast.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  Sorry, I interrupted Mr. Ranganathan, okay?

• 33:46Speaker 00

  Oh, email special.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  Aye.

• 33:51Speaker 00

  How did it go and have you got any tips you can pass on? And Romesh, would you write, how would you write your parents' approach in that respect? Thank you so much, Ella. Ella, eh eh eh, email we got from Ella, eh eh eh.

• 34:06Speaker 02

  Ella?

• 34:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, there you go. Mum, sex talk. Ella, let me answer on my mum's behalf. Didn't happen. We weren't given any instruction with regards to sex. We were just told not to have any until we finished university. And we weren't given a birds and bees talk or any kind of chat about that. In fact, bizarrely, sex now is spoken about. We talk about it much more than we used to.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:30Speaker 00

  You never spoke to me about it in the house.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  No, we understand each other. I mean, you are going to go into that trouble. I mean, your boys are growing up.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:39Speaker 02

  So prepare yourself, how you are going to explain.

• 34:41Speaker 00

  I've already explained.

• 34:43Speaker 02

  What did you say to them?

• 34:44Speaker 00

  I've already had the chat.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  Don't do that, you say?

• 34:45Speaker 00

  No.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Then?

• 34:47Speaker 00

  I had like a talk about sex.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Talk about how, can you tell me how you explain to them? You are lying from you.

• 34:53Speaker 00

  I'm not lying.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  Feels like it could be a role play you could maybe explain to your mum.

• 34:57Speaker 00

  I'd love, thank you, I'd love to.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  God. Come on, come on, come on, what did you tell them? It's a, it's a little like a.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  We're working so well as a team today. It just feels like we're all on the same wavelength.

• 35:15Speaker 02

  What did you say? What did you say to Theo?

• 35:19Speaker 00

  Okay, so I didn't, I didn't explain what sex is because they get told that school.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:25Speaker 00

  But I just told him about being responsible.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  Responsible and condom, did you say?

• 35:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I didn't say that.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  Why couldn't you say that, wear condom? I mean, but anyway, I, I won't change my mind.

• 35:38Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 35:39Speaker 02

  Don't touch women until you become someone, okay?

• 35:44Speaker 00

  I didn't say that to him.

• 35:46Speaker 02

  Why didn't you?

• 35:46Speaker 00

  I said touching women makes you someone.

• 35:51Speaker 00

  Slightly different philosophy.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  He said among, it's a challenge among the boys?

• 35:55Speaker 00

  No, it's not a challenge.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  It's not a challenge amongst the boys, no.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  Man, did you like that, is it?

• 36:03Speaker 00

  Uh huh, yeah, they're often say, oh man, did you?

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, did you, did you? How was last night, yeah?

• 36:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:08Speaker 02

  Is that the one?

• 36:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  Don't talk like that, don't eat them.

• 36:10Speaker 00

  I said, oh, hey Theo, enjoying your Coco Pops, did you?

• 36:16Speaker 00

  Hey man, did you? You know what I'm saying, did you? No, I just said to him, wrap up if he's gonna have sex. And he said, oh, I don't have this chat. I said to him, I need to have this chat.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  No, you have to.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  You never had the chat with me though?

• 36:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, dad was there performing, so what chat do I want to give you?

• 36:34Speaker 00

  Dad never had the chat with me either, so I was.

• 36:36Speaker 02

  He told me.

• 36:37Speaker 00

  I raw dogged it all over Crawley.

• 36:44Speaker 00

  Every time I go out in Crawley, I get nervous that I'm gonna see some guy in his twenties with a lazy eye. And I'm gonna think, oh shit.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  Forget about lazy eye, that makes you sexy. Don't ever talk about laziness. I'm telling, I gave both.

• 36:58Speaker 00

  If you're, actually, do you know what I'd love an email? If you are, if you are in the Crawley area and you've got a lazy eye and you don't know who your dad is, [email protected].

• 37:11Speaker 01

  Email special.

• 37:19Speaker 00

  Um, so in answer to your question Ella, Ella, Ella, eh eh eh, we got an email from Ella, Ella, Ella, eh, oh, email special.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  I told you not to think.

• 37:36Speaker 00

  Sorry. Um, yeah, so Ella, I hope that helps. Good luck.

• 37:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:42Speaker 00

  My, my advice to you is just be straight down the line Frank. And also they, they look a lot like that from school.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  No, we were watching, when Claire and Dinesh were, uh, living with me, uh, we were watching a film, dim the lights and popcorn and everything. And we were watching and the sex scene came. Uh, Dinesh said, oh, switch it off. I said, Dinesh and Claire, we all have done that. You know what to do. I know what to do.

• 38:08Speaker 00

  Jesus Christ, you didn't say that, did you?

• 38:10Speaker 02

  So forget that. Enjoy the film. That's what I said. It's true. We all done it. What is there to hide?

• 38:16Speaker 00

  If you'd have said, if I'd have been sat in the room with you.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:19Speaker 00

  And watching a film and you said, I know what to do, I'd have jumped out the fucking window.

• 38:23Speaker 02

  I didn't say.

• 38:25Speaker 00

  You, you literally just said.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  No, I know what. Did I say that I know what to do?

• 38:30Speaker 00

  You just literally said, and then I said, did you say you know I know what to do? And you said, yeah. Did you say it or not?

• 38:34Speaker 02

  No, I said, we all done it. Have done this. That's what I.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  I'm directing, I'm not twisting.

• 38:40Speaker 02

  You are twisting.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  Can we go back to like thirty seconds ago?

• 38:45Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  You, I'm, I'm doing an impression of you now. You know what to do. I know what to do.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  You know what to do. I know what to do.

• 38:52Speaker 00

  You said those words, exactly.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  Okay, whatever. Okay. Don't give them extra work. Okay?

• 38:57Speaker 03

  Thank you, Shanti.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  No, the words, the phrase you're doing, don't give them work.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Okay, right. My mind says something, the words come in a different way. I must have done that. So you had forgive. So I told them, we all done it. So.

• 39:08Speaker 03

  What do you do, Romesh, if you're watching a film with your boys and there's a sex scene on, on the telly?

• 39:12Speaker 00

  Uh, I really lean into it and make it as embarrassing as I possibly can. Let's go, boys. They're banging now. Enjoying it? Do you need a cushion?

• 39:22Speaker 02

  Why do you need a cushion?

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Pardon?

• 39:25Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  Okay, time for another email because it's the. Oh, email special, aye?

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Aye, you see?

• 39:34Speaker 00

  Not aye, no. Hi, Romesh and Shanti. Love the show. It's always a guaranteed laugh for my community. Quick dilemma. My girlfriend has to sleep with a fan on every night, even in winter. Oh, me too, man. I hate it because it drives my mouth out, gives me a sore throat, and surely circulating air can't be good for you. Why? She says I'm being dramatic. I say I'm being dehydrated. Actually, Josh, I've got to say, quite a witty email. Please settle this, settle, settle this for us. Who's in the right? And what should we do? Thanks, Josh. Mum.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 40:06Speaker 00

  Josh's other half likes to have the fan on every night.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:10Speaker 00

  He doesn't like it.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  She doesn't like it.

• 40:13Speaker 00

  No, she likes it. He doesn't like it.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  He doesn't like it. Yeah.

• 40:17Speaker 00

  What should they do?

• 40:19Speaker 02

  I mean, if he is too hot, hot, sweating, maybe some people have a hot blood. So very uncomfortable to sleep in the night. So you're whoever's sleeping with him. They should understand.

• 40:34Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, no. Josh doesn't like the fan on.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  Ah, right.

• 40:38Speaker 00

  His other half likes having the fan on.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:41Speaker 00

  They sleep together.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:43Speaker 00

  They've got a incapacit- they, they have a friction now because they've got a difference in how they like to have the bedroom at night. She likes the fan on, he doesn't.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  But they want to sleep together.

• 40:53Speaker 02

  I think having the fan on, it, it's unhealthy in a way because it blow the dust so constantly. It's, it's.

• 41:02Speaker 00

  This sounds like cod science to me. Is, can we look this up? Is having a fan bad?

• 41:06Speaker 02

  It is bad. It's dry your mouth. You breathe in so much dust because of the, in the air.

• 41:12Speaker 00

  Clean your house, man.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Sleeping with a fan is generally safe, but it does cause issues for some people such as dry skin, irritated sinuses.

• 41:22Speaker 00

  That's what Josh is having.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  Or allergies due to circulation of dust.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  My dear, there you are. Believe in your mother.

• 41:32Speaker 00

  I stand corrected. But fair enough, that's, that's correct. That's fine. I get it.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 41:37Speaker 00

  But it doesn't solve the problem.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  I've stopped talking.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  Alright, no, no, let them sleep in the separate room.

• 41:45Speaker 00

  Well, that was gonna be, that was gonna be my suggestion.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  When they want to do bang bang.

• 41:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  They have to make their one of the room.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  Air condition.

• 41:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:55Speaker 02

  Bang bang room. That's what Victoria Beckham and they do.

• 41:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  When they want to sleep, they have a special room.

• 42:01Speaker 00

  Right, to sleep.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  So you imagine things and you are, you know, going to do. So let them have a room with air condition. You don't have to have the fan. Enjoy, enjoy in every position. Nor nor does there.

• 42:14Speaker 00

  A lot of couples are sleeping in separate rooms now. It's like a long, it's like a big thing.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  It's a fashion or trend?

• 42:20Speaker 00

  Not fashion, but like.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Why is that?

• 42:21Speaker 00

  The eye, because they're not comfortable sleeping in the same bed. And so there's this idea that you have to sleep in the same bed, but so many people, even the people that sleep in the same bed as their partner. They actually find it quite annoying. Uh, all three of you sleep with your partner?

• 42:35Speaker 02

  No, you don't have to ask their personal question. Okay. Why, why, why do they have to tell?

• 42:41Speaker 00

  Will.

• 42:42Speaker 02

  Uh, it's personal. Just stop it.

• 42:44Speaker 00

  Do you sleep with someone else?

• 42:45Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, good.

• 42:46Speaker 00

  And how do you find that experience generally? Are there any issues?

• 42:50Speaker 03

  Not really, no. I mean, if we're too hot, we have a fan on, but we're both fine with it.

• 42:54Speaker 00

  You're both fine with it. So they're both okay with the fan. Ben, what about you?

• 42:57Speaker 01

  What's that?

• 42:58Speaker 00

  Are you in the same house still?

• 43:00Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 43:01Speaker 00

  And how do you find sleeping together?

• 43:03Speaker 01

  Fine. I think, I think it works really well. We do, I think we have a similar temperature discrepancy. Actually, I, I relate to this quite a lot.

• 43:12Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  I'd happily have it. I love fan on, wake up and you're cold.

• 43:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I, we should sleep together. I love, I love.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  Is that a genuine?

• 43:22Speaker 00

  I don't care about the temperature. I don't care how cold it is. Windows open, fan on. As cold as possible, really, you know? And then you get under the blanket and you're like.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  Why you can't sleep naked, isn't it?

• 43:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, sometimes I do.

• 43:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:35Speaker 00

  Sometimes I do.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Ah, there you are. Airy. Lovely.

• 43:39Speaker 00

  Definitely wash the sheets the next day though.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 43:42Speaker 00

  Uh, John, what about you?

• 43:44Speaker 03

  Which bit?

• 43:44Speaker 00

  Do you have any issues?

• 43:45Speaker 03

  No.

• 43:46Speaker 00

  Sleeping with your partner?

• 43:47Speaker 03

  No, I love it.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 43:49Speaker 03

  Ideal.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  What about you?

• 43:51Speaker 00

  What about me?

• 43:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:52Speaker 00

  Lisa and I have got a temperature differential. We can't really agree on temperature. So one of us makes a compromise. I have in the past. Become so uncomfortable, I've gone to sleep in another room. But that's happened a handful of times. And then every time it happened, we then had to have a chat about it.

• 44:09Speaker 02

  Maybe with, maybe with three boys, they know what's happening.

• 44:13Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 44:13Speaker 02

  So that's why you sleep in a separate room. That's also possible, isn't it?

• 44:17Speaker 00

  I don't understand the law. I can't follow the logic of what you're saying.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, the two boys, they have grown up. They know what's going on. They talk about it in school.

• 44:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, but why do I have to set, why does it, what's that got to do with me sleeping in a separate room?

• 44:28Speaker 02

  In case they walk in?

• 44:30Speaker 00

  Well, the idea of them walking in is horrific. Um, so sometimes in order to avoid that happening, we don't want to embarrass them. So Lisa and I will announce it.

• 44:39Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 44:39Speaker 00

  We sort of walk like, uh, we'll walk up and down the corridor going, we're probably gonna have sex tonight, so don't come into the bedroom.

• 44:45Speaker 02

  I don't believe you. No, no, no.

• 44:48Speaker 00

  No, you have, it's easy. It's better that than they walk in.

• 44:50Speaker 03

  How many times a year does that happen?

• 44:52Speaker 00

  Well, uh, Lisa's birthday, my birthday.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:55Speaker 00

  Sometimes do it on your birthday. Um.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  So quite recently.

• 45:01Speaker 00

  If Arsenal win by more than one goal, probably smash time. Um, if Arsenal look good, but they still lost, but it was admirable, I'll suggest smash time.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  But I tell you something, if you have lots of murunga, murunga.

• 45:16Speaker 00

  If I go to Coughlin's and they've still got rangy-yum's left, I'll suggest smash time. Um, when we got to a hundred thousand followers on YouTube, suggested smash time. When we got to a hundred and fifty thousand, I suggested smash time. So let's wait till five hundred thousand. Those kind of times.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  You wasted all these five minutes.

• 45:37Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 45:37Speaker 02

  You were mouth open, listening. There's a punchline. God, so boring sometimes you are.

• 45:44Speaker 00

  Me?

• 45:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:45Speaker 00

  In what way?

• 45:46Speaker 02

  I was listening. Maybe there was a punch, going to be a punchline, nothing. I'm only joking.

• 45:51Speaker 00

  What? I was just waffling on, do you know what I mean?

• 45:54Speaker 02

  You were waffling on.

• 45:56Speaker 00

  Oh, email special.

• 46:01Speaker 00

  Thank you to everyone for your emails. Mum, we've loved it, haven't we? It's been the spikiest one we've done so far.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  We'll be back on Monday with another exciting top guest. I hope you enjoyed our. Oh, email special, aight? See ya, dumb shits. Fuck you.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  Love you.

• 46:20Speaker 00

  Eat a dick. Swivel.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  Yo, thanks for watching and listening to the Romesh Ranganathan Show. Sup y'all. It's genuinely lovely that so many of you keep coming back, but I'm hearing rumours, naive hearsay and conjecture that some of you haven't subscribed yet. If you haven't, now's the time. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss episodes. We've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. Mondays are big guest conversations where we talk about what they're up to and have a laugh. And Thursdays are me and my mum Shanti answering your questions and family dilemmas, as well as burning off any self-esteem I've got knocking about. We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest and then mum will be back to give some great advice on Thursday, playing fast and loose with the word great. If you've got a problem, a story or a family dilemma, send it to [email protected],

• 47:08Speaker 00

  voice note or text us on 07731623355. That's 07731623355. We love getting you involved and you might hear yourself on a future episode. Plus, it means less content for us to generate. See you next time.

• 47:29Speaker 04

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite? Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 47:38Speaker 06

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 47:44Speaker 06

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  Try one.

• 47:47Speaker 06

  Mmm.

• 47:51Speaker 04

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.