Diane Morgan On Comedy, Cunk And Becoming A Robot In Ann Droid

How did Philomena Cunk come about? In this episode of The Romesh Ranganathan Show, Romesh is joined by Diane Morgan to talk about her new hit BBC iPlayer sitcom, Ann Droid and her journey into comedy, from working with Charlie Brooker, developing the iconic Philomena Cunk, to working on Ricky Gervais' new series, Alley Cats. Diane reveals how working in a factory pushed her towards her goals and discusses her early comedy influences. The pair talk early career moves, the experience of attending drama school, all the way to working together on Last One Laughing. Plus, there's some mild hate for Hollywood and they get into the difficulties of going plant-based. To top it off, there's an exclusive, a story of how to handle failure (comically) and a question, of course, from Shanthi. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters 00:00 Intro 03:03 Last One Laughing 10:29 Dental nursing 13:31 A gift for Diane gone wrong 17:00 On being plant-based 20:08 Comedy influences 23:34 Career beginnings 27:08 Drama school 32:06 On Cunk and success 34:55 On Hollywood 35:33 LA’s vegan scene 38:31 Vegan hacks 41:01 A question from Shanthi on TikTok Shop 44:46 Dog owner stories 48:26 On Ann Droid 56:54 Robot contact lenses 59:53 Alley Cats 01:01:11 Misquoted 01:08:06 An exclusive 01:10:50 A rumour about Diane and Joe Wilkinson 01:12:27 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  We're mirroring each other.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, look at that.

• 0:03Speaker 00

  My dogs do that.

• 0:06Speaker 00

  Like, like wherever.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Have you ever done that to a cat? Wink to a cat and the cat will wink back.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  That's not true.

• 0:13Speaker 01

  Try it. It's true.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  It's absolutely true.

• 0:18Speaker 00

  If you wink to a cat, it'll wink back?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  If you, you know, if it's your cat, I think if you just do on to any in the street, they won't do it. But if it's your cat, just wink at your cat. That's all I'm saying.

• 0:29Speaker 00

  Have you, has this actually happened to you in real life?

• 0:31Speaker 01

  Did it all the time. Even cats that aren't mine do it back to me.

• 0:35Speaker 00

  Wink back at you?

• 0:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:38Speaker 00

  Sorry, can we look this, can we look this up, please?

• 0:40Speaker 02

  Would you be able to send us a clip of it? Would you be afterwards?

• 0:43Speaker 01

  A clip of me? I haven't got a cat anymore. This is years ago. Yeah.

• 0:48Speaker 00

  By the way, Ben, can I just say your tone there was a little bit aggressive?

• 0:51Speaker 01

  It was, wasn't it? I noticed that.

• 0:53Speaker 00

  Oh, will you send a, oh, so you haven't got a cat?

• 0:54Speaker 02

  Well, I just, it sounded like it's something happening all the time with your cat, but if you haven't got a cat.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  It happened a lot when I had a cat. But, you know, they don't last forever.

• 1:03Speaker 00

  Cats can wink.

• 1:06Speaker 00

  Or slow blink back at you.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08Speaker 00

  This friendly IQ is often called a cat kiss and shows trust, affection and a relaxed mood.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  It's empathy. They empathise and they, they.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  They go, yeah, I get it. Shit, innit?

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Oh, fucking awful, innit?

• 1:22Speaker 00

  I get it, mate. I, I know exactly where you're coming. I'm a cat. It's a nightmare. Well, thank you, Don. I'm so sorry that we immediately fact checked what you said. It's quite a, it's quite a front footed start from us, I'd say. But anyway, welcome to the podcast.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Hello, I'm Diane Morgan and I'm gonna be on the Romesh Ranganathan podcast.

• 1:54Speaker 03

  Oh, shut up, Romesh.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  My guest today is a BAFTA and Emmy nominated actress, comedian and writer with an unrivalled talent for deadpan comedy. I said deadpan, didn't I? With an unrivalled talent for deadpan comedy, she's brought to life some truly iconic characters, including Liz in Motherland, Catherine in Afterlife, Mandy in Mandy, and of course, the legendary Philomena Cunk in Cunk on Britain and many others. In her latest show, Android, she plays a social humanoid robot. She will not go gentle into that good night. It's Diane Morgan, everybody.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 2:28Speaker 00

  How are you? It's a delight to have you on.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  I, I've been looking forward to this.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  You're beloved. Do you feel beloved?

• 2:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  No?

• 2:36Speaker 01

  Well, I, you know, I, I have lots of nice people that come up to me, but I don't sort of constantly feel beloved.

• 2:42Speaker 00

  No.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Do you feel beloved? You're beloved.

• 2:44Speaker 00

  No, I don't feel beloved.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  You don't feel it, do you?

• 2:46Speaker 00

  No. Well, no, no, I don't feel beloved. I, I, I think I would, I would mainly focus on the negatives, I would say.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 2:54Speaker 00

  You just can't help it, can you? I think it's healthy too as well.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do. Keeps you down to earth.

• 3:00Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, but you are beloved. And the last time we were together, well, actually, the last time we were together was the, I think it was the press, the press day, wasn't it? Where we were all kind of segmented off into different kind of groupings that I don't know how they decided those groupings. Who were you with?

• 3:17Speaker 01

  I was with Bob. And Maisie.

• 3:22Speaker 00

  I was with Sam Campbell and Roisin. Uh, this was the last one laughing, um, press day, press, was it a junket? Was it a junket?

• 3:30Speaker 01

  I think it was a junket, yeah.

• 3:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Sam Campbell's a lot different, isn't he, than, than he was on the show?

• 3:38Speaker 00

  Had you met him before?

• 3:39Speaker 01

  Never met him. Didn't know the man.

• 3:40Speaker 00

  No. Had you watched any of his stuff? So zero awareness. Okay.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  And, uh, and then afterwards, I, I Googled his work and I really enjoyed it.

• 3:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's funny.

• 3:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's really funny, but very different to how he was in the show. On the show, I just thought he was a weirdo.

• 3:58Speaker 00

  Yeah. I, I, well, I do think there is some weirdo in him.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:02Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? He is a weirdo, but weirdo in a different way, right?

• 4:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, it was just like it was an element of him.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Rather than the whole.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  The whole thing was just him being.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:12Speaker 00

  Essentially, potentially being a rooftop sniper, is that what you mean?

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know what you mean.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  I enjoyed it though, did you?

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I did. Uh.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:26Speaker 00

  No, I did, I did, I did.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  I didn't know what to expect at all. I thought I could hate this.

• 4:32Speaker 00

  Well, I, yeah, I worried about that. And also, it's that thing of like, when you go in and, I don't know, it, you're, you're just nerve wracking being around people that you respect. Do you know what I mean? Uh, and a couple you don't. Uh, no, I'm joking. It's, it's nerve wracking being around people you respect. And then you're sort of in this really, and then you're not just sitting chatting, well, you are sitting chatting, but in a very artificial.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Awkward, doesn't it? Because you know what they're up to.

• 4:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  And things that, did you have some things planned that you didn't get around to because you suddenly thought, oh, I can't do that. It doesn't, it's not gonna work.

• 5:07Speaker 00

  No, not, I don't, um. No, I, I felt like, I, I, I, I didn't have like set piece things planned, apart from the set piece, but, but I did have things that I thought I might try. But I tried to make people off early doors and it really did die on its ass. And then I lost, I lost confidence in doing anything else.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Confidence. It was lovely to see, wasn't it? People losing confidence.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  Just people completely deconstructed by the experience.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Normally that gets a laugh.

• 5:41Speaker 00

  But I was very excited to do it with you because we have not really worked together very much, have we?

• 5:44Speaker 01

  And I, I can see why. We're, we're, we're very similar energy, I think.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  Yeah. Do you, yeah, I think that's probably true.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? There's a, there's a, we've got the miserable face for kickoff and the very low energy. We could very easily drive this into the ground.

• 6:03Speaker 00

  Yes. I, I think, um, I think that the team are excited to have you on, but they're worried.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course, I can feel that.

• 6:09Speaker 00

  And I think that's fair. I think, you know, they've.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  It's only that you can't lift it. That's, it's not, we're not worried about that.

• 6:14Speaker 00

  I shouldn't have to change my energy just to, to lift it, should I? No.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  People have just got to, you know, strap in and enjoy feeling a little bit more relaxed in this one, maybe.

• 6:23Speaker 00

  Absolutely. And will it be a tough edit? Sure. But that's not our problem.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  You know?

• 6:31Speaker 04

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• 7:01Speaker 05

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• 7:30Speaker 00

  You're, you're doing your, uh, your poem with the farting. How did you, that was really, that was, it was really good. Yeah, go on.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Do you know what? I thought this would be great because I don't have to learn anything.

• 7:42Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  That was my main.

• 7:44Speaker 00

  That was, that was, that was my.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  I don't wanna have to learn something on top of feeling sick about going in. I don't wanna have to learn something as well.

• 7:53Speaker 00

  Did they make you, uh, not make you, did they ask you to go in and like rehearse it in the empty, in the empty space?

• 8:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was awkward.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  I hated that.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 00

  I, I, I could see why I had to do it, but I hated it.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  It, it was good doing it, getting it out of the way. So people know what you're gonna do.

• 8:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  And, uh, did you, you do two things as well?

• 8:16Speaker 00

  I had a.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Like a backup one.

• 8:18Speaker 00

  I did have a backup one, but I knew going into it, they weren't gonna call on my backup one.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  One of my backup ones was, um, to use, um, what's it called? Helium.

• 8:27Speaker 00

  Right.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Just talking with helium. And they were like, oh, you, you, we can't do that one because it's really dangerous. It can, it can kill you. Yeah. And then, and then we did the show and Alan Carr's doing it. And I thought, they told me that it could kill you. And they're not bothered about Alan.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  Either that or they just prioritise Alan over you.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  They probably want, they don't wanna tell me that someone else is doing it, but.

• 8:51Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, that's why, yeah, yeah. But I.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  And I think it's quite dangerous.

• 8:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, but, but also to say it can kill you is like, it's a weird thing to say to somebody just to get out of saying somebody else is doing it.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Just say someone else is doing that one.

• 9:04Speaker 00

  If that doesn't get cleared up.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 9:06Speaker 00

  Then you spend the rest of your life thinking that's a deadly thing to do.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. I don't know how dangerous it is. Do you, maybe Google that?

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Yeah. Could you look it up, please?

• 9:15Speaker 02

  I think probably you're doing it like regularly, right? I mean, I should actually Google or just have my opinion.

• 9:20Speaker 00

  And I, I would love you to not shoot from the hip on it.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  And we Googled the cat thing.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:26Speaker 00

  We should probably Google this one. Um, you know my.

• 9:29Speaker 06

  What would you like to Google?

• 9:30Speaker 00

  Pardon?

• 9:30Speaker 02

  Is inhaling helium.

• 9:31Speaker 00

  Is inhaling helium deadly? Don't put breathing.

• 9:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  It's dangerous.

• 9:36Speaker 06

  Inhaling helium is extremely dangerous and can be fatal.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  But hilarious, no?

• 9:40Speaker 01

  They let Alan, yeah, yeah, that'd be fine, Alan. Not bothered. As long as it gets a laugh, they don't care, do they?

• 9:46Speaker 00

  No, they don't give a shit.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  Alan Carr's dead.

• 9:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  But he went the way he wanted to.

• 9:51Speaker 00

  Yeah. And also it's a bit of, yeah, if Alan Carr dies, it's not great for entertainment in general, but great for that individual show.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, he'd get laughs in the process as well.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  Do you know my mum knocked her teeth out?

• 10:03Speaker 01

  I heard about that. I heard that your mum had come down and that they took her to A and E.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  That must have been really difficult for you to sort of carry on, knowing that she was, you didn't know what had happened to her.

• 10:14Speaker 00

  There's a lot going on there, Diane, to be honest with you, because she's knocked her teeth out.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  I've gone to the hospital to see her.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Did they say mid show, your mum's knocked her, your mum has turned up? Did you know she was gonna turn up?

• 10:27Speaker 00

  No.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Ah, so they said, we've asked your mum here.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  But she's just knocked her teeth out.

• 10:33Speaker 00

  She fell over.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  She fell over.

• 10:37Speaker 00

  And she's knocked her two front teeth out.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  At what?

• 10:40Speaker 00

  That was in the lunch break.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  She knocked her teeth out and not the lunch?

• 10:43Speaker 00

  Well, no, she, she, she got out, she went to get out of the car and as she got out of the car, she fell over.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Is she all right?

• 10:49Speaker 00

  Now she's great, yeah. Teeth look amazing, but when I went to the hospital, she was like, go back to the studio, go back to the studio. What are you doing here? You must finish the show.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 10:58Speaker 00

  So I left her there. Obviously, I just needed the okay. I wasn't planning on staying. And, um, but then for the rest of it, I thought, is this bad that I'm here? When?

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:09Speaker 00

  When my mum, but she's fine.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Oh, good. Uh, with a crooked and, and she knocked him out and she got a straight one.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Well, it turns out, Diane, that it was, it was absolutely, she uncovered a myriad of issues that that woman had dentally.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  Did it?

• 11:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, actually, it was really good. She, she ended up getting a lot of stuff sorted out that.

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 11:28Speaker 00

  As a result, yeah.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  I'm really interested in teeth. You know, I used to be a dental nurse.

• 11:32Speaker 00

  Did you?

• 11:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:33Speaker 00

  So what sort of stuff? I know what dental nurse generally, but like what, what were the particular things that tickled your fancy?

• 11:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 11:40Speaker 00

  As a dental nurse, like what were your favourite bits of doing it?

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Oh, just now I hear, I like hearing about people's teeth and what they're having done. And when I go for a checkup and they do that. Mesial, occlusal, distal, you know, all that, that I know all the terms, so I know what I've got.

• 11:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've got two implants.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Have you?

• 11:57Speaker 00

  Yeah. Have you ever had an implant?

• 11:59Speaker 01

  No. Was it painful?

• 12:01Speaker 00

  No, it wasn't painful. But you know, they've got to put the rod in.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  And then they, you've got, then they put a temporary thing in and then you leave it for a bit to see if it takes. And then they put the final tooth on. And apparently now my, the implants are a hundred times stronger than a normal tooth.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Are they?

• 12:19Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's like, it's like really.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  You may as well get them all smashed out.

• 12:22Speaker 00

  That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about just, I'm thinking about, maybe they invite me back on Last One Laughing, I can knock the rest of my teeth out.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Well, when I was a dental nurse, they used to paint this stuff on little kids' teeth. It was like an invisible.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Nail polish. It wasn't nail polish, but like, like, like paint it on and it would stop their teeth rotting away. I think, why aren't we all just painting our teeth with this stuff?

• 12:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. Is that true?

• 12:48Speaker 01

  Absa-

• 12:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, please, can you verify this? Just as a rule, we don't normally do this, Diane, but everything you've said, we have to fact check. Yes, dentists use Fisher sealants and fluoride varnish to protect children's teeth.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Like, why don't they just give us all that?

• 13:05Speaker 00

  I don't understand what's going on.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Because they'd be out of work.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  We should be applying a coat of that every night.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  I know.

• 13:10Speaker 00

  That's why, it's funny, because they'd be out of work. I often, I often think, when you see the toothpaste adverts and they go, dentists recommend this.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:18Speaker 00

  I go, well, immediately, I'm not going to use that then.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:20Speaker 00

  Because they're not going to recommend something that puts them out of a job.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 13:24Speaker 00

  Do you know what I mean?

• 13:25Speaker 01

  I've started chewing.

• 13:25Speaker 00

  Dentists recommend Coca-Cola as a mouthwash.

• 13:31Speaker 00

  Um, anyway, that's good to know. I'm gonna get some of that. Because Bob, Bob does his own dentist work, doesn't he?

• 13:36Speaker 01

  I heard that, yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 00

  He's like, um, he does his own fillings and stuff, Bob Mortimer, yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  That, when, when I was a dental nurse, one guy came in and he was so nervous of going to the dentist, he'd done his own fillings. Using copper sulphate and a soldering iron.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  Makes sense. That, that's, that would be my logic. That's, that's the first step, isn't it?

• 13:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:57Speaker 00

  Get a soldering iron.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you're nervous, get a soldering iron.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  And they'd, they'd gone, is it, is it verdigr- verdigray, verdigray? You know what? Copper goes green.

• 14:07Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  A bluish green. They'd all gone that colour. We just had to send him to hospital. Saw that backfired. What an idiot.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  Is this a problem? Yeah. Your teeth look like an old bell.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  Old bell?

• 14:25Speaker 00

  I think it probably is an issue, mate.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  An old bell?

• 14:31Speaker 00

  Um, now we've got your present.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  Uh, we, we hear one of your favourite things is to eat chocolate in the bath.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  No.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  Can we Google this, please?

• 14:42Speaker 01

  Eat chocolate in the bath?

• 14:43Speaker 00

  Do you not like eating chocolate in the bath?

• 14:44Speaker 01

  No.

• 14:45Speaker 00

  Are you fucking kidding me?

• 14:46Speaker 01

  No. Where have you got that from?

• 14:48Speaker 00

  Um, it's, um, it's celebswholikechocolateinthebath.com.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  I think people have just written stuff.

• 14:54Speaker 00

  Okay, have a look. Anyway, well, this is, I'm gonna be honest with you, Diane. You saying that has taken a massive shit. You, you know, this, this would be like, you know, one of those, I'm not gonna name them. But like a, a presenter that's really pissed off, would just be like, okay, well, that's good, isn't it? Well, just staring down the barrel of the camera at the gallery. Well, we'll give her the present anyway, but she's clearly gonna fucking hate it. Well done, team.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  Oh, and do you not like having baths?

• 15:19Speaker 01

  I like, I like a bath. I like chocolate. I don't eat chocolate in the ba- who eats chocolate in the bath?

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Well, you do according to.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  Where did you find this?

• 15:25Speaker 00

  Your management told us. They, they said, they said, they said, look, Diane's happy to come on the podcast, but one of the things she'd love you to know. Is, is she really enjoys eating chocolate in the bath. And so we've gone out and bought this present. It's been a massive waste of fucking time, if you don't mind me saying that.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Where have you found this fact? The sun?

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Look at this.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  Okay, do you like gold tissue paper? I'm desperate now.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do. Oh, look at that. A lovely, uh, bath bomb.

• 15:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, so that's a bath bomb. That's not for you to eat. That's for you to just put in the bath.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  What is this? What is this?

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 16:10Speaker 00

  So, so that is, it's a, it's a.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  What is it?

• 16:13Speaker 00

  A floating snack tray.

• 16:21Speaker 00

  So, you know, when you're doing your favourite thing.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  It was like a foot bath.

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Do you know when you're doing your favourite thing of eating chocolate in the bath?

• 16:27Speaker 01

  I can just.

• 16:28Speaker 00

  You can put the chocolates in there and then you can just put it on the bar, in the bar.

• 16:33Speaker 01

  It's vegan, thank you.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, no worries.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  I'll pop that in there.

• 16:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. And you can.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  In the Independent?

• 16:40Speaker 01

  In the Independent?

• 16:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, go on, please.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Comedian Diane Morgan described her ideal relaxing day off as involving a long soak in the bath. Watching spooky nineteen seventies archive documentaries and eating vegan chocolate.

• 16:51Speaker 00

  Okay, can I just say, can I just say?

• 16:53Speaker 01

  Nowhere does that say.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  Let, let's just, let's just clear this up. What's happened here is we've interpreted that as simultaneously.

• 17:04Speaker 00

  I hear Diane, I hear Diane that one of your favourite things is to take long walks in the bath.

• 17:13Speaker 00

  Is that right?

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, I can see what's happened.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  You don't have to do them simultaneously, though. You could.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 17:22Speaker 02

  You don't have to do them simultaneously. It's not like, you could just have.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  You could.

• 17:25Speaker 00

  I would say it's a bit weird to decamp the chocolates into the floating tray if you're not getting in the bath, though.

• 17:32Speaker 00

  If you just decide, just, oh, Diane's got a, she's got a chocolate surfing tray out.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  What's this bit for?

• 17:45Speaker 00

  Um.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  What does that, why is it on lock?

• 17:49Speaker 00

  That I don't know, actually.

• 17:54Speaker 00

  What a load of shit. We fucked up, haven't we? Um, what, do you like the vegan chocolates at least?

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Yes, I do. Thank you very much.

• 18:00Speaker 00

  How long have you been, have you been plant-based?

• 18:03Speaker 01

  A couple of years.

• 18:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, how are you finding it?

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Great. Not a problem. I, I, because cheese was the thing for me.

• 18:09Speaker 00

  Cheese is the thing, yeah.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Uh, but then, then I decided to go cold turkey because I couldn't find a decent.

• 18:18Speaker 01

  I couldn't find a decent vegan cheese. They were all like pretzels.

• 18:21Speaker 00

  Sure. I, have you been to Gauthier? Soho Gauthier? Mm. So, do you follow him on Instagram?

• 18:30Speaker 01

  I went there.

• 18:31Speaker 00

  Right.

• 18:32Speaker 01

  It's the one where they have like sixteen courses, isn't it? And it's really awkward. A waiter comes up to the table. It's silent in there. There's like three tables, isn't there? And a waiter silently comes over and says, so these potatoes.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  Mm.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Were, um, found in a jar in the back of a cupboard. And we've put them in a white wine juice and you go, trying to look interested. I just, please go away.

• 19:00Speaker 00

  I got the, um, the food one and I got the, the accompanying drinks one as well.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  I did, yeah.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  So you go, you get double description then, don't you?

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, you did, yeah.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  And then they would go like, they'd press some apples.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  And did you find that it was like three quarters of an hour between courses? I was there, it was like midnight and I'm still.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  I had to phone my mum and say, you're gonna have to look after the kids for the week.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  One of the drinks had condensation around the glass.

• 19:28Speaker 00

  I think, I get the, I, I just.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  I liked it.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  I liked it. I liked it.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  I liked it. It was, it was delicious. Don't get me wrong, it was delicious.

• 19:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was great, but.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  There is improvements to be made.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  Well, I just think, there's no, when he described the drinks, I thought, there's no way this liquid can taste like how you've described. Do you know what I mean? It's like, here we go, we took the most enthusiastic Kiwis. And, uh, we convinced them to consent to have their juice poured into this glass.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  Did you find it really difficult to not laugh?

• 19:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  I did.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  I was, I was there, I went with Lisa, my wife, and we were, I had really bigged this place up and I was right to because it was really nice.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  But then sitting opposite your other half while that description's happening was difficult.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  They know what you're thinking.

• 20:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, they do. Um, but if you follow him on Instagram, he shows you how to make cashew cheese.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  So you just blend up cashews? Is that right?

• 20:21Speaker 00

  That's, I would say that's ninety percent of it, yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  What, what else is involved?

• 20:24Speaker 00

  Um, you get like. Yes, water, yeah.

• 20:28Speaker 01

  A bit of salt.

• 20:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I, I would say don't bother with the follow, actually, but you seem, you seem to.

• 20:37Speaker 00

  I reckon you're across it.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Oh, look, there's me.

• 20:40Speaker 00

  Um, yeah, he does explain it and then you've got to get a little cheese cloth or whatever and then.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Stern it through the cheese cloth.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  You're not gonna do that. You'll do it once, maybe twice.

• 20:48Speaker 00

  I mean, what I would say, you know, nobody's thinking, you know what I fancy? Some cheese tomorrow.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:54Speaker 00

  That's, that's my issue with it. Do you know what I mean? Oh, let me go to the shops now and get some cashews.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:00Speaker 00

  And now I'm gonna fucking soak them for twenty four hours.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:03Speaker 00

  So that I can have something that my friends will take the piss out of me about tomorrow. Like, forget it. It's not gonna happen. Now, listen, you are genuinely, and I'm saying this because I mean it, one of the funniest people I know.

• 21:13Speaker 01

  Oh, come on now.

• 21:15Speaker 00

  Proper, proper. And when I say, you know, I think, when you work in comedy, there are people that have learned how to do it and they're really, really good. And there are people just got funny bones. You're funny boned, aren't you?

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks.

• 21:27Speaker 00

  Have you, have you, have you always been comedy obsessed or have you?

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Yes, always, always been comedy obsessed.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  From what age? From like little kid?

• 21:35Speaker 01

  Infant, I'd say. When they used to watch, like, they used to show Laurel and Hardy on the TV of an afternoon. And me and my brother would watch. I was very small and I thought it was the best thing I'd ever seen. I just loved it.

• 21:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  Just made me really happy. And I loved these people. I loved Stan Laurel.

• 21:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  And I loved him.

• 21:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:59Speaker 01

  I thought, I, I really love this bloke.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? The way you go with like an actor that you like.

• 22:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:06Speaker 01

  A straight actor. There's something about comics that if they make you laugh, oh, there's nothing like it.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I, I watched Laurel and Hardy. I, I reckon it stands up. I, I.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  Oh, absolutely.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  I think it's like, it's just.

• 22:22Speaker 01

  It's really funny. It's two adult men.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  And their, their double act energy is like labbed, I mean, it's perfect. I mean, there's so many, basically everything, it's a template for every double act. It's almost constant, right?

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. And other things, you know, like Hancock's Half Hour, which they were repeating when I was younger, but it's probably a bit before your time. Have you seen any of that?

• 22:45Speaker 00

  No, I've not watched that.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. My dad introduced me to Tony Hancock and it was like the first

• 22:53Speaker 01

  grown up I'd seen acting like a child.

• 22:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  And really miserable about life. And I thought it was the funniest thing. And you quickly come to realise, don't you, that it's much more funny to see someone miserable.

• 23:07Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, I, I remember watching, I, I used to find cartoon, like really funny cartoons. I used to like lose my shit.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  And I remember there was like this one cartoon in, I can't, I can't remember what it was and I couldn't, I couldn't go back to it even if I wanted to. But it's just like a group of crows and something blows up and then there's a big cloud. And as the cloud clears, one of the crows is just sat there like that, doing that, just utterly pissed off as what, what's happened. And I laughed so much. I mean, I just realised that is what, that is the reaction and energy that I find really funny.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too. Yeah.

• 23:44Speaker 00

  And I was just like, that is, it just hit me in a way that, you know, I, I love all types of comedy, but that in particular, that kind of.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Especially like someone falling over.

• 23:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's great. Somebody falling over and being really sad about it.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  Making a sort of inadvertent noise as well. That's, isn't it?

• 24:02Speaker 00

  Yeah. I remember like doing, I remember like hosting, I was comparing some gig at Just the Tonic in Leicester. Venue and the gig completely irrelevant to this story. But before I started the gig, as I was getting everybody sat down and get, you know, gone on stage, get everybody to sit down, somebody, a woman fell over and as she was making her way to the seat. And everybody pissed themselves laughing. And I just said, boy, there's no point doing the rest of this. Like, nothing that happens now.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  That. You just can't.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  It's over. Game over.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  It's impromptu.

• 24:29Speaker 00

  Here's your headliner.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's great.

• 24:33Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, so did you start doing comedy when you were a kid then? Like a little kid? Or were you being, were you being funny to your mates or?

• 24:40Speaker 01

  I don't, I think it was probably when I started doing drama classes.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  Right.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  And then you realise you can do stuff that makes people laugh.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, like, when did you start? When did you find the deadpan bit?

• 24:50Speaker 01

  I don't know. I think it creeps up on you.

• 24:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  You, you gradually realise. Maybe doing stand up, you, you very quickly learn what's funny about you. You have to learn. Because at first you, you, you sort of do an impression of people you, you like.

• 25:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  And then, and then if you look at it, you'll, you'll learn that, oh, right, people think that's funny about me.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:12Speaker 01

  I'll ramp that up a bit. So it was, it was just, I think, just looking miserable and sounding very flat.

• 25:20Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  That helps.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  That has worked in your favour.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  But did, but you tried doing other stuff, did you? Like other styles, I guess.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  No, I mean, I still like doing, like Mandy.

• 25:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  Because I, I love sort of big, physical, stupid, pointless stuff.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Uh, and I like very subtle, deadpan, realistic. I just like all kinds of comedy, I think.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  Um, and when you were doing it at school, did you think, I want to do this for a job? Or were you just?

• 25:50Speaker 01

  No, I didn't. I don't think it was ever, you know, you'd have work experience and, and what do you call it? Careers advisors.

• 25:58Speaker 00

  What were you gonna do?

• 25:59Speaker 01

  I told a careers advisor that I wanted to be an actress. And she just laughed in my face, like I told her I wanted to be a mermaid.

• 26:11Speaker 00

  Was there any feedback off the back of that?

• 26:13Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 26:14Speaker 00

  Like, did she, did she give any constructive advice or?

• 26:17Speaker 01

  No, no, no. She mentioned a few places like, oh, no, no, you can't do that. There's, there's a factory. Maybe go to the factory like everyone else.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  Are you being serious?

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 26:28Speaker 00

  And then what was your response? How come you didn't go to the factory then?

• 26:31Speaker 01

  No, I did go to the factory. I worked in a worming tablet factory.

• 26:35Speaker 00

  Brilliant.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. Packing worming tablets for dogs. And, oh my God.

• 26:40Speaker 00

  Were you good at it?

• 26:41Speaker 01

  I was so bored. And there are people that worked there for thirty years. You weren't allowed to sit down. You weren't allowed to talk because they said it slowed you down. It was awful. And that made me think, I've really got to pull my socks up here if I don't want to get trapped in this. So that helped in a way.

• 27:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, inspira-, it's inspirational in a different way, right?

• 27:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  I think that's the kind of work experience that all kids should do. You know, don't go somewhere that you think you'll enjoy. Go somewhere terrible.

• 27:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Where you could end up.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  Yeah. But then I, I feel, I always felt really sorry on X Factor when like they would take the person, you know, like somebody that got through to the finals and you know, they do a little V T.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  They do a little V T.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  And then they would take them back to their old workplace.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  And then they would just look around going, imagine if I was still, you know, I could have still been here, you know? Like, this could have been my, and then people are working there.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:41Speaker 00

  And it's like gesturing to like, this is Dan.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:44Speaker 00

  I, I could still be working, I could still be working with him. I would have fucking, maybe I want to kill myself.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  Thankfully X Factor's come along, so I don't have to be here doing what you're doing.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:55Speaker 00

  And probably will be for the rest of your life.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  And then they wouldn't get through.

• 27:57Speaker 00

  No, and then they're back there. And then Dan would be like, welcome back.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, you're back.

• 28:04Speaker 04

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• 29:32Speaker 00

  And then, did you say then, did you start, you started doing stage stuff first, right?

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, first I went to drama school.

• 29:39Speaker 00

  What's that like? What's drama school like? Sorry, that's a.

• 29:42Speaker 01

  Lots of people massaging you, trying to massage you.

• 29:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  You know, uh, but, cause I'm from Bolton, it was just like, oh, get off.

• 29:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  What, what, are they trying to get you to, um?

• 29:55Speaker 01

  They're all very.

• 29:56Speaker 00

  To get into your body?

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Comfortable with themselves.

• 29:58Speaker 00

  Right.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  And experimental.

• 30:02Speaker 00

  Did you have to do movement sessions?

• 30:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, all that. Movement, larven.

• 30:07Speaker 00

  What?

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Larven.

• 30:09Speaker 00

  What's that?

• 30:09Speaker 01

  Type of movement.

• 30:10Speaker 00

  Oh, is that what it is?

• 30:11Speaker 01

  And all this sort of techniques. I'm sure they've all come in useful, actually. But, um, but I think actually stand up was probably more useful than anything else.

• 30:25Speaker 00

  I, I find, um, did you, did you stand up at drama school?

• 30:28Speaker 01

  No, no, I did drama school first and then I didn't get any work as an actor. I was working in telesales and my boss kept saying, oh, you should do stand up.

• 30:38Speaker 00

  Because you were just generally funny?

• 30:39Speaker 01

  Cause I would just say things on the phone. And, and so thirty was looming and I thought, maybe I should give it a go.

• 30:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Uh, so I did.

• 30:53Speaker 00

  You know, um, the, sorry, the movements, the movement sessions is something I've only recently become aware of.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 31:01Speaker 00

  I, I did my first one for the first time last year as part of like this play thing. It was horrifying. I found it horrifying.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, a lot of it's horrifying. I remember once you had to sit around in a circle and the teacher would hand us a shoe. He took his shoe off and he handed it to the person next to him. He said, right, I want you to take the shoe and tell everyone how you feel and then pass the shoe on. That, and I dreaded it, the shoe coming around. I took the shoe and I was like, I feel like.

• 31:31Speaker 00

  Did he say that?

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. And he said, get out, get out and don't come back.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  But everyone else was sort of happy to take the shoe.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  And I thought, why can't I just take the shoe and go, oh, I feel.

• 31:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's legitimate.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just couldn't though. I couldn't.

• 31:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. I had to do a thing where like, we're walking around and they said, imagine you're walking around, but you can only move, really only the movements happening below your knees and below. And then it's like, imagine your knees are enemies. So, so they're not going to be anywhere near, near each other. And then as it went on, they went, now imagine that your knees have become friends with each other. So your, your knees want to chat to each other.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  It's total madness, isn't it? I mean, what good is that gonna do you?

• 32:11Speaker 00

  I don't know, but apparently, I asked, I actually asked that, not in as blunt a way as that. But I just sort of said, what is this, um, you know, I'm playing a doctor in this.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  What's the point of this?

• 32:20Speaker 00

  What, what am I, what is the point of this?

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:22Speaker 00

  And they said it's to try and get you comfortable in your body so that you can. I think one of the biggest enemies of acting is embarrassment, right? So it's almost like they're trying to anesthetise you of that.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  Especially if you, you wanna do comedy. And I made the mistake of telling them that, oh, I only wanna do comedy.

• 32:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  I don't wanna do Shakespeare, so just so you know. That was like my first week at drama school.

• 32:46Speaker 00

  What did they say to that?

• 32:48Speaker 01

  They didn't say anything. They cast me as Lady Macbeth.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  And then all the other girls hated me.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  But I genuinely wanted to play like the comedy maid.

• 32:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Character.

• 33:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  And they all wanted Lady Macbeth.

• 33:01Speaker 00

  Right.

• 33:02Speaker 01

  So they were all like.

• 33:05Speaker 00

  And do you still feel like you only wanna do comedy?

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:08Speaker 00

  You've got, no, I mean.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  I mean, I do, um, you know, if, if there was like a, um, a drama part that came up, that, that was great, that I read, I thought, oh, I really like this. But I just haven't found one yet.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  Would you? Would you ever do a drama?

• 33:23Speaker 00

  I'd love to, but, but, but I don't, um.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  Do you think people would be disappointed though? They'd watch it and go, oh, why's he not being funny? Do you know what I mean? It'd have to be something really good.

• 33:34Speaker 00

  Yes, it would have to be something really good. But then I, obviously I've like, got like really bad, uh, imposter syndrome. So then if it was really good, I think I probably shouldn't be in this. I'm ruining it for people. Do you know what I mean? So it's, it's actually, it has to be the sweet spot.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:47Speaker 00

  Of it being good, but not so good that I think it's too good for me to be in.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Sometimes directors do that thing where they just pop a, pop a stand up in, don't they, to make it interesting?

• 33:57Speaker 00

  Just to sort of stunt cast or whatever.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:59Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then people go, he's wooden in the telegraph, I imagine.

• 34:06Speaker 00

  But yeah, I would, I think I would. I think I would. I think you could. Like, I mean, the, the, the, you definitely would be, you'd be great. Like, if you could do, I was about to say, if you can do comedy, you can definitely do drama. But comedy is difficult.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  I think that's true.

• 34:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  I think comedy is much harder.

• 34:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  But it doesn't get the, um, credit it deserves.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  No.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  It's just treated as sort of like, oh, that's so silly.

• 34:27Speaker 00

  Disposable shit, yeah. Isn't it? It's a fucking joke how we're treated by this industry.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  It is, yeah.

• 34:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, anyway. Cunk.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 34:37Speaker 00

  Absolute masterpiece, incredible.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 34:40Speaker 00

  You know that though, right?

• 34:42Speaker 01

  I, I, it's very popular.

• 34:43Speaker 00

  Yeah. How, um, how did it come about and how, when did you realise that this was gonna be enormous? I guess is the question.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  I always used to read Charlie Brooker's column in the paper, like every Saturday. It was really funny, do really funny reviews of shows where he described people. And they were really scathing and really funny. Um, and then they started printing his picture along with the column.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  And I saw him up in Edinburgh one year. I thought, oh my God, that's that guy who writes the really funny columns. And I went up to him and was like, oh, you're, you're the guy that writes the columns. They're brilliant. I just wanted to say you're really funny. What, why do you think they're funny?

• 35:26Speaker 00

  Was that the tone?

• 35:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, really nasty. And I think he thought that's what people wanted.

• 35:31Speaker 00

  Right, right. Oh, I see. Right, yeah.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  But I was like, oh, I really wanted him to like me, you know? So that was the first time I actually met him. But then this audition came up for a sort of female Barry Shitpeas.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  I mean, it was like, do you know what this is? I was like, yes, yes, I'd love to do that because his writing is incredible. Really funny.

• 35:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 01

  And I think it really lends itself to a, a really flat northern accent.

• 36:00Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then, and when you were doing it, did you think we're on to something special as you were doing it? No?

• 36:07Speaker 01

  No. No, they all said, uh, before it goes out, they were like, look, you know, people love Charlie. And they sort of only want Charlie. And whenever we make changes on the show, we get a lot of shit on social media saying, why have you changed it? Who's this character? I don't like him.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  So they were like, so you might get a little bit of abuse online.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  Right.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  So I was sort of bracing myself for like, oh, here we go. And it was just nothing but lovely praise. So I really thought, oh, thank God, I've got away with it.

• 36:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  And so it was just a relief that I got away with it.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, I, people often say like, when you're, i- i- if you're doing, like in your career, is it like when this went well, did you feel really happy?

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 36:59Speaker 00

  But I do think it's just a series of reliefs, isn't it?

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Yes, it is. It's just relief. I can't sort of allow myself to enjoy it.

• 37:06Speaker 00

  No.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  I don't.

• 37:08Speaker 00

  Have you ever enjoyed anything that you've done?

• 37:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, for a brief, brief moments, you think, oh, that went well. Oh, hmm. And then you go back to worrying about it again.

• 37:17Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's actually really, it's actually a really horrible existence, isn't it?

• 37:23Speaker 00

  You're do, you're gonna do Cunk on Cinema?

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:26Speaker 00

  Have you done it?

• 37:27Speaker 01

  Yes, all done.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  Did you go to Hollywood?

• 37:29Speaker 01

  Yes, I did.

• 37:30Speaker 00

  How was that?

• 37:31Speaker 01

  A bit grubby.

• 37:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  It's not like it used to be. It's not like, you know, Dean Martin in a tuxedo. You know, it's all a bit, you know, tired.

• 37:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a bit tired.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  I mean, there's still bits that are like razzmatazz and lovely and exciting. But, um, yeah, I feel like I've been down on Hollywood now and.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  Well, you can say some, uh, you can say some positive things if you wanna set the record straight now.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Uh, the weather was lovely.

• 37:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, nice weather.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was really nice. Everyone was very kind.

• 38:02Speaker 00

  Um, did you go to Cafe Gratitude?

• 38:04Speaker 01

  No, I didn't. What's that?

• 38:06Speaker 00

  Cafe Gratitude is a, it is completely plant-based, isn't it? Yeah.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Oh, maybe I did. I went to one vegan restaurant. It was incredible. I got so obsessed with it. I thought, why can't we have this in London?

• 38:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  And I was gonna start a campaign to get it in London.

• 38:21Speaker 00

  What was it? Do you remember what it was called?

• 38:22Speaker 01

  I forget what it was called.

• 38:22Speaker 00

  Cause there were, pardon?

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Oh, that's it. Crossroads.

• 38:27Speaker 00

  Crossroads is the posh one, right? I think it was Crossroads, I had a V, a plant-based seafood platter.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  How was that? Oh.

• 38:36Speaker 00

  Well, no, it was nice, but I, I just, I, I, I don't know how I feel about the, um, simulating like, like I don't mind meat substitutes and stuff like that, but.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Well, when they try and make it look like a piece of meat.

• 38:49Speaker 00

  But they had oysters.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Did they put an eye on the fish?

• 38:53Speaker 00

  No, but it was fish shaped.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:56Speaker 00

  And then they like.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  There's no need, is there?

• 38:57Speaker 00

  No, and then they had like little sort of seashells.

• 39:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:01Speaker 00

  But they were made out of like bark and they'd, and then they put the little bit of food in.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  I think they just forget, forget trying to make it look like.

• 39:10Speaker 00

  I agree.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  I think maybe they're trying to entice the meat eaters in, aren't they going, look, it looks like a fish.

• 39:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. But they don't describe the meals, which is nice.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  No, that's true. It was good.

• 39:21Speaker 00

  Cafe Gratitude.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 00

  Is, um, they've got, it's really nice food, but the dishes are called stuff like harmony and empathy and joy.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  And peace.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  So you've got to go, can I have peace, please?

• 39:36Speaker 00

  I wish you had to do that. What you have to do.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:41Speaker 00

  Is you have to say.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 39:42Speaker 00

  If you wanted to order peace.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  They go, what would you like today? And you go, I am peace.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Forget it.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  I can't do that. You, oh no.

• 39:54Speaker 00

  So I went with somebody on the crew, we're filming out there, I went with a member of the crew and he goes, she goes, what can I get you? He goes, I'm not doing all that fucking I am stuff. I just want that.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Well, quite right. It's too much.

• 40:10Speaker 00

  And then we went to, do you remember we went to, Ben and I, we went to Doomies, didn't we? Do- Doomies, Doomies is, somebody decided in LA that they wanted to do like a junk food, a vegan, because vegan junk food is actually, you know, like really junky junk food is quite hard to come by, right?

• 40:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, it is.

• 40:27Speaker 00

  So this place does like chicken wings, bacon double cheeseburger, all of that stuff.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  You know, ultra-processed.

• 40:34Speaker 00

  Ultra-processed. The, the chi- the chi- they do chicken wings, but they, it's like a little, um, bamboo stick to be like the, the wingy bit, to be the bone, yeah. It was so bizarre, wasn't it?

• 40:48Speaker 01

  There's no need, is there? Is that it?

• 40:50Speaker 00

  Oh, there you go, we've got a picture of it.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  I love that you've got a picture of.

• 40:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, well, yeah, that's what it, I mean, I don't, it was, I didn't think it tasted bad, but it's just.

• 40:59Speaker 01

  Have you tried Bird's Eye, uh, vegan fish fingers?

• 41:03Speaker 00

  No.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  They're incredible.

• 41:04Speaker 00

  Are they?

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:06Speaker 00

  I didn't think that vegan fish was, like, could work.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  No, me either. I thought that would be terrible.

• 41:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  But, um, in fact, they've, uh, he's nailed it, Captain Bird's Eye.

• 41:18Speaker 00

  Well done, Captain.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  Does it taste of fish? Does, do they make it taste fish-like?

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 41:24Speaker 00

  Why are you doing, why are you doing, sorry, hold on.

• 41:26Speaker 01

  I mean, I, I like, I, I would, I, I sort of missed a fish finger sandwich.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  But this is like, amazing.

• 41:34Speaker 00

  Have you tried the ve- the plant-based, like prawns?

• 41:37Speaker 01

  No, I haven't.

• 41:38Speaker 00

  Disgusting.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  I don't, I didn't like prawns anyway. I don't think we should be eating prawns.

• 41:42Speaker 00

  You've been plant-based for how long?

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Two years.

• 41:44Speaker 00

  Two years and for ethical reasons?

• 41:47Speaker 01

  I love animals.

• 41:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  I'm glad it doesn't hurt the environment too, but it's mainly about the animals.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  Mainly about the animals, yeah, same.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:55Speaker 00

  Um, so it's so cute, but I, but I sort of feel like when you're, when you start off being plant-based, you kind of really lean on those. I, I tell you what I feel really grateful for, but I also think is a bit of hypocrisy.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 00

  It's like McDonald's doing a plant burger, Nando's doing a, an imitator wrap, KFC doing a vegan burger, right?

• 42:15Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 42:15Speaker 00

  Even though there's a bit of hypocrisy of going to a place like Nando's has a.

• 42:20Speaker 01

  Where they're still like treating animals.

• 42:22Speaker 00

  Chicken in the logo, right? Like it feels a bit mad for it, but if you're out with your friends

• 42:27Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 42:27Speaker 00

  and your friends go, shall we pop in here?

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Least you can eat.

• 42:30Speaker 00

  You can eat something that isn't just fries or I'll just have a drink, thank you. Do you know what I mean?

• 42:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:35Speaker 00

  So actually, that's the reason I think those things are good, that it's good that they exist.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Tofu hot dogs.

• 42:40Speaker 00

  Not had those.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 42:42Speaker 00

  Really?

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're just the same, except there's not bits of asshole.

• 42:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:49Speaker 01

  It's nice, isn't it, knowing that you're not eating assholes?

• 42:51Speaker 00

  I, do you know what?

• 42:53Speaker 01

  You can just have anything and you know there's not going to be any eyeballs.

• 42:56Speaker 00

  Every day, one of the things I feel like I take for granted is there is zero chance of me eating an asshole.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  That's honestly.

• 43:03Speaker 00

  That is like a really great position to be in.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Like if you go to a vegan place, all this stuff.

• 43:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  No eyeballs, no assholes, no weird bits.

• 43:10Speaker 00

  No.

• 43:11Speaker 01

  No gelatinous bits. I don't know what it is.

• 43:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, because if you're eating a plant-based thing and so- something's unidentifiable, you know, there's some sort of different texture, at least you know it's.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  You know it's not going to be anything sinister.

• 43:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, whereas if you're doing, you know, it could be knee cartilage or something, I don't know.

• 43:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:29Speaker 00

  Uh, we've now got a question from my mum for you.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  Oh, great.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  I don't know what it is.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  Hello Diane, this is Romesh's mum, Shanti.

• 43:39Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 43:40Speaker 03

  My dear, I heard some people call you TikTok lady. I don't know very much about it, but I do like TikTok shop. Only problem I'm having, if you don't like the stuff, there's no return address. Would you ever set up your own TikTok shop? What would you sell? What would you sell?

• 44:06Speaker 03

  Maybe we could do it together?

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 44:09Speaker 00

  What the fuck is going on?

• 44:10Speaker 03

  You are the expert. Have a great day. Lots of love.

• 44:14Speaker 01

  Oh, I love that.

• 44:15Speaker 00

  So, hold on a sec.

• 44:18Speaker 00

  So does mum think that Di- Diane is running a TikTok shop?

• 44:22Speaker 06

  I think so.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  You're the TikTok lady.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:25Speaker 00

  You're like quite big on TikTok.

• 44:26Speaker 01

  I think other people upload me.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're getting clipped.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  I'm getting clipped up.

• 44:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. So no, so none of your benefit actually, except for just.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  No, exactly. I'm not seeing any of that cash. Um, what, what, what do I sell on a TikTok shop?

• 44:43Speaker 00

  Do you know, do you know TikTok, you know, when the, like, people that are big on TikTok? Or even people that aren't very big on TikTok, they start doing this thing where they go, uh, right, thanks a lot. Um, I'll tell you what, whenever I'm thirsty, I like using these. Uh, look, I just want to talk to you about, now obviously you know me, I wouldn't normally, uh, I wouldn't normally push stuff like this, but genuinely, can you hear that? That is a absolutely banging deal. And if you go to the shops, that's probably about three, four quid. You can get nine of these for seventy-five pence. And then there's a little link.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  Seamless.

• 45:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, they do, they do loads of that.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:20Speaker 00

  Um, so that's what my, and my mum has almost exclusively purchases from these people now.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  I know a lot of people that buy from the TikTok shops.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  Like what sort of stuff?

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Cleaning products.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  Yeah. Do you know what's really big?

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Cleaning cloths.

• 45:34Speaker 00

  What's really big on the TikTok shop right now? Uh, ear and nose trimmer.

• 45:38Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 45:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, a lot of people are selling those. Uh, the other thing that's big is.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  That's just got to be your algorithm. It's not just big in general.

• 45:45Speaker 06

  Giving away your algorithm here.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  Be careful what you say next as well.

• 45:48Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  Has anyone else got that?

• 45:53Speaker 02

  So instead of me and John both looking at each other like, that's just got to be it.

• 45:57Speaker 00

  No, no, hold on a sec, hold on a sec.

• 45:59Speaker 02

  I get fragrances mostly.

• 46:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, and porn, but, but, but, but what I'm saying is, I know low, I, I, I've, I've known more than one person that has bought the trimmer as a result of the, of TikTok.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  That they have beard?

• 46:11Speaker 00

  Well, it's for ear and nose.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, but are they hairy people?

• 46:15Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't know. No, not after using the trimmer, which is only seven ninety-nine on TikTok.

• 46:22Speaker 00

  So ear and nose trimmer's quite big. What else? I'm nervous about saying anything else now because it's just my algorithm.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  What else have I seen?

• 46:29Speaker 00

  Uh, lots of supplements. I'll tell you what.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yes, supplements.

• 46:32Speaker 00

  Supplements, uh, skincare, that's quite big.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 46:36Speaker 00

  Uh, cleaning products are massive.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:38Speaker 00

  Um.

• 46:39Speaker 06

  Protein bars? Do you get, do you get a lot of them?

• 46:42Speaker 01

  I don't get, I don't get.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  What do you mean, boxes?

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Like plastic boxes to put in the garden. I get that all the time.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  Plastic boxes to put in the garden.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  What do you mean, plastic boxes to put in the garden?

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Storage boxes.

• 46:52Speaker 00

  To put in the garden?

• 46:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's plastic storage boxes.

• 46:55Speaker 00

  To put in the garden?

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Garden storage boxes.

• 46:58Speaker 00

  What are you talking about?

• 46:59Speaker 02

  That's, I think it might be algorithm-based rather than what's big on TikTok. I think that's what that's proving, isn't it?

• 47:04Speaker 00

  No, but sorry, I, forget the algorithm stuff. What is a plastic box of store in the garden?

• 47:10Speaker 01

  Is it for gardening tools?

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Could be, put what you like in, only five quid as well.

• 47:14Speaker 00

  Okay, what would you sell, Diane, on TikTok?

• 47:16Speaker 01

  I'd sell, uh, dog products.

• 47:18Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 47:19Speaker 01

  I've got a fourteen-year-old poodle and, um, a lot of the time I'll buy something for him and I'll think, this is really badly made. Like old dogs hate, hate you pushing things over their heads. They hate it. Yet everything you buy, you have to push it over their head. If I made something, it'd be, I, I always do that with dog products. To the point where now I've got, I, I really want to start this dog company called Molly Coddled.

• 47:46Speaker 00

  Good.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  And it's just dog products.

• 47:49Speaker 00

  Like clothing?

• 47:50Speaker 01

  Not clothing, like harnesses, legs, beds.

• 47:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  But really practical ones that, because most of the stuff is made by people that don't have a dog. They're just trying to make money.

• 48:00Speaker 00

  We have, we've got two golden doodles at our house.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 48:03Speaker 00

  And we, we've got a little bed for them that is in the living room. And when you say bed, bed, bed, they go onto the bed.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  Oh, lovely.

• 48:13Speaker 00

  Until you say.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Bed, bed, bed.

• 48:15Speaker 00

  Bed, bed, bed. You go bed, bed, bed, and they top onto the bed and they look at you and then.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  I love that. I love that.

• 48:22Speaker 00

  And then, so when somebody knocks on the door, we go bed, bed, bed, and they sit there and wait. And then people come in and we wait for them to all be chilled and then we go finish and then they come off and then they come and say hello, right?

• 48:32Speaker 01

  So lovely.

• 48:32Speaker 00

  It's really lovely, except for the fact that a couple of months ago, they jumped on the bed and the bed collapsed. It was only like, it's only like very close to the floor. So they didn't hurt themselves, but it was a bit of a shock to both of them.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, but.

• 48:47Speaker 00

  Anyway, I bought.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  So now that when you said bed, bed, bed, they're going to associate it with falling to the ground.

• 48:51Speaker 00

  So we've got two, Reggie and Ivy. Ivy now, when I say bed, bed, bed, every time she goes up, she tests it with her paw.

• 48:58Speaker 01

  Oh my god, that's so sweet.

• 49:01Speaker 00

  It's really, I actually feel really sad.

• 49:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's lost trust.

• 49:06Speaker 00

  Can, she really has lost trust. Can I ask you a question?

• 49:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 49:09Speaker 00

  I bought.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  Come on.

• 49:12Speaker 00

  I bought a, a, like a raincoat with a pattern on it.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:20Speaker 00

  And I bought them.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Matching.

• 49:25Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I love this. Have you got a photo?

• 49:27Speaker 00

  No.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 49:31Speaker 00

  I got so excited.

• 49:32Speaker 01

  What's the pattern?

• 49:33Speaker 00

  It's, uh, camouflage. It's sort of a brown camo.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, nice.

• 49:38Speaker 00

  Is that, would you describe that as a red flag? Like if you saw somebody walking their dog with.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  You're asking the wrong person because.

• 49:45Speaker 00

  You're into that sort of thing.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  I would, but I, I'm not with my dog because he hates being dressed up.

• 49:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  He won't wear a coat.

• 49:51Speaker 00

  What would you guys?

• 49:53Speaker 06

  I think if you were single and doing that, you'd be, you'd be staying single.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  No, you'd be covered in women. Are you joking? Are you joking?

• 50:02Speaker 00

  I'd be fighting them off.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  If you want.

• 50:04Speaker 00

  I'd be fighting them off. I'd be fighting them off if they could find me in the camo.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  Honestly though, wouldn't it? If you bought a coat and with match, women would be like.

• 50:20Speaker 06

  I think, I think people like the idea of that and the, like, for the, like, for the photo.

• 50:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 06

  I think the reality is, it's like, are you gonna, everywhere you go, are you gonna match your dogs?

• 50:30Speaker 01

  Not every day, just special occasions.

• 50:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, just like on my birthday or their birthdays.

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  Or a getting together anniversary.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, I mean, Lisa gets, she gets quite big on their birthdays. Fine, you know, anyway. Uh, welcome to Dogs and Veganism with Romesh Ranganathan.

• 50:54Speaker 00

  Let's talk about Android. Round of applause.

• 50:59Speaker 00

  On iPlayer right now, absolutely smashed it. Four million

• 51:05Speaker 00

  viewers in the first seven days.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  Apparently that's a lot.

• 51:08Speaker 00

  It's loads. Congratulations. Um, I think you have, I don't wanna overstate this, but equally, I don't wanna understate this. I think you've got people excited about sitcom, yeah, about AI and the future it represents. And I look forward to the day when this interview is just me at home giving three or four prompts. And then I sit back and watch it unfold. Uh, no, I think it's really exciting for, for sitcom because I think like we're in a, I, I, I think we're in a time when that sitcom has been struggling and new comedy has been struggling. It feels like people start to, people in comedy start to get, were starting to get nervous and they still are nervous, don't get me wrong.

• 51:53Speaker 00

  But to see something like that.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  Why are they getting nervous?

• 51:55Speaker 00

  Why are they getting nervous?

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:57Speaker 00

  Cause I feel like people think that there might end up being less of it on TV because you know, there's, it's more difficult to get something on screen, I think.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Cause there's no money.

• 52:08Speaker 00

  Cause there's no money. And then, so it's more, so then what will happen is if it's more difficult to get something on the screen, then less people try and make it because it's too much.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Oh, what's the point? Then I'm gonna make it.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  Exactly. And so then we just get a, we just get a contraction in, in great comedy. So this feels like a, it's, it's very, it's timely both for comedy and timely both because we all know that AI is gonna eventually take all of our jobs.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. It still felt like a risk though.

• 52:35Speaker 00

  Yeah. How, was it, um, it's a risk to do something sort of, I was about to say high concept. It, the, the premise is high concept.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  It is mad. You, I, I, we thought, is it gonna work? Cause it's so cause you, there's obviously a grieving woman at the centre of it and then she's got this robot. It sounds mad and it's a big risk. You think, will it work or will it just be? People go, what the hell is that?

• 53:00Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  It could very easily have gone that way. And.

• 53:05Speaker 00

  Were you shitting it when it came out?

• 53:06Speaker 01

  A little bit, yeah. Yeah. Well, but we had, then we had a couple of screenings where it went well and then I got hopeful and I thought, oh, don't get hopeful.

• 53:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's, it's such a mistake to feel hope.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, just, it's not gonna go well. Just get used to that now.

• 53:23Speaker 00

  Yeah. And it's.

• 53:25Speaker 01

  You can just stay indoors when it goes out and let it die down for a few months.

• 53:30Speaker 00

  Um, so when you would, when you, you, obviously you play a, what's it, a humanoid, a humanoid, a humanoid robot, right?

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:40Speaker 00

  What's the, um, what was the thought process behind how you were gonna, how robot, I, I'm really fascinated by

• 53:47Speaker 01

  I almost, I didn't sleep for a year worrying about how I was gonna play a robot. Cause I thought, I'm not gonna be able to do this. I don't know where to start. And it didn't seem funny because you can't do facial expressions.

• 53:59Speaker 00

  No.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  So you think, where are you gonna react? How are you gonna react? How are you gonna be funny as a robot? So I tried several voices. And, uh, you know, a lot of them, we tried a sort of Alexa voice and a Siri voice. They're just not funny.

• 54:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  Uh, so I tried some voices and then we got, we got this movement guy in Dan who did humans. And he gave me some confidence because I had no confidence that I could play a robot. And so he gave me the confidence and then I sort of made, rejigged it a little bit so it seemed a bit funny. And it allowed a bit, a bit more comedy.

• 54:37Speaker 00

  But, but you're not trying it out in front of an audience. So how do you not, like, how do you know?

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Just guesswork.

• 54:42Speaker 00

  Right. So you are, so genuinely you are not, you didn't know how it was gonna go over until it came out?

• 54:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:52Speaker 00

  Cause up until that point, you're not stage testing this stuff, are you?

• 54:55Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:56Speaker 00

  So that's, I mean, that is, I mean, like, I don't think people.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  I had one person say, I won't say who it was. But they said, the voice is a bit over the top, isn't it?

• 55:08Speaker 01

  And I was like, oh no, oh no. And this was really close to filming. What am I gonna do? I don't know how else to play it. I thought, well, I look, I've, I've, I'm, I'm just gonna do it. Cause I think it might work.

• 55:23Speaker 00

  Well, I think the way you play it is incredible. I think the voice is great. I mean, obviously I'm saying this in hindsight. You smashed it over the first seven, it, it's a success. So really, well done, Ron. Well done for getting on that train. You really are a tastemaker. But, but I, I do think the way you play it's ama, there, there's lots of little things.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, you've got to find those bits where you can mine some comedy.

• 55:50Speaker 00

  And it's like, you know, the, the, you know, there, there's, there's things that are that are obvious on first watch, like you're going from straight face to, to the smile when something goes well is like really funny. But I also think where you choose to direct your, your face.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. I know what you mean.

• 56:11Speaker 00

  Really funny. It's like, it's really funny. Do you know what I mean?

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. But you've sort of got to look through people. It's sort of like playing blind. You can't be, you can't focus on anything.

• 56:23Speaker 00

  This conversation is playing in front of you and you're like that. It's so funny.

• 56:30Speaker 00

  Um, is it supposed, is it, was it born of a decision to like make a statement about AI? Is that what?

• 56:36Speaker 01

  No, no, no. I, I read this article about how in Japan they're gonna start rolling out robots for the elderly.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  And so I started talking about it to my friend Pepper, who's the producer on the show. And she's like, this is really funny. We should try and write this and, you know, do a treat. And I was like, yeah, all right. It can get, go anywhere.

• 56:58Speaker 00

  And, and sorry to interrupt, but like, it, was that, was that like as part of like an ongoing thing where you were trying to get a stripped thing away or was it literally just inspiration?

• 57:08Speaker 01

  Weirdly, I just read this thing and we were joking, cause I don't have kids, so I'll be, I'll have a robot.

• 57:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  And we were joking about that and what it would look like and what would happen. We're just literally trying to make each other laugh.

• 57:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:25Speaker 00

  And, and so, and so you made this thing and then how difficult was it to get away? Cause like, it's, it is really high concept. It could, it could have, it could have died on its ass, didn't it?

• 57:33Speaker 01

  Cause it's topical.

• 57:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, right.

• 57:36Speaker 01

  You know, they love something topical.

• 57:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  I mean, I, I never wanted to do anything topical.

• 57:42Speaker 00

  The question you've got to ask when you're putting a show together is why now?

• 57:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  Exactly. I don't think anything should have any meaning ever, I think. Don't try and tie it in with an anniversary. No one cares. Do they? Is it funny?

• 57:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Should, but you know.

• 58:00Speaker 00

  It is really funny.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  Should be the bottom line.

• 58:02Speaker 00

  What's really hard, uh, in sitcom is to walk that line of like, cause, cause people want stuff to be funny, but they also want it to have a bit of heart. And that line is very difficult to, to walk. It's really moving show. Did, was that all?

• 58:19Speaker 01

  Most of that is down to Sue Johnston because she, she, oh, oh my God. Sometimes I was sat next to her, the robot, holding back tears because her performance was so moving.

• 58:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  She's so genuine. You can really feel it.

• 58:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's an, it's an incredible performance. It's like, it's just, it's just so funny. You're both so brilliant in your roles, but they couldn't be, they couldn't be further apart in what you've got to bring to it.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, it shouldn't work.

• 58:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, it shouldn't, it shouldn't actually. The whole thing, the whole, the premise shouldn't work.

• 58:55Speaker 00

  The, the performances together shouldn't work.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Incredible fluke.

• 58:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, well done.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 59:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, looks like you fucking got so lucky. You're so undeserving.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Oh, it could have gone really badly.

• 59:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it went great, which is congrats. And everyone's really happy, which is good. And normally I hate shit like that, you know? When people do well, it fucks me off, but, um, but well done. It's really good. You deserve it. Could you, um, could you tell us a little about the, uh, the, the, the contact situation? We were talking about it.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  The contact lenses?

• 59:28Speaker 00

  The contact lenses, yeah.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  Um, so I was desperate to appear robot-like. I thought, I know, I'll wear blue contact lenses, like bright blue contact lenses. That'll help. But you wear them throughout the night. Have you heard about these?

• 59:45Speaker 00

  No.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  They're hard lenses. You wear them overnight. You take them out in the morning. Yeah.

• 59:52Speaker 00

  What are you talking about?

• 59:53Speaker 01

  It reshapes the front of your eyeball.

• 59:56Speaker 00

  Oh, I see. Right, okay. I was gonna say, if their prescription feels mad to only have your eyesight corrected when you're asleep.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. Check them out.

• 1:00:05Speaker 00

  Okay, time to do some reading. Let me get these out.

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  So you take them out, then you've got perfect, I mean, perfect eyesight the whole day.

• 1:00:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  So I was doing that. So I was wearing these during the night and then in the morning, from like five o'clock, I'd be in the makeup chair with the blue contact lenses in.

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  So you're twenty four seven, you're contacting?

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  I've got, my eyeball is coated in some sort of lens.

• 1:00:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not naked.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  It's not breathing, Romesh.

• 1:00:34Speaker 00

  At all, got you.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  And then one day, my, I thought, perhaps my eyes are really like sort of itchy and like stabby.

• 1:00:43Speaker 01

  And someone said, oh, you should probably get that checked out.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  I'll be fine. I'm sure it'll be fine. But I needed to get some new contact lenses. So I thought, oh, well, I'll ask him about it when I go in. I was like, oh, no, my eyes painful.

• 1:00:58Speaker 01

  And they're like, all right, we'll give it a quick look. And they were like, oh, you need to go to A and I immediately. You've got an ulcer and it it can go really badly with an ulcer.

• 1:01:08Speaker 00

  I didn't even know if you get an ulcer.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  No, I didn't. I didn't.

• 1:01:11Speaker 00

  So it's in the eyeball?

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's it's basically your your eye starts rotting away, doesn't it? It can pop.

• 1:01:20Speaker 00

  It can pop?

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  I think your eyeball can pop. My my dog got it as well.

• 1:01:26Speaker 00

  What?

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  Dry eye and then he got an ulcer. And if the ulcer gets too deep.

• 1:01:30Speaker 00

  Dogs can wear contacts?

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  They can. You can put a lens, you can have a lens implanted into your dog's eye and they can see.

• 1:01:38Speaker 00

  Oh, that's cool.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:01:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  Well, I mind for your little doggies.

• 1:01:42Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, they've got it. I mean, I'm not gonna get back into the dogs, but.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, that's not.

• 1:01:46Speaker 00

  I'm not now cleaning their teeth.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  Uh, so yeah, that was, that's the eyeball story.

• 1:01:50Speaker 00

  Yeah. All right now, though?

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, back to normal.

• 1:01:53Speaker 00

  I'm fascinated. Sorry to, this is not on topic, but like, so you wear these overnight and they correct your eyesight?

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  I was talking about this on LOL.

• 1:02:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  The whole time. They're they're amazing. You wear it overnight, you take them out in the morning. So then you can sort of have naps, go for a run, have a shower. You don't, you're not constantly taking out and putting out.

• 1:02:13Speaker 00

  Oh, my god.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  Contact lenses. It's great. And if you're a kid, it stabilizes your eyesight. So your eyesight doesn't get worse.

• 1:02:21Speaker 00

  Um, now, let's talk a little bit about alley cats.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:25Speaker 00

  What was that like to?

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  Oh, lovely. Just a treat.

• 1:02:28Speaker 00

  We spoke, I spoke to Ricky recently about making it. And it felt like, because normally when you do an animation, um, you.

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  You're in a booth on your own.

• 1:02:37Speaker 00

  You're in a booth. You have to stick to the script. I mean, I did, I was in Chicken Run two. And um, I improvised a line and they said to me, Rich, that you've added six months to the production because.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  You had to draw extra frames for your line.

• 1:02:53Speaker 00

  They've got to move the little plasticine wrap.

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:56Speaker 00

  You know, a bit more. But with the way that Ricky made it sound, it's like you you did all that, all of that stuff together and it was like the animation came second, right?

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:07Speaker 00

  So what was that? Was that?

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Oh, it was lovely. So you're all in a room together.

• 1:03:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:11Speaker 01

  And it's basically the cast of Afterlife. So we all knew each other and liked each other. And uh.

• 1:03:16Speaker 00

  No pricks?

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, he doesn't imply pricks.

• 1:03:19Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  And I appreciate that.

• 1:03:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. Because I was saying to him, can I get in on this? And he said, no, and I can't tell you why.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  So we do, we do the script, we do one as is the script and then another where you just dick about.

• 1:03:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  That's great, you know.

• 1:03:39Speaker 00

  Um, Diane, I've got great news. It's time for Misquoted.

• 1:03:42Speaker 01

  Great.

• 1:03:47Speaker 00

  It's Misquoted. I've got five quotes for you.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:51Speaker 00

  Some of them you said, some of them you didn't. You just got to tell me whether you did or you didn't.

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:03:55Speaker 00

  My family lived to watch me on TV.

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  No, that that definitely didn't happen.

• 1:04:02Speaker 00

  You didn't say that.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:04:04Speaker 00

  Here's the real quote. My mum said to my auntie, Diane's done, who do you think you are? Are you going to watch it? And my auntie said, depends what else is on.

• 1:04:14Speaker 00

  At God.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  That is absolutely true.

• 1:04:16Speaker 00

  None of them give a shit.

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  That is absolutely true. That's what she said.

• 1:04:20Speaker 00

  Do you like that?

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  I think secretly I do. There are moments where I think,

• 1:04:28Speaker 01

  you know, some people's families celebrate them and.

• 1:04:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  You know, but then actually, again, that is sort of makes you who you are, doesn't it?

• 1:04:37Speaker 00

  I think so. Well, I I do think like Lisa and the kids in particular, my mum, my mum's kind of, she mixes very high praise with very deep, deep, deep hurtful criticism. So so that's quite a a mix. You sort of fall in love with your abuser.

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Speaker 00

  But but Lisa and the kids don't care about anything I do. And I I like going home to a group of people that don't give a shit about anything.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?

• 1:05:06Speaker 00

  I think it's good.

• 1:05:07Speaker 01

  Because some people treat you really weirdly, don't they? And do you know what I mean? People start treating you weirdly like.

• 1:05:12Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  Like you can do no wrong.

• 1:05:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  And it gets a bit like, oh.

• 1:05:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. And sometimes I, it doesn't happen enough because I've got a bit too much of an ego. Occasionally, I can tell when somebody's giving me too much laughter for what I've just said. And that's.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  It's horrible.

• 1:05:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Speaker 00

  You'll be like arrive on set and you're like, bloody hell, what's the deal with that?

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:39Speaker 00

  And then you go, no, I'm one of them.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Speaker 00

  Uh, well done. You got that correct. Here's your next one. I've never wanted children for a split second. The pain, the expense, the hassle, I can't see any advantages.

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  Yes, I said that.

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  And they did say that to the Guardian in twenty twenty.

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:56Speaker 00

  Uh, have you, you've always felt like that?

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  I always felt like that. Never wanted kids.

• 1:06:01Speaker 00

  I respect that.

• 1:06:02Speaker 01

  For a second.

• 1:06:03Speaker 00

  What I think is strange is people assuming that the default position should be that you want to have kids.

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:11Speaker 00

  I I find it's because deciding to reproduce and bring children into the world is such a massive thing. But the idea that you're asked, you should be asked in truth, why did you decide to have kids, rather than why did you decide to not have kids?

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  And some women have them because they think, well, I might change my mind. So I don't want it to be too late. So I'll just, I'll just pop a couple out and then I've done it.

• 1:06:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  But you think that's, that's wrong, surely. And some people have them so they've got people that'll take care of them in their old age.

• 1:06:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, ding ding ding.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, is that what you did?

• 1:06:45Speaker 00

  No. The quote goes on to say, then I work in Motherland and I feel vindicated. People say, yeah, but you'll look after you in your old age. You're only having kids to be your carers. There you go.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Hmm. But the truth is, they're just emigrated to Australia and stuff, don't they?

• 1:06:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, they do. I I Lisa and I were thinking about emigrating to Australia.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were, me and Ben.

• 1:07:03Speaker 00

  Really?

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  We went to Australia um, a few years back because I was filming something. And we were like, oh my god, this is amazing.

• 1:07:12Speaker 00

  It's great, isn't it?

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  The weather every single day.

• 1:07:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  It's beautiful.

• 1:07:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  The food.

• 1:07:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  Everyone's really laid back and funning down to earth and this is amazing.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  Uh, you know, because I never wanted to go there because I thought, why go all that way when it's just full of spiders?

• 1:07:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:31Speaker 01

  I didn't see one spider. I was in Sydney though.

• 1:07:35Speaker 00

  Yeah. And they've they've got rid of them there, haven't they? That's what I thought. I thought, why am I traveling? Why am I getting on a twenty four hour flight to find racists there?

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:43Speaker 00

  You know?

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  Do you know anyone out there? Have you got friends out there?

• 1:07:46Speaker 00

  I've got family out there.

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  Oh, have you?

• 1:07:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, I went and did, I did, I did a tour of Australia and New Zealand. And um, the crowds are amazing.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:07:55Speaker 00

  Had a great time. My family came out to Brisbane to watch me. It was great. It's wonderful. I don't know why I came back. Oh, I've got family and children. But um, but you know, what I mean is if they'd have come with me, I probably wouldn't have returned. Um. Okay, here's your next one. You're doing very well, by the way.

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  How many is there?

• 1:08:09Speaker 00

  There's another three. Why are you fed up with it?

• 1:08:11Speaker 01

  No, no, not at all.

• 1:08:12Speaker 00

  We don't have to do them all.

• 1:08:13Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 1:08:14Speaker 00

  This can be your last one if you want.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  No, I'm enjoying it.

• 1:08:16Speaker 00

  Okay, it doesn't feel like you are. How many is there? Um, okay, here's your next one. It was in this ship Drake became the first person to circumcise the globe.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  I said this is a conk.

• 1:08:27Speaker 00

  It is a conk. Well done.

• 1:08:28Speaker 01

  It's a conker. Yeah, yeah. I'd never say anything like that.

• 1:08:32Speaker 00

  No, of course not. Okay, well done. You're three for three.

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  Do I win something?

• 1:08:36Speaker 00

  Pardon?

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  Do I win something?

• 1:08:38Speaker 00

  Um, have we got anything? Oh, you've already.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  I've already got some.

• 1:08:43Speaker 00

  Um, you can take this cannon if you want.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks, yeah.

• 1:08:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, don't though, please, because it's, actually, I shouldn't have said that. You can't take that. Um, you can have that, can have that jug.

• 1:08:54Speaker 01

  All right.

• 1:08:54Speaker 00

  Or if you don't want to take that one, you can get one on the TikTok shop.

• 1:08:56Speaker 02

  We've got more glasses.

• 1:08:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, we've got loads of.

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  I quite like the green glasses.

• 1:09:00Speaker 00

  Okay, you can have, how many of them do you want?

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Three or four?

• 1:09:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can have four of those glasses if you get, well, it depends now. Now there are stakes.

• 1:09:07Speaker 01

  Now you see.

• 1:09:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay. This is the first time we've had jeopardy in this car.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 00

  Uh, okay, here's your next one. That's experts for you. They don't watch TV and they don't have their own anus bleached.

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  Now, this is difficult. Because it's got elements of things I know I've said.

• 1:09:25Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  But I don't think it's word for word what I've said.

• 1:09:28Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  So I'll say no.

• 1:09:33Speaker 00

  The glasses stay here. You did say it.

• 1:09:35Speaker 01

  Did I?

• 1:09:36Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's such a shame to set up those stakes and then shit on them so instantly. But

• 1:09:43Speaker 00

  it's been great for us if that had happened on the last one. Uh, you said it to the Ro- to Rolling Stone in twenty twenty two. You're talking about just speaking with academics and experts on conk. And you'd asked one about anal bleaching.

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  That's right. I remember now.

• 1:09:58Speaker 00

  I tell you what, let's go all or nothing.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, go on.

• 1:10:01Speaker 00

  If you get this last one right, you can take some glasses.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:10:04Speaker 00

  I wanted to look like a pop star with buffalo boots and a body inconsequent dress.

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  I definitely didn't say that. The glasses are mine.

• 1:10:16Speaker 00

  Um, I rem- this is a real quote. I remember I wanted to look like Withnell from Withnell and I, so I brought a long grey coat, a waistcoat and a top.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:10:25Speaker 00

  Uh, The Times in twenty six.

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:27Speaker 00

  Hmm. Uh, Diane Morgan, well done. You won three glasses. Congratulations.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  Thanks very much.

• 1:10:35Speaker 00

  Um, okay, Diane, you've been a wonderful guest. Now, we like to end the podcast on a big moment.

• 1:10:40Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:10:41Speaker 00

  So what we ask is, you know, if you've got something you haven't said publicly before, an exclusive or something like that, we'd love to, we'd love to hear that. And then with the, the clippers.

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:51Speaker 00

  Clip it up and put it on there. Yeah.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:10:53Speaker 00

  What, have you got anything?

• 1:10:54Speaker 01

  Yes. So.

• 1:10:58Speaker 01

  Last year.

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  Um. Eric Morecambe's son.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  Had an auction of his father's stuff. Robbie Williams got the pipe and glasses.

• 1:11:13Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:11:14Speaker 01

  In fact, Fielding got Eric's desk.

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  I got his ring, his signet ring.

• 1:11:22Speaker 01

  Don't do that.

• 1:11:24Speaker 01

  Here, here it is.

• 1:11:25Speaker 00

  You got Eric Morecambe's signet ring, you know?

• 1:11:28Speaker 01

  This is it.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  This is it.

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  I can prove it because I've put it inside this book. About painting animals on rocks.

• 1:11:43Speaker 00

  This is a hell of a rollercoaster.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  Isn't it? There it is.

• 1:11:47Speaker 00

  Oh my God.

• 1:11:51Speaker 00

  Is that your favourite thing that you own?

• 1:11:52Speaker 01

  Yes. There was a fire, I'd run and get this. And the dog, obviously.

• 1:11:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  And Ben.

• 1:11:58Speaker 00

  Yeah. That's amazing.

• 1:12:00Speaker 01

  Great, isn't it?

• 1:12:00Speaker 00

  That's really good. Would you have paid any amount of money for it?

• 1:12:05Speaker 01

  No, I'm not an idiot.

• 1:12:06Speaker 00

  Okay, all right, sorry. Um, I was, I, so I nearly bought.

• 1:12:13Speaker 00

  I nearly bought, this is not comedy related, so apologies for that. I was desperate to buy, um, the notorious B I G's leather jacket.

• 1:12:24Speaker 00

  That he'd worn in some iconic photo.

• 1:12:26Speaker 01

  Did you get it out of bed?

• 1:12:27Speaker 00

  I didn't get out of bed, I just thought, what, I thought, what am I do- no, it was in an au- it was like in this memorabilia auction, but I thought, what am I doing? I, I don't, you know, like a ring, I get it, you can wear it, right? The leather jacket is massive. I don't really want to wear a leather jacket either. And then I was like, what am I going to do with this? And then somebody comes around to my house and goes, do you want to come upstairs and see?

• 1:12:45Speaker 01

  And they go, who cares?

• 1:12:46Speaker 00

  Yes, yeah, I think, I don't give a shit.

• 1:12:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:12:49Speaker 00

  Do you know what I mean? So then thankfully, the sanity kicked in before I put in a massive bid for that jacket.

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:56Speaker 00

  But that's amazing.

• 1:12:57Speaker 01

  It's great, isn't it?

• 1:12:58Speaker 00

  It's really, like, really genuinely great.

• 1:13:00Speaker 01

  And, and occasionally you'll see it in sketches. You didn't wear it all the time, but occasionally. And they'll be in sketches, like it's had this whole other life.

• 1:13:10Speaker 00

  It's so good.

• 1:13:10Speaker 01

  On Eric Morecambe's finger.

• 1:13:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Speaker 01

  I loved Eric Morecambe.

• 1:13:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Speaker 01

  And I've got a bit of this. It's nice, isn't it?

• 1:13:16Speaker 00

  It's really nice. Thank you for that exclusive. Um.

• 1:13:21Speaker 00

  Can I just ask you, sorry, you just mentioned you can see it in sketches. I just want to ask you, but we talked about it before the podcast, but I just want to say on the podcast.

• 1:13:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:28Speaker 00

  You and Joe Wilkinson.

• 1:13:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:31Speaker 00

  Did sketches together. Do you still, do you ever still do that?

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  No, no, no, we don't, no.

• 1:13:36Speaker 00

  Um, really, really funny, but this story that I heard, that I'd sort of, I'd heard it at a gig. Not from you or Jo, or maybe I'd sort of heard it third hand, I think, but I just want to, so it was a mixed bill comedy night. And you and Joe were going to appear on, on more than one occasion throughout the night, right?

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  Right, yeah, that's right, yeah.

• 1:13:57Speaker 00

  And then you went on and you did your sketch.

• 1:14:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:02Speaker 00

  And it, basically you both ate shit.

• 1:14:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, it died.

• 1:14:05Speaker 00

  It went terribly, it died, like really died. And then you started panicking because you were going to have to come back on, it had gone so badly the first time. And so what did you decide to do?

• 1:14:15Speaker 01

  We, we decided to. Go back on and do exactly the same sketch again.

• 1:14:24Speaker 01

  You see, you would find something like that really funny, but the audience did not.

• 1:14:27Speaker 00

  Love it. What happened the second time?

• 1:14:30Speaker 01

  I mean, they hated us even more.

• 1:14:32Speaker 00

  Oh, right, okay. I thought they might.

• 1:14:33Speaker 01

  They thought we'd lost our minds.

• 1:14:35Speaker 00

  Oh, I, because I think that's the funniest thing you could have possibly done.

• 1:14:39Speaker 01

  It really provokes people if you do a thing like that.

• 1:14:41Speaker 00

  Yeah. That is amazing, though. Was it, that takes guts, doesn't it?

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, nothing we would have done, they would have enjoyed after that. So we thought we may as well just push it further and get them to really hate us.

• 1:14:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:54Speaker 00

  Um, well, look, thank you so much. Can you give it up for the legendary Diane Morgan?

• 1:15:01Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:15:02Speaker 00

  Really good episode. Thank you. That's definitely going, and we'll put that out.

• 1:15:10Speaker 00

  Thank you so much for watching and listening to this episode. Before you go, if you've enjoyed this episode and you've not subscribed, that's a bold decision, crazy behaviour. Follow and subscribe to the Romesh Wang and Ethan Show wherever you listen. It helps me, really, like, really helps me. It helps the team. And it costs you absolutely nothing. We drop episodes every Monday and Thursday. Mondays, I'm joined by great guests. Thursdays, my mum, Shanti, joins me to answer your questions and family dilemmas. I'll see you Thursday with mum, who, let's face it, is who you're actually here for. If you've got a problem you want to solve or a story you want to share, send it to [email protected], voice note or text us on oh seven seven three one six two three three five five. We can't promise good advice, but you might end up on the show. See you soon.

• 1:15:56Speaker 01

  Oh, shut up, Romesh.

• 1:15:59Speaker 04

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