The Australia Special

Who are Shanthi’s favourite Australians? And why didn’t she move to Australia? This Thursday’s episode of The Romesh Ranganathan Show is an Australian special, celebrating all our listeners from down under - we’ve got a boomerang, flags, a kangaroo and hats - we’re not here to f*ck spiders! Shanthi reveals some secret stories, including how Romesh could’ve been born in Australia, plus she plays a game of guess the Australian phrase and even attempts the accents. We also answer questions from our Australian listeners on swearing in front of parents, if you should have more than one child and what are our favourite types of c*nt. Don’t forget to like and subscribe! A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform. Chapters:00:00 Intro03:31 Cork hats08:52 Shanthi on Australia09:56 Australian family10:53 Shanthi attempts an Aussie accent12:05 Favourite Australians15:45 Wikifeet16:25 Aussie phrases20:06 Shanthi on ShxtsNGigs23:15 The c-bomb26:47 Another question31:50 Snake training37:43 We answer another question43:44 Live shows and a trip to Australia45:03 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Oh my goodness, fuck a duck. It's the Romesh Wang and Nathan Show, Thursday edition of the back of the moderate success of the... Why have we said that? Why have we scripted that moderate success?

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Well, sometimes I feel like we oversell it.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Okay. Off the back of the moderate success... Can I do... Let's just get into this about the email special. We didn't actually do that many emails, did we?

• 0:20Speaker 01

  It was an email special.

• 0:21Speaker 00

  But we did, how many did we do? Four? About that, yeah. And what did we do? And we do four all the time.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  We do three normally, so it's four.

• 0:28Speaker 00

  Three, I see, we've done one extra, that makes it special.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  But they were all emails.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay, fine. Actually, I do want to take this opportunity. Ben, again, it seems to be a running theme here, that people think I was too harsh on you about the email gate. And people are saying, somebody actually said to me, Romesh, surely it's partly your responsibility to check the emails? And why were you having a go at Ben? And I read that, and I'd like to say to you, fuck you!

• 0:58Speaker 02

  Oh god, here we go.

• 0:59Speaker 00

  It's a joke! Ben's one of my very good friends, one of my best friends in fact, and he could take, say, if you've got a problem with that, go fuck yourself. Okay. No, in all seriousness, Ben, I want to apologise to you. Were you offended by the way that I dealt with that email thing?

• 1:13Speaker 02

  Of course!

• 1:14Speaker 00

  How do you know? I know, mum, this eye is...

• 1:18Speaker 02

  It's broccoli, is it?

• 1:19Speaker 00

  Well, it's just, he seemed to think I'm talking to you and calling you Ben.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  Doesn't matter.

• 1:22Speaker 00

  Ben, did you feel, in all ser... Like, let's have an honest moment here.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  Did you feel bad about it?

• 1:30Speaker 01

  I did feel bad.

• 1:31Speaker 00

  Okay, how come?

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Well, I felt bad that we'd let our audience know.

• 1:35Speaker 00

  No, but I mean, in terms of the way I sort of continuously bollocks you.

• 1:37Speaker 01

  You've always treated me like that. So, shall we do the Australia special?

• 1:41Speaker 00

  We haven't even treated it up yet. What do you mean, I've always treated you like that?

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Well, I think, I think some of the flags give it, and the kangaroo give it away.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  Well, let's find out. Trouble in paradise! Ben and John are having a bit of an argument now.

• 1:55Speaker 00

  I'll tell you what happened, in case you didn't fully hear.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  Ben went, should we get on with the Australia special? And then John went, oh, we haven't said it's the Australia special yet. And then Ben went, I think the flag's giving away! It was a little bit, it was a little bit of, a little bit of Passag tennis was going on there. It was really fun to watch. Fifteen all.

• 2:17Speaker 00

  Now, off the back of the moderate success of the email special, and for absolutely no reason, except we love Australia.

• 2:26Speaker 00

  Apparently we've got a few listeners in Australia, right? What are we talking about?

• 2:31Speaker 03

  Tons.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Really?

• 2:32Speaker 03

  Like, like, like.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, I heard as well.

• 2:34Speaker 00

  Who did you hear from?

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Why would I tell you?

• 2:37Speaker 00

  I don't know, because it's not a secret? I, I, I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me. How do you know that we've got lots of listeners in Australia?

• 2:45Speaker 02

  People tell me.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  Who tells you?

• 2:47Speaker 02

  I've got friends in Australia.

• 2:48Speaker 00

  Oh, okay. I'm a listener, okay, cool. Uh, because basically, we've got a lot of listeners.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  Okay, Mum, don't give away the surprise.

• 2:59Speaker 03

  I think the flags might be a giveaway, though.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  We, because we've got a lot of listeners in Australia, and we do, I actually do love Australia. Best tour shows in Australia. Don't tell the UK that. Welcome to our Australia special!

• 3:29Speaker 02

  With me, Shanti!

• 3:31Speaker 04

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• 4:23Speaker 04

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• 4:31Speaker 05

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 4:33Speaker 06

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 4:34Speaker 05

  Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 4:40Speaker 05

  Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. Taylor Hansen? Nice!

• 4:48Speaker 06

  Try one.

• 4:49Speaker 05

  Mmm.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  We're doing an Australia special. We've got boomerang, uh, we've got flags, um, we've got mistreatment of the indigenous people. Uh, what else have we got?

• 5:12Speaker 06

  Kangaroo.

• 5:13Speaker 00

  We've got a kangaroo. There is no stereotype that we will leave unturned. And I wonder, now you're thinking, haven't you got some, have you not got some headgear that's offensive? Yes, we do.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Do you remember how like I threw it perfectly on into your mouth, the, uh, the sweet?

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Should we try to do the hat?

• 5:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:30Speaker 00

  Well, on into my mouth?

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Daddy, don't, don't try and do it to me, okay?

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Okay, I'll pass it to you. Ready?

• 5:36Speaker 00

  Okay, ready.

• 5:38Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  Useless bugger.

• 5:41Speaker 00

  How?

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.

• 5:44Speaker 00

  I, I think it'd be quite difficult. Mum, can I try and get it on your head from here?

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  Okay, so bow your head. Oh. Oh, no.

• 5:55Speaker 00

  What are these for?

• 5:56Speaker 02

  For, uh, there's chased, uh, uh, mosquitoes.

• 6:02Speaker 00

  They're for what?

• 6:05Speaker 02

  You know, in Australia, full of insect.

• 6:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  These flying thing.

• 6:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  So you put it on.

• 6:11Speaker 00

  Yeah. Do you think it might be inside out? Is it not? What's the piping on the top?

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yours inside out, other way around.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  It's like a.

• 6:17Speaker 00

  Like a what?

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Squashed boobs.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  The other way around, Chanti, it's inside out.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, there you go. There you go. That's it. No, put it on now. That's it. You got it. You got it. They're like that. Yeah. It was inside. No, it was inside. It was inside out before, but you've turned it around. I think it's fine.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  Okay, okay. Like that? Yeah. When you have mosquitoes, mosquitoes comes in your face.

• 6:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Or some other insect, you do this, fly away.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  What is it? How do I look like?

• 6:46Speaker 00

  Uh, you look like somebody who's been culturally insensitive.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  Why, why is this hat so synonymous with Australia?

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, not everybody wears it. I mean, Crocodile Dundee didn't wear this.

• 6:59Speaker 00

  No, what's the, no, let's, that's, let's, let's throw in another cultural stereotype. Crocodile Dundee doesn't wear these.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, he doesn't.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  And that was, that, in that documentary.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  No, he, he was chasing crocodile, lots of insects there.

• 7:15Speaker 00

  Cock cats originate from the Australian outback. Early settlers, what's that say? Stockmen. Uh, and farmers in the late 19th and early 20th centuries created them as a practical solution to ward off dense swarms of bush flies. Do you have any problems with bush flies, Mum?

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Of course. When you're going shit, you should worry about the bush flies.

• 7:39Speaker 00

  I don't know where this is going. Anyway, is it okay, are we wearing these for the rest of the episode?

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Up to you, really.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  I don't mind wearing it.

• 7:45Speaker 00

  No, I don't mind about us minding. What I'm asking is, is this offensive?

• 7:49Speaker 02

  It's not offensive. Why, why is it offensive? Why?

• 7:54Speaker 00

  Okay, we'll keep it real.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  We are promoting Australia, wearing their hat, promoting or whatever.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Wear this.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  Okay, fine.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  You look like an Australian.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  There is a danger in there by, by trying to embrace Australia, we, we, we alienate the whole of Australia. I guess there is a danger of that.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  Well, this is, this is the bit you're doing, isn't it?

• 8:15Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 8:16Speaker 00

  Well, we didn't buy these hats.

• 8:21Speaker 00

  Every Thursday, we talk about Monday celeb episodes and answer listener questions and problems. Today, as always, I'm joined by the real celeb, my mum, Shanti Ranganathan.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  Woof, woof.

• 8:31Speaker 00

  Uh, and a team whose faces are used to scare birds off the roof of this building, and an inflatable kangaroo. Uh, welcome to the Romesh Ranganathan Show.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  Yay.

• 8:44Speaker 00

  Mum, how are you today?

• 8:45Speaker 02

  I'm fine, I'm fine.

• 8:46Speaker 00

  What do you think of the Australia theme?

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Australia theme, it's lovely, yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Are you a fan of Australia?

• 8:51Speaker 02

  I am, I am. I had the opportunity to go to Australia.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  We went for the interview with Dad because they were looking for a lot of income. No, listen, okay? Went to, for the interview, we got that. Then I found, my, I was very lucky, I found a letter, kind of love letter, from a woman to Dad.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  She has written, "No Ranga, you have been so helpful to me."

• 9:21Speaker 00

  What?

• 9:22Speaker 02

  It's Australian woman came to work in his office as a cashier.

• 9:28Speaker 00

  I don't know this story by the way.

• 9:30Speaker 02

  Why would I tell you?

• 9:31Speaker 00

  But why would you tell me on the, on the podcast?

• 9:33Speaker 02

  This is Australian, isn't it? What Australian woman did to my-

• 9:36Speaker 00

  So you've been waiting for us to do Australia Day on the podcast to announce this story about some woman that wrote a love letter to dad?

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Cut, cut, cut.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  This is fucking wild, guys. This is, I feel like we're Australian Jeremy Kyle.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  I haven't-

• 9:51Speaker 00

  What the hell's going on?

• 9:53Speaker 02

  I haven't finished the sentence.

• 9:55Speaker 00

  Sorry, okay, go on.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  And we interrupted.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  So, I'm so sorry.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Okay. And, and I found this letter that they were very close. So when I got the interview, we passed, we have a love to go to Australia, to Sydney. Then soon as I found the letter, I said, "No, I'm not coming," I said. This is-

• 10:17Speaker 00

  That's why you didn't move to Australia?

• 10:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  Because dad got a love letter?

• 10:21Speaker 02

  It's not kind of love letter, she was praising him.

• 10:24Speaker 00

  Right.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  He was very close, he was helpful, he rang the tax department and get the tax refund or something for her. She's not even your girlfriend, what connection have we got?

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Then he came and asked me, "I was fully pregnant with you that time."

• 10:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  "Oh, she's leaving to Australia today, can I go to the airport?" I said, "You are not fucking, don't go into the airport." I said, "You'll be dead if you go." Eight, nine months pregnant, he's thinking about her, saying bye. So, I didn't like Australia.

• 11:01Speaker 00

  It's nice to finally draw a line under that forty-eight years later. Um.

• 11:06Speaker 06

  The real story there is that you were, you were like, it sounds like you were this close to being Australian.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  We could have actually been Australian, we'd have been wearing these hats every day.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  Be friendly with.

• 11:16Speaker 00

  This would be what I'd put on first thing in the morning.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  Friendly with Dundee.

• 11:19Speaker 00

  Wake up, have some breakfast, get the old fucking head on. Head on out.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  You've got a lot of Australian family and stuff.

• 11:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, we have. Yeah, we've got lots of Australian. What are you doing that for?

• 11:29Speaker 02

  No, no, just I just made it up.

• 11:31Speaker 00

  We've got more family in Australia than we have in England. I'm gonna say this now, apart from, I know that we're wearing the hats and everything, it's quite offensive. Um, I love to.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  It's not offensive, no.

• 11:40Speaker 00

  I love touring Australia. Australian tour shows are so sick and I love the crowds and, you know, I bloody.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  You don't have to shake your head on the chat.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  My head. What? What do you mean?

• 11:54Speaker 02

  It looks awful.

• 11:55Speaker 00

  What does?

• 11:57Speaker 02

  All.

• 11:58Speaker 00

  What's the problem? What?

• 12:03Speaker 02

  Remy.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  What's the, what is the issue?

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Have you got a mosquito on your face?

• 12:06Speaker 00

  No, I just. I, I'm not doing anything.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  She's not doing anything. Unusual shake.

• 12:14Speaker 00

  I'm not doing an unusual shake. Okay, anyway, Australian tour shows are amazing. I love the crowds, I love the people, I love being in Australia, it's great. Um, now, Mum, we, the team would like you to introduce the show in your best Australian accent.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Oh my god, I don't, I can't do Australian accent.

• 12:32Speaker 00

  Just try it. So all I want you to do is.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Only send designer, good day mate.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  There you go, okay, down the barrel of the camera, introduce the show, please.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  Oh, I can't, you do it, man, please.

• 12:44Speaker 00

  I'm not do, Mum, that's not, you always introduce the shows, so can you do it? You're being very blocky on these last year episodes.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Okay, shut up, shut up. Hi guys, this is Romesh Ranganathan Podcast. Uh, welcome to watch our show. I know it doesn't sound like Australian.

• 13:03Speaker 00

  No.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  No, so, give me a break.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  I'm, I'm not giving you, what are you talking about?

• 13:10Speaker 06

  You could try and try.

• 13:10Speaker 00

  Can you try?

• 13:11Speaker 06

  Good day mate.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  Good day mate, I'll pass it on to my son, he will introduce the show.

• 13:16Speaker 00

  Mum, you can't cop out your.

• 13:20Speaker 00

  G'day mate, thanks for joining us, this is Arvo for the Romesh Ranganathan podcast.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:24Speaker 00

  We're gonna have a great old fun, so throw a shrimp on the barbie and let's fucking get on with it.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  Yeah mate.

• 13:30Speaker 00

  There you go. Uh, but in all seriousness, we love Australia, don't we? It's time for the Romesh Ranganathan Show with Shanti, Australia special.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, I love the hat, it's so cute.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay. Mum, who are your favourite Australians?

• 13:50Speaker 02

  I watched that film so many times, because I like the acting.

• 13:57Speaker 00

  Which film?

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Crocodile Landy.

• 13:59Speaker 00

  Oh, fucking hell.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  Why, you don't like that film?

• 14:01Speaker 00

  I do like the film, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  Australia, I, when I went there with, with dad.

• 14:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  Uh, more, they're more like they're copying America.

• 14:10Speaker 00

  Oh god.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  They do.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  In what way?

• 14:13Speaker 02

  They all have white cars. They do, massive, massive, yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, what else?

• 14:19Speaker 02

  And only thing I, I regretted that, why I didn't move there, because I could have brought all my tropical plants there. It's lovely weather.

• 14:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  And they are more, they are very friendly, Australians, they are friendly.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  Um, any, have you got any favourite Australian cultural icons?

• 14:38Speaker 02

  No.

• 14:38Speaker 00

  Kylie Minogue?

• 14:40Speaker 02

  I listen to her songs.

• 14:41Speaker 00

  Nicole Kidman?

• 14:42Speaker 02

  Nicole Kidman, somebody gave me a story about Nicole Kidman, I used to like her, but...

• 14:48Speaker 00

  What happened, what's the story?

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Nah, I can't tell you.

• 14:52Speaker 00

  Why?

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Well, I'm not going to advertise that, no.

• 14:56Speaker 00

  What's the story?

• 14:57Speaker 02

  No, I forgot.

• 14:58Speaker 00

  Okay, so that's, I knew that was the real reason, is that you don't know the story. And then you pretend it's because you and Nicole Kidman are keeping a fucking secret. You just can't remember the story.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  That thing's, uh... See Nicole Kidman, I was confused with the, that's why I can't tell you.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  Nicole Kidman and who are you confusing her with?

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Who married Tom Cruise?

• 15:21Speaker 00

  Nicole Kidman?

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Ah, definitely it's Nicole Kidman.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Okay, what's the story then?

• 15:24Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no.

• 15:25Speaker 00

  What's the, why are you, so who are you, is it between you, Tom and Nicole or something? How come you're allowed to know this story but we're not? And do you think that you've got a story about Nicole Kidman that is not public knowledge?

• 15:37Speaker 02

  I've not telling.

• 15:38Speaker 00

  Uh, Chris Hemsworth, do you know a story about him?

• 15:40Speaker 02

  No.

• 15:41Speaker 00

  Do you know who he is?

• 15:42Speaker 02

  No.

• 15:43Speaker 00

  Thor?

• 15:44Speaker 02

  Heard about him, but I can't picture.

• 15:46Speaker 00

  Okay. Shane Warne?

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, you like him?

• 15:50Speaker 02

  He's a cricketer?

• 15:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, good. Hugh Jackman? Hugh Jackman.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  I li- I like him.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  That guy, isn't he?

• 15:56Speaker 00

  What are you doing that for?

• 15:59Speaker 02

  With that, he wears, he become a, what does he become, become a director film? Ah, that's the one.

• 16:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, but the claws come out of here.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 16:08Speaker 00

  The claws come out of here.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, but he did a stupid thing, isn't he, at Oprah Winfrey Show?

• 16:14Speaker 00

  What did he do?

• 16:15Speaker 02

  He came on that thing and hurt his eye.

• 16:17Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I don't know about that.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  So that's a bit stupid, isn't it?

• 16:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Russell Crowe?

• 16:21Speaker 00

  Russell Crowe?

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Russell Crowe, he's fat now, isn't he?

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. Why do you say Russell Crowe then?

• 16:26Speaker 01

  No, no, I was, I was, I was just thinking people I like.

• 16:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're not just throwing out names of.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  I remember he was telling in one of the interview, he was, he fancied that.

• 16:35Speaker 00

  Yvonne de Holyfield? Are we just doing stuff?

• 16:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like him, he's good.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 16:39Speaker 00

  Jason Donovan?

• 16:40Speaker 02

  Of course I do, he got a big feet, isn't he?

• 16:43Speaker 01

  What?

• 16:45Speaker 02

  The singer?

• 16:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  He has got massive feet, isn't he?

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Can we just talk about what an, has he, is that true?

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 16:53Speaker 00

  Can we look this up, please? Has Jason Donovan got big feet? What size feet do you think he's got?

• 16:59Speaker 02

  Eight, nine?

• 17:00Speaker 00

  Eight or nine? I wouldn't describe that as massive.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  UK size eight, oh my god!

• 17:08Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 17:08Speaker 00

  Fucking hell, has he been treated for that? Gigantism? Size eight? I'm size eleven.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Right, you want Wiki, what is Wiki feet?

• 17:17Speaker 00

  Wiki feet is just celebrities' feet. You're on there. Yeah, of course I am. Yeah, you've got some. Got some what, Will? What, you finished that sentence?

• 17:26Speaker 01

  What's from his feet?

• 17:28Speaker 00

  Why are we now looking at my feet online? What were you gonna say? Well, you got some. Yeah, what do you wanna say about my feet, Will? You've got some dogs on you.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  Is that your feet for real?

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is. I recognise it.

• 17:38Speaker 00

  How do you know that?

• 17:38Speaker 02

  I washed it so many times, yeah.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, there you go. It was that size when I was eight months. I don't know why that's, there's a photo, there's a photo of my feet there. Oh, God.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 17:46Speaker 00

  All right, Will, let's get off this.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  All right, Mum, we're gonna play a little game with you.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:55Speaker 00

  We've got some Aussie turns of phrase and you've got to tell me what they mean.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:58Speaker 00

  All right, don't look at the screen, that's cheating. All right, first one is drongo. Can you say it?

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Drongo.

• 18:05Speaker 00

  Drongo, what do you think that means?

• 18:07Speaker 02

  Drongo is a, no, animal?

• 18:11Speaker 00

  No.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  A, a drongo. No, I have no idea.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  Drongo is an idiot. You bloody drongo. Do you wanna try, try that phrase?

• 18:21Speaker 02

  You bloody drongo.

• 18:22Speaker 00

  Ooh, it's not bad. Okay, next one. Flat out like a lizard drinking.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  He was a drunken.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  I don't actually know what this means.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  Drunk, getting drunk.

• 18:33Speaker 00

  Oh, it means extremely busy. I'm flat, I'm, so let's use it in a conversation. Say, I'll say to you, how's work? And then you go, mate, I'm flat out like a lizard drinking. Okay, ready? Uh, how's work, mate?

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Mate, I'm flat out like.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  You've got almost.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  Drinking lizard.

• 18:55Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 18:59Speaker 00

  Good. Uh, next one is servo.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  Servo.

• 19:04Speaker 00

  It's one word, servo.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Servo.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Servo.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  Servant?

• 19:08Speaker 00

  No. Maybe you could use it in a sentence from. Sure.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 19:11Speaker 00

  Oh, mate, got a long journey in the car tomorrow.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  Uh-huh.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  Better head over to the servo before I head off.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Saving, serving to the petrol station?

• 19:19Speaker 00

  Yeah!

• 19:23Speaker 00

  Okay, next one. Spit the dummy.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Spit the dummy. Uh, spit the dummy. I have no clue.

• 19:34Speaker 00

  I'll use it in a sentence.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  You still gonna say, say it?

• 19:37Speaker 00

  Okay, all right, mate, so difficult to do a podcast with my mum.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:41Speaker 00

  Every time you ask her questions, she spits the dummy.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  Swearing.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  No, uh, I'll try again. Uh, my mum, every time he he talks to her about how much I text her, she spits the dummy.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  Negative though, negative, no.

• 19:57Speaker 00

  Okay, that's a bit of an insight.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, you are a good Australian accent.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  Thanks, throw a tantrum.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  I, do I? I don't.

• 20:05Speaker 00

  No, you don't. Uh, so do you.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Don't shake your head. You don't have mosquito on your face.

• 20:10Speaker 00

  Uh, mate, there's a few ruse loose in the top paddock.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  He.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  He's got a few ruse loose in the top paddock.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  I mean, uh, he's mad.

• 20:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 00

  Okay, good. Do you want to try that phrase?

• 20:26Speaker 02

  Few rules loose in the top paddock.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  Okay, good. Yeah, good, good. Uh, next one, dag. Don't be a dag.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  Don't be, is a gossip or?

• 20:38Speaker 00

  Uh, he's a bit of a dag.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  But dig, he's, they're saying dag.

• 20:42Speaker 00

  Dag.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:43Speaker 00

  He's a bit of a dag.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  He's troublemaker.

• 20:46Speaker 00

  No, socially awkward but lovable nerd. So you, I I'll use it in a sentence appropriate. Ben's a dag. Okay, here's the next one, final one.

• 20:57Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 20:57Speaker 00

  Uh, mate, we're not here to fuck spiders.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  How can you fuck a spider? So, let me think.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  Mate, we're not here to fuck spiders. Mate, mate, mate, we're not here to fuck spiders.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  Wasting time?

• 21:14Speaker 00

  Yes. How do you know? You looked, didn't you?

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Honest to God, I didn't look. I'm just guessing there.

• 21:21Speaker 00

  Okay, so can you say that?

• 21:22Speaker 02

  How can you fuck a spider?

• 21:24Speaker 00

  How can you?

• 21:24Speaker 02

  So you are wasting your time, yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 00

  Okay, we're not here to.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  Find the bird.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  We're not here to fuck spiders.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:31Speaker 00

  Do you want to try it, mum?

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 21:32Speaker 00

  Try it.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  We're not here to fuck a spider.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Okay, uh, on Monday, we had podcasting duo Shits and Gigs on. Uh, Shits and Gigs, mum, do you like them?

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Why do they call it shit, is it?

• 21:45Speaker 00

  Shits and Gigs.

• 21:47Speaker 02

  Shits and gigs.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  It's all a good podcast, is it?

• 21:51Speaker 00

  It is a really good podcast. Fucking hell. It's a really good podcast.

• 21:54Speaker 02

  So why do they call it shit?

• 21:56Speaker 00

  Like, no, they're not saying the podcast shit. You know, like when people say, I'm gonna do it for shits and giggles. I'm just gonna do it for a laugh. That's what shits and gigs means, isn't it? Uh, now, they're not Australian, but they've been on tour there. So hopefully, for all our Australian listeners, you're excited. Hopefully, the non-Australians like them too. Uh, if you're listening and you're not Australian, and you feel gutted we're not doing a special for you, fear not. We're accepting requests for future specials, aren't we?

• 22:19Speaker 02

  Of course we are.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, and we'll get straight to it. And we're not, after all, we're not here to fuck spiders.

• 22:24Speaker 02

  No.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  Uh, now, we're gonna do...

• 22:33Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by Alice and Steve, a new Hulu original series exclusively on Disney+. My friendships are very important to me. My mates have stuck with me through thick and thin and dodgy sweater vests. I'm hard to offend, so they'd have to do something pretty bad to put our friendship in jeopardy. For example, if I saw one of my friends being rude to a member of serving staff, that would put it in jeopardy. If one of my friends thought that Tottenham potentially going down wasn't funny, that would jeopardize our friendship. But that is nothing compared to what goes down in Alice and Steve, a new six-part comedy series from the producers of Baby Reindeer, which can only be described as the ultimate rom-com. Alice and Steve are lifelong mates, until Alice's adult daughter sleeps with Steve.

• 23:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, unbelievable. Pretty difficult for a friendship to recover from. I'm not speaking from experience, but I'm saying I can imagine. Obviously, that blows everything up, and their friendship is tested to the absolute max. Starring Nicola Walker and Jermaine Clement, it's a hilariously messy and complicated exploration of friendship, family, and love, where best friends make the best enemies. Alice and Steve, a new Hulu original series exclusively on Disney+. Eighteen plus. Subscription required. Ts and Cs apply.

• 23:50Speaker 05

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 23:52Speaker 06

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 23:53Speaker 05

  Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 23:59Speaker 06

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 24:01Speaker 05

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 24:05Speaker 06

  Taylor Hansen? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

• 24:12Speaker 06

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 24:15Speaker 00

  There's nothing like it.

• 24:20Speaker 00

  We're gonna do a bit of audience interaction. We're gonna do some messages and voice notes from the listeners. If our advice isn't good, please don't spit the dummy. We're trying our best. That was using a phrase.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:31Speaker 00

  Yeah. And my mum's advice won't always be great because she's got a few roots loose in the top paddock.

• 24:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:37Speaker 00

  There you go, see? Yeah. A reminder that you can always text or WhatsApp us on 07731623355. Or you can email us on [email protected].

• 24:49Speaker 02

  That doesn't sound like Australian.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Say properly like an Australian.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  [email protected].

• 24:57Speaker 02

  Here we go, yeah.

• 24:58Speaker 00

  And don't forget, if you haven't already, please like and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Podcast, so when this bond's a special, all of our questions are coming from Australian. Oh, fuck. Let's get to the first question. This is from Tim from the Gold Coast in Australia.

• 25:14Speaker 07

  Hey guys, Tim from Australia. Here in Australia, we have a bunch of different to describe different people. Romesh, you're a funny cunt. Shanti, you're a good. Ben, you're smart. John, you're an annoying cunt. And frankly, Will, you're weird. So my question to you guys today is, what is your favourite type of?

• 25:35Speaker 02

  What's this?

• 25:37Speaker 00

  Tim absolutely smashed it. What a great.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  Um, so he's just saying different types of isn't like. In a me, I mean, what are we gonna do with all these? You're gonna have to bleep them all, right? Yeah. There's gonna be a lot of bleeping. We could maybe use another word in its place to make it be bleeping easier. Okay, motherfucker? It's easier. Yeah.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  A mother is here, okay?

• 26:02Speaker 00

  That's true, actually, yeah. Uh, anyway, so the word is, in America is extremely offensive. Hmm. In the UK, less offensive. And in Australia, even less offensive than that, right? So they're just constantly calling each other, these are funny, he's a silly, he's a nice.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  They, when they talk, they use that.

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Oh, he's silly, okay.

• 26:22Speaker 00

  So, uh, would you ever use the C-bomb, Mum?

• 26:26Speaker 02

  If I'm really angry, I will.

• 26:28Speaker 00

  I don't think I've ever heard you a lot. You, I know that you're always saying that I swear a lot.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:32Speaker 00

  And I do.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:33Speaker 00

  But you swore a lot when we were growing up.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:37Speaker 00

  You swear a lot, but I've never heard you say the C word.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  C word.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Have you ever used it in anger?

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Yes, I have. I, when I, one of the women I called her with dad, I call her.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  What a colourful story.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  You asked me a question.

• 27:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, I did ask you a question. I, I would say you really got, very nuts and bolts anecdote, I would say. Um, but that's Tim, one of the best voice notes we've ever had. Really great. Really loved it, Tim. Thank you so much. Okay, shall we have another one?

• 27:20Speaker 00

  I can't believe you got, you got, you got to be smart. Yeah, why are you, why are you?

• 27:25Speaker 01

  No one's questioning that.

• 27:26Speaker 00

  Actually, let's get into this, actually. So, so what did they, what did they say? You're, you're smart.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  I think, I think I was the smart one, yeah.

• 27:33Speaker 00

  Why?

• 27:33Speaker 02

  I'm a good. Isn't it?

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:35Speaker 00

  Jesus.

• 27:36Speaker 02

  I am, I am.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  You got funny, didn't you?

• 27:38Speaker 00

  John's an annoying. Yeah. Why is that?

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Why is that?

• 27:41Speaker 00

  Is that because you laugh when everything you say? I think so, yeah. Yeah. Will, you're a what? Weird.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  God, how does he know, living in Brisbane? He's a.

• 27:52Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  He's a bad, bad.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  What is he calling my team, uh, good?

• 28:08Speaker 00

  No, he's, it's not insulting.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  It is insulting, man. He can keep that in Australia.

• 28:15Speaker 00

  Okay. Mum, he was being nice. Tim, I'm so sorry. Mum's a bit of an angry.

• 28:23Speaker 00

  I'm with Chancy on this one. Yeah, yeah, of course you are, because you've got annoying.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  You're happy.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  It's just what it is, isn't it?

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Compliment here.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  People think what they think.

• 28:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, I actually don't mind. I think his description is just spot on. And Ben does too. It's only John and Will that have got a problem with it.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  No, he's all right with it. Yeah.

• 28:44Speaker 00

  Okay, shall we hear the next one?

• 28:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:46Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 28:47Speaker 05

  Hi, Romesh and Shanthe, Auntie Vijay here from Sydney, Australia.

• 28:53Speaker 05

  Obsessed with the show. I saw a clip on Instagram a couple of months ago of the both of you fighting about something, I think it was fighting about being friends and it just, I knew that the show was for me.

• 29:07Speaker 05

  Yes, so my question is kind of to the both of you and kind of about your relationship. And I really want to hear the story about maybe the first time you both felt comfortable enough saying fuck to each other or in front of each other because in my family, being South Asian and like in most of the other South Asian families here in Australia that I know, it would just, it would never happen. I'd get like a tight backhand if I ever swore in front of or at my parents. So I'm just like, I'm so delighted and scandalized by your relationship. And just want to know, like, was there an event where it changed?

• 29:48Speaker 05

  Um, or did it just kind of happen over time and you can't remember when you got that comfortable with one another? Really curious to know. Love the show. Um, you both inspire me to call my parents more often. Okay, bye.

• 30:02Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  Thank you. Yeah, someone actually put her phone under her armpit there, just at the end of that message.

• 30:10Speaker 00

  Also, the way, can I just say, if you're planning on saying fuck in front of your parents, the way you said it was was so much, I think there are different ways of saying the word fuck.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:20Speaker 00

  And you went, the first time you said the word fuck. Like, you, you really, she really gave it a lot, didn't she? So when's the first time you said fuck? And she was like, when's the first time you said fuck? So I thought that, I think that's part of the problem. Um, when's the first time we said fuck in front of each other, Mum?

• 30:38Speaker 02

  That's a joke, we, fuck all Romesh, I say.

• 30:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't think.

• 30:43Speaker 02

  We don't take it seriously.

• 30:44Speaker 00

  No, I don't think, tho- tho- swear words don't have the same power in our, in our house. As they might do. So, so for us, it wasn't a thing of being, obviously, like, if you were, when we were, like, when we were really young kids.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:59Speaker 00

  Then we wouldn't be allowed, not, wouldn't be allowed, we just never said those words. But as you get older, I guess, you, I just don't think, I don't know. I think you swear more than Dad used to. Didn't Dad, did Dad used to swear a lot?

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Because Dad did naughty things and he doesn't swear.

• 31:15Speaker 00

  Alright, let's try and just keep it light.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 31:17Speaker 00

  So, but Ma- but you swore a lot and do swear a lot.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  I did. The life I had, what do you expect from me?

• 31:24Speaker 00

  So Mum, yeah, again, can we try and keep it off the, we don't have to drag everything back to what happened.

• 31:32Speaker 02

  Definitely, no, it's not, it's not nice. Yeah, I know, I know.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  I take, I take your advice.

• 31:37Speaker 00

  Okay, great. So you swore a lot, didn't you?

• 31:40Speaker 02

  I did.

• 31:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  I did.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  Dad swore a little bit. Um, and then we.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  Front of me, he doesn't swear that.

• 31:46Speaker 00

  No.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  He swears in the office, I think.

• 31:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think he, Dad was quite a sweary guy. And then he ran a pub, so there's a bit of swearing there. Are you okay, Ben? What's the problem?

• 31:57Speaker 01

  Nothing.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Why do you get, no, you probably don't realise, but.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  Chick, what the hell are you doing?

• 32:06Speaker 00

  What's the problem? I've never seen Ben find anything this funny before.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  I don't know, it's just really got me.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  You never turn your head like that before.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  What's got you?

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Um, do you swear in front of your kids? And has that, how's that?

• 32:21Speaker 00

  We, so the, I, I would say our boys swear a, a fair bit.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  They do.

• 32:26Speaker 00

  Only in appropriate settings. They have a swearing amnesty when we're watching the football.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, Alex does in the ticket.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  The only person that really takes full advantage of that is Alex.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Alex.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  The other two.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  I, I don't agree with that. He said, you motherfuckers, he said.

• 32:41Speaker 00

  He doesn't say that, Mum. Anyway, he gets a bit sweary during the football, but, um.

• 32:48Speaker 00

  Oh, I, yeah, I don't, I, I don't see it as a big thing. And, and I, I think saying swearing at the football is a bit different. If, if one of my boys said, like, fuck you to me, that's, that's a very, that's a really different thing. And that would never happen. So I think that's a bit different. But like, if they're swearing at the, you know, I kind of don't think that's that bigger deal. And they also know not to swear in, you know, in, in, in the places where it's not acceptable. And, and the other thing I would say is our rules on language are more relaxed at, at home than they are when we're out and about. I don't want them embarrassing us by.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  I don't swear outsiders.

• 33:23Speaker 00

  No.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  At home with my boys, I, you know, we talk about everything. And yes, for good laugh, and we do say, fuck off from me, fuck off, fuck you, Denise, I said.

• 33:34Speaker 00

  Did you say, did you say that? Oh, you do say that. Now, you, you wouldn't say that when he was a kid.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  No.

• 33:38Speaker 00

  I think that's only sort of ten and above mom would say that.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:41Speaker 00

  Uh, okay. Well, thank you, Vijetta, for your email, uh, for your message. We've now got an email from Amel and Kala in Valencia Creek, Victoria, Australia. I've never heard of Valencia Creek before. Uh, good day, Romesh. Shanti and the Uggos.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  A good day.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  That's outrageous.

• 33:56Speaker 00

  The Uggos. The Uggos.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  Uggos.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Ah, enough.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  It feels like it should be that one of those things that you can do if you're in the group, but outsiders.

• 34:08Speaker 00

  Uh.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  Can't start hurling abuse.

• 34:10Speaker 00

  I don't mind it. What do you think, Mum?

• 34:12Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 34:13Speaker 00

  About, uh, them being called Uggos.

• 34:17Speaker 02

  What's the exact meaning of Uggos?

• 34:18Speaker 00

  Uggos? Why don't you try and figure it out for yourself? I've not heard that word before myself.

• 34:23Speaker 02

  Uggos.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  Look at them.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  It's a team, team?

• 34:26Speaker 00

  No.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  No? Then.

• 34:27Speaker 00

  Look at, look at them and think what Uggos might mean.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Look at them. I love them all. What do we?

• 34:33Speaker 00

  What do you think Uggos might mean? Uggos.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  Supporters?

• 34:39Speaker 00

  Okay, that's another good guess. She have a third one? Uggos. Look at their faces. Uggos.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  It's, it's, it's ugly. It means ugly people.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  That's not nice. I don't like it.

• 34:50Speaker 00

  Okay. But you think that's, uh, we can call you Uggos?

• 34:53Speaker 02

  Australians.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  I would prefer if you didn't, don't get me wrong.

• 34:55Speaker 00

  But we're allowed because we're part of the group.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Treated us as human beings.

• 34:58Speaker 00

  Yeah. You are human beings, but hideous one.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  What will the people think of us?

• 35:04Speaker 00

  Of us?

• 35:04Speaker 02

  We are idiots.

• 35:05Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Agos, yeah.

• 35:06Speaker 00

  We're not agos, we're fucking Hansos.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:10Speaker 00

  We're sexos, no, how do you do it? What's the opposite? We're fittos. Uh, g'day, fittos and the agos. My parents have a beautiful golden retriever named Millie.

• 35:22Speaker 00

  Is it Millie or Miley, do you think? It's one L.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Miley.

• 35:25Speaker 00

  Because of Australia's wild and dangerous nature, she needs snake training. What the fuck? Before she's allowed to run off around the leash, off the, run around off the leash. My parents have taken her to a class on snake avoidance. What the hell's going on?

• 35:38Speaker 02

  No, they do.

• 35:39Speaker 00

  Snake avoidance, but neglecting to train her at home with the consistency she requires. My partner and I are getting frustrated and concerned. How can we convince him to be more consistent with training the dog? Many thanks, Amel and Kala. Um, so this is a-

• 35:51Speaker 02

  Kala is a Sri Lankan name, I don't know whether-

• 35:54Speaker 00

  Uh, well, Amel is also an Asian name, isn't it?

• 35:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  Uh, so, uh, this is one of the things I've always thought about dogs, actually. Cause when we had Reggie and Ivy, when they were puppies.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:06Speaker 00

  They, they would just wander around eating everything, right? And some of the stuff's poisonous.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:12Speaker 00

  To dogs, particularly like grapes and chocolate and stuff like that. And these sort of things, I don't understand how dogs survive because they've got no-

• 36:20Speaker 02

  Clue.

• 36:21Speaker 00

  Clue, like how to sort of look after themselves. And so, what's going, what's wrong?

• 36:29Speaker 01

  It's a good point, it's a good point.

• 36:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, so.

• 36:35Speaker 00

  Mum, what's wrong?

• 36:36Speaker 02

  He's so funny.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  What's funny? What's funny?

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Just trying not to do jolty movements.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:44Speaker 00

  I'm just-

• 36:44Speaker 02

  You're purposely doing it.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  I'm not purposely doing anything.

• 36:47Speaker 02

  You are doing it.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  I don't know what you're on about. Um, so now it makes sense because they've got like, they've got loads of, of like poisonous snakes in Australia. So they've got to train the dogs to, are you okay, mum?

• 37:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 37:02Speaker 00

  Do you know, can I tell you what I find, can I tell you what I find really upsetting?

• 37:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:07Speaker 00

  We, we, this is supposed to be funny every week, this podcast. I have never seen you or you laugh as much as me just shaking my head more than normal to make these swing about. It's such an insult to what we do. Mum's crying.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  I am, I am.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  I'm not going to look at your face. I'll go straight and then talk, okay?

• 37:30Speaker 00

  Is that why you're holding yours like this, to stop it happening?

• 37:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. Why do you think that is fun?

• 37:36Speaker 00

  Just, just welcome it. Mum, do a bit of swinging, go on.

• 37:41Speaker 00

  It's not as funny on you. Um, so what, sorry, I don't know what the question is. I've been so distracted by this hat hilarity.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:49Speaker 00

  How can we convince to be more consistent with training the dog? We had this problem with Reggie and Ivy actually. Because what would happen is we'd train Reggie and Ivy. The thing that dogs need is for you to reinforce the thing over and over again. And then what would happen is that boys wouldn't give a shit about that. And then it would undo the training. Mum, are you okay?

• 38:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:08Speaker 00

  So, um, I think, because the reason that they're not being consistent is just because they, the dogs are cute. And so they're getting kind of, they're just like, they can't sort of be strict with the.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  You should get a hat like this.

• 38:40Speaker 00

  I have got a hat like this. I'm wearing it now.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  Put it on Reggie and Reggie and.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  Oh, that'd be a cute.

• 38:44Speaker 02

  I mean, that'd be very cute. No snake will come near that.

• 38:48Speaker 00

  We do that, we'll put a, put a little picture up. I'm not putting a hat on, I'm not putting those.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Do you not dress them up?

• 38:54Speaker 00

  Well, sometimes when it's cold, we put the little, we've got dog coats for them and they hate it. So then it makes you feel bad. But, um, but I think part of the problem is, is that boys feel sorry for the dogs. People feel sorry for the dogs. But actually, what you need to say to them is that they're, you're endangering their lives by not being consistent with the training. And I think, you know, make it simple for them. Don't get angry. Don't get annoyed. There's a way of explaining these things. And you just say, this is.

• 39:27Speaker 00

  This is helping protect the dogs by doing this.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  Everything dangling, man.

• 39:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know, but you you were fine up until the point they got pointed out. And now you're com- she's completely useless.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  Time for one more?

• 39:42Speaker 00

  We've got time for one more. Gabby from Australia.

• 39:45Speaker 05

  Hi, Romesh and Shanti.

• 39:46Speaker 00

  Hi Gabby.

• 39:47Speaker 05

  Uh, my name is Gabby. I'm from Sydney, Australia. Um, I know you were wondering if you could do a live show in Australia. Um, I think you could and you should also bring the whole team because I think that they'd love it. Um, my question is about uh, having more children. So I have a one year old and have honestly found the whole experience of becoming a parent really challenging, um, especially with like the no sleep. Um, I always wanted to have a big family. Um, but now I'm kind of questioning if I want to have another child or not. Um, I was just wondering if you had any wisdom to share about how you decided to have more than one child and

• 40:31Speaker 05

  um, I guess if you would recommend it, um, or not. Excited to hear what you have to say.

• 40:40Speaker 00

  Gabby, thank you so much for your voice notes. Um, Mum, we've got some advice. Gabby wa- Gabby is finding having a one year old challenging.

• 40:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  And wants to know whether she, what our advice is about having more.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  I think it's individual choice. I won't, I regret that I was alone. I'm a single child. I mean, I didn't have sisters or brothers. But you should give your child a company. You can't le- leave him on his own. When he grow up, he will regret. So please have another child. And they will enjoy playing together, going somewhere, they'll have a friend. So please, please have another baby. And don't leave him alone in this big world, horrible world, okay?

• 41:34Speaker 00

  Well, uplifting message. Gabby, without any, without any intended disrespect to my mum, I couldn't disagree with her advice more. First of all,

• 41:46Speaker 00

  it sounds like, and I don't wanna sort of infer something that isn't there, but you shouldn't feel bad about finding, having a child, a child difficult, right? Having children is hard. And you, having a one-year-old and finding it challenging because of the lack of sleep, et cetera, et cetera, is perfectly normal and totally understandable. So, I hope you're, I hope you're not, and you haven't said that you are, but I hope you're not feeling bad about that at all. Parenting is hard.

• 42:15Speaker 00

  Look, I know plenty of people that are, I know mum's talking about her experience, but I know plenty of people that are only children and have had a wonderful upbringing and are totally cool with it. So, it's, it really is up to you what you decide to do. From my point of view, look, how it worked out for us is Lisa wanted four, I wanted two, so we had three. That was a compromise. We took the mean. And we've had three kids.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Depends on your financial situation as well.

• 42:42Speaker 00

  It also depends on your financial situation.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  That's most important, yeah.

• 42:44Speaker 00

  Well, it's not most important, but-

• 42:45Speaker 02

  It is, it is.

• 42:46Speaker 00

  It is most, that financial situation is most important.

• 42:49Speaker 02

  If you can't afford to bring up another child, why do you want to have?

• 42:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay, but you've just said to her she has to, otherwise her child would be alone in the big bad world. So, it's, it's a bit of a 180, if you don't mind me saying.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 43:01Speaker 00

  Okay. Don't get shitty about it.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  Try to be clever.

• 43:05Speaker 00

  I'm not trying to be clever.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  You are.

• 43:07Speaker 00

  I'm not. You said, honestly, mum, you went, listen, please, please, have another baby, otherwise your child will be alone in this horrible, horrible world. And then you've gone, literally, what, 90 seconds later, finances have to be in order, otherwise you don't have another one. So, it's very difficult to know what you're actually advising.

• 43:27Speaker 02

  When I was talking earlier, it didn't come into my mind.

• 43:30Speaker 00

  Okay, fine.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  So, a bit of advice.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  Just consider the advice before you say you must have another child. So, Gabby, you're right, mum's right, finances do have their part to play, but that should, that's not the main thing, because, you know, if you think I'm, we've got to make sure we have enough money, you'll never feel like you have enough money to have another child.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  I tell you why, because I wanted to have a girl. I wanted to have a girl. Dad said, you want to send your children to private school. Well, if you have another child-

• 44:00Speaker 02

  What would you do? How can you afford it? It's it's still in my mind.

• 44:03Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  Otherwise I would have had a girl.

• 44:05Speaker 00

  Hmm. Um Gabby, uh the one thing I would say to you is is that having our second child was the biggest increase in challenge. I I would say go from two to

• 44:21Speaker 02

  It's not funny.

• 44:23Speaker 00

  Oh, sorry, it's not funny.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  No, don't laugh.

• 44:25Speaker 00

  Let me deliver again.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  Or shake your head.

• 44:26Speaker 00

  Going from one to two was one of the most difficult.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Most, yeah.

• 44:30Speaker 00

  It added the most to the challenge. Sorry for smiling and laughing about that. It added a lot. Going from two to three was a much less of an increase in challenge than going from one to two. Uh so I'd think carefully about that. Sometimes when we had our second, I would look back nostalgically at when we just had one and think, I can't believe we thought it was difficult then. Now there's two of them and it's really challenging. So it is a challenge, Gabby. But it's also, they're also rewarded with that. As mum says, it's nice for them to have company. It's nice for them to be able to play with each other and you feel like, you know, you've got a bit of a team. But equally, having an only child is not something you should feel guilty about. And so you should do whatever personally you think is right.

• 45:13Speaker 00

  The other thing I would say to you is the challenges of having a one year old do not exponentially increase as that child gets older. You're probably in, you know, the the children continue to be challenging, but you're you're in the trenches, you're properly in the trenches. So don't judge it based on how you're feeling right now. Um I would have been lighter about that, but mum wanted me to give it some gravitas. Hence the reason I'm delivering it like this. Hope it helps. Thank you so much for your voice note. Take care of yourself and good luck with your future reproductive decisions.

• 45:43Speaker 03

  Mm hmm. She also wanted to know if we were going to go out to Australia.

• 45:46Speaker 00

  Oh, well, first of all, we have to organise a live shows over here, which we haven't done yet. Um are we planning on doing live shows?

• 45:53Speaker 03

  Would you do them?

• 45:55Speaker 00

  Would I do them?

• 45:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, we can't do it without you.

• 45:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, and Shanthe, of course.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  He hates taking me. I don't know why.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  Hates taking you where?

• 46:04Speaker 02

  Australia.

• 46:05Speaker 00

  I hate taking you to Australia?

• 46:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:07Speaker 00

  Where have you got that from? Based on what?

• 46:10Speaker 02

  Because based on first you went, I said I'll come with you, Romy. You said, no, I'll be travelling around.

• 46:19Speaker 00

  But I will be travelling around. So last time I toured Australia, I did fourteen shows in ten days. So you want to come for that schedule?

• 46:25Speaker 02

  I didn't. I won't come. I'll stay with.

• 46:28Speaker 00

  Okay, so then we're not going together, are we?

• 46:30Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 46:31Speaker 00

  We're not going together then, are we?

• 46:33Speaker 02

  I don't want to be a burden.

• 46:35Speaker 00

  Okay, well, I would change up your behaviour then. Uh, okay, that's all we've got time for for this Australia special. It's been fucking bonza. I think you'll agree.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  It'll be fucking bonza.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  Thank you to everyone for your emails and messages and your voice notes. We'll be back on Monday with another exciting guest, ideally for the team. They'd be Australian. Don't miss it. Say goodbye, Mum.

• 47:03Speaker 02

  Goodbye, Meg.

• 47:04Speaker 00

  Goodbye, mate. Suck a dick, motherfuckers. This has been the Australia special. Lit my gooch.

• 47:12Speaker 06

  I don't know why I thought it'd be different.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  Um, are we gonna do a live show?

• 47:15Speaker 00

  Oh, we didn't answer that question, did we?

• 47:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, we'll do a live show. Australia's tricky though, isn't it? There's bigger overheads.

• 47:24Speaker 01

  Why are we waving the flags?

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 47:28Speaker 06

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Uh, Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. Taylor Hanson? Nice.

• 47:43Speaker 06

  Try one.

• 47:44Speaker 00

  Mmm.

• 47:48Speaker 00

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.

• 47:57Speaker 00

  Yo, thanks for watching and listening to the Romesh Ranganathan Show. Sup, y'all? It's genuinely lovely that so many of you keep coming back, but I'm hearing rumours. Naive hearsay and conjecture that some of you haven't subscribed yet. If you haven't, now's the time. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss episodes. We've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. Monday's a big guest conversations where we talk about what they're up to and have a laugh. And Thursday is me and my mum, Shanthe, answering your questions and family dilemmas, as well as burning off any self-esteem I've got knocking about. We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest and then mum will be back to give some great advice on Thursday, playing fast and loose with the word great. If you've got a problem, a story or a family dilemma, send it to [email protected],

• 48:41Speaker 00

  voice note or text us on 07731623355. That's 07731623355. We love getting you involved and you might hear yourself in a future episode. Plus, it means less content for us to generate. See you next time.