Pod Insights The Romesh Ranganathan Show Shanthi’s Love Languages & Philosophical Questions About this episode What should Shanthi learn next?
In this week's episode of The Romesh Ranganathan Show we talk love languages, getting Shanthi on Raya and we even get a bit philosophical, plus Shanthi always wants to learn something new so send in your suggestions.
We also answer more of your emails and voicenotes (as well as some roasting of Romesh) discussing career changes, age gaps and communication between sons and mothers.
Plus, will Shanthi be seeing the Wayan brothers new movie, Scary Movie? And is Romesh going to buy her a Rolex for Christmas? Speaking of Christmas, THAT Christmas list pops up again…
A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform.
Chapters:
00:00 Intro02:12 On Scary Movie03:03 Philosophical questions10:26 What has Shanthi learnt?11:40 Raya12:11 Your questions15:08 Love Languages23:31 Shanthi’s wants a Rolex27:12 Memorable trips28:42 A question on university and changing careers39:29 We answer another question from you39:56 Outro
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Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Hello and welcome to the Thursday edition of the Romesh Ranganathan Show. Every Thursday we chat about Monday's celeb episode and answer your questions and dilemmas. Listen, we don't always get it right. And what we don't is made very clear in the comments, but we try our best, don't we, mummy?
0:11 Speaker 01 Of course we do.
0:12 Speaker 00 Talking of which, I'm joined by the podmother. Oh, that sounds disgusting. Shanthi Ranganathan and the team.
0:23 Speaker 00 And for those who have expressed any concern about them and suggesting I'm too mean, mum has brought them a bumper. You've got so many mutton rolls today, haven't you?
0:30 Speaker 01 I have.
0:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, so they'll be happily snuffling them from their troughs.
0:36 Speaker 02 It's delicious. Thank you so much. A bit spicy today.
0:40 Speaker 03 They were a bit spicy today.
0:41 Speaker 02 Is it okay if I take some home, Shanti?
0:46 Speaker 01 I'm sorry, Robbie.
0:48 Speaker 00 Mum, you look absolutely delightful.
0:51 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you. Coming from you.
0:52 Speaker 00 How are you?
0:53 Speaker 01 I'm fine, thank you.
0:54 Speaker 00 All brown?
0:56 Speaker 01 All brown.
0:56 Speaker 00 All brown.
0:57 Speaker 01 Now, these days...
0:57 Speaker 00 Like the podcast.
1:00 Speaker 00 Because we're both brown.
1:01 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
1:12 Speaker 01 With me, Shanti.
1:18 Speaker 00 This episode is brought to you by Dear England on BBC iPlayer. The brand new fictionalised drama telling the story of Gareth Southgate as the England manager. From the moment he took over in 2016, right through to the tournament runs that had the whole country holding their breath. And before you think it's just a football show, it really isn't. At its heart, it's an underdog story about leadership, pressure, belief, and those moments we all lived through together, whether we cared about football or not. Gareth Southgate, obviously, another son of Crawley, taking the England football team and changing the culture around them. We shared memes about him, we got excited, we had a belief in England that we didn't have before. He united the country and we also got very excited about the potential comeback of the waistcoat. With the World Cup around the corner, it's never been a better time to remember those we all felt that moments.
2:04 Speaker 00 And maybe we will again, dare to dream. Dear England, watch on BBC iPlayer.
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3:12 Speaker 00 On Monday, we had two of the Wayans brothers, Marlon and Shaun, have just made a scary movie. It's the sixth one, but it's not Scary Movie Six. Mum, do you like a scary movie?
3:21 Speaker 01 I do.
3:27 Speaker 01 No, I think if I see somebody at the window when I'm loading up, I will have a heart attack.
3:32 Speaker 00 Yeah, I find that. And often if I'm in the park and somebody chases me with a knife, I find it scary. You're in luck, Mum, because it's a parody movie. It's taking the piss out, not taking the piss, parodying.
3:44 Speaker 01 What's the title for that?
3:45 Speaker 00 Scary Movie.
3:47 Speaker 01 No, what's the name of the movie?
3:50 Speaker 00 Scary Movie.
3:51 Speaker 01 That's it?
3:51 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:52 Speaker 01 Scary Movie.
3:52 Speaker 00 Scary Movie.
3:53 Speaker 01 Where do I watch it?
3:54 Speaker 00 You can watch it in the cinema. Mum, would you like to go together?
3:59 Speaker 01 I'd love to. Will it happen, darling?
4:00 Speaker 00 Yeah, let's go and watch it together.
4:02 Speaker 01 Okay.
4:02 Speaker 00 Now, this is, well, we're addressing listener, not concerns, but feedback. Some listeners think we swear too much, and we often end up talking about shit or toilets. So the team had a fucking idea to elevate the fucking pod a bit. Make it a little bit [BLEEP] highbrow. They suggested we talk a little bit of fucking philosophy. Mum, you up for that?
4:24 Speaker 01 I am.
4:25 Speaker 00 Okay. Okay, so this is some philosophical questions I want you to think about this.
4:29 Speaker 01 Okay.
4:30 Speaker 00 The idea that this first one is going to go okay. It's gonna be great.
4:37 Speaker 00 Okay, Mum, I'm gonna say this slowly. Just listen carefully, okay?
4:43 Speaker 00 Imagine you've got a ship.
4:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:46 Speaker 00 Over time, bits of the ship break.
4:51 Speaker 00 Over time, bits of the ship break, so you replace them. One plank at a time, plank here, take it off and replace it. Eventually, every single bit of the ship has been replaced.
5:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:01 Speaker 00 My question to you is, is it still the same ship?
5:04 Speaker 01 Not.
5:06 Speaker 00 Why?
5:09 Speaker 01 Because they repaired it. If the mirror broken, you put the mirror back, it's not the same, is it?
5:17 Speaker 00 So.
5:17 Speaker 01 So it works on the same thing.
5:20 Speaker 00 Okay, but if the ship was called, if the ship was called HMS Shanthi,
5:27 Speaker 00 and you replaced all the parts.
5:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:28 Speaker 00 That ship is still referred to as HMS Shanthi, isn't it?
5:32 Speaker 01 The name?
5:33 Speaker 00 Yeah.
5:34 Speaker 01 But nobody knows they repaired it.
5:36 Speaker 00 Yeah, so that's still, so that's still the same ship, isn't it?
5:39 Speaker 01 The same ship? I don't, I don't know whether it will function at the,
5:46 Speaker 01 you know, properly, I don't know.
5:47 Speaker 00 Okay.
5:49 Speaker 00 What about if you, so is your kitchen your kitchen?
5:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:54 Speaker 00 What if we took every part of that kitchen? And we took it out and we replaced it with a more expensive part that your son paid for? Just hypothetically.
6:02 Speaker 01 Why do you have to say son paid for?
6:04 Speaker 00 I'm just saying, it's part of the philosophy.
6:06 Speaker 01 Once or twice is enough.
6:07 Speaker 00 Okay.
6:07 Speaker 01 This is like a violin.
6:09 Speaker 00 Okay.
6:10 Speaker 01 The son paid for.
6:11 Speaker 00 All right.
6:11 Speaker 01 The son paid for.
6:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, so is that the same kitchen?
6:15 Speaker 01 No, it won't be, it won't be.
6:17 Speaker 00 But it's still your kitchen, isn't it?
6:19 Speaker 01 It's my kitchen.
6:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, so if.
6:20 Speaker 01 But it will look that,
6:23 Speaker 01 maybe something different, the colour, you know, won't match and it's, no.
6:29 Speaker 00 It's not the same kitchen?
6:30 Speaker 01 It's not the same kitchen, no.
6:31 Speaker 05 But if you swap just one part of the kitchen, is it your kitchen?
6:35 Speaker 01 Of course it's my kitchen.
6:36 Speaker 00 Okay.
6:36 Speaker 05 Two parts?
6:37 Speaker 01 No.
6:38 Speaker 00 This only really works if you know how many parts.
6:41 Speaker 05 Okay.
6:43 Speaker 05 Twenty percent of the kitchen is swapped?
6:45 Speaker 01 I last time to see the whole brother team.
6:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, once you change twenty percent, that's the old rule with kitchens. Once you change twenty percent, change the whole lot.
6:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:54 Speaker 00 Yeah. Uh, what if you replaced, what if I, I changed my whole face and then they replaced my arm and then they replaced my other arm? And they replaced my torso, they replaced my, you know, the other stuff. Um, am I still the same person?
7:07 Speaker 01 No. You're a robot.
7:09 Speaker 00 I'm not.
7:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:17 Speaker 01 You can't find exactly the same.
7:18 Speaker 00 Okay, how about this one? This is a different, slightly tricky one.
7:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:21 Speaker 00 Say if there was, um, a list.
7:25 Speaker 01 Pardon?
7:27 Speaker 00 Say if there was a list.
7:28 Speaker 01 List, okay.
7:29 Speaker 00 And somebody says they've completed the list.
7:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:31 Speaker 00 But somebody else has helped them with every part of the list.
7:35 Speaker 01 This is bullshit. I know what you are getting at.
7:38 Speaker 00 Well, I'm not getting, no, I'm saying this is a philosophical thing.
7:41 Speaker 01 You know what I, I learned from you and your brother's conversation?
7:46 Speaker 00 What?
7:47 Speaker 01 Mommy's a dumb idiot.
7:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
7:49 Speaker 01 If you believed in me that she will be able to do it.
7:52 Speaker 00 I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about, I'm saying for this question.
7:55 Speaker 01 Why it has to be list? You could have spoken about something else.
8:00 Speaker 00 All right, fine. Uh.
8:01 Speaker 01 It, it goes in your head, how the fuck she uh made the list? You didn't have any believe in me that mom can do it.
8:12 Speaker 00 All right, okay.
8:13 Speaker 01 That I, you don't have to say it. From your action.
8:17 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:18 Speaker 01 I know you think I'm a dumb idiot.
8:20 Speaker 00 I don't think you're a dumb idiot. Even if you needed help for the list, doesn't make you a dumb idiot.
8:24 Speaker 01 Everybody
8:27 Speaker 01 need sometimes help. But I did my list, okay?
8:32 Speaker 00 On your own with no help?
8:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:36 Speaker 03 And when we talk about the list, we're referencing the Christmas special episode.
8:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, if you want to find out what the list is about and fuck knows why you'd want to go to the Christmas app where we discuss it.
8:46 Speaker 01 Okay.
8:47 Speaker 00 There's a list of items that Ben helped mum with. Did not help.
8:50 Speaker 01 Ben didn't help. For god's sake, don't blame Ben. Honest to god, he didn't help.
8:58 Speaker 00 But somebody did help you.
8:59 Speaker 01 Going around in circle, you are becoming like a lawyer, the lawyer to find the culprit. So many different way they ask questions.
9:09 Speaker 00 Right.
9:10 Speaker 01 It happened last Christmas.
9:11 Speaker 00 Yeah.
9:12 Speaker 01 Why is it bothering you?
9:14 Speaker 00 Last Christmas, I gave you a list and Ben helped me, but you won't admit. Okay, uh, that was the first question. That was philosophy.
9:29 Speaker 00 Uh, that was a famous philosophical idea called the ship of, I think it was called the ship.
9:32 Speaker 03 Theseus, isn't it?
9:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, I thought it was Theseus, not Thaddeus. Thaddeus is one of the fucking Chippendales, isn't it?
9:40 Speaker 05 Yeah, it would be the ship of Theseus, wouldn't it?
9:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's called the ship of Theseus, where like the bits are removed and da, da, da, you know what I mean? It's good to do philosophy, isn't it?
9:49 Speaker 03 They did it in Only Fools and Horses too, didn't they? With Trigger's broom, same, same philosophy.
9:53 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trigger's broom, they replaced the broom.
9:56 Speaker 05 That was good, wasn't it? That was, you guys were great.
9:58 Speaker 00 Um, yeah, it was interesting. Yeah, yeah. I hope that helps people like a little bit of learning, do you know what I mean?
10:04 Speaker 01 I like to learn.
10:05 Speaker 00 Yeah.
10:06 Speaker 01 If I come and tell you, Rumi, I like to learn about this, will you help me?
10:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, of course I will.
10:10 Speaker 05 Cool, hello.
10:11 Speaker 00 Oh, what's wrong? Who was that, Ben?
10:14 Speaker 05 No, I have to have.
10:15 Speaker 03 Answer it.
10:16 Speaker 05 I have to have, it's a commissioner at TRC. I have to, because I play the, I play the clips.
10:20 Speaker 00 Yeah.
10:21 Speaker 05 I have to have the sound on.
10:22 Speaker 00 Okay.
10:23 Speaker 05 So that's why that was on.
10:24 Speaker 00 Okay, I'm not having a go.
10:25 Speaker 05 I just, I felt bad, but that was the reasoning.
10:28 Speaker 00 Okay.
10:28 Speaker 03 That's, that's a legitimate.
10:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's fine. And I think, Will, you're happy with that, aren't you? I'm fine with that. Yeah, John, you're happy with that?
10:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'll sign that off, yeah.
10:36 Speaker 00 Mum, you're happy with that?
10:37 Speaker 01 I'm always happy.
10:38 Speaker 00 Yeah, really good, Ben. Thank you. And thanks for explaining yourself.
10:41 Speaker 05 The podcast.
10:41 Speaker 00 That's okay.
10:42 Speaker 03 To pick back up, Shanthi, what have you, out of the things that you've learned, is there anything that you've learned recently how to do or something new?
10:50 Speaker 01 Uh, the list too, yeah, I, I do it now. Normally, when I want to write a list, I take a piece of paper. Now I do it on my phone.
10:59 Speaker 00 Hmm.
11:00 Speaker 01 So that helps me.
11:01 Speaker 00 Yeah.
11:02 Speaker 01 And the appointment, I learned to put on the date.
11:05 Speaker 00 Yeah.
11:05 Speaker 01 Uh, you know, the week I, what I have.
11:08 Speaker 00 Sure.
11:09 Speaker 01 I'm trying to learn, but.
11:14 Speaker 01 I'm successful.
11:16 Speaker 00 Yeah.
11:16 Speaker 01 But I want to learn more.
11:18 Speaker 00 Got you.
11:18 Speaker 01 More and more, every week some new thing.
11:20 Speaker 00 What would you like to learn next?
11:23 Speaker 01 How to hit you.
11:26 Speaker 05 Boxing or something.
11:27 Speaker 01 Boxing.
11:28 Speaker 00 No, what do you really wanna learn next?
11:30 Speaker 01 It doesn't come in my mind.
11:32 Speaker 00 Okay.
11:34 Speaker 00 Would you like to learn?
11:35 Speaker 01 How to book holidays.
11:37 Speaker 00 How to book holidays?
11:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:39 Speaker 00 Where did you wanna go on holiday?
11:40 Speaker 01 I wanna go to Greek island.
11:42 Speaker 00 Which Greek island?
11:43 Speaker 01 The one you went.
11:46 Speaker 01 Is it expensive?
11:47 Speaker 00 Yeah.
11:55 Speaker 05 Oh, you didn't, did you put your mum on Raya yet? Did you set that up or not?
11:58 Speaker 00 No, I've not set it up yet because I didn't know, I didn't know how comfortable she felt about it actually.
12:03 Speaker 01 I don't mind, I can talk to any guys, no problem at all.
12:06 Speaker 00 Do you wanna go on Raya then? I'll set you up a Raya profile.
12:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I could smell it, it'd be a bastard.
12:14 Speaker 00 How can you smell it?
12:15 Speaker 01 The way he talks, the sexy voice comes.
12:18 Speaker 00 Hmm.
12:19 Speaker 01 Hello darling, what are you wearing today? Fuck off.
12:23 Speaker 00 Okay, well, that's, I'm sure the men of Raya are excited about that possibility. Uh, it's time for audience interaction. Thank you so much for your messages and voice notes. They are brilliant. We really love them.
12:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:35 Speaker 00 Uh, we can't go back to everyone individually, but we do read them all, don't we, Ben?
12:39 Speaker 05 Yes, we do.
12:40 Speaker 00 Obviously, I don't personally.
12:41 Speaker 05 We do.
12:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:42 Speaker 01 You should read as well, Rame.
12:44 Speaker 00 What, all of them?
12:45 Speaker 01 Why not? I mean, you're always on the phone and you can laptop, take it, just read it.
12:53 Speaker 05 I can add it to your, um, mail account, so then it comes.
12:56 Speaker 01 It helps you. When you talk about things, that thing will help you.
13:02 Speaker 00 What, emails from Melissa?
13:04 Speaker 01 Of course, of course, customers. It's a kind of respecting them. You read it.
13:09 Speaker 00 I don't feel the need to do that. Now, a reminder, a reminder, do you wanna read them? Do you wanna read them?
13:14 Speaker 01 I love to read, yeah.
13:15 Speaker 00 Well, can we add them to mum's thing then? She can read them.
13:17 Speaker 01 I will read everything that, when I tell him.
13:19 Speaker 00 All right. I'd love to get that summary. All right, this one, I wasn't really sure what he was, uh, saying, but it's something about.
13:27 Speaker 01 I really don't talk like that, Rame.
13:29 Speaker 00 The next one is from a guy, Philip. He said, I'm wonderful, natural funny, and he called me Auntie Shanti, and he said he loves me. The next one, I, a lot of the emails are just.
13:43 Speaker 00 I've got to be honest with you, Rami, a lot of it is just, I'm the reason they listen to the podcast.
13:49 Speaker 05 You have read them, Rami.
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15:39 Speaker 00 A reminder, you can always text or WhatsApp us on 07731623355, or you can email [email protected] . That is [email protected] . Okay, we've got a voice note from Emily and Charlie.
15:55 Speaker 01 Hi, Romesh and Shanthi. I'm Emily.
15:58 Speaker 03 And I'm Charlie. And we adore listening to you guys every week without fail. We never miss an episode.
16:04 Speaker 00 Oh, thank you.
16:05 Speaker 03 We think you guys are such an amazing duo. One of you is a true national treasure, a comedic genius. You're stylish, hilarious, and one of our favourite personalities to ever grace the screen. And the other one is Romesh Ranganathan.
16:20 Speaker 03 What is your love language? We'd love to find out.
16:24 Speaker 01 That's a lot.
16:25 Speaker 03 Bye, Emily.
16:32 Speaker 00 Let's do, let's have a reload on that one.
16:34 Speaker 03 National treasure, a comedic genius, you're stylish, hilarious, and one of our favourite personalities to ever grace the screen. And the other one is Romesh Ranganathan.
16:45 Speaker 03 What is your love language? We'd love to find out.
16:49 Speaker 01 That's a lot.
16:50 Speaker 03 Bye.
16:52 Speaker 01 Why don't Lisa, fuck you?
16:56 Speaker 00 Okay, let's. Keep going? Yeah, let's, no.
16:58 Speaker 01 No, come on.
17:00 Speaker 03 What is your love language? We'd love to find out.
17:03 Speaker 01 That's a lot.
17:04 Speaker 03 Bye.
17:05 Speaker 01 Bye.
17:05 Speaker 00 Okay, are they a couple?
17:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, first of all, I hope you break up.
17:17 Speaker 00 And I also hope it's not amicable.
17:24 Speaker 00 No, Emily and Charlie, thank you so much for your voice note.
17:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:27 Speaker 00 This is a good question. It's something Lisa and I've talked about quite a lot because.
17:33 Speaker 00 I think my love language is is sort of um is is jokes and stuff and uh and being affectionate and you know like a lot of chat, you know, I think verbally, I you know, I like to express my feelings to Lisa and stuff like that, whereas I think that her love language, I think they call it um well, I think it's like she likes doing, you know, she likes to show she cares by doing, you know, like if I mention that I like a particular thing, even in light conversation, I go, I really love this cereal or whatever. I'll I'll say it in a throwaway thing, it will be there the next, like she'll remember and get it, do you know what I mean? So like, and that's the way that so she's not as, I wouldn't say she's as
18:17 Speaker 00 uh extroverted with it in the way that she talks and stuff like that, but she, so we, I think we do have different yeah, in her actions, whereas I say a lot and deliver nothing.
18:25 Speaker 01 As a good mother-in-law, I think she's so lucky for you.
18:29 Speaker 00 Hmm.
18:29 Speaker 01 Since you started, you know, you are
18:32 Speaker 00 Smashing.
18:37 Speaker 01 That it helped you so much.
18:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, she's great.
18:40 Speaker 01 And she got to know you when you you were not popular at that time.
18:43 Speaker 00 Well, not I wasn't popular, but I was at the start of my career.
18:48 Speaker 05 Do you have friends at that point?
18:50 Speaker 00 Yeah, like, yeah, but like both of them.
18:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, but she waited very patient.
18:55 Speaker 00 Yeah.
18:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, and when you, she told me it takes so long to, you know, get into this media, so she understood because she is a drama teacher.
19:05 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:06 Speaker 01 Doesn't come just like that.
19:07 Speaker 00 Hmm.
19:08 Speaker 01 So in that matter, I do like her and she's lucky, that's what I think.
19:13 Speaker 00 Uh, what's your love language, Mum?
19:15 Speaker 01 Love language, cooking and for if I like somebody, love somebody, I will cook whatever they like to eat that day.
19:24 Speaker 00 I believe they call it acts of service, don't they?
19:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, that is, and whatever they need.
19:29 Speaker 00 What are the love languages? Can we look it up?
19:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:32 Speaker 03 Is it, is it gift giving, acts of service, uh words of affirmation?
19:37 Speaker 00 Words of affirmation, sorry.
19:39 Speaker 05 Well, so I didn't hear what you.
19:42 Speaker 00 Can I be honest with you?
19:43 Speaker 03 Physical touch.
19:44 Speaker 00 Physical touch, oh, there you go, that's what I meant.
19:47 Speaker 03 That's what you said, I think.
19:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:49 Speaker 03 Uh, and there's another one.
19:52 Speaker 05 So these are all acts you can, I actually don't know much about this. This is all acts you can.
19:56 Speaker 00 No, this is like what your favourite, so in terms of like how you show your love to your partner. Quality time. It's your default.
20:03 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah.
20:04 Speaker 00 You know, how you.
20:07 Speaker 00 Physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts.
20:11 Speaker 05 Receiving gifts feels like a good one.
20:14 Speaker 00 Words of affirmation, quality time. So I'm a words of affirmation guy. I know, but this is, I'm talking about receiving, not delivering. I'm talking about delivering, not receiving.
20:25 Speaker 05 Because you have different love languages for both.
20:26 Speaker 00 Yeah. I think words of affirmation is what I deliver and then a lot of physical touch.
20:35 Speaker 00 Like loads.
20:41 Speaker 00 Um, yeah, I don't know what I liked. I don't know what I like to receive. I don't know. What's yours, man? What do you like out of those?
20:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, make sure that whatever they need, you do that and look after them. Uh, if you are going out or you are living together, uh, that, for example, prescription. You collect it and make sure everything is in order.
21:05 Speaker 00 Yeah.
21:06 Speaker 01 Um, make their life comfortable.
21:08 Speaker 00 Yeah.
21:09 Speaker 01 So, and the food is important.
21:13 Speaker 00 Yeah. And I think what is important to remember is after the initial kind of romance phase.
21:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:18 Speaker 00 You are just going to settle on being friends.
21:20 Speaker 01 That's it. Yeah, yeah.
21:21 Speaker 00 Essentially, the relationship will be a husk. But don't think that you can get better elsewhere because it will just be fun for a little bit, then that will decay.
21:28 Speaker 01 That will die down.
21:29 Speaker 00 And then you'll be in a husk again.
21:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
21:32 Speaker 00 And actually, you know, the whole idea that you're lovey dovey and it's going to be magical forever is a fallacy. And the people believing that is part of the reason that so many relationships break up.
21:44 Speaker 05 So I think, so I think Chancy was describing acts of service.
21:47 Speaker 00 Yeah, right. Yeah, she was. Yeah, sorry. Yeah.
21:49 Speaker 01 There you are.
21:50 Speaker 00 And I was describing the husk that can be left behind.
21:56 Speaker 00 The relationship inevitably decays.
21:59 Speaker 05 Same person, same person.
22:00 Speaker 00 Same person, yeah.
22:02 Speaker 05 They want, they wanna get hold of me.
22:03 Speaker 00 So you didn't message back saying, busy at the moment?
22:06 Speaker 05 No, what's stupid is I could have put it mute straight after the.
22:09 Speaker 00 The message, yeah, yeah. Don't be hard on yourself, man. You're doing really great.
22:14 Speaker 05 Thanks, I appreciate it.
22:15 Speaker 00 You're doing really great.
22:16 Speaker 05 I'm really sorry, I'm sorry Will, I'm sorry Shanthi, I'm sorry John.
22:18 Speaker 00 No, no, no. It's okay, no, it's okay. There's nothing to forgive, there's nothing to apologize, but there's nothing to forgive.
22:23 Speaker 03 Words of affirmation.
22:24 Speaker 00 Yeah, there you go. Yeah.
22:26 Speaker 05 And I'm doing acts of service.
22:28 Speaker 00 In what way?
22:34 Speaker 00 You can't, if you're, you won't be able to see, but Ben is trying to do some sort of mime.
22:41 Speaker 05 I don't.
22:42 Speaker 03 Could you sort of mirror him so that?
22:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, sure.
22:47 Speaker 03 Shanthi's also having a go.
22:51 Speaker 03 Shanthi, what about your, your love language that you receive? Cause you said that you, you would do a lot of acts of service. Would that be the same? Would your love language be?
23:00 Speaker 01 I, I never. The first 20 years, and he used to buy, when he goes out on work, working trip, he will bring so many expensive presents. He was a good man. I love receiving presents.
23:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, Mark, you're, that, I'm gonna tell you now, that is mum's love language. Uh, uh, over and above, receiving gifts, that's your favorite.
23:21 Speaker 01 I love it.
23:22 Speaker 00 That is your favorite.
23:23 Speaker 01 It's true. Yeah, my husband used to bring a lot of stuff.
23:26 Speaker 00 Yeah.
23:26 Speaker 01 And, uh, he used to help me with cooking and everything, and he used to come on time, uh, to see the children. But when he reached 40.
23:36 Speaker 00 That's when you get horny. What?
23:39 Speaker 01 Horny with others.
23:40 Speaker 00 I didn't realize I was talking, I didn't realize I was talking out loud, sorry.
23:42 Speaker 01 Anything moves, he jumps.
23:44 Speaker 03 Right, that was the bad, the bad behavior.
23:46 Speaker 01 Bad behavior. Something gone wrong, uh, and, uh, anybody that, doesn't matter whether they are thin or thick or horrible. Only thing he needs, fuck, that's it.
24:01 Speaker 01 It's very true.
24:02 Speaker 05 I think it's my service is like just bringing us all here together.
24:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:05 Speaker 05 Yeah.
24:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:07 Speaker 00 How have you brought us all together?
24:09 Speaker 05 Run the linchpin, aren't I, between all of us now?
24:11 Speaker 00 You are not the fucking linchpin.
24:14 Speaker 00 But you are, you're barely a pin.
24:17 Speaker 01 Christmas time, you asked me.
24:19 Speaker 00 Christmas time.
24:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, listen, you talk about this, I can tell you, you asked me, what do you want for your, for Christmas?
24:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:26 Speaker 01 If I said Rolex, you would have bought it for?
24:28 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:30 Speaker 01 Wow, I missed a lot, oh my god.
24:37 Speaker 01 Will you?
24:37 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:39 Speaker 05 We could, oh, we could do that.
24:40 Speaker 00 But I'm, but I, the only, my only thing with that is, if you really wanted a Rolex, right, they're fucking expensive. If you really wanted one, if I thought you really wanted one, and you, that was something you're, like, you.
24:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:53 Speaker 00 Like, no, no, no, no, no, just hear me out a second. I, what I don't like is people asking me things just on a whim, because they fancy it in that moment, so if you really want a Rolex and it's something you like, then I'll consider buying it for you, but if you just go, I want a Rolex because you've heard the word Rolex and it's expensive.
25:11 Speaker 01 No, no, no.
25:12 Speaker 00 Like, have you seen a Rolex you like?
25:14 Speaker 01 I have, I have, I have, Linus took me, now we have.
25:19 Speaker 00 You know what, can we, let's talk, we need to get Dinesh back for an episode, because you can't, wha- what?
25:25 Speaker 01 I'll be honest with you.
25:26 Speaker 00 Go on.
25:26 Speaker 01 Dinesh said to me, I have got so much jewellery, darling, so many necklaces, none of them are going to wear it after I am gone, because it's, those type of jewellery, nobody wears. Dinesh said to me, collect all those jewellery, I'll take you to the jewellers and we evaluate how much is going to come and we'll go and buy the Rolex.
25:49 Speaker 00 Hmm.
25:50 Speaker 01 I'll take you to Hosham or whatever shop you want.
25:53 Speaker 00 I think Dinesh's love language might be inheritance.
25:56 Speaker 01 That's a horrible thing to say.
25:58 Speaker 00 Well, I've seen how this benefits him.
26:00 Speaker 01 How?
26:01 Speaker 00 Well, you've got a load of fucking shit jewellery that nobody wants to wear, how about you trade it up for a Rolex? That maybe after you go.
26:08 Speaker 01 Listen.
26:08 Speaker 00 We can do something with. Let's, let, it's unbelievable.
26:13 Speaker 01 That's horrible thing to say about your brother.
26:15 Speaker 00 It's a horrible thing to do, buy my brother.
26:18 Speaker 01 You want one for him?
26:19 Speaker 00 I'm only joking, joking, I'm only joking, I'm only joking. Did I show many kidding?
26:23 Speaker 05 What model did you want, Shanthi?
26:24 Speaker 01 I don't know much about that thing, but when I look at it, I will read.
26:31 Speaker 00 Ben, by the way, just so you know, Ben right now is, he's got, genuinely is aroused. Cause he's a watch guy, he's got very excited.
26:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
26:41 Speaker 00 He's now Googling it straight away.
26:42 Speaker 01 I will, I will, let me sell all my jewellery, everything going.
26:46 Speaker 00 Yeah.
26:47 Speaker 01 Jewelry, because my granddaughter is not going to wear.
26:50 Speaker 00 No.
26:50 Speaker 01 My, my daughter, granddaughter, grandson's, girls are not going to wear.
26:55 Speaker 00 Hmm.
26:55 Speaker 01 It, it will be sitting there in the, rather big.
26:58 Speaker 00 Is this, this feels like, I mean, I know that the podcast is supposed to be natural, but this feels like some admin that you could do afterwards, right?
27:04 Speaker 05 I just wanted.
27:05 Speaker 00 We're now on the podcast, you're Googling watches for mum to have a look at. It's fucking insane. Can we make some concession to the fact there's an audience to this? I, I literally cannot fucking believe it's happening.
27:18 Speaker 01 Romi, you.
27:19 Speaker 00 I like, I know that, I know the lines are blurred between, it's like a behind, you know, you're looking, this is crazy. You're, you're, what, what were you thinking was second? You're then gonna get your laptop and show mum some watches?
27:30 Speaker 05 We'll do it afterwards.
27:31 Speaker 00 Fucking hell, yes, you are.
27:34 Speaker 03 They say, they say the best podcasts feel like when you've just been dropped into a room.
27:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:38 Speaker 03 You know, just a fly on the wall.
27:39 Speaker 01 Because of the podcast, we are all together.
27:41 Speaker 05 Exactly.
27:41 Speaker 03 Quality time.
27:42 Speaker 05 And I'm the lynchpin.
27:43 Speaker 01 Quality time. I, I pressure this, otherwise I won't see you, man.
27:47 Speaker 00 Mum.
27:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:48 Speaker 00 Please, we cannot go down this road again.
27:52 Speaker 00 This episode is brought to you by Virgin Red. Now, the team had a question for me this week.
27:56 Speaker 03 Rom, I just got back from a trip of a lifetime to Egypt. It was my first time. I didn't know what to expect and honestly, it was one of those trips that just completely blow you away. The food, the streets, the people. I came back a completely different person and I thought, you talk about places you want to go all the time, so what's actually stopping you?
28:15 Speaker 00 Uh, well, that is true, well, I've got a long list of places that I want to go. And I always talk about going to them and always, I talk about them like it's actually happening. Uh, you know, there's so many times I've thought about booking places that I actually think I know enough about them that I could actually report back as if I visited. But every time you do go, when you just like take the plunge and go for it, you always come back from a trip thinking, I'm so glad I did it. Why did I delay that so long? This is an incredible experience. It's something I'm gonna talk about forever and certainly will even. Ideally alongside a slideshow or something. Um, and so all I never regret going. And I wish I did it more. Thankfully, virgin points build up from everyday spending.
28:57 Speaker 00 Food shopping, clothes, train travel, stuff you're already doing. And those points unlock real trips, hotel stays, flights, experiences. The list doesn't have to stay a list. One destination already closer than you think. Virgin red means go. If you've been meaning to actually go somewhere, virgin red is how you finally go. Ready to dive in? Become a member and start unlocking rewards that make life feel a little more epic. Going on holiday with me, Ron? No.
29:28 Speaker 00 Okay, we've got another email. And Ben will show you some Rolexes afterwards. This is from Cecilia. Hi, Romesh and Shanthi. I would like some of your brilliant advice. I'm a thirty-three-year-old student at university, so naturally around ten years older than most of my classmates. I decided to return to university after wanting to try something different career-wise. I try and go to some student parties and even joined an association, but I constantly have this underlying sense of not enjoying it and feeling too old. Should I keep trying to be social and hope that eventually I'll enjoy some aspects of it? Or is it okay to only come to university for the lectures, but then spend the rest of the time doing what I want to do? Sometimes I feel like age doesn't matter, but then other times I feel like there's a huge age difference between twenty-three years of age and thirty-three years of age. Thanks a lot in advance. Regards, Cecilia. Mum, what do you think?
30:13 Speaker 01 If she likes socializing, she should get a friend at her age, like her, um, and enjoy life. I mean, if she spends another ten years, she'll be forty-one.
30:27 Speaker 00 She's thirty-three, is that right?
30:28 Speaker 01 Ah, okay, okay, ten years.
30:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's right.
30:30 Speaker 01 What is she going to gain by qualifying herself more and more?
30:34 Speaker 00 Mum, the question, she's not gonna go back again.
30:37 Speaker 01 Twenty-year and thirty-one-year-old, it's a big gap, darling.
30:40 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's ten years.
30:41 Speaker 01 She won't enjoy, she won't enjoy their company. You you are dating a sixteen year old girl.
30:49 Speaker 00 Mum, mum, I told you this is between us.
30:50 Speaker 01 No, no, listen, listen.
30:52 Speaker 00 Sorry, God.
30:54 Speaker 05 What?
30:55 Speaker 01 Say a fifty year old man.
30:58 Speaker 00 Yeah.
30:58 Speaker 01 Going on with the six, but if he asks.
31:01 Speaker 00 Mum, this is such a wild comparison.
31:02 Speaker 01 What film you want to watch, she will say Winnie the Pooh.
31:05 Speaker 00 What sixteen year old is watching Winnie the Pooh?
31:07 Speaker 01 Whatever, whatever.
31:08 Speaker 00 I don't understand, he's seen six month old, no the capitals ever be country, sixteen year olds.
31:12 Speaker 01 You have to, you have.
31:13 Speaker 00 I mean, Winnie the Pooh, your fucking age perception is wild.
31:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, she should mix with her own be, own age people and enjoy life. Find a way of enjoying like what she likes. Or I'm going to uni for another ten years, get fucking old.
31:29 Speaker 00 Mum, she's not been there for the whole ten years. She did it when she, she's, she's been working or whatever she's been doing, and then she decided to change direction.
31:38 Speaker 01 Why is she changing direction?
31:40 Speaker 00 I've got the same information you have.
31:42 Speaker 01 She must have a reason.
31:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm sure she does, yeah.
31:44 Speaker 01 Maybe she fancies somebody who's working there.
31:46 Speaker 00 That's what it is, she's gone back to university, that's right.
31:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm telling you the truth.
31:49 Speaker 00 She's gone back to university because she fancies somebody there and she decided to do a course. Okay, Cecilia, I, I, I don't want to say to you, I think my mum's high or something, I, I don't know why she's. First of all, what I would say to you is congratulations on going back to university. It's a very, it's a very brave thing to do, because a lot of people get stuck in a thing and they go, this is my life now. And it's actually, you get an inertia, so for you to make the decision to change direction and try something new is actually really, really impressive and admirable, so first of all, congratulations on that. It's actually something I did, because I was a teacher up until I was thirty, thirty years old. And then I decided to start doing comedy, and I had the same situation that you did, I was ten years older than everybody else.
32:32 Speaker 00 I was in the comedy competitions, and contrary to what my mum believes, it wasn't because I fancied somebody that was in comedy. It's just because I wanted to start doing comedy, and you do feel self-conscious, because.
32:41 Speaker 01 She never been to uni before.
32:43 Speaker 00 I don't know, mum, again.
32:45 Speaker 01 It's a bit difficult question to answer.
32:47 Speaker 00 Well, I'm trying to answer it. I'm, I'm in the middle of giving it a pretty good go, so.
32:55 Speaker 00 So you do feel self-conscious because you're ten years older than these people. And also I was in a different stage in my life. They're all like getting on it and I just I I had had kids, a kid at that point. So it is, you are self-conscious about that. I would say to you, first of all, it's in your head more than is anybody else's. I I I think, yes, mum.
33:14 Speaker 01 You are, you are, you are a maths teacher. If it comes out from you that advice, I am out. Okay?
33:22 Speaker 00 Okay, this is so bizarre. You now seem to think you're on Dragon's Den.
33:29 Speaker 00 Your behaviour during this lesson, this answer has been fucking wild. Look, the truth is, it's in your, your age difference is in your head more than it is in anybody else's, right? I think that you make your choice. I don't think, I think you are in a different place in your life to people who are twenty three. When you're twenty three, you just want to be out all the time and so much of your identity is caught up in the the times you're having and going out and stuff like that. And some people are still like that at thirty three, but it sounds like you're not, like you're finding it a bit. So I think you want to find a middle ground. I think you spend some nights hanging out with the people so you don't feel excluded from the people that you're studying with. And then other times, you just go do your own thing, you know? The truth is, it's completely in your hands. Do whatever you want. You should not feel any external pressure from anybody else to do anything.
34:13 Speaker 00 Do exactly what you want. And if you're worried in your head that these people, that the twenty three year olds on your course are going, oh, she's not socialising very much, and so what? Like, let them think that.
34:26 Speaker 01 Flag it off.
34:27 Speaker 00 So much, so much of our life decisions are based on what other people, what we think other people's perceptions of our us are and stuff like that. It's just, you become so much happier when you shake all that shit. Do you know what I mean? When you stop worrying about uh what uh people on your course are thinking about you, what you stop worrying about what people you don't know think about you. When you stop worrying about what an elderly Asian woman on a podcast is thinking about you, do you know what I mean? It it it, these are the things you need to just let go.
34:54 Speaker 01 Fucking rude.
34:55 Speaker 00 What? I'm saying, I'm giving it a hypothetical. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, it it's taken us three quarters of an hour to get here, but do exactly what you want to do. And congratulations on making a a positive change.
35:08 Speaker 01 Congratulations. If you are going to study hard, why does it bother her? Oh, twenty year old is not mixing with me.
35:15 Speaker 00 She didn't say that.
35:17 Speaker 01 That's what she's worried about, the age gap.
35:19 Speaker 00 Let's go back to, can we go back to the email? She feels too old. Should I keep trying to be social and hope that I'll eventually enjoy some aspects of it?
35:25 Speaker 01 Genuinely, you're going there to study.
35:27 Speaker 00 Yeah.
35:28 Speaker 01 Why you are worried about your age? You can study when you are sixty, seventy. Don't worry about other people, what they are doing. Just concentrate what you went for.
35:37 Speaker 00 Weirdly, we're sort of agreeing with each other.
35:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, yeah.
35:40 Speaker 00 It's been incredibly spiky journey. But we do agree, yeah. Do what you want to do.
35:46 Speaker 01 That will distract the twenty.
35:49 Speaker 00 Okay, now we get to the crux. Now we get to the crux of the matter. You should not be thinking about anything but studies.
35:56 Speaker 01 But study, it's true.
35:58 Speaker 00 Okay. So that's, now I understand where, now it's taken a while, but I get it. Basically, my mum thinks that you should not be thinking about anything apart from, if you're gonna go back ten years later and study, why are you thinking about socializing? That's your problem, isn't it?
36:10 Speaker 01 That's it, pass the exam and out.
36:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, don't have any fun. Okay. Oh, we got a voice now.
36:16 Speaker 07 How's it going? Hi, Shanthi. Thanks for your time and I really love the show. I tried to send an email since last week. You guys said that you didn't get emails, but didn't get chosen. Thank you very much. So my question is, I have the same issue you have with your mother. In the fact that I am the one who does all the effort and the communicating and my mother does not reciprocate. I call her all the time. I try to keep her up to date as I am abroad. I live in Spain. I'm from Kenya and we try to keep in touch. And recently it's completely gone off because I've stopped putting in the effort.
36:58 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:58 Speaker 07 So I'd love to hear exactly what you think, Romesh, is the best solution. And I'd love to hear Shanthi's um take on exactly what's going on. Because we often get labeled as sons who do not put in effort. Yet here I am, putting in effort with no actual results. Thank you very much.
37:21 Speaker 00 I fear you, Kush. Yeah, they don't bother getting in touch, do they? Uh, no, Mum, what's your advice on this?
37:28 Speaker 01 I feel sorry for him. He's a good son. He's trying to keep in touch with the mother.
37:34 Speaker 00 Hmm.
37:34 Speaker 01 And she's not appreciating.
37:36 Speaker 00 Hmm.
37:37 Speaker 01 But in my case, it's totally different. You are a busy man.
37:39 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:40 Speaker 01 And I keep on calling you.
37:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
37:42 Speaker 01 I don't mind, I don't mind. Mother's feelings are different to the children. Uh, but I feel sorry for him.
37:50 Speaker 00 I can almost guarantee that we see each other more than most people, father and son see, mother and son see.
37:56 Speaker 01 At work.
37:57 Speaker 00 But I'm I'm almost certain that we talk to each other more than a lot of people.
38:02 Speaker 01 You think so?
38:03 Speaker 00 Yeah, I do. I in my experience of talking to people.
38:07 Speaker 01 Okay, okay, okay.
38:08 Speaker 00 I think we chat to each other loads more than most than a lot. I think you're underestimating how much we interact with each other.
38:14 Speaker 01 Okay.
38:15 Speaker 00 Doesn't sound like you agree.
38:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't want to be horrible to you all the time. I need to accept.
38:23 Speaker 00 I would love you to follow that instinct.
38:25 Speaker 01 Okay.
38:25 Speaker 00 Um, Kush, I've got some advice for you.
38:31 Speaker 00 The the I think, first of all, I think it's a very sweet thing that you're wanting to keep in touch with your mom. It's a great thing and family's important and I think it's it's a great thing you're doing. Um.
38:45 Speaker 00 I think you need to let go of your attachment to who it is that instigates the contact. Your mum is not being as good as you'd like at keeping in contact with you, and the only way you keep in contact is by you contacting her. Who cares? And what I mean by that is, what do you want the, I often think that a way to solve a problem or the way to think about a problem is what do you want the result to be? And what you want the result to be is that you speak to your mum and keep in touch with your mum. Now, if you don't contact your mum, she won't contact you and so you don't speak to your mum. But if you contact her, you will keep in contact with her and you will speak to her. So it feels obvious to me that you need to continue getting in touch with your mum.
39:30 Speaker 00 And I know that like you're saying, well, it's always me that instigates it, then it's always you that instigates it. Then, but you are speaking to your mum and keep in touch with your mum, that you're hung up on who is making the initial reach out, when actually.
39:45 Speaker 00 You're not trying to, you know, this is not a scorekeeping exercise. This is an exercise of being close to your mum and you know that you can guarantee that by calling her. So that's what you should do. That's my advice to you.
39:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:59 Speaker 00 I M H O. What do you think, Mum, of that advice?
40:01 Speaker 01 That's fantastic advice, yeah.
40:03 Speaker 00 Kush, good luck to you, brother. Um, and I think it's, I think you sound like a really nice guy. He sounds like a lovely guy, doesn't he?
40:09 Speaker 01 Of course.
40:10 Speaker 00 Sound like a great guy.
40:11 Speaker 01 I mean, he loves his mother. He likes to be in touch, but some mothers, oh, now you are calling me. I don't talk to you like that.
40:18 Speaker 00 No, you don't.
40:19 Speaker 01 I don't?
40:20 Speaker 00 No.
40:20 Speaker 01 I always talk to you nicely.
40:21 Speaker 00 Yeah, you're never rude.
40:22 Speaker 01 Hello, darling, how are you?
40:24 Speaker 00 Yeah.
40:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, did I ever say, oh, I don't want to talk to you, you didn't call me? No.
40:29 Speaker 00 But in, if I can play devil's advocate, you have said on more than one occasion, I will kill you.
40:33 Speaker 01 I will kill you, even now I'm saying.
40:35 Speaker 00 Yeah.
40:40 Speaker 00 Okay, hope that helps, Kush. Okay, thank you so much, everybody. Mum, awesome work today. High five.
40:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:46 Speaker 00 We'll be back on Monday with another exciting guest. See you later. Do you want to say bye, Mum?
40:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, love you all and bye, everybody. Please watch our programme and I'm so thrilled that we won the badge from YouTube and be kind to us and support us. Love you all. Have a good day and good holiday.
41:10 Speaker 00 Thank you so much for listening, guys. Wrap your tongue round and ball bag. Peace out, bitches.
41:21 Speaker 01 Bye, Mr. Ranganathan.
41:24 Speaker 00 Yo, thanks for watching and listening to the Romesh Ranganathan Show. Sup, y'all? It's genuinely lovely that so many of you keep coming back, but I'm hearing rumours, naive hearsay and conjecture that some of you haven't subscribed yet. If you haven't, now's the time. Follow the show wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss episodes. We've got new episodes every Monday and Thursday. Monday's a big guest conversations where we talk about what they're up to and have a laugh and Thursday's a me and my mum, Shanthi, answering your questions and family dilemmas as well as. Burning off any self-esteem I've got knocking about. We'll see you on Monday with another brilliant guest and then Mum will be back to give some great advice on Thursday, playing fast and loose with the word great. If you've got a problem, a story or a family
42:05 Speaker 00 dilemma, send it to [email protected] , voice note or text us on 07731 623355. That's 07731 623355. We love getting you involved and you might hear yourself in a future episode. Plus, it means less content for us to generate. See you next time.
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