Why You Should Love Louder

From a young, troubled gang member facing an almost certain future of jails and institutions to becoming one of today's freshest voices in the conscious media movement, the life arc of Preston Smiles is something to behold. So it's a pleasure to welcome my friend back to the podcast. Inspirational speaker. Motivational messenger. Fount of creative positivity. All around solid, loving dude. If you are relatively new to the RRP, I strongly suggest rewinding the podcast back to my first sit down with today's guest (RRP #103) for the full Preston Smiles lowdown and origin story — a conversation that ranks right up there amongst some of the most popular and downloaded episodes in the history of the show. I am proud to share this powerful conversation with you today. A conversation that traverses a tapestry of mental, emotional and spiritual topics and truisms, including healthy strategies for: * navigating relationship pitfalls; * overcoming the scarcity mentality; * learning how to access, attract and accept abundance into your life; and * why none of us should be afraid to love loudly in our quest to embrace our highest self. I'm a better dude for having Preston in my life. I truly enjoyed this conversation and sincerely hope you do too. Peace + Plants, Rich Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Rich Roll?

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• 0:44Rich Roll?

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• 1:05Speaker 01

  Transformation is not a destination, it's a journey. And we're always on a journey home to the self. And my biggest reminder for people is that your history does not determine your destiny. Your destiny is determined by how you choose to be with what has happened.

• 1:20Rich Roll?

  That is Preston Smiles, and this is the Rich Roll Podcast.

• 1:34Rich Roll?

  The Rich Roll Podcast. Hey, guys. My name is Rich Roll, and I'm on a mission. The mission is simple: to help you live and be better. So to serve this end, each week, I offer up long-form, in-depth conversations with some of the best and the brightest, the most forward-thinking, paradigm-busting minds across all categories of life and excellence, to help you discover, uncover, unlock, and unleash your best, most authentic self. Thank you so much for subscribing to the show, for spreading the word to your friends and your family members and your colleagues, and for sharing on social media. Thank you for subscribing to my newsletter.

• 2:15Rich Roll?

  Thank you especially for clicking through the Amazon banner ad at richroll.com for all your Amazon purchases.

• 2:32Rich Roll?

  Okay, on to this week's guest, Preston Smiles. I love this guy. Preston is both a friend, he's an inspiration, he's a guy who went from gang member on a crash course with jails and institutions, all the way to what he is now, which is a fresh inspirational voice in this conscious media movement. He's a motivational messenger, he's an inspirational speaker, he is a font of creative positivity, and just an all-around solid, loving dude and good friend. So if you're relatively new to the show, you want more background on Preston, what he does, maybe go back and listen to episode 103 if you haven't already. That's my first sit-down with him, and to date, it's up there amongst some of my most popular episodes.

• 3:14Rich Roll?

  I'm really proud to share this powerful conversation with you guys today. It's a conversation that traverses all kinds of topics, everything from how to properly navigate relationships, to overcoming a mentality of scarcity, to access, accept, and embrace abundance into your life. And who doesn't want that? So let's tap this nerve and see what happens. Certainly, the feedback from the last time that we talked was so strong, and even like, I mean, when was that? That was like, a year and a half ago?

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe a year.

• 3:54Rich Roll?

  No, maybe a year, yeah, it was a while ago. But literally, almost every day, somebody tweets, or I get some kind of message that, you know, like, that episode is still getting listened to, which is pretty cool.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, it's really beautiful. You know, I'm grateful for what you do, and for what you've called forth in people, and pretty much, that was a space for us, you know, to go for it. And the beautiful thing about humans are that we all are going through the same stuff, we all have the same issues, and when somebody chooses to, you know, shine a light on it and say like, "Yo, we're all in this together," then it resonates with people. And I think that's what happened with our peers, with the Rich Roll, like, fan club, because like, I love you guys, by the way. Like, richer people are ridiculous, like, you guys get it in. And it's so beautiful, because, you know, obviously, what you can do...

• 4:49Speaker 01

  And I have a talk that I'm doing in a couple of days in Australia and I'm gonna talk about this, about how-

• 4:54Rich Roll?

  And this is a big Australia audience for this show, so yo, yo, yo, Australia-

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Yo, Aussie, Oz! I love Australia-

• 5:02Rich Roll?

  How long are you gonna be down there for?

• 5:03Speaker 01

  I'm gonna stay a month. I'm gonna stay a month and I'm gonna go for it. I'm gonna like, travel and like, really dig in.

• 5:09Rich Roll?

  Right. Alright, so Australia listeners out there, hit 'em up.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:14Rich Roll?

  Show 'em a good time. Are you gonna be in Sydney, in Sydney area?

• 5:17Speaker 01

  I'll be in Sydney, I'll be in Byron Bay, I'll be in, I'll be everywhere.

• 5:20Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:21Rich Roll?

  That's exciting.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  I'm going for it.

• 5:22Rich Roll?

  But I interrupted you, you were, you were sharing a thought about-

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Oh, yes. About, um, about what happens when we come together, right? So like, have you ever noticed, uh, birds flying in a V formation, or particularly geese?

• 5:36Rich Roll?

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Do you know why they do that?

• 5:37Rich Roll?

  I have noticed that. Uh, other than it's aerodynamic.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:43Rich Roll?

  It's efficient.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  So the answer is yes. This is how efficient it is. Geese can fly 71% further as a flock than they can as an individual. And it's the same thing with us, you know, and like, what they do is, it's awesome, geese are ridiculously like, amazing when you really look at like, how they operate. So, each flap creates like, an uplift for the bird behind it, and when, and while they're going, if you notice, just listen, they bark at each other. They're like, "Quack, quack", and they quack at each other. And that's all encouragement. They're encouraging the one in the front to keep going, to go faster, "We got you, we got you, you're doing great!". And what happens is, is whoever's in the

• 6:25Speaker 01

  front, as soon as they get tired, they drop back to the back and then the next one comes up. And they share leadership. And because of that, they're able to go 71% further. That's ridiculous. And like, think about that, as far as like, what we're doing and what you're doing in the health industry, you know? Like, what you're bringing and what all of your, your, uh, community, your family, your tribe, I wouldn't even call them fans, or your people, you know? What you guys are doing together. Is going 71% further, or 100, or whatever.

• 6:57Rich Roll?

  Well, certainly, you can, yeah, I mean, it makes perfect sense. Thank you for that statement. And it's exactly the way bicycle racing operates. If you've ever watched the Tour de France.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  I've never watched it.

• 7:08Rich Roll?

  The peloton operates on the same principle, which is that, you know, when you see the big group of people all riding together, it looks like a beehive going down the road. It's the same idea. The people at the front are doing all the work. And if you're sitting in the middle of that group, you barely have to pedal. Like, the amount of energy that you have to exert to just stay in the pack that's moving along at a really rapid clip is exponentially reduced by just all the resistance, the air resistance being broken by the people in front of you.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 7:38Rich Roll?

  And then they just rotate. It's the same thing, you know, like the people at the front do. It's called pulling, like, they'll pull for a while, and then they drop back to the back, and then, you know, they take turns. And as a group, they can then, you know, move so much more quickly than the individuals can. So occasionally, there'll be a breakaway, like, a couple people will try to ride off the front.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:55Rich Roll?

  And if it's just two or three, then they have to rotate between themselves. But they're operating as a very tiny microcosm of that larger macrocosm. And usually, they can't sustain enough energy to really stay away for very long before the peloton just catches up to them and gobbles them up again. So, but it's like, it's an experiment in exactly what you're referring to, which is this idea of the power of the unit that's, you know, a well-oiled machine working together to accomplish things that the individual on its own can't possibly, you know, do. And that's totally hardwired into their DNA, you know what I mean? Their tiny, tiny little brain, and they understand that, and they're doing that. That's pretty cool.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. I've been researching a particular animal, because it's just fascinating me. I'm a nature guy through and through, like, take me, put me in the woods somewhere, and I'm happy, or in the ocean. But I have a question for you. What would you say, and this is to your listeners out there, too, what would you say is the most cooperative, relentless, successful pack hunter in the wild that gets their prey 80% of the time?

• 9:02Rich Roll?

  Uh, wolves?

• 9:05Speaker 01

  That's a good guess.

• 9:06Rich Roll?

  Because they work as a pack, right?

• 9:07Speaker 01

  True.

• 9:08Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Any other guesses?

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Because it's not wolves.

• 9:12Rich Roll?

  It's not wolves.

• 9:12Speaker 01

  Uh-uh.

• 9:13Rich Roll?

  It's probably some tiny little ants or something like that.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Uh, no, no, no, it's not ants, because they're not hunters.

• 9:20Rich Roll?

  Uh-huh.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  Most people would guess lions, but it's not lions. Lions get their prey 30% of the time. Lions starve all the time.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Most people would guess hyenas, it's not hyenas. Cheetahs, not cheetahs, not leopards. What I'm talking about is, and nobody, most people don't even know that this animal exists. It is called the African wild dog, or the spotted dog. Have you ever seen these?

• 9:47Rich Roll?

  No, no.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  They're literally like the size of a small German shepherd. And they're in packs of 20, or more, or sometimes less. They're on the endangered list right now because humans are killing them and they have less and less space to do what they do. But the African wild dogs, and like, look this up, like you will be blown away on YouTube. You go on YouTube and type in African wild dogs, you will, you'll sit there for days, like I did. Because there's all these videos, they have strategies on how they do this. 80% of the time, National Geographic says 90% of the time, that they get their prey. That means every single time they go out, they catch what they're going for.

• 10:26Rich Roll?

  Because they're working as a unit.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 10:28Rich Roll?

  And wolves are like that too, though. I mean, they're super smart in how they kind of, you know, strategize, how they're gonna kind of close in on their prey and

• 10:34Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 10:35Rich Roll?

  Shut down all the exit options and all that kind of stuff.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Exactly, that's exactly what they do. They like, you know, they'll send, you know, an impala this way, knowing that they have like 10 dudes here, another five there, and like, what they do is, the first group will bite at the impala's legs and just pace them, right? Just nip at them, whatever they're going after, they just nip. Then what happens is, as soon as they get tired, they send a signal with their tail, and then the next group comes up and replaces them. And then these guys rest, which is why they always get their prey, because the prey cannot outrun them, and they can't outsmart them. And here's the, like, the craziest thing that I found out. After they hunt, right, first of all, they always leave one babysitter back at the nest

• 11:23Speaker 01

  to take care of the pups and whoever's sick or whoever's too weak to go on the hunt. So they go, they go out on this hunt, they kill, let's say, an impala, right, or buffalo. They eat the buffalo completely, like leave nothing.

• 11:34Rich Roll?

  Right then and there.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Right then and there, and they eat the entire thing, right? Because they chased them for miles.

• 11:39Rich Roll?

  Mm-hmm, it's like a persistent hunt.

• 11:41Speaker 01

  Exactly. Then they come back to the den and every single person that was on the hunt regurgitates their food and they all eat together.

• 11:50Rich Roll?

  Wow.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  Game changer.

• 11:52Rich Roll?

  How many, how many are in these packs?

• 11:54Speaker 01

  Up to 20, usually around 10.

• 11:56Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:58Rich Roll?

  So what's your point?

• 11:59Speaker 01

  My point is, like, once again, nature is showing us all the time. And I think that we're in that stage of our evolution right now. Um, like I was talking to somebody the other day just about like, what, what happened to my ancestors and like how, how, you know, terrible it was, but how awesome it was that these, these gentlemen, these people decided that people that look like me were less than and we weren't men and therefore we could, they could rape our women and burn us and kill us and do all of those things. But the, the, the thing about it was, was that they came together. They had a, a, a single, one.

• 12:37Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  One pointed focus.

• 12:38Rich Roll?

  Well, the Nazis came together too.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  Boom, boom.

• 12:40Rich Roll?

  They're very well organized.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  Super organized. And that is, to me, that is what's happening in our world right now when it comes to, um, the consciousness, uh, around what we put into our bodies. I think that people are waking up and all of these different factions and groups are coming together and it hasn't happened yet, but it's happening. Like we're on the verge of something and it, I'm just super amped about the whole thing.

• 13:08Rich Roll?

  I feel like we're living in, there's two different worlds going on. Like I, I see what you're saying. Like I see in the one hand, like the people that I associate, like I'm hanging out with guys like you all the time, right? So I tend to see the world through this prism or this lens of like really forward thinking, you know, really kind of like thought leader people who are very optimistic and are movers and shakers and doing cool stuff.

• 13:31Rich Roll?

  And there is this definite trend of conscious media that is expanding. And I think with the sort of availability, instant, you know, availability of information via the internet, people are gravitating towards that. They want a positive message, you know, sort of like the idea of television, like a sitcom on TV just seems silly right now, you know, even, even in comparison to how that felt maybe two years ago. Like it's, and when you look at young people, like the idea of sitting down and watching a television show, like when it's on TV, unless it's like a sports event or some kind of, you know, like the Oscars or something like that, just seems preposterous.

• 14:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:07Rich Roll?

  To somebody who's like young, you know? So it is changing and that's very exciting and it's cool to see, you know, amazing talent out there propagating like a positive message and getting up a favorable response out of that, you know what I mean? Because the distribution channels are so open and democratic now. And then on the other hand, you have, you know, go to, you know, you travel all the time, like what do you see when you're in an airport? You know, what do you, like, what, what is the America that, you know, that is also functioning, you know, at the same time, that's, that's hypnotized by, you know, sort of mainstream culture and television and, and all of that, like to the point of just being

• 14:49Rich Roll?

  completely checked out and really not even, um, you know, thinking about how they're exerting their energy or the food that they're eating or, you know, how they're behaving or any of those kinds of things. Like it's a, like they're just in a sleep mode.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  For sure, for sure.

• 15:03Rich Roll?

  So, so how do you reconcile these two worlds? Like, how do we bridge, bridge that gap?

• 15:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, off top, I, I, I have to consciously in myself know that it isn't two worlds. And I know that because even, you know, and I was looking at world, the world organization's statistics the other day.

• 15:27Rich Roll?

  A world health organization?

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 15:28Rich Roll?

  WHO?

• 15:29Speaker 01

  Um, and where does it, I have it actually, we have 1.9 billion adults in 2014 were considered overweight and over 600 million of them were considered obese. Crazier number, 42 million children under the age of five were considered obese in 2013. So it's clear, numbers wise, where, where America is still ruminating in.

• 15:55Rich Roll?

  You want to blow your mind?

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Do it.

• 15:59Rich Roll?

  One out of every three Americans will die of a heart attack. One out of every two Americans will suffer some form of coronary artery disease. And by 2030, 50% of Americans will be diabetic or prediabetic. Like, that's crazy, right? That's crazy talk. So the stats you're iterating are global. And this is a problem that is born in America and that is being exported all over the world.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Yes, indeed.

• 16:28Rich Roll?

  So you were in Africa recently. I mean, I've never been to Africa, but I was in the Middle East. And to see like TGI Fridays in Saudi Arabia is like kind of a mind blower.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 16:38Rich Roll?

  And so we're exporting this lifestyle and this diet to populations that have never experienced food like this or lifestyle modalities like this, and they're having health problems that are unprecedented in the history of humankind.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 16:51Rich Roll?

  And that's tragic.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  It's super tragic. Here's the crazy part. The other day, I ran out of my alkaline water, and I had this thought. It wouldn't be safe for me to go take my cup over to the sink and have the water go in there and drink that. Like, that's the society we're living in right now. Like, it's not okay for me to actually drink what's coming out of that faucet because it is 100% not healthy. And like, to think about that we have a society set up like that, where most people don't know, and I talk about this all the time, like, I was that dude. I was eating McDonald's, Burger King, I was, you know, the sloppy Joes that we got at school were my favorite time.

• 17:37Rich Roll?

  Oh, yeah, of course.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  The Chicken McNuggets, all of that stuff. And so many people have these crazy diseases and they don't understand where it's coming from. And for me, I have to, in order to do the work that I do, believe that there is no two sides and that it's just a matter of being aware and having...

• 18:01Speaker 01

  Easier options. And my part in that is not to make easier options because that's not, you know, that's not what I do. But my part is to bring awareness to it, the best way I know how, which is by doing YouTube videos, by doing love mobs, and by featuring and coming on anything and being around people who are raising the flag of awareness and health and love and peace. And like, you know, it's the Buckminster Fuller thing. It's like you either talk about what's not working or you create a lane that's so freaking powerful, that's so amazing, that people stop looking over there and they just start looking over here. And I believe, even though we're small right now, our crew, our bubble that we sort of live in,

• 18:45Speaker 01

  are now the cool kids. Like, people are looking and going, what's that? Even the Oscars the other day, when, what's her name? And I wasn't watching it, I just saw the like feed later. Patricia Arquette got up and said, and talked about women's, women's rate, women's being paid, women being paid the same as men. Like, people are taking their time in the spotlight to talk about stuff that's not working in our world. And like, I think that's awesome.

• 19:12Rich Roll?

  Right. I think what, where my eyes kind of always kind of gravitate towards is the gap between the inspiration and the action, right? Because you can inspire people and people like to be inspired. And on some level, like, you know, somebody who can inspire somebody is a valuable asset. But in some level, it's also kind of easy, you know? It's like the trick, the hard part, the work is in translating that inspiration into sustain, sustainable action and change. And when you talk about, you know, you were talking about people that are, that are sick and they don't want to like, look at like, why they're sick. We're, we're in a culture right now that, that it's very entitled and...

• 19:59Rich Roll?

  It's like, nobody wants to be told that they have to change their behavior or take responsibility for their actions.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:05Rich Roll?

  You know, which I think is like, like, maybe that's a millennial thing. It seems like a new thing, like, cause so, it's easier to say, you don't have to worry about all the behaviors, the foods you're eating and the behaviors that, your lifestyle behaviors that have contributed to your high blood pressure. Just take this pill and then you don't have to worry about it.

• 20:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:22Rich Roll?

  And you can just say, like, everything's fine. But you haven't really addressed the problem.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, not at all.

• 20:26Rich Roll?

  You're just dealing with a symptom. And that's emblematic, I think, of, of other kind of aspects of our culture that I think weren't looking at in terms of, um, you know, problems that we need to face and deal with. And the truth is, like, you know, if you want to change, then you do have to, like, look in the mirror and take responsibility for your behaviors and, and get honest with yourself. And I think that's very difficult. It's difficult for me to do. It's still difficult for me to do. I don't want to, like, look at stuff that I'm not proud of or admit that I'm behaving in a certain way that, that, uh, you know, I could do better at.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:59Rich Roll?

  But in my experience, the only time that I've ever been able to progress or take what I'm doing to the next level is when I'm willing to grapple with that and, and, you know, do the work that's required to get to the other side.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  Absolutely, absolutely. I'm completely in alignment with that. The only thing I would add to, or just leave a caveat for, is that the difference between what you're talking about and what I experience is that people don't even know. It's not that they know, and then they're going, okay, well, just give me a pill. They don't even know. Like, my, my grandmother, with her tumors and all of the stuff she's, she's, you know, being with right now, she has no clue, even though I do my best to explain it to her, that the years of, like, fried chicken and all of the stuff she put in her body could be the reason why her body is breaking down.

• 21:47Rich Roll?

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  She has no clue that those pills that she takes, the, like, thirty-five of them a day. Are for each other. Like she takes one to stop the tremors and then another one to be with the side effects of the pill that stops the tremors. And like, the whole thing is like, and she's on the back end of that. What about all those people like myself back in the day when that doctor asked me that poignant question that changed my life forever, what do you eat? And I said, I eat food. Like, my answer was food. And he was like, explain more. Okay, I eat food. I eat Burger King. I eat Chicken McNuggets. I eat McDonald's. He's like, that's not food. Most people have not been told. And, and so back to the inspiration part, right?

• 22:33Speaker 01

  So let's jump back to that. It's layered, right? For instance, my job, one of my jobs is to be that inspiration for people. Not, not the choir, though. My job is to be the inspiration for the people who have no clue. And that's what I find is my, my sort of audience. It's the people right on the edge who are like, okay, something's not working here. And everybody's doing that. Everybody's in that space like, okay, so we gotta figure something out. But we have no clue what the something is. And like, a lot of the, the people who come through my YouTube channel and stuff like that, they're right on the edge. And, and what I do purposely is I get in their face.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  I purposely talk about stuff in a very raw way. I don't try to sugarcoat it. I don't, you know, I do my best not to be, you know, how the, um, nothing against them, but how the old motivational speakers would be where they use these, these keywords and stuff like that. I'm like, yo, get nasty. Like, figure it out. Get up. And, and, and that's what it's about for me.

• 23:38Rich Roll?

  Right. So when you say on the edge, these are people you're finding that, that are, that are sort of, kind of tiptoeing around the edge of like, maybe something's not working in my life and I need to look in a new direction, but I'm, I'm brand new to this. I don't really know much about how to do that.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Yep. It's, it's like ridiculously, that, that market for me, like, they are everywhere. And, and when I do these sessions, I watch it happen. I watch people light up and go, whoa, wait a minute, I have my life back. Like I did, I did a session with a woman in Chicago.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  Maybe two weeks ago. And she, like, within ten minutes was breaking down. She was like, "I can't even believe what you're telling me right now, but I can." And then she said-

• 24:20Rich Roll?

  What were you telling her?

• 24:21Speaker 01

  Well, we were talking about the higher self versus the wounded self. And like, I was getting her to understand and take responsibility for what was speaking her. And, and for her, she had all these awakenings. I was watching her face, like, go, "Wait, wait, wait, wait, hey, so that means..." And I'm like, "Yes, that does mean that." So, what, what her father, what she explained was that her dad was a very negative man. And, and he, coming from a space of what he thought was love, would always tell his kids, like, "You get a job, you keep it. No matter what, you keep it. You get a husband, you keep him. No matter what, you figure it out." And you know, and he-

• 24:56Rich Roll?

  Just coming from fear.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Scarcity. Scarcity. So this woman, her whole life, she's fifty-something years old, has been operating from scarcity, not understanding that that's her father's paradigm, that she's carried over and given to her children. And, and, you know, what I told her is like, "You don't know when you're gonna die. It could be, it could be eighty, you know, you could be eighty years old. You could have another thirty years on this planet. And you have a chance, you have an opportunity, now that you've recognized that it's you, and what, what part of you that's been speaking, to like, live an awesome life. You can go back to that same job that you've hated your whole life, and now be reawakened and, and choose the job, you know?

• 25:39Speaker 01

  And like, to me, that's that crowd, and this is the-

• 25:43Rich Roll?

  Like, just the idea that she actually could have a choice-

• 25:46Speaker 01

  She had no clue!

• 25:47Rich Roll?

  -and what her career would be, as opposed to, like, "I just have to hold on to this, because if I let go, then, you know, I might be homeless," or-

• 25:52Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 25:53Rich Roll?

  -something like that, right?

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Yep. All the lack and limitation, the scarcity thinking mentality that's, you know, given to us by constant negative news, CNN, and all of those different, uh, stations that are pumping us all the time. And she said one of the funniest things. She said- Oh my god, I feel like, you know, like this is like that Super Soul Sunday thing. Like, I feel like I'm, like, I could go on there now, like, and I was like, yes, yes, mama, you could. Like, that's as close as consciousness.

• 26:21Rich Roll?

  When are you gonna get the Oprah hookup?

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Seriously, Oprah, where you at? Somebody out there knows Oprah.

• 26:26Rich Roll?

  I think she would like, I think she would enjoy meeting you.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Oh, I would mess with her.

• 26:30Rich Roll?

  How's that gonna happen?

• 26:31Speaker 01

  I know.

• 26:31Rich Roll?

  You know Mastin Kip, probably, don't you?

• 26:33Speaker 01

  I kind of know him. We're not, we're not, like, connected, connected.

• 26:38Rich Roll?

  But, but Dr. Michael Beckwith, he's your guy, right?

• 26:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally.

• 26:42Rich Roll?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 26:43Rich Roll?

  He's amazing. So, let's talk about that for a little bit, because I think, you know, mentorship is important, and to sort of have people that are guiding forces in your life to kind of, you know, even if they're not people you talk to every day, or whatnot, but people you kind of aspire to model your life after, and he seems to be kind of one of those guys for you. Is that accurate?

• 27:04Speaker 01

  For sure, for sure. He's a...

• 27:05Rich Roll?

  I mean, first of all, explain who he is for people that don't know.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 27:08Rich Roll?

  He's an extraordinary guy. I mean, I think we talked about it on the podcast before, but...

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Possibly, yeah.

• 27:13Rich Roll?

  That was a long time ago.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, Dr. Michael Beckwith is the Senior Spiritual Advisor Speaker at Agape International. He's also one of the people who was the, like, people that really broke things open in the movie The Secret about nine years ago.

• 27:32Rich Roll?

  Oh yeah, I forgot that he was one of the guys.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, he was like, he was the one that changed the game for me, like, in The Secret.

• 27:38Rich Roll?

  Was that your first exposure to him, seeing him in that movie?

• 27:40Speaker 01

  Yes, it was, it was.

• 27:42Rich Roll?

  Were you living in LA at that time when that came out?

• 27:44Speaker 01

  I was.

• 27:45Rich Roll?

  Oh, you are, but you hadn't gone to Agape yet?

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Nope. Yeah, that was, that was a game changer. And, and, you know, he speaks all over the country, and he's written various books, and, you know, yeah, to have mentors, you know, I say Einstein's my mentor. I say that Jim Rome is my mentor, you know?

• 28:01Rich Roll?

  Jim Rome, that's one I would not have predicted.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  Jim Rome is awesome.

• 28:05Rich Roll?

  Why Jim Rome?

• 28:06Speaker 01

  He is dope, dude, like, because he's funny. He, like, took this thing, and Tony Robbins copied Jim Rome, like, everything that is Tony Robbins is Jim Rome, like, everybody copied this dude, and Zig Ziglar and Jim Rome were, like, amazing. But I like that he used humor, and he made it real for people. Like, he has this, and I'm gonna talk about it in my speech, he has this thing called, he says, you know, "How long would you give your average baby to walk?" And everybody, you know, everybody's like, what? He's like, you know, like, how long before you say, all right, you little son of a, you know, that's enough, you know? And he talks about the power of until. And like, you know, any mother would say, my baby's gonna keep trying until, until she figures it out. She's gonna keep trying to talk until she talks.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  And that's the grace that we have to give ourselves, which is, you know, I'm gonna keep reading these books, I'm gonna keep, you know, juicing, I'm gonna keep doing whatever I need to do until I, I create a new normal where I'm vibrating so high that people think I'm on drugs. And, and all I say is I'm on love, you know, like that, that thing is amazing. Mentorship, though, because I know I'm getting off track.

• 29:13Rich Roll?

  No, it's all right. We're just going wherever we're going today.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  Truth, okay.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. It's, it's so important to have people that you model. And, and the thing is, is like, I don't wanna be like Beckwith. I don't wanna be like anybody, because I am me, and I know that I'm a unique emanation of the Most High. But I appreciate his come from. Like, you've experienced him before.

• 29:41Rich Roll?

  Yeah, he's a huge consciousness, and he's a very powerful personality and speaker, and his message is profound. Like, he's an extraordinary human being.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Seriously.

• 29:50Rich Roll?

  Straight up, like, no matter who, where you're coming from religiously, from whatever religion you're, you ascribe to, or, or spiritual perspective, or what have you. Anybody who is sort of heard him speak, or been in his presence, will attest to the fact that he's a, you know, he's a, he's a, he's a heavy cat.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  For sure. You know, last night, I was in a class, because I'm always studying, I was in a class, a prayer meditation class. And somebody brought up, somebody said, you know, well, what is it, you know, how do I deal with, in my consciousness, where some people have lots of money, and like, I, where am I not going in order to not have lots of money? And, you know, everybody started a discussion about it. And one of the things that I offered was like, When I see someone doing great, like you, Rich, for example, right? I'm not in the position, yet, where I'm speaking all over the country on a consistent basis. I don't have a ridiculously popular podcast, yet.

• 30:49Rich Roll?

  You should have a podcast, dude. I'm gonna make that happen for you.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Thank you. All of those things are on their way. But when I see you, I get inspired by you. It's not, "Oh, Rich has that." There's only so much good in the world, so, "Oh, Rich has a podcast, that's it." You know, I get inspired by what people like yourself are doing and go, "Wow." You know, "What's to come from me?" And I celebrate your good. I actually am grateful for what you're bringing forth and what's coming through you. And like, that's the place to go for anybody out there who has been dealing with, you know, feeling less than because you're looking in your neighbor's yard. Celebrate what's in your neighbor's yard. And I promise you, yours will be on its way.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Because when you focus out, when you focus on, um, you know, when you focus out and it's coming from a space of gratitude, it opens up that same space in you because of our mirror neurons. We're experiencing, you know, if you were to get up and dance right now, I would smile, I would laugh, because you probably would suck at dancing.

• 31:59Rich Roll?

  Yeah, you would laugh.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  But I would also-

• 32:02Rich Roll?

  This white man can't jump.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  I would be- Exactly, exactly. I would be experiencing it with you, you know?

• 32:09Rich Roll?

  Well, I mean, I think there are certain immutable spiritual laws that make no sense in the logical world, in the rational world, in which we're raised to believe, you know, kind of, you know, guides how we should make decisions. But in my experience,

• 32:25Rich Roll?

  you know, when you can divorce yourself from this idea of lack and understand that it's not a zero-sum game and that there is, you know, more than enough for everybody because it's all infinite.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:37Rich Roll?

  And when you focus on, um-

• 32:41Rich Roll?

  When you, when you, when you give of yourself freely, without expectation, in service to other people, you will receive tenfold. And that law is never wrong.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  The law of circulation.

• 32:52Rich Roll?

  It's very difficult for the human brain to wrap their head around that and to actually put that into practice. But that's the way it works, man.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Right is the way it works.

• 33:03Rich Roll?

  You know what I'm telling you? And so, look at people that are, that are, that, that are in service and look at their, their happiness quotient. You know, look at their health quotient. I mean, it's, you cannot take issue with that. You know what I mean? Like, people that can get out of themselves and their own head and their own problems and focus on helping other people, those are the people that are leading magical lives.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Absolutely. I call it the double boomerang effect, where, where you throw a boomerang, let's say you throw it with your right hand and you receive someone else's throw with your left hand. Because, you know, maybe you're giving here, and, and this is a little backstory for anybody who has been on my YouTube channel. One of the reasons, and there's a lot of beautiful stuff happening in my life right now. Like, it's amazing, including the Simon and Schuster deal that I got to write my first book.

• 33:52Rich Roll?

  Yeah, like, what's going on with the book? Well, I finish your thought here, we'll talk about that in a minute.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  I, I, I'm gonna lead to it. So, double boomerang effect, right? So, four years ago, I was still pursuing an acting career while simultaneously reading every book I could on consciousness and spirituality and meditating and praying and surfing and just like engulfing myself. And like, how, I wanted to see how good I could be, like, like how amazing could I be? And in the process, people would come over, my friends and people on Facebook would write me and, and they would ask me these questions. And I would give them these, like, I would give my heart, like I do with everything. And what happened was, was...

• 34:35Speaker 01

  There was one day where I was like, I should record these. I should like, put these on like, some type of, you know, internet station or something. Because, you know, I find myself saying some of the same things over and over again. A lot of us all have the same issues. And like, I should do that. Yeah, I'm gonna call it like, Questions with Preston, or something like that. Because people are always coming over, asking me questions. So, I decided in that moment to give my gift away. Right? I looked for a way that I could support humanity, without expecting anything in return. All I did was start putting these videos up, and they were terrible, in some sense. They're not, they don't have the same quality that they have now. And, and I started putting them up on YouTube.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  And, and, you know, fast forward, you know, four years to seven months ago. Seven months ago, I got nominated into ATL. I got accepted.

• 35:28Rich Roll?

  What's ATL?

• 35:29Speaker 01

  ATL is Association of Transformational Leaders. It was started by Jack Camfield from Chicken Soup from the Soul. So, I'm in ATL, and I get, I get accepted, and I get a call from Freeman Michaels, who's the host of Cutting Edge Consciousness. He calls me, because he nominated me. And he said, you know, "I told you when I nominated you, you may or may not get in. I nominated three people, you're the only one that got in. But I want to tell you this." He said, "Preston, look no further. Everything you need, all the connections you need, will be within ATL. Look no further." And it was this, sort of, the, the statement, sort of, like, stood out for me, in some sense. So, fast forward to a couple weeks later, I go to the conference.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  We're out in the woods, and, you know, all the big-

• 36:16Rich Roll?

  All these leaders are there?

• 36:17Speaker 01

  Everybody's there.

• 36:18Rich Roll?

  You're having like, some secret meeting in the woods?

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Yep, totally. That's exactly what it is.

• 36:21Rich Roll?

  I want to go to that meeting!

• 36:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll nominate you. So I'm there, it's the last day, it's Sunday, everybody, and it's like junior high school all over again.

• 36:30Rich Roll?

  Where is this happening? Some like undisclosed location?

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like in Lake Arrowhead. It's hilarious, I know. But it's awesome, and it should happen like that. People should get together who are doing powerful things and support each other. So I walk into the dining area, Sunday morning, the morning we're all supposed to leave, and there's like all these like who's who's. Everybody's like sitting at different tables laughing and talking. And I walk in and it's like junior high school all over again, because it's like that moment, you're like, which table do I sit at? Is someone gonna invite me to the cool kids' table? Like, you know? And then I dropped in and remembered what I always tell people, which is look for ways to support, just be you. So I dropped in and I was like, oh, there's a guy back there sitting by himself. So I walked back there and I introduced myself. His name is Bruce Cryer.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  He's a former CEO, this I find all this out later, former CEO of the Institute of HeartMath.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  They do like amazing, the science behind the heart and like all of that stuff. It's like, it started in the seventies, really amazing. He's a former CEO of that, and now the new CEO of Alyssa Rankin, who is a...

• 37:37Rich Roll?

  Yeah, I know who she is. She's cool.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  Bestselling author, exactly. He's the CEO of her company right now. So we have a conversation. I'm just a dude having a conversation like I do with you, cracking jokes, being whatever, you know? I don't know his story and I don't care per se, I just care that he's a human. So we connect, we laugh. At the end of it, he says, R.I.P., we gotta hang. And I'm like, of course we do. Here's my email, here's my number. Cool. So I go back to LA, plugging away, making YouTube videos, figuring out how I can take this message to the mainstream. Like, that's my, I have one mission, take this whole thing and put it on the mainstream. I wanna have a slot at Coachella. I wanna have a slot like Drake goes and then Preston goes, like, you know, it's just to speak. So...

• 38:19Rich Roll?

  You and NQ.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly. So I'm doing my thing, and I get this email one day, and I'm like, huh, Bruce Cryer. Open it up. He CC'd me in a conversation that he's been having with a woman by the name of Michelle Martin, who is Gabrielle Bernstein's agent and Alyssa Rankin's agent. Unbeknownst to me, Bruce had been setting up, he had been speaking for me, telling this huge agent that she needed to sign me because I was gonna blow up and that I was, you know, a powerful kid. Unbeknownst to Bruce, Michelle had just signed a contract with Simon & Schuster. To do this whole new.

• 39:03Rich Roll?

  To not be an agent anymore, but to actually work for the publishing company?

• 39:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, to be both.

• 39:06Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  So she's gonna keep her clients, but then she's starting a whole new thing where.

• 39:11Rich Roll?

  Like an imprint, you mean?

• 39:12Speaker 01

  Yep, yep, where they're gonna, they're gonna take speaking and a lot of different stuff. Cause they're getting that people aren't buying as many books anymore, so that, you know, they're figuring it out. Yeah, so I get, long story short, I get on call with Michelle, we talk. I thought it was gonna be like five minutes, an hour goes by. She said, alright kid, get me a proposal in three days. I'm gonna send it to some. Exactly, I had no proposal, right?

• 39:38Rich Roll?

  But you've been working on your book for a while.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  I have, but I didn't have a proposal.

• 39:41Rich Roll?

  Right, cause you were just gonna do it yourself.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 39:44Rich Roll?

  We talked about your book, so this is new news to me.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 39:47Rich Roll?

  So, alright, so you, I mean, dude, I spent three months on my first book proposal.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  I got some of the best people in the game's proposal. Like, I got Lewis Howes' proposal, and I got like, you know, Jake Ducey, I got his proposal. Like, I was looking at different peoples, Christine Hasler, I looked at hers, and I was just like, okay. Seeing what worked, what didn't work, and then I created something that's not even a regular proposal. Like, mine is like pictures and screenshots and like videos and like, but either way, it's a side note. So, um, my girlfriend, Alexi, does this whole proposal for me because I'm not that computer like savvy. In one day, we knock it out, like sixteen hours just working. I send it to her, a week goes by, she calls me, and she says, you're a star. And, and, you know, we wanna offer you a book deal.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  And like, I say all of that not to impress, but to impress upon, that, that's the double boomerang effect. Like, I looked for ways I could support humanity. I gave the gift that I have, which is, you know, insight and being able to speak in a certain way. And I put it on YouTube, and I just kept looking for ways how I could support. I threw my boomerang here, and I received from here. You see what I'm saying? So like, anybody out there listening, like. Stay out of the how, because the how is none of your business. Your job is to, is to come into alignment with the dream and, and put action behind it and stay out of the how, because I'm sure, um, uh, Rich could attest to this, that like, who would have thunk, like even where we're recording right now, like 10 years ago, would you have

• 41:22Speaker 01

  guessed that this is what would have happened?

• 41:24Rich Roll?

  Like, no, there's no freaking way. You know, I mean, 10 years ago, like, no, it's, it would be preposterous, absolutely preposterous. But I think that, that, yeah, the principle rings true. I would say that, that in general, you're not always gonna have like the immediate kind of like karmic reaction, you know, that's not, that's not, that's like an extreme example, but I would say that-

• 41:45Speaker 01

  That was four years later though, dude. Think about it, from, from questions with Preston to like-

• 41:48Rich Roll?

  Right, right, right. But, but the idea of like, meeting that guy at that event and then it turning into, so it's not always like that, but it is, I mean, I've had almost exactly the same experience, you know, like similar kinds of things. But in general, when you're just in the practice of always like, what can I, what can I bring to this, what can I offer, how can I contribute, as opposed to what am I gonna get from this experience? Then your life becomes enriched. And look, it's not my default, I'm not waking up in the morning going, I can't wait to contribute to society, you know, like, I'm like, where's mine, you know?

• 42:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:21Rich Roll?

  So you have to train yourself, like it's a practice, you know, and like, it's a moment to moment thing, you know, and it's like, when I start to feel angry and irritable and resentful and all those sorts of things, like the solution for me to that is not to sit in my woe, but to like, pick up the phone and find somebody who, you know, maybe is in a lesser place than I am, that maybe I can talk to, you know, not, not to ask them how they're doing, how can I help them, you know what I mean? Like, that's how I, you can't think your way out of that, you have to act your way out of it.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 42:55Rich Roll?

  You have to take, you have to take action, I think.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  That's why you're a better human being than everybody.

• 42:58Rich Roll?

  No, it's not, believe me, I'm-

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Thanks, Rich.

• 43:02Rich Roll?

  Yeah, far from, far from the case, so-

• 43:04Speaker 01

  See how he's flexing on us, guys?

• 43:05Rich Roll?

  No, no, no. Like, what I'm, what I'm telling you is, left to my own devices, I'm making all the wrong choices, you know, these are like, things that I have to like, work very hard on. I mean, what do you struggle with?

• 43:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:16Rich Roll?

  Because when I'm, you know, you're making these inspirational videos and you have this super positive message and you have all this, these amazing things that are now happening in your life, a culmination of a lot of hard work, it's not an overnight thing.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 43:29Rich Roll?

  But like, what are the things in your dark moments that, that like are hard for you? Like where are your Achilles heels? Like what do you struggle with?

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Dude, that's one of my favorite things. I love it. I embrace all of that. And like, you know, we'll get to this because I told you about one of your, one of your listeners that I'm gonna, you know, call out here in some sense.

• 43:47Rich Roll?

  Uh oh. What happened?

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Uh, you know, I'll say this. So my shadow side, which is awesome, all of it's awesome because I'm just glad I have a cup. I'm glad I have a cup. It's not half empty or half full. I just like, I'm really glad I have a cup. Like I'm glad I'm in the dance and I'm forever becoming. We're always in a process, everybody. And anybody who tries to act perfect or do the sage from the stage thing is, gets a boo from me. Like boo, get out of here. I love you, but get out of here. So.

• 44:18Rich Roll?

  I don't think you can get away with that anymore.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  No.

• 44:20Rich Roll?

  We live in a, in a, especially young people, they're, I say this all the time, but their intent, their intent is so attuned to anything that's not authentic. They're like, they're not buying it, you know? Because they can see right through the BS.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 44:34Rich Roll?

  So you gotta be, you gotta bring it real.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 44:36Rich Roll?

  Or it ain't working anymore.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Exactly. I love it. I love it. I appreciate that, that this is the time because, you know, like I'm a fiery dude. The same reason why people love me could be the same reason why people dislike me. And like even in relation, in relationship, you know, like I get fired up sometimes and I get to, you know.

• 44:57Rich Roll?

  That causes issues with Alexi? Like how does she function?

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, no one likes for someone to be in their passion. Like, you know, and you know, yes, of course.

• 45:07Rich Roll?

  Well, you're a lot of energy, dude.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  I am.

• 45:09Rich Roll?

  Are you, you must be, are you like, you must be a handful to live with.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  Um, you know, I'm really easy to live with. That's what we were talking about that. Like I wear the same stuff. She has to like force me to like take showers because I'm like.

• 45:21Rich Roll?

  I don't believe that. Come on, dude. You're putting on like some crazy outfit like every day.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Rich, I just have that stuff. I have a rule. I told you about my rule. My rule is I only buy stuff that makes me go like OMG.

• 45:33Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  So if, if the only things in my closet are things that I have been like, I can't walk out of here without them. Man, I'm just gonna have dope stuff. But like, the reality is, like we said, these are ten dollar shoes, these are twenty dollar pants, and this is a shirt from Ross.

• 45:48Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  But all of this looks different because of who I be in it. You know? Like, um, but what were we saying? We're talking about the shadow side?

• 45:57Rich Roll?

  Uh, yeah, no, stuff that you struggle with and talking about like, there was a, there was, you know, like, what?

• 46:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:03Rich Roll?

  Right, right, right.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  And this is to all you vegans out there.

• 46:06Rich Roll?

  Oh, no.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  I'm calling you guys out. And I'm on my way. Like, I'm vegetarian and I eat vegan most of the time, but I am not all the way there. I'm in my evolution, just like you are and just like you were.

• 46:18Rich Roll?

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  So there was a guy recently, and, um, I know that most of you guys don't represent this, but like, any of you who have been in this space, let me just let you know, as somebody who's a grown man, this doesn't work. So I had one of the, one of the, one of the guys reach out. He went through all my videos, which is awesome, and I appreciate it, right? He went through all my videos and he got to a particular one with Troy Casey, the health nut. And this was literally four years ago. This is one of the, I think this is one of the first three videos I ever shot. And I'm interviewing Troy, and Troy asked me a question, because Troy is a super vegan. And I said, "I'm a flexitarian right now, and then I'm, you know, at this point, I'm just listening to my body.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  For the most part, I don't eat meat, but every once in a while, I eat grass-fed, organic, etc." Well, um, and I said, you know, "I'm in a process, etc." One of the listeners goes, he writes a comment, and it's pure fire out the gate. "Oh, I can't believe you, man. Like, I like some of your videos, and I heard you on Rich Roll's podcast, but like, man, I'm not, never listening to you again, because, you know, you're this and you're that, and like, how could you talk about love and you kill animals?" And like, he just went in. And the thing about it is, guys, is like, I'm with you, right? I'm with you. And this is not to everybody, because I get that some of you guys get this. But like, when you come at somebody, making them wrong and judging them,

• 47:48Speaker 01

  that's the last thing they want to do, is do what you're telling them to do. He never even stopped to ask, "Hey, Preston, I see this video was put up three or four years ago. Do you still have the same views?" No, he didn't ask that. He just judged me immediately. And like, that stuff is a detriment to what we're all up to. Guys, we're up to something huge. There is nothing more important in this world than how you feel in your body. Like, health is everything. And I know you guys get that. And I know that you struggle with, because I do. My dad still smokes cigarettes. He still eat McDonald's. He still drinks alcohol. I'm still in the process, the same process you're in, of awakening people.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  But the last thing that is going to work for them is telling them that they're wrong and judging them. So from the bottom of my heart, drop into your heart, when you're around people, and like, be empathetic. Because there was a time when you weren't. Not all of us. And, you know, and I said this to the guy, like, you better not have ever even swatted a fly. You better not had even, like, flicked a mosquito or a gnat in your entire life. If you're gonna come on my channel, because this is like my journal, and disrespect me. And I come hard when it comes to stuff like that. I am not a pushover.

• 49:04Rich Roll?

  Well, I mean, a couple of observations. I mean, first of all, when somebody makes a comment like that, it says a lot more about them than you.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 49:11Rich Roll?

  So, you know, who knows what's going on with that person? A. B, comments on YouTube, that's the worst. So don't even like, sweat it. You know what I mean? Like, YouTube is like the gutter of like, comments.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, people go for it, for sure.

• 49:26Rich Roll?

  And then, thirdly, you know, to this point about judgmentalism and sort of taking other people's inventory. Yeah, I think it's important to just stay out of other people's inventory. You know, and I think the vegan thing becomes very heated. People are very emotional about this subject. And people that are passionate vegans have a certain perspective on the world. And I think, you know, I have a theory on that, and I've said this many times, but, you know, I think certain people are born with...

• 49:56Rich Roll?

  Like, right out of the gate, with like, a level of sensitivity that maybe is more extreme than the average human being. Absolutely. And so, at a very young age, they create that equation in their mind between, you know, how animals are treated and this idea that we're using these animals for food, and it doesn't make sense to them. But the world is operating differently. And so, over the years, as they grow older, they get more and more frustrated that people are not sharing their worldview. Yes. And eventually, it's no surprise that that frustration will, at some point, morph into anger. And then, that anger comes out, you know, sideways towards somebody else. Yeah. And I think that, you know, maybe I'm wrong about that, but I think that that's what's going on. And it helps me, you know, I'm not a judgmental person, like, my whole thing is, I want to meet people where they're at. Exactly.

• 50:41Rich Roll?

  And that's what we always say. It's like, you know, especially if you're an agent of transformation, which you are, and, you know, which, you know, hopefully, I am for certain people, you know, you have to carry yourself with compassion for your fellow human and, you know, their perspective on the world. And until you can kind of step into someone else's perspective and try to embrace that, or at least, understand it, if you can't do that, then you're not going to be very effective, I think, at trying to share maybe a different perspective. Absolutely. And I think that you have to allow people to be human beings, you know? It's like, if you're not behaving like this, like, this way, whether it's vegan or anything

• 51:24Rich Roll?

  else, it can be, you know, a political affiliation, it can be a religious perspective, it doesn't really matter. That is, you know, a source of dissonance that is, that is an agent not of transformation, but of separation. Separation. And that is the root of why we have difficulties on our planet. You know, it's what divides nations and leads to wars and all these sorts of things. So, how do we, you know, how do we, and I think the solution also...

• 51:54Rich Roll?

  Is how you, you have no control over the comment that somebody puts on your YouTube page. They attack you for your dietary proclivities, or your spiritual perspective, or whatever it is. The only thing you have control over is how you're going to react to that. So if you in kind return his favor with a similar favor.

• 52:13Speaker 01

  Oh, take that.

• 52:14Rich Roll?

  That is not, that is not the high vibration.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Not at all.

• 52:18Rich Roll?

  And I understand, it's like, well, you cannot respond, but is that the right thing? Or is there a more compassionate way to respond?

• 52:24Speaker 01

  It's a teaching moment.

• 52:25Rich Roll?

  Yeah, and I don't know, you know, every, every situation is unique. I certainly plead guilty to, you know, I'm not on the receiving end of a lot of vitriol, but I've put up a couple of pretty controversial podcasts lately. And so I, you know, especially like Fani Hari, the food babe, and Jason Hall, the American sniper, screenwriter, like, you know, these are hot button, these are people that are, that are, that are kind of, you know, shaking things up.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:48Rich Roll?

  And, and not everyone's happy about that.

• 52:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:50Rich Roll?

  That makes for interesting conversations on the podcast, but hand in hand with that, I have to be prepared to be on the receiving end of some tweets that maybe, you know, kind of keep me awake at night, you know, wondering, am I going to respond to this or ignore it? And I would like to tell you that I take the high ground and it doesn't affect me, but it does, you know? It's like, you know, you're a sensitive sentient human being, as am I, and, and finding the right approach to navigating that is a minefield.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 53:28Rich Roll?

  So, the original question was, what do you struggle with? So I, so I gather from, from this story, this anecdote, what you struggle with is like how to respond to negative energy that's being directed in your direction? Is that what we're getting at?

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Yes. That's, because it's my old paradigm. It's what I used to be, you know, growing up, as some of you guys know, you know, when I was in a gang, and just as a kid in general, take all of that away, how you're taught as, as like a young American boy for the most part, is like, somebody hits you, you hit them back 10 times harder. And like, I watch myself in those positions sometimes, where I'm like, what? Like, you know, don't get, don't get the, the hats and the skinny jeans, you know, don't let that fool you. I'm, I'm not to be messed with in that sense. But, here's the beautiful part, Rich.

• 54:19Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  Is like, it's not about...

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Us being, it's not about the thing coming up, right? Because the thing came up. When I read that comment, I was like, how dare you?

• 54:31Rich Roll?

  Yeah, push your button.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:32Rich Roll?

  So what is it about your history, your life experience that that activated?

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Exactly, because it was already there. It was already there to be pushed. So like I said, this is for everybody. It's not about like the thing. It's about how you react to the thing and then how you react once you are aware of what you did. So if you go, if any of you guys go there right now, unless he deleted the comment, if you go to that particular video, you'll see that I responded first and it was kind of nice, but also kind of a slap.

• 55:03Rich Roll?

  Like a little passive aggressive.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then you'll see the second comment, which was me like, hey bud, like I get it. Like nothing but love, but like maybe next time, ask. Maybe next time, don't judge because we're all on the same team. We're all doing this together on different vibrations, but it's all the same thing. And like that to me, even in relationship and with roommates, etc. It's like, okay, yes, stuff's gonna happen. You're gonna spill milk, you're gonna fall, you're gonna, like stuff's going to happen. It's how you be, once you realize that you have been. It's like how you be, once you realize you have been. I've never said that before, but I hope you get it. It's like, you know, yes, I reacted that way. Now, how fast can I catch it and like take care of it and be with it?

• 55:50Speaker 01

  Because the faster you do that, you start creating a new normal where you fall, but you don't fall as far and you don't fall as fast, you know? And then eventually what will happen is it'll come up, you'll notice it and you go, ah, there you are, you little tricky, you little wounded self trying to speak for me. I'm gonna move back into my higher self, poof, back into love.

• 56:10Rich Roll?

  The most powerful tool for expediting that journey is meditation. Because the more you meditate, the more you can, you can have awareness between, the difference between your higher consciousness and your thinking mind. And it's your like emotional body that gets triggered and wants to react, you know? And if you're not kind of like being mindful, then you're gonna just react without thinking. And if you are able to be more mindful and be the observer, then you have that moment. It might even be just a microsecond, but it's enough to say, Oh, maybe I have a choice over how I'm gonna respond here. And it doesn't have to be the way that I always do. That always gets me in trouble. I can make a different choice.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  It's powerful.

• 56:55Rich Roll?

  But it's, again, it goes back to this idea of practice, man. It's like, you know, if you wanna change your behavior, then that's not easy, and it's not overnight, and it's not gonna be linear or perfect. Like, you're gonna make a lot of mistakes before you start to develop some level of mastery over it, even over the tiniest little things. Like, when so-and-so says this, I don't have to say that, you know? So...

• 57:17Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  That makes me laugh, cuz it's so true. Like, sometimes it's the smallest thing that you're like...

• 57:25Rich Roll?

  Oh, it's usually stupid.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:26Rich Roll?

  You know what I mean? But like, that's the root of so much that like, leads you astray. It starts with a kernel of nonsense, you know? It turns into something big and nasty and dark, but the original spark is usually like, you know, if you can figure out how to not fan that flame, and it'll just dissipate on its own quickly before it picks up steam and energy.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:47Rich Roll?

  You have to get it at the source.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  I said that on Instagram the other day, that negativity and forces of negativity in your life will stop showing up and die a natural death when we start practicing the habit of being disinterested in them. You know? How hard is it to argue with somebody who literally just isn't interested in arguing? You're just like, "Nope."

• 58:14Rich Roll?

  Yeah, well, they're not, yeah, like, they have enough self-mastery where they're not getting activated.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, it just won't happen.

• 58:19Rich Roll?

  So some negative entity is trying to like, push, but like, "Where's that button? I'm gonna find that button," and the person's not buying in.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, "I love you. It's okay. I love you. I still love you." Like, "No! You need to pick up their socks!" "No, I love you."

• 58:32Rich Roll?

  But there's a distinction, and this is important, I think. There's a distinction between pretending to be that and being that. Like, to say like, "It's not bothering me," while you're grinding your teeth.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, of course.

• 58:44Rich Roll?

  Like, "I'm fine. I'm fine." That's very different than actually feeling like, "I'm okay. This guy can be saying all this stuff, and I'm cool."

• 58:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:53Rich Roll?

  Like, so how do you get from one to the other?

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, uh, that's a practice. It's definitely, uh, you know, I always say, transformation is not a...

• 59:06Speaker 01

  A destination, it's a journey and we're always, you know, always on a journey home to the self. And we're always becoming, becoming more of the self, the capital S of the self, the higher self, the true self, the real self, the one that has never been hurt, harmed, or endangered. That self is like, uh, you know, the essence of all that is good. It's like pure and like, we're always on a journey home to that. And my biggest reminder for people is that your history does not determine your destiny. Your destiny is determined by how you choose to be with what has happened. And most people have something happen and then they just keep dragging it into the now over and over and over again.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  And that is how, you know, you look up 20, 30, 40 years from now and you're like, "Oh yeah, when I was playing football, I'm gonna sprain my knee, huh." You know, it's like, dude, what about now?

• 1:00:00Rich Roll?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  That was 40 years ago.

• 1:00:01Rich Roll?

  They're cutting and pasting from the past.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:00:04Rich Roll?

  Pushing Ctrl V and copying it into the present.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  Over and over.

• 1:00:07Rich Roll?

  So, yeah, that's, that goes to the power of story. And this, I think we talked about this last time, just this idea that, that we construct these stories about who we are that form the basis of our identity, or at least our supposed conjured identity in our minds.

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:00:23Rich Roll?

  And those stories are oriented around not very many stories of our past. Like, we, we, we make this macro story about who we are, our identity, based upon some instances, occurrences in our life, events in our past.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:39Rich Roll?

  First of all, memory is terrible, so your memory of whatever happened probably isn't really what happened.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:00:45Rich Roll?

  And it's, and it's attached to all these emotions and associations that are emotional and thus not reliable.

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  Tough.

• 1:00:52Rich Roll?

  And then they, and then when you're reaffirming them year after year after year, it's like that game of telephone where they become further and further from what actually happened.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:00Rich Roll?

  And why are you choosing that event as the defining thing that you're gonna continually call back?

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, everything.

• 1:01:06Rich Roll?

  So, so, you know, this, this process, whether you call it transformation or just evolution, growth, whatever you wanna call it, I think requires...

• 1:01:16Rich Roll?

  Taking a look at those stories, like even writing down, what are the things that you're always calling back? And then saying, I'm gonna not tell that story about that thing anymore. I'm gonna, I'm gonna think about some other thing that happened to me and tell that's like, to exercise control and power over that, to reframe what that story is, which can then, over time, begin to construct a new sense of identity.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  Amazing, absolutely. Rich, you should have a podcast. You're like, really, you're really good at this stuff.

• 1:01:46Rich Roll?

  Give me a microphone.

• 1:01:48Rich Roll?

  In terms of like reacting to other people though, like, listen, man, I'm, you know, like, I can't tell you, you know, how much of my default state, my disposition is irritable and discontent. And it requires like a tremendous amount of work for me just to feel normal, you know, like it's very hard. And that's fueled by, you know, alcoholism and all these other things that I struggle with. And it's, it's not easy, you know what I mean? Like, I have to really, like, and Julie, my wife is amazing because she's such a great foil. Like, she can just see it, you know, and she's like, here's what you're doing, you know, like she knows. And she's very patient with me, but, because I'm difficult to be around, you know, like, I'm like, not easy, dude, you know, like,

• 1:02:33Rich Roll?

  so, you know, I can get on the podcast and say this, all this stuff, but just to be honest and clear and transparent, like, this is a struggle for me, you know, and I, to speak to you about it helps me, it helps remind me how important it is. And how, how crucial it is, if I want to continue to grow, that I need to have this in the forefront of my mind and make it, you know, a priority. Part of my daily practice.

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:02:59Rich Roll?

  Julie always says, uh, practice, uh, neutral compassion, you know, like in terms of reacting to other people. Like, how can you be compassionate but neutral? And I think that goes to self-sovereignty, you know, like having,

• 1:03:16Rich Roll?

  Having this like this idea that you the energy of other people can only impact you if you allow it to.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:24Rich Roll?

  So you can go into a crowd of people and you're protected like she actually visualizes like a protective shield around her. Like if she's gonna go to a concert or go to some party or something like it where you're gonna be exposed to a lot of different kinds of people and energies, how can you protect yourself? How can you insulate yourself from negativity or whatever and like and then so then when something gets thrown at you, like your boss is mad at you, you get a phone call from a bill collector, like whatever it is, you don't get destabilized.

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:54Rich Roll?

  You can be neutral about it. And the most like amazing example of this that she does all the time.

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:00Rich Roll?

  Is one of the things that activates me that just makes me insane is like when I have to call AT&T and like talk about my cell bill, you know, like anytime I have to deal with like, you know, dial 1-800 and like, you know, push one for this, like whether it's like changing an airline reservation or like whatever it is, like service personnel, like makes me insane because you're dealing with, you know, like, like and I get activated and then I get angry and of course I never get the result that I want. And so I'm like Julie, you're in charge of like doing this.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Talk to them.

• 1:04:29Rich Roll?

  And she'll get on, yeah, and I'm like, she's not putting on an act, but she's just really neutral and patient and like compassionate and she'll ask a couple of questions of the people and then the result is always extraordinary.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:40Rich Roll?

  And I was like, I could never do that.

• 1:04:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:41Rich Roll?

  I would never do that. I would have like, I would have like been pulling my hair out after, you know, 10 minutes being on the phone and getting connected to the wrong person or, you know, what like going to the bank, like stuff like that.

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, I get it, dude. I get it. I totally get it. Yeah, I have, I definitely have Alexi do most of those things because she's just so like, you know, she's, she's awesome. And, and yeah, I'm not such a fan of those either, but when I do get on those calls, I always make a nickname up for the person.

• 1:05:12Rich Roll?

  Oh, you do?

• 1:05:12Speaker 01

  So if they like, they're saying, you know, hi, my name is, um, you know, let's say, uh, Tammy, hi, my name is Tammy and I'll be helping you here on AT&T. And I'm like, terrible Tammy, how's it go? Or you know, I'll just make up something silly. And she's like, uh huh.

• 1:05:27Rich Roll?

  Things are good. Well, I mean, you're probably, that's probably the highlight of their day.

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:05:31Rich Roll?

  Terrible job, you know, it's like, and I, and I could be, I would be well-served by being compassionate for that, you know, but like for something, for some reason, then I get my buttons.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  Oh, you guys want to hear something awesome? Um, Rich, you can do this too. Next time you do make one of those calls, I do this all the time. Right before we go into whatever going into, I say, hey, listen, what's your name again? And he goes, oh yeah, my name is Joseph, sir. I'm like, Joseph, okay, I know you can't tell me where you are, um, but.

• 1:05:56Rich Roll?

  It's top secret.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  Joseph, this is what I need you to do. And you say, okay, sir, what do you need? I need you to treat me as if I'm one of your cousins or like your brother. Okay, sir, you got it. Okay. And like Joseph, what I mean by that is like, you know, like be with me, like do your best to serve me. Of course, sir, you know, anything, you know, treat me like family, Joe. Okay, got you. And then we go into the thing. I've already set up a context for them.

• 1:06:20Rich Roll?

  Uh huh.

• 1:06:21Speaker 01

  That, that sees me as family.

• 1:06:23Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  So like, I just was in Mexico.

• 1:06:24Rich Roll?

  Does that work?

• 1:06:25Speaker 01

  It totally works. I'm gonna tell you a story. I was just in Mexico, right? Um, you know about this, because we were gonna, we were gonna shoot.

• 1:06:31Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  And we were gonna do this, but we had to change the date because I was in Mexico. So I'm in Mexico, I drive into Tijuana, and I had Spotify playing in San Diego. So I'm listening to Spotify, driving to Tijuana, I drive into Rosarito. Forty-five minutes goes by. Spotify is a gigantic app that takes up a lot, right? And I crossed an international border. So I got a text.

• 1:06:54Rich Roll?

  Oh, so suddenly you're getting crazy, like roaming charges.

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  Four hundred dollars in one hour.

• 1:06:59Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  Four hundred. I got a text that said, you have just exceeded four hundred dollars with your roaming. Um, please contact AT&T.

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  I almost fainted. Do you know, like forty-five minutes into a trip, I've already spent four hundred dollars? I wanted to like annihilate my phone. I turned all the apps off really quickly. And I was like, okay, breathe, just be here, be here, it'll get worked out. So I called the dude, I forget his name, but I was like, I know you can't tell me where you are, but I just want you to know that like, you know, everything is perfect. I'd just gotten to Mexico and it seems as if like something crazy just happened and like, you know, treat me like you're like, I'm your cousin, like take care of me like your family, okay? And he's like, okay, let me see what I can do, sir. So he goes over, it's all quiet and he comes back and says, listen, you know, uh, you know,

• 1:07:51Speaker 01

  yes, you went over and you know, typically we would have to charge you this, but how about this? How about I charge you thirty dollars for an international package that you can take off in like, let's say a week and we take that whole four hundred off? And I'm like, dude, that's perfect. Thank you so much. So of course, sir, you know, and it's like, I set the context for him to take care of me.

• 1:08:09Rich Roll?

  Right, right, right. Yeah, I love it. That's great, man. Yeah, I would have gone insane. Are you kidding me? I've only been here. Well, the flip side of that is getting way off track, but like I was, I called and set up that international data roaming thing and then I, then I'm in the foreign country and it doesn't work and so I can't use my, whatever. All right, we can talk about that later.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is like a commercial for why they shouldn't be.

• 1:08:32Rich Roll?

  Anyway, uh, well, so how do you, but I'm interested in how you, you know, kind of communicate with Alexi, like how you navigate relationship pitfalls and how you kind of stay on a higher plane to, um, you know, keep your relationship moving in the right direction, you know? You guys have been together a little while, how long has it been? A year and a half? So like, not like ten years or anything like that, but long enough to like know each other, you know?

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  In L.A. time?

• 1:09:00Rich Roll?

  Yeah, like that's, yeah, for L.A. that's, that's like, you've been married forever.

• 1:09:03Speaker 01

  Exactly. And not even like L.A., just like the world right now because, because of technology, you know, people have choices and they have these little apps called Tinder and things like that. And because of that, they, you know, people are quick to leave and run.

• 1:09:16Rich Roll?

  They're always looking for the better option all the time. And I think that, that, that like... Makes it difficult to trust people and you know like I've been married for a long time, so I've never been on Tinder or these things. But you know, my friends are on it and some of them it's great and some of them struggle. And I've seen them go in and out of relationships. So I'm just curious like what the kind of how you set parameters about how you kind of communicate and cultivate that intimacy so you're always growing.

• 1:09:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, you know, it's a process for sure and the relationships definitely take work. It's one of the most beautiful transformative things in the world and we're going on a year and a half and we'll be going on a million years. And you know, the beautiful thing about us, because we both do the same work, is we have this language that we use. Like, you know, one of us is going through something, we'll say, okay, listen, this is my wounded self talking, but like, when you did A, B, and C, it really pissed me off and like, I'm really mad at you right now. My higher self knows that you didn't try to actually hurt my feelings, that you care about me, that you love me, and that at the end of the day, none of this will matter in five years, but like, right now, I'm mad at you.

• 1:10:29Speaker 01

  And like, that in itself is amazing, because we'll get off on some tangent sometimes and then we'll both just drop back in. Okay, so what's here? What's actually here right now? Right now, you feel hurt. You feel hurt and you feel unseen. And I feel the same way. So what can we do and be in the process of this to further this? Because neither one of us wants an out. You know, we're in this. And like, just having those conversations, we have this other thing we do, which we have only done a couple of times, it's really, really, really a game changer, but I could see how it's difficult, because it's difficult for us, is in the middle of an argument, we

• 1:11:13Speaker 01

  have an agreement and we will hug and argue. Do you know how hard that is? Rich.

• 1:11:20Rich Roll?

  Like literally hugging while you're in the middle of like talking.

• 1:11:22Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. Like.

• 1:11:25Rich Roll?

  Who taught you that?

• 1:11:26Speaker 01

  We just made it up. I just thought, yeah, because we both of us lead these workshops and we're like, oh, that'd be awesome to do in the midst of like it going down and like it's such a powerful thing. Because, you know, the thing we want to do, and it's usually protecting the ego mind, is when one of, somebody feels right, they feel right about their thing and they want to separate and get away. Because this will be, we've been taught for years and like to go heart to heart with somebody and then say those same things. You know, I sat with this gentleman on the airplane the other day and he said he'd been married for 30 years. And I said, you know, what are the, what are the secrets? And he said, you know, I don't have a lot of them, but I have three for sure. And I don't remember all of them, but I do remember this in particular.

• 1:12:08Speaker 01

  He said, when you're arguing, because it's going to happen, it'll be about the kids, it'll be about the taxes, it'll be about, it's going to happen, you're going to disagree. He's like, say less, because usually what you say, you don't really mean. You're just trying to hurt. You're just trying to make them feel how you feel. So he said, you know, my wife and I have a rule that when we're in that, just, just say less. Say less and, and, and what you'll find is like, you don't have the remnants of like that mean thing you said still hovering over somebody. But you didn't really mean that. You didn't mean that like, you know, whatever.

• 1:12:44Rich Roll?

  Right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, I think that's interesting, but I also find, I mean, just in my own personal experience, like when Julie and I are in it, the way, the way to the other side is through it. And so sometimes when I'm acting, when I'm like getting angry or whatever, you know, whatever, I have to like talk it out to get to the place to understand why it is that I'm behaving that way so that I can articulate to her in a more productive way.

• 1:13:10Speaker 01

  Even if it's about her?

• 1:13:11Rich Roll?

  The emotions behind it. No, well, I mean, like, I'm trying to think of something specific.

• 1:13:14Speaker 01

  Because if it's about her.

• 1:13:15Rich Roll?

  Like, you know, like, I think the idea that you're not going to argue is silly, of course.

• 1:13:19Speaker 01

  No, he's not.

• 1:13:20Rich Roll?

  Anybody, anybody, any people that are in relationships are going to get, they're going to have conflict, right? So it's not about avoiding that. It's about tools for, for kind of navigating it to get to the other side of it.

• 1:13:31Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:13:32Rich Roll?

  And so we always get to the other side of it and it has its peaks and valleys, but. You know, articulating, like communicating is how I generally always do it. So I think if I was not talking, like it would be harder for me to get to that other side.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  I did, yeah.

• 1:13:48Rich Roll?

  Like, maybe it'd be less like, oh yeah, well, I can just shut down and stop talking. You know, that maybe that'll end the argument sooner, but I'll still have unresolved emotions that need to be addressed.

• 1:13:57Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:13:58Rich Roll?

  As would she.

• 1:13:59Speaker 01

  But he wasn't saying not not to talk.

• 1:14:01Rich Roll?

  Right, he was just saying careful of your words, like.

• 1:14:03Speaker 01

  Exactly, don't spit fire at somebody when you know that has nothing to do with them.

• 1:14:07Rich Roll?

  I got that.

• 1:14:08Speaker 01

  And I think what what, one of the most beautiful things, and we're still in this, and I always remind her and she reminds me, is like,

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  you're not just being with Julie. You're being with Julie, her parents, her parents, their parents. You're being with Julie, all of her wounds, all of the stuff she's been through. You're being with, like, there's an entire person behind this. Like, there's a whole, a whole army of scenarios and things that have come to play. And you put two people together that have, you know, thousands of different stories that have been, you know, operated with, and you bring them together. If they don't understand how the other one operates, it's a recipe for disaster. So I know with Alexi now that she's a words of affirmation. She likes to be, you know, she likes to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk it out.

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  Tell me I'm beautiful, tell me I'm, you know, so like, that's her love language. For me, I'm a touch person. Like, just hug me. I don't need to talk about it. Like, I'll go in my closet and work all of it out, because it's, for me, it's never the other person. No matter, if she could even, she could shoot my toe off, and I'd be like, okay, how did I cause that? How did I cause it? How did I allow it? You know? So, but she's completely different, and that's awesome, and it's perfect. It takes some, some compromise and some, like, working with for me, because I grew up, and here's the key, I grew up in a family that wasn't very talkative like that. We didn't talk our problems out. We didn't sit at the table and say, well, Billy punched me, and then I felt like this, and then this happened. We didn't talk at all.

• 1:15:47Speaker 01

  Like, we, The Cosby Show was on, and like, you know, whatever. We didn't sit at a table and eat. And when my parents talked, they didn't, they argued. They screamed at each other. So I've had to learn how to get that out of the way already, and then start create from a new palette.

• 1:16:06Speaker 01

  Learning with somebody who had a whole different set of circumstances. You know?

• 1:16:10Rich Roll?

  And she's coming from a history of always talking.

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  Always talking, but maybe not so much passion, maybe not so much touch, maybe not so much just like understanding. And then we gotta think about all the boyfriends she had before me. All the dudes she dated that had their way.

• 1:16:25Rich Roll?

  And you don't want to think about that too much.

• 1:16:27Speaker 01

  No, not at all. I will jump through this microphone. We were talking about that the other day because she was saying that girls are the same way. That girls don't want to think about, you know, another woman.

• 1:16:37Rich Roll?

  Of course not.

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  But I think it's worse for dudes. I actually do.

• 1:16:41Rich Roll?

  You think so?

• 1:16:42Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, because we have outer parts.

• 1:16:45Rich Roll?

  Well, there's that protective kind of thing, too.

• 1:16:48Speaker 01

  I mean, I'll probably get in trouble for this. Exactly. We're both gonna get, we're on slippery slopes right now.

• 1:16:56Speaker 01

  But yeah, yeah, it's, try hugging. That, to me, is like the ultimate form of like being with somebody.

• 1:17:04Rich Roll?

  Just get to the other side of it.

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. Not just get to it, but like

• 1:17:09Speaker 01

  there's no way to have a conversation if both people just think they're right. If both are in their ego mind, there's no, there's not even a point. Now you're just screaming hot air at each other or doing it in a passive aggressive way, but it's still the same thing.

• 1:17:25Rich Roll?

  It's like a political talk show on Sunday morning. Where just, this is the Republican talking head and this is the Democrat. And they're spewing their opinion and neither one is gonna convince the other one of anything. Because they're, they're not there to learn, they're not, they're not there to be open or learn. They're there to, to share their perspective and that's it.

• 1:17:43Speaker 01

  Exactly. Which is why, you know, getting in the body and just like feeling the heartbeat and like getting to those intimate moments changes that. It changes the physiology. We know it in science, like the endorphins and all of that stuff. When you hug somebody for more than 30 seconds, a lot of stuff happens in the brain. You know, and all these chemicals get released. So like, it opens up the space for you to even have the conversation. And that for me, you know, for me, and this is another tool I have. And this is for fellas, because I get you guys.

• 1:18:15Speaker 01

  If you have a short fuse,

• 1:18:19Speaker 01

  you know, and we statistically, we look at all the marital abuse. It's all, it's usually men hitting women. So like, if you have a short fuse, this is something I do. I've never hit a woman in my life and I never will. But I do have a, you know, a fireside to me. And what I do is I ask for a timeout. You know, like, you know, because I get it, fellas. You guys aren't, haven't been taught to use your words and to be fast with your words. And like, this is what you did, you did, you know, like, guys are slow. Like, we're, we're simple. It's like, bro, I didn't even do anything. Like, you know, it's like, so, call a timeout.

• 1:18:55Speaker 01

  If she's coming at you with the, with the, you know.

• 1:18:58Rich Roll?

  You sound like a kindergarten teacher.

• 1:19:03Speaker 01

  Thanks. Nice.

• 1:19:05Rich Roll?

  No, you know what I mean? Like, like, now, we know that you're not good with your words. So let's take a timeout.

• 1:19:11Speaker 01

  But seriously, think about it. Like, fellas out there, I know you agree. And you're the same way. Like, you, look how you talk even now. Like, I can imagine someone coming at you with like a hundred words per minute. And you're like, yeah, but what I would really like to say.

• 1:19:28Speaker 01

  And then they add, add like a temper to that? Or like, you think you're really right about something? That's a hard thing to deal with because women are taught to use their words and talk about their feelings. And they get, they get rubbed and, you know, when they fall or they get hurt when they're kids. We say, oh, mama, what happened to you? And we, we take care of them. And when little boys fall, we say, big boys don't cry. Get up, man up. And you take that same little kid and you make him, you know, 10, 15, 20 years later, he doesn't even know how to be with his feelings. All he does is get angry, shut down, or, or like go into rage. So fellas, listen to me. Take a timeout. If you get in a position where you feel like you're being bombarded with all of this stuff and you're getting emotional, I do this all the time. I say, you know what? Just give me five minutes.

• 1:20:11Speaker 01

  Like, the, the issues will still be there in five minutes. Let me just breathe for a second. Let me just. Be, be in my body and like get back to what's real. And then speak to you because right now I'm fired up, right now I'm emotional. Because I feel like you're judging me or blaming me for something that I had no, you know, really clue about, you know? And that's a big thing.

• 1:20:33Rich Roll?

  I think that is, but I think that that should be not mistaken with withdrawing. You know, like a lot of dudes will go like, okay, I can't deal with this now.

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:20:41Rich Roll?

  Like just go like and go into their, their private space alone or whatever and like repress those feelings and just, and then come back an hour later and say it's fine.

• 1:20:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, no.

• 1:20:50Rich Roll?

  You know what I mean? Like that's, those are two different things.

• 1:20:52Speaker 01

  Yes, absolutely. Great distinction.

• 1:20:53Rich Roll?

  Because men do that as well. That's a huge, you know.

• 1:20:56Speaker 01

  Big time. Big time.

• 1:20:58Rich Roll?

  So it's about like taking that moment to recalibrate, but then coming back to the equation and working through it in like a less passionate, I guess, or like emotionally charged way.

• 1:21:09Speaker 01

  Exactly. Because, and guys, when you do that, when you shut down, it doesn't go anywhere. Like that same issue is coming back. It'll come back tenfold probably. You know, it's not fine. Like you get to work through it with your partner. But you get to do that from a space of love and from empathy and from compassion and being open. And, and I, what I was suggesting, and I'm glad Rich, you know, brought that distinction in, what I was suggesting is about like actually being present. Because a lot of times we're not present and those moments is like, are you kidding me?

• 1:21:43Rich Roll?

  It's hard to be present.

• 1:21:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:44Rich Roll?

  You know, you're running that scenario in your head and you've, you've got some story, right? Like, I can't believe that this person is telling me this because don't they remember this thing that they did? Like whatever, you know, and then you're just off to the races.

• 1:21:57Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:22:05Rich Roll?

  For somebody who's listening, who, you know, maybe idea, the idea of like having a really open intimate, you know, relationship with somebody or just being forthright with their feelings, these are, this is scary stuff, you know? Scary for most people. It's scary for me, you know? I've done some work, so it's not as scary, but. It's intimidating and I think that for a lot of people, it's like, well, I don't even know, how do I even begin with that? Like, I don't even, I'm not even sure I really understand what you're talking about. It's so different from how I kind of go through my day or the relationship that I have with my boyfriend or girlfriend. How can I, how can I start to, you know, maybe approach these issues from a fresh perspective? Like, what's the first?

• 1:22:50Rich Roll?

  What's the initiation?

• 1:22:55Speaker 01

  You know, you said a lot just now.

• 1:22:59Rich Roll?

  I mean, that was loaded.

• 1:23:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, you got the answer. It was already in there. The bottom line for me is like, what is it that you actually desire?

• 1:23:10Speaker 01

  Like, if you, if, if, if the intention and the desire is to have a healthy, happy relationship, like, I would always come to that first. Like, what is it that I actually want? It's the, it's the begin with the end in mind thing. Like, what is it that I want out of this? Do I want to walk away mad slamming doors? Or do I want to create, you know, a loving space and relationship where somebody who I love, who doesn't feel seen by me or heard by me, feels seen and heard by me? You know? So, that's the first place I would start when it comes to anything. It's just like, okay, what do I want out of this? Then, once I'm clear on what I want, then I, I would ask myself another question. Who do I need to be in order to have that happen? Okay? I need to be love.

• 1:23:52Speaker 01

  I need to be a space for this person to feel safe enough, because that's a lot of times, that's what happens. You know, men and women get in a situation, their first argument comes up, the guy flips out, or whatever it looks like, the woman feels unsafe at that point. "I don't feel like I can talk to you, because when I talk to you, you flip out on me." Boom. She's letting you know right away that she doesn't feel safe. So, who do you need to be in order to have that space feel safe? Oh, you need to have a, you know, a conversation where you say, hey, I know what I did last time.

• 1:24:28Speaker 01

  But just so you know, you're my best friend. Just so you know, I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to be with anybody else in this world other than you and like just drop them back into the truth of what you guys are creating. And like, there's a lot of steps from there and I'm sure you have a bunch, but yeah, that's what I would start with.

• 1:24:45Rich Roll?

  Yeah, I think that's great advice. I think that, that, you know, when you're talking about like people, their first fight or they're, they're new together, I mean, generally what you see is a lot of projection, you know, especially in new relationships is like you project onto this person who you think they are, who you want them to be. And implicit in that is this idea that, that, that because of who they are and the potentiality of this relationship, you could suddenly be someone else who's going to be happier. You know, so it's like super loaded, right? And, and there, there are a lot of people who think that the, you know, getting into a relationship is going to be the solution to whatever ails them emotionally.

• 1:25:29Rich Roll?

  Like, like they're, you know, they're depressed or they're not happy in their life or all these sorts of things and they're looking for the relationship to fix that. And, and, and most people are not cognizant enough to understand that it's not the solution to the, like, you have to be, you have to be the person that you want to be with.

• 1:25:48Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:25:49Rich Roll?

  Before you're going to attract the person that's going to be the right person for you. You know, you have to learn how to take stock of yourself and do the internal work to be the person, you know, that is going to be the person who's desirable by the person that you would like to be with.

• 1:26:04Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:26:05Rich Roll?

  You know, it doesn't work the other way around.

• 1:26:09Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:26:10Rich Roll?

  I tried.

• 1:26:10Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26:11Rich Roll?

  I think so.

• 1:26:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, and the thing is like you're always attracting from where you are vibrationally.

• 1:26:17Rich Roll?

  Exactly.

• 1:26:18Speaker 01

  And a lot of times what, what happens is, is one of the partners has a wake-up moment. And this is, I'm going into it, this is a tangent, but this is like.

• 1:26:26Rich Roll?

  No, but this is like, I love this stuff, so.

• 1:26:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:29Rich Roll?

  Go ahead.

• 1:26:30Speaker 01

  What I've noticed with some of my clients and people I coach is like, you know, let's say the, the girl has a wake-up, an awakening where she goes, oh, okay, you know, we're doing the work, we're figuring out, oh, I've been operating from, let's say, and I've seen this scenario before, the little girl who's, who's singing in the back of the car on the day that her mother gets fired. And she's singing at the top of her lungs and her mom turns around and snaps and says, "Shut up, nobody wants to hear your little voice." And she makes a decision at that moment unconsciously as a seven year old. That nobody wants to hear her little voice, so she stops singing. Then she's, let's say, fast forward to this twenty year old woman. Who's identifying herself as just a quiet person.

• 1:27:15Speaker 01

  I'm just quiet, just quiet, I'm just a quiet person. Then she comes and works with someone like myself or like you and realizes that the wounded self has been speaking her, that she's been operating from the wounded self from that point when her mother told her that she couldn't sing. She's, she's, she's attracted, she's protected, she's gotten boyfriends from the wounded self. She's at a particular energy level when she's attracting these guys. And then what happens is she starts to do the work and she realizes and recognizes the higher self. And she is lifted up, her, her vibration is lifted. But she's already attracted a boyfriend who's at a particular place. And what happens is, is

• 1:27:56Rich Roll?

  Yeah, she's raised her vibration, the vibration that attracted that particular boyfriend is no longer, it's gonna be a different vibration now.

• 1:28:04Speaker 01

  Exactly, and then he's fighting to have her be who she used to be. And she's fighting to have him come where she is now. And they're both fighting and that produces nothing but more of that.

• 1:28:16Rich Roll?

  That shit's broke.

• 1:28:16Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, it's, it's a done deal. So like, you know. Jesus has a statement about this, as I am lifted up, everything else comes, you know, Einstein also says this as well, but the bottom line is like. You know what, I'm lost, I don't know what the question was.

• 1:28:36Rich Roll?

  Uh, the question was, no, the question, the question really had to do with personal growth and the vibration that you're putting out there, so the idea of like, to attract the, to attract the, the person into your life that you really, you know, is maybe the person you're meant to be with, you have to be the person that you, you know, you aspire in your spouse to be.

• 1:28:58Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:28:58Rich Roll?

  That was bad grammar, but.

• 1:29:00Speaker 01

  No, I totally get it, and that's exactly where I was going on that tangent, which is like, you know, a lot of people have that scenario and then they end up getting a divorce or, you know, some people just run and they just get divorces because they get divorces, but like I've also seen, you know, that, that happen and like, you know.

• 1:29:18Rich Roll?

  And you can't, you can't go hunt down that person. Like, you have to stand in the light and attract that person.

• 1:29:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:24Rich Roll?

  So it does go back to that vibrational thing, like that invisible vibration. Like, if you're vibrating at a lower energy, you're just not gonna, that person that you wanna be with is not gonna be with you.

• 1:29:36Speaker 01

  You're not the space for them.

• 1:29:37Rich Roll?

  It's not gonna be, yeah, that's not gonna happen. So, yeah. So it always goes back to the self, and it goes back to how we kicked out this whole thing, which is talking about personal responsibility and having the courage and the willingness to surrender to the process of wrestling with, you know, issues of your consciousness and your, your negative habits and positive habits, and trying to figure out how you can grow, really. I mean.

• 1:30:07Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:30:08Rich Roll?

  That's where it gets really scary, but also awesome, you know?

• 1:30:12Speaker 01

  Yep, yep. It's, it's my favorite place to be on, right? Right in that, that pocket where I'm afraid and, and I, I'm, you know, I recognize the fear and I'm like, oh, this is right outside my comfort zone right here. And that's when I jump. That's when I jump, anyway. And I would suggest anybody who's in that place or who's calling for more, you know, to becoming more of themselves, to, to jump. I promise you, the parachute will appear. There's, there's always room, you know?

• 1:30:43Rich Roll?

  There always is. I always go back to this idea of investing in experience, you know? And that's been a real consistent theme with all, like, all the, all the sort of people that I've had on the podcast that really are living extraordinary lives. They'll always come back to saying, you can't be afraid to invest in experience. Above all, invest in experience. Like, be courageous to not settle into the secure life and continue to challenge yourself and put yourself out there and do the thing that scares you. Or, you know, take the trip when, you know, maybe you think like, I don't know why I'm going here. Like, all those sorts of, you know, kind of scary things. That's the, that's where the magic happens.

• 1:31:25Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:31:26Rich Roll?

  You know?

• 1:31:26Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:31:28Rich Roll?

  What are some of the things that, with the people that you work with, like, the common struggles that people have when they come in and they're like, they seek you out?

• 1:31:36Speaker 01

  You know, a lot of times, it's people who are lost, who they know there's more, and they know it's time.

• 1:31:43Rich Roll?

  They're not lost enough. I mean, they're people who are really lost wouldn't even.

• 1:31:47Speaker 01

  Wouldn't even come.

• 1:31:48Rich Roll?

  They wouldn't even, yeah, it wouldn't occur to them to be, yeah, so they're less lost than maybe they're giving themselves credit for.

• 1:31:54Speaker 01

  Exactly. That's the first thing I always bring to them is like, well, you're here. You've already taken a step. You've already, you know, put the first, you know, pebble into the ocean and like, there's more to go always, obviously. But like, you're not that lost. And like, a lot of people don't know why they've come to me. But we figure it out. That's one of the biggest things, and I say this, people write me all the time, they ask me.

• 1:32:24Rich Roll?

  That irresistible vibration.

• 1:32:26Speaker 01

  I know, it's not it. I just have a particular way and like, you know, some people don't do me, and I get it. But like, one of the things I always tell people when they're gonna work with me, they're like, you know, so can you tell me your structure? And like, how this is gonna go? And I'm like.

• 1:32:40Rich Roll?

  They're trying to control the process.

• 1:32:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not how it works for me, you know? Like, I get, I have a client right now in New York who does copywriting for like, some big people. For their speeches and stuff like that. And like, you know, when we first sort of had our first session, I said, you know, I'm just gonna be with you. I'll know what comes through and what to be, where to go, based on what you say. Well, we'll talk. We'll talk and then we'll go from there. And like, sure enough, you know, somebody will come and they'll talk about business. Well, you know, everybody wants to put their, you know, their best face forward. So, you know, I'm crushing it in business and I'm making all this money and like, you know, really, I just came to you because I want to learn more about business. And the first thing I go to is relationship. You get it?

• 1:33:22Rich Roll?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:33:22Speaker 01

  Because what they're, what they're, what they're compensating with the business thing is like, oh, look, look how good I'm doing over here. But like, none of that means anything. You don't have anybody to share it with. You know, so I always go like, so tell me about your relationship.

• 1:33:38Rich Roll?

  Or what is that, what is that like sort of boasting? What is that, what is the ma- that's a mask, right?

• 1:33:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's an ego mind.

• 1:33:45Rich Roll?

  Yeah, so what's behind the mask that they're, that they're afraid to share? Like, they're coming to you because there's some, something inside of them is pulling them towards you.

• 1:33:52Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 1:33:52Rich Roll?

  There's something they're afraid of. They're even, they're too scared to even take the mask off, so they come in and they start showing you the mask.

• 1:33:59Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, and annihilate it.

• 1:34:00Rich Roll?

  And your job is to dismantle the mask. They may not even be aware that they're wearing that mask.

• 1:34:04Speaker 01

  Totally. It happens all the time. That's what I said, with that fifty, fifty-two-year-old woman in Chicago. We were in a Skype session and I watched her like come alive. And I was like, oh, wow. And like, by the end of it, she was like, I can be Super Soul Sunday. And I'm like, nah, you got some work to do, mama. But like, you know, yes, you're in the process and will always be in a process. But like, yeah, most people come and whatever they're, they're boasting about, I, I go to the opposite side of that and, and check in with what that is.

• 1:34:33Rich Roll?

  And, and how do you help people, you know, create habits that are sustainable? You know what I mean? Because it's easy, like, you're good at firing people up.

• 1:34:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:34:42Rich Roll?

  You know, it's like, that's, for you, that's, you're just lighting the match. You know what I mean? But then, what's the follow-up? Like, how do you, like, catalyze the, the behavior change?

• 1:34:53Speaker 01

  I'm better at that.

• 1:34:53Rich Roll?

  And get them to practice that so that it becomes a new habit?

• 1:34:56Speaker 01

  Dude, I'm trying to tell you, I'm better at that than I am in firing people up.

• 1:35:00Rich Roll?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:35:01Speaker 01

  The follow-through is everything. It's one of the reasons why I can fire people up, because I'm not pretending. Like, I've been all, most of the time, I've, anybody who comes to me with some, I've been that thing too. And like, so, like this particular girl yesterday in New York, what I have her doing for a week, because we do, I do a three-month program. So for a week, she has, she has two assignments, but really one big one, which is to become a scientist in her life, to, to start recognizing all the, all the, because she talks about, and, and she's not alone in this, and I'm sure she's okay with me sharing it, because I didn't share her name, and we're all, we all have the same issues. She talks about how she spirals sometimes and how, and I'm sure there's somebody out here

• 1:35:45Speaker 01

  who, who's experienced the same thing. She's a freelance entrepreneur. One of the people she works with called her on a Saturday and said, hey, I need this written by Sunday. This is her day off.

• 1:35:59Rich Roll?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:36:00Speaker 01

  But the people-pleaser in her. Said, sure, and did it. And I caught that. She just told me the story. This is not how she told it. I caught all of it. She tells me, so I said, when's the last time you spiraled? Well, the other day, you know, like I did this and then did that. And then like on Sunday night, I just like spiraled. And I was like, okay, so.

• 1:36:20Rich Roll?

  What do you mean by spiral?

• 1:36:22Speaker 01

  Like negative thoughts, like one thought builds on another, builds on another. And then all of a sudden, she's just crying and depressed. So what I had her do was like track back. Okay, so, so what happened the day before? So what I have her doing even now is becoming, becoming a scientist of that. So I said, okay, yeah, she already has.

• 1:36:42Rich Roll?

  Unpack the forensics.

• 1:36:43Speaker 01

  Over and over again.

• 1:36:44Rich Roll?

  Forensic analysis of what led to that.

• 1:36:46Speaker 01

  She texted me today. She said, oh, my God, most of the music I listen to is super low vibration. And I was like, of course, it's because you're becoming a, you're, you're, you're in the practice of becoming mindful of everything in your life. And what I have her doing, and I have my clients doing is like, be present. One of her assignments is to dance every day. Like dance, like frenzy dancing. And like what I have her doing is like, notice when you're, when you're at the top. Notice when you're fired up. Notice when you're in that space of love and you're like, you know, super in the flow. And the moment you notice that you're like, the moment, the moment you notice that thing, A, you're out of it because you've noticed it. The flow doesn't notice things.

• 1:37:31Speaker 01

  The flow is in the flow. But the moment you notice the flow, ask yourself, what was attached to this? Oh, I meditated this morning. Oh, I called my mom this morning. Oh, I said no, when I really meant no this morning, instead of saying yes to something that I did not want to do. And like, when you can catch those things, then it can become a new practice. So for me, my work is all about that. That's what I do in my life all the time, Rich, like all the time. A second ago, I looked at this clock because I know that I have a bunch of stuff and I'm going to Australia and I caught myself.

• 1:38:08Rich Roll?

  You gotta get out of here.

• 1:38:09Speaker 01

  Of it. I'm trying to tell you, Rich, this is, I do this all the time. I said, P, presence now, here, right now, you're going to be here with Rich, right? And I'm recognizing.

• 1:38:21Speaker 01

  That that thing came up, oh, ah, what are you doing here? What is that? You know? Back, here. And like, when you can start to catch those things, then it, then, then, like I said, it becomes your new normal. And then those moments stick out. As opposed to all the negativity and then the couple of things that are awesome stick out. My life is like that. I have an awesome life and the negative things pop out and I go, oh, look at you.

• 1:38:47Rich Roll?

  Right, right, right, right. Yeah. Developing awareness and consciousness and mindfulness around like the negative and the positive. So you're aware when they crop up and you have enough experience doing that, you can track it back to its origin point and say, oh, this, this happened because I was doing this, maybe I should rethink that.

• 1:39:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:39:06Rich Roll?

  You know, and in terms of like shifting it, I think, you know, one of the things I always say is self-esteem comes from practicing esteemable acts. And those acts can be in the form of, of, you know, doing things for yourself that demonstrate that you love yourself. Like I know you talk about that a lot, like, what can I do to exercise a little self-care? You know, to show myself that I appreciate myself.

• 1:39:34Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:39:35Rich Roll?

  And, and I think that a lot of people avoid that because it seems indulgent or selfish, but you can't take care of anyone else unless you take care of yourself and appreciate yourself.

• 1:39:44Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:39:44Rich Roll?

  And then, yeah, go ahead. I mean, and then self-esteem, esteemable acts in the form of helping other people. And if you're doing those two things, you can, you can generally alleviate that spiral, you know?

• 1:39:57Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 1:39:57Rich Roll?

  That might be coming down the pike.

• 1:39:59Speaker 01

  Totally. And change your physiology. There's like a lot of ways to do that. That's, I am 100% in alignment with that. One of the things I wanted to add for anybody out there, and this is for myself, is why I'm speaking to me, mainly speaking to me. Just because, just because you're not busy, doesn't mean you're available.

• 1:40:19Speaker 01

  Like, that's huge.

• 1:40:20Rich Roll?

  That is huge. I think that's really important also in this world of being able to get in touch with somebody however, whenever, at any moment, like,

• 1:40:29Speaker 01

  Seconds.

• 1:40:30Rich Roll?

  You know, yeah, just the text messages and the email, like, the notifications, Bing, bing, bing, like, just makes me crazy, you know, like, I'm like, just because you're sending me a text does not mean that I have to respond right now, you know, or at all, you know?

• 1:40:45Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:40:46Rich Roll?

  But there's that implicit expectation built into that. Like, I texted you and you didn't get back to me, so I'm the bad guy?

• 1:40:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:52Rich Roll?

  But it's like, dude, I didn't ask for that text.

• 1:40:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, you don't get to push into my life and just like, stop what you're doing right now, I'm important.

• 1:40:59Rich Roll?

  But this is a, I think this is an important thing, and it's not going away. It's getting more and more and more and more, and it's like, how many more social networks are there gonna be? And it's like, oh, there's Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and text messaging and WhatsApp and Snapchat, and it's like, your whole life can be just upended by like,

• 1:41:17Speaker 01

  In a box.

• 1:41:18Rich Roll?

  Yeah, so, so how do you, like, become the master of those tools rather than the victim, you know? And as somebody who is a, you know, as a conscious media creator, who, you know, by profession sort of has to, you know, leverage these tools to, you know, get your message out there, it requires a tightrope act of, like, balance, I think,

• 1:41:42Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:41:43Rich Roll?

  That becomes tricky.

• 1:41:44Speaker 01

  Yep. That's why, I'm gonna say it again, just because you're not busy doesn't mean you're available. Like, it's huge. It's gigantic. It's one of the main things I have to, like, nail home with my clients. Like, for her, from now on, for a month, Sundays are hers. Like, literally, from 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m., no phone. Sundays, she does what makes her heart smile. She takes a walk, she goes dancing. Like, that's it. Because you have to have time for yourself. Another thing you can do, just on a technical aspect, and I do this, I have no notifications on any part of my phone. Nothing bings, nothing tells me that I have a new subscriber, nothing, nothing. And the only way I find those out

• 1:42:27Speaker 01

  is if I actually hit the app. It's the only way. And I have a challenge for my clients, I have a challenge for you guys. Every single time for the next week, And this is to you too, Rich. Every time you open your phone to check any type of social media or emails, also open your heart. Like, just have that same thought process. Like, okay, checking Facebook.

• 1:42:47Rich Roll?

  Just put your finger on your heart.

• 1:42:49Speaker 01

  And now I'm gonna check my heart, yeah.

• 1:42:50Rich Roll?

  The app of your heart.

• 1:42:53Speaker 01

  Just go somewhere and go to a beautiful place. Like, okay, checking Instagram, checking where I am right now. You know, because we do those things unconsciously.

• 1:43:01Rich Roll?

  Right.

• 1:43:02Speaker 01

  I watch people all the time and myself.

• 1:43:03Rich Roll?

  That's an interesting practice. What I like about that is you're acknowledging the reality that, you know, we live with these apps and these devices and they're not going away. Like, I had, um, you know Josh Ship?

• 1:43:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've heard of him.

• 1:43:16Rich Roll?

  He's cool. He's great. I had him on the podcast. He's amazing. And, and he, we were talking about this very issue and he challenged me to like, he's like, I took all these apps off my phone. He's like, I removed mail from my phone, Twitter, Facebook, all this kind of stuff. And so he challenged me to do it for 30 days, which I did. Which was, which was tricky and interesting and revelatory and like amazing and painful. And, you know, all that kind of stuff. It was great. And I learned a lot about myself and my behavior patterns. And as someone who struggles with addiction, you know, that really raised a lot of stuff about myself and helped me kind of really learn more about how I relate to these devices that are part of our lives. But of course, when the 30 days was over, I put them all back on my phone.

• 1:44:00Rich Roll?

  And, and I, and I have better habits around it. Like, I don't wake up in the morning and immediately check stuff. Like, I, you know, I'm more mindful of, of, you know, my behaviors around them and all of that kind of stuff. But it's a part of my life. So how can I, how can I keep them on my phone? Like, do I need to really remove them from my phone? Maybe, you know, I don't know. But short of that, how can I develop a better, healthier practice and awareness around it? And I like the idea of like, okay, for every, it's like for every, uh, yeah, for every app you open, you do a self-check-in.

• 1:44:32Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:44:32Rich Roll?

  Or you do a counterbalancing kind of act.

• 1:44:35Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:44:35Rich Roll?

  Which is cool. Well, dude, we gotta get you on a plane to Australia.

• 1:44:39Speaker 01

  Yes, we do.

• 1:44:40Rich Roll?

  I know. So, uh, thanks for coming by today. You are an inspiration and this was awesome.

• 1:44:46Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:44:47Rich Roll?

  How do you feel?

• 1:44:48Speaker 01

  Fantastic.

• 1:44:49Rich Roll?

  We did it, right?

• 1:44:49Speaker 01

  Air high fives, bang!

• 1:44:51Rich Roll?

  It was cool.

• 1:44:52Speaker 01

  Rich is a gangster.

• 1:44:53Rich Roll?

  All right, thanks Preston. You want to check out Preston? He's pretty easy to find. It's @prestonsmiles on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and all those places and on the YouTube channel. It's Preston Smiles, it's just the YouTube channel, right?

• 1:45:05Speaker 01

  Just Preston Smiles, yeah.

• 1:45:06Rich Roll?

  And PrestonSmiles.com.

• 1:45:07Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:45:08Rich Roll?

  Go for it, dude.

• 1:45:09Speaker 01

  Amen.

• 1:45:09Rich Roll?

  Have a good flight.

• 1:45:10Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:45:10Rich Roll?

  You come back and tell me about it when you get back?

• 1:45:12Speaker 01

  I shall, indeed.

• 1:45:14Rich Roll?

  All right, peace.

• 1:45:15Speaker 01

  Peace.

• 1:45:22Rich Roll?

  All right, you guys, good stuff, right? Hopefully Preston gave you more than a few things to ponder until we meet again next week. Send me your questions for future Q and A podcasts and to find all the information, the education, the products, the tools, the resources and the inspiration you need to take your health, your wellness, your fitness and your self-actualization to the next level, go to richroll.com, peruse our products, our nutrition products, our education products, our meditation program, all kinds of good stuff. Don't forget to sign up for our newsletter and if you like video courses, I got a couple of those. I've got a course called The Ultimate Guide to Plant-Based Nutrition and another course about goal-setting called The Art of Living with Purpose and you can find both of those at mindbodygreen.com. Just click

• 1:46:06Rich Roll?

  on Video Courses on the homepage. You'll see it right there at the top. If you're enjoying this podcast, please give us a review on iTunes and if you like the podcast so much, you want to go back and listen to episodes older than the most recent 50, which is all you can find on iTunes, then check out our free iOS app in the iTunes App Store. Good stuff, totally free, allows you to access the entire catalog, all 134 episodes. Thank you so much for continuing to support the show by telling your friends and using the Amazon banner ad and by sharing it on social media. Keep Instagramming it, you guys. I love that. Keep Instagramming it. How you enjoy the show. Show me where you live, what you're doing when you're listening to the episodes and that's super cool. Just don't

• 1:46:51Rich Roll?

  forget to tag me, @richroll and I will see you guys next week. Peace. Plants.