‘The Replacements’ With Bill Simmons and Van Lathan

Pain heals, chicks dig scars, and 'The Rewatchables' lasts forever. The Ringer’s Bill Simmons and Van Lathan revisit the debatable cult classic 2000 sports movie ‘The Replacements,’ starring Keanu Reeves, Gene Hackman, and Brooke Langton. Watch this episode on our Ringer Movies YouTube channel! Producer: Craig Horlbeck Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  What's happening? It's Todd McShay and I'm back with a new home and a new show at The Ringer and Spotify. The McShay Show. It's a video and audio podcast coming to you year round with all my NFL draft information, big boards, mock drafts and player movement. Plus, I'll be chatting with some of my best friends in football, including some of your favorite football analysts. During the week, we'll have episodes on Tuesdays and Thursdays that'll include discussions about my player rankings, who's rising, who's falling, and who your NFL team should be keeping an eye on. Plus, we'll be reacting each week to the college football playoff polls and giving you previews and picks for each Saturday slate. In addition, I'll have episodes on Saturday nights with my immediate reaction to the full

• 0:44Speaker 00

  day in college football every week. So if you love the college game, the NFL, the draft, or all of it like me, make sure to like, follow, subscribe, and get ready for The McShay Show on The Ringer, Spotify, and wherever you watch or listen to podcasts.

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• 2:03Bill Simmons?

  The Rewatchables is brought to you by The Ringer Podcast Network, where you can find Higher Learning with Van Lathan. Yep. The Midnight Boys with Van Lathan. Pew pew! You still doing that? Are there still Marvel and DC Comic movies coming out? You know what? So this is what... What's going on in that universe? Anything? Star Wars? I can't wait for 2025. First of all, Skeleton Crew is coming out. Are you back?

• 2:26Speaker 05

  2025 is gonna be the most consequential year in the history of superhero movies.

• 2:32Bill Simmons?

  Really?

• 2:32Speaker 05

  Superman, Fantastic Four.

• 2:34Bill Simmons?

  Superman, wow, they've never made a Superman movie.

• 2:37Speaker 05

  Why are you?

• 2:38Bill Simmons?

  What's the angle gonna be? Let me guess, he comes from another planet and has superpowers? And then bad people try it? Oh, wait, I've seen that nine times.

• 2:46Speaker 05

  You know what? I love it because this is your product, the podcast. So making people uninterested in what it is.

• 2:53Bill Simmons?

  Why don't they create new superheroes? We can't get a Plastic Man movie?

• 2:56Speaker 05

  There's a lot of, but this is, but see, okay.

• 2:59Bill Simmons?

  Seven Supermans, we can't get one Plastic Man?

• 3:01Speaker 05

  This Superman is the beginning of the revamped DC Universe. So you'll have access to all types of new and different. They got Mr. Terrific in this one. Black superhero, guy's smartest guy in the world.

• 3:14Bill Simmons?

  Mr. Terrific, I like that.

• 3:15Speaker 05

  Mr. Terrific is his name. So there are some new superheroes that are gonna be in there. Exactly, so Superman, Fantastic Four comes out next year, the Thunderbolts.

• 3:22Bill Simmons?

  The Penguin was good.

• 3:23Speaker 05

  The Penguin was fantastic.

• 3:24Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 3:25Speaker 05

  Look at you.

• 3:25Bill Simmons?

  So maybe we're getting better.

• 3:26Speaker 05

  2025, gigantic year.

• 3:28Bill Simmons?

  Can't wait. We'll cover it in the Ringer verse. You can follow all of the videos and clips from this podcast on the Ringer Movies YouTube channel. We're about to do a movie that has worn me down over the years. I can't believe we're doing it. The Replacements is next.

• 4:18Bill Simmons?

  The wear you down rewatchable movies. Movies that you never considered would be in your life when you saw them the first time. It was like, eh. I wrote about this movie for ESPN in 2001. I made fun of it for 3,000 words, but still enjoyed it.

• 4:34Speaker 05

  What was your take then on your first viewing of it?

• 4:38Bill Simmons?

  This is what I wrote in 2001.

• 4:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:40Bill Simmons?

  You know what you're getting even before it begins. Keanu Hackman, a cast of motley cliched characters, some football scenes and a happy ending. It reminds me of the summer when my old roommate Birdman grew a ghastly goatee, which was best described by our buddy Nick's father as, quote, delightfully unappealing. That's The Replacements. That's what I wrote in 2001 and since then, it's been on. It's like by about 2007, I was like, I think I like this movie. 2012, I texted you about a month ago because it came on after an NBA game and they just went right into The Replacements. And of course I started watching it and I was like, The Replacements are on. And you're like, oh, I know.

• 5:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:20Bill Simmons?

  I'm watching with Kalika. How did this happen? How did this become a rewatchable?

• 5:24Speaker 05

  Sports culture changed. And so now The Replacements as a movie is actually a relic to how we used to look at sports.

• 5:33Bill Simmons?

  Oh.

• 5:34Speaker 05

  When the movie first starts.

• 5:35Bill Simmons?

  When we love scabs.

• 5:37Speaker 05

  Kinda. I'm serious.

• 5:39Bill Simmons?

  That's true.

• 5:39Speaker 05

  This movie cast the players as the greedy bad guys. The genteel old owner as kind of, at least in the beginning, as the nice guy.

• 5:51Bill Simmons?

  Who's being screwed over by these greedy millionaire players.

• 5:54Speaker 05

  By the greedy millionaire players. That's completely changed.

• 5:58Bill Simmons?

  You're right.

• 5:58Speaker 05

  So you look at it now, the players are labor. They're the good guys. The owners are these ridiculous capitalist titans. They're the bad guys. So when you look at this movie, there's a quaintness about it because we really do not look at sports, particularly football, like we looked at that stuff when the movie first came out.

• 6:17Bill Simmons?

  I thought we were going to do this later, but I'm glad we're doing it now. So this movie comes out in 2000.

• 6:21Speaker 05

  Mm hmm.

• 6:22Bill Simmons?

  This is a year after the NBA lockout, which pissed people off.

• 6:27Speaker 05

  Superbad.

• 6:27Bill Simmons?

  It's six years after the baseball strike, which pissed people off. And the theme was, these guys are so lucky to play sports. How dare they? How dare they think they should be paid whatever like come just play your games and entertain us. And you're right, in 2024, that's like an impossible thing. It would be like, if you made this movie now, you could argue the owner's evil. The replacement players are evil and the good guys would be these guys trying to basically break up their replacements so they can come back and play the Cowboys and cross the line and settle the strike.

• 7:01Speaker 05

  The version is, the version of this movie now is the actual players go and start playing in like a flag football league or something like that. It's like, it's a different sport.

• 7:13Bill Simmons?

  Oh, like a billionaire funds a flag football game so they can make money. Yeah, that's a good idea.

• 7:16Speaker 05

  It's like they actually go play something different, but it's literally about how they can't get what they want from their owners. And so they have to go do something else. It's definitely not a situation where someone crosses a picket line and becomes a hero. No fucking way.

• 7:34Bill Simmons?

  They flip his car, they throw eggs at the bus and you're like, look at these guys, what jerks throwing eggs at the bus.

• 7:39Speaker 05

  The nice players who are striking for more money.

• 7:42Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 7:43Speaker 05

  Or lockdown or whatever.

• 7:44Bill Simmons?

  Well, think about the Eddie Martel character, the villain in this movie, the old quarterback. I don't even know, like, we don't, we'd never have a character like that now. We don't even have a person like that in sports.

• 7:55Speaker 05

  Well, we do.

• 7:56Bill Simmons?

  Who is it?

• 7:57Speaker 05

  Aaron Rodgers.

• 7:58Bill Simmons?

  Oh, that's a great point.

• 7:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:01Bill Simmons?

  I'm trying to think, Eddie Martel as Aaron Rodgers.

• 8:03Speaker 05

  Just a deeply unlikable, and look, you guys, I'm not talking about his political or social beliefs. Aaron Rodgers is an entitled arrogant asshole. Yeah, like, so he's kind of that character.

• 8:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, the way he did to Mike Williams this year, backside up.

• 8:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:18Bill Simmons?

  Threw him under the bus. Mike Williams catches a touchdown pass for the Steelers, takes shots back at him on Instagram.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, so that's kind of that guy, but it would take a long time for us to get to the point where we don't like that guy. At the end of the movie where Martel says, hey, I'm an all-pro, two-time Super Bowl champ. I was like, this guy's pretty impressive, man.

• 8:39Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 8:41Speaker 05

  He's kind of the man.

• 8:41Bill Simmons?

  They said he was the best quarterback in the league and he was an arrogant prick. Yeah, you're right. I can't believe I didn't make the Rodgers connection.

• 8:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:48Bill Simmons?

  Rodgers is Eddie Martel. It's a good one. Well, the plot was loosely based on the 1987 NFL strike. When teams hired scab players, there was the Washington Redskins at the time. They actually got a boost from their strike players and that helped them, I think eventually win the Super Bowl.

• 9:06Speaker 05

  People still came to the games, really kind of destroyed labor in the NFL for all intents and purposes.

• 9:12Bill Simmons?

  Well, they had another strike in 82, which I forgot because I was reading up on this and I was like, I might have, this might have been so traumatic, like when something terrible happens to you as a kid and you block it out of your mind. And usually it's something horrible. I think for me, it was the 82 NFL strike. I think it was so traumatic, I blocked it out of my mind. They didn't play football for eight weeks. And I don't even, in 1982, I'm 13. I don't really remember it because I think I must have been so upset. I just like shelved it in my head. Can you imagine not having football for eight weeks?

• 9:43Speaker 05

  Can you imagine the cataclysm?

• 9:47Bill Simmons?

  If it happened now with the gambling fantasy.

• 9:49Speaker 05

  With the gambling fantasy thing, if week two, they just say, fuck it, we on strike and they don't come back to like week 10.

• 9:56Bill Simmons?

  Craig, what would happen if we had a, if we had a strike this season, starting week two? Would that be the most traumatic American event of the 21st century?

• 10:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, what it would do to fantasy, I mean, it would be the biggest thing since Damar, Damar Hamlin ended the Chiefs Bills game and nobody knew what to do when they had like Jamar Chase.

• 10:15Bill Simmons?

  It would be that like times 12.

• 10:17Speaker 06

  It'd be that for 10 straight weeks.

• 10:18Bill Simmons?

  I don't think, feel like they could be on strike for more than a week because I think people would be so mad. Like so many, tens of millions of people would be like, you guys are ending this now. Like you, you, you better get like.

• 10:29Speaker 05

  Everyone would, we are so football oriented.

• 10:31Bill Simmons?

  People would lose their minds.

• 10:32Speaker 06

  But imagine if you could have a new fantasy draft with all the replacement players, that would be actually kind of fun.

• 10:37Speaker 05

  Now, but see, but here's something else though.

• 10:38Bill Simmons?

  Like Shane Falco, second round.

• 10:40Speaker 05

  Here's the thing about the replacement players now. We get a taste of the replacement players. We see it. We see it in the XFL.

• 10:49Bill Simmons?

  Oh, true.

• 10:49Speaker 05

  We see it in the USFL. We see it, we see.

• 10:53Speaker 06

  We see it with the Panthers.

• 10:54Bill Simmons?

  It's the quarterback playing the blocking are the two. Yeah, we see with the Panthers every week. So, Keanu Reeves.

• 11:02Bill Simmons?

  This kicks off just a bizarre stretch of his career. He's got The Matrix the year before.

• 11:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:07Bill Simmons?

  So he's got Point Break, he does a bunch of good movies in the 90s. Speed. Speed, he becomes an A-lister.

• 11:14Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:16Bill Simmons?

  He's in Devil's Advocate, he's in a bunch of them. Matrix kinda goats him for the 90s as like a real A-lister that we remember.

• 11:23Speaker 05

  He becomes a poster boy of a whole type of movie.

• 11:26Bill Simmons?

  You would've bought a ton of stock for him in the 2000s. Like, what's next for this guy? This guy's an A-lister. And then he gives us The Replacements, The Watcher, The Gift, Sweet November. Hardball, a movie we've done on the rewatchables that we have strong feelings about. Something's Gotta Give, Constantine, Echo, A Scanner Darkly, and by 2006, The Lake House. And he's just, that's it. And it kinda starts with this movie where he loses the A-list. Doesn't really get it back until John Wick, 2014. This starts a 14-year sabbatical from being an A-lister.

• 12:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:03Bill Simmons?

  But in 2000, I went to the theater to see The Replacements, cause Keanu was in it.

• 12:06Speaker 05

  Smoking hot. He was just, The Matrix was a game changer in film. He's Draymond Green.

• 12:12Bill Simmons?

  What does that mean?

• 12:13Speaker 05

  Meaning, has a plethora of tools. But you gotta have him in the right situation.

• 12:20Bill Simmons?

  Right. You can't have him, you can't be like, Draymond, we need 35 for me tonight.

• 12:25Speaker 05

  No. He's gotta be in the right situation. John Wick is perfect. Speed is perfect.

• 12:31Bill Simmons?

  Probably the less words, the better for Keanu.

• 12:33Speaker 05

  But when you let him do his thing.

• 12:35Bill Simmons?

  And Draymond.

• 12:36Speaker 05

  Yeah. When you let him do his thing, he can give you Hall of Fame characters. But he's not the type of guy that you could put him in Washington, Orlando, or New York, Houston, and he's gonna be a Hall of Famer wherever. He's gotta be put in the right position. And he learned that throughout the 2000s, because all of those roles.

• 12:56Bill Simmons?

  Speed is the perfect role for him.

• 12:59Speaker 05

  Kind of speed is, there's a speed matrix John Wick triumphant.

• 13:04Bill Simmons?

  Point, I'd throw Point Break in too.

• 13:06Speaker 05

  Point Break as well.

• 13:07Bill Simmons?

  Although it's a little, some overacting in there that makes us love Point Break.

• 13:10Speaker 05

  But when he's.

• 13:11Bill Simmons?

  I am an FBI agent.

• 13:13Speaker 05

  But even that, but that works though.

• 13:15Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 05

  I am an FBI agent. That works though.

• 13:19Bill Simmons?

  It did.

• 13:20Speaker 05

  It works. Um, but, and the rest of the two thousands, show me that. He likes to do the occasional weird movie. He fucks around a little bit.

• 13:27Bill Simmons?

  He did. Yeah, I would say you could even argue he might not have the best taste in scripts. He's been 20 bad movies. Like bad.

• 13:35Speaker 05

  I, I know, but I also do think that there's a part of him. He seems like one of those guys who almost doesn't know what the limits of his actual wheelhouse are. Because there are other times where he's in films where you go, huh? Like a fantastic performance in say Parenthood.

• 13:56Bill Simmons?

  I was gonna say Parenthood.

• 13:57Speaker 05

  Or a fantastic performance in, um, um, what's the Gus Van Zant movie, My Own Private Idaho?

• 14:02Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 14:03Speaker 05

  A fantastic performance in, uh, Gilbert Grape. You know what I mean? He's in that one, right?

• 14:09Bill Simmons?

  Maybe. Cause he was in one of those around that era.

• 14:12Speaker 05

  Whatever. But it, it, uh, but he's, in these films, he, he tries it a little bit and it works, but in other ones, he, he tries to get us there and it just, it doesn't come together.

• 14:23Bill Simmons?

  There's something else he brought to the table.

• 14:26Speaker 05

  What?

• 14:26Bill Simmons?

  Unintentional comedy.

• 14:28Speaker 05

  Right.

• 14:28Bill Simmons?

  It was a huge part of the Keanu package. It's something that Matt Damon doesn't have. Somebody who, I like him, I'm rooting for him. But it's also really funny sometimes when he delivers lines, when he has reactions. Arnold Schwarzenegger was a 100 out of 100 on the unintentional comedy scale. Keanu was in the nineties and has some scenes in this where, I don't think he knew who this character was. He kind of plays him as. Almost like he's had too many concussions.

• 14:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, which he says, yeah.

• 14:59Bill Simmons?

  Um, and he's just kinda like says his lines like this.

• 15:04Speaker 05

  Right.

• 15:04Bill Simmons?

  But it works, but it's also funny.

• 15:06Speaker 05

  It's his attempt at a burnout.

• 15:09Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 15:09Speaker 05

  People don't know how hard it is to play a burnout. To play a burnout and like someone with a light has come out of their eyes. He's got the light in his eyes. I could see he's down at the bottom of the fucking ocean in the first scene, running plays.

• 15:22Bill Simmons?

  Right, with a medal trophy.

• 15:24Speaker 05

  With a medal trophy. He's still got the fire in him, you know?

• 15:27Bill Simmons?

  There's that scene when she goes to visit him. And she's like, what are you doing? And he goes, oh, my job. You're a professional football player, the girl says. Sure, this week, but when that's all over, you know, I'll be back here. I don't want to lose my customers. Like, he's just delivering, he's not, it's almost like a, like a, like a work in wrestling.

• 15:49Speaker 05

  You shitting on this man so bad right now.

• 15:51Bill Simmons?

  Ah, he's, this is how he acts in the movie, but this is what I like about the movie.

• 15:56Speaker 05

  I know.

• 15:57Bill Simmons?

  I can't, I guarantee Keanu is not like, man, I nailed the replacements.

• 16:01Speaker 05

  But, you know.

• 16:01Bill Simmons?

  He has multiple scenes where you're like, why didn't they do another take of this?

• 16:05Speaker 05

  I will say this, though, I will say this, though. That same type of attitude works when, say, the guy's flip his car over.

• 16:13Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 16:13Speaker 05

  Because he's supposed to be so nonchalant about it, so like virtuous in a way, that you can't get a rise out of him. And so it works there, the fact that it doesn't seem like anything sticks to him.

• 16:26Bill Simmons?

  He stays with it the whole movie. Like, even when he loses his job, he goes to the bar.

• 16:30Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:31Bill Simmons?

  And he's like, oh, I'm not gonna be there on Thursday. And they're like, what? They stop it and he tells the team and you think it's gonna be this big speech and it's just.

• 16:40Speaker 05

  He never has it, he doesn't do it.

• 16:41Bill Simmons?

  That's, his quicksand speech is good, though. I like Keanu in this movie. I, I think one of the reasons it's rewatchable is now we have this whole John Wick history with him too, where he's so fucking cool in John Wick.

• 16:52Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:53Bill Simmons?

  He hasn't really figured out the cool part, how to do in this movie, but I still like it. Gene Hackman's also in this movie, which I was outraged by. In 2000, because he was Norman Dale and Hoosiers. One of the great coach performances. It's like, why are you being a coach again? Like, what are you doing?

• 17:09Speaker 05

  Well, now you know why.

• 17:10Bill Simmons?

  Why?

• 17:11Speaker 05

  This was, we only have four more years, so this was part of his retirement package.

• 17:14Bill Simmons?

  Right, so we have this, he's in the Mexican in 01, he's in Heartbreakers, where you get Horny Hackman.

• 17:20Speaker 05

  I love Heartbreakers.

• 17:21Bill Simmons?

  Heartbreakers.

• 17:21Speaker 05

  We have, we've never talked about my love for Heartbreakers. Sigourney and a prime Jennifer Love Hewitt.

• 17:27Bill Simmons?

  Jay Love.

• 17:28Speaker 05

  Who, who at that point.

• 17:30Bill Simmons?

  Seductress.

• 17:30Speaker 05

  Fighting for the title of number one white girl.

• 17:32Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  It's, it's like, really, they're going, because in the 2000s, the title, the, the number one white girl crown was really being pulled back and forth.

• 17:42Bill Simmons?

  There's a lot of contenders.

• 17:43Speaker 05

  There's a lot of contenders. And Jay, she gets in there right there, Jay Love.

• 17:47Bill Simmons?

  That was when you were cataloging your Maxim magazines.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  FHM, Maxim, the whole deal. You were getting different takes on it, all different types.

• 17:55Bill Simmons?

  Tara Reid, like, just a brief two-month run and just faded out.

• 17:59Speaker 05

  She flirted with it. And then I saw this thing on.

• 18:01Bill Simmons?

  Charlize came off the top rope. Where'd she come from?

• 18:05Speaker 05

  When Charlize came.

• 18:06Bill Simmons?

  It was over.

• 18:06Speaker 05

  It was, it was, she was doing her thing. The thing with Tara Reid was, I, I saw her one time on this MTV, Ludacris did this, like, MTV video, making of the video.

• 18:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 18:19Speaker 05

  Uh, Ludacris type of situation, and he went to lunch, and Tara Reid was at the lunch.

• 18:25Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 18:25Speaker 05

  And I was like, I already know what's up.

• 18:29Bill Simmons?

  What does that mean?

• 18:30Speaker 05

  Figure it out.

• 18:30Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 18:33Bill Simmons?

  Heist 2001 for Gene. Royal Tana Bombs, Behind Enemy Lines, Runaway Jury, and can you guess the last movie he did? 2004.

• 18:43Speaker 05

  Last Gene Hackman movie. So you did, you say Royal Tana Bombs?

• 18:47Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 05

  Um, oh, I know he, they re-released the Donner Cut of Superman, 2007 doesn't count, okay.

• 18:54Bill Simmons?

  Welcome to Mooseport.

• 18:56Speaker 05

  Oh, Welcome to Mooseport, where he plays, it's like, the president.

• 18:59Bill Simmons?

  So Gene could have had this whole late 70s, early 80s run, as like, the old guy, and been like, a judge, and he was like, I'm out.

• 19:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:07Bill Simmons?

  I made enough money.

• 19:08Speaker 05

  That's Ray Romano, right? Who becomes the president of the United States or something? No.

• 19:11Bill Simmons?

  I forget what.

• 19:12Speaker 05

  Whatever, whatever. Yeah, but then after that, so Gene Hackman's done, so when you look at some of those movies, he's fattening up the wallet a little bit before it's time to, to get out of here.

• 19:21Bill Simmons?

  I wrote down in my notes, he's basically Norman Dale with a fedora and a mustache and three drinks in him.

• 19:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:27Bill Simmons?

  That's, that's his, he has quotes like. Winners always want the ball when the game's on the line.

• 19:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:33Bill Simmons?

  A lot of cliche quotes. I look at you and I see two men. The man you are and the man you ought to be. These are actual lines from the script.

• 19:41Speaker 05

  By the way, he's, he's

• 19:44Speaker 05

  the Judd Nelson award, he's in a completely different movie.

• 19:46Bill Simmons?

  Hundred percent.

• 19:47Speaker 05

  He's in a very serious football.

• 19:49Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, well, let's just give him Judd Nelson now. A real man admits his fears. There can only be one leader out there. You be it.

• 19:56Speaker 05

  Right.

• 19:57Bill Simmons?

  It's like, did you guys work on these lines at all? Or you just decided to just have Gene say them?

• 20:02Speaker 05

  He's like a, uh, what's the old, he's like Tom Landry out there kinda coaching up the guys. Here's the thing about him. When I watched this movie, I remembered that he also automatically gave the movie credibility because a lot of these actors that are in the film beyond Keanu Reeves.

• 20:18Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, there are a lot of.

• 20:19Speaker 05

  It's a motley crew of guys who we would know better going on, but we didn't really know well then. And Gene Hackman was in his final form when I came to know who he was.

• 20:29Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 20:29Speaker 05

  So anytime you put him in a movie, the movie has automatic credibility with me. It's.

• 20:34Bill Simmons?

  I completely agree. I didn't feel that way in 2000. I wrote, I kept hoping Barbara Hershey would emerge from the stands dressed in all black and shoot him in the chest. Remember she was the bad, the black lady in Black of the Natural?

• 20:46Speaker 05

  Right, yeah.

• 20:46Bill Simmons?

  But now I've come around. Also, he gets to be in scenes with Jack Warden. This was Jack Warden's last movie.

• 20:51Speaker 05

  Passed away after, yeah.

• 20:54Bill Simmons?

  He has lines like, I've seen monkey shitfights in the zoo that were more organized than this.

• 21:00Bill Simmons?

  He played the Sentinels owner, Edward O'Neill. He was also in two other football movies. Can you name them? Jack Warden, secret sports movie Hall of Famer. Like, maybe not, maybe not elected the same way like a Keanu would be, but, um.

• 21:16Speaker 05

  He was not, was he in Heaven Can Wait?

• 21:18Bill Simmons?

  What did the Oscars do? The lifetime achievement when the old guy gets it? I think he might get in late.

• 21:22Speaker 05

  Was he in Heaven Can Wait?

• 21:23Bill Simmons?

  He was crucial role in Heaven Can Wait. He played Max. And then he played the coach of the Bears, George Halas, in Brian Song. The saddest sports movie of all time.

• 21:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:32Bill Simmons?

  You've seen Brian Song, right?

• 21:33Speaker 05

  Nah, I don't fuck with it.

• 21:34Bill Simmons?

  TV movie. What do you mean don't fuck with it?

• 21:35Speaker 05

  It's, I don't.

• 21:36Bill Simmons?

  It's about Gale Sayers.

• 21:37Speaker 05

  I know, I know.

• 21:38Bill Simmons?

  Brian Piccolo.

• 21:39Speaker 05

  I get it, but I've seen, once you see like the one scene in it, I feel like that's like the whole movie. I'm not trying to be like, I've, I've seen like really grown guys get super emotional about this shit. I'm not trying to do that whole shit, man. It means a lot to you, doesn't it?

• 21:54Bill Simmons?

  I, I think it's an important football movie. I just thought, I, I just thought differently.

• 21:59Speaker 05

  That I will wa-

• 22:01Bill Simmons?

  I just thought you, you knew your football movies.

• 22:03Speaker 05

  Well, I know the movie.

• 22:04Bill Simmons?

  I'm sorry.

• 22:04Speaker 05

  And I know the scene, but-

• 22:06Bill Simmons?

  Not the scene, it's the whole thing.

• 22:08Speaker 05

  It, okay, what, what else about, by the way, before you guys get super pissed off, I'm not pissing on Brian's-

• 22:13Bill Simmons?

  No, the movie came out in 1970, I'm not mad that you didn't watch it.

• 22:16Speaker 05

  They remade it.

• 22:17Bill Simmons?

  No, I didn't watch the remake.

• 22:18Speaker 05

  Who did they have? The hell, Omar Epps in that joint?

• 22:20Bill Simmons?

  It's bullshit, they remade it.

• 22:21Speaker 05

  Mekhi Pfeiffer, anyway.

• 22:23Bill Simmons?

  There's a bunch of sports movie cliche characters that you've definitely seen before, that they brought together in this movie, including, um, the floundering QB who needs to turn his life around, Shane Footsteps Falco.

• 22:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:35Bill Simmons?

  We'll get to his footsteps thing later.

• 22:37Speaker 05

  Right.

• 22:38Bill Simmons?

  The token psychopath, a SWAT team officer, crazy linebacker, played by Jon Favreau.

• 22:47Speaker 05

  Jon Favreau.

• 22:47Bill Simmons?

  This has to be the weirdest thing about this movie, 24 years later,

• 22:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:52Bill Simmons?

  that Jon Favreau is the Brian Bosworth, um, Ray Lewis, I don't know whoever, crazy middle linebacker character. It's dumbfounding.

• 23:02Speaker 05

  This is the stuff that makes a movie rewatchable.

• 23:05Bill Simmons?

  Yes.

• 23:05Speaker 05

  You have Orlando Jones, who's going on to have a great career, but who also-

• 23:09Bill Simmons?

  He plays the comic relief black guy, the Billy May's Hayes role.

• 23:13Speaker 05

  Um, he achieved cultural ubiquity as the 7-Up guy.

• 23:17Bill Simmons?

  Yep.

• 23:17Speaker 05

  But now has gone on to have a great career. You have Jon Favreau, while he was still trying to be an actor.

• 23:24Bill Simmons?

  And, and by the way, it felt like it was going badly.

• 23:27Speaker 05

  Of him trying to be an actor?

• 23:28Bill Simmons?

  Well, cause now he's in this movie, it felt like he's kind of, he, he had been on Friends, he was hosting that IFC show that I,

• 23:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:35Bill Simmons?

  that I really liked, actually, that, that part, Dinner for Five, whatever, but it felt like the moment it kind of passed him and Vince Vaughn was gonna be a bigger star.

• 23:43Speaker 05

  Well, yeah.

• 23:43Bill Simmons?

  And then he flipped the script.

• 23:44Speaker 05

  Well, Vince Vaughn, well, he flipped the script because he got back to his roots, I mean, remember-

• 23:47Bill Simmons?

  Well, he does Iron Man in 08.

• 23:48Speaker 05

  Iron Man in 08, but he really came into the game as more of a creator, as an actor as well, because he wrote Swingers, right? But- During this time, you still were used to seeing him on screen. Now, we still see him on screen.

• 24:03Bill Simmons?

  We just thought he was gonna be an actor. We didn't know he was gonna be like a director person.

• 24:06Speaker 05

  Right. And then that completely changed. So when you see it now, that also gives the movie a little novelty.

• 24:11Bill Simmons?

  He was in Rocky Marciano.

• 24:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, he was in Rocky Marciano. He was in, um.

• 24:16Bill Simmons?

  I mean, he's ripped in this movie.

• 24:18Speaker 05

  No, he is in great shape, and that's another thing.

• 24:20Bill Simmons?

  Craig, were you surprised?

• 24:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm curious what he was taking behind the scenes.

• 24:24Bill Simmons?

  Hmm.

• 24:25Speaker 06

  Something going on, perhaps?

• 24:25Bill Simmons?

  I don't think there was testing on the set that.

• 24:28Speaker 05

  Probably not.

• 24:29Bill Simmons?

  That year.

• 24:29Speaker 05

  All of these guys take something, though.

• 24:31Bill Simmons?

  He was a believable, like, Bill Romanowski-type middle linebacker.

• 24:34Speaker 05

  You forget that he is actually a really great actor. He still acts, by the way. He's still in the MCU stuff, chef, all that stuff, but.

• 24:41Bill Simmons?

  We have the token crazy foreigner, the drunk, chain-smoking Welsh field-goal kicker.

• 24:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:46Bill Simmons?

  Played by the guy from Notting Hill.

• 24:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:50Bill Simmons?

  Um, he says things like, "You just hold it and I'll kick the bloody piss out of it."

• 24:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:56Bill Simmons?

  I kinda like him. He smokes during scenes in games.

• 24:59Speaker 05

  His bookies travel.

• 25:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, his bookies travel.

• 25:02Speaker 05

  Across.

• 25:03Bill Simmons?

  Unrealistic. You have to owe a lot of money, I think. You're flying him from England to Washington.

• 25:07Speaker 05

  To watch the game and intimidate from the stands, they travel across the sea to get to him and intimidate.

• 25:13Bill Simmons?

  In the epilogue of this movie, that guy just gets shot behind the stadium after the game. He's done. We have, um, so.

• 25:20Speaker 05

  Fast black guy who can't catch, which they do in every Motley Crue football movie. Like, they even did it in the little movie, was it like the little giants or whatever, the kid can't catch? Like, fast black guy, you like that one, Craig?

• 25:33Bill Simmons?

  Well, it's like Billy Mays Hayes.

• 25:34Speaker 05

  Like, you see Craig, Craig.

• 25:35Speaker 06

  I just saw that movie growing up, that's all.

• 25:37Speaker 05

  Craig likes that one.

• 25:38Bill Simmons?

  Billy Mays Hayes in baseball, too, is done. Can't hit for power, just got speed.

• 25:42Speaker 05

  Super athletic, can't do the skill thing. We see what y'all do.

• 25:46Bill Simmons?

  The two bouncers turned offensive linemen?

• 25:48Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 25:50Bill Simmons?

  The intimidating black guys with a heart of gold, which we also had in, uh, Blue Crush. Couple of years later with Kate Bosworth.

• 25:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kate Bosworth, surf movie.

• 25:59Bill Simmons?

  They might even been the same guys, or they stole those guys from this movie, or stole the characters.

• 26:03Speaker 05

  One of those guys, Faison Love, shout out Faison Love.

• 26:06Bill Simmons?

  The menacing ex-convict.

• 26:08Speaker 05

  Ooh, I got.

• 26:08Bill Simmons?

  Earl Wilkinson, we have some stuff for him later, but he's the Joe Boo.

• 26:13Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 26:13Bill Simmons?

  Right? He's Joe Boo from Major League.

• 26:15Speaker 05

  But the, the menacing ex-convict?

• 26:17Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, well, yeah, save it.

• 26:19Speaker 05

  Oh, you know?

• 26:20Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, well, yeah, I know.

• 26:21Speaker 05

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 26:22Bill Simmons?

  We have likable handicap guy, def tight end.

• 26:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:25Bill Simmons?

  And we have the, uh, obscenely obese offensive lineman guy who in this movie is Japanese.

• 26:30Speaker 05

  Japanese?

• 26:30Bill Simmons?

  They just check a ton of boxes.

• 26:33Speaker 05

  You know why? Because this movie is essentially a remake of Necessary Roughness.

• 26:38Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it is. I, it's not essentially a remake, so.

• 26:41Speaker 05

  It's like the same movie.

• 26:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 26:43Speaker 05

  From Necessary Roughness, literally when they, they copied almost all the characters. The only one missing is kind of your Sinbad character, but it's like legitimately the same movie.

• 26:52Bill Simmons?

  Field goal kicker was the line they wouldn't cross.

• 26:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:54Bill Simmons?

  They didn't want, they didn't want people to realize how badly they were. By the way, I'm off for ripping off Necessary Roughness. I like that movie too.

• 27:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's great.

• 27:02Bill Simmons?

  We're missing a couple of token characters. We don't have the semi-racist dumb guy from the South. Maybe they, maybe they couldn't find the casting for it.

• 27:11Speaker 05

  They kind of get you there with the cop, but I get what you're saying.

• 27:15Bill Simmons?

  The, remember the Titans guy? The guy then, when Gary finds like, hey, man, you gotta leave the team.

• 27:22Speaker 05

  Oh, the, the guy.

• 27:23Bill Simmons?

  I don't know if we need to go that far, but we definitely needed somebody who was.

• 27:26Speaker 05

  Wasn't a semi-racist.

• 27:27Bill Simmons?

  Well, he was a full racist. I'm saying, could we, could we have dipped in that pool?

• 27:30Speaker 05

  That guy went on to be Grand Dragon.

• 27:35Speaker 05

  That guy was, that Bertier had to get him off the team.

• 27:39Bill Simmons?

  Bertier's like, even, look, man, it's 1970, you have to go.

• 27:42Speaker 05

  Bridge too far. What you want to be with one of them? You're off the team.

• 27:45Bill Simmons?

  We were missing the token washed up white safety, like Scott Bakula, coming back.

• 27:51Speaker 05

  Scott Bakula was a QB. Oh, no, he could have played back.

• 27:54Bill Simmons?

  Having Scott Bakula come back.

• 27:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:56Bill Simmons?

  As like the white safety who retired two years ago, but misses it and he comes back.

• 28:00Speaker 05

  The Don Beebe.

• 28:01Bill Simmons?

  And we're rea, we were really, I can't believe they missed this, the ladies man. Who's just hooking up with multiple girls at a time. I don't know how they didn't have that in this. The person who is like, he basically fucked himself out of football because he was having so much sex. And now he's back, but it's like, might have been a mistake.

• 28:18Speaker 05

  He's just going too hard.

• 28:19Bill Simmons?

  He's like the cheerleader, he loves the cheerleaders the most.

• 28:21Speaker 05

  Cheerleaders, we gotta talk about them.

• 28:23Bill Simmons?

  We also have, I think a new record of seven cliche sports scenes. The bar brawl.

• 28:30Speaker 05

  The dance.

• 28:30Bill Simmons?

  Puking on the field.

• 28:31Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:32Bill Simmons?

  The teammate dance sequence, which happens in jail. The opponents getting distracted by the cheerleaders, which I don't think has ever happened in real life, not once.

• 28:40Speaker 05

  No.

• 28:41Bill Simmons?

  The big fat lineman catching a pass and running.

• 28:44Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:45Bill Simmons?

  The QB throwing the ball at a defensive lineman's head, body, somewhere, trying to knock him out of the game, just ripped off from Long's yard.

• 28:52Speaker 05

  From Long's yard, yeah.

• 28:52Bill Simmons?

  Ripped off. And then the injured veteran with the you gotta do it speech. To have the guy who scores the touchdown in the big game and he like blows out his knees sideways.

• 29:02Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 29:02Bill Simmons?

  Keanu comes over, he's like, Shane, you gotta do it.

• 29:05Speaker 05

  You gotta do it. I scored my one touchdown.

• 29:08Bill Simmons?

  So those are the seven, right? Were there any more? Those were the seven cliche scenes.

• 29:12Speaker 05

  Um, no, not, I mean, obviously some of the, the romantic stuff, but in terms of sports movie stuff.

• 29:17Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 29:18Speaker 05

  That, those are the big ones.

• 29:20Bill Simmons?

  I guess maybe that.

• 29:21Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no, no. Did you do quicksand speech?

• 29:25Bill Simmons?

  Oh, the locker room speech.

• 29:26Speaker 05

  Locker room speech.

• 29:27Bill Simmons?

  Well, that's like, you have to have that in every sports movie.

• 29:29Speaker 05

  Right. They, they double back though.

• 29:31Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 29:31Speaker 05

  They do, we're, I'm afraid to be great, quicksand speech. But then they also come back to.

• 29:38Bill Simmons?

  Chick's dig scars.

• 29:39Speaker 05

  Guy comes in at halftime to win games, save your hero dog. Same thing.

• 29:47Bill Simmons?

  I don't know if this counts as a cliche thing, but the, we think they got the winning score, but it turns out there's a flag on the play and we gotta redo the winning moment.

• 29:55Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:55Bill Simmons?

  I don't know if this movie invented that, but I like, it's a good one. It's effective.

• 29:59Speaker 05

  That's, that's.

• 29:59Bill Simmons?

  I thought you scored, oh wait, you didn't.

• 30:01Speaker 05

  That's the best shot in the whole movie.

• 30:02Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Fifty million dollar budget made fifty point one million.

• 30:08Speaker 05

  So it lost money.

• 30:08Bill Simmons?

  No, it literally broke even.

• 30:10Speaker 05

  No, no, I mean, with, after the marketing, it lost money.

• 30:12Bill Simmons?

  Roger Ebert, two stars.

• 30:15Bill Simmons?

  And honestly, words hurt because he wrote slap happy entertainment painted in broad strokes, two coats thick. It's like a standard sports movie, but with every point made twice or three times. If you think The Replacements has the nerve to surprise you, you've got the wrong movie.

• 30:31Speaker 05

  Right.

• 30:31Bill Simmons?

  Raj.

• 30:32Speaker 05

  He's right.

• 30:32Bill Simmons?

  He's right.

• 30:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:33Bill Simmons?

  That way, he but he didn't know that it was gonna be on TNT for the next 23 years.

• 30:37Speaker 05

  We missed a cliche.

• 30:38Bill Simmons?

  What is it?

• 30:40Speaker 05

  Maybe you maybe you brought it up, maybe I just missed it. Whiny, baby athletes, bad. Whiny, rich, bad athletes.

• 30:51Bill Simmons?

  Hmm.

• 30:52Speaker 05

  Anybody that wants to make money playing sports, bad. Like, when someone, it's funny, because at the beginning of the movie, a guy goes-

• 31:00Bill Simmons?

  Cause that's Corbin Bernsen in Major League, too.

• 31:02Speaker 05

  That's Corbin Bernsen in Major League. At the beginning of the movie, a guy goes, "I'm telling you, 5 million ain't what you think it is, when you do taxes and then age."

• 31:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Eddie Martel says that. My manager gets it.

• 31:13Speaker 05

  And I'm thinking to myself, now, I'm thinking, I mean, he kinda spitting a little bit, he's got a point, like, he makes 5 million, but it's not a real 5 million.

• 31:23Bill Simmons?

  Remember the lockout?

• 31:24Speaker 05

  He needs to go for more, yeah.

• 31:25Bill Simmons?

  Remember the NBA lockout in 99, when Kenny Anderson, it came out, he had eight cars?

• 31:28Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:29Bill Simmons?

  And everyone lost their fucking minds?

• 31:30Speaker 05

  See, that's different.

• 31:31Bill Simmons?

  But but I'm just saying, like, that the whole concept of the 90s and early 2000s was like, I can't believe this guy's complaining about-

• 31:39Speaker 05

  Latrell Sprewell, Feed My Family, all of that stuff, people were getting sick of it now. Now the money is so fucking crazy, but also, what happens now is, this movie is a low-information sports fans movie. Because we don't know at this point how much the league is making, we don't know what the TV deals are, we don't know any of that. So when we see these numbers, we go, how could they be making that much money? Now, when we see how much money they're making, we go, how could they not be making that much money?

• 32:08Bill Simmons?

  Today's the most rewatchable scene, brought to you by Paramount Plus. A mountain of movies awaits on Paramount Plus, that means a mountain of heart pounding action, blockbusters like Top Gun Maverick, Mission: Impossible Fall, and Gladiator. You saw Gladiator, too, right?

• 32:20Speaker 05

  I did see it.

• 32:21Bill Simmons?

  Denzel? I just want Denzel to be good, I don't care if the movie's good.

• 32:24Speaker 05

  Denzel's good.

• 32:25Bill Simmons?

  Okay. A mountain of jump scares with thrillers like Scream Six, Smile, and A Quiet Place Day One. Did you see Smile 2?

• 32:31Speaker 05

  I did see it.

• 32:33Bill Simmons?

  Heard it was good.

• 32:34Speaker 05

  I'll never watch a scary movie that you've recommended ever again.

• 32:39Bill Simmons?

  A mountain of

• 32:39Speaker 05

  Totally terrifying.

• 32:41Bill Simmons?

  A mountain of fun for the kiddos. Family favorites like If Paw Patrol, the movie, and Dora and the Lost City of Gold.

• 32:46Speaker 05

  Family favorite is like what?

• 32:47Bill Simmons?

  If.

• 32:48Speaker 05

  Oh, I thought you said it.

• 32:50Bill Simmons?

  No.

• 32:51Speaker 05

  Oh, I was about to say.

• 32:51Bill Simmons?

  It's not a family favorite.

• 32:52Speaker 05

  That's not a family favorite. Okay.

• 32:54Bill Simmons?

  Definitely not.

• 32:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:55Bill Simmons?

  Discover something new every week on Paramount Plus. So, most rewatchable scene. Jimmy goes to see Shane, Jimmy McGinty, goes to see Shane to

• 33:05Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 33:06Bill Simmons?

  Talk him into it. We find out Shane lost the 96 Super Bowl by 45. I have a lot of Super Bowl questions later.

• 33:13Speaker 05

  Sugar Bowl, yeah.

• 33:14Bill Simmons?

  Lost by 45. I have more questions about that later. Jimmy says, you know what separates the winners from the losers, kid? And Shane goes, the score? And we know we're off at this point.

• 33:27Speaker 05

  Right.

• 33:28Bill Simmons?

  And Shane says, I don't want to be remembered at all. It's a dark place, cleaning boats.

• 33:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:34Bill Simmons?

  Embarrassed in the Sugar Bowl. What, what a real, real life college football character is Shane Falco? What college star from the last 25 years? Is there a Shane Falco?

• 33:44Speaker 05

  Um, oh, you know what he could be? He could be Troy Smith from Ohio State.

• 33:51Bill Simmons?

  Oh.

• 33:52Speaker 05

  Ohio State's cruising.

• 33:54Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 33:55Speaker 05

  On their way to an undefeated season and a national championship. And they run into the Florida Gators and somebody help me, but I think the score of the game was something like 40 to 14.

• 34:09Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  Very unexpected.

• 34:11Speaker 06

  41 14.

• 34:13Speaker 05

  41 14, um, very unexpected. Troy Smith went on to like not really have very much of a career in the NFL. Not sure how much of a career he was gonna have before that. But it was a game that really, really injured the perception of him, if you ask me.

• 34:30Bill Simmons?

  It would have been the Georgia quarterback this year, but they're not gonna be good enough to be in a memorable game.

• 34:35Speaker 06

  Troy Smith is a great comp. In that game, he threw for 35 yards.

• 34:39Bill Simmons?

  Jesus.

• 34:40Speaker 05

  Really?

• 34:41Bill Simmons?

  Who's your LSU Shane Falco?

• 34:43Speaker 05

  Uh, we've had a lot of Shane Falcos. We couldn't.

• 34:47Bill Simmons?

  Seven Shane Falcos.

• 34:48Speaker 05

  We couldn't have, we didn't have a quarterback legitimately. We didn't have a quarterback for like 10 or 11 years. So we've got Shane Falcos in spades, man. I don't want to name any of the guys because I love LSU too much.

• 35:00Bill Simmons?

  Next scene, Annabelle, the hot cheerleader who we'll talk about later, gives Shane a ride home and drives like a fucking maniac for a minute for no reason. A lot of the stuff in this movie happens for no reason. And then says, "Nothing personal, Shane, but I don't date quarterbacks." Like, alright, you'll be back.

• 35:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, what are you talking about? Come on, fucking kill.

• 35:17Bill Simmons?

  Loved her car, very like 90s, early 2000s, like driving that car. You know it was like 40 degrees in Washington, they don't care. Jimmy and Shane before the first big game.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  I look at you and I see two men. The man you are, the man you ought to be. Someday those two will meet.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Should make for a hell of a football player.

• 35:42Bill Simmons?

  I remember when I said that to you in 2020 when we decided to work together.

• 35:46Speaker 05

  Right, exactly.

• 35:47Bill Simmons?

  That pushed it over, it was right before Higher Learning was launched.

• 35:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, um, go fuck yourself. But, but, but, but, okay, but like, we haven't talked about how much of a cliche she is.

• 36:01Bill Simmons?

  Can you hold it? Cause I have a great spot for it.

• 36:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:04Bill Simmons?

  We have the puking in the huddle to, "I need that ball." And Fabro going to get the ball and coming back, "I got you the ball."

• 36:10Speaker 05

  Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:11Bill Simmons?

  Which was ridiculous in 2000, but now I kinda like that scene. Falco's almost game winner. And then the highlight of this whole scene was Pat Summerall and John Madden, who we also haven't talked about yet, and they're in this movie a lot. And they're doing the notes and Summerall's talking about the running back, the ex-con, doesn't realize he's an ex-con. And says, "It says here that he likes embroidery." They just slid that in.

• 36:34Bill Simmons?

  So we get that, we get the bar fight. That's fun, I like bar fights.

• 36:38Speaker 05

  Always like a bar fight in a sports movie.

• 36:40Bill Simmons?

  We get her circling back and how he got his truck back with the girl and Keanu. We get the, "I need you to get me the ball, I got you in ball exchange." Which was, I think, and I think I got that out of order. Keanu's quicksand speech.

• 36:56Speaker 05

  Fantastic.

• 36:57Bill Simmons?

  Which I'll have Craig play the clip of, cause he'll do it better than me, but I also wanna do an imitation of it. You're playing.

• 37:06Bill Simmons?

  And you think everything is going fine, but then one thing goes wrong. And then another.

• 37:13Speaker 06

  And another. And you try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Till you can't move. Can't breathe. Cause you're in over your head.

• 37:30Speaker 06

  Like quicksand.

• 37:34Bill Simmons?

  You're playing, you think everything's going fine. But then one thing goes wrong and another and another. And you try to fight back. But the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move. You can't breathe. Because you're in over your head. The quicksand.

• 37:54Speaker 05

  Right.

• 37:55Bill Simmons?

  That's how he delivers it.

• 37:56Speaker 05

  That's, that's the way it is. Garrett Nussbaum versus Texas A&M.

• 37:59Bill Simmons?

  Our guy Orlando Jones comes in and goes, that's some deep shit Shane.

• 38:03Speaker 05

  Shit Shane.

• 38:04Bill Simmons?

  This movie's great.

• 38:05Speaker 05

  And then it goes to each one of their faces.

• 38:07Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, they're like, it's like he's giving the greatest, he's like Martin Luther King and giving like the greatest speech of all time.

• 38:12Speaker 05

  Be careful. But he, but, but he, he, he all, but he's talking about not just football. But he's also talking about.

• 38:21Bill Simmons?

  Failure.

• 38:22Speaker 05

  Their lives as well. So when it flashes to each one of them, you're like, we've learned a little bit about their backstories and like why they didn't make it. And everybody's like, I don't want to go back to the mini mart. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do that. So same works.

• 38:35Bill Simmons?

  Favreau's character seems like I'm actually fine going back to.

• 38:38Speaker 05

  I want to bust some ass.

• 38:39Bill Simmons?

  Killing criminals again. Next scene, I just, this is self-explanatory. The stripper cheerleaders cause an offside and lead a comeback.

• 38:49Bill Simmons?

  Really fun.

• 38:50Speaker 05

  The coach in that scene is hilarious.

• 38:51Bill Simmons?

  It's great.

• 38:51Speaker 05

  He slapped her on the ass ref. Right, the ref, she slapped her on the ass. Like that guy is really funny in that scene.

• 38:59Bill Simmons?

  I, I mean, the last 25 minutes of the movie is probably the pick.

• 39:03Speaker 05

  Right.

• 39:03Bill Simmons?

  Cause we get the first half of the big game with Eddie Martel crossing the picket line and just going full Aaron Rodgers jets on the entire team. We get Falco coming back. As Eddie Martel says in the locker room at halftime, nobody could beat Dallas with these losers. Okay.

• 39:19Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 39:21Speaker 07

  Man, who do you think O'Neal's gonna side with, huh? Some burnout old coach or someone who puts fans in the stands? Son of a bitch. Come on. Hey, what the hell are you thinking about? We got a game to play. Nobody could beat Dallas with these losers.

• 39:33Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 39:38Speaker 07

  Hey Falco, it's great to see you. Now get the hell out of my locker room! Coach? What the hell took you so long? Traffic. Suit up!

• 39:49Speaker 07

  Now get the hell out of my locker room!

• 39:51Bill Simmons?

  Which is just an immediate overacting award winner.

• 39:53Speaker 05

  So...

• 39:54Bill Simmons?

  What took you so long?

• 39:55Speaker 05

  Traffic. It's kind of a Jerry Maguire type of situation there.

• 39:59Bill Simmons?

  Oh, we're getting into it in nitpicks.

• 40:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:01Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 40:02Speaker 05

  Um, I have...

• 40:05Speaker 05

  Okay, so the opening scene sets the cultural stakes of the movie. It tells you all about where sports culture is and how you're supposed to look at the good guys. It like literally defines the good guys and the bad guys.

• 40:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 40:16Speaker 05

  The first, the first, the first sequence of the movie, right? But then like the first practice slash training camp-esque.

• 40:24Bill Simmons?

  Oh, the little montage?

• 40:26Speaker 05

  The little montage of everybody going through their thing because you get to see the deficiencies of all the characters. Hey, one guy can catch his ass off, but he's deaf. One guy's fast, but he can't catch. One guy has all the intensity, but no discipline.

• 40:40Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 40:40Speaker 05

  One guy is huge as fuck, but he has an eating disorder.

• 40:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 40:45Speaker 05

  So like you go through all of the different things and in movies like that, in movies like this, and I say that's the one thing you have to have. Like, because it really gives you a lot of exposition in one, in one little scene.

• 40:57Bill Simmons?

  We didn't mention the ending.

• 40:58Speaker 05

  One more thing I want to say. The wild yam scene.

• 41:01Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 41:02Speaker 05

  Wild yam, that's the, hey, love matters scene. He's not going to be the coach of the, the, the, or he's not going to be the quarterback of the team for a long time, but he's going to have her forever. She's rubbing her wild yam on his shoulders.

• 41:18Bill Simmons?

  Didn't mention the ending.

• 41:20Speaker 06

  I know you're tired. I know you're hurting. And I wish I could say something that was classy and inspirational. But that just wouldn't be our style.

• 41:30Speaker 06

  Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory.

• 41:36Bill Simmons?

  Would that have been your yearbook quote Craig? I actually think that is like an objectively great sports movie quote. It's the highlight of the movie. That would work. If I was on his team, that would fire me up.

• 41:49Speaker 05

  Ready to run through a fucking wall?

• 41:51Bill Simmons?

  We get the fake field goal, which I think is a really well-written, smart wrinkle.

• 41:55Speaker 05

  Uh huh.

• 41:55Bill Simmons?

  The kicker's like, I'm gonna have to miss this and Keanu sniffs it out, runs for the touchdown, called back. And then we get the game winner, which I have some questions about.

• 42:03Speaker 05

  I have a question before we move on.

• 42:05Bill Simmons?

  That's my pick for most rewatchable.

• 42:06Speaker 05

  My most rewatchable is the last scene of the movie.

• 42:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 42:08Speaker 05

  For sure, right? Um, but back to Craig's point, of all the sports movie speeches that you've heard, I'm not gonna ask you for a top five, what are the most effective sports movie speeches ever?

• 42:22Bill Simmons?

  First of all, you came to the right place.

• 42:24Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 42:25Bill Simmons?

  Probably the best person on the planet to answer this question.

• 42:28Speaker 05

  Humble.

• 42:29Bill Simmons?

  The longest yard with Paul Crow is the best speech ever. When he calls timeout when it's fourth down and brings everybody over to the sidelines and does the, "We've come too far to stop now."

• 42:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:39Bill Simmons?

  For Granny, for Nate, for caretaker who just died.

• 42:44Speaker 05

  Oh, fuck man, caretaker.

• 42:45Bill Simmons?

  It's the best. It's the best one.

• 42:46Speaker 05

  Can I give you one that means something to me?

• 42:48Bill Simmons?

  I think there's been a lot of good ones.

• 42:49Speaker 05

  There's a lot of great ones. Billy Bob Thornton.

• 42:53Bill Simmons?

  Oh.

• 42:54Speaker 05

  Friday Night Lights.

• 42:55Bill Simmons?

  Good one.

• 42:56Speaker 05

  My god. And I know that they're about to go out there, you know they're probably gonna, but my god.

• 43:03Bill Simmons?

  That's a great one.

• 43:04Speaker 05

  Billy Bob Thornton, Friday Night Lights, he's, he's like imparting this upon these young men and he's letting you know, look, my heart is full. I'm here with you. Like, that movie to me is, it's kinda actually, I look at that film as actually the time that sports movies changed a little bit. Sports movies are a little bit, they're a little bit more meta in how they do their thing now than they used to be.

• 43:29Bill Simmons?

  That started with like Moneyball, late 2000s.

• 43:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, they're kinda a little bit more meta now that you, you, the sports movie now. Almost always rise the line between sports movie and documentary.

• 43:41Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Um. Cause documentaries changed how we saw sports just in general.

• 43:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, but like I love that fucking speech.

• 43:48Bill Simmons?

  Any given.

• 43:48Speaker 05

  That's the speech that makes me wanna.

• 43:49Bill Simmons?

  Any Given Sunday with Pacino is an all timer.

• 43:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:52Bill Simmons?

  The inches all around, the inches are all around us.

• 43:56Speaker 05

  The inches are all around in that movie too, in the locker room. These people was like, what the fuck is going on?

• 44:03Bill Simmons?

  Jerry Maguire's speech to Tidwell is good.

• 44:05Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 44:06Bill Simmons?

  Remember the Titans for me has some good ones. Will Patton and Denzel, both.

• 44:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, Denzel was great, like fantastic in that one. You know what?

• 44:14Bill Simmons?

  Hoosiers, don't forget, I know, I knew you have some issues with Hoosiers.

• 44:17Speaker 05

  I don't.

• 44:17Bill Simmons?

  But great, great speech that leads to the slow clap.

• 44:20Speaker 05

  The slow clap is just crazy in every movie that they do it. It seems like these movies, they're not as many great sports movie speeches in basketball movies though.

• 44:32Bill Simmons?

  The best ones probably He Got Game.

• 44:34Speaker 05

  Which one?

• 44:35Bill Simmons?

  The speech that, that uh, when they're walking on the boardwalk and Denzel's talking to Ray Allen.

• 44:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:43Bill Simmons?

  That's near the end of the movie when he's talking about how he has to get the hate out of his heart. It's not necessarily a sports speech.

• 44:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:50Bill Simmons?

  But that's an unbelievable scene.

• 44:51Speaker 05

  Where he's basically telling him, like, I'm your dad.

• 44:54Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 44:54Speaker 05

  This is what I want and I'm telling you, even if you don't give me this, uh, then what you have to do is be able to move on from everything that's happened. Or you're never gonna reach.

• 45:02Bill Simmons?

  Get rid of this hate in your heart.

• 45:04Speaker 05

  Get rid of that hate out your heart, son. Yeah.

• 45:05Bill Simmons?

  It's a good one.

• 45:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:06Bill Simmons?

  There's been a lot of good sports movie speeches and I think we hit a point, Miracle, there's some good ones with Kurt Russell. We hit a point in the late nineties when people, we had enough of a sports movie library. That people knew that they had to have some sort of speech in it.

• 45:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:19Bill Simmons?

  Right? So that's what they're trying to do and.

• 45:21Speaker 05

  They also do you that shit in real life though. That's another thing is the sports movie speech is accurate to the way they try to motivate you when you're actually playing sports.

• 45:29Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 45:29Speaker 05

  I remember watching, uh, Doc Rivers and Doc Rivers is on the sideline with the Celtics, which you guys, Doc Rivers is a good coach in Boston. And he says something to them, he goes. Listen, he doesn't like draw up a player or anything like that. He says something, he goes, "Listen, listen. If you play together and you believe in each other, you're unbeatable. They can't beat you if you play together and execute together and look out for one another." I'm like, "God damn. If we play together, we can't be beat?"

• 46:04Speaker 05

  It actually was inspiring.

• 46:05Bill Simmons?

  Pretty great.

• 46:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:06Bill Simmons?

  Supposedly, and I think all videos have been destroyed. But in 2006, Pat Riley and the Heat, when they were in Dallas trying to finish off Dirk and those guys. And supposedly him in the second half, the cameras that were there recording the stuff that he was saying was like all time. He had like no clipboard. And he was just like, "You guys are tougher than these guys. You guys have to rip their heart out right now." And was doing like crazy sports movie shit, but it was working and those guys came out and they just killed Dallas.

• 46:36Speaker 05

  Took it from Dirk and them, yeah.

• 46:38Bill Simmons?

  All right, so what's your most rewatchable?

• 46:40Speaker 05

  Uh, my most rewatchable is, it's like you, it's the last one. It's the final scene, but the opening scene is, uh, is up there too.

• 46:46Bill Simmons?

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• 48:08Bill Simmons?

  What's the most 2001 thing about this movie? I'll give you some options.

• 48:12Speaker 05

  All right, give it to me.

• 48:14Bill Simmons?

  Intentionally attacking football opponents? Using Good Vibrations by Marky Mark in a sports celebration sequence?

• 48:21Speaker 05

  Way up there.

• 48:22Bill Simmons?

  Stick 'em?

• 48:23Speaker 05

  That's like more like the 70s, though.

• 48:26Bill Simmons?

  No concussion protocol for the deft tight end in the final game? Just comes right back?

• 48:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:30Bill Simmons?

  Or stripper cheerleaders?

• 48:32Speaker 05

  Okay, so I'm gonna make a case for stripper cheerleaders.

• 48:34Bill Simmons?

  Great, that was my number one pick as well.

• 48:37Speaker 05

  Really? No, that wasn't my number one pick, though. I'm gonna make a case as to why that should happen. But it, my number one pick is the concussion protocol.

• 48:46Bill Simmons?

  Hmm.

• 48:47Speaker 05

  Bruh, we've talked about it on the pod before. There is legitimately, like, you made a joke about it, but it's, there's actually one. There's actually a ESPN jacked up segment.

• 49:02Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 49:03Speaker 05

  Where the dude gets hit by Nandi Asamoah.

• 49:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 49:08Speaker 05

  And he's doing the fencing pose.

• 49:10Bill Simmons?

  He's like this.

• 49:11Speaker 05

  He's like this, and Tom Jackson goes, "Ah, you, you know, when you see the hands like that, that's when you know you got jacked up." And I'm like, "What the fuck?" He literally is doing, Tom Jackson's voice goes down. And he goes-

• 49:29Bill Simmons?

  You think he's getting serious for a second?

• 49:31Speaker 05

  He comes back with the jacked up. So that-

• 49:33Bill Simmons?

  Those segments, those ESPN jacked up segments, look like they're SNL segments of them parroting ESPN. But they're actually the actual ESPN segments.

• 49:42Speaker 05

  The real thing is like, you got jacked, look at him.

• 49:45Bill Simmons?

  Look at him. He's not moving. He's not moving. He got jacked up. The guy's like dead.

• 49:50Speaker 05

  He's like fucking out. He's unconscious on the football field.

• 49:54Bill Simmons?

  It's so funny.

• 49:55Speaker 05

  Jacked up.

• 49:56Bill Simmons?

  Remember there was that, uh, there was a Madden game one year when the whole, it was like a 30 second intro before he started playing. And each hit was just somebody getting decapitated or violated.

• 50:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, right. So that's, so the, the, obviously they're not-

• 50:10Bill Simmons?

  The deft tight end is so-

• 50:11Speaker 05

  But him getting fucked up and then coming right back in the game is just a different sport back then.

• 50:16Bill Simmons?

  A category we don't get to give out very often. The Elizabeth Shue is an Oxford electrochemist award. Goes to Washington's cute and bubbly head cheerleader Annabelle, who also owns a bar in downtown Washington.

• 50:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:30Bill Simmons?

  And she's single.

• 50:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:32Bill Simmons?

  Cause this person exists.

• 50:33Speaker 05

  She is breathtakingly beautiful.

• 50:35Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, she's saying, no, can't find a guy.

• 50:38Speaker 05

  She's breathtakingly beautiful, uh, financially independent.

• 50:42Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, hard worker.

• 50:43Speaker 05

  Cheerleads basically as a hobby.

• 50:46Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 50:46Speaker 05

  Because she only makes 50 bucks a game.

• 50:48Bill Simmons?

  Right. Has to shut down the bar. Probably costs her money.

• 50:51Speaker 05

  Costs her money to do it, right? And just striking out. Either that or the sequel to this movie is her carving up his back or doing something crazy because there's gotta be a reason why she's not married. Or backstory with her.

• 51:06Bill Simmons?

  Oh, like she-

• 51:06Speaker 05

  And some football player. Maybe there's a reason why.

• 51:09Bill Simmons?

  The second one's an erotic thriller.

• 51:10Speaker 05

  Right.

• 51:11Bill Simmons?

  She starts stalking Shane.

• 51:12Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:13Bill Simmons?

  Shane, why don't you come by the bar? They hint at it near the end of their placements when he no-shows the date. And she's like basically turning the light on and off.

• 51:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, right.

• 51:21Bill Simmons?

  Like fatal track style.

• 51:21Speaker 05

  I told you, I don't date quarterbacks!

• 51:24Bill Simmons?

  I will not be ignored.

• 51:26Speaker 05

  Right, exactly.

• 51:27Bill Simmons?

  She was played by, uh, former Melrose Place star Brooke Langton.

• 51:31Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:32Bill Simmons?

  Who, um, ended up getting involved with Billy Campbell on that show, Andrew Shue. Who was kind of the homeless man's Keanu from an acting standpoint.

• 51:40Speaker 05

  What a call.

• 51:40Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Same kind of blank faces and, um-

• 51:46Bill Simmons?

  Unenergetic line delivers.

• 51:48Speaker 05

  It's funny that he would be brought up when his sister is the

• 51:51Bill Simmons?

  Elizabeth Shoe.

• 51:52Speaker 05

  Elizabeth Shoe. He was the thing for a while. He is, he is one of the all time.

• 51:56Bill Simmons?

  Andrew Shoe.

• 51:57Speaker 05

  What the fuck happened to that guy?

• 51:58Bill Simmons?

  Season one of Melrose Place, he felt like he was gonna be one of the biggest stars in the

• 52:02Speaker 05

  He had like commercials on TV and stuff and then gone.

• 52:07Bill Simmons?

  What's age the best? I have a bunch of stuff. You can give me your best one.

• 52:12Speaker 05

  All right. Now?

• 52:14Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 52:14Speaker 05

  Okay, so Keanu Reeves just aged super the best. Uh, sex workers. The way that sex workers are portrayed in this movie, uh, the strippers, it's aged best. We, it's totally different now.

• 52:29Bill Simmons?

  I have them in this as well as what's age the best. I love those characters. I think they're hilarious. And they were kinda, they give the movie some spice and it's like a TNT spice, cause it's not too dirty. But it's okay enough for TNT, but it still feels like in the bar, she's giving the deaf guy like the fake blowjob thing and it's like

• 52:47Speaker 05

  What'd you do?

• 52:48Bill Simmons?

  Right?

• 52:53Speaker 05

  That's for video. You guys gotta see.

• 52:56Bill Simmons?

  I do the trunk.

• 53:00Speaker 05

  Um, yeah, they, they, it's like they wink, they're winking at you. They're not showing you that. That's very nineties too. Cause now there'd be some bit where they come out there with no underwear on. It would be forever.

• 53:10Bill Simmons?

  That was that era though. That was, that was nineteen ninety-nine, two thousand, two thousand one. A lot of stuff that was going on on MTV. Um, that was the Woodstock ninety-nine that we did the documentary about where everybody's taking their tops off. It got a little crazy there.

• 53:24Speaker 05

  It did, but they're winking at you here. The strippers dance, the ladies, they dance a little bit different. They do a little bit different. They're a little bit more out there. Uh, that is the best. And just like sports labor discussions have aged the best because we do not have them now the way we used to.

• 53:44Bill Simmons?

  There's too much money at stake now. Now they're just like, let's split this up. Let's not argue about this.

• 53:47Speaker 05

  The baseball, the, the strike of nineteen ninety-four is

• 53:53Speaker 05

  The NBA strikes and the football strikes, all of that. The strike of 1994 was a watershed moment in the way that I view sports.

• 54:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 54:00Speaker 05

  Because the season, leading up to that, was so fucking special. Tony Gwynn was hitting like, what, 394?

• 54:08Bill Simmons?

  Expos.

• 54:09Speaker 05

  Um, the Montreal.

• 54:10Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 05

  Like, the season was so fucking amazing. And there was this collective grief over the fact that we weren't gonna see if he could hit for 100.

• 54:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 54:20Speaker 05

  Or we weren't gonna see if Montreal could get to the World Series. I think the home run record might have been. It, it really cost people something. I think after that, it, that really kinda changed, at least me as being a sports fan around that age, kinda changed the way I looked, looked at sports.

• 54:36Bill Simmons?

  It was bullshit. The 99 NBA lockout wasn't great. The hockey lost an entire season.

• 54:41Speaker 05

  A whole season, yeah.

• 54:44Bill Simmons?

  I have some smaller What's Age the Best. Keith David is head of the Players Union. Always liked Keith David.

• 54:48Speaker 05

  Didn't, doesn't come back in the movie though?

• 54:50Bill Simmons?

  Doesn't come back? Feels like he probably had some deleted scenes.

• 54:52Speaker 05

  He got some shit cut out, yeah.

• 54:54Bill Simmons?

  The TD celebration where Orlando Jones shoots the guys with the football?

• 54:58Speaker 05

  And then himself?

• 54:59Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 05

  I think they were making fun of, uh, any given, not any given, so they, the last Boy Scout.

• 55:04Bill Simmons?

  It's funny.

• 55:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:04Bill Simmons?

  Uh, I like the blue Washington Sentinels hats, the blue with the Washington.

• 55:08Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:09Bill Simmons?

  I would buy one of those on eBay. So, this is a What's Age the Best in real life. Keanu took less money so they could afford Gene Hackman.

• 55:17Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 55:17Bill Simmons?

  Team player, Keanu.

• 55:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:19Bill Simmons?

  Like a Tim Duncan.

• 55:20Speaker 05

  Is he? So, people fall from grace.

• 55:24Bill Simmons?

  Kobe wouldn't have taken less money for Gene Hackman, but Tim Duncan would have.

• 55:27Speaker 05

  Like, it, it.

• 55:28Bill Simmons?

  I'm just telling you.

• 55:29Speaker 05

  People fall from grace.

• 55:30Bill Simmons?

  Another, another Tim Duncan win.

• 55:32Speaker 05

  I'm, it just, your, your agenda is crazy. I'm begging Keanu Reeves.

• 55:39Speaker 05

  Just don't let us down, Keanu. Because he is like, the guy when you think about, hey, you can still be decent, you can still not care, you can still be. If we find out Keanu got three hoes locked in a basement somewhere, it's gonna be such a dark day.

• 55:56Bill Simmons?

  With the Mott Lauer buzzer is the best.

• 55:58Speaker 05

  It's like, just, Keanu, it like, like for us, bruh, just keep it above board. Always you're hearing something good about him.

• 56:09Bill Simmons?

  What's Age the Best. Hey Falco, you're not even a has been, you're a never was. Great insult.

• 56:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:15Bill Simmons?

  Really cuts deep. Madden and Summerall.

• 56:22Bill Simmons?

  So we have Vin Scully in For Love of the Game in 1999. And it turns out like these guys, they do these games, they disappear, they end up on YouTube. But Vin Scully is like a key character in For Love of the Game and he's really good. Madden and Summerall, this felt like a money grab in 2001. We had a lot of Madden and Summerall in our lives because they were the announcers for the video game, which everyone played. Like the Madden 2001, it was like everyone's playing it. But now I'm like really glad they're in this movie. It's actually nice to see them. Because I miss Madden and Summerall.

• 56:51Speaker 05

  Miss them big time.

• 56:51Bill Simmons?

  I miss them doing Lions, like Summerall's kind of awkward. Madden at one point does this thing like, "It looks like they're necking." Where they're kissing.

• 57:00Speaker 05

  Like the Madden and Summerall team is just like the golden age of football watching for me.

• 57:05Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. It's like, it made me super nostalgic seeing it.

• 57:08Speaker 05

  Absolutely, and I think putting them in the movie probably gave the movie a little bit of credibility.

• 57:11Bill Simmons?

  Them and Hackman.

• 57:12Speaker 05

  They didn't have, um, Hackman as well, they didn't have like licensing.

• 57:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 57:17Speaker 05

  So it's like real football if John Madden and, and, and Summerall called it.

• 57:23Bill Simmons?

  I like the kicker smoking butts during the game, even in the game. I just thought it was like, they really went for it with that one. Hoosiers jokes during the Gene Hackman parts. Not afraid to make a couple of like, "I want four handoffs before every pass." Like just, we're, we've nosed in. I like the cheerleader with the deaf guy. My favorite two things though, for what's aged the best. Shane Footsteps Falco. What a great nickname. Kudos to the screenwriter for that.

• 57:54Speaker 05

  Did we ever get a reason as to why they call him that?

• 57:57Bill Simmons?

  I think because in the Sugar Bowl, he got hit so many times, he just started like taking self sacks.

• 58:02Speaker 05

  Hearing footsteps or feeling footsteps.

• 58:05Bill Simmons?

  Jim Everett, that was the famous Jim Everett in the eighties when he thought he was gonna get sacked and fell down, but there was nobody there. And it like haunted him forever.

• 58:12Speaker 05

  Be careful speaking on him.

• 58:14Bill Simmons?

  Well, that's, that's why, you think he's gonna jump out?

• 58:17Speaker 05

  He likes to get busy. I watch that shit live when it happens.

• 58:21Bill Simmons?

  Can we call Derek Carr Derek Footsteps Carr?

• 58:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, you definitely can call me anything you want.

• 58:25Bill Simmons?

  Let's bring it back. All right, here's my big one though. Keanu looks good as a QB.

• 58:31Speaker 05

  Bro.

• 58:32Bill Simmons?

  I'm ready to have this convo right now.

• 58:34Speaker 05

  I, I, he...

• 58:37Speaker 05

  I do this a lot where someone makes another point and I go, wow. But re- like realistically, he looks like he could get it done. He's athletic, he looks like he has, he's got the kind of build to where he's lean, but still sturdy.

• 58:54Bill Simmons?

  Kind of looks like Tua. I gotta be honest. Like watching it, I don't really know the difference.

• 58:57Speaker 05

  He, like even in Point Break.

• 59:00Bill Simmons?

  Yep.

• 59:01Speaker 05

  Which, by the way.

• 59:02Bill Simmons?

  And he's skinnier.

• 59:02Speaker 05

  I'm gonna get to my multiversal theory.

• 59:04Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 59:04Speaker 05

  A little later. But like Point Break, when he's Johnny Utah, he looks like a guy who could have played football. A lot of times they put people in these roles. And obviously there's the guy from the Amanda Bynes movie, when you see him throw it. Have you ever seen that clip? You ever seen the guy in the Amanda Bynes movie? Which movie was it?

• 59:25Bill Simmons?

  Was it Freddie Prince Jr.?

• 59:26Speaker 05

  No, it wasn't him. Freddie could get busy. But it was, it was, um, I don't know why I just big up Freddie like that. I just like him. I like to think he could throw a football.

• 59:33Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 59:34Speaker 05

  But it's a guy, he's throwing the ball.

• 59:36Bill Simmons?

  Is he doing like one of those?

• 59:38Speaker 05

  You have to see this. I'm gonna show it to you.

• 59:40Bill Simmons?

  I'll check that.

• 59:40Speaker 05

  But, but Keanu is very athletic. He looks athletic and he's got a good football motion and like a good constitution about it.

• 59:47Bill Simmons?

  At the time, I would, I wrote that he was very Scott Mitchell-y, which was a compliment, because I think Scott Mitchell.

• 59:52Speaker 05

  From the Lions?

• 59:53Bill Simmons?

  Made Lions. Yeah, he made money in the Lions. But he had that kind of lefty, kind of lumbering, but athletic. And you felt like it made sense if he scrambled for 15 yards. Tua's probably the comp now. I'm ready to do it. The best quarterbacks in a sports movie. I think Burt Reynolds is still one. Longest yard. He's like amazing. Like he's like, he's like Lamar Jackson in The Longest Yard.

• 1:00:16Speaker 05

  Kind of shouldn't count, but I get it.

• 1:00:18Bill Simmons?

  It counts. He's the star of the movie.

• 1:00:20Speaker 05

  I'm, no, I'm just saying, he played college football. He's a real football player.

• 1:00:23Bill Simmons?

  I gotta hand it to Jamie as Willie Beaman.

• 1:00:25Speaker 05

  That's one way up there. Once again, high school football player. Good one, but way up there.

• 1:00:30Bill Simmons?

  Like felt Kaepernick-y 10 minutes, 10 years before Kaepernick, like same kind of slasher, you know? Like quick throws, but also could run, athletic. At the time, it was Aaron Brooks was the comp for him.

• 1:00:42Speaker 05

  You want a fun fact? Jamie did most of that.

• 1:00:45Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:45Speaker 05

  The guy who filled in for Jamie. And some of the football stuff was a gentleman by the name of Sam George. Who. Uh, played quarterback for Southern University in Baton Rouge.

• 1:00:59Bill Simmons?

  Interesting.

• 1:01:00Speaker 05

  HBCU.

• 1:01:01Bill Simmons?

  I thought Jamie did all that shit himself.

• 1:01:03Speaker 05

  There was, he did most of it, but there were some things that, that, uh, that, that he didn't do.

• 1:01:08Bill Simmons?

  I got Ronnie Sunshine Bass up there.

• 1:01:10Speaker 05

  Way up there. Once again, real football player.

• 1:01:14Bill Simmons?

  Rifleman and All the Right Moves is my dark horse for this category. Cause he's never mentioned, but go watch All the Right Moves. Watch some of the things he's doing in that movie. It's really impressive, ahead of its time even, some people say. I got Keanu in here. Anybody else for you?

• 1:01:29Speaker 05

  James Vanderbeek.

• 1:01:31Bill Simmons?

  Really?

• 1:01:32Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:01:34Bill Simmons?

  Make the case.

• 1:01:35Speaker 05

  Okay, so.

• 1:01:36Bill Simmons?

  I, I thought he's, I, I didn't think he was good or bad. I thought he was passable.

• 1:01:41Speaker 05

  I think he did a good job. I think he did a good job. Paul Walker did a decent job as well. I know a little bit of, inside this, there's a, um. We did a movie way back in the day in Baton Rouge and one of the producers on the film was a lady named Sarah Flamm. And she was coming out there and she was like throwing the football.

• 1:01:58Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:58Speaker 05

  And she was like rifling the football. And I asked her like, you know, I mean, are you quarterback princess or something like that? By the way, you did mention Helen Hunt. Are you quarterback princess? And she goes, well, no, I did a movie called Varsity Blues. And on this movie, there was a quarterback coach that gave all the people there intensive instructions.

• 1:02:18Bill Simmons?

  Interesting.

• 1:02:19Speaker 05

  On like, like how to be a quarterback, like they really put it into it. I think when you watch the movie, James Vanderbeek, it shows, it shows to me him.

• 1:02:28Bill Simmons?

  Good tutelage.

• 1:02:28Speaker 05

  That, that he really took it seriously. I think.

• 1:02:31Bill Simmons?

  How'd you feel about Bakula?

• 1:02:33Speaker 05

  He.

• 1:02:34Bill Simmons?

  He's okay.

• 1:02:34Speaker 05

  He's okay. He, I, I bought it though. I bought it. I wouldn't put him up with the rest of the, a lot of the guys you named are actually football.

• 1:02:41Bill Simmons?

  Craig Sheffer and, uh, the program, he's fine.

• 1:02:44Speaker 05

  They didn't really.

• 1:02:45Bill Simmons?

  They didn't really unleash him that much.

• 1:02:46Speaker 05

  On him as the QB there. What about your, what about your Friday Night Lights, uh, television show? Was anybody from there?

• 1:02:52Bill Simmons?

  Well, MBJ was on that. He was good.

• 1:02:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:55Bill Simmons?

  You know what we found out this week?

• 1:02:56Speaker 05

  We boot.

• 1:02:57Bill Simmons?

  You know who's never seen one episode of Friday Night Lights?

• 1:02:59Speaker 05

  Who?

• 1:03:01Bill Simmons?

  Craig.

• 1:03:02Speaker 05

  Explain yourself.

• 1:03:04Bill Simmons?

  Craig's defense was, it came out when I was 12. I was like, well, fucking cheeseburgers came out in 1910. Do you, so you can't eat them?

• 1:03:11Speaker 06

  That is not a similar, it's not a similar argument.

• 1:03:13Bill Simmons?

  It's outrageous you haven't seen that. It hits every interest you have.

• 1:03:17Speaker 06

  I know.

• 1:03:17Bill Simmons?

  You actually care about content. You care about well-done content. You like serialized shows.

• 1:03:23Speaker 06

  What channel was it on?

• 1:03:24Bill Simmons?

  It was NBC, like barely making it, cause we didn't have streamers yet.

• 1:03:28Speaker 05

  I, I, I haven't seen the show.

• 1:03:30Bill Simmons?

  Oh. What?

• 1:03:35Bill Simmons?

  Friday Night Lights?

• 1:03:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:36Bill Simmons?

  What do you mean?

• 1:03:37Speaker 05

  I haven't seen it. I've seen an episode of it, but I didn't watch it.

• 1:03:41Speaker 06

  There are dozens of us.

• 1:03:42Speaker 05

  I didn't watch it.

• 1:03:43Bill Simmons?

  What the hell?

• 1:03:44Speaker 05

  I've seen, I've seen an episode of it. I remember I watched one episode where Michael B. Jordan was running wind sprints. And I was like.

• 1:03:52Bill Simmons?

  Outrageous.

• 1:03:53Speaker 05

  Haven't seen the Joe, this is, this is the Joanna podcast.

• 1:03:56Bill Simmons?

  Have you fucking seen all seven Superman remakes and you haven't watched Friday Night Lights?

• 1:04:01Speaker 05

  Stop coming at my culture.

• 1:04:03Bill Simmons?

  You've seen Superman 4 and you haven't seen Friday Night Lights?

• 1:04:06Speaker 05

  I've seen Superman 4 dozens of times.

• 1:04:08Bill Simmons?

  That's terrible.

• 1:04:08Speaker 05

  But I haven't seen, I haven't seen the Friday Night, Friday Night Lights show. I've seen episodes of it, but I haven't watched the show.

• 1:04:14Bill Simmons?

  It's an amazing show. Incredibly important show.

• 1:04:18Bill Simmons?

  The Fortune 3 Clap Award for most giftable moment is any crazy Jon Favreau clip, I feel like, right? Great shot order award, this movie wasn't good enough to qualify.

• 1:04:28Speaker 05

  Oh no, I got one.

• 1:04:29Bill Simmons?

  What do you got?

• 1:04:30Speaker 05

  I've, there's one, there's one little one I think is a good shot. In the, uh, the last play where Falco takes the, the, he, he pulls the, the kick and he scores.

• 1:04:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:46Speaker 05

  There's a great shot of him running and the flag coming in at the bottom.

• 1:04:52Bill Simmons?

  Oh.

• 1:04:52Speaker 05

  The flag.

• 1:04:53Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I did notice that. You're right.

• 1:04:55Speaker 05

  They don't just cut to the flag.

• 1:04:56Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Speaker 05

  The flag flashes in on the bottom of the camera, almost in real game style.

• 1:05:02Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, that's smart.

• 1:05:03Speaker 05

  Then they come back to it.

• 1:05:05Bill Simmons?

  Good call.

• 1:05:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:06Bill Simmons?

  Denethys Benihana Award for scene stealing location, probably the bar. I like the bar. I think DC has strong bars.

• 1:05:13Speaker 05

  DC, but also just RFK, right? Weren't they in RFK?

• 1:05:16Bill Simmons?

  Oh yeah. Well, but no, they were actually in Baltimore.

• 1:05:18Speaker 05

  Oh, were they? So no.

• 1:05:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:21Bill Simmons?

  Before we do Kid Cudi, we gotta take a break, cause it's an important category.

• 1:05:31Speaker 07

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• 1:06:00Bill Simmons?

  All right, Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happiness Award for Best Needle Drop. Craig theorized that 90% of the budget was spent on the music in this movie. I don't know if it was that high, but it might have been 80.

• 1:06:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Bill Simmons?

  But I really liked the Stones' "Blinded by Rainbows." So there's two songs from Voodoo Lounge, the 1994 Rolling Stones album that I would say is not considered a classic, that then featured prominently in two pop culture things that you love. One is "Blinded by Rainbows." Can you think of the other?

• 1:06:28Speaker 05

  I can't. I'm gonna try.

• 1:06:30Bill Simmons?

  Sopranos.

• 1:06:31Speaker 05

  Ah.

• 1:06:31Bill Simmons?

  Last episode, season two.

• 1:06:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:34Bill Simmons?

  The Rolling, the Keith Richards song.

• 1:06:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:38Bill Simmons?

  So I'll give you that. I'll give you "I Will Survive in Jail," or I'll give you the "We Can Be Heroes" ending.

• 1:06:43Speaker 05

  So it's probably "I Will Survive." "We Can Be Heroes" is also great, but just a little shout out to Lit Ziploc, the way the movie starts. The movie starts, literally, I thought about Craig, because he put that in the chat, but I thought about Craig when the movie, it starts off, like, right on.

• 1:06:59Bill Simmons?

  With the one of those happy, early 2000s songs.

• 1:07:01Speaker 05

  Happy, early 2000s, late 90s kind of, but I'm gonna go "I Will Survive," because it's like thematic to the movie.

• 1:07:06Bill Simmons?

  There's also, it's just the pure volume of music. There are so many songs. They're just like ripping banger song after banger song. It's like a 40-song playlist on this soundtrack. It feels like a very era-specific movie. This movie feels like it came out between 1999 and 2001, and there's, the only three years it could have come out, with how they do it.

• 1:07:24Speaker 05

  And don't they have the police, the police play?

• 1:07:27Bill Simmons?

  Every breath you take. I want to get into that later, because it's important. The Big Kahuna Burger Award, Best Use of Food and Drink, probably the Japanese guy eating the hard-boiled eggs.

• 1:07:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, that or them throwing the eggs at their car. The act millionaires are egging them, but it's definitely eggs.

• 1:07:41Bill Simmons?

  The Butch's Girlfriend Award, Weak Link of the Film, probably the premise of The Scabs or The Heroes is an interesting one in 2024.

• 1:07:48Speaker 05

  That is by far the weak link of the movie.

• 1:07:50Bill Simmons?

  They just are like, you know what? We're doing it this way.

• 1:07:53Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:07:53Bill Simmons?

  You're either with us or against us.

• 1:07:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:56Bill Simmons?

  We rarely get to give this award out. I think we've given her a three times. The Seth Rogen Katherine Hagel Award for worst chemistry.

• 1:08:07Bill Simmons?

  Keanu and Brooke Langton. Can we talk about it?

• 1:08:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:10Bill Simmons?

  I can't say it was electric between the two of them.

• 1:08:12Speaker 05

  It doesn't.

• 1:08:13Bill Simmons?

  She's trying hard. She's getting cleavage going and big smiles and wink winks and I never felt like he totally likes her.

• 1:08:20Speaker 05

  Two great look. Wait a minute. You never felt like he totally likes her?

• 1:08:24Bill Simmons?

  I never felt like he was like, I would risk everything for this lady.

• 1:08:28Speaker 05

  I feel like she just.

• 1:08:29Bill Simmons?

  I think she deserved that.

• 1:08:30Speaker 05

  I feel like at the end of it, she was just kind of, I felt like it was the opposite. She was kind of like, all right, nigga.

• 1:08:38Bill Simmons?

  It would have been controversial.

• 1:08:39Speaker 05

  You know what I'm saying? Like it would have been, but like she was just kind of like, okay, whatever.

• 1:08:43Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I think she.

• 1:08:44Speaker 05

  But he kept coming at her.

• 1:08:45Bill Simmons?

  He didn't show up for the date. I think that you're gonna break up after that. She's never forgiving that. They're going well for three months and then she has two drinks and she's like, it's like, but you didn't show up for the date that time, you motherfucker.

• 1:08:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:56Bill Simmons?

  It's over. What's age the worst?

• 1:09:02Bill Simmons?

  Ebert on Madden and Summerall. This is what he wrote. Stashes them in a booth with a couple of TV monitors, has them stand around awkwardly as if looking at a game. Sometimes they're not even looking in the same direction. I rarely get to say this, but fuck you, Raj.

• 1:09:17Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 1:09:18Bill Simmons?

  Don't go after Madden and Summerall.

• 1:09:20Speaker 05

  You can't do it.

• 1:09:21Bill Simmons?

  American treasures can't go after other American treasures. I didn't like that at all. Just stop it, Raj. And then I wrote this about Jon Favreau in 2001 and I recant it because I actually like him in this movie now and I, I wrote, how the mighty have fallen. It's impossible to overstate how dreadful Favreau is here. He makes you wince in pain during certain scenes. A career ending performance.

• 1:09:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:47Bill Simmons?

  Bad take. It's a freezing cold take.

• 1:09:49Speaker 05

  It's a freezing cold take. He's like literally one of the five most powerful guys in all fucking town.

• 1:09:53Bill Simmons?

  I take it back. The Gary Glitter song always ages the worst when you hear it in a movie. Cause he had one of the darkest Wikipedias you'll ever, you'll ever look at.

• 1:10:02Speaker 05

  Crazy, yeah.

• 1:10:03Bill Simmons?

  Alright, so tell me if this is a what's aged the best or what's aged the worst. Keanu finally makes a move on Annabelle. And they're playing the every breath you take song from the police. And then they use Madden and summar commentary.

• 1:10:16Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:10:17Bill Simmons?

  But it bleeds into the football game, which is why they're doing it. But it makes it seem like the commentary is about Shane making a move on Annabelle. Does it work or does it not work?

• 1:10:26Speaker 05

  I fucking love it.

• 1:10:27Bill Simmons?

  Okay, good.

• 1:10:27Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:10:28Bill Simmons?

  I have it in what's aged the best and the worst.

• 1:10:29Speaker 05

  I have it, it's like legitimately one of the more inventive things they do in the movie. Cause the movie is pretty paint by numbers, pretty predictable. But that's actually like pretty cool. That's like one of the, that's one of the more unique things about the movie.

• 1:10:45Bill Simmons?

  You know, in the deleted scenes, they cut to those guys and they're just in their underwear.

• 1:10:51Speaker 05

  Like watching them on monitors?

• 1:10:52Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:53Speaker 05

  That's the erotic thriller, it's about them.

• 1:10:55Bill Simmons?

  They, they mad in it.

• 1:10:56Speaker 05

  With John Madden.

• 1:10:58Bill Simmons?

  And then the last what's aged the worst, I can't think of a paragraph that's more in your wheelhouse. Wilkinson, played by Michael Jace, was afraid to go back to prison in the quicksand scene.

• 1:11:11Bill Simmons?

  And in 2016 was convicted of second degree murder in real life for murdering his wife and went to prison for 40 years.

• 1:11:19Speaker 05

  This guy went to my church. This was gonna be Van Lathan, fun fact. It was a church and I don't know if it's still going, it's called Oasis, it was on Wilshire. I was embarrassed by a friend of mine that was visiting in town because Common showed up at the church one day and he went up to take a picture with Common during the service.

• 1:11:37Bill Simmons?

  Oh no.

• 1:11:39Speaker 05

  But one time I see this guy there and he's ushering people. And it's Michael Jace. I'm like, oh my God, I know this guy. I know him from a movie.

• 1:11:49Bill Simmons?

  He's in a horror movie, right?

• 1:11:50Speaker 05

  He's been in a bunch of movies, but there was one specific movie and this is like a underrated classic that, no, it's called Thickest Thieves. The movie is with Alec Baldwin, Michael Jai White.

• 1:12:02Bill Simmons?

  Wow, I don't know this movie.

• 1:12:03Speaker 05

  It's a, and, and, um.

• 1:12:05Bill Simmons?

  Can't believe I don't know this movie.

• 1:12:06Speaker 05

  It's Michael, Michael Baldwin.

• 1:12:08Bill Simmons?

  That sounds like something got stolen and then the guys escaped, just knowing nothing.

• 1:12:12Speaker 05

  It's a movie about, uh.

• 1:12:14Bill Simmons?

  I'm gonna look this up.

• 1:12:16Speaker 05

  Alec Baldwin is, plays, I haven't seen it in a long time, but there's the mobs involved and Michael Jai White runs one part of the, um, uh, the, the underworld and these two people are like up against each other, but it's very funny, it's very cool. I think Janine, Janine Garofalo's in it just like for a little while. She played like Alec Baldwin's ex or something like that.

• 1:12:40Bill Simmons?

  The IMDb is, "A thief is betrayed after a well-done job in Detroit. Returning to Chicago, he decides on revenge, things escalate." How the fuck have I not seen this?

• 1:12:50Speaker 05

  It's really good.

• 1:12:51Bill Simmons?

  I'm outraged at myself.

• 1:12:53Speaker 05

  It's like, it's really good. It's a smaller movie. I don't know if it got theatrical relief, it, it released, it's really good. It's like Michael, Alec Baldwin is like trying to get revenge and all that stuff, whatever.

• 1:13:02Bill Simmons?

  Andre Brouwer's in it.

• 1:13:03Speaker 05

  Andre Brouwer plays, uh, Michael Jai White's number one in the movie.

• 1:13:08Bill Simmons?

  Sounds great.

• 1:13:08Speaker 05

  Michael Jase is in that movie, so I recognized him from that. And everybody was like, oh, Michael Jase, but he was like serving at the church, like ushering people and helping out and all of that stuff like that. And then one day, he got arrested for murder. It was like a thing, like with the church, talked to the guy, been around the guy a whole night.

• 1:13:26Bill Simmons?

  Can we workshop the title of this bit and maybe not call it Van Lathan's Fun Fact?

• 1:13:32Bill Simmons?

  I don't know if we can get that one sponsored.

• 1:13:33Speaker 05

  Van Lathan's Unfun Fact.

• 1:13:35Bill Simmons?

  Fun Fact, presented by Arby's.

• 1:13:37Speaker 05

  I remember it was like.

• 1:13:38Bill Simmons?

  Deep Fried Turkey Sandwich.

• 1:13:39Speaker 05

  And you know, and the, the way that I learned about this, this was one of the early TMZ moments. This was somebody that I knew and then all of a sudden it comes into TMZ and I'm standing up, I'm like, I don't fucking know that guy, but yeah, 40 years, uh, uh, murder in a second, right?

• 1:13:54Bill Simmons?

  Van Lathan's Maybe Not That Fun Fact.

• 1:13:56Speaker 05

  Maybe Not That Fun Fact.

• 1:13:59Bill Simmons?

  Was, was there a better title for this movie?

• 1:14:02Speaker 05

  Scabs.

• 1:14:04Speaker 05

  No? Nah, probably not.

• 1:14:06Bill Simmons?

  What do you think, Craig? Scabs? I like The Replacements, that's fine. The only problem is there was another movie called The Replacements, right? It's confusing. The, uh...

• 1:14:15Speaker 05

  Oh, the, um, oh, and I don't know, I don't know another movie called The Replacements.

• 1:14:18Bill Simmons?

  Ruffalo Hannah Rubinek Partridge over acting word. It's either Favreau with the give me the, I got you the ball, I got you the ball. But I really think it's Martel. Falco, it's great to see you. Now get the hell out of my locker room! He goes Pacino for a split second.

• 1:14:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, I got Orlando, I got Orlando Jones a little bit as well. Love you Orlando, but he was hamming it up in this one. And Favreau, the give me the ball thing.

• 1:14:40Bill Simmons?

  Kenny Diggott Award, most memorable quote. Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever. Great job. The CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford hottest take award. What do you got?

• 1:14:50Speaker 05

  Um, that they should actually have strippers in real NFL stadiums.

• 1:14:56Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:14:57Speaker 05

  Okay. Where gearing this stuff for kids, alright? And the reality is, is that, let's face it, we've passed the point where it's for kids. It's just not for kids anymore.

• 1:15:07Bill Simmons?

  It's not?

• 1:15:08Speaker 05

  It's not, it's not for kids.

• 1:15:09Bill Simmons?

  Didn't the XFL try to do this, basically?

• 1:15:11Speaker 05

  Perhaps, but maybe, it, it used to be, you guys can't, we know too much about the game now.

• 1:15:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:16Speaker 05

  For you to, the game, the game is a bunch of people, fuck, literally poisoning their brains.

• 1:15:22Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:15:23Speaker 05

  Right?

• 1:15:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, let's just own it.

• 1:15:24Speaker 05

  Like, yeah, it's not for, it's not for kids. If the game isn't for kids, whatever, kids look, if kids can enjoy it. I'm not saying that we put the strippers out there in front of the kids, but there should be a, an adult part of the stadium where you can get a little, you know what I'm saying? And it, and it that, I'm with that. Gambling, all of this stuff, all of this stuff is for adults. We're grownups. All of this, we're grownups. We're grownups watching this grownup sport that we like. Where guys are literally shorting in the eyes. Bring some ladies out there, let them make some money off the NFL. The strippers are making money after the games, let them make money during the games.

• 1:15:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's fir-, it's a first of a two-part day for them.

• 1:16:00Speaker 05

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 1:16:03Bill Simmons?

  Here's mine, it's not even, this isn't a typical hot take. I had a friend who was really upset that I mentioned how I wanted to do a hot take for Body Double, that Frankie goes to Hollywood, could have been queen, but I backed off. I was like, I can't do it, I can't. Because that's the whole point of the hottest take, is to say something crazy and try to defend it. I don't think this is crazy. I just don't think we've made enough football movies. And I don't know if, you know, new president, maybe, I know he's got some initiatives, he's naming a cabinet, but maybe this could be part of it.

• 1:16:37Speaker 05

  The fuck are you talking about?

• 1:16:38Bill Simmons?

  More football movies. Maybe a four-year commitment to more football movies.

• 1:16:42Speaker 05

  What are you, there are guys in this movie that could be like, actually named to his cabinet. You never know, he might-

• 1:16:48Bill Simmons?

  Maybe Trump needs a sports movie consultant, or a sports movie czar.

• 1:16:52Speaker 05

  Michael Jace on his cabinet with some of the appointments he's doing.

• 1:16:54Bill Simmons?

  Do we have enough football movies? No. The answer is no. We're like one-third where we need to be.

• 1:16:59Speaker 05

  Bill.

• 1:16:59Bill Simmons?

  I would watch 20 versions of The Replacements.

• 1:17:02Speaker 05

  The sports movie itself is in peril because we know too much about sports. The sports movies now-

• 1:17:10Bill Simmons?

  So documentaries-

• 1:17:11Speaker 05

  It's better.

• 1:17:12Bill Simmons?

  Have ruined sports movies.

• 1:17:13Speaker 05

  Because like, okay, so the sports movie now, remember like the movie that Adam Sandler had a couple of years ago, with the big guy from Spain and Anthony Edwards, Hustle?

• 1:17:21Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:21Speaker 05

  Okay, so that's a good movie.

• 1:17:22Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:23Speaker 05

  Because it's a small story, more about basketball culture than it is about the actual NBA or college basketball. High Flying Bird, movies like that. But movies about teams in sports leagues and stuff like that, they don't work as good anymore. Because the archetypes of these athletes and stuff, they've been destroyed by what we actually know about them.

• 1:17:45Bill Simmons?

  Can I pitch you a movie?

• 1:17:46Speaker 05

  Give it to me.

• 1:17:47Bill Simmons?

  You know how sometimes the rich guys can have their, their son is on like North Carolina, is like the 15th man, and they basically give money to the team, and the guy's on the team, but he never plays?

• 1:17:58Speaker 05

  Certainly.

• 1:17:59Bill Simmons?

  Lot of injuries. That kid becomes, gets into a game, does really well.

• 1:18:06Bill Simmons?

  Has to like play minutes and then it turns into a whole nepotism argument. That's all I have so far.

• 1:18:13Speaker 05

  So that's the whole movie.

• 1:18:15Bill Simmons?

  No, that's half, that's half the movie.

• 1:18:16Speaker 06

  Like Dan Hurley's kid on UConn.

• 1:18:18Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's a sports movie. I was thinking about the Gonzaga kid who got dunked on, who was the coach's son? And the kid got violently dunked on? And I was thinking, what if there was a scenario where this kid actually came into play during March Madness? And was like Ollie from Hoosiers? That's all I have so far.

• 1:18:31Speaker 05

  And he starts cooking?

• 1:18:32Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:32Speaker 05

  That's interesting.

• 1:18:33Speaker 06

  So it's all the nepo babies maybe combined for one team?

• 1:18:36Bill Simmons?

  Right. Maybe Bronny James plays the son? Well, cause he's, you want a skilled basketball player.

• 1:18:42Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:18:42Bill Simmons?

  And then you have like a whole meta element to it.

• 1:18:44Speaker 05

  I'm with it.

• 1:18:45Speaker 06

  Nepo ball.

• 1:18:46Speaker 05

  Nepo ball.

• 1:18:47Bill Simmons?

  I said the word Bronny James and Van's lip just curled. You didn't even know where it was going. You were.

• 1:18:52Speaker 05

  Not sure. The agendas.

• 1:18:56Bill Simmons?

  Casting what ifs. Couldn't find any. Not a lot of info in this movie. I can't, there was no world history. There was no like 20 years later feature. But the deaf guy became Roy from The Office, which was apparently a big deal to people who watch The Office. And then I like to think Andy Reid is the Cowboys coach in the last scene.

• 1:19:18Speaker 06

  You disparaging for, for people who watched The Office.

• 1:19:20Bill Simmons?

  I just don't watch The Office.

• 1:19:21Speaker 06

  You're mad that I haven't seen Friday Night Lights and you're disparaging The Office?

• 1:19:26Bill Simmons?

  I like to pretend Andy Reid is the Cowboys coach in the end. They cut to him a couple of times and he looks like Andy Reid.

• 1:19:32Speaker 05

  You know what? I forgot something at age the worst.

• 1:19:35Bill Simmons?

  Oh, what is it? Andy Reid?

• 1:19:36Speaker 05

  No, he aged actually the best.

• 1:19:38Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:19:40Speaker 05

  Coach is wearing suits.

• 1:19:43Speaker 05

  When I watched this, remember Austin was talking about coaches need to wear suits? Everything Austin says, people go fucking nuts. But like, but like coaches, like coaches wearing suits. When I saw him on the sideline, I was like, oh, coaches used to wear suits.

• 1:19:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:57Speaker 05

  For some reason, when you say Andy Reid.

• 1:19:59Bill Simmons?

  You know who ruined that? Mike Nolan on the San Francisco 49ers. He made a big thing about suits and fedoras and the team sucked.

• 1:20:05Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:20:06Bill Simmons?

  And he got fired in like two years and people were like, we're done with that. Hey, we don't get, get to this out that often. The Van Lathan word for this movie need more black people.

• 1:20:15Speaker 05

  Uh, no.

• 1:20:17Bill Simmons?

  Pretty, pretty well represented.

• 1:20:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Best that guy. Michael Jace doesn't qualify.

• 1:20:22Speaker 05

  No, he's out.

• 1:20:23Bill Simmons?

  The assistant coach, who's, looks like a chubby Ed O'Neill.

• 1:20:26Speaker 05

  Oh, he's been around a lot.

• 1:20:28Bill Simmons?

  He's one of those guys?

• 1:20:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:29Bill Simmons?

  His name's Art LaFleur. But I think the winner is Eddie Martel. He's played by some guy named Brett Cullen. I can't name one other thing I've seen him in. If I see him in anything, I just think he's Eddie Martel.

• 1:20:40Speaker 05

  But he's been in a lot of shit, though.

• 1:20:41Bill Simmons?

  But did you know his name?

• 1:20:42Speaker 05

  I didn't. What do I know? What's his, this wouldn't be-

• 1:20:45Bill Simmons?

  You know him as Eddie Martel. You'd be like, oh my god, that's Eddie Martel.

• 1:20:47Speaker 05

  I'm, I'm trying to think.

• 1:20:48Bill Simmons?

  He's a that guy.

• 1:20:49Speaker 05

  He, he's definitely a that guy. But I think he's a that guy from a different movie. I think, I think of him as somebody from a different movie. I can't think of the movie, though. I, I'm thinking of a Western that I know him from.

• 1:20:59Bill Simmons?

  He's somewhere.

• 1:21:00Speaker 05

  They might trip it, but yeah. What about Faison Love?

• 1:21:02Bill Simmons?

  I think he's Faison Love.

• 1:21:03Speaker 05

  Nah, Faison Love got too much juice to be, yeah. I feel like my, people my age just see him as the guy from, who plays Santa in Elf. But Faison Love, remember, Faison Love-

• 1:21:12Bill Simmons?

  I think he's Faison Love.

• 1:21:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, he, he, you know, you, people from my age think of him as Big Worm from Friday. Friday, yeah. So, you know.

• 1:21:18Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he's been in many things. Dion Waiters Award. I'll give you Madden and Summerall. I'll give you Jack Warden as the owner, and I'll give you the winners, the two stripper cheerleaders.

• 1:21:25Speaker 05

  The two stripper cheerleaders are up there. I feel like this is-

• 1:21:28Bill Simmons?

  They're gonna be in the bracket, Craig.

• 1:21:30Speaker 05

  I, I, I feel like they're up there.

• 1:21:32Bill Simmons?

  We're doing a Dion Waiters bracket, like March Madness style.

• 1:21:34Speaker 05

  You don't feel like Madden and Summerall are the clear winners here, though?

• 1:21:38Bill Simmons?

  Over the two stripper cheerleaders?

• 1:21:41Speaker 05

  I get it. I get it. But Madden and Summerall-

• 1:21:44Bill Simmons?

  They're pretty great.

• 1:21:44Speaker 05

  They're pretty great on-

• 1:21:45Bill Simmons?

  Co-winners.

• 1:21:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:21:46Bill Simmons?

  First time ever Madden and Summerall get to share something with two stripper cheerleaders.

• 1:21:51Speaker 05

  We don't know what happened on the road.

• 1:21:52Bill Simmons?

  Recasting Couch Director City.

• 1:21:57Bill Simmons?

  We gotta get a different Eddie Martel. I feel like we could've done better. I'll give you a couple of choices. Matt Dillon?

• 1:22:03Speaker 05

  Oh, that works.

• 1:22:05Bill Simmons?

  Steven Weber? Single-way female?

• 1:22:07Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:09Bill Simmons?

  The guy who's getting the blowjob at the end?

• 1:22:10Speaker 05

  Yeah. Guy, I, I'm gonna tell her from, um, uh-

• 1:22:14Bill Simmons?

  From Wings?

• 1:22:14Speaker 05

  From Wings, yeah, on NBC.

• 1:22:16Bill Simmons?

  David Duchovny?

• 1:22:18Speaker 05

  Doesn't have the football player type.

• 1:22:20Bill Simmons?

  Alright, so you like Matt Dillon?

• 1:22:21Speaker 05

  Matt Dillon or Steven Weber works, too.

• 1:22:23Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:22:25Bill Simmons?

  Romo Collinsworth or someone else for the director's commentary? I gotta be honest, we don't need other announcers. Madden and Summerall are so good in this, I don't know if I would put another announcer in this. Not even Ryan Ruko.

• 1:22:37Speaker 05

  No, Madden and Summerall were perfect. Those guys are the goats at what they do. Everybody's chasing them, yeah.

• 1:22:42Bill Simmons?

  Half-Assed Internet Research, so Shane Falco's meltdown in the 1996 Super Bowl.

• 1:22:49Speaker 05

  Sugar Bowl.

• 1:22:50Bill Simmons?

  Sugar Bowl. I literally have Sugar Bowl in my notes and somehow fucked that up anyway. There was no Sugar Bowl in 96. They played on December 31st, 95, and they played on January 2nd, 97.

• 1:23:05Speaker 05

  Oh wow.

• 1:23:06Bill Simmons?

  So maybe they used 96 because there was no Sugar Bowl that year.

• 1:23:09Speaker 05

  Maybe so. Something else that, you know who he lost to in the game?

• 1:23:14Bill Simmons?

  Who?

• 1:23:15Speaker 05

  In the Sugar Bowl?

• 1:23:15Bill Simmons?

  That was you?

• 1:23:16Speaker 05

  Nah, he lost to, he, Shane Falco lost to Florida State. Which you talk about something that-

• 1:23:22Bill Simmons?

  Has aged the worst?

• 1:23:23Speaker 05

  Woo!

• 1:23:24Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:24Speaker 05

  Nobody is losing to Florida State right now.

• 1:23:27Bill Simmons?

  Are they going to D3, you think?

• 1:23:31Speaker 05

  Florida State is an all-time hell right now.

• 1:23:35Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, tough one. Keanu gained 23 pounds for his role as Shane Falco. And then apparently in the "I Will Survive" dance scene, Keanu is replaced by a stunt double.

• 1:23:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:23:46Bill Simmons?

  Who's hiding his face. I don't know if that means Keanu can't dance, or maybe he was sick. I find it hard to believe he can't dance. He does all the John Wick Matrix stuff, he can't dance? Can do like-

• 1:23:56Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 1:23:56Bill Simmons?

  10-minute fight scenes, can't dance?

• 1:23:58Speaker 05

  Maybe he couldn't, there are times when you see and it looks like he could be struggling a little bit. The Electric Slide isn't for the weak.

• 1:24:05Bill Simmons?

  Apex Mountain, not a lot of candidates here. Keanu, no. Brook Langton, no. I still think it's Melrose Place. Madden and Summerall, no. Jack Warden, no. You just, it's no's around, except for throwing a trophy football underwater. I'd never seen that before.

• 1:24:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:24:24Bill Simmons?

  Scabs?

• 1:24:25Speaker 05

  Scabs, movies about scabs.

• 1:24:27Bill Simmons?

  Movies about scabs, definitely.

• 1:24:29Speaker 05

  Celebrate scabs. If you think about, any movie about labor celebrates labor. Celebrates, like Norma Rae-

• 1:24:36Bill Simmons?

  Norma Rae, yeah.

• 1:24:37Speaker 05

  Yeah. This is the apex mountain of movies about scabs that I can think about.

• 1:24:42Bill Simmons?

  21st century football movies?

• 1:24:44Speaker 05

  Remember the Titans. Remember the Titans.

• 1:24:48Bill Simmons?

  Mentioning it, yeah.

• 1:24:51Bill Simmons?

  I think it's probably Friday Night Lights. But you could also talk me into Remember the Titans.

• 1:24:55Speaker 05

  Remember the Titans.

• 1:24:56Bill Simmons?

  Which goes back to my original point, all these movies are early 2000s.

• 1:25:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:25:01Bill Simmons?

  Like, we haven't had anything since. All right, one more break and then we're doing Cruiser Hanks.

• 1:25:41Bill Simmons?

  Well, this is one of the best Cruiser Hankses we've ever had.

• 1:25:45Speaker 05

  I agree.

• 1:25:46Bill Simmons?

  Cruz as Shane Falco is unbelievable. I also feel like 80s Hanks could have played Shane Falco, but I'm going with Cruz. And I think he's the right answer.

• 1:25:54Speaker 05

  I think he's the clear answer. Either guy could have done it, but...

• 1:25:58Bill Simmons?

  This is an amazing Cruz. This is basically Cocktail crossed with Cruz being a replacement strike quarterback.

• 1:26:05Speaker 05

  Nothing to Keanu, love him.

• 1:26:06Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:07Speaker 05

  If Cruz is in this movie, it makes $150 million.

• 1:26:10Bill Simmons?

  I think more.

• 1:26:11Speaker 05

  You think so?

• 1:26:12Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, 200 million.

• 1:26:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:26:13Bill Simmons?

  I don't, I don't think he could have thrown up the throwing scenes. I'm just judging from War of the Worlds, when he's trying to throw the baseball. I don't know if he could have done the quarterback stuff.

• 1:26:21Speaker 05

  He is also very small.

• 1:26:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. He would have to be like a Kyler Murray.

• 1:26:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's gonna scramble in a round, it's gonna be a hole.

• 1:26:28Bill Simmons?

  That's why he lost the Sugar Bowl because...

• 1:26:30Speaker 05

  That's why he didn't get drafted.

• 1:26:31Bill Simmons?

  Killed, he didn't get drafted, he's too short.

• 1:26:33Speaker 05

  He's too small for the, for the game.

• 1:26:34Bill Simmons?

  There's Doug Flutie biases, remember Doug Flutie didn't get a job for a while? I think it's Cruz. Racehorse, rock band, wrestler, fantasy team name, Wild Yams is pretty good.

• 1:26:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, Wild Yams.

• 1:26:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:44Speaker 05

  I just had Yams, but...

• 1:26:46Bill Simmons?

  Pickin' Nets.

• 1:26:47Speaker 05

  I like Yams.

• 1:26:48Bill Simmons?

  So Shane's All-American Trophy is just at the bottom of the ocean, under a boat?

• 1:26:53Speaker 05

  He obviously threw it there.

• 1:26:55Bill Simmons?

  Nothing happened to it? It's just still there?

• 1:26:57Speaker 05

  He, I mean, what do you mean, nothing happened to it?

• 1:27:00Bill Simmons?

  Why did he throw it there? Was that his boat?

• 1:27:03Speaker 05

  Well, he was, he, he's cleaning boats, but he also lives out there. So I think the-

• 1:27:09Bill Simmons?

  So he got drunk and threw his trophy out?

• 1:27:11Speaker 05

  He got drunk, or he's moving on for football, whatever.

• 1:27:13Bill Simmons?

  Wouldn't have sold the trophy. We have eBay in 2000.

• 1:27:15Speaker 05

  He threw his trophy down there. The only question is, him seeing his trophy and then wanting to play with it again, after that, maybe, but he, it's clear he threw the trophy off the boat into the ocean.

• 1:27:27Bill Simmons?

  So they have a strike. The players go on strike. The cheerleaders also went on strike?

• 1:27:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, the cheerleaders quit.

• 1:27:31Bill Simmons?

  The cheerleaders are in the National Football League Players Union?

• 1:27:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, solidarity.

• 1:27:36Bill Simmons?

  What?

• 1:27:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, they decided to do it, whatever.

• 1:27:40Bill Simmons?

  Nigel Gruff kicks a 65-yard field goal to win the game, which would have been a record by two yards. Like, maybe go 61. Like, settle down. You're not beating Tom Dempsey in 2000. Shane Falco is recovering onside kicks? He's out there in that formation?

• 1:27:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:27:56Bill Simmons?

  No, he's on the other side. He's trying to get the onside kick.

• 1:27:59Speaker 05

  Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. Well, oh, yeah, no, he's on, yeah, he's on the receiving, wait, he's trying to get it. Oh, he's on the kickoff team.

• 1:28:05Bill Simmons?

  Their onside kicking team, he's on the kickoff team. He's the quarterback. They're not doing that.

• 1:28:11Bill Simmons?

  Why wouldn't Shane have stayed on as backup QB for the last game?

• 1:28:14Speaker 05

  Why did he leave?

• 1:28:17Bill Simmons?

  They only had one QB?

• 1:28:18Speaker 05

  They, by the way, that's another thing. He's their starting QB and their holder, which I, which happens sometimes. Hadn't, hadn't, hadn't happened since Romo, right? Nobody else is-

• 1:28:28Bill Simmons?

  Romo killed it.

• 1:28:29Speaker 05

  Romo killed it. But he just decides, okay, I'm too good to be the backup. And they don't seem to have a backup quarterback on the team. They seem to be one deep at quarterback.

• 1:28:38Bill Simmons?

  It's a hole. Again, sports movie consultant agency fixes that pretty quick.

• 1:28:44Bill Simmons?

  Why does Eddie Martel care about Annabelle the bartender in that scene where she's like, "She's too good for you, Shane"? Are there like five scenes missing? Why is he involved? Did he used to date her?

• 1:28:55Speaker 05

  He's, yeah.

• 1:28:55Bill Simmons?

  And if he did used to date her, why not have that scene?

• 1:28:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, something got cut. Something got cut because-

• 1:29:00Bill Simmons?

  But put it back.

• 1:29:01Speaker 05

  He just throws that out there as if he cares about who she sees or whatever. And, and he also-

• 1:29:07Bill Simmons?

  Well, obviously they dated.

• 1:29:08Speaker 05

  I know, but he also knows that they've got something going on, which there's no indication in the movie that anybody knows that, really.

• 1:29:16Bill Simmons?

  Right. It's a whole. My guess is it was another cliche scene and they're like, we're already at eight. We can also have Eddie Martel dating Keanu's new girlfriend.

• 1:29:26Speaker 05

  There could have been like a whole storyline where Keanu doesn't go to meet her because he finds out that she's slept with Eddie Martel as well. Or maybe Eddie Martel is the reason why she doesn't date football players, especially quarterbacks?

• 1:29:41Bill Simmons?

  That's, I mean, that's clearly the answer.

• 1:29:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:29:47Bill Simmons?

  Why did Madden and Summerall announce every Washington game? They didn't move them around. There wasn't a Giants game, just four straight weeks of their doing Washington games?

• 1:29:54Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:29:55Bill Simmons?

  Thought it was suspicious. It could have worked in Gus Johnson maybe for a game? All right, here's the big one. Well, do you have other ones?

• 1:30:02Speaker 05

  I have a huge one.

• 1:30:04Bill Simmons?

  It might be the same one.

• 1:30:05Speaker 05

  Only team with replacements?

• 1:30:08Bill Simmons?

  Well, they say how Dallas' whole team crossed.

• 1:30:11Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:30:11Bill Simmons?

  So we're supposed to think the whole league was using replacement players, right?

• 1:30:15Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, except for the fact that they play other guys and they list off their accolades.

• 1:30:24Bill Simmons?

  Yep.

• 1:30:25Speaker 05

  They say this guy did this. So maybe that was just Dallas.

• 1:30:28Bill Simmons?

  Maybe.

• 1:30:28Speaker 05

  Maybe that was just Dallas, but like the movie actually, the whole movie is actually a huge nit. But it is. But that was my big one. My big one was, it was unclear to me how many teams were actually using.

• 1:30:45Bill Simmons?

  We're missing a SportsCenter scene where like Rich Eisen's telling us how 240 of the 300, whatever, offensive players or scabs or whatever.

• 1:30:57Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:30:58Bill Simmons?

  Here's the big one.

• 1:30:58Speaker 05

  One more thing for me.

• 1:30:59Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:31:02Speaker 05

  Shane Falco fucks off one college football game. Like what kind of, what, what, what kind of prospect was he? He fucks off one college football game.

• 1:31:12Bill Simmons?

  So I have this an unanswerable question.

• 1:31:16Bill Simmons?

  How bad was his box score in that game?

• 1:31:18Speaker 05

  It doesn't matter how bad it was.

• 1:31:20Bill Simmons?

  We know he lost by forty-five points.

• 1:31:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:31:23Bill Simmons?

  Would you say over/under five and a half turnovers? You're going over or under?

• 1:31:27Speaker 05

  Well, they lost forty-five to nothing, so he had to give them some points.

• 1:31:31Bill Simmons?

  So if I said, he, two lost fumbles,

• 1:31:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:31:35Bill Simmons?

  three picks, plus a pick-six.

• 1:31:37Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:31:37Bill Simmons?

  Six turnovers.

• 1:31:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:31:39Bill Simmons?

  And a fumble touchdown and a pick-six is two of the six turnovers?

• 1:31:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:31:44Bill Simmons?

  And it's so bad that he literally can't get drafted?

• 1:31:47Speaker 05

  So no one drafts him?

• 1:31:49Bill Simmons?

  Does he take a shit on the field?

• 1:31:50Speaker 05

  What's like?

• 1:31:52Bill Simmons?

  He gets hit, he just like loses his bowels? Like, what's the worst thing that could happen to him in this game?

• 1:31:57Speaker 05

  To where he just, to where no one touches him, he didn't even-

• 1:31:59Bill Simmons?

  Does he start crying?

• 1:32:00Speaker 05

  He doesn't even get a-

• 1:32:01Bill Simmons?

  Like a little league World Series person?

• 1:32:02Speaker 05

  Does he walk off the field during the game?

• 1:32:04Bill Simmons?

  Leave the game?

• 1:32:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:32:08Bill Simmons?

  Here's my biggest nitpick.

• 1:32:11Bill Simmons?

  Shane Falcon watches the first half of the big game on his boat.

• 1:32:14Speaker 05

  Uh huh.

• 1:32:15Bill Simmons?

  And the half ends, and Gene Hackman's coming off the field, and they're like, "What happened the first half? What are you missing?" He's like, "Heart." Shane Falcon's watch is like, "Heart, right here." Shane Falcon turns off the TV, he's at the dock. Three minutes later, he's in the locker room.

• 1:32:33Bill Simmons?

  A, how close was the dock to the football stadium? B, even if you get there, you gotta park in the players' parking lot, you're running through. It's twenty-five minutes minimum.

• 1:32:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:32:45Bill Simmons?

  Right?

• 1:32:45Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:32:45Bill Simmons?

  He's there in four minutes. And they're like, "We hope, we hope nobody notices this." Well, it's like, guess what? You're on TNT now for twenty-four fucking years. It's absurd. Should've left at the end of the first quarter.

• 1:32:56Speaker 05

  This is why we need Mallory. Because the only question I have is, if this is Baltimore.

• 1:33:03Bill Simmons?

  Well, it's Washington and Baltimore, yeah.

• 1:33:05Speaker 05

  Washington and Baltimore.

• 1:33:06Bill Simmons?

  Baltimore pretending to be Washington.

• 1:33:07Speaker 05

  That fucking changes it then.

• 1:33:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:08Speaker 05

  Because, I don't know, I was gonna say maybe if it's Baltimore, then you're around the bay-

• 1:33:14Bill Simmons?

  It's twenty-five minutes minimum.

• 1:33:15Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah, I tried.

• 1:33:16Bill Simmons?

  So the move should've been, if, if we were the sports movie consulting agency on this one, it'd be like, "No, make it so a Gene Hackman interview at the end of the first quarter."

• 1:33:24Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:33:24Bill Simmons?

  When it's seventeen-nothing. Then he turns off the TV and leaves and gets-

• 1:33:27Speaker 05

  But he's listening to the game on the radio, so he could hear it kinda like in Moneyball.

• 1:33:32Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:32Speaker 05

  Where Brad Pitt is listening to the game, he goes back, you know?

• 1:33:36Bill Simmons?

  Sequel, prequel, prestige TV, all black cast or untouchable.

• 1:33:40Speaker 05

  Leave it alone.

• 1:33:42Bill Simmons?

  Prestige TV you could talk me into.

• 1:33:44Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:33:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Like, uh, like, you know how they do American Sports Story? And it's like, this, this season, it's Aaron Hernandez. Maybe it's just every season's about scab replacement players.

• 1:33:56Bill Simmons?

  We just do it that way.

• 1:33:59Bill Simmons?

  Is this movie better with Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Sid Goldberg, Sam Jackson, JT Walsh, Nell, Byron Mayo, Harling Mays, Eva Laffey, Ramon Raymond, Long Legs, or Philip Baker Hall?

• 1:34:13Bill Simmons?

  Can I give you Sam Jackson as the defensive assistant?

• 1:34:16Speaker 05

  Go ahead and go for the Sam Jackson. Go for it.

• 1:34:19Bill Simmons?

  The movie needs Sam Jackson.

• 1:34:20Speaker 05

  I agree. Give, give it to us.

• 1:34:22Bill Simmons?

  Deep Blue Sea cameo Sam Jackson? He's just four scenes. Sam, here's a million dollars. Just four scenes, two days.

• 1:34:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:34:30Bill Simmons?

  Just stand on the sidelines and be like, what the fuck are we doing? And do a couple Sam Jackson things.

• 1:34:34Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 1:34:35Bill Simmons?

  What do you want him to do?

• 1:34:36Speaker 05

  No. I want you to do something. It's a new America. Things are different now.

• 1:34:41Bill Simmons?

  Sam Jackson is Hackman.

• 1:34:43Speaker 05

  No. Give us your best Sam Jackson. When, when this other, when this, when this, when this.

• 1:34:48Bill Simmons?

  It's a new America. What does that mean?

• 1:34:50Speaker 05

  When this, you know what the fuck I'm talking about. We're like, when, when this, when this happens, I normally get my man CR, CR somewhere. I normally get a voice. You gotta give us a Sam Jackson.

• 1:35:05Bill Simmons?

  So maybe.

• 1:35:10Bill Simmons?

  Maybe at halftime, Shane Falco comes in. And he's like, oh, I got it. And Eddie Martel says, get out of the locker room. We go back and forth. And then Sam Jackson turns to Eddie Martel and goes, I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing!

• 1:35:25Speaker 05

  I like it. I like it. That's it.

• 1:35:28Bill Simmons?

  It's got five lines. Just one Oscar who gets it. I'm gonna go with the rare nobody. There are no Oscars given out for this movie.

• 1:35:36Speaker 05

  I want to go with nobody, but if you had to do it, in the spirit, Hackman is the only person taking the movie seriously.

• 1:35:43Bill Simmons?

  Probably an answerable questions. We did Shane Falco's box score. What kind of? What kind of business was this for Annabelle? This bar that she had that she had to close every time there's a football game? I'm just worried about her financially.

• 1:35:58Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:35:58Bill Simmons?

  So I would think the football game would be a big night at the bar.

• 1:36:01Speaker 05

  Are we sure that she's the only person that works there though?

• 1:36:03Bill Simmons?

  She's literally the only, they didn't even have like, like bar backs or another bartender or busboys, anything.

• 1:36:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:36:10Bill Simmons?

  She's closing it herself. There's no bouncer.

• 1:36:13Speaker 05

  I made up a whole backstory.

• 1:36:14Bill Simmons?

  Whoa, okay, what is it?

• 1:36:16Speaker 05

  So Annabelle is the owner's daughter. But not through his marriage.

• 1:36:22Bill Simmons?

  Illegitimate.

• 1:36:23Speaker 05

  Boom. Annabelle is the owner's illegitimate daughter.

• 1:36:27Bill Simmons?

  We made Annabelle so much interesting just in this podcast. She's dated Eddie Martel.

• 1:36:31Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:36:31Bill Simmons?

  She's gonna turn into Fatal Attraction. She's the owner's daughter. That's great. I love it.

• 1:36:34Speaker 05

  He gave her a bar. She wants to be close to him, so she cheerleads also to bother him a little bit.

• 1:36:40Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:41Speaker 05

  So she doesn't really need the money when the bar closes for the games.

• 1:36:44Bill Simmons?

  Best use of every breath you take. I will give you Stranger Things, Billions, Risky Business, The Replacements, or Sopranos, first episode, season three.

• 1:36:54Speaker 05

  Sopranos, first episode, season three by a mile.

• 1:36:56Bill Simmons?

  That's my answer as well.

• 1:36:58Speaker 05

  I'll listen to Risky Business though.

• 1:36:59Bill Simmons?

  Okay. Best double feature choice. So you go Unnecessary Roughness right into this, so you can compare and contrast.

• 1:37:06Speaker 05

  No, I, I thought about it, but I actually go Any Given Sunday. Because these are the last gasps of the NFL football movie. Yeah.

• 1:37:13Bill Simmons?

  You could also talk me into Hardball, the Keanu double, the Keanu double feature.

• 1:37:17Speaker 05

  Double feature. Did he do another sports movie after, did he? These are his only two sports movies, Hardball and this one.

• 1:37:22Bill Simmons?

  It's Point Break Count? No.

• 1:37:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, it is. It's Surfing and Football. Kind of, yeah.

• 1:37:27Bill Simmons?

  The Indian Reds, Zouan Airword, would happen the next day. So what does Shane Falco's next few years of his career look like? He's 26 or 27. Looked pretty good in these replacement games.

• 1:37:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:37:38Bill Simmons?

  Can he catch on as a backup for like, in Pittsburgh, he's Cordell Stewart, third string quarterback. Maybe get some time for like a year and a half.

• 1:37:47Speaker 06

  He gets a Matt Flynn like deal.

• 1:37:49Bill Simmons?

  Matt Flynn, yeah, maybe starts three games.

• 1:37:51Speaker 06

  Out of the league in three years.

• 1:37:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:37:52Bill Simmons?

  The Lions get excited about him. I feel like he has at least 10 NFL starts.

• 1:37:58Speaker 05

  I have Shane Falco Fonz FanDuel.

• 1:38:02Bill Simmons?

  Interesting.

• 1:38:03Speaker 05

  Goes a different way. He talks to the guy about gambling, the kicker.

• 1:38:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:08Speaker 05

  They start talking about it. He gets in on the ground floor.

• 1:38:10Bill Simmons?

  His wheels start turning?

• 1:38:11Speaker 05

  Wheels start turning. He's, he's, he's giving the picks right now. It's combine this movie with Two For the Money. That's his future.

• 1:38:19Bill Simmons?

  I like it. What piece of memorability would you want from this movie? The Shane Falco jersey would be pretty great.

• 1:38:26Speaker 05

  I want the trophy.

• 1:38:27Bill Simmons?

  Trophy's great.

• 1:38:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:38:29Bill Simmons?

  I like the hat.

• 1:38:31Speaker 05

  Oh, the hat?

• 1:38:31Bill Simmons?

  That would be good. Yeah, that Washington hat.

• 1:38:33Speaker 05

  Their merch is cool.

• 1:38:34Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I like their merch.

• 1:38:38Bill Simmons?

  Coach Finstock award for best life lesson, pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever. Who won the movie?

• 1:38:45Speaker 05

  This is a tough one.

• 1:38:47Bill Simmons?

  I had a lot of, I didn't, I put question marks.

• 1:38:49Speaker 05

  This is a tough one.

• 1:38:50Bill Simmons?

  I don't feel like Keanu won it.

• 1:38:52Speaker 05

  I don't feel like he won it either. This is the most.

• 1:38:55Bill Simmons?

  Can we say Brooke Langton won it? I think everybody loves her in this movie and I, I think the, the common refrain is like, why didn't? So she was in Swinger, she was in Melrose Place. She was, she had like a 10 year run.

• 1:39:07Speaker 05

  This is the most, this is the least leady part from a leading man I've ever seen. I don't feel like Keanu won, won this movie. If anything, scabs won it, but I could go for it.

• 1:39:18Bill Simmons?

  Stripper cheerleaders?

• 1:39:19Speaker 05

  Stripper cheerleaders could win it. I'm into that.

• 1:39:22Bill Simmons?

  Who won the movie, Craig?

• 1:39:23Speaker 06

  I, I finished this movie because of Brooke. I probably would have bailed had she not been in this film.

• 1:39:30Speaker 05

  Desperate to know what you think.

• 1:39:31Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, all right, let's hear it.

• 1:39:32Speaker 06

  Um, this one might be only a rewatchable because it's not a watchable.

• 1:39:37Bill Simmons?

  It's not a first time watch.

• 1:39:39Speaker 06

  You can't watch this movie for the first time in 2024. And honestly, it's not even because of like the problematic stuff like.

• 1:39:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:44Speaker 06

  There are plenty of movies that have problematic stuff that came out a long time ago that you can still watch now and appreciate. This one, this one's just not good. This one's like.

• 1:39:54Speaker 06

  This is like someone else's hand me down.

• 1:39:56Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:57Speaker 06

  You know?

• 1:39:57Bill Simmons?

  This was my reaction when I saw it in 2000.

• 1:39:59Speaker 05

  Right, it's no.

• 1:40:00Bill Simmons?

  It's like, this movie's not good.

• 1:40:01Speaker 05

  They didn't really try that hard.

• 1:40:02Speaker 06

  There's no charm for me. It's somebody else giving me a hand me down from their family. And I'm like, this doesn't mean anything to me.

• 1:40:08Speaker 05

  What is your favorite older football movie? Have you liked?

• 1:40:12Speaker 06

  This movie came out the same time as, it came out a month before Remember the Titans. That's my favorite sports movie. That and like Sandlot, probably.

• 1:40:18Bill Simmons?

  So this is why we, we call it the wear me down rewatchable.

• 1:40:21Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:40:22Bill Simmons?

  But it took, it took literally seven, eight years for me to admit that I kind of secretly enjoyed this movie.

• 1:40:27Speaker 06

  I think the reason why this movie is weird is because it's like trying to be dodgeball and also a little bit of Remember the Titans. And it doesn't pick a side. I think, I think Remember the Titans and Sandlot and a lot of those movies have like real values you can take from it. This movie doesn't have any of that.

• 1:40:42Bill Simmons?

  But this is what the early 90s sports movies were like.

• 1:40:45Speaker 06

  But then they should have just leaned in and like, I think Gene Hackman is miscast. I think it actually, they should have went even sillier and just made it completely slapstick. Cause Hackman tries to reel you back in and make it a real movie and it's not.

• 1:40:55Speaker 05

  I agree with that.

• 1:40:56Bill Simmons?

  This movie doesn't know what it is.

• 1:40:58Speaker 05

  It doesn't. It kind of don't know what they're, what movie they're making. Cause even the Sand, the Sandlot is a movie where a lot of funny stuff happens.

• 1:41:03Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 1:41:03Speaker 05

  But the Sandlot is really about something.

• 1:41:05Speaker 06

  It's coming of age.

• 1:41:06Speaker 05

  Coming of age.

• 1:41:07Bill Simmons?

  And yet, it came out a month ago after a basketball game. And both of us started watching it.

• 1:41:14Speaker 05

  Oh, I liked the movie.

• 1:41:15Bill Simmons?

  How did it break us down is the recurring question of this.

• 1:41:18Speaker 05

  You know what the reality is? And you know, it gets thrown around a lot. A movie just doesn't have to be good for you to like it.

• 1:41:25Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:25Speaker 05

  You can like a movie for all kinds of reasons. It can be amusing. It can be funny in spots. This movie is not a good movie, but it is incredibly watchable.

• 1:41:35Speaker 06

  Most, most pieces of content are just tied to when you saw it and how it made you feel and what age you were. It's like why you, people's favorite music is always the music they listened to when they were in high school or college. It doesn't mean it's the best.

• 1:41:45Speaker 05

  But it's, but, but it, this is, this movie is funny though.

• 1:41:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:41:49Speaker 05

  It, it's, I mean, to, to me. It's funny. It's like, she's beautiful. It has stuff to look at. I like Keanu Reeves. I like Gene Hackman. It's not a movie I won't watch.

• 1:42:00Bill Simmons?

  The, the big sign to me is that TNT, TBS, like it just, it's still on.

• 1:42:06Speaker 05

  Cause people still want to watch it.

• 1:42:07Bill Simmons?

  People still watch it cause they study this shit and they're like, every time we put the replacements on, it keeps whatever rating.

• 1:42:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:42:13Speaker 06

  Also, I, I, I just thought about this when you guys were talking, so I could be wrong. This might not be fully baked. But I think sports movies about professional sports are worse. You know?

• 1:42:23Bill Simmons?

  You mean worse like in life or just like?

• 1:42:26Speaker 06

  No, like the movie's just not as good. I feel like it's harder to work. Everyone's older. If it's about professional sports, the characters are older. There's like a business element that's not that fun. It's not coming of age. When I think to all the best sports movies, they're always about kids or like college.

• 1:42:40Bill Simmons?

  High school or college.

• 1:42:41Speaker 05

  High school or college, yeah.

• 1:42:42Bill Simmons?

  Like you loved Rudy.

• 1:42:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, Rudy. What's the best pro sports movie?

• 1:42:47Bill Simmons?

  None of them have 100% worked. Any Given Sunday?

• 1:42:50Speaker 06

  Major League?

• 1:42:51Speaker 05

  Oh, Major League.

• 1:42:52Bill Simmons?

  Oh, you're saying any sport?

• 1:42:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, any sport.

• 1:42:54Speaker 05

  Oh, Major League is my father bested.

• 1:42:56Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:42:56Speaker 05

  Major League, but you know what?

• 1:42:57Bill Simmons?

  Oh, slapshot?

• 1:42:58Speaker 05

  I'd say that like about movies, if you're talking about baseball movies though, baseball movies might be better when they're about pro baseball.

• 1:43:07Speaker 06

  Well, it's because there is no, college baseball's not a thing that people follow.

• 1:43:11Speaker 05

  The natural.

• 1:43:12Speaker 06

  Or you have to go down to kids.

• 1:43:13Bill Simmons?

  Where do you stand on Eddie?

• 1:43:15Speaker 05

  The fucking movie with the-

• 1:43:16Bill Simmons?

  The Whoopi Goldberg coaches the Knicks, comes out of the stands movie.

• 1:43:20Speaker 05

  Um.

• 1:43:20Bill Simmons?

  That's kind of like this movie to me where there was this silly sports movie era that kept going until, I don't know, early 2000s.

• 1:43:28Speaker 05

  Where do you stand on Celtic Pride?

• 1:43:30Bill Simmons?

  It's terrible. It's really bad. I would say if it was about any team, it's just not a good movie.

• 1:43:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:43:36Bill Simmons?

  It's not a fun hang.

• 1:43:37Speaker 05

  It's a weird one, yeah.

• 1:43:38Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I don't really like it.

• 1:43:39Speaker 06

  Also, this movie's two hours. Why is this movie two hours long? This movie needs to be 140 minutes.

• 1:43:45Bill Simmons?

  Craig, Craig and Ebert.

• 1:43:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:43:47Bill Simmons?

  You know what's funny? Craig's gonna text me like six years from now. He's like, you know what, Replacements was on tonight. I'm kinda in now.

• 1:43:54Speaker 06

  I'm on Pluto and I'm drunk. Replacements.

• 1:43:56Bill Simmons?

  I'm on Elon's rocket, watching the replacements.

• 1:44:00Speaker 06

  No, I'm talking about the streaming service, not the planet.

• 1:44:03Bill Simmons?

  Eating ice cream pellets.

• 1:44:06Bill Simmons?

  Pluto the planet. Oh, you couldn't tell me either Pluto. All right, that's it for the Rewatchables, produced by Craig Krowback. You can watch this on the Ringer Movies YouTube channel. Thanks to Van Lathan. See you next week.

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