Give Yourself a Year to Try 12 New Things and Embrace Change

BUY THE BOOK! 'Give Me a Year' by Shonda Scott https://amzn.to/4xGhu7i When is the last time you tried something new? Entrepreneur and author Shonda Scott, whose book Give Me a Year: 12 New Things to Embrace Change and Live Your Best Life chronicles how she stepped outside her comfort zone, embraced change and challenged herself to try something new every month for a full year. Shonda shares how those experiences helped her find joy, overcome fear and keep moving forward even when life took some unexpected turns. Then, Oprah meets writer Jason McBride whose viral article “How to Create a Life You Love: No Magical Thinking Required” struck a chord with its message that building a fulfilling life isn’t about having the perfect job, relationship or circumstances it’s about taking responsibility for the life you’re creating. They talk about what it really means to stop living by someone else’s blueprint, learn from things that don't go as planned and create a life we actually love. Chapters: 00:00:00 - Welcome Shonda Scott, author of ‘Give Me a Year’ 00:03:20 - Why she wrote the book 00:08:00 - Write it down and vision birds 00:09:48 - Overcoming fears 00:11:20 - Pull up a seat to the table 00:12:40 - Imposter syndrome 00:16:30 - How to show up for ourselves 00:22:00 - Put yourself at the top of your list 00:24:30 - Shonda’s top 3 things 00:27:44 - Small changes to create big ones 00:29:00 - Welcome Jason McBride 00:32:00 - The three things you can control in your life 00:34:30 - Failure is part of the process Follow Oprah Winfrey on Social: https://www.instagram.com/oprahpodcast/ https://www.facebook.com/oprahpodcast/ https://www.instagram.com/oprah/?hl=en https://www.facebook.com/oprahwinfrey/ Listen to the full podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/0tEVrfNp92a7lbjDe6GMLI https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-oprah-podcast/id1782960381

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Oprah Winfrey?

  This episode of the Oprah Podcast is presented by our partner, Geico. So what was going on in your life?

• 0:07Speaker 01

  I was in a place of deep disappointment when I wrote the book.

• 0:11Oprah Winfrey?

  You want to tell us about it?

• 0:12Speaker 01

  If you want to see change in your life and in your world, you have to change yourself.

• 0:16Oprah Winfrey?

  Right.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  But it's easy to say, it's hard to do. Transformation doesn't matter if you do something big or do something small. It's just the openness that you need to have.

• 0:27Oprah Winfrey?

  Well, I'm so glad to be with you here on the Oprah Podcast. I'm in one of the greatest cities in the world, New York City. And you can feel the energy and the creative force here. Last summer, I read an article on medium.com because the title really caught my eye. It was called "How to Create a Life You Love: No Magical Thinking Required." It's by a writer named Jason McBride. And I shared it with my team because I just really appreciated his simple and powerful message that we all have the power to design or build a life that we love, no matter the circumstances. And it's not as hard or complicated as you think it is. So I said, I think this is a good conversation to start having for the podcast. So I'm going to talk with Jason a little later on.

• 1:12Oprah Winfrey?

  But my first guest, I wanted you to know, has done some really bold, daring things. And she says, "It is never too late, and you are never too stuck. You're never too old. You're never too much or too little." Because as long as you live, you can always find new things to learn and new ways to find joy. Shonda Scott, an award-winning entrepreneur, CEO and thought leader, who has spent more than 20 years turning big ideas into action, working on major projects with companies like Uber, Comcast, BET, and Kaiser Permanente, while also creating economic opportunities in underserved communities. Some of Shonda's most meaningful work began with a challenge she gave herself back in 2019.

• 1:57Oprah Winfrey?

  "One year, try one new thing every month." Ah, that's an idea. What started as a personal experiment became a lifestyle, inspiring her new book, "Give Me a Year: 12 New Things to Embrace Change and Live Your Best Life." Welcome, Shonda. Great to meet you and have you here.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  I wanted to have "thank you" be the first words out of my mouth to you. My mom wouldn't have it any other way, that I would sit here and not thank you for using your platform and how you're doing to elevate authors, especially debut authors. That is so noble of you.

• 2:30Oprah Winfrey?

  Well, you debuted in a big way. I mean, "Give Me a Year" is such a bold idea. And lots of people would say, okay, give me a year and I'll, you know, go hike Mount Olympus, or give me a year. But you had 12 new things to embrace and change. So what was going on in your life? How did you come up with this idea?

• 2:51Speaker 01

  I was in a place of deep disappointment when I wrote the book. I had already started this 12 new things lifestyle based on doing something new each month, so you can embrace change in fun, exciting ways to get you out of your comfort zone. But that was a fun social media experiment for me that I did with the premise of thinking, if you want to see change in your life and in your world, you have to change yourself.

• 3:15Oprah Winfrey?

  Right.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  But it's easy to say, it's hard to do. So how do you make something hard to do fun and light? That's where the 12 new things came up from.

• 3:23Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  But then, when I was in this deep disappointment, I had an opportunity happen, and the door closed immediately. God shut the door right away. And I had done everything. I had put everything in place. It was my dream opportunity, and I was excited about it. And when it got shut down, I became deeply disappointed. And writing is how I heal myself. So I thought, now it's time to write the book.

• 3:47Oprah Winfrey?

  I like the fact that you're using the word disappointed and not depressed, because a lot of people would say, I was depressed, I was depressed, I was depressed. But you recognize now that it really was your sincere, pure disappointment.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  And it could have been depression if I didn't have the tools of writing. So writing is how I heal myself. I say deep disappointment because it was just, I was sad about an opportunity, but it wasn't something life-threatening or earth-shattering.

• 4:14Oprah Winfrey?

  You want to tell us about it?

• 4:14Speaker 01

  But it was hard.

• 4:15Oprah Winfrey?

  Want to tell us about it?

• 4:16Speaker 01

  It was like my dream opportunity. I thought I wanted all my life. And I put everything in place to do it. And then everything had come to do the opportunity. And I probably prayed, "God, be your will or something better for me." And literally, the door shut, and I wasn't ready for that. And for me, I think it shook me because at that point in my life, in my career, I hadn't had that level of disappointment. So I wasn't expecting to feel the way I did. But it kept bothering me, and I kept thinking about it. And a friend of mine, Maya, we went to dinner and talked about it. And she's like, you know, things happen, doors close, and years later, you will know. And at the same time, I'm telling her about how I'm thinking about writing this book. And I tell her, I decided to write the book to heal me.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  And as I'm writing the book, God tells me, me sharing these stories are not only just going to heal me, they're going to heal other people as well. So that's where the whole idea came for writing this book.

• 5:09Oprah Winfrey?

  And you went on adventures, big and small, over the course of a year. And what did that teach you, Shonda, about yourself?

• 5:18Speaker 01

  It taught me that transformation doesn't matter if you do something big or do something small. It's just the openness that you need to have. It taught me also that having these different adventures intentionally make the difference. Like, once a month for a whole year.

• 5:34Oprah Winfrey?

  Yes.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  It gave me the intentionality to continue to pursue my dreams, to find joy, even in the midst of turmoil, even in the midst of unhappiness, even in the midst of all this going on in the world. I could create joy by doing something new and different each month.

• 5:48Oprah Winfrey?

  I love that at the end of each chapter, you really have really delightful, helpful exercises. And I am a firm believer in writing things down. Maya always said that words have power. That's why she wouldn't let anybody say anything in her home that she thought was improper. Like, somebody was telling a homophobic joke once. Maya Angelou came across the room, Shonda, across the room, and said, "Be gone with you," to the people in her home, because she said, then we were all standing there shocked. And she said, "Not in my house, because words have such power. I don't want to wake up in the morning and find one stuck in my pillow or in my curtains."

• 6:31Oprah Winfrey?

  And so, the power of writing things down, here's a good one. You write, write down your dreams of what you really want to do, the changes you want to see, and in the next five years, places you'd like to visit, or you've put off, or put to the side. You write about that.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  I'm the same with the firm believer of writing. And in the Bible, it even says, "Write it down and make it plain on tablets."

• 6:58Oprah Winfrey?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  It's clear that the writing is how you actually take the dreams out of your mind, put them to paper. It's like in business, writing, if it's not in writing, it's not a deal. It's not a contract. So it's a contract with yourself. But it also gives you the tools to come up with the plan on how you want to approach your dreams. I say five years, because what you dream of you would do in five months is different than five years. So five years allows you to dream big.

• 7:24Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  And it's important to dream big, as we've seen from your life and everything else in life, that if you dream big, the things you can manifest can blow your mind.

• 7:32Oprah Winfrey?

  Well, this is what I have found. That phrase I coined about God dreaming a dream bigger than you can ever dream for yourself. You can dream big and then surrender that dream to God's dream for you, and it becomes even more massive. I saw this happen over and over and again in "Give Me a Year."

• 7:50Speaker 01

  Actually, this time last year, we were working on the cover of my book and thinking of the title. And we came up with the title, "Give Me a Year." I think at that point in your book club, you had said, this was the first time I did something new.

• 8:04Oprah Winfrey?

  After 109 book club selections, I have never chosen the same book twice, until now. At Cartole's "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose."

• 8:16Speaker 01

  So every time somebody does something new, I tag it to 12 new things. That's somebody doing something new. So I took that picture, a fake copy of my book, the title that I typed out, because we didn't have the cover yet, and put it on in the middle of my vision board.

• 8:29Oprah Winfrey?

  Wow.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  So that was a case of writing it down and making it plain.

• 8:33Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  And here we are. And like I said, then God does the rest.

• 8:37Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah. And you know what happens with that? And I know we're going to talk to Jason later, who said in his article, they didn't believe in vision boards. But I certainly do believe in the vision. And also, writing it down, making it plain, clarifies for you

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:52Oprah Winfrey?

  what the vision and the desire is. And what I have found is, is that God meets you exactly where you are and then expands it for you.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 9:01Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  And I agree on the vision boards. If you just write a vision board and don't do action around it and don't take accountability, well, no.

• 9:07Oprah Winfrey?

  It doesn't mean one thing.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  Things aren't just going to happen. But if you use it as a fun tool or creativity, countless times you hear...

• 9:12Oprah Winfrey?

  And then you're willing to do the work.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  And the work.

• 9:14Oprah Winfrey?

  And the work. And this one about fears, because I think so many people are controlled by their fears. You say, make a list of your fears, the things that make you uncomfortable. Start with one fear, write the steps you would take to overcome it.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  You have to get it out. Like, holding fear in your mind just locks it there. And oftentimes, when you write the fear out, you look at the exercises that you want to do to overcome it, you come up with a plan, you realize what you had manifested as this big, giant fear really isn't.

• 9:44Oprah Winfrey?

  So what was a fear you needed to overcome?

• 9:45Speaker 01

  So my fear was, I don't like little bitty planes. I don't care what level of plane it is. If it's small, I don't like it.

• 9:51Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  So I wanted to go to the Maldives as one of my new things.

• 9:55Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah. And you can't get there without taking a small plane.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  And so, I had to work myself through, because one thing I'm not going to do is let my fear stop me. Because I know that on the other side of fear, there's so many wonderful blessings. And in this case, it was the Maldives. So I'm, "Shonda, you're not going to let yourself get to the Maldives, because now you have this fear of planes, and you're supposed to be a woman of faith, and you believe, but you're going to let this stop you?" So I didn't. But I did blog about it, I did talk about it, because I was scared the whole time, because it's a small sea plane that goes to the Maldives. I thought it at least was low to sea level, I could see the sea. Not that it actually went thousands of feet in the sky. So the whole time...

• 10:33Oprah Winfrey?

  You thought you were just going to be skimming the sea?

• 10:35Speaker 01

  I thought I was just skimming the sea. But it worked out fine. I did it. And I've done a few other activities that have challenged me to get over my fear.

• 10:45Oprah Winfrey?

  I like that you write on page 39, "Find your seat at the table, and if there isn't one, pull one up, or better yet, build your own table." How did you learn how to do that for yourself?

• 10:57Speaker 01

  So I'm a fourth generation entrepreneur. The first, my great grandfather is the one we attribute to the first. He was born into slavery and then, and emancipation. He became a developer and a builder in Colorado, in the Rocky Mountains. So building is in my family. So the whole entrepreneurial mindset is in my blood, is in my DNA. But as a business person, a businesswoman now, I'm in rooms, I'm in, we do aviation, transportation, construction, all male dominated fields. And I know the value of having a seat at the table. I know the decisions that have to be made and the voices that you bring to the table that aren't there and the importance and value of you sitting there.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  But then I also know that when you create the table, like you do here, invite, you get to invite the people, you get to decide what platform and what resources are you going to provide to people in your community and other businesses. So my parents taught me that part of the development of business. I watched them grow their business and vicariously, you've shown me the same thing. So I'm a firm believer, if I see it being done, I know I can do it.

• 12:04Oprah Winfrey?

  It can be done.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  It can be.

• 12:06Oprah Winfrey?

  Yes. Our listeners tell us that the podcast is resonating with you and is serving as a bright spot in your day. That means a lot to me. So here's the thing, I would really appreciate it if you like and subscribe to the Oprah Podcast on YouTube or wherever you podcast. It's, it's just a quick tap of the subscribe button and that way you won't miss an episode in your queue. You don't have to pay anything. I know subscribe usually means you're paying something, but this time it means you just are notified when there's something new. There are many more to come that we're excited about. So thank you for watching and listening.

• 12:44Oprah Winfrey?

  Those of you who watch the Oprah Podcast or listen to us, you know, every story we share, every guest we welcome is chosen with purpose. And when people share their stories, we're reminded that we're not alone in this journey called life. As the official insurance partner of the podcast, the folks at Geico understand that the way we move through life and who we move through it with matters. And I know that life starts to move even faster as a new school year begins. Fall routines get underway, the calendar fills up. Whether you're waiting in the school pickup line, loading up the car for a weekend getaway, taking a quiet drive home after a hard day, or cheering on your son or daughter from the sidelines, these moments remind us the road is not always a straight line.

• 13:28Oprah Winfrey?

  Geico is there with insurance design to help keep you covered along the way. Because life happens and with the right support, we all just keep driving forward. And that, dear listener, is everything.

• 13:44Oprah Winfrey?

  And can you speak to, because I hear this from so many women and also particularly from so many women of color feel this imposter syndrome. They feel, and we've addressed it several times on this podcast. I personally have trouble addressing it because I've never felt it. I felt, I've always felt if God made a way for me to be there, then I'm supposed to be there. I've always felt as what Maya says in her poem to our grandmothers, I come as one, I stand as 10,000. So I've always felt like, well, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't supposed to be here. But can you speak to that feeling that so many women in particular have about feeling like imposters?

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Well, if you're at the table in the room, you're supposed to be there. And I also understand if you're at the table in the room, you're supposed to use your voice. And I don't see it any other way than if, the same way you see it, that is God has brought you there, you're there for a reason and you need to maximize the reason why you're there. I'm very spiritual and prayerful. So I know that everything that God provides for me, every circumstance that I've been in has been a blessing.

• 14:52Oprah Winfrey?

  Right. So when I started out in TV, there was no woman, there was no black people, there was no, and so, but I thought God made a way for that and I'm supposed to be here.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  And you just keep going until God takes you somewhere else.

• 15:05Oprah Winfrey?

  Until God takes you somewhere else. That's right.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  And look where he put you. So it's so wonderful. And that's how I see it. So I really don't have a deep understanding of where people get the imposter syndrome from. I have the full humbleness that I know that God is working through me.

• 15:20Oprah Winfrey?

  You're obviously in a male dominated field or in many rooms where there's nobody that looks like you and certainly nobody who has done what you've done, who is female and also black.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  So a few things from my experience is that I always tell people, I don't see me. I come from the inside out. Like I'm not looking at me, they're looking at me. So when I walk in the room, some of these men are just baffled how I approach them because one, they're probably not used to it and one, I'm not seeing me. I'm just coming in and what the, what the, what the issues are we need to deal with.

• 15:51Oprah Winfrey?

  I think that's great.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  So they are kind of tickled, like who is this woman? I don't, but I don't see myself. So I don't even think about how they may be interpreting me.

• 15:58Oprah Winfrey?

  So you don't walk in thinking I'm a woman going into a male dominated field?

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Oh, absolutely. I was blessed to have five women that have done extraordinary things, my mom included, that look like me. So I grew up in a community in Oakland, California at a time where it was 50% African American. The, my parents helped get the black mayor, first black mayor elected there, there were women there.

• 16:21Oprah Winfrey?

  So you have the blessed assurance.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  To see that.

• 16:24Oprah Winfrey?

  The blessed assurance from watching it in front of you and seeing other women model it for, for you, that you deserve and have the right to be there.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  So I'm a firm believer that seeing it, it helps other people be it. So I, I absolutely attribute that. That's why I approach it the way I do, because I saw other women that they've done extraordinary things. So I always expected that we had to do something extraordinary. But what you've done has even been beyond extraordinary, whatever we couldn't have, could have imagined. So it just helped reaffirm.

• 16:59Oprah Winfrey?

  It means it can be done.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  It can be done.

• 17:01Oprah Winfrey?

  It can be done. Charlene is joining us from Miami and she has a question for Shonda. Charlene?

• 17:06Speaker 02

  Hi. Hi. Hi. It's such an honor to join this conversation today. So I am part of a huge Filipino family. We're very close and I grew up thinking that the good life meant being a good daughter, being a good student, a good partner, a good citizen. And my parents, wonderful parents who put so much to raising my sister and me, showed me how to show up for others, but not how to show up for myself because they themselves didn't know how either. So I focused on following the rules. I did well in school.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  I pursued a legal career. I tried to make all the right decisions and meet everyone's expectations, but that wasn't fulfilling me as much as I thought it would. One of my biggest aha moments was that for most of my life, I'd been living with this deep unconscious drive to find the right answer and live by that right answer. And that right answer was always based on someone else's blueprint. And when it dawned on me that this is how I'd been living my life, like I sobbed for hours, feeling so much grief around how I had been living my life until then, but I also felt a huge sense of relief and a profound freedom around I can live my life however

• 18:35Speaker 02

  I want and that's okay. And so my question is, as I continue to charter, to chart my own path and lead this beautiful life I've been designing, how do I continue doing this for myself and not allow like old patterns and behaviors hold me back again?

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Thank you. And I wanted to tell you congratulations because I am a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist. So I know it wasn't easy for you to just decide that you were going to start putting you first and loving your life the way you want to do it without worrying about what other people think. That is not easy.

• 19:19Oprah Winfrey?

  It's a giant step.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  And I understand that.

• 19:20Oprah Winfrey?

  It's a giant step forward.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  So congratulations. So it's a daily thing. Once you decide you're going to claim your life for your own and reimagine it for yourself, that doesn't just stay that way. You're renewing every day. The whole part about change is, is continuing to go on.

• 19:36Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  So sometimes when the old habits come up, there are ways for you, it's, it's an indicator for you to maybe stop and take a pause and reassess, am I still committed to myself as I said I was when I first made this commitment? Are there some things I need to change? Am I checking in on myself? I think we need to normalize the check ins on ourselves. I start the day with prayer. I wake up early, so I check in with God, then I check in on me and then I check on everybody else. But I, if I do it in a way that's, it's, it's like brushing my teeth and washing my face. It had become that, I'm, I've become that dependent on it, like it's part of my self-care.

• 20:14Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah, it's your daily ritual.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  My daily ritual.

• 20:17Oprah Winfrey?

  Spiritual.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  And I'm not okay if I'm not doing that. And I can actually see that 30 days after I haven't been doing it or a few days I've missed, I can tell like old things come up or issues I need to look at. So I think it gives, the old patterns allow you to just take a beat back and self-assess. Not self doubt, just self assess and double check to make sure you're good and make sure you're still doing the things that you have committed to yourself to continue to do so that your decisions that you are making are ones based on that are best for you and you're not getting caught up in the routine of getting back in to doing everything for everybody else and not yourself. So I think the self check should be part of a routine that we do and make it normal

• 21:02Speaker 01

  that that's part of like how you brush your teeth and how you wash your face. All those things were things we were trained to do. So now we just have to train ourselves that it's okay to check on me too.

• 21:12Oprah Winfrey?

  To self assess and to self reassess. And it's okay because when, you know, you're changing a whole story, the whole story of your life, which isn't an easy thing to do. And that's why we both applaud you for that because that is the most courageous thing you will ever do in your life is to dare to live the life of your dreams and not somebody else's. That's where the real courage comes in for everybody who is a seeker and on the path to fulfill the meaning of their lives. And that takes real work and the old stuff keeps coming up just to show you how far you've come. One of the things that I use in my hiking now, when I'm trying to get to the top of the mountain or the top of the hill or wherever the goal is, many times I turn around and look back at how far I've come.

• 21:57Oprah Winfrey?

  So you need to also assess and look at how far you've come. Look at how different you are than that girl who was a doormat for everybody else, whose opinions were influenced by everybody else's opinions. And look at how far you've come and gained strength because that's what you do when you look back at how far you've come. You see, whoa, I'm doing really better than I thought. Look at how strong I am. And that gives you strength and courage to keep moving forward. And that's what we both wish for you. Thank you so much.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  Congratulations.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 22:31Oprah Winfrey?

  Thanks, Charlene. Thank you so much.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 22:33Oprah Winfrey?

  I remember years ago I had an expert on the show, I think it was a life coach, Cheryl Richardson, who told our audience to put themselves at the top of their list. And it was so unheard of at the time.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  But you know this as well as I do, that as you begin to take good care of yourself and your cup gets filled up, you naturally then want to be there for others. You want to serve others and you're able to do it in miraculous ways.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 22:59Oprah Winfrey?

  And you could hear the women gasp in the audience when she said, where are you on the list? And you should be first on the list. Women were like, boo boo, she doesn't have children. She doesn't understand. And I said, people, she did not say abandon your children in the street. She just said, put yourself on the list. And now it's 2026 and we still need to learn this lesson. Why do you think that is?

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Because we've been conditioned for decades to do and think about everybody else and not ourselves. I have a colleague of mine, she did an assessment. They had her write down everything that she did in a day in 24 hours. She did 25.5 things and she wasn't anywhere on there. So theoretically, she couldn't have even taken care of herself because every in a day. So when you think, yeah, it's a wild moment too, when you think because you write down everything in 24 hours, if you don't get it done, that means you're missing out on you.

• 23:58Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  But we've been conditioned as women to think, because we're nurturers, so they were able to sell us on, now you have to take care of everybody and exclude you. But I think now that more of us understand the health ramifications that are coming from it, the wellness and depression and things that are women are having to struggle and deal with because we're not taking care of ourselves, I think the next generation will do a better job because we're sharing with them our, what we've learned.

• 24:25Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  We're letting them know it's okay to take care of themselves and they are running with it. They will take care of themselves first in a minute. You don't have to tell them twice.

• 24:33Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's important to take care of yourself, but also be willing to extend some of that care to other people too.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  Oh, absolutely.

• 24:40Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  And I think there's a part that I'm, that I'm, the assumption that I make is that women usually are taking care of everyone else. So if they take care of themselves, it's there, everyone else is going to be taken care of. It's just the fact that we often don't put ourselves first to make sure we're whole before we look out for everyone else.

• 24:59Oprah Winfrey?

  Of the 12 new things that you did to embrace change and live your best life, what are your top three favorites that you love so much?

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Well, one of my top favorites is I did dinner with 12 strangers.

• 25:11Oprah Winfrey?

  With 12 strangers. That was, that's my favorite chapter.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  Which was big for me because I'm very private, but then also the fact that you realize when you're with strangers, especially in a dining capacity, you often find you have more in common than you have different.

• 25:25Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah, that's a chapter that you wrote on, guess who's all coming to dinner.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 25:28Oprah Winfrey?

  Yes.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  Right.

• 25:29Oprah Winfrey?

  So why did you want to do that? Have, do a dinner for 12 strangers?

• 25:33Speaker 01

  When the Obama's left office, they started the Obama Foundation and they invited a few hundred people to come to launch it. And at the end of the summit, they had a community dinner. And at the community dinner, those of us who all knew each other, we couldn't sit at the same table. They strategically said, everyone has to sit with some, they assigned us literally. And then people were trying to switch the numbers. I'm like, no, no, everybody has to sit at a different table. So it made, so the dinner was such a great connection and I hadn't thought about a dinner with strangers before and having it strategically done that way with that intention. We had conversations, like we had prompted conversations. One person led the table and discussion. And by the end, we learned new things about each other, but then we realized, you know,

• 26:18Speaker 01

  the common factors that we all had sitting together as strangers. So in my mind, I felt, I want to do this. But I'm like, how am I going to have strangers at my home? Where am I going to find the strangers? Come to find out, for years I had been getting this email that I had just overlooked, but since I had now doing new things and open to it, I got an email from UCLA alumni, does a dinner with 12 strangers. They have been doing it for 50 years. Although we all come from the same place of alumni association from UCLA, all of us are strangers. So I agreed to host one as one of my new things. And we all came together, we shared stories, we cooked our meal together, we had different teams of people cooking the meal and then we sat eight family style. Some of our stories were similar, even though our backgrounds were different.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  So the whole tagline that I talk about in the book is that we came as strangers and left as friends.

• 27:06Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  And so that experience, and I'd like to do it again. Next time I want to go as a guest and go to someone else's dinner and be one of the 12 strangers. And one of the strangers was someone that was my neighbor that we didn't even know each other. We met at my dinner and she didn't know where she was going. So that was one. Cave diving in the cenotes was one that wasn't on my list, but actually one I would recommend if you know how to swim. And then also my dream trip was Dubai, indoor skiing in Dubai. And I was able to do that as my 12 thing that I did the first year I started doing the 12.

• 27:38Oprah Winfrey?

  But what I, I think those are all wonderful and adventurous things. And I thought, when I read it, I thought, oh gosh, this makes me think about being more adventurous. I've always wanted to go to Bhutan, maybe I'll do that. Okay. But for the people who can't do that, I love that embracing 12 new things to emerge and change and live your best life also talks about just going a different way to work.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 28:02Oprah Winfrey?

  Looking for something different to see on the way to work, doing something different with your friends. What are the smaller things we can do that would allow us to feel like we've brought new changes into our, our being?

• 28:16Speaker 01

  Since I'm an adventurous person, of course adventure is going to just go wild with me. It was like we're aquarians, that's how we are. But I did write the book and use examples of smaller things. Exactly. My first new thing was going a different route to work and how you see a different, you see your area differently. And my route was more scenic, so I actually came to work with more peace and grace than if I'm in traffic and stressful.

• 28:38Oprah Winfrey?

  Even though going that way took you longer.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Even though it took me longer in theory.

• 28:41Oprah Winfrey?

  Yes.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  You know, it was a better, it was peaceful, so I probably saved time on stress. But there, I've done things with my family. We had, we had events where we went and found, discovering our own backyard, going to museums that have been in your community for years you've never discovered. Those are fun excursions to do that are often free. Museums are free in your neighborhood.

• 29:01Oprah Winfrey?

  So the reason why I love this book is I think if you're reading it for yourself, that's really wonderful. But you talk a lot about friends and friendships and doing things with friends. I think deciding with your best friend or a group of friends to embrace this idea of trying, taking on new things is also a wonderful idea. I want to bring in Jason McBride, who wrote the article I mentioned, How to Create a Life You Love, No Magical Thinking Required. He's joining us from his home in Oregon. Jason, you're the inspiration for this episode. Thank you so much.

• 29:31Speaker 04

  Well, thank you for having me.

• 29:32Oprah Winfrey?

  And you write that, "I've built a life I love not through manifestation or magical thinking, but through trial and error." Was there a time, you write about in the article, when you didn't love your life? When you were a lawyer and you gave that up? How hard was that to give up when, you just heard our previous guest talking about, you know, doing the things everybody else wants you to do? How hard was that to give up the thing that you went to school for? Everybody said, now you're a lawyer? How was that possible?

• 30:03Speaker 04

  At that point, it was probably one of the hardest things I'd ever done because I decided I wanted to be a lawyer when I was in high school. And I structured my whole life and, you know, everybody's like recruiting me on and that's like what I was destined to do. And, you know, go to college, get good grades, go to law school, get good grades, come out, start being a lawyer. I'm like, oh, this is horrible. This is, this is making, hurting me inside. I was like, talked about, I mean, I did it for nine years, but towards the end, like I would, I would throw up every morning. I'd look at myself in the mirror and be like, oh.

• 30:38Oprah Winfrey?

  Really?

• 30:38Speaker 04

  And it just reached a point where I realized, I can't, I cannot physically do this anymore.

• 30:45Oprah Winfrey?

  How long did you put up with it?

• 30:46Speaker 04

  I practiced law for, for nine years, nine and a half years.

• 30:49Oprah Winfrey?

  And you were miserable the whole time?

• 30:51Speaker 04

  Pretty much. I'm a slow learner sometimes, but.

• 30:55Oprah Winfrey?

  Wow. And so when you started thinking, maybe I'll give it up, was there the voice in your head that said, but you can't give it up? You can't give it up because you went to school for it. You can't give it up because you have four kids. You can't give it up because, because, because, because.

• 31:09Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, and you know, the status is, it's a nice status thing to say, oh, I'm a lawyer. And yeah, we had, we had four kids at home. And also, there wasn't really like a real clear idea of what would happen next. But at some point, yeah, it was just a breaking point with myself, like, I would like to continue to be here on this earth for my four kids. I want to see them. I want to love them, and this is not happening right now.

• 31:37Oprah Winfrey?

  So you wrote in that article, and Shonda and I were talking about this earlier, that happiness doesn't come from vision boards or birthday wishes. It comes from taking responsibility for your life. Both Shonda and I believe in vision boards. We've done vision boards. And they worked. But we also strongly believe in being responsible for your life, because she's written a whole book about embracing change and doing 12 new things, you know, in a year. How did you come to know this yourself?

• 32:05Speaker 04

  I guess, to me, it's always like, I, for a long time, I would have lots of ideas, right? I have lots of thoughts. And, but without doing anything with any of them, then, then nothing ever happened. So what I had to come to learn is that, like Charlene was kind of talking about, she was living a life on somebody else's blueprint.

• 32:25Oprah Winfrey?

  Yep.

• 32:26Speaker 04

  I felt like, yeah, I was doing that too, but I had no, I had no idea what I was supposed to do. And so what I wanted to do, what would feel good to me. So I just had to just try stuff. I didn't even know what I could have put on a vision board, because I was, I was just so stuck with what I had been doing. So I just kept doing things, trying.

• 32:44Oprah Winfrey?

  You had no vision to put on a vision board?

• 32:46Speaker 04

  Right, yeah.

• 32:47Oprah Winfrey?

  I got it. You also write that you cannot control much in the world, but you can control three things. And I, what are those three things? I think the first one is huge.

• 32:57Speaker 04

  You can control your attitude. You can always control how you feel about things. And the second is, you can always control much effort you're going to put into something. And then the third is, you can choose to love.

• 33:08Oprah Winfrey?

  And coming to those realizations did what? To enhance or really change the trajectory of your life?

• 33:16Speaker 04

  For me, it made me realize, oh, the world is a chaotic place that I have no control over. But I actually can control whether I am living a life that I love or not. That's, it doesn't matter if bad things are happening outside or bad things are happening in my life, you know? No matter what, who we are as people, bad things happen. But that doesn't mean your life is horrible or miserable.

• 33:37Oprah Winfrey?

  You say in the article, even after you've created a life that you love, you will still have bad days. Having a life that you love is not about having a dream job, the right income, or being in a relationship. Building a life you love is about learning to be the kind of person you want to be around. Amen to that. You know, there's so much comparison in the world today. How do you get people to see what you're saying is real and correct when everybody's just looking for that picture-perfect image, you know? To post, to show, and to display?

• 34:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, I think what we have to do to be in touch with our real selves is a little bit of trying to get out of our own, our head and thoughts. Like, one thing I really like to do is I walk in nature. It's really important to me. And I'm very easily distracted. And so one of the things that I, practice that I have is actually write haiku. And mostly as a way of to help me focus on what I'm observing in the world.

• 34:34Oprah Winfrey?

  Hmm. You believe that to create a life you love, we also have to be willing to screw up?

• 34:39Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, for sure. We're human beings, right? I don't think anybody's are going to get it right on the first time. And I don't think any of us 100% know right out of the gate how everything's going to go.

• 34:50Oprah Winfrey?

  None of us know that. None of us know that. Shonda, you wrote about this too. People are so afraid to fail.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Because people have been made to believe that failure defines them, and that is it. And I've found that failure is just part of the process. It's just a misstep.

• 35:06Oprah Winfrey?

  Amen to that.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  In the tens of thousands of words that I have in this book, it's only a sentence. When I realized it was just a sentence, a bleep in my life, it doesn't define me, it's not the big picture. It just put it all in perspective to me. We put more weight on failure than we even do our successes. And so that, we just need to shift. And we just need to start encouraging people that failure is just part, and I don't even want to call it failure anymore. I just say it's a misstep, it's part of the journey.

• 35:34Oprah Winfrey?

  I always say it's God's way of telling you, you're moving in the wrong direction.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  And that is exactly what it is too. You're right. And the whole 12 new things, that's why I created it, for people to find ways to embrace change and make it fun. Because then you'll buy into it. And you'll do it once a month. Ask me to do it every day, I may not. But once a month, in 12 a months, you can do. And you'll end up doing probably more than that. But it just makes it where you're always renewing yourself regularly and finding new activities and fun.

• 36:02Oprah Winfrey?

  So Jason, were you able, able to get the picture-perfect image out of your head soon after leaving the job that you had gone to school for and that you felt was going to give you such prestige? Did that come immediately, or did that come with time?

• 36:16Speaker 04

  It definitely came with time. And sometimes I'm still not sure if I have, have completely shed all that. Like you were saying before, I think I carry a lot of that as a way of maybe looking back and look, I can see how far I've come. And I love this idea too, of the failures just being a sentence in a book, right? I think we have this idea that failure is somehow permanent. But we can just make a new choice next time.

• 36:40Oprah Winfrey?

  Yeah, it's a, it's a huge teaching tool for a lot of us. And sometimes I've said, God, don't teach me nothing new today. I learned enough yesterday. Please, don't teach me nothing new today. I've learned enough. Anyway, thank you so much for that article. It stimulated a new way of thinking about how to embrace life and how to live more fully. Thank you so much, Jason McBride. Thank you so much.

• 37:04Speaker 04

  Well, thank you for having me.

• 37:06Oprah Winfrey?

  Thank you. Shonda, how do people keep the momentum of trying new things? That's why you suggest 12. Let's just start with 12, one a month, right?

• 37:15Speaker 01

  One a month. And after the first year I did it, I realized, oh, this is not just a year. This is a lifestyle. Like, every month, you can think of new things. There's tons of new things you're doing, that you, things that you want to do that you haven't done. So you can continue to keep it going. People who are 80 and older are now finding new things. There's a friend of ours that I grew up with, she's 80 years old, and she lived on a golf course all her life, never learned how to play golf. Now she's like, I'm doing my new thing. I'm learning how to play golf. Even in your 80s and beyond, there are things, if you are still here, God has you want to learn and discover.

• 37:50Oprah Winfrey?

  If you're still here, you're still supposed to be doing.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Something.

• 37:53Oprah Winfrey?

  Something. I love that. Shonda's book is Give Me a Year: 12 New Things to Embrace Change and Live Your Best Life. It's available now, wherever you get your books. And thank you for listening and watching. My intention is that we're sharing new ideas and tools, and that you come up with your own 12 new things. I'll see you next time. Thanks, Shonda. Thank you. And thank you to our friends at GEICO for presenting today's episode. If you've been waiting for the right moment to try something new, this episode could be your sign. Shonda Scott's book, Give Me a Year: 12 New Things to Embrace Change and Live Your Best Life, is about what can happen when we give ourselves permission to step outside our comfort zone and say yes to new experiences.

• 38:36Oprah Winfrey?

  Scan that QR code on your screen right now to get your copy. I hope it inspires you to try a few new things of your own. Our listeners tell us that the podcast is resonating with you and is serving as a bright spot in your day. That means a lot to me. So here's the thing. I would really appreciate it if you like and subscribe to the Oprah Podcast on YouTube or wherever you podcast. It's, it's just a quick tap of the subscribe button. And that way, you won't miss an episode in your queue. You don't have to pay anything. I know subscribe usually means you're paying something. But this time, it means you just are notified when there's something new. There are many more to come that we're excited about. So thank you for watching and listening.