The Moth Radio Hour: Oh, Brother

In this hour, an ode to brothers. Family ties and secrets, fraternal bonds and sibling pranks. This episode is hosted by Moth Senior Director Jenifer Hixson. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by The Moth and Jay Allison of Atlantic Public Media. Storytellers: Brian Kennedy needs to finally come out to his brother. Nicole Schnitzler tries to establish normalcy for her neurodivergent brother during quarantine. Bill Bernat's brother helps him get a fresh start. Katherine Wu hopes her older brother will attend her wedding. Lynn Adams gets revenge on her brother. Om Choudhury comforts his brother in the wake of their father's death. Podcast # 731

• 0:13Speaker 00

  This is The Moth Radio Hour. I'm Jennifer Hixson. In this hour, we'll be hearing from and about brothers. Although he's eight years older than me, my brother was around for all of my growing up because he needed my mother's basement for band practice. Because of him, our house was always filled with rock and roll, and people, and parties. But perhaps the greatest gift, he pushed all the boundaries. He was the classic partying older brother, involved in all sorts of mischief, thereby making my transgressions seem mild. For instance, when he was just 13, he borrowed the keys to my mother's Ford Country Squire station wagon and crashed it into the neighbor's yard a block or two away.

• 0:57Speaker 00

  So the getting in trouble bar was high. My sister and I cruised through adolescence in his wide, wide wake. "Yes, Ma, I'm late for curfew, but good news, I didn't wreck the car." He made it so much easier for us. Our first story is about an older brother and an unspoken truth. It was told at the Housing Works Bookstore in Manhattan, where public radio station WNYC is a media partner. Here's Brian Kennedy, live at The Moth.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  So I was talking to my mom on the phone when she uttered the single most horrifying sentence in the history of the world. "Oh, did your brother tell you? He's finally coming to visit you in New York." Oh, shit. My brother and I, when we were little, we were often mistaken for twins. My mother had this disgusting habit of dressing us in matching outfits, and I think that confused people. But once we had a little more say in our wardrobe, it became clear to everyone that we were pretty different. For example, my brother's pajamas were G.I. Joe. They were camouflage, they had this big strapping army guy in the front with like his rifle

• 2:12Speaker 01

  and bombs blowing up behind him. My pajamas were Wonder Woman. And it wasn't just Wonder Woman on the front, it was actually a onesie designed to look like I was wearing her costume. It had flesh-colored arms and legs, so it looked like I just had on a red bustier and a blue bikini bottoms. So needless to say, I was a homosexual. Now, I don't think this was really a secret, or would have been a surprise to my brother. I mean, I spent all of high school locked up in my bedroom, listening to the soundtrack of "Jesus Christ Superstar." But officially, I never, ever came out to him.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  My brother kind of scared me. He was this big, gruff, manly man, and the only time he ever showed emotion was when he was watching college basketball on the television. So I figured it was best not to tell him. I knew the time had come that I finally had to tell him. I couldn't hide it from him anymore, and more importantly, I didn't want to hide it, because I was in my first serious relationship, and I wanted my boyfriend to meet my entire family, including my brother. So if I was brave, I would have called him on the phone and told him ahead of time. But I took the coward's way out, and I said, "Oh, no, just tell him in person, it's so much easier."

• 3:35Speaker 01

  So he arrives at JFK Airport, and my sister-in-law came along, so I had the opportunity to kill two birds with one gay stone.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Being the good host that I was, I decided to take the train out to JFK, meet them there when they landed, and we got into a cab together. Now, they think we're going to Brooklyn in this cab, because that's where I live. What they didn't know was the address I gave the cabby was actually my boyfriend's apartment in Manhattan. So the three of us are crammed in the back of this cab together, and making small talk about their plane ride and everything, and there's a voice screaming in my head, "Tell them, tell them, you have to tell them." And then there's another voice screaming at that one, "Girl, settle down."

• 4:20Speaker 01

  He cannot come out in a cab with some strange cabby, listening to their conversation. That is rude. So I didn't say anything. So we get out of the cab, we're standing on the sidewalk with suitcases, looking up at the fancy high-rises of the Columbus Circle area. Very, very sheepishly, I say, "It's my boyfriend's apartment."

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Oh my god, I told them, "I feel pretty good about it." Now, at the same time, I also own up to the fact that I'm a total shit for just dropping this bomb on them in the middle of Manhattan, their first time visiting me. But thankfully, they were so gracious about it. My sister had this huge smile on her face, or my sister-in-law, sorry. That'd be creepy if my brother and sister were married. My sister-in-law puts this huge smile on her face and she says, "Oh, that's great. Does that mean we get to meet your boyfriend?" So, so that week, not only did they meet my boyfriend, but my brother got to meet the real me. And all those years, I was afraid to tell him that I was gay because we were so different and we hardly talked as it was.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  I was afraid if I actually said the words out loud, it would mean he would think less of me and we would, we would talk even less. But the opposite was true, really. Once I stopped hiding myself and putting up that wall, we, we had so much more to talk about and it was great. And around the same time, my brother became a father, and I feel like that's when I really got to know the real him. Uh, because that, that rough, manly man that I was so afraid of, I now got to see him be silly and, and loving with these two little girls and it was wonderful. And when I went home for Christmas last year, uh, my brother was the one to pick me up from the airport. And as we were driving back to my parents' house, he was telling me a story about the night before when he was reading a bedtime story to his oldest daughter.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  And she stopped him and she said, she said, "Daddy, how come Uncle Brian and Uncle Danny don't have any girls in their family? Isn't that kinda weird?" And I smiled and I felt so proud because I was sure that the answer he gave her was just poetic and beautiful and explaining how sometimes a man can love another man and you don't meet a woman. But instead, he told me his real answer, which was, "Well, honey, that's a very interesting question. Why don't you go to bed and tomorrow morning when you wake up, you can ask your mother about it." And although it wasn't the answer I was looking for, it still made me smile because I had

• 6:59Speaker 01

  waited until the ve- very last minute to come out to my brother. So if he was taking his time and explaining it to his daughter, maybe that meant that we still had something in common.

• 7:15Speaker 00

  That was Brian Kennedy. To see a picture of him in those telltale Wonder Woman PJs, please visit themoth.org, where you can also download the story. Brian told this story in 2012, and a lot has happened since then. Brian is now married, so when his three nieces come to visit, they have two uncles. That's another great thing about brothers: they become uncles. By day, Brian works at a nonprofit that supports the LGBTQ+ community, but his big love is writing, and his wonderful first novel is called "A Little Bit Country."

• 7:51Speaker 00

  Our next story was told in July of 2020, deep in the midst of the coronavirus global pandemic. Our live shows weren't happening, so we held some virtual story slams on Zoom. That's why, in this next story, you won't hear audience reaction or clapping at the end. Nicole Schnitzler told this one to a virtual Moth audience from her home in Illinois. Here's Nicole Schnitzler.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  When Illinois's shelter-in-place orders took effect, my dad and I decided to bring my brother Daniel home to stay with us. Daniel and I no longer live at my dad's. I live in a condo downtown, and Daniel in a suburban group home. He is 44 years old, and he's autistic. Our unit is tighter these days. Our other brother Kevin lives with his family in California, and our mom passed away from lymphoma when Daniel was 21 and I was 12. We knew it was important to be together right now. When I picked him up from his group home to get him on a Tuesday afternoon, he was confused.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  My dad is usually the one who gets him for the weekends, which they spend together.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  Generally speaking, those with autism are highly dependent on routine, and Daniel is no exception.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  As he gathered his things, I realized the many other things we'd be explaining to him, my dad and I: why his workshop is canceled, why his bowling program has been postponed, why he's now relocating "home-home" with me and his "gene," as he calls our dad.

• 9:39Speaker 02

  But perhaps most of all, we were worried about having to explain one colossal change for Daniel. Why you could no longer take him to the grocery store.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Daniel relishes the Sunday trips we take to Jewel. An hour he can fill our cart with Kraft Parmesan cheese, Hershey syrup, and all of his other creature comforts. An hour of his week over which he can exercise some control.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  I knew already that I would do everything in my power I could to stop the two of them from going on their own.

• 10:18Speaker 02

  Both high risk for COVID-19. My dad, who is seventy-five years old, and Daniel, who is overweight with diabetes. As soon as we got in the car, the requests started. Nicole, we will go to Jewel. For lack of a better explanation, I tell him it's closed. "When you wake up," he says. It's a go-to phrase when he understands that maybe it won't happen today, but it will tomorrow, right?

• 10:51Speaker 02

  "It's gonna be longer than tomorrow, buddy," I say.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  The next morning, Daniel hands me a grocery list. "We'll go to Jewel," he says, putting on his coat. I remain seated. "I'm sorry, kiddo, we can't." "It's closed," he says. I nod. And then, that's when it begins. He storms upstairs, grabs the two pillows from his bed, and lurches them from our second-floor balcony onto an armchair that rests in our living room, directly below. One of the pillows falls to the floor. It's a mess by his count. He's angry. He thunders back down, biting his hand and making outbursts along the way. Our dad joins me downstairs

• 11:38Speaker 02

  to observe the pattern that we have seen unfold over the past couple of years when Daniel wants to control something that he cannot.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  In seeing this, my dad implores me to let them go, to let them just go to the store. Saying that Daniel's mental health is as vital as his physical health right now. That he's already had to give up way too much too soon. That he needs a single thing that he can count on.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  It's a valid point.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  I think about my own comforts quick to go, the ones that I could easily remedy though. An espresso machine instead of Starbucks runs every day. Zoom calls instead of happy hours with friends. I think of my dad's consolations too. Naps, reading, Entenmann's Donuts.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  But I think about the ways also that Daniel has adapted before. To the many group homes, to the countless caregivers, to the loss of a mother.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  I asked my dad to let me try one more thing. After more pillow tosses, I beckon Daniel to the kitchen. I pull up Instacart on my computer and I show him the page where there's a bottle of Hershey's syrup. "What about this one?" Daniel, I ask. He nods and I add it to the cart. Okay, I explained to him, "We add everything here from the list and then the person, the very nice person, brings it to our front door." Does that sound good? He looked skeptical, I think I did too. But he let me finish his list and I finally did have an answer for him. The groceries would arrive tomorrow, when you wake up.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  The next day, the doorbell rang. Daniel went straight to one bag, the one with the Hershey's syrup. Smiling widely as he did.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  It looks good, he said. It's the one go-to phrase he has when it's something that he approves of. After mixing himself a glass of ice-cold chocolate milk, he grabs his pillows from the armchair and begins the pillow toss cycle anew. This time, though, he is singing happy refrains from the producers and Les Mis. My dad grabs an Entenmann's Donuts and heads upstairs to read, make myself an espresso. And the three of us stood in various rooms and on separate floors, all listening for the perfect pillow toss. Thank you.

• 14:29Speaker 00

  That was Nicole Schnitzler. She's a Chicago-based freelance writer who covers food, travel, and lifestyle. She also writes a lot about her brother and is the founder of Doors Open Dishes, a nonprofit that partners with chefs to help support group homes and workshops for people with developmental disabilities. As for her brother Daniel, as of September of 2021, he was thrilled to return to his community program, Gateway to Learning. Nicole also went back to her place, but they still get together regularly. During their first post-pandemic family vacation, I asked Nicole to explain their family chant, which they still do every night before bed, just for good measure. Here's Nicole, her dad, and Daniel.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  Okay, Daniel, so I'm gonna tell Jennifer a little bit about our cheer that we started, and then will you do the cheer with me after?

• 15:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  Okay, thank you. So this all started at the onset of the pandemic, when we really didn't feel comfortable hugging and we still wanted to do something for family unity, for solidarity. So we began these nightly huddles where we would come together and cheer, cheer for the forthcoming vaccines. Right, Dad?

• 15:53Speaker 04

  That's right. And so we had... A cheer for Pfizer, which was Prizefighter Pfizer. And we had a cheer for Moderna, which was Move On Moderna. And then we had a cheer for Johnson & Johnson, because that came out in 2021, and we said JJ21. So that's the meaning of the lyrics.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  Daniel, what do we say at the beginning of the cheer?

• 16:18Speaker 05

  What makes you happy?

• 16:21Speaker 02

  All right, I want to ask Dad.

• 16:23Speaker 05

  What makes you happy?

• 16:25Speaker 04

  Being together with you guys.

• 16:28Speaker 05

  Being together with you guys. What makes you happy?

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Well, I'm happy that we're on vacation right now, that we're able to go on vacation. I'm happy to be on vacation with you. And Daniel, what makes you happy?

• 16:44Speaker 05

  Food. One, two, three, go Bob, go Wuhan. Prizefighter Pfizer. Move on Moderna. JJ21.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  To see a picture of Nicole with Daniel and the rest of the family, visit themoth.org, where you can also download the story.

• 17:11Speaker 00

  Coming up, more stories about brothers and how they show up in your life as you get older, when The Moth Radio Hour continues.

• 17:22Speaker 06

  The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

• 17:27Speaker 07

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• 18:11Speaker 07

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• 18:27Speaker 00

  You're listening to The Moth Radio Hour. I'm Jennifer Hixson, and we're hearing from and about male siblings. Our next story is from Bill Burnett. He told it in Portland, where we partner with Oregon Public Broadcasting. Here's Bill.

• 18:41Speaker 08

  After about eight years of drug addiction, in 2002, I was down to like, no money, no car, no job. And I looked at my options, and I wasn't particularly close to my brother Tony, but he offered to take me in. So I got off the bus in Flagstaff, a small mountain town, kind of bewildered. And he took me to IHOP, and the pancakes were so good. Something about losing everything to addiction just makes IHOP pancakes extra delicious.

• 19:16Speaker 08

  Don't do it for that, because it's not worth it. So after about a week, he gave me some money to go into town while he was working and get some lunch. And I was so freaked out and anxious being around people that I was shaking in the restaurant, and I couldn't even go into a little souvenir store. And so we would, we would play like Madden football on his PS2, and in spite of my fragile emotional state, he had no problem just crushing me, game after game.

• 20:00Speaker 08

  We would also play a lot of EverQuest, which is kind of like a forerunner to World of Warcraft. And by the way, in EverQuest, when you died, you didn't just push a button and fly back to your corpse. You had to wander naked through many lands and get past the same baddies you did before, you know? And best case, you lost a shit-ton of experience. You young people don't know how good you have it. So I was a couple of years removed from my high-paying job as a big-shot tech guy, and I was in a small town with small-town jobs, and I got a temp job filing medical records at the hospital.

• 20:40Speaker 08

  And I tried, they actually gave me empty folders to file as a test before giving me real records. It was very humbling. And I, I tried for a promotion to faxing medical records to doctors' offices, but I failed the interview. She asked what, you know, relevant experience I had, and I said, "Well, Etter.com, I was point of contact with Microsoft on a $50 million a year contract to deliver search data, and our team delivered, and we had a successful IPO." And she said, "Well, yeah, it doesn't sound like you really have any experience with medical record faxing." So, she turned me down, and I was like so not prepared for that.

• 21:22Speaker 08

  And my brother and I made fun of her, and we laughed, and that helped, but it hurt. And I realized that it wasn't her fault that I was in that position, or that she didn't want to work with me. There was something about interacting with people that I just couldn't understand at all, and that was scary. I got some better odd jobs, like overnight disc jockey at a country station, and me and the other DJs had an agreement where if somebody called in to request Toby Keith, we'd play the Dixie Chicks instead. Right? So, you know, I moved out, got my own place, and my brother and I still hung out a lot.

• 22:04Speaker 08

  And, you know, we played Madden, I got better, we'd still get mad at each other, and I started, we'd watch a lot of football. He was a Cowboys fan, and I hated the Cowboys, because, you know, America's team. But, um, but with all the time I was with him, you know, and he had so many Cowboys things at his house, and he just loved them so much, I kind of was rooting along with him, just to be polite, I guess. And we went through various ups and downs together. Life is happening, and I, after about three years, I left Flagstaff. And my time there wasn't amazing, but, you know, I stayed alive, and I got, I got to heal. And, you know, not long after that, I did get clean, and eventually to a point where I loved life.

• 22:46Speaker 08

  My brother has a disability that kind of started affecting him later, which is, you know, he's legally blind. And it's, he can still crush me in Madden. But, you know, his life is very difficult. And there's, it's never a burden to do whatever I can to help him out. What is a burden is that I became a Cowboys fan.

• 23:17Speaker 08

  So I like, you know, get really upset when they lose and really happy when they win, as if I've done something good.

• 23:26Speaker 08

  And I live in Seattle, where people give you a lot of shit for that, you know? But it is the Pacific Northwest, so it's kind of feels like, "The Cowboys suck!" But also, we respect your perspective.

• 23:46Speaker 08

  And I tried to root for the Seahawks, it just didn't work. I just, I'm with the Cowboys. And sometimes people ask me why, and I say, "Well, it's a long story." You know, and I smile because I know. It's because he saved my ass. And when I root for them, I'm rooting for him. Thank you.

• 24:14Speaker 00

  That was Bill Burnett. Bill is now more than 12 years sober. Yay, Bill. He's become a mental health and addiction awareness advocate. Check out his TED Talk. By day, he works as a communications director at a tech startup that helps nonprofits fundraise.

• 24:31Speaker 00

  To see a picture of Bill with his beloved brother Tony and his son Justice, visit themoth.org. And this one's for you, Tony. Let's go Cowboys.

• 24:53Speaker 00

  Our next story was told in Boston, where we partnered with public radio station WBUR and PRX. Here's Catherine Wu.

• 25:04Speaker 09

  So it's two nights before my wedding, and I'm sitting in the living room of this ridiculously nice cabin on the shores of Lake Michigan that my entire wedding party has rented for the weekend. My friends are all sitting outside, huddled around this fire pit, and they're all toasting marshmallows and slapping away mosquitoes. But I'm not out there. I'm in here staring at my laptop because I'm trying to draft an email. And the email starts, "Dear Alex," which already sounds really stiff and awkward and uncomfortable, but I have no other way to start this email. "Dear Alex,

• 25:47Speaker 09

  I'm getting married on Saturday, and I know you said you were busy, but it'd be really great if you showed up." And my fingers feel fat and heavy as I type the next four words. "Please, I'm your sister." "Half-sister," I should clarify at this point. Alex and my other two siblings are my dad's kids from his first marriage, and they're all about 15 years older than me. The three of them grew up really, really close. And I, as an effective only child, was driven my entire childhood by my singular desire

• 26:32Speaker 09

  to be a part of this tight-knit group. And that singular desire crafted the trajectory of my entire young adult life. Every time I saw them, I copied everything they did, you know, the books they liked, the movies they liked. I pretended I liked pineapple on my pizza until I was 12. That shit's gross.

• 26:55Speaker 09

  And when my brother Alex got married, I was so excited because it was one of the only times I was able to snap a picture of the four of us together, two brothers and two sisters. And I saved that photo and I pinned it to my wall.

• 27:12Speaker 09

  But that relationship was always really asymmetrical. So the three of them, they shared a mom and their childhood and 50% of their DNA, whatever. I didn't have that and they never really let me forget it. And by the time I was in high school, Alex was actually really the only one of them that would still answer my phone calls, even after our dad died.

• 27:37Speaker 09

  But I never really let go of that hope. And a couple of years ago, when I got engaged, one of the first things I thought about was, "I just want my big brother at my wedding the same way I was at his." So I call Alex and I tell him that he means something to me and I want him there. And we end up talking for like an hour. It's, I think it's the longest conversation he and I have ever had. And he tells me about his childhood and stuff about our dad that I never knew. And at the end of all of this, he tells me, he promises me that he is going to do everything he can to be there on my wedding day.

• 28:19Speaker 09

  And as soon as I hang up the phone, I call my partner and I tell him, "I really think he's gonna be there. I can't wait for you to meet my big brother."

• 28:30Speaker 09

  And a few weeks later, I get a text. And it says, "Hey kiddo, things are looking pretty busy and I don't think I'm gonna make it, but I'll let you know if anything changes."

• 28:44Speaker 09

  Nothing does, because now I'm sitting here four months later in this living room and all my friends are sitting outside, basking in the glow of the fire. The only glow I'm basking in is the one from my laptop as I finish this email. And I close it out and I sign it, "Love." But I don't hit send. My finger just hovers over that mousepad and this countdown starts in my head. I think Alex is in California. If I send this and he sees it and he leaves in an hour, he can catch a red eye and he'll be here with 30 hours and 45 minutes to spare. Wait a minute, and suddenly it's 30 hours, 44 minutes to spare, 30 hours, 43 minutes

• 29:27Speaker 09

  to spare, and I still cannot push that damn button. I can't send the email because all of a sudden I realize that even if I do, he is not going to come. And when he sees that email and he doesn't show up anyway, it's not going to be because we don't share a mom or a childhood or 50% of our DNA. It's going to be because in spite of all the things we do share, I was never really his family. I don't send the email.

• 30:08Speaker 09

  What I do instead is I shut my computer and I walk outside to the group of people who did drop everything and fly here to be with me this weekend. And I sit down and someone hands me a drink and the fire has already started to die down, but I still feel how warm the air around me is. And there's really no one in this circle of people that shares parents or a childhood or even all that much of their DNA relatively speaking. (laughter) But sitting there in this group of the nine people I love most in the world, it's

• 30:49Speaker 09

  not so hard anymore to feel lucky for the family that I already have. Thank you.

• 31:01Speaker 00

  That was Kathryn Wu. She's a staff writer at The Atlantic, where she writes about science. She's also a producer at Story Collider, a storytelling show about science. Kathryn had a wonderful time at her wedding with all her chosen family. About her brother, she wrote, "He was a lot older than me, and we didn't do much growing up together, but I was, without them, an only kid. And I remembered that whenever he and my other siblings came to visit, I always felt a little less alone." To see some pictures of her bridal party and the fire pit, and Kathryn with her dad, visit themoth.org.

• 31:39Speaker 00

  Do you have a story to tell us? How about one involving your sister? We'll do an hour about sisters eventually, and we'd love to hear a story about your adventures. You can pitch us your story by recording it right on our site, or call 877-799-MOTH. That's 877-799-6684. The best pitches are developed for Moth shows all around the world.

• 32:12Speaker 00

  When we return, a little sister seizes upon a rare opportunity for sweet revenge, and a boy in India dreams up a way to make a tough day a little bit better for his younger brother.

• 32:28Speaker 06

  The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

• 32:39Speaker 07

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• 33:37Speaker 00

  You're listening to The Moth Radio Hour. I'm Jennifer Hixson. Our next story is from Lynn Chamberlain Adams. She told it at a show in Chicago where we partner with public radio station WBEZ. Before listening, just in case you don't know about the terrifying movie from the 1970s, The Exorcist, it's a story about a young woman who has been possessed by a demon. By today's standards, it might not be so scary, but at the time, many people considered it the most terrifying movie ever. Here's Lynn Adams, who hadn't seen the movie yet, but had definitely read the book.

• 34:14Speaker 10

  So, my brother Kent is a year and a half older than I am. And we still have the same sense of humor, so there were a lot of laughs when we were little, but truly, he tortured me. He would hide on me, you know, in my recollection, it was every day, multiple times a day, and every single time, I would burst into tears, go running, crying. In those days, you had a TV, one TV, and you would wait for your show to come on each week. So I would be on the couch, because Man from Uncle was on, and I was gonna get to see it. He comes in, he changed the channel, just because he could. You know, you can either get punched or leave, or that you're not gonna watch your show.

• 35:00Speaker 10

  When I was fourteen, I'm in the kitchen, got the funnies, the comic strips, on the table, on the counter, and Kent and his friend Jimmy come through the kitchen and Jimmy stops for a moment. And we talk about something in the funnies, we have a laugh, and as they're walking out, he says, "You know, Chamberlain, your sister's okay." My brother said, "What?" He said, "No, really, she's okay." That was the last time my brother and I ever fought, to this day. We never fought again, we've got each other's back, everything was great. Two years after that with the funnies, The Exorcist came out, the movie.

• 35:40Speaker 10

  And I had read the book the year before, so, one night, I'm home, I'm getting ready for bed, my parents are away, I'm wearing these, I don't know if anybody has them anymore, they're like bloomers with a nightie over them, kind of...

• 35:56Speaker 03

  I wear them still.

• 36:04Speaker 10

  And I'm sixteen, so, anyway. So, I'm getting ready for bed, and my parents are away, my brother comes into my room, and he said, "I swear to God, you tell anybody this, I will kill you." How many are here? I wait, and he said, "You know, we saw The Exorcist tonight, and I am scared shitless. I am not sleeping in my room, I'm sleeping in your other bed." And in that moment, I just felt like everything come into place. Now, another piece of this is that I have, it's called dermatographia, it doesn't affect anything, but it just means you have a lot of histamine in your body, and you can write on your body.

• 36:47Speaker 10

  So, you could take a toothpick and do a paisley pattern, and it would show up, three minutes later, as a bright red welt, very well-defined, against your skin.

• 37:08Speaker 10

  So I said, "Fine, whatever." My beds are like this, in the corner. I don't know how to say it. They're perpendicular to each other. And I said, "But I'm going to sleep." He said, "Fine." So we turn off the lights, and I wait a couple minutes. And I had put a bobby pin next to my bed. And I raise up my nightgown and I write, "Help me."

• 37:41Speaker 10

  And I waited another three or four minutes. And then, in the dark, I could hear his breathing getting fairly regular. And I went, "Out of bed, Dave!"

• 38:06Speaker 10

  You know the sound a Junebug makes when it's bouncing off, like, the screen and the wall and the light? He started batting around in the darkness of my room, trying to find the light switch. And he bangs into my desk, he bangs against the other wall, he hits the light switch, and he goes, "Dammit, this is not funny!" And he turns on the light. And I said, "Ken, I don't know what's wrong. Everything feels so weird. I don't know what's happening to me."

• 38:43Speaker 10

  And this is all happening very quickly. And he's looking at me, and I went, "What? What? And I lift it up, and there it says, "Help me."

• 39:00Speaker 10

  Truly, I'm 58, and this was like the best moment of my life to date.

• 39:14Speaker 10

  I said, "Last two years have been great, but for the first 14, are we even?"

• 39:22Speaker 10

  And we were even.

• 39:33Speaker 00

  That was Lynn Chamberlain Adams. And that, my friends, was some sweet little sister revenge. Yes, Lynn, that was for every younger sibling who has been bullied or teased by a big brother. I relate. Take that. Lynn Adams is a world traveler who lived all over Europe before raising her kids in Indiana. To get a little follow-up and perspective on this story, I sent Lynn a couple of questions so she could have a conversation with her big brother Kent. Here they are discussing that infamous night and what it means to be siblings.

• 40:06Speaker 10

  I don't remember from then until we were into our 40s or 50s ever talking about it, but we must have.

• 40:14Speaker 11

  I think I had to, you know, tell the story a lot to get it out of me. But that didn't stop me from having one eye, this is no kidding, one eye open in the shower for the next four years. I was in, graduated from college.

• 40:31Speaker 10

  Because of the movie, not because of me?

• 40:32Speaker 11

  Uh, yeah, because of the movie. But of course, your traumatization didn't help the better. So, thanks for that.

• 40:41Speaker 10

  Sure, sure. Did you ever attempt to get revenge?

• 40:45Speaker 11

  No, because revenge would have involved, there's only one revenge that would have been anywhere, you know, approximating what you accomplished, and that would have been your own death. So, I wasn't ready to go to that extent, so it was just either kill you or let it go, and obviously I chose to.

• 41:02Speaker 10

  And the whole event was my revenge for everything.

• 41:06Speaker 11

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:07Speaker 10

  So, there was no revenge, yeah.

• 41:08Speaker 11

  Yeah, no. It was well-earned.

• 41:12Speaker 10

  What is the best thing about being a brother?

• 41:17Speaker 11

  Um, about being a brother? Or being your brother?

• 41:22Speaker 10

  Let's say being my brother.

• 41:23Speaker 11

  Uh, I suppose the eternal camaraderie and friendship, I mean, you know, above and beyond all other things and all other people, yous and me's as pals for life.

• 41:44Speaker 00

  That was Lynn Chamberlain Adams and her brother Kent Chamberlain. To see some pics of them growing up, visit themoth.org where you can also download the story.

• 41:58Speaker 00

  Our next story is from Om Chowdhury. He told it in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where we partnered with public radio station WESA. Here's Om.

• 42:07Speaker 12

  So I put my name in the hat and a part of me was really hoping that it would not come up. It really was. Simply because consciously I tried to keep people away from looking inside me, but maybe subconsciously I wanted to talk to you guys and so here I am. So this is a story of two brothers, me, myself. I'm 29 years old and my brother Raj, who is about 23 years old. And we grew up in north of India and growing up, let me give you a little bit of an idea about my childhood days. Growing up in my country was no different from like growing up in ancient Greece.

• 42:51Speaker 12

  Imagine yourself, you are in Sparta where like if you are a guy, you're not supposed to cry. You're not supposed to shed tears. Your tear ducts are, your tear ducts are not functional. If, if, if you are going through something physical or emotional or mental problems, all you have to do is like put on a red cape and move on. And it was, that was, that was my childhood, pretty much growing up. And over the course of time, it presented with us a lot of problems, also gave us a really unique signature. Now, I don't have much, I mean, I do have memories of my parents, but my younger brother unfortunately doesn't. And it, it, all, all, all the cultural values that I grew up with like immediately came

• 43:36Speaker 12

  into perspective one single day when I was 11 years old and my brother was five years old. And instead of my dad picking me up from college, it was actually my grandma who picked me up from my college, sorry, my school. And it was really surprising because she never comes and picked me up from the school and I knew something was wrong. And I got home and I realized that my dad wasn't there anymore, which, which was, which is fine because a lot of us have gone through this and everyone will go through this at some point sooner or later, so there are no sympathy points here.

• 44:11Speaker 12

  But I look across the room and I, I, I really don't know what to do. I look across the room and there's just my five-year-old brother who is just sitting in the corner and he's, he's crying and he's sad and he's confused. And one look into his eyes and it literally tore my heart. It, like, what am I supposed to tell this kid? He's barely five and no matter what I say, there is nothing I can do or say to make him feel better. And now, I'm not a psychologist. I don't know why, why I did what I did next, but all I did was I ran from the funeral home. And I did. Um, I went to the closest stationery shop, um, got a red, uh, velvet paper, which you use in arts and craft.

• 44:52Speaker 12

  Made two, made two clown hats out of it and made two, um, took two pieces of red papers, crumpled them up and make two clown noses out of it. And I, I immediately came running back and I put one hat on myself, one on my brother. And I said, hey, do you wanna go have an ice cream with me? And it was really surprising. Um, the reason I did that was, um, because my brother was in love with these streets I rented. So we would dress up as clowns and bring ice cream and balloons and he loved it. And now, some people say, well, one person once said that subtlety is a sign of cultural weakness.

• 45:31Speaker 12

  A man who's uncivilized knows exactly what he wants and he knows exactly what is right and exactly what is wrong. And in my case, it was pretty evident to me that what was right was making this five-year-old kid laugh. And what was really wrong was these social norms that I'm supposed to comply with. I don't need a red cape at that particular moment, but instead I needed a red hat and a red clown nose. And that particular day, I ended up passing every single person in that funeral home. I took my brother out and we were gone, we were evolved for like almost a couple of hours. And I came very next day and finished all the belonging, uh, like all the rituals that I had to do. Um, now, I wouldn't wish my trajectory on anyone.

• 46:13Speaker 12

  Um, next eighteen years weren't exactly a walking path for either of me or my brother. Um, there was no food for us, there was no, uh, money, there was no house. But somehow we got through it and both of us are doing really well right now. Um, both of us are like, he's in temper, um, and cats go to business. And I got my PhD from CMU and things worked out really well. And.

• 46:37Speaker 12

  But over this course of like eighteen, uh, over this course of next eighteen years, I realized that me and my brother had formed this, this really super clownish bond where if one of us was struggling, the other person would always bring exactly two clown hats. And it was our way of saying to each other like, "Hey, the world hasn't ended yet and it's not going to end because I'm always gonna have your back." Fast forward the story, eighteen years, um, about seven weeks ago, um, I'm not sure if you're talking about this, but my world came crashing down and I really thought that I'd seen everything that the life has to throw at me, but it did not. Three of the people I loved most in my entire life, I lost them in a single week.

• 47:18Speaker 12

  I was, I was really, hey, once again, no, um, no sympathy points here because we all go through it and if not, one of, one of each day, we will, um. But I was, I was really depressed. It took me, it took me forty-eight hours to get out of bed. I did not eat, I did not sleep, I did not drink, I did absolutely nothing. And at the end of the day, I ended up calling my brother, one of those like normal conversation, and I was speaking to him and he was like, "Now, he's sitting halfway across the globe at this point." And he was like, "Hey, how are you doing?" And I didn't want him to worry at all, so I was like, "Oh, I'm doing perfectly fine. How are you doing?" And we had this normal conversation and we hung up. Exactly twenty-three hours and forty-seven minutes later, I get a call on my cellphone saying, "Dude, Pittsburgh is fucking cold.

• 48:02Speaker 12

  How do you live in this godforsaken place?" And, and I'm like, "Wait, wait, what, where, where are you? Where are you?" And he's like, he's like, "Stop talking and just come pick me up from the airport." And I, I rushed, I rushed across the airport, uh, I rushed across all the traffic, I go to airport and I see, um, I see this guy who's clad in jeans, uh, blue jeans, a shirt that says "World's Clowniest Brother Ever," which he himself, himself made it up. And the only thing he brought with him that a half-way across the globe was his visa, his passport, and two hats, two clown hats. And he tells me, "I know it's really snowy out there, but how about we go and as two

• 48:46Speaker 12

  clowns have that piece of ice cream that we always wanted?" So, that's my story.

• 48:57Speaker 00

  That was Om Chowdhury. He's a computational biologist and data scientist. In addition to his love for science, he has a deep passion for music. You can find him dancing at blues events all over the Northeast. And his little brother Raj, he just graduated with his masters, and Om couldn't be prouder. That's it for this episode of The Moth Radio Hour. Thanks to all the storytellers in this hour, and let's hear it for all the brothers in the world too. You have driven us crazy, and you have saved our lives. Specifically to the brothers in this hour, Mike, Tony, Alex, Daniel, Kent, Raj, and

• 49:42Speaker 00

  my brother Vernon. Thank you. We hope you'll join us next time.

• 50:03Speaker 06

  This episode of The Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, Catherine Burns, and Jennifer Hixson, who also hosted the show. Co-producer is Vicky Merrick, associate producer Emily Couch. The rest of The Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Sarah Austin Jenness, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Jennifer Birmingham, Marina Kluch, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Inga Glodowski, Sarah Jane Johnson, and Aldi Kaza. Moth stories are true, as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is "By the Drift." Other music in this hour from Blue Dot Sessions, Stephen Fawcett, Mel Brooks, and Glenn Kelly.

• 50:44Speaker 06

  The funkiest band you've ever heard, Philip Glass and the Third Coast Percussion, Mike Oldfield, and Adam Baldich.

• 50:53Speaker 06

  We receive funding from the National Endowment for the Arts. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. Special thanks to our friends at Odyssey, including executive producer Leah Reese-Dennis. For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.