Making Everything Possible: The Moth Podcast

If you've been moved by a story this year, please text 'GIVE25' to 78679 to make a donation to The Moth today. On this episode, stories that'll make you laugh, cry, and hopefully, both. Plus, why YOU, yes YOU, are The Moth. This episode was hosted by Peter Aguero. Storytellers: Peter Aguero cuts himself with his uncle’s knife. Kahlie Towle encounters a 1500 pound Brahma cow. Tom Rich finds a way to deal with his stutter. Podcast # 951

• 0:03Speaker 00

  Welcome to The Moth. I'm Peter Aguero. I've been a part of The Moth for a long time. About 2007, as best as anybody can tell. I've told stories at slams, that's how I started with The Moth. And I've been an instructor in the EDU program, the community program. I host main stages and slams all around the country. Today, I want to give you a taste of why I've been part of The Moth for so long. These are stories that'll make you laugh, make you cry, and the best-case scenario, man, both. First up, I'm gonna share a story that I told when I was hosting a main stage up in Tarrytown, New York. Yeah, I'm not gonna host The Moth podcast without putting one of my own stories first. Come on.

• 0:47Speaker 00

  So here I am, me, live at The Moth.

• 0:55Speaker 00

  As I was making my way on my trusty bicycle up the Empire State Trail the other day, I was looking at my hands. On my knuckle of the index finger on my right hand, there's a Y-shaped scar. It's tiny, it's very faint. It's old now, it's almost as old as me. And when I was four years old, I got this scar. And that day, I woke up and I felt great. Do you remember when you woke up and you felt great?

• 1:36Speaker 00

  The sun is shining through my bedroom in my little South Jersey River town house. And I can just, my head's not pounding. I didn't say anything stupid the night before. Didn't flirt with somebody who wasn't my wife. There was, you know what I mean? I felt like a million dollars. And I can hear footsteps coming up the steps, and I knew it's my mom coming to wake me up, so I pretended to fall back asleep. Because on Saturday mornings, this is the way that she would do it. She would come up and sit down, and she did. And she sat on the edge of my bed, and she reached over. And my mom had just been going to nursing school. She was studying to be a nurse, because that's what you do in nursing school. And she reaches over.

• 2:19Speaker 00

  And she starts to fold my ears, fold them up. And she says, she whispers and says, "Your ears are made out of cartilage. And if I fold them, they don't hurt. It's just folding." And I just reach up and I grab her ear and I twist it and I say, "Does this hurt?" It was, you know, the first intentional time that a son will hurt their mother by accident on purpose. It happens a lot after that. That's why every Mother's Day card when it says, "Happy Mother's Day from your son," is always an apology. And so, it's just the way it goes. So she says, "Would you like to go on a treasure hunt?"

• 3:03Speaker 00

  And of course, I'm four. And she hands me a brown piece of paper. It's all rolled up. And there's a ribbon and I untie it and I open it up. It's this crumpled up map of our house in black marker. And I don't see on the back that it says Acme. You know, it was the shopping bag. But it looks like a treasure map that she had found somewhere. And so, I follow the dots. I get up out of bed. I spring out and I go downstairs and I follow this map out to the front porch. And at the front porch, underneath one of the chairs, is another rolled up little piece of paper. And it tells me another clue. It tells me to go down in the basement. And I go down to the basement. Underneath the house is totally silent.

• 3:46Speaker 00

  And my father and my sister aren't there. I'm four years old. I don't know everybody's business, so I can't tell you where they were. That's lost to time. And from the, at the basement, at the base of the stairs, another rolled up piece of paper that sends me outside to the giant maple tree. I go to the maple tree. There's a spoon and some disturbed dirt. And I dig in that little disturbed dirt and I pick up another little piece of paper. And that sends me to the dining room. And under the dining room table, as I'm going through the house on this adventure, running around, pretending I'm some kind of treasure hunter pirate, my mom is like peeking around the corners and she's watching me do this. And she's got this big grin on her face. And eventually, it sends me back up to my room, to the closet in my room.

• 4:28Speaker 00

  And in my closet is another brown paper shopping bag that's folded over with the black marker. It looks like it has wood grain on it, like a treasure chest. And I open it up and inside, there's two things. A small little velvet box and a box of Duncan Hines Devil's Food Cake Mix. And my mom says, "You wanna make a cake?" Absolutely, I wanna make a cake. So, we go downstairs and she cracks the eggs and she adds the oil and, and you know, adds the mix and she lets me help with the mixer. It was, everything was avocado green in 1980 and it was that those Pyrex clouded, uh, uh, there's Pyrex bowls that were, that were like painted green on the outside with flowers and mushrooms

• 5:12Speaker 00

  cuz it was from the seventies, everybody like flowers and mushrooms, if you know what I mean? And then the inside was white and then you're mixing it up and then it would chatter up the side of the bowl, and you felt like the most powerful kid in the world, at least I did. And we make the bowl and as we're, we're taking the, uh, the cake and where she's helping me scrape it out of the bowl into the, uh, cake dish, she starts to tell me about, uh, her brother, her brother Gregory that she loved so much. And Gregory, uh, was her big brother and he was amazing, he was so smart and he was in, he went into the army and when he got out of the army, he got a job with RCA and that was a big company and, uh, he ended up going to Greenland to do, uh, work for, for RCA. He was the first person in our, in our family since they came from Poland to leave the country

• 5:57Speaker 00

  again and be allowed to come back and like, uh, it was, she, and I never knew Gregory because she told me when Gregory was, at that time, uh, you know, he was, he was in his thirties, uh, before I was born, about five years before I was born, uh, he, uh, got melanoma, she told me, she explained melanoma was and she explained that, uh, at that time, once he, there, there was a mole and then once, that there was this mole, uh, they didn't, they couldn't do anything about it and, uh, less than a year later, he was gone. So, as the cake is, she's telling me this as the cake is baking and, and as the cake comes out of the oven, we let it cool and as the cake is cooling, she shows me how to make this, uh, purple cream cheese icing and we're gonna put it on there. And then she says, "You wanna open up the box."

• 6:42Speaker 00

  And the little velvet box is a tiny little pen knife, like a small little fold-out pen knife that, that from a world's fair. And she says, "This was Gregory's knife and I, and I think he would've wanted you to have it." So in nineteen eighty, it was okay to give a kid a knife. Like, uh, that was, nobody, a lot of flowers and mushrooms, if you know what I'm saying. Like, it was like, that was, there was no problem with that. So, I'm so excited, she's like, well, the cake has to cool down before we ice it. Why don't you go outside and play? Uh, and so I did. I'm with the knife, and I'm out there, and I'm fighting with the pirates again. This knife is this big, and I'm, but I'm having the best time, I can't believe it. Not only did it belong to Gregory, uh, but it was, it was, it was now, it was my knife.

• 7:26Speaker 00

  And it was just unbelievable. And, and she had told me, I forgot to mention, that she had told me we were making the cake because today would have been Gregory's birthday. And she said it was, it was my gift, I got to have the gift today. So it's like, I'm singing, "Happy birthday, Gregory," and I'm doing all this. Then I see a branch that fell from the tree, a little small branch. So I start, what do you do with a knife? You whittle. So I take the, that's right, I didn't know what whittling was. What's the point? You make a toothpick? I have no idea. I only saw it in cartoons. I take the branch, and I take the knife, and I start cutting, uh, toward, and you see that what happened on the third strike, that knife stuck directly into my knuckle of the, knuckle of my index finger on my right hand.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  I screamed, uh, because I had a knife stuck in the knuckle of my little baby hand. And I, I flipped out, there's blood everywhere. I thought I was dying. I ran inside, and my, there's just what looked to me carnage, uh, flaps of skin. I thought my finger was gone, I'm crying. My mom, who was studying to be a nurse, uh, she calmed me down, she cleaned off my finger, she, uh, cleaned it off, she put, uh, Neosporin on it, she put a little Band-Aid on it, she kissed it, she cut me, uh, a nice piece of cake, and a big cold glass of milk, and she put me in front of the television, and she said, "You enjoy." And I did, for about an hour, and then I realized, the knife.

• 8:56Speaker 00

  So I ran back outside and I looked everywhere, everywhere, and it was gone. Now, I don't know what I believe in. You might understand that I don't believe in much. Uh, you probably figured that out uh from my own loud context uh throughout the last hour. And the knife was gone. So I don't know what happened. You know, maybe someone came by and picked it up, but it was small. No one would have found it. It was maybe, maybe Gregory said, "No, that's not for my nephew." From wherever he was, he came down and got it and took it. Or maybe it just fell in a bush and maybe I just never saw it again. And either way, uh, you know, my mother got to pass on what she had been holding on to a long time was

• 9:39Speaker 00

  the spirit and the love of her brother. Uh, and then I had to let go the idea of having a knife at four years old. And that was okay because the knife was gone, but I will always have this little Y-shaped scar. Thank you very much.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  All right. After the break, we'll have two stories from two storytellers that aren't me.

• 10:03Speaker 01

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• 10:47Speaker 01

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• 11:01Speaker 00

  Welcome back. Our next story is from Callie Toll, who told us at a Portland Grand Slam where the theme was fall from grace. Here's Callie, live at the mall.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  So I'm 16 years old and I'm certified in artificial insemination in cattle, sheep, and swine. Right. Not only that, but I work with a company that certifies ranchers in cattle hands in certification for artificial insemination in these animals. And it's safe to say that I was pretty fucking hot to trot. I mean, I'm out there teaching these adults how to create life. Right?

• 11:54Speaker 02

  So part of my responsibilities are taking care of the animals we'll be working with, and part of my responsibilities are working with teaching and tutoring in our practicals for these courses.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  So in our January class, when the team showed up with the cattle that we'd be working with, and we were unloading them into the space, they pointed to this Brahma cow. Now Brahma cows, they're the pretty ones with the big hump on their backs, and the full grown Brahma cow is gonna weigh about 1,500 pounds. And they said, "Watch her. She's a caution." And then they said, "She's a bad cow."

• 12:34Speaker 02

  I didn't believe in bad animals. I fully understood that there are times when animals behave in ways we don't want them to, we don't expect them to, and we don't ask them to. And that at times can be dangerous, but never does a bad animal it make. And so I resolved myself, "I'll decide for me if she's dangerous or she's just difficult." And I unloaded the 20 cattle herd and put them where they belonged. The first morning of class, I went out to get the cattle to bring them in. There were 20 of them and I was on my own bringing them in. And it was bone cold, folks. The mud was about 3, 4 inches deep.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  And I was on my own bringing these cattle back in, and I looked up and I noticed that some of the cattle hands and the ranchers had kind of filtered out to watch me bring them in on their own.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  And that was about the time that this Brahman cow started to give me some grief. And I did the thing I did back then, unique to me, which was I started doing jumping jacks. That may sound funny, but when cattle don't know what's gonna happen next, they shy away, right? They don't come towards it. So it was doing two things for me, right? She's gonna shy away, and I'm gonna stay warm. And I hear this laughing off to the side. And so I decide to, while still doing jumping jacks in the freezing mud, just look over and acknowledge the adoring crowd. And as I do, I get this flicker of a change of expression on their face.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  And then my whole world is pain. And as my mind grapples to figure out what's happening to me, I'm actually flying upside down, facing the opposite direction, over the back of this cow. She had taken her pole, so that's the very top of her head, and cupped me right in the abdomen, and flung me like a rag doll. Still trying to understand what's going on, I hit the mud on my head and my neck, and I fall to my back, and instinctively, I'm flipping to get onto my stomach, trying to catch a breath, trying to get on my feet. I crawl and scramble, and that's when I realize I've been knocked out of my boots.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  And I stand up, and I can feel that freezing cold mud seeping into my socks. And I look up, just to try to get my bearings. Pain, again. This time, she hits me from the back, and she sends me flying forward, landing on my stomach in this deep freezing mud. Only now, I'm in the middle of the other 19 cows, who are starting to become reactive, and they're afraid, because the cowboys are screaming, and they're jumping over the railing to try to come and help me. And I manage to get on my hands and knees, and she's behind me, and she's striking at the backs of my legs with her hooves, and she's ramming me again and again with her pole. And my whole world just becomes mud and pain.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  And things start to get very primal. And I stop registering each individual injury as cattle step on my hands, and they knee me in the face with their legs as they're trying to get out of the way. And I chance to look up. And there is this cowboy, like a superhero, running across the tops of the backs of these cattle all around me. He's parkouring. Each cattle is reaching one foot at a time on one cow as he lands directly in front of me and he scoops me up. And that's when I can see that the cattle hands and the cowboys are trying desperately

• 16:25Speaker 02

  to create a safe path for him to get me to the railing when that Brahma cow breaks free again. She's got this vendetta I will never understand and she's coming for me and the cowboy this time. He gets me to the railing, but my hands don't work. I can't make a purchase to climb. My feet don't work. They're bare now and it feels like needles are driving into my hands and feet and I try to bear my weight to climb, but I can't. And as she approaches, this cowboy summons some kind of superhuman injury, energy, or maybe he has it, I don't know, but he pushes me up over the six-foot railing and I just land in a heap on my side, on the other side of the gate, him quickly following. I curl up in a ball.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  My whole world is just confusion and freezing fucking pain and just start to cry. One of the cowboys I worked with brings his truck around and he picks me up and he puts me in the cab and he turns on the heater and he calls my mom. My mom comes to get me, takes me directly to the hospital. Shockingly, there's no broken bones, but the internal bleeding and the bruising on my arms and legs has actually caused anemia and I'm watched closely as I make a full recovery to a full blood cell count. You might wonder, so I'm going to tell you guys, I still don't believe in bad animals.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  I have learned, however, to heed a warning when given.

• 18:03Speaker 00

  That was Callie Toll. Callie is a credentialed veterinary technician who has spent her life taking care of animals and the people who love them. The only thing she enjoys more than sharing her stories is hearing yours. We've got one more story for you, but before that, I wanted to talk a little bit about why you are The Moth. I already told you about my experiences with The Moth as a host and a teller and an instructor. There's a bunch more people here who bring The Moth to life, some names you've heard before, many you haven't. It's easy to think that all of us are The Moth, but really, it's you. You think back to how The Moth got started with a bunch of people sitting on a screened-in porch in Georgia telling each other stories and the holes in the screen let the moths

• 18:47Speaker 00

  come in and they would collect around the light while these stories were being told. I mean, you are the moths and you're here gathering around these stories. And you're here with us because we believe that everyone has a story to tell. We believe that everyone's story is worthy to be told and we want everyone to tell their stories. You know, what it does is it fosters empathy for other people. It helps us to listen. It's so rare, you know? It helps us to understand that our own experience is not the only experience. None of this exists without the people who listen and that's you and we are so grateful for you. So you, listeners, you arguably are actually The Moth and we need you now.

• 19:29Speaker 00

  Making a gift directly to The Moth today will ensure that stories from our live events and workshop programs are free and accessible across the globe. Donations received now provide a critical foundation for us to kick off the new year on solid ground. Please visit themoth.org or text GIVE25, that's G-I-V-E-two-five, to 78679 to get started. Thanks so much for your support of The Moth. Up next is Tom Rich, who told this story at a Boston Story Slam where the theme of the night was haunted. Here's Tom, live at The Moth.

• 20:07Speaker 03

  Toward the end of my senior year of high school, something happened that haunted me for over thirty years. From a very young age, I was really good at, at, at, at math. Probably didn't expect me to say that. I was at the top of my class every year, and it was my favorite subject. So it was no surprise when, at the end of my senior year of high school, I was selected as my school's representative at a statewide math competition. The first step in that competition was an interview with three professors from the local university.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  That morning, I drove out to the site with my two close friends who were, who were actually competing in, in, in, in different subjects. We got to the site, I walked in the room, sat down, they asked me a question, I knew the answer, but all of a sudden, words were not coming out of my mouth. Every word was a struggle. After about a minute of struggling and weird facial contortions, one of the professors pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil and said, "Here, why don't you write down your answers?"

• 21:36Speaker 03

  And that's how the rest of the story went. Well, this was a humiliating experience that I was deeply ashamed of. On the ride home, my other two friends were, were in a great mood, they had aced their interview, and I sat quiet, I didn't say anything. When I got home, I didn't say anything to my parents. But more importantly, that was terrifying. I had struggled with stuttering since the second grade. But up until that point, the consequences were merely being teased, which isn't fun, but it didn't seem to have any impact on your future. But here I was with a chance to really do something and I failed.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  And as a result, I lost all confidence about speaking in front of people and really being put in any situation that I did not control. And I started saying no to opportunities. Through my twenties, thirties, and forties, I never regained that confidence. And I said the minimum amount. When I got married, I said exactly two words. But saying the minimum amount meant that every time I had to make a phone call, introduce myself, or speak in front of people, that high school interview just was hovering over

• 23:06Speaker 03

  me. And then about 12 years ago, something happened. It was on a Sunday morning and I was at my Unitarian church that I had been attending for several years. And we'd come to that point in the service where anyone could get up and talk about what was on their mind. And it was sort of a spur of the moment thing. But I got up, I walked over to the microphone, and I said, "Last night, I watched the movie The King's Speech about King George VI of England and his struggle with stuttering."

• 23:51Speaker 03

  And that was an incredibly emotional movie for me because that's something that I have struggled with. And I had never had an honest conversation with more than two or three people.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  About that. Well, at that moment, I started to find confidence and I started saying yes to opportunities. I said yes to being on the board of my church. I said yes to joining the board of our local refugee assistance program. And just last year, I said yes to leaving my not so fulfilling job and finding something new and more meaningful. And the more that I did that, I came to realize that that high school interview no longer haunted me. Thank you.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  That was Tom Rich. Tom lives in Massachusetts with his family. He credits his spouse Suzanne for helping him find his voice and encouraging him to give live storytelling a try. Listen, this is important. We believe that stories bring us together. It's why we host slams and main stages and teach storytelling to students and community groups. It's why we produce this podcast and The Moth Radio Hour. And we can only do all of that with your support. So, thank you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being The Moth. Please visit themoth.org or text GIVE25, that's G-I-V-E-two-five, to 78679 to make a donation today.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  That brings us to the end of our episode. Thank you to our storytellers for sharing with us and to you for listening. From all of us here at The Moth to all of you at The Moth, have a story-worthy week.

• 25:44Speaker 04

  Peter Agüero was born and raised in the wilds of South Jersey. He's been working with The Moth since 2007 as a storyteller, host, instructor, and staff clergy. He makes his home in Queens with his wife, Dr. Fine. Callie Toll's story was coached by Chloe Salmon. This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jenness, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger. The rest of The Moth's leadership team include Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Marina Kluchay, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardenale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Uranya. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis.

• 26:27Speaker 04

  All Moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.