Home for the Holidays: The Moth Podcast

There’s something special about being around the people you love, celebrating, truly coming home for the holidays. So on this episode, two stories about home - finding it, making it, and what it can be. This episode was hosted by Suzanne Rust. Storytellers: Rob MacMurray has a funeral for a tree. Nina Livingstone sees a specialist about her agoraphobia.

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  Welcome to The Moth. I'm Suzanne Rust. When your flight's been delayed for nine hours and counting, when you're stuck in traffic so hellish that not even the best podcast in the world can lift your spirits, when the TSA line is stretching fully out of the airport, it can feel like maybe going home for the holidays wasn't the best decision. And though spending time with family and friends around the holiday can be stressful, there's a reason why people brave the awfulness that is holiday travel. Because there's something special about being around the people you love, celebrating, and truly coming home for the holidays. So on this episode, two stories about home, finding it, making it, and what it can be.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  First up is Rob MacMurray, who told this at a Boston Story Slam. Here's Rob, live at The Moth.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  So my 11-year-old son, Peter, bursts into our bedroom and wakes us up. And he says, "Mommy, Daddy, a huge branch just fell off the tree in the backyard, and it woke me up." And I look at the clock, and it's 6:00 a.m. on Sunday. And I say, "Okay, Peter, I'll deal with it later." And he leaves, and I roll over, and I try to go back to sleep. And then I say, "It's so loud, it woke him up. I think I gotta get up." So I do, and I go down to the kitchen and look out into the backyard, and I see the branch, but I wouldn't really call it a branch. It's like the top third of the tree trunk has fallen off. It's huge. And on the way down, it snapped the zip line that was attached to the tree,

• 3:39Speaker 03

  and it landed on a metal patio chair, and it completely crushed it. And I feel the same way as that chair does. So I grew up on, my childhood home was on three and a half acres of land, and about three of those acres were woods. And if you drove by our house in the summer, you couldn't see it at all. And me and my younger sister, Meg, we used to spend hours exploring those woods. And in the summer, I would fall asleep to the sound of June bugs and peepers. And in the winter, I'd fall asleep to complete silence. So when my wife and I, about 10 years ago, bought our house, it was in a neighborhood where you could, like, see the other houses.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  But I still liked it because it had a really big backyard, and at the very back of the yard was this little sliver of woods with all these trees, and it reminded me of my childhood. But my favorite tree was this huge maple tree, about 15 feet off the back of our house. It was beautiful, and it gave shade to our deck in the summer and about half of our yard. And in the fall, it had beautiful leaves that were red and orange and yellow. And we loved that tree, and I loved that tree. And the top third of that tree was lying in the backyard. And so my wife and I, we were worried. We were concerned that, you know, it could be a safety issue.

• 5:04Speaker 03

  So reluctantly, she called the tree removal service to come take a look at it. And the guy came out, and he got about five steps into the backyard. He looked at the tree, and he said, "Oh, yeah, that's gotta go." And I was heartbroken. But we did the right thing, and we scheduled for him to come back in a few weeks and cut down the tree. But over the next few weeks, every time I was in the yard, it was, I felt really sad, and I was like, I didn't want to make eye contact with the tree. You know, it was like dead tree walking. And I just really felt so sad about it, so I decided I needed some closure. So about a week before the tree was gonna be taken down,

• 5:46Speaker 03

  I gathered my family in the kitchen, and I handed everyone a sheet of paper that had an outline of a tree printed on it that I got from Google Images. And I said, "Okay, everyone, we're gonna write down some things that we love about that tree, and then we're gonna read those in a farewell ceremony." And my wife looked at me and said, "Really? Are you serious?" And my son just rolled his eyes. And I said, "Yeah, yes, I'm serious. Like, I'm really upset about this tree, and I'd really like it if you could just do this for me." And so they both sighed, and they started to write. And my eight-year-old daughter, Grace, she was already scribbling away. She had lots of ideas. And my five-year-old son, Drew, he just thought it was a coloring sheet,

• 6:31Speaker 03

  so he was drawing all over it. So when we all finished, I took everyone outside, and we stood under the tree. And I said, "Now, we're all gonna read what we wrote." And there was some sighing and laughing and snickering, but we did. And then I said, "Now," and I reached for a shovel. I said, "We're gonna bury our notes in a hole underneath the tree, near the roots." And my wife, my son looked at me again like I was insane. And my wife said, "It's really hot. Can I just go back inside to the air conditioning?" And I said, "Fine, fine." But my son, Peter, was like, "Oh, can I dig the hole?" And I said, "Okay." But Drew wanted to dig the hole, too. So I gave Drew the shovel to start. He's the five-year-old, and he's not very good at digging,

• 7:13Speaker 03

  so he flung the dirt all over Peter. Peter starts yelling at Drew. Drew starts crying. He starts yelling at Peter. They're screaming at each other. I send them both in the house. So now it's just me and Grace, my eight-year-old daughter. And so we finished the hole. We put the notes in, we cover them up, and we say some nice words. And then Grace does something that was not on the itinerary for the farewell ceremony. She goes over and she hugs the tree. And I hugged the tree, too. And that's how we said goodbye. And so I plan on planting a new tree there soon.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  And I hope it grows up to be as big as that maple tree. But I know when it does, I probably won't be around anymore. But there's this old proverb I read recently that says, "A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they shall never sit." And I think about that, and it makes me feel better. And I hope that maybe one day, when that new tree gets old and it's time for it to become cut down, maybe some overly sentimental dad and his overly sentimental daughter will have a farewell ceremony. And maybe they'll write some nice notes, and maybe they'll bury them in a hole right on top of our notes. Thank you.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  That was Rob MacMurray. Rob loves to tell stories onstage because he gets to talk for five whole minutes without being interrupted. He is a third grade teacher who lives in Franklin, Massachusetts with his wife and three kids. He loves trees, Star Wars, and dad jokes. We asked Rob if he had any updates since he told the story, and he said that about a year after the tree was cut down, they did in fact plant a new tree. It's a Japanese maple, and it started out about as tall as Rob, but now it has grown and it's actually slightly taller than him. He says that it may be small, but it brings him joy every time he looks at it.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  I spent my junior year abroad in Rome, Italy, and while I loved being there, you can imagine, getting back home to New York and my parents in time for Christmas was joyful and well worth the long flight, bad plane meal, and the jet lag. Sometimes you just need to be home for the holidays. After the break, a story about having to get out of your home. Be back in a moment.

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• 11:54Speaker 02

  Up next, we've got a story from Nina Livingstone, who told this at a Boston Story Slam. Here's Nina live at The Moth.

• 12:05Speaker 06

  I had my first panic attack when I visited Russia as a teenager. Back in the States, my panic attacks morphed into a full throttle of anxieties. And the doctor then told me to diagnose it as agoraphobia. I saw a therapist, I had medication for the condition, and it was-- but I couldn't, I still couldn't leave the house. I was afraid to leave the house. I was afraid to go anywhere. And I remember my housemate saying to me at the time, "I'm the only one getting the ice cream," you know? "And you're the one

• 12:49Speaker 06

  that's getting smaller, and I'm getting wider." I got the message. So someone suggested I see an agoraphobia specialist who would work outdoors. She works outdoors with her clients. I made an appointment. I looked out the window of the living room. I sheepishly looked through the curtains, kind of hoping she wouldn't be there. And I looked, she looked up, and she waved. I knew I couldn't get out of it. So I walked out the door, and I walked down the steps. She said, "Okay, this is what I do. We work outdoors. You're gonna walk down the steps, you're gonna walk up and down the driveway, and then eventually it's gonna be blocks, and you're going to--" And this isn't about short distance, long

• 13:32Speaker 06

  distance. This is about feeling like your home is in you wherever you travel. And it's gonna take a lot of time, and you have to be willing to work on it. And since the summer, I want you to hold an ice pack whenever you feel anxious, and do some deep breathing. She gave me all these suggestions, and I followed the ideas, I mean, her suggestions, and proceeded with walking up and down the stairs, the driveway with her, then tried it again next week without her, and proceeded into the next block. And it was a lot of hyperventilation involved and so forth, but I managed. She said, "Focus forward, look straight ahead, don't look back, because then you want to run home too." So she said,

• 14:16Speaker 06

  "Just stay focused." So then the next project was, the next assignment, you're gonna walk to the market, which was four blocks from the house. I was sweating. I walked into the market, and she said, "You're only going in five minutes. I'll see you in the parking lot at 3 o'clock." "Okay." I walked in the supermarket, and I was in the banana section, and I was focusing on all things. So I was looking at the banana, trying to focus, and I had my cane with me. The stock boy walks up to me, and he said, "Can I help you with the--?" I said, "No." I said, "I have tunnel vision." I said, "You know, I can see through it, and I can't see on the side." And he said, "Oh," he said to me, "tunnel vision."

• 14:57Speaker 06

  He said, "Okay." So, and meanwhile, I had inside my backpack an oscar, then I had a wind-up clock, and it went off at 3 o'clock. I said, "I gotta go." And I went outside. I was in the parking lot. She said, "Great." I said, "Great." So now we have another, we have another plan for you. She said, "The next most challenging feature I'll have will be the day before Thanksgiving. I want you to walk into the same market." I said, "Oh, my, I can't do that." She said, "Yes, you can." And she said, "And this time, of all the trips we've made to the market so far, this time you're gonna buy four items when

• 15:37Speaker 06

  you walk in there." I said, "Okay." So I walked the blocks, four blocks, sweating and everything. By this time was November. And I walked into the market, no ice pack. And I walked into the market and straight to the turkey section. I'm looking around the turkey section, and I dropped my ring. So I looked at the woman behind me, I thought, "I dropped my ring." And she said, "Paul, Paul Blind Woman by the turkey section. Paul Blind Woman by the turkey section." I mean, I don't want to be conspicuous with it. So he walked over to me, the guy walked over, he said, "Oh, my gosh, you're the one with the tunnel vision." I said, "Yeah, that's me, tunnel, yeah." I dropped my ring. He said, "Okay, well, I'll try and find it. If we find it, we'll let you know. We'll

• 16:21Speaker 06

  see you at the cashier." So I quickly, I said, "I gotta look for four items." The place was packed, so I was looking for four items. I was on my own, walked to the cash register, the long line was filled with long people around me. And all of a sudden, I hear the guy. He said, "Hey, I found the ring. I found it." And I said, "Oh, great." And everybody started clapping. I mean, like, I need the drama. I don't think so. So I'm trying to get over my phobia here. Thank you so much. Thank you. I walked through the cashier, paid for my four items. I was outside, and these specialists was out there, and I went, "I didn't." She said, "What's in the bag?" And I said, "Four gallons of ice cream."

• 17:09Speaker 02

  That was Nina Livingstone. Nina is a writer, stage performer, and public speaker. Nina's memoir, Are You There?, is in its final stages of editing. She tells us that, with the help of a specialist, she is now free of agoraphobia, which is wonderful to hear. That brings us to the end of our episode. Thanks to our storytellers for sharing with us, and to you for listening. From all of us here at The Moth, wherever you are this holiday, we hope that it feels like home.

• 17:42Speaker 07

  Suzanne Rust is The Moth's senior curatorial producer and one of the hosts of The Moth Radio Hour. In addition to finding new voices and fresh stories for The Moth stage, Suzanne creates playlists and helps curate special storytelling events. This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jenness, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger. The rest of The Moth's leadership team includes Gina Duncan, Marina Kluchay, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardenale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Ureña. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and

• 18:27Speaker 07

  everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

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