That's A Funny Story: The Moth Podcast

Telling a story onstage and telling jokes onstage are two very different things. But when a comedian takes a risk and tells a Moth story? Well, the result can be magical. On this episode, we're featuring two of our favorite stories from comedians. They're funny, yes, but they're also vulnerable and real. This episode was hosted by Ophira Eisenberg. Storytellers: Hari Kondabolu confronts a heckler after years of hearing jerks in the front row. Judy Gold discusses how her faith helped her through some of her darkest hours. If you like comedians telling stories, you may want to join us for a special Mainstage in NYC on Saturday, November 14. We’re teaming up with Comic Relief and the New York Comedy Festival. Ophira Eisenberg (who hosted this episode!) will be hosting and five incredible comedians (Jay Jurden, Laura Benanti, Devon Walker, Jake Cornell, and Hari Kondabolu) will be telling stories. Tickets and more information here: https://www.themoth.org/tickets/the-moth-mainstage-in-new-york-6

• 0:02Speaker 00

  Bienvenidos a The Moth. Soy Ophira Eisenberg. Al estar en escena para contar bromas es una profesión extraña. Es solo usted, el escenario, su micrófono, cambiando su vida y sus pensamientos en estos pequeños momentos de tensión y liberación. Y el público, sentado allí, mirándote, esperando que te hagan rir y listo para atacarte en un instante, si no lo haces. Es raro hacer algo con una tasa de fracaso tan alta. Al estar en escena para contar una historia, bueno, eso también es algo muy intenso de hacer. Y diré que el público de The Moth es generalmente un poco más generoso que un club de comedia de fin de semana aleatorio.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  El Moth ama rir, pero se apoyan en la historia, el viaje y una nueva perspectiva. Como alguien que ha contado bromas y historias en escena, puedo decirles que los amo por diferentes razones. Con el stand-up, obtienes esa inmediatidad, conoces, el feedback instantáneo de tu público. Y la narración te permite ser vulnerable. Puedes describir cosas, puedes explorar emociones de una manera que simplemente no puedes cuando tienes que hacer rir cada pocas segundos. Y cuando los comediantes toman el riesgo y son vulnerables, son poderosos y divertidos narradores. Así que en este episodio, estamos presentando dos de nuestras historias favoritas de los comediantes.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  Te harán rir, sí, pero también van a ir a lugares que normalmente no son visitados en un show de comedia. Primero es Hurry Kondobolu, quien contó esta historia en un escenario principal en Aspen. Aquí está Hurry, en vivo, en The Moth.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Así que crecí en Queens, Nueva York, que es el lugar más diverso del mundo. Y fui a la universidad en Maine, lo que es menos así.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  Recuerdo que el oficio de admisiones me decía: "No te preocupes, Hurry, habrá un surge de diversidad cuando llegues al campus este año". No sabía que era el surge de lo que estaban hablando.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Es muy extraño. Y pasé cuatro años en Maine y, ya sabes, había algunas tensiones en algunos momentos respecto a la raza y me sentí avergonzado, pero en general estaba bien. Pero tuve este terrible incidente en mi año de estudiante cuando caminaba a casa, fuera del campus, y estaba lluvioso y oscuro. Y de repente, tres tipos de blanco que nunca había visto antes me persiguieron por la calle y me colapsaron. Y el tipo uno colocó sus brazos alrededor de mi garganta y me preguntó lo que estaba haciendo allí. "¿Qué estás haciendo aquí? ¿Por qué estás aquí? ¿Qué estás haciendo aquí?" Una y otra vez, durante como diez minutos. Y finalmente me dejaron ir y comenzaron a rir. Y fue terrible. Y creo que lo que fue tan terrible como eso fue lo que sucedió el día siguiente cuando le dije a mis amigos en la cocina, gente que conocía durante tres años en ese momento,

• 2:59Speaker 01

  y que eran blancos. Vi a mucha gente tratando de invertir su mirada y tratando de cambiar el tema y sintiendo muy avergonzado con ello. Y recuerdo decirle a un amigo: "No puedo creer que esto me haya sucedido después de todo este tiempo en esta ciudad. Fui víctima de un crimen de odio". Y recuerdo que mi amigo dijo: "Bueno, en realidad no sabes si fue un crimen de odio". Quiero decir, ¿usaron esgrimas? ¿Usaron esgrimas? Estaba como, "No, en realidad no usaron esgrimas". "Bueno, entonces no es en realidad un crimen de odio. No creo que sea justo que te acusen de un crimen de odio". Y estaba sorprendido porque no sabía que él era su abogado de defensa. Fue muy extraño. Y luego me di cuenta, no, él se sentía culpable por ser blanco. No tenía nada que ver conmigo. Y la raza realmente coloró muchas de mis experiencias

• 3:43Speaker 01

  y definitivamente impactó en quien soy hoy y definitivamente impacta mi trabajo como comediante de stand-up, que hago por vida, lo que puede ser sorprendente para algunos de ustedes en este momento.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Pero hablo mucho de la raza en mi acto, como el gran R racismo, como el colonialismo, la esclavitud, ¿verdad? Y luego el pequeño R racismo, como cuando la gente viene a mí y me dice: "¿De dónde eres? Que odio. ¿De dónde eres? "Vengo de Queens, Nueva York". No, quiero decir, ¿de dónde eres realmente? Que es código para, "No, quiero decir, ¿por qué no eres blanco? Noté que tu piel tenía una color diferente de la mía. ¿Por qué? ¿Por qué esto? Lo noté con mis ojos. Tienes pigmento, ¿sí? Tienes pigmento. Mira, voy a discutir contigo. Soy un detective de raza. Y estoy aquí para resolver el caso de "¿Qué diablos eres?".

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Digo blanco mucho en mi acto. Como cada vez que hablo con gente en mi acto, trato de nombrarlas si son blancas. Como, "Oh, así que estaba juntándome con este tipo blanco y, oh, soy amigo de esta mujer blanco y este tipo blanco apareció". Y siempre digo su raza, su origen. Trato de hacerlo porque creo que la gente blanca generalmente no tiene su nombre de raza. Solo se ven como americanos o gente. No, la gente, como hemos dicho, nos nombra todo el tiempo en las historias. Así que trato de ser intencional de esa manera y tocar y ser político durante mi set. Y eso viene con consecuencias, ¿verdad? Porque estaré en escena y me dan la mala idea que muchos de mis amigos comicos blancos no obtienen, ¿verdad? La gente dice cosas como, "Oh, no sabía que Poo estaba en stand-up", ¿verdad? O como, "Oh, gente, ¿alguien más sabe a Curry aquí?". Y las cosas peores son las cosas que la gente dice en la fila. Porque la gente en la fila siempre es terrible, sin ofensión, pero como, cuando estás

• 5:21Speaker 01

  en la fila en un show de comedia, es como, "¿Por qué quieres estar en la fila? Quieres ser terrible y hablar conmigo". Y cuando la gente no le gusta mi acto debido a los elementos raciales de él, como, oí a la gente gritar cosas a mí, como, fuerte lo suficiente como que puedo oírlo, pero no lo suficiente como que todo el mundo pueda oír, porque son cabrones, ¿verdad? Y ellos, como, "Sí, esto está mal. Te jodas. ¿Qué estás haciendo aquí? ¿Qué estás haciendo aquí, musulmán? ¿Qué estás haciendo aquí, musulmán?". Y, ya sabes, en realidad soy hindú, pero no creo que se preocupen por el nuance.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Y es terrible porque gritan eso, ¿verdad? Así que no todos lo oyen y tengo que elegir si quiero abordar a estos tipos en la fila o si debería simplemente hacer el show que la gente pagó para ver. La gente pagó por los cuidadores, pagaron los precios de los boletos, pagaron dos bebidas para verme hacer una hora de comedia de stand-up. ¿Y por qué debería detenerlo para algunos idiotas? Así que lo como. Solo lo como cada vez y no digo nada porque hay cosas más grandes para discutir, ¿verdad? Ahora, sé que estoy hablando de mi empresa artística de esta manera negativa, pero en realidad he tenido una gran carrera. He viajado por todo el mundo para hacer comedia de stand-up. Estaba en Dinamarca hace unos años en el Festival de Comedia de Arhous y me dieron la mala idea que nunca había sido mala antes. Un hombre se levantó en el medio de mi show y en realidad gritó: "Vuelve a América".

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Lo cual es increíble, porque me han dicho que tengo que volver a tantos países.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  Nunca a América.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Me han dicho que vuelva a Irak, Afganistán, Libia, cualquier país en el que nuestra nación esté bombardeando. Me han dicho que vuelva allí en el momento más opportuno para volver.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Así que fue bueno escuchar finalmente a América.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Un privilegio, a viajar por todo el mundo para hacer comedia. En 2011, en agosto de 2011, me pidieron que performara en el Festival de Fringe de Edinburgh, en Edinburgh, Escocia. Y estaba emocionado por esto. Es un gran festival internacional. Y al mismo tiempo estaba nervioso, ¿verdad? Porque es un mes de hacer stand-up. Es muy intenso. Y la mayoría de los espectadores son blancos, formados principalmente por personas blancas. Y estaba nervioso porque sería, "Está bien, la mayoría del público es blanco, yo soy moreno y el cielo siempre es gris", ¿verdad? Y eso es lo que es Edinburgh, Escocia. Es siempre el overcast. Y es solo, blanco, moreno, gris, blanco, moreno, gris, blanco, moreno, gris, todos los días durante un mes, ¿verdad? Es como el día de los jardines. Es lo más extraño. Y los shows fueron bien, ¿verdad? Había muchos arriba y abajo, ya sabes, nunca realmente lo aplasté.

• 7:51Speaker 01

  Siempre estaba, estaba bien. Estaba avergonzado. Y podía decir que los miembros del público no entendían que lo que estaba haciendo era comedia, ¿verdad? ¿Por qué hablo mucho de la raza? Es confuso, ¿verdad? Y definitivamente había mucho de eso. Y una noche estaba juntándome con mi amigo, que era un comico negro que también estaba en el festival y estaba teniendo frustaciones similares con su público y no entendiendo lo que estaba haciendo. Y estábamos juntándonos y de repente este hombre blanco se acerca a él y dice: "¿Qué está pasando, mi hermano?". Y trata de darle un high five, como hablando de esa manera divertida. Y mi amigo simplemente lo ignora y nos vamos. Y luego, 20 minutos después, una mujer blanca se acerca a él y saca su pelo. Solo toca su cabello, piensa que está bien solo tocarlo, que tiene propiedad sobre él.

• 8:36Speaker 01

  Es desgustante. Y 20 minutos después de eso, en una fiesta donde estamos tratando de beber y olvidarnos de que todo esto sucedió, otra mujer blanca se acerca a él y dice: "Kevin, Kevin". Y su nombre no es Kevin.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Y ella le dice eso. Y luego ella dice: "Está bien, porque te ves tan bien como mi amigo Kevin". Y es justo asumir en este momento que Kevin es negro.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Y creo que también es justo asumir que Kevin no se ve como él. Y mi amigo está frustrado y se va. Y estoy furioso. Estoy furioso que él esté lidiando con eso. Estoy furioso que los shows hayan sido terribles y estoy confuso de por qué estoy aquí. Algunos días después, en el medio de la cuarta semana, justo al final, todo el mundo está perdiendo su mente un poco. Estoy en escena, diez minutos después de un set de 20 minutos. Hay cuatro comiques en el presupuesto. Estoy en el medio. Y en realidad está yendo bien. Diez minutos y en realidad estoy aplastando. Estoy matando cada broma. Está golpeando de la manera que se supone que le hará. Es increíble. Estoy sintiendo bien. Y de repente empiezo a preparar esta broma sobre el hecho de que nunca hemos tenido un presidente femenino en América y mucho de eso tiene que ver con el sexismo. Y estoy en el medio de preparar esa broma. Estoy a punto de llegar al punto de inflexión

• 9:45Speaker 01

  cuando escucho una voz en el fondo de la habitación gritar: "¡Poder palestino!".

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Y estoy confuso.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  Y luego empiezo a pensar, "Oh, es porque soy moreno y es otra broma ridícula, estúpida, irónica, racista". Y alguien decide interrumpirme y estoy tan enojado. Y digo: "¿Poder palestino? ¿Por qué no vienes aquí para que te golpeen las dientes?".

• 10:20Speaker 01

  Y es lo más enojado y lo más duro que he dicho a otro ser humano en escena o en la vida real. Y es raro, honestamente, que me lo diga ahora mismo en frente de todos ustedes. Es tan raro que dije eso y lo entendí en ese momento. Estaba tan enojado, como, ¿por qué tengo que ser atacado? Solo porque soy moreno, ¿por qué tienen que decir eso? ¿Por qué tienen que interrumpir mi show? ¿Por qué tienen que hacerme sentir mal? Y dije, "¿Por qué dijiste eso? ¿Por qué tuviste que decir eso? ¿Es porque soy moreno? ¿Por qué dijiste eso?". Y de repente escucho a alguien en el público decir: "Eso no es lo que dijo".

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Now, the first thing that hit me was, she? It was a woman? Did I just say the worst thing I've ever said in my life to a woman? I felt horrible, but I tried to stand my ground. I said, "No, I heard what they said." And then the audience, in unison, says, "No, she didn't." And then someone said, "She said, 'Men are in power.'" Which is not a necessary thing to say. It is kind of relevant, but definitely does not deserve a kick in the teeth.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  And I felt terrible, because I was wrong. And I've never been wrong before about this. I have never been wrong about race. I have never been wrong. I've been on stage so many times and have ate so many terrible things. And friends have come up to me after the show and said, "Did you hear what that woman said to you? Did you hear what that man said to you? Did you hear?" Like, yeah, of course I heard it. Of course I heard it, and I ate it, because there was a show to do, and I ignored it. And this time, someone said something, but they didn't actually say it. It was awful. So I start apologizing, which audiences never want to hear. Like, "I'm so sorry. I am so sorry I said that." "You don't know what it's been like. I misheard it, and people say all these racist things to me, and I just thought it was another one of those things.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  And my friend had these terrible racist things happen to him the other day, and I just, and I heard that, and I didn't hear it, and I'm so, and I'm so sorry." And then all of a sudden, someone in the audience yelled out, "It's okay, keep going." So the show turned into an intervention at this point. So I start going again. I start the next joke. And then a guy in the audience yells out, "Too sensitive." And I say, "No, not too sensitive, just sensitive." And then someone else yells, "It's okay, just keep going."

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Either because they care about me, or they just want this to be over with. So I finish the set. It goes fine, and people clap maybe politely. And I get offstage, and the host goes up and does a few jokes to stall for time and to cleanse the collective palate. And I'm anxious about what the other comics are going to say to me. Like, what are the white people backstage going to say when they see me? Because I've had enough experiences, right? And the next comic who was about to go onstage was a man from Northern Ireland named Paul Currie. His last name, very ironic at this point, was his last name trying to hurt me.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  And Paul gives me a hug, and he says, "You did well up there." I'm like, "No, I didn't. Like, we both saw what happened. Like, it was terrible, Paul. I was terrible up there. You don't need to say that." And Paul says, "No, you were great up there, all right? That was an honest moment. You gave them an honest moment, and people never get honest moments, right? And look, yeah, what you said was wrong, and it was awkward, but it was real, right? It was honest. That's how you felt. And you explained to them why you felt that way and what you went through, and they would never have heard that otherwise. They don't know what it's like for you to be a brown person in this country, doing your act, and what you do, and what you would do. They don't know that, and you let them know that. And it was important that you did that. It was honest, and you should be proud of that. You did good up there."

• 14:39Speaker 01

  And I thought a lot about that, and I still think a lot about what Paul said, because it was an honest moment. It was raw, and it was real, and it was genuine. And it's the strength that I drew from that set. It's that strength which allows me to tell this story to you now, an audience full of mostly white people. Thank you very much.

• 15:06Speaker 00

  That was Huri Kondobolu. Huri is a comedian, writer, and podcaster based in Brooklyn, who The New York Times described as "one of the most exciting political comics in stand-up today." He's the creator of the critically acclaimed documentary "The Problem with a Pooh." His Netflix special, "Warn Your Relatives," is still available, and his latest special, "Vacation Baby," is on YouTube. He's currently writing his first book, set for release in 2028. One of my favorite reactions from any audience member is when they laugh and then comment, "That's funny because it's true." Well, there's no better way to show that than with the art of storytelling.

• 15:51Speaker 00

  If you like comedians telling stories, you may want to join us for a special main stage in New York City on Saturday, November 14. We're teaming up with Comic Relief and the New York Comedy Festival. The theme is "Funny Story." I'm hosting, and five comedians will be telling stories. We've got Jay Jordan, Laura Benante, Devon Walker, Jake Cornell, and Huri Kondobolu. Yes, Huri, who you just heard a story from, will be telling a brand-new story. Come on out and join us. Tickets and details are at themoth.org. After the break, another stand-up comedian with a story. Buy smart, drive for less, and trade for more. That's Toyota affordability.

• 16:36Speaker 00

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• 17:02Speaker 02

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• 17:47Speaker 02

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• 18:05Speaker 00

  Welcome back. Our final story is from Judy Gold, who told this at a New York City main stage. I've had the pleasure of sharing quite a few stages with Judy, and let me tell you, she is a tour de force, an unstoppable energy. And when all of that power on the stand-up stage is harnessed into a story, I hope the result is even more profound. Here's Judy, live at The Moth.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  My mother was born in 1922. And when she started grammar school, she would leave every day at 3 o'clock and run across the street to the synagogue to sit in the Hebrew school class. Girls didn't go to Hebrew school. It was 33 boys and one girl. And she went every single day for seven years after school and sat in the boys' Hebrew school class voluntarily. When the boys became bar mitzvahed, after they had all become bar mitzvahed, they decided they were going to do something a little special

• 19:21Speaker 03

  and sort of confirm my mother on Shavuot, which is the holiday which tells the story of Ruth, and my mother's name is Ruth. So they confirmed her at the synagogue, something small. She, of course, called it the first bat mitzvah, but I looked it up, and it was not the first bat mitzvah. But she thinks everything she does is just grand. So when I was growing up, my mother, of course, had a very kosher home. Every Friday night, we had Shabbat dinner. Every Friday night, we went to synagogue. I hated going, but they did have brownies afterwards, which I really enjoyed. We were very religious. I mean, in a conservative sort of way.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  We had a succa in the backyard, and my mother would not knit on the weekends, or there were certain things. I mean, we would drive sometimes, but, you know, she kept her little rules. And anytime we used the wrong spoon, you know, a meat spoon for dairy, say we used a meat spoon for ice cream, my mother would take a huge screaming fit. The entire neighborhood would wake up. And then, instead of, I don't know if you know this, that you have to actually, in order to re-kosher the utensil, you have to bury it in the earth for three days. So in our case, we used houseplants. So, and we grew up with all these Jewish customs and traditions,

• 20:49Speaker 03

  and my mother made us go to Hebrew school. And she made us, my brother and sister and I, she made us go to Hebrew high school, and I hated it. I hated it so much. I grew up in suburban New Jersey. My mother grew up on the Upper West Side. And she would tell me stories about the city and how suburban New Jersey was like living with a bunch of farmers. So that was really positive and wonderful. But the girls were really kind of jappy. And when it came to bat mitzvah time, you know, I was already six feet tall and in the marching band, so I wasn't really popular. And...

• 21:27Speaker 03

  I was invited to a few bat mitzvahs, and they were so lavish and over the top. I remember Mindy Weisman came out of a cake with sparklers. Very religious. Lori Blender rented this entire hall. Everyone had, like, ball gowns on. They had live bands, Virgin Daiquiris. It was the most-- and people went to Shea Stadium. It was unbelievable. So when it got to my bat mitzvah time, I thought, all right, this is my time to be cool. I'm gonna be popular. I'm gonna have a really cool party. And my mother said to me, listen, Judith, it's not about the party. It's about the religious experience. And I was like, ma, look at me. I need this party.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  She said, too bad, Judith. And we had a little dinner before, then my bat mitzvah, then a little dessert after. And for the prizes, you know, they have to give these giveaways. My mother got little change purses for the girls and keychains for the boys. I remained a complete nerd for the rest of my time in suburban New Jersey. I was completely unpopular. And I got to high school. And, you know, it was kind of annoying. My parents were very old. They were 20 years older than most of my friends' parents. They told me everyone hated the Jews on a daily basis. And anytime I brought a friend home, and I would introduce them,

• 22:55Speaker 03

  my mother would ask me if I thought they would hide me. So...

• 23:06Speaker 03

  I grew up in this paranoid religious household.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  If the paper boy came to collect his money on Sabbath or on a Jewish holiday, my mother would take a screaming fit at the door. I never ate school lunch because it wasn't kosher. So when it became my adolescence and my time to rebel, I started sneaking Burger King in the backyard. I would take newspaper and put it over our picnic table in order to not de-kosher or anything. It was sort of my kosher Switzerland zone. And there, I would eat my cheeseburgers. You know, everyone else was smoking pot and drinking, and I was eating cheeseburgers in the backyard.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  When I got to college, I thought, I'm free. I discovered shellfish, lobster. I rebelled completely. I was like, I'm done with this. I am gonna assimilate 100%, and that's it. I'm sick of all this crap. Well, I graduated college, and I realized I was gay. Now, I realized I was gay when I was growing up, but I kind of came out after college to my inner circle. And I also started-- I moved to New York, two blocks from where my mother had grown up. And I started doing stand-up comedy. When I was 27, I was living with my partner.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  And I had come home that afternoon, and there was a message on my answering machine from my mother. And she said she thought that my father had had a heart attack, that they were at the swim club, and that I should come to the hospital. So I took a shower, and I got in the car, and I drove to New Jersey. And by that time, it had been early evening. And I walked into the ICU, and there was my mother sitting there in her bathing suit.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  And she still had her bathing suit on. And I brought her home, and I opened the refrigerator, and there was this bowl filled with bean salad that she had made for my father for dinner that evening. And I thought, my father's never gonna eat this bean salad.

• 25:28Speaker 03

  He was on a life support system for six days. And at the end of those six days, when we finally unplugged him, my brother, sister, mother, and I were standing around his bed when he took his last breath. And we all looked at each other and recited the 23rd Psalm.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  When I got home, we met with the rabbi. The funeral was the following morning. And the one thing I remember at the funeral-- two things I remember at the funeral is that I was getting picked up in a limo. And I thought, God, I thought the first time I got picked up in a limo, I'd be going to some award show or something, not my father's funeral. And I remember the sound of the dirt hitting the coffin. And I thought, this is so final. And we all got home. And there's a Jewish custom where you wash your hands after you visit a cemetery, after you go to funeral. You wash your hands before you enter your home to wash the death off of your hands. So I followed that custom. I washed my hands. And for seven days, my family and I sat shiva.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  Every night, people from all over the community came, and they recited the mincha service, the ma'arif service, and the mourner's kaddish. And the whole community came together. And I followed all of these customs. And after the seven days, there's another custom where you walk around the block as-- for the first time, not as a mourner. And you re-enter society not as a mourner. So my brother had gone home to Arizona, and my mother and I and my sister decided we were gonna take this walk around the block. And we took our walk. And on that walk, I thought to myself, what would I have done the past two weeks if I didn't have Judaism? I wouldn't have known what to do.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  I know how to mourn, and now I know how to enter society not as a mourner. And I decided I was gonna go, wherever I was doing stand-up, I was gonna find a synagogue and go say mourner's kaddish every Saturday. So I went on the road. I was, you know, Cleveland, Albuquerque, Boston. And I would look up conservative synagogues. And, you know, meanwhile, all night, I'm, you know, cursing over the sound of a blender in a comedy club, and people smoking and calling me a dyke. And then Saturday morning, I would get up, and I'd put on a skirt, and I'd call a cab, and I'd go say mourner's kaddish for my father.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  And I remember thinking, I know all these songs. And I remember looking at the people thinking, God, I know everything that's in their refrigerator.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  Well, a few years later, my partner and I decided that we were gonna have children. And we got an anonymous sperm donor. And I looked at the religion catalog and picked a Jew. And I decided to kosher my kitchen because that's how I had grown up. And I decided that I wanted my son to have Friday night dinners, just like I had growing up. So we started this tradition where I didn't work on Friday nights, and my kitchen was kosher. And I would scream anytime someone used the wrong utensil. But I did not put them in the plants. I couldn't deal with that. But-- plus, we live in New York, and I don't even have any plants, so I don't know what I'm talking about.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  But I sort of embraced this whole tradition, even though I had the most non-traditional life that anyone could have. And last year, last year, Henry, my older son-- I enrolled them both in Hebrew school because I have to go to Hebrew school. They have to go to Hebrew school. Henry is 14, Ben is 9. And they both go to Hebrew school. And last year, Henry became a bar mitzvah. My partner and I had broken up a few years earlier. And I had met a nice Jewish therapist. And we are in a relationship.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  My partner is in a relationship with someone else as well. And when I introduced my mother to my partner, we went out to lunch. And my mother said she wanted to pick up the check and asked if I could go into her purse and get out her change purse. And I went inside, and there was the change purse from my bat mitzvah. And a year later, Henry became a bar mitzvah. And we went to synagogue. And he stood on the bima, and his four moms, his two moms and his two step-moms,

• 30:17Speaker 03

  stood on either side of him.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  I opened the ark. He took out the Torah. And he started walking around the synagogue before he read his Torah portion. And I walked behind him, and everyone kept going in my face saying, mazel tov, mazel tov, mazel tov, mazel tov. And I just was overwhelmed with emotion. And he brought the Torah back to the bima, and he put it down. And it was the same bima that his grandmother had got confirmed on 74 years before.

• 30:55Speaker 03

  I thought to myself, oh, my God, I am the ultimate Jewish mother. I have created a Jewish man.

• 31:13Speaker 00

  That was Judy Gold. Judy is a comedian, writer, and actor whose stand-up specials have appeared on HBO, Comedy Central, Netflix, and Logo. She's the author of Yes, I Can Say That. When They Come for the Comedians, We're All in Trouble, a book about free speech and cancel culture. Also, if you would like to hear and see more from me, I have a new comedy special streaming right now called I Used to Be Nicer. And if you prefer to listen to it, I am honored that my album has been included with some other terrific artists for consideration by the Grammys. So search for I Used to Be Nicer wherever you like getting your comedy albums. That brings us to the end of our episode. We hope to see you at our Moth main stage,

• 31:57Speaker 00

  Funny Story with Comic Relief at the New York Comedy Festival, Saturday, November 14th, at 2:00 PM at the Town Hall in New York City. You can get tickets at themoth.org/NYC. And if you're a comic, we wanna hear your stories. Join us at one of our open-mic Moth Story Slams in cities around the world. Find one near you at themoth.org/slam. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  Athira Eisenberg is a stand-up comedian, writer, and the host of the podcast Parenting is a Joke. Her new special, I Used to Be Nicer, is available now. Hari Kondabolu's story was directed by Sarah Austin Janes. Judy Gold's story was directed by Jennifer Hickson. The Moth is a global storytelling nonprofit. To help us connect people through the power of personal stories, you can join The Moth by becoming a member at themoth.org, where you can also find information about our podcast, Pitch Your Own Story, and so much more. That's themoth.org. This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janes, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger. The rest of The Moth's leadership team

• 33:10Speaker 04

  includes Gina Duncan, Marina Kluchay, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardenale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Uranya. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers.