Mermaid Veterinarian: The Moth Podcast

On this episode, a story about a veterinarian and a story about a mermaid, both from our incredible StorySlams in Birmingham, Alabama. This episode was hosted by Suzanne Rust. Storytellers: Veronika Kiklevich treats a dog that’s swallowed something a bit unexpected. Bob Byrd accidentally breaks his mother’s mermaid.

• 0:04Speaker 00

  Welcome to The Moth. I'm Suzanne Rust. On this episode, we're featuring two stories that involve a pair of underwear and a glass mermaid, respectively. Because you never know what type of tale you'll be hearing at The Moth. They can be funny, sad, life-affirming, or just involve underwear and mermaids. First up is Veronica Kiklevich, who told this at a Birmingham Story Slam where the theme was "Busted." Here's Veronica, live at The Moth.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  Well, I'm a veterinarian, and I'd like to talk about things animals eat. Cats tend to be fairly eclectic in what they eat. They're finicky. They're finicky. And mostly, they limit themselves to long, stringy things. Like, a classic thing is tinsel, Christmas tinsel. Dogs, on the other hand, will eat anything. I mean, they will eat toys, they will eat your money, they will eat your shoes, they will eat your neighbor's kid's toys. Basically, if you can think of it, a dog has probably ingested it somewhere. And they'll eat things that aren't good for them. I had a little schnauzer in one time, and, oh, she had a really, really painful abdomen.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  And her mom had brought her in, the four little kids were all standing there, and I said, "Did she eat anything? Is there anything she could have eaten?" "No, no, no, no, no. We're very strict with our diet. She never eats anything off-diet." So I ran up and down, and then, all of a sudden, this dog started heaving. It started, "Mmm, mmm." And you just know something's coming back. So we all took a step back, and sure enough, an entire order of french fries came up on the table. And the lady looked at me in astonishment, and I kind of... And then she looked over at the kids, and they were busted. They were very busted. And I kind of knew it. They looked at it. And then shortly thereafter, a couple weeks thereafter, I had a little 35-ish-pound dog come in. The guy called up and said, "My dog gained 18 pounds overnight."

• 2:01Speaker 01

  So we took an X-ray, and its abdomen was kind of pendulous. It was full of rocks. I mean, stem to stern. It was just full of rocks. And I went in, took all the rocks out, and couldn't quite figure that out. When I was talking to the guy, he said, "Well, I threw some bacon grease out next to the house, and there's a bunch of rocks over there." So the dog had just gone out and filled himself up with rocks. So these are the kind of things that we get to see. But my favorite one is a standard poodle mix, and his name was Benzy. Benzy, as a puppy, was kind of all over the place. He would eat gloves, he ate nuts, he ate pretty much whatever he felt like. But most of the time, it was small stuff. As he developed, as he got older, he refined his tastes a little bit.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  And he sort of narrowed things down to pretty much undergarments, is what he liked. Socks, t-shirts, bras, panties, you know, night shirts, nice night shirts, and things like that. And so, the first time I actually had to take something out of him was a pair of pantyhose that he'd eaten. And the pantyhose, the body of them, had balled up in the stomach, and the legs were kind of going down the intestines. So he couldn't really get it up, because the legs were... He couldn't really... So he was stuck. I had cut him open. And I took out the pantyhose, and sewed him up, and he was good. And a couple months later, he came back in with the clinical signs. He was not feeling well.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  That time, it was a couple of athletic socks that he'd managed to get a hold of, and swallowed those down. So we took those out. And it wasn't very long after that, a couple more months later, I ended up taking a camisole out of him, a nice little camisole. And... But by that time, what had gone from being kind of funny was getting a little serious. And so I talked to the bidders. I said, "Look, guys, first of all, this is costing you an arm and leg. I know that. Well, that's fine with me. My concern is, it's not really good for Benzy. We can't just keep a nest that I can't put a zipper in him, and we can't just keep doing this." It's, you know, you guys have to become really a lot more vigilant about what you leave out and about the house. So they did. They did. They really took it to heart. I think I scared them.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  And they became very, very good about that. But inevitably, somebody leaves something out, and Benzy snaps it up. So they came back in, classic clinical signs, he's not feeling well. Did our diagnostics, took him to surgery, and got his intestines out, and just like a little ball, he had this ball in there. And I cut over it, and I took out these things, and we held them up. They were panties. And so I put them on the surgery table, and we finished Benzy up. And the next day, when I came in, my technician had taken them home and washed them and pressed them. And she said, "Give these to the bidders when they come in." And I said, "Sure." So I walked into the bidders' room, and they were in there, and I held up the panties, and I said, "Look, we brought these to you this time from that."

• 4:58Speaker 01

  And Mrs. Bidders took them, and she looked at the front, and she looked at the back, and she said, "These aren't my panties." And she looked over at Mr. Bidders, who was looking a little scared, and said, "Sam, do you know who these panties are?" And I just kind of left the room at that point.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  That was Veronica Kiklevich. Dr. J. Veronica Kiklevich has practiced and taught veterinary medicine for more than four decades. Although mainly treating companion animals, she has also worked from time to time with exotic species such as cheetahs, warthogs, and the occasional elephant seal. Since she told that story, she's continued to remove novel objects from pets' stomachs, including an entire twin-sized bed sheet, 23 hair ties in a single cat, and more plastic Santas and toy squeakies than she can count. I've been very fortunate that I've never had a pet that's eaten a pair of underwear, from a mistress or otherwise.

• 6:04Speaker 00

  However, when left on his own for too long, my childhood poodle, Tuffy, did have a penchant for my dad's Italian leather shoes, and for artfully draping banners of toilet paper throughout the house. Luckily, that was the extent of his rebellion. Tuffy was loyal, fierce, and very patient with 5-year-old me, as I played dress-up with him and made him my captive guest at many a tea party. After the break, another story about trying to hide a secret, but in a different context. Back in a moment. Welcome back. Our next story is from Bob Byrd, who told this at a Birmingham Grand Slam where the theme was "Fish Out of Water."

• 6:46Speaker 00

  Here's Bob, live at The Moth.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  There is a statue of the Little Mermaid off the coast of Copenhagen. She sits on a rock in the sea, because that's where she's confined, that's where she's trapped, pining for the love that she will never have. My mother had a replica of that Little Mermaid statue. It was about as big as my hand, maybe six inches tall, made of white porcelain. Her grandfather, my great-grandfather, gave this to her when she was a little girl, and she said on more than one occasion that it was the most important thing in the world.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  In fact, when we moved from Washington to Fort Lauderdale, Mom would not risk having the most important thing in the world packed up in a box in a moving van. So for that 20-hour drive, the Little Mermaid sat in her lap in the front seat of the car. The statue took on even more importance for Mom when her grandfather died. Once or twice a month, she took it down from the shelf and stroked it, and it seemed to bring her some kind of comfort, or peace, or something. All I know is, when she did it, she felt better than she did before she started.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  When I was in 3rd grade, 8 years old, I had a crush on a classmate. His name was John. And I was young enough, and innocent enough, and naive enough to think that wasn't a problem, that wasn't a big deal. But I very quickly learned just how big a deal it was. I had been fairly popular in school, and in an instant, I was ostracized by everyone, including the teacher. Because something's wrong with Bob. And when I got home, I felt an affinity with the mermaid on the rock, because I knew what

• 9:00Speaker 02

  it was like to be trapped where you are, stuck there, and never being able to get that which you pine for. And I remembered how Mom felt better when she stroked that little statue. And I needed to feel better. So I reached up for the shelf and tried to get it.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  You know what happened. It landed on the floor and it broke into many pieces. Mom heard the crash and came running into the living room. And when she saw the broken mermaid on the floor, she made a noise that I have never heard before or since. It was part howl, part scream, more animal than human. And it was followed by gut-wrenching sobs that doubled her over. And I knew there was no coming back from this. I had to leave because I had not only broken the statue, I had broken my mother, which is a terrible weight for an eight-year-old to carry.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  I fled the house. I didn't know where I was going. I only knew I couldn't stay there. I couldn't live there anymore after what I had done. So I just, with no destination in mind, I just ran up the street and ended up in the backyard of a neighbor's house where I hid behind their shed, still raining. They must have seen me and called Mom because a few moments later, here she came. Now, in those days, my mother never wore pants, never wore jeans. It was either a dress or a skirt. And she showed up in this neighbor's backyard with her little umbrella, and she put it down and got on her hands and knees in her dress and crawled through the muck to get

• 10:55Speaker 02

  to me behind the shed, where I was crying the gut-wrenching sobs. And she said, you know, when I saw that broken statue, I was confused for just a second because I thought that the statue being broken meant that the bond between me and Granddaddy was broken, that our love was broken. And that's not true. That's not the case at all. I still know he loves me and he knows that I loved him. That's just a broken statue. You can't break love by breaking that, and you did not break my love for you. Nothing can break my love for you.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  I would rather have 100 mermaids broken into 1,000 pieces than have you think for one second that I don't love you. She reached for my hand and she said, let's go home. Now, I still would have the crap at school to deal with for a long time, but what had been the worst day of my life was now one of the best days of my life because it was

• 12:07Speaker 02

  the day I learned that I was more important than the most important thing in the world.

• 12:21Speaker 00

  That was Bob Byrd. Bob grew up in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, but is called Alabama home for the last 30 years, which is the last place he thought he'd end up. He regularly posts his stories on his Substack page. That reminds me of a story. You might have noticed that both of these stories were told at Story Slams in Alabama. The Moth added Birmingham as a new Story Slam city in 2019, which makes it one of our youngest Moth communities. Each month Slam is hosted by Chris Davis, and we're always looking for new people to share stories, to listen. And bonus, each show needs three teams of judges, so you can volunteer for that, too. We're always hoping to hear more stories from the South, so calling all Southerners to make it to a Slam near you.

• 13:06Speaker 00

  You can go to themoth.org/events for times and locations in Birmingham and beyond. And we've got a whole host of other great Story Slams all across the world. Go to themoth.org/events to check them out. That brings us to the end of our episode. From everyone at The Moth, have a story-filled week.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Suzanne Rust is The Moth's senior curatorial producer and one of the hosts of The Moth Radio Hour. In addition to finding new voices and fresh stories for The Moth stage, Suzanne creates playlists and helps curate special storytelling events. Bob Byrd's story was coached by Jennifer Hickson. This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jenness, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger. The rest of The Moth's leadership team includes Gina Duncan, Marina Kluchay, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinalle, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Ureña. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers.

• 14:13Speaker 03

  For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.