Blindsided: The Moth Podcast

When something comes out of the blue, how do you react? Do you freeze? Do you panic? Or do you find a way to move forward? Today, we’ve got two stories about being surprised, dumbfounded, blindsided, in completely different ways. This episode was hosted by Amena Brown, author of the new essay collection 'Never Tell A Black Girl How To Black Girl.' Storytellers: Janell Banks develops a fear of driving after a car crash nearly severs her foot. Amena Brown’s grandma takes a liking to Amena’s new husband. Podcast # 985

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• 2:01Speaker 02

  Oh, hey. Welcome to The Moth. I'm Amena Brown. I'm a moth storyteller, poet, and the author of the essay collection, Never Tell a Black Girl How to Black Girl. When something comes out of the blue, how do you react? Do you freeze? Do you panic? Or do you find a way to move forward? On this episode, we've got two stories about being surprised, dumbfounded, blindsided, in completely different ways. Our first story is from Janelle Banks, who told this story at a Kansas City main stage where the theme was daring. Here's Janelle, live at The Moth.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  Fall 2003, when I packed up my hopes, my dreams, and too many hoodies and landed in good old St. Joseph, Missouri.

• 2:53Speaker 03

  Enter Janelle, eager and ambitious and allegedly destined to become a lawyer. At least, that's the plan. But I'm not sure this school could actually produce lawyers. But let's dream big. College came at me fast, and not in a partying, late-night ramen kind of way. But still, there was a mission in the background: to drive. And no, not the motivational drive to succeed. I mean, literally learning how to operate a motor vehicle. Here I am in a rural community, stuck with no car.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  And transportation is key. And you can't get around like you can in the present day by tapping your phone and trusting a stranger with five stars.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  So, yes, I'm afraid to drive. And here I am in a rural space, needing a car. Because you see, two years prior, I was in an accident where I was driving a purple Hyundai Accent as a newly permitted driver. And I was hit by a Ford F-150.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  T-bone in a major intersection. My car spun around like a washer machine on its final cycle, until it finally stopped like God himself said, "That's enough." That accident nearly took my foot away from me. It crushed all the bones in it and broke it off of my ankle. And doctors openly debated whether amputating it was the best option. I still recall being asked to recite the alphabet backwards before surgery, which was the only calm and normalcy before the chaos.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  I remember waking up in a sterile room with my foot hoisted high in a cast as thick as drywall, and it was hanging like a monument of survival. My hospital stay was short but unforgettable, and with the help of a morphine pump, I was able to learn how to walk on crutches and drag the wagon that was now my fragile foot. And from there, I was pushed back into society in the middle of a snowstorm, snowboarded into our third-story town home, where I had to move from the third floor to the first floor for safety and convenience.

• 5:41Speaker 03

  Now that I'm settled in and back to reality without my morphine pump, now comes the next journey, which is physical therapy. And as I can recall, the first sessions were pretty brutal, but little by little, I learned how to walk, not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I refused to hop, skip, and jump everywhere, especially to the bathroom.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  That accident changed my life. It taught me how to endure pain while walking, what my endurance was, and even what shoes I could wear. But most importantly, it changed my relationship with driving. I didn't drive. I stopped. I never got my license. Because now, driving came with fear and drama. It just wasn't about a rite of passage. It actually was a roadblock. And you know, in the Midwest, driving is like a form of currency. So now, here I am in college, basically cosplaying as a licensed driver.

• 6:50Speaker 03

  Because people can understand you not having a car, but not having a license at my big age, very embarrassing. But I managed to maneuver through five years of asking for rides and catching rides and getting all of the favors in. In fact, I had built my own underground Uber network.

• 7:15Speaker 03

  Powered by sorority sisters and fraternity bros and all of the relationships I built along the way with my brilliant personality.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  Here I am, five years, eighteen through twenty-five, without a car, without a license in sight. In fact, I haven't driven once. I haven't come close to a steering wheel. The closest I've come to driving may be a bumper car at an amusement park, which scared me, or PlayStation's Grand Theft Auto.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  But now, in my mid twenties, I'm a college graduate, and I'm tired of asking for rides. In fact, I'm afraid that public transit might be the next step, and I've heard stories.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  So now it is time to shift. Shift into bravery and get my driver's license or die trying. Now, my stepfather approached me with a good option. He offered me a brand-new black Mitsubishi with leather seats and a sunroof, which is a great deal. And the only cost was that I just had to get my driver's license. That's right. This man said he would give me a car for absolutely free and the title if I got my driver's license. And to most people, that sounds like a good deal, right? To me, that's like asking for a million dollars. I didn't have it.

• 8:51Speaker 03

  But as the great Allen Iverson once said, "It's just practice."

• 8:59Speaker 03

  It's just practice. So that's what I did. I practiced. I got that stupid blue book from the DMV. And I learnt the art of driving through online tests and reading that book. And eventually, I got some test laps around the neighborhood supervised in my brand-new used Mitsubishi.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  And I started to feel confident, like I had been driving the last eight years of my life. I mean, I'm driving down these two-lane residential streets ready.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  I'm so confident, at some point, I paused and wondered, "Do I actually know how to drive, or have I just memorized the neighborhood?"

• 9:48Speaker 03

  But now, it's time to move forward and take the driver's test. And no one tells you how scary the DMV is. It's nasty.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  It's cold. It's dimly lit. But here I am, taking this test. And I'm proud to announce that I emerged from the cold, nasty, dimly-lit DMV clutching a passing score.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Only after two tries, which is not bad for a product of an open-admissions college.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  Now, on to the driver's test. I'm nervous, I'm afraid, because, again, it's been eight long years of fear, but I am ready to stop letting life drive me and drive this car. Unfortunately, though, I have met my match because the instructor giving the test is extremely friendly, like, way too friendly, which led to us having great conversations, which means I missed every turn she told me to take. I was talking with my hands like I had been driving for years.

• 11:19Speaker 03

  I think the only time I was at 10 to 2 is when we started the car. But now, it was time for the final portion of the driver's test, which is parallel parking. The final boss. Before I could even turn the wheel, she said, "Stop, you don't know what you're doing. That will conclude the test. But you've passed." Now, here I was thinking that I was a forever passenger, princes,

• 12:04Speaker 03

  but I heard the words, "Pass." I've passed, I'm a licensed driver, OMG. And life is funny like that. Once I got my license, I didn't just sit around. I decided to relocate from Kansas City, Missouri, to Houston, Texas. Which is crazy for a person who's only driven on the highway like four times. But it was fun. It was eight long years, eight long years, where I've held myself accountable for not driving,

• 12:45Speaker 03

  and now I'm driving, and eight, the symbol eight, which looks like the infinity sign, which ironically is tattooed on my right once-shattered ankle, and underneath it says "Not Easily Broken."

• 13:01Speaker 03

  That tattoo says it all. It says it all. I've triumphed. I've overcome a disability. I've pushed myself out of the cage. I've passed things that took away my adulthood and my womanhood. And now I'm driving. And from Houston, I drove all the way to New York City. Which is crazy. But life is crazy like that. Because driving or riding in the car as a passenger is one thing. But driving by yourself, that is control and that is freedom. And that is steering your own destiny. Thank you.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  That was Janelle Banks. Janelle is a comedian, actor, storyteller, and artist known for blending sharp humor, real-life experiences, and creative expression into unforgettable experiences. She's also a visual artist, bringing bold energy, authenticity, and heart from the stage and screen to every creative space she enters. We asked Janelle what she thought about the events of the story all these years later. She said, "I'm currently teaching my little sister how to drive, and it made me reflect on how much responsibility comes with being behind the wheel. Once you become a driver, you stop thinking about every step. You just start the car and go. But now, I notice every decision, every movement,

• 14:31Speaker 02

  and every moment it takes to drive safely." One of the things I love about Janelle's story is how she talks about the importance of being willing to sign up for an adventure. Sometimes we think adventures are only ziplining or bungee jumping. But learning how to drive is an adventure too. When I was writing my book of comedic essays, Never Tell a Black Girl How to Black Girl, I really enjoyed writing stories about everyday things that become adventures. Like going to a pool party or trying to make new friends. Big thank you to Janelle for reminding us to steer our own destiny and be open to wherever life takes us. After the break, another story about being blindsided. One that's a little less life-changing, but a little more surprising. Back in a moment.

• 15:19Speaker 01

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• 17:21Speaker 01

  Welcome back. Our next story is one that I know well because I told it. This is from an Atlanta Story Slam, where the theme was anniversary. Here I am, live at the Moth.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  This year makes 12 years since I introduced my now-husband to my grandmother. He was my boyfriend then. And I had never brought a man home to meet my family. So my mom, my grandmother, and my sister knew that this was a very big deal. I'm also bringing a tall, white man with red hair home. This is a very big deal. I mistakenly leave my boyfriend in the living room with my grandmother while I'm in the kitchen doing all the things with my mom and my sister. And when I come back, I can't hear what my grandma's saying. All I see is her doing this with her bra straps.

• 18:21Speaker 02

  And I'm just like, "Why would you be doing that, talking to my boyfriend?" But when I get closer, I realize they're in a conversation about swimming. And my boyfriend is telling my grandma how he loves to work out by swimming. And she's like, "Oh, I try to get these girls to learn how to swim. And they won't never learn. And me, I would learn, but you know, I'm top-heavy. And I would need a swimsuit that would have wide straps so it could really hold me in, you know?" And my boyfriend says, "Grandma, you know, let me know if you ever find that swimsuit. I don't mind, you know, taking you out to the pool or something, you know? I could show you how to float."

• 19:04Speaker 02

  And she said, "Oh, man."

• 19:09Speaker 02

  After we got engaged, I go to visit my grandmother. And she says, "Come sit down, I got some advice. Some relationship advice." And I'm like, "Please, tell me whatever this is." And she says, "I want you to remember, don't kiss Matt too hard."

• 19:31Speaker 02

  At this point of the story, I'm having to decide, "Do I want to know why my grandma's telling me not to kiss my then-fiancee too hard? But I'm too nosy, so I say, 'Go on.'"

• 19:48Speaker 02

  "Make sure you don't kiss him too hard, Nina, because you know, white people bruise easy."

• 19:59Speaker 02

  At this point, I don't know if you've seen The Color Purple. But at this point, my mother is running towards the kitchen with the same energy Shug Avery is running towards Seeley when Seeley went to shave Mister and Shug Avery thought that Seeley was gonna kill Mister, but my mom thought that my grandma was gonna really tell me something, that maybe we can't like, un-hear. So my mom runs, runs, runs, gets to the kitchen. "Mom, listen, you don't need to tell Mina how hard she can kiss Matt or not. They're about to get married. You don't need to worry about that." At this point, my grandma says, "Will you tell Mina to watch it right here?"

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Anyways, so, by the time Matt and I get married, I realize my grandmother and my now husband have developed this very chummy relationship that apparently began with a wide-strapped swimsuit conversation, further developed to my grandmother noticing a mark I left on my fiance. I don't know the vibes there. And now, my grandmother's very concerned about Matt all the time. I come to her and tell her that I've just returned from the mall. "Here is the dress I purchased. Here is what I had for lunch." "That sounds wonderful, Mina. What'd you get from Matt?"

• 21:34Speaker 02

  "Oh, that sandwich sounds like it was delicious. Did you buy Matt something?"

• 21:40Speaker 02

  And it is a wonderful and unfortunate thing in your life when you feel like you have to sort of keep an eye on your grandmother because she might steal your man.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  The last moment I had with my grandmother was about my brother-in-law, who is my husband's younger brother, also a tall, redheaded, white man, came to our home this Thanksgiving. My grandmother walks right up to him, squeezes his bicep, looks at his wife and says, "Hm, you made a man out of him."

• 22:23Speaker 02

  And my sister-in-law had a moment where it's like a couple of thoughts cross her mind, right? Like, the first thought is like, wait, what? But then the second thought was actually like pride, you know, like, I think something came across her mind like, maybe I did make a man out of you. And as soon as my grandmother walked away, I turned to my sister-in-law and I said, she's sweet, but watch her. To this day, my grandma and my husband still have their own little rituals. When she comes over to our house, he makes her coffee, and she giggles when she tells him

• 23:08Speaker 02

  how much sugar and cream to put in it. I still think she loves him a little more than me. As I record this right now, my grandma is staying with me. I told her I was sharing a story about her on this podcast, and I told her what she said in this story. She replied, I said that? Yes, you said that. I love how my grandma has selective memory, especially when she says something funny. That brings us to the end of our episode. Thanks so much for listening. We hope that this week and every week, all your surprises are pleasant.

• 23:45Speaker 05

  Amena Brown is a writer, spoken word poet, performing artist, and Moth storyteller, whose new collection of essays, Never Tell a Black Girl Had a Black Girl, is available now. If you'd like more Amina, we actually just featured another story of hers on the Moth Radio Hour. It's in the episode All About American Dreams, the one right next to this app in your podcast player. So take a listen. This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger. The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Gina Duncan, Christina Norman, Marina Kluchay, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardenale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia

• 24:27Speaker 05

  Uranya. The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Reese Dennis. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.