Pod Insights The Mel Robbins Podcast Want to be happier? Stop doing this one thing. About this episode If you want to be happier, you've got to learn how to stop worrying about what other people think.
I want to give you one surprising change that has freed me from the fear of other people's opinions.
This is a major topic in my new book - The Let Them Theory - which is already hit #2 on Amazon.
You can grab a copy where ever you buy books. Or learn more at https:///www. LetThem.com
Transcript 0:00 Speaker 0 Worrying about or dictated by what other people think. I want to take a minute. I'm going to be talking about how you use the let them theory to break the horrible habit of worrying about managing and being afraid of what everybody else thinks. Because if you want to be happier, if you want to achieve your goals, one of the single biggest skills that you have to develop in life is you've got to learn how to value your opinion over the opinions of other people. And I want to just welcome you in. I want to give everybody a chance to just roll in here real quick. And I'm not going to stay on long. We're going to just jump right in, and I'm going to teach you how to use the let them theory and the two components, let them and let me to fundamentally transform the way you move through your day-to-day life.
0:53 Speaker 0 Because one of the single biggest things that is holding you back, whether you care to admit it or not, is you're way too concerned about what everybody else thinks. You are way too worried about everybody else's opinions. You waste too much time and energy managing what your mother's going to think, what your friends are going to think. You are probably right now waiting to hear back from somebody via text or via email and you're worried about it and you're thinking about it and you're hesitating. Why? Because you're concerned about what they're going to think. And the let them theory, and if you don't know what I'm talking about, I'm like talking about this new book that I have released called The Let Them Theory and how two simple words are going to break you free.
1:44 Speaker 0 And today we're going to focus entirely on how do you use the let them theory and all the incredible science that and research that I put into writing this book to stop caring and worrying and managing what everybody thinks. And are you ready for the tool, everyone? Because this will blow your nine mind. You ready? This is going to blow your mind. Here's what I'm going to teach you to do today. You ready? Good. Let them think negative thoughts about you. If you adopt this philosophy, let them think negative thoughts, it is going to change your whole life. It is going to give you freedom, confidence, control. It has changed my life. It has changed my relationships. If you struggle with guilt, if you struggle with constantly putting other people first, if you find yourself in these strings of friendships or relationships where you are constantly trying to prove yourself, you are chasing people.
2:54 Speaker 0 When you care more and you value someone else's opinion more than your own, you have just handed all your power to someone else. The secret in life is to care more about your own opinion and to show up in a way in your life that is aligned with what you value and with what makes you proud. Because when you focus first on the actions and thoughts and opinions that align with the kind of person that you want to be, you actually are not going to be bothered by other people's opinions. And here's the thing I want you to walk away from this live stream with. And this is section two of this book. This book is divided into eight sections on how you're going to use the let them theory and the two words let them and the words let me to apply stoicism and radical acceptance and detachment theory and how you're going to gain your control in life.
3:47 Speaker 0 You're going to let people think negative things about you. Because here's the thing, everybody. Most people have like 70,000 random thoughts a day. You can't even control half the stuff that pops into your own mind for crying out loud. What on earth makes you think that you can crawl up inside someone else's head and control what they think? Of course you can't. Thoughts are like these random explosions in your head that come and go. And any time and any energy that you waste trying to control or manage or force someone else to think something just doesn't work. And the reason why you do this is because you're afraid of what other people think. And so I'm going to teach you this counterintuitive approach that I learned using the let them theory, which is learn how to make, learn how to let other people have negative thoughts.
4:39 Speaker 0 That's how you do it, everybody. Learn how to let other people have negative thoughts. And I'm going to give you an example because this is extraordinary how this works. Other people are going to have negative thoughts about you, especially the people that you love. I mean, let's just stop and think about family. Family teaches you how to love people that you don't particularly like in the moment. Okay. Let's just take somebody that you love. I want you to put somebody in the comments that you just love, but you're worried about what they think. It could be your mother, it could be your father, it could be your spouse, it could be your boyfriend, girlfriend, your significant other. It could be your adult kids. It could be your, it could be a colleague at work.
5:27 Speaker 0 You like this person, you love this person, you value this person, yet you're really worried about what they think. You bend over backwards, you're constantly feeling guilty because you're worried about what they think. First of all, let's talk about this. When you do that, you have just put all the power in somebody else. Because the power is now in what this other person thinks. And by the way, we've already proven you can't ever control what kind of thought pops up in somebody's mind. So now you've put your power in someone else's head with something you can't control. No wonder you're stressed out and you feel guilty. I live my entire life like this. Imagine a world where you could love people and respect people and care about people and still let them think negative thoughts.
6:16 Speaker 0 I'm going to tell you something right now. People have negative thoughts about you. It is a fact. Have you ever had a situation where you bend over backwards and let's just say you here the holidays are coming up. Let's say you bend over backwards, you change your plans. You're going to go home for Thanksgiving, or you've agreed to get into the car or jump on the train and go to your grandmother's or go to your sister-in-law's or go to your roommates and you take the time to buy a present, and then you show up after you've bent over backwards to do this thing because you think it's going to make someone else happy, you think it's the right thing to do for someone else. You also hope that people recognize the effort that you're making.
7:03 Speaker 0 And the second that you walk in the door, somebody's like, you brought your dog, or like, we thought you'd be here two hours ago. And then you crumble, and then you feel bad, and then you feel resembled. Let them have a negative thought. When you focus on someone else's thoughts, you put the control over your life and the power in your life in the hands of someone else and in something that you actually have no control over. If you, because two things can be true at once. You can bend over backwards, you can be a wonderful person, you can be making decisions to try to appease other people. You can love other people, and they can still be disappointed that you're two hours late. You can change all your plans. And you can show up at something that you don't really want to show up at, but you do it because it matters to your grandparent, or it matters to your sister, or it matters to your work colleague, or it matters to your cousin.
8:01 Speaker 0 And you got to leave early, and they may have a negative thought about that. Let them, let them let them have a negative thought because two things can be true at once. You can love somebody, you can do your best, and they can still have a negative opinion. Do you want to know who I have the most negative opinions about? Typically my family. And so does your family too. Betsy on Instagram says, Mel, what about your kids? I don't want them to think negatively about me. Oh my God. Betsy. Come on now, Betsy. How many of you have negative thoughts about your parents? Right? You think they're annoying. You, you, you, you think they're they're the way they spend their time is dumb. You think that the complaining that they do about whatever issue it is, how much time you spend on social, you think that's just stupid and they're out of touch.
8:54 Speaker 0 That's a negative opinion, but you still love them. You do this to people in your life all the time. How many of you show up at work and you like your colleagues? And then they do something that really pisses you off. Like maybe you're an expediter at a restaurant and a colleague that you love screws up an order. Do you have a negative thought? Of course you do. You're not a monk. You're not a robot. You have a negative thought. But two things can be true at once. Because you like your colleague and you cannot like what they just did. Isn't that cool? You do this with other people. Why not give yourself the same grace? Why not move through life and understand that the power and the control is in what you think about yourself?
9:39 Speaker 0 That when you know you've bent over bass words, when you know that you're a good person, when you know your intention around things, when you're proud of yourself, let them have a negative thought because they don't have the full story. And it's your opinion about yourself that matters. This By the way, is the heart of the let them theory book, everybody. That your power is in your thoughts, your actions, your values, what you think about yourself. And too often in life, you know what you've been doing, you've been giving the power to other people and you didn't realize it. And when you just are crippled by what everybody else thinks. So you go on a hinge date, and the person that you want the hinge date doesn't actually respond afterwards.
10:26 Speaker 0 Okay. Let them let them have a negative thought about you. Let them reveal who they are through their behavior. It has nothing to do with you. Let them show you who you are, who they are, rather. Let them show you who they are. You don't want to be with somebody that treats you like this. So instead of pouring all your time and energy into changing and managing, trying to make them think something positive about you. Screw that. Pull it back to yourself and let them let them reveal who they are, let them have a negative opinion about you, let them treat you in a way that's less than you deserve. And then you hold on to the power. Let me. This is the big part, big part of this. See, everybody loves saying let them, but the let me part, let me remind myself I deserve somebody that actually responds to me.
11:16 Speaker 0 I deserve somebody that treats me in a way that makes me feel good about myself. I deserve somebody that you know kind of is mutually interested. And I also recognize I am not going to give my power away by chasing somebody that I went on a dumb date with to try to convince them to think positive things about me. That's just freaking stupid. Why would you do that? Of course you're not going to do that. Because you're going to let them. You're going to lose, use the let them theory in your life to stop this obsession with managing and changing other people's opinions about you. You've got no control over that. You only have control over what you think about yourself. And that's where the power is, the let me part. Let me show up in a way where I'm proud of myself.
12:04 Speaker 0 And let me be the bigger person and let me be so confident that I have the capacity to allow my mom to be disappointed and not make it my job to fix this. I have the capacity to do my best at work and have somebody give me negative feedback and not have it crumble me. I can let someone have negative thoughts, and then I can let me remind myself that how I show up is actually where my power and my control is. You can pick up a copy of this anywhere books are sold everybody. And I want to thank you because you've made us we hit number two on Amazon this week because of you. We hit number one on audible because of you. We are the number one book in Canada right now because of you. And yes, this is available around the world, and yes, you can get your hands on this in terms of ordering it today.
12:54 Speaker 0 If you want more information, go to let them.com. But I want to keep answering your questions before this crashes. And so keep your comments coming, okay, in the thing. And if you're using the let them theory and it's working for you and you're saying let them, and then you're doing the second part, let me let me remind myself what's in my control. I would love to hear how this is helping you. If you've ordered the book, make sure you go to let them.com because everybody that orders the book gets a free ticket to a master class. I am teaching live on December 12th for everybody that orders the let them theory book. So go to Letthem.com after you purchase your book, get your ticket to the free masterclass on December 12th.
13:39 Speaker 0 It's going to be live. You're going to absolutely love it. That's right, Kathy. It is a pre-order situation right now, but it's really important. And here's why I need your help. I am begging my publisher because so many of you are asking for this to be released sooner, so you have it in your hands for the holidays. The more of you that pre-order, the more power I have to say, the book is at the printer. Let's move this sucker up. Let's get this out there by December 17th or December 24th. So you have it for the holidays. Right now it's going to drop December 31st. You can start the new year's with it. This is why I'm doing a free masterclass on December 12th for a couple hours so that you're equipped to walk into the holidays and know specifically how to use it.
14:27 Speaker 0 I'll have a presentation. Like this is an actual class that we're going to be teaching for free for everybody that buys the book. But with your help, I really want to move this book up. It's with the printer. So let's, the more orders we get, the more I can push everybody to say, I realize it's a pain. And we're going to see if they do that, but that's my goal right now. I mean, this is incredible. Um, here we go. Register for the masterclass at Letthem.com. All you do is buy the book, any format, any language, anywhere you want, and just give us your order number and your email, and we'll send you information about the master class. All right, let's keep going. This is Mike on YouTube. If you got questions, everybody, and all the information is right here below on how you can get the book and how you can register for the master class on December 12th, which will have a replay.
15:22 Speaker 0 If you get the book and you register at Let Them.com, you can attend the master class live. I will be teaching it. I will have slides like this is like class is in session, people. Let's walk through how we're going to use this. If you can't watch it live, you get the replay. Um, and also, yes, yes, yes. If you purchase it on audible, absolutely. If you purchase the e-book, whatever format, print, ebook, audible, this is going to be a monster of an amazing masterclass. I cannot wait to teach it. It's going to be Professor Mel, we're going to do slides, we're going to have whiteboards. It's going to be freaking awesome. All right. So, Mike on YouTube. Shouldn't I care about what my boss thinks about me? Or can I still use let them?
16:08 Speaker 0 Okay, great question. Yes, you should care about what your boss thinks about you. Yes, if you want to keep your job. But let me ask you a question, guys. Does worrying about what your boss is thinking actually change what your boss is thinking? No. Does worrying about what your boss is thinking help you show up in a way that creates positive results? And here's the thing about bosses, because I am one. Even if you do everything correctly, your boss might just focus on the one thing you didn't do. Let them. Let them. And there's a couple of reasons why I want you to understand. Is your power in managing what your boss thinks? Because let's just uh back up and let's take a look at what we've learned. Number one, you can't control it.
16:54 Speaker 0 So even if you do absolutely everything, how many of you work for people and it's never enough? You're constantly doing everything. You haven't been promoted, you don't have a raise. This has been going on for years, right? So it's not just something that's going on for six months, but you are hitting everything you need to hit, and you're not getting what you want. You can't control what your boss thinks. And by the way, you actually can't control whether your boss promotes you or moves you to a better desk or gives you a different title because you don't know the full story of what's going on in the business. And also, let's just face it, your boss may be a complete dick and may not like actually see your value, even though you're doing everything you think you're supposed to do.
17:43 Speaker 0 Your power is not in worrying about what your boss thinks. There are a bazillion companies out there. You're not stuck at this job. And so let's focus on the second part of the let them theory, which is the let me part. And by the way, we cover this exact scenario in the first section of the eight sections of the book. By because when you just focus on your boss and your boss's mood and what your boss is doing, you lose your power. Focus on you. First things first, you got to do everything that's being asked of you. That's number one. Second, let me let me ask for what I want. Have you done that? And have you shown up at the meeting and actually laid out the case for why you have achieved all the things that you deserve.
18:28 Speaker 0 Third thing, if you keep getting no, no, no, no, no, why are you spending any time worrying about your boss? Why are you not taking all that power and that energy and organizing all this stuff that you just presented to your boss and going and looking for a different job? How about them, Apple? Like your boss is not in control of your career, you are. Your boss is not in control of your future, you are. And the more you get yourself in a death spiral, trying to manage or worrying about what your boss thinks, versus let me get clear about what are the measures of success for this job. Let me focus my time and energy on doing the best that I can to meet those outcomes and expectations. Let me understand what skills I need in order to succeed in this industry and let me go get those skills and those experiences, and then let me organize myself in a way so that I can present all of the contribution and value that I am providing.
19:27 Speaker 0 And let me ask for what I want. And then let me determine based on what my boss does, whether or not I'm gonna continue to pour time and energy in here, or if I'm gonna go take all this and I'm gonna go and use my power and my time and energy to go get something that I feel fulfilled and that I deserve. And so understanding everybody, the reason to work hard at work is not so your boss likes you. The reason to work hard at work is so that you are proud of yourself. So that you see the contribution that you're making so that you feel empowered to either stay somewhere where you feel appreciated and where you feel acknowledged and where you feel there's a way for growth, or take all that and go use it to find a place where you will.
20:13 Speaker 0 You're not stuck, everybody. You know, Shanna, Sharon writes, I'm afraid of hurting people's feelings all the time, afraid to state my opinion. You can't live your life like that, dude. You have one life. You want to get to the end of your life and look back and go, I never let myself live my life. I was so afraid of what everybody else thought. I never actually let myself be myself. And Sharon, you're not the only person that feels this way. This is one of the big five regrets of people on their deathbed. I never let myself be myself. And you want to know why that happens? Because you are so worried about what everybody thinks. Let them think what they want. In fact, better, let them have a negative opinion. And literally live your life in a way so that you're proud of yourself.
21:02 Speaker 0 Because when you're proud of yourself, you keep your power. And as I'm trying to teach you today, even when you show up with the best intentions, even when you work your tail off at work, even when you bend over backwards and you're the one making the plans, and you're the one doing this, and you're the one trying really hard in your relationship. People are going to think negative things. I think negative things about Chris all the time. I'll give you one from this morning. Chris has planned, and this is going to show you what a jerk I am. You ready? So my husband, Chris has he's struggling with planter fasciitis, you know, where you're like your heels hurt like crazy. Is that what it's called? I think that's what it's called.
21:47 Speaker 0 And he has ordered the ugliest navy blue man sandals I have ever seen in my entire life. And worse, because they're slides, his toes hang out on the like the front of them. I'm just like, oh God. So when I see these things, I am a gigantic jerk because I have a negative opinion about his sandals that he wears all over the house, and how they're whatever because they're rubber or the way they're designed, his feet kind of hang out the front of him. I'm like, oh my God. I have such a negative opinion. But you want to hear something? I love this man so much. He is my favorite human being in the world. I'm allowed to have a negative opinion about him and still love him because two things can be true at once. He has negative opinions about me.
22:34 Speaker 0 My breast stinks, my tone of voice is too loud. I spend too much time working, all of which he shares with me whenever he feels like it. And guess what? My husband is allowed to have negative opinions about me. Because two things can be true at once. He can love me and be annoyed with me. Your friends can love you to death and think the person that you're dating is a psychopath. Let them think negative thoughts and focus on what you need to do that makes you proud of yourself. That's what you need to do. This is going to set you free. You want to be happier? Let people think negative thoughts. You want to be more in control? Let people have their opinions. You want to feel freedom, let other people think what they want. Because there's nothing you can do that will change, or I should say, guarantee that someone's going to think something positive.
23:27 Speaker 0 People have full autonomy over what they think, and they are allowed to have their own thoughts. You need to focus on the actions and the daily routine and the feelings and thoughts that are inside of you and living your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself. And here's the thing the more that you actually worry about other people and manage other people, the less time and energy you have to support yourself. And this is why you are living life backwards, and so did I. When I discovered this theory, that the more you stop trying to control what other people think, what they feel, what they're doing, the more control you have in your life. The less time and energy you spend managing and worrying about what other people are thinking and doing, the more time and energy you have to improve yourself and to be happier and to live your life in a way that makes you proud.
24:22 Speaker 0 That's the secret to everything. And if you're looking to be more stoic, the let them theory is a tool. When you say let them and you say let me, you're applying stoicism in modern life in real time, boom, and it works. If you're looking to detach from your emotions and to be more resilient and to learn how to not care so much about what people think, the let them theory is a way to apply decades of research on detachment in the moment when you're super activated and pissed off and emotional. Let them detach. Let me boom, hit my power. That's why this thing's exploded. That's why the let them theory is so powerful, you guys. I don't know why the book is out of focus, but it looks kind of cool. Um because it actually applies like a century of wisdom and philosophical and psychological research in modern life in the moment, in real time.
25:15 Speaker 0 And the thing that I love about let them and let me is it's so simple. And if it's simple, you'll use it. And when you say those words, boom, you apply it first to detach from other people and to detach from things you can't control. Let them let them have negative thoughts, let them have let Chris is like, let them hate my sandals. I don't care. Let them. I'm gonna wear these things out to dinner tonight. Oh God, no. Let them, Mel, let them. It is change my marriage because it creates room for two things to be true. You can think negative thoughts and be an amazing person. Somebody can have a negative opinion about you and you can still love them. And you want to know why this is true, think about your family, everybody.
26:00 Speaker 0 You have negative opinions. You think you know what your sister should be doing. You think you know what your brother-in-law should be doing. You think you know what your mother should be doing. No, you don't. No, you don't. Let them. Let them live their lives. Stop wasting your time and energy having all these negative opinions and judgments on other people and bring all the power and time and energy back to yourself. Let me let me focus on being the best daughter. Like, here's the cool thing about guilt for those of you that struggle with guilt. So many of you show up in your life because you feel guilty. That's BS, man. That's such a lame way to go through life, and you were trained to do that. The thing about let them theory, and when you start saying let them, is that the reason to show up at Thanksgiving or for the holidays at your sister-in-law's house is not because it makes her happy or your mother happy.
26:57 Speaker 0 The reason to show up and to bend over backwards for people is because it makes you happy, that you're the kind of person that values family and that makes an effort. Do it for yourself. When you do it for yourself, you hold on to the power. When you do it for everybody else, you are driven by guilt and then you villainize everybody else. You don't have to live like that. You don't. And you can start to understand what you value and what you don't, because when you stop managing what everybody thinks, and you just let them have their opinions and you let them have their negative opinions, you now have to look at yourself and go, well, what do I actually value? What matters to me? Let me make a decision that aligns with what I care about.
27:44 Speaker 0 And yeah, I may not want to drive eight hours in order to spend two days with my family because it's a giant pain in the rear end based on what's going on with my kids and at work or whatever. But I actually value making the effort. So I'm doing it for me. Do you see how this is so empowering that you pull all the power back to you? And you can get the let them theory book anywhere that books are sold. And the reason to order today is twofold. Here's why I want you to get your copy today. Number one, I'm teaching a massive master class, slides, whiteboards, professor mouth, classes in session on December 12th for every single one of you around the world that orders a book right now. Because I want to make sure that when you step into the holidays, which is the most stressful time for everybody, and also post-election here in the US, where you're kind of dealing with your feelings and everybody else's feelings and all that stuff that you know how to apply, let them and let me immediately.
28:46 Speaker 0 There will be a replay, but everybody that buys a book now gets a ticket to this masterclass, and it is only for the people that buy the book and pre-order it. Any format, any country, audio book, just go to let them.com to register your receipt. It's super simple. You're gonna love this thing. I'm so excited about it. That's number one. Number two, I actually want to get the book published earlier. And you guys are you guys have driven this to number two on Amazon, and I am hammering my publisher right now to try to just move mountains to try to see if we can't get this book in stores earlier. And we're gonna do everything we can. And the more that you guys are pre ordering the book, the more power I have to say, well, let's do the impossible.
29:33 Speaker 0 Let's try to change the way that this works. Paula, thank you for ordering a copy. Thank you, everybody. Shannon says, How do you apply the the let them theory with not being selfish? Excellent question. The let them theory is not a tool that I You to use to isolate yourself or to be a narcissistic jerk. Okay. Because you can say, let them, let them, let them, let them, let them, let them, let them. And I see a lot of you going, how do I pre-order the book? Literally, just go to Amazon or Barnes and Noble or Target or your independent bookstore. You can Google Let Them Theory book and it'll take you to a link and you edit on Amazon. You can also go to Let Them.com for links to independent resellers, Water Stones has it over in the UK.
30:19 Speaker 0 Um, lots and lots of languages are coming. So you can basically get it anywhere books are sold and anywhere you buy it, any format, you can get into this masterclass. Okay, everybody. And so I want you. What was the question? See, now I've got my menopause in ADHD ring. Let them completely forgot what the heck I was gonna say. Oh, selfish. How do you not be selfish? Here's the thing. I can't teach you how to not be selfish. You have to want to not be selfish. See, if a core value for you is to be a compassionate and caring human being, if a core value for you is to stay connected to people and improve your relationships, because ultimately this book is really about how you show up and it brings you closer to other people because they're not irritating you and you're not mad at them because you're not having to manage them.
31:11 Speaker 0 And so if you're the kind of person that doesn't want to be selfish, then let them help you detach and then let me allow you and forces you to think about what you value. Because I really don't want you to be selfish. When you get to the end of your life, I want you to be surrounded by people that you love and that love you back. When you get to the end of your life, I want you to look back on the time that you had, and you're like so proud of yourself because you used your time and you used your energy for what mattered to you. And that you worked on your relationships, that you improved yourself, that you allowed yourself to be yourself because you weren't able, because you didn't live your life, just constantly worrying about what everybody else thought that you actually lived your life for you.
32:01 Speaker 0 And see, I think at your core, you're not a selfish person. I think at your core, you're an amazing human being that is living life in reverse. You live your life as if you think it's your job to manage everybody and everything around you. It's not. Your job is to let them let adults be adults, let people live their lives, let people be who they are. And the more that you do that, the more your life gets better, and the more time and energy you have to improve yourself, to take care of yourself, to show up in a way. You might find using the let them theory when you say let them and let me that you are the person in your family and you are the person in your friend group that always reaches out. And when you start to see that, it can be a little discouraging because you feel like things aren't being reciprocated.
32:53 Speaker 0 Let them, and then you got to go let me. Let me really say, say to myself, do I value family? And if somebody isn't reaching out, am I gonna just cut off family, or am I gonna go let me just know that this is something that matters to me? And it's okay if I'm the one. But if it's happening with friends, that might not be okay with you. And so the let me part is when you start to say, well, you know, let me maybe reach out and make an effort with people that are making an effort back. Let me have these conversations with friends. Maybe there's something going on with somebody, and it's why they don't reach back. Maybe they're crazy introverted, everyone, and you're like a lifeline for them. So in today's world, it's too easy to be like, oh, I screw other people.
33:41 Speaker 0 Yes, let other people be themselves. But when you do the let me part, you're gonna find there's a lot more compassion and consideration, and you're gonna find yourself stepping closer to people, and you're gonna find that the space gets created where the tension and the frustration disappears. It's absolutely incredible. You know, I'm seeing like people like any, like, will this help with assertiveness? Of course, because you're not assertive because you're so worried about what other people think, you're not assertive because other people's emotions freak you out, which is why there's a whole section on this. So if you're tired of feeling exhausted, or if you're tired of feeling overwhelmed, I guarantee you, within the first couple pages, the first couple minutes of listening, you're gonna realize how much time and energy you're actually unknowingly giving away to other people and things that are beyond your control.
34:39 Speaker 0 And it's liberating to realize how much time and energy you actually have. Let them and let me pull all that power back. Ben says, Did you move past your fear of other people's opinions with let them to get up on stage or get behind the micro mode for your podcast? Um, the the fact is I discovered let them about 18 months ago, uh, while I was micromanaging something with one of my kids. I have over the course of a decade, Ben, develop the skill of public speaking. And you do that like any muscle by getting up on stage and having hives and a bright red face and talking through dry mouth and the feeling that you're gonna pee yourself and the freezing, and that's just a skill that you build, but let them. Gosh, I wish I had this a decade ago.
35:25 Speaker 0 What let them has done, everybody is it has unlocked creativity for me. It has unlocked a why do I care so much about whether or not people are gonna like this topic that I'm talking about on the podcast? Let me focus on the things I want to talk about. You see what I'm saying? Like it takes the focus off the outside and puts the focus on the inside, which frees up your creativity, which unlocks the courage to do the work you want to do, which gives you so much time and energy back that you can pour into taking the creative risks or trying new things or not overthinking things because the overthinking everyone comes from what? First worrying about what everyone thinks. The fear that paralyzes you and procrastination.
36:11 Speaker 0 Why does that happen? I'll tell you why. Because you're worried about other people going to react. See, we all have this default of considering others before we consider ourselves. And in the book, you're gonna learn how this all happened and how it's part of the hard wiring of human beings. And you and I have been working against the laws of human nature since we were kids. And let them is how you can apply. Thank you, everybody. I see so many of you like putting the link to the book in here. You guys are the best. Thank you. Thank you. You're gonna absolutely freaking love the Lethem Theory book. And please don't forget to go to Let Them.com and register for the free master class that I'm giving to every single one of you that purchases a book.
36:57 Speaker 0 Your book is the ticket. Go to Letthem.com for all the information. It doesn't matter if you buy it on Audible or Amazon or your local bookstore or Target or Barnes and Noble or Waterstones or any bookstore uh around the world where you're gonna be able to find this and order this. The links are at Lethem.com, but you can buy it anywhere. And then go to LettTheM.com and just register your email and the order number on your receipt, and we'll send you an email and you'll get a link. And if you can't make the master class on December 12th, it's gonna be several hours long. Classes in session, Professor Mel Robbins is gonna be in class, you're gonna be with tens and tens of thousands of people around the world. We will have slides, whiteboard, teaching, handout.
37:45 Speaker 0 You're gonna freaking love this. And I want to do this because I want you to be able to go into the holidays, super busy and stressful time of year with your power and being able to use this, okay? Absolutely thrilled for you. Yes, it's on Audible. Yes, it's also ebook, yes, you can order it around the world. Yes, languages, languages, languages are coming. Um, but I just want to thank you. Uh, let's see, do I have any more questions? Any other questions you want me to think? Okay. Oh, here we go. Oh my God. Emma on Instagram. Mel, I'm terrified to put myself out on social media because I don't want people to judge me. Well, let them give me confidence. I don't mean to be a dick, but what do you think? The simple reason you're not putting yourself out on social media or you're not putting your art out, or you're not writing the book, or you're not starting that YouTube channel, or you're not jumping into the huge game of building an influencer business or an online business is because you're afraid of what other people think.
38:50 Speaker 0 Isn't it a sad tragedy that you're holding yourself back from the dreams and the desires and goals that you have in your heart because you are trying to manage something that's out of your control? I did that for years. In fact, I'm I write about the story of how I held myself back for two years on marketing myself as a motivational speaker, robbing myself of the money I needed to pay my bills, the money I needed to put groceries on the table for my family. Why? Because I was afraid of other people. Who? My friends, my family. And that's exactly what you're doing. It is just sickening how we let our fear of other people's opinions hold us back from living the life we're destined to live. The second you start saying let them, because you're gonna need to.
39:37 Speaker 0 I guarantee you, how many of you are trying to put yourself out on social media? You're trying to launch a business, you're trying to market yourself as a realtor, you're trying to launch a business in skincare or selling a product you love, and you're like, or you're trying to get into a Affiliate marketing, or you're trying to like write a business plan and talk to people about it, and you're like, or you're trying, you want to lose a you want to lose 100 pounds, but you got to go to the gym. But you're paralyzed. Why? Because you're thinking about what other people are going to think about it. Isn't that a tragedy? That you're holding yourself hostage. Other people are going to have negative thoughts about what you're doing.
40:23 Speaker 0 Let them. If you're somebody that's been wanting to put yourself out there, particularly social media, I bet if I grabbed your phone from you and looked at it, I bet you got 50 drafts that you've made of posts. Just sitting there. Every one of those drafts, you guys, is an example of how someone else's thoughts are holding you hostage and let them think a negative thought. All those little draft posts are dying a death in a draft folder because of something you can't control. Let them unfollow you. Let your friends from college be like, what does she think she's doing? Oh, she thinks she's an info. Let them. You can't control it. But here's what you can control. Let me. Let me free myself from the burden of managing that which I cannot control.
41:10 Speaker 0 Let me free myself from the burden of other people's issues and drama and negative opinions and cynicism. Let me focus on my dreams and my goals and the actions that I want to take. Let me be brave. Let me put myself out there. Because I would rather have a couple people unfollow me or a couple friends, so-called friends, talk behind my back and say negative things or roll their eyes than die on my deathbed regretting the fact that I held myself back. Do not do that to yourself. You get one life and you are not put on this earth to live it in fear of what other people think about you. You were put on this earth to have a breakthrough with your own fear and reclaim the power that you have to build the life that you want.
41:55 Speaker 0 And as long as you are sitting there managing other people's emotions and other people's feelings and other people's thoughts, you are not living the life you're supposed to be living. This is the single biggest breakthrough that you need because you are completely unaware of how this is holding you back and how much power you are giving to other people and things outside of your control and you don't even realize it. Let them, let them, let them, let them, and then let me take that power back and go change my life. All righty, I'm gonna bounce, get the copy of your book, let them get in the masterclass at Let Them.com. Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for listening to the podcast. Thank you for trusting yourself.
42:41 Speaker 0 You deserve this book. You deserve to take control of your life. You deserve to see how much time and energy you actually have that you've been giving away. You deserve to understand that you are a powerful force to be reckoned with, but you will not tap into that power as long as you're giving it away to other people. Let's stop that. All right. And in case no one tells you, I'm gonna tell you I love you, I believe in you, I believe in your power to create a better life. And it begins by first not giving your power away, let them, people, and then let me grab this book, let me get in this masterclass, let me start reclaiming my life, let me go build what I want because other people are gonna think what they're gonna think, so let them.
43:27 Speaker 0 All right, guys, I love you.
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