This Life-Changing Conversation Will Help You Make Peace With Who You Are

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. — This conversation will change the way you think about your past, your pain, and your purpose. Today, Mel sits down with singer-songwriter Mon Rovîa, whose breathtaking journey from war-torn Liberia, where he narrowly escaped becoming a child soldier, to the global stage will stop you in your tracks. But this isn’t just about his story—it’s about what his story will awaken in you. Adopted and raised in the U. S., Mon spent years trying to outrun his trauma. What followed was guilt, despair, and a deep feeling of not belonging anywhere. Until he realized he had a choice: He could stay stuck in suffering or turn his pain into power. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to stop running from your story and start making peace with it The truth about survivor’s guilt—and how to transform it into purpose How your gifts—yes, you have them—can heal you and others That no matter what you’ve been through, you belong here If you’ve ever felt like the odd one out, like you were handed a life you didn’t ask for, or like you’re carrying weight that’s not yours to hold, this one’s for you. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-300/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. In this episode: 0:00 Welcome 15:34 Meet Mon Rovîa 20:22 Why You Have to Accept the Past to Move Forward 25:12 Adoption, Identity, and the Power of Owning Your Truth 33:40 How to Make Peace With the Life You Didn’t Choose 39:31 How to Stop Punishing Yourself and Fall Out of Love With Suffering 46:30 Living With Survivor’s Guilt Without Letting It Define You 50:30 Accepting the Support You Keep Rejecting 1:00:47 What Belonging Really Feels Like When You’ve Never Had It 1:06:54 Mon Rovîa Performs ‘crooked the road’ Live — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:08Mel Robbins?

  I am so glad you're here because you're about to meet someone unlike any other guest who has ever been on the Mel Robbins Podcast. Now, I first discovered him on Instagram a couple of years ago. He was standing there, playing the ukulele, totally relaxed, smiling and singing this beautiful song. He had the most extraordinary voice, warm, folksy, wise, kind, gentle, yet strong. He had the most peaceful presence and just unbelievable energy flowing through the screen, right at me, through my phone. My shoulders dropped. I was immediately

• 0:53Mel Robbins?

  hooked, an instant fan. There was just something about him. So I started following him and then I learned more about his story. I learned that he was born into a brutal civil war in Liberia. He narrowly escaped the life of a child soldier. He was rescued and brought to the United States as a refugee. And that, as life-changing as all of that was for him, it didn't mean a happily ever after, it meant a whole new set of challenges. Identity crisis, isolation, grief, so many questions, the biggest one being, who am I? And if you've ever felt lost, you've probably asked yourself that question too. And that's why the conversation

• 1:36Mel Robbins?

  you're about to hear is life-changing. If you're wondering, well, who is this guy, Mel? His name is Monrovia. And he's not just on Instagram and TikTok anymore. He is playing on stages around the world, which is why I'm extra thrilled that he made the time to get on a plane and be here in our Boston studios for one reason, to talk to you. This episode is for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider, or questioned if you belong, or wondered if your story is worth telling. By the time you're done listening, you will know, deep in your soul, that you have an amazing part to play in this world,

• 2:17Mel Robbins?

  and you are going to feel so reassured that you are already on your way to discovering who you are meant to truly be.

• 2:37Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am on the edge of my seat. I am so excited for our conversation today. I'm excited that you're here. It is always such an honor to spend this time together. But today, the fact that I get to meet somebody that I've admired at the same moment you get to meet them, that is just a thrill. And if you're new to the podcast, I wanted to personally take a moment and welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I'm so glad that you're here with me right now. And because you made the time to listen to this particular episode today, here's what I know about you. First of all, I know that you value your time. So it means a lot to me that you made the decision to hit play. And you're going to be so happy that you did,

• 3:21Mel Robbins?

  because something magical is about to happen. And if you're listening right now because someone shared this conversation with you, it's because I was right. Something magical did happen in this episode, and they wanted you to experience it too. And so does my incredible guest today, Monrovia. Monrovia is a phenomenon, a one-of-a-kind musician from Tennessee, who has carved out time from a busy touring schedule to be here for this special conversation. You and I are going to be swept away, not only by his story, but by his humility, his compassion, and the message that he is here to tell you today. It's a message that's going to leave you feeling loved, empowered, and clear.

• 4:07Mel Robbins?

  Man's life story sounds like a movie, and every bit of it is true. Man grew up carrying a history and feelings that he couldn't fully explain.

• 4:19Mel Robbins?

  Until he found music. And now his music is finding people all over the world. I mean, just look at his TikTok. His videos have 17 million likes and a bunch of them, they're from me. And what he's creating doesn't just cross genres. It crosses continents, generations and life experiences. Mon blends his Afro Appalachian roots with raw, personal storytelling, a sound so distinct, so grounding and folksy singer songwriter, it earned him a spot on Spotify's 2024 Juniper Artists to Watch List. He now reaches over 1.5 million monthly listeners on the platform, proof that his voice is resonating way beyond the stage.

• 5:03Mel Robbins?

  At a Monrovia concert, that is something to behold. He has sold out every headline show he's ever played. He's taken the stage at Bonnaroo, Austin City Limits, and the legendary Newport Folk Festival. This year, this rising star is going global with a sold out European tour that he just completed and US appearances at major festivals, including Boston Calling and a return to Newport. I mean, this guy is a rising star. But more importantly, there is so much wisdom, not only in his music, but in his life story and what he wants to share with you today, that you can take whatever has happened to you in the past and make something beautiful out of it.

• 5:45Mel Robbins?

  So please help me welcome Monrovia to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Monrovia, I am so excited to meet you in person. Thank you for jumping on a plane. Thank you for being here. Congratulations on all your success. I am so excited to talk to you.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  It's a complete honor. And yeah, I'm really just stoked to be in this place with you right now. So thank you so much for giving me space to tell my story.

• 6:12Mel Robbins?

  I would love to start by having you speak to the person who is with us right now. This is somebody who doesn't have a lot of time, but they have hit play, they're making the time to learn from your story, to learn from your wisdom. What might they experience that could be different about their life? If they truly take to heart all of the wisdom and lessons that you're about to teach us from your own life journey?

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think something that I hope for just that one person is to know that life is is full of suffering, but it doesn't take away from you belonging in it, that you have such an amazing part to play in the scheme of things. And so, yeah, I mean, talking about my stories and the music, all I do it for is for you to know that your time here is is meant.

• 7:05Mel Robbins?

  How do you cultivate that belief? And I'm sure we're going to get into it. If you're in a place in your life where you are really suffering, how do you get yourself to believe that you're meant to be here and that there's something bigger for you?

• 7:21Speaker 01

  I think it comes back to memory. And if you can think of your life and the things you've already come through and you're still standing, you're still, regardless if you're on the floor, you're still here, present with us. And memory is an important part of the art of continuation, knowing that you've come through things already and believing that you will again till you get to that place where maybe you're more fulfilled and strengthened is the ways I've kept myself going forward.

• 7:52Mel Robbins?

  For somebody who is just meeting you for the first time, you know, I was introduced to you through a very, very dear friend of mine. I have been following you online for 18 months. I'm so proud of you.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 8:04Mel Robbins?

  Your music does feel like waking up from a dream. It immediately makes my shoulders drop. I am so excited to see you exploding in terms of popularity and the recognition for your music. But for the person who hasn't heard you sing, has not heard your music, does not know your story, how would you describe the music that you create and the kind of artistry that you're putting into the world?

• 8:35Speaker 01

  The music I create, I think for one, is peaceful. When you enter, you know, when that song comes on, my hope for you is to To have you lose anxiety for you to be able to sink in and think about, I think, the importance of one yourself. And I hope my music takes people into that realm and that they can then, I would say, understand just how important they are. So that's kind of the main purpose of the music. Yeah.

• 9:09Mel Robbins?

  Did you always know you wanted to be a musician?

• 9:12Speaker 01

  No, no, not at all. Yeah, I think I had this gift of making music. But I was a very shy person. I was really quiet growing up. I mean, I've come from a lot. You know, I've had gone through a lot of things at a young age already. And so, you know, to assimilate as well in America, I think a lot of my life I was watchful, trying to see what my place was and how to act as an African American in a white household in more of a middle-class space, private school. So a lot of my life was watchful. I wanted to play the part well. And I think that was something that just became what I was early on.

• 9:50Mel Robbins?

  I love that word, "watchful." It's so relatable. Because regardless of where you come from, or who you are, or what family you're in, I think we've all had those experiences where we enter a space, or we enter a group of people, or we enter a chapter of our life. And we say, "I'm not sure I belong," or "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do." And this idea of stepping back and watching.

• 10:18Mel Robbins?

  Wow, I really get that about you. And I can think of moments in my life where I've felt that way too. And I think it's something that we do when we also feel lost.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:29Mel Robbins?

  And it's probably a part of how you figure out how to find your way and find yourself.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it also protects you from, at the time, from saying things maybe that you shouldn't say, or maybe social cues that you don't understand coming from different places, or things like this. So it's definitely a protection mechanism for me as well.

• 10:48Mel Robbins?

  You know, you mentioned that one of the things that you hope people feel is peace when they listen to your music.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:54Mel Robbins?

  But one of the big themes that you have is you talk a lot about healing. In fact, the tour that you're on right now, Heal With Others. And I've also seen you use the quote, "healing out loud." And your mission to me is clearly more than just making music and going on tour. That stuff is all incredible. But can you talk a little bit more about why healing with others and the sense of creating and cultivating peace within yourself is such an important thing for you?

• 11:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's important to me because I suffered a lot alone, even being surrounded by a lot of people. I had that feeling and that's not just, you know, known to me. I see people like that all the time. You work big jobs, you're in a place where you're surrounding people, but you still go home and you're like, wow, no one understands me or what I'm going through. And music for me was that journal, that outlet where I could be honest with my feelings. And when I kind of started to do music a little bit more full-time, I saw that how this could relate to other people as well. And so, you know, I think the mission was birthed from one, be seeing how successful it was on myself, trying to form a community that way.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  So it's been amazing just to see it, see it do what it's done.

• 12:15Mel Robbins?

  You and I are about to get into your remarkable life story and you're young. I mean, like I'm like a grandma compared to your...

• 12:23Speaker 01

  No, you're not. Stop.

• 12:25Mel Robbins?

  So...

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Time is time. What is time?

• 12:27Mel Robbins?

  What is time? I, but you know, you literally, when I think about the extraordinary number of experiences, ranging from war to adoption, to moving to another country, to now finding yourself on stages around the world and being laser focused on this message of peace and healing. What does it say to you that your music and your story is resonating with millions of people around the world?

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Well, I think it's a needed thing, you know? And I don't think enough people are sinking into that space where you give someone...

• 13:11Speaker 01

  The space to really have quiet and intimate time with themselves. The world is fast moving. It's loud. And that's why, you know, being having the ukulele or we'd even have drums for a while. And a lot of my, a lot of my sets, right? People were still into just the sound and the experience and the words and storytelling. And it brought them back to situations and moments in their own life where they can really look at it clearly, look at the mirror, that one that we all try to run away from all the time. And so it says a lot to me. It says that it's important, the work I'm doing. And I just hope to continue in it as best I can.

• 13:48Mel Robbins?

  Well, there's no doubt you're going to.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  Well, it's, yeah, it's, it's hard. It's not easy.

• 13:52Mel Robbins?

  What's hard about it?

• 13:54Speaker 01

  I think it's so much easier to pour and pour things that are detrimental, like anger and selfishness and, and, and sink into that, sink that into the earth instead. Like the outpouring of, of love is hard and the pouring of grace and forgiveness doesn't come easily to us as humans. And so I think for me personally, as the artist, it, it, it can weigh on you at times. You know, the, the giving of it, if you don't have a place to be refilled. And so that's also why community is so important. It goes back to that. Cause to do the work that must be done for good, you have to have also that mooring

• 14:36Speaker 01

  of people that you know, you can go back and get replenished to go again. So.

• 14:41Mel Robbins?

  You know, when I first heard you, somebody sent me your Instagram account and I, you know, hit play on one of your songs and I'm like, who is this guy? Is it like, this is like, and I, and I hate to even be referring, I'm like, is this like Cat Stevens or is this Youssef Nador? Like what is happening here? And you have this incredible, it's like you defy the category that people want to put you in. You call yourself, in terms of the music, I've heard it called Appalachia folk.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, Afro Appalachian.

• 15:17Mel Robbins?

  What does that mean?

• 15:19Speaker 01

  I mean, I was, I live in Appalachia, so like that tail end down in Tennessee. And I'm from West Africa, Liberia, capital city, Monrovia. And, um, you know, there's a lot of history in Appalachia with, you know, the slaves that came over, the Irish, the Scots in the mountains, you know, writing these songs together, the, you know, the banjo, all these things mixing together in culture. And I didn't even know a lot of this, living in Tennessee, to be honest. I learned this history as people started to say things like you, like, oh, you're this. I didn't know the lore of the history of folk and everything like this. But in the space of being in Tennessee and seeing the correlation of how this is history. It's, yeah, I don't know.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  It's, it's been a powerful thing to be, to have it revealed to me this way. Uh, cause I wasn't trying to be, you know, I don't think anything with Afro Appalachia, or I just made music that I thought would help me on the journey of my life.

• 16:15Mel Robbins?

  Hmm.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:17Mel Robbins?

  Well, let's talk about the journey of your life. Because you were born in Liberia.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:22Mel Robbins?

  And in the midst of civil war and all of this violence, your life changed forever when you were seven years old.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:32Mel Robbins?

  Can you tell me what happened?

• 16:33Speaker 01

  Absolutely. So my mom, you know, she's a working woman, and so she had a couple of kids along the way. A lot of them passed away during the war. So me, my brother, and my brother Timothy, my sister Tika Blah, who we call Jaclyn, because the other name's just super hard to say. Uh, you know, us three, we lived. Um, and she, you know, she kept us and raised us as best she could. She passed away, um, in childbirth with our other brother. And so, uh, it was just my grandmother, you know, taking care of us at this time. And it was hard during the war. There wasn't, there was nothing, you know? And this missionary family that had been working in Monrovia, uh, was, had been doing things in the community.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  And one of my aunts decided to go and literally just bring me to them. Like, there was no, I mean, it could have been my sister, it could have been my other brother that was chosen, but they, she picked me up and said, you're gonna go live with this family. And so from that day on, I lived with them. Yeah, just in Liberia. And we lived through the war before we met, went back to the States for a little bit. And I don't think, I don't think when I became older, I realized how much it did to my mind, I think. Like, being pulled from your land, the language. Similarity of people. Didn't have the words for it then. I didn't speak. I was, I was quiet for a long time. Yeah, my adopted family tells me this all the time. They're like, yeah, you didn't say a word to us. For very, we thought something was like, something was wrong with you.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  I was like, yeah, probably there was something wrong with me. I just, I didn't know who you were. You were, these were these white people. You know, so, um, but.

• 18:08Mel Robbins?

  Did you have a sense when you said goodbye to your grandmother?

• 18:11Speaker 01

  I didn't, nah, I didn't know it was goodbye, I don't think.

• 18:14Mel Robbins?

  Have you seen your brothers and sisters since this?

• 18:17Speaker 01

  Man, such a tale to get to that. But recently I did make contact with my sister. After a long time of, of really not paying attention to anything about it. So it's been a very hard, very hard, uh, thing to come to terms with.

• 18:41Mel Robbins?

  I would imagine.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:42Mel Robbins?

  And I'm sure you'll continue to come to terms with it for your whole life. I think that's how something that traumatic actually works.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, it, you know, it, it, it is something that, um, I wasn't ready for most of my life to, to look at. Uh, as I lived the American experience, I think it's so easy to feel ashamed of where you're from, even if it's, you had no part to play in it. So I try to kind of just bury a lot of those things and, and forget.

• 19:19Mel Robbins?

  And how is that working?

• 19:21Speaker 01

  You know, you know, the past, the past is always in the undertow, in the choices that you make. And it never left until I looked at it and was ready to, to accept the truth.

• 19:33Mel Robbins?

  What do you remember about what your life was like before this happened? Like being a kid growing up in the middle of this really violent war in Liberia? Because, you know, in case the person listening doesn't understand. Like, one of the things that was happening is they were taking young boys like you and turning them into soldiers.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, my two brothers, Saturday and Emmanuel, they fought in the war, you know, ages five to 10. And I grew up in the, I, I, I was born in the midst of the fighting already. So all I would have known is chaos and violence. But before that Liberia was a very beautiful place. I mean, some of the friendliest people and there was a lot of good going on. There was dictator that came in bringing child soldiers from neighboring countries into Liberia, overthrowing the government and from there, kind of descending the country into, into chaos. It destroyed everything. I mean, even to this day, you know, Liberia is still trying to recover. But there's no law, you know, and you're obeying five year olds with AKs and RPGs, you know, like telling you, get on the ground,

• 20:39Speaker 01

  you know, we'll take your sister or, and you have to listen. There, it, it's actually kind of insane to wrap your head around that that's possible.

• 20:49Mel Robbins?

  One of the things that you said that was, I think, very relatable is that this sense of feeling a deep sense of shame about either where you've come from or your past or what's happened, even though you had no part to play and you are not responsible for what happened, and yet you carry that with you. What would you say to a, the person that's listening that either feels that same sense of shame about their past or about where they've come from or about where they are now, or somebody that they love is feeling that way? Like, what's possible in terms of how to move through something like that?

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, that's a, that's a really good question. I mean, for me, and I can only say it from my, I think from my own, my own standpoint, but I would tell you that.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  There's so much more, I would say, beyond, beyond the past. And you can't let the past hold you and take you out of the world that you are meant to be a part of. And it did that to me for a very long time. And I sat and wallowed, wilting, just blaming myself for a lot of things. And it's, it's such an easy thing to do, as Mel said. But I hope you know the beauty of knowing that life is long and every step leads you somewhere, beyond the things that want to, want to capture you and take you back.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  And the past is like this a lot to all of us. And I would just, I would just hope that, you know, that you always make it up your hills and around your corners because you just never know when good comes. And, but it takes continuing, so.

• 22:46Mel Robbins?

  Continuing. What does that word mean to you?

• 22:52Speaker 01

  That word to me, I mean, that's, I think that's my whole life has been that word, actually. It means finding another day, you know. For me, there were so many times I wanted to quit and lay down and, and say, yeah, yeah, I can't, I can't do this. I can't overcome the survivor's guilt. I can't overcome the, the truth of, you know, the feelings I have with my, you know, my, my mother and things like this. And I would tell myself through the gray, find another day, another day to, to quit. And it helped, it, it helped me to make it through each day. I'd be like, not today, I'll find another day.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  And though I continued again, find another day, I continued again. Until, as choices come, I started to make better ones. I started to see how far had gone from my suffering into the day, into this beautiful experience of life, into how, where I am now. And it wouldn't have happened if I didn't keep finding another day to do it.

• 23:58Mel Robbins?

  I want to make sure that the person listening really gets that. Because when you first said it, I didn't quite get it. And then I saw the genius in it. And so let me try to unpack this and play this back to you to see if I'm interpreting this the right way.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 24:13Mel Robbins?

  So when you said, "Find another day," right? So nobody would blame you, by the way, if you're like, "This is all just too much. I just can't handle this anymore."

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:23Mel Robbins?

  The genius in what you did to coach yourself through that, that I want to make sure that the person listening really gets, is when you said, "Find another day," if Mel Robbins said it, he would have this like tinge of positivity. You actually had this genius thread through it, which, "Nope, nope, I'm gonna find another day to quit." Meaning, today's not the day I quit, but I'm giving myself permission to quit on another day if I want to.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:55Mel Robbins?

  And there's so much truth and acknowledgement of how difficult the experience was, and maybe some days still is, to reconcile everything that's happened to you.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  It's true.

• 25:09Mel Robbins?

  And to give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. But when you say, "Not today, I'm gonna find another day to quit, but today is not the day I quit."

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, today was not the day.

• 25:21Mel Robbins?

  Right?

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 25:22Mel Robbins?

  There's something in the brutal honesty of that, that I think makes it profoundly powerful.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  You know, if you talk about adoption in itself, a lot of families think this. And I'm saying mine did, but, and they were an amazing family. But I'm saying, when I look at people that I know that are adopted, that have been rescued from, you know, a bad family or experiences around the world, similar to mine, you know, a lot of these adopted families believe just that, that, "Oh, you've been saved, so you're good." And it's just not the case for those that are adopted people. You know, there's so much depth in...

• 26:05Speaker 01

  Coming from, you know, what is your lineage or bloodline? But being torn from that, torn from a mother or a father, it's something that you have to carry, you carry through your entire life.

• 26:20Mel Robbins?

  I want to be very clear to repeat back something that I heard, which is I don't hear you blaming your parents that adopted you. In fact, you have talked about the fact that this was an incredible gift. What I hear is you acknowledging the truth about how complicated an experience it can be for people who are being adopted, because you have this huge range of emotions. You feel grateful for the fact that somebody has taken you into their family, but you also feel confusion. Confusion as to whether or not you were wanted by your family. And if like you, you were the only one adopted and you have siblings that are still somewhere else, you wonder why was it you?

• 27:04Mel Robbins?

  And then on top of that, I would imagine that if you're coming from another country, that adds a whole host of other feelings that you may have about whether or not you belong, none of which is the fault of the adoptive parents. And I'm sure if you're listening now and you've either been adopted or you're an adoptive parent, you know that this is true, but perhaps you don't quite know how to create a space for all of those complicated feelings to be okay and to be talked about without somebody feeling bad. I think that's what you're saying.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  There's so many feelings wrapped up in it. One, you watch your siblings. You see where they get certain traits from. And again, I have characteristics of my adoptive, because I was young. So I do have things, characteristics of like my dad, my adopted dad, adopted mom. But you watch and see, you know, the gait of their walk or a certain smile that comes across their face that looks like, you know, their mom or dad. And you, and you wonder, you should have to wonder like, what, and I have this song that I wrote about it called "Whose Face Am I?" And you start to wonder, who, whose face am I? What is my history? What is my story? And I just think for anybody that adopts, yes, it's a beautiful experience.

• 28:23Speaker 01

  And you're doing an amazing work because you're giving kids, I think, an opportunity to, to live and also find themselves. But I hope that as well, you, you never let them go through without telling them, I think, the truth of their, their starting point, like even if it's a hard story. And there's something that will give them a lot of, I think, identity in hearing where they've come from, regardless of how hard it is.

• 28:51Mel Robbins?

  Is that something that was kept from you for a while?

• 28:54Speaker 01

  I wouldn't say, I don't know, kept is interesting. I don't, I don't know if it was kept really, but we didn't really talk about it. And so when I tell you how I reached, my sister and I have now come back together, I was in a place to ask a lot of different things about my story. And honestly, that's, that's kind of healed me the most throughout my, my entire time.

• 29:18Mel Robbins?

  What were some of the most surprising or reassuring things that you learned about your story that helped you heal?

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Well, I learned a lot about my mother. And I think the root of my suffering, which is an important piece, is it'd always been around her and not knowing her and not knowing the feelings that maybe she had or how I, you know, if I had come from, if I had come into this world based on love or based on other things. And so it was tough because, you know, I found out some other things about just, you know, what she had to do during the war, right, to survive. And some of those things were really heavy for me to hear. But I also found out in the middle of that, that she loved me very much. And she, you know, decided to keep us, you know? I mean, think about the sacrifice of.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  A woman deciding to have a child in war and like being like, I'm gonna try to take care of them in this experience. It's just, it made me feel very, very loved.

• 30:18Mel Robbins?

  Can I ask you a really personal question? And we can edit this out. But I'm just curious about this. So was part of your concern that you were conceived because of sexual violence that was happening during the war?

• 30:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and actually, that can be in the, I don't, that doesn't bother me one bit. It's the truth of the matter. And that was something as a kid that I was always afraid to ask, to wonder. I didn't want to wonder about that.

• 30:46Mel Robbins?

  Hmm. And is that what happened?

• 30:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. And so, growing up, I mean, people will say many things, they say, you know, you could, you know, maybe I was a bastard and things like this. Like, I thought about this at a young age. Like, I was already, already pretty in tune about just a lot of the world, so I wondered a lot. And, yeah, it made me very, I felt very alone thinking about this. And I remember speaking to my sister, and I'll tell you the story. I was driving with my manager, two of my managers, coming from a tour. And I'm speaking to my sister, listening, I have my headphones in, she's telling me this, this story. And, you know, and I was like, so tell me about my mom.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  And she says, oh, my mom was, you know, she was so beautiful, kind, hilarious, because she remembers, she's older than me, so she remembers a lot more. And I was like, well, so what about my dad? And she tells a story of how, you know, things went down. And I remember, I sat in the back, and I, and I just wept. Yeah. I cried those tears that I had held in for a very long time when it came to that part of my, my, my story. Faced it, you know? Accepted it. Yeah, from violence, still beautiful things can come. And I think that is what brought me a lot of peace there.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  The love afterwards, I think, meant, that she kept me met the most ever. So, I mean, I wouldn't be here without that.

• 32:21Mel Robbins?

  What's your mother's name?

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Her name's Maria. Yeah, man. So.

• 32:29Mel Robbins?

  Thank you for sharing that.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 32:31Mel Robbins?

  Where your manager's like, dude, what's going on back there?

• 32:35Mel Robbins?

  The hell's going on?

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:37Mel Robbins?

  You just sold out that show. Why are you bawling like a baby back there?

• 32:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were bad. They look, I remember they looked back. They gave me peace, though. They looked back and they just like got forward. I don't think they do. They just let me, but they let me have that space to just pour out things that I needed to. And they didn't really ask. It was awesome. They just kind of let me do it and we went on. It was, there was no weirdness about it. And that's, that's a beautiful thing, man. Crying is super important in life.

• 33:02Mel Robbins?

  Well, that's one of the most important things to point out, that you gave yourself the space.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah.

• 33:07Mel Robbins?

  You know, I want to take a quick beat, real quick, and give our sponsors a chance to share a few words. And I also want to give you a chance to share this life-changing conversation. There are people in your life that you're thinking about that I know you want them to experience the magic of what we're talking about. Everybody deserves to feel like they belong. Everybody needs to be reminded that they are here for a reason. And so, thank you for sharing this with people that you care about. And don't you dare go anywhere, because we are just getting started. There is so much more we're going to talk about. And Monrovia and I are going to be waiting for you after this short break. So stay with us.

• 34:00Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your buddy Mel Robbins. And today, you and I are hearing the unforgettable story and wisdom of Monrovia, who is a singer-songwriter, who is exploding in the music scene. I'm a huge fan of his. And today, he is sharing lessons from his life. And I'm so excited that you're here. I would love to have you, since you seem to have made peace with the truth about how you were conceived and the circumstances that you were born into. And you have really been able to tell a different story about the love that Maria had.

• 34:45Mel Robbins?

  In choosing to keep you and love you and cherish you. And a lot of people don't do that. For somebody that is listening to you and they're thinking, well, I I just am so different from my family, or I know exactly what you're talking about, but I don't know how to reconcile the truth.

• 35:06Mel Robbins?

  What would you recommend as something that they could do to start walking down that road of healing? And that sense of coming to peace with the truth about just your life story?

• 35:22Speaker 01

  I think finding a place where you feel safe is the number one step into one, possibly, accepting the the truth or coming to terms with it. And for me, music was the safe space. So I would tell that person, if you have somewhere where the world is is quiet, where you can look at it clearly, and take the time, give yourself that time. Because it wasn't something that I did when I was seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, I mean, no, this was years.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  And I think accepting that when it comes, it will come. But you also have to create the spaces and that are not in the the loudness of the world for you to be able to sit still and and really look at the truth. So whatever that space is for them,

• 36:23Speaker 01

  I think there is where acceptance will be found.

• 36:26Mel Robbins?

  Do you remember the first time you felt safe?

• 36:30Speaker 01

  First time I felt safe? I mean, it's it's it's an interesting question because, I mean, I was safe. But I remember still dreams followed me all, I mean, most of my life, even until now. I have dreams of being chased by child soldiers or guns to my head and things like this. So safety in my mind is something that I still search for. But bodily safety, yeah, I was, I mean, when I left Liberia, I think that was when I was like, okay, yeah. I don't think anything's really gonna happen to me here.

• 37:00Mel Robbins?

  Well, you got the question right, because the question wasn't about whether or not you were safe.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:05Mel Robbins?

  Because I think there's a sense for all of us that we can busy ourselves.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:09Mel Robbins?

  And we can know that we are okay. But as we are outrunning or denying or not allowing ourselves to process what we need to process or to be honest about the things that we're struggling with, we don't feel safe. And I read that since you weren't thinking, okay, I'm just gonna write music about my pain, and that's what I'm gonna do with my life, and that's a, like, you were literally seeking space to be able to process the experiences of your life. And I read that you started journaling and that that became the early entry point for you to start writing music.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:44Mel Robbins?

  Can you talk about like the power of journaling and how it helped you?

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I could never say, I wouldn't say I was the best speaker in my family. I, I had a hard time always trying to convey what I wanted to say to my parents or, you know, many of my parents. And I remember when I fell in love with just words, when I started to write. And it was just a place where it could be me, it was just me and me. That was the first safe space in, in the journaling. Yeah. And I didn't intend to really have that go into song, to be honest. But kind of as time went on, I was able to turn a lot of my writings and things into,

• 38:32Speaker 01

  you know, melodic kind of flows and things like this, it became that way. And now going, as I am, you know, older and things like that, that's kind of how I write my lyrics, is most of the time it starts with me thinking about things that I have a hard time saying, or things I think about the world and I'm writing them down and then they come back to me, weeks, months, years later, into a song. Kind of like just, yeah, and that's the downloading from the source. It doesn't, I don't think about it, but when it presents itself again, reappears these lyrics, and then it just turns into some, something that can help another person, so.

• 39:07Mel Robbins?

  You know, one thing I want to validate because I noticed you said I wasn't the best speaker. And I think for me and the person that's with us right now, we're like, no, you're a pretty good speaker, actually.

• 39:20Mel Robbins?

  I think the accurate thing, and I'm just gonna say this and you tell me if this feels right to you.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:27Mel Robbins?

  Is you didn't feel safe saying what you needed to say.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  That is accurate.

• 39:36Mel Robbins?

  And it goes back to that sense of being a watcher in life.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 39:41Mel Robbins?

  That I think we've all had an experience where we're stepping back and we're in a mode of protecting and not wanting to hurt anybody, not wanting to say the wrong thing. And, and I say that because, you know, I look at the various things that people write in about that listen from around the world, and maybe as you're listening, you've said yourself, I'm not really good at communicating. I'm not really the best speaker.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  True.

• 40:06Mel Robbins?

  I would have you ask yourself, is that it? Or are you more concerned about making sure everyone around you is not upset?

• 40:15Speaker 01

  That's definitely it.

• 40:16Mel Robbins?

  Or confronted by what you actually are feeling and want to say. And so I love this takeaway that journaling became a space that you created for yourself. One of the things that I read that you said that I would love to dig into is I used to be in love with my suffering. What does that mean?

• 40:39Speaker 01

  It became something I thought I deserved. And so in that, I accepted that exact thing, that I'm meant to suffer. And a lot of people do that. I, for one, easily did that when it, when it came to anything that I, that I went through. I said, you know, I deserve this because I would look at my life and the choices I made. And it all goes back to Liberia for me because I wanted to forget them. I wanted to, to pay them no mind, to not even respect, you know, the lives of the people lost there. I just wanted to be American. I wanted, I just wanted to go to college, go to play some of my sports, have all these things in life.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  And, and when I was in college, it came to a head. My mind literally shattered. I was.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  I was so depressed and had no course. And so I said, you know what? I'm just, I'll just suffer. Like, this is my penance because of all the things that, all the time I wasted in America, not utilizing the gift of having an opportunity to do something. I put everything of that on myself. My mother dying, I put that maybe if Timothy or my sister Jaclyn were here, maybe one of them would have been a doctor to do something even more useful. Maybe one of them would have done something that where they could give so much back to Liberia or whatever. I didn't think of anything. Became American happy and did my thing.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  And when it came, and when I realized this, when I was older, looking back, I said, wow, I wasted a lot of time doing absolutely nothing for what my story deserves.

• 42:31Mel Robbins?

  I know the person listening either knows somebody like this.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:34Mel Robbins?

  Or they are that person. I used, I deserve bad things.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I thought.

• 42:39Mel Robbins?

  Wow. How did you turn this around? Talk to the person that's with us and just share a little bit with like, what was the epiphany? What like, how did you turn this around and go, wait a minute? I don't have to do life this way.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, I was on Lookout Mountain, Georgia. I was up there with some roommates and I had, I was doing drugs, drinking like crazy. Couldn't pay my rent, doing odd jobs and just, yeah, just not caring about anything. Everything that I had went to alcohol. And I woke up one morning, knowing that I wasn't going to be able to make my rent, anything like this. I was borrowing money from all my dad's friends, like people that he knew. Like, I was texting them, can I have somebody to, you know, just pay my rent? But it was always going back to other things. And of course, it got back to him one day and he, he calls me up, my father, and he's a son.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  I want you to, you know, come to, and he'd asked me times before. And this brings me back to just speaking to that person. There are people in your life that...

• 43:47Speaker 01

  Have stayed, whether you see it or not, or want to see it. There are those that have stayed and they're the ones that have been there for you in the dark night, have whispered to you, "Don't say that about yourself." "No, no, you don't deserve that." And when you fall in love with your sufferings, when you decide not to hear those people anymore. And so, for some reason, I was at such a low point in my life. I remember, I said, "You know, I have nothing else." And so I took this hand that was extended from my father. And I left Tennessee. I said, "Dad, I have nothing else. I'll come. I don't know what this is gonna do. I don't, I, I, I don't know." So I went to California.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  And all I did was build this house with my father, me and him. Because he was building the house in Dana Point, California. And some days he would leave and go to the church and I would just be home by myself for hours, tearing down the house, break, you know, taking out the nails, breaking down walls. And that alone time, it's, it's what healed me. I saw the correlation of the destruction of this home to rebuild something new. And I thought, can I do the same thing to myself? And it was just a powerful thing to me to be working with my, to be working my hands on this, this, this house and making it beautiful at the same time working on inward things. And, um,

• 45:13Speaker 01

  but I would say to the listener, notice the hands that are extended towards, towards you at all times. And, uh, because they're the ones that are gonna help you come out of that place. It's not, I don't think it's something you can really do alone, to be honest. The need for each other is, is the only way, I think, the world continues, is to know that you, we rely on each other for moments such as that.

• 45:38Mel Robbins?

  Talk to me about the name, because your name was John J. Is that right?

• 45:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's my birth name.

• 45:43Mel Robbins?

  Okay, and so you changed your name, though, to Monrovia, which is the capital of Liberia.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:50Mel Robbins?

  When did that happen and why did you choose to do that?

• 45:53Speaker 01

  Happened after I went to California. Yeah, in the building process, music finds me again. Because at this point, before that, I wasn't really doing much music. I was just trying to live and overcome. But when I got back to California, started to really dive into these things.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  I started to fall in love with music again and writing the truth. And I remembered, I said, if anything came from this, it can't be about me anymore at all. And I said, I need to remember my people and where I'm from to keep me on course, to keep me grounded. And so Monrovia was the choice name. It's a reminder to me of everything.

• 46:36Mel Robbins?

  How long ago did you do that?

• 46:37Speaker 01

  That would be 2019.

• 46:41Mel Robbins?

  Wow.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:42Mel Robbins?

  I mean, this is kind of amazing because we're talking just six years ago? Five years ago?

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:49Mel Robbins?

  You weren't even writing music then?

• 46:51Speaker 01

  No, not before that. I was not doing anything with music.

• 46:55Mel Robbins?

  That's kind of incredible. This feels like a good moment to take a quick pause, hear a word from our sponsors. And don't you dare go anywhere because I've got a bunch more questions I wanted to ask Mon and he's also going to be singing after this short break. So stay with us.

• 47:23Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your buddy Mel Robbins. Today you and I are having an extraordinary conversation with Monrovia. And I cannot wait for you to sing a little bit later. But first I wanted to ask you this question. How have you processed the survivor guilt? Because you've talked about the fact that you were the one that was chosen. It could have been your older sister or your brother and they might have made more of the opportunity and you've beaten yourself up about this. How do you process the survivor guilt?

• 47:53Speaker 01

  Move from a place of blame to a place of, I think, claiming this opportunity. Not that I have to owe anything to what I am doing. And that wasn't easy. But to understand that I get to instill good things to people, I get to, because of this rescue.

• 48:24Speaker 01

  Bring more good into the world this way. It's something I get to do. It's not, and I don't keep it as, I think in the beginning of Monrovia, I looked at it as something of a penance to my people. But as time has gone on, I'm understanding more. Everything that happened to me, you know, it's almost like anti fragility, I suppose, where these things in life that happen to you, you can choose to become stronger from them. You know, and so I think choosing that, choosing to accept the gift, that's what it was. It was a gift. And, and it freed me when, once I could accept it to be like, this is, this is an experience that was chosen for me.

• 49:09Speaker 01

  And I don't know, I don't know if my sister had, you know, had, has music or my, or my brother, right? And I will do everything I can with the gifts given now to shine light on my people, the history of, of them, of, you know, the black Americans here, of people in different countries that are struggling with different things. I get to do that because of the gift that was given to me from that time.

• 49:38Mel Robbins?

  I am blown away by that reframe. And I want to make sure that we really highlight that because that was extraordinary. People have survivor's guilt over lots of different things.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, lots of different things, yeah.

• 49:54Mel Robbins?

  You know, you can have survivor's guilt because you survived a car crash that a good friend didn't. You can have survivor's guilt because your sibling was the person that was abused and you were not. You can have survivor guilt for just endless reasons. And you just said you were able to move it from blame, like you make yourself wrong for being the one that it didn't happen to, to claiming this. And really seeing the fact that this is a gift and the way that you know that it's a gift goes back to something that you said. You're meant to be here.

• 50:37Mel Robbins?

  Is there anything else that you would say to the person who is really just kind of struggling with the guilt? You know, that kind of undeserving thing, which again, sounds like I love my suffering. So I'm just gonna, you know, there's periods of grief, of course, but then there comes that point where you're like, okay.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think if you can change guilt to growth, you know, and notice that there's always an opportunity for that anywhere you look, you don't have, you know, and it's not a massive, it's not changing overnight, it's not, it's the little tiny changes you can make of something, whether it's, you know, I drink this many, whatever beers a day, or I'm taking, you know, maybe you take one less one day, growth happens. And I think that overcomes a lot of guilt, is, I think, letting growth take its place and not sitting in guilt. I think you can always grow from it. And so that's what I've done.

• 51:36Mel Robbins?

  So you've shared that music kind of was the space for you to heal and journaling was the space for you to, when were you like, you know what, I think I'm gonna sing, I think I'm gonna pick up a ukulele, and I think I'm gonna start to write some songs. Like, when was that moment that you're like?

• 51:54Speaker 01

  With the ukulele, man, that was a long way, way, way, it's a long way. Before that, I was, I mean, I guess I take it back to high school, I did play a little bit of guitar, like a very small bit.

• 52:04Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  But I wrote more for my friends back to junior, senior year of high school. So I already, I already knew that that gift of writing was there, but I never really wanted to be seen. I'm not someone that likes to be in the front of people.

• 52:17Mel Robbins?

  You're a watcher.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  I'm a watcher, yeah.

• 52:20Mel Robbins?

  Or so you say.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  That's what I say, yeah, I guess that's, but I went to college and I did one, I did a musical event there called Mountain Affair at the school, Covenant College on Lookout Mountain, Tennessee, and ended up winning People's Choice Award at this school. And still, I was like, nah, I'm not, this is not for me, right? And so after- I go to California after my things. Go to California. I'm starting to become man. I pick up a ukulele because my parents got me this gift. It wasn't, I didn't want to play the ukulele. I wanted a guitar.

• 52:51Mel Robbins?

  Okay, they're cheaper, though. A ukulele is cheaper. And plus, having musicians in my family. If I buy you a guitar and you don't play it, I'm pissed.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 53:00Mel Robbins?

  If I spend sixty bucks on a ukulele, we're good.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, and there was an old guitar, this is whatever. But they gave me, they gave me a ukulele. I just started to write, find simple chords. And this is back in California. And I started just to write some songs. And this stuff wasn't going, I wasn't making this broad to people.

• 53:15Mel Robbins?

  Uh huh.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  I just played a little bit. I moved back to Tennessee.

• 53:19Mel Robbins?

  Mm hmm.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  And because of me being, I'll, I'll be honest. I think it was because of me being black. I never really went into singer songwriter, you know, that genre. I decided to go, okay, from Monrovia, I'll take it into a more experimental way. I'll just do like, I'll write over beats. Because, you know, this is what African American, like, they're not gonna, who's gonna accept me into like the full, that space?

• 53:43Mel Robbins?

  Well, is that the kind of music you listen to?

• 53:45Speaker 01

  No, that's what I'm saying. I, I listened, growing up, my, when my foster brothers came to the home, they showed me more of the singer songwriter music.

• 53:52Mel Robbins?

  Uh huh.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  But I never thought I could do that just based on my skin. And I didn't see anybody in that world that was doing that in my space. And so, being man, I started just to write over rap beats and do more of like a lyrical rap thing. It's in dark consonant, which is, it's a lot of different genres. And it wasn't sticking, still. So this is 2021, COVID area.

• 54:12Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  And 2021 comes to a close and 22 comes around. And I'm like, I got, I found my ukulele again. And I started to play and write songs on this ukulele. One of my managers, Eric, who's, was with me from the beginning, in the gutter. He tells me, dude, you should go on TikTok. You should go and just, I love what you're doing with the ukulele. Everything else, that's, that's not it. Let's, you have these amazing songs. You have these lyrics that really touch, that touch me. I think they'll touch other people as well. And so, end of 22, December, every day, I just went, I was like, oh, whatever. I went on TikTok, I just played my song, only my original songs, used the ukulele. And people just started to.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  To gather, to stay, to, you know, they'd be at work. They'd have it on at work. They'd be making coffee in the mornings and they would just have me on playing these songs and listening to these original songs and the community grew from there.

• 55:08Mel Robbins?

  Who's the watcher now? We all are. We're watching you, Ron.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, y'all watching me, y'all. And so from there, that's when, you know, I think it dawned on me that, oh, there are so many other people that feel, though different experiences and different bringings ups and everything, the emotions are what really connect all of us. We all know sadness. We all know pain, you know, love, loss. And so the music was hitting on those things and it brought so many different people into the space. It was really beautiful.

• 55:40Mel Robbins?

  When did you have this epiphany? This is what I want to do for a living. Because you're kind of like dabbling in music because it's fun.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:47Mel Robbins?

  And it's something to do, but then Eric's your manager now, but when he's like, dude, like you gotta do this. This was like a friend encouraging you.

• 55:55Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:56Mel Robbins?

  And it sounds more like you were resisting the call and resisting the thing that everybody else saw.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  It goes back to that, to the doubt of everything. That I don't deserve to be doing this, you know? Could it possibly happen if I gave it my full efforts? And I look back at my music and having a friend tell me, believe in me more than I do, is, I would say is what put me on this journey. And you need people in your life like that.

• 56:26Mel Robbins?

  And it goes back to what you said earlier. When somebody extends a hand or somebody says, you gotta do this thing, like you really have something here. Like, notice how quickly we swat the hand away or we're like, nah.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Nah, yeah.

• 56:41Mel Robbins?

  Nah. Like, imagine how much would change in your life if you trusted the people that were encouraging you.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:48Mel Robbins?

  Just imagine. And I don't think you have to believe in how it's happening. You gotta stay focused on the thing that you're doing, that you're really enjoying doing.

• 56:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:00Mel Robbins?

  And it's clear that you're enjoying this.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:02Mel Robbins?

  What would you say to the person who is listening and they're holding on to something? A song, a book, a move they want to make, a name change?

• 57:17Mel Robbins?

  Creating the space to feel what they need to feel. What do you want to tell them about just making the move? Like to stop fighting against the pull of what I think we know deeply to be true, but we are either scared of or actively resisting.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, the time here is yours. And regardless of anything, you have your choices to make. And you can either, I think, deny all the good that you can possibly have in this life, deny it yourself, or make the choices that lead you to you becoming everything that you doubted. You just deserve to be happy. Like, you really do, no matter, no matter what has happened. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have, to make the choices that lead you to where you want to go.

• 58:17Mel Robbins?

  You know what's interesting is, I think I just realized that there is so much suffering in denying what, yourself of what you want to do.

• 58:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 58:27Mel Robbins?

  That is a form of loving your suffering. It's making excuses and holding yourself back from just trying the thing, or putting yourself out there, or making the change.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  And you also could just do it because you yourself enjoy it. A lot of time you put it on, you put it on, like, if I put this out there, what are people going to think about it? Or what, and at the end of the day, gifts are meant to be given. You're giving a gift, you know what it is. Whether you're an artist, you're an author, singer, you were given a gift, and it's meant to be given again. And it's a blessing that you get to give it to someone else that, in turn, maybe then it brings out their gift, because they see your gift shine, your gift heal, your gift. Bring something into their thought that they never thought about.

• 59:15Mel Robbins?

  You know, you mentioned that you, when you first started screwing around with music, you were laying down the beats and doing lyrics on top of it. And it is like, the opposite of the kind of, so when you look back though, and you, we all had those periods where we look back on what it looked like when we started and you've got that like, your nose flared. I'm like, there's the cringe look on Mon right now. He just looks so peaceful right now.

• 59:36Speaker 01

  I just did that like not too long ago, dude.

• 59:39Mel Robbins?

  So what do you want to say to the person who literally is like, it's gotta be, like, they're afraid of that feeling?

• 59:48Speaker 01

  I think fear is, fear is totally okay. Um, but don't let the fear stop you from, from finding what's more. I think you have to keep pouring, keep trying the gift, learning from it. Until, and it refines as you go. And that's how it is. You, you're not going to become Mozart or Taylor Swift overnight. You know, I'm sure there was different versions all along the way because she kept putting it out or they kept putting it out. And that's what's happened on my journey is I kept putting out and trying this gift, working at it. And eventually it reveals where it should be. And now it is where it should be and I, and here we are.

• 1:00:33Mel Robbins?

  The art of continuing.

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  The art of continuing, yeah.

• 1:00:36Mel Robbins?

  And it's continuing to evolve.

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  And it's continuing, and it probably will continue to evolve, yeah.

• 1:00:40Mel Robbins?

  You know, one of the things that I have read is that you said that the question that haunted you the most for a while is who am I? How do you answer that question now?

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  I would say I am John Jay Monrovia, son of Maria from Liberia, West Africa.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's how I'd answer that.

• 1:01:04Mel Robbins?

  How's it feel to say that?

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  It's beautiful. Yeah, absolutely beautiful.

• 1:01:10Mel Robbins?

  And could you speak directly to the person listening who feels like, I don't know who I am. I don't know if I belong. And they're starting to, or wanting to, or feel inspired to build their sense of identity, to claim the gift of it.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you stop now, you'll never know the groups of people that are waiting to bring you into that fold, that, or, you know, the lives that you're going to impact in this life, on this journey. If you had no one tell you this, I'm going to repeat it again, but you're meant to be here. And it starts with you believing that every day. And then the world opens up and different things start to take form. And you're led to a place of belonging because you didn't stop believing that you were meant to be. And I think the belief portion is, is, is the most important aspect.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  And so I believe that you're meant to be here and I hope you continue. And that's, I wish people said that every day to each other, best friends, lovers, everybody. You need to, it's, it's, it needs to be a reminder. It's so easy to forget because of all the different hardships that life brings at you.

• 1:02:32Mel Robbins?

  So if the person listening takes just one thing from all of the wisdom, all of the lessons that you have distilled down, as we've talked about your life, we've talked about the things that you're doing with your music, what would you hope that one takeaway would be?

• 1:02:53Speaker 01

  That your life is a gift. And for you to live in that freedom with your choices. And in that.

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  Just, you know, not be afraid to pour all the love you can into your, into the experience that you have, regardless of the hurt and pain that may come because of the giving of the, because of the giving of it.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, pour all the love you can into your, into this life that you have, because it's yours.

• 1:03:24Mel Robbins?

  Do you have a song with that title?

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  Oh, no, I don't. I should, huh?

• 1:03:28Mel Robbins?

  I think you should.

• 1:03:31Mel Robbins?

  I think you should.

• 1:03:32Speaker 01

  And also, you have your, and I think about something, because you just brought up a song, a song, but those who are, you know, for my friends who are in that place of suffering, or like we talked about earlier, falling in love with that suffering, the song "Crooked the Road," it, it used to be called "Crooked the Road and the One Driving." That's what I called it, because for a long time, I, I blamed the road, and we all do that at some point. We, we, we find excuses to go, "It's because of how I was born," or, and again, these things still hold weight, but "The One Driving," you, you are the one that has autonomy. You can always choose a different path, a different way, and sometimes you have to

• 1:04:17Speaker 01

  look at yourself on the road, on the journey, and realize, "I can take that other turn." My bandmate, Sam, he had this first hook to the song, just, "If you're leaving, no, I'll stay behind the telephone line," and that's what, and he brought that to the studio with us. And we were in Chicago, and we started talking about, you know, where this song could go. We loved the hook, the chorus, which is so beautiful, that line of staying beside someone through everything. The song really is about leaving your suffering, because I, I write this song about the place I'm at on Lookout Mountain, where I'm not noticing anybody or the hands, and that song says that. "If, if I grab it, know that I care," because darkness doesn't look, look good on you.

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  Another thing we do is we don't want people to help, because we, we fear our darkness going to them, them being engulfed by how much weak we are. And so we push them away. And so Crooked the Road is about that, is about accepting help. And the persons standing by the telephone line are the people that we exactly talked about earlier, that want to see you better, that are the helpers. Look to the helpers. We know this.

• 1:05:30Mel Robbins?

  Mr. Rogers.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Mel Robbins?

  You know, I know you're in Boston, not only for the Mel Robbins podcast, but because you are one of the headliners at Boston Calling, massive concert this weekend.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  Can't wait.

• 1:05:42Mel Robbins?

  Which I know means you also have your ukulele.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  I do, yes.

• 1:05:47Mel Robbins?

  Would you play that song for us?

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, gladly.

• 1:05:50Mel Robbins?

  Let's get the ukulele. Let's do it.

• 1:05:53Speaker 01

  Sounds good.

• 1:05:54Mel Robbins?

  You know, as soon as you got up to go get your ukulele, the door to the studio opened. Everybody that's in the studio today came running in here. We now have an audience. I am so excited. I have loved being with you. I'm so excited to hear you play live. And I'm so proud of you.

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:06:12Mel Robbins?

  I don't know why I'm gonna cry, but I'm so proud of you.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  It means a lot. Thank you.

• 1:06:17Mel Robbins?

  I feel like I'm getting my own private tour experience right here, but I just want to say, you are on tour, selling out all over the place. And I know big things are happening, and something I have a feeling big is gonna be happening this fall. We're gonna be on the lookout, because anywhere you are, Monrovia, is a place for gathering, for us all.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  Thank you. Wow. Thank you so much. That means, yeah, more than you know. This song's called Crooked the Road, and it's about leaving your suffering behind and noticing those that want to help.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  Crooked the road, and the one driving.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  Twenty-five years I know you've been unraveling

• 1:07:30Speaker 02

  Tell me why did you run? Run past the dogs and the horses?

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Now you find yourself here Pass the dews and don't serve your choices

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  But if you're leaving No, I'll stay beside that telephone line

• 1:08:11Speaker 02

  And tomorrow We might steal the sun from underneath our eyes

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  Tennis courts when I was yours Late night releases and sacred floors Got me believing a little more That this pain will run its course In the morning I saw you there Holding out your hand If I grab it, know that I care Cause darkness don't look good But if you're leaving No, I'll stay beside that telephone line

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  And tomorrow, we might steal the sun from underneath our eyes.

• 1:09:30Speaker 02

  Daybreak sorrow, but I still feel the edge of this cold night.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  But next to you, I lay softly on this hard ground.

• 1:09:56Speaker 02

  But next to you, I lay softly on this hard ground.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  Thank you so much, yeah.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  That's it.

• 1:10:25Mel Robbins?

  Wow.

• 1:10:26Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:10:27Mel Robbins?

  How did it feel to play that? Like, what's that like for you? Especially after sharing

• 1:10:35Mel Robbins?

  so much about your life and the meaning behind that song.

• 1:10:40Speaker 01

  It's nice after those conversations because it just makes the, it keeps the stories, you know, I think, meaningful to me. Because over time, I was always worrying about, I just don't want any of the songs and lyrics to never mean what they were to me when I wrote the song. Because you can play them so much at shows, you can, you get into a rhythm of just saying the same things or whatever. And so, that song means a lot to me, takes me right back. And thank you so much for letting me play it.

• 1:11:08Mel Robbins?

  Thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being here. I'm so proud of you. Congratulations on all of your success. I think you are at the very, very, very beginning of a massive, as you call it, art of continuing in a beautiful career and a huge difference that you're going to make. And I am just grateful that you accepted the gift of your life and that you are now sharing it with us. Thank you.

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:11:41Mel Robbins?

  And I also want to thank you. Thank you for taking the time to listen to this, to watch this, to share this with people that you care about. And I wanted to be sure to tell you, in case no one else does, that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. And there is no doubt in my mind that if you listen closely and truly take to heart everything that Monrovia shared with you today, that you are meant to be here, that there is a huge possibility for your life. Just keep on continuing on and you will figure out what that possibility is that is meant for you.

• 1:12:26Mel Robbins?

  I truly believe that. Alrighty, I'll be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.

• 1:12:41Mel Robbins?

  Oh, we're gonna have a lot of fun.

• 1:12:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is awesome.

• 1:12:44Mel Robbins?

  5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

• 1:12:45Mel Robbins?

  Let him say whatever he wants to say. Okay, thank you. Do you prefer Mon, Monrovia? What do you prefer?

• 1:12:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can call me Mon.

• 1:12:52Mel Robbins?

  You and I are gonna be swept away, not only by his story, but by his humility, his compassion, and the message.

• 1:13:00Speaker 01

  Oh, I went back to me, sorry.

• 1:13:02Mel Robbins?

  Oh, you can do whatever you can.

• 1:13:04Speaker 01

  That means a lot.

• 1:13:04Mel Robbins?

  Did I get the tour the right, did I call it the right way?

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  You did, that was poetry. That was beautiful, thank you guys.

• 1:13:09Mel Robbins?

  Wow.

• 1:13:10Speaker 01

  Thank you so much, this is awesome. I hope I come back sometime.

• 1:13:12Mel Robbins?

  You'll come back sometime.

• 1:13:13Speaker 01

  To visit, y'all. Yeah.

• 1:13:16Mel Robbins?

  Okay, that's a wrap. Great job, and great job this week.

• 1:13:23Mel Robbins?

  Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend, I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.