Stop wasting your life.

Should you keep fighting for the thing you’re holding onto or is it time to let go? I’ve got the answer. It begins with two simple words: Let Them. It has completely freed me from the fear of other people's opinions and investing all of my energy into situations that no longer serve me. This is a major topic in my new book - The Let Them Theory - which is already hit #2 on Amazon. You can grab a copy wherever you buy books or click HERE 👉 https://a.co/d/jiyBNlZ The Let Them Theory will forever change the way you think about relationships, control, and personal power. Wherever you are in life, this book gives you the mindset and tools to unlock your full potential. It all begins with two simple words. Available at your favorite retailer or at https://www.letthem.com

• 0:00Speaker 0

  And have a cup of coffee with you this morning. Um, let's let our friends uh roll in, but we are gonna talk about the power of letting go, which is something I've struggled with for my entire life. I've never been able to let go of anything. It's something that I, you know, I've just kind of been like, how did people let go of stuff? You know, and so as you roll in, here's what I want you to do. I want you to tell me where you're tuning in from. I'm gonna be taking your questions live, and we're gonna be talking about how you need to stop wasting your life and the fact that it is so difficult to let go, isn't it? Isn't it hard to let go when something really bothers you?

• 0:48Speaker 0

  Whether it's the way that somebody treated you, I'm gonna tell you a quick story in just a second about something that just sent me to the moon yesterday, it was so frustrating, and how hard it was for me to just let it go. And I'm also gonna be taking a bunch of questions because I've had a ton of questions asked recently as I've been going live and coaching and sharing stories with you guys. And so if you have a question, if there's something that you're trying to let go or you wish didn't bother you, I want you to put it in the comments because I'm gonna get to as many questions as I possibly can while I'm live this morning having coffee with you.

• 1:36Speaker 0

  So here's what happened quickly, and then I'm gonna jump into questions with you. Um yesterday, and I think this might surprise some of you. Yesterday I was applying for a loan. Wait till you hear this. And the bank told me that they pulled my credit score, and I have a terrible credit score. I was like, what? I have a terrible credit score. What do you mean? I pay my car loan, I pay my mortgage, I pay the lease at our studios in Boston on time. How could I have a terrible credit score? And so when I get this news, I start to feel the volcano inside me erupting. Have you had an experience like this recently, where you literally get news and you just start to feel like turns out I paid off a credit card last year for my business, which is a smart thing to do, right?

• 2:31Speaker 0

  And then I shut it down, which is I think a smart thing to do, and I have an open credit card. And the bank issued an annual fee for the credit card that I had just shut down, and I never saw it. And so I never paid it. And they freaking dinged my credit. And because it was out there for over a year, you guys, I have terrible credit. And it made the loan rate go through the I was so freaking angry about it. And my husband, Chris, God bless Chris, he is, I don't know if you guys know this about him, but he is a one of the many things that he does in addition to being a death dueler and leading men's retreats is he is a meditation instructor.

• 3:17Speaker 0

  So the dude is like, chill. He's like a walking zen master. And he's like, Mel, you just gotta let it go. And I was like, Let it go. I was so incensed. And that's what I want to talk to you about. Letting go for me doesn't work. And the reason why letting go, those two words, you gotta let it let it go. It doesn't work for me, is because I still feel like I'm at the victim mode. I feel like I have to surrender to something that feels unfair. Like if your mother like picks a fight with you and is like laying on the guilt trip, it's hard to let it go, isn't it? If you don't get into your dream school, it's hard to let it go. If you work really, really hard at your job and you don't meet quota, so you don't get the bonus, and you're not part of the like sales circle that gets to go on the nice trip.

• 4:14Speaker 0

  It's hard to let it go. Have you ever had this experience where you're trying to let it go and you just can't? It doesn't feel fair. And I think that's why I have always, always, always um had a hard time with it. Is it I'm I'm left with this sense of like I just have to shrug my shoulders, I have no power, I have to let it go. There's something about it to me that feels painful, and that there's a loss there, that you got beaten. And you know, look, I'm a competitive person, I'm a little cynical. I'm clearly somewhat of an emotional and reactive person. And so I have spent a large a long time in my life because I've never been able to let it go, and yet it still bothers me.

• 5:03Speaker 0

  And I felt angry and I've been upset about things for years, honestly, because I can't let it go. And I'm so glad of you. So glad so many of you are like, Mel, I can't let it go either. Because I I have a hardest time letting go of the relationship I had with our child with my child's father. And I'm so I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has a hard time letting go. And let me ask you a question. When you try to let something go, what does it feel like for you? Does it feel empowering to say to yourself, I need to just let this go? Or do you feel like you're having to surrender in a situation that's not fair? Does it feel for you that you have to let it go because you have no power?

• 5:52Speaker 0

  And I think that's the reason why I don't like the words let it go, or letting go. Because whenever I say to myself, Mel, you gotta let it go, it feels like I have no power in the situation. And what I want to tell you, and what I'm always reminding myself is you always have power. There is always something you can do with your attitude and your energy and your actions to make a situation better. There is always something you can do that is within your power. And what I have always hated about the phrase, just let it go, is that I feel powerless. I feel that I have to surrender. I feel like I have no agency whenever I say that to myself.

• 6:38Speaker 0

  And so, one of the reasons why I am so excited about the let them theory. And for those of you that don't know what it is, it begins with two simple words. Instead of saying let it go, say let them. And when I say let them, it's this magical phrase that makes me detach. And it makes me now here's where it's interesting. It makes me accept the reality of what has just happened, right? Because I can't change what has just happened. Do I, the story that I told you guys about how this bank just pinged my credit last year and now I have lousy credit and I didn't even know it and it impacted this loan. I was trying to get blah blah blah blah blah blah.

• 7:24Speaker 0

  Do I have any control over what happened? No. Do you have any control over how your ex treats you? No. Do you have any control over whether or not your parents um deal with the issues in the marriage? No. Do you have any control over what happened already in the relationship where you just went through a breakup? No. And so here's the difference between saying, I gotta let it go and saying, let them. When you say, I gotta let it go, you for me in my world, it's like going, Mel, you gotta let it go. You lost that. Move on. I'm like, but I don't want to move on because it still bothers me. Do you see the slight difference here? And this is super important because if something still bothers you, it still has power over you.

• 8:16Speaker 0

  The difference between let it go, which makes you feel powerless and saying two words, let them is that when you say let them, you regain power because you detach and rise above the bank that dunged your. I don't even know what the hell the word is. The bank that dinged your credit, you rise above your ex, who is a nightmare or your partner's ex who is a nightmare to deal with, let them let them be crazy, let them have anger issues, let them send these long text things. And when you say let them, you remind yourself that crazy making over there, not my control. Nope. I'm actually more powerful than trying to control something I can't control, can't control another person, can't control the rants by my partner's ex, can't control what the bank did last year.

• 9:11Speaker 0

  And that's when you come to step two. You say, let me let me decide what I'm gonna do next. See, as Chris was saying to me, Mel, let go, man, it's over. I'm like, it's not over because I'm still mad about it. When I say let them, let them do that to me, let them ruin my credit, let them impact the situation I'm in right now, trying to get this loan. Let them. It already happened. I'm not gonna let it go though, because it bothers me. So I'm gonna let them and then I'm gonna say, let me, let me figure out what I can do and where I have. Power and I know what I can do. I can go back to that bank. I can file a claim. I can get it removed from my credit because it was their error.

• 9:59Speaker 0

  I know this. And so when I focus on the let me part, I'm not letting anything go. I am choosing my response, which is where my power is. I say, Elizabeth Going, my sister won't advocate for herself, and now I get involved and try to help her. Why can't I back away if she won't help herself? Elizabeth, excellent question. The reason why you won't back away is because you care deeply about your sister. And so because you care, it feels impossible to let her face the natural consequences of her decisions. And when you say let them, let them ruin their job, let them struggle with their drinking, let them date a bunch of losers, let them be lousy with their money, and you don't step in and rescue.

• 10:49Speaker 0

  You are doing one of the hardest and most important things in a loving relationship. And it's this you are allowing another human being to live their life, and you are allowing another human being to learn from life the painful consequences of not taking responsibility for their life. And I know a lot of you are going to go bop, but I didn't say abandon them. I said stop rescuing them. And I write about this extensively in the Let Them Theory book, everybody. There's an entire chapter about how you and I jump in and try to rescue the people that we love because we can't stand to see them suffering. And here's what the research, the neuroscience, the psychiatrist, the psychologists, the addiction specialists, the mental health specialists, you want to know what they all say.

• 11:45Speaker 0

  They say the more that you and I rescue our adult children and our siblings and our parents from facing the natural consequences of their decisions, the more they continue to drown. Because feeling pain and feeling the consequences of your drinking is a critical component of leveraging your internal motivation to want to change for yourself. No human being changes until they feel like it. And if you're dealing with somebody in your life who is struggling with addiction, no one gets sober until being drunk is harder than being sober. That's the truth. And that's the science, which is why you have to let them struggle while you stand on the side and you offer a supportive environment.

• 12:35Speaker 0

  But helping someone else is a lot like playing a game of catch. Here you are tossing the ball, tossing the ball, tossing the ball, tossing the ball, tossing the ball. And your sister's got her hands in there and she's not catching it. And then you're standing on the side, like going, I'm super pissed off. She's not catching it. She's not ready to. She's not ready to. Let them let her lose her job while you're there reminding her that you believe in her and her ability to face her challenges. Let her deal with the truth of her life. One of the things that we do as parents is we lie for our adult children. You know, they drink too much on the weekends, and we make an excuse for them so that they don't have to go to class or they don't have to go to work.

• 13:29Speaker 0

  Let them actually get fired from a job. Let them feel the consequences. The other thing that a lot of adult parents do that we write about a lot in the let them theory book, and I've been guilty of this too. Why? Because you care about people. So you naturally think that you're trying to help them by rescuing them from their problems and saving them from heartache. The truth is the people that you love have the ability within themselves to find the power with your support, provided from a safe distance. They have the power and the resources to face the challenges to use their tools, but they only do it when they feel ready.

• 14:14Speaker 0

  And so I've made the mistake of spending too much money supporting my kids, only to have them then start to complain that oh, things aren't working out. Well, they're not struggling enough. Making it too easy. I'm not saying you abandon people. That's not what the let them theory is about. The let them theory is about leveraging the simple science that is so well researched around neuroscience, around attachment theory, around radical acceptance, around Buddhism, about the fundamental laws of human behavior, which is human beings only change when they feel like changing. And when you pressure someone else to change, you create resistance to them changing.

• 15:01Speaker 0

  When you rescue somebody and enable them to coast, they will coast. And so there's a fine line that is deeply personal that you have to find with your sister or with your parents or with your adult children. Because this is a book about adults. It's not a book about children, it's a book about adults. There's a fine line between what you are comfortable giving in terms of support and somebody else's responsibility to do the work that healing and getting better and making more money actually requires. And that's why let them is a game changer. Like I can't let anything go because I'm competitive and I'm emotional, and I don't want to feel like I have to just be defeated by life.

• 15:50Speaker 0

  I love let them because when I say let them, I am rising above the situation and I'm acknowledging my power. And my power is not in controlling another person or a bank or somebody's addiction or somebody's mental health. My power is in coming back here and going, let me let me choose the support I offer and the conditions upon which it's given. Let me decide how I'm going to address this issue with the bank. Let me decide how I am going to show up. Let me decide what actions I can take. Because you always have something you can do. Period, full stop. Stephanie asks on YouTube, does silence show my let them position? How do I communicate without jumping in?

• 16:37Speaker 0

  I am not responding, I'm waiting. How do we get the space to move to let them? So here's the thing. Silence is a communication. But I want to say something loud and clear, Stephanie. I am absolutely not a person that believes in silent treatment or ghosting. I think it is a cop-out. It shows that you have the inability to communicate clearly, and I'm not suggesting that's what you're doing. But too many people in the world today are just icing people out because why? You don't have the emotional maturity to communicate clearly what's upsetting you and what your boundaries are. And it feels easier in the moment to just stop talking to people.

• 17:23Speaker 0

  And this is a sign based on the research of a pattern that you saw in childhood. It probably is something that you saw your parents do. They just silenced and iced everybody out and then pretended like nothing happened. And so silence sends a message, but you need to ask yourself have I actually communicated what's bothering me? Have I communicated what I need? Or am I just using silence as a way to avoid something that feels uncomfortable? Because here's how let them and let me works. You can't control another person. And I have a I have a question here. I've got a question from Tyrell. My husband's ex is awful, awful, and is trying to make me nuts on a regular basis.

• 18:12Speaker 0

  Now here's an interesting thing about this. Let's let's deconstruct this, everybody. How many of you do you have a person in your life who drives you crazy? A person in your life who drives you crazy. For me, it's me that drives me crazy, but who in your life drives you crazy? For Terrell, my husband's ex is awful and is trying to make me nuts. Here's a question, everybody. Okay, let's all group jump in and help Terrell. Can another person technically make you nuts? I'm gonna ask you again, yes or no. Can another person make you nuts? No. This is what the let them theory taught me. I was like a human nuclear reaction. For 50 four years, you guys, everything happening around me, I felt inside of me.

• 19:01Speaker 0

  I allowed other people's obnoxious, annoying, immature, narcissistic, tired, hungry, rude, or whatever behavior to get to me. Because I was making it number one, my job to manage everything around me. And I hadn't done the work to understand that another person, yes, there's an energy exchange for sure. And yes, emotions rise up automatically, emotions, what you're going to learn in the let them book, you guys, is that emotions are just chemical reactions that go off within six seconds. You can't control the emotions that rise up, but you can choose whether or not those emotions linger and whether or not you. Allow someone else's behavior to get to you.

• 19:49Speaker 0

  So, yes, your husband's ex may be trying to drive you crazy, or your husband's ex may just be a traumatized person who is unaware of the dust storm that they kick up. I think I was that person for a long time, honestly, before I started to do the work. Your husband's ex may have mental health challenges. Your husband's ex may have other deep problems, and they are completely unaware of how their behavior impacts you. Your husband's executive that is so sad and so lonely and so regretful about how their relationship ended that they don't know how to process it. So they vomit at you. That it may all be true. And your husband's ex may be a sociopath that is out to get you.

• 20:37Speaker 0

  Any one of those things may be true. But here is what is also true. Let them let them do whatever they're gonna do. Let them send the texts that are this long. Let them tell lies to the kids. Let them why would you waste your time and energy trying to control someone you can't control. Focus on the let me part. This is where you get to choose because someone else can try to do whatever they want to do. You get to choose how long it impacts you. Let me realize that actually responding to any text from this person is like playing pickleball. It just goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, blah blah blah, right? And I see Teresa saying, I'm trying to co-parent with a manipulative narcissist.

• 21:27Speaker 0

  One of the things about narcissism is that believing the person will change is the single biggest thing that you're going to have to grapple with. The person who has a narcissistic personality style is never going to change. And the hope that they will is what's keeping you trapped in the dynamic. You have to let them reveal through their behavior exactly who they are. And then you have to be crystal clear, clear. Let me, let me, let me, let me, let me focus on what's within my control. And one of the things that's within your control is removing all hope that this dynamic changes. The only thing that's going to make the dynamic better is when you stop hoping that this is going to change.

• 22:17Speaker 0

  You recognize that this is who this person is, and you draw better boundaries about what you will engage with and what you won't, because that's what's within your control. Okay. That's what's within your control. And this, by the way, everybody, is why I love saying let them, let me. There's two parts. Please do not use let them and forget the let me part. If you only ever say let them, you're not using the let them theory correctly. This that's not what this is. The let them part pulls you away from something you can't control. The let them part reveals how much time and energy you're giving to other people into situations that don't deserve your time and energy.

• 23:05Speaker 0

  The let me part, which is the part most people forget. Most people don't really know the let me part, everyone. The let me part is where you remind yourself you do have power. You're an adult. You get to choose what texts you respond to. You get to choose where you put your time and energy. You get to choose whether or not this job is something you want to continue to invest time in, or whether or not you want to jump on LinkedIn and start looking for another job. You have so much more power, but you will never see that if, like me, you constantly give your power and your time and your energy to things and other people that aren't worthy of your time or that are beyond your control.

• 23:54Speaker 0

  When you say let me, you realize, wait a minute, I get to choose what support I give. When you say let me, you get to also show up differently and apologize when you realize I've been an emotional reactive freak. Let me take responsibility for my behavior. Let me let me recognize that I engage in the silent treatment when I get overwhelmed. You want to know what I do that I've been working on a lot, and I did it a lot this week because I was really, ah, is when I get overwhelmed or overtired or I have too much going on, I am a nuclear reactor. I just react. And then I feel like a monster because I didn't mean to yell at my kids, or I didn't mean to like text everybody, or I didn't mean to like change the plans and now the team is having to scramble.

• 24:48Speaker 0

  And so I have to focus on the let everybody be upset with me, which is a hard thing for me. Let other people like really feel nervous about the fact that I just got upset about something, and now let me come back and decide what am I going to do now that I made a mess. I'm going to apologize. Breathing, right, guys? Breathe in four. Hold it, breathe out for.

• 25:26Speaker 0

  And then bring it to a meeting instead of putting it in Slack in a text. You see how letting it go. Okay, I blew up at my kids, I just got to let it go and move on. No, you don't. Let people be upset with you. Let me clean it up. Let people do things that make you angry. And then don't necessarily sit back and wait. Let me decide what I want to do about this. You know, one of the big rules in oh, yes, Lauren on YouTube. This is an excellent question. Any advice for a highly sensitive person who feels the energy of others more easily? It's so hard to let them. Um, yes, because I am a highly sensitive person. So many of you are highly sensitive people, and I'm going to tell you why.

• 26:13Speaker 0

  You ready? Reason number one, you had situations in your childhood that made you have to parent yourself or be responsible for everybody else's mood around you. Which means you tune into other people's moods and you did this as a kid instinctively to try to read the room. Is dad mad? Is mom in an okay mood? We good here, what's going on? When you have that sort of wiring and you're highly sensitive or you find yourself on edge a lot. Like how many of you walk into a job and you immediately notice when your colleagues are like in a bad mood or when your boss is intense. If that's you, the let them theory is going to save your life. And I'm going to tell you something.

• 27:00Speaker 0

  I was in Phoenix yesterday speaking at the LinkedIn talent conference. And it was this incredible experience. I love working with LinkedIn. I created a course called the Science of Confidence for them. We use LinkedIn. I love LinkedIn. And the truth is that of how wack-a-doodle the world is right now, working remote, working hybrid. Um, the fact that you're on Zoom all day. Everybody on the planet is on edge. The fact that you're always on Zoom calls or Teams calls or Amazon chime calls and you don't have time to get your work done, that puts you on edge, everyone. And so I think this question from Lauren, any advice for the highly sensitive person who feels the energy of others more easily.

• 27:49Speaker 0

  Here's what I want you to know. So the let them theory saved my life. Here's why. Other people are going to act in ways that will make you feel things you don't want to feel because you cannot control your emotional response. Other people are going to have negative energy, or they're going to have worried energy, or they're going to have intense energy. I mean, yesterday, when I found out I had lousy credit and that I may not get this loan, which may surprise you. My emotions were all over the place, embarrassed, shame, upset. Oh, here we go again. For those of you that are new to following me, like I, my story 15 years ago, I was like $800,000 in debt, a lean on the house, maxed out every credit card.

• 28:38Speaker 0

  So I'm like, oh, here we go again. So my emotions, nuclear reactor. You better believe my family felt those emotions. So did my husband. But here's where the let them theory comes in. When you say let them, let someone be disappointed. Let your colleague be in a bad mood. Let your boss be intense. Let them. Another adult's emotions are not your responsibility to manage or fix. Build the capacity to let other people deal with their own emotions. Okay. Nobody's been taught how to do this. And I think it's a beautiful thing that you and I feel deeply. Like, can you imagine the opposite? Can you imagine living your life and not feeling anything? My husband, Chris struggled with depression for years, and everything was just gray.

• 29:29Speaker 0

  And so allowing other people to have their emotional experience and then let them separate yourself and understand this isn't a situation where they're a child. They may be acting like one, but they're you're not their parent. Let your boss be intense. You know, one of the reasons why I get intense is because I have to manage the payroll. I have to look at the progression, the projections. There are 50,000 things on my shoulders as a business owner that anybody that works for me doesn't have to actually think about. And so there are times where I'm sure I walk into work and I'm like this. It has nothing to do with what we're actually talking about.

• 30:15Speaker 0

  And there are probably also times where I'm just a dick and I'm micromanagee. And it's not anybody else's responsibility to manage me. They need to let me and they have to build capacity, and so do you allow adults to do with themselves. Now here comes the let me part. You're going to notice emotions rise up, right? But you got to go let me remind myself that my boss's mood, not my responsibility. But let me find the courage to give somebody feedback if this keeps happening. Let me find the courage to, if I've given the feedback and this isn't starting to change, and people aren't taking accountability for the way that their emotions are impacting me.

• 31:01Speaker 0

  Then let me look for a different place to work. Instead of sitting there all balled up. And this is so important because you know, you can say, and I'm going to steal this from my friend Jefferson Fisher. You can say to somebody, and my family says this to me look, mom, I'm sorry for what your stress and this loan situation is doing to you, but you need to apologize for what your stress did to me. I'm gonna say that again.

• 31:38Speaker 0

  But I need you to apologize for how your stress is impacting me. The second my family says that to me, I shift my tone of voice, I pull it together, and that's an example of let them. Let them have their emotional experience and let me separate myself and not manage this, but let me also remind somebody that your emotional meltdowns. Sorry for that, sorry that's happening for you. Hate to see you upset. Not okay for that to impact me in the way that it is. Not okay for you to speak to me in that tone of voice. I understand. I need you to bring the tone down. And when you tell people that, most people actually appreciate it because we don't want to walk around and step on everybody else's head. And by the way, I'm getting tons of questions.

• 32:25Speaker 0

  All the information about where you can buy the book is right here. And you can get it at any retailer that you want. You can get it uh any format you want. Tons and tons of languages are coming. This is an incredible thing. This is going to change your life. And let me give you the final thing about emotional maturity. Here's one of the big lessons in the let them theory book based on the research. Here's what I'm gonna teach you. You ready? Every adult you meet is an eight-year-old in a big body. I'm gonna say it again. Every adult you meet is just an eight-year-old in a big body. Absolutely no one has had the resources or the parents that taught you how to understand your emotions and process them correctly, not correctly, process them in a healthy way.

• 33:12Speaker 0

  Because our parents were taught how to do this. This is a skill you can learn. And when you go through life and you start to look at other adults as eight-year-olds in big bodies, you realize most people haven't actually gone to therapy. A lot of people aren't willing to look at themselves or do the work. A lot of people are in a place whether it's with addiction or mental health issues where they're not quite capable of using their tools yet. They need a little bit more support, they need a little bit more grace. I'm not excusing bad behavior, by the way. I'm saying when you look at other people as eight-year-olds in big bodies, you don't, you're not afraid of other people. You actually feel a little bit more compassion.

• 33:58Speaker 0

  You can step toward them. Let them feel their emotions, let them shut down, and then let me. This is by the way, section three, chapter seven and chapter eight, where you're gonna learn all this and all the neuroscience, everybody. And the the whole point with the let them theory, because here's what I see with people talking about let them online is they're talking about it to ice people out. That's not what this is about. This is about you operating with the laws of human nature in a way that brings you closer to people in a way that removes the immature and sometimes painful dynamics between you and other people. This is a book about removing frustration that you create for yourself that you have the power to remove.

• 34:43Speaker 0

  This is a book about you seeing how you're giving your power away to other people and situations that either aren't worth your time or beyond your control. And any psychologist will tell you when you try to control something that you can't control, it just creates frustrating stress and frustration in you, and then you blame the other person. Like what's interesting about the example, and I'm thinking about work a lot because you know, I was just in Phoenix with LinkedIn at this incredible event about like how we unlock the power inside other people and how we unlock the power inside ourselves. You can't unlock the power inside yourself until you first stop giving your time and energy to things that are beyond your control.

• 35:29Speaker 0

  And the truth is most of the people that you meet are have a lot going on. And they don't mean to be a jerk to you. They don't mean to treat you in a way that's upsetting you. And when you can say let them and you stop making it your responsibility to manage other people's moods or what they're thinking or what they're feeling, and you bring all the power back, let me let me show up in a way that I value. Let me show up with a little bit more courage and compassion. Let me give this friend of mine that hasn't reached out the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they're going through a hard time. And maybe me reaching out right now is the lifeline that they need. And I reach out not because I expect someone to reach back, but I'm reaching out because that's the kind of friend I am.

• 36:18Speaker 0

  I know I've gone through periods in my life where I have been so focused in work, or I'm dealing with a crisis, mental health issue in my family or my marriage, where I haven't had the capacity to reach back out to people. It would have devastated me if people just ghosted me or cut me out because I wasn't in a position to really go back and forth and go back and forth. And so let them really is a book about giving people the space to live their lives, which makes your life better. Let them really is a book about recognizing what's your responsibility to manage and what isn't. And let them and let me is truly a book about your values and your character and the kind of person you want to be and the experience in life that you want to create for yourself and understanding that no matter what everybody else is doing, no matter what's going on in the world, no matter what's going on in your country, no matter what's going on in the election, no matter what's going on in your marriage, that you can control your response, that you don't have to let the headlines or people's moods or your exes uh or you know, your crazy ex or whatever drive you crazy because you can control how long your emotions last and what you actually are willing to focus on what you're not, and that's where your power is.

• 37:40Speaker 0

  And so I want to point out one other thing because so many of you are asking. So when you get a copy of the Let Them book, which by the way, you guys throw this to number two on Amazon, number one on Audible, number one in all of Canada. I cannot thank you enough. I can't wait for you to get your hands on this book. And if you go and get your copy anywhere, Barnes and Noble, Target, um, all the major independent bookstores. You can walk down to your local bookstore. You can get the audio book on on Audible, you can buy the ebook on Apple Books. You can get this absolutely anywhere. And yes, other languages are coming. And guess what? 12 different languages and audiobook are coming. You're gonna freaking love this thing.

• 38:25Speaker 0

  When you purchase your book, wherever you want to purchase your book, audiobook, physical book, ebook. I need you to go to let them.com because I am giving you a master class where we're gonna go through all the chapters. I'm gonna have my whiteboard, my presentation. It is Professor Mel. I might even wear a blazer for crying out loud. And I'm going to walk you through all of the takeaways of these chapters. And this is a free master class for absolutely everybody who buys a book. If you buy a book, an audio book, or an ebook, you get a ticket to the master class. If you go to let them.com, it's super simple. Email address and the receipt number, that's it. That's it. Let them.com. And then we send you information about it.

• 39:11Speaker 0

  You sign on when we're having it. And if you can't make it live for the couple hours I'm going to be teaching, there's a replay. And so you're not going to miss anything, but this is my gift to you. Um, I want to thank you again for being on this live stream with me because the cool thing about this is I've never been able to let anything go. And now I don't have to. Because I know that the real power is in saying let them and recognizing that power comes from focusing on what you can control and what you can't. And the let me part, which is the more important part of this, by the way. The let me part reminds you that you have power. The let me part allows you to tap into your values, your character, the kind of person you want to be.

• 39:57Speaker 0

  If you're somebody that struggles with guilt, this eradicates guilt. Let me tell you why. You show up a lot in your life because. You feel guilty. Imagine if you made decisions, not because it made your mother or your boss happy, but it makes you happy to be a good daughter or son, or it makes you happy to take the extra shift this weekend because you value being a team player. When you do it for you, you don't feel the guilt. And when you are in those situations where you're like, I'm sorry, I can't cover your shift this weekend, and you feel that little pang, and you feel bad because this person's disappointed, let them be disappointed, right? Because other adults are allowed to feel their emotions. And being disappointed is another thing you're going to learn a lot about.

• 40:46Speaker 0

  Disappointment, anger, sadness, frustration are mentally healthy responses to a lot of situations in life. And you think it means something's wrong when it actually means somebody's just feeling normal, appropriate emotions. And so when you say let them, you give other people the grace of their own human experience, and then you go let me and you take the power, and you get to decide that I can disappoint my colleague. And I can still make a decision that works for me and know I'm a good person. Two things can be true at once. I can disappoint my parents and not be you know with them for the holidays and still make a decision that I know works for me. Two things can be true at once. People can be disappointed and still like you.

• 41:32Speaker 0

  People can say negative things about you and they will and still support you. People can be critical and scared about the risks that you're about to take, and they can still be rooting for you deep down. Two things can be true at once. And what I have loved, loved, loved about discovering the let them theory, and particularly the let me part. Like everybody's like, let them, let them, let them. And it's true. But let me remind you it's about you. You are responsible for your life. Your emotional reactions, your responsibility to manage. Your values and character, your responsibility, your career, not your boss's responsibility, it's yours. Your financial situation, not somebody else's responsibility, it's yours. You know, honestly, it's not the bank.

• 42:19Speaker 0

  I told the story early on about uh my credit getting tanked because of something I happened last year. That bank is not responsible for my financial credit. I am. Why am I burning through so much energy about something that someone else is not responsible for? And so let me let them change your life. You don't need to let anything go because now you can just see things as they are and then choose what you're gonna do about it. And if you go to LettThem.com, please, please, please register your receipt. Please, this is the single best book to buy for friends and family, by the way. And I'm gonna tell you, I wrote this with our daughter. She started researching this. And the coolest thing about this is she's 25. And as we were writing this, she was in the middle of looking for her next job.

• 43:09Speaker 0

  So she was facing that midlife 20-something crisis. What the hell do I do with my life? She was going through the most painful breakup of her life. And so this book has such a huge appeal, not just for people my age in my 50s. This is going to appeal to every single human being in your life. Because we all struggle with the same thing. We are all wired to want to jump in and save people. We are all emotionally connected to one another. We all get triggered by one another. We get frustrated with one another. We find it easier to not say anything than to have the hard conversation, even though you know you want to. And so we all do the same thing. We all want to motivate other people, and yet the way that we're going about it is backfiring.

• 43:55Speaker 0

  Let them and let me is grounded in neuroscience. It's grounded in stoicism. You want to be more stoic, let them theory. You want to learn how to step back and stop people pleasing, the let them theory. You want to learn how to be more effective with your time, you need the let them theory because right now you're giving all your time and energy to things beyond your control, which is why you have no time and energy at the end of the day for yourself. You want to stop feeling emotionally exhausted by your ex or the breakup or the disappointments and the setbacks. Let them and let me.

• 44:42Speaker 0

  This is the most fabulous thing that you could give to somebody because you know what you're doing when you give somebody the let them theory, you're giving them their power back. And that is the single best thing you could possibly do. All righty. I love you. I believe in you. I especially believe in you because you got let them and let me, and we don't have to worry about letting anything go because we are going to keep our power, and we're not going to let things go unless we choose to on the let me part. Thank you, thank you, thank you for spending time with me. I hope your coffee or your tea or your water was awesome. I love being here with you. I love talking with you online and on the Mel Robbins podcast. And I just wanted to say I believe in your ability to create a better life. And so let's stop giving our power away. Let's stop telling ourselves to let things go that we actually care about, and let's focus on the let me part because you do have power, because you got time, you got energy, you got actions, you got an attitude, and it's time you start claiming that for yourself and focusing it on what you actually care about.

• 45:36Speaker 0

  All righty. Have a great day.