MIT Longevity Expert: Do These 3 Things Now to Stay Young, Live Longer, & Keep Doing What You Love

What no one tells you about aging is that it starts long before you feel old. In fact, the choices you’re making in this moment are shaping how strong, independent, connected, and fulfilled you’ll feel decades from now. In this hopeful conversation, Mel sits down with MIT longevity expert Dr. Joseph Coughlin, founding director of the MIT AgeLab, for a wake-up call that will change how you plan the rest of your life. The good news? Dr. Coughlin says you’re probably going to live longer than you think. But longevity is not just about adding more years to your life. It is about deciding how you want those years to feel – and preparing now so they stay active, meaningful, fun, and fully yours. Dr. Coughlin is sharing his research-backed framework for a happier, healthier future, one that will show you why you shouldn’t be afraid of getting older if you do the simple things within your control. You’ll learn exactly what to do to avoid the biggest regrets of people in their 80s, 90s, and 100s, and live life on your terms. And if someone you love is getting older, this conversation is essential. Dr. Coughlin is also sharing practical guidance for caregivers and will walk you through the conversation every family needs to have about aging before it’s too late, and exactly what you need to know to help your aging parents. You’ll learn: –The science-backed habits that predict how well you’ll age –3 simple questions that will help you design a vibrant future –The surprising number that may predict how long you’ll live –The hidden forces that can quietly steal your strength and independence, and how to fight them –How to talk to your parents about aging before a crisis hits –What retirement will really look like, and it’s not what you think –The 8,000-day framework that will change how you see the rest of your life –Why getting older can be something to look forward to, not fear You’ll also hear what happens when Mel tries on AGNES, MIT’s full-body aging suit, and sees the world and the people she loves in a whole new way. But this isn’t a conversation about decline. It’s about preparation, possibility, and taking back control. As Dr. Coughlin says, getting older isn’t something to dread. It is a gift of time, and what you do with that time starts now. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-419/ Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode. This episode is brought to you by Apple Card. In this episode: 0:00 Introduction 04:58 The 8,000-Day Life: How to Plan for the Next Chapter of Aging 07:30 3 Questions to Ask Now to Plan a Longer, Better Life 11:30 How to Build a Strong Social Life and Prevent Loneliness as You Age 15:03 Inside the MIT AgeLab: The Future of Aging, Technology, and Independence 20:38 What Aging Feels Like in Your Body: Mel Tries MIT’s AGNES Aging Suit 31:58 Everyday Tasks and Aging: Carrying Laundry, Bending Down, and Fall Risk 33:56 Climbing Stairs as You Age: Strength, Balance, and Fear of Falling 38:00 Why Chairs, Cars, Toilets, and Other Everyday Tasks Get Harder With Age 42:08 Technology and Aging: Why Phones Become Harder to See and Use 54:31 Are You Ready to Live to 100? Take the Longevity Preparedness Test 1:02:57 Caregiving for Aging Parents: How to Discuss Housing, Health Decisions, Finances, and Who Will Provide Care 1:09:27 The Caregiver Roadmap: Health, Money, Burnout, and How to Support the Person Providing Care 1:12:42 When Should Aging Parents Stop Driving? Warning Signs and How to Discuss the Keys 1:14:14 3 Ways to Protect Your Independence, Strength, and Freedom as You Age — Follow Mel: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here: The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:09Mel Robbins?

  You and your loved ones are probably going to live a lot longer than you think. But right now, there's so much noise about longevity, biohacking, anti-aging, reversing this, optimizing that. But can we be honest with each other? Would you want to live to 100 if you are in horrible health? If it's painful to just get through the day? Of course not. That's why today's conversation with an extraordinary expert from MIT, it's not about adding more years to your life, it's about adding more life to your years. We're going to talk today about whether your life as you age stays big and exciting and fulfilling and meaningful, or your life starts to shrink.

• 0:51Mel Robbins?

  We're also going to talk about what to do when you have people in your life, your parents, grandparents, loved ones, and you see their quality of life getting worse. Our extraordinary expert is Dr. Joseph Coughlin. He's the director of the MIT Age Lab, where they study what longer lives look like. And he is here in our Boston studios today to give you the simple shifts and all of this fascinating research that's going to do so much for you and your family. First of all, it's going to protect your freedom and your independence as you age. Because Dr. Coughlin says, based on the research, the choices you're making right now, yes, you in your 20s, in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, they shape what the rest of your life is going to feel like.

• 1:35Mel Robbins?

  Dr. Coughlin also says there are three forces that quietly wear you down and chip away at your independence. And he will share what you can do to make sure that they don't. He's also got amazing research-backed advice for caregivers. I'm talking children of aging, parents and grandparents. And the things that you really need to hear that are going to work, very specific ways in particular, that Dr. Coughlin wants you to think about caregiving. He's going to give you specific ways to approach the conversation with your family members that will reshape how you look at aging. Dr. Coughlin also has three questions that you must ask yourself that will fundamentally

• 2:18Mel Robbins?

  change how you see and design your future. This is a conversation I really want you to share with your siblings, with your parents, with your grandparents, with your adult kids, with your friends. I cannot wait for you to experience it and meet Dr. Coughlin.

• 2:46Mel Robbins?

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am thrilled about our conversation today. It's always such an honor to be together and to spend this time with you. And if you're a new listener, or you're here because somebody shared this with you, this is one of those episodes that you will be sharing with people in your family. It's that important. I just want to take a moment and welcome you personally to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. Today, you and I are learning how to stay strong, sharp and independent for 100 years with the number one longevity expert, Dr. Joseph Coughlin, who founded in Leeds the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Age Lab,

• 3:27Mel Robbins?

  where he and his extraordinary team of researchers study how longer lives are transforming the way people work, retire, plan and live. And he's here to tell you, based on the research, what it takes to prepare for 100 good, juicy, awesome years, because you deserve that. Dr. Coughlin is a researcher, a professor in MIT's Department of Urban Studies and Planning, and an advisor to major corporations and institutions around the world. He has advised the World Economic Forum, and he has also served on the advisory committees for the US government and multiple federal agencies and sitting presidents. The Wall Street Journal named him one of America's 12 pioneers inventing the future

• 4:12Mel Robbins?

  of retirement and aging. And if you thought that was enough, Dr. Coughlin has also authored over 250 academic publications on aging, longevity, and demographic change, and the bestselling book, The Longevity Economy. So please help me welcome Dr. Joseph Coughlin to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  It's great to be here, Mel. Thanks for having me.

• 4:34Mel Robbins?

  I am so thrilled that you took time out of your busy lab over at MIT to come here today, and I am excited about your research. I would love to have you begin by speaking directly to the person who's listening or watching right now, and tell me, what could be different about my life? If I take everything to heart that you're about to share and I apply it to my own life, and I really apply it to the people in my life that are getting older?

• 5:03Speaker 01

  What could be different? The big difference is that if you're prepared, if you can envision what you think that future is going to be, and please, it's not going to be all about beach walks and pickleball and maybe even grandchildren, those will be good, punctuated moments. But hopefully, the things that we're doing with my team at the MIT Age Lab and the conversation that we'll have is about being prepared for the little moments, the things that make you smile, the ability to stay in the home that you love and want to be with, the ability to provide care. It's about building capacity to live your best life.

• 5:36Mel Robbins?

  I know this is going to be one of those conversations where if you are older, you're going to feel seen. If you are in a caregiving role, you're going to feel supported and you're going to be given very specific things that you can do. And you have a real gift in terms of the way that you teach, and you have a way of making this topic that's hard to talk about and understand in some ways, easier and more fun to think about, but you do it in a way that's very, very practical. And so I think one of the things that people are going to get out of this conversation is a whole new way to think about the people that they love and to think about the role that you have to play in your own life and aging, and in supporting others as they do.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  And Mel, I want everyone to give themselves a break. And what I mean by that is that not being prepared for old age is not an indictment. It's not like, oh, my God, I didn't do my plan. Old age is quite new in the context that we're living, how long we're living, the expectations, multiple generations alive at the same time. If you're caring for a loved one today, if you're aging or you're planning to age, this is an entirely new world without a map.

• 6:49Mel Robbins?

  So, Dr. Coughlin, especially given the work that you do at the MIT Age Lab, how do you want us to think about age?

• 6:58Speaker 01

  I want you to think about aging as an amazing gift of time. So I want you to imagine zero, birth, to 21 years old, let's just make it easy for a lot of people, drinking age, from zero to 21 is about 8,000 days. You know, be generous with the math, but it's about 8,000 days. From 21 to midlife crisis, classically 46, 47 years old, 8,000 days. And from 46 to 47, to that Newtonian law of physics of retirement, 65 is 8,000 days. But most people don't know that the fastest growing part of the population, worldwide, by the way, is 85 plus. And 65 to 85 and change is 8,000 days.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  So if I take zero to 21, I'll just call it gently, push it off to the side, call it childhood, or if you're a parent, expensive, you cross it off to the side. All of a sudden, retirement is not this short period of trip with the grandchildren to Disney, it's one-third of your adult life. It's a full 8,000 days.

• 7:58Mel Robbins?

  I love that 8,000-day framework, because when you think about your own life, especially looking backwards, you can see whether you're going zero to 21, or 21 to 46, or 46 to 65, or 65, you know, to 80, whatever. There are so many different versions of you in each one of those 8,000-day segments of your life. And we do, especially as you get older, just kind of think, oh, well, now you're just in that bracket. And I think it's very hopeful and exciting to recognize that whether you are in the zero to 21, or 21 to 45, or 45 to 65, or 65 to 80, or 80 and up,

• 8:39Mel Robbins?

  that you have all of these different slices of life and future versions of yourself that you are going to get to experience. And a lot of what we're going to learn today from you will fundamentally shift your mind and perspective about those future versions of you that will experience.

• 9:02Mel Robbins?

  A decline in capacity, potentially, as you age.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  And that notion of future you, what you and I will be able to do is to put questions in people's minds to help them navigate basically an entirely unknown land. There's really no map for that older age, other than, you know, did you save enough money and are you going to take a cruise ship? Life is far more complicated than that overall. And those questions will start conversations.

• 9:27Mel Robbins?

  You say there are three questions every one of us needs to ask ourselves when it comes to how we think about aging.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  The three questions, not necessarily in this order. The first one is, how are you going to get an ice cream cone? Sounds really silly, but it's got a number of dimensions to it. When we plan for older age, we tend to think about what do we want to do in older age? Well, I'm going to travel, spend time with family. There's so much to do around the house, I'll never get bored. Mel, do you remember COVID?

• 9:56Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 9:57Speaker 01

  We found something out about COVID. Except for the travel part, we found out that, A, all those hobbies you thought that were going to keep you busy, and painting the spare bedroom three times was going to keep you busy for a lifetime, got boring real fast. And secondly, we found that our significant other got tired of seeing us significantly 24/7. And so the first question is, how are you going to get an ice cream cone? Do you know the little things that make you smile? Not that we're going to take the kids to Disney, not that, you know, we're going to, maybe if you're one of those folks, to downsize those big monumental moments. Longer life, or life at any stage, is about the little moments. And so, do you know the little things that make you smile? So for me, I want you to imagine it's a hot summer night. I want a soft syrup. I want a spiral.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  I want a chocolate and vanilla. The other side of that question is not you know the little things that make you smile, but do you have access to them? 70% of Americans over the age of 50 live where if you don't drive, you don't get out. And an ice cream cone is one of those things on a hot summer night, you want it to spur the moment. You don't book a ride, you don't bother an adult daughter, you may not call up a neighbor, you just want it. The peepers are out, it's a hot summer night, you'll want it now. So do you know how you're going to get an ice cream cone? Second thing, what are you going to do on any given Tuesday at 10:30? Sounds really crazy, right? Now, when we think about retirement planning, old age planning, we think about the big things that we're going

• 11:23Speaker 01

  to do. I've got so much I'm going to do. But you know, believe it or not, research, imagine somebody got money for this, did research and found out that Tuesday apparently is the most boring day of the year. Look, most of us don't want to have breakfast with anyone. Just give me my coffee and leave me alone. The bottom line is, is that by 10:30 in the morning, all of a sudden, you now need to structure your life, whether it was work, family, children, frankly, if you're no longer a caregiver, you had structure, you had things to do. Now, at 10:30 on Tuesday, the average couple over age 65 watches upwards of four to five hours of TV per day.

• 11:59Mel Robbins?

  Oh, wow.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  So that notion that we're all going to be cruising and doing all this fun stuff, again, not totally incorrect, but there's a lot of Tuesdays out there. Third question, if you will, who's going to change your light bulbs? Sounds, again, really silly, but I want you to start making a list. And I want that person who's listening to me right now, start making a list of all the things that you take for granted, that you do every day, maybe for yourself, for your spouse, your partner, or for a loved one. Taking out the trash, making a meal, changing a light bulb. And look, as a guy, I do have to confess that I do want to climb the ladder and change the light bulb. I am likely to fall and break my hip, because my wife's going to be at the base of the ladder saying, you're going

• 12:45Speaker 01

  to fall and break your hip! And that will be the thing that takes me down. But here's the thing I want you to think about, because when things break, you need redundancy. So that person that's going to change your light bulbs, it's not just whether you have the money to do that. In fact, in many ways, that's the easy part. Do you have someone that you trust? Someone that would go into your mother's home, she's 85 years old, cognitively not as sharp as she used to be. You could write the check, perhaps. Do you have somebody you trust to go in there by themselves? Is somebody that your mother's going to accept? Do you have somebody who's going to check on if you don't call home or call a friend? Who's going to call back to make sure everything's okay? I'll throw one other in there, and we can talk about this. Who are you going to have lunch with? And that is the social

• 13:30Speaker 01

  question. That is the question about how big is your social, well, we'll make it geeky, social network. Frankly, how many friends do you have? And how well those friends come together is frankly, in many ways, a bigger predictor of how well you'll age. Some really great research done by Julianne Halt-Lonstadt suggests that, do you know that being lonely or social isolation has the physical health impact of smoking 11 to 15 cigarettes per day? So it's not about, oh gee, you're lonely, it's emotional. Yeah, it's all that, but it's also about hypertension, depression, and everything else.

• 14:07Mel Robbins?

  How many friends do you need?

• 14:08Speaker 01

  Generally speaking, we only have maybe one, two, and if you're really wealthy, and I mean wealthy in the social sense, three friends. And these are the folks that have your back. When something happens wrong at 2:00 in the morning, when a loved one is critically ill, they're the ones who support you overall. And then I added friends under development. Because I remember a woman I was interviewing in Chicago said to me, only a few years ago, I was asking her about her social connection, and she leans over, and I think she was 82, she leans over and she says to me, "Son!", which if you look like this, being called "son" is a pretty cool thing. She goes, "Son, at my age, there's

• 14:50Speaker 01

  a natural attrition to friendship." You don't think about that. But over time, and it's not just the existential, you lose friends due to death or disease, but they move on. They move away. And many people are going to hate me for saying this, but grandchildren actually hurt your friendships. Because what you used to do on a Friday night to go out to have dinner or a movie is like, oh no, I'm going to babysit, or I can't wait to see Baby Joey, or you know, whatever it might be. Those are great things. But you need to start thinking of your friendships as a portfolio. Indeed, I like to call it a social portfolio. We worry about our wealth portfolio, but think about your social portfolio. How robust, how rich is it overall?

• 15:33Mel Robbins?

  I want to stay on that grandkids really impact your friendships as you get older as an adult, because one of the things that I've noticed, just as my own parents are getting older, my mom is in her late 70s, my dad is in his early 80s, is I have seen the friendship attrition that you're talking about. And I've seen how they used to have this big group of people that they hung out with. And as they've gotten older, and certainly as people have died, or people have moved away, or people have stopped making the long drive down to Florida for the month in a cold winter month, their friend group has started to completely evaporate. What was once 20 couples they hung out with, it's

• 16:15Mel Robbins?

  now two. And I also hear what you're saying about how when your family starts to grow, which is a wonderful thing, whether it's with son-in-laws, daughter-in-laws, or it is with kids, or it is grandkids, it's a wonderful thing, but you tend to then focus in on prioritizing family, which is very important, and you forget about the importance of the social network that's your age, that you also still need.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  So really, this older age is about time and structure and connection more than anything else?

• 16:53Mel Robbins?

  Well, that brings me to the work that you're doing at the MIT Age Lab, that is so revolutionary and profound, because you have created a way for us to go there, and to not just try to imagine what it's going to be like, but to truly experience the impact of aging. I'd love to hear you just explain to the person listening or watching right now, what is the work that you're doing at MIT? And you brought along what looks like an astronaut suit, complete with a helmet, that I am going to call the astronaut aging

• 17:32Mel Robbins?

  suit, that you put people in, and it simulates what it can feel like to be the future you who is 90 years old, trying to go through your day-to-day life, and it really just hits you right in the gut.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  And I think that kind of frames up best what the MIT Age Lab is. Look, I have the privilege of being here to speak with you, but the Age Lab is made up of 30 really gifted researchers and students that do the work. I get to talk about it. And look, while we are attentive to nutrition and exercise and things like that, What we really look at is where does design, technology, and human behavior come together to rethink where you're going to live? What is the future design of communities? What is the future of the vehicle, the car, look like? How will you receive care? So we're on the physical side of doing. And so the lab looks at things such as what is the future of transportation? How do we redesign our communities?

• 18:35Speaker 01

  Not to be just friendly for aging, but to be age-ready. Caregiving? How do we actually provide care to loved ones? And how do we receive care? And much of what we will be speaking about, longevity planning. Not just plan for our financial security. How do we plan for a longer, better life overall? And then probably the other main area that we like to work on is the multi-generational workplace. Do you remember when the workplace was there are younger workers and there are older workers? Imagine this, we now have not one, two, three, four, or five. We have upwards of six generations in the workplace. Shall we say generational kinetics of expectation, how we work, what we do and like in the workplace.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  So longer life longevity changes everything. And the Age Lab is about trying to redesign the systems to support living longer and better.

• 19:28Mel Robbins?

  And they also happen to have a profound impact on the systems in your mindset.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 19:34Mel Robbins?

  That have you not be able to predict what it's going to be like for you as you age? And to also have you not understand what the people that you love are going through right now as they are aging. And you have this astronaut aging suit.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  Agnes.

• 19:49Mel Robbins?

  Agnes. And what does Agnes stand for?

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Agnes, we love acronyms at MIT. So Agnes stands for the Age Gain Now Empathy System.

• 19:59Mel Robbins?

  Dr. Coughlin's brought his team. The suit is hanging outside. And I'm going to try it on. And I will narrate step by step by step what's happening. I will do my best to explain what I am feeling in real time as I am experiencing the MIT Age Lab simulation of the way that aging can compromise your capacity to move, to pick things up, to see, to do the simple things day to day. And I am really excited because I think this is going to have a profound impact on me and you, whether you're listening or watching.

• 20:37Speaker 01

  And it's aging and it's the more about the health conditions that kind of correlate with aging quite often. So diabetes, arthritis, diminished vision function. But Mel, one of the things I think you're going to experience, as do my students and the companies we work with, is the aha moment, which is, yeah, we interview older adults. We watch them in the wild. We're kind of creepy. We watch in the house, the car, the store, home, whatever it might be. But it's when you wear the suit that you kind of like get it. It's like, why is this more difficult than it should be? Because as a designer, as an engineer, you say, that's not acceptable. I can change the material. I can change the design. I can make it better. So just so you know, Mel, and for all the listeners, you may hear some like tearing and clinking and clanging.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  It's going to be Velcro weights and some belts. So we promise we'll be gentle, Mel.

• 21:27Mel Robbins?

  But that's the sound of the suit going on.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  The sound of the suit going on.

• 21:30Mel Robbins?

  All right. So Dr. Coughlin, we're going to walk outside the studio where the age suit is. This is the first time we've ever filmed and recorded a part of the podcast outside of this studio. So I'm super excited to experience this with you.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  Very cool.

• 21:47Mel Robbins?

  All right, let's go do this.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  All right.

• 21:50Mel Robbins?

  I see this suit. It almost looks like I'm going to go into a spaceship.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it looks like, well, frankly, if you think about it, aging is an extreme environment. It's not for wimps.

• 21:59Mel Robbins?

  Uh-oh. We're all forced into it. Okay, so I'm just going to put that on?

• 22:03Speaker 01

  No, you're going to wait. My colleague Lauren Serena here is going to help you.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Hi, how are you?

• 22:08Mel Robbins?

  Well, you guys have like actual, she's wearing a jacket, if you're listening to this, that has the lab.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 22:13Mel Robbins?

  Emblazoned on it. That's great. Okay, so here we go.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  So I'm going to start by having you take off your shoes.

• 22:19Mel Robbins?

  Okay, is the first test that I have to balance why I do this?

• 22:23Speaker 01

  And that's without?

• 22:23Mel Robbins?

  Okay, I'm sitting down on the chair to take my shoes off. And now I'm regretting the fans that I wore stylish jeans that have no stretch in them.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  It'd be a lot harder if you were wearing a skirt. So this works.

• 22:34Mel Robbins?

  Okay, here we go. I'm already having trouble and I don't have the suit on. Just getting my shoes off here. Okay. All right, here we go. So I'm putting on a weighted vest?

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. And now this is not necessarily because you're going to be gaining weight, but you're going to be losing muscle mass.

• 22:49Mel Robbins?

  Oh, so I have to put on a weighted vest because when you lose muscle mass?

• 22:55Speaker 01

  You're starting, everything is starting to feel a little heavier, a little more difficult to move. So you may maintain certain weight, but it doesn't mean you have a certain muscle mass.

• 23:05Mel Robbins?

  Wow.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  Which gives you that strength.

• 23:07Mel Robbins?

  Wait, so hold on. I just want to make sure I understand this. So if you're looking at somebody in your life that's getting older.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 23:13Mel Robbins?

  And they haven't put on a lot of weight, they may still just feel like their existing weight feels heavier?

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Exactly. And if they've lost muscle mass, that means things that were once lighter or just getting up out of the chair as you did, becomes just a little bit more difficult.

• 23:28Mel Robbins?

  I never would have thought about that.

• 23:30Speaker 01

  So we take a lot of it for granted because it doesn't look like it's changed, but it has.

• 23:34Mel Robbins?

  Well, when you think about, like, I'm just thinking about, for example, like my grandma and her not changing her body shape at all, but it seemed to get harder and harder. And that's due to loss of muscle mass.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  Loss of muscle, coordination, and we're going to make it a little bit worse as we go along.

• 23:48Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my gosh. Okay, thank you for bending down because these pants do not have stretch in them. This was really dumb of me. Okay. All right, so I'm putting on one leg of, this is the easy part, I think. I need to hold on to your shoulder.

• 24:00Speaker 01

  This is the jumpsuit.

• 24:01Mel Robbins?

  My pants literally are not. Okay, so I'm getting on the jumpsuit, everybody.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, don't fall over because that will.

• 24:08Mel Robbins?

  Kind of your typical think auto mechanic, think if you're a farmer wearing your big carhartt, kind of zip up cold weather thing. So I've got on my, okay, zip this up. Okay, and I've got the vest on underneath.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  Yep. Now we're going to start getting interesting. So Lauren, what are we putting on now?

• 24:29Speaker 02

  We are putting on this harness. It's going to go right around your waist here and it's going to connect to some of the other components.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  So what you're looking at is a harness with a number of bungee cords.

• 24:38Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 24:39Speaker 01

  And the bungee cords are not to make you more flexible. Actually, each one is a certain level of reducing your gait, that is, your walk.

• 24:48Mel Robbins?

  Restricting how I walk?

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, so suddenly the span that you're going to be able to walk is going to be a little bit more resistant or less. It's not that you're not going to be able to fight it, but it's going to start to wear you out.

• 25:00Mel Robbins?

  Well, the vest is already wearing me out. I mean, I'm standing here with this kind of heaviness because I have this vest on. And it never, I'm just kind of dumbstruck by the fact that you may look at somebody who you love, who's getting older, and they may, you may see it in their face.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 25:19Mel Robbins?

  But you don't understand that there's this heaviness in their body.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Basically, the way we like to think about it is that what we're adding to you is a certain amount of friction of an environment. You know, interaction with everything from chairs to kitchen, whatever it is. But friction, fatigue, and then often what you'll see in their face is frustration. Because you remember what it was like to be easy. Why am I fighting with this or having difficulty moving? Because you remember what it was like to be seamless and smooth. And now it's suddenly getting a little slower, a little bit more difficult, and frankly, a little bit more frustrating.

• 25:53Mel Robbins?

  So you said three F's there.

• 25:56Speaker 01

  Yep. The friction.

• 25:57Mel Robbins?

  Yep.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  The fatigue and the frustration.

• 26:00Mel Robbins?

  Yes, and then I can imagine there's a fourth. You start to feel kind of frail.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, a little frail, exactly. And also, this is when we really start to have to understand, you know that cranky old man? He's not cranky. He's dealing with a lot that you can't see. And he remembers what it was like not to have to manage that.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Now we have a pair of crocs with a thick layer of foam on the bottom.

• 26:22Mel Robbins?

  Now, okay, now what are these designed to do?

• 26:24Speaker 01

  Lauren, is this a style statement?

• 26:26Speaker 02

  Well, in part, in part, but in part also for balance.

• 26:31Mel Robbins?

  Oh, they're wobbly.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. So what I want you to understand, this is not the destiny of aging. There's no birth date around this, but age-related diseases start to gather. So the wobbly is, you know, whether it's neuropathy, maybe change in footpad. All of a sudden now, you're not as sure. You see people moving slowly in a store. It's awesome, not because they're slow, they're not sure they're footing anymore.

• 26:55Mel Robbins?

  Holy cow. And you're putting ankle weights around me?

• 26:58Speaker 02

  So this is getting at similarly to the vest. It's some of that muscle loss.

• 27:02Mel Robbins?

  Well, I, well, I think the thing that's really striking about even just getting the suit on, and I have not even tried to move in it yet. What's very striking is just this idea that you used to feel a certain way in your body.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:19Mel Robbins?

  And now you don't feel like yourself. And given that I'm not at this stage in my life yet where I'm wobbly on my feet.

• 27:29Speaker 01

  Right.

• 27:30Mel Robbins?

  Unless I've had too many gins. Or beers. I, like, you don't appreciate what it must feel like to be inside a body physically that doesn't feel like yours, and how frustrating it must be. I mean, I'll just, I'll tell a quick story. My dad recently had cataract surgery, and it didn't go according to plan. And there was one of these floaters. And I can ju-- like, you can see it in his eye, like, it kind of twinkles, and it really bothers him.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 28:02Mel Robbins?

  And it's been a year now, and there's kind of this, oh, well, you know, you just kind of have to deal with. But I can tell how frustrated he is by it.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Yep. It's just the little things start to add up.

• 28:14Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  And they become bigger. One of the things that has been amazing is that Agnes is a teachable moment. So when young students wear it, or frankly, we even had teenagers wear it, all of a sudden, they go, you know, I'm going to be nicer to grandma or grandpa or older people. I start to understand why I should hold the door open. Not just because it's a, you know, honorable polite thing to do. All of a sudden, now I get why they're a little slower, why it's more difficult.

• 28:38Mel Robbins?

  Okay, now what's coming?

• 28:39Speaker 02

  So I'm actually going to have you try to pull on--

• 28:43Mel Robbins?

  This?

• 28:44Speaker 02

  --and tighten it just a little bit.

• 28:45Mel Robbins?

  Okay. This is hard to do. You're making me get my own-- so she's asking me to tighten this thing.

• 28:51Speaker 01

  That's right. We haven't given you arthritic hands yet.

• 28:53Mel Robbins?

  And I can't, I actually can't get this on. So now I feel demoralized because I can't get my own belt tightened. And I'm going to have to ask Doc to help me here. Oh my, this is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. Like, it makes me feel two things at once. I feel a lot of compassion for anyone who's getting older and who is having trouble moving.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 29:14Mel Robbins?

  Or who is feeling fragile or frustrated, or that there's just, the friction is the right word. And the second thing that I felt was just this sense of urgency for why I need to be lifting weights right now. Why I need to be eating healthy. Why I need to pay attention to mobility and balance now before I get into a situation where everything's breaking down.

• 29:39Speaker 01

  When we think about aging, most people don't really have a definition of it. They think about it as a number of birthdays that's older.

• 29:45Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  Actually, aging is about diminishing capacity over time.

• 29:49Mel Robbins?

  Aging? Hold on, let me make sure. Aging is about capacity diminishing over time.

• 29:55Speaker 01

  So your weightlifting is increasing your capacity. You're pushing out the clock. Learning something new keeps you cognitively well. So the idea is not to, shall we say, go quietly into that good night, but to do the things like eating, exercise, social condition, to push aging out further out.

• 30:14Mel Robbins?

  What I noticed is the crocs you're making. I feel like I'm doing a drunk driving test.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 30:19Mel Robbins?

  Like, walk a line, and I'm wobbling. You feel unsure as you walk. You feel like, and when you hear then that if you break a hip, you're dead in a year.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 30:28Mel Robbins?

  Now I don't want to fall, so I'm feeling a little nervous about even taking a step. And, you know, if you're listening, I, it's a belt around you that has bungee cords attached to your shoes. And so as you're walking and you're kind of stepping on a shoe that's like round on the bottom, your ankles are like a weebalwobble.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:48Mel Robbins?

  And then the spring is keeping you. You feel the tension, so you don't really want to stride it out. You want, you feel hesitant. Wow. Oh, God. She's about to put a neck brace on.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  And the hits keep on coming.

• 31:03Mel Robbins?

  I don't love this part. Okay. Why do I have a neck brace on?

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Well, think about this. And, you know, my lab started around older drivers and transportation.

• 31:13Mel Robbins?

  Yep.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  One of the things people will say, you know, these cars aren't designed very well. I can't see out the window. Well, here's the secret. By the time you're in your 30s-- yes, you heard me, in your 30s-- your neck rotation is starting to reduce. And so suddenly, no, the car's fine. You're just not turning your neck. So what you're--

• 31:29Mel Robbins?

  I'm trying to turn and look at you now. And I can't actually turn--

• 31:33Speaker 01

  You're missing the car behind you over here.

• 31:35Mel Robbins?

  If you've ever had a stiff neck--

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 31:37Mel Robbins?

  You know that you turn your whole body in order to see. And if this is what you have to do every day, this makes, this suit makes you feel like a gigantic jerk for being impatient with people that are older.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Yes. Yeah.

• 31:50Mel Robbins?

  It really does. Because it puts into perspective the physical friction of just getting through the day.

• 31:56Speaker 01

  And you know, the irony is, we always talk about them, they, older people. With any luck, we are they. Because the alternative is not nearly as pretty.

• 32:06Mel Robbins?

  That's true. Okay, now what are you doing?

• 32:08Speaker 02

  So the next thing is vision. So we have pairs of goggles that simulate different vision conditions.

• 32:14Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  This one is impaired acuity, which is just standard low vision.

• 32:18Mel Robbins?

  Well, I have that when I don't wear my glasses, so--

• 32:20Speaker 02

  So what we can do is take off your glasses and actually have you put on these yellow glasses.

• 32:24Mel Robbins?

  Okay. And even just lifting up to take my glasses off. Okay.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  So this is a helmet.

• 32:31Mel Robbins?

  Why do we have a helmet? In case I fall?

• 32:33Speaker 02

  Well, it's for safety.

• 32:35Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my God.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  It's also for, you'll notice--

• 32:36Mel Robbins?

  This is exhausting.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  --velcro. That'll be the last bunch.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  This further reduces movement.

• 32:42Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  And again--

• 32:44Mel Robbins?

  All I want to do is sit down.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:46Mel Robbins?

  And I'm exhausted already, and I haven't even started walking.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  That's right. We're going to do some, we're going to have some fun here in a few minutes.

• 32:51Mel Robbins?

  Wow. We have so much more with Dr. Coughlin and this aging astronaut suit when we come back. Plus, very specific advice for you caregivers that you do not want to miss, so stay with me.

• 33:17Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your friend Mel. And today, you and I are here with Dr. Joseph Coughlin. Right now, I'm a sight to behold. I am wearing this MIT Age Lab astronaut aging suit. It's called Agnes. We're going around the office here in Boston. And let's just jump right back in. So, Dr. Coughlin, what is the next thing you're going to make me do in this suit?

• 33:39Speaker 01

  So why don't we go for a little bit of a walk?

• 33:42Mel Robbins?

  Okay. Easier said than done, Doc. Okay. So I'm going to follow you.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Come on, speed it up. We don't have all day.

• 33:48Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my God. You're like my petulant grandson.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  So we're going to do some just basic everyday things. So let's go for a walk. I want you to step around the cones, because you're just basically going around your house.

• 34:00Mel Robbins?

  In this suit, you just feel a little like--

• 34:03Speaker 01

  Your balance is on. Oh, wait, you got daily activities. You got some laundry to pick up here.

• 34:07Mel Robbins?

  I don't want to pick it up. Because it feels like it's going to be hard.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  That's why it's been sitting there for a while.

• 34:13Mel Robbins?

  Now I'm like feeling friction because why am I the one that's picking this thing up? Oh, my God. Okay.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  So we're going to keep walking.

• 34:19Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my, so, okay.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Walk around the cone--

• 34:22Mel Robbins?

  Now I'm walking around cones.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  You know those missing socks that are always missing? They're right there.

• 34:25Mel Robbins?

  There are socks on the floor. I have the laundry basket that just burned through, like, 100 calories to-- but I can't bend down. Oh, my God. Okay. Now I'm bracing my hand on my knee to get the socks. And I'm getting back up.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  We step over here because the room that you're going to is this way.

• 34:45Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  And now we're walking up. How does that feel?

• 34:48Mel Robbins?

  That's exhausting. That was a lot of friction. And these rounded crocs do not make it easy.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  No. And this is where we start to worry about balance. Not just strength, but the power of balance. Because as you mentioned before, if we fall and we break something, that can be lethal, let alone just a fracture.

• 35:06Mel Robbins?

  Well, and also, if you're feeling wobbly, you don't walk in a way that probably stabilizes you because you're thinking about falling. Like, the whole time I was walking, I'm like, I can't believe how unstable I am right now.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  And remember, your suit is only simulating how you feel in a built environment. I'm not simulating, for instance, right now, hearing balance-related issues with your ears. Or maybe frankly, having bent down, maybe you have high blood pressure. You went to get up, your blood pressure dropped. You're feeling a little off balance.

• 35:33Mel Robbins?

  Wow. It's really stunning how this hits you. Okay, next task.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  You want to go for a walk, perhaps?

• 35:40Mel Robbins?

  Yes, while I'm up, I think I better keep moving. Because I think if I sit down, I'm not going to win.

• 35:44Speaker 01

  One of the challenges, now, I want to be careful about this. And one of the challenges is going up and down stairs.

• 35:49Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  There is a strong philosophy out there. It's like, everyone should live on a one-floor home. Perhaps. But remember, those stairs also become, shall we say, exercise.

• 36:01Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  You never want to make a life so easy that you lose all the friction. Because that friction is what's giving you a little bit of muscle mass. It's giving you a little bit of, you know, activity, if you will.

• 36:11Mel Robbins?

  Gotcha.

• 36:11Speaker 01

  Now that said, let's do the stairs.

• 36:13Mel Robbins?

  Okay, let's do the stairs.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  Tell you what, actually, you go ahead and open the door.

• 36:18Mel Robbins?

  Okay, I open the door. Okay. Here we go.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  And here's just one of those daily activities that becomes a little bit, you know--

• 36:27Mel Robbins?

  Daunting.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 36:29Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  I would use the railing.

• 36:30Mel Robbins?

  I'm definitely going to use the railing.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  Frankly, everyone of any age should use the railing.

• 36:34Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my Lord. I, these bungee cords that are around my waist, attached to my wobbly crocs, make every step like super deliberate. I mean, I'm not even injured. I feel like I'm injured.

• 36:48Speaker 01

  And you can feel how the rise in the stairs are just, you know, sometimes a little bit more challenging than you expected.

• 36:53Mel Robbins?

  I feel this in my hips.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 36:56Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my Lord. Let me get to the landing so I'm stable when I turn around.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  Down is often harder on your knees than going up.

• 37:06Mel Robbins?

  So it is very daunting to go downstairs. The crocs are wobbly. The bands just kind of remind you that your legs are there. So something that you took for granted, you now have to think about every single step that you take.

• 37:24Speaker 01

  And your vision should be distorting a little bit of your depth of field.

• 37:28Mel Robbins?

  Oh, it is.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  And not being able to turn your neck as well as you'd like is also making it more difficult to judge just what your next step is going to be.

• 37:37Mel Robbins?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  All of a sudden, when the world starts to have a little bit more friction, whether it's going up or downstairs, suddenly like, you know, I might want to go downstairs, make a cup of tea, or make breakfast, or something like that. I just don't feel like it right now. So I think I'll stay in the bedroom and watch TV a little bit longer. So suddenly now, what was once a very large world in your youth starts to compress and get smaller, because the physical environment is not adapting to what you're doing.

• 38:09Mel Robbins?

  Well, I can see that. And I think every one of us, if you're listening, or if you're watching right now, I want you to think of somebody in your life that you care about, who as they're getting older, you've noticed that their entire world has gotten smaller. Their friend circle has reduced. They've become less active. And you really understand, when you put this astronaut aging suit on, that it's because it's easier to stay home. It's easier not to get in the car or go, or it's easier not to push yourself out the door, because everything just involves a lot more effort. That's the piece that I think is very striking, that you have a memory of what it was like to trot down the stairs.

• 38:53Mel Robbins?

  You have a memory of what it was like to be able to pick up the laundry basket, not even think twice about it while you were talking on the phone, and you had something under your arm. And the friction, for me, is not even the physical as much as it's the mental of confronting the declining capacity, knowing that it wasn't always like this.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  And don't underestimate, when you're talking about the world getting smaller, it's not just about navigating stairs or the kitchen. All of us worry about how people look at us in the world.

• 39:21Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  And so there's a certain frustration too of like, I don't want to be seen as struggling, or somehow less. We're living in a faster, faster world, where the population is getting older, and may not be able to adapt to that speed and tempo. So what happens? Uh, I don't want to go out Friday night with you. It's not that I don't feel well, I just don't feel like it. In part, it's because I just don't want those public eyes watching me go through the door, having a hard time taking my jacket on.

• 39:52Mel Robbins?

  Yes, that makes a ton of sense.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Pride matters at all ages. Okay, I know you're tired, so I'll tell you what, why don't we have you sit down for a few minutes?

• 40:01Mel Robbins?

  You're reading my mind, Doc. That's all I want to do, is turn on the news and go watch. Not the news, but thank you.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  So I think you're about ready for a rest.

• 40:12Mel Robbins?

  I am ready to sit down.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  So why don't you take a seat over here?

• 40:15Mel Robbins?

  You know, one of the things that's also happening is I just keep expecting the suit not to be here. And I, you know, I'm like trying to move through it, and I just feel this sense of like, you know, resignation, like, okay, this is just how it is.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  It's just another day.

• 40:32Mel Robbins?

  Oh my God. Okay, this chair is really low.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  Well, here's a little.

• 40:36Mel Robbins?

  And it's back. How the hell am I gonna get out of this?

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Well, that's part of the challenge. I mean, this is the little things that people forget about as we age, or we think about our parents aging. I'm gonna get them a nice, comfortable chair. I'm gonna build an office where it's nice and comfortable. Low, soft chairs.

• 40:52Mel Robbins?

  Just three weeks ago, I was visiting my parents in Florida, and we went to a furniture store. And I sat down in this chair, and I thought, oh my God, this chair is so comfortable, it's amazing. And I said, hey, Mom, sit down in this. And my mom, who is in great shape, sat down, and she's like, I couldn't sit in this. I said, why? She goes, it's too low. It's too hard to get out of. And I thought, oh, for God's sakes. And now I'm thinking, I'm such a jerk.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  And think of the little friction points you take for granted. So you're talking about the chair, right? Getting in and out of a car. And we work with the auto industry about getting in and out of the cars more than the battle of driving the car. How about going to the toilet? A low toilet? Good luck getting back up.

• 41:32Mel Robbins?

  Well, that's hard enough for any of us, but I mean, I can't even imagine how hard it is when you walk in and you see a toilet that low, and you think, uh-oh, here we go.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  All these things need to be re-engineered for the society that is coming, not the society that we used to be.

• 41:46Mel Robbins?

  Well, I think what needs to be re-engineered immediately is just your attitude toward the people that you care about that are getting older, and your attitude and patience level with people that you encounter every day in your life. The person who might be taking a little too long in front of you in the line, the person that's driving a little slower because they're hesitant. It's just so striking, the friction that you feel. And you know, for the first couple moments in this suit, I'm like, okay, I can get through this. Like, these are wobbly crocs, for crying out loud. But then you get to the point where you're just like, this is it. Like, I just have to stop fighting it, and this is just kind of what I'm gonna have to deal with. I don't want to get out of this chair, because I feel like this is gonna be a chore.

• 42:29Mel Robbins?

  Like, if I were sitting here without this astronaut aging suit on, I would just stand up. And what I actually have to do is I need to brace and pull myself forward. And now I've got to get my feet up underneath me with my wobbly crocs. And now stand up, which basically feels like your 12th rep of a squat at the gym weighted with weights up here. That's what it felt like to get out of that chair.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  And you're taking your time. Imagine you were at a restaurant, you just had about an hour, hour fifteen.

• 42:58Mel Robbins?

  And everybody's already stood up and gone. And now there you are, trying to get yourself up.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  Or you feel, even if they're not, they're watching you do it.

• 43:05Mel Robbins?

  Yes. Oh, Grandma's looking old. Grandma's like, Grandpa's really kind of slowing down, because we all say it. Now I know why.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  But you're looking a little thirsty. Would you like a glass or a bottle of water?

• 43:15Mel Robbins?

  I would love some water.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  Why don't we step over here?

• 43:18Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  And just try out those hands that you've got.

• 43:20Mel Robbins?

  Okay, so I have on fingerless gloves that, what do these simulate?

• 43:26Speaker 01

  These are more around arthritis, you know, loss of dexterity, but also arthritis, stiff hands, a little bit of pain going on there. So you start, you know, one of the number one indicators of older age is grip strength.

• 43:37Mel Robbins?

  Okay, I'm holding a plastic water bottle. Just your average plastic water bottle. I take it, nobody here glued this shut?

• 43:46Mel Robbins?

  Okay. Even like getting my compromised hand.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  You're spilling it everywhere.

• 43:51Mel Robbins?

  I am. I did spill that, didn't I?

• 43:53Speaker 01

  So here's the funny thing, is that we are trying to be environmentally sensitive with thinner plastic, less, you know, smaller cap. But that's where green is now conflicting with a graying society. Because you need a bigger cap to get a grip. And with thinner plastic, you're squeezing it hard, and that's why we have water on the floor.

• 44:11Mel Robbins?

  I literally squeeze this on my hand. You're absolutely right. Wow. Okay. That's a pain.

• 44:18Speaker 01

  So you want to phone home?

• 44:19Mel Robbins?

  I'd love to call my husband and tell him to get me out of this aging suit. Okay, so here's my phone. My vision is compromised. I don't have... I even have the giant font on my phone, everybody. So I'm supposed to call Chris now? Text Chris. Okay. Let's see here. Okay, I can... You know how I can tell it's him? Because there's this blurry photo. And thankfully, he's on my favorites. And if you're listening, I want you to know the phone is approximately two inches from my face. I can't, I just typed the words "hi", and I can't make out the H and the I, but I know that that's what that is. Okay, hi. I'm gonna do the little emoji that's popping up.

• 45:04Speaker 01

  So why don't you send him a photo as well?

• 45:06Mel Robbins?

  Okay, I probably should, since he doesn't know what age means.

• 45:08Speaker 01

  You're sure you sent it to Chris, or not something else?

• 45:11Mel Robbins?

  It wouldn't be the first time that I missed. Okay, here we go. Okay, well, I can't reach... Oh, okay, this sucks. I'm trying to take a photo in the age astronaut suit, everybody, and as I, you know how you have to hold up the phone, like with a selfie? Now I'm trying to reach forward to hit the button in the center, because none of my grandkids taught me that I can do it on the side. So now I look like an idiot in front of everybody.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  We need a spare Gen Z or millennial to do it for us.

• 45:37Mel Robbins?

  So I'm gonna hit this button. Here we go. I'm faking a smile, because this is awful. Okay, there we go, Chris. Now let's see if I can get this to him. Oh, I don't know what that means. I don't know what the buttons are. Okay, hold on. There he is. Thank God for the photos. There we go. I just sent it to him.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  So if you think about these technologies, the way they're designed, they're designed primarily for younger fingers, younger eyes, and whatnot. But they're vital to our connection. And we are now more, shall we say, connected by high tech than we are with high touch. So all of a sudden now, that was more important than just the interface? It was about how you stay connected, not just with your husband, but everyone else.

• 46:17Mel Robbins?

  Well, you can also see how you would lean back and opt out from tech, because it feels overwhelming. And if nobody's there to help you really assimilate it into your life, you just sort of opt out. And then we make fun of somebody for not being with the times, or not knowing the trends, or not understanding. And so you can see how somebody would just slowly back away from wanting to be in touch with everybody.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  Because you don't want to feel as you're incompetent on something. But I have to tell you, at the Age Lab, you know what we call technology that's hard to use, hard to see, and difficult to understand? Bad technology. It is the only industry in the world that dares to accuse the consumer of not being competent. If you can't use it, that's the technology's fault, not yours.

• 46:59Mel Robbins?

  This is so second nature to be able to text Chris, that I would have typically been able to do that in five to 10 seconds. No question. And what's really interesting about this experience, as you're listening or watching, is that keep in mind, you are having trouble doing things you have always done. And that's where a lot of the friction comes. I mean, you've spent your whole life getting in and out of chairs. And now suddenly you can't. You've spent your whole life going up and downstairs. Suddenly you can't. Like, for the person that is actually living in the age suit right now, you already have the tight joints. It's hard to pick up the laundry basket. What is the message that you want that person to hear from you about what's possible

• 47:41Mel Robbins?

  in terms of gaining some of your strength and autonomy back and tapping back into your life and widening the aperture, rather than making it so small?

• 47:52Speaker 01

  There are three things that that person, but not just that person, but the people who love them, their adult children, their spouse, their partner, whatever it might be. Three things to think about. One is that you can get some capability back. So that working out, that nutrition, is about what you can do to improve, shall we say, the original equipment.

• 48:11Mel Robbins?

  Yep.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  The second thing is the built environment itself. The house, the car, whatever. Start to arrange things, not just because you think they're aesthetically nice, but how do you arrange the right furniture, the right way to organize your kitchen to make it so it's easy for you to maneuver every day, to reduce that friction? And the third one, and this is the hardest. You can eat, you can do nutrition, you can rearrange your lifestyle. The third one, ask for help. Ask for support. So think about yourself, the environment, and the human element.

• 48:41Mel Robbins?

  What I love about this episode that we're doing is that you can use this episode as a resource. You can send it with somebody in your life who is older or send it to somebody in your life who's younger, who doesn't understand, and use this as a way to open up the conversation with the people in your life about the support that you need.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  And Mel, you just put your finger on the most important thing you could do to plan for a better longevity. The conversation. There's no reason to feel that aging has to be something you do alone. It's a conversation with the people you love, the people that you call friends. How to rearrange the environment.

• 49:20Mel Robbins?

  Yep.

• 49:20Speaker 01

  What is it that we can do to improve each other's lives?

• 49:23Mel Robbins?

  I also love that we have this now as an episode for doctors, physicians, therapists, nurses, people working in nursing homes and schools, to be able to send to families as something to listen to so that you can have the conversation in a very powerful and supportive and empathetic way.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  And again, it's not about "those old people." This is something that we all have a vested interest in.

• 49:49Mel Robbins?

  It's coming for all of us, everybody, so...

• 49:52Speaker 01

  There's no exit.

• 49:53Mel Robbins?

  There's no exit. There's just how you move toward it. Okay.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  Well, I think you've had enough fun. It's time to take the suit off.

• 50:00Mel Robbins?

  I'm so... Those are music to my ears. Dr. Coughlin has so much more specific advice when we return. Don't go anywhere.

• 50:22Mel Robbins?

  Welcome back. It's your friend Mel. Thank you for being here with me today. Thank you for listening all the way to this point and for sharing this extraordinary episode with people in your life that you truly care about because we're learning how to stay strong, sharp, and independent for 100 years. With the number one longevity expert, I'm talking about MIT Age Lab Director Dr. Joseph Coughlin. And so, we're gonna start ripping off the Velcro. You know, can I just say something? I can't even get the Dan Velcro off these weights, the weighted vest with these gloves on.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Lauren's here to help you. But while you're taking the suit off...

• 50:56Mel Robbins?

  I can't get these weights off. This is so... It's not that it's hard. It's so frustrating. You feel almost like, I don't know, a little demoralized.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  Did you have an aha moment, though, about being able to see, frankly, this could be my future self? And now you're more empowered or wanting to go to the gym, perhaps?

• 51:18Mel Robbins?

  Well, I don't want to do the interview. I want to go do some weightlifting because I don't want this to be my future. And I know, based on the research, that if you stay active, and you can start at any age, it helps your joints from getting stiff. It helps your balance. It helps your muscles be able to stay strong so that they're not hanging off of you when creating all this extra weight. And that it really is important. You know, we can talk all we want about how longevity, living a great life, for me means... You know, I want to be able to put my suitcase in the overhead when I'm traveling to visit a grandchild in my 90s. I want to dance at weddings. I want to be able to walk with my friends.

• 52:01Mel Robbins?

  I want to be able to cook and live independently, if that's what I choose.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  It's funny, in older age, we often think about, will I have enough money? But what you're talking about is the real currency of longevity, the capacity to put that suitcase up and go visit.

• 52:15Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  Preferably without a lot of help.

• 52:17Mel Robbins?

  Well, and I'll take the help, but I don't want to feel like I need it to... Like, I can't get the hand weights off. These are only two pounds. Like, that's nothing. And it feels like everything. And so, the big aha moment for me, again, in two areas. One is for myself personally. There are things I need to be doing and you need to be doing as you listen to this or watch this that extend your life and the joy you will feel and the energy you will have by decades. And how it's not the... What is it? It's not the years in your life. It's the life in your years. And that's what this is really about. And the second thing is, I feel like a giant schmucko for... I'm not kidding.

• 53:00Mel Robbins?

  For either being frustrated with the people in my life that have gotten older or being impatient with somebody who is taking a little longer or driving a little slower or walking a little slower or being judgy of somebody who is asking about tech or asking the same question again or doesn't like the chair because it sits a little low and it's hard to get out of. And, you know, you like the chair because it's nice. And so, I just have had two massive aha moments. One related to personal motivation and why it matters at a deeper level. It's not about bathing suits and fitting into pants. It's about putting more joy and years into the life that you have.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  You've got more time. Now, how do we cash that time in to be joyful? And I'm hoping that, you know, through your experience just now, that there's another point. It's not just about how we individually need to eat, exercise, and all that to improve our personal function, but also, people often pursue behaviors because other people encourage them to do it or other people around them are doing the same thing. So if you're a younger adult child or something, the idea of really give your parents or a loved one a that-a-boy, that-a-girl for working out or encourage them to work out.

• 54:16Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  For their own good. And frankly, if you're a caregiver, for your good, too.

• 54:20Mel Robbins?

  Well, we're gonna talk more about caregiving and why this matters so much for you if you're caring for little kids, if you're caring for aging parents, why it is so important that you figure out small ways to take care of yourself. And by taking care of yourself, we're talking sleep. We're talking you making time to still exercise. We're talking about you eating what you need to eat, you finding one point every week where you're doing something just for you, whether it's reading a book.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 54:48Mel Robbins?

  Or going to, you know, a spiritual thing. Or just shimmy that sucker right off. There we go. Couldn't get the belt off, everybody, even without the hand restraints. With my own hands, I wasn't that good at it. All right, we're gonna take off the suit.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  You're gonna feel a momentary relief as soon as this all starts coming off.

• 55:04Mel Robbins?

  Oh, my God, you guys. I have to get this weighted vest off?

• 55:08Speaker 01

  Boy, you can't wait, can you?

• 55:10Mel Robbins?

  How do I get this off? Okay. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Wow. Wow, get these procs off. Because I want to feel my feet on the ground.

• 55:25Speaker 01

  Yep, steady.

• 55:26Mel Robbins?

  Steady. Steady. Oh, my God. Get these goggles off.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  Get your glasses back on.

• 55:32Mel Robbins?

  Get my glasses back on. Holy cow. I feel like a completely different person.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  See, Lauren looks really sweet. But see what she does to a person in five minutes?

• 55:41Mel Robbins?

  It's weird how different that was. I don't want that to be what happens.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  So you gotta work for it.

• 55:50Mel Robbins?

  You gotta work for it. I think now that you understand what's coming, it's important to understand what you're working for.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 55:58Mel Robbins?

  And that the body and the... Thank you. The human body is incredible in that it is... I always like to... I like to think about the fact that we're all like wilting plants in the corner. A little bit of sun and water, we perk right back up. And I think that's true about sleep and movement and resistance training and exercise.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  And by the way, it's not just what we're doing for ourselves. We invest financially for our own security so that we're not a burden on others. Investing in yourself physically, nutritionally, cognitively is an investment for others as well. Look, aging is inevitable. How you age is not necessarily so.

• 56:35Mel Robbins?

  And how we support the people around us who are aging is 1,000% your control.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 56:40Mel Robbins?

  And that's one of the biggest things that this experience has taught me, that I have a major amount of changing to do personally. So I want to unpack this, like, step by step by step to make sure that as you've been listening or you've been watching, that you really get the most important takeaways for you and yourself personally and also for your family and the people that you care about. Because I know this is gonna be one of these conversations that spreads around the world and creates so much positive change for people personally and within their families. So let's go back in the studio.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  Sounds like a plan.

• 57:17Mel Robbins?

  So we are back in the studio, and everybody on the team, Dr. Coughlin, has come up to me since doing the suit and just said, you know, "What was it like? Holy cow, it was unbelievable to see you do that." And I really did feel like my grandmother.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  Is it a perfect simulation? No. But it's close enough to give you that aha for your grandmother or frankly, the way my students, the researchers and the companies we work with is to give them a sense of what it's like to work in that consumer's shoes, whether it's senior living, the drugstore, frankly, just going out to eat.

• 57:50Mel Robbins?

  I have to ask you...

• 57:53Mel Robbins?

  How prepared are people in general for facing the phase of life where it's retirement or your capacity to move through your life is starting to decline?

• 58:06Speaker 01

  The fact of the matter is, is that most of us plan for retirement, but we don't prepare for retirement. It sounds like a word game. I don't mean it to be. I want you to think about this. Planning is much like a grocery list. It's the intent to eat. But anyone who's in charge of shopping, shall we say, we know that until it's in the cart, in the cabinet, or frankly, on the plate, you're not eating. And that's the preparedness. The preparedness part is, are you aware of the things you need to do? Are you giving it a little attention? Then ultimately, are you taking action? And so, bottom line is, we are not prepared very well at all.

• 58:42Mel Robbins?

  And what do you want us to know about what's actually possible?

• 58:45Speaker 01

  Think about this. The 30 extra years we have gained in longevity since the year 1900, that's a dividend to be cashed in, not something to be wallowing sadness about. So what I want people to think about is that the joy that they can achieve, the daily moments, but more importantly, being prepared, is not just about being, you know, good, rational person. It's also an act of love. An act of love for yourself, an act of love for those that you love and the like.

• 59:12Mel Robbins?

  For the person who's in the state that I am in, all of my friends are in right now. We're all talking about it. We're trying to gently open the door and have the conversation. I'm grateful that you're here because this episode is a wonderful way to open the door. But what's one step that the person listening or watching can take to start having this conversation about setting somebody up to age well and have all these components in place so that you can?

• 59:44Speaker 01

  You know, for the most important technology out there is the conversation. It's not a app. It's not a G-Wiz. It's not genetics or space travel. It really is the conversation. And one of the things I want you to think about, I want everyone to think about, is that we do not have a story for old age. We have a story that old age is somewhere between cruises and crutches, and we forget all the chapters in between. And so, my team at the MIT Age Lab did some awesome work with our partners at John Hancock to develop a map of what longevity is going to be like. In fairness, we've never had a generation of

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  people living this long with this high of expectations, with not just one generation caring for another. You know, we all talk about the sandwich generation. The heck with that. There's no sandwich generation. We have a panini generation now because people in their 60s are caring for parents in their 80s and 90s. And by the way, that 40-something year old mom with kids and working full time is worried about the 60-year-old as much as she's worrying about the grandparents. So suddenly, this is new. We've always had older people, but not with this much time and expectation. So we created this idea of a longevity preparedness index.

• 1:00:59Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  And so, we pooled all this research from around the world and stuff we've been doing at the lab for 25 years, and we found eight different dimensions to start that conversation that we're talking about.

• 1:01:10Mel Robbins?

  And we're going to go through the longevity preparedness index. There are eight different stages.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Eight dimensions. All right. So let's look at those eight dimensions. First one is the obvious one, and certainly with Agnes, you can appreciate this, is the health-related issue. Are you pursuing behaviors in nutrition that make sense? Finance? Hey, when you think about old age and retirement, basically, the entire world has you believing it's either health or it's wealth.

• 1:01:34Mel Robbins?

  That's true. That's all you think about, health and wealth.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  Those are the bookends. But think about all those chapters in between. So finance is certainly an important part.

• 1:01:41Mel Robbins?

  And those are just the first two. So first one is health, second one is finance, and now what are the other six?

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  And by the way, this is not priority, but this is just the list. I know you're interviewing me, but I'm going to ask you the question. What's the most important number in your old age?

• 1:01:54Mel Robbins?

  I don't know.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  It's not your 401K balance. It's not your blood pressure or cholesterol.

• 1:01:59Mel Robbins?

  Is it the number of people I'm living with?

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  Actually, it's your zip code. Your zip code predicts everything from the access to the people that you love, the things that you need, to that ice cream cone that we were talking about. In fact, do you know that studies have been done that shows that zip codes right next to each other can mean nine to 13 years difference in your longevity overall?

• 1:02:21Mel Robbins?

  Really?

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  So the third dimension is community. Choose well. Choose where you live.

• 1:02:26Mel Robbins?

  We all want to know the zip codes.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  So I teach urban planning, so I'll say it's intensity, density, and accessibility. Intensity is, are there things to do that are fun, that kind of keep you alive, but also the things you need, access to transportation, access to healthcare. And by the way, access to volunteering work and the parks and the like. Density, are they close enough where you can get to them? If you choose not to drive, can't drive, are they nearby? That ice cream cone that's too far away, you don't need it? But boy, that doesn't bring a smile to your face. And then frankly, the accessibility part, which is, you know, how accessible are these things, both physically and affordability and the like? And I'll even give you a tool.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  ARP's got a livability index where you can pop in a zip code, and it'll give you a score as to what the livability is of that given community that you may be planning for, or frankly, the one that you live in now.

• 1:03:21Mel Robbins?

  And it makes sense. Like, as I'm sitting here thinking, I live in southern Vermont. I have to drive everywhere. I don't see another house from where I live. I'm in a rural area, even though I'm just like a couple miles from a really nice town with all the things that I could possibly need. I can't get there unless I want to walk for two hours or I am in a car. And I'm thinking, okay, I can only live here for so long that I'm going to have to go somewhere else. This is not a good retirement option unless I have kids all over.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  And frankly, part of aging well is choosing where to age is one of the most important things. Fourth one is home. Is your home going to support you? Whether it's not just about stairs, but it's about maintenance, about how difficult is it to remain in that home overall. The next one, life transitions. How well are we prepared for the transitions we have in life from retirement to caregiving, to having to move and the like? Have we thought about how we're going to do that, who we're going to do it with? Daily activities. This is the Tuesday morning question at 10:30. What are the things, have you thought about what you're going to be doing on any given day without the structure of work, without having the structure of caregiving kids and the like? Social connection. Again, the social

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  portfolio idea. So we talk about what's in your wallet, what's in your portfolio. And the last one is caregiving. And probably the biggest thing that was overwhelming is caregiving had the lowest score in terms of people being prepared to provide care for another. That one was a 42.

• 1:04:50Mel Robbins?

  Oh, you are flunking out of school if you're getting a 42.

• 1:04:54Speaker 01

  And what's amazing about that, to quote Rosalind Carter, or to paraphrase her, one of the things that she said is that at some point in life, all of us will either be a caregiver recipient or a caregiver. The problem is, no, we don't have the conversations. Our same study with Hancock indicated 70% of us believe that our significant other or our adult child will provide us with care. Only 30% of us have had the conversation. So it's like going to your typically, I keep on hammering the adult daughters, I'm sorry, guys, but yes, men are caregivers, but overwhelmingly, the number one caregiver in your life is your spouse, and after that, the oldest adult daughter. Without that conversation, it's like, surprise, I'm home.

• 1:05:35Mel Robbins?

  For the person who's listening, and you're part of the 70% of people

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  Who have not had the conversation.

• 1:05:40Mel Robbins?

  Who have not had the conversation, or you've tried and you got nowhere. What is the best first step, Dr. Kofflin, to begin the conversation?

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  I would cut it down to, shall we say, some simple questions overall. You have a conversation, multiple, because there's no one and done. This is going to continue, about who, where, what, and how. So the who part is, you know, kind of gently go into, who is going to provide care? Who do you think is going to provide care? Who's going to help with the hands-on caregiving we were talking about overall? But there's another side of who. A lot of us have somebody to care for, for medications and dressing and around the house. But also, who's going to make the decisions? Who do you want making decisions if you can't? So those are two different conversations that need to be had

• 1:06:34Speaker 01

  gently over time, but they need to be had. How about the where? When it comes time for caregiving, where do you want that care to happen? Do you want home care? Do you want to come live with your adult children? Do you want to be in senior living? What are the values, if you will, about the where? And by the way, the what overall is, and this is the hardest conversation, what matters? How about dignity? What are you willing to put up with to either maintain your life, extend your life, and the like? And then there's the obvious question that everyone goes to first, the how. How do we pay for this? How are the mechanics? So when we have the conversation, it's multiple. It's who, where, what, and how.

• 1:07:17Mel Robbins?

  You know, Dr. Kofflin, when you talked about this longevity preparedness index, and you found after doing this massive study,

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:07:25Mel Robbins?

  And you discovered that the area where people are the least prepared is caregiving, that 70% of us have not even had the conversation yet, and that based on the research and common sense, it tends to fall, based on catastrophe, to the oldest daughter.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:07:44Mel Robbins?

  Do you have insight into why is it the eldest daughter that tends to be the one that the caregiving falls to?

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  Look, it's unfair. It's not about gender. It's not about biology. It's about role. And traditionally, across cultures, women tend to be the caregiver. Look, I don't want to indict my gender of guys. We will clean your gutters. We may help you with your finances. I'll take out your trash. Generally speaking, and I said generally, so please don't, you know, get all excited there. Generally speaking, it will be the older adult daughter. It's going to help you when you need to get dressed. So it tends to be a role there. But I have to tell you, while caregiving has great joys and rewards, and you hear caregivers say

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  after the loved one has passed, it was the most important, most thing they've ever done, there is a cost. It's physical, it's emotional, and indeed, it's also financial. And she is more likely to pay for it than anybody else.

• 1:08:45Mel Robbins?

  I think this is one of those conversations that people are going to listen to and be moved by, and then share it inside their family. If the person that's listening right now got this sent to them by somebody in their family, what do you want them to know in terms of the invitation that's here right now about your role to play, whether it's in your own aging, or it's in your role to play related to how somebody in your family may be aging?

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  You know, there are a few things in my team at the MIT Age Lab has a panel of caregivers. We call it Care Hive. So several thousand caregivers around the world that we tend to ask them about those micro moments of caregiving. And when my team came up with the idea, I did not wanted to do it. I said, really, guys, these people are busy, they're stressed, and you want to hammer them with focus groups, surveys, whatever. One of the things that we learned, the caregivers wanted to participate. Because here's a question no one ever asks the caregiver. How are you doing? Not just the loved one that they're caring for, but how are you doing? And so that little study that's ongoing, asking people not just what

• 1:10:02Speaker 01

  you're doing, but how you're doing. So one of the things to think about is make sure that you're asking how they're doing, and helping them care for themselves. Because the cost, as I mentioned, is the physical. Do you know that caregivers are more likely to express fatigue, headache, and like emotionally, depression, feeling alone, and financial, and this is the really hard work that we've been doing with the financial services industry. Women are more likely to either step out of a job entirely, because they're having to care for a loved one full time, or not take a promotion, because the promotion may have travel, and I got to make sure I take care of mom overall, or because of the financial costs of caregiving. Even if that loved one has finances, it's going

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  to set her back. So women effectively have a triple threat. They're caring for others, they're jeopardizing their own finances, which means that by the time the third, they get to their own old age, they are not prepared for their own old age.

• 1:10:58Mel Robbins?

  I hadn't even thought about the financial impact. Because even if you're caring for somebody who's aging, who has their own money, if it's compromising your ability to make money.

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  One in four families in the United States, and even more so in Europe and the like, provide upwards of 25 to 29 hours a week for caregiving. If you're over 50, one in three families are providing upwards of 25 to 29 hours a week for caregiving. This is a personal issue that should be a public problem, a public discussion. But here's the thing, Mel. Women tend to find a partner, marry someone who's a few years older than they are. They also tend to live seven to eight years longer. That means that while you're planning for old age and retirement together, she lives in second retirement of a decade alone. And so preparing for all the years that she gave to everyone else, she now needs to make sure

• 1:11:52Speaker 01

  she's financially, emotionally, and physically cared for in older age.

• 1:11:56Mel Robbins?

  What are the top three challenges, frictions, if you will, that caregivers face?

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  Caregivers are more likely to point to, first one, health. Not just managing health, but the complexity of managing the health. When you start managing three, four, or five, more likely, seven medications a day, you may have a loved one who's not exactly being as compliant as you wish. You know, the person who said that they're feeling dizzy and not well on weekend, you take them to the doctor on Monday morning, you're trying to be their advocate, and they're going, oh, no, I was fine. I'm not, you know, so you're kind of in that middle ground. Second one is largely around finance. You know, it's interesting, we are more willing to talk about our health, our caregiving, our failures than we are about our money. And at some point, a family member, hopefully one that you trust, because fraud

• 1:12:46Speaker 01

  and scams are more likely to come from someone close to you than someone in a foreign country over online.

• 1:12:52Mel Robbins?

  Wait, the scams are more likely to come from somebody close to you?

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  Unfortunately, you've got a lot of fraud that you have with family members, caregivers that mean well, and eventually do not mean well. And that's a major point of research at the Age Lab right now. So the financial considerations of how are things organized? How, you know, where do I have the ability to make a decision for you if you can no longer do it? And how do you have the conversation when somebody says, no, that's none of your business, even if, you know, the person's meaning well?

• 1:13:24Mel Robbins?

  Wow. And what's the third?

• 1:13:25Speaker 01

  The third one is the one that is the sleeping giant, because this has been consistent for more than 60 years of aging research and caregiving. The third one is transportation. In fact, Mel, I'll give you a data point that even the best financial advisor does not know. Do you know the top three costs of retirement for a couple over 65? Everybody always jumps up, healthcare. Okay, that's number two. First one is home. Number three is transportation. 70% of Americans over age 50 live in suburban and rural areas where there's no transit, or it's not transit you want to use, or there's no alternatives. So caregivers often report that the big challenge they have for that number three is, God, I

• 1:14:08Speaker 01

  got to take time from work to make sure mom gets to the doctor, or Saturday morning, I have a lot of things I need to do. I got to go take the kids to practice, or whatever it might be, but also I got to make sure mom gets to the grocery store, or I got to check in on mom to make sure, you know, I can help clean up around the house and give her a ride to a friend, or get out. Transportation is not about getting from point A to B. That's the easy stuff. Transportation is the very glue that holds the big and little things we call life together.

• 1:14:35Mel Robbins?

  Can we talk about keys? You mentioned, do not roll into like, a holiday and say, pass the peas and give me your keys, mom and dad.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, overall, and here's the challenge. A lot of people will think that older drivers is that they show up at Thanksgiving, they haven't seen mom or dad for six months, maybe a year, maybe even more, and they kind of look at the table and go, gee, he's gotten kind of older, hasn't he? It's like, I don't think he should be driving. Mel, this is how the Age Lab started, around older drivers. We know this area very well. It is not about birthdays. Birthdays do not kill. Health conditions do. And so it's about the health conditions, the medications they're taking, what combination, nutrition. As I like to say, I'd rather get in a car with an 80-year-old who's in decent shape than a 30-year-old taking allergy medication. And so one of the things we have to think about is, how

• 1:15:26Speaker 01

  do you have that conversation when there does come a time when driving is a problem? If they confuse the pedals, we're done. Look for patterns, not just like, you know, one mailbox being knocked over. Well, a lot of us do that, and we don't talk about it. But doing it as a pattern, now we got an issue. So yeah, having the conversation is not simply about passing the peas and handing over the keys. It's about doing your homework. How's that person going to get out? How are they going to get to the things they need? But more importantly, in terms of quality of life, how are they going to get to the things and the people they love and want? So, first thing to do with them, start experimenting. Start coming up with who's going to provide rides. If they've never taken a rideshare opportunity with Lyft, Uber, or whoever is in the neighborhood, do it while they don't have to, so they get it over with.

• 1:16:11Mel Robbins?

  I can feel that sense of urgency building inside me. I know there are very specific people I'm sending this to in my family. Hi, mom and dad, and my brother. How are you? Let's talk about this episode, and I'm sure you're feeling the same way. And that's why I wanted to ask you, Dr. Coughlin, after all the extraordinary things that you have taught us today, shared with us today, educated us about today, if the person listening takes just one thing from this extraordinary conversation, what do you think the most important thing to take away is?

• 1:16:49Speaker 01

  You know, my dissertation advisor taught me that if you don't have three examples, you don't have a point. So I'm going to give you three takeaways, but this one is the most important one. Have the conversation. Longevity is a family project. It's not an individual thing. Talk about care, housing. What matters before the crisis happens? Because when the crisis happens, somebody falls, breaks a hip on Friday, they're hospitalized, surgery by Sunday. By Monday, the hospital's saying, congratulations, mom's coming home. Who, what, where, how? Remember those questions around caregiving. The second one, this becomes more personal for a couple or individual, plan for Tuesday. That Tuesday at 10:30,

• 1:17:32Speaker 01

  that's really real. You need to add structure to a life that was always structured until the day you retire. And the third one, stop postponing your future you. There are things you can do today. Preparation is not about control. It's not just about independence. It's not about financial security alone. Preparation is an act of love. A love of self, a love of your significant other, and a love of all those that you think are you're going to be depending on over time.

• 1:18:00Mel Robbins?

  Dr. Coughlin, what are your parting words?

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  Parting words is, I don't want anyone to believe that older age is something that we should fear. This is a gift of time. You know, since people crawled out of the ooze, if you will, we've wanted to live longer, whether it's endless life, eternal life, you know, the, trying to find all kinds of things going on to make sure that we live longer. In fact, think of the billions now going into longevity tech, that we're going to live to 100, 150. That's great. But I want you to look at older age as a gift of a dividend of upwards of three to four decades longer than our grandparents, great-grandparents may have enjoyed. A child born today, one half of them, it is said, are likely to live

• 1:18:49Speaker 01

  100 years. We don't know how to cash in the years we have. Let's make living longer living better.

• 1:18:57Mel Robbins?

  Well, Dr. Coughlin, I just have to say, you are a gift. This research is so important. There are very few conversations that you have that both change your mind, that open you up to an entirely different perspective, and that soften your heart in a way that can not only transform your own life, but can improve the relationships that you have with the people that you care about. And this one has had a very deep impact on me personally. I know it's going to have an impact on my family, and I am also certain that

• 1:19:40Mel Robbins?

  there will be millions of families around the world who will navigate this differently, more compassionately, because of what you taught us today. So thank you.

• 1:19:51Speaker 01

  Mel, my team has done amazing work at the MIT Age Lab, but you're doing something that we cannot do. Before their action, there must be attention. And thank you for making that happen.

• 1:20:02Mel Robbins?

  You're welcome. And I want to thank you. Thank you, Dr. Coughlin, just said it. You gave your time and attention, your most precious resource, to this conversation, and that really matters. And in case no one else tells you, as your friend, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you, and I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And what Dr. Coughlin has taught us today about the opportunity, the gift of all of these additional years, he has taught us how not to just live more years, but to put more life into those years. And what a gift that is. All righty, I will see you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

• 1:20:46Mel Robbins?

  Maybe you're seeing this right now, that the lives of the people that you love are shrinking as they're getting older. Is that right? Does that sound good? Okay.

• 1:20:54Speaker 01

  Feels good, Sid.

• 1:20:55Mel Robbins?

  You know, looking at you hurts. Like, I'm

• 1:20:57Speaker 01

  A lot of people, a lot of people say that.

• 1:20:59Mel Robbins?

  Will you stop, Doc? We are in for an extraordinary eye-opening, and extraordinary eye-opening and helpful. We are in, you and I are in for an extraordinary eye-opening and profoundly helpful conversation for you and your family. Oh, my gosh. Okay, thank you for bending down, because these pants do not have stretch in them. This was really dumb of me. Okay. All right. So I'm putting on one leg of, this is the easy part, I think. I need to hold on to your shoulder.

• 1:21:31Speaker 01

  This is the jumpsuit.

• 1:21:31Mel Robbins?

  Okay, my pants literally are not. Great. Oh, my God. So good.

• 1:21:37Speaker 01

  All right, thank you.

• 1:21:38Mel Robbins?

  Yes, you killed it.

• 1:21:43Mel Robbins?

  Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.