How Did Your Parents Mess You Up? My Daughter Got Brutally Honest About What I Got Wrong

What if you could sit down with your parents and finally tell them what they got wrong? Or ask your kids what they wish you'd done differently? Today, Mel and her daughter Sawyer are having the kind of honest conversation most families never have. And Sawyer isn't holding back. She asks Mel lots of questions, including: -What do you think you got wrong as my mom? -What do you wish you did differently? -What did raising three kids teach you? Mel talks about her biggest regrets, the mistakes she's still making, and the ways her own childhood shaped the mother she became. But what makes this conversation so special is that Sawyer shares her side, too. You'll hear why Sawyer sometimes turns to her dad instead of Mel, what she wishes her mom understood about her, and how even the most loving families can fall into patterns that leave everyone feeling frustrated or misunderstood. As Mel and Sawyer talk, you'll hear things you can do to make your relationships better, too. In this episode, you'll learn: - What Mel wishes she'd done differently raising her three kids - Why Mel regrets trying to help her kids and what you can do to avoid this mistake - What adult children wish their parents understood - How your childhood shapes the way you communicate, show love, and handle conflict - Why mothers and daughters can have such complicated relationships - One simple question that can change how you communicate with the people you love - How to stop repeating the same arguments and frustrations in your family - A practical way to stay calm when someone pushes your buttons - Why you don't always need to agree to understand each other - How to build a closer, more loving relationship with your family, no matter how old you are Whether you're a mom looking back on raising your kids, an adult who wishes your parents understood you better, or someone who wants less tension and more connection with your family, this conversation will give you a new perspective. You can't change everything that happened in your family, but you can change how you understand each other and what happens next. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: You Learn This Too Late: This One Idea Might Change Your Entire Life Mel also wants to tell you: Try the 23g protein shot I drink every single morning Join 2 million readers loving my weekly newsletter - full of tips, tools, and inspiration The Let Them Theory: read the book everyone’s talking about Watch the episodes on YouTube Connect with me on Instagram Follow the show’s Instagram for clips, behind the scenes, and more Find some daily positivity on my TikTok Want zero ads? Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:08Speaker 00

  Hey, it's your friend Mel Robbins. I'm thrilled that you're here with me and I am so excited. My daughter Sawyer Robbins, co-author of The Let Them Theory, you're here.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  I'm here.

• 0:18Speaker 00

  We did an episode, the last episode that we dropped, you asked me a bazillion questions about love and relationships. So this episode, what topic are we covering?

• 0:26Speaker 01

  We are covering parenthood.

• 0:27Speaker 00

  You're not pregnant, are you?

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Nope.

• 0:29Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Are you?

• 0:31Speaker 00

  Are you kidding? The well is dry, baby. Oh my God. We're gonna throw to our amazing sponsors. They want to share a few words and then we're gonna start the show in just a minute. Stay with me.

• 0:47Speaker 00

  You know, on this podcast, you and I talk a lot about how the small choices, oh my gosh, they not only add up, they make things easier. Well, that applies to your makeup. Everybody wants products that help them feel put together without requiring a ton of effort and are still good for your skin. That's what makes Say such an easy addition to any beauty routine. You've probably seen Say's signature lilac packaging at Sephora. It's beautiful. Inside are skincare-packed formulas that improve your skin with a radiant finish, or as they call it, the signature Say Glow. Say's number one bestseller is Glowy Super Gel. This is like an all-over illuminator that gives your skin that no makeup, lit from within, kind of radiance. It's an Allure Best of Beauty winner and it's gone viral on TikTok more

• 1:30Speaker 00

  than a few times. And the thing people really love about Say, Say cares just as much about what's in their products as how they perform. You don't have to choose between clean, skin-loving ingredients and makeup that works with Say. You get both. See how that small choice is simple? You can shop Say at Sephora, both in stores and online at sayhello.com. This is your life. If you want to reinvent yourself, it's time. Southern New Hampshire University offers over 200 degree programs to help you take the next step. Courses are available online 24/7, so you can balance work, family, and everything in between. And with low online tuition rates, Southern New Hampshire University makes it easier to invest

• 2:11Speaker 00

  in you. Don't wait for someday. Start today. Visit SNHU.edu/Mel to learn more. That's SNHU.edu/Mel. Here's something you might find encouraging. The best version of life isn't always down the road. Sometimes it's right here in front of you. That's why Buick wants to help you live with intention and remember that now is exceptional. Every vehicle in the Buick lineup delivers stylish design with purposeful technology that rewards the road you're on and the moment you're in. Visit Buick.com to discover premium design that amplifies every day. Buick, exceptional by design.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so excited that you're here. I am sitting in the TV room at my house in Vermont. Our eldest daughter, Sawyer Robbins, who's the co-author of The Let Them Theory, is here with me and I'm fired up for what we're gonna do today because you have a ton of questions that you've gathered from friends, from family members, from listeners around the world, Sawyer, and we're gonna rapid fire through them today. And I know that you're gonna hear something, or laugh at something, or learn something, and you're gonna think, oh my gosh, I've never thought about it that way. Or you're gonna think of somebody that you love and go, I need to send them this episode right now. And so I'm thrilled that you're here. And if you're

• 3:43Speaker 00

  new, or somebody shared this with you, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. All right, Sawyer, let's just jump right into this.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  Um, hi, everyone. I'm Sawyer Robbins. I mustered up all these new parenting questions from friends, family, my siblings, my significant other, about advice we want on parenting.

• 4:02Speaker 00

  Okay, now, I'm not a parenting expert.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  But you have experienced my parenting. So would you like to go on the record and at least like give some background? Because I just want to make sure that as you're listening, you know, this is your friend Mel.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Sharing mistakes made, perspectives gained, things that I did well, things that I didn't do well, but you know, 0 to 10, how did I do? Throw out the seven.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Mel did with what she could. She was a nine.

• 4:38Speaker 00

  What?

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:40Speaker 00

  Not an eight?

• 4:41Speaker 01

  No, you were such a good parent. So let's get it. And we're gonna start off with the first question today. What do you think parents get wrong about preparing their children for adulthood?

• 4:53Speaker 00

  What I believe that I got wrong is underestimating how capable you are and reinforcing the message that you can handle it and that there's a certain amount of struggle that is necessary for you to grow and become an adult and to become responsible for yourself and the life that you want. And what I probably got wrong and what I always work on is the balance between standing on the sideline and making sure you know that I'm here to support you and not rescuing you from the things that are challenging about life, but

• 5:34Speaker 00

  reminding you that you are capable of figuring it out. You're capable of navigating your way through these challenges. You're capable of learning how to make more money. You're capable of dealing with friend drama. You're capable of figuring out your career, learning from your mistakes, not stepping in and solving it because it robs you of growth.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Before becoming a parent, what did you imagine parenthood would be like?

• 6:02Speaker 00

  Before I became a parent, I imagined that parenthood would probably be like a Norman Rockwell painting. Lots of time for coloring and playing and pushing on the swings. Lots of calm, happy moments.

• 6:20Speaker 00

  Everything just sort of flowing. And it's really not like that at all. It's better and worse at the same time.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  I love that. What surprised you most about becoming a mom?

• 6:38Speaker 00

  My nipples. They turned into sausages that were spraying milk like a spigot. It's disgusting. They like literally get like this big and this. It's just, oh God. They go back. Not to the full form, but they go back.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  What was your first thought when you saw me come out of the womb?

• 7:01Speaker 00

  Thank God it's over.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  That's a good answer.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  Well, you had to be vacuumed out of me. You were two weeks late and you did not want to come into this world. You were gonna come in on your own time, damn it. And they had to jumpstart the labor with pitocin. And it was a particularly busy night at Mass General Brigham here in Boston. And everything went wrong that could have gone wrong. Everything. I remember my mother hitting the button on the wall because I was screaming in pain and they had done three epidural attempts. It was like 1:00 in the morning and I was just a mess. And she hit the button on the wall. Everybody came running and they had

• 7:48Speaker 00

  to vacuum you out. And then the placenta torn, I started bleeding out. So I don't actually remember you coming out. I remember being wheeled out to surgery. And I was gone for two and a half hours before I got wheeled back in. And I was so out of it that I don't even remember coming back into the room. I remember waking up in the room the next morning, I guess it was morning by then, and they brought you in. That's what I remember. Everything went wrong that could have gone wrong, except for one thing, you. That's what went right. You were perfect. You were truly perfect.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Thanks, Mom. That's crazy that that all happened. I don't think I fully knew that full story.

• 8:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  I knew the vacuum.

• 8:37Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  I knew that you lost a lot of blood and then you went into postpartum, but I didn't realize that you immediately went into surgery and then woke up like without having known what basically had happened.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  They basically handed you to Dad, who was in a state of shock and everyone was super traumatized by how like much of an emergency it was.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  And my mom, and they sat and waited alone in the delivery room.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh.

• 9:03Speaker 00

  Until I got wheeled back in. And I was basically like, my skin was like the color of a dolphin. I had lost so much blood, I was gray. Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 00

  I had really wanted and planned for this beautiful birth experience. Like I wanted to go natural. I don't know why, but I had a midwife. We were also at a hospital. We had taken all the classes and it just, sometimes that happens. So I was really scared when I got pregnant with Kendall and we knew some of the medical issues that had gone wrong. So we were able to prepare for them and her birth was like just flawless. And I don't say that because there's a competition. I just say it because sometimes things go wrong. And that's why you want to be in a major medical facility, at least for your first birth.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  So you know what you're dealing with because everybody's bodies are different and every birth is different. And there's this magical thing that happens in your body. I don't know what it is. Some doctor can explain it, but it's true. You forget. Cause I think if, if women did not forget the pain of childbirth, none of us would have children, not a second one. But you forget and it's worth, it's worth it all and a hundredfold worth it, a thousandfold, infinitely worth it.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  What parts of your own childhood did you want to recreate for your kids?

• 10:30Speaker 00

  Playing in the front yard before and after dinner.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 10:36Speaker 00

  I loved being outside and playing games on our lawn. I loved it. I especially loved it at dusk.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  We did that a lot. What did you deliberately want to do differently from your own parents?

• 10:51Speaker 00

  Um, you know, I don't know that I was able to do this, but I really wanted to be

• 10:59Speaker 00

  a little calmer, a little less reactive. I didn't achieve it, but I think it's a very common experience to feel like, I've even heard my own mother talk about this, feeling like I had no idea what mood my mother was going to be in. And don't even get me started about my grandmother. And knowing what it must've felt like for her, being in a big raucous family with a mother who literally is going to an institution and would come back after a shock therapy and then, you know, be a little nicer, but was mean. I think a lot of people have an experience like that. And even when your parents don't mean to be stressed out, you can be a really sensitive kid, which I was.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  And so I really wanted to just have a household that felt light and fun. And, and mine even was growing up, but there were, I remember being nervous a lot and nervous about people's moods and nervous that people were upset. And I didn't want to put that on my kids and I know that I did, and I know that I still do. It's definitely something that I work on a lot and it's very challenging because if you really think about it, like you're inside your mother and whatever state she's in, I believe this, I believe the medical experts that are now talking about the fact that

• 12:16Speaker 00

  the state of your mother, when you were inside of her, has an enormous impact on the way that your nervous system works. And how could it not? If your mom was under stress, if your mom, you know, was going through anything, of course it's going to impact you. And I happen to have a extremely reactive nervous system. Like the second something seems off, I'm on high alert. The second somebody's mood is angry, I'm like amplifying. The second there's something stressful at work, like I get very agitated and I don't want to be that way. And so I didn't have the tools when I was younger. Nobody went to therapy in their twenties, 30 years ago. Nobody could afford it.

• 13:01Speaker 00

  Nobody knew a therapist either. And there were no resources. You don't go to the self-help section at the public library 30 years ago because you would seem like a nutcase. You kept it private, which means you suffered in private. And I was in this constant loop with myself where I would wake up and be like, okay, you can do, and then the stress of life would take over and I'd snap at you kids and then I'd apologize and then feel like the world's crappiest mother. Or I'd be mad at your dad because we were struggling financially and I was mad at him because he couldn't get his career together. And I felt a ton of pressure, which is kind of similar to a lot of the pressure I feel now, come to think of it, that it's all on me.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  And it really triggers me.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  I have a question.

• 13:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  Cause I myself am also reactive and I,

• 13:59Speaker 01

  I'm also reactive. I blow up, I get very emotionally flooded and then I go silent.

• 14:05Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 14:06Speaker 01

  And I can't process my emotions fast enough to be able to communicate properly. And so I stay silent and then I just blow up. And I've noticed this pattern in me. I will not say where it has derived from, but when I think about my own, like my own path and my own journey of becoming a mother, what can I do from now until then to help ease that, even though I don't have kids to practice with or et cetera? Obviously I have you and other people who I'm reactive with, but I'm in therapy. I have tools, but like, I still have not mastered that.

• 14:52Speaker 00

  Do you want me to listen or do you want advice?

• 14:56Speaker 01

  Great work. She's learning.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  No, I want advice. Like I, I know that it has taken you a lifetime and you're still working on it. And I know it will take me a lifetime and I'm still working on it. But like, I guess my ask is what is the number one thing that has helped you?

• 15:15Speaker 00

  Well, the number one thing that has helped me not be as emotionally reactive as I used to be is recognizing that I didn't want to be.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  When you make a decision that you no longer want to be this version of yourself, that's the first step to changing. And being in the cycle where you continue to be emotionally reactive. And then if you're like me, you blame it on work and then you apologize and then you're emotionally reactive and then you blame it on the stress of work or the stress of your parents or your stress of childcare or whatever it may be. You're just in a pattern, but you have not made a decision to change it.

• 15:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:55Speaker 00

  Do not wait until you are a parent to try to change this. Your everyday life right now provides the opportunity for you to become less reactive. And one of the gifts of having a lot of emotional sensitivity is you're a deeply feeling person. You have incredible instincts. You care very deeply. It's a matter of going from zero to a hundred in a nanosecond and not being able to get yourself back down to a 50.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  That's the issue. It's recognizing when it's happening and you're hitting a hundred. And then it is finding tools that get you to a 50 faster and without harming or sliming other people around you. And so number one, make a decision that you don't want to be that way. Number two, if I were doing this in my twenties, I would borrow, may I, may I quote one of the experts on the podcast?

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 17:00Speaker 00

  For this purpose?

• 17:01Speaker 01

  Always.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  So I love the Gottmans, Gottman Institute, one of the most esteemed and respected and renowned researchers in the world on relationships. And they've been married for 40 years. And when they came on the podcast, was like literally interviewing the Muppets.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  I know.

• 17:20Speaker 00

  A married couple, they were soaked.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  I remember.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  Squeezed them. And they role played all of these scenarios. Where somebody gets emotionally agitated and that would be me, I'm a volcano. And the other person gets emotionally flooded and shuts down. That's you and your father. And if you're a person that's a volcano like me and you get agitated and you're,

• 17:47Speaker 00

  Dealing with somebody like you who shuts down, your shutdown makes me more agitated because I feel more alone.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  I know.

• 17:55Speaker 00

  And that just scares you more because you start going, there's nothing I can do here. I don't know what to do here, which is exactly what happens to your dad. And we've been dealing with this dynamic for 30 years. This is incredibly common in couples. Because if you think about it, two volcanoes together is an explosive relationship.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 00

  Doesn't work. But a volcano with somebody that goes silent, both of you have an opportunity to heal these patterns from your past and to work together at moving through moments where you're emotionally flooded and finding that connection.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  And that's what a great relationship can do, is you can start working on it now. And Dr. Gottman did one of the coolest things. He has this trick because he is the one that goes like a turtle.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  Like Michelle, she's mad, hide.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  That's me.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  And Dad, yes. But you guys look stoic. So when you shut down, you have a face that doesn't look scared.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  No, I look like I'm gonna like kill someone.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:55Speaker 00

  And Dad just looks like he's on a different planet, which pisses me off because I'm like, no, you're not here right. No, I don't hear anything because I'm shut down and I'm a turtle in a shell right now. But you probably feel unsafe.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 00

  And the irony is when I get like upset about something, I feel unsafe.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  So let me just ask you one question. When you, for those of us who shut down and were with someone who blows up, what does make you feel safe? When someone yells back at you and someone's like...

• 19:29Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, I don't want to be on that. No, no, no.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Okay, so what would make you feel safe? In those very heightened moments?

• 19:40Speaker 00

  It's two things. It's to have somebody acknowledge the stress or frustration or the thing that I'm upset by.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Okay. Calmly, of course.

• 19:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, calmly, like I understand you have a right to be upset. And that acknowledgement immediately makes me feel less alone. And then you saying, and I'm gonna give you a hug and then I'm gonna leave the room because you need to calm yourself down before I can help you talk about this. Great.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  Okay, back to the Gottmans.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  So Dr. Gottman is a person that shuts down. He becomes a turtle. And he said, whenever his wife, the volcano erupts, and we gotta talk about, why did you leave the... And he's like, shut down. He has a technique where he has a little notepad and he slowly pulls the notepad out of his pocket. And he flips it open. And he pulls out a pen as the other person's going crazy. And then he says, now, slow down a minute. I just want to make sure I'm getting this. And he then starts to write down what the person who's upset about is saying. And he said, what that does is it slows his heart rate.

• 21:01Speaker 00

  And it helps him organize his thoughts. And it signals to you that you're not alone and that he's listening. And it's a way for him to calm himself down and get his thoughts down and stall. Until he can think of something to say.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love that tool because I feel like that's what's happening when I shut down is I'm like just stalling. Like, my brain is not working fast enough than what my body feels. And so it's not that I, like, I genuinely don't know what to say.

• 21:37Speaker 00

  Yes, and that means your body is working correctly. Because if I'm a volcano, you're under threat. So your thinking skills go out the window. Because if you're under threat, you need to defend yourself.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 21:55Speaker 00

  You don't need to be thinking about anything. You need to run, your heart is racing. You have the impulse to get out of there. You don't know what to do. So that's just a sign that you're in fight or flight. And so pulling out an open, be like, I understand. I know you're upset. You have a right to be upset. Hold on a second, let me just get my notepad. That is just, what that's doing is it's giving you a physical thing to do that helps you create a pause between the stimulus, the other person yelling, and you physically doing something, the notebook, flip it open, get the page out. Okay, I see that you're upset. I understand. Tell me what's going on.

• 22:39Speaker 00

  And that is how you can start to practice the pause and how you can start to go from 100, oh, my God, I'm under threat, to start to bring yourself back down to 50. That's what I would do.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  Incredible.

• 22:53Speaker 00

  This feels like a great moment to take a quick break to give our amazing sponsors a chance to share a few words. And do not go anywhere. I'm looking at her clipboard and we got a lot more to cover when we return. So stay with me.

• 23:08Speaker 00

  The Mel Robbins Podcast is thrilled to partner with Audible. If you've ever caught yourself thinking, I want to read more, but I just don't have time. Well, Audible solves that problem. Audible has the world's largest library of audiobooks and ad-free podcasts, so you can turn each segment of your day into moments that help you learn, grow, and feel better. You could listen to The Let Them Theory by me or books from some of your favorite guests on the Mel Robbins Podcast, like Atomic Habits or The Psychology of Money. You can listen while you're walking, your dog, folding laundry, commuting, working out, making dinner, or winding down before bed. So instead of reaching for your phone and getting pulled into the endless scrolling, fill the same time with ideas that leave you feeling calmer, smarter, more motivated. You don't have to find extra hours in your day.

• 23:53Speaker 00

  You're simply making better use of the time you already have. Learn about well-being, create good habits, and replace doom scrolling. Audible, stories that speak to you. New members can start listening with a 30-day free trial at audible.com/mel. Running can be freeing and cathartic, and Peloton helps you feel all of that. It's also one of those things that, let's face it, some days you just don't want to do it. But when it's over, you do feel incredible. Well, now that feeling fits wherever you need it to with the new TreadFlex, Peloton's latest treadmill. It's designed with a smaller footprint to make the joy of running feel more accessible than ever. The TreadFlex is movable, foldable,

• 24:37Speaker 00

  so you can run, walk, and hike when you need it and then roll it away when you don't. It meets you where you are, doesn't dominate your space, and takes all the reasons to skip off the table. Plus, you get classes with Peloton's expert instructors to help you stay on track with programs for every level. From call yourself a runner for beginners to push your pace with strength for runners. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton TreadFlex at onepeloton.com. You know, I personally am always looking for new ways to learn and take on new challenges, but I never knew where to start. And that's why I love our sponsor, MasterClass. I can learn how to write fiction from James Patterson, who was on our podcast.

• 25:20Speaker 00

  And after I interviewed him, I'm like, I need to go take his masterclass. And that's what makes MasterClass different. 200-plus classes across 13 categories, from business and writing to cooking, creativity, and wellness. Plans start at just $10 a month billed annually. These fit into real life, too. You can listen in audio during a commute or a workout and download classes for offline learning. Three in four members feel inspired every time they watch. And 83% of people have applied what they've learned. MasterClass keeps adding new classes, so there's never been a better time to get in. Right now, as a listener of this show, you get at least 15% off any annual membership at masterclass.com/melrobbins.

• 26:02Speaker 00

  That's 15% off at masterclass.com/melrobbins. Head to masterclass.com/melrobbins to see the latest offer.

• 26:14Speaker 00

  Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. And today I'm here with our oldest daughter, Sawyer. She's the co-author of the Let Them Theory book. And she has a clipboard of questions about love and relationships with her, and we are just rifling through them. I'm so thrilled you're here. All right, Sawyer, let's just jump right back into it. What's the next question?

• 26:31Speaker 01

  What's one thing me, Kendall, and Oakley, each individually have taught you about yourself?

• 26:42Speaker 00

  This is a great question. Well, let me start with Oakley. So... So Oakley, almost dying when he was five days old.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  I think like really taught me how much I wanted to be a mom.

• 27:07Speaker 00

  Um, and how much you can love somebody in just five days, you know? And, uh,

• 27:15Speaker 00

  he is such a light, like even, even in the, in the NICU, those big blue eyeballs. Um, and he's still like that.

• 27:29Speaker 00

  He has taught me to be in a good mood for no reason. That's what Oaks taught me. Um, Kendall,

• 27:40Speaker 00

  who I would say I'm probably the most, she and I are the most similar.

• 27:45Speaker 00

  I think she is just, she's really shown me like what it's like when you have a deep calling and you have no choice but to follow it. Like I am, I am extremely moved and proud of her for pushing through all of her fears and pursuing a very, very difficult career of wanting to be a recording artist and a musician and a singer songwriter and just watching her do it on her own.

• 28:25Speaker 00

  And figure it out and wake up every day and chart a path in a career that doesn't have one. And to know, as she says, there's no plan B. Like she is a burn the boats person and she's definitely taught me that a lot of success in life and a lot of meaning in life comes from having something that means a lot to you that you're committed to no matter what, through all the doubt, through the ups and downs. She's definitely taught me a lot about that. And also, I think, what a gift

• 29:02Speaker 00

  it is to share your gifts with people. Like I, I have this friend Carl who says, you know, when you get to heaven, you gotta make sure your pockets are empty. You got a lot of gifts to give in this lifetime, whether it's your smile or a book you're gonna write, or in her case, a song that you're meant to sing. Do not get to heaven with your pockets full. You want to give your gifts while you're here. And so that sounds straightforward, but it's not always that straightforward. There's a lot that you have to confront in order to feel worthy of the gifts that you want to give, to give yourself permission to give those gifts, to keep giving the gift even when nobody wants to receive it, to see the value in it when maybe nobody else does.

• 29:46Speaker 00

  Huh. And then that brings me to you, Soi. Um, and what you've taught me. You have taught me to be brave. I cannot believe the things that you have taken on. I cannot believe it. The other thing you've taught me is having conviction about something. I remember in seventh grade, we went to visit your grandmother, JJ, and she was living for four months in Cambodia, teaching English at an elementary school. This was what she did to find purpose after losing her husband, your grandfather of 40 years. And we went over there to visit her and we came back and you turned to us and

• 30:29Speaker 00

  you said, I want to go back and go back to Cambodia. And we're like, well, that's great. That was a once in a decade trip, dude. Like, calm down. We don't have the money. We're, that is a once in a lifetime trip. We're not doing that again. And then you were like, no, no, no, I'm going to the principal. And I, no, I don't think you understand. I'm going. And then you did it again. When you said, when I graduated from college, I am traveling solo around Asia. And you worked for three years and you saved all the money. And then to my complete horror, you and your backpack,

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:06Speaker 00

  got on a plane. And what I also love about you is that you have the courage of the conviction and then you make it happen and you spend the first three days hyperventilating and crying.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Yep, always.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  Talk to me about that.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  I feel like I'm so, I know exactly what I want a lot of the time. And I think about those things for years. So like, the Asia thing, when I was 13, that was just a very rare, like I have to do this in my body, soul, like I am going to make this happen. I'm going to homeschool myself. I'm going to go to the principal. I'm going to go for four months and teach English to Cambodian kids. I'm going to bring all my textbooks. Like, that was, I think, set me on a very clear trajectory of always putting myself out there and

• 31:57Speaker 00

  And then just to be clear, for the first two weeks, we did Zoom calls every day where you would be sobbing uncontrollably in this very dark hotel room. And I felt like the world's worst mother. And then I started to have nightmares. What happens if JJ dies and she's over there alone? There is nobody else. What am I doing? I have sent my daughter to Cambodia with a 77 year old. What kind of mother am I? Like, what? What happens if something hap- she has epilepsy. What, what, what if she has a seat? Like, and I started, but anyway, within two weeks, you were a different person. You weren't crying.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  I think that I always like panic. I can get myself there. I can get myself on the plane. I can get myself to do the hard thing. I can get myself in the chair. But once I'm sitting there for the first, it, it's finally then that I realize that I'm doing it. And then all the fear and all the angst and all the reality of it happening hits me then versus before my decision. And so then I have to like own my decision because I'm sitting in it. And I think that there's a lot of experiences in my life that have made me sit in those experiences, whether it's Cambodia, whether it's going to camp and crying for two weeks straight and sending letters home because I have no technology that like, I

• 33:17Speaker 01

  hate my life, pick me up. And then after two weeks, I'm like, I love it. Don't pick me up. And there's just like a lot of experiences that I've put myself in that have forced me to move through those really hard moments in the beginning, but I always know that I'm better off for it in the end.

• 33:36Speaker 00

  You know what's really cool about this is that it kind of shows you there's two types of people.

• 33:42Speaker 01

  It's the same thing about going on tour.

• 33:44Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 33:45Speaker 01

  When I literally cried myself like to sleep for two weeks straight when we went on tour for the first time and the second time, because I was so nervous about speaking on stage. But I had already committed. I had already planned the whole tour. I had already gotten all the content together. Like, we had co-created this. And then it was the night before where I'm about to go out on stage where I have a full-blown

• 34:10Speaker 00

  Diarrhea attack.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  hyperventilating panic screaming attack.

• 34:14Speaker 00

  It was so bad that in the morning in Australia, I actually thought, okay, she's, she needs to go home. Like, she can't do this.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, but

• 34:23Speaker 00

  I'm gonna have to do this entire thing on my own and it's a tour that's written for two people.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  But the whole time that I'm screaming, crying, I'm saying like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I just need to like move through that.

• 34:35Speaker 00

  Um, what's interesting is that you, there's two types of people. There are people who feel that fear before they commit

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:44Speaker 00

  and they never commit. And they spend their entire life thinking about what they want, but feeling emotionally flooded and talking themselves out of it before they even do it.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:57Speaker 00

  And what you're talking about is this ability to be brave and bravery does not exist without fear. You have this ability through the courage of your convictions to commit, knowing that once you land in the seat, you're gonna hate it. You're gonna get emotionally flooded and become a turtle with diarrhea who's crying for two weeks and regretting it. But you then remind yourself, I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. This is just the hard part. And my hard part comes after it starts, not before.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:29Speaker 00

  That's a gift that it comes after.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:32Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  I think it's a gift, but it's also I've like trained myself to be like that. Like, I've put myself in situations where I had no out. I was in Cambodia. I'm not flying home tomorrow. We barely have the money to fly me over there. Like, I'm at camp. I have no way of contacting you to come home. I'm going on service trips in other places in the United States and I am unable to leave. So it, I think, growing up has always been, there's no other options. It's all always through. You have no out.

• 36:08Speaker 00

  The obstacle is the way.

• 36:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:10Speaker 00

  Hello, Ryan Holiday.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:14Speaker 00

  Sawyer, I love hearing these questions that you've pulled together and I have no idea what you're gonna ask me next. So let's take a quick break. I gotta go to the bathroom and I need to get a cup of water. And I also kind of want to gather myself because I know you probably have a doozy next. And don't you go anywhere. When we return, more on parenting. Stay with me.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  Can we just trash the people we sleep with right now? You know how they like toss and turn or snore or move? Here you are sleeping and next thing you know, they're moving all over the place? The nerve. I mean, you deserve to wake up feeling rested, not exhausted from the person you love. Well, instead of yelling at them, I want you to check out Mattress Firm. Because Mattress Firm can solve this problem. Mattress Firm's sleep experts will match you to a bed that minimizes your partner's tossing and turning for uninterrupted sleep. Doesn't that sound good? Of course it does. Like a Tempur-Pedic, made with unique Tempur material that absorbs motion for undisturbed rest. It helps minimize disruptions caused by movement from your partner, pets, or kiddos,

• 37:23Speaker 00

  and helps provide a truly personalized sleep.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  And right now, you can get a $300 instant gift toward a Tempur-Pedic Total Sleep Solution with mattress purchase. They make sleep easy. With the US Bank Smartly Visa Signature Card, you can earn an unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase. No quarterly activations, no categories to track, just unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase. When you're booking your summer trip, do not miss this opportunity to get a bunch of cash back because you know you need it for your vacation. Visit usbank.com/smartlycard to learn more. The creditor and issuer of this card is US Bank National Association pursuant to a license from Visa USA Inc. Some restrictions may apply. You know what's expensive? Everything.

• 38:13Speaker 00

  Especially around the holidays, between the travel, the gifts, the groceries. Oh, my gosh, it adds up so fast. The last thing you need to spend more money on than you have to? Your prescriptions. And that's why I want to tell you about our sponsor, GoodRx. GoodRx is a free app that helps you save money on prescription medications. That's everything from the prescriptions you take every single day to medications you might need during flu season. You just go to GoodRx's website or app, you type in the name of your medication, compare prices at pharmacies near you, then they show you a free coupon that you take to your pharmacist. That's it. Just show the coupon and you get a discount. And you can use GoodRx at over 70,000 pharmacies across the country.

• 38:55Speaker 00

  CVS, Walgreens, Walmart, Publix, Kroger, and so many more. Now, remember, GoodRx is not insurance, but it works whether you have insurance or not, and it could be your insurance copay. Save time and money on your prescriptions. Check out GoodRx at goodrx.com/mell. That's goodrx.com/mell.

• 39:16Speaker 00

  Welcome back. It's your friend Mel Robbins. Today, you and I are talking all things parenting. I'm here in my TV room in Vermont with our oldest daughter, Sawyer Robbins. My cat, Mr. Noodle, is on my lap and I'm hanging out with you. All right, Soi, let's jump right into this.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  What do you hope I understand about you as my mom that I may not fully understand yet?

• 39:39Speaker 00

  Just how much stress I'm under right now and how hard I'm trying. And that I don't mean to have a terrible tone of voice. It's actually the one thing I don't want to be is harsh and hostile and to take my emotions out on you guys. And you're not... It's not your fault. And it's not your responsibility to fix the things that are stressing me out or to make me happy or to calm me down. And I apologize that for a lot of your life, you probably felt like you had to walk on eggshells or you were tired of having a mom and you didn't know what mood she was going to be in, or you were bracing as I was walking in the door because nine times out of 10,

• 40:23Speaker 00

  I was stressed or pissed off at your dad because we were struggling. And I wish I could have handled that better because as a child, it's not fair that I put my adult stress on you. And I'm still working at it.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  You've come such a long way, though, like truly. And I've seen you put in all the work. I've seen you regulate your nervous system. I've seen you use the tools that you've been given from your therapist. And she's meditating every single morning and night to try to calm it down. So I do really want to give you credit for continuing to work at it. And no one's perfect. And like you said, everyone does the best job that they can with what they were given. And you have done the best job you have been able to do with what you were given.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  Okay, well, I am horrified whenever I experience myself acting in a hostile or reactive way because it's the last thing I want to be. And I don't want to leave people in a state where they're nervous around what kind of mood I'm going to be in. And it's a hard thing to manage when you're going through a very stressful period in your life or career, which I am right now. And so it's very much front of mind.

• 41:39Speaker 00

  And I think you guys see me as somebody who's like super strong and very opinionated and bulldozing through life. And that's my outside demeanor. Like when I come home, I am still want to have fun. I still, I need hugs. I need more compliments. I, you know, want to have more girl time and be softer with each other. And you guys favor dad so much and lift dad up. And he's an amazing human and I lift him up too, and he's my favorite person. And I also imagine that because I get so much public, like attention, that you're

• 42:21Speaker 00

  compensating for what dad may not be receiving. And it does feel a little bit like he's everybody's favorite and I'm the monster.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Well, I thank you for sharing that. And I know you've shared that forever. And I am sorry that you feel that way. And I think that me, Kendall, and Oakley, we are never intending to make you feel on the outside or making... It is never our intention to make you feel like dad's our favorite. I think that we have grown up receiving love from you and dad in very different ways.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  You, because your mother did this, your love growing up was gifts.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Your love growing up was solving problems. Your love growing up was, let's go on a big shopping spree. That is how you showed your love. So we learned that if we want something, go to mom. It is very hard to rewire that. And so if you want that to change, then let's talk about it and let's work on it. But that is in our nervous system. When we grew up with dad, the way in which dad showed us love was listening. He was also the stay-at-home parent. So he was with us 24/7.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  And as a result, for anything that's joyful or news or whatever, we go to him because he listens. You are a practical problem solver.

• 44:03Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  And he is a passive problem solver.

• 44:08Speaker 00

  What does that mean? I love this. Okay.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  You are a practical problem solver. I come to you for tasks.

• 44:15Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  I come to you for checkboxes.

• 44:17Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Because I know...

• 44:18Speaker 00

  It checks.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  It checks.

• 44:20Speaker 00

  No, it checks.

• 44:21Speaker 01

  I would never go to dad for a doctor's appointment. I would never go to dad for a medical reason. Whenever I've been in the hospital or anything, which has been like twice, but like I've called you. Like you are for emergencies, you are for flights, you are for like, I need stuff to get done. I trust mom, I don't trust dad. And you look at that as a bad thing.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  We go to dad when we want to be heard because we don't want a solution. We don't want me to come to you with boyfriend troubles or other thing troubles and you to be like, well, here's a therapist that you should really get him into. Oh, here's a doctor's appointment that I'll set him up with. Oh, here's five tips from this podcast guest that if you don't listen to that episode, your relationship's not changing. Like, we go to you for different things.

• 45:11Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Nothing is better or worse. You look at it as worse.

• 45:14Speaker 00

  Fair.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  Dad has expressed he would love for us to come to him for helpful tasks. He wishes that we would go to him for money and we don't, ever. It demoralizes him that we don't go to things to him that we go to for you. You guys both feel the same way, but you don't communicate about that. You just feel like dad is our hero and you are like a failure.

• 45:43Speaker 00

  Well, I don't communicate with dad about it because it's not an issue that I have with dad. It's an issue I have with you guys.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  Well, I think you need to change your perspective or we need...

• 45:51Speaker 00

  That's very helpful.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Because like if you want us to come to you for good news, then I think even using that tool we talked about today about like, great, let me just listen. And I think another difference between you and dad is like, like you said, dad is a slow processor.

• 46:07Speaker 00

  I should say deep processor.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Deep processor.

• 46:10Speaker 00

  Slows, Joji.

• 46:11Speaker 01

  But he...

• 46:14Speaker 01

  He's very, you solve a problem with him. With you, you solve the problem.

• 46:22Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 46:22Speaker 01

  And it's like, I'm going to you, cause when I have five minutes, I'm going to dad when I have two hours.

• 46:27Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  And I feel like because of that, he is forced to listen. He is forced to be there. He is very present with us. And I think sometimes with you, if we come to you, it feels like you have, because of your ADD, ADHD, like you literally have 50 million things on your mind. So it doesn't actually feel like you're present with us.

• 46:46Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  So if I want to talk about something that's really hard to talk about or deep, or I really want someone, my parents' attention, I'm probably not going to come to you because I don't feel like you're going to give me the presence that I think I want or deserve.

• 46:58Speaker 00

  That makes sense. I can work on that.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 00

  When I have time. I'm just kidding. No, I appreciate that. It makes a lot of sense.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  I also feel like it has a lot to do with the fact that for some reason, as a daughter, and I know you feel like this with your own mom, like I care so much more about your validation than I do dad's. And I care so much more about what you think of me than dad.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  Really?

• 47:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I know Kendall feels the same way. And I don't think it has to do with the fact that you have a big career. I don't think it has to do with the fact that what you've created in your life or who you are as a person. I see this in all my friends.

• 47:45Speaker 00

  Do you think it's because a lot of us are emotionally?

• 47:48Speaker 01

  Disregulated?

• 47:49Speaker 00

  Yes, and unstable. And so the approval is actually you're, you're seeking calmness and safety and belonging rather than, I don't know, like I-

• 48:01Speaker 01

  Well, I feel like there's a lot of like, like women have been suppressed for decades. And I think now we're in a generation and an age where women more than ever are empowered to be choosing their own adventure and making decisions in their life and choosing who they get to marry versus being forced. And I think the, it's almost like the overwhelming amount of agency we feel as women brings resentment. It's like flip flopped. Like before it was all, I have no agency. And I'm completely reliant on my husband.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  And now I have all the agency and all the possibilities and all the ability to make my life the best it could possibly be. And I'm the caregiver and I'm doing the dishes and I'm doing the lunches and I'm still taking care of the kids. And I now have to make just as much money as my husband to be able to afford a house. Like it's almost like there's so much more added onto our plate. And I don't know why that connects directly to mother daughters, but I can look around like everyone in this room right now and think about every one of my friends. And there's nine times out of 10, it's about the mother that is brought up. Rarely are my friends talking about their dads.

• 49:29Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 49:30Speaker 01

  And I just feel like there's so much, there's such an imprint of you on us and such a desire for us to be our own person and find our own way and not feel like, I don't know, I, I bet a lot of it has to do with honestly, growing inside of you and just feeling so much energetic connection. Because we talk about this all the time. As soon as my mom rolls her eyes or I like, my tone goes completely angry, we notice it immediately. The energy shifts immediately. I notice it with my friends. We had this huge mother daughter weekend.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  I went to Boston College and I had 10 girls and their 10 moms up in Vermont. This was a few years ago at this point. And you, just looking around, you could tell immediately who was in a fight, who was having fun, who was pissed off at each other. Like it's crazy how much our energies are intertwined.

• 50:32Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  And I have heard stories of like some colleagues being like, who don't necessarily have a great relationship with their mom. Like as soon as someone says one word incorrectly, it's like my whole nervous system is shut down. And I feel like it has a lot more to do with how connected we are than how disconnected we are.

• 50:54Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  What do you think?

• 50:59Speaker 00

  I agree with you. I think there's a much bigger role that society plays in it in how women are treated and feel and the amount of stress that women are under.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 51:11Speaker 00

  And shifting gender roles and dynamics and the both opportunities, as you said it, and the pressures that it creates. And the thing that I find interesting though, is just how hardwired we are to each other's moods.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  Yes. And how hardwired we are to take care of each other. Like you feel so much pressure to take care of your kids and provide and be the mother, but we feel equally as much pressure to take care of you and dad and make sure that you guys are feeling good, your moods are happy, you're feeling positive. Like it goes both ways. And it feels like you as an adult feel this innate need to take care of us, but it flips. Like you guys get old and then we're taking care of you and wiping your ass. Like we're all both trying to take care of each other and trying to make sure we're both okay.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  And you feel that responsibility, but I think what parents don't understand about their kids is that we equally feel that. We equally want you to be good. We equally want you to not be going through a hard time and trying to do everything in our power to solve that. But half the time, we don't have the tools to do so, but you do.

• 52:28Speaker 00

  Yeah. You know, one thing that I love about our relationship

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 52:33Speaker 00

  is the ability to sit down and just crack this open.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:38Speaker 00

  And talk openly about it. Is there anything else that I could do that you may be afraid to ask? Or that um, you maybe even didn't know that you needed from me? Or I didn't know that you need?

• 52:58Speaker 01

  No, I think what I'll share is something that actually Kendall brought up the other day, which was so helpful and I've never really thought about. And she shared that she learned this from her therapist, to ask for what you need more. And so, and I think this could go for anyone, but so many times we come downstairs and we're in a pissed off mood or we blow up or something's bothering us and we just repeat the pattern that we always do, whether it's shut down or vent or scream or cry or whatever it is. And we become completely irrational and then stomp all over everyone who is around us.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Instead of coming down and being like, hey, I need a hug. Or I need to be alone right now. Or I need to work for six more hours. And just asking right up front for what you need versus assuming that everyone knows what you need. Because I think that we had a really long productive conversation about how when one of us goes into one of those tornado modes, everyone else is not only walking on eggshells, but also trying to fix the other person's mood. And so many times we never actually acknowledge when the tornado is over. We just move on with our day and then for the rest of the day, everyone's worried about the one person who's in a bad mood.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  And instead just knocking it out of the park right in the beginning of, hey Sawyer, I need to cry right now. Or hey Sawyer, I would love some assistance with organizing my closet. Can you please come and help me? Versus like just blowing up, crying, being like, oh my God, I'm so stressed out about blah, blah, blah, blah. Let me just like flood and vent and puke all over you. And then you're left feeling disheveled and crazy. And so I think that that's something that not necessarily you only need to do, like me, you and Kendall need to do. And our trio dynamic is just ask each other more for what we need right up front.

• 55:05Speaker 00

  That's great. I agree.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. Well, I love you. Thank you so much for joining me in this amazing conversation. Is there anything that I need to do differently as your daughter?

• 55:19Speaker 00

  Um, my wish for you, and you're already doing it.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 55:24Speaker 00

  Is to really go to town and attack that emotional flooding that happens.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  So exactly what you need to do also?

• 55:39Speaker 00

  Pretty much because I basically made your nervous system. So with a combination of dad's DNA, plus you being in my body and the birth was pretty scary. So God knows like what happened there. But I, I feel that, what a gift that you at the age of 27 can be talking about this and recognizing this in yourself. And so I would say stay focused on that and the rest of your life will work out. Because you will not be ruled by your emotions. You will feel them. But you will be able to communicate through them and think through them and choose how to respond rather than having them run you over the way they have my whole life. That's what my life has been like for 50 plus years.

• 56:24Speaker 00

  And that's why I'm working hard to not have it be like that.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  Amazing. I love you. Thank you so much.

• 56:31Speaker 00

  Thank you. And thank you, Mr. Riddle, for staying on my lap. And thank you. Thank you for being here with me and Sawyer. Thank you for listening to this. Thank you for sharing it with your daughter or your mother or your sister or anybody in your life that you care deeply about. And in case nobody else tells you as your friend, I'm going to tell you that I love you and I believe in you. And I believe in your ability to create a better life. And so I hope that there was something that we shared today that resonated, that was helpful, that you're walking away from this conversation, feeling closer to yourself and having something that you can start to practice or share with somebody else. And that's it. I'll see you in the next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play.

• 57:16Speaker 00

  What is the topic today?

• 57:18Speaker 01

  The topic is parenting.

• 57:20Speaker 00

  Questions about parenting?

• 57:21Speaker 01

  Questions about parenting.

• 57:22Speaker 00

  You're not pregnant, are you?

• 57:23Speaker 01

  Nope.

• 57:23Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 57:26Speaker 00

  Because I'll answer questions about parenting. I don't know how I feel about grandparenting at the moment.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  No. No baby in the oven.

• 57:32Speaker 00

  No baby yet. Okay. Yet. Well, that's your choice. Your body, your choice. Okay?

• 57:40Speaker 00

  Do you agree?

• 57:41Speaker 01

  I, oh, yes.

• 57:42Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 57:43Speaker 00

  Your silence makes it seem like, eh, she's lying.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  I'm trying to think of my next question. Yes, I completely agree.

• 57:49Speaker 00

  Why don't you go to therapy?

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:50Speaker 00

  And then when you're done, we'll have you sit back in the chair and do some reactions. And we'll close it out and come back to that one.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  Okay. Let me just rapid fire some of these and then you, and then don't answer.

• 58:02Speaker 00

  Should I make these positive or negative?

• 58:04Speaker 01

  You have to say something.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  Is your yeast infection gone?

• 58:14Speaker 00

  Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist. And this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

• 58:56Speaker 00

  We've been talking about gut health a lot on the podcast. Have you noticed? It's kind of cool. And it's pretty clear that you and I need to get probiotics into our diet somehow. So let me tell you about our sponsor, the iconic Activia Probiotic Yogurt. Deliciously rich, creamy. It's a great way to consume billions of live and active probiotics. Activia's probiotics go far. They're 100 times stronger in survivability than standard non-probiotic yogurt cultures to survive and reach your gut alive. That's important. And when you're on the go, grab Activia's Probiotic Dailies. A low-fat probiotic yogurt drink with a crave-worthy creamy texture. It keeps you sipping. Whether you enjoy a breakfast yogurt with granola or a tasty yogurt drink between meals,

• 59:39Speaker 00

  count on Activia as your go-to probiotic yogurt. Your new gut health ritual? Start with Activia today. Enjoying Activia twice a day for two weeks as part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle may help reduce the frequency of minor digestive discomfort, which includes gas, bloating, rumbling, and abdominal discomfort. Yeah, if you really think about it, being safer on the road begins with the person behind the wheel. That's Mazda's philosophy when designing every vehicle. Their proactive safety features help keep you more aware, connected, and engaged during every drive, which means your car does more than help protect you. It makes you a safer driver, which helps protect everyone. That's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new car brand.

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  To learn more, visit MazdaUSA.com. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Today's episode is brought to you by Gold Bond. Here's an exciting update. Gold Bond's trusted skincare that you know and love now comes in three elevated scents with clinically shown 24-hour hydration. Try Cherry Crush Hydrating Gel Cream, Vanilla Dream Softening Cashmere Cream, or Island Peach Smoothing Silk Cream, all designed to help you feel nourished and moisturized while delivering scents you'll love. Feel the hydration, love the scent. Discover new Gold Bond-scented body creams online and at a retailer near you. Use as directed.