How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You

How do you know when it’s time to let go of something in your life? And how do you know if you should keep fighting for it or finally move on? You need this episode because you probably have something in your life right now that’s draining your energy. Maybe it’s a relationship you’ve outgrown. A job that makes you miserable. A goal that no longer feels right. Or a way of thinking about yourself that’s holding you back. You know something needs to change, but you’re having a hard time letting go. Today, Mel will teach you how to recognize what’s weighing you down, trust what your energy and intuition are telling you, and make room for something better. You’ll learn how to recognize the difference between something worth fighting for and something that’s keeping you stuck, why certain people and situations leave you feeling drained, and how to stop pouring your energy into things that give nothing back. And you’ll discover why letting go of something can be the beginning of an entirely new chapter in your life. In this episode, you’ll learn: - How to know when it’s time to let go or keep fighting for something - The 2 biggest energy drains you need to let go of - How to use your intuition and energy to make difficult decisions - How to recognize when a relationship, job, or goal is draining your energy - What your inner compass and fuel gauge can teach you about your life - Why letting go creates space for new opportunities and growth - How to stop resisting change and start moving toward what’s next This is an encore episode with a brand-new introduction inspired by the changing seasons and fresh insights on how to let go of what no longer serves you. If you’ve been feeling stuck, exhausted, uncertain, or afraid to move on, this episode will help you recognize what it’s time to release, trust yourself, and make room for the next season of your life. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: Feeling Stuck? The Simple Rule That Can Change Your Life Mel also wants to tell you: Try the 23g protein shot I drink every single morning Join 2 million readers loving my weekly newsletter - full of tips, tools, and inspiration The Let Them Theory: read the book everyone’s talking about Watch the episodes on YouTube Connect with me on Instagram Follow the show’s Instagram for clips, behind the scenes, and more Find some daily positivity on my TikTok Want zero ads? Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Hey, it's Mel and you can probably hear the leaves are ruffling beneath my feet. I'm on a walk outside. It is glorious. It's yellow and orange and red. It's fall in Southern Vermont. The leaves are changing. I just wish you were here with me right now to see this. And as I was thinking about you and how beautiful it is today, I love this time of year. It reminded me of this episode that I taped during the fall outside while I was climbing a mountain. Because I get so inspired when the seasons change and the leaves change. As I was talking about how to let go of what no longer serves you. And I just thought, you know, that was such a fun episode to talk about how seasons change

• 0:58Speaker 00

  and trees let go of their leaves and life is like that. In fact, there's probably something that you need to let go of, something that no longer serves you. And maybe today you haven't had time to go on a hike or a walk. So how about you come on a hike with me? And let's talk about how the changing seasons can inspire you to change some things in your life and let go of the stuff that no longer serves you. So after this short word from our amazing sponsors, we'll start the show and I'll see you on the trail.

• 1:37Speaker 00

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• 3:13Speaker 00

  Today on the Mel Robbins Podcast, I'm going to take you on a hike with me. The theme that is hitting me today, because it's a crisp fall day, is how the trees around us here in Southern Vermont,

• 3:34Speaker 00

  they're all starting to change colors and drop their leaves.

• 3:43Speaker 00

  And on the trail, all kinds of leaves have now fallen to the ground. And it makes me think about the fact that one big theme that we don't talk enough about when it comes to change or improving your life is what do you need to let wither away and fall away and drop to the ground in your life in order to change?

• 4:19Speaker 00

  And that's what we're going to talk about today. Letting things go to make room for new things to spring. I might have to continue this episode in the studio, given that I am huffing and puffing so much on this trail that you're not going to be able to hear the words coming out of my mouth. All right, well, first I want to thank you for your patience with me because I know I promised to take you on the hike, not just start a hike with you, but clearly I got a lot that I want to unpack here about letting go. And so, and I got, I got a lot I also need to do to get in better shape to be able to talk and hike at the same time. Actually, you know what?

• 5:02Speaker 00

  I'm going to commit right now to letting go of making myself wrong. Good job, Mel Robbins, for getting out there. Good job for trying out an episode where I would be walking and talking and recording it on my iPhone. And good job for having the presence of mind to realize it would be a better listening experience for you and a better experience for me to unpack this really important topic of letting go. How do you let go of what no longer serves you? I gotta say, I get questions about this all the time. In fact, just yesterday, I got this question from Cheryl.

• 5:41Speaker 00

  "Mel, how do you know that the thing you're holding on to is meant to be let go of versus fighting for it even harder? Do you have any thoughts or perhaps tools to help discover it or encourage the universe to bring that epiphany along? In other words, how do I know when it's time to let go?" All right, everybody, get ready, because this is one of the most important aspects of creating a better life and of being a happier person. We spend so much time focusing on what we need to do, what we need to add in, what we need to change. And have you stopped to consider that the best place to make a change is by letting

• 6:25Speaker 00

  go of things, of projects, of thinking patterns, of relationships that no longer serve you? And the big question is how? How do you know when it's time? And I have got not only a fantastic visual metaphor to help you understand this concept, but I also have a really interesting way to approach this. We're going to talk about the fact that your energy and your intuition is always there to tell you when it's time to let something go because it no longer serves you. So to get into this topic, I want to introduce the metaphor.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  And it was the metaphor I had started talking about as we were on that hike together. Here in the United States anyways, it is autumn. It is the fall season. We are all about pumpkins. We are in harvest time. There are corn stalks everywhere. We're getting ready for orange and red and all those amazing colors and carrot cake. I mean, I love this time of year. And I realize it may not be fall where you are. If you're, you know, part of our global fan base halfway around the world, it's summertime. Don't get hung up on the fact that I'm using fall as a metaphor. I personally believe whenever it is that you are listening to this episode, even if

• 7:52Speaker 00

  it's two years from now, you're listening to this right now because you are meant to hear it right now. Because there is a new season that needs to start in your life. And that's going to require you to let go of things that no longer serve you. And so let's talk about the metaphor of what happens to a tree when the fall season hits. And in researching this for you, because you know, it's one thing to just kind of tell you a metaphor, it's another thing to really understand it and explain it. This was fascinating. I know we, we learned about chlorophyll and fall and the life cycle of a tree in elementary school, but I had forgotten most of this stuff. So check this out.

• 8:35Speaker 00

  The reason why a tree has leaves is because the tree needs energy to survive. It needs energy to grow. And the leaves have a very particular purpose. The leaves are there to take the sunlight and convert it to energy so that the tree can grow. And in exchange, the tree gives a ton of water back to these leaves. I mean, this process of the leaves sprouting and the leaves growing and the leaves taking its surface area and converting the sun into energy so the tree can go from a tiny little

• 9:16Speaker 00

  acorn to a mighty oak, that is a lot of energy. And there's this reciprocal nature to the relationship that a tree has to its leaves. Because the tree has to bring in tons of water in order to fuel this energy exchange. And here's the reason why leaves fall off a tree. In the middle of winter, at least here in the United States, when the ground is frozen and snowpack is on top, there is no water for the tree. And if those leaves with their big, flat surface were to stay on that tree through winter, the leaves would kill the tree. It would suck the tree dry of all the water that it needs.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  An interesting thing about fall is that, you know, we look at the leaves turning and we look at the leaves dropping gently and falling down to the ground is this beautiful thing that happens. This natural thing that happens. It's so lovely. It's just wonderful. Isn't this delightful? Do you want to know that this is almost like a violent act? That the trees are pushing those leaves off its branches? The tree is basically going, yo, uh, if you are hanging around on my branches through the winter time, you are going to suck me dry of all my energy. I am going to die if you don't get off my frigging branches.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  The tree literally pushes them, ejects them, kicks them out of their life. Why? Because there is no reciprocal energy exchange that can happen during the winter. The tree has to conserve its energy to survive. And after the winter season, once those leaves are gone and the tree can conserve its energy instead of giving it all to that leaf while killing itself. I bet you got areas of your life where you're giving all your energy into a relationship or into your work or into some stupid thinking pattern that you've been doing for years that makes you feel bad. You put all your energy in one direction, you get nothing in return.

• 11:27Speaker 00

  That's what fall is for a tree. The fall season for a tree is, "Thank you very much for spring and summer. You were amazing. This relationship between the leaf and the tree, this was reciprocal. You got energy from me, I got energy from you. Bada bing bada boom. And then all of a sudden, boom. This is a one-way thing. And if I hold on to these leaves, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. And I'm bringing that metaphor and that visual and that documented point of view, that this isn't just some lovely thing where the leaves, you know, change colors and it's so beautiful and now we all drink a pumpkin spice latte. That's not what this is. This is a tree's survival.

• 12:12Speaker 00

  This is about energy. This is about the fact that in order to grow, in order to be strong, to be the best you, you gotta surround yourself with relationships and work and projects and friendships and habits, where there is an equal reciprocal exchange that you give and you get in return. And that's where we're gonna start when it comes to how I want you to think about this concept of letting go. We're gonna talk about how to identify that moment when there is no longer that energy exchange,

• 12:55Speaker 00

  that there is something that has become a complete energy suck. And when you realize, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship, or a job, or some habit, or a place that you live, when you realize that something has become an energy suck on you, that's when you know it's time to let go. That's when you know, like that tree, that you better kick that thing off your branches because it's hanging on to you or you're holding on to it. And if you keep doing that, what will happen? And you've had this happen in your life, where you've held on to things for too long, where you refuse to let things go. And what did it do? It sucked you dry. It sucked you dry of your energy.

• 13:40Speaker 00

  It sucked you dry of your vitality. It made you feel depleted. Instead of those leaves, or that project, or that person withering away and, and falling to the ground so that you could regain your strength, so that you could step into a new season of your life? No, you gave it all to them. You held on for too long. Well, guess what? That's not happening anymore. Because what we're gonna talk about when we come back from a short word from our sponsors, which I want you to listen to, because by the way, our sponsors, they're the reason why I can show up twice a week. There is a reciprocal exchange between us. They literally pay for this show, which is why I'm so enthusiastic about it, so we can put this out there around the world for free.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  So I wanna give an energy exchange back to the amazing sponsors of the Mel Robbins Podcast. Take a listen. We're gonna be right back. Because we're gonna now talk about in detail, what do I mean by reciprocal energy exchange? And where are the major areas in your life where you tend to start to have this be a one-way thing? Where you're given all the energy and you're the one that's depleted and dry? All right, I'll be right back. You hang on to my branches. We're not done yet.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  You know what I did this weekend? I got my flu shot at CVS and it was so painless. I now feel invincible. You know, part of my fall routine includes a very important thing, going to CVS Pharmacy to get a flu shot. Because your annual flu shot helps strengthen your body's natural defenses against the flu virus. Flu shots at CVS are free with most insurance. And you can even schedule up to four family members at one appointment. In fact, Chris and I went together. It was so easy. You just log in online, you select your time, and we got our shots done. Get a $5 off $20 coupon with your flu shot. Visit CVS.com/flu or the CVS app to schedule an appointment. Additional restrictions apply.

• 15:46Speaker 00

  Offer not available in Arkansas, New Jersey, or New York. Visit CVS.com/vaccines for details. Flu shots are free with most insurance. Eligibility varies by patient and insurance plan. Additional restrictions apply. Visit CVS.com/flu for details. Did you know that 89% of dog parents consider their dog their best friend? Like even more so than a human? I'm on a business trip right now. I cannot wait to get home. Yes, I'm excited to see my husband, but really, I wanna see homie and YOLO. And if you're dog obsessed, like I'm dog obsessed, you need to know about Ollie. They deliver fresh, human-grade food in five drool-worthy flavors so your pup can live their best life. You could say Ollie feeds the obsession. Everything is tailored to your dog.

• 16:31Speaker 00

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• 17:16Speaker 00

  without allergies getting in the way and making them miserable. That's why there's Claritin Jr.'s Max Strength Chewables for powerful 24-hour allergy relief. It's the only non-drowsy Max Strength Chewable for kids among over-the-counter oral allergy brands. Plus, they're kid-approved with a great taste they'll enjoy. Try Claritin Jr.'s Max Strength Chewables. Claritin clears. Use is directed for children six and older.

• 17:46Speaker 00

  It's really green right now, which means these trees are holding on to it. Chlorophyll, that chlorophyll is coming through, but in literally a matter of days. The green is gonna leave those leaves. Yellow, orange, red, brown, purple. It's gonna take over. And those leaves will have served their purpose. And they will, all of a sudden, wither away and fall to the ground. That was Mel Robbins, your friend who has a degree in botany. No, just kidding. I wanna touch on one point from what I said on the trail. Before we get into this energy exchange

• 18:29Speaker 00

  and how you're gonna use your intuition and the fact that you deserve to have an exchange, a reciprocal nature to what you give and what you receive back from it, I wanna talk about one thing that I said, which is, the leaves served their purpose. When the leaves are green, the leaves are bringing energy to the tree and the tree is returning energy in the form of water. The reason why the leaves start to change is because the tree starts to pull back. The tree starts pulling back on the amount of water that it is sending to the leaves.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  The tree is starting to let go. The leaf no longer serves a purpose. And this is an important thing to say. Because so often, we have trouble letting go of friendships, of habits, of jobs. But what I want you to focus on is that when something has a purpose in your life, that's an amazing thing. And it's also normal for something to serve a purpose during a specific period of time

• 19:55Speaker 00

  and to no longer serve a purpose in your life now or in the life you wanna create. And so when you honor that a friendship served a purpose, and a really good example of this is, you know how whenever you have a new job or you move an apartment, or you move to a city, that all of a sudden the patterns in your life change? And your friendships change. And your friendships change because now you're doing different things. So you're bumping into different people. It doesn't mean that you're no longer friends with the people that you used to hang out with at work. But the friends that you had at work served a particular important purpose during that period of your life.

• 20:38Speaker 00

  There was an equal exchange back and forth. What you gave, you received back. It's why you ate lunch with the same people every day. You enjoyed them and they enjoyed you. But now that you live somewhere else, putting a ton of energy back into that relationship when you're not gonna get the same back, it doesn't serve the same purpose. And that's why when you let go of friendships, you also need to let go of the judgment on yourself, like there's something wrong with me and am I doing something wrong? And do I have any friends? Of course you have friends. The patterns of your life have changed. You're putting energy somewhere else because you're getting energy from somewhere else. This is the natural cycle of life.

• 21:23Speaker 00

  It's the natural cycle of relationships. And I find that when you really honor the things that you need to let go of, whether it's a job you no longer like, or a house you no longer wanna live in, or a friendship you don't see very often, or maybe it's some habit. Maybe it's some habit that you used to have. So when you say something serves a purpose, you actually honor. You honor the energy it used to give you. You honor the fact that you put something into it. And you also honor the fact that not everything is gonna be in your life forever. And that's what allows you to let go. You start to let go when you realize that holding on to things is holding you back.

• 22:08Speaker 00

  And in particular, holding on to the guilt and the judgment that you layer on to yourself that you should, but I feel guilty, but this, but that. That is definitely holding you back from creating a new life and from creating space for something new to happen. And see, that's one of the reasons why you have to learn how to let go. Because when you continue to pour your energy into things that no longer give you energy back, it's gonna kill you. It's gonna kill your happiness, it's gonna kill your vitality, it destroys your motivation, it makes you feel depleted, it makes you feel like you're the last on your list. And so that's reason number one.

• 22:50Speaker 00

  And the second reason why you have to start to let go of what doesn't serve you is because as long as you are holding on to the old stuff, you have no time, no space, and no motivation to create anything new. Period. And you know this. So let's now jump into how. How do I use this energy exchange and my intuition to spot the things that are draining me dry? And to let them go, push them off the branches, get them out of my life, thank them for their purpose and their service, but then get out of here because you need to make room

• 23:34Speaker 00

  for something new and better and energizing. Doesn't that sound good? Yeah, you better believe it sounds good, so let's do it. And one of the reasons why I want you to really focus on energy is because your energy doesn't lie. Just take a second. Whether you're out there walking the dog or you're driving around in your car or you're working from home or you're busy doing a bunch of stuff. I want you to just stop for a second. And I want you to assess right now. What's your energy level? Think about a fuel gauge in a car. Empty to full. Empty in a human being means you feel depleted,

• 24:19Speaker 00

  you feel burnt out, you feel checked out, you feel like your whole life is basically pouring energy into everything else. Full in a human being basically means that you're energized, you're excited. You feel like the things that you're pouring yourself into, your habits, your routine, the people you're surrounded with, the projects you're working on. It may be difficult, but it's bringing energy back into your life, too.

• 24:45Speaker 00

  Your energy never lies. We are energetic human beings, and I know that sounds woo woo. We can get into the neuroscience on that on a totally different episode, but let me prove it to you. Have you ever walked into, say, a coffee shop? And the person that is behind the counter is having the world's worst day. They are super grumpy. It doesn't matter how big your smile is, it doesn't matter how nice you are. They are like, huh, huh, huh. That energy actually impacts you. Just like your positive energy can impact somebody else. And what if the very next morning you walk into the coffee shop? And you're having a bad day.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Like one of your pets is really sick and it just is really bumming you out and you're feeling really low. And the person behind the counter is just the nicest person on the planet. And they look you in the eyes and they give you a big smile and they are really cheery and they compliment you. And they maybe even ask you, hey, how you doing? You're like, I'm not doing so great, you know, oh, I'm really sorry, coffee's on me. How do you feel? You feel better. Because they poured their positive energy into you. And that lifted you up. Energy is contagious and most importantly, when you hang out with your friend Mel Robbins, I'm gonna teach you to start to pay attention to it and I'm gonna teach you to trust it.

• 26:11Speaker 00

  Because energy is also tied to intuition. And how do you assess? Is something giving me positive energy? Is something giving me negative energy? Is this a relationship that is one way? Or is this something that gives me something in return? Energy always tells the truth. It's like a compass. In fact, a compass runs on magnetic energy. That's why a compass always points true north. It never lies. Your energy doesn't lie either. It's why you feel kinda off around certain people. It's why if somebody texts you and you don't like them, you're like, ugh. But if you like the person, you're like, oh, yeah, cool. Energy never lies. So let's talk about how we're gonna use it, okay? So

• 26:56Speaker 00

  I'm going to break the topic of letting go into two different types of situations. And in each one, I'm gonna explain how to use energy and paying attention to the energy inside you, both that you're giving, that you're feeling, and that you're receiving back in order to know when it's time to let go. So situation number one is super easy. And this is typically when it has to do with projects or a job or somebody who's like really, really engaging in toxic behavior. Okay, this is the easy stuff. This is when you have a flood of negativity around something.

• 27:39Speaker 00

  And I'm gonna give you a bunch of examples of this, okay? So we all have a pair of pants that we're holding on to from high school or before we were pregnant or whenever that we can't friggin' fit into. When you stare at those things, you're reminded that you can't fit in them. When you try to wiggle them on, especially after a shower, you feel terrible about yourself. That is something that is an example, you need to let go of that. That job that you walk into where there is a pit in your stomach and you gripe about it to your friends and you spend all this energy pouring into why you hate it and resisting. You need to find another job. That friend that does nothing but gossip

• 28:23Speaker 00

  and roll their eyes and drag you down and literally is such a bad influence on you. You need to let them go. And what does that mean? Well, that depends on you. Donate the pants for sure. Start redirecting your energy from complaining about your job to looking for a new one. I mean, just imagine, that's the other thing about this. Do you know how much energy and time and effort you waste focusing on resistance and complaining? If you were to just stop complaining for a day about something that gives you negative energy, like your job or your parents or your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your roommates? What if you stopped complaining? Because that's negative energy pouring out.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  And you directed that same effort towards something positive. Like fixing it. Or letting it go and creating something new that makes you feel good. Like I relate to that because I think I've spent a lot of my life pouring negative energy at things that I didn't really like. Instead of realizing I needed to complete this, I needed to let this go. The roommate served a purpose two years ago. Not a fit right now, and that's okay. Time to kick the leaves off the branches, you know what I'm saying? Time to save myself instead of pouring everything into either another person or my energy into being upset and frustrated and disappointed.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  So when you have things that are for sure 100% zapping your energy or you find yourself complaining, griping, resisting. Let go. And you can do that in two ways. Obviously, donate, throw out, delete is one. The other one is take all that negative resistance that you feel in you that churns and pour it into something positive. If you can't quit your job, for example, because you need to pay the bills, no problem. Instead of complaining, instead of feeling resistance, spend 30 minutes every morning before you go to work looking for a new one.

• 30:34Speaker 00

  Or spend 30 minutes every morning pouring positive energy into a hobby or a project or a side hustle that brings you positive energy. And when you start to do that, you start to lift yourself up because you are now getting this reciprocal exchange by pouring energy and attention into something new and something positive. And that's going to lift you up. And by the way, that will also change your experience of that current job that you hate. I know this because I've done it. I remember being right out of, uh, let's see, how old was I? I was 30 years old and we had moved to Boston from New York City, where I had been a public defender. And I loved that

• 31:15Speaker 00

  job working for legal aid. And so we moved to Boston. I do not have a license to practice in Massachusetts, so I could not work for the public defender's office, but I've got bills to pay. So I get a job in this huge law firm. And working in a law firm is the exact opposite of being a public defender. When I worked in New York City for legal aid, I was in court five days a week from eight o'clock in the morning till five o'clock in the afternoon. That was my job. I was on my feet. I was, you know, negotiating plea deals. I was talking to witnesses and police officers and judges and like that going to clients, going to Rikers, all of it. When you get a job in a large law firm, you literally go into a high rise and sit in an office and write all day. It was the exact opposite

• 31:58Speaker 00

  of what I am wired to do. I knew the moment I got that job, that I was gonna hate it. And for a year, I would get on the commuter rail, and I would commute in for 45 minutes, and then I would get off the commuter rail, and I would clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp over to the building. And then I would get in the elevator, and then I would take the elevator up to like, whatever, the 23rd floor, and then I'd clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp. I'd go into my office and shut the door. And from the moment I woke up every morning, I felt depleted. The closer I got to that office as that train clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk down the tracks towards Boston, the more resistance I felt. Because when I looked

• 32:43Speaker 00

  at the partners in the law firm, I knew damn well, that's not the life I wanted. I knew that this was not a fit for me. I'll tell you, I made the mistake that everybody makes. Instead of recognizing that that's how I felt, instead of channeling all of that angst and resistance and ugh, into looking for something else, I sat there miserable, and I felt depleted, and I felt awful. And I'm gonna confess this to you. I didn't even take the advice then. You know what happened to me? I got pregnant, and I had a baby, and I went on maternity leave. And when I was on maternity leave, that's when, with distance

• 33:24Speaker 00

  from it, I was like, okay, there is no way I'm going back there. No way. Now that I have escaped, there is no way I'm going back. And we've all had exes like that, right? Where you're like, in it for so long, you finally let it go and break off. And they're like, what the hell was I thinking? Now that I'm on the other side, and I'm away from that, like, energy suck? I don't want to go back to the like, energy sucker vampire thing. What the hell? But when you're in it, that negativity vortex can keep you spinning and stuck. You convince yourself, but I need the money, but I can't do this, but da, da, da, da. And then you're so depleted from your complaining and the outpouring of energy and the wrong thing, that you're just stuck, stuck, stuck. That was me. So I get pregnant, I go on maternity leave, holy cow, I am free from the vortex of negativity,

• 34:08Speaker 00

  but now I gotta go back. And so my husband, Chris, says to me, look, I know you don't want to go back, but here's the problem, Mel. We have a mortgage, and we have a baby, and you will go crazy being home. And so here's the thing. You need to find a job. Your maternity leave ends in exactly three months, so that means you have 12 weeks to find a job. And you have to make $60,000 a year. That's it. And you know what's interesting? If you give a human being a problem to solve, we get pretty creative. And I'll tell you what, I not only landed a job, it wasn't for 60 grand, it was for 55, but that was

• 34:49Speaker 00

  enough. And I walked in the next day, and I quit. But so, what I'm trying to say is do not make the mistake that 30-year-old Mel Robbins made. Do not do that to yourself. Do not waste a year of your life spinning in that negativity energy vortex. Your body knows. Your spirit knows. Get rid of those pants. Push that project to the side that you don't feel inspired to work on anymore. Let it go, because it is sucking your vitality dry. And I want to just remind you that we're talking about reciprocal energy exchange. That's why these situations of the pants that don't fit, and the friend that's engaging

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  in toxic behavior, or the job that sucks your soul dry, there is nothing that you're getting in return. Nothing. In fact, what you're getting in return is more negativity. Those jeans in your closet make you feel bad about yourself. It's bringing you negative energy. That job that you're complaining about, that you go to day to day convincing yourself you can't leave, you can't find something, la da, da, da, da, da, da. It's bringing negative energy into your life. And so these situations are super easy to spot, because there's no reciprocal value to the relationship, or the pants, or the

• 36:16Speaker 00

  project, period. Now, what I want to talk about is the more complicated situations. Those situations where it's not clear, where you feel guilty, where maybe you're taking care of an aging parent, or a child that's struggling with mental health stuff, and it is depleting as hell. Or maybe you are really struggling with friendship, or in relationships, because you have old patterns of behavior that you don't realize are interfering with this free-flowing reciprocal give and take that really brings amazing things into

• 36:55Speaker 00

  your life. So when we come back, that's what we're gonna talk about. Because this notion that I'm teaching you of letting go and energy, it's not complicated at all. But life doesn't work that way. Life can get really complicated. And so when we come back, that's what we're gonna dig into next. Can we just trash the people we sleep with right now? You know how they like toss and turn, or snore, or move? Here you are sleeping, and next thing you know, they're moving all over the place. The nerve. I mean, you deserve to wake up feeling rested, not exhausted from the person you love. Well, instead of yelling at them, I want you to check out

• 37:40Speaker 00

  Mattress Firm. Because Mattress Firm can solve this problem. Mattress Firm's sleep experts will match you to a bed that minimizes your partner's tossing and turning for uninterrupted sleep. Doesn't that sound good? Of course it does. Like a Tempur-Pedic, made with unique temper material that absorbs motion for undisturbed rest. It helps minimize disruptions caused by movement from your partner, pets, or kiddos, and helps provide a truly personalized sleep. And right now, you can get a $300 instant gift toward a Tempur-Pedic Total Sleep Solution with mattress purchase. They make sleep easy. You know what I did this weekend? I got my

• 38:22Speaker 00

  flu shot at CVS, and it was so painless, I now feel invincible. You know, part of my fall routine includes a very important thing, going to CVS Pharmacy to get a flu shot, because your annual flu shot helps strengthen your body's natural defenses against the flu virus. Flu shots at CVS are free with most insurance, and you can even schedule up to four family members at one appointment. In fact, Chris and I went together. It was so easy. You just log in online, you select your time, and we got our shots done. Get a $5 off $20 coupon with your flu shot. Visit CVS.com/flu or the CVS app to schedule an appointment. Additional restrictions apply. Offer not available in Arkansas, New Jersey,

• 39:07Speaker 00

  or New York. Visit CVS.com/vaccines for details. Flu shots are free with most insurance. Eligibility varies by patient and insurance plan. Additional restrictions apply. Visit CVS.com/flu for details. When it comes to your future, I'm gonna remind you, you're in the driver's seat. And with a master's degree from Southern New Hampshire University, you could go just about anywhere. Seriously. At SNHU, you have choices. Over 80 online graduate programs, tons of career-focused courses, and with no set class time, you have the freedom to study when you want to. Before you know it, you could have a grad degree in hand and an open road ahead you're excited about. Visit SNHU.edu/Mel today.

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  Hey, welcome back. I wanna recap everything that we've covered because you know, here on the Mel Robbins Podcast, there is no one left behind. So let's talk about what we've already covered, okay? Number one, we've talked about the fact that in order to be a happier person and create the life that you deserve, you have to learn how to let go of the things that no longer serve you. Number two, you have learned that letting go is a natural and important part of your life cycle. Whether you need to let go of friendships, or a job, or a place that you live, or habits, or the friend group that

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  you hang out with, letting go allows you to create room for new growth, new seasons, new chapters, new adventures. And it's only through that growth and those new things that you're allowing yourself to experience, that you will come into your full potential and you will unlock the magic in your life. So letting go is not a bad thing. It's a really good thing. It's a great skill. In fact, you know, I noticed in the DMs, a lot of you go, you know, but aren't I a quitter if I quit? No, winners quit all the time. I actually think it's a losing thing to do, to hold on to things that no longer

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  serve you. One aspect of being a winner is knowing where to put your focus and knowing when something should end. And so absolutely winners quit all the time. Because when you're quitting or saying no to something right now, that's actually a yes to something else. And when you frame letting go to be not a no, not a breakup, not something negative, but letting go is letting something else open up in your life. Letting go is a beginning. Letting go is about possibility. Letting go is about the magic that's ahead. It's

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  about the future. And so letting go is so important, and I want you to embrace it. The third thing that we talked about is that you have natural intelligence inside of you. Your gut is trying to tell you something. And one of the fastest ways to read that natural intelligence is to pay attention to your energy. You have felt what I'm talking about. You know when things are off. You know when you feel depleted. You know when you naturally click with somebody. That is data that matters because it's data that helps you make the changes, the small changes that improve your life. The fourth thing that you've clearly learned is that the best things in life are reciprocal. Even volunteering.

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  Volunteering is a reciprocal act. You wanna know why? When you volunteer your time, you volunteer your energy, you donate money, you always receive something in return, don't you? You feel this sense of meaning. You feel connected to something larger and more important than your day to day struggles. That is a reciprocal energy exchange. You donate money, you volunteer your time and effort and resources, you get something invaluable back. That's reciprocal. That's why it adds meaning. The best friendships, reciprocal. You pour in, they pour back. Same thing with your romantic relationships. And all you need to do is to think about that one person you chased, right? That you're constantly

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  going after, should I text, all the energy going at them? And yeah, maybe you got an orgasm back. But then mostly you got negativity because you're constantly insecure, constantly worried, no idea where you stood, always stressed out about it, thinking about it, distracted by it. That is not a reciprocal relationship. That is an obsession that's unhealthy for you. So there are things in life that are really hard, that take a lot of energy, things that I hate doing, things like exercise. I hate exercising. I hate getting out of bed. But once I push through that resistance, right? You learned all about this in the episode called motivation is garbage. Once you get the activation energy

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  and you do the thing, what happens after you exercise? You get a reciprocal return of positive energy. You feel great about yourself. The same thing's true about my husband who doesn't drink right now. It takes a lot of effort, at least it did in the beginning. And it was really hard because he had been drinking for a long time. But even though it's hard, it's so worth it. Why? Because there is this reciprocal return. You start to feel so good about yourself. You sleep better at night. You have clarity, have pride. You're aligned with your values. And that values word is really important because when

• 44:58Speaker 00

  it becomes even more nuanced, your values is how you're going to create a return of energy in really hard situations. So I can give you two examples. Any one of you who is caring for an aging parent knows how difficult that is. Any one of you that has a child or a partner who is struggling with mental health issues knows how difficult that is. You also know that you are pouring your energy into caring for this person. And it can be very depleting because the person that is sick, or the person that's struggling,

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  doesn't often give back what you're pouring in. It also may be physically demanding because you're working all the time. Plus, you're doing this at night. And so you are tired. It's a fact. So how in those situations do you create this exchange of energy? The secret is values. Tap into your values in order to create positive energy back and to help you rise above the day to day stresses that are temporary. Because the truth is, if you tap into your values, it makes you feel like an amazing human being, knowing

• 46:22Speaker 00

  that you are there for your mom. It makes you feel like a good person, knowing that you are a compassionate caregiver that is helping your child or your partner through a really difficult chapter. When you start to feel depleted, remind yourself, lift your gaze, raise your gaze, and look out to the future, and feel proud of yourself for acting in alignment with the kind of person you know yourself to be, even though it's hard. That's how you create a positive energy return for yourself in those situations where

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  somebody either doesn't have it to give back, or the situation itself is really physically demanding. I'll give you another example. I have a friend that is going through a hard time, and has been for a long time. And I continue to pour into this friendship, even though I don't get a lot back. Why? The reason why is I get a lot back, knowing that if I were in this situation, I would want a friend of mine to stay around and pour into me. And that is what drives me. That creates that energy exchange. And so you have within you the ability to do things that feel hard, like exercising, or stopping drinking, or

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  staying sober, or changing your habits, or making cold calls. You can do those things that feel difficult. And trust me, you're gonna feel proud of yourself, which is why they return on the investment of effort. And you can do things that are draining. And I promise you, they will come back to you with energy because it makes you feel good about yourself. And I bet you can think of four or five things that you're doing right now that are hard, that you're not even giving yourself credit for. You should be proud of yourself because you're a good person. You keep showing up. And that is something you need to celebrate. That's something that you need to feel energized about. And in those times when it gets really hard, remind yourself, this too shall pass. That

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  what goes up also comes down. Just like when you're hiking a trail on a mountain, that this is a season of your life. And holding on, holding on to what doesn't serve you.

• 48:46Speaker 00

  Is going to drain you, it's going to kill off your happiness. But finding ways to bring energy back in in those situations that are aligned with your values and what you want, that's a power move. Now to close, there are two rules that I want you to start practicing right now because these are the two big energy drainers, okay? And you can start today. Energy drainer number one, anytime you're complaining. That's right. Complaining to yourself is a complete energy drain, period. We were heading here to the studio, there was a ton of traffic, we were running late.

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  I could feel the negative wave of stress coming, I could feel the depletion coming, I could feel it all happening, I could feel the thoughts starting to go, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. That is when you are sucking your own energy dry. I started complaining, should have got out of police, should have done this, should have... Stop complaining. Stop complaining about that job you don't like. Stop complaining about the traffic. Stop complaining about your partner. Stop complaining about your weight. Stop complaining about the things in your life. Because here's the truth, with a little bit of effort and a little better attitude and a little positive energy, you can fricking change anything. Because you can take the actions that change anything.

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  And so instead of bitching about the job, get busy tomorrow morning and start looking for a new one. Instead of complaining that you don't have any friends, spend some time putting yourself in activities where you're going to meet new people. This is so important. Anywhere in your life where you are complaining, you are your own energy drain. Because you are pouring negative energy at something instead of redirecting that same effort and attitude and just, ugh, into something positive. So that's rule number one, no complaining. I dare you, try to go 24 hours and not complain about anything today. It's next to impossible. I would love to hear from you if you take this challenge on. Seriously, I would.

• 50:51Speaker 00

  Just tag me on social media, tell me how the 24 hour rule is going of no complaining. Rule number two, stop trying to control other people. I was at an event in Los Angeles with my friend Kathy Heller. And we took a bunch of questions from the audience. And this particular question from one woman, I can't stop thinking about. How do you stop controlling your friends? You stop. That's how you do it. When you catch yourself trying to control someone and then you let go of the desire to change them and you redirect all of that angst and energy toward caring, listening,

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  supporting, creating this reciprocal exchange of allowing them to show up exactly as they are, you get connection back. Your attempt to control somebody blocks connection. It blocks the exchange between people. And here's one more thing about letting go when it comes to relationships. Maybe sometimes the purpose that some people play in your life is simply to teach you how to let go. Let's go back to the top of Haystack Mountain in Southern Vermont because our friend Mel Robbins, she has huffed and she has puffed and step by step, she has made it to the top. And there's something interesting about that.

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  It's an example of how putting in the effort, throwing in the energy and doing things that may be hard, they may be a struggle, they may make you pant and turn bright red in the face, they may make you feel like maybe you can't do this. That's good. That is so good. Because when you push yourself to do something out of your comfort zone, that is positive. And what do you get back? You get back all kinds of positive energy in return. You feel pride, you feel happy, you grow a little bit, you get a great view.

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  And speaking of you, Mel has something that she wants to say to you to wrap this up. The other amazing thing about hiking and being out here in the woods and climbing on top of a mountain is that once you actually get to the top, your whole brain distorts how painful it was to cross the bridge, hike the trail and go step by step to get where you wanted to go. But it just goes to show you with just a little bit of consistent effort and an optimistic attitude, inch by inch, step by step, you can make anything happen.

• 53:34Speaker 00

  Especially if you make room for new things to come into your life. I can't wait to hear what you've been inspired to let go of. I would love to hear what tools made the most difference from you. If there's somebody in your life that is gripping hard or holding on to things that no longer serve them, please share this episode because together, you've not only made this one of the number one ranking podcasts in the entire world before we even launched, but you're also helping us impact and change people's lives around the world every time you share these episodes or you bring these tools into your life. And you use them to make your own experience a little happier, a little more fulfilling.

• 54:19Speaker 00

  And that has a ripple effect on the people that matter most around you. All right. I love you, I believe in you and, oh, our dog's barking at somebody. YOLO!

• 54:35Speaker 00

  Here we go to where the gravel is. Come here, homie. Come on, buddy. Come on. Good boy. Wait.

• 54:44Speaker 00

  YOLO, I know you know that you don't have your collar on, but let's just pretend. Crunchy leaves, let's go back here. Yes. Okay.

• 54:57Speaker 00

  Oh dude, peak Vermont. Here we go. All right, we're rolling. Are you ready, boys? Let's go, let's go, come on, come on, come on, let's go.

• 55:11Speaker 00

  Oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper. This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend, I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I'll see you in the next episode.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  Sirius XM Podcasts.

• 55:53Speaker 00

  We've been talking about gut health a lot on the podcast. Have you noticed? It's kind of cool. And it's pretty clear that you and I need to get probiotics into our diet somehow. So let me tell you about our sponsor, the iconic Activia Probiotic Yogurt. Deliciously rich, creamy. It's a great way to consume billions of live and active probiotics. Activia's probiotics go far. They're a hundred times stronger in survivability than standard non-probiotic yogurt cultures to survive and reach your gut alive. That's important. And when you're on the go, grab Activia's Probiotic Dailies, a low-fat probiotic yogurt drink with a crave-worthy creamy texture. It keeps you sipping. Whether you enjoy a breakfast yogurt with granola or a tasty yogurt drink between meals,

• 56:36Speaker 00

  count on Activia as your go-to probiotic yogurt. Your new gut health ritual, start with Activia today. Enjoying Activia twice a day for two weeks is part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle may help reduce the frequency of minor digestive discomfort, which includes gas, bloating, rumbling, and abdominal discomfort. If you're looking for something great to watch, let me tell you about NBC's newest comedy, Newlyweds, with Taya Leone, Tim Daly, and special guest star Jamie Lee Curtis. It's a later-in-life love story with a free-spirited woman and buttoned-up professor who unexpectedly get married after a whirlwind courtship. And they're about to find out that loving each other also means learning to love each

• 57:18Speaker 00

  other's eccentric friends, family, and even exes. Friday on NBC. Something I've learned here from the experts on the Mel Robbins podcast is that everyone, yes, you too, need an outlet to be able to just reset yourself, whether it's reading a good book, listening to your favorite playlist, or just a few quiet moments while you start your day. Mrs. Meyer's Plug-in Scented Oil Diffuser is here to fill your home with long-lasting fragrance for up to 60 days, creating a space that invites you to slow down and savor the moment. Because finding your outlet doesn't have to be complicated. Sometimes it can happen right at home. Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day, Find Your Outlet.