Protect Your Peace & Demand Your Worth! Trent Shelton on Simple, Life-Changing Strategies to Take Control of Your Life! (RR)

Get ready to protect your peace, demand your worth and stop letting the things you can’t control, control YOU!” My amazing friend, and yours too, the incredible Trent Shelton, is here today on the show to teach us how! I am SO excited, because I know Trent is going to speak to your soul today in this episode! Trent reaches over 60 million people weekly through his hard-hitting videos and soul-filling words, he’s a renowned mindset specialist and self-worth mentor, he’s a former NFL Player, host of the podcast Straight Up! With Trent Shelton, he’s a New York Times bestselling author of multiple books including his brand new book PROTECT YOUR PEACE, 9 unapologetic principles for thriving in a chaotic world. If right now in your life YOU are letting things you cant control, control you, if you’re dealing with anxiety or fear, or grief, or loss….and you’re looking for hope and peace and tools you can implement into your life right now to get them, then you are in the right place. Get cozy, and lean in, as today Trent’s sharing ALL the things with you! ____ Are You Ready to believe in YOU?🙌⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jamiekernlima.com ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠👈 Sign up for my FREE Inspirational Newsletter and get ready for your self-worth to soar!🩷 Also, please make sure to take 2 seconds and click the “Follow” button right here on this page to follow me and the podcast, I’m so grateful and thank you SO much! ____ And whether you're joining me today for yourself or because someone that you love shared this episode with you, I want to welcome you to the Jamie Kern Lima Show podcast family. And remember this episode is not just for you and me. Please share it with every single person that you know because it can change their life too. It’s such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note: I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Click ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to Subscribe to the YouTube Channel Follow me here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Sign up for my inspirational newsletter for YOU at:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jamiekernlima.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ — Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WORTHY⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Believe IT⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Get ready to protect your peace, demand your worth, and stop letting the things you can't control, control you. My amazing friend and yours too, the incredible Trent Shelton, is here today on the show to teach us how. This is an episode you're gonna want to share with everyone you know today.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  You will always be not enough for the wrong people or person. We build relationships these days, I feel like, off of the weakest things. And no wonder when we go through trials and tribulations, things crumble. If you don't demand your worth, the world will tell you what your worth is. The last time I checked, that's not a good price tag. They usually put you on wholesale.

• 0:49Speaker 00

  You say to have peace, you have got to stop letting the things you can't control, control you. Trent Shelton, how do we do that? Trent Shelton, we're here. We're gonna get it. We're gonna get it.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  There's this constant battle, I believe, every single day, for our worth, for our peace, for our sanity, for our happiness, for our joy.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  Ready to learn about protecting my peace. Ready to learn. How are you doing?

• 1:19Speaker 01

  Doing good.

• 1:20Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Learning something.

• 1:22Speaker 00

  You're learning too. What you just said, like smiling for the camera, but dying behind the scenes.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30Speaker 00

  So many people can relate to that

• 1:34Speaker 00

  in all various ways. People who are not public figures, but they show up and put on a smile and put, you know, be their representative, be the person they think they need to be, or the person that people are expecting them to be. And they're not, because they're not showing up as who they truly authentically are, they are literally dying behind the scenes, like hiding in plain sight.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Feeling more lonely than ever, more disconnected than ever.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  I know where that leads. There's no amount of perfection you can give to a person that's committed to misunderstanding you.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  But once you free yourself from those things and you experience the freedom of fully being yourself and people fully loving you for yourself, you'll never go back to being something that you're not to please them.

• 2:23Speaker 00

  You said haters are just confused supporters. Haters are just confused supporters. Can you explain that? What do you do if you don't want to be alone? And you don't know how to make new friends as an adult? And you don't want to be all alone? But then you feel like sometimes the people around you bring this sort of like toxicity?

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Solitude is necessary. Sometimes you have to learn how to be by yourself so God can show you what being perfectly loved feels like. And what happens if you try to save a person drowning? They're so frantic, they will pull you under and both people will drown. And so you have to trust that some people have to learn how to save themselves.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  I refuse to lose myself trying to change people. And some of us, we can't keep peace in our life because we spend our whole entire life trying to change people. And people aren't gonna change until they're ready to change.

• 3:18Speaker 00

  That's a big aha moment.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  So I want to tell everybody, listen to this, man. Like, stop losing yourself trying to please strangers on the internet.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  I don't know if I know a single person who doesn't struggle with this.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  I'm worthy because of how God created me and sees me, not how this world views me, not by a blue checkmark, not by 16 million people following me online. I was already worthy before birth, just like you.

• 3:47Speaker 00

  I was given worth at my birth. I was given worth at my birth.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  So it's special.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  And when I talk about being guided, that's what I mean.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  Before we jump into this episode, I'd love to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews and one-on-one conversations with me and you to help you truly believe in yourself, trust yourself, and know you are enough so that you can become unstoppable in living your best life. All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button. I love your support. It's incredible to see your comments and how many of you are, you know, sharing these episodes with everyone else. And I'm just so grateful to be here for you and I'm so excited to go on this journey with you. So thank you for subscribing. It means so much to me.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you, delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day

• 5:32Speaker 00

  and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps

• 6:17Speaker 00

  that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts

• 7:02Speaker 00

  for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

• 7:20Speaker 00

  Oprah, how have you defied the odds?

• 7:23Speaker 03

  Her show is unlike any I've ever done. A revelation. When you listen, it feels like a hug, but your brain and your spirit and your heart is like, wow.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Melinda French Gates.

• 7:37Speaker 04

  When I look into Jamie's eyes, I feel like I am on some other cosmic level with her.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  I could see the light around her. She's infused with light. Imagine overcoming self-doubt, learning to believe in yourself and trust yourself and know you are enough. Welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  Jamie Kern Lima.

• 8:07Speaker 05

  Jamie, you're so inspiring. Jamie Kern Lima.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  I am so excited to welcome a man to the show who's going to speak to your soul. He reaches over 60 million people weekly through his hard-hitting videos and soul-filling words. He's a renowned mindset specialist and self-worth mentor. You know that's my language. He's a former NFL player, host of the podcast Straight Up with Trent Shelton. He's a New York Times bestselling author of multiple books and he has a brand new book, Protect Your Peace, Nine Unapologetic Principles for Thriving in a Chaotic World. If right now in your life, you are letting things you can't control, control you.

• 8:58Speaker 00

  If right now in your life, you're dealing with anxiety or fear or grief or loss and you're looking for hope and peace and tools that you can implement into your life right now to get them, then I am so glad you are here because you are in the right place and I believe there are no coincidences. My dear friend Trent Shelton, he travels the world speaking to packed arenas and inspiring audiences with his powerful messages full of wisdom and courage. And I feel so beyond blessed and grateful that he is here today with you and me. Trent Shelton, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Jamie, thank you so much. That was like the best self-esteem booster ever. I appreciate you.

• 9:46Speaker 00

  And all true.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  And all true. What a gift you are here. I am just so great. I am excited for that person listening right now and watching us on this episode.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  I'm just excited. So thank you for being here. And right off the top, I just want to ask you, you say to have peace, you have got to stop letting the things you can't control, control you.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:12Speaker 00

  Trent Shelton, how do we do that?

• 10:14Speaker 01

  It's tough.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  First, you have to have a reality check with yourself and understand that. Because what I've noticed in my own life, uh, been doing this fifteen years, that most people, when it comes to their worth or how they feel, it's connected to something outside of them. Whether it's people's opinions, whether it's the job, whether it's weather, whatever it may be. And there's this constant battle, I believe, every single day for our worth, for our peace, for our sanity, for our happiness, for our joy. And that constant battle is between the external and the internal. So I always tell people, you know, ask yourself a simple question. Can I control this? If you can't control it, you have to let it go.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  And I love to say, I will control what I can and pray about what I can't. And I have to leave it in God's hands. And to be real, Jamie, that's hard sometimes. Because as human beings, we want to have so much control over things. And if we feel like we don't have control, there's stress and anxiety. But I've learned to let it go. I've learned to trust, even when I don't understand. And that's been the driving force in my life in keeping my peace. So I would just simply tell that person, ask yourself, can I control this? And if you can't, let it go and trust that everything's gonna work out.

• 11:32Speaker 00

  What are your tips for doing that? Because I'll tell you, sometimes I'm like, okay, I know I can't control this, but I really want to figure out how to control this.

• 11:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:42Speaker 00

  And, um, and I think, uh, it's funny, there's a, one of my favorite quotes is, uh, actually by Fifty Cent, that's, I think by, by his grandma, that says, either pray or worry, but don't do both.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 11:54Speaker 00

  And most of my life, I'm like, oh, but I do both, right? I'm like praying about it, and then I still worry as if I can somehow do anything about it, or as if I'm not trusting God, right? And so in your journey, like, how have you learned to do that? And are you at a place now where you can go, can I control this? I can't. And then you just let it go. And, and how do you do that? Do you just decide, or how, how do you do that?

• 12:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just realized in my life through experience, like, the things that I've tried to control that I can't control. And a lot of that has been people. And I don't always want to talk about that, but a lot of it has been people. How people feel about me, what people say, the internet, all the algorithm, Lord. All these things outside of me. And what I've realized is that I'm just driving myself crazy. And for a lot of people, just what I believe in my faith is that a lot of us, we want to be behind the driver, the steering wheel of our life. We want to be able to control everything. The truth is, in life, you can't. You can't control the experiences. You can't control your tomorrows. You can influence it. You can do your best to put yourself in the best position to have the greatest things happen for your life.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  But the truth is, and I know you know this, I've done everything right and things have still went wrong. And I say wrong, but really, it's just not the right for my life at that time. And so I've learned to say, you know what, Trent? Get out the driver's seat of your life and put God there. And where God takes you, sometimes it don't make sense. You question it. But I always say this quote, God will allow you to go through places you don't understand just to bring you to the place where he needs you to be. So when I look over my life, that's where the trust comes from. That's where my faith comes from. It doesn't come from knowing what tomorrow brings. It comes from knowing that God has had my back time after time again. And that's hard, right?

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Because sometimes you lose people, you lose things, and you want these things back in your life. Sometimes it's loved ones. But I've learned to have patience and faith in saying, if it's not for me, then it's just not for me. And that's so hard at times when it's things that you love. But I prioritize my peace over everything now. And that's definitely, it's helped my life. So I would tell the person, prioritize your peace and learn over time that everything is working out for your good. And I know that seems super motivational and inspirational, but it's the truth. Everything is working for you. And that's the truth that, uh, I stand by and live by.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  Isn't it so true that like, if we could control everything, we wouldn't need faith?

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Exactly. What's the point of it?

• 14:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Millions of people inspired by your words every single day. Uh, just to read a couple quotes, they say that you are hope for people who feel hopeless. Trent Shelton, that you create content that is a light for someone in their darkest times. And, um, and you just help so many people take the things that they're going through and help them turn them into the things they make it through.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:58Speaker 00

  And I think a lot of that is because of the things you've made it through.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:03Speaker 00

  So can you just share a little bit? And, and I know there's a lot of things you have made it through.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  And it's so powerful that you share

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  some of those things because it helps people feel less alone and more enough. And then they, you know, and then, and then it helps them go through it as well. So, um, can you talk about your journey? Just of turning the things you go through into the things you make it through?

• 15:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. I made a commitment when I first started, like, two thousand nine. Um, and when it really got real in two thousand eleven. And I made a commitment that I would always be a voice for people to let them know that everything they're going through can soon turn everything they made it through. And I wanted to be an example of that. And I didn't want to just be a one-trick pony where it's like, I'm telling you these things, but I'm not letting you know what I'm going through. And yeah, I go through a lot, just like every human being. And I remember making a promise to my best friend while I started doing what I do, that committed suicide. And I told him that I would be the voice for people who need one,

• 16:18Speaker 01

  and I would be the shoulder to lean on for people who need one. And that was very difficult for me because, again, I'm an introverted person. When I started this, it wasn't like the popular thing to do at that time. But I knew that there were so many people out there that thought that they were broken. And so for me, um, being vulnerable and transparent led to my transformation. And I want to let people know that it's okay to go through things. It's okay to share things. It's not gonna hurt your brand. It's okay to, you know, admit that you're going through a struggle because that's relatable. You know, I can inspire people with my things. I can inspire people with the house or the car or I'm telling you all these numbers,

• 17:02Speaker 01

  which that's a part of it too. But I wanted to be able to impact people with my heart. And say, I want you to experience my heart, and I want you to feel this connection, and I want you to see a human in me. This human that can rise above, this human that can conquer, this human that can overcome. Because if you can see that hope in me, then hopefully you can see that hope in yourself. And so that's why I'm so open and transparent. And Jamie, it's just hard to just do this, smile when I'm dying inside. I just can't do it. It just takes too much energy. So I would rather say, hey, y'all, I'm depressed right now. You know, it doesn't mean that my life is over. I'm going through a storm, but I promise you, I will get through it because no storm lasts forever. But I'm going through it. I'm climbing this mountain with you. I'm at the mountaintop saying, hey, this is how you get up here.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  No, I might have been there, but every year in my life, through something, because I'm a human, I come back down to the valley. And I'm with you, climbing this mountain with you. So I think that's what's helped me, uh, connect with so many people across the world. And honestly, that's what's helped me be able to continue on this journey. Because if I'm carrying all this emotional baggage and, as I always say, smiling for the camera, but dying behind the scenes, I know where that leads. You know, I know people in my life that are no longer here because of that. And so I refuse to be what the world wants me to be and lose myself. I refuse to be who the world wants me to be and not keep peace in my life.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  So for me, this is the easiest thing for me to do is to say, this is what I'm dealing with. So the last, what, three years? You know, I'm good this year, but twenty twenty-one, twenty twenty-two was some of the worst years of my life. You know, I mean, my mom in that whole situation. And then Maya's situation, a few days later, then my grandmother, gone. And then my dad's best friend, who was a mentor in my life, a few months later, then the next year, I ruptured my Achilles and I always had to get my leg, like, my foot literally almost cut off. And it's back to back to back to back to back. And yeah, I questioned God. Yeah, I was like, what's going on? Yeah, I had to still be this person for the world, but I gave myself grace to say, you know what? It doesn't make me less. It doesn't make me less of a human. It doesn't make me less of a expert.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  It doesn't make me less of a brand because I'm dealing with things. Actually, this strengthens it. And I've had so many people say, man, Trent, because of you these last three years, you have impacted me more than anything over the last twelve years of you've been doing this. So that's why I do it.

• 19:32Speaker 00

  What you just said, like smiling for the camera, but dying behind the scenes.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  So many people can relate to that.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 19:43Speaker 00

  Like in all various ways, people who are not public figures, but they show up and put on a smile and put, you know, be their representative, be the person they think they need to be, or the person that people are expecting them to be. And, and they're not, because they're not showing up as who they truly authentically are, they are literally dying behind the scenes. Like, like hiding in plain sight.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Feeling more lonely than ever, more disconnected than ever. And how, what are your words for someone who is scared? That if they show up as who they truly are, they will lose love. They won't be accepted, they'll no longer belong, they'll be judged. And I know, you know, all the data and all the studies show that if we are not fully authentically ourselves, we cannot have a true connection with another human being. And it's so easy to believe the lie that I want connections, so I'm gonna be the person I think I need to be.

• 20:49Speaker 00

  But then we are lonelier and more disconnected than ever. So for the person who needs maybe words of wisdom, or inspiration, or advice, or tips on how do you? Because you've done it, you do it every single day, right?

• 21:02Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 21:02Speaker 00

  You see, they see Trent Shelton on a pedestal, people with Trent Shelton on a pedestal. Oh, he's crushed it in every area of his life. And you're saying, oh, this is who I am, I'm in the valley, I'm going through these hard times. I'm, you know, dealing with depression, I'm all the different things. Like you have been so brave, right, to be who you are. And you're saying that is why so many people connect with you, right? And, and I think about, you know, I think about all the people I think who are the most impactful in the world. And I think that they do that in various ways. Um, but how do you get the courage to do that? For the person listening right now who's saying, Trent, if they really knew who I was, if they really knew all the things I'm going through,

• 21:46Speaker 00

  uh, maybe they wouldn't hold me in such esteem anymore, maybe I wouldn't be invited anymore, maybe I wouldn't be included anymore.

• 21:56Speaker 01

  First thing I wanna say is that's not your people then.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  You'll always be not enough for the wrong people or person, always. And I know sometimes that's hard because we wanna fit in, we wanna blend in. But you gotta accept that certain doors have to close. And when you're your authentic self, some doors will close, friends, family, peers, it closes. And you can't, I know it hurts, but you gotta realize there's better doors for your life. And I know that's easier said than done, I get it, cuz I was there. And I still go there at times. But I trust to say, okay, if a no changes the relationship, then that relationship isn't for me. If me being my authentic self changes the relationship, then that relationship isn't for me.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  And yes, it still hurts, yes, I want these people in my life, yes, I wanna be enough. But I learned this a long time ago, Jamie. There is no amount of perfection you can give to a person that's committed to misunderstanding you.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  You'll, you'll never be perfect for the wrong people. Even your perfection will be not enough. So at some point, they're gonna find the real you. And so my biggest fear is people fall in love with this version of Trent Shelton that's not authentic. They love me for something that I'm truly not. I don't wanna do that, because at some point, the real me is gonna show up. The, the messy me, the mistake me, the failure me is gonna show up, and be like, wait a minute, who's this guy? And so if you can't love me at my worst, doesn't mean that you, you allow me to live a, a life that, that you know that, um, I shouldn't be living, right? But if you can't love me at my worst, then I don't want you loving me at my best.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  Because the truth is, every human being, and I wanted to say this earlier, about going to church and being judged, never let the imperfections of man or woman keep you from the perfection of God.

• 24:01Speaker 01

  Never let the imperfections of man or woman, this world, etc., keep you from the perfection of God. And that has helped me so much in my life, because when I'm getting judged, I'm like, oh, that's an imperfect person judging me. I feel sorry for them that they're projecting their flaws and insecurities on me. And so again, if I'm not enough for you, great, thank you. Release me, let me go on to something else. And when we're tethered and connected to something, I talk about this in the book, you gotta disconnect often. The things that you're connected to are powering you. So some of us, we're connected to stress, we're connected to all these things, and we're connected to, uh, man, our insecurities.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  And I say, cut the connection, pull the plug, disconnect from those things. And it's hard to go pull the plug when you realize that, man, once I pull the plug, I'm freeing myself. And there's nothing better in this world, Jamie, than being able to be you and being accepted for you. So I know doors have closed because I'm not a version of professional that maybe the world doesn't want. But I'm okay with that. I know what God has called me to do, what he wants me to do, and I'm at peace with that. I can sleep at night, I'm okay. I can lay my head down and say, you know what? I am the best version of myself. I might not be them, they, him, or her, but I'm me, and I'm okay with that.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  And so I think it takes time to be able to build that confidence. But once you free yourself from those things, and you experience the freedom of fully being yourself, and people fully loving you for yourself, you'll never go back to being something that you're not to please them. So that's what I would say.

• 25:46Speaker 00

  One thing I just thought of that you say that I love so much, and I just have to bring it up, because I'm thinking of the one person listening who is just struggling with the haters they see online, or the comments that they get, or they finally just started, decided to post their art, or their ideas, or any part of themselves out there. And then someone from 25 years ago in high school made some rude comment on their Facebook or their Instagram. And you once said, Trent Shelton, and I will never forget this, I think about this all the time. You said, haters are just confused supporters. Haters are just confused supporters. Can you explain that? So good, so good.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, number one, like, if you don't wanna be hated on, you know, and there's a beautiful quote, I'm butchering it, but, you know, say nothing, be nothing, do nothing. If you don't need any type of judgment or anything. So at least I look at somebody hating on you as you're getting attention. And you have to understand this, like, some people aren't haters, they're confused supporters. And what I mean by this, when you look at the word hate, it's such a strong word, but you don't pay attention to things that you hate. Certain foods, like ranch dressing, I don't pay attention to ranch, cuz I hate it. When I'm in the salad bar line, I don't even look at the ranch, right, cuz I hate it. You don't pay attention to things that you hate.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  So if somebody is following your page, if somebody knows your every move, if somebody is making up a fake profile, right, after you block one profile, that is not hate. That's admiration, they just have pride and ego. So it might be a little bit of jealousy and envy there, but actually, they really support you. And in these days, I would just tell you this, if somebody's hating on you, let it be. Maybe you restrict them on Instagram, but they're adding to your engagement, they're actually helping you. So the more you get out of, oh, this is about me, and stop taking it personal, it's a them thing. I've never met a happy hater, have you? I've never met somebody who is happy with their life and loving their life, worried about somebody else and what they're doing.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  So just understand they're paying you attention, at least you're doing something that's worth attention. So keep doing it.

• 28:05Speaker 00

  You talk a lot about being able to identify when you have people that are not right in your life, or that are bringing toxicity around you. Can you talk about that? Cuz a, a lot of people, uh, you know, feel like, oh, I don't know if these friends are really for me, but I'm gonna go to the thing anyway, or if I'm in the right relationship or in the right friendship. Talk about, especially when it comes to protecting your peace. What do you do if you don't wanna be alone, and you don't know how to make new friends as an adult? And you don't wanna be all alone, but then you feel like sometimes the people around you bring this sort of like toxicity?

• 28:45Speaker 01

  I definitely can identify with my introverted self. So it's hard, because I'm not the guy that's gonna, you know, I'm not the, the guy that's gonna start conversation. Like, I'm just, I'm, I'm laid back, I'm chilled. So I understand how somebody can feel like, man, if I lose these friends that I know aren't my friends, then I'm not gonna have anybody in my life. And I just gotta be real, sometimes the road is, is lonely. Sometimes, I don't even like to say isolation, but solitude is necessary. Sometimes you have to learn how to be by yourself, so God can show you what being perfectly loved feels like. I've learned how to love myself at my rock bottom, when all my friends left. Not all of them, cuz somebody be listening, a few was there.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  But I learned how to love myself, when I lost my career, when I lost the beautiful things that surrounded my life.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  I lost a lot of people that I did things for. And so, the thing that I would tell the person listening to this or watching this is, with the people around you, number one, would you trade places with them? Not just financially, but like mindset wise. Mindsets are contagious. So if I don't want to trade a mindset with you, I don't want to trade a life with you. Not talking about the things, but who you are at your core, your core character. If I don't want to trade that with you, why are you around? And everybody around you isn't bad. But everybody around you isn't good for your journey. And so you have to be able to, I'm gonna say, cut people off when they handed you the scissors. So when somebody keeps on disrespecting you,

• 30:21Speaker 01

  you set boundaries and they disrespect your boundaries over and over and over. They've handed you the scissors. So you might have to cut the relationship off, or don't complain about the things you aren't willing to change. And so for me and my life, I had to go up a mountain. I was just in, where is that place? I wasn't skiing because I can't ski. Flagstaff, I was in Arizona, at what is called Snow Bowl. And we were driving up the mountain, at the base of the mountain, it was no snow. So I'm driving like, how are people skiing? But as we got higher, it got colder. Snow was there, it got less crowded. And it reminded me of hiking mountains. Everybody at the base of the mountain is crowded.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  But the higher you go, the lonelier it gets. The higher you go, the colder it gets. And so for some of you, it's getting colder in your life because you're going higher. For some of you, it's getting a little bit lonely in your life because people who started with you aren't gonna have the perseverance, the grind, the work ethic, the faith to finish with you. And the journey will always reveal what's real and who's real in your life. And so it doesn't make them bad, but everybody isn't meant to go with you. And that breaks my heart because it's people I cared about. It's people I've tried to help. You have to learn how to let people go. Because I've tried to help people so much, and my dad told me this, he said, Trent,

• 31:51Speaker 01

  people will bring you down fast and you can bring them up. I know you wanna, yeah.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  I know you want to save people, but that's not your job, bro. Stop playing God. You're not there to save people. Because I don't know if you ever, I've almost drowned before in real life. And what happens if you try to save a person drowning? They're so frantic, they will pull you under and both people will drown. And so you have to trust that some people have to learn how to save themselves. I'm all for throwing out the buoy. I'm all for throwing out the life jacket. But at some point, you have to learn how to do for yourself because I refuse to lose myself trying to change people. And some of us, we can't keep peace in our life because we spend our whole entire life trying to change people. And people aren't gonna change until they're ready to change. So for me, my whole thing is, here you go, God. It's yours. Here you go.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  This person that I believe so much in, that I'm giving all the advice, and I know you probably, I know you can relate, all the advice and they're not taking it. Here you go, God. This person that I want to help and they don't want to be helped, here you go, God. And I hand them over to God and it gives more peace in my soul. So that has helped me tremendously in this journey because I care so much about people and I don't want to feel guilty for not doing the things that they aren't appreciating no more.

• 33:13Speaker 00

  Isn't that so true that you just cannot change someone who does not want to change?

• 33:18Speaker 01

  For sure. Change is an inside job.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  Right, and on our growth journey, we're all on different journeys in our life, but I just see this over and over and over again. I have a little sister who is a half step sister. And then we found out I'm adopted, long story. But she is my sister. She is my sister. And, and she's on this whole new journey in her life. And, and you know, it can be hard when she's like, why don't, you know, she wants everyone else to hop on this journey with her and understand, or go to therapy too, or you know, all of these things. And it's like, it's, it's so hard when we want people to come along that ride with us and to think that somehow they should and to learn that lesson that, that you can't change anyone.

• 34:03Speaker 00

  They have to want to change and that's a beautiful, that is a beautiful perspective. Like you do what you can and then you say, here, God.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 34:13Speaker 00

  So that you're free.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  And on that journey, just to add this, as you're climbing that mountain or going on that journey, you will meet like mindsets. They might not look like how you think them. Look, I have friends in my life that some are friends and peers. I'm like, hey, how did this connection even happen? Like, we're totally different lifestyles and but you, you realize like mindsets will always find. So as you go on your journey, yeah, it might be a little bit lonely at first, but I promise you, as you keep moving forward, you will find your people. But you just gotta stay true to the path.

• 34:47Speaker 00

  I love what you said, they will hand you the scissors. They will hand you their scissors. And a lot of times, I have to tell you, I've had people hand me the scissors many times and I'm still like, oh, no, no, no, I don't want to abandon you and I don't cut.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 35:01Speaker 00

  I don't cut. And, and it has been a journey, a journey of learning like, oh, no, no, I'm actually worthy of, of, you know, people who love me how I love them or show up for me the way I show up for them. Or, you know what I mean? Just, yeah.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Do you feel that started a war within yourself?

• 35:22Speaker 00

  I think it affected every part of my life. I mean, when I was, when I was, you know, running a cosmetics with over a thousand employees while I have a million weaknesses, one of them and, and some strengths. But one of those weaknesses is I would not fire people soon enough. Even when I knew, like even when they deserved it. And I would meet other CEOs who would say to me like, the second you know someone is like bringing the toxic energy to the environment, or of course, doing something really, really wrong. But the second you know they're even bringing that bad energy, like it's contagious. It will take a culture down, it will infect everyone else. And I knew that and still, because of my own issues, I didn't understand fully yet

• 36:06Speaker 00

  of not believing I was worthy of things, I didn't want to abandon anyone else. And so I would hang on to people for way too long.

• 36:13Speaker 00

  And it was, it was wild. It says, you said it, inside job. It was me learning to believe what I'm worthy of and that, oh, I can't change a person. And, and that was when I got better at firing.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  I'm 100% with you with that.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 36:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, it started, it starts, there's a beautiful quote and it's a rapper named Nipsey Hussle, rest in peace. And I don't know if it's his quote, but he said, I talked about this in the book. He said, would you rather be at peace with yourself and at war with the world? Or would you rather be at war with yourself and at peace with the world?

• 36:50Speaker 01

  And every time you're choosing

• 36:54Speaker 01

  them over you by not cutting things off or firing somebody that you know needs to be fired, you start a war within yourself. Every time you say yes, when you want to say no, and you need to say no,

• 37:10Speaker 01

  you're starting a war within yourself. So I got tired of starting wars within myself. And one of my hardest things was speaking my peace. And my dad said, Trent, if you don't speak your peace, how can you protect your peace?

• 37:27Speaker 01

  And I said, wow, you're right. And so I've chose to be at peace with myself. And no matter what comes with that. Sometimes it comes with, you know, worry and guilt because, not to kind of fast forward, but the main principle in the book or number one is set boundaries. And a lot of us don't set boundaries because of two reasons. We worry or we have guilt. We worry what people are gonna say, we worry about the rebuttal. Or we have guilt that, oh, I'm leaving this person behind. Or I should always be there for them. So we don't set boundaries. But I like to always say, and this changed my life when it came to protecting my peace is, boundaries aren't walls, boundaries are bridges.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  Most people think boundaries are this wall that keeps things out. No, boundaries are there to let the right things in. And so, yes, I've had to set boundaries. They only become walls when somebody disrespects it over and over and over again. Then that boundary becomes a wall. I can't allow you access in my life or I can't be around this environment because it's toxic. So I would ask the person that's listening to this is like, if you want peace in your life or what you need in your life, what boundary do you need to set? What bridge do you need to set that's gonna lead you to what you need? And so that's helped me so much by saying, one of my main principles is, I am going to keep peace in my life and I'm not gonna start a war within myself. And I'm not gonna worry about who feels a certain way.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna worry about the private conversations and that become public information and, you know, the talks behind the backs and, oh, Trent's like this. And I'm not worried about that no more. Because I'm choosing to keep my peace because a life without peace is nothing.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  And so, yeah, I wanted to share that because I know a lot of people are starting wars within themselves. They're carrying these internal battles and wars and they're driving themselves crazy, stressed out, burnt out, depression because they won't say their peace or they won't set that boundary.

• 39:25Speaker 00

  This is a huge, huge, huge thing right here.

• 39:30Speaker 00

  So many of us are raised to be people pleasers. We are raised to be people pleasers. We also just want love and belonging. So we are afraid, like what you said, to set a boundary, right? Because exactly what you said, I want to, I'm gonna talk about this a lot. But the book Protect Your Peace, Nine Unapologetic Principles for Thriving in a Chaotic World. So we are gonna link this, of course, in the show. I hope everyone goes and picks it up. This is the thing, right? When I think about the things that matter, right? It's why I wrote worthy, I'm like, that matters. This matters. I think about what you just said, Trent, and I don't know if I know a single person who doesn't struggle with this.

• 40:15Speaker 00

  Like, I'm thinking of every person in my life, in every stage of their life, in, in.

• 40:24Speaker 00

  Every type of what the world would describe as success or not success. Everybody struggles with this that. And and I've never heard it said this way, the way you just described it that. You know, when we we choose someone else to make them happy, oh, it's almost like betraying ourselves, like creating a war within ourselves. And there's going to be so many people that are listening right now, but but for the person. Hearing you saying this, who's realizing, okay, well, I thought I was just making everyone else happy by being a people pleaser, or I thought I was just. You know, trying to keep the peace around me, not realizing that that actually comes at the price. Of the peace within me.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  That's a big aha moment. Like, you're kind of making the decision at every moment. Am I going to? Make the outside happy and as you said, start a war within myself.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 41:25Speaker 00

  There's so much more coming up in this episode. You are not going to want to miss it, but first I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy. How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results. Like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back.

• 42:10Speaker 00

  Build unshakable self-love. Unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below.

• 42:53Speaker 00

  Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious. And so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration. Which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you. Delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me. If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list.

• 43:37Speaker 00

  And you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy and love hitting your inbox. I'm your girl. Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. And now more of this incredible conversation together. That is a whole different way to see things. And then that war just starts to spiral.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:12Speaker 00

  Into all different ways.

• 44:14Speaker 01

  Absolutely. It's, I think a lot of people are afraid, Jamie, to let people down.

• 44:18Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Well, you should be afraid to let the most important person down in your life is yourself. And so every time you are choosing not to set a boundary or not to say no when you, or even say yes on the flip side, you might need to say yes to something else. And you're so afraid to let people down, you're letting yourself down. Over and over, and you get to that point where that war inside you becomes stressed, you become disconnected. You become, you lose the vibrancy of life and it's like, man.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  And I'm going to say this. And this is kind of a curve ball, but I talked about this the other day on my social media because. The thing that I see too with social, it's not even like the people, the people around you, like some of us, we don't want to let down strangers on the internet.

• 45:10Speaker 01

  And I literally posted this the other day, I said. The people that you don't want to let down, the people you're trying to smile for the camera, die behind the scenes or whatever it is. Those people will not be at your funeral.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  And losing mom, like I got to see the people that she kept wars for wasn't there.

• 45:31Speaker 01

  Wasn't bringing flowers to her grave. So I'm like, okay, like I get it now, I'm, and I'm not saying that. Everybody who you're starting a war within yourself is not going to support you or be there for you, but. I saw that. And so I'm like. I'm not living for to please, I call in the book professional people pleasers. That's what we are, triple P's. We want to please and a lot of pleasing comes from the. We put our worth in being needed so much. And we don't feel like we're pleasing people. Oh, I'm not needed. So if I'm not needed, I don't have value. And so for me, I've learned how to. Start with myself and I'm not trying to make this a selfish thing, but. If I'm not giving myself what I need, how can I be the greatest self for those that need me to be?

• 46:14Speaker 01

  How can I be the greatest self for my kids, for my wife, for my community? So I want to tell everybody, listen to this man, like stop losing yourself, trying to please strangers on the internet. Trying to please people who literally are going to just jump on the next bandwagon. We've seen this over and over. And once you stop being hot, and once you stop giving them what they need, they're going to go to the next thing. And so I realized that from football, I've seen it. So when I got into this space, I'm like, I appreciate the love, but I know the love is circumstantial.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Once I stop giving you what I need and I get it, it's the world, you're going to move on to the next thing. So you think I'm going to start a war within myself and lose myself for that? No. I'm okay with losing followers. I'm okay with. People saying, oh, I don't feel, I'm okay with that. My worth is not in people's opinions. I was given worth at birth, just like you by God, so I'm worthy. Pun intended, I'm worthy. Because of how God created me and sees me, not how this world views me, not by a blue checkmark, not by six, 16 million people following me online, I was already worthy. Before birth, just like you, God set you apart, it's in scripture. So that's where I've gotten my confidence from in my life to no longer start a war within myself. It's not worth it.

• 47:24Speaker 00

  I was given worth at my birth. I was given worth at my birth.

• 47:31Speaker 00

  I just want to call this out. Because what you're saying is in 2024. I am watching so many brilliant, beautiful, talented. Filled with potential people get taken down, get taken down by this persona they're putting out. In so many different ways. I have friends on reality shows, I have friends on reality shows. That I'm watching, just like in a way. How do I say this without saying any names? And in a, in a way, just like sell their soul for fame. It's just eating them alive in their life and in everything that matters, but it is making some good TV.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 48:14Speaker 00

  And and and and then they go down the cycle where if they don't do it more and more and more, they're not relevant and they're not on the show anymore. And it's this perpetual cycle. And then it's this like. Oh, my gosh. Every type of person who is not wanting to be a public person in their life, but then it's just nowadays, social media is a part of everyone's life. And they're putting out a persona, trying to get likes or trying to make sure everyone sees this version of themselves that. It's, it's everywhere, it's everywhere. And and and we're, a lot of people are starting to believe a lie that their worth is tied to it. That their worth is tied to it and you.

• 48:56Speaker 00

  This is what I think is such a blessing about the things, as you say, the things we go through. Can become things we make it through. Because you've had the big things happen in your life, you've had the things that the world says. You know what I mean? That that that make you worthy. You and I have both had different things happen in our life that we've worked really hard for. Only to realize when we get them or when we lose them, like, okay. Uh, we hope we learned a lot of lessons in them and also that does not define my worth.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I look back on my life and I realize. My past through football really. Was to prepare me for this and show me like. What's really real, you know, I always say this and it seems kind of harsh, I always say real situations expose. Fake things in your life or people in your life. And so I was able to see, oh. The majority of people in this world and this is just us in general, but the majority of people in this world sometimes only loves you. Because of what surrounds you. Do you love me for me?

• 50:02Speaker 01

  And if I don't have a consensus, yes, then. I put you in the place where I feel like you need to be in my life. And I think a lot of times what we do, Jamie, is we put unfair expectations on people. We give people titles that they don't deserve. We give people the title of a friend, we give people the title of all these things when they haven't shown or proved it. And so I think that's where we mess up, even on social media, like this is my family and I have the rehabbers across the world and. I appreciate them, but we make these, these friends or they really care about me. And besides liking what you do for them, and I know it's a two-way street. We build. Relationships these days, I feel like off of the weakest things.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  And no wonder when we go through trials and tribulations, things crumble. So I want to build something off that's solid. And so if it's only what surrounds my life that's attractive. That's one of the things that we talked about earlier where I'm always going to be my authentic self. Because if my heart is not enough for you, if this is not enough for you, then. My success and the things that look sexy around my life. Aren't gonna be enough for you. Because I know when, once that ends.

• 51:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. And you saw it through football.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  Absolutely, a hundred percent.

• 51:17Speaker 00

  The people around you change when all of a sudden. You're not.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  When we can't get in the clubs no more, when we can't get around certain people, when we can't, when I'm not paying for stuff no more. When we, yes, a hundred percent.

• 51:28Speaker 00

  And for every person listening, like, for some of us, it's, we're in a job. And we think these are our friends. And then it shifts when we're no longer their boss. Or in a job with them, or in a circumstance with them. And I think, I think what you offer that's just so powerful that I'm gonna think about now every single day, all the time, is just living your truth, knowing that if you're not, it's, you're starting a war within you. Right? So I think, I think, I think for the person listening right now, who's like, well, how do I tell if the people around me now are really my true friends? I think it's just you live your, your authentic you. And don't start wars in yourself.

• 52:11Speaker 00

  And if they love you for you doing that, that's probably a pretty good sign.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Absolutely. People who are your people. And there's exceptions, but they will never put more questions in your life than answers. So if you have to question if it's real, you probably got your answer.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  That's what I would say.

• 52:31Speaker 00

  Just this morning, I was questioning if a friendship was real. Just this morning. And that is, if you gotta question if it's real.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Consistently, for sure, if you gotta question it, yeah.

• 52:45Speaker 00

  I wanna ask you, Trent. You, you have said that

• 52:52Speaker 00

  protecting your peace and protecting your mind is more important than any relationship.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:00Speaker 00

  In your life. And you are an amazing husband, an amazing daddy, an amazing, all of it.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 53:08Speaker 00

  All the things.

• 53:10Speaker 00

  For the person listening who's like, oh, I'm just so good at, at, at giving all my love to my kids, or all my love to my partner, all my love to everyone else. Which is another version, can be another version of smiling for the camera while dying inside. Obviously, it's not performative, it comes from a beautiful place of great intention. But a lot of people wonder, why am I, I'm so good at being a mom, or a dad, or a friend, or a partner, and yet they're not good at, at, at taking care of themselves and loving themselves. And we're almost taught to think it can be selfish.

• 53:51Speaker 00

  And everything you teach flips that on its head. So can you

• 53:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  explain to the person listening right now, who's like, oh, but Trent, it's okay that I don't love myself, or protect my own peace, or start wars inside. I'm really good at showing up for my kids, or my partner, or in my job, or whatever else, but that is not a recipe for a, a good life.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  To the person listening and watching this, I'm gonna just say this, do you think your kids don't know that you're not living your best life and giving everything to yourself? And is that the example you wanna set for them? Because they know, no matter how much you tell them, yes, how much you give to them, they know. My kids and my journey, when they know daddy isn't the best, and daddy's stressed out, and daddy is not protecting his peace, they know they can feel it. And so what I decided to commit it to, doesn't mean that you're not there for your kids. But I decided to, see if I can illustrate this.

• 54:49Speaker 01

  So often, we're told

• 54:52Speaker 01

  to pour into people's cups. And as givers, as, you know, people who help people, we're always pouring into cups. And they always say, you know, you should have somebody in your life that can always refill your cup. For me, though, that's always still dependent on somebody else to refill your cup. And that's always not a guarantee you have that person to refill your cup. So a lot of people in this world, including myself at times, we're always pouring, pouring, pouring, giving, giving, giving to our kids, to people we love, and then we start to feel empty. So I committed my life to protecting your peace. And for me, that means

• 55:31Speaker 01

  having an abundance of what I need. So me, out in nature, me working out, me doing the things, that's how I fill up my cup. Me meditating, me talking to God, and what happens? I tell the people around me, just stay around me. Don't worry about me pouring into your cup, because I'm gonna protect my peace so hard, there will be an overflow of peace, joy that you will receive just by being around me. I don't have to worry about pouring, because you're gonna get the overflow. And so when my kids, they realize that when I'm taking care of myself, they're getting the overflow. Wifey, she's getting the overflow. My team, they're getting the overflow, because I'm taking care of me. So it's not selfish, it's actually, to me, more courageous to say, you know what? I'm gonna stop burnt, like, trying to put out all these fires.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  And I'm just gonna focus on giving myself what I need. And when I give myself what I need, I am better for everything around me. And they receive the overflow, cup running over, and they're receiving the overflow of me protecting my peace. And so that strategy, that mindset has helped me not burn out and helped me not feel empty anymore.

• 56:39Speaker 00

  And also to your point about your kids know.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:43Speaker 00

  Right? And, and it's almost like watching, watching their parent overflow also gives them an example.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 56:51Speaker 00

  Of how to do that in their own life one day.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 56:54Speaker 00

  Versus to grow up and do for everyone else and sacrifice yourself.

• 56:59Speaker 01

  That's right. My daughter, Maya, I'll never forget this. I went into her room, and I was like, hey, what are you doing? She said, Dad, I'm protecting my peace. And she hit me with that, she's like, I need some me time. And I was like, alright. And I, even though I wanted to see her, I was like, okay. So you're right. And so now, those moments of my little girls, and obviously Tristan, he's older, but my little girls knowing what protecting their peace is, is like the greatest accomplishment ever. Because they understand at a young age how important that is.

• 57:31Speaker 00

  That is so beautiful.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:33Speaker 00

  We'll see if she uses it when she's like.

• 57:35Speaker 01

  For sure, yeah. When she needs to use it, for sure.

• 57:37Speaker 00

  Needs to. So funny. Okay, I'm so excited for everyone to get this in their hands, for everyone to get this in their hands. And in protect your peace, right, there's nine unapologetic principles for thriving in a chaotic world, which is what we are in. And I wanna talk about a few of the principles, because you say, uh, demand your worth.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:00Speaker 00

  Demand your worth.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 58:02Speaker 00

  How do we do that, Trent Shelton?

• 58:04Speaker 01

  You know, I was gonna go with know your worth, but I want to be more unapologetic in the book. And I'm in a season where, you know, I'm demanding my worth. And demand seems so like harsh, but the truth is, if you don't demand your worth, you're never gonna get your worth. And so that looks different from business, that looks different from personal life. What I know is true is most people in this world, and I've been here so many times in our, in our, in my life, their worth is connected to something outside of them. And I'm sure, and worthy, like, you know this, like, their worth is connected to how a person feels about them, right?

• 58:43Speaker 01

  We can say social media, how I'm doing in my business, like, these things are controlling how they feel about themselves. And that is mission impossible. If you're trying to feel worthy, if you're trying to feel lovable, likable in yourself, it's always a roller coaster, because you're depending on the algorithm to make you feel worthy. You're depending on how somebody sees you to make you feel worthy. And so what I've learned, and I'll talk about in demanding your worth, is first determining what are the puppet masters in your life that's controlling your worth? A puppet master, obviously, is somebody who controls how you feel. So you have to cut the strings and say, as we said earlier, I'm worthy because of something that's foundational, that doesn't change.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  I'm worthy because of, this is how I was created to be. I'm worthy because whatever you wanna put in the blank. And so that's the first step, because when you understand your worth, then you feel unapologetic for asking for it. And so when people try to put a price tag on my life, whatever that is, as a speaker, as this or that, and they try to make me feel wrong for saying, oh, well, you don't deserve this. No, I know what I deserve. I know what I've been through, I know what I've gotten through, and I know my talent, I know my gifts, so I'm gonna demand my worth. And if my worth is not seeable in your eyes, then go find another person. And so that's from business, that's in relationships. I see so many people in this world, they shrink. They shrink instead of expand. They shrink to fit in. They shrink to find a relationship.

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  They shrink to, you know, not offend. And it's like, why? Because if you don't demand your worth, the world will tell you what your worth is. And the last time I checked, that's not a good price tag. They usually put you on wholesale.

• 1:00:28Speaker 00

  Okay, for the person though, saying like, Trent, how do I do it? How do I demand my worth?

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Speaker 00

  How do I do it? How do I, how do I know my worth? How do I demand my worth? How, all of that. That's so good. Yes. And, and when, and when the world tells you the price, and when they put you on wholesale, sometimes we believe the lie that we are wholesale.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:00:47Speaker 00

  Then we think, well, maybe that is what I'm worth. Maybe I am wholesaled, because that's what the, the, the, the, hmm, that someone told me.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:00:58Speaker 00

  How have you gotten to this place? Or you've always been there?

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  No, I haven't. I haven't always been there.

• 1:01:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:03Speaker 01

  Um, I've gotten used and abused a lot. I haven't always been there. And I've realized that in lowering my worth, and I believe this, I believe settling leads to suffering. And every time I've settled in my life for something.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  Suffering was in the near future. So if I settled in business, if I settled in my personal life, suffering was coming for me. And so I made a commitment to myself to never settle. And even if it's hard, because sometimes loneliness or want or temptation makes us settle for less. And for myself, I realized that every time that I've accepted less in my life, it put me in a bad place. Every time I didn't stand on my worth and demand my worth, it put me in a bad place. And so I just got tired of being used. I got tired of being empty. And sometimes you just gotta get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  And what the world's gonna try to say to you is, oh, you're full of yourself. What the world's gonna try to say to you is, who do you think you are? What the world doesn't know, everything that you've been through and survived through and got through, just to get you to where you're at. So my worth isn't just coming from La La Land. My worth is coming from everything that I put in the work and I went through in my life. And it's come from an ultimate, permanent worth of how God feels about me and my belief. So I refuse to let Him, them, anything tell me what I'm worth. How can you tell me that? You're not me. You don't live my life. And when we talk like this, people kinda be like, oh, why are you talking like that? It's because if I don't value me, if I don't protect my worth, then I'm gonna live a life full of settling.

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  And I know for sure what's in the future, it's regret. I've had enough conversations with people who are older. And the number one thing they say is, grandmother told me this, Trent, know your worth, demand your worth. Because when you get to my age, you're gonna realize that you have lowered yourself for people that ain't even here no more. And you live in regret the rest of your life. And regret is the greatest poison to the soul. So I refuse to live in regret. So if I have to miss out on a thing because I don't fit in their scenario, I'm okay with it. It's not for me. There's something down the line better for my life. So sometimes when you don't know your worth, you will never get to the thing that is meant for your life.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  Because you're taking every opportunity. And you never actually get to the opportunity that's really meant for you. So that's helped me a lot get the right things in my life.

• 1:03:45Speaker 00

  Settling leads to suffering.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. At least in my experience it has, for sure.

• 1:03:51Speaker 00

  Mine too. Mine too. I'm listening to you thinking about so many things right now. So many things. I'm like, that is true. That is true. And I think so many of us can relate to that we've shrunk ourselves to fit into places.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:04:06Speaker 00

  Because we just wanted to be there or be included or feel wanted.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:11Speaker 00

  Feel wanted.

• 1:04:12Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:04:14Speaker 00

  But your self-worth is your ceiling. And what I love so much is you're saying you set the ceiling.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:04:19Speaker 00

  You set the ceiling. Do not let other people set the ceiling or the outside world or any of that. There are nine principles in this book.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:30Speaker 00

  And, you know, I wanna make sure everyone gets the book because it is so incredible. And aside from what I've talked about so far, I just wanna say, is there one that you wanna call out right now that just feels on your heart to speak into somebody today who is listening, who needs to learn to protect their peace in their life?

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  The principle is simplify happiness. And

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  there's a saying that says happiness works off of what's happening. And I agree. But that's external happiness. I don't believe internal happiness works off of what's happening. It's a choice that you make. Some people call it joy. But it's a choice that you make to say, I'm gonna choose to be happy. But a lot of us, our happiness is in the hands of all those things we just talked about. I'm gonna be happy when they love me. I'm gonna be happy when they accept me. I'm gonna be happy when everything goes right. And that is a disaster for your worth.

• 1:05:43Speaker 01

  And so what I've learned is to simplify it. If you look at most people's happiness checklist on what it takes to be happy every day, Lord, it's like a million things, right? I gotta wake up on time. The Starbucks line gotta be short, right? It's this and this and this. And like, you have to check off all these boxes to be happy. And a lot of people in this world, we complicate happiness. And happiness is such a simple thing. Happiness is an internal job that can come from ourselves. And I know it's easier said than done when you have so much chaos around you. But peace says, no matter the chaos around you,

• 1:06:27Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna let it kill the calm inside me. Peace says, yeah, the storm exists. It does. But guess what? The storm is gonna pass. And so I would challenge everybody listening to us, how can you make happiness so easy to obtain that you had no choice but to be happy every single day? And maybe not the whole day, but the moment. I have a little area in the book and it's called Morning Marley. Marley's my daughter. And I realize this, as we get older, we complicate it a lot more. And I'm guilty of it. And I'll never forget, Marley, I'm sure you had this happen with your kids. Marley comes in the room at like 7:00 a.m., sunrise is up. She opens up our blinds. I'm tired.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  And she's singing a song, it's morning time. And she's so happy that it's morning. And the first thing I wanted to say is, Marley, go back to sleep. But I caught myself. And I said, wow. She's happy because it's morning. Trent, when's the last time you've been happy that you woke up and that it's morning? Or you need some great thing to happen for you, for you to be happy? When she brushes her teeth, she has the brush your teeth song. She's happy to brush her teeth. And so if we get back, I believe this is why God tells us to be childlike. Because when we get away from being childlike, we start to have all this complication around what brings us joy, what brings us happiness. Go look at a kid. A kid, they can hate you one second, love you in two seconds later.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  They're quick to forgive. They find happiness in simplicity. Playing outside, playing in the bathtub. Like, at what point in our life as grownups that we start becoming so cold and so boring and so, you know, just so tight with life? And so I love that principle because I really feel like it can open up your life to more simplicity and experience more peace in your life if you just learn how to say, what do I need today just to be happy? And that question has literally changed my life.

• 1:08:33Speaker 00

  How does Marley's song go in the morning?

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  It's morning, it's morning, it's morning, something like that. Right? And then her brush your teeth, it's time to brush your teeth. Like, yeah, that whole song. And I love it, right? Now I love it because I said, wow.

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  When did I get away from being appreciative? And a lot of us aren't happy because we spent our whole life chasing, chasing the next thing, more, more, more, more. And trust me, it's hard when you're in a position you got people to take care of. But it's more, more, more, more, more, more, more. And the world programs us for that. And so this book and The Mess of Protecting Your Peace is like slowing down and being loyal to your pace.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  Right? What's the pace setter in your life? You know what a pace setter is? Right? When you run a race, there's a guy or a girl who sets the pace to keep you in pace in your race? Like, I would ask, like, who are the pace setters or what's the pace setter in your life? And for me, it was the wrong things at times. It was scarcity that was setting the pace. It was pleasing people that was setting the pace. It was comparison that was setting the pace. And all that did was burn me the heck out. And so now my pace setter is peace.

• 1:09:58Speaker 01

  Now my pace setter is confidence, knowing that I'm running the race that is meant for me to run. And to some people, I might look like a turtle. To some people, I might look like a rabbit. But I'm okay at this pace because I understand the lifestyle of life that I wanna live. So, yeah.

• 1:10:13Speaker 00

  Do you feel like if peace is your pace setter?

• 1:10:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Speaker 00

  You can still arrive through your life and at the end of your life in alignment with your assignment and reaching your full potential of who God created you to be?

• 1:10:28Speaker 01

  A thousand percent.

• 1:10:30Speaker 00

  Because I think we believe the lie, oh, if I have peace and that's my pace setter, I'm gonna lose my ambition. I won't do... You're saying, uh-uh, uh-uh. Right? Because so many of us are driven by the things we're told will make us feel enough, which is achievement. And so we are burnt out. We are stressed out. We are arriving at one achievement after another, empty, still feeling like something's missing because we thought that would bring our worth and it did not. And most of my life, Trent, I just thought, oh, if I am chill, I'm not living up to my potential. And that's actually a lie. It's actually a lie. If you protect your peace, if peace is your pace setter,

• 1:11:14Speaker 00

  you can still, and probably maybe perhaps the only way, to live in alignment with your assignment and become the person you're meant to be, like all of you are meant to be. Because you're not starting wars within yourself. You're not getting distracted. You're not getting taken out. And you're not running on a treadmill so hard you get burnt out.

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  See, peace is not just... At earthy, I'm disconnected from everything.

• 1:11:38Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:11:39Speaker 01

  Like peace is flow.

• 1:11:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:41Speaker 01

  Peace is in the zone. Peace is taking care of your business. I'm at peace in my business because I take care of my business.

• 1:11:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:46Speaker 01

  It's the basketball player that's shooting the free throw with two seconds left and they're at peace at the free throw line. Why? Because of all the preparation. So that I can be at peace in this moment. So there's a whole approach holistically to experiencing peace. I can't be in peace if I'm not taking care of my business. I can't be at peace if I'm not doing the things that I know I need to do. And so a big part of me protecting my peace is making sure I'm prepared, is making sure I'm efficient, is making sure I'm intentional, is making sure that I'm doing the things that I need to do so I can lay my head down and I'm saying, man, I did what I needed to do today. I could be at peace. So I wanted to share that part for sure.

• 1:12:24Speaker 00

  That's so good. And peace isn't letting off the gas. It's like driving towards the right thing.

• 1:12:28Speaker 01

  Sometimes it's pressing on it.

• 1:12:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:30Speaker 01

  Harder.

• 1:12:31Speaker 00

  Driving to the right thing.

• 1:12:33Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:12:33Speaker 00

  Right thing.

• 1:12:35Speaker 01

  Absolutely. Some people will think like, there's two experiences of me. I always say there's the protect your peace trend where people are like, man, Trenton is on zone. They see like the athlete side where I'm pressing the gas, but it's all of those things. But it's also knowing, like in a race, you know your pace. Sometimes you gotta run faster. Sometimes you gotta slow down. But you can't look at the next person and say, oh, I should be running faster because the person in year 15 is doing this, so I'm gonna do it. The person that started the podcast, you know, 10 years ago, I'm expecting to get the same amount of downloads, so I'm gonna do all the things. And we sit here, we compare ourselves. And it's like, no, this is my journey. This is my journey that I'm on. And sometimes it's gonna be a season of busy, a season of dad, a season of everything, but I'm still at peace.

• 1:13:21Speaker 01

  Because I'm loyal to my pace. So when I need rest, I rest. When I need to go, I go. And I'm okay with that because I know at some point, the finish line that's meant for me to cross will be there. And it might not look like the next person's finish line, but I'm okay with that. So that's a big part of knowing your worth. It's a big part of being confident in who you are, a big part of knowing that what God has for you has for you. That's a big part because if you don't, you're gonna think that I'm supposed to be doing all of these things. Not that you can't get influenced and motivated by someone else, but that's still their life. That's still their journey. So I might not have that or have this, but I have what I need and I'm okay with that.

• 1:14:05Speaker 00

  For the person who says, okay, well, I am not sure I even believe God exists.

• 1:14:11Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:14:11Speaker 00

  And what do I do? And how do I, how do I have faith in something greater than myself if I don't quite believe that exists? Which actually, let me ask you that. How in your own faith journey, have you come to believe God exists? And then have your faith in God?

• 1:14:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, experience. You know, I grew up in the church, so it was easy. My dad, my grandmother, my mother. But for so long in my life, it was the relationship that they gave me. You know, I believed because this is what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to go to church three days a week and I believed because of that. But that wasn't a true belief. That was a given belief. And I had to learn how to seek God for myself and build that relationship. So my relationship with God doesn't look like, on paper, maybe what it looks like for everybody else. And I just told you before I got here, I went to the ocean and I find God there. I believe nature is God's natural medicine for the soul.

• 1:15:14Speaker 01

  So I'm in the woods, I'm doing all these things, and that's where I find God and that's strengthened my relationship. But it's my journey of me being seven years old with asthma, pretty much flatlining in the ICU at seven years old. And me realizing that there's a purpose for my life. Me losing my NFL career and thinking that what else is there to my life? And now I'm living in my purpose. Me almost, oh man, losing my daughter.

• 1:15:45Speaker 01

  You know, holding her in my hands and almost losing her. So these experiences, that's where my relationship is built. And so I tell people all the time, you know, you can hear things, you can read books, but it's the experience that strengthens the belief. And so for me, God is real because of what I've seen in my life and how he's worked in my life.

• 1:16:06Speaker 00

  What's your advice for someone who maybe is hoping to strengthen their faith?

• 1:16:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:12Speaker 00

  And they're just asking like, you know, to believe when they just kind of don't? Like, what's your advice to them if they want to have faith in their life and they just kind of don't quite believe it?

• 1:16:25Speaker 01

  Immerse yourself in relationship. Just like in anything else, you know.

• 1:16:32Speaker 01

  I think sometimes we think this relationship with God is like, you know, it's supposed to, I'm just gonna say it, Jamie. Like, we live in a world right now where people are telling you how to live and what to do, and it looks like this, and it doesn't look like this. And I think in our faith as Christians, it's so hard because I know for myself, and I'll just say this, like, when I first started in this industry, I got judged a lot. If you listen to my first spoken words, one of my first words was, I fear the body of Christ because I'm more judged by churches. They expect me to be perfect, but that's a cross that I can't carry. This soul still battles sin. Does it make me less Christian if I told you sometimes I struggle to believe when I say amen?

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  And that was real. And so I said, man, like, I'm not good enough. And I think for so many people out there, there's this checkbox of being the perfect Christian. And I know we're supposed to do certain things, but until you really build that relationship and realize God is a God of grace, God is a God of forgiveness, and you really allow God to work into your life, then you're never gonna feel that presence. So I would ask somebody like, are you seeking him daily? Are you, are you building community with other believers daily? Because if you're not, just like in any relationship, like if you don't call your girlfriend or boyfriend or talk to them eventually, there's gonna be some disconnect. And so God doesn't move from us, we move from him.

• 1:17:59Speaker 01

  And so I would tell everybody that wants to build a better relationship, don't let your circumstances, don't let your situations, don't let their relationships. I've seen it. People become angry at God. I did. God, you let me play, since I was four years old, a sports and now it's over? Like, what's up? And this is how I talk to God. Like, what's up, man? And I realized like, number one, he doesn't owe us any explanation because he's done so much for our life. When my mother died, why, God? But I remember my mother telling me, you don't, you can question God, but understand that God doesn't owe you anything because he's already gave you everything. And so that's helped me in my life. So I would tell that person to build, to seek,

• 1:18:43Speaker 01

  to have a conversation, and it might look different. There's no perfect prayer. Sometimes the prayer is, hey, God, I'm struggling today. I need you. God knows the wants, desires of your heart. You have to step out the boat and, and seek them. But he requires us to step out the boat and most of us don't do that. We want God to do everything for us. So what does stepping out the boat look like? Because that shows God that we trust him and that shows faith. And once you do that, he will literally pave the road that you're going on. And that's how I got to this place. Because people always ask me, Jamie, like, how did you get here? What are the steps? And I can give you a cool five-step process of like, stay committed, stay this, stay that. But the truth is,

• 1:19:28Speaker 01

  I got here because I trusted a plan that wasn't mine. I got here because I was able to go down this journey, even though I didn't know where I was going, I still trusted. That's how I got here. God had something bigger for me than I have for myself. So, and I know I'm kind of going on a tangent here, but we have, and I love vision boards and I love the visions and I always tell people, have the vision, but understand, God holds a bigger vision than any vision board can hold for you. And I've realized that with my life. So I couldn't have planned to be sitting across from you here. This, I couldn't have. But God had a deeper plan, a deeper meaning for my life, even though I didn't understand it at the time.

• 1:20:09Speaker 01

  So I would tell the person to trust, seek, and have patience. That God got you.

• 1:20:16Speaker 00

  I, I love what you said so much. Oh my gosh. And there are so many things you just said that are so powerful. That, you know, I think there's a lot of people out there that maybe. Feel like they're not good enough to walk into a church, or that they might be judged, or things like that. And I, I'll never forget, um, cause I went through, gosh, almost two decades. I was also raised going to church. I went through almost two decades of starting to question if God existed. And, uh, and I was around a lot of people that did not have faith and all that. And, um, I remember when I started working as a, a news anchor and reporter, and I was one man band reporting where you shoot all your own video,

• 1:20:59Speaker 00

  and you edit and you tape to tape, and then you stand up and do the, the filming and all of that. And, um, it was so fun, by the way, but I'll never forget. I, one of the stories I did was at this, um, rescue horse ranch, where they take rescued abused horses and they rehabilitate them. And then they actually bring kids, a lot of kids of all ages, kids, teenagers that have gone through, uh, abuse, and often won't talk to adults about it. And they just let the kids be with the horses. And I remember I was, uh, doing a three-part series there, and I just watched this horse laying down in a pasture. And I watched this 14-year-old girl who wouldn't talk to adults.

• 1:21:44Speaker 00

  She wouldn't talk about what she'd gone through, but she just sat there talking to the horse. And she laid her head down on the horse. And I just remember, I was probably 25 yards away watching this. And I just felt God's presence stronger than I have ever, like, and I'm out there in the middle of nowhere in this horse ranch, in the middle of, um, uh, Eastern Oregon. And I just remembered realizing at that moment, um, okay, I think what I'm feeling is God's presence. I don't happen to be in a church at the moment while I'm feeling this. And it was the first time I realized in my life, like, oh, God is everywhere.

• 1:22:25Speaker 00

  And I was in the season where I was praying and telling God, I don't, I'm doubting you exist. Can you please come into my life and prove me wrong? Right? Went through this for years until he started, oh my gosh, over and over and over and over. And, and that's sort of like how I went through my journey, cause I did not. I mean, there was a long time I was questioning, you know what I mean? And, um, and I love what you shared about, about, you know, in hard times, just like trusting Him and having to trust Him in, in those times. Even when some people might have hard times and say, if there was a God, this would not be happening to me, right? Versus, okay, like, let me lean on Him, um, or on my faith to make it through. And, you know, I, I just wanna say one more thing, Trent,

• 1:23:10Speaker 00

  because I think, just for, for the person listening right now, who is like on that journey, and I think a lot of people are. I think there's a lot of people that have maybe felt like, maybe they've been discouraged on their faith journey, because they felt like something doesn't feel right about me not being accepted for who I am inside of a church. Or maybe they've had an experience where they didn't feel that way. And what I've found is a lot of churches do love you fully for who you are, but there are some that you may not feel do. And I always just imagine if Jesus were on this earth right now, like, I just, um, there's a quote by Bob Goff where he says, Bob Goff says, uh, every time I ask God who I should love and for how long I should love them,

• 1:23:55Speaker 00

  I always hear Him whisper to me, everybody, always. And that's how I feel like Jesus would be so. So for me, when I'm in a space, whether it's a church or anywhere else, like, if you, uh, this is just me talking to the one person listening right now, but if you feel, you know, our bodies feel tense when something's not right for us, and we relax when something's the truth. And for me, that's how I always kind of know, is this the right place to be praying? Is this the right church for me? Is this the right, you know what I'm saying? And it could be a journey. Um, and I've just found that the more open I am to God in my life, I know when it's true, cause my whole body feels, you feel it.

• 1:24:35Speaker 00

  You feel it, like you feel in alignment when, when you know that it's, um, that it's real. But it's a journey for everybody of kind of like evolving their faith, if that's something that they want to do in their life. So, thank you for sharing that. Do you believe what is for you will find you?

• 1:24:51Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:24:52Speaker 00

  You, you do believe you can't miss it?

• 1:24:54Speaker 01

  I believe you are a magnet.

• 1:24:55Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:24:56Speaker 01

  And I believe the more you work on yourself, you strengthen your magnet. I don't believe in chasing, chasing dreams, like, I say that too, but I don't believe in chasing. I believe in attracting, not necessarily the law of attraction, but I believe that the more you work on yourself, the more you believe, right? Believe it, the more you believe in yourself, the more you feel like you're worthy, you strengthen this magnet. Where the right things are magnetized to you, they find you. The right friends, the right connections. I mean, if you look on your life, Jamie, I can look at mine and be like, again, how did this relate? How did we, it's cause you strengthened your magnet. And so, I work on that. And that's allowed me to protect my peace, because I'm not going to seek. It doesn't mean I don't go, you know, try to build relationships and things like that,

• 1:25:40Speaker 01

  but I'm not in desperation. I'm okay, that when it comes, it comes. But I'm gonna make sure when it comes, I'm preparing, I'm ready. And I strengthen that magnet every single day. And I can tell you, that has opened up more doors in my life, because there's things that I cannot explain how it happened. I can't. It's just that the magnet, I believe God has given me, it's allowed the right things to come to me. Because when you're chasing and seeking and you're going to find, a lot of times you're gonna find what your loneliness wants. You're gonna find what your scarcity wants. You're gonna find what your comparison wants. That's what you're gonna find. And so, I'm not trying to go find nothing. I'm trying to have these things find me.

• 1:26:25Speaker 00

  Trent Shelton.

• 1:26:28Speaker 00

  That is a word, that is a word. I wanna say, I am so excited to just hear the impact of some of the things you've shared today on people, because I'm sitting here and I'm knowing how it's impacting me right now. It, right? Because a lot of my life, I have, have felt this desperation to make things happen, or to seek, or to go after, and to open the door, to try to get it to open, and, and, and, and, and you're so right. It's when we strengthen our magnet, when we strengthen our worth, that things happen. You know, it's not that we're not just sitting back doing nothing, waiting, no, no.

• 1:27:12Speaker 01

  That's lazy.

• 1:27:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's lazy, it's not lazy, not being lazy. But just like, whoo, putting in the, in the work to raise your worth, to put, to, to, to put in the reps, to be prepared, to do all that stuff, and then having that faith, that faith.

• 1:27:30Speaker 00

  And that has happened in my life so many times. And I still get tempted to go back to that other, oh, I've gotta just, like, you know,

• 1:27:38Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 1:27:39Speaker 00

  make it all happen, and, and, and run faster on the treadmill. And I, I fall into that often. And what you just said, like, it'll be what your scarcity finds. It'll be what you're, right? Not what, will you say that one more time? I just want everyone to take that in. No, this is so, so, so, so good.

• 1:27:59Speaker 01

  When you're, when you're chasing, oftentimes you will find what your scarcity finds, what your insecurities will find, what your worries will find, what your fears will find. And it goes back to, now you're gonna settle for less. It's like, you're trying to knock down a door and beat down a door that's not meant for you to go in. And you're spending all your energy and time trying to knock down this door, when if you just have patience, you talked about not being lazy. Lazy is procrastination, patience is working while you're waiting. Patience is trusting God in the process. Patience is peace, that I'm gonna still do what I gotta do and go hard. But I have patience and peace that when it's time for that door to open, I don't have to knock it and kick it down.

• 1:28:43Speaker 01

  Just gotta turn the knob, it's gonna open at the right time. That's the hard part, Jamie, that a lot of us want things to happen in our time, when we want it. But as you know, and I know, that God's timing is the perfect timing. And that's always, always true. If God would've blessed me with rehab time, when I wanted it, I would've fumbled it. I guarantee you, I would've messed it up, I wasn't ready. So he was building me, right? He was molding me, he was shaping me, he was preparing me. He said, okay, you're ready now, here you go. And so, we gotta learn how to have patience in the journey, and trust the process. And the process sucks at times.

• 1:29:26Speaker 01

  The process is rough, the process isn't beautiful. Like, we live in an entrepreneur era on social media where they show you all the cool things. Right? The ice bath, jump in the ice bath and do all the things, right? Like, cool, but they don't show you the, the other side of it. Like, just because you start something, don't mean you're gonna be successful. Probably less than 1% of people actually are. And the people who actually become successful are the people who actually had steadfast and continue to persevere over their first year, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, sixth year. But we don't see that talked enough about. And so, that's why I love our conversation, because you're seeing two individuals that are telling you, if you're just having patience, having peace in the journey, it will find you over time.

• 1:30:11Speaker 01

  But if you want the celebrity, if you want the money now, you want all these things now, you're gonna run into a race that you ain't meant to run, and you will burn out. That's why statistically, you look at all the things that people start and don't finish, 8% of people finish where they start. 92% of people don't. And it's because, I guarantee that 92% was being guided by the wrong things.

• 1:30:36Speaker 00

  I, uh, I remember Oprah once saying that in all her years, 25 years of Oprah Winfrey Show, she would just like cherish whenever there would be a moment where an aha moment would happen, or an aha moment would happen. And I feel like I have personally had aha moments in this conversation. And I'm just like hanging on your every word. I'm like hanging on your every word. So I'm so, so, so grateful. You dedicate Protect Your Peace to your parents.

• 1:31:09Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:31:11Speaker 00

  Can you talk about, uh,

• 1:31:17Speaker 00

  their impact on your life? The greatest lessons that they have taught you?

• 1:31:25Speaker 01

  I'm almost at a loss for words because it's so hard

• 1:31:30Speaker 01

  to put it into words.

• 1:31:33Speaker 01

  What my dad has done for me, showed me how to be a man, came to every single one of my games. Didn't miss a game. Worked at UPS for now, a long time, more than I've been alive. But he always made time to be there. I never had to wonder where he is, where he was. He was always there. He showed us how to be a man, continues to show us how to be a man.

• 1:31:58Speaker 01

  My mother

• 1:32:00Speaker 01

  was and still is a rock. And I dedicated this book to her because she always taught me what peace is and always seen her operate in peace. Even though at times she would have chaos and things going around and things going on in her life, she would always be a woman of peace. She would be a woman of calm in even the most chaotic situation, especially in the storms. She was the shelter in our storm. She was the one that was, everything's gonna be alright, even when it didn't look alright. And so it's ironic, Jamie, with this book, I told you I changed the date.

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  And

• 1:32:51Speaker 01

  it was supposed to come out in January. I wasn't gonna share this, but I'm gonna share it.

• 1:32:58Speaker 01

  One of my promises that I told my mother, I would write this book, Protect Your Peace.

• 1:33:03Speaker 01

  And what I saw in her, and I gotta share this,

• 1:33:09Speaker 01

  my mother literally

• 1:33:14Speaker 01

  died in peace because she lived in priority. My mother was able to rest in peace because she lived in priority. She prioritized the things that mattered. So I know when it was her time to go, she was okay. Because she did everything she was supposed to do. She was the matriarch that took care of everything. So I literally saw her at peace when she took her final breaths.

• 1:33:41Speaker 01

  And as hard as it was to see her get wheeled out that house, I said, "Thank you, God, for healing her."

• 1:33:49Speaker 01

  Because sometimes we don't get a physical healing, we get a spiritual one.

• 1:33:54Speaker 01

  The book was supposed to come out January 16. Something in my heart

• 1:34:01Speaker 01

  didn't feel right about that date. So I reached out to the publisher and I said, "Hey, just give me another date." I didn't pick this date, they said March 5.

• 1:34:12Speaker 01

  Immediately I felt a peace in my soul because that week of March was that week I talked about before. Where my mom, Maya, all these situations happened. And I called my dad, I said, "Dad, can you believe, man, this book is bringing light to this dark week?"

• 1:34:32Speaker 01

  And I said, "But Dad, it's something deeper than that."

• 1:34:35Speaker 01

  I said, "What is it?" I said, "I don't know."

• 1:34:40Speaker 01

  And in my midnight hour, as I call it, waking up at 3:00 a.m. because my mom passed, I didn't get a full year of sleep.

• 1:34:50Speaker 01

  It hit me.

• 1:34:52Speaker 01

  March 5 is when the book comes out, and March 5 was the last time I seen my mother alive.

• 1:34:59Speaker 01

  The last time I held her hands.

• 1:35:11Speaker 01

  So it's special.

• 1:35:15Speaker 01

  And

• 1:35:19Speaker 01

  when I talk about being guided,

• 1:35:22Speaker 01

  that's what I mean.

• 1:35:25Speaker 01

  And so for the world to get this book, it's more than just a book for me. It's a

• 1:35:34Speaker 01

  it's a representation of who she was and who she is. And I know she touched this book. Because I know my mother. She always wants me to shout her out, she wants to be a part of everything.

• 1:35:47Speaker 01

  So yeah. It's a special one for me, so I hope the world is able to protect their peace and get a glimpse of what my mother taught me.

• 1:36:00Speaker 00

  For you to share that like when she passed,

• 1:36:06Speaker 00

  we have tissues, right down there if you need a tissue.

• 1:36:13Speaker 00

  That you know she passed in peace.

• 1:36:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:36:17Speaker 00

  Because of how she I think that is everyone's hope.

• 1:36:23Speaker 00

  And then you promised her you'd write this book.

• 1:36:25Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:36:27Speaker 00

  Did it feel like a divine download?

• 1:36:30Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 1:36:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:36:32Speaker 01

  It was so clear.

• 1:36:35Speaker 01

  So, so clear. Mom was on hospice for six months. So I saw what peace didn't look like. In that moment,

• 1:36:47Speaker 01

  peace.

• 1:36:49Speaker 01

  So as hard as it is sometimes, you know, to move on and go on, and I know you can understand,

• 1:37:00Speaker 01

  I can literally live my life in peace because I know she's resting in peace for real.

• 1:37:06Speaker 00

  Her name Aqua Nada Shelton?

• 1:37:08Speaker 01

  Aqua Nada Shelton, for sure.

• 1:37:10Speaker 00

  Was her nickname Honey?

• 1:37:11Speaker 01

  It was.

• 1:37:12Speaker 00

  How'd she get that nickname?

• 1:37:14Speaker 01

  She always wanted a I'm gonna say weird, but a weird nickname as a grandmother, so she always just, she said she's sweet. And that's what, that's what my, my, my kids and my nephews and nieces, they, they called her that, so.

• 1:37:31Speaker 00

  Honey.

• 1:37:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37:35Speaker 00

  Everyone who I've been blessed to have on this show,

• 1:37:42Speaker 00

  people I love dearly, who I know are gonna bless every person listening, and also, and thank you for doing that today. And I have a gift that I want to share with you. Something I do for, for each person who's come on the show, but I want to share it at this moment because of what we're talking about.

• 1:38:05Speaker 01

  Awesome. Open up now?

• 1:38:06Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:38:06Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:38:07Speaker 00

  Yep, yep.

• 1:38:09Speaker 01

  Ooh, Nike shoebox. Awesome.

• 1:38:18Speaker 00

  We actually had to get a bigger bag because of your shoe size.

• 1:38:23Speaker 00

  I'm like, oh, that's a different bag, it's bigger.

• 1:38:27Speaker 01

  Oh, snaps.

• 1:38:35Speaker 01

  Jamie.

• 1:38:39Speaker 00

  So, these are custom Jordans and

• 1:38:46Speaker 00

  and do you see what each, and you have to look at the other one too.

• 1:38:50Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh. So it says, "Honey, protect your peace."

• 1:38:59Speaker 01

  I don't know if I want to wear these shoes every day, or not wear them, no, but Aqua Nada, oh my gosh.

• 1:39:04Speaker 00

  I like imagine, I, I know she's, I know she's always with you. And you know, on my show, I, I

• 1:39:11Speaker 01

  Can I give you a hug first?

• 1:39:12Speaker 00

  Yes, yes.

• 1:39:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I don't want to

• 1:39:13Speaker 00

  Yes, oh my gosh.

• 1:39:15Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.

• 1:39:22Speaker 00

  We are just crying up in here, I'm crying my makeup off. I, I got myself matching so that I have this memory with you, and I'm wondering if you would write on mine? If you would write some, anything that comes to your mind on mine?

• 1:39:35Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:39:36Speaker 00

  And then I have this memory.

• 1:39:37Speaker 01

  These are so clean.

• 1:39:38Speaker 00

  Thank you, thank you, sir. So whenever I, I wear them, I want to think of you, and I want to think of this day, and I want to think of your incredible book that I'm so excited for everyone to get, Protect Your Peace.

• 1:39:57Speaker 01

  I gotta write protect your peace on one side.

• 1:40:00Speaker 00

  I love it.

• 1:40:02Speaker 00

  Trent, I have had so many aha moments. I have not mastered a lot of the stuff of what you're talking about yet, and I need to. And I need to. So, thank you.

• 1:40:13Speaker 01

  I appreciate you. I'm on that journey too.

• 1:40:17Speaker 00

  God is all up in here. All up in here today.

• 1:40:23Speaker 00

  What do custom Jordans smell like?

• 1:40:30Speaker 01

  This says keep being alight on that side.

• 1:40:34Speaker 00

  You gotta sign your name too.

• 1:40:35Speaker 01

  I will on this side.

• 1:40:40Speaker 01

  This is the dopest gift ever. Like, oh my gosh. I'm, I'm really, I'm genuinely excited.

• 1:40:47Speaker 00

  Look at them with your outfit today. There's the red, black and white. And look at your outfit, red, black and white. Even the, even the hat, everything. You like them?

• 1:40:57Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:41:00Speaker 01

  These are fire.

• 1:41:02Speaker 00

  Thank you so much, by the way. Thank you. I have one more thing to share with you, but before I do, if you got value out of this episode, my only ask is that you please share it. Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Post it and share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode. And thank you so much for joining me today. And before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true.

• 1:41:42Speaker 00

  You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world. And it is an honor to welcome you to each episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Here, I hope you'll come as you are, heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy, you are loved, you are loved. I love you. And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

• 1:42:24Speaker 00

  In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results. Like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love,

• 1:43:05Speaker 00

  unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness, overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them, and so much more. Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com

• 1:43:42Speaker 00

  or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy. Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit. The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing. And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life.

• 1:44:26Speaker 00

  It's called Five Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Build Self-Love. And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self-love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer. It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self-love, resilience, and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence, and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams,

• 1:45:07Speaker 00

  you can grab your free guide to Stop Overthinking and Learn to Trust Yourself at jamiekernlima.com/resources, or click the link in the show notes below. It's such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.