Lewis Howes - Mask of Masculinity

Best selling author of "The Mask of Masculinity" Lewis Howes joins Ed Mylett on the show this week. He shares with us the emotional and challenging journey that has brought him to this point in his life. Even after achieving large life successes, Lewis struggled with feeling unfulfilled and inadequate. He began a journey of self examination that healed not only his life, but has touched the lives of thousands... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 p.m. And my third day, 6:00 p.m. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time, too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it. Waiting weeks on a big bank for capital? Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/ed. That's cardiff.co/ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff. Borrow better.

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• 1:38Ed Mylett?

  All right, welcome back to Max Out with Ed Mylett. And I am really excited about today. Before we get going, I want to remind you all, we do this for free. And so all I ask from you is that you rank and review the podcast there on iTunes. Do me that favor, please. My guest today, I was thinking about it coming over here today. I think he's the most, I think he's the Dos Equis man of personal development. I like that. I do. He's the most interesting man in personal development. And he's, I did this survey with you all, and I asked you, who were the guests that you wanted on my program? And Louis's name kept consistently coming up. So I've got him here for you today. Louis, thank you for being here, brother.

• 2:11Lewis Howes?

  Appreciate it.

• 2:12Ed Mylett?

  So good to have you here. So Louis, as many of you know. Has a School of Greatness podcast, which is a top 100 podcasts in the world. He's written a couple of different bestselling books, including The School of Greatness. But the one I want to talk about today, if we can, is The Mask of Masculinity. It was such a great read, brother. Never read anything like it before.

• 2:31Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 2:31Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, it was so good. So I want to know how a guy like you ends up writing a book like this. So can you tell me a little bit about you? My audience may not know all of this. So tell me a little about how you grew up, where you come from, how you end up being in the position to write such a great book.

• 2:46Lewis Howes?

  Small town, Ohio is where I grew up. So I think it was great people, great communities, but I think limiting mindset in a lot of ways. We grew up pretty poor and it wasn't until, when I say poor, I mean in terms of like lower middle class, right? Where I was having hand-me-downs, like I didn't get the new Nintendo or anything like that. I was getting hand-me-downs until I was about 12, 13. My dad's company kind of started to take off where we started to have more opportunities.

• 3:12Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 3:13Lewis Howes?

  So I never really got nice trips or nice, nice things. It was always pretty simple living. And it didn't really matter. I was pretty happy with just like having friends and attention and playing sports.

• 3:24Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 3:24Lewis Howes?

  So it never really affected me because I didn't need nice things. But when his business started to take off, I started to see him think and talk differently about money and abundance. And so I started to open my mind to making money when I was about 13, 14.

• 3:39Ed Mylett?

  You're already thinking about it.

• 3:40Lewis Howes?

  I was thinking about it just because he started to bring abundance in his life and his energy started to shift. Whereas before that, he was, he was always frustrated, always stressed and kind of like seemed resentful because he had to work so hard and he wasn't living his dreams. And so I noticed that early on and I always wanted to leave Ohio. As much as I love Ohio and I'm prideful of it, I knew I didn't want to be around. Limiting people that weren't chasing for bigger things.

• 4:09Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 4:10Lewis Howes?

  And so I left when I was thirteen to go to a private boarding school.

• 4:13Ed Mylett?

  What?

• 4:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 4:14Ed Mylett?

  I've never heard that.

• 4:15Lewis Howes?

  I begged my family, my parents, to send me away.

• 4:18Ed Mylett?

  You begged your family to send you to a boarding school. That's usually how it works.

• 4:22Lewis Howes?

  The opposite usually. But my whole siblings were, I have, I'm the youngest of four, and my siblings had left to college. My brother was in prison during this time and just got out. And I kind of felt like it was just me left in the house. It was my parents and me, and I was just like, I don't really want to be here.

• 4:36Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 4:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 4:37Ed Mylett?

  Where did you go?

• 4:38Lewis Howes?

  I went to St. Louis, Missouri, to a private school called Principia High School. It's a small school, about three hundred kids, and I was in a, in a boys dorm.

• 4:46Ed Mylett?

  No kidding?

• 4:47Lewis Howes?

  I was in a boys dorm in eighth grade all the way through my senior year.

• 4:50Ed Mylett?

  Is that right?

• 4:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 4:52Ed Mylett?

  So you didn't even live in your home full-time growing up?

• 4:54Lewis Howes?

  I would go home for like the summers, for Christmas break, things like that. But, uh, St. Louis, I lived there for about six and a half years.

• 5:00Ed Mylett?

  Well, did that, did that impact you how? I mean, would-

• 5:03Lewis Howes?

  It changed my life. Because I started to do a lot of negative things in Ohio for, you know, my childhood. I started stealing all the time. Every time I went into a store, I had to steal something. It became a game. It became a obsession.

• 5:17Ed Mylett?

  It's hard to picture you.

• 5:19Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 5:19Ed Mylett?

  This Mr. Integrity, Mr.-

• 5:21Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. I started to steal, I started to like smoke cigarettes for like a couple months period. But I wouldn't even inhale it. I would just like steal them and like smoke it just to try to act cool or whatever, to impress other kids. I didn't have any friends growing up. So I did things to impress people. I put on a fake identity.

• 5:39Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 5:39Lewis Howes?

  To try to fit in.

• 5:40Ed Mylett?

  I relate to that.

• 5:41Lewis Howes?

  And-

• 5:42Ed Mylett?

  I bet a lot of men and women relate to that.

• 5:44Lewis Howes?

  And once I got into middle school, I started putting on the, the athlete mask where I was like, I need some friends. I'm starting to get some attention as an athlete.

• 5:53Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 5:53Lewis Howes?

  Let me go all in, so that people love me.

• 5:56Ed Mylett?

  Whoa.

• 5:56Lewis Howes?

  And so I started to become the best athlete I could be, to be the most valuable person on every sports team, so that they always needed me.

• 6:04Ed Mylett?

  And you played all the sports?

• 6:05Lewis Howes?

  Every sport, yeah, I mean, I was-

• 6:06Ed Mylett?

  What are you, six, three?

• 6:07Lewis Howes?

  Six, four.

• 6:08Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, you're a big dude.

• 6:08Lewis Howes?

  And, um, yeah, I was just like constantly driven to be, to be better.

• 6:13Ed Mylett?

  That's me. I read your whole background. I did not know that you went to a boarding school when you were thirteen. Cause you're, you're interesting. Everybody has defining moments, right, in their life? And these moments define us based on the meaning we take from them is my theory anyway. Right. But you've had some real defining moments.

• 6:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 6:29Ed Mylett?

  So let's go back to one, the athlete mask first. And we're going to talk about this, that really the premise of the book that I love are these different masks that men wear to conceal who they really are.

• 6:38Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 6:38Ed Mylett?

  Or to hide behind those masks. And I just want to tell you as a brother, and you know, I've had decent success in my life too. But it was illuminating and enlightening for me, the different masks that I wear. Even to this day still, I throw those masks on.

• 6:51Lewis Howes?

  We all do.

• 6:52Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, you still do even.

• 6:53Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. I think it's our ability to be aware of what we're wearing. Does that make sense? The ability to say, okay, you know, for example, when I left playing professional football, arena football, I was broke on my sister's couch for about a year and a half, trying to figure out, how do I make money? How do I start a business? How do I get a job? How do I do any of these things? Because I was just training my whole life. My dad, even though he started talking about money more, he said, just train full time. Go chase your dream. Because I think he never did. So he wanted to fully support, make sure that I did.

• 7:23Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 7:23Lewis Howes?

  He was like, you can come back and work with me and my business when you're done.

• 7:26Ed Mylett?

  If it didn't work, you had a.

• 7:27Lewis Howes?

  Didn't work, you got the backup plan.

• 7:28Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 7:28Lewis Howes?

  So I never worked.

• 7:29Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 7:30Lewis Howes?

  Like I did like lawn mowing a little bit and like some little odd end jobs here and there. But I never like nine to five all summer long.

• 7:38Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 7:38Lewis Howes?

  It was just like, no, your job is to train.

• 7:40Ed Mylett?

  No kidding?

• 7:41Lewis Howes?

  So I would go to specific facilities and train all day.

• 7:43Ed Mylett?

  So why didn't you go to work for him when football didn't work out?

• 7:46Lewis Howes?

  Because the year I left to go play professional football, he got in a tragic car accident where he was in a coma for three months. And then he's still alive today, but he's never been the same person. He's emotionally not all there. He can't really have the same conversations. He's unable to work, like he's just mentally unable to work.

• 8:06Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 8:07Lewis Howes?

  And so it's like my dad is still alive, but it's almost like I lost him that day.

• 8:10Ed Mylett?

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 8:11Lewis Howes?

  So it's okay. I mean, it was, it was a challenging few years to say, you know, when I needed a mentor the most, I didn't have him when I had him my whole life.

• 8:19Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 8:20Lewis Howes?

  So I had to seek out other mentors to teach me certain things. And I think it's also another dividing moment is like, I don't know if your father is around or your parents around. But I think essentially losing my dad when I was 23, where he wasn't able to be there, emotional, mental, spiritual, financial support, any of those things. It was kind of like I had to grow up in a lot of ways. I had to. And I think if he would have still been around, I don't think I'd be this hungry. And I think it was probably one of the greatest blessings. Although I wish it didn't happen and I wish he was healthier and was able to communicate in other ways.

• 9:00Lewis Howes?

  It was also made me so hungry and just thirsty to like learn how to build something on my own.

• 9:07Ed Mylett?

  It's interesting because every time I meet somebody who's the after, and I know you don't see yourself as the after like you're successful yet. Cause you're chasing something. But it's always interesting to me that meaning people take away from events that otherwise most people would consider to be tragic, right? And it really, I've always believed this and I say this a lot and you embody this. It's not the events of our life that defines us, it's the meaning we attach to them and then the action we take as a result, right? And you, one of the things I just admire about you so much. And I think why your following is so big is because of what you're doing right now. You're real, you're transparent with who you are, at least to the best that we can be, right? And I admire that and I try to do that too.

• 9:50Ed Mylett?

  I think both of us have a certain following in social media. Cause I think people think they really know who we are. We're not wearing a mask necessarily on social media all the time, right? But you've had several events like this, so let's go back to one, we'll go back to a couple if you don't mind. I thought it was just interesting before we get to a heavy one, a lighter one, but a defining one for you. Cause you talk about that athlete mask, that's one of the masks that Lewis talks about in the book is men, you know, with their masculinity, wearing the masks of different types of people, whether it's the material mask or the athlete mask or the stoic mask. And it's such a fascinating read. It is for men, but to be candid with you, I think it's a fascinating read for women to understand their men.

• 10:27Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. So many women are telling me that they finally understand their husbands, why their father never showed them the affection, why their sons don't look them in the eyes. It's like trying to understand men a little bit better too.

• 10:37Ed Mylett?

  It's brilliant, man. And so there's this story in there that stuck out to me and I could picture you as a little guy when this happened. But you talk about, and it's interesting, it could be a non-event for some people, but it was for this dodgeball game.

• 10:48Lewis Howes?

  It's defining, man.

• 10:48Ed Mylett?

  It was because you ended up being, remember this guy ends up going on to become a college and professional athlete, right? And if you draw back all the way where that mask started, it started in a damn. Dodgeball game.

• 10:59Lewis Howes?

  Elementary school. You know, I was still trying to find my way and just have a couple of friends, just try to fit in. And one day, the teacher of our class, there's probably thirty kids in the class, about fifty men, fifty percent men and and boys. Boys and girls, they say, okay, during recess, we're going to play a team dodgeball game and we're gonna split it up into two teams.

• 11:22Ed Mylett?

  Everybody's had that game at school, right?

• 11:23Lewis Howes?

  Right, yeah, everyone's played dodgeball or something, right? And he said, okay, I'm picking you two boys as the captains. Pick one at a time. I don't think it was his intention to do this. He was just like, yeah, you guys split up the teams. So we're all waiting to be like called out, right? And these two popular kids, one at a time, start picking each boy. And I'm thinking to myself, I'm one of the taller kids. I feel like I'm pretty athletic already. They've got to pick me as one of the first people. So I'm standing up there in front, like waiting to be called, and they pick all the boys one by one until it's me and the last boy. And this boy, like, he was not athletic at all, essentially, I'll keep it at that. And they pick him. And so now I'm the last boy to be picked. However, as you know in the story, they pick a girl next.

• 12:08Lewis Howes?

  And then, and then they pick another girl, another girl, until it's me and the last girl. And I'm like, there's no way I'm gonna be like, they're gonna pick this girl before me. This girl is like zero athletic ability, right? She can't even walk. And they pick her, and then I'm not even picked, I'm just by default. You know, just go on the next team. They didn't even pick me as like.

• 12:29Ed Mylett?

  What's going on to you? Are you raging?

• 12:31Lewis Howes?

  I am raging. I'm already a kid that feels neglected, that feels like the youngest who doesn't get any attention. You know, I didn't have any friends. So at this point, I said, I'm going to destroy everyone on this team. Like, give me the ball. I'm just like slamming it in people's faces. Yeah, and I'm just like destroying people. And I go, never again will I be picked last. You can see it in me right now. Never again will I ever get picked last in anything, right? And that's what I told myself. And I just become a training machine. Every day after school, I would go to the playground, go to the gym, go play basketball. And train until my mom would have to call me in at like nine o'clock and say, you gotta come home.

• 13:11Ed Mylett?

  And you think that game has something to do with you end up being a professional athlete?

• 13:15Lewis Howes?

  I think it, I think it was one of the triggers of just like always feeling like I was abused, left behind, not good enough. It was just one of those triggers.

• 13:26Ed Mylett?

  Your face changed even when you just said that.

• 13:28Lewis Howes?

  It's just like, it's one of those moments that I can remember. You know, there's many moments like that.

• 13:34Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 13:34Lewis Howes?

  But that was a moment where I was like, okay, I just never want to feel this again.

• 13:38Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, it literally defined part of your whole identity.

• 13:40Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 13:41Ed Mylett?

  It was one of these masks, you're like, I wear this one well.

• 13:43Lewis Howes?

  And so I put, yeah, so I put the athlete mask on and I said, never again am I gonna lose. And I also needed to be right, you know, for me, like being wrong was losing. And so I was like, I need to win at all costs. I need to be right at all costs. And anytime I lost in a game, I was the worst loser. Because my self-worth and my value was tied to winning or losing. And even when I won, sometimes I wouldn't be happy because I would beat myself up about how I could have been better.

• 14:12Ed Mylett?

  Amazing.

• 14:13Lewis Howes?

  So I couldn't appreciate the journey. We just always gotta get better, gotta get to the goal, gotta get to the goal.

• 14:19Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, everybody that's listening, including me frankly, a lot of us relate to that.

• 14:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:23Ed Mylett?

  And we're gonna talk about some solutions that too, or those of you that are watching this, you certainly know someone like us.

• 14:28Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 14:29Ed Mylett?

  And it's, it's interesting because you have that event, you have a brother that goes to prison. I didn't know, but you go to a boarding school when you're 13, you had a... It's amazing that you end up becoming one of the most sought after people on the planet to improve people's lives. And yet you have these events that you didn't allow eventually to define who you were. There's a significant one though, as you know.

• 14:50Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 14:50Ed Mylett?

  I think it's the genesis of the book, probably.

• 14:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:53Ed Mylett?

  But if you don't mind taking them through this, you had some sexual abuse happen to you and you were a very young boy. I mean, I mean, very young. So you had the 13, you have the brother go to prison, you have the dodgeball game. But the, the biggie.

• 15:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, when I was five, yeah, I was, here's the thing, when I was five, I was raped by a man that I didn't know. And, and for 25 years, no one knew about it.

• 15:16Ed Mylett?

  Is it, I want to ask you this because I've not heard you answer this, are you telling me literally you didn't tell anybody?

• 15:20Lewis Howes?

  I didn't tell anyone.

• 15:21Ed Mylett?

  Not your...

• 15:21Lewis Howes?

  I told a socio, a professor, my freshman year in college, I said, you know, something happened to me, but I didn't tell him what.

• 15:29Ed Mylett?

  Wow, so mom and dad definitely did.

• 15:30Lewis Howes?

  Parents didn't know, friends didn't know. I never told anyone exactly what happened. I was too afraid to let people know. And so for 25 years, I'm 34 now, when I was 30, I went through a bunch of different challenges in my life with intimate relationship I was in, a business partnership I was in. And just everything looked good on the outside. You know, people were like, man, you're crushing it, Louis. But I was suffering on the inside and I didn't know why. And I don't know if you've ever felt that when your business took off or you're like, why am I not fulfilled? I absolutely do, yes. You felt that before? Of course. And for me, I was taking all of this, I was just angry, constantly angry. I was doing great in my business,

• 16:12Lewis Howes?

  but angry because I couldn't figure out how to cope and understand my emotions. So I took all this frustration out on the basketball court. Every day I would go play basketball a few blocks away. And every day it was like I was looking for a fight. You know in college when you're like, you're just like, I hope someone looks at me. Look at the wrong, get them slap you. Running to me the wrong way, like I'm gonna beat you up. You know, I was just, I was looking for a fight. And I think that was the only way I knew how to express myself was through physical aggression. So many people are relating to this right now. That was my life. Football was my ability to just destroy people in a legal way without getting in trouble. I could get it out every single day. So when you don't have that anymore, it's like, I need to go play basketball and like rough it out.

• 16:57Lewis Howes?

  Because I didn't know how to cope with my emotions or what I was going through. I just didn't have the skills or the tools. So every day I would go out and play basketball and I just constantly, someone would yap at me and it was like, I had to step to them like I was the alpha dog and like shove them and scream at them and just show them that they weren't gonna mess with me. It's amazing, just to tell you, because being in your presence and being around you. I'm not that way. Yeah, and we're mutual friends, no one would describe it this way now. Exactly, exactly. And you know, I'm typically, I was typically not that way either. Like I'm always a very loving, like happy person. But there's a trigger thing. It's a trigger. Like if you crossed the trigger, it was like, you're gonna go down. Or I was gonna go down or something. And so every day it was like, waiting for someone to hit me. And they wouldn't hit me.

• 17:41Lewis Howes?

  I would like push at them, I would scream back at them, I'd be like, don't talk shit to me, don't do this, don't like whatever. To a no stakes pickup basketball game in West Hollywood. It's not like, anything's on the line, yeah, it's like. And one day, after a few months of this, I'm guarding a guy who's much bigger than me, older than me. And we're getting in a heated battle back and forth. He's fouling me hard, I'm fouling him hard, like, but it's kinda like this, this is what you do in the street ball, right? You're kinda fouling each other hard, but it's, it's all good, it's fair game. He's calling it, I'm calling it. It gets down to the last point, game point for both of us, both teams. He gets a ball down, getting ready to shoot a layup. I, I foul him hard. You know, I grab his arm down so we can't score, so the game would be over. I guess it was enough, was enough for him.

• 18:26Lewis Howes?

  And he came at me and head butts me. Now, this was the trigger that put me over the top and said, incredible Hulk is coming out.

• 18:33Ed Mylett?

  Snap City.

• 18:34Lewis Howes?

  Snap City. It was like, I can't even remember, because I just put him in a headlock and just started UFC pounding him, throwing him to the ground, on top of him, just like unleashing all this anger. It had to come out somewhere.

• 18:47Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 18:48Lewis Howes?

  And this was the moment it exploded. Cause I didn't know how to let it come out any other way. Now afterwards, I remember I was shaking so much, cause it got up and there was blood gushing out everywhere, all over the court. The police station is right across the street.

• 19:02Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 19:03Lewis Howes?

  It snaps back into me like, I have everything to lose here.

• 19:06Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 19:06Lewis Howes?

  I could go to jail, like, what if something happens? What if I actually hurt him really bad? Whatever, like, what if my whole life could be over from one moment? I know what happened to my brother going to prison from one drug deal that he was involved in. One thing, he got caught, which put him in a prison, sentenced six to 25 years. He got out in four and a half in good behavior. So all of a sudden, I'm like, how stupid can I be to allow my emotions to get the best of me, to react?

• 19:35Lewis Howes?

  Um, after that point, my friends were like, you know, you need some help, man. Like, you need some help. You know, it wasn't that bad, but they were like, why are you doing this?

• 19:45Ed Mylett?

  That shouldn't happen, right?

• 19:46Lewis Howes?

  Why are you allowing this to happen?

• 19:47Ed Mylett?

  Did you know why then? Do you think you knew?

• 19:50Lewis Howes?

  I think I was just like angry at everything.

• 19:53Ed Mylett?

  No matter how successful you're still, there's this angry piece of you.

• 19:55Lewis Howes?

  Because I would achieve all these things that I wanted, but then I was like angry right when I'd achieve them. Like it didn't fulfill me.

• 20:01Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 20:02Lewis Howes?

  So I was like, I need to get bigger. I need to make more. I need to like get more goals. I need to do this. Like maybe then I'll feel good and none of it made me feel good. I don't know if you felt that way like I need to get 10 million, then 100 million. Then I need to sell my company and then I'm gonna feel great and maybe it felt great, maybe not, but.

• 20:17Ed Mylett?

  If it does, it's temporary and you're exactly right. Everybody watching this that's had any level of achievement that thinks once I get something else or I get to this place, then I'll be happy, then I'll be happy, then I'll be happy. And it does, I don't know anybody, and you and I also both know lots of very wealthy people who are completely unhappy. They're like Tony Robbins talks about all the time, success without fulfillment is complete failure, right? And so I relate to that level of failure. So do a lot of people and those of you that are chasing your dream. You've got to find a way, and we're gonna talk about this in a minute, to enjoy you now, celebrate you now. Because when you get to these different places, guess who arrives there? You. And if you're there with the same damage, with the same masks on, the amount of money you have just

• 20:58Ed Mylett?

  and sometimes frankly magnifies the pain that you're in, I think, because you can, you can act out different ways. So go ahead. So you, you have this event.

• 21:06Lewis Howes?

  So my friend starts saying, and I kind of come to an awareness of like, I remember running back from those courts like up into my room up here, like looking in the mirror shaking because I've got like blood all over me and I'm like, what am I doing? The last fight I was in was on like 15 or something. I'm like, why am I doing this? Look at myself in the mirror, literally like, why, why are you doing this? Who are you? And who do you want to become? I was just asking myself this over and over. And I started to say, okay, I need to take a deeper look of why I'm so resentful, why I'm so angry, why I'm so frustrated? And why I'm triggered? Why am I triggered when someone steps to me or says something to me? Or leaves a negative review online? Or why do I always have to defend myself?

• 21:47Lewis Howes?

  So I started calling some, some therapist friends of mine that I knew, some spiritual coaches that I knew. I started going to workshops and I went to this one emotional intelligence workshop that similar to like what Tony does, where I had us address kind of our past. Past with our parents, past with girlfriends, past with friends, like childhood and just kind of addressing it all.

• 22:09Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 22:09Lewis Howes?

  We recreated and reenacted situations to face ourselves in those moments. And and and recognize why we've come that way. And after I was in this five day workshop and after the third day, we had done a lot. You know, addressing our past, I cleared with my parents internally, I cleared with like relationships. And the facilitator of this workshop, there are about 50 people in it. He said, okay, we're moving forward to focus on our vision for our future. The things you want to create, the person you want to become. We've addressed everything in the past, but if there's anything you haven't addressed yet, now's the time to talk about it. Otherwise, we're moving forward, like get on the ship. And so I'm going through in my mind at this moment, like it's a pause in the room.

• 22:54Lewis Howes?

  And I'm going through, I'm like, my parents getting divorced, yeah, like pretty much everyone has done that, right? Okay, I went through that, feeling bullied and picked on, I talked about this, feeling like insecure in school, my brother in prison, like I talked about all these things and I was like, what about the time I was raped by a man? It just kind of came in my mind. And this was always in the back of my mind. You know, every week I would think about that moment. It would come up, like just kind of randomly popping and out of my head and I would just push it to the side. And I remember thinking to myself, if I don't say this now, I'll probably never say it to anyone. Like, the setting was perfect, I had gone through enough challenges and breakdowns in

• 23:37Lewis Howes?

  my life where I was like, I'm willing to figure out whatever it is, I'm gonna go there. And so I just stood up, walked to the front of the room, I didn't even ask for permission or anything, I just stood up, walked to the front of the room. And I remember, Ed, that I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. So I was staring down the entire time at the ground. And I walked through for the first time, just looking down. You know, when I was five years old, I was at the babysitter's, the babysitter had a son who was a teenager, and I just walked through the entire thing. And I couldn't look up because I was so embarrassed and so ashamed of people knowing this about me. And when I was complete, I said it pretty calmly. You know, I just kind of said it very calmly and when I went to walk down.

• 24:20Lewis Howes?

  It's like almost the moment I sat down is like I erupted of tears that I've never had in my life. And I just couldn't stop crying. I was just like crying over and over again. Thankfully, there were two women on either side of me that were holding me. They were crying, I was crying. I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I just said, of people knowing this about me because I wasn't perfect looking anymore. I wasn't just like all American guy who had it figured out anymore. And I remember running out of the room. Outside, it was in a hotel conference room. I ran outside because I just needed some fresh air. I had my head up against the wall outside and uh. One of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me happened next.

• 25:01Lewis Howes?

  One by one, the men who were in the room came up to me outside and just gave me a big hug, looked me in my eyes and told me that I was their hero. One by one, they said different things like that and. The crazy thing, the thing that I'm, I was afraid of, people knowing about me the most. Was actually the thing that when I shared it, people connected with me even more and trusted me more. And people kept saying that, like, wow, I thought like something completely different about you, but now I trust you. Now I'll follow you anywhere. Like they said these things to me and I was like, what? That makes no sense. You know, everything that I was afraid of, that I was taught not to be a little bitch, a little girl, a little pussy, a little fag, whatever the words were that made you wrong.

• 25:45Lewis Howes?

  That made you different, that pushed people away from you. I was taught to like fit in by like being manly, having it figured it out, you know, winning, like talking bad to people, whatever it may be. And none of those things served my heart. And.

• 26:03Lewis Howes?

  It started to awaken everything in me. Like, when I finally opened up about that, I just said, you know what? I'm gonna open up about everything.

• 26:09Ed Mylett?

  How?

• 26:10Lewis Howes?

  Because the freedom it gave me to realize, wow, you still accept me for who I am. Or the things I've been through and you still, you still like me. You actually like me more. You trust me more. I was like, what?

• 26:23Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 26:24Lewis Howes?

  This concept of like, being real.

• 26:26Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 26:27Lewis Howes?

  You know?

• 26:27Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 26:27Lewis Howes?

  Not that I wasn't real.

• 26:29Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 26:29Lewis Howes?

  But I think I was always like, had a little bit of a layer of a mask hiding behind.

• 26:32Ed Mylett?

  We, alright. You, we all do. And what's amazing, sorry I'm getting a little choked, but of all the, I mean, I read all these personal development books. I listen to all these guys. It's the most compelling story I've read. I'm just gonna tell you.

• 26:46Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate it, man.

• 26:46Ed Mylett?

  No, it is, brother, because the courage. I think it takes courage when you're five, but to carry it and carry it and carry it and carry it, and then release it like this massive, that takes a gargantuan amount of courage, right? It does, brother. And I think for those, the people that are listening to this, because this is corny to say, but like, often in our life, our greatest test is actually our defining testimony of our life. Like, that was the greatest test of your life, and it's really the testimony of your life. Like, everything you're becoming was unleashed because you finally took your mask off. That was the big mask you wore.

• 27:22Lewis Howes?

  Huge for me. The secret I was carrying around my whole life that I didn't want anyone to know. And here's the crazy thing. You know, the people in that workshop were like, you should tell your family. And I was like, there's no way.

• 27:34Ed Mylett?

  So even after that?

• 27:35Lewis Howes?

  I was still scared to let anyone. I was like, this is a safer container, you know? It's like confidential, like no one's gonna hear about this.

• 27:41Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 27:42Lewis Howes?

  But I was willing to explore and see what I needed to let go of, to see what I could create in my life. Eventually, I was like, okay, I'm gonna tell my family one by one. And it was terrifying. But again, when I told them, they opened up to things about me that I didn't know. And we built a stronger relationship as a family. Then they were like, you should tell your friends. I was like, no way. My family has to love me. You know what I mean? But my friends, they're probably not gonna accept me anymore. But I'd started doing it one by one.

• 28:09Ed Mylett?

  What was it like? Was it, would you go into them like?

• 28:12Lewis Howes?

  I think I went back to like just being terrified as a kid, like what if they don't accept me?

• 28:15Ed Mylett?

  Same thing, yeah.

• 28:16Lewis Howes?

  Same thing. It was like the fear of what if people don't accept me? But one by one, people accepted me even more. And they trusted me even more. And they were there for me more and had compassion. You know, humanity is a powerful thing when you show vulnerability. I truly believe that other people who have a deep hearts like are gonna open up.

• 28:32Ed Mylett?

  So do I.

• 28:34Lewis Howes?

  You know, there may be some people who are gonna be so guarded they can't receive it, but usually most people have a great heart.

• 28:39Ed Mylett?

  You're right.

• 28:40Lewis Howes?

  And my friends started saying, you gotta share this publicly. And I was like, no fucking way.

• 28:45Ed Mylett?

  Now you're.

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. They're like, you should tell this on your podcast. I was like, no, it's gonna hurt my business. Like, what if people are really gonna think weird about me?

• 28:52Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 28:53Lewis Howes?

  But after six months of me just saying, you know what, I need to continue to talk about this, cuz it still has power over me. Cuz when I talk about it, I quiver, I palpitate my heart, like it still owns me. And I don't want this thing to own me anymore. I wanna own it. And so, so I finally had enough courage to just kind of tell all the close people in my life, my friends, the family. And it wasn't a hard thing anymore to talk about it. You know, it's still a moment that I wish no one to go through.

• 29:22Ed Mylett?

  Of course.

• 29:22Lewis Howes?

  But it doesn't take over my body. And so I said, you know what, I need to do this publicly cuz I felt like I never seen another white, straight male, jock-looking guy, open up about this.

• 29:35Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 29:35Lewis Howes?

  I've never seen it. Maybe it's happened, but I just.

• 29:38Ed Mylett?

  Nor have I.

• 29:38Lewis Howes?

  I can't think of like, some personality or athlete or business leader who has opened up about it. And one in six men have been sexually abused in some way. One in six. And yet, it's not acceptable to talk about it. Whether it be, you know, to friends and family, or publicly, or whatever. It's just, I'm not saying everyone should publicly talk about it.

• 30:00Ed Mylett?

  Sure.

• 30:01Lewis Howes?

  But I felt like for me.

• 30:02Ed Mylett?

  I love what you said about it still owning you.

• 30:05Lewis Howes?

  It was owning you, yeah.

• 30:06Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 30:07Lewis Howes?

  And I was just like, I felt a duty, a responsibility to continue to talk about it. Because, and here's the thing that happened, when I put it on my podcast, I talked about it on my podcast, and did a whole episode about it four years ago. I shared it out. And at night, I posted it out at night, like 11 o'clock, I was right here in this room. I posted it out and I went out and sat on that patio right there. And I sent out one tweet and I just said, I'm gonna leave it up to the universe to see what happens. So I didn't promote it anyway, I just put one tweet out and I was like, I'm gonna go to bed and see. Hopefully, no one watches this, you know, I was like, hoping that no one saw it.

• 30:43Ed Mylett?

  You want to do what you don't.

• 30:44Lewis Howes?

  And the crazy thing is, I went outside and it was like, it was 11 o'clock at night, but it felt like it was daytime. It was the largest moon in the last hundred years that happened that night, it was a super moon. And it was like, I didn't know this was happening at that time, I just decided I needed to post it then. And it kinda gives me chills thinking about it. And I was looking up the definition of like, what's a super moon mean? And it's like, a super moon is like shifts the world and like, and I was like, this is crazy, right? And um, over the next couple of weeks, I was getting hundreds of emails from men. Sending essays telling me, I've been married for 35 years, my wife doesn't know. This is what happened to me. I've been in this relationship for this long, I've never told anyone. You know, this had, this happened to me for years when I was a kid, this had, you know.

• 31:29Lewis Howes?

  The craziest stories I've ever heard made mine look like a Disney movie. Compared to some of the stuff that men were emailing me. But it's like, I gave these men who listened, permission for the first time to talk about it. Cause if a big jock looking guy like me.

• 31:43Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, right. Good looking, big jock, athlete, successful.

• 31:46Lewis Howes?

  If I talk about it, then maybe someone else can talk about it. And the healing that started to happen from within of these men. Where they finally started to talk to their partner about it, where they finally started to address it. Where they finally started to not be so stoic or so driven by sexual mass or the material mass to make themselves feel better. They started to communicate in healthier forms. And, and just show a little bit of emotion, show a little bit of vulnerability and heal from within. And they got healthier physically, their businesses grew, their relationships thrived.

• 32:20Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 32:20Lewis Howes?

  Cause they were able to communicate.

• 32:22Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 32:22Lewis Howes?

  And I think as men, we've been conditioned not to share certain things, to be tough, to be these things, to not be weak, to not be soft.

• 32:30Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 32:30Lewis Howes?

  To not show emotion, to not show affection. You know, as a kid, I was always like pushed away from my friends when I would be like, it's so good to see you.

• 32:38Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 32:38Lewis Howes?

  You know, I would like put an arm around a guy.

• 32:40Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 32:40Lewis Howes?

  Not in a sexual way, just like buddy buddy.

• 32:42Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 32:42Lewis Howes?

  And be like, get off me. What are you gay?

• 32:44Ed Mylett?

  Yes. It's interesting. I was gonna tell you something, cause I'm that way too. I have touchy feelings.

• 32:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:48Ed Mylett?

  Especially, it's funny, especially with, it's like when I see my buddies, I touch them, you know?

• 32:52Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 32:53Ed Mylett?

  I want to say something about what you said there, cause it's just, I think we all want people to like us, you know? And I think that when we wear these masks, I think the more honest we are about who we truly are, the more people actually love us.

• 33:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:05Ed Mylett?

  The real us, you know, and I think, what I love, what I want the men listening to this, this is a real man. A real man is vulnerable, a real man is honest, a real man's transparent. And not all of us have big muscles and are big guys like that, but I'm attracted to people, and I think everybody is, who are, they're, they're on, they're authentic selves, right? And you have this big, big story, and I love what you said about more men came to you, and I just want to acknowledge it, man. Like, I think it's made a huge difference in the world.

• 33:36Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 33:37Ed Mylett?

  And I think those of you that are watching this, I, I always advocate for somebody on my program, but I think there's a, I know when I'm with a genuine, good person, who cares? And like, I think if, if, if Lewis is this honest about this, imagine the kind of transparency, honesty you get if you were reading his books, if you were, if you were a part of his podcast, become a part of his community, because I think when you're like this, I think you get this out of your guests, I think you get it out of the people that you interview too. And I love, I love the story, but I also love the book, because you talk about triggers, right?

• 34:08Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 34:08Ed Mylett?

  One thing about these triggers is, we all have these triggers. Yours was to go to anger. But for many of you out there, that trigger goes to depression, or sadness, or fear, or anxiety.

• 34:16Lewis Howes?

  Addiction, whatever, yeah.

• 34:17Ed Mylett?

  Addiction, right? We have these.

• 34:18Lewis Howes?

  Pornography, whatever, you know, anything.

• 34:20Ed Mylett?

  These different.

• 34:20Lewis Howes?

  Money.

• 34:21Ed Mylett?

  Money. Let's talk about that for a second, cause it's where I was going. So, men wear these. Different masks, women wear them too, right? You actually talk about reading a book that a woman had written about masks as well, but we're phrasing it and men were men here, so, but this is awesome for women to hear as well, but so what would you say to a guy who's always worn this material mask or this athlete mask? He's afraid as hell to take that thing off.

• 34:42Lewis Howes?

  Here's the thing, you know, once I got done playing sports and I was broke and my dad was injured and he wasn't able to provide financially anymore or give me that support, I became obsessed with saying, I need to make a lot of money now because I need friends, I want people to like me, I want to be like seen and acknowledged. And I focused on, I'm gonna figure out how to be a millionaire. I had no clue how to make money. I was broke on my sister's couch for a year and a half recovering from this injury. And I just started studying it, finding mentors and just taking massive action. Found something that worked, which is teaching people about LinkedIn and it said, okay, how can I scale this and make more money and then continue to grow from there? And here's the thing, I put on the material mask and it worked. I made a lot of money. I got a lot of results.

• 35:26Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 35:26Lewis Howes?

  And I also gained 50 pounds, didn't have any relationships that were intimate. It was all about money, money, money. I wasn't sleeping. And I think there's times where we're gonna be working extra and we're gonna be out of balance.

• 35:38Ed Mylett?

  Of course.

• 35:39Lewis Howes?

  To grow anything.

• 35:40Ed Mylett?

  Sure.

• 35:41Lewis Howes?

  But my self-worth soon and quickly became tied to my net worth. And so if I wasn't making more money every month, my value went down, my inner world.

• 35:52Ed Mylett?

  I relate to that, yeah.

• 35:53Lewis Howes?

  And if I was losing money, like same thing, it was like now it was like stressed out. I gotta make more because are people gonna think I'm good enough for this? So for me, I'm all about making as much money as I can.

• 36:06Ed Mylett?

  Right, that's just interesting, because I met you, I didn't know when I'd meet you, I thought, well, this guy is still competitive. He still wants to be successful. So talk about that for a second, because I read it, I'll be honest with you, I wear some of these masks.

• 36:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, we all do.

• 36:18Ed Mylett?

  I think there's a fear for people, they go, if I take off this material mask, or I take off this, you know, athlete mask, let's just say, I'm gonna lose my mojo, I'm gonna lose my drive, my ambition, so is there other parts of you that are unveiled, that are unleashed when you take these masks off, or, because you know that's what people are thinking, like men read this, they go, I do wear that mask. But if I take the sucker off, man, I'm like

• 36:42Lewis Howes?

  Is my business gonna crumble?

• 36:44Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 36:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. I get it.

• 36:45Ed Mylett?

  What's your experience with that?

• 36:46Lewis Howes?

  Here's the thing, once I went through this experience four years ago, uh, where I opened up and, and talked about these things, I really realized that I was living from a place of win, lose and right and wrong.

• 36:58Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 36:58Lewis Howes?

  Where everything, I needed to win at all costs. That meant everyone else needed to lose. And I needed to be right in every situation, which meant everyone else needed to be wrong. And that was kind of my whole life, even though I wasn't thinking I was doing that.

• 37:11Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 37:12Lewis Howes?

  That was for me saying, I'm valuable enough in the world to have friends and be accepted and to fit in. So when I finally started to let go of all this stuff, I realized, no, no longer am I going to come from a place of me winning and everyone else losing around me. It has to be a win-win in everything. Everything must be a win-win. And so I've come from a place, my first thirty years of my life, I was driven, my fuel was anger, resentment and proving myself.

• 37:39Ed Mylett?

  Beat people too, defeat them, right?

• 37:41Lewis Howes?

  Defeat them, be the best.

• 37:42Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 37:42Lewis Howes?

  I had to be the best at everything.

• 37:44Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 37:44Lewis Howes?

  If I wasn't, it was like, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to be number one. In the last four years, it's shifted from how can I lift everyone else up around me?

• 37:52Ed Mylett?

  I love that.

• 37:53Lewis Howes?

  How can I win and everyone else win at the same time?

• 37:56Ed Mylett?

  I love that.

• 37:57Lewis Howes?

  And so my fuel, I feel like has so much, for the first time, I was able to sleep at night without taking three hours to go to bed. My whole life, I would take at least one hour for me to just sit there until I fell asleep. Now I can go to bed in ten minutes. And I never was able to do that before. I didn't know why I couldn't sleep.

• 38:13Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 38:14Lewis Howes?

  I think I was always this negative fuel to like, uh, prove myself. Now I'm just like, if I fail, I know it's a part of the process of succeeding and I'm gonna lift others up in the process.

• 38:25Ed Mylett?

  It's interesting, cause I wanna say something about that, cause the way you just said that's beautiful.

• 38:29Lewis Howes?

  Thanks.

• 38:29Ed Mylett?

  And I've found this for myself too, maybe you've discovered this. I was the same way. I needed to win, I needed to win, I needed to win. And it was always empty. It was always, maybe for a day, maybe for an hour.

• 38:41Lewis Howes?

  It's nice, and then it's empty.

• 38:42Ed Mylett?

  It was empty. I thought, well, if I take this mask off, so what do I really want? And what I'm most like turned on by, I guess, in life is I want to, I've never gotten tired of serving others. It's why I'm doing this, right?

• 38:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 38:54Ed Mylett?

  I've never got tired of serving others and lifting other people's, it fills me up. It's almost like on Christmas, when you're a kid, you love getting gifts, but somehow when you get older, it's more beautiful to watch people open theirs, you know? And the other piece of it too is that, I think you're this way too. Rather than just win, I'm more interested in finding out the best version of me, that next me, that I grew this beard out, my daughter goes, Daddy, are you going through a midlife crisis? You know, and I'm like, yes, I am. And I went through a young life crisis, and I'm probably gonna go through a 50 year old. I'm constantly in a crisis to become the better me, get to know me better. Because what you are, I want you to know when you're watching success, because I think the people that I know that are fulfilled are the most self-aware.

• 39:36Ed Mylett?

  They're not, these masks also conceal us from ourselves, not just from other people. What I got out of reading was, yeah, you wear this mask and it conceals you from other people, but it hides you from you. Like you had buried this incident, and that mask you wore not only hid you from other people, it hid you from you, right? And do you feel that way at least?

• 39:55Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 39:55Ed Mylett?

  You've gotten to know yourself better?

• 39:56Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think you're wearing, and here's the thing, I still wear, I've worn all the masks throughout my entire life at different stages. I think we're trying to prove ourselves or fit in and do things at different stages.

• 40:08Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 40:10Lewis Howes?

  And there's still times where maybe three of the masks I'll wear more often today.

• 40:15Ed Mylett?

  They're your go-to mask.

• 40:16Lewis Howes?

  They're my go-to, like, you know, I'm triggered and I wanna defend myself. Like, it's been my go-to my whole life. But I'm so much more aware of it and quick to say, you know what? Okay, I'm just upset, I'm frustrated, let me step back, let me apologize for reacting.

• 40:29Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 40:29Lewis Howes?

  Let me take ownership for what I just said, or what I just did, or trying to like flip that person off who was driving in front of me, whatever, like.

• 40:35Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 40:36Lewis Howes?

  Because when we react in a negative way. It doesn't support a positive vision for our life and it doesn't give us inner peace. We might think it gives us peace to like be revengeful or respond in that way. So everything I focus on now is, does this serve the purpose I have for my life? This reaction to someone critiquing me.

• 40:58Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 40:58Lewis Howes?

  Me getting back at them, is that gonna serve my vision?

• 41:01Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 41:02Lewis Howes?

  Putting my energy on that. And is putting an energy on that thing gonna give me inner peace?

• 41:06Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 41:07Lewis Howes?

  If the answer is no, then don't do it.

• 41:09Ed Mylett?

  Doesn't serve you.

• 41:09Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't serve you and it doesn't serve the world.

• 41:11Ed Mylett?

  Wow. Okay, hard question.

• 41:13Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 41:13Ed Mylett?

  On that line. This is my number one question here, because I get asked this all the time, you do too. By the way, there's all kinds of mentoring coaching you can get from this guy. Go to his Instagram page. Is there a website that goes, so they go to Instagram to find you?

• 41:25Lewis Howes?

  Instagram, LewisHowes.com, yeah.

• 41:27Ed Mylett?

  Because I think there's, listen, the thing I get asked the most, because you just said purpose. Maybe you get asked this a lot too, you say, I don't know what mine is, right? Like, one of the greatest things in life is kind to actually uncover what you love, what you want to do. So for people out there that are watching this, they say, all right, Lewis, I need to take these masks off. I get that. I'm a little afraid to do it because now I'm vulnerable, right? But assuming I got the confidence to do that, I have the courage to do it. How do I find my purpose? Is there anything you could tell me that would help me uncover what my purpose is? Is that a tough question or what? But I'm driving over here, I wanted to ask you that.

• 42:00Lewis Howes?

  For me, it comes down to what brings you the most joy. Because I believe joy is infectious. And when we bring the joy, we inspire other people to lighten up, to have fun, to dance, to play, to be adventurous. When we do things that don't bring us joy, I don't think that's your purpose. So it's figuring out what are the things that bring you the most joy. And sometimes you might make a lot of money doing something that can bring joy in other ways, but it's not the thing you love doing, but that still serves a purpose for bringing joy somewhere else. Like, you may be in a business that you don't fully love, but it funds the thing that you do love. That's okay as well. I'm not saying anything is right or wrong here. But I love the quote from Jim Carrey where he said something like, You know, his father failed at the thing he hated.

• 42:45Lewis Howes?

  So it's like, if you can fail at the thing you hate, you might as well go after the thing you love and fail at that.

• 42:51Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, it's, he said it's 10 times worse to fail at something you hate than not to fail at something you love.

• 42:55Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 42:55Ed Mylett?

  Did you just see that? I just saw that same quote. I played it back. It was so good.

• 42:59Lewis Howes?

  It's amazing. So it's like, for me, what's the thing that brings you the most joy? You know, as you know, and Tony talks about this all the time, like, it could all be over in a moment.

• 43:08Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 43:08Lewis Howes?

  And for me, the regret of not doing the things I love is my biggest fear. It's like, I don't want to be 90 or 100 or however old I am and be like, oh, you know, I was just scared my whole life. I didn't do the things that brought me the most joy. I did the conservative things. So I think if you're creative, do something that's creative for you. If you're an idea person, keep coming up with ideas. If you like to build a business, do that. I mean, if you want to play all day, then play all day, but you got to figure out a way to just sustain yourself financially in that process. And now more than ever, as you know, you can do pretty much anything and make money around it.

• 43:42Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 43:43Lewis Howes?

  Anything.

• 43:43Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, monetizing things isn't that difficult in the world today.

• 43:46Lewis Howes?

  It's not that hard today.

• 43:47Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 43:47Lewis Howes?

  Like, there's always a way to teach someone how to do what you're doing, to like, create a community around it, whatever.

• 43:51Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 43:52Lewis Howes?

  From every type of industry, you can do something and make money around it. So for me, it's, you know, and you may have to pay your dues for a while doing certain things and you're going to have to master things. But I think just leaning into curiosity and joy. What's the thing that brings the most curiosity? Do that.

• 44:07Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 44:07Lewis Howes?

  And then bring it with passion.

• 44:08Ed Mylett?

  I love that. That is a great answer because what it does is it, and I know we're running out of time, but it's, I've watched this with you. So it is true, all these other doors open when you start to chase what you're curious of, right? So like, I bet you the things you're doing, and it's true for me too. I didn't know I'd be sitting here talking to you two years ago. I'm just chasing my joy and passion, which is to serve people. It opens up these other doors. So yesterday, you're telling me at the time of this, you end up with the Common, right? You have a couple of these other hip hop guys and you find yourself, it's interesting, your brother was in a prison. You, these other places and it's, the journey of life is so joyful when you are chasing your purpose.

• 44:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:44Ed Mylett?

  Right? And the road's kind of crazy great. So you found yourself in a prison yesterday, right? So just talk about not only that experience, but like, is it also true for you that as? You've opened up this kind of this journey of I'm gonna do what serves me, what makes me happy in my life that all these other doors have opened up for you, right?

• 45:01Lewis Howes?

  You know, it's funny because I had Scooter Braun on a couple of times. He's become a good friend of mine. For those who don't know who he is, he's the one who found Justin Bieber. He manages Kanye West, Ariana Grande, things like that. He said something the other day to me. He goes, you know, when I was a kid, eight, nine, 10 years old. I think he like was at some sports game, something like this. I'm butchering the story where he's like, I was at some game and one of the all-star athletes that I was a big fan of like, came up and like gave me a high five. And it was like the highlight of my year, this moment where I got to meet like my hero for a moment. It was like I told everyone about that. I was bragging about it for months, right?

• 45:39Lewis Howes?

  And he goes, I live that way almost every hour of the day now, where I'm having conversations with presidents, with the biggest celebrities in the world, with movie producers, exec, like, tech founders, billionaires. He's like, that moment when I was a kid is a moment all the time.

• 45:54Ed Mylett?

  That's awesome.

• 45:55Lewis Howes?

  And I can't remember where I was going.

• 45:57Ed Mylett?

  Well, you're going yesterday where you're in of these places, prison yesterday.

• 45:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So for me, like leaning into my curiosity and doing the thing that I love has opened up like a life for that where I get to interview people every day that I like that for me. I'm like, this is crazy. And doing a message that I think is meaningful, I got invited to go to this prison trip with like all these influencers. And when I go there, it brings me back to like, you know what? One move we make could put us in there.

• 46:22Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 46:23Lewis Howes?

  One mistake where we're triggered, where we don't have the tools. All these men essentially were wearing masks for the reason why they went in there. They, you know, some were murderers, some did other things, some were just at the scene that didn't pull the trigger, but they got a life sentence.

• 46:38Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 46:39Lewis Howes?

  Because they were there because of the laws.

• 46:40Ed Mylett?

  Wrong associations, yeah.

• 46:41Lewis Howes?

  And they've been in there for 20, 30 years. And they own it. They're sharing their stories about, you know, I was here, I own this, I did this, you know, they were owning it. But I'm like, what if they had the tools to be more loving, to be more compassionate, to not be so guarded, having to defend themselves, have to be right in every situation?

• 46:59Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 47:00Lewis Howes?

  They wouldn't be there. And what if, you know, on the basketball court, no one stopped me and I just kept going?

• 47:07Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 47:07Lewis Howes?

  I could be there too. Doesn't mean that they're bad people and, and one thing defines like their humanity.

• 47:15Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 47:16Lewis Howes?

  They just made a bad mistake. And they're living a life sentence for it.

• 47:20Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 47:20Lewis Howes?

  I'm not saying it's okay.

• 47:22Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 47:22Lewis Howes?

  I'm saying like, okay, the time is justified.

• 47:25Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 47:25Lewis Howes?

  But I'm saying that they're, they have good hearts as well. Some of these guys, obviously some don't. But I remember being there and one of the guys had my book and it was like the craziest experience because he said, this is everything we face in prison, these masks that we wear in prison. In prison is a whole nother culture of trying to like one up each other and like the gangs that are creating in prison is a whole nother culture. And he was like, this is what we face. And what I'm teaching, one of the guys was a teacher at the prison. There's college classes. He's got a master's degree he got in prison and he's teaching men's studies about vulnerability.

• 47:59Ed Mylett?

  He got a master's degree in prison?

• 48:00Lewis Howes?

  Yes. He's been there for 23 years. Yeah. Crazy. So, yeah, things just continue to unlock.

• 48:06Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 48:06Lewis Howes?

  And you follow your purpose.

• 48:07Ed Mylett?

  It's interesting because when you told me you went there and like the difference is like, I know three years ago, you didn't picture yourself with Common and a bunch of guys in prison. And now what you've learned and what you've shared opens up these doors, right?

• 48:18Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 48:18Ed Mylett?

  It was interesting because I was thinking, these masks, why I want people to read the book. These masks are a form of prison.

• 48:25Lewis Howes?

  That's it, man.

• 48:26Ed Mylett?

  It's almost a prison that you live in, you know, and I want, I wish we had more time. I hate that this is over because I know all of you are getting such giant value from this. I want to tell you something, man.

• 48:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:36Ed Mylett?

  I like you. I love you, brother. You're a good man, but more than that, you're, you're making a difference in the world. Like you are making a difference in the world. Like this makes a difference in people's lives. I just want you to know that the work you're doing. It's important, profound work, man. I can't wait for the next book and the next thing you're gonna do.

• 48:51Lewis Howes?

  Appreciate it.

• 48:52Ed Mylett?

  But thank you for doing this today.

• 48:53Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, we'll have to do more. We'll have to get you on my show. We'll have to hang out on the lake.

• 48:56Ed Mylett?

  I would love that.

• 48:57Lewis Howes?

  At the copper house.

• 48:58Ed Mylett?

  He has great friends that live literally across the bay from me. Like, literally, we're waving each other. So, I would love that, brother. Thank you so much for today, man. Really enjoyed it. Okay, everybody, listen, do me one favor. If you enjoyed this today, all I want you to do is rank and review and like the podcast on iTunes. Follow Lewis on Instagram. Get all of his content and information. Go get this amazing book as well. Max out your life, everybody. God bless you.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  You think you got what it takes to win? Then get coached by Ed Mylett at edmilet.com.