How To Have Uncomfortable Conversations w/ Emmanuel Acho

Get ready to learn the secrets of COURAGEOUS LIVING with Emmanuel Acho! This episode is a treasure trove of insights from the multifaceted world of an NFL player turned influential speaker and author. Acho's journey through sports, public speaking, and his profound engagements with racial conversations sheds light on the transformative power of facing tough issues head-on. In this episode, Emmanuel shares the necessary impact of having brave, uncomfortable conversations and how they can lead to understanding and healing. His approach, honed through personal experiences and significant contributions as a missionary and public figure, offers a unique blend of wisdom that can change how we interact with the world. Here’s what you’ll discover in this remarkable and timely episode: How to turn challenging discussions into opportunities for growth and understanding Learn the significance of values and beliefs in shaping your interactions and decisions Sometimes, stepping back is a strategic move… Learn when and how to disengage wisely Hear how encounters with icons like Oprah and Dr. Wayne Dyer have influenced Emmanuel’s unique leadership style Explore the importance of genuine, physical gestures, like hugs, in healing divisions Learn how Emmanuel is intertwining missionary work with public advocacy to enrich both the community and his personal life This episode is a masterclass in personal development and societal healing. Tune in to transform how you engage with the world and harness the full potential of your dialogues for positive change. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  So hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive. And the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth-based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down, growthday.com/ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. He's got about $5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis, and I do.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free, tuition-free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com/ed. That's growthday.com/ed. I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 p.m. And my third day, 6:00 p.m. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time too.

• 1:30Ed Mylett?

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• 2:08Ed Mylett?

  Welcome back to the show, everybody. So I'm excited to have this man on the show. I think he's got the best energy on all of television. In fact, I was just watching him on Speak on FS1 about, I don't know, hour and a half ago. I was just literally watching him. So he changed out of those beautiful clothes he was on. He's got a sweatsuit for me. So that tells you what he thinks of me. I'm just kidding. I've had his brother on the show, Sam. He just comes from a remarkable family. Former NFL linebacker. This guy's done so much. Emmy a win winning series that he's got that he produced called Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man. Had a great book called Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Boy. So I figured I need to have him on so we can

• 2:50Ed Mylett?

  just have an uncomfortable conversation and change some lives. So Emmanuel Acho, welcome to

• 2:57Speaker 01

  the show. My brother, I've heard nothing but good things. I call you a brother because you've had my brother on, my blood brother, Sam Acho. Y'all's conversation was fantastic. So I am looking forward to this dialogue, dude. I don't talk often outside of my sports show, but when I find genuine people and meaningful people, dude, I'm excited.

• 3:19Ed Mylett?

  Well, I'm grateful for that. And we're gonna skip around a little bit today, guys, because I told him before we started, his personal development, what I call like self-help, improve your life content, is incredible. And you could miss it because he's such a cultural figure now and talks about such heavy issues, important issues. And then, of course, he's got his sports background. But in there deep is his personal development stuff, which is outstanding. So we'll move in and out. But let's talk about these uncomfortable conversations first. What happened to, I just gotta ask you this, what happened to, don't discuss race, religion, or politics? That's what, when I was growing up, it was like, hey, your family's coming over, let's have some peace. No race, no religion, no politics. And yet you go completely the other direction.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Man, we live in a world, Ed, where that's life now. To not discuss it, I feel like would be to not discuss humanity. I feel like it would be to not discuss you, Ed, not discuss me, Emmanuel, because we are individuals who Have a racial identity. We're individuals who have a religious identity. We're individuals who every four years, more potent than others, have political identities. So I personally don't discuss politics because of how convoluted that particular conversation gets, but to not discuss race, to not discuss religion, that's to not discuss humanity. So I just think we're deeper humans than that.

• 4:44Ed Mylett?

  Although we're not going to discuss politics, you and I both know, we're about to enter a six or eight month window coming up, that I worry about our country and, to be really honest with you, I worry about the nature of the dialogue, the vitriol, I worry about that a lot. So A, why do you think most people avoid it? And then B, what could you help us understand that we need to know to prevent, frankly, what could be like a really chaotic next six to eight months of most of our lives dominated by the noise and the division and the, you know, people, you know, really digging into their positions?

• 5:21Speaker 01

  Well, I think the first thing I try to do, and I've been advised to do, is just be cognizant of who you converse with. Not everyone is worthy of your time. Oftentimes, Ed, back with my show, Uncomfortable Conversations, you mentioned I won an Emmy for it, by the grace of God. People say, Emmanuel, you should have a conversation with this person, or you should have a conversation with that person. I said, Ed, they're not trying to have a conversation, they're trying to have an argument. I'm not looking to have uncomfortable arguments. I'm looking to have uncomfortable conversations that will quickly become comfortable. I also think, Ed, bro, we far too often as people, we miss the aspect of listening to understand.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  We just listen to respond and listen to respond, but did you even hear what I was trying to say? And I think that's why people avoid it, because they're not. Particular enough or prudent enough with who they have conversations with. And as a result, they exhaust themselves.

• 6:20Ed Mylett?

  You know what? You're right about both those things. My, uh, one thing has changed as I've become older is I do, I never did before. I approach conversations more now. I just enjoy them more to understand more than I do to be understood. And I actually have uncovered that if I, if you feel as if I understand you, you're more open to understanding me and I can feel understood. My dad, before he passed away, my favorite man in the world was my dad. But like about every issue, he and I were on different sides of or different perspectives. And I actually, I gotta tell you, my, this is how, I'm saying something I've never said on the show before, but I wanted to say to you because I just think your work's so profound.

• 7:04Ed Mylett?

  My dad was in chemotherapy, like really struggling for his life. I know I'm losing him in the next six months to two years. And even at that, I had that ugly a conversation. It just, it, it literally wounded my soul when we did it. And what I did is what you just said, to give you an example, I called him back. I said, can we, let's do this again. Let me understand you. Just let me understand you. And it was like, it became a beautiful conversation because I made that shift. You have this amazing piece of content, brother. I hope you remember it because people ask me sometimes and I don't, about looking at people as if they're part of your house, the house analogy. You know what I'm talking about?

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Windows, you got doors and you got floors.

• 7:46Ed Mylett?

  This is legit because I think it helps us see people at different places in our life, whether they are worthy of these conversations or not. So give them this, this example, this, you guys will not forget this. Listen to this.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  So I view my people in my life is aspects of a house. In a house, you have windows, you got doors and you got floors. And the thing about your door friends is that a house, it has more windows than it has doors and it has more doors than it has floors. Your door friends, they may come in and out of your life though. Into your life, they'll leave your life. They'll be there for a moment. Your door friends are people who you will have friendships with for months, maybe even years. Then you have your window friends. Your window friends, they can see inside of your house. Your window friends text you on your birthday. They can see inside your life.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  They text you on Christmas. They text you on Easter. They text you when you lose a loved one. They text you for the birth of a child. But your window friends, they don't really know intimate details about your life. Your door friends come in and out of your life depending on the season of your life. If your life starts to get a little too cold, they might leave. If, if the life starts to get a little too hot, they might leave, but you have to have grace for your door friends because they weren't dressed for the season. But then wow, you have the oh so special floor friends. And though your house might only have one or two floors upstairs, downstairs, depending on your house, your floor friends are there for it all.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  They hold you up quite literally. They're there to catch your tears. They've heard all of your conversations. They've heard your darkest secrets. They've heard your fears. And so I view in my life, my door friends, my window friends, my floor friends, but and I think the, the sweetest part of this all is understanding you need windows, you need doors and you need floors. They all play parts in your house, which is your life.

• 9:45Ed Mylett?

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• 10:26Ed Mylett?

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• 11:11Ed Mylett?

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• 11:49Ed Mylett?

  Let me ask you about your floor friends. I wrestle with this. Do you think your floor friends have to believe what you believe? I've always navigated this like, I want my friends to share my value system, but I think a value system is different than necessarily beliefs. And I think a lot of times people just, they conflate that. So like the only people around them agree with them on almost everything. And then that's to me like, I like people that disagree with me. It challenges me, expands my horizons, makes me think out of the box. It, it's actually stimulating conversation. If we're all just, yeah, man, yeah, I agree. You're right. Like this seems to me like not a real fruitful existence. But what's your take on that? Floor friends have to share your beliefs or just your values?

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Man, I believe and I love how you define beliefs and values. I think people might define them differently in their own unique way. I would say it like your floor friends should have similar roots, but they might have different branches. You feel me? Like your, your, your floor friends, the roots should be the same. And if you can visualize everybody listening and watching, if you can visualize a tree and a tree has several branches and it has different leaves, but it has a root. And from that root, it has the, the, the, the base of the tree and then it has branches. Your floor friends should have similar roots. If y'all got different branches, yo, that is what it is.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  I do believe floor friends should share similar roots because, because if they don't, um, there will come a time when the sun exposes that friendship. And then it comes down to, uh-oh, were they really a floor friend or did they just become a door friend? Life will, life will happen. You, we, we might have Roe v Wade situations. We might have, uh, wars in the Middle East. We might have, um, uh, elections. We might have a racial tension and all of a sudden it's like, wait a second. I didn't realize you were, and now all of a sudden are they a floor friend or they a door friend? Wow. My gosh.

• 13:54Ed Mylett?

  All right, tough one. Here's one of the things I reason why I think people have a hard time being persuaded. I want you to speak to this. And it's that if they change their point of view, they've disrespected their tribe or the group they're a part of. You know, and there's a lot of pressure on certain, you're really smiling. There's a lot of pressure on certain people. There is for me in my role. Steven was telling me, he goes, look, man, I'm on television and an issue that comes up about race, he goes, while I'm on the air, I'm getting text messages from different people, very significant people tell them, you better say this, you better do that. And he said, it's difficult for me because if I vary from what my, whatever it is, you could have a political tribe, a racial tribe, a religious tribe, whatever that might be. If I change my mind or I take a position that's not part of my group, somehow I've

• 14:39Ed Mylett?

  disrespected or I may lose that group in terms of their loyalty to me. And I really feel like there's a lot of that in life right like now, because these, these window friends or these other people around, I was like, wow, if I, if I change my mind about this, or I let them know I've changed my mind about this, I've disrespected or I could lose this group of people. And I think that's one of the reasons people neglect to change their minds sometimes. You see some of that and do you struggle with that?

• 15:05Speaker 01

  That's well said. I see it a lot. I, I, the reason I do not struggle with that is because I believe that maintaining an ignorant opinion is to disrespect your own intellect. And I would rather disrespect my quote unquote tribe if my tribe is being ignorant than disrespect my own intellect if I have now unlocked the aperture of my mind to a new way, to a better way, to a more righteous way, to a more honest way, to a more just way. There is a lot of peer pressure to maintaining ignorance, but how can I maintain ignorance? I believe it was Maya Angelou who said to know better is to do better. Like, once you know better, do better.

• 15:48Ed Mylett?

  When do you know if you should disengage from a conversation?

• 15:50Speaker 01

  I disengage from conversations when I realize the intention of the other person isn't actually to draw a conclusion. One of my favorite questions to ever ask anybody in life, and it came from Oprah. After I've recorded my, I recorded my second episode of Uncomfortable Conversations with a black man. I sat down with Matthew McConaughey. He called me from a no caller ID number. This is a true story, ladies and gentlemen. McConaughey says, hey, I want to sit down with you for your second episode of Uncomfortable Conversations. Mind you, I was producing it myself, Ed. I rented out a studio space in Austin by myself. I was not yet a mainstay television personality. I literally hired a wedding videographer because I had no video team. I found a friend who shot

• 16:33Speaker 01

  weddings. I said, please stand in, shoot this for me. McConaughey watches the first episode. It had been seen by 25 million people in five days. And he says, hey, I want to have a conversation. I do not know to this day how he got my number. Me and Matthew McConaughey, we sit down for a conversation. Five days later, after that conversation airs, I get a call from another no caller ID number. I pick it up. Hi, Emmanuel, Oprah Winfrey speaking. I say, Oprah, she says, yeah, are you free to FaceTime later today? I FaceTimed her later that afternoon. Again, true story, ladies and gentlemen. She asked me one simple question, Ed, one very simple question. And I live by this. This brings this conversation full circle. She said, Emmanuel, what is your intention?

• 17:18Speaker 01

  I said Oprah, my intention is to change the world and I truly believe I can. I said, I'm currently working on writing a book. She said, books? I love books. And that's why Oprah and I partnered together to write the first several of the uncomfortable conversation series. Now, bringing this full circle to answer your question.

• 17:32Ed Mylett?

  Incredible, incredible.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  What is the intention of the person I'm talking to? That is how I know when to end a conversation. If the intention of the person is a gotcha moment, I'm out. What do I mean by a gotcha moment? Let's speak plainly. If the person just wants to try to make me look stupid, I'm out. If the intention of the person is to figuratively speaking dunk on me. If the intention of the person is to be like, boom, I got a manual, I'm out. If the intention of the person is not reconciliation, I'm out. If the intention of the person is not to hear what I have to say, while simultaneously allowing me to hear what they have to say, I'm out.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  So the best question we can ask anyone during the course of conversation is the question that Oprah asked me first. What is your intention?

• 18:25Ed Mylett?

  When I was really young, I won my first incentive trip to go to Hawaii. I'd never been there before as a kid. We didn't do that kind of thing. And maybe you know who this guy is, but I'll share this with you about intention. So I got up, no one worked out back in those days. I'm old enough. And I read this book called The Corporate Athlete, this guy named Groppel. And I'm like, I'm gonna be an athlete businessman, right? I'm gonna be one of the first ones who's like fit and jacked, but in business. And so I'm running on this beach in the morning, sun's not up yet. And there's this guy running towards me coming the other way and I see him. How old I was, I had a Sony Walkman on playing a cassette. So did he. That's how old I am. Anyway, this dude's running by me and I get, he's getting close and I'm like, oh, he's a bald dude. He's got like this hairy back and I'm like, he's sweating. I'm like, I don't want to bump this guy.

• 19:10Ed Mylett?

  And as he runs by me, I look, it's, it's Dr. Wayne Dyer. Who was a hero of mine at the time, one of the great thought leaders, good men of all time. And I turn around, I go, Dr. Dyer, to just do your point. And he turns around, he's about maybe like 20 feet from me. I said, you changed my life. And he goes, he had a deep voice like me. He goes, I doubt that. He goes, I bet you changed your life, but how did I help you? And he walks towards me and I end up sitting on the beach that day, brother, with Wayne Dyer, watching the sun come up. At the end of the conversation, just to validate your point, he says to me, he goes, Ed, I think you're going to change the world. Now, I'm a young guy at the time, probably he said that to 100 people, but to me, he had only said it to me. And he goes, it's not because you're a talented guy or brilliant or a great communicator,

• 19:55Ed Mylett?

  but he goes, I think you are. But he goes, it's because of your intentions. He goes, I think you have a good heart. I think you're a good man. I think you want to make a difference. And he said, would you do me a favor? The rest of your life, would you attach all of your confidence and your worth, not to your abilities or your results, but to your intentions? Because if it's about your abilities and your results, you'll be chasing your tail and letting yourself down all the time. And then he wrote a book called The Power of Intention. I've never been more convinced of what someone has said on my show than what you just said right there than any point ever made on the show. Because that has literally been the key to whatever limited success I've had in my life is focusing on my intentions at all given time. So I just want to acknowledge what you said right there. It's profound and it's brilliant.

• 20:39Ed Mylett?

  The other thing that I think a leader has, and I want to, I'll let you finish this quote, but what if you've had a bad conversation with somebody and it's ended? Like I did with my dad. And you said, a leader isn't the first in line, a leader is blank.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Ah, the first to apologize.

• 20:56Ed Mylett?

  Hmm. You guys all hear that right there? Let that sink in for a minute. First to apologize. Why do you say that of all the things a leader could be? The first to apologize?

• 21:08Speaker 01

  Chuck Klosterman wrote a book, But What If We're Wrong? And I believe we've gotten leadership wrong in society, not just in America. I think we've gotten leadership wrong in the world. Hopefully those listening hang on to the next few words because in society, we're convinced that leaders are the first to yell. Leaders are the first to be followed. Leaders are the first to make an authoritative decision. Well, what if leaders are the first in humility? What if leaders are the first to say sorry? What if leaders are the first to recognize their own wrongdoing? What if you can lead in that? And I don't say that facetiously, and I also don't say that for the intention of being

• 21:52Speaker 01

  counterintuitive. I say that genuinely like, what if we're wrong about leadership? What if we've gotten it all wrong? What if this whole time I thought leading was who's the loudest? But leading is who can listen the best? Like, what if we're wrong? And I believe that leadership is who can be the first to apologize. I was in a conversation earlier today, Ed, and I was talking and my friend was talking, and then I was talking and my friend was talking. And I was like, you know what? Neither of us are hearing the other, so I'm just gonna be quiet and listen. Go ahead. Cause I was like, we've gone back and forth seven minutes now, and I'm talking about A and you're talking about B, and then I'm talking about A and you're talking about B. So I said, you know what?

• 22:37Speaker 01

  Let me just talk about B. We can, we can get to A later. We, I wanna talk about A, but we, we'll just talk about B for right now. And I, and I believe that leaders have to be the person to acknowledge, hey, let's, let me be sacrificial for a moment.

• 22:56Ed Mylett?

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• 23:41Ed Mylett?

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• 23:58Ed Mylett?

  So last night, I'm talking with your brother. And I said, give me something to ask him that you would want to know about your own brother. Cause the two of you are very, very close. And he goes, I need to think about it, seriously. And so then he messaged me back. I was surprised by his question, your own brother wants to know this answer. So, and I'm curious too, when I watch you like, you're very busy. You were literally just on television, I don't know, an hour and a half, two hours ago. He asked me to ask you, and this is very basic, but I think it gives insight into an elite performer. He said, ask him actually what motivates him? What is it that actually motivates him? I was surprised your own brother was curious about that answer.

• 24:41Ed Mylett?

  And it made me like, super curious about someone who achieves at a level like you are? What is it that motivates you?

• 24:50Speaker 01

  I think I want to exhaust my life.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  That's what motivates me, man. I want to exhaust my life, like, I'm not going to get emotional here. And if I do, I'm going to close the camera because I'm not going to get emotional in public. But um.

• 25:05Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  I um, I don't want to leave anything unfulfilled.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  You know, and.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  God's given me a lot. Yes. And so like, I would be a terrible steward to not, to not maximize it. He's made, I mean, I don't, I tell people all the time, I'm like, I'm good, but I'm not that good. And like, favor is not fair, but like, dude, I picked up a football, I made it to the NFL. I picked up a microphone, I won two Emmys. I picked up a pen, I was a number one New York Times bestseller. Like, dude, I'm like, God, I got, I'm not that good. God, he's just, he's, he's made me, he's, he's made me so gifted.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  That like, so I have an obligation to myself to be the best.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Cause he gave it to me. So I how could, how could I come back empty handed, you know?

• 26:31Ed Mylett?

  I love that you're emotional, brother. That's a real answer. That's the actual answer. You dug deep right there and pulled the real one out. That was the real answer. Do you ever feel like, I'm just curious, you get to this level, because all you just said, you are talented. Do you struggle from either one of these two things, or both, or neither? When I started to climb pretty high, and by the way, same thing, I'm like, I'm not this good. This is clearly God. Sometimes when I speak, I'm like, that's the Holy Spirit, because I don't even know where that came from. And sometimes, like, some of the successes I've had are almost some of the great confirmations of my faith, because I know I'm not that good. But as I climbed higher, I struggled

• 27:13Ed Mylett?

  with two things from at different times, in different doses, that suppressed my expansion until I started to overcome them. The first one was a little bit of imposter syndrome,

• 27:26Ed Mylett?

  where, wow, they're gonna figure out I don't know everything they think I know. Maybe I'm not this good. I did not have that in sports when I played baseball. I did have it in life and in business when people started to look at me for counsel and advice. So I had a little bit of that. And then the other one was comparison. As I climbed higher, I'm like, wow, I'm in a whole different league here. And I start to watch what some of my peers were doing, and it would rip my joy, rip my energy, like, wow, they did, the higher I climbed, ironically, I compared more than what I did when I wasn't climbing high. Either one of those affects you, and if it didn't, which ways?

• 28:03Speaker 01

  You know what's fascinating, man? It's like,

• 28:09Speaker 01

  the real thing that I would say affects me is is definitely not comparison. It's trying to like be better than my former self.

• 28:20Ed Mylett?

  Back to the other answer, yeah.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what the heck affects me is like.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Like you, but you you were so you were so good then. Why didn't why weren't you as good this time? After after my first episode of Uncomfortable Conversations, remember I said McConaughey called me, but I didn't want to do a second episode. I didn't want to do a second episode. And you might be thinking, Otto, that's crazy. Your first episode got 25 million views. I didn't want to do a second episode because I was like, you can't beat the first one. And I can, how can you beat the first one? And and now if you do a second one, it doesn't beat the first one. Well, why'd you do the second one? Um, that's that's what affects me. What affects me is like, is is competing again. I don't compete really against other people. I compete against me. You know what I mean? Like, I don't. I don't really compete against other people. I'm just, I'm more so like, be better than yourself.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Be better than yourself. That's, that's probably what slags me. I will though say, dude, the the higher you climb, the more you're like, wait, I gotta keep, I gotta climb higher. It's weird. It's like this.

• 29:23Ed Mylett?

  It is.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  A dichotomy of success. The more successful you are, the less successful you feel. It's, it's a very strange paradox.

• 29:31Ed Mylett?

  It's so true. Do you think the reason you're so emotional about some of the questions we're having is A, how grateful you are for the blessings that are in your life, or B, a fear that you're gonna miss?

• 29:45Speaker 01

  I mean, you bring up my brother, I get emotional. I just, I love my brother. Like, it just, you know what I mean?

• 29:50Ed Mylett?

  He loves you. Yeah.

• 29:53Speaker 01

  Um, man, I'm, I do think, I was talking to Kamaru Usman. Kamaru Usman was uh, like a three-time UFC champion, one of the baddest men in the world. Oh, one of the baddest men in the world. I asked him a question, one of my, maybe my favorite question I ever asked him. And I asked him, to some degree, what you asked me, Ed, I asked him, I said, before you enter into a ring, before you enter into the octagon, and you realize like, you could die in there. I said, what motivates you? And he said, my fear of failure is stronger than my thrill of victory.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  And people are like, what the hell you afraid to? I'm like, dude, he's like, my fear of failure. And I think Ed is like,

• 30:41Speaker 01

  I think it's, what if I don't do it? What if I don't do all I was able gifted to do like? That scares me, you know, like that scares me. And then I also think, whenever I think about how blessed I am, there is something very humbling and almost brings me to tears of like, I shouldn't be in this situation. Now, I, I, I work hard to steward it, but like, I didn't have to be here. You know what I mean? Like it's only by, by the grace of God, and I do believe I countered that with obedience and I, I, I supplemented that with obedience, but I don't have to be here. And so when I think about that, it makes me emotional because it's just like, it's, it's just, I'm just, I'm just so grateful.

• 31:26Ed Mylett?

  It's so good, Emmanuel. If you wanted someone to change, most people would say, you gotta tell them what to do. Right? And you go, hmm, not so fast. If you want to get somebody to change, what do you do? Do you tell them what to do? Or is there another, another tact you should take?

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Want someone to change, remind them who they are. Remind them who they are, like, and what I mean by that to those listening and watching when,

• 31:59Speaker 01

  if I remind Ed that he's a servant, if I remind Ed that he's kind, if I remind Ed that he's humble, that's better than saying, hey, Ed, can you think about yourself less, dude? Hey, bro, can you just be nicer? Hey, like, like, why, why don't you freaking turn off the lights last instead of making me like, remind somebody who they are. Like, remind somebody that they're beautiful. Remind somebody that they're, that, that, that they are gracious. Remind somebody that they're funny. Remind somebody that they're meek. Like, don't, don't tell them what to do. Remind them who they are and from the inside out,

• 32:43Speaker 01

  almost like that metamorphosis of a, of a, of a butterfly, like you'll see, you'll see them change.

• 32:52Ed Mylett?

  I'm writing a book right now, a manual called Let Me Tell You About You.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 32:57Ed Mylett?

  It's the title of the book. It's the whole premise of the book. You and I are gonna do some speaking engagements together. I can tell you that right now. What are the four? You talk about this four thing, like, had something to do, I caught it and then I like wrote it down. I was telling my son about it and then I'm like, I'm messing this up. But it was something about, you're talking about the power of like a hug in someone's life. Because there's, this is important though, like, there's all these elements of living our best life and helping ourselves and other people. And yes, there's the element of of telling someone who they are and reminding them. But there's also something that happens when we're connected to one another as well in a different way.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  One, I appreciate you, um, man, navigating this conversation because obviously you've you've put time into this. I think so many people listening don't realize sometimes two people just hop on a podcast and they just like, oh, we're just gonna talk. Nah, man, like you've really put time into this dialogue and it shows and I hope the listeners and viewers feel honored. Um, because you're honoring my time and you're honoring theirs. Um, as it pertains to scientific evidence suggests that we need four hugs for survival. We need eight hugs for maintenance and we need 12 hugs a day for growth. Four hugs for survival, eight hugs for maintenance, 12 hugs a day for growth.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  As we all know, in different psychology classes, et ceteras, there's kind of a different dopamine release. There's a different release when, when people embrace, when people embrace and and it suggests that like, yo, if you, you need four, eight and 12. So what I now start to do and I've done at times is make sure you're getting your hugs. So when you then, and fellas, don't, don't be too cool. Don't be too cool to, to dap your brother up, come in for a hug. You know what I mean? Like, let's, we don't need this, this fake tough guy in this, not in 2024. Life is hard. So four hugs is what you need for survival. You need eight for maintenance and you need 12 for growth.

• 35:03Ed Mylett?

  So profound. You guys, I gotta tell you, you know what I regret most? I wish I would have hugged my kids more. I come from a family that wasn't real touchy feely. And I carried that into my own home, not to the same extent. I hugged them. But I should have brought them into my physical embrace more often. If I could go back as a dad again. You said, what would you change? I'm splitting hairs here a little bit, but I would hug my babies a lot more. I would just be hugging them, physical touch, a lot more. What he just said is so good and so profound and so true. And he's made so many brilliant points today that I don't want the ones that could go right by you to go right by you. It's a big deal to hug our friends. It's a big deal to hug our wives or our significant others.

• 35:46Ed Mylett?

  It's a really big deal to hug our children and to be hugged. And as a man, like you just said, to allow yourself to be hugged and allow somebody in your proximity. It doesn't make you weak. What it does is it fills you with spirit. It fills you with dopamine. It fills you with energy. So thank you. That's why I asked you the question, is I wanted to be afforded the opportunity to, to agree with you on it. This is a hard question, and I know there's not one answer. But I'd like to change my life. I've watched you change your life. I've heard all these strategies and the keys and the insights and the beautiful language in which you express yourself. And I want to change my life, but I'm not even really sure where to begin or what to think. And I feel somewhat powerless to do that.

• 36:31Ed Mylett?

  And if they could, they ran into you at a Starbucks somewhere and said, hey, I heard you on Ed Mylett's show, and he didn't ask you this. I want to change my life. What would your advice or counsel be to that precious soul who, who wants so badly to make a life better for themselves?

• 36:46Speaker 01

  The only one thing came to my mind, and my brother says it all the time, and I think the coach told it to him. It was not even my words, it's my brother's, and he may have said it on your, your conversation earlier. He says, little things done well make big things happen. Little things done well make big things happen. I believe, Ed, that so often we're fixated, fixated, fixated upon tomorrow when we don't take care of today. And I love this saying, it takes 10 years to become an overnight success. I love that, dude. I love it. I love it. Because nothing worth doing is done quickly.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  So I would say if you if you really want to like change your life, do the little things well. I believe, bro, how you do anything is how you do everything. I'm corny. I do wake up every day and I make my bed. It is. It is the first thing I do. You know what I mean? I just because I'm like, hey, do like, come back to a nice home. Treat you like, come like I do the little things well. And my but I because I'm like, one day that little thing might be a big thing. So I believe that little things done well make big things happen. If you want to change your life, do the little things well.

• 38:05Ed Mylett?

  You're remarkable, brother. Your family is remarkable. Your brother is today. Today was a real blessing for me, and I know it was for millions of people are going to hear or see this. You are a blessing, and I really believe that's his intention, what he said earlier, to change the world. And I believe he can help you change your world. So Emmanuel Acho today was special and a real blessing for so many of us. So thank you so much for being here. I feel like we could have gone three more hours and maybe we'll do that again. But nonetheless, I'm grateful for the hour that we spent together. Thank you.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Ed, thank you, my brother. Genuinely.

• 38:41Ed Mylett?

  It was awesome. Hey, everybody. Share this episode. If I have to ask you to share this one, we're in big trouble. You should have already been hitting that button somewhere to give the gift of this conversation with somebody that you love. Whether it makes them uncomfortable or not, send it to them. All right, everybody. God bless you. Max out your life.