Flaws into Fortune W/ Nikki Glaser

Your MESS does not DISQUALIFY you from WINNING! When we look at the most successful people, the ones who we admire, the ones who inspire us, it's easy to believe they must have it all figured out... but this couldn't be further from the truth! NOBODY ever made it to the top without a big ol' MESS in their rearview mirror! And the most inspiring of them all are the ones who are not afraid to be vulnerable and share their mess with the world! I am so excited to have one of the most talented, hard-working, and inspirational individuals on the Ed Mylett show. She is one of the funniest voices in comedy today gracing stand-up stages all over the country. She is the host of 3 hit podcasts, an executive producer for MTV and Comedy Central and I believe she's the funniest person on the planet. I am honored to bring you, Nikki Glaser! Nikki is one of those people we all look at and admire. She seemingly has it all figured out. It seems so effortless! But as I mentioned, there is always a mess in the rearview mirror. Most people are just afraid to show it! In this interview, Nikki opens up about her struggles with anorexia, depression, and insecurity, and how she used her mess to fuel her success. From waiting to die every morning and night, to becoming one of the most adored comedians in the country, Nikki is PROOF that you can achieve your biggest goals no matter your circumstance. And the most amazing part about Nikki is that she opens up about the messes in her life that are STILL happening, including her clash with Taylor Swift and her struggle with relationships. She shares how these issues are affecting her TODAY and what she is doing to become the next best version of herself! Sometimes, it's your MESS that gives you the fuel you need to win. The mess is the human part of us and it's what connects us all together. If you have some messes in your life right now and you feel like there is no way out, this interview will inspire you and teach you that your mess may BE the way out! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 p.m. And my third day, 6:00 p.m. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it. Waiting weeks on a big bank for capital? Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/ed. That's cardiff.co/ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff. Borrow better.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Mr. President, my company, for me, of the explosion on our rig.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  On October 2nd.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess. And Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You stop, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:38Speaker 03

  This is the Ed Mileage Show.

• 1:45Ed Mylett?

  All right, welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm so fired up about today because. Be honest with you, you know, usually there's people that want to get on the show and it's great to have them on. And then there's people that I want on the show and then I try to find people who know people who know people to get to them. And I wanted this woman on because I think she's probably the funniest person on the planet, but also her backstory is so interesting. And the way she communicates, the things she talks about, I just think are fascinating. And I know y'all are going to get a lot of entertainment, but also a lot of value out of today's show. I first saw you, by the way, back in like five, I think it was four or five years ago. That's, you had a special called Perfect. That's where I first saw you. Most of you, you probably knew

• 2:27Ed Mylett?

  her then, but she's got this special on Netflix called Bangin', which has just blown up. Her entire career's blown up. She's really, this is someone who's kind of, her dreams are coming true, like right before all of us, the last year or two. So we got a lot to talk about. So Nikki Glaser, welcome to Max Out.

• 2:44Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh, I'm so excited to be here. And I'm so honored that you did reach out to me because although I wasn't familiar with you, prior to that, once I got researching, I was like, this guy is doing everything that is up my alley. I've already, just in preparing to be on your show, I've listened to a couple podcasts. And as I was telling you, I already feel the winds of change from some of this info you've exposed me to. It's, um, it's, it's, so it's, it's awesome to be here. And like, I don't know what kind of anything I have to impart, but um, I sure have lots to talk about with you. I know.

• 3:18Ed Mylett?

  What do you need to change?

• 3:20Speaker 04

  Oh, I mean, first of all, I need to, first, I need to get a brain scan to figure out my brain health. I want to get one of those. I, I know, yeah, I, what I need to change is I need to look at, I mean, smoking pot has got to go. It just, your doctor that you had on, I was, I've been struggling with that in quarantine already of like, oh, I'm just leaning on this a little too much. I, I have begun, begun to say it is treating my depression, like convincing myself a lot of the, of a lot of these things that it's really not doing. And I always reach a point with things like this. I've quit drinking before. I've, um, I've tackled an eating disorder.

• 4:01Speaker 04

  I'm able to, I've quit smoking cigarettes. I'm going to now have to quit doing this. And it's just a bummer to add one to the list when it was one you could think, you thought you could get away with. That and caffeine. Caffeine is also on my list.

• 4:14Ed Mylett?

  Well, that was my killer. I'm surprised to hear you say that because that was one of the things I was going to ask you later was that you had stopped drinking and then you moved to smoking weed, which a lot of people do. And it's not, you know, and a lot of friends of mine think it's healthier and, you know, they don't get hangovers. They don't have calories and I'm not selling that to everybody. Y'all know that I've never smoked weed. I don't, it's not something I believe in. I don't think it's good for your brain health. But I'm surprised to hear you say that, but let's go back for a second because we're going to touch all those. How are you doing? Because, you know, we're, everyone that's watching this now during COVID, during the pandemic, some of you will see it a year from now when we hopefully aren't in that situation. But like, you've got, you've had this blown up career. I mean, everybody, the, when someone becomes a star like she has and she's being humble, but I mean, goes from, you know, probably struggling financially to seven figures of income. Everybody knows you. You're on

• 5:00Ed Mylett?

  the Netflix specials, podcasts, TV shows, deals happening all the time. And then bam, it stops.

• 5:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:06Ed Mylett?

  Living at home. This, you're at your parents' house right now, right?

• 5:09Speaker 04

  I'm living, I'm, it's so wild. And I am living in my childhood home where I've lived, we moved when I was in sixth grade. My parents still live here in the St. Louis County. I just, there was something about

• 5:23Speaker 04

  the comfort of being home. And I don't have a partner. I don't, I have an apartment in New York, but I wasn't even moved into it. It was like, I was still decorating it. So I just was like, oh, I'll just come to St. Louis in the meantime and hang out. And I've been here now for over two months and I love it. I'm going to have to quit this house too. I really like being a teenager again. It's very safe here. There's a, a deep fear. As you were even saying, like, you know, people might be watching this in the future when we're out of this. I'm like, no. Like as much as I want to be out of this and get back to my normal life, which I was killing it. Like I had a, a theater tour for the first time in my life. I was selling out theaters. It was the first time in my life I ever even worked theaters and people were

• 6:04Speaker 04

  going to see me at them. I've been doing the comedy club circuit for so many years. Things were just starting to like line up. I had two different TV shows in development. One, only one remains of those, three, and only one remains. I've lost all stuff, but I'm. Really loving the, the safety of being back home and not having anything expected of me, not feeling in competition with everyone else. Oh, no one can do stand up. If I was just taking time off stand up, two months of stand up is unthinkable to me. I didn't take two nights off of stand up for the past 15 years. So two months would be torture, would it not be for the fact that everyone else has to take it off too? So I'm enjoying this period of like, oh, everyone else is getting bad at stand up too.

• 6:48Ed Mylett?

  I doubt you're getting bad at it, but we're, but this is really interesting. Cause were, were you happy when all the good stuff was happening?

• 6:58Speaker 04

  No, like, whoa, I gotta be honest with you. I was pretty, I was just exhausted. I took on too much. I always take on too much. I'm already taking on too much right now at being at home. I'm so worried not being able to work and, and having to be alone with myself for two minutes. You know, I was awful as that would be. I mean, I'm running from something that I just fill with work. And when you've worked so hard to get to a place where people are finally wanting to work with you, it doesn't even click in that I'm in demand. I still feel like there are people wanting to work with me as some just like kind gesture. So I'm saying yes to everything and I, I just took on too much and I was,

• 7:41Speaker 04

  I didn't know how I was gonna make it to this, like, when I was thinking about entering into like the summer months with my schedule, with my tour, with two shows. I would have a show on TV right now at, at E. Um, I would, I'm developing a scripted show, a radio show, the tour where I'm on tour every weekend in two different cities and have to fly back home on Monday to be on my radio show. I mean, it was like, I just got so depressed thinking about it. And I was exhausted by even the thought of it and I was pretty miserable and my friends were like, I mean, I've hit these points in my career before where I just collapse and then I get on some sort of antidepressant that helps me get through it. And then I do it to myself again. I was begging for something to happen to make it all go away.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  And I didn't know what that looked like, but it looked like a global pandemic.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  It really was like, I felt like I was begging for this in some way and I felt, I feel bad that I don't, that I'm almost scared for it to return to normal. I'm, I'm enjoying the challenge though of reinventing myself because I'd really never thought that stand-up would be something that would go away. For stand-ups, it's always something you, you can, they'll never take that away from you, you know? Once you're good at stand-up, you can always sell tickets and, and if you have the TV credits, even if you're not on TV, you still have a place to work. And now we don't. So it's, it's kind of scary all over again and um, I'm, I'm enjoying it.

• 9:06Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, one of the things about, the reason, now you know I wanted her on, you guys, in addition to being so talented, like she talks about real stuff and she's vulnerable. She's willing to be honest. So I just want to go, when I do the show, I kind of like surmise a lesson when someone gives one. You guys, one of the things when you, when you have a big dream, I did the same thing. I got to like my first big dream, my first, you know, whatever amount of money or big house or plane or whatever it was. And then I did the same thing. I started saying yes to everybody because I thought it was a fluke. This is a fluke. And so I'm just doing everything. And I had all this anxiety and it, guys, most people aren't going to tell you this. It wasn't what it was cracked up to be. It wasn't what I thought it would be like. Because I'd see these other people that were successful, they seemed like they weren't worried they were going to lose it.

• 9:51Ed Mylett?

  They kind of always expected to be there. It was never going to go away. And for me, I was afraid it was always going to go away. It was a fluke. And so I just kept working all the time. And so lesson is, not only do you have to have a big dream, you have to plan for what it should be like when you get there. Like structures around you, have an idea of what you really want it to look like because it's, it, it can overwhelm you and it can be disappointing and it can be depressing. More of the famous people that I coach, you guys, are well-known people. Suffer from depression than you could possibly imagine and it is because they got somewhere and thought, wow, when I get there, now I'll be happy. When I get that special, when I get that amount of money, when I walk in a restaurant and people know me, or I can pay off my parents'

• 10:34Ed Mylett?

  house, or whatever the heck it is, then I'll be happy. They delay working on themselves so they think if they could just get to a different place, they'll have to avoid themselves.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:43Ed Mylett?

  Does that, does that sound real to you?

• 10:45Speaker 04

  Oh, man. I mean, you're hitting the nail on the head for me because I didn't realize when all my jobs went away that I thought were bringing me happiness. I, I really focused on, all I had to make me happy was like my dogs and my relationships with my parents and my friends. And I was like, oh, this is kind of nurturing. Like this stuff that I was blocking out because I was too busy is actually like, kind of, I don't need to go do an extra podcast this week to get the attention. Like, I'm realizing that my, I mean, if we're gonna get real, I just, I know that I have sacrificed intimacy in relationships and like, because of my career. I've just, and my career has kept me from those things because I'm totally

• 11:30Speaker 04

  scared of that. Like, that's really what's going on here. And I don't want to go through another one of these alone. Like, I love that I was able to live with my parents right now. I'm about to be 36. I can't, the next pandemic we have, or some kind of weird thing that happens that we're not planning for, I want, I, I feel like I want a relationship and that is what I am, I'm feverishly working on myself right now and taking this time to do so much work on me that is behind the scenes, that I don't get credit for, that I don't get to post on Twitter. And it's, it's hard, but I know now that my career isn't gonna go get me groceries when I'm scared. Like, I, I, I need someone. I need more than just myself.

• 12:14Speaker 04

  And my career is just, it's not gonna cut it. It's, it's great and I love it, but it's, it's, I feel just like coffee, just like weed, little bit of, it's an addiction.

• 12:25Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  It could kill me.

• 12:27Ed Mylett?

  Okay, we're going, well, we're not gonna let that happen. And we're going somewhere that I wanted to go. So. You guys, the thing that makes you successful can also be the thing that can make you the most unhappy. And so, her great ambition and drive, and she's linked it, she's made more progress than she knows because she's already linked it to her wanting to avoid this intimacy in relationships. That's a huge distinction. Those things are good, and the thing for you Nikki is when this is over, is finding a way to navigate that being your work ethic and drive and ambition being a strength, and still weaving in the other things. In other words, you don't have to give up one to get the other. Human beings think all the time, "I've got to give up this ambition or drive or these fears that move me in order to be happy."

• 13:09Ed Mylett?

  You don't. What you need to do is, you need to add these other things. You don't have to lose your drive or ambition or anything like that. So let's talk about that for a minute. I want to talk about this book I saw that you're into, this Get to I Do Deal. So it seems to me like, it seems to me that that's like a running theme for you, is like you'd like to find a relationship. And have you ever had a deep relationship with a dude or with a man? Have you almost been married before? And why is it so important to you?

• 13:38Speaker 04

  It's important to me because it's in the past been something that's truly brought me a lot of like genuine happiness and fulfillment. And I really do like, like sex, and I find that I don't get to have sex as a part of my life unless I'm in a committed relationship. It just doesn't, it doesn't work for me that way. So I feel like I can't do that thing that I really like to do unless I'm in a relationship. So there's, there's a motivation there.

• 14:04Speaker 04

  And I, and I have had it before. I haven't had it a lot though. Like I've, I've had one really long-term relationship and we like created a show together and we lived together and all this stuff. But it never was, um, he was never wanting to get married. I was never wanting to get married. So we never took it seriously and... I'm still terrified of actually really pursuing something and letting someone in that is available. It's, I don't know, the thing is, I don't know what is broken about me that avoids it so much, but it really is, when someone becomes emotionally available, I get viscerally disgusted with them. Like, it makes it so I can't even try to, like, it sucks. It's one of the worst

• 14:49Speaker 04

  things about me is that when a guy starts to like me, as soon as I get a guy to like me, I'm like, I'm not into this anymore. And it's not, I'm not trying to, I wish, I always like, hold my breath, like, please still be into him when he starts liking you. And a lot of times, it doesn't happen that way.

• 15:03Ed Mylett?

  Okay, well, like, like, probably 60 million people, and there's probably 3 million listening to this, are all nodding their head, like, that's not that abnormal.

• 15:10Speaker 04

  It isn't.

• 15:10Ed Mylett?

  Like, lots of people are that way. Lots of people are married, but not happy, because they got the person. And they like being shaped. So there's, there's something to that. And so let's just, let's stay on that. So you've tried to fill this thing up a few times. So what I can tell, great parents, kind of a really good upbringing, unless there's something I don't know, seems like, I've watched your mom and dad interact with you. They both seem like beautiful people, great marriage, dad seems very funny, your mom seems, you know, they seem like a great family. And then, but throughout your life, there's been these trends that you've talked about. You had an eating disorder. Talk about that for a little bit. You've avoided these relationships. You kind of, did you go a little too far with alcohol for a while?

• 15:50Speaker 04

  I did. I like, I, I didn't get into drinking until my, like, twenties, and when I started really doing comedy, and it just became like, just in abundance everywhere, and was kind of part of the culture. But my first, like, I mean, remember my first sip of alcohol in high school, and then like, and being the first time I felt drunk, I remember just saying to my friends, why don't we always, why don't we always like this? Why don't, why wouldn't you always want to feel this way? Like, I had that addict, like, craving initially. And I remember people kind of looking at me like, what is she talking about? But I just couldn't understand why you would ever not want to feel this amazing. And so I, like, note that. And then, you know, as soon, that developed over the years. But my eating disorder came

• 16:32Speaker 04

  on, like, my senior year of high school. I didn't have boyfriends all of high school, middle school, no boyfriends, nothing. I had kissed boys here and there, but it was always Really just fleeting and I was just scared of boys, just terrified of boys. And I just still don't know how to describe it like I couldn't picture myself like. My friends were making out and hooking up and I was just like, I just can't do that. I think I was either a, you know. I was, I was a late bloomer for sure, but like this was too late. I was just, I was just. So scared. And then the second a boy started liking me that I actually liked. I like was so nervous about it. I just didn't eat one day because I just like lost my appetite because I was like nervous. I was going to hang out with this boy and maybe we were going to kiss.

• 17:14Speaker 04

  And um, and then I just got a lot of um. Attention for the day I didn't eat. It just showed up on me right away and people were like, you look skinny. You look great. And I was like. This feels great. And I always felt invisible. I always wanted to be an actress or like have some kind of special quality and I just never really did. And I was really bummed about it and depressed about like. I'm never going to be Jennifer Aniston. Like that was my goal was like, I'm going to have a sitcom. By the time I'm 25, I didn't know how it was going to happen, but I just. I was like, oh, I'm actually not that good at acting and I'm kind of. Overweight and. Like no one really thinks I never get the parts in the school plays. How am I going to go to Hollywood and do anything? So I was just like.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  What am I going to do? And then I got really good at starving myself and I got a lot of attention. Cause I looked really good for like a minute. And then I looked really scary. And then it was out of control and I was addicted to starving like just. The quickest descent into disease and then by I, I, I picked it up in March. I mean, I was a healthy lady in March. And then by July, um, I was hospitalized and then. And like against my will, I was just going to the hospital to do a, a physical to go to college that. Semester or that following fall. And um, and they were like, we can't let you leave. You're going to die because you're, I mean, I was so sick and like. My parents were in complete denial of it. So they, they are great.

• 18:41Speaker 04

  But there were some, there were some issues in childhood that I don't blame them for. They did the best they could. They were super scared and didn't want to believe that their daughter was. Starving to death in front of them. Even though I was, and it's something that if you're around it every day to give them credit, because I did look freaking scary. But if you're around it every day, um, you don't notice it. You can really get used to someone looking really scary. And then, um, long story short, I went to college. I like convinced, I got out of the hospital. I lied my way out of it because anorexics are amazing liars. And I convinced I ate just enough to like make people think I was okay. And then I went to school and got to starve again. And, but when I was at school is when I first started having people tell

• 19:24Speaker 04

  me that I was funny and that I should be a stand-up comedian. And I had no idea. I thought I was just gonna die. I was like waiting every night to freaking die because I would fall asleep starving and I would wake up and have to be starving all day again. And it was like, there's just no end in sight. And so then I was like, oh, I guess I'll try stand-up comedy. I don't know what this is. And then I did it one time on a show on campus and that was it. I was like, oh, okay, this is what I can, I'm better at this than, I'm as good at starving as this. And this feels like something I can actually be great at. And I like have a natural knack for, like I'm special at this. And then I started, I was like, then I gotta figure out a way to survive and to beat this disease because I can't go on stage looking like how I look. It's just too much. So then

• 20:08Speaker 04

  I found a good therapist. What was that? Yeah. I just went to the campus. I transferred, transferred schools, went to the campus, like, um, you know, counseling services, found a guy. Thank God for this guy. He, um, and, and you, you, something you said in a podcast I listened to earlier reminded me of the session that really like helped me more than anything was I had a therapist who had a severe stutter. He was this guy with like just the worst stutter. It was, I mean, it was almost funny to be and be diagnosed by him. It would like, the whole session would be him just like stammering. But I really loved him because he was so vulnerable and he was so embarrassed, something so embarrassing. And he was like, and I could really, he was the first person that could understand what I was going through because he was like, I walk around with this thing

• 20:51Speaker 04

  and people, everyone's kind of like, ugh, and judging me and just spit it out. Whereas with me, they were like, just swallow it, eat a cheeseburger. And I didn't know what to say. I couldn't be like, I'm trying, I, I, I don't even understand anorexia anymore to this. I like, I still suffer with some of it, but. The idea that you just can't eat when you're about to keel over and die is, I don't recognize that anymore, even though I lived through it and I don't understand it and it's so frustrating for loved ones to go through. But he said to me, "You didn't choose this disease. The thoughts that you're having that say, 'Don't eat,' start to think of those as not you. Act like you're possessed."

• 21:32Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 04

  Like, and that was the first time, like you had said, that it occurred to me that my thoughts were not true. Or like, they didn't come from this place of like, because they're there, they're real. Like, you can ignore your thoughts and you can actually make those thoughts as someone else, like an infection that you have to like, ignore. And as soon as I had that, I could start telling that bitch to shut up and be like, "I need to eat right now." And, you know, I wish it was just that easy of a fix, but that was the first hurdle that I just opened a world of recovery up to me that I wasn't there before.

• 22:09Ed Mylett?

  So you just really helped a lot of people. And I just thank you, number one. I want to say this because there's so much there, but one of the main things, guys, is that a lot of times, someone has a drinking issue, or an addiction to not eating, or an addiction to eating, they think they've licked it, like it's gone forever. Your obsession, part of your mind, that person is still sitting there all the time. And so you've got to, it's never gone. It's your ability to keep it at bay, or to keep it at a distance, and to know it may return, and that you've got to fight that fight again. I want to just say one thing, it was me a little bit long, but I want to keep going on this. Just something to consider. So Nikki's, and by the way, one other thing she's done is she's replaced an unhealthy obsession with a healthier obsession, to some extent, with her career,

• 22:53Ed Mylett?

  which can eventually become unhealthy, like she said.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Yes, which it has.

• 22:56Ed Mylett?

  Phil Mickelson's on this week, and he's a professional golfer, one of the top 20 athletes of the last two decades. And he said on the show, he goes, "I have to play golf, because if I didn't have golf, my obsessions would gravitate to gambling, or drinking, or women, or something unhealthy."

• 23:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:12Ed Mylett?

  So you have that type of a personality, which I have too, which many of you have relatives or yourself are that way. You've got to have these healthy... The obsession, you're going to obsess on something when you're this way. Because our brains have gone into this obsessive pattern. Just something to consider for Nikki and for all of you listening to it is, as you know, I didn't make this up. Tony Robbins talks about it, I do, but there's six human needs. We don't have a whole time for the class on it today, but humans have six needs, not eight, not 23, six. And they're not watched, you need them. And at any given time in your life, one or two of these needs is the most dominant. And typically those needs come from some crap that happened when you were a kid, something.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:51Ed Mylett?

  So those needs are the need for certainty. The need to be certain and for certainty.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  And an easy bake oven. Oh, wait, no, sorry. I was thinking of a childhood need.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  Certainty, yes. And then what was the other one?

• 24:05Ed Mylett?

  Uncertainty. Watch, stay with me. Certainty, uncertainty, those are polar opposites. Like when you're looking at a relationship, what do you want? You want a dude that's spontaneous and surprises you. He fills the need of uncertainty, but you really want the dude who's loyal, honest, trustworthy, doesn't cheat on you. That's the certainty dude. So you want both of them. But in life, you also have the need for significance or recognition. The need for love and connection, the need for growth and the need for contribution. So the six needs are certainty, uncertainty, significance, love and connection, growth and contribution. At any given time, you're trying to fill those needs up. And so if you can just be conscious of that in your life, you're like, what am I trying to do right now? Is this to get more significance? Is this to get more recognition? Or am I doing this to get more love? Is that what my, is that the need I'm trying to fill up right now?

• 24:50Ed Mylett?

  Or, or is it for certainty? Or like if I don't eat, I'm certain people will feel this way about me. If I don't eat, I get recognition. If I don't eat.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  I get love. Yeah.

• 24:59Ed Mylett?

  Yeah. Okay. So what's the need that's coming up all the time? And when you begin to understand that in a relationship, why do I like this guy in the beginning so much? Cause maybe he's filling up this need I have for spontaneity and uncertainty and it's new. And then man, the minute I start getting too much significance and love and connection, I'm not interested in anymore. Though, I'm not saying that's what it is. I'm saying it's a cool game to start to play where you're like, what the hell am I doing? This is, is this my addiction to recognition and significance? So I run this pattern? And when you at least have that, it starts to lose some of its power over you. And you begin to understand yourself just a little bit more. So one of the other things about you, just for what it's worth, everybody, that surprises me about you, because you are so successful.

• 25:44Ed Mylett?

  Everyone, she's being very human with you. And then just so you know, she's on the spinning earth, one of the most immensely gifted and talented people in the world at what she does. So she's being really real with you, but then there's this other side where there's this genius. We all have a genius. It can be our kindness, our physical beauty, our intellect, our humor. She's got a genius. And, and I'm talking like one of maybe four or five people. And in my mind, number one, at what she does. But yet you care a lot about what people think about you still.

• 26:19Speaker 04

  I know.

• 26:20Ed Mylett?

  Like this whole Taylor Swift thing that happened. Just tell them what it is, and then tell them, why are you that way? You're a millionaire. You're famous. You're amazing at what you do. Your peers love you. And let's just be honest, guys. One of her things is, she's kinda like hot when she's a comedian too, right? Like, there's an element of that. So it's not as if you've gone through life being an unattractive woman is what I'm getting at.

• 26:45Speaker 04

  But I feel as if I am. And I, deep down, I am. And you can put a lot of makeup on me and get the right ring light and have the shimmer and the, but I feel it's an illusion. I mean, there are times when I do feel beautiful and I look in the mirror and I say that to myself and I truly believe it. And then I see a picture five minutes later and I'm pushed off my pedestal. I mean, it, I just, I really struggle. I've struggled from an early age of just feeling ugly and not feeling, comparing myself just based on looks to other people and feeling like that was all that I was worth. And it's taken me You know, finding other paths to get the attention by being super funny. Okay, see, people

• 27:29Speaker 04

  don't look at me as much. Um, and that's, and that's what like being funny did for me was people didn't look at how skinny I was and worry about me because I was so funny. People like couldn't, didn't notice. I was like the class clown, like, look over here, not at how I look like I just got out of Auschwitz yesterday. And so it was a defense mechanism. I, and then I even struggle with being known as like a pretty comedian because I did, when I started, I was young, like I was 19. And so I, and I was good out of the gate, like I was decent and I had promise. And I think a lot of my, um, like now I think, oh, I'm just successful because I was the young, pretty, funny girl. And now I'm like, okay,

• 28:11Speaker 04

  now I'm aging. What if the prettiness goes away, even though I don't really believe it, but that's what people say, but it goes away. Now, am I going to be funny enough without being pretty too? Like, what's aging going to be about? I don't worry about, I do worry about what people think about me. I mean, I just think that that's, uh, it's something I work on because, and I care less as I age, I really do. The Taylor Swift thing wasn't about me caring what other people thought. It, it was about me caring about what I thought. See, what happened was I did, I, I love Taylor Swift maybe more than any, anyone in my, my age, uh, should. She just makes me feel like a young girl again. I really could have used her music when I was growing up. Like, I tend to make comedy for myself when I was 15. I

• 28:55Speaker 04

  just feel like that was a time I could have really used some more guidance in my life. And I, my biggest dream is to have like girls like trading my videos, like secretly, their parents won't let them watch it, but they like learn stuff about what it's going to be like when they get older through me because I yearn for any of that. And Taylor Swift has been that for me. I just love her music. I relate to it so much. And I'm not even talking about her recent stuff, like her song about being 15 and losing her virginity. Like, the, the fear of that song still resonates with me. And so. I um, I love her and I talk about her a lot. And so she had this documentary that came out um, this past January and it was kind of exploring, uh, it was kind of uh, dealing with

• 29:36Speaker 04

  why she went away for a year. She kind of had too much media attention. It got too bad, too much for her overwhelmed and she went away.

• 29:43Ed Mylett?

  Not all that different than what you're describing.

• 29:45Speaker 04

  Yes, I really, on a much smaller scale, like just being overwhelmed. I can't even believe she went away for a year. When I heard that, I was like, you could go away for a year? Like, what if they don't remember you? And it's like, that's like my biggest fear. So I'm already like in awe that she did that. But then in the film, I'm watching the trailer. It dropped like January 21st or something like that. I remember I was in bed watching the trailer because I was so excited to see the trailer for this Netflix documentary. And I hear my voice in the trailer and my voice is used in a scene to set up the fact that she like, it's too much, too many people having opinions about her. And I said, she's too skinny. All of her model friends, I don't like it. It was just something like that. I knew it was my voice right away. I called all my friends

• 30:27Speaker 04

  and I was like, listen to this trailer. I'm in this, I'm in this documentary. I'm, I'm sure of it. And this is terrible. Like, I'm gonna look, like, this is so ironic. I'm her biggest fan and yet I'm trashing her. And so my friends were like, that's not you. I was like, I know it's me. I know my voice. And um, I waited a week till the movie came out. And then it came out. And sure enough, I'm in the documentary saying exactly that. And it's my face and everything. And I just felt like gross. Like, it just wasn't, what I said wasn't funny. It was just critical. And it was so funny to me because I judged her for the things that I, I would, I, I wish I were too skinny. Like, I, I always love when people are like, are you okay? It's like validating to me that like, I'm doing

• 31:10Speaker 04

  things right. Like, if someone calls me too skinny, I was just projecting. I was jealous that she was so skinny. Jealous that she had model friends. Seems like, oh, she only has model friends. I'll never be friends with her. And it just like, was like, ugh, it was a bad look. And I honestly love Taylor Swift and I know that she would not, she didn't see that before the documentary. It was in the documentary. She only saw it once it was chosen for the film. But she saw it. She saw me mouthing off and it just felt gross. So I wrote her an apology on Instagram because I knew that was the quickest way to get her to see it. And she did. And she forgave me. And you know, I haven't heard from her since.

• 31:44Ed Mylett?

  She forgave you?

• 31:45Speaker 04

  She wrote back, yeah, and she was like, she wrote, "Oh, my gosh, thank you so much." And she wrote like, because it was all about her, she was anorexic. And I was, I mean, the irony is, it's crazy that I was the bully for the anorexic girl. And so she even said, like, I'm so, because I even said, you know, I've suffered with the same things that she has, and I can't believe I'd be one to judge her for it or comment on her body at all, because it was like, ugh, and I just, I wanted to clean up my side of the street. I just wanted to feel, it didn't matter if she forgave me. I really didn't care. I just posted and like, right after it, I was able to listen to her music again, which I wasn't able to listen to for a week, because I was like, "I'm such a bad Taylor

• 32:27Speaker 04

  Swift fan. She's done so much for me, and I like slander her." Like, I just was consumed by just guilt that I had made someone had been so judgmental, and it just made me look at my shit-talking self and be like, "You need to stop. You need to calm down," to quote Taylor Swift. And so, yeah, that's, that's why I did it. I was just like, "I don't like this side of myself."

• 32:49Ed Mylett?

  Now, listen, everybody, look, I want to say a couple of things on that, too. That's a super cool story, by the way, but I could tell you, people that I know that know you tell me, like, they, obviously how talented you are, and then the next thing is, she's such a really good person. And I say that, I say that for this reason, and I'm talking about like, multiple people, like, it's the, they go, "She's unbelievable, and man, she's a really good person." Why do I tell you all this? Most of the people that listen to her are trying to make their dream come true. I hope you've got two things at least so far, and I hope you got like 50. One, good people can win. Two, imperfect people win. A lot of you think, "Well, I've got this fear, this insecurity, or this weakness about me, or this secret. I've got this secret that if everybody knew, you know, I did this

• 33:34Ed Mylett?

  in a relationship, or they knew what I do behind the scenes, if they really knew how bad, or pathetic, or screwed up I am," you think that discounts you from winning somewhere else. And it's not true. Most of us that won, we're pretty screwed up. Most of us that have won. And so, these, your mess does not disqualify you from making your dream come true. It doesn't. In fact, it's a qualifier for making your dream come true. And one thing you've also done, Nikki, one of Nikki's things is that she's known as being hilarious and also like an attractive. Female performer and there are men that are known as that as well. Sebastian, Matt Scalco, really good looking dude. Chris Delia, like good looking, funny dude.

• 34:17Ed Mylett?

  It's one of, and then there's other guys where like their niche is they're the big guy or the whatever guy. Right. So everyone has their niche, but you've also done well. Let's just be real in a relatively male dominated space. Relative, right. There, you know, I think of Whitney and there's several other women that are blowing up right now too. However, it's a male dominated space and it's also for the most part, to your point. Most of the women that are doing well are younger as well. And so what about that? Like, is that, has it been more difficult as a woman? Or is it just to say you're funny, you're funny?

• 34:53Speaker 04

  I, you know, I don't know because it's all I've known and I, I, the second that I start to say it. It, it has to have been a little bit more difficult, but I think that I've also benefited so much from being a woman and having less women doing it and feeling like, and having the ones that have come before me. This is what I'll say to that is that I, I've never felt like a female comic and I'm, I didn't until recently, until the past, like maybe five years have I really embraced that and been like, hell yeah, I'm a female comic. It's the best kind to be. We are killing it. We have to, we work so hard. We, uh, to even want to do it is like just not, women aren't conditioned to be stand up comedians.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  As children, you're just, it to find it and to be good at it and to have the confidence to do it. It's in the fearlessness to do it. It takes a lot. Um, so I feel super privileged that I like even was set up to actually pursue it, but I feel like I never was like, I'm a female stand up. Like I just didn't feel different or less than, than the guys I knew. I knew from watching the female standards performing that I could be the best at, at this because female stand ups to me were better than the, the men and I, I, I really, they've always been my favorite. And so I just never felt different, but I do feel, I mean, first of all, aging in this business, no matter. I mean, I, I did pick like one of the best fields, comedy, stand up comedy again, too, because your age truly doesn't matter.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  If we're really, my looks should not matter, but it, it does. You get on TV more if you're an attractive looking person. It just happens that way. It sucks. Um, that's why I've really. I've started fostering this like broadcasting talent. I see my, I see age happening. I know what happens. TV opportunities drop away. I'm looking at it realistically and I'm like, well, I need to get good on radio and I want to get good on radio. I don't want to be on TV for the rest of my, like, I do like TV, but it's, as a woman, it takes a lot more out of you. Hair and makeup and like worrying about staying thin enough or whatever you think is going to make it, make you work.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  Like, radio has given me just a freedom and podcasting that, um, I, I chose on purpose. Like, I saw it coming. Like, I was like, oh, I'm 32. If I'm gonna, when I'm 42, I want to be really good at something that doesn't involve me having to be young. Oh, radio.

• 37:20Ed Mylett?

  You think about those things.

• 37:21Speaker 04

  I think about the, I mean, I already thought about this pandemic. My whole act has to change now because the act I was doing, I was gonna tape a new special this year and now with my new theater tour that I took out that's on hold, but I was talking about, oh, I feel like the end of the world's, something weird's coming. I gotta find a guy with a bunker. I was like, that was my whole joke line was like, I need to find a guy with a bunker. I used to say on stage, if you can show me that you have four fifths of a bunker planned, and I know that you do because you would not be out tonight unless you knew that bunker was good to go with just a little bit more time. You take surviving the end of the world seriously. If you could show me the blueprints for those tonight, I will blow you. Like, I used to offer that. I was like, let's start our courtship now because I

• 38:01Speaker 04

  want to live. And I just, I just see, I've seen it. I want to, I'm prepared. I'm a prepper in the sense that like, I just want to find a guy who's a prepper. Like, but I'm thinking about, I'm thinking towards the future. And what I will also say is that I, um, I am so lucky that I don't care about exposing the really awful sides of my psyche and my history. I mean, let me be honest. Some of these things take a couple of years before I have like a distance enough from them to be like, you know, I wasn't talking about being bulimic a month out of being bulimic. A few years down the road, I'm like, yeah, I was bulimic. I can admit to you that I used to throw up after meals. And that's something I never thought I could admit. Just like peeing the bed. I, I

• 38:46Speaker 04

  remember in fourth grade, third grade, peed the bed. And I remember thinking, if anyone finds out about this. I will have to kill myself. I remember thinking that as a third grader, like my life is over. So for me to be someone who stands on stage and talks about all of this stuff and used to just fear it more than anything, fear my secrets getting out, it's so freeing. And I'm like, I just feel so grateful that I don't care about being, and my parents are sometimes embarrassed for the things that I share. And my friends are sometimes like, why would you say that? Or I remember Natasha Leggero on my, I had a show about sex on Comedy Central called Not Safe. And I remember one time I was talking about like anal sex and Natasha, who is one of my favorite comedians, who I look up to so much. And years ago, I was like so excited to have her on my show.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  She was just like an older sister type. And I remember her just going like, did you just say you have anal sex? And I go, oh, yeah. I go, I kind of like talk about that. And she goes, you do? Like her just being like, even a comic who I think is like so open was like, easy. I remember her being like, and I go, oh, I didn't know that you weren't supposed to. So I, to your listeners, like I start sharing those things that you're like, you think you just do. Because I'll tell you when you start sharing them, it is such a load off when you find other people who relate to you. And that is what I found it to be very healing, sharing things on stage that I think that are just me.

• 40:14Speaker 04

  Because I've learned time after time again of sharing those things, it ain't just me. And it's, and the awareness of the things, the awareness of the fact that, I mean, like,

• 40:29Speaker 04

  you know, I talk openly about like having, like it's still eating issues where I can like eat six protein bars in a sitting. You know, just like do something weird like that and like waking up with wrappers in my bed and not the good kind, the kind that starts with a W. And just, it's so real because that's really something that was up until recently occurring on a nightly basis. And it was so embarrassing, yet I was talking about it openly. And by doing that, it made me like have to look at it a bit more. And like the joking about it made me go, okay, this is kind of, you've been, you talk about this a lot. This is obviously something on your mind. And so now I'm like, I'm actually taking steps to deal with it. So in being so open has actually helped me like get past a lot of things.

• 41:12Ed Mylett?

  Super cool combo of the anal thing and then the wrappers in your bed, back to back.

• 41:18Speaker 04

  That's the kind of porn I watch too.

• 41:20Ed Mylett?

  Here we go.

• 41:20Speaker 04

  Rappers with a woman lost in a gym.

• 41:25Ed Mylett?

  Oh my god. So, listen, anal aside, there's a lesson.

• 41:29Speaker 04

  Anal aside, that's gonna be my memoirs.

• 41:32Ed Mylett?

  That's your new special?

• 41:36Ed Mylett?

  But, no but aside, she's making an unbelievable point here, because why, here's one thing, y'all try to hide your flaws, and I do it a little bit too, but I'm pretty vulnerable about stuff I'm screwed up on all the time. Why do I do that? Well, one, it feels better for me to get it out. That way, when I do make other mistakes, people are like, "Ah, he said he was perfect." But the other part of it is too, you guys, one, it connects you with people, because they're screwed up too. You're listening to this, because there's a little piece of you screwed up. I'm doing this show with her, because there's a little piece of me screwed up. I learned from people like Nikki, right? There's one other little thing, when you're vulnerable with people, and tell people, even on your social media, you're like, "Well, I'm a nurse, why would I tell people about what I'm afraid of?" Let me tell you why. People root for you.

• 42:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 42:18Ed Mylett?

  See, you want to build, people root for people they connect with. They root for people that don't think they're perfect. And so, one of the things Nikki's established is like, when I told people you were coming on the show, seriously, they're like, huge fans. Not like, "Yeah, she's funny, I like her stuff." They're like, "I love her." There's a big difference, you guys. Even, the biggest compliment that happens for me is when people say, "I love his work," or "Your show made a difference," I love that. But when someone says like, "Hey, I really relate to him," or "I connect with him," people keep telling me, when I said you're on, they're like, "I love her."

• 42:52Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 42:52Ed Mylett?

  Because of these things that you're describing. I'm just curious, you said the radio thing. Do you know what you want now? Like, we know you want to be in a relationship, which we'll talk about last in a minute here, but like, career-wise, is it to be, is it like, you're good friends with Amy Schumer? Is it to do what Amy's done, or is it to do what Amy's done now, which is have a family?

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Right, um, I don't really have goals. You know, that's like, I don't know, I would love to hear your take on that. I'd rarely have like, goals in terms of, I mean, I have certain things like, oh, I'd like to host SNL one day. I, um, I always wanted to be on Howard Stern, cross that off. I, short-term goals, like I do, like, oh, before the end of the year, I'd like to do this. But in terms of like lifetime goals, I would just, I want to be in love again at some point. Career-wise, though, I've done like everything I want to do. Like, it only can just get, I just want to do things that bring me happiness and bring me closer to people

• 43:53Speaker 04

  and help people. I think that is, I want to make people feel less alone. I kind of just want to be the artist that I kind of needed in, when I've been as desperate as I, as I've been in the past. So I think my goal is how I can continue to do that in any way. Movies? Yeah, I'll do them if they come to me. They're a lot of work. Writings, and you know, I have a scripted show coming out eventually someday that I'm writing. It is hard. And I'm, stand-up is just not that hard for me. It's like, I'd rather do that. And, and my agents and managers, they don't like to hear this because they would like to have me be on TV and, and in movies.

• 44:36Speaker 04

  But I just, I don't enjoy the process as much. And I've done it. You're sitting on set all day, it's cold, you're in your trailer alone. I like touring, I like doing podcasts, I like, I'm, I'm honestly looking into doing a reality show because I'm like, my talent is not acting, my talent is being real all the time. And the show could be just my life because I'm not hiding anything already. Why not just put it on camera and kill two birds? So that's kind of what my goal for this year is to actually get a reality show on a major network. So that's the goal.

• 45:10Ed Mylett?

  A lot of my entertainment clients or friends are like that. It's interesting in that one field. You're only suc- you're successful for a couple of reasons. One, you were good at it immediately.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:22Ed Mylett?

  Which is rare, as you know.

• 45:23Speaker 04

  Thank god.

• 45:23Ed Mylett?

  Like I sucked, I didn't have any breakthrough, no one laughed.

• 45:27Speaker 04

  Oh, I was bad for a while, but the first time I did it, I showed a lot of promise. And I, I just showed promise in the beginning. I mean, I was terrible for years, just in terms of stage presence, but I, it was the first time I go, oh wow, I'm better than most people at this in the beginning. And I had never felt that at any sport or any, you know, school subjects.

• 45:47Ed Mylett?

  Okay, don't be, don't be humble on this. I want to know something. I want everybody to, everyone has a superpower. So if you're not a goal setter, usually like, because I have a lot of friends that are successful, they don't set any goals. They're like, look, man, just work my ass off. Their superpowers, they just outwork everybody.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:01Ed Mylett?

  What is yours? Don't be humble. Like,

• 46:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:04Ed Mylett?

  I get it. There, you have these, we, we all have them. You're more bold about yours, but what are you great at? Like,

• 46:11Speaker 04

  I'm great at, what am I great at? That's a great question.

• 46:16Ed Mylett?

  Unbelievable that you hesitate. Unbelievable.

• 46:20Speaker 04

  I, well, I would say I work hard, but I don't feel like I do because all of the work I do is just showing up and going on stage. Like, I don't sit at a computer and write jokes all day. I don't listen to my sets and go over line by line. I just kind of like jot some notes in my phone if I say something funny with my friend. And then before I go on stage, like literally as I'm walking on stage, I'll be like, looking at it like, okay. And then just like, wa- like, I just glance, the work, it doesn't feel like work. Um, but I do do it every night. Like, it's,

• 46:51Ed Mylett?

  Hello?

• 46:51Speaker 04

  It's a lot, it's a lot like meditation. Like I, meditation doesn't take any real effort for me. Like, it doesn't feel like work, yet I'm getting this immense benefit from it. So I just do it every day. And stand up, the, it feels so good that it's not hard for me to show up, but I do, I work super hard. I real- I must, because I get told I do all the time. But here's my superpower, is that it never feels like enough. And that, I never have a sense of accomplishment. It's always, it's, it's terrible. I wish I could let things land. And I do, I've learned a little bit more, like, I can give it like one night or one day to really relax and be like, I can take the day off, but.

• 47:32Speaker 04

  Almost immediately, I either am filled with deep regret over what I did and could have done better and should have done better, or, and thinking, the next time, you will not let that happen again. And so the next time, I work twice as hard.

• 47:44Ed Mylett?

  I'm identical in my big speeches to big crowds. Like immediately, you were great. No, my God, I forgot to say this. I said that wrong. Why did I do that? And I, I, my team will tell you, like, they're like, bro, you're like in misery after these talks almost. So when I'm doing it, when I'm doing it, everybody, I love when I'm doing it. I'm at work. The minute it's over, it's like, oh, that was terrible. I can't believe I did that. I would give you a whole thought to take with you, too. I interviewed Marshall Falk yesterday for my coaching group, famous NFL back, St. Louis, who's played in the team there. And Marshall's like, I never, he's a Hall of Famer, Super Bowl winner, you know, MVP, blah, blah, blah. He's like, I never felt great. I never thought I was

• 48:26Ed Mylett?

  amazing. I think all successful people are, there's a little unhappiness, too. And when I started the show, Nikki, one of the things that I was interested in, because I call it max out, was like, what would all these people have in common? Like, someone who's the best wide receiver in the NFL, someone who's a presidential candidate, someone who's a worldwide famous comedian now, someone who's a CEO of a company, a millionaire, a person who rides a horse, someone who killed Osama bin Laden, all these different people, right? What do they have in common? And I was surprised. Stephanie McMahon, who runs the WWE.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  Gemini's.

• 49:01Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, exactly. Is it sign, is it work ethic, goals? No, you know what it is? A little bit of depression. Isn't that interesting? And I think one of the reasons for achievers is we have these standards of what we think we're capable of, and we never measure up. And that congruency is kind of healthy, because it causes us to keep pushing, but it's unhealthy because we never really reach this place where we feel like we've made it. And here's the conclusion I've come to, and I've told a lot of people this, and this will be, this will completely throw you off, but what if like, there's nothing wrong with you?

• 49:34Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 49:35Ed Mylett?

  Like, what if the fact that we always think something is wrong with us, or that we're missing something, is the issue? And I coach entrepreneurs all the time. What if like you're, what if you're like perfect for this moment right now?

• 49:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:48Ed Mylett?

  It is that you're going to get, you're going to grow into the next moment because you always do. But in this given moment in the universe, you're perfect for it. And you show up perfectly and everything you need is within you right now. And what if you're not screwed up? What if it's normal to be a human and have weaknesses and insecurities? That doesn't mean we don't want to grow and improve to be ready for the next moment. But in this moment, I don't mean to be cheesy, but you talk about meditation. What if you're perfect right now?

• 50:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:16Ed Mylett?

  Not screwed up? What if you don't have issues? Like, what if you're right now, the way you're supposed to be? And in the next moment, you'll grow into that moment. Rob Dierdick was on my show and he's one of the people that's been on the show that we became real good friends and we're business partners now. And Rob was talking about, he was sort of a single dude out there being a single dude, kind of known in Hollywood as that too. And he goes, I just didn't want to be that dude anymore. And then in every relationship, I'd screw him up, kind of like, you know, I just get bored or that was enough. And he goes, I finally decided that-

• 50:49Speaker 04

  Are you setting me up right now? Oh, wait, no, he found someone. Okay. God, I thought I'd be a part of his fantasy factory. All right.

• 50:59Speaker 04

  Have his friends over to ride me. Sorry.

• 51:03Ed Mylett?

  Uh, that was not good. I'll leave the comedy to you. But he said, he goes, he goes, hey, man, I just sort of accepted like I'm okay right now. And he goes, as I grew into the man that I was capable of becoming, the woman arrived that I was worthy of. And I thought, hey, man, that's gold right there. So it wasn't even supposed to be a relationship podcast. I don't think you're screwed up. I think you're human. I think you're perfect as you are right now. And if you continue to live, everybody constantly, like I just asked this mega successful woman-

• 51:36Speaker 04

  Who's in her dad's home office in St. Louis, Missouri and has been living here for two months.

• 51:40Ed Mylett?

  Let's just be real. Has readily read off in this podcast, I have an eating disorder. I'm not good in relationships. Uh, you know, I said stuff to Taylor. She can give you a hundred things she's not good at. And then I said, what are you great at? This is one of the most successful people on earth. What are you great at?

• 51:59Ed Mylett?

  What am I great at? And by the way, that's most humans.

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:04Ed Mylett?

  And the list has to be long of what you are great at. And, and by the way, if you're, you, you will show up in five years, Nikki, if you keep this pattern, you'll say, you know what, everything's good, except this thing about me right now.

• 52:17Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 52:18Ed Mylett?

  And if that thing's always gonna keep you, that's the thing, this false belief.

• 52:23Speaker 04

  That there's some better version of myself that I'm waiting for.

• 52:26Ed Mylett?

  Yes. And by the way, she's gonna show up anyway.

• 52:29Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 52:30Ed Mylett?

  Always prepared for the next moment. So I'm not talking about like self-love, love yourself as you are, but because sometimes that means like you don't need to change, you don't need to grow. I'm not saying that. I'm saying you can't love yourself if you're not being yourself. And so just be yourself. You're awesome the way you are.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 52:46Ed Mylett?

  If you could actually give yourself that gift, not just Nikki, but everybody, your growth will accelerate. It won't be so freaking painful to grow all the time where you're moving out of misery to get there. Life doesn't have to be that way.

• 53:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:01Ed Mylett?

  I don't think you're screwed up. And I think there's a million things about you. And I'm glad we just did this in front of millions of people, but I want to say that to you. Stop that. Please stop that.

• 53:10Speaker 04

  Yeah. I, I, I don't know what, I mean, I hear this so often that I'm so hard on myself and I don't see it. Like I don't, it doesn't really register to me. I only believe it because I get told it so much that I'm hard on myself and I hear what you're saying and I, I, but the, the thing that I, I am getting better at it because I'm working feverishly to, to love myself. Oh my gosh. I want to so bad and I see it and I know how I, I have before, before and I see the benefits of gratitude and, but it's something you said, it, or something I heard kind of is exactly with like what you said, and I always go back to it, is that I'm always waiting for my life to like.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  Take off like I'm always waiting for like, I feel like I'm on the tarmac and I'm like, once I do this, then my life, then I'll be in there. And it's like, no, this is your life. Like this is this like, there's no ramp up. This is the show bitch. And so like, and just knowing, because I had like, Ed, I could have used you a week ago. I was a week ago Tuesday. I had taped Conan on a Monday and I always kill it on Conan. It's just like something I care about so much. He's the reason I got into stand up and comedy in general. I love him more than any performer ever. And so when I go on his show, I take it very seriously and I prepare and I plan and it always goes off without a hitch. And I usually am like, great afterwards. I'm like, did everything I wanted to do, let it go.

• 54:39Speaker 04

  There's something about doing it over Zoom, the comedy, I didn't get the crowds, the roar of the crowd. And I felt like I bombed and I just couldn't, I just, you know, left the meeting, you know, after we finished. And I just was like crying all day. My parents were like disturbed by how upset I was and they're like, we heard you. It sounds like you that, you know, they had their ear up against the door, listening to me with Conan in here. And they were like, you did great. I'm like, no, I missed this. I forgot this. I didn't even set that up. Just could not, I mean, it was like, um, just unwanted thoughts coming in of like, and I would be, I was on a run. And I remember just going, God, because I would like scream into, and a guy mowing his lawn would be like, why is that girl just like screaming? Because I would remember something else I forgot. I was plagued by it.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  And then I don't know what happened, but I did just have what you said, which was like, that is, I did the best I could. Like that was meant, I was meant to show up that way. If I know I could have maybe worked a little bit harder, but you didn't. And that was meant, and now you can grow from that the next time. But the beating myself up afterwards was brutal and I, it almost makes me think like, I can't handle doing this job anymore. Because if I always am just so mad at myself after every accomplishment I have, what is, what's, what is this worth?

• 55:57Ed Mylett?

  And you don't need to be, I'm, I'm 50 next year and I, I'm you. And let me tell you something, sister. I know so many people like us. And you don't want to get where I am because what you just said may actually made me kind of emotional because this is your life. And you will get to a place like where I am, where I have had all kinds of like accomplishments, so to speak, right? And I go, man, I should have been kinder to myself all those years. I should have been kinder. I should have enjoyed it more.

• 56:27Speaker 04

  Enjoyed it.

• 56:28Ed Mylett?

  And the reason we run these patterns in our life, everybody is it gets us something. You don't do anything because it doesn't provide something to you. You think it only provides you pain, but there's this other sick part of us that goes, I've always been this way and look, I'm kind of producing some results. So if I let go of that beat myself up thing, if I let go of this anxiety thing, if I let go of that whole like I suck thing, then I won't have my driver, my hunger anymore. So I you hold on to that pattern. And the truth is that I give this analogy of my wife who's who I met when we were really little, like five years old. And so I've known her a long time and she's crazy and weird and and all that stuff. And it's what makes it interesting, right? But what she has this very weird thing she started to do like a year ago, which is when she eats pleasurable food.

• 57:13Ed Mylett?

  She like moans like orgasmically, like disgusting. It's very weird, but like she'll be and she's hot. So when she does it around the kids, I'm like, you're creeping the kids out, right?

• 57:25Ed Mylett?

  She goes, am I doing it again? I'm like, yeah. So we're out for my birthday. At a restaurant, we walk in, these two dudes are already checking her out and you know, she's check outable. And I'm like, I'll give them one look. If they look at her twice, I'm a time, there's gonna be an issue here, right? So we end up sitting next to them. And I'm like, great, these poor guys. And sure enough, her food comes and she's

• 57:48Speaker 04

  Oh my.

• 57:49Ed Mylett?

  Heads are gonna blow off, right? And I'm like, babe, it's at least on my birthday, like stop. She's like, am I doing it? I'm sorry. And I'm like, I go, what are you doing? Like, and she says, it just tastes so good. And she goes, the more I enjoy it, the more I want another bite. And I went. Oh, wow. That was good. And I'm always thinking about my material, right?

• 58:12Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 58:13Ed Mylett?

  And I went, that's really true. The truth in life is, is that just because you enjoy something, you're not going to lose your hunger. In fact, your brain gets a dopamine hit. Your brain gets a dopamine hit and goes, I want to do it again. I want to do it again. I want to do it again. But if you keep cheating yourself from the dopamine hit, from the happiness after you walk off stage, you will end up where you're almost at now where you're like, I'm burnt out. I don't want to do this anymore.

• 58:35Speaker 04

  Yes, I need to start growling and moaning when the crowd is cheering and enjoy it. That's really, I love, first of all, I love to see how you develop material in a very similar way to stand ups of like, that was interesting what you just said. It was kind of quippy. And it really makes a lot of sense. Like, that was a beautiful moment to take apart. I instantly got where you were. That's, it's so true because I, I need to start enjoying it. I really do. And I think this quarantine has actually forced me to

• 59:09Ed Mylett?

  To reset.

• 59:09Speaker 04

  To reset. I'm so grateful for it because I do, I want to enjoy all of these things because you're right. If I keep robbing myself of just the sense of accomplishment that once made me want to even do this in the first place. I mean, the first time I went on stage, I was like, the laughter and the clapping, it just made me feel this high. And I don't even let that in anymore. I, I can't, no wonder I wanted my life, wanted something to take it away. No wonder I conjured a global pandemic.

• 59:38Ed Mylett?

  You did. You probably created it.

• 59:41Ed Mylett?

  So, listen, I

• 59:42Speaker 04

  I do love that.

• 59:43Ed Mylett?

  I gotta, I want to say something to you that, guys, Nikki's just rare that she's telling you the truth. But just so you know, about everybody that I talk to that's producing big time results, struggles with these same things, and so do many of you. And it's normal and it's okay. By the way, you don't need to judge yourself about it. It doesn't make you weak or weird or strange or less than. And if you'll just stop doing that and just accept that you're great in this moment, and you'll get better in the next one, it'll give you some peace. It will give you some peace.

• 1:00:12Speaker 04

  I, something my therapist said that is exactly what you're saying is when I catch myself with that, that the first thought, my first instinct is to just shit on myself and to bully myself. Instead of going, instead of changing the thought, if I look in the mirror and I go, ugh. Instead of going, no, you're beautiful and like lying to myself because clearly that's not where I'm gonna really, I can't really get there and believe that. You just go, huh, I just said that I, I just looked in the mirror and said, ugh, that's interesting. And you just start clocking when you do it and then you can start to notice it. Don't judge it because that's already, it's gonna make you beat yourself up more. I've just been noticing more the, the self talk, the negative self-talk and just being like, huh. And, and there's something else about just, someone recently said to me,

• 1:00:57Speaker 04

  some therapist I talked to, was that your first thought is out of, your first instinctual thought is always negative, is fight, fight or flight is always like anxious and negative. And maybe that thought isn't real, isn't truthful. Maybe you always just skip the first thought because I tend, the first thought, thought tends to be extremely mean. I'm like...

• 1:01:18Ed Mylett?

  No, what you're doing is really powerful. Everybody, just observing your own thought eludes some of its power over you. And then the other thing too is just so y'all know, you'll notice you have more of them earlier in the day. And so a lot of times it's hard to get out of bed in the morning for some people. And again, that's also normal. It's the time of the, for most people that they suffer the greatest amount of depression is upon awakening, it's in that mode of fight or flight, exactly what you just said. So I gotta tell you something like, I just interviewed one of the funniest human beings on earth and we had one of the most serious damn conversations.

• 1:01:49Speaker 04

  I know. When you were setting me up to be funny, I was like, I don't know that I'm gonna be. I'm in, I'm in a, a different mode, but I can, I can switch between both. I think it, I think it like, um, I think if you're, if you ask me what I was really good at, it's not, it's being able to like, be funny, obviously and write jokes. I'm like, I, I, I just have a knack for that, but I really, I'm not scared to get away from jokes either and to, um, try to talk about real stuff.

• 1:02:15Ed Mylett?

  I'm, I'm gonna give you an assumption about you and I know that we'll become one of these right now. Here's an assumption I have about you. I bet you're an amazing friend. I bet that. I bet that you're unusually good friend. Because people that are really hard on themselves are usually unusually kind to other people. And so many of you that are a lot like Nikki or a lot like myself, give yourself some credit. I bet you're unbelievably kind to everybody else. And if you could extend yourself the gift of like 20% of the kindness of other people, you'll be a lot happier.

• 1:02:47Speaker 04

  And nice to the people I don't like. It's just, it's bizarre, you know, like I.

• 1:02:52Ed Mylett?

  It's not a bad thing.

• 1:02:53Speaker 04

  And it's not out of fakeness. I just have like, you know, I just out of sort of, but it is true. It's so bizarre. It's such a fatal, such a human flaw that you can't be as nice to yourself or to your family as you are to strangers.

• 1:03:07Ed Mylett?

  It's true, but and by the way, we do it on families too. It's not, it's not fatal though, just so everybody.

• 1:03:12Speaker 04

  Right, right, right.

• 1:03:13Ed Mylett?

  As much as I just said that, we're gonna do one more question, but if you get a chance, and I just said she's so nice to other people. If you get a chance to watch this woman in some of these roasts like the Alex.

• 1:03:22Speaker 04

  Oh, I know. That's so funny. That's so funny that you said I was nice and a good friend.

• 1:03:25Ed Mylett?

  It's un, now, by the way, this is adult comedy, everybody. I was gonna tell you, okay? But like, like very adult, your 10 year old should not go, I think it's okay to say Nick, I think you'd agree with me. We don't want the 10 year old to go watch your stand up special right now, do we not?

• 1:03:38Speaker 04

  Um, no, not banging, but I think the 10 year old could watch a roast and like sneak it and like, you know, not understand most of the things. But yeah, my stand up special, if girls are curious about sex and want to know what it's like to be an adult woman, I think that's okay for them to watch early, early, like 13, 14, once they're like starting to, I just arm women with an education in what, what's, because it's all, it's all built under the guise of like, I had no idea about sex. I was so scared of it and here's what I found that it is.

• 1:04:06Ed Mylett?

  And it's cry, fall on the floor, some of it funny. And by the way, and I'm a dude and I'm tell you it's hilarious, but I've never watched my wife laugh like that.

• 1:04:16Speaker 04

  Oh, that's what I hear a lot of. That's so nice.

• 1:04:18Ed Mylett?

  Really never. I mean, never. All right, last thing. We've talked about all these things that you need to improve and grow on. You finally admitted like one little thing that you're good at. I have loved today.

• 1:04:29Speaker 04

  Me too.

• 1:04:30Ed Mylett?

  And like, just so you know, when it comes out, which will be very soon, you've helped a lot of people. Just, I hope you feel good about that. You've helped a lot of people. I want everybody to go follow Nikki first before I ask her the last question. I hate when people stick it at the end and no one's there. So where do you want them to go follow you? What's the best place to find you?

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can find me at Nikki Glaser on Instagram and Twitter. But Instagram, mainly, that's like where I'm most active. And then NikkiGlazer.com. I'm on tour, you know, everything's rescheduled, but there are tour dates up that I hope are happening. And I have a podcast that I do daily. That's just for a temporary time, but subscribe to that and I will, I'm gonna have more news coming soon. But if you enjoyed me on this, you'll definitely enjoy my podcast. It's every day and it's like just 20 minute solo episodes where sometimes I call friends. But I just talk about all of this stuff and kind of like, it's like a diary entry. So it's called You Up.

• 1:05:24Ed Mylett?

  It's so good, you guys, and the flow of it is awesome. And I'm addicted to it.

• 1:05:29Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:05:30Ed Mylett?

  I know so much about you, so.

• 1:05:31Speaker 04

  I know, when people, that's why I say when people listen, I'm like, don't tell me you listen if we ever meet. Because I can't even, like you saying that you listen, I'm like, oh no, what do you know?

• 1:05:40Ed Mylett?

  That has to be really weird. Like, you don't meet strangers a lot. Like, if they followed your stuff, you are not a stranger to them. Like, I feel like I know a lot of shit about you.

• 1:05:51Speaker 04

  You do, you know more about me than my family or some of my friends. I mean, I really get intimate on those podcasts. I just love podcasting. I feel like such an intimate connection to my listeners. And I just, I just feel such an intimate connection to the podcasts I listen to. So I understand like what it means and what I want to offer people who listen. Cause I, cause I enjoy it so much when people are just authentic and like, you're like, what? This is wild what they're telling me. It's just, so that's what I try to, to give them.

• 1:06:17Ed Mylett?

  Super gifted, you guys. And gifted, it's like, she didn't work out it. She's gifted and talented. All right, you are successful.

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:06:26Ed Mylett?

  And if you had a chance to sit down, someone ran into you at a Starbucks and said, Nikki, can I have like five minutes? I have a dream. I want to build a business. Or I want to, you know, begin in the entertainment industry or whatever. I want to go get my master's degree. And I don't know where to begin to make my dream come true. You've made many of your dreams come true, right? Many of them.

• 1:06:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:47Ed Mylett?

  Well, what would your advice be to somebody who had a dream in their life, whether they're twenty-two years old, twelve years old, or fifty-two years old? What would you say to them?

• 1:06:57Speaker 04

  Quit drinking. Um, that, I honestly, if you are someone who needs, gets hung over a lot and you've like, get that out of your life, get anything that's like disabling you unnecessarily out of your life. Because I do think my career went to the next level when I, when I quit having hangovers. Um, but in general, I, it comes back to what we were talking about before. I always tell this to new comics. They always want to know, and this isn't just for comics, but this is truly, um, the ticket, I think, is like, work hard, obviously, but be cool to be around. Be, be, have, be cool enough that people that are more successful than you want you around. When the, when the comic comes to town, as the comic who comes to town, offer to find

• 1:07:42Speaker 04

  me good vegan restaurants. Offer, don't be annoying, but just be like, offer to drive me around if I need a ride. Just be, be nice and cool and not annoying, yet. And, and people will bring you around. People want to help you. I'm, artists are lonely. We're lonely. And so when we find someone who's cool, who respects us and wants what we have, but isn't like too grabby and is just a chill person to be around, God, we want that person in our corner. And then we bring you to, that's how I got ahead, that people thought I was cool to hang out with and brought me on the road. I wouldn't have gotten those opportunities if I was not fun to be around, no matter how funny I was. I was a good hang. So work on that and also squeaky wheel. My dad always taught me, just...

• 1:08:23Speaker 04

  Be, remind people you're around. Don't convince yourself that someone's gonna ask you to do something, or someone's gonna think of you for a job. I give jobs all the time, and I don't think of people, even, you know, it'll happen months later, I'll be like, "Oh, he would've been great for that job," but I haven't heard from him for months. But the guys who are constantly like, "If you have any work, I'd love to do," like, it's, and it's not annoying. As long as you're not always being like, "You didn't write back to me," and like, just squeaky wheel, but a, not an obnoxious squeak, like a pleasant squeak, is, is very important. Those are the two things.

• 1:08:58Ed Mylett?

  I love that.

• 1:08:59Speaker 04

  Be cool and be present.

• 1:09:00Ed Mylett?

  You just described, I didn't get you any vegan food or anything like that, but that's exactly how I got Nikki here today.

• 1:09:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:07Ed Mylett?

  I DM'd, didn't hear back, and I went to somebody else. I went to Heather Montag, and I said, "Look, I need to meet her. Do it now, and I'll treat, I'll get you someone, so you get me her."

• 1:09:16Speaker 04

  That's awesome.

• 1:09:17Ed Mylett?

  So, you know, at my life, I'm a squeaky wheel, so.

• 1:09:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, you, you are, but that's, I wouldn't, I get too many requests to do podcasts, and I just, if they come in on a day where I'm like, not in the mood, or I'm overbooked, I just like, can't even look at it. I won't even write back, I'll just like, I can't deal with it. But then someone writes to me, and is like, "I vouched for this guy, go," and I was like, "Oh yeah, of course," I didn't even give it a shot, but yeah, you gotta be squeaky. I'm sque, I'm squeaky all the time. I, I really do, um, I, I practice what I preach, even to this day with, with the success I've had, I'm still hitting up people.

• 1:09:54Ed Mylett?

  Me too.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  For advice. I've gotta get on a call with Whitney Cummings right now, because I'm like, making a decision, and I have the ability to make this decision on my own, but she's someone who has had more experience in this field, and we're not really that great, we're friendly, but I just texted her today, like, "Do you have 10 minutes to give me some career advice?" And she's like, "Yeah, lady," and so that's what I'm gonna do, and it's kind of uncomfortable, but fuck it. You know, like, she's, she has an answer that I wouldn't have. What was that?

• 1:10:19Ed Mylett?

  Oh, I wanted on the show. So, you guys, listen, I don't care who you are, we have a list of people that wanna be on the show, but I wanted Nikki, and I got squeaky to get here, so that was great advice.

• 1:10:29Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:10:30Ed Mylett?

  I loved today. Like, I

• 1:10:31Speaker 04

  I did too.

• 1:10:33Ed Mylett?

  Loved today. Today was a long day, and it was on my calendar, I was looking forward to it, and like, I just really enjoyed the day, and you helped so many people, so I just wanna say thank you for being here.

• 1:10:43Speaker 04

  Thank you. No, it helped me so much. I don't think I need to go to, I can I can, uh, yeah, I don't need to go to therapy this week. I feel like I could skip the session.

• 1:10:51Ed Mylett?

  I'm always here for you. I mean that. We're friends and I'm here for you.

• 1:10:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know. We're friends now. It's so cool. Thanks for having me.

• 1:10:57Ed Mylett?

  All right. Hey, guys, remember this. I run the max out two-minute drill every single day on Instagram. So when I make a post, you've got two minutes. You make a comment, you can win. If you don't make a comment in the first two minutes, reply to other people's comments, or make a comment every single day on all my posts, and when you do that, you can win a ride on my jet, tickets to see me speak, get coached by me, max out gear, all kinds of cool stuff. So engage with me on social media and go follow Nikki as well, okay? God bless you, guys. Max out.

• 1:11:29Speaker 03

  This is The Ed Miliband Show.