Ed Mylett, Chris and Marlow Felton - Changing your Identity

The first half of the podcast discusses the keys to changing your identity and schedule strategies to become the best leader you can possibly be. Second part of the podcast is an interview with Chris and Marlow Felton , Ed interviews them about their book "Couples Money". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 P.M. And my third day, 6:00 P.M. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time, too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it waiting weeks on a big bank for capital. Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

  Over 20 years in business, over $12 billion deployed to small business across America. Stop letting bank delays slow down your momentum. Head to cardiff.co/ed. That's cardiff.co/ed. Cardiff.co. Real growth, fast funding. Cardiff. Borrow better.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Mr. President, my company, for me, of the explosion on our rig.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  On October 2nd.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess. And Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and the Revenant.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You stop, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  Welcome to Champions Forum, hosted by Ed Milez.

• 1:45Ed Mylett?

  Thank you for investing the time with me here today. And I want to make it a valuable investment for both you and I. So I want to get right into the specifics of what many of you have asked me to cover. And so what we've done is we've compiled all the various emails that have come in through the website. If people say, Ed, would you cover this? Would this be the topic you do on the next podcast? And so we distilled it down. And the number one thing I think I'm getting asked most is that I talk a lot about identity. I talk about destiny and being a leader and producing results. Moving through the process of winning in life, and I think people have asked in general, if I summed it up, could you give me some specific tangible things that would help me change my identity, or if I'm a leader, change my own identity, but also the identities and the lives, the destinies of the people that I'm responsible for leading? When you listen to that, you'd say, well, and many of you would say, well, I'm not a

• 2:30Ed Mylett?

  leader. I don't have a big group, or a team, or a company I'm running. Although, some of you that hear this do, and you really want to hear this stuff, but many of you don't look at yourself as a leader. But I can tell you, if you're a mother, if you're a father, if you're a pastor, if you're in any executive position, if you're a brother or a sister, you're a leader, and at a minimum, you're leading yourself. And so, you do need to learn the specific things in life that can help us produce results in our own family, our own businesses, and inside ourselves. And so, whether that be your body, your money, your company, your team, whatever it is, let's talk about some specifics, okay? To begin with, number one, I must tell you, the thing that surprises me the most when I work with people, and the people that I work with, in my coaching, whatever it is, in my company or outside of my company, these are driven people.

• 3:15Ed Mylett?

  These aren't even your average and ordinary people. You're talking about highly driven, motivated people. And even at that level, when I work with them, the most shocking thing that reveals itself to me, is how unclear people are on exactly what it is they want. Their lack of specificity. Over and over, I'll say, well, before we get started, before you start asking me for the pieces and the keys, tell me exactly what your outcome is. Tell me exactly what you want out of whatever this is, your body, your faith, your family, your company, your team. And I'll give them a window, six months, a year, two years, 10 years, when it's all over. And their eyes look up, which means they're trying to find an idea, and there's not anything reflexive, there's no recall, there's no specificity, there's no clarity.

• 3:58Ed Mylett?

  What I'm telling you is that most people, maybe you, are not clear enough on exactly what it is you want. And without clarity, there's confusion. Your brain is like a software program, and unless it's got very specific demands put to it, it can't produce the result. I've used this example, I don't know, maybe a thousand times now in business when I coach people, but it bears repeating. And that is that if I gave you every single piece of a jigsaw puzzle, there's a thousand pieces, let's say, I gave you every single piece you needed to put that puzzle together, so you were missing nothing. Except, you didn't have the cover. You didn't have the picture of what the puzzle was supposed to look like. How could you put the puzzle together? The answer is you couldn't. Even with all the pieces in place,

• 4:42Ed Mylett?

  it would be nearly impossible, if not much more difficult, and would take you much longer and be a much more arduous, painful process if you don't have the picture of ultimately what it's going to look like, even with all the pieces. And so, most people confuse success for having to have all the pieces. The first step, and the most important step by far, is getting clarity, removing confusion, by knowing specifically exactly what it is you want, and being able to repeat it, and feeding that to yourself hundreds of thousands of times, through thoughts, visions, words, that you repeat to yourself and others over and over and over and over again. And the more you program that into your mind, the more your mind goes to work

• 5:24Ed Mylett?

  on finding the pieces and putting the picture together. That's how it works. And so, the first thing, even though you've heard that a thousand times from someone coaching you somewhere, is really, if I asked you right now, five years from now, exactly what it is you want, your answer would likely be vague. I'd be happier. That's not an answer. What would make you happier? Specifically, measurably. So, by the way, that way, we can actually know when we get there too. Wouldn't that be nice? So that we can then throw the next one out there. And so, I want to challenge you first, whatever it is that, when you're listening to this, as you as a mother, you as a wife, you as a husband, you as a father, you as a business leader, you as a company, you and your finances, you and your body, exactly specifically what it is you want,

• 6:07Ed Mylett?

  and even once you figure that out, by the way, you've got to begin to repeat thoughts, words, and pictures to yourself over and over and over again, that'll help you find the pieces. And the reason that that's so important is, now you can adjust. Now you can make changes as you go, because you came from a place of true north, first of all. And so, my plans have changed over my life, my goals have changed, my strategies certainly have changed. But what doesn't change with me is my pattern of knowing I must get clear. In fact, I'll be candid with you. Before I began this podcast, there's certain things I always wanted to keep to myself, but that I knew were advantages I had over my competitors. And quite frankly, if I were whispering to you one of them, it is my muscle I've built of getting clear,

• 6:50Ed Mylett?

  ferociously, relentlessly, repetitiously clear, on what it is exactly that I want, because I know my competition is wishy-washy on that stuff. They're not clear. They are vague. Most people think if I could just get my head above water, you know, right now I've got to survive. I've just got to do the things that I need to do. And once I get through this stage, then I can really get clear on the things that I want. Except you never get there. Because the first step in getting through that survival stage is actually knowing where you're swimming to. You must know that stuff. And so it's not something you get to eventually. You will never get to it. You must begin with it now. So I want to start there. That's the first thing, clarity.

• 7:33Ed Mylett?

  I know that seems like a basic thing. It is not basic. It is rare. It is a strategy that very few people implement, which is why very few people get financially independent or reach a place they'd like to be in life. Because ultimately, if you think about it, we just want to be happy. Okay, and I want you to hear something. I think happiness in general, success, is where the results of your life equal the blueprint you have for it. Let me say that to you again. So you have a blueprint for your life, and the life results match the blueprint. You have a picture for your life, and your life ends up matching it. That's happiness. That's fulfillment. The challenge with that is that if you never get clear on what the picture would look like,

• 8:14Ed Mylett?

  you can never be happy or fulfilled, never mind never produce any results. A state of unhappiness, by the way, a state of unhappiness is when the results of your life don't equal the blueprint. An unhappy relationship, there's a picture, a goal, a dream, a vision, a blueprint you had for it, and the results aren't matching it. That creates unhappiness. You have a body that you'd like to have, you're clear on what it is, and you don't have it. That makes you unhappy. You have a financial goal you want to have, and it's clear, and you know what it is, and you don't have it. The blueprint doesn't equal the result. You're unhappy. Happiness, again, is when the blueprint and the results match. By the way, here's a secret.

• 8:57Ed Mylett?

  Being unhappy isn't necessarily such a bad thing. Being unhappy can compel you to want to change it. In fact, if you can get enough pain, most people think, "Only if I chase my dreams will I win." Well, there'll be a whole bunch of proof, I'll give you in future podcasts, that maybe the more powerful motivator, inspirer, is to avoid pain, is to move out of a state of unhappiness. And so getting into a state of being unhappy, like I say all the time, Malcolm X, "That which you do not hate, you will eventually tolerate." There's tons of... Michael Jordan will tell you that he was much more motivated out of the fear of losing than he was the joy of winning. And that in his memory, yes, of Tom Brady, in his memory, the two Super Bowls he's lost are burned in there and much more painful than even the joy of the five that he's won so far.

• 9:40Ed Mylett?

  And so, being unhappy, being in pain, being not fulfilled yet, is not a necessarily bad thing. It's a... It compels you to change. What's terrible is to not even know where you want to go clearly and just be floating and surviving. That's the third option. By the way, that's 99% of the people. The other 1% are divided 50/50 by people who are happy and who are chasing happiness. 99 don't know where they want to go. They're just floating. They're just drifting. And they end up at death, totally unfulfilled, never even getting near their destiny, because they were never even clear on what it was. And so what I want for you ultimately is that the blueprint for your life and the results match in every area you wish. That's what we're going to talk about today, okay?

• 10:25Ed Mylett?

  There's a book I want to recommend to you. It's a golf book. You're going to think, "Why would you recommend this book?" I just want you to read this book for the beginning of it. It's written by a guy named Rick Sessinghaus, S-E-S-S-I-N-G-H-A-U-S. Rick is a friend of mine, and he's actually was my son's mental golf coach. And the name of the book is Golf: The Ultimate Mind Game. In fact, you don't necessarily have to go get the book, because I'm going to share a couple of key things from you, but I know Rick would like me to have you go get the book, so I'd like you to do that. So it's a golf book. But when you begin to read some of the things I'm going to quote to you... I think you're gonna think, "My gosh, did my lead help him write this book?" Which I didn't. He wrote this book far before I met him. And then when I read it, I said, "That's my guy. That's my son's mental coach." And so, you would think, "Well, by the way, why would I want my son to have a mental coach outside of me?"

• 11:07Ed Mylett?

  Well, I think I have influence over him, but like all you dads out there, my sons are gonna listen to so much. There's a director of motivation component in me where I know I need to get other people in his head as well. That's part of being a leader and creating change. It's not just them hearing from you, but people who share your values, share your beliefs, that can reinforce what you're teaching. And so, Rick can do that. And so, it's interesting. I want to read to you on page 14. It's amazing. This is a golf book. Remember this. He says, "Your thoughts lead to beliefs, which lead to emotions, which leads to an attitude, which leads to your state, which leads to your behavior that creates a result, and that equals your level of success." Thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, state, behavior, result, equals level of success.

• 11:53Ed Mylett?

  And so, let's talk about this for a second. That means your level of success, that equal. How are you saying, Ed, that I need to get my results, okay, to equal my blueprint in my life? I'm telling you that they come from this place. They begin with your thoughts, that then lead to beliefs, which create emotions in you, which shape an attitude about you, which change your state of being, which leads to your behavior. And that will create a result. We're gonna talk about all of those things today. Thoughts, beliefs, emotions, attitudes, state, and behavior. Producing a result starts with you being clear on what it is you want, result. But the way the blueprint gets there is beginning with thoughts, which is that vision in the beginning. Beliefs, emotions, attitudes, state, and behavior. That's a powerful, powerful statement that he makes there.

• 12:37Ed Mylett?

  And that's how we create a result. Now, the other thing is, how do we do that in other people? How do we begin to change other people's thoughts, which can then lead to their beliefs, which changes their emotions and their attitude, ultimately shaping their state, which impacts their behavior, so they can produce a result if we're leading them as well? Are you starting to follow this? This is heavy note-taking. I'm gonna teach you how to do some of those things. He says to begin with, there's five levels of skill development. So let's start out, you wanna be a leader. Or you wanna produce a result in a recruiting business, or a selling business. Or you wanna start working out in the gym. Or you wanna begin to take on any new hobby you've got, any new endeavor. Learn a new language, doesn't really matter what it is. I think this'll serve you and give you some peace of mind.

• 13:19Ed Mylett?

  And he's saying there are basically five levels of skill development. These are five levels that you need to check in yourself. And these are the five levels of anybody you lead or parent, they're going to need to go through as well. So this is a valuable list for you to have as a checklist for both yourself and people you lead. And to remind them of this, so that they don't beat themselves up about where they are. What I see is people who don't know what they want, they're not clear. So they just start to work. Most people aren't lazy. They start to work, and when they don't make tons of progress initially, they begin to beat themselves up. Not knowing there are stages of development in everything in life. And so here's the five stages that he outlines, and I agree with him. Anything you begin with, level one is where you start, which is unconscious incompetence.

• 14:04Ed Mylett?

  You're actually gonna hear a little bit about this later in the podcast when I interview Chris and Marlow Felton on their Couples Money Financial book. And he talks about being unconscious as well, and some of his thoughts. But anyway, level one is unconscious incompetence. Basically, what he says that means is, we don't know how bad we are. So you start out at whatever it is, it's your first day in the gym. Or your first day in a business, or your first month in a business, or your first five appointments in a business, or whatever it might be. You're level one, and everybody starts there. And that is unconscious incompetence. You don't even know how bad you are, because you don't know what it's supposed to look like when you're good. So that's number one. That's a healthy thing to know you're there. It's okay. Now, when you look at it and you are there, you can say, this is normal. I'm normal, I'm where I should be. Level two is conscious incompetence.

• 14:50Ed Mylett?

  And that means you know that we don't possess the necessary skills to meet a challenge. We need to think about our mechanics and practice to develop new skills. The mind works overtime to learn new skills. We know we're beginners and constantly are processing all of the information that will help us become competent. This is a time-information overload. The mind is used to processing new information, which makes it more difficult to execute the new skill proficiently. Does that sound familiar to somebody that started in a new business or have new people starting in your business? They know they don't possess the necessary skills to meet the challenge. And they're constantly think about their mechanics and practicing these new skills and it's awkward for them. Third level is conscious competency. With practice, we have now developed a skill.

• 15:34Ed Mylett?

  We can give ourselves less instruction and develop some confidence. We've learned the basics and can execute a variety of shots. He's talking about golf here. Or a variety of phone calls, a variety of closes, a variety of sales, a variety of products, a variety of workouts, a variety of repetitions, a variety of exercises, whatever the endeavor is. We have practiced enough to now know we can do it. But not enough to not think about how to do it. So you're still consciously competent. Does that make sense? And that's where you want to get people in your team, in your businesses, in your family, or in yourself as quickly as you can. Where at least they're competent and can produce a result even though they still have to think about the execution of it. So as a leader, if I'm leading people, I know everybody starts out, especially when I first hire them, they're unconsciously competent. They don't even know what they don't know.

• 16:19Ed Mylett?

  Hopefully, pretty soon, I can get them to conscious incompetence where they figure out, wow, I don't know a lot, I need to learn a bunch, I need to be coachable, I need to get trained. And then third, I want to get them as quickly as I can to conscious competency. Because at least in my business, that's where they can at least make a little bit of money. And they can see progress. They can see some growth. In the gym, they can begin to see some weight drop. They can begin to see some muscle shaping. Level four, unconscious competency.

• 16:45Ed Mylett?

  We possess a high degree of confidence now in our mechanics and our muscle memory takes over. At this stage, the swing thoughts are minimal and new instruction is minimal. We can play with minimal interference. That's where you want to get people and yourself, if you're a leader, at least a level four, unconscious incompetence, because here, they know how to do all the phone calls. They know how to close all the sales. They know how to recruit all the people. They know how to write all the software if you're in that business. They know how to do the code. They know how to execute their job now. They've got a lot of confidence. They've got some muscle memory about it and they don't have to think a whole bunch to do it and they don't need a whole bunch more new instruction from us. They're pretty much off to the races. They can play with minimal interference or your involvement. The way that I've always said is that as a leader, I want to move people to become as independent

• 17:27Ed Mylett?

  of me as I quickly as I can and that's getting to level four where they're unconsciously competent. They no longer need my influence. Level five is where we all want to get in a business. This is where you begin to make seven figures if that has that upside. This is where your body gets ripped if you're working out. This is where you're leading your children in a harmonious, competent way as well, whatever it is. Unconscious mastery, level five. We have developed confidence in all areas of our skills. There are no mechanical thoughts. Our body is controlled by the unconscious. This is the zone. And he says, "Let's get you ready to enter your golfing zone." And I absolutely love that description. And any of you in business, that's where I want you to get. I want you to get into the zone and I want you to get as many people in your company

• 18:10Ed Mylett?

  as you can into that zone as well, which is what I'm going to teach you today. But you've got to be conscious to begin with of those five levels. We want to get people to the zone and we've all been in that zone in something in our life, whether when we were studying for our degree or applying for a job or executing our job or in a gym or in our company. We've had moments of our life when we were in that zone and it feels like exactly what he just described, doesn't it? It feels exactly like we've developed confidence in all areas of every skill we've got where there's no mechanical thoughts or we're controlled by our unconscious and it just comes out of us. That's where I want you to get. Those are the five levels. Why is that so important? Because in yourself, give yourself a benefit of knowing that you're going to have to go through those five levels. Ask yourself this and what's important to you right now?

• 18:54Ed Mylett?

  Let's just say it's your business. Where are you of the five levels? Are you level one, level two, level four, level five? That's the first question to ask yourself. Second question is, if you lead people, if you're a parent or a business leader, let's say, where are most of the people that you lead? Where do you get them to right now? Do you get them to level one and they stop? Do most of them get to level two and stop? Most of them get to level three and stop? Four and stop? Or do you get people to level five very regularly? And if you don't, why? Can you get people to that confident stage where they don't even need to think? Or can you at least get them to level four where they're confident, but they do think a little bit? Because the key to your leadership is going to be to getting people to level four and five. That's what great leaders do. And so, we're going to talk about that today.

• 19:38Ed Mylett?

  We're going to talk about being a leader and getting people to those levels. And how do we do it? Now, the number one way we live, we move from one level to the next is repetition. Practice. Lots of calls, lots of appointments, lots of reps in the gym, lots of experience. See, most people are afraid to fail. They're afraid to have negative experiences. And that fear that holds them back, keeps them back from the very experiences that would be moving them from one level to the next. That's the beauty of people who eventually surrender to say, "I'm going to make mistakes. I'm not going to win all the time. I'm going to lose a lot. But what I'm going to get out of this is experience and I'm going to be able to have the repetitions that eventually move me to where I get to the levels where you make money anyways."

• 20:23Ed Mylett?

  Because even if you have successes early, if you don't have enough repetitions, enough experience, that's always short-term success. That's why many leaders cheat their people. Many people cheat themselves. And that is that people get off to a very quickly, quick start at something. And the leader thinks, "Oh, I've got someone good." Or "I've got someone successful." But they've only been in your business a year or less. You have no idea whether you've got someone successful. Just because they produced results doesn't mean they're level four or five yet. And until you get people to level four or five, you have no idea whether they're going to stick with you long-term. You have no idea whether they've mastered the skills to do your business. And so, people get tricked all the time by short-term results by themselves and by other people. They think, "Oh, I'm doing very well. I don't need to be coachable anymore. I'm doing very well.

• 21:08Ed Mylett?

  I don't need to get trained anymore. I'm doing very well. I don't need to listen to this person anymore. I don't need to make as many phone calls. I don't need to see as many people. I'm already doing well." Because they look at the result rather than what level they really are. I see people all the time in my Particular company where I see them making money, they're making a hundred or 200 grand a year, even some of them, and I know they're not competent. They're not any good at it yet. They've been fortunate that they've had some good experiences early, and they've stopped working at their craft, they've stopped working at themselves, they've stopped working on developing other people before they're even themselves level four or five. So, don't let your results lie to you. Your results lie to you in two ways. Your results lie to you when you're failing and you get a no,

• 21:50Ed Mylett?

  or you go to the gym and you get sore, or you're working out and you still don't lose weight. Those results are lying to you trying to get you to stop doing the reps necessary to get you to the levels four and five. The other way it can lie to you is it can give you success. You can say, "Well, I'm not doing it correctly, but I lost weight still." Or, "I'm not very competent yet, but I'm still making money," or "I'm still growing a business." What's important is not the result, what's important is the repetitions and the experience that gets you to level five so that you're successful forever at it, not short term. So, don't let the results lie to you. That's huge for you. The next thing is being a leader. Let me just talk to you, what is a leader? Like, how do I know if I'm a leader or not?

• 22:34Ed Mylett?

  You know, there's so many different definitions, I don't know that mine's any better than others. But I think leaders have an ability to help people get to level four or five. That's what I just think. I think, bottom line, at the end of the day, when I look at a leader, can they help people get to level four or five in those states? A leader has the ability to do the following. I think a leader has the ability to influence the thoughts, feelings, and emotions and behaviors of other humans. I think that's what a leader does. I think a good mom has the ability to help influence the thoughts, the feelings, and the emotions and behavior of her children. Now, by the way, moms are listening to go, "Well, I don't know if I'm very good at that." You're probably a whole lot better than you think. And just because oftentimes our children don't do the things we'd like them to do is not a result of our lack of leadership, it's a result that they're still level one,

• 23:19Ed Mylett?

  two, three, four, or whatever it is, and whatever it is we're trying to get them to be good at. That's number one thing a leader does. The other thing is, leaders do basically is this. They help move somebody from an undesired place to a desired place, from an undesired state to a desired state. And they help it where it feels impossible to get done and they help them get there. They help people shift their state and their life to a different place. They ultimately help people get their blueprint to match their results. How does a leader do this? I think a leader does eight things. And I'd like to give these to you. A leader, number one, helps people define where they are and where they need to go. Does that sound familiar from about 15 minutes ago? The best leaders are able to get you to clearly define for them where exactly you are right now,

• 24:04Ed Mylett?

  specifically, being real about it, not being in denial or delusion, as you'll hear Chris Felton talk about later. And specifically with clarity where they need to go. That's what great leaders do. And that takes time. That takes conversations. Here's where you are. Really, what's your outcome? Really, where do we want to be? And getting clear on it. The great leaders can get clarity for people. Two, leaders use a set of tools to get them there by understanding that person's world. What I mean by that is learning how to communicate to different types of people. Most people talk to people in a way that moves and inspires them only. Rather than reading somebody, gauging them and understanding what are the needs they have that'll push them forward. Third thing a leader does is creates a relationship with somebody that's based on trust and respect.

• 24:48Ed Mylett?

  Trust and respect. How do you gain that? Trust is by treating people fairly and telling them the truth constantly. Respect is by producing your own results first, being an example. I see lots of people who are really good at producing the example, but people don't trust them. And then I see an overwhelming majority of people who call themselves leaders, who people really like and trust, and they treat people well, but their own example is so bad, nobody respects them. See, great leaders create trust and respect. They have to have both. If you have both of those things, you can influence people. Four, you have to find leverage that makes change a must for somebody. You've got to find leverage on them. The two motivators are pain and pleasure. I gotta get to know you and I gotta find out what I can use to leverage to get you to move.

• 25:31Ed Mylett?

  And what that means is leverage is a good thing. Leverage is like if I'm, if I've got somebody in my business and they say to me, I've got to win and here's why. I've got a mom who's sick and, and I don't know how much more she can work and I need to take care of her. I need her to move in with us. It's gonna cost me this, this and this a month. That's leverage, folks. Every time they don't make phone calls or they don't see people or they don't show up to work or they're not busting, I can go, "Hey, what about mom?" Or "What about this?" That's leverage. Or knowing where they wanna go. It's creating leverage. Leverage is reasons, either things to avoid or things to get. That's how we create leverage of people. By riding them, driving them towards what they wanna avoid or what they wanna get. And so that's requires knowing information about people. Number five, thing you do, you interrupt the pattern that's stopping them.

• 26:15Ed Mylett?

  People have these BS stories they tell themselves. Their old story, "I used to do this. Here's why I'm not winning." In society today, I don't care who you are, if you watch the liberal media, they will let you know you're a victim. They will explain to you why you're losing. They will give you an excuse. The rest of the world is gonna constantly tell you why you're losing, you're a victim. It's not your fault. And that is the worst thing you can possibly do for somebody. It's on every channel, every day, all the time, and we say it to each other. And so people stay in these patterns of losing. They have physical patterns, verbal patterns, thought patterns that don't serve them. And it's getting to know somebody and going, "Hey, that's BS. That's your old story. Here's the new one." Don't talk about yourself like that. Talk about yourself like this. Don't think that, think this.

• 26:59Ed Mylett?

  Beginning to be conscious, hearing thoughts people say and say, "No, not true. That doesn't serve you." What if you thought this? And so beginning to interrupt the pattern that stops people because people love to fall into a pattern, especially under pressure. I watch people do this all the time. If something's really serious going on and they really don't wanna feel the pain of it and they just wanna kinda deal with it, they'll minimize it. They'll use words that minimize it. So it's not so bad. Champions want it to feel bad because they know they can avoid that pain. It's leverage to change. And so even at the gym, if I were training someone and I'm not a trainer, but if someone said, "You know, I'm, I'd like to shed a couple pounds. I'm a little heavy right now." "You're a little heavy? Does that serve you? Look in the mirror, right?" If you had to say that to somebody. "Is that look a little heavy to you? How would you say that looks?"

• 27:42Ed Mylett?

  And getting to really be clear about where they are to avoid that pain. It's not always comfortable, but if you trust me and respect me, I can say those things to you. Number six, labeling the problem in a way that makes it solvable. In other words, not stating problems. See, one thing about problems, listen to me. Problems need energy to survive. Problems need energy to survive. You can choke a problem out by not giving it energy. I'm not saying it goes away entirely. I'm not saying that things aren't real challenges in life. I'm saying the more you feed it energy, the bigger it gets, and quite frankly, the more likely it is to be true that it's going to happen. And so, it's not that we avoid the things in our life that we know we need to fix.

• 28:24Ed Mylett?

  It's feeding energy towards the solutions that choke out the problem. Feeding energy towards our power, towards our faith, towards the things we can physically do to change it, or the things we can't do to change it. And so, it's labeling a problem in a way that's solvable, not in a way that isn't. Every problem is solvable, and there's usually three answers to almost every single problem that could solve it. And I have that belief. I think there's three things that could solve almost any problem I've got, and I've got to find those three things and then pick one through three of them. And I think that way when those things happen. Number seven, bring people into contact with new resources, creativity, ideas, strategies, people, and tools that can change them. That's the next thing a leader does. They introduce them to resources, trainings, creativity, ideas, strategies, tools, thoughts.

• 29:09Ed Mylett?

  That's what a great leader does. They recommend a book they're reading. They take them in the field and train them. They get them into classrooms. They associate them with other people. They're constantly feeding them things that bring them into contact that can change their identity. And then, number eight, they condition it so it sticks. This is huge. Most people think, "I got them changed. They did pretty well." And they get lied to by someone's short-term results. You had a conditioned change in life. You have years and years of conditioning of your old losing pattern. You don't fix something in 21 days. That's a lie that people tell you in the self-improvement world. You can make a change in 21 days, but changes only stick when conditioned. That's why you'll see people lose weight, and then a year later, they've gained it back. You can see people progress in business, and a year later, they're back not in a good place. We must condition change.

• 29:54Ed Mylett?

  Conditioning change is continuing these seven steps over and over again. Constantly upgrading identity, constantly interrupting the pattern, constantly conditioning the new state, constantly repeating our new vision for our life, over and over, I'm gonna cover that, so you must condition change. Don't ever think because a result has changed short term, you've changed anything permanently. If you've got 35 years of conditioning one way, you did not recondition yourself in 21 days. What you did is you created a change in 21 days that will need constant conditioning to keep that bad guy back there who wants you to go back to where you used to be. You've all seen that in your life, these patterns, haven't you? Man, I thought I turned the corner, I thought I made it. And the minute you relax, the minute you flinch,

• 30:36Ed Mylett?

  the minute you let your guard down, the adversary gets you, boom, you're back where you were. You're depressed again, you're heavier again, you're broke again, whatever it is. Because we let our guard down because we don't know change needs to be conditioned. This is something we need to watch in ourselves and with the people we lead. Don't let off them, stay on them, keep an eye, keep repeating this process over and over again so that you can condition permanent change. Couple other things about being measured. You can measure yourself as a leader, you can measure the breadth of your leadership. What do I mean by that? There's really four breaths of leadership levels. Couple things I just want to share with you. The first breadth of leadership is this, scale one. Scale one is you can influence yourself to consistently change for a higher good.

• 31:19Ed Mylett?

  And that's a huge thing, most people can't lead themselves, but if you master these steps we're talking about, that I'm gonna even cover in a minute too, you master those steps, you can get to scale one as a leader, which you can lead yourself, which is huge. You're ahead of 99% of the people in the world that you can lead and create change in yourself on a regular basis. You want to have your confidence go through the roof? Get to a point in your life where you know you can lead you. You keep the promises you make to yourself and you do it habitually, regularly, over and over again. You're constantly changing associations, you're constantly reinforcing, you're constantly conditioning it, creating new patterns, eliminating old ones. Man, you become a leader of yourself, scale two. You can consistently influence one person to your current level of depth.

• 32:02Ed Mylett?

  Now you're a great parent, friend, or mentor. Scale 2 is pretty huge. See, I think being a leader is simple. If I'm a leader, I can transfer my abilities, my thoughts, my skills, my competence to another person. That's what being a leader is. Transferring an A to myself to get to level 1, and then be able to transfer it to one other person. You can transfer a skill, a thought, a belief, a behavior to one other human being, your scale 2 leader, and that can make you one heck of a parent, one heck of a friend, one dang good mentor, and a pretty darn good business person, too. That's scale 2. Pretty good trainer at the gym. Scale 3. You can influence many people simultaneously. Now you're a great teacher, manager, leader of groups, and that's a totally different skill set, scale 3.

• 32:47Ed Mylett?

  See, now you can teach it. Now, you don't just show it, but you can explain it, you can articulate it, you can teach it, you can lead people, you can move groups of people at the same time. That's mastering the ability. You can't get to level 3 unless you've really mastered yourself, and you've conditioned yourself, that you've decided, "These behaviors aren't something I'm doing for a month, or 2, or 6, or until I get ahead, or until I beat somebody, but this is now who I am. This is who I am, this is my identity, this is my character, I live excellently, this is absolutely a manifestation, the rest of my life, of my destiny." Boom, you are now someone who can teach it and influence people simultaneously, and that's learning to communicate to different types of people on different levels and building relationships with different people as well.

• 33:32Ed Mylett?

  Scale 4 is huge. Scale 4 is you now continue to influence many people, but here's the hook, without needing to be there all the time. That's huge. A scale 4 leader has set up the system, the structure, the environment, the culture in their family, in their business, in their life, where it does not necessitate their presence constantly. That's a huge difference. And so as a leader, you've got to be thinking, "How do I begin to master myself?" Number 2. "How can I get it to where I can transfer this skill to one other great person?" Scale 3. "How can I begin to influence people simultaneously?" But all along, you should be thinking, "What are the systems, strategies, processes, thoughts, environment, culture, messages that I need to be putting in place now?"

• 34:18Ed Mylett?

  So that I don't necessarily have to be there all the time in order for influence to continue to take place. That's a level four leader, that's a level four company as well. And so I hope this is serving you, it's serving me even to cover it with you. Now, a couple more things I want to help you with is the idea of achieving your destiny. The idea of changing identity at the same time as well. And so, you know, really destiny is the study of consequences. That's what it is. Everything in life is a cause set in motion. It's often resulting from a pattern that you have over time that you may not even be aware of. Because for every cause, there's an effect, right? So that effect builds upon previous effects, which then creates a direction for your life. And for every direction, there's an ultimate destination.

• 35:03Ed Mylett?

  So just remember this, when you think a thought, any thought, it becomes an action physically in your body. Think about that. When you get really excited about something, how are you breathing? How are you sitting? What's your muscle tension like? You think another thought that depresses you or saddens you, where's your breathing go? How do you sit? How do you move? What are you thinking? And so that thought creates an action in your body. In fact, another word for cause could be action. So what you've got to think about is this, the accumulation of actions is really ultimately what shapes your destiny. That's the deal. The accumulation of actions shapes your destiny. It begins with a thought that creates an emotion that changes into a behavior that causes an action. Oh, that sounds like what Rick said earlier, doesn't it?

• 35:46Ed Mylett?

  And ultimately, a set of actions over time puts a direction for your life that shapes your identity. All of you right now are on a particular direction. Ask yourself, am I happy with the direction? And if not, we need to change those actions. Here's the key thing, though. There's a thing called lag time that most people don't have an appreciation for. And in this society today, a tolerance they don't have. See, it used to be people would sit and watch a 40-minute training video. Now, they tell me, Ed, if you put out a seven-minute video on YouTube, it's too long. People can't sit there for seven minutes and watch it. It's a digital society. People are used to quick information. They're not patient. They, I see people on the airplane all the time getting mad at their slow cellphone reception. You know, and I think, my gosh, there was a day where I couldn't even talk to somebody

• 36:28Ed Mylett?

  till we landed, then I had to go to a payphone, then I had to hope they were at home and could pick up their phone on four rate. Think about that, right? So we've shrunk our patience level. In this world, which is a good thing, it makes us more productive. There's lots of benefits to it. But one of the downsides to it is people just don't believe in lag time anymore. They don't even acknowledge it exists. And so, here's what happens. A lag time means that when you take an action, there's usually a delayed effect. Most actions don't affect your destiny unless you take those actions a few other times. You don't just get to a destiny, you have to have been heading in that direction for quite a while. Along the way, people often start to question their journey. Because the reward is an instant, they think they're not being rewarded at all.

• 37:11Ed Mylett?

  If this happens to you or someone that you're working with or leading, you've got to remind yourself that you're in lag time. And if you stop suddenly and give up, you'll never get where you want to go. But if you stick with it, you might be on the verge of a tipping type point. And so you need to be thinking that. You need to reminding people, you're heading in a direction. Give yourself credit for the direction. You can't beat yourself up if you're heading in the right direction. Now if you're heading in the wrong direction, you have to be honest about that, then that does require immediate change. It just does, there's no question about that. But if you're heading in the right direction, you've got to give yourself some credit for the direction you're heading. I hope that helps you. Last couple of things I want to talk about is the idea of creating change and creating an identity for yourself.

• 37:54Ed Mylett?

  And in doing that, there are some steps you can take that you can use to shift other people's identities and shift your own. And so, how do you transform someone's identity or our own? Okay. And by the way, I hope we're clear on what an identity is. Identity is essentially this thing inside you that tells you who you are and what you deserve. You can call it self-confidence, self-esteem, but it's even more than that, it's deeper. It's really what you believe you're worthy of. And so, I use this example thousands of times. But that identity is a thermostat sitting on the wall of your life. It's the best analogy, so I've never changed it. And it's set at a temperature. Your identity is a temperature. And so that basically tells you where you are comfortable. And your life, if you're say, set at eighty degrees.

• 38:38Ed Mylett?

  If you're set at eighty degrees, you can have the picture of the puzzle. You can have all of the pieces of the puzzle. And if you can't change your identity, nothing will change. See, what it does is this, is that if you're at eighty degrees of, let's just say, financials, eighty degrees, in your financial life. What you'll find is that in life, as you begin to heat your life up and it gets better and better and better, if you're still at eighty degree, but all of a sudden, you've got ninety or ninety-five or a hundred degrees worth of financial juice in your life, if you will. You got a bonus check, you've made some money, there's progress happening. But you haven't changed your identity, but now this direction is now at ninety-five degrees, let's say. You will unconsciously begin to cool down your financial life. And eventually, you will end up, because remember, there's lag time.

• 39:23Ed Mylett?

  So what happens is you begin to behave a certain way that doesn't serve you. You're not even aware of it. But you didn't make quite as many phone calls, you happened to get distracted. You didn't realize it, but that last month, man, you spent some time away from work, or the office, or whatever it was, you didn't even seem like it was your fault. But there's a lag time. And so while you're behaving incorrectly, there's lag time and the direction's changed. And you've ultimately unconsciously changed that direction because you don't think you're worth ninety-five degrees, and you're gonna find a dargone way to get your life back to eighty degrees, one way or the other. That's how life works. And so, you wake up in about six months, and you're back to eighty degrees of money. Eighty degrees of happiness, eighty degrees in your body, eighty degrees of growth in

• 40:05Ed Mylett?

  your company, eighty degrees of spirituality, you name it, you will get back to your identity. The reverse is also true. You know, all of a sudden, you've got a bunch of bills paid, and you're behind, and you owe people, and this and that, and you're at sixty or fifty-five degrees financially. If you're an eighty degreeer, let me tell you something. If I come back in a year, you will have found a way to get yourself back to eighty degrees. You'll take in the actions, there'll be a lag time, somehow you'll work it back, and when I see you, eventually, you'll get back to that destiny of eighty degrees financially. Isn't that true? If you look at the pattern of your life, whatever your identity is, you find a way, when it gets really hot and getting going good, somehow there's a lag time, and boom, you wake up in ninety days, or a year later, or two years later, and you're back where you were.

• 40:45Ed Mylett?

  Of happiness, of joy, ecstasy, fitness, spirituality, finances, growth, progress, you name it, you'll find a way to cool it back down. The also, the other thing is also, you've had crises, you've had situations you're never gonna get out of, you can't believe how broke you are, you can't believe how much weight you've gained, you can't believe how much you haven't been going to church, or how bad your relationship is. And eventually, six months, nine months, three months, two years, you'll back to 80 degrees in those areas. So the key thing is, everything we've covered, but then how do we begin to change the thermostat so that we consistently take the actions that drive our life to a new level? And so the way that we transform identity in people we're leading in ourselves is really simple. There's some steps.

• 41:29Ed Mylett?

  I'm gonna give you just some ideas, they're not, they're not perfect, but there's 10 of them, I'm gonna give you, that are little to big things you can do, that help shift your identity on a consistent basis, okay? So here we go. For me, it always starts with my body. And I'm not talking about being ripped, or fit, or buff, or anything like that, because I've not always been that, and I'm not always that. But I'm talking about moving my body, it's the engine for your life. If you're a Christian, just think about this for a minute. Why was the Lord's ultimate sacrifice His body? I have a great friend I was having dinner with last week, and he's got these great analogies that I'm gonna have him on the podcast to talk about. One of the things he got me to thinking about, though, in that conversation, was how much the Lord emphasized His body.

• 42:13Ed Mylett?

  And that was the thing that He sacrificed, was His life through His body. So that ought to give us an idea of how much it's the driving engine, the important part of our lives. And so, my friend that's gonna be on this podcast has much more to add to that, and three other areas as well, but it got me to thinking. And so the first thing is physiology. It's so huge. How we move our body, how we feel in our body, is ultimately how we feel, how, who we are, where our identity changes. So the more we can begin to feel energy, health, vitality, passion, joy, ecstasy, in our bodies, strength, power, right? Flexibility. Movement of any type, great breathing. If you think about it, when you go for a run, how do you feel breathing wise? It's the same as when you're intimate with somebody.

• 42:58Ed Mylett?

  It's the same as when you are feeling joy and laughter. You're breathing the same way. All of the positive things in our life, we breathe the same way. And all the negative things in our life, we breathe the same way. Isn't that interesting? Most of the fun things we do in our life require some moving of our body. Exercising, running, intimacy, laughter, joy, dancing, progress, whatever it is, requires movement. And so, you ever been in a great boat ride? Or a great surf? Or a great roller coaster? Or anything like that? You're moving. And so, when we move ourself, we change your identity consistently. So, number one, create a change in their pattern of their physiology or your own. Physiology is the filter through which we interpret all information, including beliefs we have about who we are.

• 43:43Ed Mylett?

  For example, if you train the person how to use their body in a more empowering way, like standing with their shoulders back, head held high, breathing deeply, then they will feel and experience life in a completely different way than if they breathe differently. So, when I'm leading people, I want to make sure that if I'm training them, they don't sit in a seat for three or four hours. I want to know that if they're part of my organization, they know I expect them to move their body a couple of times a day, whether that's take a walk, or go on a treadmill, or lift weights at the gym, or they do something. Golf, swim, soccer, jumping jacks, jump rope, whatever. Part of being in my group is we move our body. Doesn't mean they're necessarily healthy. Doesn't mean they're necessarily fit. It means they move their bodies regularly. I promise you, if you and your teammates begin to, as a family, if you begin to move your body, take walks,

• 44:28Ed Mylett?

  if you do family home evenings in your church, maybe some of that should require a family home walk one night. And just begin to move yourself. That's number one way to change identity. Number two, give a person an experience that changes their identity. For example, if the person believes they're boring, give them an experience of something exciting. They can anchor the feelings and belief that come with that and the adventure. In my organization, I love to give them events, conversations, experiences, conventions, trips, meetings, that are an experience that change them. People change, don't change in their normal environment. They don't change when they're just normally sitting, normally breathing. They're in normal place. So, give people an experience that change them. Even a success is an experience. That first great golf shot you hit. And reinforce it. You can do it. Did you see that?

• 45:13Ed Mylett?

  How did that feel? Remember how that felt. That first sale they closed, that first appointment they get, the first guest they get somewhere, the first check they get, the first time your child brings home a good grade, the first anything. Reinforce the experience. We have to help them get a win. That's why, one of the ways we can change your identity is just setting the game up for winning. When I was new in my business, I remember thinking, "I've gotta get some wins so I can change my identity," because I knew this pattern, this formula. And I remember thinking, "I'm probably not gonna get the most guests to the meeting. I'm probably not gonna have the most sales this month. I'm not the best in those areas yet, because I'm still a level one of competence. I'm actually level two. I'm incompetent, and I know I am." Right? So, what could I win at? And I thought, "You know what? I'll be the first one there." And I literally created an experience for myself where I showed up first and left last

• 45:58Ed Mylett?

  that night, and I didn't hire anybody, I didn't sell anything, I didn't grow my business, but I grew me. Because I kept promises I made to myself, which changed my identity, and I started to believe I did the things I said I was going to do, and I gave myself an experience of winning, of doing something. So, constantly be setting up a game with you and your teammates, the people you lead in your family, where there's wins. "Great job, you did it." Doesn't matter what it is. I make my son take the trash cans out, for example, every Tuesday night. It seems nominal, it's a chore. People think, "Well, why do you give your children chores?" Well, not just to learn the value of hard work, it's because I can give him an experience of a win. It seems stupid, it seems small, but I said, "Thanks for doing it, brother. Great job again, thank you." And it's just like, "Wow, I did a good thing. I did what I said I was gonna do.

• 46:42Ed Mylett?

  I'm being disciplined, I'm keeping that part of my schedule together." So, create an experience, whether that's an event, a big convention, or just a one-on-one conversation where you just constantly give them an experience of belief, of change. Be conscious of that as a leader. Listen to me. Constantly be giving that person some type of an experience, whether it's a look in your eye, or a conversation. But I'm conscious all the time with my children, with the people I lead in business. Give them a positive winning experience that shifts their identity a quarter of 1%. And give that to yourself as well. Number three, get them to live in emotional states that empower them. For example, get them to live in passionate states, courageous states, playful states, loving states. I was watching something of one of our offices a few weeks ago and after their meeting. You know, most people take themselves so seriously.

• 47:27Ed Mylett?

  Well, this particular office did like a dance contest. And I thought, man, I bet that's the only office in the company that did it. It was a playful thing. It made it fun. Believe it or not, that's part of changing identity. It's letting them go and letting people see themselves as a child again. It's a way of shifting their belief in themselves that they can let go, they can have fun, they belong. This is a fun place. So you can constantly be changing identity by giving people emotional states that empower them or winning states, intense states, passionate states. Constantly doing that. Number four, enhance and affirm their identity through incantations. What's great about using incantations to affirm identity is it uses all of the things that I teach between your body and your thinking and your language. The three things that shape our identity are our body, our physiology,

• 48:12Ed Mylett?

  our thinking, the thoughts we have, and the words we use. Incantations can give you all three. Incantations are just saying positive things about yourself and them. So I give people nicknames that serve them. I let people say things about themselves. I'm a great recruiter. I'm a great recruiter. I'm the great speaker. And they begin to repeat things about themselves in the affirmative that you would think are cheesy, but I'm telling you right now, these are things that serve people that change their identity. And I say it back to them, what's up, champion? How are you, champion? How are you, stud? Constantly saying things to people that affirm their identity. Five, use their peer group to shape their identity. Help a person create a peer group in which their identity they need is the only identity that will exist in that environment and they'll be reinforced for it.

• 48:56Ed Mylett?

  Almost anybody who responds to a challenge is not given from judgment but from love and from a person who's holding the standard they're being asked to step into. So if you're a leader and you create a peer group and you are holding the standard yourself that you're asking people to rise to. It comes from a place of love and belief. I'm telling you that peer group can give them peer pressure to perform and to change. You are who you associate with. So if I have certain people that I lead, people are amazed all the time and say, can you be my mentor? Can you be your coach? And if people rise to a certain level with me, I do do it. And the first thing I always do when they work and they say, you get to work with me, but guess what the ticket is? I'm also going to introduce you to these three people. I want these three people to become your good friends, your models, your mentors, your associations,

• 49:40Ed Mylett?

  because they could serve you even better than I can. So I'm constantly putting people into peer groups that serve them, introducing them to people that I know will put peer pressure on them to be their best version of themselves, to change their identity. How do I do that? If I have someone at 70 degrees, I want them in a peer group full of 95 degrees. If someone's a 95 degree, I want them in peer groups full of 120 degrees. If someone's a 120, I want them in peer groups full of 150s. That's what I do in my own life. What I recommend you do is you're constantly seeking peer groups that live at 20 or 30 degrees higher than you and whatever that is, not 300 degrees higher. The mistake people make is they think, I gotta get coached by the best. I'm a 50 degree and I gotta go find a 600 degree to coach me right now. Their ability to heat you up is too distant.

• 50:24Ed Mylett?

  You want people 20 or 30 spaces in front of you degrees. You know exactly what I mean when I say that. Use positive reinforcement. Catch them doing right and celebrate it all the time. This shapes their identity through anchoring it, constantly reinforcing it with your children, with yourself and with people you lead. Catch them doing good things all the time. Seven, get a person to link so much pain to their old identity, they have to shift it. When doing this, make sure they also link pleasure to wanting to shift. So I will get people to link pain all the time to their old relationship, where they're at, their current conditions, moving away from it, never going back there again. And I do describe it in a way that hurts. If someone's overweight, I don't tell them, hey, let's lose a few pounds. I say, let's get rid of that fat, you know what? And I'll say that to them.

• 51:08Ed Mylett?

  If someone's in business and they want to make $20,000, I said, let's quit living like a poor person at $7,000 a month. And we start to shift it. You gotta use language that makes it painful for where they are. Let's get you to where people don't disrespect you anymore. Let's get you to when you walk in a room, someone knows your dad gum name, right? And they feel it, they know it came from a place of love, but it hurts a little bit. Just a little bit where they want to avoid that pain and wanting to shift and link the pleasure to where they're going. Do you know how good it's gonna feel when you walk in a room and for once, people don't not know your name, but people know, hey, this is so-and-so? So I got them to feel the pain of no one knowing them and the pleasure of someone knowing it. Do you know what it's gonna feel like when your kids stop thinking about you the way they do and they're gonna start to see mom as this great leader and this beautiful woman

• 51:50Ed Mylett?

  who's worked so hard? So in that same sentence, I got them to feel the pain of where they are and the pleasure of where they're going. Couple more things. Number eight, get them to act as if. This is how we can also shape identity. I know you don't know it yet, but let's pretend you do. What if you could pretend right now you were that person? What if you could pretend right now you had those results? And you get people to begin to fake it till they make it, actually doing it in the moment. Number nine, provide for them a compelling future. When a person believes they have a future, that alone shifts the perception of who they are. The greatest fear most people have in their life is they have no future. That nothing's ever gonna change. Because they can't see it changing, they need you to see it changing for them first. And to constantly reminding them of how beautiful and wonderful their future's going to be.

• 52:34Ed Mylett?

  You know, just inside of that, people want to live up to the person you see them being. Just by treating people great and seeing a great future for them, most people just want to live up to your belief in them. And then number 10, help them master another skill. Help them improve something tangible, whether it's at the gym and I want them to change it, help them master a new exercise. If it's in a business, help them master a new phone call, or a new close, a new objection they overcome, a new presentation. If you help them master a new skill, that can change their identity. So in summary, we can change identity through physiology, through experience, through emotional states, through incantations, through peer groups, positive reinforcement, linking pain to the old way and pleasure to the new way. Eight, acting as if. Nine, seeing their compelling future. And 10, mastering

• 53:15Ed Mylett?

  another skill. All of those things shape identity. And then the last thing that shapes it is just a dad gum win. Something they do short-term, right now, that they've never done before. Challenge them to do that and they're at a new level, it's like a new watermark in the pool. It's never the same again. They're at a much higher level. See, here's what I believe. There's a thing in life where most people say, "You gotta pay a price to win." And I just don't believe that that's true. I believe you're investing effort. And there's a difference between paying a price and investing effort. I don't want to pay a price all the time. That's spending. I want to be investing in people, investing in myself, investing emotion, investing energy, not paying. Don't buy into that notion that you're paying a price to win. You're not. It's not a cost.

• 54:00Ed Mylett?

  It's an investment. And it is something that will pay off. See, if everything you're doing is constantly costing you something, you'll eventually surrender the habit of doing it and you'll run out of dinero. You'll run out of capital. But if you're constantly investing, that's a never-ending process that always has a payoff. Ultimately, what I want for you is real simple. I want your blueprint in your life to match the results. And I believe if you go through these steps with people, through their identities, through the different stages of leadership, you're going to see that that's going to be the case for you. I hope today that this helped you in changing your identity and changing where you are as a leader, because that's everything in life. If you can have that jigsaw puzzle, and then you have all the pieces, and you match that up with knowing the stages you're going through, and changing that thermostat on the wall in your life,

• 54:45Ed Mylett?

  you are creating change in yourself and others. All right, God bless you. Enjoy the Felton interview next.

• 55:00Ed Mylett?

  Okay, my guests today are Chris and Marlow Felton. I am so excited to have these folks on the program. I must confess, first of all, they're some of my favorite people in the world. They've been friends and colleagues of mine for better part of a decade, and I am thrilled to bring you what you've been asking for, which is so many have been emailing our office saying, "Please do a show on finances, on money. Help me in the money area." And I brought two experts on here. The first thing you need to know is they've written an incredible book that is unique in this industry, and it's called Couples Money. And you need to go get it right now. And you're going to find out why in about five minutes when you begin to listen to both of these two. They've also got a website called CouplesMoney.com as well that I'd like to direct your attention to.

• 55:41Ed Mylett?

  So I'm so excited to get to share some time with them today and then bring you value. Their story is compelling and funny and interesting, and they are both wonderful people who are going to help you today. So Chris and Marlo, thank you for being here.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  Thanks for having us, Ed.

• 55:55Ed Mylett?

  Thanks, Ed. So, let's start right from the beginning. Because I, Chris, you're a CPA, Marlo, I know you're both very successful people. What compelled you? What happened? Why did you write this book in the first place? How did Couples Money become the enterprise it became?

• 56:12Speaker 03

  Well, Ed, it actually happened from a pretty epic event that Chris and I had a number of years ago. We were, by most people's terms, successful. We looked good. People would have thought we had it all going on. But actually, we were broke and we were struggling. We were frustrated. And I was getting really, really frustrated with myself and with Chris. And I kept it all bottled up inside. And one night, Chris came to me with this very large, unexpected expense, which I love. Right, honey?

• 56:45Ed Mylett?

  Love the concept.

• 56:47Speaker 03

  And, oh, yeah. And I completely lost it. There's no other way to say it. I lost it. And I just started rattling off all the things I was frustrated about. It was a really long list. And I was so frustrated that I grabbed the closest thing to me, and that happened to be my purse. And I'm a really bad aim, lucky for Chris, because I threw it at him and I missed. And then I had to go pick it up again and throw it at him again. And then I missed it again. And so, basically, I was having a temper tantrum with my purse. And I'm just yelling and screaming at him.

• 57:27Speaker 03

  And he asked me a question in that moment that stopped me in my tracks. And that question was, "Well, then, why are you married to me?" And I thought, "Oh, wow, that's a really good question." And for me personally, that really caused me to take a really deep look inside. And I realized that I had to change my perspective in order to change my life. And Chris and I, as a couple... Really got crystal clear that night on what we wanted and where we were going together. And we refer to that now as the night that changed everything because it was.

• 58:10Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 58:10Speaker 03

  And yeah, after that, we decided we had to write a book and share our story and what happened and all the pieces that went into our financial transformation.

• 58:20Ed Mylett?

  Wow, I gotta tell you, there's not a, I can relate to it, I've had that same, minus some of the domestic violence, I've had that same conversation in my marriage. And there's probably not a couple or a person listening to this that can't relate to that, that blow up conversation about money where you just start rattling off your list of things you're mad about. And I gotta tell you, that is awesome because everybody has that conversation, but not everybody turned that conversation into becoming self-made millionaires, which the two of you have done. So there's two people on that end of that purse, right? There was you throwing it and getting upset, but there's this other guy, Chris, and Chris, I'm curious, what was that experience like for you?

• 59:01Speaker 04

  Well, you know, it wasn't our first emotionally charged conversation around money. There were many others.

• 59:07Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 59:07Speaker 04

  And the thing was is optimism and delusion often sleep in the same bed together. And I was, you know, you know me, I'm a very optimistic guy, but I was very delusional about where we were because I didn't want to look at it. So I just told Marlo, hey, look over here, this is happening, all these great things are happening, man, I just didn't want to look at it. But that purse throwing and, you know, that line in the sand, I mean, that changed me forever because I realized that wherever I had a money problem, I was always there.

• 59:41Ed Mylett?

  Wow.

• 59:42Speaker 04

  I mean, wherever I've had any problem, I was always there and there was no one to blame. And really, it was the first time in my life that I took 100% responsibility for where we were.

• 59:55Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 59:55Speaker 04

  100% responsibility for the financial situation that I created. And it wasn't until... You know, that I did that and we got on the same page, that the changes and the transformations began to happen because you can't have a transformation if you're not taking 100% responsibility.

• 1:00:15Ed Mylett?

  That's awesome advice and it's true. I love that statement. Wherever there's been a problem, there I was. That's so true, brother. I gotta tell you, I think as a man too, there's a part of us, that delusional state that you speak about. And it could be true of the spouse as well, the female spouse, but I think sometimes there's a pride factor in men where we are a little bit delusional. We don't want to admit our shortcomings or that there's some failings happening in our lives. And I think that acknowledgement that you've said right, that was powerful right there, that you just acknowledge it for the first time in your life, in that moment, you felt it. And I appreciate you sharing that. Marlo, I'm curious, in the book, there's some things I want to ask you guys specifically about. In the book, you reach these six steps, or these six things that must be done.

• 1:01:00Ed Mylett?

  The first of those things that you list in there, that I thought was just compelling, I'd like you to describe as what you call financial segregation. What exactly does that mean? What is financial segregation?

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  Well, financial segregation is basically not putting all your money in one spot. Many couples do that, and it's incredibly dangerous. And Chris and I didn't have a segregation system of basically separating money with intended purposes for different buckets, as I refer to them in the book, buckets of money. And what we were doing is creating this financial tug of war. So he'd go and spend money, I'd get mad, I'd go spend money to show him that I could use that money too. And, you know, nobody wins in that game. And so I basically came up with an idea called the fun fund, where Chris and I had...

• 1:01:53Speaker 03

  Our own segregated funds for our fun because in a relationship you're two individuals with individual wants and needs. Chris and I, as close as we are, we're never going to want the same things. He doesn't want the shoes that I want. And so that was, it was basically, it came from, yeah, he doesn't. It came from my frustration of going to the mall and hiding my shoe purchases in the trunk of my car. And I realized, I just said, I can't live like this. I can't keep hiding everything I buy in the trunk of my car. I have to put it in my closet at some point. And so I came to Chris and I said, hey, I have this idea.

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  What if you have a fun fund, I have a fun fund, we clearly define what it's used for, we clearly define how much money is going to go in there each month. And that way, our household expenses and our savings, which is so important to us as a couple, is not dipped into by our individual wants and needs. And so, but we can both have fun, enjoy some money in our own way and not interfere with the household or each other. And it was incredibly powerful, one of the best things we ever did.

• 1:03:10Ed Mylett?

  I love that because it's one of the reasons I had you on. The first person I've had on this show as it relates to money, and there's a reason, I was just saying this, I'm looking, I'm in my office right now and I've got all these books here, right? I love to be surrounded by these great books. They give you great energy and inspiration, so I keep them around me. So a lot of them are personal development books, as you might think, or fitness books, or whatever they might be, but there's a whole bunch of them here that are financial books. And it's interesting, there's been thousands of books written in finance. Why are so many people failing if there's all this information? You know what all these books have? They all wrote it as if you were an individual, as if you were one person. Yet 99% of the people who read these books are a family, are a couple. No one writes the book as if there are two people there.

• 1:03:55Ed Mylett?

  They write it to you as if you're just one. And so what makes this so special, so unique, why there's so many people right now nodding their head as you were talking about? Talking about the shoes in the car and the disagreement with throwing the purse. There's so many heads being nodded because there's no books out there that talk to you as if you're a family and a couple because you're not an individual most of the time when you're listening to this. And that's why I wanted the two of you on here. And Chris, within that dynamic of a family, there are, you have this, I think there's this sense often that when you hear something, especially maybe the male part, but I think it applies to both. I'd like you to address this. People are hearing this going, "Well, I know that already. I already get that. I know we need to have a plan. I know we probably should have some fun money. You know, I know I should be saving money."

• 1:04:40Ed Mylett?

  But like even in your case, you were a CPA. So on the outside world looking at people that this guy must make great financial decisions. He must be brilliant. He must have his total act together. So address that for a second for people to think, "Well, I already know this."

• 1:04:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, shortly after we came together, the next day after the fight, I decided to hire a coach and he worked with me and Marla for three and a half years. And it was to hold us accountable on doubling our income because we had to, just to get out of the mess that I created, and saving money because we weren't. And we had a weekly call every Friday and the first week, when he called me, he said, "Hey, Chris, did you save any money this week?" And I was like, "Well, no, you know, I didn't really have any money to save, so I couldn't save any money, so that's why I didn't save any money." Pretty good one, right? And he said, "Well, you've been using that excuse for several decades. How much longer are you going to let that run you?" And he said, "You gotta save money." And I said, "I know that."

• 1:05:38Speaker 04

  And then a violent eruption, which this time in my life, there's lots of violent eruptions happening around me. And, you know, and he, you know, and he cussed me out and he just basically said, "If you say I know that one more time, this coaching relationship is over." Because based on results, my friend, you don't know squat. And I worked with this guy, you know, and there was about seven or eight moments over three and a half years that absolutely transformed my life, and that was one of them. And that was the gauge, is if I'm displaying the results... I must know it and you know, you're a, you're a fitness guru, Ed and, and you know, I, I,

• 1:06:20Speaker 04

  and, and when Marlo and I talk around the country, we've asked thousands of people, hey, if you want to live a long, healthy life, what would you tell somebody? And you know, everybody from the crowd chimes in and it's, oh, you gotta eat right and exercise and watch your stress and get plenty of rest and drink tons of water and, and it's amazing, it's coming from these people. They, they know it, right?

• 1:06:42Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:06:44Speaker 04

  But there, there's 300 million people that know the answers, but very few, based on results, really know anything. That's the gaze that, that absolutely transformed my life. If I know it, I'll be displaying and living the results.

• 1:06:59Ed Mylett?

  It's so true. This is the stuff that people need to hear because I think we do think we know things. I think, I, and I also, Marlo, money can be a sad topic. You know, it can be a topic where it's just depressing. You're, people that are listening to this, I think are getting optimistic because they get to hear your story and if they read the book, they're gonna actually have a plan and some strategies to shift it. How does gratitude work itself into the relationship we have with money?

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  Oh, well, it's huge. Uh, because it shifts our thinking away from being in resistance. So I call resistance that icky feeling place that we're in. And being grateful for any and all money that flows into your life is so incredibly important and it helps you to shift your focus. Uh, you know, so Chris and I really got crystal clear on saving money. That was, um, one of our main goals to, to shift our financial situation around. And so we just became super grateful for any and all money that came into our life. So instead of,

• 1:08:04Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:08:05Speaker 03

  oh, gosh, we made, you know, we only made $200 today.

• 1:08:10Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:08:10Speaker 03

  Or, you know, it was like, oh, hey, hey, that's great. Hey, we're closer to our goal because we knew that any money towards our goal was at least us moving towards our goal instead of us moving, um, away. But it's, it's just changing your focus and gratitude is one of the easiest tools. To help someone shift away from that that icky feeling I call resistance.

• 1:08:33Ed Mylett?

  I love that. That's gratitude is the antidote to resistance. I'm stealing that from you. That is awesome.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:08:38Ed Mylett?

  And so.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 1:08:39Ed Mylett?

  It's mine now.

• 1:08:41Speaker 03

  As long as you give me credit.

• 1:08:42Ed Mylett?

  It's actually everybody's because a couple million people are gonna hear this, but but Chris, but on that topic too, because you come into a relationship, there's a couple, there's a family. And we have these relationships or beliefs regarding everything in our lives, right? Money being one of them. And so in a marriage, there's two different people that could hold two totally different beliefs. How do how do beliefs impact? So there's the one, the feeling of gratitude, but then there's actually what do you believe, right? So how do beliefs impact? I think it impacts everything, but how does it impact your financial condition specifically?

• 1:09:17Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, I I think, you know, we as humans, we're great storytellers.

• 1:09:23Speaker 04

  And and so we we either have a supportive story or an unsupportive story. And most often from the ages of zero to eighteen, you know, especially in the first four years of our life. Whatever our parents are telling us, we're just buying, you know, because we want to gain their acceptance. And so my parents said, you know. Money's bad, rich people are crooks, money's hard to make, saving money's impossible. My mom said, you know, money, you either have it or you don't. So regardless of whether I agreed or not, I couldn't I couldn't agree or disagree from zero to four. And then over time, you know, you're about fifty percent programmed, but by the time you're eighteen, Ed, you're about ninety-five percent.

• 1:10:06Speaker 04

  Hardwired programmed on friendly world, unfriendly world. You know, your religion, your money, all those things. And so what we found with the wealthy people we've interviewed is most everybody has that same scenario growing up. Very few are programmed with positive money beliefs.

• 1:10:25Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 1:10:26Speaker 04

  But there comes a time that the world class and the wealthy upgrade the beliefs.

• 1:10:35Speaker 04

  And that, and that's a process. And that's what I had to do. And it really just started with understanding that, you know, for me, shifting my relationship with money and my money beliefs, I was like, this is gonna be a part-time job. So it was up at four in the morning, you know, I call it going to the personal development gym.

• 1:10:53Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:54Speaker 04

  I mean, it was, you know, I carried around a piece of paper in my back pocket for two years. Every time I had a limiting belief around wealth, like making money's hard, I'd just write it down. And I'd start searching for evidence.

• 1:11:06Ed Mylett?

  Say that again, so I wanna understand that. So you would literally think a thought, help everybody, you would think a thought that you knew didn't serve you? And you would literally write it down and defeat it, is that what you're saying? Or what would you do?

• 1:11:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:19Ed Mylett?

  Oh wow.

• 1:11:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, I just, I was just so sick of being broke and it had been in my family for generations. And it had to change and, and I just, you know, and my coach said, hey, it's not gonna shift in 21 days, Chris. It, it's gonna be a process, but you, you gotta get on it. So I was just super serious about it. Still, I'm, I still study it, I don't feel like I have it all figured out. But this is, you know, this is the area I had to grow and develop in.

• 1:11:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, and most people don't even have the awareness to realize those thoughts when they come up so that they can stop them or, and or reverse them. And so the awareness is really the first step. And finding out where those thoughts come from.

• 1:12:03Ed Mylett?

  Oh my gosh. You guys, I'm gonna tell you something, I've been doing this a long time. That's one of the best things to apply in any area of your life I've ever had said to me. About literally just being conscious of the thought, wow! Being conscious of the thought.

• 1:12:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:19Ed Mylett?

  And, and actually writing it down, acknowledging the thought. And then, Chris, you were saying.

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  And reversing it.

• 1:12:24Ed Mylett?

  Reversing it, like finding evidence to the contrary, is that what you were saying, Chris? Is that what you were doing or finding evidence to defeat it? Help, elaborate a little more on that, that's really good.

• 1:12:35Speaker 04

  Well, it, once again, it's just a story, right? It, it, so, I, you know, so sometimes people are like, oh, I have limiting beliefs and I have to get rid of them and that's more resistance and they're pushing against it and it pushes back and, you know, I don't care where it came from, it's just, is it serving me or not serving me?

• 1:12:53Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  So, I, I just, hey, making money's hard. I'm like, well, what if it was easy? And so, literally, that would be the affirmative, you know, response going on in my brain over and over and over and over and over again. I was just planting a new seed and creating a new neural pathway and then just reading about how it could be easy, how it could be joyful, how it could be simple. And so, you know, I, I think people's lives around money and most anything, there, there's three or four thoughts that run their whole deal.

• 1:13:22Ed Mylett?

  It is. It's like old software running in your brain. And, and some of your thoughts aren't even your own. Your brain is thousands and thousands of years old, if you really think about it. And so, I just realized something. In my entrepreneurial life, guys, early on, I remember having all of those thoughts you talked about programmed into me, Chris, you know, about money and, but not just money, about me, about winning, about who I was, about my place in the world. And I got to a point, I just want to acknowledge what they're telling you, because they're applying it to money, but in every area, I got to a point where I would literally be conscious of my thoughts and say to myself, does this particular belief serve me? And if it didn't serve me, I would defeat it.

• 1:14:05Ed Mylett?

  I wouldn't say it, I wouldn't repeat it, I'd find evidence to defeat it. I love that as it applies to money, because I honestly believe, we talk about all these areas, I see people break through in their bodies. I do. I see entrepreneurs break through and, and make money. But the area where most people struggle that are listening to this in life the most is money. It is the area, I, I know people that are fit, but that are also broke. We both know, people that make a lot of money. Who are not financially independent, who never get wealthy, who never get to the promised land. And I think it's these limiting beliefs that you talk about, but it's also strategy too. It's also, you really don't know, as Chris said earlier, because if you knew, you'd be doing it.

• 1:14:49Ed Mylett?

  Knowledge isn't power if it's not applied. Marlo, give us something that you do, or you and Chris began to do on, say, something that you broke timeframes down differently that changed. Something also had to change in terms of just the way you looked at time, or your perception of measuring things too. Did anything shift in that regard?

• 1:15:06Speaker 03

  Well, we took our goals down to miniscule, small steps that were achievable. And, you know, we talk about that quite a bit. And we started measuring any and all wins together and checking in with each other. And that's why doing this as a couple is so incredibly powerful, because we could condense timeframes by creating our own mastermind. And that's really what happened by our weekly check-ins that we did. And when we checked in weekly and we broke everything down to this is what I'm doing today, how can you help me, or how can I help you?

• 1:15:50Speaker 03

  We just, our whole world changed. Our whole perception on what we could achieve changed. It became so much easier.

• 1:16:00Ed Mylett?

  So you measured it weekly. You measured it weekly. I want to have everybody understand that. So that's, because that's one thing that I, that's new. So you measured it weekly. What did that look like? Was it just a, hey, what are you doing? Or was there like an official time every week, or over a glass of wine, it just would happen? Or what is that? How does that look like? If I'm a couple and I'm listening to this, what's a weekly check-in?

• 1:16:20Speaker 03

  Well, wine was pretty much always involved.

• 1:16:24Ed Mylett?

  I know that. That's why I brought it up. I know that.

• 1:16:27Speaker 03

  No, not, not always actually. I'm joking. Some of the informal conversations. But we had, we had to schedule it. Because we found, we're busy and if we didn't schedule it, it wasn't going to happen. So, we have our time on Sunday afternoon. That was just the time when we were gonna have the fewest distractions. We were going to be the most relaxed. And that's when we did it. And we met for just thirty minutes. We could commit to thirty minutes. Uh, we would go through our action steps for that week. What needed to happen that week. Uh, I would go over our net worth, which was something that we tracked, uh, just like a hawk.

• 1:17:09Speaker 03

  Every, every week, we tracked our, our net worth, our progress of where we were, where we were tracking and how much it increased that week. And, um, so it was just our weekly check-in and our support, uh, call.

• 1:17:23Speaker 04

  How did you?

• 1:17:23Speaker 03

  Basically.

• 1:17:24Speaker 04

  Chris, go ahead. And what I mean, one of the con, one of the concepts I learned from you is you gotta change your thermostat. I mean, the biggest determining factor of your success is the amount of success you see yourself having. Yeah. And this income thermostat, my income had topped out for seven straight years. Because that's the amount of money I saw myself making. And so, we had, we had to double it. But a double's too big of a move. And, and it just, you know, you, you, your fight or flight kicks in and stress and resistance gets created. And so, what we were taught was, take that double and then dial it into the week. And so, that was the focus. And, and so, you know, it was, hey, Chris, you know, can you make ten thousand dollars this week? And I was like, well, I've done that before.

• 1:18:07Speaker 04

  Boom, my unconscious mind said, we've done that before. So, we, we took the, we took the annual of the quarter, but it was the week. And so, sometimes when people set goals, they're so big, they go, how am I gonna do it? Bad question. You, you can't figure out how. And the only how is that week. The strategy, tactics and processes that was gonna create, you know, the ten thousand dollar income that week. And then, hey, what, what actually hit the register? If you, if you own a Starbucks, you know, how much cash flow hits your register? Most entrepreneurs don't know how much hits their register on a weekly basis. But, but, but that, breaking that number down.

• 1:18:47Speaker 04

  Down to that weekly, it literally changed my unconscious blueprint around how much money I saw myself making.

• 1:18:54Ed Mylett?

  I love it. That weekly tip is gigantic. And see, what's unique here is, one, A, like I said earlier, is the, is the couples' approach, because you are a couple. If you're listening to this, you are a family, most of you. But then it's also this convergence of, and this is what I'm hearing, which is why this is so, it's why it's worked. It's why the book works. It's why what the two of you are doing in your practice works. And it's the convergence of personal development with money principles that hasn't been done before. And then you add to that, it's like a trilogy of the couples' perspective, and you have something that's not been done in finance before. It's a personal development approach because it's a money development approach, because as you develop personally, your money should grow.

• 1:19:36Ed Mylett?

  But it's mixed with this approach from the perspective of a couple that I love. Speaking of couples, I'm just curious, because we've got a few minutes here left. As this transformation took place, I'm curious, Marlo, how did you begin to look at Chris differently if you did?

• 1:19:51Speaker 03

  You know, before you even came up with that question, Ed, I was going to interject with Chris became better looking. And as we stand here today, he is so hot.

• 1:20:06Speaker 04

  She's, she's the brain to the operation on the iPhone.

• 1:20:13Speaker 03

  That's so funny. You know, Chris did get better looking, and I'll tell you what, our relationship is so concrete, and Ed, you know us well enough to know how solid our relationship is today. And going through that together, you know, not only did we transform our financial life, but we really created a bond that, um... You know, it's gonna take us for, you know, decades to come, um, hopefully.

• 1:20:47Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 1:20:47Speaker 03

  Uh, uh, that is just, uh, concrete.

• 1:20:50Ed Mylett?

  I, I do, I do know that.

• 1:20:52Speaker 03

  It's been life-changing, yeah.

• 1:20:53Ed Mylett?

  And I, I've watched it, and I've watched it in both of you, and I hope that it gives people hope, because most people listening to this aren't in the financial condition they'd like to be. And they need to begin to apply these principles, the couples' approach. They need to have the six things they need to be doing. They need to shift their beliefs. They need to not think they know everything. Having that gratitude approach, all the things we've been discussing. What about you, Chris, with Marlo? Uh, over, over this time, as you've watched the two of you set these goals together, and you're achieving them, your perspective on Marlo, or just your perspective on your marriage in general? How has getting financially independent, becoming millionaires, and instituting these steps, these plans, changed your perspective on things? If it has?

• 1:21:35Speaker 04

  No, I mean, it's, it's been, it's been transformational. I mean, it, it, as Marlo said, it, it made our relationship more concrete. I mean, it brought us closer together, and, you know, she's, she gets hotter as she gets older, right, honey?

• 1:21:50Speaker 03

  I, I do, I do, I really do.

• 1:21:52Speaker 04

  Um, but, but no, I mean, I, I think, I think the other concept that I wanna leave everybody with is, you know, people spend a lot of time fixing problems and fixing debt, and, you know, how does that feel? When we were focused on creating wealth, and creating in our lives, not, not that we didn't pay attention to problems, but, you know, that, that stuff disappeared, and we meet with, and we've met with thousands of couples, and, but just, their whole life is about overcoming problems versus creating something great. And I'm just proud of Marlo, because it wouldn't have happened without her. You know, we, we created something, and we're, you know, we're still thinking big and thinking

• 1:22:35Speaker 04

  big things, but it's, we're just still in creation mode, and when you're in there, you know, you're fulfilled. And it's not the money and the things, it's just the fulfillment that it, hey, we did that, and we did that as a couple, and it's very powerful.

• 1:22:50Ed Mylett?

  Oh, that is powerful.

• 1:22:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, and the quality of life that you can have together, because that's ultimately what it's, the money's for, is for the quality of life, the peace of mind for the people you care about, and that's priceless.

• 1:23:03Ed Mylett?

  It is priceless and you know what's painful is a noisy mind. Not only is financial peace incredible, but financial stress and chaos and that pain that you feel is so overwhelming. And so it's not just getting out of the pain, but moving to a place of abundance like the two of you have been talking about. And I love that concept of creating as well. So I really am grateful for the two of you. I want you to leave everybody, both of you, if you could give, I'm a couple, I'm listening to this, I'm not where I want to be financially. The first thing they should go do, I think they can tell now, is they need to go to your website and/or they need to get the Couples Money book to begin with. But is there one thing you'd leave us with, Chris or Marlo or both, that you would just

• 1:23:46Ed Mylett?

  give as parting advice to a couple listening to this who wants to change their life, wants to turn things around financially and wants to have, you know, wants to get better looking as time goes on too because they got... So what would you say? Was there anything you would add?

• 1:23:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I would just say in short, forgive each other, forgive yourself, and know it's possible.

• 1:24:08Speaker 04

  Well, I want people to understand is they can't move forward in their lives by beating themselves up. People think that's a personal growth and personal development strategy. You can't beat yourself up and have a financial transformation. You've just got to sit down as a couple, lay it all out there, and just go, alright, this is where we are, this is our point A, what do we really want, what's our point B, and let's just get moving. And people try to move forward by beating the tar out of themselves. And I tell people, you know, don't beat yourselves up. You can make it happen, but you'll never do it by beating the crap out of yourself. It just won't happen.

• 1:24:48Ed Mylett?

  What an outstanding time this has been. And I, you know, I'm, first I want to thank both of you, but I'm proud of you too. And it's, I've got to be honest with you, it's rare that you get on a call with friends that you know well, and they continue to reveal to you things about them you don't know and that you just, I mean, I just learned myself an awful lot. And there's things that I can apply, but there's also things that I need to be telling people that I've not been telling them, that I need to share with them, that you two have shared with me. So again, everybody, go get, go to CouplesMoney.com, get their book Couples Money. And Chris and Marlo, can't thank you enough. I'm sure your website's going to begin to get flooded here as people hear this. So thanks again, you guys. Love you.

• 1:25:27Speaker 04

  We appreciate you, Ed. Thank you.

• 1:25:29Speaker 03

  Thank you, Ed.