Be Your Best Self- With Mike Bayer

Who do you SHOW UP as each and every day? You may have seen him on @DrPhil or the NewYork Times bestseller list for writing Best Self: Be You, Only Better. He's the CEO and founder of CAST Centers and a regular on the Dr. Phil show, my friend, Coach Mike Bayer! In this interview, we dive deep into the shame we all feel and how debilitating it can be to move forward when we are carrying that kind of weight around with us. Being the best version of you means showing up as your most AUTHENTIC self, the TRUTH of who you are to your core. When we can capitalize and identify that person we are able to practice this in our day to day life and pinpoint when we aren’t. Since my dad is an alcoholic and has been sober 30+ years now, this interview really hit home for me and I share a message to anyone who is still using. If you have faced addiction yourself, or witnessed it amongst a loved one, or struggled with any kind of mental health - this interview is for YOU. Often we struggle with our past and harbor it, keeping us stuck. Your past is actually the greatest tool in your toolbox if you choose to let it produce your greatest growth. You’re going to want to have a pen ready to take notes because Mike gives concrete ACTIONABLE ways to help you IDENTIFY who you are being at your BEST self and who you are when you’re not. You definitely won’t want to miss out on my share of who I am when I am being my anti-self either! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Ed Mylett?

  I hear so many small business owners say the exact same thing. They just never have enough time in the day. Well, I measure time differently. I've compressed, condensed, heck, I've bent time. My first day is 6:00 a.m. to noon. My second day starts at noon and goes till 6:00 p.m. And my third day, 6:00 p.m. to midnight. I now get 21 days a week. Stack that up over a month, over a year, over five years, and my life's completely different than it would have been otherwise. And if you want to win as an entrepreneur, you have to compress your time, too. And you definitely can't afford to waste it. Waiting weeks on a big bank for capital? Your best bet's to work with my friends at Cardiff. They know how to compress time for entrepreneurs. They get your business approved in minutes and funded the very same day. They're America's favorite small business lender, and for good reason.

• 0:45Ed Mylett?

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• 1:01Speaker 01

  Mr. President, my company, for me, of the explosion on our rig.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  On October 2nd.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess. And Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You stop, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 1:22Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:38Speaker 03

  This is The Ed Mylett Show.

• 1:47Ed Mylett?

  Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett, and this gentleman to my left, I read his book, and immediately after reading, I'm like, I have to get this man on my show. Little did I know, as I was chasing you to be on the show, that you were a contributing person to The Dr. Phil Show at the same time. But this man's written a book that I love, and I want you to get it. It's called Best Self. And this is called... Coach Mike Bear. So Mike, thank you for being here.

• 2:11Speaker 04

  Thank you, Ed. I'm ready to max out.

• 2:13Ed Mylett?

  You're ready to max out. Good. Good. Well, I want to be a better version of myself and I know everybody listening to this does too. So this book's so good.

• 2:21Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 2:21Ed Mylett?

  Because there's actionable stuff on almost every single page. That's how I tried to write my book as well. So I just want to acknowledge what a great job I think you did in this book. Why'd you write it, by the way?

• 2:33Speaker 04

  Well, I, thank you for having me here. And I wrote it because I wanted to create something that was affordable for someone who wanted to work with a life coach and wanted to have practical ways that they can improve their life. And everything I kind of create can meet a person where they're at. And I like to pull out their authenticity and start as that being the place we started.

• 2:59Ed Mylett?

  Okay. Because everybody, you need to know something. This man's work, we're not going to go through all the names, but for a long time, you've been working with some of the biggest names in the world in Hollywood in the entertainment business and coached them. And so for you to put this stuff in a book, I really feel like people are very fortunate to get the stuff you've sort of reserved for this sort of, I don't know, elite group theoretically of people.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  And the reality is, I like working with people who aren't part of the elite group a lot more. And that's what I... Because I feel like people in day-to-day life don't have teams. Not big teams per se. And when you're brought in to work with talent, you're brought in to work with the 20 people around them. And so it's really nice to be able to just work with someone where they don't have everyone being on payroll and everything being such a, such a challenging... But it's rewarding. Don't get me wrong. I mean, I love some...

• 3:57Ed Mylett?

  I know exactly what you mean. The irony of you and I is that we had not met because we know so many of the same people and we've kind of done similar things. Yours mine more with mainly athletes and yours more with entertainers. But when I started to research you, because I want to give people hope, then I want to get into some stuff. Because everybody today, if you're driving, or maybe if you're watching this on YouTube, this is going to be write some notes down stuff. Because the one thing I really like about Mike is all the strategies and techniques that people can apply.

• 4:22Speaker 04

  Right.

• 4:23Ed Mylett?

  To become their better self or their best self. So, but when I was researching you, I was a little bit surprised because, maybe I shouldn't have been, because I think through everybody's pain or adversity, everything happens for us and not to us. But if we went back, you know, when you were in college and then right after college, your life was, you were not your best self.

• 4:41Speaker 04

  I wasn't. So I grew up actually about five miles from here, from where we are right now.

• 4:45Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  So I grew up in Nellie Gill Ranch and I went to Modern Day High School and I went to play basketball and.

• 4:51Ed Mylett?

  How tall are you?

• 4:52Speaker 04

  I'm 6'5".

• 4:53Ed Mylett?

  He's 6'5". This is a big dude.

• 4:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, my mom would say 6'6".

• 4:57Ed Mylett?

  So, big dude, basketball player, Orange County.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  Went with the homecoming queen and just felt empty. Like the things outside of myself wasn't making me feel fulfilled.

• 5:10Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  And I eventually, well, I started partying and then I eventually gone to crystal meth. Have you done it?

• 5:19Ed Mylett?

  I've never done crystal meth.

• 5:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're not missing out.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  So you're not, trust me. I mean, it's, it's a very, at first it's really great and you love cleaning your kitchen. And you love.

• 5:32Ed Mylett?

  Except it doesn't actually get cleaned.

• 5:33Speaker 04

  No, no, it doesn't. It doesn't. And, and so, you know, you'd stay up for five days or a week or what have you. And then I just looked at myself in the mirror. I guess probably the 40th time and was just kind of like, like I don't effing like you. Looking back and I don't know who you are and I was 22 years old and. I'd been through some outpatients and I called my parents and just said, hey, I want to go away.

• 5:59Ed Mylett?

  You know, these sayings are easy to say. Everything happens for me, not to me.

• 6:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:02Ed Mylett?

  My dad's drinking when I was a kid. You and I have talked about that. My dad's been in recovery for 30 plus years, but one of the great gifts of my dad's drinking ironically was because I'd have to kind of discern which dad was walking through the front door every day.

• 6:16Speaker 04

  Right.

• 6:17Ed Mylett?

  I, you know, I had to assess him at four and five years old. Is this dad that's sober and kind of happy to be here or is it dad's been drinking for a while and he might be a little angry or tired or whatever.

• 6:27Speaker 04

  Right.

• 6:27Ed Mylett?

  And it's ironic that one of the skills I use most in my life now is assessing people.

• 6:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I bet you're really good with social cues and picking it up really quickly because you had to figure out how to regulate.

• 6:37Ed Mylett?

  And I would think when you grow up with something you're carrying where you feel different or other or whatever it is, whether it's your race, your. Sexual preference, you're maybe a lack of something, you don't have athleticism, or you're not good at taking tests, that these things actually create parts of your personality that serve you if you'll use them eventually in your life.

• 6:57Speaker 04

  Right.

• 6:57Ed Mylett?

  Don't you think, you only think had you not grown up and not had this drug and alcohol addiction that you had, or the meth addiction at least, that you probably wouldn't be so great at what you're doing now?

• 7:05Speaker 04

  No, I wouldn't be.

• 7:06Ed Mylett?

  You wouldn't?

• 7:07Speaker 04

  No, no, there's no way. But that's what, that's for the people I've noticed that turn the corner in their life, and for anyone who's listening, it's how do you turn your darkness into inspiration? So even now, with like, when I wrote Best Self, and I was going through different struggles, because I'm human.

• 7:22Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 7:22Speaker 04

  Anytime I had a struggle, I was like, I got excited. Because I was like, ooh, I get to write about it. You know, like, I get to figure out what's an exercise that can help someone shift out of that. And that's kind of how I view like, whether it's universe work, God's work, whatever it is, it's kind of like, whenever I experience something that's really difficult, I know that I can apply it to help someone else.

• 7:42Ed Mylett?

  It's a huge life hack, like, secret. Like, once you kind of start to accept, like, I'm supposed to get something, or others are supposed to get something from this pain.

• 7:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:51Ed Mylett?

  This pain's supposed to produce something favorable for me, or others, or growth. Like, you can start to know that when it's happening. But I'm curious, because I, and by the way, I just admire you so much for being able to share the vulnerabilities of your life. That's why I like you. That's why, I don't like watching people like, hey, I got it all together, I'm perfect. Let me tell you how to be perfect like me. I like what you just said, I'm human.

• 8:12Speaker 04

  For anyone, I mean, shame is, it's, shame can ruin you. And it's whether you feel shame for, you know, who you're sexually attracted to, whether it's shame for something that happened with a family member, or something that happened with, just, if you were abused, sexually abused, neglect, depression, whatever, whatever shame, whether you're not smart enough. Being able to talk about it and communicate to people that are safe. You know, sometimes it's assumed that we only should talk to our mom and dad about it, but sometimes our parents aren't safe. And so it's figuring out who is safe.

• 8:54Ed Mylett?

  Is there a way to discern that?

• 8:57Speaker 04

  Well, I think, you know, so there's a, there's something called the social atom, which is where you create a circle and then you look at all the relationships in your life and you can just create a circle and a straight line would be anyone that you feel safe with, that you can be vulnerable with, that you feel like you could open up to. And then anything you kind of make with a squiggly line is someone where you get anxiety or it's a little bit complicated.

• 9:20Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 04

  And so I think being able to figure out who those safe relationships are, to share it is the first step because shame is brutal. I mean, that's, that's one of those things that just, it destroys people.

• 9:33Ed Mylett?

  I think almost everybody listening to this is carrying some sort of shame. I really do. Whether that's something they feel like a relationship they're in where they didn't treat somebody appropriately or they let someone else down. And I completely agree with you. It's one of the things not discussed. We talk about pain. You know, we talk about wanting to improve our lives or anxiety. Shame is something rarely discussed that I know I carry some. You know, I carry shame, that's a, that's a button from, that's a bucket I enjoy filling sometimes with myself, if that makes any sense. Most of us have these buckets that were unconscious and one of the ones I like to do on me that hurts me, it's kind of repetitive is I'll fill my shame bucket.

• 10:13Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:13Ed Mylett?

  You know what I mean? Whether it's a conversation I had with my daughter that didn't go the right way, I'll shame myself about it rather than just acknowledge what it is and grow from it. And I'm really, really, really, really impressed that you, that you're willing to share these things. I, I think your advice is so cogent and I know that's why Phil probably has you on the show. I want to ask you a question because I did, I did, I did one of your exercises.

• 10:34Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 10:34Ed Mylett?

  But I want to walk the audience through it.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 10:36Ed Mylett?

  Because this book, guys, you're going to get it and you're going to love it. And you're going to love it because it's actionable. I love actionable stuff. So there's a best self sort of, what do you call it exactly? What we're going to walk through right here.

• 10:48Speaker 04

  So, so best self is your authentic self. So best self is your truth, your honest truth. Like my best self is a wizard who is a thousand years old. He's actually tattooed on me, right?

• 10:59Ed Mylett?

  Look at this on YouTube. If you're not watching this, guys, you're going to have to go to YouTube to see this.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, YouTube. I mean, it's not done. This guy, Nico Hurtado, did the tattoo. He takes forever. Forever to get into.

• 11:07Ed Mylett?

  Beautiful.

• 11:08Speaker 04

  I've been freaking waiting forever. I mean, the guy's so hard to get into.

• 11:11Ed Mylett?

  It's beautiful.

• 11:12Speaker 04

  Thank you, thank you. It's not done yet.

• 11:14Ed Mylett?

  So you've named him. You've named his best self.

• 11:17Speaker 04

  My best self is Merlin. It's a wizard that's a thousand years old when I walk into a meeting. Or when I present myself, that is me being my best self. It's like wisdom, honesty, truth, alignment, living in the moment.

• 11:28Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  Kindness, love.

• 11:32Speaker 04

  And I think, you know, like, our parents give us names.

• 11:35Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  Right? And, uh, but we can name ourselves whatever we want at our core and we can create. I find that being able to create, uh, that character in that story. It creates a safe place for our minds to go sit into.

• 11:52Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 11:52Speaker 04

  Um, and so, and it's something that a kid can do or a teenager or an adult.

• 11:57Ed Mylett?

  I want, I want, let's go through yours. I love it. So I, I want you to walk them through it as if I hadn't prepped it.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 12:03Ed Mylett?

  So first, I'm gonna say everything, everybody, because this is so huge, everyone. I've been talking for 20 years about at any time in your life, you can turn the page and become a new character in your life.

• 12:12Speaker 04

  Right.

• 12:12Ed Mylett?

  That we repeat these old stories about ourselves and our book of our life starts to look like one chapter that just kind of runs together. What a boring book to read if it was just one chapter about the same character. There should be evolutions, right? And I'm always talking about change the character, change the character. And then I read your book and I'm like, this is an actual technique to name and change the character that is you.

• 12:34Speaker 04

  Right.

• 12:35Ed Mylett?

  And identify it. So guys, this is so awesome, the way that you do this. So the first step is to do what?

• 12:39Speaker 04

  The first step is to write out a description.

• 12:41Ed Mylett?

  Okay. So, so, and how do we do that?

• 12:44Speaker 04

  You write out, uh, you can look at times in your life when you felt like, wow, this is life. Or you know that's the best part of yourself.

• 12:54Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  It's not outcome driven.

• 12:56Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 12:56Speaker 04

  Uh, sometimes we get stuck on outcomes.

• 12:58Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 12:58Speaker 04

  And as you talk about, sometimes the outcomes happen 60 or 90 days down the road.

• 13:02Ed Mylett?

  They're delayed.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  Or two years down the road.

• 13:04Ed Mylett?

  Sure.

• 13:04Speaker 04

  So it can't just be, oh, that outcome. It's when you feel good about yourself.

• 13:08Ed Mylett?

  Is it like, so it's sort of like adjectives to describe the best you?

• 13:11Speaker 04

  You got it. Adjectives to describe the best you. What did you write down?

• 13:14Ed Mylett?

  Well, I wrote a few down on the, but, and I did this. Alone.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:18Ed Mylett?

  Um, I think it would have been cool to do with my family, but I did it alone. Um, and I'll be honest with you, it was empowering. When I'm my best, I'm these things. And it's like, I never, even me and I, I coach people all the time. I never just take the time. What is the best adjectives to describe me when I'm the best me?

• 13:34Speaker 04

  Right.

• 13:34Ed Mylett?

  So I put peaceful, kind, patient, confident, prayerful. Strong, decisive, relentless, nonjudgmental. Encouraging. I wrote leader. I wrote listener or listening. Focused, present in the moment and funny. Those were the best things I like about me when I'm the good me.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  Got it. And so then you took that description and you felt pretty good about this. This feels like you're in alignment, right?

• 14:07Ed Mylett?

  I love when I'm that guy.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's you. At your core, that's you, right?

• 14:11Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 14:12Speaker 04

  And so now, then you drew it.

• 14:14Ed Mylett?

  I drew it and I, it's just, it's just what it is. You said it could be whatever it is. So he told me it could be whatever it is. It's kind of a Superman.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  Cool.

• 14:21Ed Mylett?

  And I, I'm, you know, I even have my family have told me that I'm like a Superman when I'm the best version of me. And I, you also wanted me to.

• 14:28Speaker 04

  Name it.

• 14:29Ed Mylett?

  Name him. And it's Superman.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  That looks amazing.

• 14:31Ed Mylett?

  That's my guy, by the way, and that's as good as I can draw. So.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  I love the face.

• 14:36Ed Mylett?

  So the real me is a Superman.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:38Ed Mylett?

  And he's all these things. And I, I would encourage every single person listening to this or watching this. To do exactly this exercise. And we're not done yet either, everybody, but take an inventory. What are the adjectives that describe the best you? And then you want them to draw a picture of it.

• 14:56Speaker 04

  You name it because, because it's, it's, it's a great way too to go, am I walking into the room as Superman? Am I talking to my kid as Superman? Am I handling my relationship as Superman?

• 15:09Ed Mylett?

  Or Merlin.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  Or Merlin, right? And, uh, so that's really understanding authentically who you are. And that's how we kind of start off Best Self the book. Is figuring out who are you? Like, and let's name it. And so, and that's our starting point of the compass. So, the next part of the exercise is to figure out what is currently pressing into ourselves, our own psyche, that we know is not authentically who we are. So, it's that part of us that goes, "I shouldn't have said that." "I don't know why I feel this way." "Oh, why am I beating myself up? What am I saying to myself?" It's like the committee in the head that we can't shut off. Well, what is it saying? And, again, we want to write down the adjectives of what we call your anti-self. And so, you did that, Ed.

• 15:55Ed Mylett?

  My anti-self is, you know, it was kinda cool. I noticed something. And maybe, do you find most people are, have an easier time writing down the good or the bad?

• 16:06Speaker 04

  Bad.

• 16:06Ed Mylett?

  Bad. I would assume that, too. One thing I kind of liked...

• 16:10Speaker 04

  Is you loved it.

• 16:11Ed Mylett?

  I had a better time, I actually had an easier time writing down the good things.

• 16:14Speaker 04

  That's great.

• 16:15Ed Mylett?

  I thought that's shown the work I've done on myself. Because I would assume it's 80, 20, 90, 10 people like, I can name you 80.

• 16:21Speaker 04

  People normally don't have this long of a list, although I think this is incredibly healthy. To have a long list is being your best self.

• 16:27Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, and I would, I think everybody writing this, the vast majority of you are probably gonna have a really easy list of the negative things. And I think the more that you repeat, you utilize this exercise and the techniques that I teach and that Mike teaches, I bet you over the long term, you're gonna have an easier time writing the good ones.

• 16:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:43Ed Mylett?

  And I think that's when you know you're being that best self more often.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  You got it.

• 16:47Ed Mylett?

  Because I live, I think I live, I'm definitely this guy a lot, but I think I live with that guy.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  Well, let's, we love Superman. I mean, Superman, Ed.

• 16:55Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, this guy here is...

• 16:56Speaker 04

  Let's hear about the descriptions of your anti-self.

• 16:58Ed Mylett?

  Judgmental.

• 16:59Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 17:00Ed Mylett?

  Impatient. Scared. Angry. Indecisive. Anxious. Gossiper. Distant. Serious. Complainer. Self-centered. And I, now that I'm naming them, I could name some more, actually, but, but those are all... Uh, the anti me.

• 17:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. And you drew the same exercise you drew your anti self.

• 17:27Ed Mylett?

  And he's a guy with, and I don't mean to use bad language, everybody, but he's a guy with a big old head and a hat with two, um, phallic symbols coming out of the side of them.

• 17:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, is that a penis coming out?

• 17:39Ed Mylett?

  It is.

• 17:40Speaker 04

  Out of his head?

• 17:40Ed Mylett?

  There's two of them on each part of his hat. And his name is actually Richard Cabeza, which is Dick and in Spanish, Cabeza is head. So you can kind of get the name, but we call him Richard Cabeza.

• 17:53Speaker 04

  Got it, got it. No, this is great. So we have Superman. We have Superman and we have.

• 17:58Ed Mylett?

  And Richard Cabeza.

• 17:59Speaker 04

  Richard Cabeza. Okay, great. No, this, and this is fantastic. And so what we start off in, in best self is we go, okay, who's your best self? And who do we know is gonna get in the way of you even finishing the book? Who's gonna get in and be like, oh, this is, this is a bunch of BS and I don't have time for that and I'm good and, you know, just. Yes. So we help identify those parts so that we can navigate the book. And so, um, what, what I find helpful, once people do this is to figure out, okay, how do I get more of him? And what situation currently is bringing out the most of him? So for you, Ed, what would you say currently, Richard Cabeza?

• 18:42Speaker 04

  When, what situation do you feel like currently where you go, oh, this comes out?

• 18:50Ed Mylett?

  Anything, anything that feels stressful to me, Richard Cabeza likes to rear his head, no pun intended. Anything stressful. And I would say something specific with that would be, if I'm gonna, if I'm prepping for or driving to something I think I'm not prepared for,

• 19:10Ed Mylett?

  uh, that guy comes out. That guy is super judgmental. He likes to gossip. He can get pretty anxious and scared and fearful. He doesn't pray. He isn't present. I'm always project, that guy likes to project into the future all the time, what he should be worrying about.

• 19:26Speaker 04

  Right. So he can't be in the moment.

• 19:28Ed Mylett?

  Not in the moment.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 19:29Ed Mylett?

  That's the, if I could. If I could identify one thing that causes most of those other adjectives to happen, it's pressure or stress. And I'm not present.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Got it.

• 19:38Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  And so, uh, because when Superman comes flying through in those situations, you feel.

• 19:46Ed Mylett?

  I feel incredible. I feel strong. I feel peaceful.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Right.

• 19:49Ed Mylett?

  I feel like a leader.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:50Ed Mylett?

  Uh, I feel like I'm doing what I'm called to do.

• 19:53Speaker 04

  Right.

• 19:54Ed Mylett?

  You know, what I was born to do. And I feel loving in that space.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:58Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, that's a word that should have been in there.

• 20:00Speaker 04

  Loving.

• 20:00Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 20:00Speaker 04

  And so, so in, in best self, what we do is then what we, we take you through what's called the seven spheres, which is an acronym I created, which someone rates their social life. Social life, personal, health, education, relationships, employment, and spiritual. And they line, you just rate it from a one to 10 and it's full of exercises and you go, okay, well, in all these areas of my life, how often do I feel like I'm being my best self? Because usually what happens for us is, is once we put down on paper and walk through it, we can have a roadmap.

• 20:34Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 20:34Speaker 04

  And it doesn't become just theory.

• 20:36Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 20:36Speaker 04

  And so, um.

• 20:38Ed Mylett?

  Can I give you an example of that?

• 20:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:40Ed Mylett?

  How powerful this is. Everybody who's listening is like, that seems pretty basic. Everyone, y'all trust me, do it.

• 20:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:45Ed Mylett?

  Just go through the exercise. Uh, even Richard Cabason, I almost laugh at that guy now. It's why I gave him the name I gave him. He's hilarious to me and, and, and I don't want him in my life. He's like a joke, right? And so in my case, I wanna, I, if I'm gonna have shame, I'm gonna shame that dude outside of me. I'm not gonna carry it myself. And so, I gotta tell you though, last night, I did this last night.

• 21:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:10Ed Mylett?

  And, uh, I had fallen asleep. Perfect little example. And you stack these things over life. So you gave my family a gift last night unknowingly, right?

• 21:18Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 21:18Ed Mylett?

  And so what I did was, I had fallen asleep and actually posted it. My Lily was sleeping next to me. I was extremely tired and I, uh, every night go in and kiss my daughter goodnight and say a quick prayer. And last night I was laying in bed and I was tired and I knew the lights were off in her room. And I woke up tired and I went. I'll just do it tomorrow night, right? And immediately I thought about, what would Superman do?

• 21:43Speaker 04

  Huh.

• 21:44Ed Mylett?

  Superman would get up, he'd go in, even if she's asleep and I'd kiss her and I'd pray with her even if she was asleep.

• 21:50Speaker 04

  Right.

• 21:50Ed Mylett?

  I didn't want to get up, I was tired. And Richard Cabeza was taking over.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:55Ed Mylett?

  And I literally thought about Superman and Richard Cabeza and I chose to be Superman. And I got up and I walked in and she was actually awake.

• 22:03Speaker 04

  Right.

• 22:04Ed Mylett?

  And I said, hey boo, I love you. And I gave her a kiss and she gave me a hug and we said a quick prayer. And actually, she had something she wanted to ask me. And had I not gone in there, she wouldn't have been able to ask me that question. And so that, if this did nothing other than that one thing the rest of my life, it was worth it. But I can already tell, even today, prepping for our interview and getting to know better, I'm like, I think I'm ready. And I went, what would Superman do? Superman would go another little extra inch here. Superman would be more relentless, more prepared, right? More present. And so it's affected even how we're doing this today.

• 22:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, and you're welcome. No, I'm grateful that you did this. It means a lot, because you took it on your own initiative. I didn't ask you to. And you clearly dig in when you have people come on your show. And you know, the thing about Richard Cabeza is when you, the interesting thing with the ego that I've found is when you build out the character, if you say to someone, okay, just don't be so angry. Ed, you know, like, let's say your wife's like, Ed, don't be so angry.

• 23:05Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 23:05Speaker 04

  If she calls you Richard Cabeza, you may have a split second of like, and then you'll start to laugh.

• 23:10Ed Mylett?

  It's awesome.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  And it's not that serious, because you don't even want to feel that way.

• 23:13Ed Mylett?

  It's awesome.

• 23:14Speaker 04

  And you get to get called out on your stuff in a way that's playful and not...

• 23:20Ed Mylett?

  What a great exercise to do even at work.

• 23:22Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 23:23Ed Mylett?

  Where your coworkers are like, hey, Richard Cabeza, cut it out.

• 23:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:26Ed Mylett?

  Right? Like, that's awesome! I love that! I love that. So you can do that in your family, workplace, teams.

• 23:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, and you can do it with your kids and it becomes revealing of how they view themselves.

• 23:36Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, so good, brother.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  Oh, thanks.

• 23:38Ed Mylett?

  So good. Thank you for that.

• 23:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 23:40Ed Mylett?

  Dude, I gotta be honest with you, like, I love simple, actionable things that the audience can take with them and do. And guys, you'll be different after you do this. And your family will be different if you do it together.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:50Ed Mylett?

  What a great gift, man. Thank you so much.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 23:54Ed Mylett?

  I got so many things I want to ask you about, so. I want them to get the book, so I don't want to do anything more that's in the book. But I do want to ask you about one thing, just because it was important to me. And so, again, the last thing in the book, because everybody want you to get the book, I want you to get the audio version of the book too. However, you talk about, I just want them to hear this because everyone listening wants to change something about their life. And you have the five tenants of change in the book. And I'll name them and then you give me a little bit of for it if you could.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 24:20Ed Mylett?

  Okay, curiosity is a tenant of change, honesty, openness, willingness and focus is what he lists. Just give us a little flavor behind that.

• 24:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, so I love acronyms, so I call it Chow F. It sounds like a Chinese restaurant.

• 24:32Ed Mylett?

  Chow F, okay.

• 24:32Speaker 04

  But it's, okay.

• 24:33Ed Mylett?

  Okay, it's good.

• 24:34Speaker 04

  It's just the five tenants of change. But I feel like those are the five components. You gotta get curious, you know, in order to change anything in our lives, we have to become curious to some extent.

• 24:46Speaker 04

  And it's, I find curiosity feels good. You know, when we're curious, there's this energy to it. We're not just going, ugh.

• 24:55Ed Mylett?

  You're right.

• 24:55Speaker 04

  Right? Doesn't feel like research.

• 24:57Ed Mylett?

  I think the reason that people kinda dig my show is I'm so hyper curious about the people that are on the show. I mean, I love them and I'm curious about them, so completely agree with you on that.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  And then honesty is just a pillar of, if you can't be honest with yourself, your compass is all over the place. And then openness to other ideas, other suggestions, other solutions. Willingness, what length are you willing to go to to make the change? You know, it's just, you know, what are you willing to do? And then the focus, really just focusing on the change. And those are kinda what I call the five tenants of change.

• 25:34Ed Mylett?

  I love it. And I, when I was reading the book, I put everything through sort of like my life experience meter. Like, do I believe this?

• 25:42Speaker 04

  Right.

• 25:42Ed Mylett?

  How important is curiosity?

• 25:44Speaker 04

  Right.

• 25:44Ed Mylett?

  You know, that was, that was kinda unique. I thought, what a powerful, mind-opening word. Honesty was pretty obvious to me.

• 25:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:52Ed Mylett?

  Openness, willingness, and I know about focus.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  I know you do.

• 25:55Ed Mylett?

  I think one of the, maybe you agree with me on this, and I think one of the lost... Arts in the world are people's ability with all the distractions with smartphones, with TV, with how quick things happen in life is to stay focused on something until the task is completed, until you've achieved. Do you see that too with the people that you coach? The Omega Achievers, I think one of their separators is their ability to focus.

• 26:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think it's what people focus on, where they prioritize, where they put their energy. I even think like focusing on, I've started at least with, you know, with social media, it's like what information do I want to put into my system?

• 26:36Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 26:37Speaker 04

  You know?

• 26:38Ed Mylett?

  Yep.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  Anything that's gonna give me anxiety, that's not keeping me safe, I don't know why I would follow it.

• 26:43Ed Mylett?

  Very good.

• 26:44Speaker 04

  Right?

• 26:45Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 26:46Speaker 04

  It doesn't feel good.

• 26:47Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 26:48Speaker 04

  Why am I putting that in my system? It's like bad food. So I mean, I think in terms of focus, it's just what do I want more of in my life and what do I want a little less of?

• 26:57Ed Mylett?

  What a great distinction. I'm doing that on TV, politics.

• 27:00Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:01Ed Mylett?

  No matter what side you're on, and just for me, it's like I just realized watching this, no matter what, I don't get into my political beliefs on the show, and I don't even know that I'm that strong at any one place on that stuff. However, just watching the coverage and watching the people, it's like a live reality show all the time. And as I was watching, it's exactly what you said, I thought to myself, is this giving me joy?

• 27:22Speaker 04

  Right.

• 27:23Ed Mylett?

  Is this growing me? Is this giving me peace? Is it giving me the things that Superman would want?

• 27:26Speaker 04

  Right.

• 27:27Ed Mylett?

  It's contributing to Richard Kabeza.

• 27:29Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 27:30Ed Mylett?

  Richard Kabeza's getting anxiety and stress.

• 27:32Speaker 04

  Richard Kabeza's living in the news.

• 27:33Ed Mylett?

  Yes, isn't it true?

• 27:35Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:36Ed Mylett?

  And for many of you, your Richard Kabeza is exactly what you said, it's the stuff that's giving you anxiety and stress and worry on your social media.

• 27:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:43Ed Mylett?

  You're so, that's so good, brother, so good. You, um, you strike me as a guy because of, you know, overcoming, you make light of it, but you became a meth addiction. I mean, here's a guy who, you know, everybody, he has so much humility, but this is a guy who now, there's one person in really 17 years who's Dr. Phil's trusted with that seat to help be on the show on a relatively regular basis.

• 28:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:08Ed Mylett?

  The guy who that is was at one point at 20 Two years old calling his parents saying I'm meth addicted, get me into rehab.

• 28:14Speaker 04

  Right.

• 28:15Ed Mylett?

  Like that's, that's incredible what you've turned yourself into. You've also founded these, is it cast?

• 28:20Speaker 04

  Cast centers.

• 28:20Ed Mylett?

  Cast centers. So tell them a little bit about the cast centers and what you do with that.

• 28:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:25Ed Mylett?

  Just give everybody kind of the full rounded version of.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, I kind of, I kind of cover a totem pole in my career. So when I say totem pole at the bottom is like psychiatric disorders, chemical dependency, uh, need a lot of support and structure. So I started a treatment center. The first groups I had in my apartment in Venice, because I know how the heck I was going to afford to have an office or anything and, and it's expanded quite a bit. And now it's a outpatient clinic with, we treat straight depression or straight anxiety, dual diagnosis, which means, you know, chemical dependency and alcoholism with, another diagnosis.

• 29:03Ed Mylett?

  Mental illness of some.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  Yeah. So we have evening programs, day programs, um, and that's in West Hollywood. And now with insurance, it's great. They cover.

• 29:12Ed Mylett?

  Thank God.

• 29:13Speaker 04

  Most insurances cover treatment, which is awesome.

• 29:15Ed Mylett?

  Big topic that's come up a lot is, um, mental health.

• 29:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:19Ed Mylett?

  More and more on my show and in social media, people are asking me to discuss it more and cover it more. You know, I'm a believer that mental health is this huge spectrum, such a broad topic. It can be everything from suffering from some, you know,

• 29:33Speaker 04

  That's what I'm saying. It's a totem. Up here you have high achieving.

• 29:37Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 29:38Speaker 04

  How do I go from five million to 20 million?

• 29:40Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 29:40Speaker 04

  Right?

• 29:40Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 29:41Speaker 04

  Like, and you're right, it's all in the range.

• 29:43Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  The problem I feel like is everyone pulls them off instead of like you're saying, just, we all have mental health.

• 29:49Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 29:49Speaker 04

  There's just different levels. We all have financial health.

• 29:52Ed Mylett?

  Right.

• 29:53Speaker 04

  There's different levels of it. There's physical health.

• 29:55Ed Mylett?

  Yeah. And one of the things about mental health that you and I were talking about off camera too is, is that you all should be working towards being healthier mentally, emotionally. Like, even if you think you're a really well adjusted person, I feel like I'm a pretty well adjusted person. I'm still reading and seeking mentors and relationships, associations, experiences that improve that part of my life. I'm, my physical body, I'm trying to improve. I want to improve my emotional and mental, uh, well being as well. And no matter what level you're, I think some people think, well, the mental health stuff's like for people who are like, you know, manic depressive or, you know, schizophrenic or, you know, they're suicidal. That's a one part of the spectrum. There's all kinds of other.

• 30:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, me or you could have a more poor mental health day than somebody who's three days sober.

• 30:39Ed Mylett?

  What do you do for?

• 30:40Speaker 04

  In theory.

• 30:41Ed Mylett?

  No, no.

• 30:41Speaker 04

  I haven't had one in a while, but.

• 30:42Ed Mylett?

  No, I have.

• 30:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:44Ed Mylett?

  I agree with you. I think you're completely right. I have, one of the great things about people that are in recovery is the, what I would call almost forced self-awareness.

• 30:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 30:54Ed Mylett?

  That begins to take place. The revelations and learning about oneself is one of the great gifts of recovery.

• 30:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:00Ed Mylett?

  That sometimes people who don't need to go into recovery never get that gift of.

• 31:03Speaker 04

  It's true.

• 31:03Ed Mylett?

  Just self-reflection, right? Can you share with us maybe some habits that you do daily or routines that contribute to your wellness mentally?

• 31:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, it's rituals.

• 31:14Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 31:15Speaker 04

  I love ritual. I love a structure. So like, um, you know, I, I think for me, even before here, I go to your bathroom. So I could look in my, in the mirror and I go, just be yourself.

• 31:25Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 31:26Speaker 04

  I listen to music, but when I roll down here, that made me feel like I could get outside of myself. So I could actually be a vehicle for stuff. So like, there's the simple things like that. And then there's.

• 31:38Ed Mylett?

  Can you go back to that thing in the mirror? Because I've heard you talk about this before. I think it's powerful.

• 31:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:43Ed Mylett?

  Can you talk about what you actually do when you do that?

• 31:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's changed a lot.

• 31:47Ed Mylett?

  Okay, okay.

• 31:48Speaker 04

  But I feel like so often in the mirror, we just look at our aesthetic. It's like, and uh, not to be dramatic, but it's kind of it. It's like when you really look into who you are as a man or a woman, um, what do you say to yourself? Or what does it say back to you? And um, so I like to um, go to a mirror and I often will uh, drop to my knees uh, in a bathroom.

• 32:15Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 32:16Speaker 04

  Um, real quick in front of the mirror, like, you know, I try to make sure no one's watching me, you know? Um, and then I pop up and I'll look at myself in the mirror and I'll just be like, you know, you got this or be yourself. Or just, you know, be my own coach.

• 32:29Ed Mylett?

  Hmm.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  Cause we're all human. We navigate life and I say I drop to my knees for humility, just to be like, I don't have all the answers. Okay? Hop up, look at myself, say something and um, that's something I do before I go into do anything publicly or anything where I feel like there's pressure or anytime I feel like I may not be myself. You know?

• 32:50Ed Mylett?

  Yes, I do know.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Cause I wanna be that. I wanna be Superman. I wanna be Merlin. Like, I don't wanna, I know for my own life, good comes when I am myself. And I hear you talk about that in your podcast. Um, and on your show. Um, and so, you know, the, look, there's the basics of gratitude lists.

• 33:10Ed Mylett?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:11Speaker 04

  You know, which they work.

• 33:12Ed Mylett?

  Yes, they do.

• 33:13Speaker 04

  And I always will call people to ask, if I'm ever feeling completely obsessed with myself, uh, which we all do.

• 33:20Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  Um, because you get what you put out, right? And so when we're self-obsessed, it's hard to get out of it because we're just obsessed with ourselves. And so what I'll do is I'll consciously call people and purely ask them how they're doing and not tell them how I'm doing. And I'll do that just to, to get out of myself.

• 33:36Ed Mylett?

  Bro.

• 33:37Speaker 04

  You know, and I feel like that's why I chose this profession too, is I get selfishly, I I, I don't even know if I can cuss up.

• 33:42Ed Mylett?

  You can.

• 33:43Speaker 04

  Fucking love helping people because I, in return, feel this spiritual connection to life. You, you too, right? And so it feels good, um, to, to do that. So I mean, yep.

• 33:56Ed Mylett?

  Um, I wanna acknowledge a couple of things, cause it's just ironic. The reason I wanted you to tell that story was, I've not had anybody else ever share that. So I don't do it in a mirror, but before.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  And at first it sounds like a George Michael moment, and it's not.

• 34:10Ed Mylett?

  No.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 34:11Ed Mylett?

  I actually, it may, it may be someone who's never done it before.

• 34:13Speaker 04

  This is a bad joke.

• 34:14Ed Mylett?

  But what it is, is, no, no, I know exactly what you mean. No, no, I, and you can get away with saying that probably a little bit better than I can. Having said that, though, I don't feel that way. I, I, um, I, before every show, every speech, every, any significant encounter I have, I, I hit my knees as well and say a prayer. And it's, it's, um, I ask, you know, for God to, you know, support me in that meeting and be the, my best self.

• 34:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:39Ed Mylett?

  Actually, I don't know that I use that exact word, but that's the thought. And, um, every night when I pray, people ask me, you know, how do you physically pray? I pray on my knees. And it's just a reason that it, uh, it's, uh, humbles me. It gives me a version of humility. So I.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  Grounding.

• 34:52Ed Mylett?

  Grounding. I, I, literal grounding.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 34:55Ed Mylett?

  And so I just wanna second that, cause there's so many things we're covering. People go, yeah, that's a big deal for me.

• 35:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:01Ed Mylett?

  The other thing that you do about calling people. We do it a little bit differently, but calling people and checking into how they're doing. I do that, but what I love to do, everyone, I'll give you, you may think this is weird, but when I'm in a public place, I will find people regularly, about every time I'm out in public. I'm at a gym, I'm at a restaurant, I'm at a grocery store. I just randomly pray for somebody. Just peace be with you, or God bless them. And I just pray, I get out of myself and pray for the person for some reason that gives me comfort, gives me strength, gives me humility. And I don't know why there's this as part of me that I just feel better when I'm helping someone somehow.

• 35:40Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:40Ed Mylett?

  So that's my version.

• 35:41Speaker 04

  Oh, man, if, if, if sometimes I'll go with friends, I'll be like, let's just give compliments. It sounds so funny, you know, I've turned 40 next month, but I love stuff like this. You go to a grocery store and you literally are just dishing out compliments. And we'll make a little competition where we're laughing. But people love it.

• 35:59Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  People love anonymous compliments. And it feels so good to give, and so it's fun.

• 36:05Ed Mylett?

  I have an audio on that, where I talk about if you want to change your state, start complimenting other people. First, it forces you to become a habitual observer of people's blessings and giftedness. And then it feels so good to give them that gift. And it's something that you may be the only person that year who will give them a sincere compliment about something. You could complain, you give, what a great looking tie, you know? The guy ends up going home and I feel better about himself and he's nicer to his children that night. Like, it's just the ripple effects of these things. These are, these are life hacks that, that matter, so thank you for.

• 36:41Speaker 04

  And I think that's why it's, for guys like us, it's not that fun to watch the news or watch politics, because you don't see people lighting up other people's candles or their lights, you just see them blow it out. And so I think you have to create that environment, like you're talking about, where you're constantly in that flow.

• 36:58Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I totally agree with you. So good. Okay. We're flying through this, unfortunately, because I'm loving this. But I want to ask you, so everyone wants to change something in their life. It's a baseline question. Someone listening to say, gosh, I got these two guys there today, Ed, you better ask them this. What advice would you give somebody who just wants to create a change? It could be anything from, I've got an addiction and I want to fix that in me. Or I've got a job and I'd love to start my own business. I weigh 50 more pounds than I want to. I want to transform something about myself. Can you give us some thoughts or actionable steps?

• 37:39Speaker 04

  Well, I think two things, which you know better than I do about setting a goal. And, you know, if you don't have a goal, you know, you can't really achieve anything. So, setting a goal, an intention and a goal of what you want. What is it? And by when? And having it be measurable and practical. And, so one is a goal. And then the other that I think, well, a few other things, I think.

• 38:13Speaker 04

  Having accountability, figuring out who can help keep you accountable, if there's anyone in your life. Is it possible? Even if it's mom or dad just checking, hey, mom, I want you to call me twice a week. And ask me, are you making that 6 a.m., you know, class? Or are you, you know, whatever it is. And then the other that I've found more recently, and I've gained so much benefit of it from Dr. Phil is, is how coachable are you with your change? A lot of people don't know what the answer is, I've found. But their own ego gets in the way of being coachable.

• 38:50Speaker 04

  And a lot of people actually aren't coachable who think they're coachable.

• 38:53Ed Mylett?

  Agree with you.

• 38:54Speaker 04

  Right?

• 38:54Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 38:54Speaker 04

  And so like, to me, in terms of change, it's so you're not, you're gonna do it alone if you're not coachable.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  That's the truth.

• 39:03Ed Mylett?

  It's really true.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  Because no one wants to, if someone has figured it out and they're trying to mentor or lean in or get, and I've also, so many people I find want to give solutions because it feels good to help.

• 39:16Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I agree with you.

• 39:17Speaker 04

  And so it's just keeping that in mind when you ask, most people, no matter how successful they are, they'll give you advice, you know?

• 39:25Ed Mylett?

  I agree with that. Speaking of successful people, a couple more things.

• 39:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:28Ed Mylett?

  Do you, because you work with the most, some of the most successful people in the world. I bet you most people would be curious, are they happier than a person who's not quite as successful?

• 39:38Speaker 04

  Well, hmm, happy, well, it depends who it is.

• 39:41Ed Mylett?

  Okay.

• 39:42Speaker 04

  I mean.

• 39:42Ed Mylett?

  But by and large, did this success, this achievement give them, if we're being really honest, did it give them more joy, happiness?

• 39:51Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, you could ask yourself, like, you've had a lot of success at different times, so you feel like that.

• 39:56Ed Mylett?

  I love how you do that, by the way.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  Created more.

• 39:58Ed Mylett?

  I love, that's why you're a good coach.

• 40:00Speaker 04

  Um, no, I mean, it's real though, because I mean, you're a product of.

• 40:04Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, I think, um, I'm always asking people that question that are sort of in this space too. I think that, um, well, I don't think material things long-term give you lasting happiness, no.

• 40:16Speaker 04

  Right.

• 40:16Ed Mylett?

  Um, I don't. Uh, however, it's a lie to say the material things don't bring you some happiness. If you get a nice pair of shoes or a new car, you feel happy temporarily, but it wears off, right? Thank you. Um, but you, you, you're, what you're really looking for long-term is fulfillment.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:32Ed Mylett?

  And those are two different things. And I think fulfillment is typically, comes through a couple of different sources. One is always in the service of other people. And I think it's identifying what your passions and giftedness and blessings are, and using them in your life in the service of other people. Like, if you can start to figure out, you know, I'm kind of good at this, or I enjoy that, or I'm passionate about this. You identify those gifts and blessings, and then you utilize those things in the contribution to other people. That's how you become fulfilled, in my mind. That's why, so I have friends that are schoolteachers.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:01Ed Mylett?

  That don't have a jet and don't live oceanfront. They're incredibly fulfilled people.

• 41:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:06Ed Mylett?

  Because they don't, their model of life isn't that they need to be looking at the ocean. I have other friends like, no, that sense of achievement and growing and, and pushing past barriers and achieving all these goals, that's what gives me fulfillment. So I think everyone's blueprint's a little bit different on it. But I'm curious of the people that you've coached, do you?

• 41:22Speaker 04

  I think, you know what, I, I think it would be what, how, uh, well, it depends if they have, I've worked with a lot of people.

• 41:31Speaker 04

  You know, pretty chronic depression.

• 41:34Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 41:34Speaker 04

  And those people struggle differently than someone that doesn't have it. But by and large, I feel like it matters. What matters is how connected to a community and safe relationships and friendships and love that the person has is an indicator. I think sometimes people struggle quite a bit when they're super famous because the story they tell themselves is they can't trust people or.

• 41:59Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 42:00Speaker 04

  Which there are some realities to it, but I think it's about how safe somebody feels in their connection of love.

• 42:06Ed Mylett?

  Yes. The reason I believe that, the reason I asked you was, my observation is the more and more someone achieves a celebrity status, the more and more it's important to have somebody in your life constantly having them come back to learning about themselves, that they lose themselves in the pursuit of celebrity.

• 42:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:25Ed Mylett?

  And they almost become this person they think everybody wants them to be. And I don't know that that's just for people that become famous.

• 42:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:31Ed Mylett?

  But it's my observation of the people that I've worked with closely that have become very well-known is they, there's a propensity to possibly lose sense of self.

• 42:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, and yeah, and what's, you know, you can't, there's something about it, you know, hanging out with friends, playing a game and, you know, just connecting with other humans and feeling love, when that starts to get stripped away and becomes isolating, I think.

• 42:59Ed Mylett?

  I think you're right.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  For anyone, it becomes, or if, or when you're connected with people, you know, no one's better or worse than anyone, but if you're in an environment where you hold power or perception that you're better.

• 43:12Ed Mylett?

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:13Speaker 04

  I think that can also be really isolating, so.

• 43:15Ed Mylett?

  So do I.

• 43:17Speaker 04

  But I don't know if there's a difference.

• 43:20Ed Mylett?

  Okay. I don't think, I don't think there is, uh, but I, I have, I think the sense of self needs to be protected. The reason I'm saying this to everybody is, forget celebrity, as you're achieving things, as you're moving up the ladder towards your goals, make sure that you're constantly giving yourself gratitude, giving yourself rituals and habits that connect you back to yourself, whether that is hitting your knees on a regular basis, or a gratitude exercise, or praying for somebody, or calling other people, and always make sure that you're connecting with yourself, that you don't lose yourself in the pursuit of stuff.

• 43:51Speaker 04

  Correct.

• 43:52Ed Mylett?

  Is, is, is the point, the reason I asked the question.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I think we sometimes get lost about what's actually gonna make us happy.

• 43:57Ed Mylett?

  I agree with that. Alright, so I got a random question and then we'll finish up, because it's, it's got to do with sobriety.

• 44:04Ed Mylett?

  I wanna know how you've, because you started doing a lot of these, and I'd like your honest answer about it, because a lot of people listening to this, they have someone in their family with addiction. Right? They do. And it's probably alcohol or drugs. It's, it's, it's, uh, prevalent. And you used to be involved in interventions.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Right.

• 44:19Ed Mylett?

  A great deal. I wanna know. I know, you've done a lot of them, and so you're an expert at this. I have a philosophy about them. That I think I've developed over time, because I've been involved in some myself.

• 44:30Speaker 04

  Right.

• 44:30Ed Mylett?

  How do you feel about interventions in general as a strategy to help somebody pursue sobriety or a change in their life? Is it effective or ineffective?

• 44:42Speaker 04

  Well, uh, I mean, there's a lot of people I've intervened on who I never thought would be sober. Uh, who are sober today, or like I just received a text a few days ago, this guy's a big professor now at a university, it's over 10 years ago.

• 44:58Ed Mylett?

  Wonderful.

• 44:59Speaker 04

  So it, they do work, I think, I mean, every, life's a

• 45:05Speaker 04

  it's a loose garment, every, there's a fit for everyone, and I think it's about what's the fit. Sometimes surprise interventions work, sometimes they don't. Sometimes a kid needs to be taken in the middle of the night, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes someone needs to stand up to dad, and sometimes, uh, mom just needs to leave. So like, interventions,

• 45:26Speaker 04

  I think, I think they're

• 45:30Speaker 04

  they're very successful with getting people to treatment.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  But like anyone who goes to treatment, the biggest step is what what happens when they leave treatment?

• 45:41Ed Mylett?

  When they get there. So specifically about it.

• 45:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:44Ed Mylett?

  My concern in the ones I've been involved with.

• 45:47Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 45:47Ed Mylett?

  Have been, uh, the ones that I've seen be effect more effective. Nothing's a hundred percent in sobriety, as we both know, not even close.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 45:55Ed Mylett?

  Having said that, was the um sobriety level of the person during the intervention. Meaning if they were high or loaded during the intervention, they may have gotten to the treatment center.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:07Ed Mylett?

  But this was not really a decision they had probably made of sound mind. I know this may seem like I'm going down.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  No, no, I no, no, I understand what you're saying.

• 46:15Ed Mylett?

  When I've when when I have seen interventions work more effectively is finding that drunk or alcohol or or drug or alcohol addicted person. But somehow finding that intervention during a time of sobriety where they're sober to receive the message to receive it. Or do you not believe there's any distinction between those two things? Answer honestly.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  Well, I I think it's sometimes really hard to get someone who's.

• 46:36Ed Mylett?

  I agree.

• 46:37Speaker 04

  Who's sober.

• 46:38Ed Mylett?

  Yes.

• 46:38Speaker 04

  Um, especially if you're doing it, you know, a lot of them I've done, we do first thing in the morning before they start drinking for the day or using.

• 46:45Ed Mylett?

  Well, I think that's a valid point.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:47Ed Mylett?

  We're more likely to get somebody sober earlier in the day theoretically, right?

• 46:51Speaker 04

  Right. Um, but I I I it's interesting. It's just it's so weird how life works. I've intervened on so many people that I literally like I had one guy. Who I intervened on, he was homeless and uh doing some pretty uh colorful things on the street and um I intervened and I said to him when I took him to treatment, if you get sober, uh if you get a year sober, I'll give you a job. I was like, this guy's never gonna stay sober. Sure, loan be old. A year later, I get the phone call.

• 47:22Ed Mylett?

  Wonderful.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  So it's like I've had so many of those.

• 47:25Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 47:25Speaker 04

  Um, the thing about interventions that's a bummer is um.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  Is they, they're just so chaotic.

• 47:33Ed Mylett?

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:34Speaker 04

  They're just so dramatic and they're like the last, you know, step, the last house on the block.

• 47:40Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 47:41Speaker 04

  Um, it's really sad to see what happens to the family members. I mean, I always look at like, what does the family need to do?

• 47:47Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 47:48Speaker 04

  Cause at least the, the addict or alcoholic gets to numb out.

• 47:51Ed Mylett?

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:52Speaker 04

  Family's not, they're dealing with their pain and their emotions and they're covering up and so I usually lean into the families. And then secondarily is like, okay, well, they're gonna change. Do you wanna, do you wanna change?

• 48:03Ed Mylett?

  I think that, I want everybody to hear today, cause we talked about shame.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 48:06Ed Mylett?

  I think that there's a lot of people listening to this that have that, some sort of an addiction right now they're shamed by. And I just want you to know, as the child of somebody who got sober, my dad finally got sober, I get emotional when I say this, but

• 48:19Ed Mylett?

  I'm so proud of him.

• 48:20Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 48:21Ed Mylett?

  My dad's addiction actually gave him an opportunity to become my hero in the real world.

• 48:27Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 48:27Ed Mylett?

  And so my dad, if you are listening to this and you have some type of an addiction, gambling, alcohol, drugs, whatever it might be, I'm gonna tell you something, when you do turn this around, and if you do turn this around, your family is gonna be immensely grateful and incredibly proud of you. I can tell you 30 years later, my dad's children, his grandchildren, our existence as a family has been completely altered by my dad's decision to, and follow up in his program to stay sober over the years. It's altered all these lives.

• 48:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:58Ed Mylett?

  It's altered my life. I'd like to think I'm altering other people's lives and affecting them now. And you can draw that back to my dad's courage that he went and made the decision finally to get sober. And so those of you that are struggling with something, the effects of you getting this right and getting clean or getting sober are so profound long-term. It's gonna be an incredible, it'll probably be your greatest legacy to your family.

• 49:19Speaker 04

  And sober, I, like, we found, we find. And you're absolutely right. I just what you got ticking in my brain was there's so many people we now see addicted to pot. So many, so many.

• 49:34Ed Mylett?

  Mike and I were just talking about this before you got here.

• 49:36Speaker 04

  And it's a conversation that like, I don't care. I have friends who smoke weed. I have friends who don't smoke weed. I'm sober. I don't smoke weed, but like, I've been sober over seventeen years, so.

• 49:47Ed Mylett?

  Wonderful. Congratulations.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  We see a lot more, primarily men, twenties and thirties, who pot is ruining their life. And there's, they're in this cycle where somehow they're believing they couldn't be.

• 50:03Ed Mylett?

  Yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  And it's been real, we've seen a lot of people having such a hard time getting off weed.

• 50:10Ed Mylett?

  This has been such a blessed conversation. Right before you got here, Mike, who shot every one of my programs, has, doesn't smoke weed anymore, but used to. And we were talking about the, I said to him, I said, there's more and more people becoming addicted to pot.

• 50:24Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:24Ed Mylett?

  And, and he said to me, he goes, you know, I was just driving over here. There's a billboard on the freeway that there's all these pot billboards everywhere. It's the normalization of it. But however, he's like, and this one was to solicit to have it delivered to your front door so you don't even need to leave. Yeah. And he said, imagine if it was alcohol. There wouldn't be a billboard that said, I'll deliver alcohol to your front door, even though you could do it. It's a direct solicitation. And I worry about this generation that's going to grow up in the normalization almost of pot. There are people, obviously, that you and I both know, smoke weed once in a while and it's not affect their life. But it's important that people hear this. This is something to be mindful of and be judicious about.

• 50:58Speaker 04

  And it's important to know that pot can ruin your life because a lot of people don't realize. They'll be like, oh, you know, they'll, they'll start off just smoking at night and they'll smoke in the morning. Then they'll start smoking all day and they're still, start eating edibles. And, you know, it's just, it just keeps going and it's okay to, to need to stop for a while. It doesn't. Everyone's different, but I think a lot of people, I, we're finding a lot of people over the last year are getting wrecked by pot. And because it's not killing people, meaning like how fentanyl is or opiates or alcohol, it, it doesn't get that same attention. And because it's so heavily promoted right now, and I'm not someone who's saying.

• 51:42Speaker 04

  Pot so bad, I just see so many people now who it's affecting their relationships. They're feeling foggy, angry, lonely, dysregulated. And just if someone's listening, it's okay if you want to ask for help and get out of that because it's, there's a solution, you know.

• 52:03Ed Mylett?

  I'm so glad you just brought that up. I didn't know we were going to bring that up at the end of the interview and it might be the most important thing that we brought up here because I'm seeing it too. I have a very good friend, we were driving him this last week or so in the car and he was telling me that it's to the point now where for him to eat breakfast, for actually to eat when he gets up, he has to smoke pot now, just to function to be able to eat in the morning. And so it's wrecking his life. And so it's just something to be mindful of, everybody, that in your family and in yourself, if that's in your life, so thank you for that.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:34Ed Mylett?

  Today's been so good.

• 52:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, so fun, thanks for having me out here.

• 52:38Ed Mylett?

  So let's make sure they know where to find you because I know they're intrigued now. If they didn't know, first off, you'll see him on Dr. Phil pretty regularly, but let's, where can we find you on social media online?

• 52:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, so it's Coach Mike Bear. Everything's Coach Mike Bear.

• 52:51Ed Mylett?

  Coach Mike Bear, we'll put it up on the YouTube screen right now that everybody can see it too. And then also your book is, there's an audible version, an audio version of the book too, right?

• 52:59Speaker 04

  Yep, you can listen to it while you're driving and you'll have me talking to you and coaching you and we'll do some work.

• 53:04Ed Mylett?

  Yeah, and you got one of those voices too, that's pleasant to listen to. So I really enjoyed today. Like I enjoyed it, I learned, I got things out of today and I know my audience did too and I'd like them to come follow you, so thanks so much.

• 53:17Speaker 04

  Thank you, Ed.

• 53:18Ed Mylett?

  Thanks so much, brother.

• 53:18Speaker 04

  All right, buddy.

• 53:19Ed Mylett?

  Everybody, I know you enjoyed today's program. Just a quick reminder on social media, every day I run the max out two minute drill. What that means is, I want to connect with you, I want to interact with you. By the way, would you do a 10 minute call with one guest on my show? 10 minute coach call, would you do that?

• 53:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:33Ed Mylett?

  Thank you. Okay, thank you.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  The universe decides.

• 53:36Ed Mylett?

  Okay, so the universe decides who. So what I do, guys, on my social media, every day when I post on Instagram, I post between 7:30 and 8:00 a.m. Pacific time, every day. And so what I post every single day, there's three ways to win. One, just make a comment in the first two minutes. Just make a comment. So have your notifications turned on. Two, if you miss that, make a comment at any time, but make a comment every single day. At the end of the week, we add up people who just commented on every post every day. So we add up that group too. And then if you make comments to people's comments, so you're engaging with people. We pick winners there as well. Get right on my jet, coaching calls, gear, coaching calls with some of my guests. Mike's gonna do one. And my book, all kinds of cool stuff that we reward every single week. We pick winners every single day. So make a comment, comment on people's comments, comment every day.

• 54:20Ed Mylett?

  All right, everybody, God bless you and max out your life.