Off the Record With Dustin Nickerson

🔥⁠ Microhabits for a better marriage. Download the Together app.⁠ On today’s episode, John sits down with comedian Dustin Nickerson to talk about becoming an expert in your own marriage, being an eager rule follower, and breaking up with your kids. Next Steps: ❤️⁠ Get away with your spouse today!⁠ 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or⁠ send us a message⁠. 📚⁠ Building a Non-Anxious Life⁠ 📝⁠ Anxiety Test⁠ 📚⁠ Own Your Past, Change Your Future⁠ ❓⁠ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards⁠ 💭⁠ John’s Free Guided Meditation⁠ 🤘🏼⁠ The Dr. John Delony Show Merch⁠ Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of⁠ BetterHelp⁠. Get up to 20% off with code DELONY at⁠ Cozy Earth⁠. Get 20% off when you join⁠ DeleteMe⁠. Visit⁠ Hallow⁠ for a 90-day free trial. Visit⁠ Helix Sleep⁠ for special offers! Working knives for working people—go to⁠ Montana Knife Company⁠ to see what’s available now! Explore⁠ Poncho Outdoors⁠! Head to ⁠Shady Rays⁠ and use code DELONY for 40% off two or more polarized sunglasses. Get 25% off your order at⁠ Thorne⁠. Visit⁠ Zander Insurance⁠ or call 1-800-356-4282 for your free instant quote today. Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️⁠ The Ramsey Show⁠ 💸⁠ The Ramsey Show Highlights⁠ 🍸⁠ Smart Money Happy Hour⁠ 💰⁠ George Kamel⁠ 🪑⁠ Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman⁠ 📈⁠ EntreLeadership⁠ ⁠Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  It's not your job to take satisfaction in your work. You didn't make a vow to be happy in your job. You made a vow to be there for your wife.

• 0:13Dr. John Delony?

  Support your family.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  Your family. I am not talented enough to not work hard. I wish I was. The person that needs to sacrifice the most for this is me. Because this is my thing. Not my family, not my kids. Maybe that's why firstborns do so well in life, by the way, that they're like, "I was barely raised."

• 0:38Dr. John Delony?

  What's going on? What's going on? This is John with a special interview with a great, like, one of the funniest guys on the planet. And his name is Dustin Nickerson. I've been a huge fan of his for a long time. He is a comedian that travels the country in comedy clubs. He opens for Nate Bargatze in the big stadiums. He's just one of the best. He is great. And in this interview, we talk about marriage. We talk about humor. We talk about some heavy stuff. And we also disagree because he seems to think that Starbucks is the worst coffee on the planet. He'll go into detail.

• 1:21Dr. John Delony?

  But listen, I've been getting your feedback about this interview series, and every single person I'm hearing from is saying more, more, more. They love these real, honest, raw conversations. So unbuckle your seatbelt, lean back, enjoy yourself, and listen to my conversation with one of the funniest guys on the planet, Dustin Nickerson. So one of the most common pain points I get from couples is, how do you balance work and how do you balance relationship? Right? And one of the downstream conversations that we always end up in is, "Husband works this job, but he really wants to be..." Fill in the blank.

• 2:00Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 2:01Dr. John Delony?

  "Or wife is staying at home and wants to do this, or she's working, but also really wants to do this."

• 2:06Speaker 00

  Right.

• 2:06Dr. John Delony?

  And I often will have to say, like, "Hey, that thing you're doing is taking up this much time." At this point, it has value because you love it, but it's a hobby. How do you find that balance between telling somebody you're about to cross from hobby into business? Because that's a real thing.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is why, even though it is my favorite Pixar movie, hear me out, I'm going somewhere with this. The message of the movie The Incredibles is a terrible message, which if you remember The Incredibles, he's only happy if he's doing the job he wants, which is bad fatherhood.

• 2:45Speaker 00

  Like, Mr. Incredible was a bad father, that he can't be engaged, remember that scene? Bob, engage! And you're like, so he's only a hands-on dad?

• 2:56Dr. John Delony?

  When he's happy.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  When he's happy, that's a terrible message, so I...

• 3:01Dr. John Delony?

  God, I've seen that a thousand times, I never thought that.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  You'll never look at it the same. The first, because now that you are, like, when you're a father and you're a husband, you're like, it doesn't matter. It's not your job to take satisfaction in your work, it's your job, you didn't make a vow to be happy in your job. You made a vow to be there for your wife.

• 3:21Dr. John Delony?

  To support your family.

• 3:22Speaker 00

  Your family, and to support your family. So, I have a very unique story in comedy in that I started late. When I went to my first open mic, I'd been married for nine years and I had two kids. And shortly thereafter, my wife got pregnant with our third kid. So, my career has been and will always be incredibly secondary to that. In the sense that I had them before it, and I want to have them after it. So, I spent a ton of time at home, I mean, I worked my butt off on the road too, but I do most of my work at home. For three to five days a week, depending on the week, I'm like father of the year, hands-on. I won't take a call from my management during the week. I'm like, we talk on Saturdays when I'm on the road, that's what we do.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  So, I'm different in that, but the, that being said, at 27, I did show up to an open mic with a day job. And for me, it was the only one that can sacrifice, or I should say, the person that needs to sacrifice the most for this is me, because this is my thing. Not my family, not my kids, meaning...

• 4:30Speaker 00

  The things that someone has to give up has to be me. So it was like sleep.

• 4:35Dr. John Delony?

  Sleep.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  Sleep was the main one. Sleep was the main one. You're like, this is late at night.

• 4:39Dr. John Delony?

  Enjoy.

• 4:41Speaker 00

  I'm in a, yeah, though my sense, but like I would get the kids down. So I'll just give an answer. So the first club that I got passed at was the Comedy Store in La Jolla. I live in San Diego. So, and when I got passed there, I told them, I would like, can I go on last? I want to go on last every time. That's usually at the end of like 15, 20 comics. Because that would be like 10:30 PM.

• 5:04Dr. John Delony?

  Right.

• 5:04Speaker 00

  Two reasons. Uh, the main reason is because all my kids would be down. Everyone be asleep. I'd been home for, I got home from work. I was there for dinner. I did all the stuff. My wife is tired. She was pregnant at the time and she would go to bed too. And I would go out and I would do the spot. And now I personally benefited from it. Cause if you can go get laughs at 10:30 after they've seen 15 plus.

• 5:25Dr. John Delony?

  You've got to be real good.

• 5:25Speaker 00

  You like, and the room is cleared out. Barely anybody's there. I would follow some who knows what. But it's stuff like that. Or like for the better part of two or three years. I mean, I would be gone on the weekends, which was hard. Don't, I'm not trying to say my wife didn't sacrifice because she absolutely does. I'm, I'm in the middle of being gone for two weeks right now. But it is easier now that I come home with checks.

• 5:48Dr. John Delony?

  Right, right, right. Deposits, yeah.

• 5:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, so, but that being said, I always tell people like, I'd give it up in a heartbeat. If my wife said, hey, this is too much. We, you gotta go take, you gotta go manage an outback in Salem, Oregon. I'd be like, great. I can be happy there. Cause I'm, you bring me way more happiness than comedy. Comedy's great, but it's still a job.

• 6:06Dr. John Delony?

  So. So we were talking back, um, earlier before we on air. And I'll get to this place. You did something that I saw from an, as an audience member. And whether it's me pretending being a poser in your comic world or like the live events that I do.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  If you're getting on stage, you're not a poser.

• 6:27Dr. John Delony?

  Well, I appreciate that, but, um, but like, uh, I'm on the road a lot too with corporate event stuff. And you followed a comic who just had a barn burner set.

• 6:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:39Dr. John Delony?

  Like had the, the whole room was, it was over. And I was imagining, I remember in the gap, when the, the, the host comes out. I remember looking at my wife being like, I wouldn't know what to do now. Right? And you came out.

• 6:54Dr. John Delony?

  And it's the most impressive thing I've ever seen, but you held your own. You just were you. And it took the audience a minute. And I only, yeah, we talked, like, I didn't think you came out and tried to drop a huge funny joke to get like, hey, guys, look at me. It was like, nope, this is who I am. But that takes, it takes an incredible skill. But, man, there's a rootedness to that.

• 7:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:17Dr. John Delony?

  That is like, if this doesn't go well, she backstage still loves me. My kids still like me. Where does that, or if I've got to go to Outback, I'm gonna be, I'll be all right.

• 7:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:28Dr. John Delony?

  Where does that come from?

• 7:29Speaker 00

  Probably find some open mics.

• 7:30Dr. John Delony?

  Of course.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  And, and, and Salem.

• 7:33Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, yeah. Or be on, be at the, at the local wherever telling jokes, but.

• 7:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, well.

• 7:39Dr. John Delony?

  Where does a rootedness come from?

• 7:40Speaker 00

  Well, I was not, uh, we can just say the name of the comic, Derek Strube. Derek Strube is so funny.

• 7:46Dr. John Delony?

  Right.

• 7:46Speaker 00

  And I was annoyed that I had to follow him because I'm like, I gotta go work now.

• 7:50Dr. John Delony?

  He's funny and he's also a whirling dervish.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, he's, he's like Sam Kinison up there. Yeah, he's a crusher. Um, I was not nervous to follow him because, you know, when you're in and around the scene for a long time, and especially in LA, which I go up to frequently, it's, it's, you know, I followed Bill Burr, you know, I followed Theo, I followed all these guys. Yeah, you know, it's like, you, you follow Nikki Glaser, you follow whoever, and, and Derek is as funny, if not funnier than all of them. But you're like, I've done this before. It's, oh, you just, your brain goes, oh, it's one of these.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  You know, you've just seen enough that I don't get like, if I have like a bad crowd or a crowd, all the different crowds, that now you just, you don't even, you've, you've just registered them all. I think I've seen almost every type of crowd you could see at this point. I mean, I'm in the three, 4,000 sets at this point. So, there's only so many.

• 8:47Dr. John Delony?

  So you have, you have a playbook?

• 8:48Speaker 00

  I have a playbook. If anything, I'd be excited to see a new one.

• 8:51Dr. John Delony?

  Right, right, right. But, you know, that tells me it's reps.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  It's a thousand percent. I am not talented enough to not work hard.

• 9:00Dr. John Delony?

  Gotcha.

• 9:00Speaker 00

  I wish I was. I wish I was like God given talent and I could phone it in and everything was just laid out before me. It would have been so much easier. But I didn't get that. I'm like the reps and every part of my career has just been like this. For the people listening, it's just a slow incline. Every once in a while a little bump and then every once in a while a little dip, but it's just been like that. So the rudeness, I don't know where the rudeness comes from other than, you know, I've,

• 9:31Speaker 00

  I've especially like this side of, you know, 35, 40, I just try and root myself in gratefulness and focus not on the things that I want, but the things that I have. That's like was a big marriage changer for me, like that just kind of hit me a couple of years ago where it's very easy to think about the things that your spouse is not doing for you and then being like, oh my God, look at this unbelievable list of things that they do that show their love for me. You know, I had one the other day where I was like, you know, there's certain things that like, I'll speak very, you know, somewhat graphically here where you're like, man, you know, I wish maybe like physically, things were like this, or I wish my wife would like show more physical affection. Cause that would be like love.

• 10:16Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 10:17Speaker 00

  And then I watched her for an hour, like sit with my child and help her with her math homework. And you're like, that's love.

• 10:28Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  That's, that's fantastic. That's like, I mean, that's unbelievable. That's, that's a real value right there. And like that kind of, and I think, I think about that with, I tried to with life where, you know, it's not, man, if I had this, man, if I had this, that'd be great if I had this. But you're like, you know, I'm, I'm fairly rich in that regard. Like I have, you know, a career that I like. It pays all the bills. We're not in debt.

• 10:55Dr. John Delony?

  A wife that loves you.

• 10:56Speaker 00

  A wife that loves me and kids that get along and what more could you want? I live in San Diego. It's pretty great. I feel like to complain really feels like we're like, all right, buddy. You're like, what are you? Are you complaining at the beach right now?

• 11:13Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  Every Christmas morning, we open presents and then me and my wife go walk on the beach. Let's cool it on the complaints, Nickerson. Let's my single, my dad, single dad who raised me is like, what in the world? He's worked for the union for 35 years, throwing luggage into, uh, into planes in Anchorage, Alaska during negative 20 is like, oh, you're not selling as many tickets in Nashville as you wanted. All right.

• 11:38Dr. John Delony?

  Both the shows are sold out tonight. So there's that. So, okay. So I want to go back to,

• 11:44Dr. John Delony?

  take, take the career. It's reps. And I got the advice when I, when I left my education world to come do this crazy thing that we do in podcasts, right? Which was, don't listen to your first six months or even your first year. Don't ever go back and listen to that because you'll have gotten so much better that it will be hard. It'll be

• 12:05Speaker 00

  Tough watch. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, oh yeah, I was one of those. I was new.

• 12:09Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, not good, right?

• 12:12Dr. John Delony?

  Take that back to the dad that just had a second kid. That doesn't, that home feels like a failure factory.

• 12:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:21Dr. John Delony?

  And it's just, you know where I am when and I'm winning at work. I'm just gonna go do that.

• 12:26Dr. John Delony?

  I have felt a lot of parallels to going up on stage with three things you think are funny and then not. And you find out the first two minutes, like, oh, it's gonna be a painful 10 minutes.

• 12:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:36Dr. John Delony?

  Cause I missed it on these note cards I got. But I felt, I haven't felt that since I didn't know, I didn't know what I didn't know when I brought a kid home.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:46Dr. John Delony?

  I just knew that. I was in the way.

• 12:49Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 12:50Dr. John Delony?

  And I felt like the best thing I could do is for my family is to back out.

• 12:54Speaker 00

  Oh, interesting.

• 12:55Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 12:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:56Dr. John Delony?

  And that's the wrong impetus.

• 12:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:58Dr. John Delony?

  When you look up and say.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  You shouldn't have done that.

• 13:02Dr. John Delony?

  But if I could, if I could look at it as, you know what, I'm gonna do this thing. A thousand reps from now, I'm gonna be really good at being a dad.

• 13:08Speaker 00

  Hundred percent, yeah.

• 13:09Dr. John Delony?

  I don't know how to put that on the table where it's palatable for somebody, other than to say, to get good at a thing, whether it's being married, or whether it's being a dad, or being a comic, or being a welder, you gotta go do it a thousand times.

• 13:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, unfortunately for your oldest kid, uh.

• 13:26Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 13:26Speaker 00

  You know, parenting is on the job training.

• 13:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 13:29Speaker 00

  It sucks for that oldest kid.

• 13:30Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 13:31Speaker 00

  I mean, I do a bit about it right now, but like, the best thing I ever heard about parenting, I heard like a year ago, and that sucks for my eighteen year old son.

• 13:42Speaker 00

  It sucks that I picked that gem up when he was a senior in high school.

• 13:48Dr. John Delony?

  As you go, son.

• 13:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, maybe that's why firstborns do so well in life, by the way, that they're like, I was barely raised, you know, we tried our best. So, you know, I, that's really well said, and, and, and I actually, I probably carry the most amount of guilt as a human. Like, you kind of pulled something up on me there, uh, without knowing so. Like, what, like sadness and genuine guilt on my mistakes as a young father.

• 14:14Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, I've got that.

• 14:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:15Dr. John Delony?

  It's incredible.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, losing my cool, you know, just like, huge, doing this, wishing you didn't do that. And I, and I, I think about it to this day. I can pinpoint mistakes that still keep me up at night. And my wife's like, hey, you gonna talk to somebody about that, or let that go?

• 14:33Dr. John Delony?

  I'm gonna bury it.

• 14:35Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 14:37Dr. John Delony?

  My dad worked in the union, they told us to shove it down.

• 14:39Speaker 00

  I know, yeah. Uh, so, yeah, there is something really to that. Now, I will say that, you know, how old are, your son's sixteen?

• 14:49Dr. John Delony?

  He's fifteen and my daughter's nine.

• 14:51Speaker 00

  And your daughter's nine. You know, my son is eighteen now and went to college this year. And my daughter is a sophomore, so she's sixteen, and then my youngest is ten, nine, no, eleven, sorry. Uh, they blur together.

• 15:05Dr. John Delony?

  Lots of love in that house.

• 15:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, they, yeah.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  I know her name, I know her birthday.

• 15:13Dr. John Delony?

  Sure.

• 15:14Speaker 00

  Um, but.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  The, like, if you made, for us, we majored on the majors. Like, we, um, we modeled a good marriage. My kids, almost to a fault, know that our marriage comes before them. And that we've missed, like, we missed our youngest first day of kindergarten. Cause we're like, hey, it's our anniversary, bye.

• 15:40Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. Which I think is actually the greatest gift you can give your kids.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  I think so too. That's what I mean by major on majors. That's like, I've shown my son, I hope, how to be committed to one person and to love them. You know, sacrificially and provide for a family. And we, now that my son is an adult legally, um, we're starting, I'm like, almost, it's very beautiful. I'm like, are we starting to see like, some of the fruits of like, being a close family? And spending a lot of time together and going on vacations together? And like, maybe some of the lessons that you hammered over and over and over and over? That you're like, are they getting any of this, you know? Um, starting to maybe click a little more? It is very rewarding. Like, he's like, every time it comes back, I'm like, or I'll get little updates from him, like,

• 16:29Speaker 00

  oh, you just needed to get away from us before you're like, oh, you know what? That dad of mine, he might've had a little wisdom.

• 16:38Dr. John Delony?

  My, my son got into the, I don't know how it, he popped up on his, uh, he's got podcasts now.

• 16:45Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 16:45Dr. John Delony?

  He went down a rabbit hole with my show.

• 16:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:47Dr. John Delony?

  And it was last year, we were fishing, this summer.

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:50Dr. John Delony?

  Not talking, just two guys facing the same direction, not talking.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:55Dr. John Delony?

  And he said, "Do you know all that stuff?" And I was like, "Yeah, I went to a lot of graduate school for all that." He's like, "But you like, know that?" "Yeah?" He's like, "It's pretty good, man."

• 17:09Dr. John Delony?

  It was like that little bitty.

• 17:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:11Dr. John Delony?

  "Oh, man, huh."

• 17:12Speaker 00

  Oh, wow, yeah. Uh, yeah, my son, I remember, he made it one year of high school football. Cause he was 90 pounds as a freshman. And, but I remember, he came home and all I'd, I'd been, since this kid played T-ball. And soccer, we'd always just said, dude, attitude and effort. That's all that matters. Attitude and effort. Just, it's just, it's how hard you try and the attitude they have. Just all that matters in life is attitude and effort. You try and do these little things. Same thing. Anytime I, he goes out now or I see him, I always say the other, I'll say that and I'll say be smart and be safe. Just like little tidbits. Freshman coach, he comes home and he goes, dad, the coach, he gave us like this big speech today. And at the end he was like, all we care about here is, is how hard you work and the attitude that you have on it.

• 17:57Speaker 00

  And he was like, and it just made so much sense. I was like, attitude and effort? And he's like, oh, I guess that is kind of what you said. I was like, I have said this to you 500 times in 14 years.

• 18:08Dr. John Delony?

  Took another grown man.

• 18:09Speaker 00

  Hear another voice, another voice. Yeah.

• 18:11Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So what, tell me about your picture of, not even a picture, your lived experience of marriage growing up.

• 18:19Speaker 00

  Uh, I didn't have one. So I was raised by a single dad. My, my parents split when I was five, four or five. I don't really have any memories of my mom in the home.

• 18:30Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  Uh, very rare, raised like no, no.

• 18:34Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, that's a rare thing. Yeah.

• 18:35Speaker 00

  Very rare. And, um, the, I would, my mom was kind of in and out. And she was going through her own stuff and I don't mean to slander her in any way, but the, I would see her periodically.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  And then for a while it was kind of like every other weekend, but my dad never remarried. So I've never, the only marriage that I've ever lived in is my own. You know, and then his, my dad's brother, uh, also fresh off a divorce, um, moved in with us. So I, my house was me, my, my sister Jessica, my older sister Jessica, and then my dad and his brother Butch. Uh, so.

• 19:16Dr. John Delony?

  You're a weird uncle away from Full House, dude. That's good.

• 19:18Speaker 00

  I mean, it, it didn't get, well, wait, to be fair, we had a rotating cast of characters who would come in.

• 19:23Dr. John Delony?

  I bet, yeah.

• 19:23Speaker 00

  Butch's son, Tater, lived with us for a while. Uh, there was a, there was a cousin named Bushrod who lived with us for a couple of years. An aunt who came down. I have a very colorful family from rural Oregon. Uh, so. Which is where the rednecks on the west coast come from.

• 19:39Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  There's all the small rural towns and that those are my roots. That's who I was like raised by. You know, I'm one of the rare kids who grew up in South Seattle, knowing the two Labonte brothers.

• 19:51Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so I, I, a question that's been haunting me for the last two years.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Haunting?

• 19:55Dr. John Delony?

  Is, cause it basically, cause it's like, it's every time I try to grab it, I think I've got the answer to it. It's just a mist. And it started with, uh, just a huh. Why is Jeff Bezos getting remarried?

• 20:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:09Dr. John Delony?

  He is everything.

• 20:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:11Dr. John Delony?

  Every, literally.

• 20:11Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:12Dr. John Delony?

  Everything.

• 20:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. Good thing he's getting more too.

• 20:14Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. Why would you do that?

• 20:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:18Dr. John Delony?

  And so, but then all the way down, when I, people like, I just was in the, looking at nerd data this morning and marriages are actually weirdly, the divorce rate's going down. And marriage stability is going up, but that's simply because more and more people just are opting out. They're just not doing it.

• 20:37Speaker 00

  They're just not getting married at all.

• 20:38Dr. John Delony?

  So those that take that step.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:39Dr. John Delony?

  Have, for whatever reason.

• 20:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:43Dr. John Delony?

  But I can't blame the people who have chosen to not do this thing because they've only, it's only, like if you just grew up and every time you went to the weight room, somebody hit you in the head with a, with a, with a baseball bat. I'm not gonna walk in a weight room when I'm older. And so, I guess question one is, why in the world would you go do that?

• 21:00Speaker 00

  Oh, cause I fell in love. You know, and I was a Christian.

• 21:03Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so you had to?

• 21:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was, we were rule followers and we were eager, buddy.

• 21:12Speaker 00

  I was like, at nineteen, that seems like a good age to get married. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We, um, I'm just like, I remember sitting at premarital counseling, my knee shaking. I'm like, when is this going to? When?

• 21:23Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so, so you do it because you have a, you have a faith context and I'm the exact same as you.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:30Dr. John Delony?

  We had to. That was the next step.

• 21:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what you did.

• 21:37Dr. John Delony?

  That's hard.

• 21:38Speaker 00

  It's very hard and so.

• 21:40Dr. John Delony?

  What blueprint do you follow?

• 21:42Speaker 00

  Well, a couple of years ago, not to self promote here, but I did, I wrote a book.

• 21:45Dr. John Delony?

  You wrote a book, yeah.

• 21:46Speaker 00

  Called How to Be Married to Melissa.

• 21:48Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 21:49Speaker 00

  And the whole premise of this book is that I am so uncomfortable giving marriage advice because I only know how to be married to this person.

• 21:56Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 21:56Speaker 00

  That's it. And I, this is like, my PhD is in Melissaology. Like, this is the person that I, I'm studying and wanna know and I wanna empathize and I want, and, and she tickles me and I love her and she's, she's my favorite person in the world. That being said, I do, um, I do credit an amount of dumb luck and that we have grown together because the hardest thing when you get married at 19 and when you get married young, especially in the Christian context, also in a military context, of these, for the times you get married really young, is you're not nearly developed as, you don't, you don't get, you know, this.

• 22:33Dr. John Delony?

  No.

• 22:34Speaker 00

  When, when's your brain developed? 25?

• 22:36Dr. John Delony?

  In theory.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  In theory, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:38Dr. John Delony?

  But I'm watching a bunch of 50 year olds right now, be like, y'all aren't there yet either, right?

• 22:43Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, I mean, and I, I read a thing was like, in the frontal lobe comes last, right? Which is where perspective is.

• 22:51Dr. John Delony?

  Right, right, right. Critical thinking.

• 22:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly.

• 22:53Dr. John Delony?

  Just not responding to everything.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, so there is an amount of, um, sure, like, me and my wife are committed to one another and I think that comes from a deep love from one another and a deep commitment to our faith. I think that that's true. I also think that there is good fortune and luck or blessing or whatever you wanna call it, that we have remained compatible, um, because that's the hardest thing, because you can get married, and I look at the 19 year old version of me and the 20 version of your whole, and we are different people now.

• 23:21Dr. John Delony?

  I would hope so, right?

• 23:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly.

• 23:23Dr. John Delony?

  I hope so.

• 23:24Speaker 00

  And I'm embarrassed by that person that I used to be.

• 23:27Dr. John Delony?

  Which, again, I hope so, right?

• 23:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly.

• 23:29Dr. John Delony?

  I hope we're all like that.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  Oh my gosh, you did what?

• 23:30Dr. John Delony?

  There's a great Esther Pearl quote that is, um, "Most people have two to three to five or six great loves in your lifetime and if you work really hard, it can be with the same person."

• 23:40Speaker 00

  Oh, that's really nice.

• 23:41Dr. John Delony?

  And I love that.

• 23:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's really nice, yeah.

• 23:43Dr. John Delony?

  Like that idea that, I got, my wife is on John 5.0.

• 23:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:46Dr. John Delony?

  Thank God, right? Cause versions one through four, we're, we're not great.

• 23:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, and I, my, but I also got some dumb luck, the fact that my wife hates change.

• 23:58Dr. John Delony?

  It was easier to stay with you than-

• 23:59Speaker 00

  I truly think that. I think that there is an amount of like red tape that she doesn't want to deal with. She's like, I'm already, I already have freaking FAFSA to deal with and we didn't qualify for that. And then we just, uh, maybe on the Ramsey Network is good news.

• 24:15Speaker 00

  Paying for cash and sending to San Jose State, baby. And, uh, she did tell me once, and this is an old bit of mine, where I did ask her if she was attracted to any of my friends. And she said, uh, she said, no, why would I, why would I look at somebody else? I already have a husband. And that's how she sees the world. She's like, I have this. I don't need another one. I have this one.

• 24:40Dr. John Delony?

  Gotcha.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  And you're like, well, that's very helpful for me.

• 24:43Dr. John Delony?

  That's exactly how my wife tells it. And I'm always like, I know, but that guy's really, she's like-

• 24:48Speaker 00

  But you're my thing.

• 24:49Dr. John Delony?

  I got you.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  Yeah. And then you're like, I'm, I'm not like that.

• 24:54Dr. John Delony?

  I'm not good at this as you.

• 24:55Speaker 00

  I'm not good at this. Um, so, yeah, I mean, I, it has been hard, but not, honestly, not that hard. I mean, it's like, I-

• 25:05Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, but that, but, but there is like a series of day in and day out choices. Like what you just said-

• 25:12Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 25:13Dr. John Delony?

  Would, would marriage therapists across the country would be like, if I could bottle that up and write that book, I would, I would pay for my summer home, which is, you know, I just decided to be really interested in her.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 25:27Dr. John Delony?

  And care about what makes her happy and what she doesn't like.

• 25:30Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 25:32Dr. John Delony?

  That's a, I mean, it, it's, at some level, it's a series of choices I'm gonna make.

• 25:37Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 25:38Dr. John Delony?

  Over and over and over.

• 25:39Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, yeah. And now we're getting into a free will discussion here.

• 25:44Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 00

  Yeah. Let's go religious affections, Jonathan Edwards. I, I, I, I don't know that it is.

• 25:50Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  I mean, I, of course it is, you know, do I pick up the cup or do I not pick up the cup? Sure. But there is an amount of like, all of that- Has all of those decisions I've made and she's made have been driven by a deep affection for her. Just affection. I just love her. I just wanna do it. I just want, she makes me happy. I, I love being around her.

• 26:15Dr. John Delony?

  This is when people are like, screw this guy.

• 26:17Speaker 00

  And this is where marriage, this is why I didn't, I don't give marriage advice.

• 26:21Dr. John Delony?

  Gotcha.

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Cause like, how's your marriage work? I'm like, I love my wife. She makes me laugh. She's my favorite person in the world. I think the things she does is very, are interesting and charming. I like her moves. I think that she's, I like, I like her a lot. And now, that may have come from, yeah, a series of commitments and decisions over the year of, uh, years of like, hey, this isn't, this is what we're doing regardless. And maybe you can fall deeper and deeper in love doing that. But also, I mean, I make, sometimes the best thing for a relationship to, is for it to end. So, you know, we've all had those. You're like, hey, you gotta get out of this situation.

• 26:56Dr. John Delony?

  That's right, of course.

• 26:57Speaker 00

  He is a monster.

• 26:58Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. I wouldn't have a show if it wasn't that, right? Yeah.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  So, I don't know, yeah.

• 27:04Dr. John Delony?

  What about, what about?

• 27:05Speaker 00

  Not to get all whimsical.

• 27:06Dr. John Delony?

  No, I love it. I love it. What, well, and I think, again, it's one of those things like, there's a great, I, I wish I knew the comic. It was one of those late nights when I was a kid and it just stuck in my head. He said, I was driving the other day and on the telephone pole, there was a sign that said, call me and ask me how I lost weight. So he called it and the guy was like, diet and exercise. And it's like, it's like,

• 27:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:27Dr. John Delony?

  We have a world that is over complicated so much. And if we could reduce it to, I'm just gonna choose to love that person and,

• 27:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:37Dr. John Delony?

  Ta-da.

• 27:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think there, I, there, I'm sure, I don't know that it was ever a conscious decision of being like,

• 27:44Dr. John Delony?

  It just was.

• 27:45Speaker 00

  It just was and it just remains, but, um,

• 27:49Dr. John Delony?

  I guess, you're outside the bell curve.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  That I would give in that is what I said earlier is pay attention to all the things that that person does that shows how much they love you. And look at what, cause I, I find myself the most distant from Melissa and her the most distant from me when we are focusing on the wrong things, when we are focusing on, he does that, she does that, they do that, they do that. I wish I had that, I wish I had that. And then when you stop and you're like, If I made a list of everything that Melissa does in our household, in my life, on just day to day, you're like, that's a lot of love for me. That's a lot of action love.

• 28:28Dr. John Delony?

  Right.

• 28:28Speaker 00

  You know, that she doesn't owe me. She doesn't have to do for me. And then you kind of like,

• 28:34Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, yeah. She's pretty great.

• 28:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's pretty great. Pretty great woman here.

• 28:37Dr. John Delony?

  It reduces that.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  But why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So that, I guess that would be one practical, but you know, a gratitude list isn't exactly breaking new ground here.

• 28:48Dr. John Delony?

  Well, I think it's an old Brene Brown quote, like, whatever you go looking for in the world, you're sure to find. And there's something about taking off the glasses of, because I can see that same pile of clothes on the bed as evidence that she doesn't love me.

• 29:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:03Dr. John Delony?

  Or I can see it as evidence of, she had 50 things to do today. I can go, I can go fold those and put them up.

• 29:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:11Dr. John Delony?

  Because, and I'll reduce her load to 49, for God's sakes.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  Well, and that is a...

• 29:15Dr. John Delony?

  I get to decide how I enter into that room, man.

• 29:18Speaker 00

  The feeling of making someone feel loved is the best feeling in the world.

• 29:25Dr. John Delony?

  And that to me, okay, so you don't know this, I'm right in the middle of writing a marriage book.

• 29:30Speaker 00

  Oh, great.

• 29:30Dr. John Delony?

  Trying to wrap my head around it.

• 29:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:32Dr. John Delony?

  And that has become the lever which I think everything rests on.

• 29:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:38Dr. John Delony?

  Which is if you enter into anything with what can I get from this?

• 29:43Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 29:44Dr. John Delony?

  Versus what can I do for?

• 29:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:47Dr. John Delony?

  One of the, this can never be filled.

• 29:50Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 29:50Dr. John Delony?

  And so if, and it was even a shift coming to Ramsey where behind closed doors, Dave is like, the only thing that matters is the person, if you're talking to them, is their life going to be better because they interacted with you? And even going to like the first few nights at a comedy club, you get your eight minutes.

• 30:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:10Dr. John Delony?

  Can I get them to think I'm funny? And the shift now for me has been, this room of people is living in this little scrolly doomsday ecosystem. And they just walked into a room voluntarily and had to put their phones away. Can I give them 10 minutes of an escape? And give them a little bit lighter day? And I don't know what the switch is, but all of my stuff is funnier. Cause it's not about, do you think I'm funny? And it's, it is, can I contribute with this lineup of people? To giving y'all an escape from the hellscape that we live in right now?

• 30:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:43Dr. John Delony?

  And if you do that with your spouse, how can I make your day better?

• 30:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:47Dr. John Delony?

  How can I love you today? Is this such a different shift?

• 30:49Speaker 00

  And that's only gonna benefit you, by the way.

• 30:51Dr. John Delony?

  That's, that's the thing, that's the thing. That's the thing. It makes your life better, right? And you know, I hate to put it out like a, like a 401k, right? If you invest in this over time, but kinda how it works.

• 31:03Speaker 00

  We're Ramsey, sure.

• 31:04Dr. John Delony?

  But that's how it works, right? That's how it works.

• 31:07Speaker 00

  I totally agree. I, I have found, especially in the last couple of years, a great joy in it of just being like, what can I take off your plate? Because I, more so than any, my biggest desire in life is for you to feel loved by me. And she'll tell me that. She's told me my favorite thing about you is how much you love me. And, but now as we get older, like that changes what that looks like.

• 31:31Dr. John Delony?

  That's right.

• 31:31Speaker 00

  You know, as far as, um, you know, uh, you know, the day to day, the sacrifice. Frankly, in our case, ironically, it means working a little more. Cause things get expensive, more expensive as your kids get older. And, uh, but yeah, it's, it's the best feeling in the world to make someone feel loved. It's, you know, better to give than receive.

• 31:51Dr. John Delony?

  And if you get two people on the same page who are trying to out give each other.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:55Dr. John Delony?

  That's a pretty intractable marriage.

• 31:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's also, yeah, it's also, um, you know, husband tip. It usually yields benefits.

• 32:08Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 32:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:09Dr. John Delony?

  What I read the other day that, uh, I had never heard this. It was, uh, they're talking about initiation.

• 32:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:16Dr. John Delony?

  For going to head, head back to the back, back to the bedroom. And I had never heard the phrase chore play before.

• 32:22Speaker 00

  That's funny. Yeah.

• 32:23Dr. John Delony?

  Well played. Well played.

• 32:24Speaker 00

  That is very funny.

• 32:24Dr. John Delony?

  That's in this, that's in the, in the marriage literature, like in the nerd stuff.

• 32:28Speaker 00

  I mean, that's.

• 32:28Dr. John Delony?

  Chore play.

• 32:29Speaker 00

  No, my, if, like, dirty talk to my wife is like, hey, I folded the laundry. She's like, oh my gosh, you are bad.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  Let's get some new laundry dirty.

• 32:44Dr. John Delony?

  So what about, um,

• 32:48Dr. John Delony?

  take me through, so I spent my 20 years hugging, sobbing dads, dropping their kids off at universities.

• 32:56Speaker 00

  Oh, man.

• 32:58Dr. John Delony?

  And I would roll my eyes out of the back of my head and I get over it, man. And I remember dropping my son off at a Tuesday, Thursday school when he was like one. And I sat in my wife's RAV4 in the parking lot and sobbed. How has your life shifted with this being dropping them off? And it, and it could be ama- I have also heard like, no, it's pretty amazing.

• 33:19Speaker 00

  It's, um.

• 33:20Dr. John Delony?

  Walk me through that, cause I'm, I'm two and a half years away from it.

• 33:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:24Dr. John Delony?

  Already pre grieving it.

• 33:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, good. Get ahead of it. You know, that's good. Um, I have found it, um, initially devastatingly sad. My wife described it as a breakup and.

• 33:41Dr. John Delony?

  The thought, like, the thought of walking past his room.

• 33:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:45Dr. John Delony?

  And he's not there. I don't know that, that, I can hold that weight.

• 33:47Speaker 00

  No, I mean, we cried for, I mean, leading up to it. The senior year is hard because there's so many lasts. Last homecoming, you know, last, he's a, he's a, uh, he's a, uh, track runner, track star. He's in, he runs in college too. Um, last race, senior race, prom, graduation. There's so many of these landmarks, milestones, uh, Ebenezers.

• 34:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:18Dr. John Delony?

  That's a deep cut.

• 34:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, listen, I've read the book. And that's hard. And then summer is weird because you did all the stuff and then they're there. But you know, the breakup is coming. You know, the drop off is coming, but it is a lot of freaking work to get to it. And then we've, in our case, flew up. It's very emotional and there's a final hug. And then there is a moment where you walk away. And it's, you're just like, what am I? You've never left your kid before, not like that. Yeah, I mean, you're, you're not gonna see him for months. You know, like you just, and it's, um, my wife, again, she said it was like a breakup. And then she said, what I think was the most beautiful, uh, sentiment on it.

• 35:03Speaker 00

  My wife said, you know, dropping our kid off at college, you know, ends up for their world to get bigger. Our world had to get smaller. And I was like, good lord. And I was like, hey, who's the writer here?

• 35:15Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, I don't want that, dude.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  That should have been my line.

• 35:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, what are you doing coming up with that? I'm, I'm the words guy. And it was, and it was, um, and still I, now I think my wife feels the sadness of him gone more than I do. I do miss him a lot. It's also the modern era. We text, we, we send Instagram reels and TikToks all day long. And, um, he is, you know, an hour flight away. So we have seen him a few times. I am getting more, um, two things, a sense of relief that he's doing well. And then also just a sense of pride that he's doing well because they start to pick up these things and these life skills that you're like, you couldn't have done this here. You really did need, you know, the old healthy birds leave the nest thing. You really did need this.

• 36:03Speaker 00

  You needed, uh, um, you know, just small things. You needed to how to find out how to, uh, check out a, a Lyft bike and run around and get around San Jose. You needed to figure out how to get a ride to your stuff because we're not there. You need to.

• 36:16Dr. John Delony?

  Or get stuck at a house you don't want to be at.

• 36:18Speaker 00

  Exactly. Yeah, you're having a hard, yeah, you're having a hard time with chemistry. I can't help you and I haven't been able to help you in years, but. But mom can't, knowing there's, you go find your own tutor. So there's that element and then it is, that being said, we also are very fortunate because he's running and he's running at the one school. He did land in a great landing pad.

• 36:40Dr. John Delony?

  He's got support network.

• 36:41Speaker 00

  Tons of support. He's also gonna only get into so much trouble. He's running twice a day.

• 36:45Dr. John Delony?

  That's right.

• 36:45Speaker 00

  He lifts four times a week.

• 36:46Dr. John Delony?

  He falls asleep.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  But it is, it's, um, it's a, it's a, it's a very tough emotional ride.

• 36:54Dr. John Delony?

  How did y'all manage? One thing I always notice in couples that like after a loss of any, like loss of a parent, heaven forbid, loss of a child or what I would call it natural grief. Like this is, this is the way it's supposed to be.

• 37:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:10Dr. John Delony?

  But individuals grieve at different paces. How do you?

• 37:14Speaker 00

  We never sink to cry. Not one time.

• 37:16Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 00

  Not one time in a year where we sad at the same time.

• 37:19Dr. John Delony?

  How do you establish grace for somebody who's grieving in a moment when you want to go out?

• 37:23Speaker 00

  It's, uh, yeah.

• 37:25Dr. John Delony?

  That's a tough.

• 37:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:26Dr. John Delony?

  Or there's the, how are you already over it?

• 37:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:29Dr. John Delony?

  Or weren't you over it yet?

• 37:30Speaker 00

  You channel what you felt last time you felt it.

• 37:32Dr. John Delony?

  What's that mean?

• 37:33Speaker 00

  Like she's crying. Okay, I was crying a month ago. How did I feel?

• 37:38Dr. John Delony?

  God, you've got an empathy that is powerful.

• 37:41Speaker 00

  You, you, you're looking for that. Like, okay, I can, I can remember what this felt like. I can't get there emotionally because I can't make myself feel differently. But I'm going to try and give you the space, the time and the response that I needed then, you know? So that's what I tried to do, but it is.

• 38:00Dr. John Delony?

  Gosh, dude, it's amazing, man.

• 38:02Speaker 00

  It is, it is, it is hard because sometimes you're like, hey, we don't got time for this. Sir, I'm trying to.

• 38:07Dr. John Delony?

  This is make out night. What, why are we crying?

• 38:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm trying to.

• 38:10Dr. John Delony?

  I'm about to leave for two weeks.

• 38:11Speaker 00

  She starts crying and you're like, I'm trying to watch Arrested Development. Are you?

• 38:14Dr. John Delony?

  Exactly.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  Cause this is what we do. We usually, it's Tuesdays. We usually have some wine, watch a little Arrested Development.

• 38:20Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, and you're ruining it.

• 38:21Speaker 00

  But if you gotta be sad, you gotta be sad.

• 38:23Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 00

  So you try, but it's, that's a very, I've thought before, you know, I wish there was, if there was like a, a beneficial superpower would be as a. However, you felt physically and emotionally, if you could touch somebody and make that person feel the same way, that'd be so helpful. Cause I wish I knew, I wish I knew like, like, do you have any physical pain right now? Like a back or anything like that?

• 38:48Dr. John Delony?

  Just like a knee pain?

• 38:49Speaker 00

  I wish I could feel it. I wish I could know, be like, I'd be like, okay, this is bothering him. And like same with him or and emotionally too, cause it just, it would be, it's the old, everyone's going through their own battles thing. And I just try and think that with my wife and with my kids, especially the kids when they're like in distress. That you're like, God, I just, same, same, uh, I, I mentioned it before, like physical, but you ever talked to a friend who's like, just got chronic back pain and you're like, I wish I could feel it for 30 minutes. So I could know just how much pain you're in all the time because.

• 39:19Dr. John Delony?

  It gives you a lot of grace.

• 39:20Speaker 00

  It gives you a lot of grace and um, I try and think that way with my wife. With my kids, I'm no good at it. I'm just like, get over it. Uh, you know, you're 16. There'll be another boy, unfortunately.

• 39:32Dr. John Delony?

  But it is, it is important to go back and, and I don't know, for some reason it's easier for me to do with my kids. Than it is with my wife and maybe I just like, hey, we're adults, just grow up.

• 39:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:42Dr. John Delony?

  Like, but with my kids, it's like, I'll remember being devastated when so and so broke up with me.

• 39:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's true. And that is, it is, I try to do with my kids too, and that is a good way to think about it. And that does give you grace to your kids. Um, there is, it's so funny you said, I've been thinking about this idea. Someone, a friend of mine who's single recently, uh, told me, she goes, you know, I, she was talking about marriage. And she goes, you know, I just, I want to be married so I could have someone that could take care of me. And I laughed in their face. I laughed so loud. And I go, you could not have a worse idea of what marriage is. Because that is not it. That is, that's the complete opposite. They will at times. But if you go in with that mindset, this puppy is over. That's a personal assistant.

• 40:32Dr. John Delony?

  Yes.

• 40:32Speaker 00

  Which I suppose there are some marriages that are like that. Um, but what you just said, I've been thinking about that. And what kind of want to develop it is a bit of the real, one of the real values of marriage and a real close partnership with somebody. Is when, as much as that empathy piece is good, it's also somebody's like, gosh, my knee hurts. And for your wife to be like, okay.

• 40:54Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, you got another one, use that one.

• 40:55Speaker 00

  Yeah. Are you gonna make an appointment or what? Do you need, you're 41.

• 41:01Speaker 00

  Stretch. Like, what are you gonna do about this? I don't, it's nice to have someone that you know loves you, but also doesn't have time for you. Because it does put your, especially when you're on the road a lot. Like, you can get in your head so much and you can feel like a main character. You can feel, and you know, tonight I show up, people, oh, let me set this up. And you can feel like that's reality. And is that is not. You gotta, it is good to spend time with somebody who loves you and also does not care about some of your problems. And also does not roll out the red carpet for you in any way whatsoever.

• 41:37Dr. John Delony?

  I think that's super important. Yeah, my, yeah.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  I don't even get hugged when I get home, half the time.

• 41:43Dr. John Delony?

  No, we, my first big night, when it sold out, it was a big old thing and I, I, it went good. I don't mind saying, I need to practice saying it went really well.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  That's great.

• 41:54Dr. John Delony?

  And I left early, because my wife came, she doesn't always come. In fact, she really does, she came, I left, and you know, the fun is the green room. A bunch of comics back there just talking trash. And so I left early, went home, for what, I didn't identify at the time, but I realized, oh, I'm just going, I want my second standing ovation here. And I walked, I walked in the door and my wife is standing there and she goes, oh, hey. And it was just, I was literally waiting for it and she goes, could you pick up Hank tomorrow from? It just went, boo.

• 42:27Speaker 00

  It's great.

• 42:28Dr. John Delony?

  But I, but here's the thing, I cast her in a movie, she didn't know she was in. And then I got mad that she didn't know the lines. And it was like, that's, I was, I could have said, hey, I'm coming home. Will you cheer for me? And she'd be like, absolutely. Of course. And the greatest way she needed to love me was to go home and make sure these kids are taken care of. Because you've been spending all night at this stupid comedy club.

• 42:48Speaker 00

  And unfortunately, that makes you a good person.

• 42:51Dr. John Delony?

  Of course.

• 42:52Speaker 00

  Unfortunately. Because you can't, you just can't have everyone loving and praising you. You can't do it. It's not, it's not a life you can live. And I've seen it with comedians and famous, and you're just like.

• 43:04Dr. John Delony?

  It crashes and burns every time.

• 43:06Speaker 00

  I always tell my wife, I go, I want to have one foot on the red carpet and one foot on the school pickup line. That's where I belong, and both these things. Like, sure, I'm following John Mulaney at the Comedy Store tonight, but also I'm just shooting the breeze with John MacArthur under the tree, waiting for our kid in fourth grade. You know, waiting for our 11 year olds to come be ungrateful that we gave them a ride home.

• 43:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. Dad. Why are you, yes.

• 43:31Speaker 00

  Turn the AC on. We just got in the car.

• 43:34Dr. John Delony?

  My daughter's new thing she's on now is, man, I will get out of here early. I'll tell my wife, I'm gonna go pick her up. I just need to see her.

• 43:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:42Dr. John Delony?

  I go wait in that line, pick her up, and the very first thing is, ugh, where's mom?

• 43:47Speaker 00

  Where's mom?

• 43:47Dr. John Delony?

  I'm like, bro, I just gave up, like.

• 43:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:49Dr. John Delony?

  But anyway.

• 43:50Speaker 00

  We get in the car and they go, can we get boba?

• 43:53Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 43:54Speaker 00

  Can we get boba? Can we get Starbucks? Can we, I'm like, you can't, you can't get boba every day.

• 43:59Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 44:00Speaker 00

  Boba is not a daily thing. I've been trying to pitch my kids on Slurpees. Slurpees are 99 cents and they remain 99 cents. And when we were kids, they were kind of cool.

• 44:11Dr. John Delony?

  They were the thing.

• 44:12Speaker 00

  They were the thing.

• 44:13Dr. John Delony?

  If you could just get it.

• 44:14Speaker 00

  If you could get a Slur- there was no boba. There was no Starbucks. Even in Seattle as a kid, you didn't go to Starbucks. Cause Starbucks used to be for adults and now they market to 14 year old girls. They're like, can all the drinks be pink?

• 44:25Dr. John Delony?

  That's right.

• 44:26Speaker 00

  And then we'll put the pink things inside the pink and then the marketing will be pink.

• 44:30Dr. John Delony?

  Protein in the pink for kids, yeah.

• 44:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're like, is there, do we have drip coffee? Yeah, we made it seven and a half hours ago. It's burnt. Why is there an adult man here? You're not our target audience anymore. We're selling these for, my daughter, the other day, we got her, uh, her friend's birthday and we got like, we got Starbucks gift card. It was like for $10 and she's like, can it be more? Cause that's like one drink. I'm like, that is like one drink, isn't it? I hate that company. In my deepest heart, I hate that company so much.

• 44:59Dr. John Delony?

  Cause they made it normal.

• 45:00Speaker 00

  They buy, but they, first off, the thing that I liked, they sell crappy coffee. It is legitimately terrible drip coffee. It's as bad, give, I'll take Chick-fil-A, I'll take McDonald's, I'll take Buc-E's, I'll take QuickTrip. Uh, I'll, I'll pour rainwater through dirt.

• 45:16Speaker 00

  Before I will drink that Starbucks crap. It's so bad. I hate it so much. And then they normalized like $7 and they target it to teens. And you're like, this is, this is terrible. This is like, uh, old cigarette ads. It's not bad for you. Really? Really? A milkshake with caffeine? Seems like that's probably.

• 45:38Dr. John Delony?

  $18 at 7 a.m.

• 45:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, oh, we've seen an uptick in 16-year-olds with type 2 diabetes.

• 45:44Dr. John Delony?

  And heart explosions.

• 45:45Speaker 00

  I know. I need one before volleyball. I don't think you do. Also, I hate him because Howard Schultz is the reason the Seattle Sonics left Seattle.

• 45:53Dr. John Delony?

  There's also that.

• 45:54Speaker 00

  That's probably the primary, but also the other one, your coffee stinks.

• 45:57Dr. John Delony?

  Can we take a moment of silence for OG Gary Payton?

• 46:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:00Dr. John Delony?

  The greatest defender of all time.

• 46:01Speaker 00

  Bring him back, baby. Bring him back. Save our Sonics. And now the Thunder are all good. Ugh.

• 46:07Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, no.

• 46:08Speaker 00

  Bless the people of Oklahoma City. They're very nice people, but...

• 46:11Dr. John Delony?

  They stole your team.

• 46:13Speaker 00

  They didn't. I don't know.

• 46:15Dr. John Delony?

  They were given.

• 46:16Speaker 00

  I could do a whole podcast on this, but the original criminal was Howard Schultz. Howard Schultz owned the team.

• 46:23Dr. John Delony?

  Sold them.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  And then sold them to an out-of-town owner. An out-of-town, Clay Bennett, who was in Oklahoma City, if you remember, Oklahoma City had hosted New Orleans that year after Katrina.

• 46:33Dr. John Delony?

  That's right.

• 46:33Speaker 00

  And they had unbelievable support. And they're like, hey, we could really use a team here. What a great group. And again, the people of Oklahoma, lovely people. And then the first crime was Howard Schultz sold them to a guy that was based in Oklahoma City.

• 46:47Dr. John Delony?

  Well, I'm in Nashville and they took my Houston Oilers that I grew up with. And still haven't fully recovered from it.

• 46:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:54Dr. John Delony?

  That was my whole childhood.

• 46:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:56Dr. John Delony?

  And they moved him here.

• 46:58Speaker 00

  You had those great years with that great guy, Deshaun Watson. That redeemed it.

• 47:05Speaker 00

  Remember when you guys like won eight games, like eight years in a row with J.J. Watt? You won nine games?

• 47:10Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 47:11Speaker 00

  And lost in the first round of the playoffs.

• 47:12Dr. John Delony?

  Every time. Every time. Well, even when I was a kid with Warren Moon, we lost every year in the first round of playoffs.

• 47:18Speaker 00

  Washington Husky, one of the goats out of there.

• 47:21Dr. John Delony?

  One of the greats of all time.

• 47:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, I remember I would just turn on like every January and be like, there's the 9-7 Houston team.

• 47:28Dr. John Delony?

  Gonna lose again.

• 47:29Speaker 00

  About to lose again in the first round. It's brutal. It's like the Steelers now, just every year. Yeah.

• 47:37Dr. John Delony?

  Well, at least.

• 47:41Dr. John Delony?

  Your Mariners did well this year.

• 47:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't feel amazing.

• 47:46Dr. John Delony?

  No, it hurts.

• 47:47Speaker 00

  It hurts real bad.

• 47:48Dr. John Delony?

  And I was rooting for Cal Raleigh yesterday for MVP.

• 47:50Speaker 00

  I think everybody with like a heart was, you know, you're like, oh. He, you know, I, I actually yelled about this on MLB Network a couple of months ago when I was like, this is a baseball award, right? This is a baseball award. I think the guy who played more baseball should get it. Cause Aaron Judge spent a lot of the time on the bench and then would stand in right field and average four plays a game. Four plays a game. The average at bat is five pitches. So Cal Raleigh's doing it in at bat what Aaron Judge does in a game, but.

• 48:20Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 48:21Speaker 00

  What do I know? I'm just.

• 48:22Dr. John Delony?

  A switch hitting catcher. What a special year that is, man.

• 48:25Speaker 00

  It was a great year. It was very fun. And, uh, you know, I, at the end of, at the end of every sports season, I, I covet the simplicity of the Disney adult. You're like, gosh, Disney never hurts you, does it?

• 48:38Dr. John Delony?

  It does financially, man. It's pretty tough.

• 48:40Speaker 00

  I mean, so do sports.

• 48:41Dr. John Delony?

  That's true. That's true.

• 48:42Speaker 00

  Yeah. I got a lot of gear I don't need.

• 48:45Dr. John Delony?

  Disagree, man. Nothing says we're in America like getting a jersey with another grown man's name on it.

• 48:52Speaker 00

  I don't get jerseys. I don't get jerseys, but I have a lot of gear. Now, one of the nice things about my career is it does get sent to me periodically.

• 49:00Dr. John Delony?

  There you go. Yeah, yeah. They mail it too.

• 49:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, they, they're like, uh, that which is, which I, I, the jersey, I, I would wear a jersey if I looked better in them. I just don't look good in them. Yeah.

• 49:10Dr. John Delony?

  I look absurd. I don't wear them.

• 49:11Speaker 00

  That's so funny. Yeah. I wouldn't wear them because it's kind of lame. I'd look terrible.

• 49:16Dr. John Delony?

  I look awful.

• 49:16Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, to be fair, everyone looks awful in like a football jersey.

• 49:20Dr. John Delony?

  Right.

• 49:20Speaker 00

  You're like, why does it go down to my knees?

• 49:22Dr. John Delony?

  Well, cause the comparison are these like, these sculpted, crafted human beings who are molded into this.

• 49:28Speaker 00

  Being around real athletes is so humbling.

• 49:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, it's pretty bad.

• 49:30Speaker 00

  Like, I mean.

• 49:31Dr. John Delony?

  That's my dream for the Olympics is I think, not in the finals, but in the semifinal, they need to run one average person.

• 49:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:36Dr. John Delony?

  Just to show how fast those guys are.

• 49:39Speaker 00

  Oh, man. That's a.

• 49:41Dr. John Delony?

  Like he just would, because they're all so fast.

• 49:43Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, I, yeah.

• 49:44Dr. John Delony?

  Then you lose perspective.

• 49:45Speaker 00

  When you hear, um, non-athletes talk about sports, it's very funny. Like, I'm not a political person at all. And so I'm not going to go on this right now. Um. But the very outspoken swimmer who has kind of been speaking about the trans.

• 50:03Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 00

  I forget her name. Does anyone remember?

• 50:06Dr. John Delony?

  Riley something?

• 50:06Speaker 00

  Riley something, yeah, yeah, yeah. She finished like fifth in the NCAA finals or something like that. And I've seen like AOC and other people who were like, maybe if you didn't do this, you wouldn't have finished fifth. I was like, do you know how hard it is to finish fifth in the NCAA? Like, that's unbelievable.

• 50:22Dr. John Delony?

  You're the fifth fastest college student of all of the millionaire.

• 50:26Speaker 00

  That's insane. That person is so fast. And this is not, this is a purely sports take.

• 50:31Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, of course.

• 50:32Speaker 00

  Do not bad mouth that. That's a crazy high achievement, you know? But to be fair, like, I, we all do the same thing as like armchair quarterback. Do you ever do that thing where you're like judging LeBron? And you're like, gee, he's only 17 tonight. And I'm like, I'm the same age as LeBron.

• 50:49Dr. John Delony?

  Why?

• 50:49Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 50:50Dr. John Delony?

  Why'd he just go right there? Couldn't he see that? Yeah, right.

• 50:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I can't sleep on my left side because my hip hurts. And LeBron's like, well, he didn't really, he didn't go to the lane as hard as he should have.

• 51:01Dr. John Delony?

  Or was it the number of people talking about what kind of shape, uh?

• 51:05Speaker 00

  Luca?

• 51:05Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 51:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, Luca was in, yeah. They do that with baseball players too. They're like, oh, look how out of shape that guy is. They go, there isn't a distance of race you could beat him in. He would beat you in a mile, he would beat you in two miles, he would beat you in six. These are unbelievable athletes.

• 51:22Speaker 00

  It's, it's very humbling being a sportsman because they'll do that thing every once in a while too. Like when they'll be like talking about Kyler Murray. They're like, can you believe that this guy made it to the pros at 5'9"? I'm like, he's taller than me.

• 51:34Speaker 00

  They're talking about like he has a disability.

• 51:36Dr. John Delony?

  That tells you how great he is.

• 51:37Speaker 00

  Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. 5'9"? Can you believe this guy's even allowed to exist in society? That's crazy. What a freak. It was the circus of the Cardinals for him.

• 51:50Dr. John Delony?

  All right, we gotta get out of here. I'm gonna come see you tonight, I can't wait.

• 51:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, thanks, man.

• 51:54Dr. John Delony?

  It's gonna be a good time. Appreciate you, brother.

• 51:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, thanks for having me.

• 51:55Dr. John Delony?

  Thanks for coming on and, uh, thanks for being, A, bringing joy to people in a messy world right now. Like, and I say that not to get over dramatic, but I appreciate that.

• 52:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, thanks for having me, yeah.

• 52:05Dr. John Delony?

  And thanks for giving an example for guys like me on how to be married well.

• 52:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, thank you.

• 52:10Dr. John Delony?

  How to be good dads.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  Well, thanks for the work you do. Thanks for having me, man.

• 52:12Dr. John Delony?

  Thank you.

• 52:13Speaker 00

  Appreciate it.