Caller: “Is My Girlfriend’s Insomnia a Deal Breaker?”

❤️ Preorder Build the Marriage You Want today and get $100+ in bonus items On today’s episode, we hear about: A man struggling to show up for his girlfriend as she battles insomnia A man wondering how to keep a strong marriage when he and his wife are complete opposites A dad concerned about the rebellious decisions his son is making Next Steps: 💬 Get the free Conflict Game Plan by Dr. John Delony. 📋 Get on the same page before the week begins. Download Dr. John Delony’s free weekly marriage check-in. 🔥 Microhabits for a better marriage. Download the Together app. ❤️Join Dr. John Delony at Money & Marriage Getaway. 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John’s Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Episode Chapters 00:00 Intro 00:03:21 I Can’t Sleep With My Girlfriend Anymore 00:23:50 Was Our Marriage Set Up for Failure? 00:38:26 Will My Teen Son Wreck His Life? Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Go to Capstone Wellness to learn more. Get up to 20% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Working knives for working people—go to Montana Knife Company to see what’s available now! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne. Visit Zander Insurance or call 1-800-356-4282 for your free instant quote today. Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💰 George Kamel 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Dr. John Delony?

  Brought to you by my friends at Churchill Mortgage. If you're looking to buy or refinance, check them out. I've used Churchill and they are great. Go to churchillmortgage.com.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  How do I support my girlfriend through one of the roughest times in her life, it seems, while kind of navigating my own wellbeing? She's starting to lose like faith that she'll get better. And I think the solutions I came up with, she has not been a fan of some of them thus far.

• 0:33Dr. John Delony?

  Like what?

• 0:39Dr. John Delony?

  What up? What up? What up? This is John, Dr. John Deloney's show. Dude, I'm just getting right into it. Check this out. Brand new book, Building the Marriage You Want is now available for pre-sale. If you're watching this on the YouTube's, I got it. I'm holding, actually, I'm holding another book wrapped in the cover of my book. Because the book I wrote is twice this long. It's really long, but this is Building the Marriage You Want. Two and a half years of me down the deepest, darkest rabbit holes, trying to answer two questions. Is marriage in the 21st century still worth it? And if it is, how are you supposed to do it? And so here's what I've landed.

• 1:22Dr. John Delony?

  Whether it's roommate syndrome, whether you're struggling with communication, or conflict, or sex, or being married with kids, aging parents, your spouse and money, all of it. It's everything I know about marriage, right here in one big tome. That's it, man. And so if you preorder this now, the numbers of pre-sale help inform so many things behind the scenes in the book selling industry, right? And so pre-sale signals to the market, hey, people are going to be interested in this book. So if you're going to buy it anyway, it's a real blessing to me if you do it now. And here's a couple of things I'm going to do. I'm going to send you like a hundred bucks in free gifts, like the audio book, the ebook, and a talk I gave at the Money and Marriage event, the marriage retreats that I put on every year.

• 2:07Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm going to send you like a, like a postcard. And you could take that postcard and put it in a stocking. You can wrap it for this holiday season. And then the book ships, January 26th, it'll be in your mailbox, and they'll have forgotten about it by then. And then you'll get credit for a second present. So that's super awesome. And this book is for folks who are engaged, thinking about being married. These are for folks, like if you want to hand this off to somebody who's like, marriage is stupid, there's no reason to do it. I address that question in this book. And if you've been married 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 50 years, and you've been married 50 years, and you want the fourth quarter of your life and your marriage to be whatever you want it to be, to be amazing, this book is for everyone.

• 2:52Dr. John Delony?

  This is the last marriage book you're ever going to need. I know there's a billion out on the market. I tried to write this as the last word on marriage. It's everything I know about it. Me sitting at your table with you and your spouse saying, all right, let's figure out the next right step. So go to johndeloney.com, preorder this ASAP. It will really help me out. $24.99, get it now, and we will have it in your mailbox, January 26th. Thank you so, so much for riding with us. And I'm so grateful you're here on this show. All right, let's go to Minneapolis, Minnesota, and talk to Nick. Hey, brother Nick, what's up, man?

• 3:26Speaker 01

  John, it's crazy and it's good to talk to you, brother.

• 3:30Dr. John Delony?

  You too, my man. Appreciate you.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:33Dr. John Delony?

  What's up?

• 3:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, so my, my question is basically, how do I support my girlfriend through, through one of the roughest times in her life, it seems? When she's dealing with some pretty serious insomnia and some pretty acute stressors in her life, while kind of navigating my own wellbeing and having, you know, that cup full enough to, to pour into her. And it's kind of complicated by the nature of my job being really performance based, and that's really the only way I get paid.

• 4:10Dr. John Delony?

  So what's going on with her?

• 4:13Speaker 01

  So she has struggled with chronic insomnia since, since she was a late teen. So she's been on Trazodone for six years. And yeah, she's, she's really had a hard time, but she was actually like weaning herself off of it slowly, only on like 25 milligrams for the past few months, and like still sleeping and doing great. Then she caught one of those nights, she catches every once in a while, where she feels like she just got absolutely zero sleep.

• 4:42Dr. John Delony?

  Yep.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Like she, she just feels like, oh, I just didn't sleep, even though like I looked it up and, you know, maybe technically she's getting like little micro moments or whatever, but she feels like she got no sleep.

• 4:51Dr. John Delony?

  Sure.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  We've been to the ER several times. She's been prescribed of, like so many different medications by her psychiatrist that just haven't worked. And she's like starting to lose hope, you know?

• 5:05Dr. John Delony?

  Sure.

• 5:06Speaker 01

  She's starting to lose like faith that she'll get better. And, you know, I mean, I'm sure you know what like, what insomnia does to the brain over weeks and weeks and weeks.

• 5:16Dr. John Delony?

  Dude, I was on Ambien for like seven years. Yes, I know exactly.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:20Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. It melts your brain.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  And it does. It really does.

• 5:24Dr. John Delony?

  How old is she?

• 5:27Speaker 01

  Um, she is 25.

• 5:28Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. And she's your girlfriend. So do y'all live together? How's this, how, how are you wrapped up in this?

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we do live together. We moved in in October. And I'm saving up for that ring, I promise. I'm going as fast as I can to get, to get down that road. But yeah, we do, we do live together right now.

• 5:49Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 5:55Dr. John Delony?

  So tell me about you wanting to take care of you.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's just been hard because, so my job is fully commission based. It's the first time, you know, I've moved out of my parents' place and we moved in in October and, you know, it's the first time I'm fully on my own, paying my own bills, you know, keeping up with everything. But it's a fully commission based job. And so, you know, it's a sales position. If I don't make a sale, then I don't make money and I can't pay rent, you know? And so on nights where she's like waking up in the middle of the night hysterically crying and like just, you know, really having a tough time, obviously that makes me not be able to sleep.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  And then I wake up and I feel like just extra irritable or just not fully cognitively there. I'm making like silly paperwork mistakes because, you know, there's a lot of money online, on, on the line with these deals. And, you know, I make a silly paper mistake and then it's, it can be really detrimental. And I want, like, I'm trying to draw the line between wanting to be there for her and support her as much as I can, but like wake up feeling fully rested myself, so I can show up in my job and for her. And I think the solutions I've came up with, she has not been a fan of some of them thus far.

• 7:21Dr. John Delony?

  Like what?

• 7:23Speaker 01

  One of them being going to my parents' place and, and getting sleep in, in the guest room. And her kind of feeling on that is like, you know, well, listen, like we want to get married, like I don't want you to run off to your mom and dad's place whenever we have these types of problems.

• 7:41Dr. John Delony?

  That's fair.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Which is, it's just fair, yeah. It's, it's more of like a desperate move on my part. I feel like, you know, that's kind of a fault of mine as I'm a little, like I'm independent to a fault at times a little bit. And so I don't feel the, I guess, the strain of separation as much as her. And then I also am like, in my head, I'm just like, well, I need, I need sleep. Like I can't take this anymore. But, you know, that's not insensitive to her situation.

• 8:13Dr. John Delony?

  So it's, I'm going to say this and it's going to sound mean, okay? And I'm not trying to be mean at all. But y'all are, y'all are playing house and you don't want to hold the responsibility of a shared life together. And here's what I mean by that.

• 8:33Dr. John Delony?

  I don't talk about it very much on the show. It's still a pretty painful part of my life.

• 8:39Dr. John Delony?

  I, I went stone mad for not sleeping for years.

• 8:45Dr. John Delony?

  And it was my job to make sure I did not impact my wife as much as possible.

• 8:57Dr. John Delony?

  And so the nights I would wake up sobbing because I just wanted to sleep and it had been five days and I couldn't see straight, it was my job to make sure I went somewhere in the house or in our apartment that let her sleep all night. That was my job.

• 9:17Dr. John Delony?

  And on the other side, when she woke up and knew I'd had a really bad one, she signed up for better or worse too. And she knew three or four things that we had already talked about, that she could do instantly to just bring the temperature down a little bit.

• 9:36Dr. John Delony?

  And then some of it was both of us being adults, like having to go to work. And I'll tell you, I ultimately had to change jobs and change universities and change careers.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 9:49Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And so your girlfriend has a hard, like if the work she's doing and the life she's choosing is costing her one of the basic human things, which is sleep.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:06Dr. John Delony?

  Then she's got to ask herself bigger picture things, right? And I do know, I know folks who have struggled with it forever, have mined every, like, like trauma, every, everything, and they still struggle with it. That may just be the lot she has.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:26Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. I know she loves, yeah.

• 10:31Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, dude, I loved what I did. I loved running around all hours of the night. I loved being on call 24/7, showing up to really wild situations to be supportive. I, I loved that. And I couldn't keep it going, much less with kids.

• 10:48Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And so here's the thing, y'all are trying to have the best of both worlds, which is we want to live together, we want to try this thing out, but if it gets hard, I'm not going to sleep at mom's house.

• 11:02Dr. John Delony?

  Or I want to have the best of both worlds here, and when it gets really hard, I'm not doing this by myself, I'm waking you up too.

• 11:10Dr. John Delony?

  It's your job to 24, right? And so it's, it's, you, you can't make her sleep.

• 11:20Dr. John Delony?

  She's gotta make a choice to, I'm gonna continue to, and I get the losing, bro, trust me. I get the losing hope. I get it. I get it.

• 11:31Dr. John Delony?

  And

• 11:31Speaker 01

  It's really hard, man.

• 11:32Dr. John Delony?

  I'll tell you on this side of therapy and getting off medications and a season of new medications and then now not, bro, I can't, I think I was asleep in four minutes last night. I got home from the comedy club, talked to my wife for a few minutes and I was out. Right? I didn't believe this life was possible. It is.

• 11:53Dr. John Delony?

  But it wasn't work my wife had to do, it was work I had to go do. She was supportive. She was right there with me.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  You know, there have been several nights where we've woken up in the, twice now where we woke up and she was literally, the second time she expressed thoughts of just like hurting herself. So I, we had to bring her to the ER and

• 12:11Dr. John Delony?

  Of course.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  You know, she had been checked in and then, you know, on the way home, I literally was sobbing and I called the crisis line, not because I had done to hurting myself, but I was just like, I was such at a loss. I was like, I don't know. I was losing hope, you know, I was like, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make her sleep. She's been on

• 12:30Dr. John Delony?

  You can't.

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Different types of additives.

• 12:32Dr. John Delony?

  You can't. You can't make her sleep. You can be a sturdy presence.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 12:38Dr. John Delony?

  And so y'all sitting down together and saying, okay, here's the world we live in right now.

• 12:43Dr. John Delony?

  You've been struggling with sleep since you were 18, 17 years old. Been on Trazodone for a bunch of, and by the way, if Trazodone worked, then don't taper off of it.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:54Dr. John Delony?

  But if you haven't slept in a long time, or especially don't taper off without the help of a psychiatrist. But

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 13:01Dr. John Delony?

  That's a truth. I love you and I'm, wanna marry you and you don't sleep well. And another truth is, one of us has to be clear-headed. I remember when my wife got pregnant, like when she first had our son and I was gonna be one of those trooper dads and I was like, if you're up feeding the baby, I'm up feeding the baby. And she was like, are you crazy? One of us needs to sleep. Go to bed. Right? And that was her saying, I, I need one clear head in this house right now.

• 13:32Dr. John Delony?

  And so like, there's, and you have to say, I, I gotta sleep so I can show up for work.

• 13:40Dr. John Delony?

  And so how do we build a world together where both of those things are truths? It's not an, it's not a, and by the way, neither of you will be super comfortable with either of those things.

• 13:53Dr. John Delony?

  But that's part of doing life together.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  Hmm, yeah.

• 13:59Dr. John Delony?

  Discomfort together is different than misery or abandonment or, you know, you get what I'm saying?

• 14:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. I'd, I'd, I'd wanna build a life with her and, you know, I, I've been single for so many years. Um, I guess I have the, you know, I don't, it's not in my, I don't wanna say it's not in my nature, but like, it's not in my habit system to like, when things get really hard, like, yeah, I just like go back into myself and I'm like, okay, well,

• 14:29Dr. John Delony?

  If you wanna build a life with somebody, your habit system does not exist anymore.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:34Dr. John Delony?

  Y'all come up with a habit system together.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 14:39Dr. John Delony?

  That's part of doing life together, which is why all the data says, like, living together first usually doesn't work, not usually. Living together first doesn't guarantee that we're gonna try this thing out and practice together until we decide to make the plunge.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  No, for sure. I'm putting a ring on it. As soon as I get the money, I just, you know, that's, it's really just financial, a financial thing. I would have married her a long time ago, but

• 15:05Dr. John Delony?

  But she's, she's right to wonder, if things get hard for me, is he gonna go sleep at mommy's house? That's a good, I mean, it's a good call out on her part.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:13Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 15:14Speaker 01

  It definitely is. Definitely is. Yeah. I had to, when she said that, I was like, oof. Um, dang.

• 15:20Dr. John Delony?

  And sometimes if y'all were married and y'all were living together and she was going through intense, like, sleep deprived psychosis to the point of, um, potentially being suicidal. Yeah, bro, you got, I mean, I hate to say it like this, but you gotta suck it up. There's part of like, I will be there for you.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:41Dr. John Delony?

  And then I'll have extra coffee or whatever in the morning, but like, I, that's way more important than my dumb job.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. No, for sure it is. Absolutely it is.

• 15:53Dr. John Delony?

  And so some, some of it is, like, you gotta decide, am I in this thing with her? And if I'm in this thing with her, I gotta reprioritize my little habit schedule, my comfort of mommy's bed, my commission-based job. Like, I gotta reprioritize my life. Number one comes her.

• 16:11Dr. John Delony?

  Number two comes everything else. And hopefully she does the same thing. Number one comes him.

• 16:19Dr. John Delony?

  And the best way I can love him is being in service to myself first. I gotta make sure, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta cross every T and dot every I trying to get well.

• 16:28Dr. John Delony?

  And if that means taking fewer hours, you get what I'm saying?

• 16:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. I wanna ask you this then, cause like, that's a difficult dynamic, I guess, in my head of like, having that conversation of telling her like, hey, like, you can't wake me up in the middle of the night when you, like, I don't know how to phrase that in a way that sounds like leave, that doesn't sound like leave me alone. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know how to have that, like, tender type of conversation where it's like,

• 16:54Dr. John Delony?

  That's not tender, homie. You can't do this. You know what I mean?

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  Right. I, and I don't wanna, I just don't wanna make her feel like, cause she does feel like a burden on me and I don't wanna make that feeling worse for her, but at the same time, I like, I wanna explain to her like, like, kinda like what you're saying of, we need at least one clear head in this house, you know?

• 17:19Dr. John Delony?

  I know, man. This calls taken a different turn than I thought it was going to, um, which isn't a bad thing. It's just different. Um,

• 17:30Dr. John Delony?

  can you see how she's absorbed the message that she is a burden?

• 17:36Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  I could see that.

• 17:44Dr. John Delony?

  You get what I'm saying?

• 17:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:47Dr. John Delony?

  You took her to the hospital a few times and then you're like, dude, I gotta go somewhere else. You're on your own.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Oh God, what did I do? What did I do?

• 18:02Speaker 01

  I don't wanna make her feel like that at all.

• 18:05Dr. John Delony?

  Here, here's the path forward. It's just, it's, it's, it's, in my mind, it's simple. If you've never done it before, it might feel insurmountable. It's not. It's you sitting down with her in the middle of the day or the middle of the afternoon or in the early evening before the nighttime, cause now she's in that loop where she's scared she's not gonna sleep.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Yes. Yeah, exactly.

• 18:26Dr. John Delony?

  So then she gets fully, completely goes to war inside her own body, which is the last thing you need to do before sleep, right?

• 18:34Speaker 01

  Right. Yeah.

• 18:36Dr. John Delony?

  Before she gets to that point in the evening, y'all sit down and you say, I've told you one thing, but I can totally see how I've let you down and I'm sorry.

• 18:49Dr. John Delony?

  You come before work. You become before everything.

• 18:54Dr. John Delony?

  I don't have the money yet, but I want you to be my wife.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

• 19:02Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm never gonna abandon you again. And I want us to talk about now, how we can love each other when things get hard.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 19:14Dr. John Delony?

  How do I love you well when you're not sleeping well, but you're not at the acute crisis point? And here are some ways I would love it. I, I want you to love me when you're just having one of those nights and it's 2:00 AM, but I need to get some sleep. And if you ever think about hurting yourself, you wake me up 10 times in, 10 nights in a row, 100 nights in a row. I'll be there for you.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:40Dr. John Delony?

  It's less about a compromise and more about a negotiation. In compromise, people lose stuff.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 19:49Dr. John Delony?

  Negotiation is how do we both win on this deal? And yes, if you're, if you wanna be like, like dig into it, yes, people are not gonna get everything that they want, but we're gonna negotiate how we both become the best versions of ourselves, given some really hard constraints we have. One of which, the main one being her health challenges right now. But that's priority number one, man.

• 20:14Dr. John Delony?

  Thanks for the call, brother. Appreciate you being open and thinking through it with me. And if she wants to call in, I don't have a lot of help and support. It's just a tough, tough thing, but I'm happy to talk to her if she wants to call in also. Appreciate you, my man. We come back. A man asks how he and his wife can make their relationship work when they feel like complete opposites. We'll be right back.

• 20:39Dr. John Delony?

  Here's something most people don't think about. You wake up a little stiff, a little tired, and you figure that's just how sleep is nowadays. But the truth is, you've gotten so used to the mattress you've been sleeping on for the last 10, or 15, or 20 years, that you don't even realize how bad your mattress actually is. And it may be while you're not sleeping well. And I gotta say this too. Old mattresses get gross. Now is the time to finally get a new mattress and switch to Helix. Sleeping on a Helix mattress will help you sleep better, and better sleep affects everything else, including your attitude, your emotional regulation, and your health.

• 21:20Dr. John Delony?

  With more than 20 different mattress models, Helix has a mattress designed just for you. Whether you're a side sleeper, a back sleeper, whether you sleep hot, or you and your partner have different needs, you need Helix. Get online and take their sleep quiz. It takes like two minutes, and Helix will match you with a mattress built around how you actually sleep. I sleep on a Helix mattress every night. It's the mattress I have in every room of my house, and it's the mattress I recommend to all of my friends and all of my family. You don't know what you've been putting up with when it comes to your mattress until you finally make the switch and wake up feeling rested and restored. Go to helixsleep.com/deloney to save 20% off sitewide this month.

• 22:03Dr. John Delony?

  That's helix, H-E-L-I-X, helixsleep.com/deloney, or click the link in the description. With Helix, better sleep starts right now.

• 22:14Dr. John Delony?

  This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Every year, you tell yourself you're going to handle this year's holidays differently. You're gonna stay calmer, you're gonna feel more peace. But then the same old patterns show up. The same family tensions, the same challenges you have to keeping healthy boundaries, and you find yourself cranky and tired, and even snapping at people that you love. Listen, this year can be different. You still have time to get ahead of all of the chaos and understand what's behind your reactions, and you can develop a plan for moving through the holidays with peace. Therapy can help you build this healthier plan before you actually need it. When you're ready to have that conversation, check out BetterHelp.

• 22:56Dr. John Delony?

  BetterHelp is an online therapy platform with more than 30,000 licensed therapists across its network. This means you can find someone who can help you feel more peaceful this holiday season, help you develop a plan, or help you with whatever your needs and goals are. If the first therapist isn't the right fit, you can switch at any time for no extra cost. If you've thought about trying therapy with BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide through participating providers, and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 a session. Listen, you know what's coming. This year, you have time to keep calm ahead of all of the holiday chaos by preparing differently. Go to betterhelp.com/deloney to

• 23:40Dr. John Delony?

  check out your payment options. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash deloney, or click the link in the description.

• 23:50Dr. John Delony?

  Let's go to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and talk to Mark. Hey, Mark, what's up, man?

• 23:56Speaker 02

  What's happening?

• 23:57Dr. John Delony?

  How we doing?

• 23:59Speaker 02

  Not too shabby. It's a beautiful, muggy day in Louisiana.

• 24:03Dr. John Delony?

  Excellent, man. Excellent. One of my favorite places in the country. I love Louisiana.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  See, I'm born and raised here, but I honestly believe it's a place to visit and not to live.

• 24:16Dr. John Delony?

  Well, I've only visited, so I'll have to trust you on that one.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:20Dr. John Delony?

  So what's up, man? How can I help?

• 24:22Speaker 02

  So, me and my wife truly do love each other. We get along, have a great marriage. I think we could both agree on that. We've had, you know, rough spots in marriage, you know, but we have a recurrent issue where, so, I'm artistic, and I don't really fully understand the way that people speak sometimes. There are a few times I've even had to listen to your show a couple times over just to kind of really fully grasp stuff, but she, surprisingly enough,

• 25:01Speaker 02

  works with special education kids. And so, for her, sometimes it's really like difficult to like

• 25:11Speaker 02

  conversate with me in a way in which I can understand, because she's used to working with children. And so, when it comes to, she's like this concept of like, okay, you're grown now. You should be able to communicate with people, and even though that's not particularly always true, you know, it causes this situation where we are constantly coming across certain subjects and, you know, things in our life that we realize like, we are two very different people.

• 25:42Dr. John Delony?

  Right.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  I mean, even down to our race. She's black, I'm white. You know, she comes from a rich family. I come from a poor family. Like, she, you know, went to college. I went and got my GED. Like, everything in our life, our lives in music, and movies, and shows, whatever, like, everything is just opposite. And so, it creates these, not really issues, but like just recurrent, like, arguments where it's, she's trying to explain to me, I guess, why she thinks and feels

• 26:22Speaker 02

  certain ways about certain things, and then I don't comprehend that. To me, the reasoning, the logic, the math doesn't add up. And so, for my mind, it's like, okay, I can't, I can't go off of emotion. I can't go off of those things. And so, it's hard for us to communicate to where we can always, I guess, what's the word that I'm trying to find?

• 26:51Dr. John Delony?

  Connect.

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, connect in a way that is outside of just like, I love you, you love me. We are happy together. That's it. Like, we have no other areas of connection of like...

• 27:05Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, let me jump in here, all right? So, you gave me three distinct challenges. Okay, so I'm gonna pull them apart real quick, okay? Challenge number one. I've worked in and around mental health for years and years and years and years. The last thing on earth I can do is walk home and try to counsel my wife.

• 27:33Dr. John Delony?

  Even counsel my kids.

• 27:37Dr. John Delony?

  The trade that I, I am engaged in, uh, my dad was a homicide detective, and he told me repeatedly that he was trained, the thing that makes you good at being a homicide detective will really disrupt your family. And so, issue number one I'm hearing is, your wife needs to stop treating you like an elementary school kid. She needs to...

• 28:05Speaker 02

  That's actually a conversation we've actually recently had where, uh, I was like, you know, I understand that this is your day job.

• 28:14Dr. John Delony?

  But you're her husband.

• 28:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not a patient or a student.

• 28:18Dr. John Delony?

  Correct.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  I'm your husband. And so, like, I need, even if you don't understand my thought process and where I'm coming from, or how I'm coming from, like, I need you to still trust me that scenarios, the thought process, it's all there. I'm not a child who's not going through the thought process.

• 28:35Dr. John Delony?

  Right. And that leads me to the second thing. All those differences you labeled, you, I mean, black and white, money, no money, education, no education, all of that could be, like, to make it Louisiana, a recipe for the greatest gumbo on planet Earth.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  Oh, and that's the way that I see it. So that was the whole...

• 29:01Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, Mark. Hold on, Mark. Here's the problem. If your wife comes from education and money and works with kids with special needs, and she looks down on you, as though you are less than, those issues that you brought up, those differences, will not be all mixed in the same pot. It'll be two different pots where one is judging the other one.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  And that somehow, or some, it kinda feels, and I've explained that to her, like, and she tried, she has, so it, it's been obviously a learning curve for the both of us in marriage. And so, you know, that's one of the things that we have discussed, and she's getting better as time has progressed, because we, so we actually just made our three-year marriage anniversary in May. So like, we're, it's a learning curve still, um.

• 29:55Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, here's the third thing. Let me tell you the third thing, okay, and then we'll talk about all of them, okay? Let me get the third thing out. Third thing. Just because you can't plug into whatever feelings or emotions she has, doesn't mean you have to approach her with an algorithm, and doesn't mean you have to approach her feelings computationally, and doesn't mean you can't just sit there and hold her hand and say, "Thank you so much for telling me that." And so, just because you can't match emotion for emotion, or feeling for feeling, I don't have autism, brother, and I can't match my wife feeling for feeling, emotion for emotion.

• 30:39Dr. John Delony?

  We're different people, and she can't match me. What we can do with each other is not be scared of those big feelings, or little feelings or emotions, and sit there with each other. You get what I'm saying?

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:52Dr. John Delony?

  So if you're able to, when she's telling you a thing that she's feeling, this is going on at work, I had this client, I had these parents, I have this issue with my mom and dad, or whatever, you can hold her hand, and put your hand on the small of her back, and just say, "Man, that sucks. Thanks for telling me that." And not try to fix, or solve, or compute what she's saying. You get what I'm saying? You get, you get, you get the drift?

• 31:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. So there's this scene in Parks and Recreation that always has kind of like played back in my mind in that situation, which is, um, Anne is pregnant, he, uh, the guy, I forgot his name, um.

• 31:37Dr. John Delony?

  Andy, Chris Pratt.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  He, he's trying to fix everything, and somebody tells him, like, "Just tell her it sucks. Just stop trying to fix it, and just tell her it sucks. Just be there for her." And it's the same thing. And that, that's kind of what I've had to teach myself to do because of that exact situation. There was, um, actually, a situation just happened last weekend. Um, we've kind of struggled with having kids, and, um, or so far, and somebody had asked her, like, "When are y'all planning on having kids?" And she took that kind of to heart. And I don't see the emotional side of it. I'm like, okay, she just asked a question, like, you know, I feel like that's a very basic, normal question.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  And, but for her, it was like more emotional, because it's a little more personally attached, and, you know, so on. And so that's basically what I had to do, was just, okay, you're right. Not, "You're right," but like, "I'll, I'll just sit here with you," like.

• 32:34Dr. John Delony?

  That's right.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Obviously, that, that kind of bothered you and hit you the wrong way, so, you know.

• 32:39Dr. John Delony?

  And, and, and giving your wife space to feel, and knowing you're not going anywhere, and you're not gonna try to solve it, and knowing the next time somebody, y'all are out as a couple, and somebody says, "Are y'all gonna have kids?" You hop in and answer.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  That's something we really wanna talk about right now.

• 32:56Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, that's right. It's like, or, "We're working on it," or maybe one day, and you take that from her, is, is, is not a fistfight, but it's you stepping in front of her and saying, "I got this." Even if you don't understand the impact of that question on her, or the feeling of that question, right?

• 33:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:19Dr. John Delony?

  That, that, that's you showing up for her as, as her husband.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. I don't remember, what was the second, the, the second point?

• 33:26Dr. John Delony?

  The second one is, I'll just say this as bluntly as I can. She's not better than you because she went to college, and she's not more right than you because her parents had money and yours didn't, or whatever.

• 33:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, that, that's also something that we, we've been working on, is, like, so that's the thing, is like, I listen to you all the time, she listens to you most of the time, not all the time, but most of the time. Um, and she, she would have been on with me, but as I said, she's a teacher, so she can't, like, get out of class, so like.

• 33:59Dr. John Delony?

  Sure. What do you, what do you do for a living, Mark?

• 34:02Speaker 02

  So I'm actually a welder.

• 34:03Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, great. It's awesome. Are you, are you employed full-time? You working your butt off?

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Working like 50, 60-hour weeks sometimes, like.

• 34:13Dr. John Delony?

  Outstanding. Outstanding. So, part of this, brother, is y'all have multiple cultural strands you're trying to weave together to make this one amazing life together. Y'all have the challenge of, y'all wanna have kids, and it hasn't happened yet. Y'all have the challenge of, um, an intellectual exceptionality in you. You, you both process the world and feel it differently. And you started this whole call off with, "I love my wife deeply, and she loves me." So can I give you, like, if, if you hear anything from me, like, she's gotta learn to take off her teacher hat when she walks in the door, and put on friend

• 34:56Dr. John Delony?

  hat, wife hat, ride or die hat. Honestly, I think y'all, I think being a little, and again, I know I'm talking to somebody who, you told, you told me you have autism. I spent my career working with, with brilliant, smart, kind, hardworking folks with autism. So I'm telling you this from a place of love. Feel the analytics rising up, and then the next logical thing is to not be logical. The next logical thing is, I'm gonna grab your hand and sit here and say, "Thanks for telling me that." I hate that for you. Okay?

• 35:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's fair.

• 35:35Dr. John Delony?

  And if you, you can have the conversa, not if you can, I know you can, have the conversation, when you come home and through the door, "Here is two ways you could love me. Number one, don't have your phone out. Number two, I'm gonna turn the music on and I just wanna dance with you." And begin to have the conversation about, "Hey, I don't, I don't need a teacher when I get here. Um, I experience the world differently than you, and that's what makes our particular gumbo so amazing. And let's don't have, like, me, like, brother, me and my wife don't argue about politics, because we don't talk about them very much at all."

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, we've kind of, we've kind of strayed out of that conversation, because we realized I was just beating a dead horse.

• 36:20Dr. John Delony?

  So look, dude, you're three years in. It took me like 20 years to figure that out, so good for you. You're, you're ahead, you're ahead of the curve, man. Um, but yeah, when it all feels like it's one big problem, see if you can pull them apart. You don't need somebody coming home and lecturing you. You don't need somebody who thinks they're better than you, or you're better than them. There doesn't have to be a right or a wrong when you're talking about deep philosophical issues. And you're not gonna understand or compute every feeling or emotion she has, but you can compute that your wife needs

• 36:59Dr. John Delony?

  her husband. Just to lean in, to sit there, hold her hand, be that man. Thanks for the call, brother. Appreciate you, appreciate you reaching out. Get back to welding, my man. We come back, a man asks how to let his 17-year-old son make mistakes without letting him ruin his future. Whew, we'll be right back. When I'm cooking at home, chopping up vegetables, trimming a venison or T-bone steak, or when I'm feeling a little bit extra dramatic and cutting up a nice fruit tray, I want to know the knives I'm using will actually do what they're supposed to do. Cut well. This is why I bought my wife the culinary kitchen knives from Montana Knife Company, and it's

• 37:39Dr. John Delony?

  why I use them as much as she does. Montana Knife Company knives are razor-sharp, right out of the box. They're balanced, and they do what they're supposed to do over and over again. They're knives perfected. Montana Knife Company makes their knives right here in the United States, and years of experience go into every blade. They come with a free lifetime sharpening guarantee, which I've used. I've sent them off and got all my knives right back, razor-sharp again, and these knives will still be sharp when my great-grandkids are cooking with them. Head to mkc.com to see what's available right now. And one thing you should know, Montana Knife Company knives sell out fast. Sign up for email and text

• 38:19Dr. John Delony?

  alerts so you can be among the first to know of new releases. That's mkc.com. All right, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Let's talk to Shame About Ray. What's up, Ray? Hey, Dr. John. Thanks for having the time to talk to me today. You got it, my brother. What's up?

• 38:38Speaker 03

  It's probably a little dramatic, but uh.

• 38:40Dr. John Delony?

  Have you met me? I'm pretty dramatic. You're good. I promise you.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  How do I let my seventeen year old make mistakes without ruining his life or ruining his future?

• 38:52Dr. John Delony?

  Oof. That feels like a lot of pressure on the word mistake. Tell me what you're talking about.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  Well, I guess, I guess, uh, I guess more of a better question is how do I know when to step in and step back?

• 39:06Dr. John Delony?

  Ah, good question.

• 39:09Dr. John Delony?

  What are you wrestling with?

• 39:11Speaker 03

  Well, some of the decisions he's made, you know, and some of the statements he's made, like, you know, uh, for an instance, he dyed his hair color. He dyed his hair a color I definitely would not have chose.

• 39:23Dr. John Delony?

  What color?

• 39:24Speaker 03

  And it's going to blue.

• 39:26Dr. John Delony?

  Yes. Okay, cool. He's a punk rock kid at heart. Good, good for him. All right. But yeah, you wouldn't pick that for him.

• 39:33Speaker 03

  I wouldn't pick that. And I guess my question was to him is, you know, he's, he's looking at future, you know, future careers, future jobs. He's going on applicant, you know, he's going on interviews and things like that. And, you know, I, I ask him, you know, what, what, what do you, what do you think? What do you think they're gonna think when they see you? You know, um, and, and I guess that's my, that's where I, I mess up where I'm like, do I let him just be, be himself and, and let him choose decisions like that? Or, I mean, not even just that, just, you know, um, I mean, he does have a part-time job right now because he's in, he's still in school.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  But, um, you know, certain positions that he's looking at, like this, there's better route this way, or there's a better, just, you know, look, look further down the line, how, where is this going to lead you? And sometimes he's, he's okay with my advice. And then sometimes he's like, okay, you're full of it, but.

• 40:33Dr. John Delony?

  Some of that makes him seventeen, right?

• 40:36Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 40:38Dr. John Delony?

  I, I, I, I think there's always a tension and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you. There's always a tension of how do I help my kids? I have a sixteen year old son. I'm right there with you. He hasn't dyed his hair blue, um, but he has a very particular haircut that he loves that I just can't wrap my head around, which I had this epiphany the other day. I was like, oh yeah, that makes me an old man now. Like, I totally get it, right? Um, how do I help him be the best version of himself? And also give him wisdom? And I, I can only tell you the, the rule of thumb I've given parents over the years and that I'm living by now is, I want to let you climb up whatever tree you want to climb up.

• 41:25Dr. John Delony?

  But if I think you're gonna fall and that fall's gonna be permanently damaging to you, I'm gonna get involved.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  Right.

• 41:33Dr. John Delony?

  Right? And so here's, here's an easy thing. Less talking about the haircut situation or the hair color situation or whatever. We're gonna look at character. We're gonna look at, does he work hard at school? And he's got a part-time job. And is he respectful to his, to you and to his siblings and to his mom? Is he show up for his stuff at home? Then I'm gonna let him go learn natural consequences when he applies for twenty-five jobs and gets zero of them.

• 42:07Dr. John Delony?

  And also I'm gonna have a, hey, if you're gonna stay here after you're eighteen, you gotta pay rent.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  Right.

• 42:13Dr. John Delony?

  Or I'm gonna let, I'm gonna help you go to college in this kind of way, or I'll help you at trade school in this kind of way, with this much money or this kind of school or whatever. I'm gonna be real clear about the, the impending concrete barrier, which is the real world, right?

• 42:31Dr. John Delony?

  And, and then he gets, he gets to make, you know what I mean? He gets to make. For, for a season, my son really wanted to be a game warden. He loves being outside and my first thought for six months was, that's not gonna pay enough. That's not gonna pay enough. It's not gonna pay enough. And then I realized I'm imposing my values on a kid who wants to go spend his whole life serving. Shame on me.

• 43:00Dr. John Delony?

  And now, like, now he's got different ideas about what he wants to do, but I, I can't run him back my life or the one I, I can't Uncle Rico his life. I wish of, I should have, I could have.

• 43:12Dr. John Delony?

  And also he's got to learn there's some real consequences to, like, you wanna have blue hair, you're probably not gonna get that job. Maybe you will. And maybe he at seventeen has figured out, I don't want to work for somebody who cares that much about appearance. I want someone who is gonna care about my character and work ethic. And then you might want to go, well, that's kind of awesome, right?

• 43:31Speaker 03

  Right, right, exactly. I guess I'm, I'm, I'm worried about the consequences, you know, that's, that's my, I guess, in the back of my head.

• 43:39Dr. John Delony?

  What, what consequences are you worried about?

• 43:42Speaker 03

  Well, if he doesn't, you know, when, when he finally graduates and if he's still got this mindset of, I am who I am and this is what I'm gonna do, and then he falls on his face.

• 43:55Dr. John Delony?

  He will.

• 43:55Speaker 03

  It, it, well, and that's, you know, being, you always want your kid to succeed, obviously, but.

• 44:02Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, but success is a trend line. It's not a stock market. It's not a, it's not a ticker. It goes up and down, up and down. And you hope it goes up over time. And success means different things. Is it financial success? Is it, is he gonna be the best husband of all time? Is he gonna be a good contributor? You know what I mean? Like, that means a lot of different things.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Got it.

• 44:21Dr. John Delony?

  And so painting him a picture of the man you hope he becomes. And when he does fail, I'll be right here. I'll be sitting right by you.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  Right.

• 44:33Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 44:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess. I, I just, it's, that's, that's the hard part for me to swallow, I guess.

• 44:40Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Is this.

• 44:42Dr. John Delony?

  But I mean, you, you, I, I'm telling you, I spent a career with eighteen to twenty-eight year olds whose parents had come in and done all of the weightlifting for them. And they had never failed. They had never stumbled. They had never just eaten it. They had never been rejected. And they didn't have a psychology for it. They didn't have the neural wiring for it and they imploded.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  Gotcha.

• 45:08Dr. John Delony?

  And so there's some, there's something powerful about not getting what you want and having dad right next to you saying, I, I still love you, man.

• 45:18Speaker 03

  Right. I mean, I, he, no, I mean, me and his mom have sat down several times telling him, we're, we're here no matter what, you know, but.

• 45:28Dr. John Delony?

  Now, you wanna do something really wild? Go dye your hair blue.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  I would love to, I really, but I don't know if my boss would like that.

• 45:40Dr. John Delony?

  Go talk to your boss and say, I wanna, I wanna make a point to my seventeen year old. For a week, I'm gonna dye my hair crazy. Is that cool?

• 45:50Speaker 03

  It's definitely, uh, definitely a possibility. I could go do that.

• 45:55Dr. John Delony?

  Like if.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Really, I, I can wear a hat anyway, so I guess that would cover that up if it wasn't, I guess.

• 46:02Dr. John Delony?

  Invite your son to do it with you. Tell him to, like, you're gonna dye my hair blue too.

• 46:10Dr. John Delony?

  You know what I mean?

• 46:10Speaker 03

  Good idea. I'm right there with you then.

• 46:13Dr. John Delony?

  So it, it becomes kind of a bluff call. I, I've had a lot of conversations with my son about this and this thing. And my daughter's ten, so we're, we're slowly, slowly having these conversations. She wouldn't fully metabolize them yet. Which is, here is the uncomfortable truth about the world.

• 46:34Dr. John Delony?

  The world desperately needs you to be fully you and do the things that only you can do and part of life is playing the game.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  And that's also, so I, I have a thirteen year old daughter too, so every, when I make decisions or, or I'll, you know, talk to my son, she's gonna pick up and she's watching. So I want to make sure that, you know, I do, I do it right.

• 47:00Dr. John Delony?

  Well, and I, I tell both of my kids, hey, I'm your dad. I get to make fun of your hair. That's my job. And it doesn't impact how much I love you. And I can say, nice hair and I love you. Those are just words. Do I hug him every time I see him?

• 47:17Speaker 03

  Right.

• 47:17Dr. John Delony?

  Do I hold my son's face and tell him I'm so glad I get to be his dad?

• 47:22Dr. John Delony?

  Or the sappy text I just sent him a few hours ago, right before I started recording these shows, like, like, they're gonna get my behavior way more than my words.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  Right.

• 47:33Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm not, I get to be dad. I get to be, say dumb jokes and I get to be silly and I get to step over the line too far and my wife throws something. Like, I get to have that because it's my house, right? Like, it's part of it. And also you, you're not gonna do anything that's gonna keep me from loving you.

• 47:51Speaker 03

  Right.

• 47:52Dr. John Delony?

  And sometimes you just cut your hair and get the job and the health insurance so that you can get to the place you want to be, which is, sounds like a hundred years from now, thirty-five, and you don't owe anybody any money and you could do whatever you want in the world.

• 48:08Speaker 03

  Right.

• 48:09Dr. John Delony?

  Right. And that's hard. It's hard to teach that. And sometimes pointing out to your son, this is me playing the game, bud.

• 48:19Dr. John Delony?

  I, I do that all the time with my son.

• 48:23Dr. John Delony?

  If I'm going to a speaking gig and I have to, like, wear a suit jacket, dad, what are you wearing? Because them seeing me in a suit jacket is very rare. And I tell them, it's part of the game, son. This is a way I can honor this, these group of people that's paying for your, your college education and for our light bill. And if this is what it takes to honor them, what a small thing it is.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  Right.

• 48:49Dr. John Delony?

  But I call, I call it out, right, in the house. I want to teach him, there's some times you play the game and sometimes you stand up for yourself. And you gotta, you gotta live and die with those consequences. But yeah, he needs to fail. He needs to fall and he needs to know, my dad's still right here with me.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  Right.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's something I have to swallow.

• 49:09Dr. John Delony?

  Well, listen, it's so, trust me, it's so much easier to tell you this than it is to live it at my house. I promise you, man. I'm dying right now. I'm dying.

• 49:22Dr. John Delony?

  I'm dying. I, I've made a commitment to my son, because his buddies listen to the show, like, I, I'm not gonna, I'll never talk about stuff that's going on that's for real at our house, but I'm right here with you. Okay? It's way easier for me to lecture you about it than to experience it in my own chest. It's hard.

• 49:40Speaker 03

  I'm good. I'm glad I'm not the only one, I guess, then.

• 49:42Dr. John Delony?

  No, if you're, if you're a parent of a seventeen year old and you're not experiencing this, you probably should go see somebody right now, right? It's, it's hard. It's hard, hard, hard. Letting your kids fail is the worst. It's the worst.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:57Dr. John Delony?

  And it's absolutely the best thing for them.

• 50:01Dr. John Delony?

  It proves to them I can get up and go again and go again and go again.

• 50:08Speaker 03

  All right.

• 50:09Dr. John Delony?

  And that's, that's the nature of life. You're a good, you're a good dad. I, I, if you, if you have the courage, if you have the guts to also dye your hair blue, send a photo and we'll post it because you'll become a legend to fathers everywhere. That'd be amazing. That'd be super rad. If your kid, by the way, if you're listening, if your kid cuts their hair in a mohawk, get a mohawk. If they want to get one of those mullet things, get a mullet thing. They want to, they want to dance, then say, I'll, I'll dance too. And bring them along with you. Bring them along with you. Life is about deciding, when am I going to draw the line? When am I just going to play the game to get the life that I want for me and for those I love? And that's a hard, tricky balance that I don't know you ever fully get until you're

• 50:53Dr. John Delony?

  90 years old, looking in the rearview mirror, but kids got to learn to fail and got to know they're still loved when they do fail. You're a good man, dude. Thanks for calling, Ray. We'll be right back.

• 51:06Dr. John Delony?

  All right. You've heard me talking about it for a month and it's official. My brand new book, Building the Marriage You Want, is available for preorder. Picture me sitting at the table with you and your spouse, helping you both take the next right step in your marriage. That's what this book is. Me sitting at the table with you both, walking you through what to do in your marriage. I get into all of it. Why marriage is so hard in the 21st century, why I think marriage still matters, and I'll give you a playbook for the stuff that trips most couples up. Communication, conflict, sex, money, being married with kids, all of it. Nothing is off the table. If you like this show, you're going to love this book. Preorder Building the Marriage You Want today for $24.99 and get over $100 in preorder

• 51:51Dr. John Delony?

  bonus items. Go to john deloney.com.

• 51:56Dr. John Delony?

  All right, Kelly, something awesome happened. What is it?

• 51:59Speaker 04

  Yes, this is from Bailey in Fort Collins, Colorado. And she writes, "I've been telling my three daughters, I'm so glad God chose me to be your mom, after hearing you share about saying this to your kids intentionally. They do the eye rolls and sometimes ignore me, but I say it regularly. The other day, my four-year-old and seven-year-old were making up after a disagreement, and I looked over and saw my four-year-old make direct eye contact with their sister and said, 'I'm so glad God chose me to be your sister.' My eyes definitely filled with tears. Thank you, Dr. John, for all you do and for the practical tips to encourage a kind and loving home."

• 52:31Dr. John Delony?

  Excellent. Well done. That's awesome.

• 52:35Dr. John Delony?

  And it would have been more awesome if the seven-year-old had just smacked the four-year-old and said, "Ah, shut up." But good. That's awesome. I'm glad. That makes me happy. Good call. Hey, it's the little things y'all are doing in your homes that are changing it for everybody. Thank you all. Keep doing it and I'm grateful for you. See you soon. Bye.