I Think My Mother-in-Law Is Having an Affair

On today’s episode, we hear about: · A man convinced his mother-in-law is having an affair · A young man seeking advice on how to part ways with his business partner · A woman struggling to overcome self-imposed boundaries Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show T-Shirts Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🥤 Get 20% off at Organifi with code DELONY. 🏔️ Use code DELONY at Poncho Outdoors. Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 The EntreLeadership Podcast Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  How do my wife and I address concerns about my mother-in-law potentially having an affair and keeping on my father-in-law?

• 0:13Dr. John Delony?

  For the sake of the past few shows, please tell me it's not you that's having the affair with her.

• 0:20Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no.

• 0:21Dr. John Delony?

  God, thank you.

• 0:29Dr. John Delony?

  What up? What's going on? What's going on? This is John, The Dr. John Deloney Show. I'm so glad that you're with us, man. Three times a week, dropping new episodes, me sitting with hurting people, trying to figure out what's the next right move. And not always hurting, I guess, but people just stuck, stuck in the relationships, their mental and emotional health, and it's real people going through real struggles. And we're gonna sit down, we're gonna figure it out, we're gonna go do the next right thing. If that's you, if you found yourself stuck, man, give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291, or go to JohnDeloney.com/ask, A-S-K. Please, we're getting close to a major milestone here, so don't forget to hit the subscribe button.

• 1:11Dr. John Delony?

  Just take two seconds, subscribe to the show, especially on the tubes, it makes such a big, powerful difference. All right, let's go out to the 512, Austin, Texas, and talk to Josh. Hey, Josh, what's up, dude?

• 1:23Speaker 00

  Hey, what's going on, Dr. John?

• 1:26Dr. John Delony?

  Nothing much, man. Rockin' on to the breakin' dawn. What's up, brother?

• 1:29Speaker 00

  Hey, so I guess I'll just get straight into my question of, um, how do my wife and I address concerns about my mother-in-law potentially having an affair and keeping on my father-in-law?

• 1:42Dr. John Delony?

  For the sake of the past few shows, please tell me it's not you that's having the affair with her.

• 1:48Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:50Dr. John Delony?

  God, thank you. Phew. Actually, that would've got us a lot more subscribers, that would've been kinda awesome for the show.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, that would've been good.

• 1:58Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Um, all right, so...

• 2:02Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me more. Tell me about it.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  Uh, well, so just to kind of give you some context, um, how we have finding out or why we're coming to this conclusion is about a year ago, um, my in-laws, uh, they were approached by someone that they knew, um, my, my mother-in-law had a relationship, I think a coworker or something, and he was going through a divorce, um, I guess he had his assets frozen, got kicked out of the house, blah, blah, blah, and then decide, or asked my in-laws if he could stay with them for the time being. Well, a few months turned into a year, and at first I thought he was just, I guess, scamming them,

• 2:45Speaker 00

  taking advantage of them, um, because the story is that, so my mother-in-law and my, uh, my wife, they both have a, have had a good relationship, and so they talk all the time, and so, and overhearing these conversations, um, I first thought the, this guy, uh, that was staying with them was just taking advantage of them, um, but the stories that my mother-in-law kept saying and kept, you know, relaying to us, um, now I'm starting to feel like he, she's covering for him because they're, they're getting emotionally involved.

• 3:20Dr. John Delony?

  If you like pina coladas, huh?

• 3:22Speaker 00

  (laughing)

• 3:23Dr. John Delony?

  I get it. So, um,

• 3:28Dr. John Delony?

  that's a pretty far leap to, from,

• 3:33Dr. John Delony?

  hey, this family friend is going through a divorce, I'm gonna crash there for a little while, to, man, that's turned into a year, to, I think my mom's, my mother-in-law's having an affair, at worst, a physical affair, at best, an emotional affair, um,

• 3:52Dr. John Delony?

  I say this with all due respect, but like, what business is it of y'alls, of yours?

• 3:57Speaker 00

  So, and that's the, the thing, is, um, I probably wouldn't care as much, but it's clearly having an effect on my, my wife, who's starting to realize it, um, I think I saw it a lot sooner, but saw the writing on the wall, but the other aspect which makes it difficult, and kind of what gives, I guess, us some...

• 4:18Speaker 00

  Say so is my, my son, he's 15 months old. He goes and stays there, um, a couple of times a week.

• 4:24Dr. John Delony?

  Absolutely not. No way, no how.

• 4:26Speaker 00

  Right.

• 4:27Dr. John Delony?

  And here's why. Not because of the affair, but because the vast majority of abuse, physical and sexual, is, is done with, um, stepparents or visiting boyfriends kind of thing.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:43Dr. John Delony?

  And I don't know this guy. I don't know anything about this guy. I don't trust this guy. I don't have a relationship with this guy. My kid's not going over there, period. End of story.

• 4:51Speaker 00

  And, and that's kind of the mentality I've had.

• 4:53Dr. John Delony?

  Good for you.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  And the, the issue that I'm coming across is my, communicating that to my wife. Um, she's, she's, again, they had a, their, the relationship between my mother-in-law and her have always, usually been good. Um, and she's worried by doing that, they're gonna burn some bridges and the connection's not gonna be there.

• 5:13Dr. John Delony?

  That's not how it works. The bridge has been burned, but not by y'all. Y'all are responding to a bridge that's on fire and it was lit on fire by your parent, by your, by your in-laws.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:22Dr. John Delony?

  It's, it's, they don't get to set fire to a bridge and expect you to walk across it with your precious 15-month-old? And then blame you for the singe marks on your clothes. That's not how it works.

• 5:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:36Dr. John Delony?

  Y'all did not light the fire of this bridge. They did. They torched it.

• 5:40Speaker 00

  Right.

• 5:41Dr. John Delony?

  And so, cool, they're allowed to do whatever they want to do. What's gonna happen in your house is your wife had a really beautiful picture of her close relationship with her mom. And her mom being the best grandma of, of all time.

• 5:58Dr. John Delony?

  And so, when it comes to the boundaries, there needs to be a clear boundary. My son, my daughter is not going to stay at a house where there's a strange man living there. Period. End of story. And so, y'all get to decide, you wanna see your grandkid? Or you wanna keep being a supportive house for this guy? Y'all get to pick. And one of them's gonna break my heart.

• 6:22Dr. John Delony?

  But that's not my job. My job is to protect my kid. And I'm just gonna look at the data. My kid's not going over to where strange men are staying. Period.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:30Dr. John Delony?

  And you and your wife are gonna have to grieve the fact that we thought we, man, our picture for this was gonna be so different than what it actually is. And that just, that hurts. That's the worst.

• 6:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:43Dr. John Delony?

  You keep mentioning that your wife and her mom have this amazing relationship.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  Right.

• 6:50Dr. John Delony?

  Has she sat down across the table and looked at your mom and said, I mean, at her mom and said, "Mom, I think this is starting to feel inappropriate"?

• 6:58Speaker 00

  No, um, and I, we've...

• 7:02Dr. John Delony?

  So the relationship is not amazing then? Let's stop couching it as that, because if you can't have that conversation, your relationship's not amazing.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:13Dr. John Delony?

  If you can't be honest, and you can't be direct, and you can't be like, "Hey, I'm gonna put all this on the table, "because here's what I'm seeing." If you can't do that, then it's not a relationship. There's some transactions happening. There's some performance happening, right?

• 7:25Speaker 00

  Well, and we've both been, we're both guilty of being people pleasers and trying to make sure, you know, our parents, on both sides are happy. We're both the oldest, we both have the, um, you know, this mentality that we gotta make sure everybody's taken care of, and sometimes it's at our own expense. And I know that's gonna, that's a difficult thing for her, is to confront her mom, who's been very vocal and pushy in other aspects of her life.

• 7:50Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, that was gonna be my question, brother, because this kind of person is not just, yeah, pushy and vocal about, "I wanna see that kid."

• 8:01Dr. John Delony?

  There's other stuff going on, isn't there?

• 8:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:06Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. So, the best thing I would tell you is you guys solve for reality sooner rather than later.

• 8:16Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 8:17Dr. John Delony?

  And there probably is not gonna be some big showdown.

• 8:24Dr. John Delony?

  There's not gonna be some big, "Come to Jesus," some big, "Raaah!" It's just not gonna happen. Your mother-in-law doesn't, doesn't care about that kinda stuff. What she cares about is her way.

• 8:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:35Dr. John Delony?

  Whatever she wants. And so knowing that, that this isn't a matter of interpretation, this isn't a matter of somebody just doesn't have some info that they, that they need to help make a better decision. You're dealing with somebody who cares about one person themselves. And if they've invited another man to live in the house, then your father-in-law is participating in this.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:55Dr. John Delony?

  And so dude, I want to just be away from that mess. And let's, let's say altruistically, let's say they're just, your in-laws are amazing people and they gave shelter to a guy that just got wronged. That's awesome. If that's the case, then if I'm you, I'm going out to have coffee with that dude. And I would look him dead in the eye and say, I don't know you and I'm not sending my kid over to a place with strange men that I don't know.

• 9:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:25Dr. John Delony?

  Um, who do you think you are? I am the father of that kid. That's who I am. And I, I wouldn't bat an eye. And here's the thing, man, it, you're, you and your wife as first kids, as people pleasers, y'all chose to create a human. And now your role has shifted because otherwise you're going to end up using your kid as a, um, as a function in your people pleasing. And that's not fair to that baby.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  Right.

• 10:05Dr. John Delony?

  I know I just dumped it all on you. How does that sound?

• 10:09Speaker 00

  Ah, easier said than done, that's for sure.

• 10:12Dr. John Delony?

  Yep.

• 10:14Speaker 00

  I, I, and I've had conversa-, I haven't had conversations. I've met the guy that's there and he seems, obviously if there is a lot more red flags to it, I would be, this would have, I probably would have kind of put my foot down a little bit more, but it's just getting.

• 10:32Dr. John Delony?

  I don't wait for, I don't, I don't wait for red flags with my kids.

• 10:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. No, you're right.

• 10:37Dr. John Delony?

  So I, I, if, if there's no red, if there's no red flags, so it reminds me, I think I've mentioned it on the show, there's a great story, Kelly brought it to us once, um, producer Kelly brought it once, there was a kid getting walked through a temper tantrum inside of a grocery store or inside of a store, like a home good store, and dad just got frustrated and started carrying him out. And the kid was kicking and screaming in the parking lot as they were heading out to the car. And a man was walking into the store. And the man stopped and said, is that your kid? Right? Basically saying, if you've just kidnapped a kid who's screaming and fighting you, I'm intervening right now.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:16Dr. John Delony?

  And ended up, they got all worked out, it was fine. The dad's like, dude, I just got a kid, he's throwing a temper tantrum, it's bananas. But the dad who got stopped in the parking lot, ended up circling back and saying how grateful he was that a man took a moment to stop and potentially protect his child. And so, if you as a dad, a new dad, practice looking other grown men in the eye, because it's gonna happen with a soccer coach, it's gonna happen with a teacher, it's gonna happen with a who, it's gonna be the rest of your life. If you practice walking up and saying, hey sir, whatever this guy's doing, hey Dan, I'm gonna take you out to coffee. What's up? I'm gonna take you out to coffee. Hey, this is my son, and I don't want to be weird or anything or hurt your feelings,

• 11:59Dr. John Delony?

  but all the data says that a lot of challenges come from strange men in the homes, and I don't know you that well. If he's a man of high character and integrity, he's gonna look at you and say, dad a boy. This is the kind of dad, you're a good man. Let me tell you about myself, let me tell you what I've been through. When your son's over at this house, I will protect him till the moon and back. And if he throws a temper tantrum, how dare you talk to me, like, do you believe it? Then, bro, he just, he got, you know what I mean?

• 12:30Speaker 00

  Right.

• 12:31Dr. John Delony?

  You learned all you need to learn. But your heart's gonna race in route to that conversation, you're gonna be nervous about it, your mother-in-law may be all mad about it, your father-in-law may be all mad about it. Um, you're gonna walk away from that conversation 10 inches taller. Because I think the person you're starting to lose the most respect for is yourself, you and your wife, together.

• 12:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:59Dr. John Delony?

  So there's not an easy path forward, brother, but I hate it for you. I hate it. I wish your wife could leverage this quote-unquote amazing relationship she has with her mom just to go, "Mom, what in the deal? What's going on?"

• 13:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:11Dr. John Delony?

  And if she can't, then that should be the big red flag to tell you just what, how not solid this relationship is, and then y'all need to do what's best for you two and your family.

• 13:21Speaker 00

  Right. I wish I could get her to talk to you.

• 13:24Dr. John Delony?

  Well, tell her to call me. I'm happy to. Just take a recording of this and let her listen to it. I can't think of a worse... I can. One of the worst things to have to grieve is, I had a picture in my mind that I thought my parents, I thought they would become this kind of grandparent, and they're not.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:44Dr. John Delony?

  And I hear this all over America.

• 13:48Dr. John Delony?

  And I think, I think the counter is, people are just writing every, all their parents off because they didn't perfectly match this picture. And I think that's probably too far, too. But there's some middle ground, and the middle ground is gonna be, I'm not leaving my 15-month-old there. And, by the way, that also sucks for y'all, because that was free babysitting, right?

• 14:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:09Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, it's got a whole bunch of costs to it.

• 14:12Speaker 00

  Right.

• 14:14Dr. John Delony?

  But if my mom, if my mom is having an affair with a live-in guy that they gave refuge to, and my dad is going along with it,

• 14:23Dr. John Delony?

  or my mom is a bully, and she's a liar, and she's making excuses for this guy because she's got emotions, because she's using him to prop up gaps in her marriage with the other guy, I don't want my 15-month-old anywhere near any of that mess.

• 14:36Dr. John Delony?

  And I'll swing in for Thanksgiving, and I'll swing in for Christmas, but I don't want anything to do with that mess. And now you and your wife have to live in the ash of what was, and what could have been, and what we hoped for, and what we thought was gonna happen. Y'all gotta do the hard work of saying, "Okay, what's Easter gonna look like for us this year? What's Christmas gonna look like? What's babysitting gonna look like?"

• 14:57Dr. John Delony?

  That's heartbreaking, but it just is. It's just owning and dealing with reality.

• 15:04Dr. John Delony?

  Owning and dealing with reality and I think our entire culture is set up to avoid reality. I'm really proud of you two for having this conversation, for thinking about it and for wondering what we're gonna do.

• 15:19Dr. John Delony?

  But I think at the end of the day, you and your wife need to decide what's best for our family and how we're gonna navigate it moving forward. And then her parents get to decide they're gonna be mature about it, they're gonna feel fit about it, they're gonna have honest conversations about it. They get to decide what happens next. Y'all just can't own all of that. Y'all have to do the next right thing for you and your family. Appreciate the call, my brother. Appreciate it. We'll be right back.

• 15:46Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's roll out, roll out to Ontario and talk to Dave. What's up, Dave?

• 15:52Speaker 00

  Yes, sir.

• 15:53Dr. John Delony?

  What's going on, man?

• 15:55Speaker 00

  Hey, in a bit of a tight spot with my partner.

• 16:01Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, tell me about it.

• 16:03Speaker 00

  Well, he stepped out of the company.

• 16:05Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, business partner, business partner or romantic partner?

• 16:09Speaker 00

  No, sorry, sir. Business partner.

• 16:11Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 16:12Speaker 00

  Best friend, previous roommate, fellow minister at church.

• 16:16Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So y'all got some history together. Okay.

• 16:19Speaker 00

  A lot of history. It was my, we were, before he was married, everything was super. It just has kind of gone downhill since he met his wife.

• 16:29Dr. John Delony?

  What's gone downhill? The access you had to him and you being the focus of his life? What's gone downhill?

• 16:38Speaker 00

  That's not really the issue. The issue is his personal life is going through, I mean, honestly, since the day he was married in 2019, I think it was 2019. Yeah. Since he was married, it's been a roller coaster for him. So because he's in a place of leadership, that creates a roller coaster for everybody else. And he was in leadership for, he trained me from nothing in construction, we're construction renovators. And he also actually introduced me to the gospel of Jesus Christ and the true gospel. And so, sorry, running here.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  But when, when he was in the place of leadership, when it would go up and down, um, I was just along for the ride. Once I became his business partner, um, then his, it became, it affected me more, uh, and my reputation more because we were always changing. And now that he stepped most of the way out of the company, has left the company on my shoulders, and yet he's still involved. And I'm concerned that I have no idea what his next step is going to be because he might come back, he might step out completely, he might ask for profits. I have no idea. Um,

• 17:56Dr. John Delony?

  So what, what, what about this best friend who, by the way, everyone who gets introduced to some sort of faith says it's the one true faith. So like, I, I, this person who has been a spiritual influence in your life and a professional influence and a personal influence.

• 18:14Dr. John Delony?

  It sounds like it's a lot, hold on, it sounds like it's a lot of smoke and mirrors if you can't sit down and say, bro, what are you doing?

• 18:22Speaker 00

  I can and I do, but it becomes a big argument every time.

• 18:26Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Then your relationship is not what you think it is. Or let me say this, it's not what you, what you are fantasizing it is. And I don't mean fantasizing in a sexual way.

• 18:34Speaker 00

  That's exactly correct.

• 18:35Dr. John Delony?

  It's not real. And so

• 18:36Speaker 00

  That's exactly correct.

• 18:37Dr. John Delony?

  How can I help you? What's like, what's the next right move for you? What's the question?

• 18:40Speaker 00

  So I've, I've reached out to, I, I was given a, an offer from another company.

• 18:45Dr. John Delony?

  Ah, okay.

• 18:47Speaker 00

  So I've reached out to him to accept the offer. He'll get back to me actually tomorrow.

• 18:51Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 18:53Speaker 00

  So it's just how do I, so you, you're absolutely correct. Um, I'm holding on to a friendship I had with this guy before his whole marriage and, and life crisis, uh, and before he changed. So you're absolutely correct with that. Um, so it's just how do I respectfully and properly step out of the business side, uh, and also our real estate side, step out of that.

• 19:14Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, I love that question.

• 19:16Speaker 00

  Only be tied into, into the church. I'm not leaving, I'm, I'm actually a musician, uh, amateur. Not leaving the church at this point, but how do I respectfully step out without, uh, just blowing the whole thing up?

• 19:30Dr. John Delony?

  So, man, that's a great question. And I'm gonna, the answer is surprisingly simple.

• 19:38Dr. John Delony?

  Um, but it, uh, uh, yeah, so I'll just put it out there. Number one, you say about 10% of what you want to say or think you should say.

• 19:50Dr. John Delony?

  So say as little as possible, not in a manipulative way, but knowing this is a person who has demonstrated through their actions, they don't care what you say, they don't care about the integrity of the partnership. They have moved on with their life.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 20:06Dr. John Delony?

  And so what they have done in that process is there's not a lot of, like, they don't need a lot of, he doesn't need a lot of explanation, a lot of explanation. And by the way, the more explanation you give is just going to put gas on a fire that he's got raging inside of him that has nothing to do with you.

• 20:22Speaker 00

  Correct.

• 20:24Dr. John Delony?

  It's as simple as, Henny, to have a direct conversation with you is going to be pretty tough.

• 20:30Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, Dave, what's going on? I've accepted another opportunity at another business. It's been my life's honor getting to work with you and I will never forget the investment you put into my life.

• 20:43Dr. John Delony?

  In a couple of days, I'm going to circle back and we can talk through how we're going to, you know, separate the company, how I'm going to get bought out. If, I don't know the details of how you're going to transition. Once he hears the words, "I have taken a new position," period, he is going to go full fight or flight.

• 21:01Dr. John Delony?

  He won't hear another thing you say.

• 21:05Speaker 00

  I know.

• 21:06Dr. John Delony?

  So, so, don't.

• 21:09Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 21:09Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Um, and in a couple of days, we'll circle back and we'll work through the details. And I don't know what that means to get out of the real estate part and the business. I don't know if you have equity in the company, I don't know any of that kind of stuff. If you do, you need to write out specifically what your expectations are for that exit.

• 21:28Speaker 00

  Right.

• 21:29Dr. John Delony?

  Cause you're an owner. This isn't a matter of like, I'm quitting my job and you're turning in a two week notice to your boss. You're an owner, right? Uh, or you're a partner in this company. So I don't know what that kind of looks like. Here's the-

• 21:40Speaker 00

  It's kind of a mess, sir.

• 21:42Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 21:43Speaker 00

  If nothing's on paper, it's a mess. It's a, it's a real mess.

• 21:46Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, you need to be very clear and you probably ought to meet with an attorney before you sit down.

• 21:53Dr. John Delony?

  Uh, because if you don't-

• 21:55Speaker 00

  The only advantage to the mess is my name is not really- It's, it's, it's, I don't know how to describe it. I've never seen it anywhere else. Um, nothing's on paper. It's, um- But because he's stepping out, my name is getting more and more onto the liability side and we, we have, we have a mess when it comes to our paperwork and so on, our taxes and-

• 22:18Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, but, but, but hear me closely, Dave.

• 22:20Speaker 00

  Yes, sir.

• 22:21Dr. John Delony?

  You stepping out and taking a new job does, in fact, does not absolve you of the mess you already have created.

• 22:29Dr. John Delony?

  There, if you have your name on documents, if you are a partner, if you are an owner, if you are somehow already in the middle of projects that are underway, you will still be liable for those as you leave.

• 22:41Speaker 00

  That's correct.

• 22:42Dr. John Delony?

  And so if there's 10 restoration projects or 10 rehab projects going and you just quit, but you were part of the guy that signed the contract with that original company, they still come after you.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  That's correct. So, the plan is January 1st, I step out.

• 22:58Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. He, he may pull a grenade pin before then.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  I know that. I, I know. I'm expecting it.

• 23:05Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. So, here's what I would, I would do. I would spend your energy not trying to predict or contemplate how he's gonna respond. Instead, I would spend my energy on writing out very clearly for myself and for him, here's what the next steps will look like. And then, underneath that, in fact, the last, um- The last three jobs I've transitioned out of, I sat down with a plan.

• 23:38Dr. John Delony?

  Two out of three times, my plan has been readily accepted. Like, I'll stay, I'm gonna overlap, I'll work here, and I'm starting my new job, I'll be available for you, you can pay me contract and I'll stay on, that's been accepted. The other one wasn't. One of them wasn't. They said, "We're gonna, we're gonna pay you out, but we want you to go ahead and go early." That's cool. It's their, it's their facility, it's their place. And so, you can have all the plans in the world, it's all well and good. If you wanna just walk away and have no equity in this thing, and that's what you've decided, then put that down and have your lawyer draw up an agreement that says that I'm terminating this partnership effective immediately.

• 24:16Dr. John Delony?

  If not, who knows what he gets on the phone and does and you're still a quote unquote partner or co-owner until January. I would not do that.

• 24:26Dr. John Delony?

  He can drag you through all kinds of things.

• 24:29Speaker 00

  Nobody knows about this except for one close friend, uh, who, who won't mention it. Uh, do you recommend that I just, I guess quietly do the steps, separate our tools, uh, kind of finish up the jobs you finish up and maybe let him know like just, just Christmas, Merry Christmas, I'm leaving. Uh, would you recommend something like that or just go with my plan and?

• 24:52Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, i- if you think he's in a position where he's gonna steal your stuff,

• 24:57Dr. John Delony?

  then yeah, you, you need to do the next right thing to protect yourself, but I don't want you to cash out your dignity and your honor and your, your character in the process. So that, that, what that would mean is, um, if he says, hey, I'm taking on some more jobs for the new year.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  I know. That's the challenge. That's, that's why I kind of have to talk now because it's gonna get really, really, uh, basically a betrayal if I, if I wait.

• 25:22Dr. John Delony?

  And I think, I think there's a personal betrayal and there's a legal betrayal.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  That's correct.

• 25:27Dr. John Delony?

  Because he's, you or him are gonna sign contracts with a customer who expects you to be running the show because he ain't doing it and then it's gonna be gone. So yes, if you think the day you tell him, hey, I've taken a new position, I'm, I'm planning on starting January 1, I'm gonna help you wrap up this year. If he doesn't, if you don't think he's gonna respond to that in a, in a positive way, he's gonna lock you out of the building, then yeah, you can get your stuff out.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  No, he's not that extreme. He's just gonna try to convince me for the next three months, every day that, to stay.

• 25:57Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. By you deciding you're gonna stay for the next three months, then that's part of, you know that.

• 26:02Speaker 00

  Right.

• 26:03Dr. John Delony?

  That's like me going to stay at my dad's house. Um, I know my dad's gonna try to convince me of his political views. This is how my dad rolls, but I'm choosing to stay at his house. And that's, so that's kind of the price I pay to be there.

• 26:16Dr. John Delony?

  You get what I'm saying? But any sort of like, um, I think the meta lesson here is especially initially, the least amount of, um, explanation, deep conversation, he will not hear you. He's been able to have his cake and eat it too. Or, uh, I don't know how that saying goes. How's that saying go? To, I don't know. Make his cake and have it, eat it too. What's the saying?

• 26:40Speaker 02

  Having your cake and eating it too?

• 26:42Dr. John Delony?

  Doesn't sound right. Is that right?

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:45Dr. John Delony?

  He's been trying to have his cake and...

• 26:47Speaker 02

  You can't have your cake and eat it too.

• 26:50Dr. John Delony?

  You can't have it. That saying, he's, he likes being a co-owner where he makes money and you increasingly over the last four or five years have been running everything. And that's going to come to an end. His, his gravy train is coming to an end. He's going to be upset about it. And so say as little as you can and then come up with a plan in writing a few days later, when the smoke is cleared, expect him to be angry because you've just blown up his life. That's okay. He made that choice. Hand him a piece of paper and says, here's my expectation and my plan. Let's work it through together. Every job I've ever left, I always send my, my exit strategy in, in writing. It's always a proposal. And I'm hoping they accept it. And I'm also offering things. I'm going to keep working here. I'm not going to leave you all high and dry. I'll finish all the reports. I'll turn the budgets in, whatever the thing is.

• 27:35Dr. John Delony?

  And I think it's looking at the world y'all are in and saying, okay, the next three months are going to be a mayhem. And then I start this new job moving forward. But the days of handshakes and it's going to be all good, that has to end. You guys start putting stuff in writing. Um, and almost think of it as like a, as a divorce. My buddy Dave says, once somebody says, I want to divorce you, you are now in a business transaction. The romantic part is over. We are now into dividing up assets and we are dividing up the path that we are going to exit this, this partnership. Similar thing here. The moment you accept this position, I accept this job. Now we are fully in business mode. Hopefully y'all can stay friends through it, but you're dividing assets, you're dividing tools, you're dividing jobs, you're dividing payouts, you're dividing debts, whatever y'all

• 28:20Dr. John Delony?

  got on the table. Phew, let's have that in writing as soon as possible. Thanks for the call, brother Dave. Appreciate you, man. Best of luck to you. We'll be right back. All right, let's go out to Mission Viejo. Viejo.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  Mission Viejo.

• 28:38Dr. John Delony?

  Mission Viejo, said the former geography teacher. California and talk to Bella. Hey Bella, what's up?

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Hello, Mr. Deloney.

• 28:47Dr. John Delony?

  What's going on?

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Not much. I'm really excited to be on the phone with you. Thank you for taking my call.

• 28:55Dr. John Delony?

  Of course.

• 28:55Speaker 03

  Um, I just have a question. Um, I wanted to know, how do I break free from self-imposed boundaries and live without fear?

• 29:08Dr. John Delony?

  That sounds like you went to like a women's empowerment conference.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Uh, no, um...

• 29:15Dr. John Delony?

  Did you take like an online quiz?

• 29:19Speaker 03

  No.

• 29:22Dr. John Delony?

  I'm just playing with you. I'm just trying to break the ice a little bit. All right, tell me about your, um, your self-imposed boundaries and your fearful living.

• 29:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I'm 31. I have been on a self-healing journey for a few years now.

• 29:37Dr. John Delony?

  What's that mean?

• 29:37Speaker 03

  And, like, sorry, I'm getting so emotional right now.

• 29:41Dr. John Delony?

  No, you're good, you're good, you're good. You're safe. What's up?

• 29:44Speaker 03

  Thank you. Um, just, I think I grew up, um, in a very, um, traditional or old-school way of living. I lived in Mexico for two years with my grandparents.

• 29:59Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  And it was very difficult because I had to help my family raise my siblings. And so, um, I think I had to listen to them a lot and follow their directions. And, uh, there's a lot of trauma, all that stuff. And I think when I, you know, my mid-20s, I started thinking that I need to heal all this trauma. And I think I live with a lot of fears still. And a lot of it holds me back from pursuing dreams and ambitions. And I just need a little bit of guidance.

• 30:36Dr. John Delony?

  Very cool. Okay, well, congratulations on saying no more.

• 30:40Speaker 03

  Yes, thank you.

• 30:42Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm proud of you because you know what you're doing. You're thinking of three generations from now.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:49Dr. John Delony?

  And it takes a bold step to just stop and turn and face the fire.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:54Dr. John Delony?

  Good on you.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 30:57Dr. John Delony?

  And know that analogy sounds good stitched on a pillow, but when you turn and face a fire, it also means you on behalf of the generations that will come after you get burned up too.

• 31:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:07Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so it's part, it's, it's just, it's not a bug. It's, I mean, it's a feature, right? It's part of stopping generational hurt. So,

• 31:15Dr. John Delony?

  tell me something that you're scared of.

• 31:18Speaker 03

  Um,

• 31:22Speaker 03

  I think, so I, um, I started my own little side business.

• 31:28Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  And I'm having a hard time, um, you know, putting up content on social media, um, going out to pass out flyers, um, just, um, what do you mean? Like, um, reaching out to clients.

• 31:46Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so the marketing part.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I think a lot of it is I'm a little shy and I'm also afraid to like, I think I get complacent in the moment.

• 31:58Dr. John Delony?

  Ah, okay.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  They don't wanna, they don't wanna talk to me, so I think I'm just gonna leave it and try to find a new client.

• 32:05Dr. John Delony?

  What's the name of one of your younger, um, um, nieces or nephews? Just give me a random name.

• 32:13Speaker 03

  Um, Emile.

• 32:14Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, Emile. So imagine, Emile was choking in a restaurant, and you don't know the Heimlich maneuver.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:28Dr. John Delony?

  You saw this, somebody hurting, you saw somebody who needed something. What would you do?

• 32:35Speaker 03

  Um, I think in the, in the moment,

• 32:39Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  for, for him, I would maybe like stick my hand in there.

• 32:44Dr. John Delony?

  No, no, but you, you can't do it. You don't know how.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  Oh, I, okay, I don't know how.

• 32:49Dr. John Delony?

  What would you do?

• 32:51Speaker 03

  I would.

• 32:53Speaker 03

  Ask someone for help or call 911.

• 32:56Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. Would you ask for help? Um, excuse me, um, Emile's choking. I'm sorry to bother you. Um, Emile's choking. How would you get people's attention?

• 33:08Speaker 03

  I would probably yell for help.

• 33:10Dr. John Delony?

  There you go.

• 33:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:12Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so it's in there. When you saw somebody who needed something desperately, you would have no problem turning and yelling to a restaurant, "Hey, help, somebody help!", right?

• 33:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:29Dr. John Delony?

  What's your side business?

• 33:31Speaker 03

  Um, I'm a spray tan artist.

• 33:34Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 33:37Dr. John Delony?

  What's the business?

• 33:39Speaker 03

  So I go and I provide a service to people that are looking to get a nice golden tan.

• 33:47Dr. John Delony?

  I may or may not need that service. I may or may not be one of the paler people who's ever lived. Okay, so if you went and got certified to be a spray tan artist,

• 34:02Dr. John Delony?

  and you're doing that because you want to avoid a clock in and clock out job, or you have this picture of owning businesses and making six figures, or you really kinda wanna have a reputation like she's kinda cool 'cause she's good at making people look better.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:23Dr. John Delony?

  You're a naturally quiet, I don't wanna bother people kinda person.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:30Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, it's so, it's so, making a marketing material, I hate the word content, but that's the world, that's the world we're in. Making, putting that message out, "Hey, I want y'all to help me make six figures. I want y'all to see how good my work is."

• 34:48Dr. John Delony?

  Some people are wired for that. I'm not, you're not.

• 34:53Dr. John Delony?

  If you wake up every day and say, "Hey, there are people who don't like what they see when they look in the mirror, and I believe everyone has inherent beauty, and I've learned this craft where I can help accentuate people's beauty and give them a moment of peace from how awful they talk to themselves."

• 35:13Dr. John Delony?

  You would scream at the top of your lungs to get that message out. "I can help you exhale when you look in the mirror. You're beautiful and I see it, I'm gonna help you see it too."

• 35:25Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 35:26Dr. John Delony?

  And so, it's the same thing.

• 35:29Dr. John Delony?

  But what I've found in my life, that in my personal life is when I get excited about doing something that's just for me.

• 35:38Dr. John Delony?

  I don't like talking about it, I feel weird about it, and when I make like an ad or I put something on social media about it, you can see it coming a mile away. Like, "Hey, what's up, bros? This is John. I've got this thing I want you to buy."

• 35:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:52Dr. John Delony?

  Right? But like, I just put out some new conversation cards about sex and intimacy. I mean, listen to the show, so many people are struggling because they're married to someone, they love somebody, and they don't know how to say, "I'm struggling in this area."

• 36:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:06Dr. John Delony?

  And now I've got this tiny little thing that costs like 15 bucks or something that will give you a path. Like, I'm passionate about this one.

• 36:14Dr. John Delony?

  Or the parents and kids, like, parents wanna talk to the kids, kids wanna talk to the parents, and they don't know how, as silly as that sounds. Here we are, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you a tool. I'll talk about that till the end of time.

• 36:26Dr. John Delony?

  So I think the first thing is asking yourself, not, "What do you wanna do?", ask yourself, "Who am I waking up every day to serve and to help?"

• 36:35Dr. John Delony?

  And I don't, I think you'll find, over time, your fear about calling out and telling that message, um, will go away. It will, it will, it will greatly lessen, because you would have no problem screaming to help out, Emil.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  No.

• 36:50Dr. John Delony?

  Right? You have no problem, just because, just talking to you, you have a, you have a pretty amazing spirit about you. If your friend came and sat with you and she, and she was like, "I just feel so ugly", you would not, you would not think twice of getting real close to her face and looking her dead in the eyes and saying, "You are beautiful", would you?

• 37:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I wouldn't.

• 37:08Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah, exactly. That's who you are.

• 37:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:10Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? So here's the second part.

• 37:14Dr. John Delony?

  What does your fear get you?

• 37:18Speaker 03

  Nothing.

• 37:20Dr. John Delony?

  No, it's, it's serving a role, it's serving a purpose.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 37:25Dr. John Delony?

  What, what is it giving you?

• 37:28Speaker 03

  Um...

• 37:33Speaker 03

  I don't know. I don't know how to answer that.

• 37:36Dr. John Delony?

  Can I take a couple of just guesses and you tell me if I'm wrong or if I'm right?

• 37:39Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 37:42Dr. John Delony?

  The idea of you being, doing art, growing up in the home you grew up, was silly. It was kid's stuff.

• 37:52Dr. John Delony?

  You got pushed into a maternal role. You had to be mom at a real young age.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:58Dr. John Delony?

  The idea that you're gonna do art, that you're gonna do beauty, shut up. We got those mouths to feed. You need to go over there and get those kids bathed.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:08Dr. John Delony?

  Okay? And so, what your body knows, your nervous system knows, your soul knows to get all woo woo about it,

• 38:18Dr. John Delony?

  that deep down, the thing that you feel like you're best at doesn't matter.

• 38:26Dr. John Delony?

  It's not that big of a deal. Nobody cares.

• 38:31Dr. John Delony?

  And so what your fear gives you is protection against somebody else telling you that the thing that you think is important doesn't matter again.

• 38:42Dr. John Delony?

  Your fear is protecting you from getting your heart stomped on again and again and again.

• 38:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:51Dr. John Delony?

  Is that fair?

• 38:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

• 38:53Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. The marketplace is mean.

• 38:59Dr. John Delony?

  The marketplace isn't nice. It doesn't care about your feelings. It cares about service. Can you serve other people? And how much is it gonna cost me?

• 39:09Dr. John Delony?

  And so to enter into the marketplace, you're entering back into a world that got you hurt for most of your childhood. And that's a world of, "I believe I have value. I believe I have a cool way of doing life." And people said, "I don't care what you think. I don't care what you feel. Get those kids fed and get them bathed up and get them to bed. I'm watching TV."

• 39:32Dr. John Delony?

  And so I want you to see your body, your boundaries, your fear. Your body's working perfectly, given the circumstances you were raised in.

• 39:44Dr. John Delony?

  You're not messed up or broken.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 39:50Dr. John Delony?

  Do you get that? I want you to hear that. There's nothing, there's nothing, there's nothing wrong with you.

• 39:55Dr. John Delony?

  Given your, what's happened to you in your life, your body's working perfectly.

• 40:00Dr. John Delony?

  What you are trying to do is learn how to do something new.

• 40:07Dr. John Delony?

  And so, here's what I mean by that. If you're, you ever driven a standard, like a, a car that's got a clutch?

• 40:13Speaker 03

  I've tried, but it's...

• 40:16Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  I've not gotten it down.

• 40:17Dr. John Delony?

  So, uh, I've driven, I, I, my first car was a standard. I've driven a car, a standard for like, what, 20, 30 years, forever.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 40:24Dr. John Delony?

  Uh, manual, um, says Kelly. Kelly GPT. Um, there, there are manuals, right? So, um,

• 40:34Dr. John Delony?

  when you first start trying to drive a manual, it's gonna buck and kick because you're not gonna get that ratio of gas pedal and clutch right. You know what I'm saying?

• 40:43Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 40:44Dr. John Delony?

  After driving one for 30 years, it should smooth out a little bit. And if it starts getting really rough, then you got a problem.

• 40:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:52Dr. John Delony?

  You are learning how to do a whole new thing. And that is, put yourself out there, start a small business. Say, "Hey, I have a talent and I think I can help you." "I see something in you you don't see." And it's gonna go, "Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh," right? Because it's new.

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:11Dr. John Delony?

  But if you were helping Emile learn how to drive a manual, a standard, you'd be really grace, graceful with him the first couple of times you're driving. You've never done it before. Of course, you're gonna be bucking and kicking and the car stalling. Of course, you are.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:25Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me about your self-imposed boundary.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Well, I think, um, a lot of people see my potential, you know, like my friends and like my loved ones. They all see that I'm capable of doing things. But again, I just hold myself back every time. And I think when I'm on my own, like if I'm, if I'm going somewhere by myself, I know how to do things and I'm independent. But then like once I'm in the, like in the presence of my friends or... You know, like at work, I think I kind of pull back and I'm, I'm not as competent. Um, and I think that also holds me back. Like, I don't know how, I don't know if there's a term for that, but,

• 42:11Speaker 03

  um, I just kind of dim myself and just follow someone's lead, but then I don't follow the lead correctly because I'll mess up or something and then I'm just like, oh, then that causes me a little bit of insecurity and I'm like, oh my God, I suck at this, you know?

• 42:29Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah. Well, there's two sides to that. Um, sucking at something isn't a bad thing.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 42:37Dr. John Delony?

  If you sucked at something and it got you hit across the face growing up,

• 42:42Dr. John Delony?

  that's another thing.

• 42:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:45Dr. John Delony?

  If you sucked at something and somebody said, "That's why your mom left," you know, because of your attitude.

• 42:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:52Dr. John Delony?

  Then yeah, you're gonna spend your whole adult life trying not to suck at things because it's, it's, it's an act of war in your body.

• 43:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:02Dr. John Delony?

  Fair enough.

• 43:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:06Dr. John Delony?

  Did I hit that on, that nail on the head right there?

• 43:08Speaker 03

  I think you're right. Yeah, because somebody actually did say that to me.

• 43:12Dr. John Delony?

  I know they did.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  About my cat, yeah.

• 43:13Dr. John Delony?

  I know they did. And hey, it wasn't true.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  No.

• 43:18Dr. John Delony?

  Wasn't true.

• 43:20Dr. John Delony?

  And what your body has learned over the course of your life is that when other people are around, it is your job to make sure everybody has what they need and to shut your mouth.

• 43:31Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm sorry that you were treated that way, but it was wrong. And you get to choose what happens next.

• 43:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:46Dr. John Delony?

  And so it's about practicing. And for someone like you, Bella, you know what I would do? I would tell my friends.

• 43:54Dr. John Delony?

  I'm practicing being more assertive now. You'll just have to get over it and they'll all laugh and be like, "Whatever Bella."

• 44:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 44:03Dr. John Delony?

  But I bet they'd go along with you, wouldn't they?

• 44:06Speaker 03

  They would.

• 44:07Dr. John Delony?

  And when it comes to putting out ads or marketing materials, make a commitment to the only person that matters right now, Bella. I will do five a day, period.

• 44:21Dr. John Delony?

  I'm just gonna do five a day. I will send five emails, five client reach outs, I will do five social media, I don't care what the thing is, I don't know what the thing is, and they're in California. I will do five a day. And when those five are done, I'm finished for the day.

• 44:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:37Dr. John Delony?

  I'm just gonna do five. That's all of the stomping on my spirit I can handle.

• 44:44Dr. John Delony?

  But what you're gonna find is, your body's gonna learn over time, you're not gonna die. And in fact, you're much stronger than you think you are. You just have to tiptoe out on that ledge and you're gonna realize it's not a ledge.

• 44:57Dr. John Delony?

  The word that keeps coming to mind is you gotta practice, you gotta practice, you gotta practice. You gotta practice being uncomfortable, you gotta practice failing, you gotta practice somebody saying, "Your spray tan sucks." And going, "Ugh, that doesn't feel good. But I got 10 more clients today. Either they're right, I gotta do better, or whatever, okay.

• 45:17Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm gonna go to the next thing."

• 45:20Dr. John Delony?

  But listen, the things that kept you safe as a kid are going to destroy your small business, they're gonna destroy your adult relationships, they're gonna continue to erode your own belief in you.

• 45:33Dr. John Delony?

  And it's time to not let those voices from your childhood, those nonsensical voices, continue to have a seat at the table in your life anymore.

• 45:44Dr. John Delony?

  You're not welcome here anymore, voices, time for y'all to go.

• 45:49Dr. John Delony?

  And you're gonna look around at a bunch of empty chairs and you're gonna have to fill them up with people who love you and care about you and who are willing to walk alongside you, let you fail, cheer you on.

• 46:01Dr. John Delony?

  I'm gonna be honest with you, I think you're on the right path. I think you just need to come down, impose some symptoms, I mean some symptoms. Impose some systems on yourself. I will do five a day. I will make one phone call. When I get uncomfortable, I'm just gonna put my fist in my chest, I'm gonna hold it there, I'm gonna keep making the phone call, I'm gonna keep making the piece of content, I'm gonna keep making the flyer. I am gonna send these out to people. Cause I'm here to help other people feel beautiful. I'm here to accentuate people, give them amazing photo shoots and amazing weddings, and whatever else the thing is. Cause I'm here to serve, I'm here to lift other people up.

• 46:40Dr. John Delony?

  And what I think you're gonna find is A, you're stronger than you think you are, and B, all those years of keeping your eyes open to keep you safe, reading a room is gonna make you amazing. When somebody walks in sheepishly for the first time and says, "I don't feel beautiful, can you help me feel beautiful?" And you're gonna go, "Oh man, sit down." "We're coming here into the booth, I got you." And you're gonna be a gift.

• 47:05Dr. John Delony?

  Thanks for the call, sister, I'm grateful for you. I'm gonna send you a copy of Building a Non-Anxious Life as my gift to you. I want you to read it all the way through, and I want you to use it as a roadmap to slowly start practicing a new way to walk through this crazy, crazy world. You're a blessing, talk to you soon, we'll be right back.

• 47:26Dr. John Delony?

  Kelly, what did I put on the internet?

• 47:28Speaker 02

  Alright, you said, "My wife has been out of town for several days. When she got home today, I was overwhelmed by how much I missed my friend. I was so happy she was home. This led me to think. I used to think love and marriage were only about fireworks and hot feelings, and sometimes they are. But after years of hard, hard work, I'm finding a good marriage is when two people can't wait to hang out with each other, even after all the heartache, the do-overs, and challenges. If your marriage is barely hanging on, know this: The work and the forgiveness and the healing is worth it. I promise you, a good marriage is worth it."

• 48:06Dr. John Delony?

  My wife was out of town for days this time, and it was hard, man. It was real hard, and the first night I was mad, the second day I was frustrated.

• 48:19Dr. John Delony?

  And I guess I was just reflecting last night, like I couldn't wait till she got home just to hang out. Like I just missed my buddy, right? And it wasn't about like, "I need some help around here," it wasn't that at all. In fact, by the time she got back, she'd been gone long enough, she was gone for days this time. We'd gotten into a routine, me and the kids, we were in a routine, we were laughing, we were being goofy. Uh, Josephine and I had worked through our demons, and whoa, there were demons. We worked through them, like, we were just in it. And, um, then it was like, "Oh man, I miss my buddy." Like some things happened. And I guess just in a moment of reflection, uh... Man, if you had told me five years ago, six years ago, 10 years ago,

• 48:58Dr. John Delony?

  when things were real, real rough between us, um, that I wouldn't, I would just want her to come home, and not because like, "Oh yeah, now let's go to..." Not because of that, but just because I missed my buddy. Um, I never would have believed you. And I never would have thought that was true. And here we are. And so it was just a cool, um, I don't know, just a cool little moment I had when it's like, "I'm so glad I didn't quit. I'm so glad we sat at the table and said, 'I'll rebuild this thing if you will, um, and let's do this thing together.'" Because I never could have imagined that here I am, with two knuckle-headed kids who I love, who are just being maniacal and too many dogs in the house, and ah, all this stuff. I just want my buddy to come hang out, I want my buddy to come home. And I just, I never would have seen that coming.

• 49:44Dr. John Delony?

  It was pretty cool. So if you're struggling, hang in there. If you gotta rebuild, rebuild. I'm just telling you, it's worth it. It's worth it. Love you guys, stay in school, don't do drugs, bye.