Moment 115 - 3 Happiness Pillars Everyone Needs To Know: Dr Rangan Chatterjee

In this moment, the physician, presenter, and podcaster Dr Rangan Chatterjee discusses what happiness REALLY is. Too often we chase after the emotion happiness itself, when actually it is a byproduct that comes from doing the right things. For Dr Chatterjee there are 3 core pillars of happiness, these are: alignment, contentment and control. These foundations are the difference between real happiness and pleasurable experiences, and a happiness that works for you compared what society tells you is happiness. Listen to the full episode here - https://g2ul0.app.link/DmC3uNmKMsb Dr Rangan: https://www.instagram.com/drchatterjee/?hl=en https://drchatterjee.com Watch the Episodes On Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/TheDiaryOfACEO/videos Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Speaker 00

  I heard your conversation with Mo in the hotel room last night, which was fantastic. So good. And I agree with what you and Mo were saying. Happiness is a choice.

• 0:15Speaker 00

  When you understand what happiness really is. What is it? It's not a thing that you can get to.

• 0:25Speaker 00

  It's not something that you can pursue directly. It's something that ensues when you do

• 0:33Speaker 00

  the right things. And the right things for me

• 0:38Speaker 00

  are when you focus on the three, I call happiness as three-legged stool. Alignment, contentment, control. You can apply it to anything in life. I think that's what happiness is, and I think we are pursuing it. Like, people say we shouldn't be we shouldn't be going after happiness, we should be going after meaning. Have you heard that? Yeah, yeah, all the time. Right. I have a different perspective.

• 1:02Speaker 00

  Meaning and purpose is really important, no question. But I don't think that's happiness. It's meaning, right? It's a necessary ingredient for happiness, but it's not happiness in and of itself. And I don't mean to be controversial, but let's say a soldier fighting in World War II against the Nazis.

• 1:27Speaker 00

  One might make the case that that has meaning. Doesn't mean they're happy. Hundred percent. Right. So meaning and happiness are subtly different. Have you heard of the Japanese concept of ikigai? Yes, yeah, yeah. Right. I love ikigai, this idea that

• 1:42Speaker 00

  you know, we should be looking, not should be, but we could be looking for something in our life that we enjoy, that we're good at, that's what the world needs and what pays us money. Right? The kind of holy grail, as it were. And I remember writing about this in my second book on stress. I remember the book came out and I was in London. I was giving a talk. And at the end of the talk, we were doing Q and A. I remember the back right of the hall, this young lady had a hand up and she said, Dr. Shastky. I'm an 18 year old Japanese student living in London. I've grown up with the concept of ikigai my entire life and frankly, I found it demoralising, demotivating, too high a bar for me to get to.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  And that stuck with me, mate, because I thought since then, okay, that's so interesting because I love this concept of ikigai. She grows up with it and finds it off putting. I think the problem with these grand ideas of meaning, purpose, ikigai, as much as I like them, they're not for everyone. Someone, someone might be hearing that in a call centre right now. They don't like their job, they're doing it. And they're like, what ikigai, are you kidding me, mate? I just want to get through and, and pay the bills, right? So I think, I bring it all back. Is this core happiness tool that I've created, is it applicable in all situations? I think it is because if you look at it through the lens of what we're talking about, this comes under alignment.

• 3:11Speaker 00

  So that chat working in the call centre, they do the exercise and they figure out kindness is something that's really important to them. Then if on the way to work, they stop in the coffee shop and they're kind to the barista. They get on the bus to work and they're kind to the bus driver. They go to the job that they don't particularly like, but they are kind to their colleagues and their boss. They're living in aligned life. They're living with meaning. It doesn't mean that the job that they're in currently is the job that they love and they're going to be in forever. But they're living in harmony with who they are. And that's going to mean that meaning and purpose come naturally as a byproduct. So I want people to really focus on alignment.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  It's one pillar of happiness and I think your meaning and purpose will come. Can you talk to me about control as well? I thought long and hard about this word, control.

• 4:04Speaker 00

  And I am the Nard, was it the right word to use? And I spoke to some of my patients, I spoke to some of my friends. I don't really think it is when we understand. It's about what are the things that I can do in my life that gives me a sense of control? We know from the scientific research, when you have a sense of control, right, you have better relationships, you have longer relationships, you're healthier, you have lower stress levels, you live longer. So it's that sense of control. And that could mean many things to different people. You know, for me, I'm really big on morning routines, right? I know for me, if I get up early, if I have time to myself to have a little routine,

• 4:48Speaker 00

  I've almost got this resilient bubble around me. Doesn't matter what's going on in the world, doesn't matter how bad work may or may not get that day. I've got an element of control because I've nurtured that routine for myself. So that's one, that's one way that people can think about control. And another way people might want to think about control is, and there's a chapter in the book called Talk to Strangers, which is basically this idea that actually, relationships are very important, of course, but there's kind of two different kinds of relationships. So the deep nurturing intimate relationships, but there's also the,

• 5:25Speaker 00

  there's also those kind of almost trivial interactions that we have day to day. Right? So when you say hi to the barista, or, you know, I said hi to your work colleagues when I got here. Those little things, they are not trivial. There's a network in your brain called the sociometer, right? It's constantly detecting your external world for threats. And when it receives positive information like a smile, like a, you know, a bit of a nod, a handshake, you know, it sort of relaxes, your stress levels go down, you feel a sense of connection with the world around you, coming back to control. You feel that the external world is safe.

• 6:10Steven Bartlett?

  Safe, yeah.

• 6:11Speaker 00

  I've got a degree of control. There is order in the world. Let's focus on these simple things you can do each day. If you say hi to the Amazon delivery driver and smile at them. Say thank you to the barista and say a few nice words to them. Say hi to the bus driver and smile at them. Thank the postman. You are working on your happiness.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  You know, it seems trivial, but it's not. The research is so, so clear, right? Because it gives you a sense of control. Second pillar of the three.

• 6:41Steven Bartlett?

  And we've got to touch on the third pillar before I start getting into all of these topics. Because it's so interesting that these are the things that, you know, we're talking about today. Because I think I spent all weekend reading about studies on the importance of, you call it the sociometer in the brain, but just that, that thing that connects you with your tribe. But please do get into the third point, which I think you said was contentment.

• 7:02Speaker 00

  Contentment, yeah.

• 7:03Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  Contentment is about feeling calm and that sense of peace. When you're at peace with your life and you're at peace with your decisions. So what things in your life give you that sense of contentment? And I really feel it's these three things. When you put them all together, the side effect of doing them is you're happy.

• 7:29Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 7:29Speaker 00

  Right? But, but also happiness is not often what we think it is. That, that big billboard image of the, the happy family on the beach with a smile on their face in the ocean behind them, right? That to me is not happiness. That's a pleasurable experience.

• 7:48Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  It can form part of a happy life, but that's not happiness. You can be sad and happy. The way I look at happiness, core happiness. I was thinking about this last week. I was chatting to someone who.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  He was going through grief, you know, someone very close to them had died. And, you know, we were having a really long, deep conversation. But they were present with their grief and they were able to share with me exactly how they were feeling. No masks on at all in terms of these kind of metaphorical masks that we put on. They were just being themselves.

• 8:29Speaker 00

  That's called happiness.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Because they're aligned, right? Their inner thoughts are, I feel sad, upset, frustrated for my loss. And their external actions are completely aligned with that. So I kind of feel really what happiness is about is living an intentional life.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  It's about taking the time to understand who you are, defining for yourself what happiness is or what success looks like. Not using society's definition. You posted a few days ago, don't use society's definition of fun. But it was a great post, you know? Just because society says to have fun, you need to go to a bar, have loud music on and get drunk. Well, if you like to sit at home in the bath, reading a good book.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  That, that's great. If you don't, that's fine as well, but it's got to be you. It's your values. So I can't tell someone what they need to necessarily do in all aspects of their life to be happy. But be intentional about your life.