How She Built Her Confidence, and Then an Empire with Krissy Cela

Parts of this episode made me feel uncomfortable, it may make you feel the same, but trust me, you need to hear this. This week I sat down with Krissy Cela, this was such a brave, truthful conversation. From being an immigrant, bullied on the school playground to becoming a multi-millionaire entrepreneur, author and one of the UK’s most recognised fitness trainers. Krissy shared the highs, but also the lows of being an entrepreneur that most won’t speak about. She's now the CEO of a business valued at almost £100m. This is the raw, unfiltered truth of Krissy Cela. Krissy's book - https://amzn.eu/d/gc8OHM9 Follow me: https://beacons.ai/diaryofaceo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Steven Bartlett?

  Honesty really, really matters. And I think much of the reason why I started this podcast was to give the world the much-needed honesty it needs, but often doesn't get. You hear success stories that are glamorized and that are oversimplified, but that's rarely, rarely the case. This week's guest will give you exactly that, raw, unfiltered honesty, like you've never heard it before. And in some points, honesty that might make you a little bit uncomfortable. It made her uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable. This week, I'm joined by Chrissie Chella. She's an unbelievable, and in my opinion, heavily underrated entrepreneur, running multiple multimillion-pound businesses. She's one of the UK's number one fitness creators,

• 0:44Steven Bartlett?

  athletes, whatever you want to call her. She's an author. Her book is coming out in January. She has a remarkable story, one that starts from very, very humble beginnings as an immigrant that was bullied on the playground in the UK. And what you'll find out about her is inspiring. It's captivating. It's real. One of the most amazing conversations I've ever had on this podcast, and I'm so glad that we can bring you her story in this way, told with total honesty. Without further ado, I'm Steven Bartlett, and this is the Diary of a CEO. I hope nobody is listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself.

• 1:29Steven Bartlett?

  As I did a little bit of research on you, and I got to sort of uncover your story, and I got to stalk you a little bit on social media, the more and more that I observed and sort of looked past your Instagram feed, the more I saw a pretty remarkable entrepreneur and business person. And one of the thoughts that came to my mind, and you know, this podcast is all about speaking your truth and being honest, was this question, which is, do you think that you get the credit you deserve?

• 2:00Speaker 01

  As an entrepreneur?

• 2:02Steven Bartlett?

  That's the question.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  Um, it's not about me. I haven't built a community about me. I've built a community about helping other women. And I think that-

• 2:15Speaker 01

  It's never fully been about me and the credit that I get is seeing other women thrive and succeed and come together. And that for me is enough credit. I don't need an award. I don't need someone to say, oh, my God, you're the best businesswoman in the world. For me, when I see or when I read another woman's story, that for me is enough. I don't need anything else. So, yeah, I do.

• 2:43Steven Bartlett?

  So, cause I was, when I, I was watching some of your stories on Instagram and you, you run an office, right, of people, you run multiple businesses, right? And I typically think that people are very, very quick to arrive at judgment when they see a pretty young lady who's worked out on Instagram, who has a big following. And they, and this is just being completely honest, they tend to come to judgments very quickly.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  A conclusion.

• 3:09Steven Bartlett?

  A conclusion, yeah. And that, that conclusion and that narrative or that image that they form of that person, I've come to learn is usually severely wrong.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  A hundred percent it is. And, you know, it's funny you say that because I've also been on multiple dates with people. And, you know, they see my Instagram following and they automatically assume that, oh, it's because you get your ass out. That's, that's, that's why you make money. Or it's because you get your ass out. That's why you've built what you've built. And the truth is, if I did that, and if that was the fundamental reason, then I wouldn't have a team of thirty people in one company and build in another company that sells out every time we restock. It goes past being a pretty face or a pretty picture. It goes past being a nice body. It's about the message that you have. It's about what you want to truly, truly put out in the world.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  And I think if people make that conclusion, it says more about them than it does to me.

• 4:07Steven Bartlett?

  How does it make you feel though? And I want you to be really honest here. How does it make you feel?

• 4:11Speaker 01

  I think. Okay, like, I'm gonna be completely honest.

• 4:15Steven Bartlett?

  Please.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  I think it's one thing to be judged and it's another thing to be judged as a woman. Okay, so why is it that when you see a handsome man, you don't come to a conclusion that he only got what he got because he's handsome? Why is it as a woman, I have to justify myself more? I have to explain myself more all the time. It's draining. I shouldn't have to explain myself. My face, my body, all of this stuff, it's just external, you know? And I think that.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Can I swear on this?

• 4:49Steven Bartlett?

  Of course you can.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Oh, can I swear?

• 4:52Steven Bartlett?

  I do it all the time.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  I swear on my YouTube all the time. Some people get offended. I'm like, listen, this is, this is who I am.

• 4:57Steven Bartlett?

  Listen to something else.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, it pisses me off. It pisses me off, but at the same time, it's like it feeds me.

• 5:04Steven Bartlett?

  Right.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  You know, it feeds me, like piss me off even more because that's how I thrive. You, you saying to me, I can't do something. You saying to me that I only got there because of this and that. It pushes me more to achieve more. And yeah, I mean, it's their problem, not mine, I guess.

• 5:22Steven Bartlett?

  There's a lot of, you know, let's just for a second, imagine that that judgment of you was correct and that you'd got here because you were pretty or whatever, or you're, you know, you have a, a great physique or whatever it was. Um, what would they be missing? What is the truth? What, why, why did you get here? Because there are lots of very pretty people out there, right?

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:43Steven Bartlett?

  Um, but for some reason you made it here and, and I've seen your businesses. I've looked into them. You have pretty phenomenal businesses and you're running big teams of people in big offices. So like, there's two kind of thoughts to this, but I think the central question that I'm trying to get an answer for myself is what is it about Chrissy? That differentiated you, your approach, your message and the way that you connect with people from all of these other people that are trying to do what you're doing?

• 6:11Speaker 01

  I think in all honesty, if I'm, if I'm answering that question from a personal perspective, I've always been a hundred percent honest and transparent with who I am. You're not going to find a hidden secret or some nasty surprise. Like this is who I am. You literally either take it or you leave it. And I'm not going to try and be anything else to fit in for anybody else, you know? And for me, when I started my fitness journey, when I, you know, moved countries to England, I never felt like I had a sense of home. I never felt like anybody understood me. So to be blessed with a platform where I can build a community and bring women together globally,

• 6:56Speaker 01

  you know, this is, this goes beyond me. This is about bringing women together that have been abused, that have had, you know, mental disorders, eating disorders, such bad things. You couldn't even imagine what women have gone through and have told me. To bring them all together and to create this tribe, you know, that for me is like, I think that's what people see.

• 7:21Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  And I think that's what people believe I want to do because I genuinely do want to do that. And.

• 7:28Steven Bartlett?

  You know, one of the things that, sorry to interrupt there, but I really wanted to, one of the things you said was about you being yourself. And I asked you that question actually with a bit of a preconceived idea of what the answer would be. And when I watch you on Instagram, the feel that I get from you versus pretty much everybody else, other than one other person, I've got to be honest, and he's sat in this chair and he's actually coming back is Joe Wicks. Like when I met Joe Wicks, he is the guy you meet off, off, off air or whatever, is the same guy. And he's so fucking genuine and all he cares about is like genuinely helping people. But the reason, I said to Joe, I said, I think the reason you're so successful is because you are yourself. And you will share it all. And when I, when I was watching you on Instagram and watching some of your videos,

• 8:13Steven Bartlett?

  you cater to the 99% of people's lives, which is the real shit.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:18Steven Bartlett?

  I saw your video this week you did on your story, you waking up and you saying, listen, I don't want to wake up today. And most people don't admit that because, you know, a lack of perfection is sometimes perceived as weakness. So I wondered how that resonated with you in terms of the importance of your success originating from Chrissie being her truest self.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're, you can only be the best version of yourself, right? And I think if you start trying to be something else, soon enough, it will come out. Or you'll start to fall through the cracks, or it will slip, something will slip. And you can only uphold that image and, you know, that presence for so long before it really just fucks up. So the only thing you can do is be the best version of yourself. And this is what I tell people all the time. It's never been about other people's perceptions of you. It's always been what you think about yourself. And if you truly, truly believe in yourself, you won't wanna be anybody else. You wanna, you won't wanna be fake. You wouldn't

• 9:17Speaker 01

  wanna be trying to please everyone. My job isn't to please everyone.

• 9:21Steven Bartlett?

  Were you always at that point?

• 9:22Speaker 01

  No.

• 9:23Steven Bartlett?

  Tell me about that.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, no. I mean, I remember when I was in a relationship, I was sixteen years old. I was like, I'm gonna marry this person. I'm so in love. Like, this is it. And then he cheated on me. And I was like, oh, shit, this is not it.

• 9:37Steven Bartlett?

  What's his name?

• 9:37Speaker 01

  No. He does not deserve the airtime. I'll tell you that much. But I was heartbroken and I was trying so hard to please this person. You know, I was trying so hard, even in school. I know it sounds petty, but I was trying so hard to fit in all the time, all the time. I remember, like, this is so, this is not cute on my end, I'm gonna be honest with you. I remember being at school, and I'm foreign, okay? Like, I'm Mediterranean, we're hairy, okay? And I had a, no, I had a moustache, and the girls used to rip me for it. And I was so sad. I was like, oh, my God, why am I not like these pretty English girls? Like,

• 10:21Speaker 01

  I don't understand. Like, I used to feel so shitty about myself, constantly trying to, like, fit in. And then when I got cheated on, I was like, oh, my God, it must be because I'm not pretty enough. It must be because I'm not sexy enough. Fuck that. That's draining. What do you mean I constantly have to be something else for someone else? I'm never gonna be happy. And I, I wasn't happy for such a long time. So yeah, I just, I just fully like exposed my moustache story there.

• 10:49Steven Bartlett?

  That's fine. So let's take us from moustache to self-confidence.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Um.

• 10:54Steven Bartlett?

  What was that journey and what changed your, your, your self-esteem and your self-confidence? What helped you get that confidence in yourself?

• 11:02Speaker 01

  I think for me, it was.

• 11:05Steven Bartlett?

  Can we just, I think that should be the podcast title.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  No, no, seriously, even Sarah doesn't know that. I used to have a, no, guys, I'm gonna be honest with you. Okay. Like, I don't give a fuck. I had a moustache growing up. Okay. And all the girls used to rip me the fuck up. They used to be like, eh, you're a man, you're a boy. Like, honestly, bitchy shit, man. And I ate my school dinner for six months in a toilet. Cause I didn't have any friends.

• 11:34Steven Bartlett?

  Do you think that experience is part of the reason you are who you are today?

• 11:38Speaker 01

  One hundred percent. Like, honestly, it's pretty impossible to, to break me. And when you've broken me, understand that you've really like broken me down because it takes a lot now.

• 11:52Steven Bartlett?

  Was that, we talk about the, the mustache, mustache thing as if it was this kind of trivial thing. But I'm guessing what you're saying is you were bullied in school.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, but at the same time, it's not like I was constantly bullied. Like, I think, I don't know, a lot of us go through awkward stages in school, trying to make friends, trying to be with a cool gang, trying to do this, trying to do that. Then you almost become like mean as well because you're so hurt by everybody else that you only, yeah. So I think, you know, like, I remember walking into sixth form one time and a lot of personal things happened in my life. And no one wanted to be around me at that point. And I just hated everyone around me and I was full of anger, constant anger and hate. You know, and I didn't want to be that person anymore, especially after being cheated on. I didn't want to be that person anymore.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  And I remember being on the train one day, because I used to work in Potter's Bar at the time. Um, in this little men's boutique, like retail shop, and I was coming back home. And I remember like the penny dropped and I was like, I can try so hard to be sexy and cool and all this stuff for other people. But I'm not doing anything for myself. And that's where the quote, do this for you comes from. Because I signed up to the gym that day. And then I walked straight back out and didn't go back for two months. I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna lie to you. I signed up and I was like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this. I know what to do. Signed up, didn't come back for two months. I was like, fuck that shit, I ain't going back. I don't know what to do.

• 13:26Steven Bartlett?

  Why didn't you go?

• 13:27Speaker 01

  Cause I was scared. I was like, who, I was like, who do, who do you think you are Chrissie? Trying to be like a fitness girl. You don't know what you're doing. You know, this was like six years ago. You don't know what you're doing. Go back home, relax. Alright, relax, chill. Go to work, study, relax.

• 13:46Steven Bartlett?

  At some point you must have changed your mind.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I did, I did. And I did. And I was like, uh, okay, no, I need to do this. Like, what am I doing? I'm so lethargic. I'm tired all the time. I'm not strong. I was never like, um, overweight or underweight. I was just tired all the time and drained, especially mentally. So when I got into the gym, I remember looking at the leg press machine and I was like, what is this transformer? I don't know what the fuck to do with this machine. And everybody else around me seemed to kinda know what to do. And then there was like men there and the women were on the cardio machines and the men were at the weights. I didn't care about the cardio machine. I was so intrigued by the weights.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  I was like, what, why do men go there? What is it about men that go there and women go there? I wanna go there. And I didn't know how to use weights. I didn't know what I was doing. I was training. I didn't have anything, like no one was on Instagram at the time. No one was teaching the way social media has literally opened up a book full of information and free content. And we didn't, I didn't have that at the time I started, you know?

• 14:55Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  I didn't know what I was doing.

• 14:58Steven Bartlett?

  So how did you?

• 14:59Speaker 01

  I learned.

• 15:00Steven Bartlett?

  You learned?

• 15:00Speaker 01

  I just learned. I just was like, you know what? I'm just gonna do this. And I kinda, I kinda got addicted to the feeling of. How completing a workout made me feel. And I started going again and again, and I started learning because.

• 15:17Steven Bartlett?

  What was it doing for you going?

• 15:19Speaker 01

  It was giving me my therapy.

• 15:21Steven Bartlett?

  Therapy from what?

• 15:23Speaker 01

  From life, from my reality, from the fact that I was so depressed with who I was and so angry at the world. And everything the world had done to me. And the only time I felt like I could escape was at the gym, which is so crazy. Cause the gym is like a chore for people. It's, I've got to fucking train today. But I went there and I escaped.

• 15:51Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  It was therapy. And no one could take that feeling away from me. Not an ex boyfriend that cheated on me, not a mean girl at school, not a horrible boss, no one.

• 16:04Steven Bartlett?

  Isn't it funny that so much of, you know, when you speak to people that have achieved great things? It all seems to have been sparked by like an earlier catalyst of being bullied or feeling insecure or inadequate in some way. I see the same in myself. The reason why I am successful without a shadow of a doubt is because the feeling of being broke and being inadequate in the area that I lived in and having all the windows on my house smashed for a decade and the grass being six foot high and but living in all of these, around all of these white people. Zero black people at my school other than my brother and my other brother. That feeling of inadequacy put pressure on me for like fifteen, sixteen years.

• 16:45Steven Bartlett?

  And so my obsession, as I wrote in my diary at eighteen, was I'm gonna have a million pounds before I'm twenty five. I'm gonna have a Range Rover is gonna be my first car, right? Couldn't even drive.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's so funny. I did the same.

• 16:56Steven Bartlett?

  Right.

• 16:57Speaker 01

  I swear. And it's so funny you say you was the only black man in your school because I was the only foreign guy on mine.

• 17:02Steven Bartlett?

  I was trying to contend with this whole idea of having curly hair. I was like, I, I started relaxing it when I was twelve, so it'd be straight. And, and, and I look back and I think if I hadn't have gone through that in the way that I had.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  You wouldn't be where you are today.

• 17:13Steven Bartlett?

  Fucking shadow of a doubt. Not a, and, and it's like that pressure releases at some point.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Hundred percent.

• 17:18Steven Bartlett?

  Different ways. I could have ended up in prison.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:21Steven Bartlett?

  My, my, my friends, my best friend said to me at eighteen, he said, Steve, and I remember where I stood when he said it. He said, you're either gonna be. A millionaire or you're gonna be in prison.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 17:28Steven Bartlett?

  And it hit me like a ton of bricks because he was telling the truth. I cared so much about escaping from that pressure and from that life. That it was gonna channel itself into something. So tell me about your diary. What did you write in your diary?

• 17:40Speaker 01

  Oh, God, I remember it's so funny, right? I remember I wrote down and I will never ever forget, I wrote down, I'm gonna be someone one day. I wrote, I wrote that down and then I remember you have blackberries.

• 17:56Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  All right, back in the day and I used to write in my BlackBerry and I just believed it.

• 18:05Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  And anyway, when I went to the gym and kind of figured it out along the way. Um, I fell in love with someone at the gym that I was going. He's now my ex fiance, by the way, everyone, we're no longer together. But he is a very important person in this story. Because when I met him, I was at rock bottom. But I was also trying to find my feet and I was becoming more confident in myself. And that confidence, confidence did grow and attract the person that I was supposed to be with at the time, right? Because I do believe your, your vibe and energy attract the people that you have around you, right? And I remember he was driving me to work one day because I was waitressing.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  And I looked at him and I said, I don't know why I started Instagram at this point, had like fifty thousand followers. I started Instagram, in all honesty, I started it just to see how I looked doing exercises and Hollywood record me. And I was like, oh my God, I'm gonna break my back. I don't know what I'm doing. I need to fix my form. But somehow people started loving it. And anyway, he was driving me to work and I go, Jack, I don't know why, but I feel like we're gonna achieve something by helping women.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Do you know what he said to me? He goes, yeah, whatever, man. Get to work. I'll come pick you up. I was like, no, I feel it. And I started crying, crying, streams of tears. He was like, what's wrong with you? I was like, no, I believe it. I don't know what it is. It's this feeling. I can't explain. Never had that feeling before. And here we are today.

• 19:49Steven Bartlett?

  What do you think that feeling was?

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Belief.

• 19:52Steven Bartlett?

  Where did that belief come from?

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Me. I just believed in me so much that no one, not even, you know, the person I was with could sway me another way. And I do think a lot of that comes from persevering in the gym and growing that discipline.

• 20:11Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm. And growing evidence, right? That you could, right?

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Yeah. Cause when you're, when you start doing something good for yourself, training was good for me, right? You start to build these disciplines and habits and consistencies and they transfer in other aspects of your life. It's like a domino effect.

• 20:28Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  So I started becoming more disciplined at university. I didn't need 10 cans of Red Bull to stay awake. I was focused. Um, I would excel all the time. And it, it, it wasn't because I put in extra hours. It was because I was so hyper focused. Where I was with who I was, I was present. And if it wasn't for the gym, I wouldn't be able to have done that.

• 20:54Steven Bartlett?

  So your ex fiance?

• 20:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:56Steven Bartlett?

  Jack?

• 20:56Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 20:58Steven Bartlett?

  Do you think you would have met him had you not built the confidence within yourself or started to build the confidence within yourself? That the gym had given you. Do you think you would have been ready, quote unquote, to have that relationship with him at that time? If you were the old Chrissy?

• 21:14Speaker 01

  No. Um, and if I did, if I was with someone at the time, I wasn't so confident, it would have been the wrong person. Because you attract the energy that you have, you attract what you believe in yourself. If you're constantly negative about yourself, if you're constantly just trying to make yourself believe you're you're just not worthy, you're always gonna attract that. And don't get me wrong, there was like dates in between Jack.

• 21:41Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 21:42Speaker 01

  Obviously, when I wasn't with him, by the way, I mean.

• 21:44Steven Bartlett?

  I say.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  No, I mean, like after the guy that cheated on me, I had like I went for a I went for a phase, I went through dating and it's always the wrong guy, it was the wrong guy. And then it was, I realized it's because I'm trying to find happiness in other people. Constantly trying to find happiness in other people. And then when I started focusing on myself, he came along.

• 22:08Steven Bartlett?

  You know, a lot of women, when they're in this situation where they're lacking confidence or self-worth, or they're feeling like something is missing, will, and this isn't just women, this is.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  Men as well.

• 22:18Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, right, they'll think that the answer is a romantic solution.

• 22:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:22Steven Bartlett?

  Right. Is it?

• 22:24Speaker 01

  No, it's not. Um, I've been there, I've done that. And obviously, I'm speaking from personal experience. You could find someone that really helps you, you know, you could genuinely find someone who inspires you, motivates you, pushes you. And that's so remarkable. And if you do find that person, don't let them go, you know? But unfortunately, if you have so much self-hatred, you are never gonna be satisfied in the relationship that you are in. Because you constantly have to find that person to give you that happiness.

• 22:56Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  You're constantly waiting for that person to do something for you.

• 22:59Steven Bartlett?

  Unstable, right, it's like.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  It's unstable. It is a lot of dependency. And um, I think that the most rela- most important relationship you're ever gonna have is gonna be with yourself. Because when you go to bed at night and you're in your own little thoughts up here, right, that's you and you. That's you and you. So you've got to fix that up here first before you go trying to find a a a person to share your life with, you know?

• 23:26Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm. And you know, so you end up, you know, Jack ends up proposing.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:33Steven Bartlett?

  You, you build a business together, which is a topic in and of itself, which you're, you're still working together with him on now.

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:41Steven Bartlett?

  And then at some point you'd both decide in a very, you know, and I've, I've listened to your story. So you decided in a very amicable, mature way that this situation isn't making both of you right, happy.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:52Steven Bartlett?

  And there was a sentence you said where you said, um, you and Jack grew apart, which I found quite curious. And I find it curious because on this podcast, we've, we've been talking a lot about monogamy for whatever reason. And this idea, in, in fact, the last guest we had on Dr. Aria, who was, you know, who people have been really, really blown away about, um, he, he was cheated on by his partner, you know, and he found out in a really horrific way that she was pregnant with another man's baby.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I listened to that.

• 24:17Steven Bartlett?

  Okay. And so on that sentence about growing apart, this makes me ask you the same question about monogamy. If it's possible for you to meet someone and grow apart, you know, especially, you know, because everybody's growing in some way. Um, what are your thoughts on monogamy? Having been almost to the altar with someone, what are your thoughts on monogamy and?

• 24:39Speaker 01

  I, can I be honest?

• 24:41Steven Bartlett?

  I mean, please, you never have to ask permission again, to be honest.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  I've never said this ever. And I'm a little bit nervous to say this, but I, when I was with Jack, I thought that that was my person and I genuinely felt it in my heart, in my soul. I never questioned it once. Right. And we grew apart and that's because a lot of people don't know what was going on behind the scenes. Last year, when I launched Tony Scott with Jack, we had a lawsuit against us, you know, no one really knew about that, you know, 50 grand in, in lawsuits, trying to get our app that we, we built just to be ours and then build it from the ground up. That's why we had to refurbish and relaunch the programs because everything is now built homegrown in our offices.

• 25:31Steven Bartlett?

  With your technology.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  With our technology, right? And do you know how much pressure that adds to a relationship?

• 25:37Steven Bartlett?

  I can't imagine.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  And you're going home and you're like, what do you mean you didn't do this? What do you mean you didn't do that? Hating each other, resenting each other because you think they're to blame. He thinks you're to blame. I think he's to blame. Right. And.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  It's going to take a very, very special person to fit into the shoes that Jack left. You know, he is such an incredible man. In every aspect, works hard, is caring, is loving, is ambitious, is everything a woman would want in a man. Unfortunately, we grew apart.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  And it is unfortunate because I genuinely loved him and still do love him unconditionally. I'd give him my kidney if he needed it. And it would take someone very, very special and confident to fill that space up. And I'm not gonna hold my breath. Does that make sense? I'm not gonna hold my breath, I'm gonna.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  You know, let's just see where it goes.

• 26:42Steven Bartlett?

  You think it's possible?

• 26:44Speaker 01

  Um, I think it's possible. I think anything's possible. I just think that it's gonna take someone with a hell of a lot of confidence and someone that understands that I don't need anything else but effort and time from them. I don't need your money, I don't need your gifts, I don't need.

• 27:04Steven Bartlett?

  So you're saying you think that Jack's shoes will be difficult to fill? And it's almost like you're setting his shoes as the standard of what you're looking for in the future. So it kind of begs the question, well, you've got two feet that fit those shoes perfectly, Jack's. So why isn't he filling those shoes?

• 27:25Speaker 01

  I think if anyone turns around and says to you that I work with my partner and we run a company of thirty people and hundreds and thousands of subscribers and, you know, an ever-growing company and we're so in love. I, I literally will look at them and be like, how did you make that happen? Working and being romantically involved with someone is difficult. Because let me tell you something, when you come home from work, you're coming home from work with the same person. What do you think you're gonna speak about when you get home? Work.

• 28:03Steven Bartlett?

  Work.

• 28:04Speaker 01

  What do you think you're gonna speak about, um, after you have sex?

• 28:10Steven Bartlett?

  The work.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  The work.

• 28:12Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 28:13Speaker 01

  I'm being honest, like you live and you breathe your company. Jack is an entrepreneur himself. Jack is a co-founder. Jack built this with me, right?

• 28:24Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  So if I'm going through all those things as an entrepreneur, as a co-founder, he is as well.

• 28:30Steven Bartlett?

  I don't know if you're answering the question, Chrissie.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  But I am answering the question. It doesn't work.

• 28:34Steven Bartlett?

  It doesn't work because you work together.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:36Steven Bartlett?

  And if you didn't work together?

• 28:37Speaker 01

  It would have probably worked.

• 28:40Steven Bartlett?

  Isn't that a shame?

• 28:41Speaker 01

  When I, when I, um, when I first met Jack, I have never felt that way about someone before. And I never once questioned our relationship or I never once questioned whether I didn't want to be with this person. And it's funny because when we hire new people at Tone and Sculpt, they obviously know mine and Jack's relationship. And a lot of employees tend to get a bit nervous. They're like, are the co-founders going to be bitter? Are they going to be nasty to one another? And do you know what they always say? It's insane how much respect and love they have for one another. It's actually a bit worrying. How much respect and love we have for one another. And had we not had Tone and Sculpt, we would have a hundred percent been married by now, probably expecting a first child.

• 29:26Steven Bartlett?

  Is Jack in a relationship?

• 29:28Speaker 01

  I don't know. We don't speak about stuff like that.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  I don't know if he's in a relationship. Okay, so here's another thing. Jack's made it pretty clear. He's been like, I don't know who I'm going to find that's like you.

• 29:43Steven Bartlett?

  And you've said the same to me today.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  And I've said the same thing about him. Um, and another thing is I've been with him for five years, right? I was with him for five years. I still work with him. In a normal situation, you break up and you.

• 29:58Steven Bartlett?

  Go separate ways.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Go separate ways. You don't speak, you don't see, unless you're stalking each other, which I would because I'm a weirdo. So I'd stalk you for a bit until I got over you. But what I'm saying is I see him every day. So it's like, how can I ever forget about you? You're always there. I speak to you every day. I'm on the phone to you every day. We make executive decisions together every day. I still go to you for advice every day. But why is I don't look at you and want to kiss you?

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Right?

• 30:28Steven Bartlett?

  Do you?

• 30:29Speaker 01

  No, I don't. I don't.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  I don't. Not, not, not right now anyway, but I don't.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  To be in a relationship, you have to have that flair. Come on, you have to have that spark that you make me feel some type of way. And I know over time it will pass and whatever. But it sounds so weird, but I see him almost like a best friend. But then everyone always tells you to marry your best friend. So maybe have I got relationships all wrong? Right?

• 31:08Speaker 01

  So I don't know, I don't know. But all I'm saying is the person that I'm with and next with or whatever.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  They don't necessarily have like, they're not competing because that's horrible. You don't want to compete.

• 31:22Steven Bartlett?

  Kind of somewhat unavoidable though, especially in Chrissie's brain.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  But at the same time, it's like, Jack was, is the most genuine person, like, would always take care of me, always listen, always put me first, would always want me to succeed. It was every check, check, check, check, check. But why are we not together? I don't, I, me, myself, I still don't have a, a fundamental reason as to why. You know, I read the comments and people were like, of course you would leave Jack. Now she's got like millions of followers and has got money. Of course she was, she's gonna go marry a rich Arab man. I was like, what? You clearly don't know me. You clearly don't know me.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  But um, I don't have a rich Arab man as a boyfriend, by the way. Just want to clear that up. But I don't know if Jack's dating, I, I don't know what he's doing. All I, all I do know is that I want him to be so happy.

• 32:26Steven Bartlett?

  Could you imagine life without him?

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Oh, no. Well, that question just took my breath away a bit. No, I couldn't.

• 32:36Steven Bartlett?

  No. He said around tomorrow, he said, he said, I'm leaving the business. I'm moving.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  No, I'd be absolutely heartbroken. I'd be, I'd be absolutely grieving. I couldn't imagine life without Jack. But then again, don't they say the most

• 32:55Speaker 01

  important person in your life as a business owner is your business partner? You almost speak

• 33:02Steven Bartlett?

  Special bond.

• 33:02Speaker 01

  Special bond. You almost speak to them more than you speak to the partner you go to bed with.

• 33:07Steven Bartlett?

  But it's also, and the reason I asked that question is I remember asking myself that question about my business partner many years ago. And I remember asking, and I thought to myself, what if they died? And I, and it was like, well, then there's no point me doing this business anymore. Which is a really weird thought I had. I thought, well, then they were such a fundamental part of the purpose and the journey. And I, it made me question, you know, why I'm actually doing this. And I think with Jack, I think it's probably true that

• 33:34Steven Bartlett?

  a huge part of the reason why you do this business is because of him. You've been through so much together.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, I couldn't imagine doing it with someone else.

• 33:41Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  But I also can't imagine doing it without him.

• 33:43Steven Bartlett?

  And you've been through hell and back together with Jack, right? Yeah. And that strengthens the relationship, like, you know.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  So much. Been through so much with Jack. Um, you do. Five years with someone, shit's gonna happen, shit's gonna hit the fan.

• 33:58Steven Bartlett?

  Is it, is it a possibility?

• 34:00Speaker 01

  To be back with him?

• 34:01Steven Bartlett?

  Mm hmm.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  Um.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  Like I've always said, you can never say never and anything is possible. However, if Jack was to find someone, right, and say, oh, like Chrissie, you know, out of respect, he would have to sit me down because we work together and be like, I'm with someone now. And if I see that that girl is treating him so well and looking after him, in all honesty, that's all I hope.

• 34:31Steven Bartlett?

  Would you be a little bit jealous?

• 34:32Speaker 01

  Probably. I mean, I'm not gonna lie, probably would, but.

• 34:38Steven Bartlett?

  And would you then start to question the decision?

• 34:42Speaker 01

  Oh, no, I'm not the type of person that if, if, if I, if I don't have you, no one else can, or do you know what I mean? That's just weird.

• 34:48Steven Bartlett?

  But I mean, you'd go home that day and start thinking.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  Oh, I would go home and be like, oh, like, damn, you'd, you'd set reminders off, like alarm bells would start going off. I absolutely don't regret ending it. I've learnt more about myself in the year and a half of parting ways with Jack than I did in five years of being with him. Facts. I don't regret ending it. Would I feel some type of way if he was with someone else? You'd be absolutely lying to yourself if you said no. Come on, mate. Like, we, we, Buddy was about to get married. We own a company together. Of course you'd feel some type of way, but would I be jealous? No. Would I be happy if he was happy? Hell, yeah. I would, because his happiness makes me happy.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  Is in the future a possibility of me being with him again? I don't, I don't know. How can I, how can you possibly answer that question when the possibility of me parting ways with him five years ago was not even a vision? I can't answer that question, but if he was to find someone and be truly happy in the love and she was a good egg, I'd be happy.

• 35:55Steven Bartlett?

  And it's possible to be happy for someone, but also for it to suck at the same time.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  Hundred percent. But that's only because you just feel some type of way, but deep down you just want them to be happy. I think he will find someone. I think he's gonna find someone who's really genuine. Why are you smiling?

• 36:12Steven Bartlett?

  I wasn't smiling.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  You're smiling.

• 36:14Steven Bartlett?

  No, I wasn't smiling. I think you, I think you were smiling. I think you felt some type of way by saying that.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  No, I really do. I swear. I bloody hell, I've been honest enough now, till now, to like lie, but. But if, when he does, right, when he does, which he will, I just want one thing from that girl. If you're listening out there to Jack's future wife, I just don't want her to sway his mind on our business. Does that make sense?

• 36:44Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Oh, leave tone and scope. You don't need it anymore. That's horrible. Like, don't interfere.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  Don't need to get involved, love. All right?

• 36:52Steven Bartlett?

  Oh, look at you.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  But it's true. Like, I'm sorry, but when I'm with a guy, if he starts telling me what to do with my company, or if he starts telling me, it's me or Jack, I'd be like,

• 37:05Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, I wouldn't want to be that.

• 37:05Speaker 01

  Get a grip. It's Jack. If you give me an ultimatum, I don't want to be with you.

• 37:12Steven Bartlett?

  You know what? So I was, I was thinking about this earlier and I've got some friends. I wouldn't call them necessarily friends, but people that I know personally. And they would hate, because they're so insecure as men, they would hate the idea of dating someone as self-made and successful as you. And it's a certain type of insecure man.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  I'm laughing because I already know. I've already been there.

• 37:36Steven Bartlett?

  Really?

• 37:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:38Steven Bartlett?

  Certain type of insecure man that really is seeking to control, that would, would not like a Chrissy because you can't be controlled. You can't be controlled through gifts, through X, Y or Z. And you've been there.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've been there. I've done that. Like, you know, I remember one time.

• 37:59Steven Bartlett?

  Go for it.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Sarah's like, yeah. Sarah's my PhD. She's like, yeah, open up. But I remember one time when I was speaking to this guy, you know, after Jack and I was going to a life. This was one of the biggest photo shoots for Tone and Sculpt. This was, you know, to refurbish the entire app and everything, like brand new look, brand new everything. So much money went into this. I think nearly 90 grand in production. That's a lot of money.

• 38:27Steven Bartlett?

  Shit ton of money.

• 38:28Speaker 01

  Shit ton of money.

• 38:29Steven Bartlett?

  Buy a house with that.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, I can put down two mortgages for that. So as you can see, like, but when we do things, we do things right at Tone and Sculpt and that's facts. Um, so I remember he sat down, he was like, I don't know, I just feel a bit, you going. I was like, what do you mean? What do you think I'm gonna do? Go and go, you know, go crazy with other men in L A? I'm going to work. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Really insecure. And I found myself thinking it was me. I was like, wait a minute. And then I sat back and I was like, no, that's you. You're insecure.

• 39:06Steven Bartlett?

  That's a you problem.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  That's not my problem. Went L A, had the best time ever with my team. We had the most incredible time, you know, met the most incredible people, came back, most incredible campaign. And I felt good. But had I let that man sway me?

• 39:25Speaker 01

  Maybe I I may have been a bit vulnerable at the time. And let's say he did sway me. What if I changed my mind and didn't go? That could have happened.

• 39:33Steven Bartlett?

  Was he intimidated by you and your success, do you think?

• 39:35Speaker 01

  At the beginning, yeah, one hundred percent.

• 39:41Speaker 01

  Let's be honest, I'm twenty, I'm going twenty six. Twenty six, I was still twenty four, I'm twenty six years old and.

• 39:50Steven Bartlett?

  You are killing the game. I'll say it because I know you're too humble.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  No, I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 39:57Steven Bartlett?

  I said it's fine.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  You say whatever you want, but it's not even that. It's you. You know, when you're twenty six years old and maybe you have a few things. Um, people start to obviously feel a bit like, you know, I think it was, people start to feel like they should have.

• 40:12Steven Bartlett?

  Can I say something? When you talk about your success.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  I get awkward, don't I?

• 40:16Steven Bartlett?

  You're super awkward. And I'll, can I just say an observation? And I think this is a society problem, not you problem. Men aren't like that.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  No, they're not.

• 40:26Steven Bartlett?

  Coming up on here and saying how much money they're making and how much they're killing it, and how many X, Y and Z they've achieved. Um, you don't seem to be as comfortable talking about your success. And I feel like that's a reflection of the society we live in.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Oh, honestly, it's not even that. It's me. I'm very awkward with stuff like that. Like, can I be honest? I don't even check my bank accounts. I let my account and deal with it. I, I re, I don't, I, I think for me, I stay so tunnel vision in the vision. So. I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is check my mentions and DMs and go on my community pages in that forum. That's literally the first thing I do. And if I start thinking about how am I gonna make a billion, how am I gonna do this, how am I gonna do that, I don't know, it becomes a bit suffocating to the vision that you have. Um, and I was really number driven at the beginning, not financially, but on Instagram.

• 41:20Steven Bartlett?

  Followers and.

• 41:21Speaker 01

  Followers. The more followers, it means I'm amazing. The more likes, it means I'm fit enough to be here. You know, and I got so obsessed, I used to almost like not think I was good enough unless I got a certain amount of likes or followers. And I completely lost sight of why I'm doing what I'm doing. You know, now I don't even check the likes I get. I don't even check the, the, my statistics, my team do. I don't check it because I don't care. What I care about is that comment that a lady saying to me, oh my God, this has helped me so much. This has made me so confident. That feeds my energy. If I start thinking, how am I gonna get a hundred million? How am I gonna do this? That will come. I'm confident it will come, but it's not my

• 42:06Speaker 01

  fundamental, you know.

• 42:08Steven Bartlett?

  And it's gonna come when you're focusing on something else.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm focused on something else. And it's not that society's made me feel uncomfortable to talk about my success. It's that I've, you can speak to any of my team, like I just don't care about it. Can I be honest with you? Like, I am not thriving to,

• 42:28Speaker 01

  I don't know, I'm not, I'm not thriving to have the, the biggest house or the fanciest car. I mean, I even said to you, like, I don't have a fancy car, a fancy house, by the way. And you were like, I don't care. You know, like, I don't really care about stuff like that. I never, I never have been like that. And it's not that I'm trying to be humble. It's like, I literally don't give a shit. I don't care about a fancy car. Never have done.

• 42:54Steven Bartlett?

  On the things that you do care about, you talked about these comments and these DMs you get. Um, I'm, I imagine, you know, because I get a couple of DMs as well.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  You get a lot, not a couple, you get a lot.

• 43:04Steven Bartlett?

  And how, how does it feel to have that sort of responsibility when someone messages you something so deeply personal and they're, they're seeking advice or guidance, or they're just sharing a, a problem with you? How does that feel in terms of?

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Well, how does it make you feel?

• 43:23Speaker 01

  When someone messages.

• 43:24Steven Bartlett?

  Confused sometimes.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  Because you don't want to say.

• 43:26Steven Bartlett?

  Because I'm not qualified to deal with certain situations, but at the same time, the contradiction with me is like.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  You're giving that advice.

• 43:34Steven Bartlett?

  Something.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:35Steven Bartlett?

  And I just want to acknowledge the person, but I know I can't solve, and it would be almost irresponsible for me to try and solve their problem.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  Hundred percent. You're not there to fix someone's problems.

• 43:42Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, but, but I, I think the value that I can bring is just by like listening and acknowledging. But you know, there's a spectrum, right? So you have the, on one end, I love what you do. And the other end, you have people that are suicidal or that are, you know? And it's, it, sometimes it's a lot. I had this one video go viral, thirty million views and it was about depression. And I got eight thousand DMs that week from people on that spectrum and I just didn't know what to do. I was like, because when you read them, some people are really, really suffering. And they've come to me because clearly in some cases, one girl that said she'd barricaded herself in a room in Egypt. And she was on the verge of suicide, like she didn't feel like she could speak to anyone else. And sometimes a stranger.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:24Steven Bartlett?

  Is the, the, the most safe place to, you know? How does it feel for you?

• 44:28Speaker 01

  That, that has kind of made me emotional.

• 44:30Steven Bartlett?

  No, it did.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  Listening to that.

• 44:32Steven Bartlett?

  I remembered that instantly. This girl barricaded in a room in Egypt. He'd watched this video and had reached out to me to, for me to give her the answer she's looking for in her life. Which I'm not qualified to give, right? All I can do is be a friend in that, in that situation. But, but I'm sure you get messages that are, you know?

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I get messages every day, thousands. And so there's two things that I've started to do. One of the biggest teams we have at Tone and Sculpt is the customer support team, right? And by the way, this isn't because we get influxes of emails. It's because we have a person for each social, Facebook community manager, Instagram, all of this stuff. And the reason being is we don't need them. It's because I want every single person to be heard. And what you just said there is exactly what I think as well. You wanna be a friend. I call my community familia. I always use that word. I always say, you're my sisters, you're my familia.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Because at the end of the day, I'm not here to fix your problems, but I'm here to listen to your problems. I'm here to be the friend that you may think you don't have in in your reality. You can't fix someone's problems. You can't offer, you know, mental health advice, because if you say something wrong, God forbid anything happened. But you can listen. You can make feel make someone feel like they're part of something. And that's the best thing I can do, you know?

• 46:01Steven Bartlett?

  Before you came here today, there was a question I actually wanted to ask you about myself.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Oh, God, yeah, okay.

• 46:04Steven Bartlett?

  I only ask questions because I am curious myself.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 46:08Steven Bartlett?

  And I'm trying to find, I I think the reason I ask these questions is I'm trying to find similarities in some way between a, you know, a person on your journey and a person of mine. The question is, are you hard to date?

• 46:21Speaker 01

  Um, oh shit, yeah, I think so. I think I am, I'm not gonna lie. Like, okay, so here's the thing, right? I'm super loving. When I'm with you, I'll do anything for you. Like, I'll look after you, I'll make you feel special.

• 46:39Steven Bartlett?

  It's gonna be like, but if you fucking go.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  But, no, no, no, like, honestly, like, even I can honestly say, like, even Sarah, my P A, will tell you, like, I fall hard in love. Well, yeah, I head over heels for someone, I'll fall so hard for you. Um, but I also fall so hard out of love for you.

• 47:01Steven Bartlett?

  Oh shit.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  That's the issue with me. And that's facts. And I hate that about myself so much. It's the one thing I hate the most about myself. I'm a switch. You do something to annoy me, or you do something to kind of like, it's bad, it's not healthy, like, I, people think I'm superwoman. I've got my own problems, sis, like, I've got my own issues. I fall so in love with someone, and then if I don't see that same level of love back, I'm like, fuck this shit.

• 47:34Steven Bartlett?

  Self-defense?

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do think in relationships, I'm really, I'm really defensive. And you know what? I can't believe I'm admitting all this, but yeah, I, I would say I am. And I think that, um.

• 47:46Steven Bartlett?

  What are you defending yourself from?

• 47:50Speaker 01

  I don't know. Okay. Why are you, are you hard to date?

• 47:53Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  Okay. So, so are you defensive?

• 47:56Steven Bartlett?

  Chrissy, this is all about your diary. Well, come to me.

• 47:58Speaker 01

  No.

• 47:59Steven Bartlett?

  I wanna know what you're defending yourself from.

• 48:03Steven Bartlett?

  Cause you, you literally said, if I didn't get the same type of love back.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  Okay, okay. So you're obviously very motivated. You're very inspired. You're very like driven, right?

• 48:15Steven Bartlett?

  Thanks.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  You're welcome. I'm the same. Like, I just wanna keep going. I wanna grind. I wanna grind. So if I see someone kinda just not doing the same, infuriates me. Like, I'm almost like, how can you not have passion for something? How can you not have a drive for something? And then it leads me to believe that, hold on a minute, if I did have the same person that had the same level of drive, would we be compatible? Maybe I do need someone a little bit more like low key, cause then it will make me feel a bit calmer when I'm home. It's all over the gaff. I don't know what I want. Women don't know what they want. Stop asking women what we want. We don't know what we want.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  We don't know what we want. But what I can say is, I think sometimes when we overthink things, especially me, I overthink relationships all the fricking time. I think sometimes it's a good idea to just take a step back and just relax a bit. Cause if someone is genuinely there for you, willing to listen, willing to take care of you, and willing to always, always put effort in.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Stop being a bitch, pretty much, you know? I, I, me personally, I'm, I'm difficult to date. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I don't even feel bad saying that. I feel quite free saying that. Like I'm, I'm difficult today.

• 49:38Steven Bartlett?

  No one said you should feel bad, Chrissie.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  No, I, I am and I, I feel bad for the guy, but.

• 49:44Steven Bartlett?

  So I really want to dig into that because I can really, really relate. And that's why I started laughing because I've gone over the same predicament in my head, thinking, maybe I need someone that's super ambitious and has loads of passions and there's a philanthropist and da, da, da. And then I thought, but then maybe they'll drive me crazy because we're all, you know, and then, so I flip flop. And usually when I'm with one, I think I want the other.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  Same.

• 50:02Steven Bartlett?

  And then, yeah. And then when I'm with that, I'm like, nope.

• 50:05Speaker 01

  Same.

• 50:05Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  That's literally me.

• 50:07Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  I'll like.

• 50:09Steven Bartlett?

  Maybe we can figure this out today.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  I, I honestly can't. And I think, do you know what it is? I think it's because we are people that are constantly switched on.

• 50:19Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, like neurotic, obsessive.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  Obsessive, like with work, with this, with that. I'm not obsessive in a relationship. Like,

• 50:27Speaker 01

  if someone tries to tell me what to do with my life, I'd be like, no way. And I couldn't imagine ever trying to tell someone what to do with their life. Like if you want to do whatever, you do whatever you want to do. That's your life. You live it the way you want to live it. Um, so because I'm obsessive with my life and my career, I'm constantly switched on. So if someone around me isn't, I almost feel like, I don't know.

• 50:52Steven Bartlett?

  You think they're a bum.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  Oh my God. I think that's true.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  It's true.

• 51:04Steven Bartlett?

  Yes, I know.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  It's so true. And then do you find yourself feeling a bit lazy?

• 51:09Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, but also I, I'm like, Steve, don't tell them because you're passing your own worldview and your own values onto someone else.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Who doesn't want it?

• 51:18Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah. And you shouldn't be trying to change people out here. You accept them.

• 51:21Speaker 01

  Oh my God, that is me. I'm literally like.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  What do you mean you don't want to be ambitious in life? What do you mean you don't have a passion? What do you mean? And I go crazy in my head. And this is happening in my head whilst I'm looking at the meat. Do you know what I mean?

• 51:37Steven Bartlett?

  I can eat.

• 51:39Speaker 01

  Let's say I'm like, let's say we're at dinner, I'm having a full on blown conversation in my head like, what do you mean I'm not ambitious? What do you mean I don't want this? And he's just chilling, you know, not doing anything wrong. And then I have to literally take a breather and be like, what am I doing? I can't, I can't push that on to someone. I can only push that on to myself. I need to chill out.

• 52:00Steven Bartlett?

  Connected to this, maybe, maybe not. Your parents?

• 52:03Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 52:03Steven Bartlett?

  Hardworking?

• 52:04Speaker 01

  Oh my God, so hardworking. Um.

• 52:06Steven Bartlett?

  Came from another country?

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Came from another country, um, immigrated at the back of a lorry. You know, I immigrated at the back of banana lorry. Yeah. And I remember we landed in France and my family got arrested because we were immigrants. And they separated us. So they put me, my mum and my brother in one room, my dad in another room. You could see him through the glass. And I remember crying and crying and crying like dad, dad, dad. I didn't know what was going on. I was four years old. But I still remember that. I will never forget. The prison room was turquoise. I'll never forget that. And when we came to this country, my mum and dad worked hard. My mum worked three jobs. My dad worked as a HB one lorry driver every single night.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  You know, every penny they had, they saved, they saved, they saved. Um, my dad had a pretty bad gambling problem. I'm gonna be honest. My mum was constantly trying to like fix that problem. And I've never actually mentioned that ever before, ever.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  And as much as I love my dad with my entire heart and I want nothing more but him to be happy. It caused a lot of strain on my mum, like trying to feed her family, trying to like work hard, trying to save, trying to take us on holiday, you know? Um. So to save money and then to have the person you love gambling away, it's like, what's the point? Like, I don't understand why I'm with this person. But in my culture, you don't leave the man you're with.

• 53:39Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  You're stuck with them. But my mum, even though he was like that, my mum loved and loves my dad so much. It's pretty bizarre, because that would be enough to tick anyone off. But she just believed in him. He doesn't do it anymore. Believed in him and nourished him and loved him so much. And together, they grew better. Um. So for me, if I have a man and he like places a bet on something, it triggers me to think he's gonna be gambling.

• 54:10Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 54:10Speaker 01

  And I'm like, oh my god, no, sorry, out. He's put one bet down and I think he's gambling. Do you know what I mean? It's crazy.

• 54:17Steven Bartlett?

  So I asked that question for a reason.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Go on.

• 54:20Steven Bartlett?

  Um. Because we've, we've, we've established that we have very much similar traits and relationships.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 54:26Steven Bartlett?

  That we, we tend to really value hard work and ambition. And it tends to be the case that the value we attribute to hard work and ambition probably comes from a childhood where um hard work and ambition were the thing that might have got us out of some bullshit. Let me turn from my example, all right?

• 54:48Speaker 01

  Go ahead.

• 54:48Steven Bartlett?

  So very much the same as yours, but switch the parents. So I came from Africa. I was born in Africa, came to the UK. My dad had like a pretty good job, but my mum, you could all call it a gambling addiction. She had this, she has both gambling addiction on one hand, because she played, there, there was probably a thousand lottery tickets. If I opened any drawer in our house.

• 55:07Speaker 01

  Wow, okay.

• 55:08Steven Bartlett?

  But on the other hand, she, she was, she was, she couldn't stop starting businesses to the point that the reason why we were so poor, we never had birthdays or Christmases or went on holiday at all, ever, period, was because my mum spent all the money trying to become a millionaire by starting these businesses. They'd all fail within six months because she can't read or write. And my dad was the unconditionally loving, calm, supportive, won't leave you even though you're an absolute asshole parent, right?

• 55:33Speaker 01

  So is one.

• 55:34Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah. So in my house, I think, when I think about why I am the way I am now, I think money was such a big problem that in our house, it was the cause of so much pain.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. Same.

• 55:45Steven Bartlett?

  That I grew up. Valuing it so much. And the thing that would get you it, which would to me would be like, you know, my, what I thought was happiness was like hard work, ambition, hard.

• 55:55Speaker 01

  Same.

• 55:56Steven Bartlett?

  My parents worked so hard that they wouldn't even be in the house when I went to bed or when I woke up. And so I value hard work and ambition because my parents taught me it because it was the cure to our problems. Right? So, and especially as immigrants, right? There's a different, there's like an immigrant vibe.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  I, I get you.

• 56:12Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  I get you that we don't even have to talk about it. I just get you.

• 56:15Steven Bartlett?

  So like, this is part of the reason why I think in relationships, when someone doesn't have those values, when they don't value hard work and ambition, I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

• 56:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:23Steven Bartlett?

  But it's probably something wrong with me.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think I, I'm, I'm not gonna sit here and think there's something wrong with me.

• 56:31Steven Bartlett?

  Not wrong. It's like, it's the result of my tra- my traumatic childhood experience, maybe. I wouldn't change it for the world.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Do you know what it is? I swear to God, I think it's, it's the fact that. Okay, so.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  A lot of people, when we moved to England, I was never allowed to like go to stay over other friends' houses. My dad is super strict, like I couldn't even wear skirts around him, absolutely not, forbidden. And so when I did used to go to my other friends' houses, like English culture, it was a completely different vibe. Like their family was different, like their mums and dads were different. And then when I'd come to my house, it was different. And I didn't understand it. So. My dad has always wanted me to marry an Albanian man. It's like his dream. He's like, please marry an Albanian man.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Your tutor will be amazing together like this. And I'm like, dad, I don't care what he is, so long as I'm in love. And it happens to be that the guys I've been with have been English. And the cultures are completely different.

• 57:42Steven Bartlett?

  Right.

• 57:43Speaker 01

  And it, it, I don't understand. Like sometimes when they do things, I don't understand.

• 57:49Steven Bartlett?

  Give me examples.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Like, okay, so in my household, Mediterranean, loud, proud, like, very, like,

• 57:58Steven Bartlett?

  Loud, really?

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Yes, super loud, I am super loud, I love it. But, you know, you come to my house and my mum will have dinner ready for you. My mum will buy you slippers to make you feel like home, you know, and she'll, she'll welcome you, hug you, kiss you on each cheek. But then when I'd go to Jack's families, for example, as much as they were so loving, so caring, it just wasn't the same. Like, you'd have dinner at different times or, and I didn't understand it because I've been brought up in a family where everything's together, like togetherness. And everyone's got each other's backs and everyone's solid. So to have a different culture thrown into the mix, sometimes it does clash.

• 58:39Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 58:39Speaker 01

  And it does, like, cultures are different. But that doesn't mean one culture's better. It just means it's different. So it's up to you whether you wanna learn both cultures and, and meet in the middle. It would be easier if I went for an Albanian guy, because their culture, culture's the same. And I've been brought up in that culture. But obviously, Jack's culture's completely different.

• 59:01Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  So I've had to kind of like, you know, find the middle, find that, that middle ground, I guess, I don't know what you call it, but find that balance.

• 59:12Steven Bartlett?

  Are you scared that you might not ever meet the right person?

• 59:18Speaker 01

  All the time. I'm all the time scared. I'm twenty six years old and as women, we're told we have a timeframe. If you're not thirty, you have kids, you're too old. If you, if you have kids at forty, what kind of mum are you? All this bloody shit around us all the time, do you know how much pressure that adds as a woman? All the time, so much pressure, you gotta get married, you gotta have kids, you gotta be a mum, you gotta be a mum before thirty. Oh, that's what I like, breathe out, so much pressure. And it petrifies me. It honestly petrifies me because a lot of people around me in my industry are married

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  or, or have children or have like, a fiance, and I had that, and I almost think to myself, I had that and I let that go.

• 1:00:13Steven Bartlett?

  And sometimes you, you, you think, you know, and this is probably, I'm asking this question again for my own reasons. So you, do you ever consider the fact that you might be too busy being entrepreneurial?

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  No, no, you're never too busy for someone you love. I don't think that's the case. I don't think I'm too busy.

• 1:00:31Steven Bartlett?

  You think you, what you're doing with, with your businesses and as an entrepreneur might prevent you

• 1:00:38Steven Bartlett?

  being aware and forming a healthy relationship when the prospect arises?

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  Do you know what I think it is? When you have a nine to five, you clock out, you come home, you switch off. You don't clock out. You're working constantly, even if you're in this room, you're still at the back of your head thinking about your business. You're thinking about something you need to do, something to check off, something you need to approve, something you need to expand on. So it's, it's so guilty for me to say this, like I feel bad saying it, but I could be in a room with you and I'm thinking about my companies constantly. And someone who has a nine to five doesn't understand that because it's like you're switched off at five. And sometimes I feel bad saying, I do kind of wish I can switch off at 5pm, but I just can't.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  And I think it's not necessarily that I'm too busy, it's that I'm constantly thinking, even if I'm in the room with you, I'm constantly thinking about what I have to do.

• 1:01:37Steven Bartlett?

  And you can make someone feel pretty lonely just by, even if you're sat next to them.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Steven Bartlett?

  You're often, you know.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:44Steven Bartlett?

  I often say, I say like when I'm with somebody, my aim isn't for them to ever understand me. It's just to understand that they don't understand.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Steven Bartlett?

  Because I think I'm like too difficult to understand. If I'm quiet for an hour, it doesn't mean I don't love you. It means that I've just got an email.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  So true.

• 1:01:57Steven Bartlett?

  And it's just fucked me. And I actually don't want to always share things at home because.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  You're offloading.

• 1:02:02Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, you're offloading and I don't want to be back because I could offload 24 seven.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Oh, trust me, so can I. Sarah's always like, oh, here we go again. But it's true, like, you know, your phone is buzzing off constantly. You could get a DM by someone, you could, you could get a message, an email and it's like, oh. Really? And you're just sitting watching a movie with your partner?

• 1:02:28Steven Bartlett?

  Tell me about that part of being an entrepreneur. I think that's why I really started the podcast in the first place was I want to hear about the bullshit of running a business, the unexpected, unpredictable, life shifting bullshit that happens.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, your life is you breathe and you live your businesses. I think this is something people don't understand. You live and you breathe your companies. They are your babies. No one and nothing can get in the way. And no one understands that. They see the money, the success, the followers, the this, the that, the blingy cars, whatever the hell you want to see. And let me tell you the reality. You don't have much time. You suck at relationships. You don't have many friends and the friends that you have, you don't really see them. Um, when you do have time to yourself, you never switch off ever.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  You are the biggest self critic ever. You constantly think that you could be doing better and that pressure is insane. Mentally and physically it drains you. And um, another thing is that I really just want to say, um, if you think a life of an entrepreneur is so glamorous, this is the first time I've put on jeans in, I would say.

• 1:03:51Steven Bartlett?

  Blessed. I feel privileged.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  I don't know how long, but I don't live in jeans. I live in sweats and sliders.

• 1:03:57Steven Bartlett?

  If it sucks so much.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  It doesn't suck. And you know what I'm trying to say?

• 1:04:01Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying. But I'm also here to to try and help people understand multiple perspectives because people say, okay, so you've criticized, you know, you've talked, not criticized, but you've talked about the downsides, right? Why do you still do it? Because you could just say, do you know what? I killed it. Hang up your uh, your gym, yeah.

• 1:04:20Steven Bartlett?

  Your active wear clothes or your shoes. I don't know what people would say. And you could say, that's it. I'm done. Why don't you?

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 1:04:28Steven Bartlett?

  Why not?

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Gosh, the feeling I get when I, when I see someone's transformation. Nah, that fills me up. Like, that fuels me. When I see a transformation, when I see someone who had a mental, a mental health disorder and eating disorder and has, is now thriving. Do you know, that is so unexplainable that nothing else matters.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  I'd rather not have a relationship, to be frank with you. I really am not that fussed. So long as I can continue to help as many women as possible for me. That's enough. And that's why I don't stop.

• 1:05:14Steven Bartlett?

  Is there an end point in all this?

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  I hope not.

• 1:05:18Steven Bartlett?

  Okay. There's no like mountain top. There's no.

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  No, I, I think that.

• 1:05:26Speaker 01

  You know, you're, you're told in life that you need to go to school. You need to go to university. You need to achieve this. Right? So then you achieve this and you are not satisfied. So you need to achieve this and then this and then this. I don't have goals. For financial status, for awards, for anything like that. I had maybe two goals and I've achieved one of them. Which I won't share because it's actually very top secret, but you'll see it next year.

• 1:05:58Steven Bartlett?

  Okay.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  But if you have these tangible goals.

• 1:06:06Steven Bartlett?

  I'm thinking now what it is. I'm like, you finally married an Albanian man. I'm like, what?

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  Oh, yes, Daddy, I did. No, no, no. I didn't. I didn't. No, I'm not married. No, that's actually very depressing. Thank you. But no, it's like you, you, you, goals are like, you know, when you wrote in your diary, I want a Range Rover. Right. You got a Range Rover. What then?

• 1:06:29Steven Bartlett?

  Just total anticlimax. Yeah.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Well, I want a million dollar house. Cool. What then? You're lonely in your house. Your house is so big, you don't even know what to do with it. By the way, my house is not so big. I don't know what to do with it. I need more space. But do you see what I'm saying? So I don't have those types of goals because they're not attainable.

• 1:06:48Steven Bartlett?

  Is there a point when you were building the businesses you run where you had your worst ever day? Cause I can think about the worst days that I've had in business. What was the, what was the one that sprung to mind straight away?

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  Oh God. Um, okay. So I'm, I'm a, I'm a woman in tech, right? So with an app, there's complications that you are not even prepared for. There's maybe a bug, maybe this, maybe that. So obviously when this lawsuit was happening to get my app back.

• 1:07:17Steven Bartlett?

  From the developers?

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  From the old developers. It was a third party company.

• 1:07:23Steven Bartlett?

  Yep.

• 1:07:23Speaker 01

  Um, when we transferred it to brand new servers that are obviously, you know, pretty much ours. Um, cause servers are just so huge. But, um, I didn't know anything about tech when I started. Now you speak to me tech, I know tech language.

• 1:07:39Steven Bartlett?

  Okay.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  So it's actually, I'm very proud because for someone who literally didn't understand what the hell a server was, I was like, what's that?

• 1:07:46Steven Bartlett?

  There's a bug. Did you think, oh, ladybird?

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  Oh, I honestly don't like, it's embarrassing. But when the transition happened, the whole app went.

• 1:07:56Steven Bartlett?

  Right.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  Shut down. And imagine when, you know, when Instagram shuts down, people are like, oh my God, Instagram sucks. Like F you Instagram. Okay. But this is my company now. So when it shuts down, it's like, I can't, I can't, I can't pay for my employees. I can't pay for my office. I can't do this. I can't do that. When it shut down, my whole face shut down with it. I was like, shit, what do I do now? This is it. We lost 10,000 subscribers in one day.

• 1:08:27Steven Bartlett?

  Fuck.

• 1:08:28Speaker 01

  You times 10,000 by 399.

• 1:08:32Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, it's a lot of fucking money.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  It's a lot of money in one day. Gone. Gone. That was probably the one of the worst days. And I just sat back and I looked at Jack and I just said to him, what the fuck do we do now?

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  Jack being Jack, he was like, don't worry, we'll gain them back on. Don't worry, why are you stressing? This is what happens. What would you mean? Why are you stressing? Idiot. What do you mean? He's like chill out. But um yeah, that was probably the worst day and I just remember I I lost so much weight.

• 1:09:06Steven Bartlett?

  Right.

• 1:09:06Speaker 01

  I lost, I would say I was fifty six kilograms. I went down to forty nine. In like.

• 1:09:16Steven Bartlett?

  Fifty six kilograms.

• 1:09:17Speaker 01

  Yeah. I went down to forty nine.

• 1:09:19Steven Bartlett?

  Seven kilograms.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I went down to forty nine. So can you imagine?

• 1:09:23Steven Bartlett?

  In what space of time?

• 1:09:24Speaker 01

  Um, three weeks to four weeks. I couldn't keep anything on. I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. I lost everything. Then me and Jack parted. So, and I was still producing videos, still producing content, still.

• 1:09:38Steven Bartlett?

  How long was the app down for?

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  It was down for three days.

• 1:09:43Speaker 01

  Three days and I was still producing content, going on Instagram. Don't worry, guys, like we'll still get out there. I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, wasn't doing anything. I'd just broken up. The person I was gonna marry. I was in a house with my dog, the house that I built with the man I was supposed to be with. I didn't know what the hell I was doing anymore. At that point, I thought I thought I should give up. Not gonna lie, but yeah, I was like, this is it now. No, no, I'm giving up. I've got my law degree. I'm gonna go back to doing that. This is just too much stress. And then I didn't. I just kept going, just kept going. Something inside me was like, you just have to keep going. Please don't give up. Please don't give up, Chrissie.

• 1:10:25Steven Bartlett?

  You talked about um your own battles with mental health um over the years. I think I think I read that you you said you'd suffered with depression at various stages.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:37Steven Bartlett?

  Anyon, can you tell me about that?

• 1:10:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, huge, like.

• 1:10:41Speaker 01

  I mean, a lot of people see a very picture perfect image on Instagram, which I'm to blame, just like everybody else. You wanna, you wanna showcase the best bits of you. Nothing wrong with that. You keep doing you. If that works, you keep doing you. But I have been in such dark places that I couldn't, I couldn't picture wanting anyone to, to feel what I felt in those places. Even someone I resent, not I resent anyone, but I wouldn't even want that for them. These dark places suck you in so much that you honestly start to contemplate whether you just want to stop feeling that feeling, period.

• 1:11:26Speaker 01

  Like, just be done with it. And I'll never forget, I was laying in bed one day and I was so depressed, so depressed, that I just thought to myself, it'd be so much easier if I wasn't here. That's so much easier. Just quit. Just leave.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  And I cried myself to sleep and I woke up the next morning and it almost felt like in my dream I'd made it happen, if you know what I'm trying to say, without saying it. And I just thought, I need to stop, cause I cannot go on like this. And I think when I try and explain to people that I've, I know those dark places, I've been in those dark places, they don't believe me because they see me for the person I am today. They don't see the person that fought so hard to be where I am today mentally. Not even about the success, the businesses, mentally. That's the most important thing up here. This is the most important thing. You can have all the money in the world, all the businesses in the world. You can have three hundred employees, multiple companies.

• 1:12:34Speaker 01

  Who gives a fuck about that if you up here are so not okay? So, yeah, I've been through dark places, but I've also picked myself up multiple times and I've had to brush my shoulders off and get shit done. And that's why I keep saying to every single person out there, you have to do this for you. Do this for you. This is the, the biggest and most important thing I can say to you.

• 1:13:01Steven Bartlett?

  And now that you have, you know, you've built this empire, this little fitness empire, which is rapidly growing, do you ever find yourself in those dark places even today?

• 1:13:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, not as bad. But I find myself, I find myself wondering if I'll ever have like a somewhat normal life. So like, what we discussed, will I ever find someone again? Will I be in love? Will I get married? Will I have children? Like, I want children. I want to be married. I believe in those things. I want those things. But sometimes I wonder if those things are going to happen for me. And I do wonder, I just maybe need to stop over complicating things in my mind, but I can't switch off. And maybe the only way I know to switch off is just to quit. You see what I'm saying? It's a vicious circle. But then

• 1:13:55Speaker 01

  if I quit, I'll be so angry at myself for quitting. It's like ongoing, it's constant, it doesn't stop. So.

• 1:14:04Steven Bartlett?

  And do you think part of that fear comes from the fact that you believe the way you are now, and how you live and work now, and how obsessive you are now, is probably not like conducive, or it is probably not going to allow that other, all those other things you want to come true, right? So like, you think, well, something is going to have to give at some point, is that?

• 1:14:23Speaker 01

  I do, I'm not gonna lie. I literally think like that. I'm not gonna lie. Like, so when, when Toner Scott was built, we, I didn't, I honestly didn't realise it would grow the speed it did with little to absolutely no marketing expenditure. So everything's been hyper organic. In the space of 12 months, we now have a team of 22 people, when it was just me and Jack 12 months ago. 22 people, an office in London, we know what the rent is like in London, it's off the chain. 120% growth, you know, month by month, it's rapid growth. We've just launched a brand new trainer, who is like insane.

• 1:15:08Speaker 01

  And I keep saying to myself, okay, when I get to this point, I can, I can relax. And I say that to Sarah all the time. I keep saying, I keep mentioning Sarah, but, but because she is the one person that knows me probably better than my own blood, because she's with me everywhere I go and she is the person I speak to about a lot of things. So I always say to her, okay, when I get to this point with tone and scuff, I can breathe.

• 1:15:35Speaker 01

  And bless her, she's like, yeah, yeah. But she knows in her head, I want more and I want more. But it's not I want more, it's that I believe we can do more and I believe we can do more and strive for more. So when does it end?

• 1:15:48Steven Bartlett?

  When does it end?

• 1:15:49Speaker 01

  It doesn't end. That's what I'm trying to say. So you have to make peace with it. You have to make peace with the fact that it's not supposed to end. But you also have to make peace with the fact that you need to make maybe some self, self-adjustments and, and be a bit critical with yourself. Because if you're going in a relationship and constantly thinking that that person should be on your level, that's, that's my problem I need to deal with. That's not their problem, you know? It's not fair on them.

• 1:16:16Steven Bartlett?

  How do you deal with that?

• 1:16:18Speaker 01

  I think it, I think it takes time. I think.

• 1:16:23Steven Bartlett?

  You're not sure, are you?

• 1:16:25Speaker 01

  No, I'm not sure.

• 1:16:26Steven Bartlett?

  You can tell by your body language.

• 1:16:28Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:16:30Steven Bartlett?

  You don't figure that one out. It's okay to not have it figured out, right?

• 1:16:32Speaker 01

  I don't have it figured out and I'm someone who doesn't like not having things figured out. Right?

• 1:16:37Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, yeah, I get that.

• 1:16:38Speaker 01

  Um, but I do think I need to stop being so mean.

• 1:16:42Steven Bartlett?

  It's this balance, right, between trying to figure it out now, because you kind of want to be able to have a plan and have, you know, but then also realising that you shouldn't overthink this thing and that you should maybe just.

• 1:16:52Speaker 01

  You've literally made me feel on this podcast like I'm the most impossible person to be with.

• 1:16:57Steven Bartlett?

  I've not, I'm just asking the questions.

• 1:16:59Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, I think, but I can't lie. I'm not gonna lie just to make myself sound good.

• 1:17:04Steven Bartlett?

  No, it's, it's, it's a very important part of being a successful person. It has this crazy neurotic obsessive brain.

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do.

• 1:17:10Steven Bartlett?

  Ambitious and that's, but also has these other things they want and life is a drop at you. You can't have everything at the same time. So what we're talking about now is like compromise and how you reach that compromise in your life if possible. I'm in the same place. I have no idea how that's gonna happen.

• 1:17:23Speaker 01

  But do you, do you want kids?

• 1:17:25Steven Bartlett?

  I do want kids.

• 1:17:25Speaker 01

  Do you wanna get married?

• 1:17:27Steven Bartlett?

  I'm not so concerned about the concept of marriage, but I want to have a long term partner because I want to have kids. And so I'm willing to commit long term. If it's a marriage, if it's signing some other piece of paper, if there's no paper, I like don't really care too much about the whole marriage thing. If it matters so much to the partner, I'll do it. But I don't, I was saying on the last podcast.

• 1:17:47Speaker 01

  No, I see what you mean.

• 1:17:48Steven Bartlett?

  I don't have a great case for why the law or a religion should be involved in love. I don't think it has a great track record with love. So I'm like, I think that's an idea which we all as a society need to just reconsider.

• 1:17:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I see what you mean.

• 1:17:59Steven Bartlett?

  Like, I'm gonna, my closing statement on this point is, we are all so different. You are different from me, only a little bit. But then, like, you're different from your assistant, and I'm different from mine and my friends from school. So logically, you would think the answer to how we form our romantic connections would also be unique and different. Like, and I think at any time in life where the script tells you, everyone has to go through this door, when you are a different shape, it's like putting a triangle in a square. Like,

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 1:18:28Steven Bartlett?

  I think that's when you have the question thing. So I got kicked out of school because I just stopped going, dropped out of university after one lecture. And I've tried to navigate my way through life, just rejecting the things that I'm meant to just accept blindly. And marriage is one of them where I'm like, can I achieve all the things I want to in a relationship?

• 1:18:44Speaker 01

  Without that piece of paper.

• 1:18:45Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah. And I put on my LinkedIn last week, I said, I basically said to the world, I think marriage is a concept we need to reconsider for everyone. Someone proved me wrong. And one guy commented, he said, I've been in a marriage for 45 years. We love each other. We've done this. I said, could you have done that without the marriage? Yes. Okay, then.

• 1:19:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:05Steven Bartlett?

  So why?

• 1:19:05Speaker 01

  But you would do it if she or, I don't know, he, whatever.

• 1:19:09Steven Bartlett?

  Maybe. But then, I need to be honest here, because

• 1:19:12Speaker 01

  You know, if they really wanted to get married.

• 1:19:15Steven Bartlett?

  I'd ask them why they really wanted to get married.

• 1:19:16Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna lie, I am the same. Like, for me, a piece of paper doesn't define my love for you.

• 1:19:21Steven Bartlett?

  Okay, let's talk about this then. So why do you, why do you want to get married?

• 1:19:25Speaker 01

  Do you know what it is? Like, this is me being a woman. I just really want to dress.

• 1:19:30Steven Bartlett?

  We can do the wedding. Like that's, marriage is different from a wedding and a ceremony. Someone said that on my post.

• 1:19:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, I mean, look, my, my dream wedding would gen- genuinely be like on the beach, having like burgers and beers with the closest friends and families, running in the ocean. I don't want like a big fancy party.

• 1:19:51Steven Bartlett?

  I feel like you just described your dream day.

• 1:19:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, literally.

• 1:19:55Steven Bartlett?

  If you could do that like this weekend.

• 1:19:56Speaker 01

  But if I said to you, because you're so busy, if I said to you, what's, what do you want to do right now? I bet any money you'd say, do you know what? I'd love to be on the sofa and just eat my favorite food with the people I love.

• 1:20:06Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:20:07Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:20:07Steven Bartlett?

  Of course, yeah.

• 1:20:08Speaker 01

  Over going out, getting smashed.

• 1:20:10Steven Bartlett?

  Of course.

• 1:20:11Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, but a lot of people.

• 1:20:12Steven Bartlett?

  Funny thing is, my brain actually is like, go on your laptop and check your emails.

• 1:20:16Speaker 01

  See, that's what I mean, because you're obsessed.

• 1:20:18Steven Bartlett?

  Because I love it, you know what I mean?

• 1:20:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, but what I'm saying is, to other people, they want a big wedding, a big, big fuss. I hate fuss. I absolutely hate fuss over me. And it's so funny because like even my team surprised, threw me a surprise birthday party.

• 1:20:34Steven Bartlett?

  I saw.

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  I was so awkward. I was like, don't ever do that again. I, I hate all eyes on me.

• 1:20:41Steven Bartlett?

  Yes.

• 1:20:41Speaker 01

  Although my business is built on all eyes on me. Do you see how that's so contradicting?

• 1:20:46Steven Bartlett?

  It's the same. I used to, my previous assistant, um, who ended up being my girlfriend, a long fucking story, which we're not going to go into.

• 1:20:52Speaker 01

  Whoa, spilling the tea.

• 1:20:55Steven Bartlett?

  I don't actually know if Sophie, so my current assistant Sophie's been with me for four years. I don't know if she knows this, but.

• 1:21:00Speaker 01

  Sophie, do you know this?

• 1:21:02Steven Bartlett?

  Do I, do you, have I ever said to you, when it's my birthday or when it's like social change anniversary, to not make a fuss about it? And the reason why I say this is because I get so much attention as it is, and so much fuss for like being the founder, being the CEO, the eyes are always on me.

• 1:21:16Speaker 01

  You just don't want it. You're like.

• 1:21:18Steven Bartlett?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 1:21:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, same, right? I'm the same and I always just feel like, oh, I don't know. So that's why my dream wedding day, if that day will come, is to just, oh my God, 20, 30 people max, closest friends and families, my, my dog there. And just to have the person I love. And I always say, I want to be in a room full of people and look at the person I love and just me and him understand each other. You know what I mean? That feeling where you look at them and you're just like, I get you.

• 1:21:50Speaker 01

  I get you. And that's, that's what I crave. That's what I want. And you're right, a piece of pa- paper doesn't define that feeling. Only you define that feeling in that person. So I don't need a piece of paper. You're right. Um, I guess I just want the concept.

• 1:22:08Steven Bartlett?

  Are you scared of death?

• 1:22:10Speaker 01

  Who, me? No, not at all.

• 1:22:11Steven Bartlett?

  Who, me? Who do you think I'm talking to?

• 1:22:14Speaker 01

  Who, me? No, I'm not. I'm, I'm not. Are you?

• 1:22:20Steven Bartlett?

  No, I'm not, no.

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  I'm not, like, um.

• 1:22:23Steven Bartlett?

  I'm scared of not living.

• 1:22:25Speaker 01

  Yes, I'm scared of like, I really wanna do things. I wanna explore. I want to do things. I want to, you know, my, my dream vacation would be to not have my phone now. I don't care about selfie. I don't care about this. I just want to be present in the moment.

• 1:22:44Steven Bartlett?

  And if I, if I told you that you were going to die a, a week from now, what would you regret?

• 1:22:50Speaker 01

  Oh, so much.

• 1:22:51Steven Bartlett?

  What would you regret?

• 1:22:52Speaker 01

  So much.

• 1:22:53Steven Bartlett?

  Tell me.

• 1:22:53Speaker 01

  Not living, just working.

• 1:22:55Steven Bartlett?

  There you go.

• 1:22:57Speaker 01

  Not living, like,

• 1:23:00Speaker 01

  as much as I love doing what I, what I do, I'm not gonna lie, I, I've built what I've built telling people to look after themselves and I forget to look after myself. And that's why when I do train and when I exercise, it's the only time I do feel like I'm doing something really special for myself. And I've liked, I do a lot of skipping, right?

• 1:23:24Steven Bartlett?

  You're amazing at skipping by the fucking way. I watched you the other day. I was like, oh my gosh.

• 1:23:27Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 1:23:28Steven Bartlett?

  Like, I thought I was a good skipper.

• 1:23:29Speaker 01

  No, honey.

• 1:23:29Steven Bartlett?

  And I saw you like dancing while skipping and I was like, oh, she's in fact, of course, she's doing like a double crossover. And I just had to, I started to feel really inadequate and insecure as a man. It was like.

• 1:23:38Speaker 01

  It's fine.

• 1:23:38Steven Bartlett?

  So I just had to delete Instagram.

• 1:23:41Speaker 01

  I'm joking. But you know why I skip?

• 1:23:45Steven Bartlett?

  Why's that?

• 1:23:46Speaker 01

  Uh, you have to be fucking present.

• 1:23:48Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 1:23:48Speaker 01

  Cause if you're not present, you get whipped, right? And when I'm skipping, I literally feel like I can't think about anything else but the rhythm. And for someone who's always on, switched on, someone who's always doing things, you know, people always tell me, go, go meditate, do yoga. Can I fuck?

• 1:24:07Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:08Speaker 01

  Can I fuck? I'm like, I literally go to meditate and I'm thinking about my, my to do list.

• 1:24:12Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:13Speaker 01

  But when I'm skipping, I'm so engrossed in it.

• 1:24:17Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:18Speaker 01

  That I'm literally so present in the moment and it makes me feel alive.

• 1:24:22Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 1:24:22Speaker 01

  Same thing with training. I'm so engrossed in training. And that's why so many women, when I say to them, just train, you're a mum, you've got to think about your children. You're, you're a student, you've got to think about your studies. You're trying to, trying to make money because you don't know when you're going to pay your, your rent. Just train. It's the one moment that you can ignore the entire world and do something for yourself. So.

• 1:24:46Steven Bartlett?

  I really wanna loop back around to this point about if you were to die next week. Oh, you're trying to avoid it, huh?

• 1:24:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was because you know the answer.

• 1:24:57Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, but I want to hear the answer because I'm asking this, I would feel the same way, right?

• 1:25:02Speaker 01

  It made me feel awkward, my palms are sweaty.

• 1:25:04Steven Bartlett?

  It makes you feel a little bit uncomfortable, right?

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  It does because I love my job so much, like I love what I do. It, I thrive off it, but on the flip side, I do wish I was, I was stopped being such an annoying little bitch and just take some time off for myself, you know? Stop being so annoying to yourself, Chrissie. Just take some time off. It's okay. It's okay to go do things you love doing, like travelling. Obviously, right now it's pandemic, but you know what I'm trying to say. Like travel, like maybe take a week off and just breathe. Um, but I, I can't, I can't. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't. Are you the same?

• 1:25:46Steven Bartlett?

  I'm the same.

• 1:25:49Steven Bartlett?

  Is there something, again, I'm just exploring this. Is there something strange about that where you feel like, you know, you're saying, you're saying, I can't. It's like you don't have a choice. But at the same time, you're telling me that if you were to die next week, you would regret not living.

• 1:26:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh my God, this is such a heavy loaded question. Um.

• 1:26:09Speaker 01

  I feel like, I feel like this is the therapy session I needed.

• 1:26:15Speaker 01

  But it's, it's so true what you've just said. You've literally just, you've shut me up. You've shut me up because I can't, you're like, thank fuck, thank fuck, I'm shut up. But it's true, like, I can't stop working because something keeps telling me I can't stop right now. Not yet. But on the flip side, if I was to die next week, I'd regret not taking some time off for myself to do the things that I love doing. I love going to museums. No one knows that. I li- I literally love looking at things.

• 1:26:50Steven Bartlett?

  But you think that's a waste of time?

• 1:26:51Speaker 01

  I do.

• 1:26:52Steven Bartlett?

  Right now?

• 1:26:53Speaker 01

  Right now, yeah. And time is every entrepreneur's biggest asset. Time is everything.

• 1:27:02Steven Bartlett?

  How could it possibly be a waste of time if it's the thing you would regret? The, the, the reason why I think this death question is so revealing is they, they do all of these. There's a, a lady called Bonnie Ware who was, um, she worked with, um, I think it's called palliative patients, which are people that are about to die. They've gone home to die. And she asked them the question, what are your biggest regrets? And she wrote it down and she was doing this for years and she wrote a blog about it. And there's a certain sort of retrospective clarity you'll get in that moment when there is nothing going forward for your life about how you should have made your decisions. In that moment, you can imagine only the things that matter. People, what that girl said about your hair, none of this shit will fucking matter.

• 1:27:43Steven Bartlett?

  The playground shit, none of it will matter. You'll just be left with the things that truly mattered. And so putting yourself in that mindset, I call it like deathbed thinking, allows you to look at how you're living your life now and see if it's in accordance with the things that will matter in that like final moment. And so.

• 1:28:02Steven Bartlett?

  I asked this question because I think the same about me. I'm like, if you told me today that I had four days left to live, I'd be like, why didn't I have a better relationship with my family?

• 1:28:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:11Steven Bartlett?

  Why didn't I go see my niece?

• 1:28:12Speaker 01

  I don't have a relationship with my brother.

• 1:28:14Steven Bartlett?

  Well, yeah.

• 1:28:15Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:28:16Steven Bartlett?

  I have a shit relationship with my mum in particular.

• 1:28:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:19Steven Bartlett?

  I don't see my niece and my two nieces enough, but I've probably seen them, I don't know, three or four times. She's maybe three years old. She's only two hours away. And so I think these things about myself and I think, okay, so but what are you sacrificing?

• 1:28:31Speaker 01

  But have you made a change? Cause no one's ever asked me that. So the question is now, you've asked yourself that.

• 1:28:37Steven Bartlett?

  I think it'll always be there, but it won't be.

• 1:28:40Speaker 01

  But no one's ever asked me that. So now you've got me thinking, oh shit, I need to get Sarah to put me on holiday. Cause fuck me, I need to live my life. But it's like, in all honesty, I'll probably leave today and keep doing what I'm doing, day in, day out.

• 1:28:53Steven Bartlett?

  Until at some point, you'll learn this lesson the hard way.

• 1:28:57Speaker 01

  Facts. And you know, um, recently, one of the most important people of my life passed away. The woman that gave me a home, you know, um, you know, you know, but you know, my best, my best friend, Holly, who is literally my sister. Her mum gave me a home when I was homeless. And, you know, she didn't once mention the months she left, let me live there, the food I ate, the hot water I used, not once ever brought it up. And I saw her on her dying bed, right? And I held her hand and I just kept thinking to myself, nothing matters at this point. And do you know what Holly said to me? She goes, I would have called you sooner, but I was scared you were doing something.

• 1:29:42Speaker 01

  And at that point, I, I, it hit me like, I looked down, I went, never say that again. You call me when you need me. I'm always there for you. But it's the fact that we've, the people around us know how busy we are, that they sometimes feel like, oh, maybe I just shouldn't. The most important people, even my mum doesn't now. She goes, I don't call you babe, it's okay. I know how busy you are. And I say to her, no, you call me when you want me and you need me. And it's not like you've told people not to call you, right? It's that they think that you're just so busy that it'll be a disruption.

• 1:30:17Steven Bartlett?

  Cause you've made them feel that way.

• 1:30:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30:19Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:20Speaker 01

  I'm to blame a hundred percent and. You know, you have to take a step back and you have to realise what matters in life. And that for me, that moment there, I just realised to myself and I I messaged every single person I love the most. And I said, I don't care how busy I am, I'm always here for you, always.

• 1:30:40Steven Bartlett?

  So that's a real personal moment for your best friends. And I'm, I imagine, you said earlier that you don't have many friends.

• 1:30:47Speaker 01

  Um, I have acquaintances, but like close.

• 1:30:51Steven Bartlett?

  Friends, you know, like friends.

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  No, I don't think, I don't think a lot of people do though. If you really like ask them.

• 1:30:57Steven Bartlett?

  I don't have many friends.

• 1:30:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, like I have people that are there, like acquaintances, and I have people that I would genuinely die for. Those are my friends, you know, and I can count them on my hand. Polly is one of them.

• 1:31:12Steven Bartlett?

  Other people have more friends. Is that a first statement typically?

• 1:31:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure, but I don't really care if you have more friends than me, to be honest. I'm happy with the people I have. Because you have more friends with me, doesn't make you more superior or make you a better person because you have more people around you. It's just, you know, I'm only twenty six. I don't know how many friends I'm gonna have at sixty two. So I have friends, do you see what I'm saying?

• 1:31:37Steven Bartlett?

  Probably less.

• 1:31:39Speaker 01

  Maybe.

• 1:31:39Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, according to the days you'd.

• 1:31:41Speaker 01

  Maybe, but at the same time, I couldn't have asked for better friends that I have now. And the friends I have now would protect me and look after me and they know I would do anything for them.

• 1:31:53Speaker 01

  That's what matters. Not having a hundred friends. I want one good friend, not a hundred random friends.

• 1:31:59Steven Bartlett?

  So I I asked that question because I think I've definitely struggled to make and to hold on to friendships because of the way I've been over the last decade. In the same way, relation, like normal relationships, I found that I don't invest enough in my friendships as much as I probably should.

• 1:32:17Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm gonna be completely honest. Um, people come and go, right? People come and go, and it's so bizarre because I know it sounds crazy, but I've pretty much built a virtual community, right? And I feel like that's my team. Even though I may have not met these women physically, I feel like they get me more than the people in my own life. Is that weird?

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  Do you think that's weird? You think it's a bit weird, don't you? Be honest.

• 1:32:51Steven Bartlett?

  I don't know if it's

• 1:32:53Speaker 01

  Like, I speak to people.

• 1:32:55Steven Bartlett?

  It's it's a very curious thing you've you've just said, yeah.

• 1:32:57Speaker 01

  Like, you should, I don't know if you've ever seen, or maybe not, but when I go on a live workout and I work out with with with hundreds, thousands of women. I don't see them, they see me, but I feel the energy. I I can't explain it to you. I I sound crazy right now and people probably think I'm an absolute crazy psycho weirdo, but let them think what they want. When I'm like reading a DM, right? Or when I'm going live for a workout, or when I add a new workout on and when I repost people, because you you see I repost a lot of people, right? Um, and half the time I don't even tag Turner Sculpt. I just repost the woman with a sweaty selfie or whatever.

• 1:33:41Speaker 01

  And that to me, I almost feel like that's enough friends. Like, I have friends for life. This is my family, my unit, my team, my tribe. And as crazy as I may sound, I feel like that tribe understands me more than the people in my life. So that's when I go on social media and you see me, understand that's me, because I feel like we're friends and you get me. And it's crazy because they do get me and I get them. They get my sense of humour, they get me trying to dance on camera and be stupid. I don't care. I sometimes forget I have two point three million followers and I come

• 1:34:21Steven Bartlett?

  Friends.

• 1:34:22Speaker 01

  Well, I sometimes forget, right? Have you seen that I come online and I don't have makeup on? I forget. I genuinely forget and I'm like, oh shit, my skin's a bit crusty right now and I just posted that to 2.3 million people. What's my crazy ass thinking? And I sit back and I'm like, oh, fuck it, I don't care.

• 1:34:40Steven Bartlett?

  But the nature of the internet is that you would, of course, you've got 2.3 million people. There's a lot of people in there that are hurting themselves and that wanna make you feel like shit too.

• 1:34:50Speaker 01

  Can I be honest? I'm very lucky.

• 1:34:54Steven Bartlett?

  Really?

• 1:34:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm very lucky, man. I don't get much negativity. I don't. And when I do, um,

• 1:35:06Speaker 01

  if like someone's been horrible on a post, cause I have, I have a big insecurity about my boobs, alright? Like, they're saggy, I'll say it. And cool. I've always had a big insecurity about it. And I remember this one, one girl just ripped them to shreds. She was just like, ew, like they look disgusting and saggy. I didn't even see the comment until I started seeing the community members reply back to her. Now, there's a difference between replying back to someone and being like, you need to stop, that was hurtful. And then replying back meanly, if you're replying back mean, that's not nice. Like, you don't cure hate with hate, right? So if I see someone being really nasty, so I don't like that. Like, I'd rather you not defend me. I don't want that.

• 1:35:49Speaker 01

  You don't know what that girl's going through. Just cause she's being mean to me, you don't know what she's going through, the pain she must be in. You don't know. But when I see someone like, hey, says like, you need to chill because that's not nice. You don't know what that comment could do to someone. That's a team. That's a community. That's a family right there. So I'm pretty blessed. I don't get as much negativity as maybe other people. I'm pretty, pretty blessed. Touch wood, that doesn't change. Um, but listen, I, I don't know how to explain it to you and I'm gonna sound hella crazy right now, but the, the community I have, man, is something like special. It's something that.

• 1:36:35Speaker 01

  It's unexplainable, the feeling they give me. And that to me is my friends, as weird as I may sound, and lonely as I may sound.

• 1:36:45Steven Bartlett?

  So some of the things you're working on, right?

• 1:36:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:47Steven Bartlett?

  So you've got a book coming out?

• 1:36:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:36:49Steven Bartlett?

  Which is exciting. Tell me about this.

• 1:36:50Speaker 01

  So exciting. So officially an author. Oh my God. And so my book, Do This For You, How To Be A Strong Woman On The Inside And Out, is not your average fitness book. So I'm pretty sick and tired of 20 day challenges and kind of telling women that, oh my God, do this 20 day challenge and you're going to lose 10 pounds. Oh, shut up. Drain and jarring. Stop. I'm going to teach you how to create habits, discipline, consistency, longevity. That's what it's about. You know, all the programs on the TonerScop app are, some of them are a year long.

• 1:37:28Steven Bartlett?

  That doesn't, kind of goes against the typical sales, sales script of something with.

• 1:37:33Speaker 01

  Stat quo.

• 1:37:34Steven Bartlett?

  Like, small effort from you, big results. That's what sells, right?

• 1:37:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37:38Steven Bartlett?

  Five days, you'll lose a hundred pounds.

• 1:37:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:37:40Steven Bartlett?

  You know, but that's very honest of you. And I think that's real, right?

• 1:37:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, you're not, you're gonna lose weight. Of course, of course, you're gonna lose weight if you're doing stupid amounts of cardio, cutting out specific food groups, and you're literally depriving yourself. Of course, you're gonna lose weight.

• 1:37:55Steven Bartlett?

  Not sustainable.

• 1:37:56Speaker 01

  Is it sustainable? No. So the way I always say it is, funny enough, in a relationship, if you're constantly just like horrible to someone all the time, is that sustainable? Not really. You have to nourish. You have to love. You have to care. You have to show effort, consistency. That's what works. Same thing with training. It's a constant effort you put in day in, day out that will make a difference.

• 1:38:20Steven Bartlett?

  So it's all about disciplines, habits.

• 1:38:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. And it's a book that, do you know what? In all honesty, it's a book that I know when someone reads, they're gonna pass it down.

• 1:38:28Steven Bartlett?

  Right, got you.

• 1:38:29Speaker 01

  It's one of those books. You read it and it gets you thinking. It's a thinking book. So I did the audio book for it as well last week. And when I was reading it, I was like, damn, that was, that was good. I was like, oh, I know someone's gonna read that. Yeah, yeah. Or listen to it like, yeah. And it's true. It's a thinking book. I ask you what your why is. So if I say to you, what, what is your why? Why is it that you want to train?

• 1:38:56Steven Bartlett?

  Been over this a lot, but I mean, like, the thing that I keep trying to get my myself away from is having a really extrinsic why. That's like, I want to look good for summer. Because when summer ends and I look good, that shit is done.

• 1:39:09Speaker 01

  There we go. But that's a lot of people's whys. I want to lose weight for my wedding dress. I want to lose weight for this, for an occasion, occasion, occasion.

• 1:39:17Steven Bartlett?

  Timeline, timeline, yeah.

• 1:39:18Speaker 01

  The occasion comes, what then?

• 1:39:20Steven Bartlett?

  You fall off a cliff. Yeah.

• 1:39:21Speaker 01

  It's not a sustainable why. So I teach you how to gain a sustainable why, which is fundamentally the most important foundation you need for fitness. Then I teach you habits. You don't think twice about brushing your teeth. Why think twice about your health? Why think twice about your health? Your health is the most fundamental and important thing you need to live.

• 1:39:41Steven Bartlett?

  You need to get one of them as well, right?

• 1:39:42Speaker 01

  And why are you thinking twice about it? Why are you viewing fitness as a chore? You're viewing your health as a chore? That's a shame. Your body deserves more. Whenever you've heard people speak about health like this, in a society where women are driven by fat loss pills and quick, quick fad diets and intense workout sessions. It's time to stop. It's time to tell you that you need to calm the fuck down. Remember your why. Remember how important your health is and understand that if you have a bad day, it's okay. It's okay to have a bad day. So that's what Do This For You is all about.

• 1:40:27Steven Bartlett?

  Sounds amazing. I'm gonna read it.

• 1:40:28Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:40:29Steven Bartlett?

  Um, we'll, we'll link the preorder as well in, in all of the, in the podcast and also on the YouTube video. I wanted to ask you what other things you're working on. I know you just launched a, an active wear line that looks pretty awesome.

• 1:40:39Speaker 01

  They are. God has so many issues for that to begin with, but.

• 1:40:42Steven Bartlett?

  We got there in the end.

• 1:40:43Speaker 01

  Got there in the end on our active, um. Honoractive is fundamentally, I was actually building the mission and the vision for it last week. And one of the things I said is that I don't want it to be a trendsetter.

• 1:41:00Steven Bartlett?

  Why?

• 1:41:01Speaker 01

  Because I don't. I don't want my brand to be something that people just kind of like buy because it's trendy and that's that. I want Honoractive to be something you go back to time and time again. So all of our collections have certain names, like the first collection is called classic, because you're always going to come back to it. It's designed with specific material that you always come back to it. The next collection is called timeless. And then our winter collection is called effortless. So it's designed to have a concept that it's your best friend always and forever. That it doesn't matter what year it is, you're still going to love Honoractive. Because trendsetters, they come and they go. You have your 15 minutes fame and then it goes. But I want something to be sustainable. If you look at Nike, Lululemon,

• 1:41:46Speaker 01

  the biggest brands in the world, they don't have fancy stuff. Some of the best Lululemon leggings are the most simplest ones you'll ever find, but they're trusted and they're loved. And that's exactly what I want Honor to be. I'm not here to start trends. Sorry, I'm not here to start trends. I'm here to ensure that you pick up your leggings and you trust this product. That's my goal for Honoractive.

• 1:42:11Steven Bartlett?

  Onto the next business?

• 1:42:13Speaker 01

  No, Toner Sculpt, Toner Sculpt is still like, obviously, my number one baby in Honoractive, of course. But what we done with Toner Sculpt, we launched a brand new athlete, Danielle Wilson.

• 1:42:24Steven Bartlett?

  I saw. I clicked on her profile. She followed me. I was quite.

• 1:42:28Speaker 01

  She loves you. Oh, my God, she's going to be so excited. Yeah, she's like, oh, my God. She always reposts you. And I was like, yeah, he's all right.

• 1:42:37Speaker 01

  I'm joking. She's like, oh, my God, I love him. I'm like, yeah, he's all right. I'm joking. But now she is very special. Because I approached her, and the reason why I want to talk about her briefly in this, in this podcast is because I think it's very important. She's a 200 pound African American woman, five foot 11.

• 1:43:00Speaker 01

  Not your average fitness guru, right?

• 1:43:02Steven Bartlett?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:43:03Speaker 01

  So why would Turner Sculpt want her? She's not your average fitness guru. Why would you want someone who women are scared to think that's what fitness looks like?

• 1:43:14Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 1:43:15Speaker 01

  Let me tell you why. Because fitness for such a long time is not about the way it looks. It's about the way it makes you feel. She trains because it makes her feel alive. She's an athlete.

• 1:43:29Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:29Speaker 01

  She trains athletes. She is an athlete.

• 1:43:32Steven Bartlett?

  I saw her doing a backflip.

• 1:43:32Speaker 01

  Built like an athlete.

• 1:43:33Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:34Speaker 01

  That's what I wanted for my brand. So when I approached her, a year and a half ago, I slid into her DMs. And I was like, I am every day inspired by you. And I didn't really think I wanted trainers, other trainers on the Turner Sculpt app. But I want, I need you, I need you on this app. And she was like, what are you serious? Like, you really think I should be on the app? And I was like, hell, yeah, you need to be on this app. You inspire me. I know you're going to inspire thousands of other women. And it's funny because when the whole Black Lives Matter thing happened, five other companies approached her in that month, five other fitness brands. And I had a FaceTime with her and I said, listen, babe,

• 1:44:18Speaker 01

  if they're offering you more money and you think it's a better opportunity for you, I understand. Business is business. She goes, hell, no, I'm married to you. I'm not going anywhere. I'm married to you. She goes, but how funny is it that it took something happening for them to approach me?

• 1:44:37Steven Bartlett?

  Hmm.

• 1:44:39Speaker 01

  I didn't say anything. And I said to her, I'm going to let you answer that question yourself, for yourself.

• 1:44:44Steven Bartlett?

  Oh, that, that, oh, that week, my emails were blowing.

• 1:44:48Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:44:49Steven Bartlett?

  Up. Black Lives Matter week, I had more speaking requests, more invitations to campaigns than I've ever had in my entire life. You know what it is, but I'm going to be honest, I'm going to take the bag. Do you know what I mean?

• 1:45:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:01Steven Bartlett?

  If you're, if you're approaching me because you think you suddenly have had this revelation that you need a black person involved, fine. Fine, I can't find, you know, what am I going to do? Say no and then like, they're going to have to go, because in this country.

• 1:45:16Speaker 01

  Go somewhere to find someone else.

• 1:45:17Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, and in this country, when you think about young, black, successful entrepreneurs. Me and Jamal Edwards, the guy who made SBTV, who's been on this podcast, it's fucking no one else. Like, you're gonna have to start looking at footballers if you want young, black and successful. And so, yeah, fucking, and also I can use that platform as a way to inspire other people to change their opinions. In the same way Obama inspired a lot of naive Americans to think that, oh my God, a black person can be smart and intelligent and clean.

• 1:45:49Speaker 01

  Don't please, I could just.

• 1:45:50Steven Bartlett?

  So, yeah, I took the bags, every single bag, all mine.

• 1:45:53Speaker 01

  And you know what, I've.

• 1:45:54Steven Bartlett?

  And I'll keep taking them.

• 1:45:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, hell yeah, hell yeah, like, are you fucking joking me? I said, I looked at, I said to Danielle on the FaceTime, it doesn't matter where you go, it matters what you're gonna represent.

• 1:46:09Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:10Speaker 01

  Do you understand that you're gonna change a young girl's life by being somewhere, being present, being vocal, being ambitious? Do it. If the platform that's offering you more money is bigger, do it. She was like, no, I want to be at Toner Sculpt.

• 1:46:25Steven Bartlett?

  Of course, because you.

• 1:46:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that's just loyalty, that's just her being loyal. But it goes beyond bringing another trainer onto the app. It's about representation. It's about, I'm sick and tired of fitness having one status quo. Fitness is not one status quo. It's about to help people mentally and physically. If it wasn't for fitness, I would not be alive today, and that's facts.

• 1:46:48Steven Bartlett?

  So what's next for Chrissy? What's next? When you think about the future?

• 1:46:54Speaker 01

  Personally, I don't know. Business, amazing.

• 1:47:00Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:01Speaker 01

  Stuff that are coming up beyond. But from a personal perspective, I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know what's even happening tomorrow in my personal life.

• 1:47:13Steven Bartlett?

  Are you happy?

• 1:47:15Speaker 01

  In what sense?

• 1:47:16Steven Bartlett?

  That's the question.

• 1:47:17Speaker 01

  For what in what sense?

• 1:47:18Steven Bartlett?

  In your life, are you happy?

• 1:47:21Speaker 01

  Um, I would say I'm really happy in my career and I'm really happy in my community.

• 1:47:30Speaker 01

  From a personal perspective, I think I need to just take a breather. And I would say I need to work on my happiness on a personal perspective a little bit more. Yeah, for sure.

• 1:47:43Steven Bartlett?

  You gonna do that?

• 1:47:47Speaker 01

  So you're funny because you ask me the questions and you ask if I'm going to do it and then I don't know the answer to that question because I don't know if I will do it. So I don't know. I think I just need to, I think I just need to be a bit more patient with myself and a little bit kinder to myself and less self defensive.

• 1:48:06Steven Bartlett?

  Listen, I've, I've taken a lot of your time and it's been a fascinating conversation. I've learned a lot about myself as well.

• 1:48:11Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:48:12Steven Bartlett?

  Yeah, it's like, you know, on many of these issues, they are, they're issues that anybody in the situation, you know, both me and you find ourselves in in life where we're running businesses and we're very busy, but then we're also trying to fulfill all of our personal needs at the same time, when one of those, you know, facets of our life is so all consuming, we feel the same things and we're confused by it. We don't have the answers and as much as we want to have the answers and have control over everything because we are used to that and we strive for that in our business, you know, sometimes we have to relinquish control in order to be happy. Maybe that's a lot of the answer. But thank you so much for giving me your time today, but more importantly, for giving

• 1:48:51Steven Bartlett?

  me so much honesty. And where can, where can people find you? I mean, you're everywhere. So dumbass question.

• 1:48:59Speaker 01

  There's missions everywhere.

• 1:49:01Steven Bartlett?

  You know, you've got your book coming out, you've got your app, you've got your active wear line. I'm sure people will find you. And I just want to say thank you because there's very few people out there that are a willing to be honest. It takes a certain vulnerability to be that honest, but it does so much for so many people. And on behalf of your community, on behalf of entrepreneurs like me, on behalf of all of the aspiring female entrepreneurs that are following in your footsteps, a huge thank you because what you're doing, it's costing you a lot, but it's giving the world even more. So, thank you.

• 1:49:33Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.