Pod Insights The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett E16: I Am Jealous Of Death About this episode This is my favourite episode I've recorded alone. In this chapter I discuss the goals and dangers of moving to New York, explain the reason why I'm jealous of death, an unpredicted problem this week almost cost the business millions and of course, no episode would be complete without a development in my relationship status.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Steven Bartlett? It's good to be back, just me and you. This week, we dig back into my personal diary once again, and what a week it's been. Unpredicted problems at 2am that could have cost us millions, figuring out that we should all be jealous of death, understanding why perfectionists procrastinate the most and how to fix it, finally figuring out that all of us should be looking for a certain thing in relationships, and much, much more. This is my favourite podcast that I've ever recorded alone, and to me, this was therapy. If you want answers to these questions too, and others, you have to listen. Without further ado, this is chapter 16, and I'm Steven Bartlett. This is the diary of a CEO.
0:45 Steven Bartlett? I hope nobody is listening, but if you are, then please keep this to yourself. Okay, so the first point in my diary this week, I've just written, "New hunger, back to the beg, borrow and steal." Okay, so for some context, as you guys and girls will know that listen to this podcast, over the last four, five, six years since dropping out of university, I've built a fairly substantial business with an amazing team, and this business now employs over 200 people. It's growing exceptionally fast, and it has five offices around the world. And in the last couple of months, I've made the decision that I'm going to move to New York. And I'm moving to New York tomorrow, okay?
1:29 Steven Bartlett? And so I've spent on and off the last couple of months in New York, but particularly the last month, I spent about two weeks in New York, which is the most I've ever spent there. And in doing so, in moving myself from an office where we have slides and ballpools and dogs and puppies and hundreds of members of staff and systems and processes and, you know, a lifestyle where I have all the sort of relative comforts, I've always asked myself, as the business has grown, would I be able to go back to the start and do it all again? Would I have that hunger that I had when I was 18 years old? Because when I was 18 years old, I was desperate. I wasn't just hungry, I was desperate, I was surviving.
2:12 Steven Bartlett? My, you know, my mum hadn't spoke to me for two years because I dropped out of university, and she was mad at me. I didn't have a penny to my name, and I also didn't even have a bank account to put that penny in because the banks had removed all my bank accounts. And so this question has, quite frankly, haunted me. I've wondered if I could go back to the hustle. I've wondered if I could bring back that beg, borrow and steal hunger I had. You know, maybe I'm considered to be too comfortable or successful or whatever to be hungry again, right? You know, taking our business to the US market is an enormous challenge. And what I've discovered over the last month with my focus being pretty exclusively on the US
2:55 Steven Bartlett? is that it was never the money that was fueling my hunger. It was never the silencing people that doubted me that was making me hungry. At the most fundamental level, it was the challenge that made me hungry. Challenge creates hunger. The greater the challenge, the greater the opportunity, the further away I am from it, and therefore the hungrier I am. And Steve Bartlett, talking in third person here, in realising that I'm going to the US market and that it's six times bigger, but we have a sixth of the team there. So it's, you know, this enormous challenge and we don't have the resources, has become hungrier than ever before. Because this is the greatest challenge of my life.
3:41 Steven Bartlett? And with the greatest challenge of my life come all of these things, you know, people doubting you, not thinking it's possible, scepticism, all of these things. And all of those things, whether I like to admit it or not, do fuel my hunger. Who gives a shit about the money? I pity people that care about the money because you're on a road to total sadness, right? For me, it's about the challenge. And what I've given myself in moving to New York is a new challenge. And I'm thankful that everybody that listens to this podcast is going to come on that challenge with me. I move tomorrow morning to New York City. And there, we go again.
4:21 Steven Bartlett? Okay, so the next point in my diary, I've actually just written one more rep, but it doesn't really have much to do with that, but let me explain. Okay, context, this week I got some terrible news, terrible news. And even more context, I just had a long day of meetings in London. I had interviews with GQ, I had a bunch of meetings, I had a bunch of important calls all around the world. And I'm absolutely exhausted because I had to be up and to London super early. So it's literally about nine thirty PM. I'm sleeping, my head has fallen onto the table on the train and I'm asleep. And I get a message, urgent, please call me.
5:04 Steven Bartlett? And the person that sent me this message would never, ever, ever say that. And so I call this person and they tell me something's happened, which I won't go into. But this, this thing that's happened has the potential of costing us millions of pounds, millions and millions of pounds, right? It's an unpredictable issue that has come out of the blue and could cost us millions. I then spend the next, hmm, four hours trying to deal with this issue. I have a number of important phone calls at one AM in the morning. I have to rush back to the office at two AM in the morning. And eventually, because a lot of great people cobble together and they really, really wanted to solve this issue,
5:47 Steven Bartlett? we got past it, as we always tend to do. And, you know, as if you've listened to my podcast, you'll know that these things just come out of the blue all the time. When you run a business or you have the sort of level of responsibility or you've reached the sort of heights of building something that we have at Social Chain, these things come out of the blue, but that's not the point. Here's the point. So I go home at two AM now, absolutely exhausted, still with a bit of sort of adrenaline running through my veins. And I get in bed, I am absolutely exhausted, right? And as I'm falling asleep, I, I think, okay, Steve, what you need to do is set your alarm for tomorrow. Check what you have to do tomorrow. So I look at my calendar for tomorrow.
6:31 Steven Bartlett? And as I open my calendar, it accidentally opens on today. And it says on my calendar today, record your podcast and shoot an Instagram video.
6:45 Steven Bartlett? I go to tomorrow and it says that I have to be up at 6am to go back to London.
6:52 Steven Bartlett? I'm sat there at 2, 2.30am in the morning, knowing that I have two more hours of work that I was meant to do today. And then I have to be up at 6am roughly to get on the train. So really, I'm gonna get two hours sleep.
7:09 Steven Bartlett? Being completely honest with you, this is very much the story of my life. In that moment, I have a choice and I feel the choice, right? I actually feel the choice. Here's the choice. Steve, how bad do you want it? How bad you want it? As I'm lying there in my bed, I feel that decision come to me. How bad do you want it? And this is something that I think all of us, all of us feel at certain moments in our life, right? We decide where our limits are and in doing so, we decide the extent of our own rewards. So in that moment, if I get out of bed and I record my podcast and I make an Instagram video,
7:53 Steven Bartlett? I know that today I'll move the needle maybe 0.001%, negligible. And as many of you will know, one of my favorite books is A Slight Edge. And it talks about how those 0.001% compound and come together with other 0.001% to form and to define everything that you are. I believe in that. And so after the hardest day in many, many months, I pick myself up at 2am in the morning and I go and record my podcast. If I didn't do it, nobody would say anything. If I didn't do it, nothing would change today. But it's in doing those sort of efforts time and time again that have been the making of me for my whole life.
8:36 Steven Bartlett? And I believe in that. I believe that the growth is in the extra rep, not in the nine to five. The growth is in the 5pm till 10pm and you get extra points for the 10pm till 2am. And you know, when people hear that, they'll attack me and they'll say, Steve is encouraging people to overwork. Steve is driving a culture of overworking and burning out and mental health issues. It's just not the case. You come to my podcast, I presume, and you listen to me to hear my opinion, right? And that's my opinion. This is all I know. I can't tell you that not working hard equals success because I just don't know that. I don't know that truth. Maybe somebody else does, right? But this is my life and this is my experience. So it's not about overworking or burning yourself
9:19 Steven Bartlett? out or driving yourself into the ground, because if you ever feel that way, then you should definitely stop. But when you love your work and when it's your fun and when you do want to do it, sometimes you can push yourself, just like you push yourself in the gym. And just like in the gym, it's not in the first eight reps that you get your gains, it's in that last two reps that you rip your muscles. And why can't that count for life too? People go to the gym, they work out and they push their muscles beyond their limits until they rip and grow. Why can't the same be for your profession, your career and for your life? I believe it is.
9:56 Steven Bartlett? Okay, so the next point I wrote in my diary is ego is the enemy of happiness. And I've actually written this out, so I'm just gonna read it to you. Egotism is the enemy of contentment. It's hard to be content, grounded and satisfied if you overestimate your own importance. No matter how rich, pretty or smart you are, no matter how much you've achieved in your life, you need to embrace the fact that you are equal to those that are perceived to have less than you by society. An unhealthy view of your own significance will lead to your own personal and emotional conflicts, and all of these things lead to unhappiness. You have to stay humble and you have to stay happy.
10:42 Steven Bartlett? Okay, so the next point in my diary is live at the finish line. Let me explain. We've all seen that quote everywhere that says, live as if each day was your last. And whenever I've seen that quote over the last five or 10 years, I've just been uncomfortable with it because I don't think it's good advice. I think if you lived as if each day was your last, you would spend disproportionate amounts of time doing something which is unsustainable and destructive. So you might go on holiday for that last day, you might spend it all at a casino if you're that way inclined, you might spend it all having sex with your partner, like you might spend it all hanging out with your family. All of these things aren't sustainable. Tomorrow is probably coming.
11:25 Steven Bartlett? And so although you have to live in the moment and you have to enjoy yourself and live with no regrets, tomorrow is probably coming. And you do have to create a sustainable model to your life, right? But at the same time, life isn't guaranteed. Ten years isn't guaranteed, five years isn't guaranteed, one year isn't guaranteed. But tomorrow is probably coming. And so for me specifically, I've spent much of my life telling myself that in 20 years' time, I'll do something I've always wanted to do. In 20 years' time, I'll give more to charity and I'll help out more in charities when I'm ready. And you know, in 20, but 20 years' time isn't guaranteed.
12:07 Steven Bartlett? And so the key for me is building a life now where I'm doing all of those things as if I was at the finish line. And that's why I've written Live at the Finish Line. You know, I want to be more charitable. Why can't I be charitable now? Why can't I build a life where I can be charitable now? And John Vincent talked about it. He said, you know, business owners and business leaders will say to themselves, I'll build this massive business and then I'll, you know, sponsor a charity auction once I'm rich. Why can't you build a model where you do all of those desires you have now? I want to, you know, see the world more and have more fun and experience life more. That's what I would do if I knew I was going to die, right? Those would be my regrets.
12:49 Steven Bartlett? So I need to build a life now because I'm kidding myself if I think that Steve Bartlett isn't going to be an entrepreneur his whole fucking life. I'm going to do this my whole life and that's cool. But I need to build a sustainable model to that, right? Where I can do these other things that like being charitable and, you know, seeing the world, et cetera. And even the family point, deep down in me somewhere, I've said to myself that I'll, you know, spend more time with my family when I've reached some kind of conclusion with my businesses or whatever. I'm never going to reach a conclusion with my businesses. This is going to be my life. And so with that in mind, I have to live at the finish line. I have to create a life now where all of these things that are important to me are part of my every days, my every weeks, my every months, right?
13:34 Steven Bartlett? And this is something I have to change. I know life isn't guaranteed. There is no point in waiting. We all live under this crazy delusion that we're going to live forever. And I really believe that. It's one of the things I just struggle to understand. Even if I tell you now that you're going to die, you don't believe it. You don't believe it. Do you know how I know you don't believe it? Because of the way you're living your life. Honestly, if you knew you were going to die, would you be so safe? Really? I don't think so. I really, really don't think so.
14:09 Steven Bartlett? Live your life at the finish line.
14:13 Steven Bartlett? The next point in my diary is all the forces that try to tear us apart. And here's what I mean. This week in particular, we just had a lot of people come in for us, right? As a company, as a business, people trying to tear us apart. It's not something that's new to me. This happens every single week. And I've noticed the more successful you've got, the more recognized you are in the public eye, the more people will try and tear you down. I think there's this perception that the more successful you get or the more money you have, the easier life is. You never see the amount of hate and the amount of pessimism and the amount of,
14:53 Steven Bartlett? I guess, envy in some ways that you get at this type of level in sort of business or life, right? There's that old expression which rings true. More money, more problems, right? And just to add to that a little bit, the more success you get in your life, the more people you'll be beating.
15:13 Steven Bartlett? And people don't like to lose. Think about that. The more successful you are, the more people you're beating. So if you're the world's greatest artist, right? You're beating every other artist. If you are Lewis Hamilton and you've just won the Grand Prix, you'd just be nineteen other drivers. You've, you've taken something from them in their mind. That's nineteen people that have an incentive to see you fall. And it's something that you have to live with, right? It's something that I've learnt over the last couple of years to just live with. You know, we'll get emails from various companies or press or whatever, and it will say, this person is about to write this bad story about you.
15:55 Steven Bartlett? You know, and you've got to realise that it comes with the territory. It feels like every other day, there's somebody trying to tear down what I've built. And this is, again, this isn't a new thing. This is, this is every day. And in some ways, it's life asking us, how much do we want this? How thick is your skin? And how prepared were you for this? I'm ready. Bring it on. Okay, the next point in my diary is gonna hit you like a ton of bricks, right? And I'm gonna say it, and then I'm gonna explain. I am jealous of death. Okay, now let me explain, because that's a fucking unbelievable statement. I'm gonna explain. So I met this Christian girl, right?
16:40 Steven Bartlett? And I had a long conversation with her, and she's told me that she believes in Jesus or God, or, you know, whatever deity she believes in, because she doesn't like the idea of dying. She doesn't like the idea of dying. She's scared of death. And I turned to her and I said, I don't understand why you're scared of death. How did you feel 150 years ago? And she said, I didn't feel, I didn't feel anything. And I said, how did you feel 200 years ago? And she said, I didn't feel, I didn't feel anything. I said, did you feel scared? And she said, no. And I said, that's how you're gonna feel in 100 years' time. That's exactly how you'll feel in 100 years' time.
17:25 Steven Bartlett? You'll feel nothing. You didn't feel scared 100 years ago, when you weren't here. You're not gonna feel scared in 100 years' time when you aren't here either. I am deeply in love with my life. But I'm also completely fine with dying. I'm completely fine with dying. And I really mean that. And in some ways, when you think about death, it's actually something to be quite jealous of. It's a total peacefulness. You know, life is worth living. Life is the most magical privilege all of us have to cherish. But death is not something to be feared.
18:06 Steven Bartlett? And, you know, I'm playing for death. That's the game I'm playing. If I don't die, then why the fuck am I awake at four AM right now, recording this podcast? I could have been asleep. Why have I been so impatient? Why have I taken so many risks? If there was no, you know, if this show never ends, why did I, why did I dance? So hard and for so long. Do you know what I mean? That's how I feel about death. Death for me is so important in driving my hunger, my desire, my impatience. And my, you know, my, my desire to learn and everything. Death is.
18:44 Steven Bartlett? The guarantee of dying also removes this idea, as Steve Jobs said, that we have anything to lose. It frees you up, it liberates you. So not only am I quite jealous of the idea of death, I.
19:02 Steven Bartlett? I'm grateful for death. And just to clarify again, because I know this is a strong statement to make. I love my life. My life is the greatest privilege.
19:16 Steven Bartlett? In my own mind that I've ever and will ever have, right? And so I, I do everything that I can to not disrespect that privilege. Because I realize that some people didn't get that privilege and some people unfortunately lose that privilege way too early. You've got to respect that privilege, but at the same time, you cannot live a life fearing death. I think the fear of death actually will drive you to be less productive, less ambitious and all of these things. It will convince you to believe in things that will convince you that there is no death. And death for me is a great driver.
19:55 Steven Bartlett? Yeah, hopefully that all makes sense. You know.
20:00 Steven Bartlett? Okay, the next point has been a bit of an observation this week, but it's an observation of a lifetime. I just realised it this week. To some, this might sound pretty cliched, but to me, it hit me like a tonne of bombshells when I realised that in my pursuit to find out what's actually causing success and what's causing us to be better at everything we do, because I am determined to be better than Steve yesterday, every single day, really, there's something which I haven't given enough credit to. And the note in my diary is consistency is everything. Perception that success is achieved by some inherent talent is totally wrong. It's totally wrong. The truth is to me, consistency is
20:43 Steven Bartlett? the unsung hero of all success, because consistency drives learning. Learning equals eventually mastery, if you're consistent enough. Consistency is the reason I've learnt to speak on stage, because I just kept on doing it, right? When it was tough, when I didn't want to, I'm speaking tomorrow morning on stage, I'm headlining this massive conference in Manchester. This will be the 50th, 100th, 150th, 200th time I've spoke as a headline speaker now. I've just persisted at it consistently, day after day after day after day. And now I'm at a point where I'm totally, totally confident. And the same applies for my business and trying to be an entrepreneur. I've spent seven to 10 years consistently doing this
21:25 Steven Bartlett? one thing, and that's led to a certain momentum, it's caused my growth, and consistency has ultimately equaled my success. Consistency, again, as I said in one of the earlier points about one more rep, is getting out of bed at 2am in the morning to record that podcast, even though it won't matter if you don't. That's consistency. And the crazy thing is, all of the algorithms of social media and all of the, in many respects, algorithms of life are built to reward consistency. YouTube rewards you if you upload every single day. The algorithm ranks you as a better creator. And you therefore build momentum and momentum means that you will appear on the discovery pages more, that that means you will grow more. And the same applies for
22:10 Steven Bartlett? life, the same applies for the podcast store. The more podcasts you produce more consistently, the higher your podcast goes in the store. If I could do three podcasts a week, I would be consistently the top five podcast in the business section. Consistency is everything. It's the unsung hero of social media, of life, of everything, because it leads to that learning, which leads to mastery, and it leads to that momentum, which leads to growth. Focus on consistency.
22:37 Steven Bartlett? For the next point in my diary, I've just written, "Perfect procrastination." Procrastination is something that haunts everybody. But there's a certain group of people out there that have labeled themselves procrastinators. And I honestly think this is a horrifically dangerous thing to do. It's a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy. Once you convince yourself you're a procrastinator, I genuinely believe you procrastinate more. You are not a procrastinator. Every human being puts things off and sometimes misplaces the priorities in which they should do things. Procrastinating is human. You are not a procrastinator, okay? I procrastinate all the time. I go to record my podcast, right? And then Pablo walks past me, so I
23:20 Steven Bartlett? decide to hug him for an hour. I know I shouldn't be hugging Pablo for an hour, right? We all do it. However, Pablo's my dog, by the way, if you don't know. But one thing that definitely leads to severe procrastination is perfectionism. And I'm guilty of this. Perfectionism has made me, right? Me really caring about standards and details has made me. But perfectionism ruins and kills productivity. Perfectionism has made me and held me back in almost equal measure for my entire life. It's the enemy of productivity. One of the the great battles I'm going through at the moment with all of my content and everything I produce for all of you listeners and across all of my other channels, is this constant battle to
24:05 Steven Bartlett? get content out there, but this obsession which is holding me back to make sure it's perfect. And finding the right balance of putting things out there that are great or good, that aren't perfect, is something that I struggle with. But I know that the balance currently is wrong within me. I know that if I put out more content or I give more to the world that is slightly imperfect, but I give more of it consistently, as I said before in the last point, I'll have greater results. So letting go a bit of that perfectionism in order to achieve more productivity, I think is something that all of us perfectionism procrastinators need to seriously think about. Because yeah, for all the upsides that perfectionism brings, it can also hold you back.
24:52 Steven Bartlett? And the last point of this podcast, I've just written, team up, not a relationship. And this is inspired by spending the whole weekend, as a lot of you will be proud to hear, with my brand new baby niece. I've now seen her twice. I'm actually a little bit obsessed with her, to be honest. But I spent the weekend with her. My brother and his girlfriend, fiance, sorry, Julia, came to Manchester and we hung out all weekend. And in observing those two, my brother and his fiance, I observed the perfect team. And they even said it, especially when you have a baby, you become one hell of a team. Whilst my, I'll call her my sister-in-law, whilst my sister-in-law is heating up the milk, my brother is changing the nappy. Whilst my sister-in-law is burping the baby, my brother is heating up the milk.
25:37 Steven Bartlett? They are just this perfect synchronized team. And it made me realize that really, the best relationships in the world are teams. The last point of all my podcasts is about relationships, and this one is as well. What I need to look for, and this is a sort of a thought I've had this week, is to stop looking for a girlfriend or whatever, but is to start looking for a teammate. And so, just out of interest, I popped onto Google and I typed in, what makes the perfect team? And it hit me like a ton of bricks that everything that constitutes the world's most successful teams also contributes to making the world's greatest romantic relationships.
26:19 Steven Bartlett? And here are some of the points that Google said. Communication. The world's best teams communicate. Self-awareness, which basically means, you know, understanding your strengths and weaknesses and who you are and the impacts you're having emotionally. Self-awareness, right? The world's best teams are self-aware. They're self-aware of their strengths and they're self-aware of their weaknesses. Point number three, a shared team goal and a shared vision, which I think is incredibly important because if you aren't aligned in where you want to go with your lives, then you will move further and further and further apart and you'll have more relationship conflicts. Point number four is contributing their fair share. This is obviously compromise, something that I've never been good at, ever.
27:02 Steven Bartlett? Point number five, offering each other support. Again, something I've not been great at, admittedly. And if my ex-girlfriend is listening, which she probably is, she'll say that there's been times where she needed support from me and I wasn't as good as I should have been. I learnt from those instances, but there were some times when she was, and you can almost hear my voice cracking with the emotion, but there were some times where I knew she needed me more and I wasn't there. And yeah. Point number six, diverse slash cognitive diversity. And what this means is the highest performing teams consist of people who think differently, right? And I think that should be the case in a relationship, right?
27:46 Steven Bartlett? People who approach problems with different perspectives in the world, who have sort of varying levels of risk tolerance, make the best teams because you're looking for balance. And left brain thinkers are logical and analytical and right brain thinkers are creative and intuitive. And when you're building a great team, you have to choose a whole brain team, a team that has both the left and the right brain, right? With an equal distribution of left and right brain. And that's why I think I look for people. And I've always said on my list of things is I'm looking for someone to intellectually stimulate me. But really what I'm looking for is someone with the other side of the brain to make my brain whole. And lastly, great teams have fun. Something that I think is incredibly important.
28:30 Steven Bartlett? And I'm going to add one more thing to a great team. And this is probably just unique to me, but it's the point of independence. Independence to do your own thing while serving that shared mission. I am incredibly independent. I've talked in previous chapters that my childhood is what's made me so independent. My parents not really being around so much when I was growing up, I think has led to my independence. And that realisation that if I was going to be anybody or have anything, it was going to come from me. Independent people like me need independent people.
28:59 Steven Bartlett? Independent people like me need to be with independent people in romantic relationships. That's my ardent belief. And the reason why independence is so important to me is because someone that's not independent, someone that's dependent on me, takes my independence. And if you look at my life, dropping out of university, getting expelled from school because I wouldn't go to class, I've spent my whole life running from situations where my independence was taken from me.
29:32 Steven Bartlett? Yeah.
29:34 Steven Bartlett? And I've never really thought about that before. Anyway, thank you so much for listening to my podcast. It's good to be back just speaking myself and you direct. When I finish these podcasts, it always feels like therapy, as I say every bloody time, but it does. It feels like I've got a million things off my shoulders. I appreciate all of you for listening so much. It honestly means the world to me and I need, I need, I need, I need, I need your feedback. I need your feedback. I need you to tweet me, to message me and let me know how you found this podcast because it will drive the way I create these podcasts in the future. It's a fairly like bullshit thing for a creator or someone with a channel to say to their audience that they appreciate them or that they, you know, what they love them, whatever it is.
30:16 Steven Bartlett? But I genuinely feel in debt to you. I feel for you giving me an hour of your time and for making this podcast bigger just by listening. I genuinely feel in debt to you because you're not only helping me grow the podcast, but you're helping me personally build a platform which I, which is deeply fulfilling for me. So, thank you.
30:40 Steven Bartlett? And I really do mean that. If you haven't subscribed to the podcast, please do. One of the things that we're not so good at is getting the sort of promotion out on the podcast at the same time as the podcast goes live. So if you do subscribe, you'll get an notification just saying that podcast is up. And what I'm going to do in the next podcast is the minute the podcast goes up, the first five people to tweet me will win an Amazon voucher for £50. So the first five people that tweet me or message me or Instagram me or DM me or whatever, when the podcast goes up will win an Amazon voucher for 50 quid. So yeah, there's a little incentive for you. Thank you so much. Tell your friends, tag me on your story on Instagram if you listen to the podcast.
31:24 Steven Bartlett? That means a lot to me and everybody that tags me. I always send you a video, as you guys will know that have tagged me before. And I look forward to seeing you next week. Thank you so much.
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