WHO WOULD YOU SHIFT WITH? Ft. Chris Fleming | Episode 189

IT’S SPOOKY SEASON TEAM!! The great Chris Fleming returns for our first Halloween episode of the year. Drew and Chris talk wedding planning, mentalists at birthday parties, shifting, Chris almost hitting Shia LaBeouf with his car, getting fired for sunbathing, and so much more. Chris IG: https://www.instagram.com/chrisflemingfleming/?hl=en Chris TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@chrisflemingfleming?lang=en Follow The Comment Section on IG! https://www.instagram.com/thecommentsection/ eBay is the place for pre-loved and vintage fashion. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

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• 1:05Drew Afualo?

  Will you tell me where you would want to ship first?

• 1:06Speaker 04

  I keep thinking of Goofy from a Goofy movie. And I'd just be wanting to tell him, get your shit together.

• 1:13Drew Afualo?

  You're all, you can't keep doing this.

• 1:14Speaker 04

  Flap in his ears.

• 1:19Speaker 04

  Pull it together. Your son's out of control.

• 1:30Drew Afualo?

  Hey, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of the Comment Section Show. Sorry, me, your fave, who cares about me. Onto the guests. Today, we have my favorite episode personally, the iconic, the hilarious Chris Fleming.

• 1:44Speaker 04

  And it's Halloween season.

• 1:46Drew Afualo?

  And it is, it's spooky season. And I didn't want to mention it just so it's a surprise till they saw you. This episode is presented to you by eBay. We all have that piece. You know, the one, the thing that's so you. You've basically become known for it. And if you don't have yours yet, you'll find it on eBay. Let me put you on, team. eBay is where you'll find those one of a kind, can't stop researching, stay up dreaming about. pieces again and again. I'm talking that Miu Miu off the runway red leather bomber, the Cousteau Barcelona top with the cowboy on it, or that Patagonia fleece in the 2017 colorway. All these finds are on eBay, and they even offer millions of main character pieces backed by authenticity guarantee.

• 2:29Drew Afualo?

  eBay is the place for pre-loved and vintage fashion. eBay, things people love.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  And Drew's Drew's crew is scurrying around getting Drew ready for with this. Like it was a big this outfit. And while it is amazing, I was expecting something quite outlandish.

• 2:48Speaker 04

  For all this.

• 2:52Speaker 04

  And then to reveal it's Drew in the Mona Lisa.

• 2:55Drew Afualo?

  Can I be real? They were kind of doing that about you with me. So I thought you came dressed up and they were keeping it as a secret.

• 3:00Speaker 04

  No, and I my my.

• 3:01Drew Afualo?

  You did not come dressed up.

• 3:02Speaker 04

  My reading comprehension is in decline. And so the email it did. I reread it. It did ask me to.

• 3:08Drew Afualo?

  Oh, nice.

• 3:09Speaker 04

  And I was thinking, could I say I'm like dressed like Amy Sherman Palladino or something?

• 3:15Drew Afualo?

  You're a Christmas elf.

• 3:16Speaker 04

  This is or like Girl Interrupted.

• 3:18Drew Afualo?

  Or you're Tim Allen from the first Santa Claus. That's so specific.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  Did he wear this?

• 3:23Drew Afualo?

  He wore a lot of sweaters.

• 3:24Speaker 04

  Oh, because this does look like it has the illusion of layers.

• 3:28Drew Afualo?

  Exactly.

• 3:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:29Drew Afualo?

  Well, it worked out because we found the perfect costume for you, which is the helmet.

• 3:33Speaker 04

  I'm dressed like the inventor of the Kegel.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  Dr. Sue Kegel.

• 3:39Drew Afualo?

  But the helmet is Katy Perry in space.

• 3:41Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, this was gifted to me. Moments before sitting.

• 3:46Drew Afualo?

  Now it's stuck on your head.

• 3:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, now I'm jammed in.

• 3:48Drew Afualo?

  And it's yours forever.

• 3:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, I like it.

• 3:50Drew Afualo?

  Now you can go to space with Gail.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  Oh, I was supposed to reveal. They asked me to reveal slowly to camera that it's me.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:01Drew Afualo?

  Well, I'm excited to have you back. How have you been?

• 4:03Speaker 04

  Oh, I've been good. How you been?

• 4:05Drew Afualo?

  I've been good, given the state of the world. This is kind of how I'm feeling, I'd think.

• 4:09Speaker 04

  Like the Mona Lisa?

• 4:10Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, just trapped.

• 4:12Speaker 04

  Smiling a little.

• 4:13Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, smiling a little, grinning and bearing it. That's kind of where my vibes are currently.

• 4:17Speaker 04

  Yes, yes.

• 4:18Drew Afualo?

  What about yours?

• 4:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, my state of the world is more the Monet water lilies.

• 4:26Speaker 04

  I'm the, I'm the water, I'm, I'm those.

• 4:29Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 4:30Speaker 04

  That's where I'm at right now, kinda like.

• 4:33Drew Afualo?

  Right, existing as a beautiful enigma.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  If you stand far enough away, yeah.

• 4:38Drew Afualo?

  Right, but when you get closer, you're kinda like, oof.

• 4:40Speaker 04

  Oh, that's how he did this. You ever do the magic eye, where you're supposed to make your eyes go like that, and then you see something?

• 4:48Drew Afualo?

  No.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:49Drew Afualo?

  What's that? Like you're, like manifestation, or literally?

• 4:52Speaker 04

  No, it's like, it's like different, it's like different patterns, and you're supposed to like fuck up your eyes, and then you see like some, some message? And the, and the inventor's daughter went to my elementary school.

• 5:05Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  Which could have been a lie, I guess.

• 5:08Drew Afualo?

  Right, right, okay.

• 5:09Speaker 04

  We just kinda believed it. But I could never do it.

• 5:13Drew Afualo?

  I feel so specific that, how could you lie about that? You know what I mean?

• 5:16Speaker 04

  Well, that's pre-Ask Jeeves, you could, you could get away with.

• 5:20Drew Afualo?

  I love.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  Manslaughter. Oh, yeah.

• 5:22Drew Afualo?

  I thought he was the smartest web search engine I'd ever seen.

• 5:25Speaker 04

  It knew three things.

• 5:27Drew Afualo?

  Total.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  Where am I?

• 5:31Speaker 04

  Is it still around? Is he still around?

• 5:32Drew Afualo?

  I don't think so.

• 5:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:34Drew Afualo?

  I think no.

• 5:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:35Drew Afualo?

  Do you like magic?

• 5:37Speaker 04

  I won't seek it out, but if you drag me there, like I was telling you, I'm easily manipu-, I will be, I'll be, I'll, I'll love it.

• 5:44Drew Afualo?

  I'm in.

• 5:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:45Drew Afualo?

  No matter what.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:46Drew Afualo?

  You'll suspend disbelief?

• 5:47Speaker 04

  You take me anywhere, I'll enjoy it. That's my problem. I'll talk so much shit until I'm there, and then I'm weeping.

• 5:53Drew Afualo?

  And then you're just having the time of your life?

• 5:55Speaker 04

  I'm just totally, I'm like a girl at a music festival. I'm feeling exactly what you want me to feel when.

• 6:00Drew Afualo?

  Girl who's gonna be okay?

• 6:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:02Drew Afualo?

  Every time you see anything? I was just curious, you seem like you'd be into magic.

• 6:05Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  No, I'm into trickery. I'm into mischief, not magic.

• 6:12Drew Afualo?

  Right, that's true, that's true. Will you just give me a real mystical energy? That's what makes me think about it.

• 6:16Speaker 04

  Good.

• 6:17Drew Afualo?

  And I just turned thirty last week.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 6:20Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 6:20Speaker 04

  That was the first time I exhaled thirty. The first, I was truly bouncing around like Tigger my whole life.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  On my ass, no tail.

• 6:29Drew Afualo?

  No, yeah, exactly.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  Gush, gush, gush.

• 6:33Drew Afualo?

  Just pissing everybody off.

• 6:34Speaker 04

  Pissing ev-

• 6:35Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 6:35Speaker 04

  Hey, hey, hey, slow down.

• 6:37Drew Afualo?

  Enough with the bouncing.

• 6:38Speaker 04

  At parties, I would make someone laugh and then be like, I'm out of here.

• 6:43Speaker 04

  My friend Jerry would be like, oh, Chris, man, you just got a laugh in, man. Stick around, man.

• 6:48Drew Afualo?

  Can't have more people to make laugh.

• 6:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. And then I'd go home and sleep. And on a big laugh, that was my training.

• 6:55Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, you and me both, honestly.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  So, so wait, so thirty, how do you feel?

• 6:58Drew Afualo?

  Honestly, I feel really great. I feel like I've been thirty forever, so I was just kinda glad to stop saying twenty-nine. I was really sick of it. I started, I quit saying twenty-nine months ago, like when people would ask me.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 7:09Drew Afualo?

  Spooky.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:11Drew Afualo?

  It's okay.

• 7:11Speaker 04

  Oh, my god. Do we have, is this kinda like an escape, do they have levers and stuff? Are they gonna keep-

• 7:17Drew Afualo?

  An escape room?

• 7:18Speaker 04

  They're gonna keep doing this to us? Cause I can only take one more of those before I'm out.

• 7:23Drew Afualo?

  Just so everyone knows, that's one.

• 7:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:25Drew Afualo?

  That's one, that's your one.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  My granny panties are only so thick.

• 7:30Speaker 04

  I get scared so easy.

• 7:32Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, a few months ago, I quit saying twenty-nine. I just started saying thirty, cause I was just over it.

• 7:36Speaker 04

  Twenty-nine is stressful.

• 7:37Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 7:38Speaker 04

  Twenty, twenty-nine, well, and then thirty.

• 7:43Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, exactly. Now I get to be, I'm thirty, like I'm youngest in my thirties. Now I'm claiming new territory.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  And I feel like you've made every list, every thirty, every under thirty.

• 7:53Drew Afualo?

  Under, under the wire, too. I made most of them at twenty-nine, so they really, I really got in there under the wire.

• 8:00Speaker 04

  There was a period where you were on one of those, I think, day, like it was, it was a different.

• 8:05Drew Afualo?

  You know what's funny is I got one today.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  Which one?

• 8:07Drew Afualo?

  Mashable.

• 8:08Speaker 04

  Fashionable?

• 8:09Drew Afualo?

  Mashable.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  Mashable.

• 8:10Drew Afualo?

  It was like top twenty-five creator, something like that.

• 8:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, you did.

• 8:13Drew Afualo?

  I made another one.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  What number?

• 8:15Drew Afualo?

  Uh, I don't know if they numbered me. They put me under a category of just content creator, so.

• 8:20Speaker 04

  Beautiful.

• 8:20Drew Afualo?

  There you go.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  Beautiful.

• 8:21Drew Afualo?

  Just chilling there, you know?

• 8:22Speaker 04

  Oh, my god. Are you gonna post it to grid?

• 8:24Drew Afualo?

  Maybe.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  What are you waiting for?

• 8:27Drew Afualo?

  I'm like, uh, another list.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:29Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I was, I was sitting on those lists for a minute. But when we did my 30th birthday, like, my friends and family surprised me with, like, we just, like, went to a house, like, relax. My idea of, like, a perfect birthday is doing absolutely fucking nothing.

• 8:42Speaker 04

  Nothing.

• 8:43Drew Afualo?

  Laying horizontal.

• 8:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:44Drew Afualo?

  Maybe reading my Kindle.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 8:46Drew Afualo?

  Eating.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  Everything in the community is canceled. I want, I want no one, I wanted people to observe it like a moment of silence.

• 8:54Speaker 04

  But I don't want the attention.

• 8:55Drew Afualo?

  Same.

• 8:56Speaker 04

  I want people, I don't, I hate seeing something scheduled. When I see, like, a furniture sale, it says January 29th. I'm like, hmm. But I don't want you talking. I don't want, like,

• 9:04Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 9:04Speaker 04

  you addressing.

• 9:05Drew Afualo?

  Exactly.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  I want to be sitting in peace.

• 9:08Drew Afualo?

  I know, I said the same thing. I was like, I don't want anything that's gonna draw more attention to me in any way. I don't want to be the center of anything.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:15Drew Afualo?

  I just want to do nothing and relax.

• 9:17Speaker 04

  It's uncontrolled attention.

• 9:18Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  That's why I'm so afraid of a wedding, like, my own, like,

• 9:22Drew Afualo?

  Like, you getting married?

• 9:23Speaker 04

  People just, people just kind of peering.

• 9:25Drew Afualo?

  That's actually so true because I'm getting married next year.

• 9:28Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 9:29Drew Afualo?

  And I, and you're not invited, I'm sorry.

• 9:31Speaker 04

  No, no, I get it, I get it. I would do something.

• 9:35Drew Afualo?

  I would actually love to have you there.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  I started a rumor at my cousin's wedding that the wedding planner had a piece on her.

• 9:42Drew Afualo?

  Discuss.

• 9:43Speaker 04

  She was just like, she was really organized and I was like, hey. And I think I said the priest also was packing. And so, yeah, I just start rumors.

• 9:51Drew Afualo?

  Different kind of packing or a gun?

• 9:53Speaker 04

  No, no, truly, like, like, like an ankle, an ankle holster, yeah.

• 9:55Drew Afualo?

  Right, have to, have to.

• 9:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:57Drew Afualo?

  I mean, why not? At a wedding, that's the place to start it.

• 9:59Speaker 04

  Rumor mill.

• 10:00Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. And you're all, I heard it from someone at the bar. You can just put, pin it on anybody.

• 10:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I get devilish at weddings. Yeah.

• 10:07Drew Afualo?

  When you get real, you get real mischievous at a wedding.

• 10:10Speaker 04

  I get sneaky.

• 10:12Drew Afualo?

  Well, in planning my wedding,

• 10:13Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:14Drew Afualo?

  I think, like, a month or two ago, I was, like, thinking about place settings and I was like,

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:18Drew Afualo?

  that makes me want to die. Like, having a traditional, like,

• 10:22Speaker 04

  Like a stump.

• 10:23Drew Afualo?

  huge wedding kind of thing. Because I was thinking, it's really embarrassing to have people watch you get married. Like, everyone's just staring, like what you were just saying.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:31Drew Afualo?

  I was feeling the same way. I was like, so like a hundred people are just gonna be looking at me get married? That's embarrassing.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  And the difference of generations seeing you through their lens, it's, it's like too much for me to take.

• 10:42Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  And like, you're neutral, kind of like,

• 10:47Speaker 04

  Your little Paul Dano smile. Which is so tense. Cause you can't, you can't be truly neutral with all those eyes on you.

• 10:55Drew Afualo?

  You gotta be like somewhere in the middle. Yeah, it's like a performance of some kind.

• 10:59Speaker 04

  But you can't speak. It's a silent film, because you're not allowed, people speak on your behalf and you just, you kind of.

• 11:05Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, the only thing you say is I do, I guess.

• 11:07Speaker 04

  And the eyes on you in the dance floor, they're gonna be way too encouraging of anything you do. As the bride. Yay!

• 11:14Drew Afualo?

  Well, and also, yeah, they're gonna enable me, honestly. That might be bad for me.

• 11:18Speaker 04

  It's like agents.

• 11:19Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  How they have to laugh.

• 11:21Drew Afualo?

  Right, exactly.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  I get, I go nuts on that. You can say something that's not recognized as humor in any culture and they're like, "Ahhhh."

• 11:29Drew Afualo?

  That's so true.

• 11:30Speaker 04

  It's so good.

• 11:31Drew Afualo?

  Sometimes when you're like, eh, okay, relax. That part, that joke wasn't that funny that I told.

• 11:36Speaker 04

  That does give me fuel for the next, though. Cause they know, to get the engine started.

• 11:41Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, you need, you need a little bit. Mm-hmm, you gotta feed.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  I gotta be invited in. Otherwise, I'm a vampire.

• 11:48Drew Afualo?

  So then you can go nuts, once you get in there.

• 11:50Speaker 04

  Can you hear me through this helmet?

• 11:54Drew Afualo?

  Yes, we can.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 11:56Drew Afualo?

  Yes, exactly. Well, at my 30th birthday, they actually hired a magician to come.

• 12:01Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 12:02Drew Afualo?

  Because I think magic is fun.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:05Drew Afualo?

  He, he identified as a mentalist.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  Way better.

• 12:09Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 12:09Speaker 04

  Oh, he's still in there. Those guys?

• 12:13Drew Afualo?

  It's working.

• 12:14Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 12:15Drew Afualo?

  I know.

• 12:15Speaker 04

  Very male-dominated field.

• 12:18Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, why is that?

• 12:19Speaker 04

  I've never, I've never met a she-mentalist.

• 12:22Drew Afualo?

  A she/her-mentalist?

• 12:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:25Drew Afualo?

  You know what, me either. You know why? Cause a man, only a man would be that confident that they could get in someone's head.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  Oh, totally.

• 12:31Drew Afualo?

  Only a man would be that arrogant.

• 12:32Speaker 04

  Every woman is a mentalist, she's just keeping it to herself.

• 12:35Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, she's not trying to commodify it.

• 12:37Speaker 04

  She's not standing on a 250-cap stage in a, in a strip mall. Wearing a horrible, short sleeve button up.

• 12:45Drew Afualo?

  I know, he kinda looked like a car salesman, like he had like a blazer and like.

• 12:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:50Drew Afualo?

  But what's funny is like when we got what came all into the room, he was like saying, first of all, he was thirty minutes early.

• 12:56Speaker 04

  They're gonna say he's thirty, and if he was thirty, no, they better be fifty at least.

• 12:59Drew Afualo?

  No, he was like, yeah, he was late forties, early fifties.

• 13:01Speaker 04

  Thank god.

• 13:03Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, can't be a young mentalist.

• 13:04Speaker 04

  A peer mentalist? I don't wanna get near that.

• 13:08Drew Afualo?

  No, thanks.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  No.

• 13:09Drew Afualo?

  No way. The mentalist has to be old enough to drive a car, at the least.

• 13:13Speaker 04

  He would, he needs to have been around for a little bit of Reagan.

• 13:21Drew Afualo?

  Like the tail end of Reagan.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:23Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. He had to be a fully formed adult during Clinton, at the very least.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Did you like Clinton, back in the day?

• 13:31Drew Afualo?

  Back in the day, when I was like, I don't even know how old. Sure, why not?

• 13:35Speaker 04

  I, I heard that he can memorize every, ten thousand names, so I was like, I gotta remember everyone's name.

• 13:40Drew Afualo?

  Bill Clinton?

• 13:41Speaker 04

  I loved Bill Clinton.

• 13:42Drew Afualo?

  Well, you know what? If I became the leader of the free world, I'd just start saying shit too. I'm like, me, me, I can memorize a thousand countries, and then just nobody asks me to do it, cuz I'll get nervous.

• 13:52Speaker 04

  I can remember four countries.

• 13:55Speaker 04

  Sorry, keep going. So the mentalist is there?

• 13:57Drew Afualo?

  Oh, yeah. So we had the mentalist there.

• 13:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:59Drew Afualo?

  He was great. Um, in the beginning, though, he was, we were like, we always like play background music to some extent, you know, so it's not awkwardly quiet. And when we were, we were like, oh, we'll put on some music. He goes, no, no music, it's a distraction.

• 14:13Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 14:13Drew Afualo?

  And we were like, oh, okay. And then we were sitting in silence, just waiting.

• 14:16Speaker 04

  Bone chilling silence.

• 14:17Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, waiting for everyone to come into the room, and to the point where I text my sister, cuz she was the last one, and I was like, dude, hurry up, it's weird out here. And then she finally came, and then he did his tricks and everything, and he was good, like it was, we were all like, whoa, about certain ones. And we're a really captive audience, like, me and my family, like, we're the best audience to have for shit like that. Like, if your kid wants to show a talent, like, my family's the person to do it in front of.

• 14:41Speaker 04

  Oh, totally.

• 14:41Drew Afualo?

  Cuz we'll be cheering them on and acting like it's the best thing we've ever seen, like.

• 14:44Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:44Drew Afualo?

  Even if it's not. But we will be making jokes, and that is a caveat I do have to add.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  So while he's performing, you are like?

• 14:52Drew Afualo?

  Workshopping a bit.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  You're riffing.

• 14:54Drew Afualo?

  Maybe.

• 14:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:55Drew Afualo?

  Sometimes. Well, we were letting him do his jokes, but then there was one part where he's like, write down a place you've always wanted to go. My sister was like, "Write down your mom's house." And we like, couldn't stop laughing. Like, we were like, like I wrote your mom's-

• 15:08Speaker 04

  Inviting this man to your house and hitting him with "your mom's house"?

• 15:12Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, and then we were giggling. We didn't tell him the joke. Like, we were just laughing about it.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  But he knew?

• 15:18Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, but- And then he got like, almost nervous. And so he like, forgot some of the trick. And then like, one of my cousins was there, and he was like, "What did I just ask you?" And then he goes, "I, I don't remember." Like, it just got like awkward and uncomfortable. And I was like, "Okay, if you're gonna be a magician in your 50s, you gotta learn how to hear giggling." You, you can't get shaken by giggling.

• 15:40Speaker 04

  You don't think it was the fact that he knew you wrote down your mom's house?

• 15:43Drew Afualo?

  I didn't, though. I started writing-

• 15:45Speaker 04

  Cause that's screaming in his head.

• 15:46Drew Afualo?

  I started writing that, and then I wrote Ireland instead. Okay?

• 15:49Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 15:50Drew Afualo?

  So, I did change it.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:52Drew Afualo?

  But we were just giggling.

• 15:54Speaker 04

  Do you think the 29-year-old would have written "your momma's house"?

• 15:58Speaker 04

  That's the difference between 29 and 30.

• 16:00Drew Afualo?

  29 and 30.

• 16:00Speaker 04

  A 30, 30-year-old woman, they wanna go to Ireland. They want the cliffs of, they want the cliffs of Dover.

• 16:06Drew Afualo?

  Well, you know what? I invited a magician to my 30th birthday, so I think I can make a joke about your mom's house. Sure.

• 16:12Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 16:13Drew Afualo?

  Sure, why not?

• 16:14Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 16:15Drew Afualo?

  And then, like, his very last trick was, I, I don't remember the buildup, but he was, I remember he was saying, "Shout out in places you wanna go to," right? Like, any places you wanna go to. And so, there was probably like nine of us, so we were like, I don't know, like, people were like, Ireland, the UK, like, just saying random places.

• 16:33Speaker 04

  Panera.

• 16:34Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, we all said at least one place, right? Um, my brother at one point goes, "The Chazalize." And then we all started laughing. And then that, that threw him off too. Like, I was like, "Dog, come on, man, like, that wasn't even about you."

• 16:47Speaker 04

  Was it bad pitch too? That tone?

• 16:49Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, he said it exactly like that. Uh, you have no idea how much I nailed that impression. I wish you were there when he said it.

• 16:54Speaker 04

  No, that felt, that felt true.

• 16:56Drew Afualo?

  Exactly like that.

• 17:00Speaker 04

  It sounds like an 8th grader sucking up.

• 17:01Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, you're telling me.

• 17:04Drew Afualo?

  That's part of the reason why we laughed.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah, okay. He wasn't going for laps. He was going-

• 17:08Drew Afualo?

  No, he wasn't. He was being very serious. He was offering that in earnest, and that's what made it funny.

• 17:15Drew Afualo?

  We were like saying all these places and then at a certain point like when you're saying give me a place, there's only a handful of you. We've all set a place.

• 17:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're struggling to keep thinking.

• 17:25Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, yeah. And then he kept going, more, more, more. And we were like, um, like everyone's getting nervous. So we're like,

• 17:31Speaker 04

  Jakarta?

• 17:33Drew Afualo?

  Madagascar, um, Kazakhstan. Like, we started getting nervous because he was going more, more, more, more. And then he finally like had someone read, he had my fiance read the names that he had written down like of the countries or places. And then he had me shaking a dice to like cross out certain places. And the last one was, he wrote on there as the number two option Hawaii, which I know for a fucking fact, none of us said, because we've all been there hundreds of thousands of times.

• 18:04Speaker 04

  You're bored by Hawaii.

• 18:05Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, yeah. Like, well, and like, we're from there. So like, I was like, we wouldn't say the place we've been and are from like, and he said, uh, like, he was like, okay, cross Iceland off, cross this off. So then the last one left was Hawaii, which I know nobody said. And then he goes, well, that's perfect. I'm already dressed. Rips open his thing and he has an aloha shirt like, like a button down, like, like flower, like an aloha shirt, a Hawaiian shirt. He just, well, that's perfect. I'm dressed. And then it rips open the button up like Superman. And then he has that aloha shirt on. And we were like, whoa. And then he goes, that's my time. Thanks, guys. And then he took a shit and he left.

• 18:42Speaker 04

  That is so dark that he just ends every show on Hawaii, regardless.

• 18:46Drew Afualo?

  And then I started thinking, you already had the Hawaiian shirt on. And then you're hoping someone's gonna say Hawaii.

• 18:52Speaker 04

  He's not gonna have like a location appropriate outfit for like.

• 18:56Drew Afualo?

  Iceland?

• 18:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  A modest, a mock turtleneck.

• 19:03Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, like, what do you pick for that? Like, that's, well, then he picks Hawaii and he does that whole bit. And I go, I bet that killed if someone said Hawaii. Like, obviously, I know how you did the trick now because I know nobody said that. But we were both like, we were all like, yay.

• 19:17Speaker 04

  I guess it could all, I guess maybe like a full crocodile Dundee outfit for Australia.

• 19:21Drew Afualo?

  That would be funny.

• 19:21Speaker 04

  But you couldn't reveal, like a leather vest.

• 19:24Drew Afualo?

  Or if he was like, I'll go, I'll be right back. Goes in the room and changes into it. Then I'm impressed because I'm like, where'd you put that outfit in there?

• 19:31Speaker 04

  And how many did you bring?

• 19:33Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 04

  Of every region.

• 19:34Drew Afualo?

  But I do recommend The Mentalist. I thought it was pretty fun.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:38Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it was a good time.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  Aside from that kind of subpar ending.

• 19:41Drew Afualo?

  Aside from the flub at the end, that flop of a joke.

• 19:44Speaker 04

  My cousin's ba- baby had a birthday party where she had a magician recently, a couple of months ago.

• 19:50Drew Afualo?

  So not a thirty year old?

• 19:51Speaker 04

  Not a thirty- no, no, no, but different. This was a magician named Awesome Rob. And the reaction that these toddlers had, they were like, like, they were like, they were like, oh!

• 20:04Drew Afualo?

  They're like levitating?

• 20:05Speaker 04

  They couldn't believe the shit that he was pulling. It was, it was the most electric.

• 20:12Drew Afualo?

  Like, energy out there.

• 20:13Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:14Drew Afualo?

  They were, it was palpable, what they were feeling.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Oh, my god. They were, they were like falling back and like on the ground like, like, eyes rolling back.

• 20:22Drew Afualo?

  They started speaking in tongues?

• 20:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:24Drew Afualo?

  That's crazy.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  It was crazy.

• 20:26Drew Afualo?

  It was blowing their mind. I, I went to, um, a game night thing once for Questlove. And he had a magician there, but he was just in attendance. He, he does magic, like, for real.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:38Drew Afualo?

  And-

• 20:38Speaker 04

  Seems like he does too many things, probably, Questlove.

• 20:41Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. He's got his finger in a lot of pies. He does a lot of things.

• 20:44Speaker 04

  Drummers gotta stay busy.

• 20:46Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 20:46Speaker 04

  They gotta, they do all these different... Yeah, okay.

• 20:50Drew Afualo?

  They have a lot going on mentally.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  So he has the magic.

• 20:52Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, so it, it was just a dude at the party and he like sat next to us and was like, oh, how do you guys know Quest? And I was like, oh, he, he published my book. And I was like, what about you? And he's like, oh, um, he comes to my shows. And I was like, oh, cool, what do you do? And he's like, I do magic. And I go, really? And he goes, yeah, uh, he tells me like Jimmy Fallon came and he's a big fan of my show, so he brought Quest. And then like, that's kind of how I met them. And I was like, nice, nice you do magic for famous people. That's sick. And then he goes, yeah, I've been doing it for a while. And he was pretty young. I think he was like mid thirties.

• 21:22Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:23Drew Afualo?

  And I wish to god I remembered his name, but like, he started doing tricks.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:27Drew Afualo?

  I was those toddlers.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:29Drew Afualo?

  With, he was my Awesome Rob.

• 21:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, Questlove's gonna show up with a good magician.

• 21:32Drew Afualo?

  Right, when I saw, he was doing shit that I was like, what the fuck? Like, I was literally being mind blown. I was like, oh my god.

• 21:40Speaker 04

  Do you think they tell like their significant others how they do the tricks?

• 21:44Drew Afualo?

  I don't know. I would.

• 21:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:47Drew Afualo?

  I would. I'd violate an NDA, easy.

• 21:49Speaker 04

  I would need to know. If I saw, like, if I, I would need to know. If I was at a party with them, I'd be like, hey.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  Come on.

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• 22:36Drew Afualo?

  It's me.

• 22:37Speaker 04

  Hey, it's Chris from before. I like that Jimmy Fallon and Questlove hang out. I always got the impression that there was a group chat that was being left.

• 22:45Drew Afualo?

  That one of them is left out of.

• 22:47Speaker 04

  At The Roots is like, "We're going to bed early, Jimmy."

• 22:52Drew Afualo?

  They're like, "What, are you guys hanging out after?"

• 22:55Speaker 04

  What do you mean? I just saw you guys.

• 22:57Drew Afualo?

  Oh, um, we...

• 22:59Speaker 04

  You guys just got in an Uber.

• 23:00Drew Afualo?

  It's not really a group thing. It's kind of like...

• 23:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:06Drew Afualo?

  It's like...

• 23:07Speaker 04

  You wouldn't like it, Jimmy.

• 23:08Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, "I love you, man."

• 23:09Speaker 04

  See, I have only seen that in Planned Parenthoods or DMV.

• 23:15Drew Afualo?

  It's a good movie.

• 23:16Speaker 04

  Without audio. Or like The Emergency Vet.

• 23:18Drew Afualo?

  Oh, the Emergency Vet. Right, right.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  They're always just blasting it.

• 23:22Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. That's like my theory where...

• 23:23Speaker 04

  I think the cast changes. I think sometimes it's Kevin James and then sometimes it's... I think one time it was Patton Oswalt, "I love you, man." Yeah, I think those movies, sometimes there's this kind of like, "Let's put in a different..."

• 23:36Drew Afualo?

  They'll never know.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:37Drew Afualo?

  They'll never know. Just swap them out. It'll be fine.

• 23:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:40Drew Afualo?

  I mean, that would make sense. I wouldn't know.

• 23:42Speaker 04

  No.

• 23:43Drew Afualo?

  Like, middle-aged white dudes. I'm like, "Yeah, that's probably him."

• 23:45Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 23:45Drew Afualo?

  I'm sure that's Paul Rudd.

• 23:46Speaker 04

  Paul Rudd's probably in it?

• 23:48Drew Afualo?

  I think. Last I checked.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  Yeah. Have you had him on?

• 23:52Drew Afualo?

  No. Have I had Paul Rudd on?

• 23:54Speaker 04

  I don't know. I mean, have you...

• 23:57Drew Afualo?

  I know you don't watch the show, Chris, but no, I haven't.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  No, I do watch the show on Spotify.

• 24:02Drew Afualo?

  On our favorite platforms?

• 24:04Speaker 04

  It shuts down the electricity in my house watching it on the app.

• 24:07Drew Afualo?

  That's how often I'm streaming.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  The house shake. Every, every power light goes out on the, on the street to, to stream this visually on Spotify.

• 24:16Drew Afualo?

  No, I actually had a meeting with Spotify once where they were telling me, just like, the show's doing great, whatever. And they were telling me, yeah, your guests, like, no pattern, no, like, similar profession, just a bunch.

• 24:29Speaker 04

  You throwing darts at us?

• 24:31Drew Afualo?

  And they're like, and they're eating it up. Like, it's so great. Like, wow, that's so. I was like, they're like, you have all these fucking weirdos and nobody cares. They're all enjoying it. It's like, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, I'd say so.

• 24:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, you have a lot of nomadic types like myself.

• 24:47Drew Afualo?

  That's why I was like.

• 24:48Speaker 04

  Shifty characters.

• 24:49Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, with you, I'm like, that's for me.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:51Drew Afualo?

  That's your episodes are for me and me alone.

• 24:56Drew Afualo?

  Well, me and Caleb.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  And one woman who claims to astral project with me. Have, have I told you about her?

• 25:01Drew Afualo?

  No.

• 25:01Speaker 04

  No, I mean, I don't want to even get into that. She's probably with, I'm probably in the Jade realm with her right now.

• 25:08Drew Afualo?

  She's just saying that about you?

• 25:10Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. And sometimes she's pretty accurate about like how I am. She's like, yeah, she's like, you, she, she, she's like leaving me these detailed notes of what I'm like when we're out, when she's astral projecting with me, which is such a violation.

• 25:22Drew Afualo?

  I didn't ask for that.

• 25:23Speaker 04

  No.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  You can't just do that with me.

• 25:25Drew Afualo?

  Well, maybe that's the first female mentalist you've ever met.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 25:28Drew Afualo?

  Maybe it's her.

• 25:29Speaker 04

  They're all, they're all mentalists.

• 25:30Drew Afualo?

  Have you ever heard of shifting?

• 25:32Speaker 04

  Uh oh.

• 25:33Drew Afualo?

  People doing shifting?

• 25:34Speaker 04

  No. Is that that Mormon thing?

• 25:37Drew Afualo?

  No.

• 25:38Speaker 04

  No?

• 25:39Drew Afualo?

  No.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  No, what's shifting?

• 25:40Drew Afualo?

  Of course not. I've seen it. I've only seen people talk about it on TikTok, which would make sense because I think you need a certain level of brain rot in order to access it. But it's literally when they close their eyes and they like go, like, almost like lucid dreaming.

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 25:54Drew Afualo?

  But they like go into the dream willingly, but they're always with like fictional characters.

• 25:59Speaker 04

  Oh, fuck.

• 26:00Drew Afualo?

  Or like boys. Specifically, I've only ever seen women do it with boys.

• 26:03Speaker 04

  Okay, okay.

• 26:04Drew Afualo?

  Like, so they're like, oh, I shifted and I was, I shifted and I was dating like Edward from Twilight.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  Got it.

• 26:11Drew Afualo?

  We went to the mall together and like, and they recount it, like, it's like, this is what I did last night when I shifted. Which like, in my head is like, that's kind of just seems like imagination, but that's okay, like, whatever you want to call it.

• 26:23Speaker 04

  It's like, there, there, there's a new term for daydreaming.

• 26:25Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, right, yes.

• 26:27Speaker 04

  We're calling it shifted.

• 26:28Drew Afualo?

  Imagining, right, children do it, it's good to foster the whimsy.

• 26:32Speaker 04

  Is it painful, a little, a little bit of blood comes out of the ear?

• 26:35Drew Afualo?

  Their nose is bleeding, they look like that, what's, what's her name on Stranger Things?

• 26:39Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:40Drew Afualo?

  Eleven, yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 04

  Millie Bobby.

• 26:41Drew Afualo?

  Yes.

• 26:42Speaker 04

  Yes. Who's forty-one? She's forty-one now.

• 26:49Drew Afualo?

  Wow, so she, she grew up so quickly.

• 26:51Speaker 04

  Something happened, they're all older than us.

• 26:54Drew Afualo?

  They went into the Jade realm and came out older than us.

• 26:56Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 26:56Drew Afualo?

  Like the Narnia closet.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 26:58Drew Afualo?

  They just came out older than us, what happened?

• 26:59Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah, who's the guy with the mustache? Remember they, like, we, right when we completely forget about it, that's when it drops, again. Who's the thick thighed guy in charge?

• 27:11Drew Afualo?

  What are you talking about?

• 27:12Speaker 04

  Not David Attenborough, yeah, David something, David Mamet, David.

• 27:15Drew Afualo?

  The guy who's like, Harbor, David Harbor, yeah.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  David Harbor.

• 27:18Drew Afualo?

  You are like Papa, do you remember that?

• 27:20Speaker 04

  No.

• 27:22Drew Afualo?

  That's from Stranger Things.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  Are you talking to me right now?

• 27:25Drew Afualo?

  Sorry, I went somewhere for a second.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, you shifted.

• 27:28Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I shifted for a second, sorry. It's in, it's in Stranger Things, like, when she's yelling at David, what's his name, I almost said Attenborough.

• 27:34Speaker 04

  I like saying, I like putting the emphasis on things, Stranger Things.

• 27:37Drew Afualo?

  Stranger Things, yeah. Stranger Things? Stranger Things.

• 27:39Speaker 04

  Stranger Things, because, right, it's supposed to be Stranger Things have happened. Who would you shift with if you could shift?

• 27:45Drew Afualo?

  If I could shift?

• 27:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, we'll say on the count of three. I don't know mine yet.

• 27:48Drew Afualo?

  Wait, does that have to be imaginary person or does it have to be a real person?

• 27:51Speaker 04

  Uh, what if we both said Seinfeld?

• 27:55Drew Afualo?

  I wouldn't want to shift there. That sounds miserable.

• 27:58Speaker 04

  Neither would I. Yeah.

• 28:00Drew Afualo?

  Well, you tell me where you would want to shift first.

• 28:02Speaker 04

  Who, so who I would get to hang out with?

• 28:03Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, yeah, like, you go into, like, you're, like, you're still you, but you're in that universe.

• 28:08Speaker 04

  I keep, well, you said fictional, I keep thinking of Goofy from, uh, a Goofy movie, and I would just be wanting to tell him, get your shit together.

• 28:16Drew Afualo?

  You're all, you can't keep doing this.

• 28:18Speaker 04

  Clap in his ears.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  Pull it together. Your son's out of control.

• 28:28Speaker 04

  He's delusional.

• 28:29Drew Afualo?

  The ears are just a big part of it?

• 28:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's me flapping. People are gonna be so pissed at that sound. Your crew had to whip the headphones out here in that time. That sound, Biden outlawed that sound.

• 28:41Drew Afualo?

  Especially when you're talking about goofy.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, that's what the, that's what the ears would make.

• 28:45Drew Afualo?

  This could be, this could be something else, too.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:48Drew Afualo?

  If you're doing that, that far apart, you never know.

• 28:50Speaker 04

  I saw a basset hound on the street today, that's probably why I thought that.

• 28:52Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 28:52Speaker 04

  I, I literally went, "Yeah!", out the window. Like an older woman.

• 28:58Drew Afualo?

  To the basset hound?

• 28:58Speaker 04

  I went, "Yeah!", it was, this thing was, this thing looked like, um, you know when Peter Pan, when they have Nana, played by like four guys in a suit?

• 29:09Speaker 04

  I, I wasn't falling for it.

• 29:10Drew Afualo?

  On the stage play?

• 29:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. The stage play.

• 29:15Drew Afualo?

  Yes, I do know.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  It was like, way too big for a basset hound, this thing was like, you know how basset hounds are just drooopin? This thing was like, it was like, yeah, it was way up.

• 29:25Drew Afualo?

  It was way too perky.

• 29:26Speaker 04

  Way too perky a basset hound.

• 29:28Drew Afualo?

  And you went, "Yeah!".

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, out the window.

• 29:31Drew Afualo?

  Nice.

• 29:32Speaker 04

  I've been doing that more.

• 29:33Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, the whimsy of life?

• 29:35Speaker 04

  I almost hit Shia LaBeouf with my car.

• 29:39Drew Afualo?

  Hello?

• 29:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, I had to slam on the brakes.

• 29:41Drew Afualo?

  Intentionally, or?

• 29:41Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 29:42Drew Afualo?

  Okay, okay.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  You know when you, you know when you, he had like a gray soul patch?

• 29:46Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 29:47Speaker 04

  And, and it's like, oh god, he's probably playing Colonel Mustard or something or something. You go, you know when you see an actor with a new look, you're like, okay. Gonna be, great, can't wait to see this trailer.

• 29:58Drew Afualo?

  Who has a gray soul patch, let's hear it.

• 30:00Speaker 04

  This thing was like thick, anyway, so, he runs down in front of my car. I have to like slam, I'm blasting Uptown Girl.

• 30:06Drew Afualo?

  Of course you are.

• 30:08Speaker 04

  Like deafening.

• 30:09Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 30:09Speaker 04

  I have to slam on the brakes, and I'm like, oh shit, this is Shia, like, he's going to kill me.

• 30:14Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 30:14Speaker 04

  This is, this, I think he, he's probably killed a guy, right?

• 30:17Drew Afualo?

  I'm sure.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  He like maimed himself for like, a supporting role in something. Like, I think he was like basically background.

• 30:23Drew Afualo?

  Well, yeah, he sat in that windowless room with a paper bag on his head and just cried, so.

• 30:27Speaker 04

  No, totally, so I'm like.

• 30:28Drew Afualo?

  Whatever he's capable of, I don't want to see the extent of.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  So, in, I'm like, I'm fucked. Like this is it.

• 30:33Drew Afualo?

  This is it for me.

• 30:34Speaker 04

  And he's so pissed, I can tell.

• 30:35Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  But luckily, he didn't, he didn't register that there was someone piloting. He, he looked, he locked eyes with the headlights of my car. Like they were, like that was the face. And he was just staring at the car. And so I'm blasting Uptown Girl. And I'm too afraid to move.

• 30:53Drew Afualo?

  It's just me and Billy Joel.

• 30:54Speaker 04

  Jurassic Park, it's, it, my car's like shaking. Uptown Girl.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  And Trilla Buffs just staring my car down. And then I luckily got out of there. He, he kept moving, but.

• 31:06Drew Afualo?

  By the skinnier teeth. You live to tell the tale.

• 31:08Speaker 04

  It's Jurassic Park out here.

• 31:09Drew Afualo?

  I was just, oh, weren't, do you think you would survive in Jurassic Park?

• 31:12Speaker 04

  Me?

• 31:13Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 31:13Speaker 04

  Oh, no, no, no. I, here's what I'd do. Dig a hole.

• 31:16Drew Afualo?

  And, and just like, just cuz or?

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Kick it.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  You know, they're not getting to you.

• 31:25Drew Afualo?

  What if they step on you?

• 31:27Speaker 04

  That's, they're not going to, because then they roll their ankle. Do you think you would, do you think, do you think you would survive Jurassic Park?

• 31:33Drew Afualo?

  Fuck, no.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  No.

• 31:34Drew Afualo?

  No, absolutely not. Well, I, my thing is too, like, I would never go to that place.

• 31:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:40Drew Afualo?

  Like, if I heard about it, I'd be like, you're nuts going to that place.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  Only the lawyer died, right?

• 31:46Drew Afualo?

  In which one?

• 31:47Speaker 04

  You know, I fall asleep to that movie every night? And I would.

• 31:51Drew Afualo?

  I'm surprised you haven't shifted there, then. You should, you should try going there in your sleep.

• 31:55Speaker 04

  Oh, I would shift with, uh, with, with the guy in the white, the panama white suit who runs it.

• 31:59Drew Afualo?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  That guy's up to no good.

• 32:04Speaker 04

  The second you see him.

• 32:05Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 32:06Speaker 04

  Oh, Jesus.

• 32:06Drew Afualo?

  The one who's like, is it the original Jurassic Park?

• 32:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:09Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 32:10Speaker 04

  And I screenshot, so like, I wake up most, most nights to the kids screaming and kicking.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  Because it's very soothing, the movie, for the first hour.

• 32:21Drew Afualo?

  Sure.

• 32:21Speaker 04

  It's fun.

• 32:22Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 32:22Speaker 04

  And then, obviously, things go awry.

• 32:24Drew Afualo?

  Tragedy strikes.

• 32:25Speaker 04

  And it's typically, when I wake up, it's the kids.

• 32:29Drew Afualo?

  And you're like, oh, perfect, my favorite part.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  But then, but the other night I made it to a point and I, I got a good screen grab of, uh, one of the Raptors poking through the, poking into the kitchen and he's, I think he's looking straight down the barrel.

• 32:44Drew Afualo?

  That's kinda like you.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:46Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, a little bit.

• 32:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:47Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, the, the neck movement, similar.

• 32:49Speaker 04

  Oh, and the legs.

• 32:50Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:51Drew Afualo?

  And the way they, how fast they are.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  The little soft shoe they do?

• 32:55Drew Afualo?

  Oh, yeah, they like making noises too. Little Raptors, they also make the noise.

• 32:59Speaker 04

  You ever get into tap?

• 33:00Drew Afualo?

  Tap like?

• 33:01Speaker 04

  Tap dance?

• 33:01Drew Afualo?

  Dance?

• 33:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:04Drew Afualo?

  No, honestly, I've never gotten into tap.

• 33:06Speaker 04

  That's, that is my purpose.

• 33:08Drew Afualo?

  To be a tap dancer?

• 33:09Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:09Drew Afualo?

  Just eventually, or like?

• 33:10Speaker 04

  I almost threw up, yeah.

• 33:15Drew Afualo?

  Or like in tandem with being a comic?

• 33:18Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 33:18Drew Afualo?

  No.

• 33:19Speaker 04

  No.

• 33:19Drew Afualo?

  Completely separate thing.

• 33:20Speaker 04

  Completely, very serious about it.

• 33:22Drew Afualo?

  Retirement plan.

• 33:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, there was a, there was a summer where I had my best friend's little sister, uh, teach me, Monday through Friday, in their basement, how to tap.

• 33:31Drew Afualo?

  And how to go?

• 33:32Speaker 04

  Uh, pretty good.

• 33:33Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I'd say.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  But the problem is you have to go through some really boring shit before you can be like Michael Flatley.

• 33:39Drew Afualo?

  And I was not aware of that part.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  No, I'm not willing to go through.

• 33:44Drew Afualo?

  The scales of it all?

• 33:46Speaker 04

  No, the, uh, no, I hate the scales of it all. I wanna be the savant.

• 33:51Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 33:51Speaker 04

  I want the Billy Elliot.

• 33:52Drew Afualo?

  Like, one day you just put 'em on and you're like, they're like, no way, he can tap?

• 33:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, exactly. I just want my community to be like, telling me to stop, and then I, and, and, and I'm not stopping. I want them to be the only obstacle.

• 34:03Drew Afualo?

  They can't stop you.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:05Drew Afualo?

  That would be so awesome if one day you just found out you were a world-class tapper.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yes.

• 34:10Drew Afualo?

  That would be crazy.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  I know.

• 34:11Drew Afualo?

  If anyone could do it, it would be you, in my head.

• 34:13Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 34:14Drew Afualo?

  I would say.

• 34:15Speaker 04

  I think so, I mean, I think everything is leading to that.

• 34:18Drew Afualo?

  All roads end there.

• 34:19Speaker 04

  And medicine, yeah.

• 34:22Drew Afualo?

  Did you say medicine?

• 34:23Speaker 04

  And medicine, yeah.

• 34:24Drew Afualo?

  Right, you're gonna discover a new medicine, or just be on medicine?

• 34:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:32Drew Afualo?

  I've said before, I think there's a very distinct reason that God or the universe, whatever you believe in, did not give me the power of like singing. I can't sing for shit. And I feel very strongly that it is because I would be fucking insufferable.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Same.

• 34:47Drew Afualo?

  Like you would never hear the end of me. Like if I, if I had this job, God help you, I would have put out two albums already. Only been doing it for two years. I don't like if I was only doing it for two years, I would have dropped two EPs, a music video. I would be relentless. I would be the worst. Like it would, it's for the, everyone's best interest.

• 35:04Speaker 04

  You'd be bringing your EPs to Starbucks.

• 35:05Drew Afualo?

  Right. I was like.

• 35:06Speaker 04

  Did you guys play this? Yeah.

• 35:09Drew Afualo?

  This is the song of the summer. That would be me all the fucking time.

• 35:12Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 35:13Drew Afualo?

  It's for everyone's like, it's, it's for the sake of everybody that I don't know how to sing. It's good. But don't let me find out. If I do find out, I can sing.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  Do you do that thing in conversation? You know the thing that people do in conversation? Typically people who identify as like, I'm a hugger. They typically, then they also will like randomly sing things that don't need to be sung. Okay, you do it. No, you don't do it. Okay. No, no.

• 35:34Drew Afualo?

  I know someone who does, Caleb.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:36Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 35:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's, but he's got pitch.

• 35:38Drew Afualo?

  No, that's my point. I'm saying when they can sing.

• 35:41Speaker 04

  He like, the way he supports it.

• 35:43Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 35:43Speaker 04

  Cause he's been, you know, going to see the chicks and all that.

• 35:47Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 35:48Speaker 04

  That's what they're calling it, right?

• 35:49Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I think they go by the chicks now. I think so.

• 35:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:52Drew Afualo?

  I think you and I are both a little too left of centered enough for sure. Like I think you and I both were not that target.

• 35:58Speaker 04

  Well, I deadnamed them.

• 36:01Speaker 04

  And I, and I, and I paid the price.

• 36:04Drew Afualo?

  Accidentally.

• 36:05Speaker 04

  Accidentally. And I, and I got a talking to.

• 36:08Drew Afualo?

  And then you gotta be like, this is all new to me. I'm older.

• 36:12Speaker 04

  A flight attendant took me aside and said, hey, I overheard you.

• 36:16Drew Afualo?

  You can't be doing that anymore.

• 36:17Speaker 04

  They're just the chicks now.

• 36:18Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. You deadnamed the chicks.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  And I'm like, well, they should drop the chick is also kind of not ideal.

• 36:24Drew Afualo?

  I would say.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Let's just call them women.

• 36:28Drew Afualo?

  The three distinguished women.

• 36:30Speaker 04

  Three women.

• 36:31Drew Afualo?

  Three women. Three beautiful, strong, empowered women.

• 36:34Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 36:34Drew Afualo?

  There you go. Put that on an album cover.

• 36:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:36Drew Afualo?

  You can do it.

• 36:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, but Caleb's got a beautiful voice.

• 36:39Drew Afualo?

  He does.

• 36:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, that is a nuisance that he's got that talent. That because that's an embarrassment of riches.

• 36:46Drew Afualo?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 36:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:47Drew Afualo?

  It's a flaunting of wealth, in my opinion.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:49Drew Afualo?

  You can't be funny and do that. Fuck you.

• 36:51Speaker 04

  I took a voice lesson around the corner from here.

• 36:53Drew Afualo?

  You did?

• 36:53Speaker 04

  And I thought the guy was gonna take me.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  You know when you, you know when you end up-

• 37:00Drew Afualo?

  In like a good way or a bad way?

• 37:01Speaker 04

  Not in a good way. No, no, like, like-

• 37:03Drew Afualo?

  Kidnap you?

• 37:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, I would, I would go missing-

• 37:06Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 37:06Speaker 04

  They'd find me in a silo in the Pacific Northwest.

• 37:09Drew Afualo?

  Chopped into little tiny pieces.

• 37:10Speaker 04

  Totally freaked out.

• 37:11Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 37:11Speaker 04

  Oh, I'd be around. He would just like make me watch Judge Judy all day.

• 37:17Speaker 04

  Just as a companion.

• 37:18Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, he's just, he needed a friend.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  People want me as a companion.

• 37:21Drew Afualo?

  I think so.

• 37:22Speaker 04

  And they don't even know what they want to do with me, you know? But you, you stay here, and I'm gonna figure out what I'm gonna do with you.

• 37:29Drew Afualo?

  What exactly I need to do with you?

• 37:30Speaker 04

  But I need to do something with you.

• 37:31Drew Afualo?

  Is there something that you would like, love to, to pursue other than tap? Like, if you could pick another thing to be a master at?

• 37:38Speaker 04

  I like the idea of someone starting the interview here and them thinking that I'm a famous tap dancer.

• 37:44Speaker 04

  Like-

• 37:44Drew Afualo?

  I'll tell everyone you're a famous tap dancer.

• 37:46Speaker 04

  Anything other than tap? No. Um, oh, you know, I wanted to be veterinarian when I was young, but I, I pass out at the sight of blood or anything, so-

• 37:54Drew Afualo?

  Oh, so it didn't work out for you?

• 37:55Speaker 04

  Didn't work out for me. What about you, besides this?

• 37:58Drew Afualo?

  I honestly think this is where I'm at.

• 38:00Speaker 04

  This is where you're at?

• 38:00Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, this is where I'm dying, unfortunately.

• 38:02Speaker 04

  This is, yeah, it's like fit everything into here.

• 38:04Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. However, if you can get in, you, and if you fit in, get in, that's how I feel about this. I, I don't know if there was any other job for me, really. Although I did have a running bit for a while that I was like, I can't play any instruments, but if I could play one, like- Off the rip, right now, like, I go on tour tomorrow-

• 38:21Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. Sax?

• 38:22Drew Afualo?

  It would be, no, it would be the drum-

• 38:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:25Drew Afualo?

  Drum, no, so I said drum, not drums.

• 38:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're thinking perumpa pompon.

• 38:28Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, a very specific drum, only in the song Viva La Vida by Coldplay.

• 38:35Speaker 04

  I was just on Cape Cod.

• 38:36Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, just, just that one song, and you know, it's like, doo, doo, doo, I could do that, I could nail it. Just that one. Yeah, 'cause he's not the main drums, he's just that one solid drum in the underlying beat.

• 38:47Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 38:48Drew Afualo?

  I think I could do that.

• 38:49Speaker 04

  You wanna be the guy, you wanna be the caboose of the marching band?

• 38:52Drew Afualo?

  Exactly. The heavy, the closer.

• 38:56Speaker 04

  The boom. He doesn't even know what's happening with the clarinet. Ya pow!

• 39:00Drew Afualo?

  No, no need to worry about it.

• 39:01Speaker 04

  No.

• 39:02Drew Afualo?

  No, 'cause I got my beats memorized up here. So like, just for that one song, though, I can't play any other songs, obviously.

• 39:09Drew Afualo?

  Just, just Viva La Vida, just that one. I don't know anything else.

• 39:13Speaker 04

  I used to almost flip my card to that song in 2011.

• 39:18Drew Afualo?

  It's a great song to do it to.

• 39:19Speaker 04

  My sister totaled our minivan to fix you.

• 39:24Drew Afualo?

  So you naturally have to do it to another one.

• 39:26Speaker 04

  So, and yeah, there's something about, yeah, it really, it really lands.

• 39:32Drew Afualo?

  It's a great song. It really brings something out of you. I just feel like I would really kill it. So if Chris Martin ever needs anybody, let me know. Yeah, I could start tomorrow.

• 39:42Speaker 04

  Cause who was it? It was Gwyneth hitting that.

• 39:45Drew Afualo?

  Probably, yeah.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  She was hitting the bass.

• 39:46Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it was either her or Apple. One of those two.

• 39:48Speaker 04

  Oh, Apple's the baby.

• 39:49Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 39:50Speaker 04

  Who's probably thirty-nine.

• 39:53Drew Afualo?

  I think so. I think she's like in her twenties now.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:55Drew Afualo?

  Early twenties.

• 39:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. Do we know her?

• 39:58Drew Afualo?

  Do we know her?

• 39:59Speaker 04

  You gotta have her on.

• 40:00Drew Afualo?

  I gotta have Apple on.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:02Drew Afualo?

  I gotta have her on.

• 40:03Speaker 04

  Oh, just imagine.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  Imagine what she's up to.

• 40:07Drew Afualo?

  We're going straight to the top.

• 40:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:09Drew Afualo?

  That's the case?

• 40:10Speaker 04

  She's probably just in a goop kitchen just rocking.

• 40:15Speaker 04

  Hands over ears.

• 40:18Drew Afualo?

  Just that one song playing over and over again. Just Viva La Vida.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  Yeah. I used to make, um, Gwyneth has these almond butter cookies that I would get more and more kind of, um, I would cook less and less.

• 40:32Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Like, like, meaning like I would, uh, they, basically, you know, like the school lunch ladies, how they wouldn't cook the cookies?

• 40:40Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 40:41Speaker 04

  And so they were just kind of giving you like these, this kind of like salmonella dough. I would do that and Gwyneth Baltrow had these almond butter cookies that were like, it was like, she's like, cook them for twelve minutes. And I'd do that and I was like, maybe I'll try eleven. And I think I, I think I dove down to around cooking them for two.

• 40:57Drew Afualo?

  Just straight off the fridge?

• 40:59Speaker 04

  So good.

• 41:00Drew Afualo?

  I do love eating cookie dough.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  That's the best.

• 41:02Drew Afualo?

  It's so delicious.

• 41:03Speaker 04

  We're not worried about salmonella anymore, I don't think, right?

• 41:06Drew Afualo?

  Can you get salmonella from cookie dough?

• 41:08Speaker 04

  I think if you're like, I think it's mostly a reptile born in this now.

• 41:13Drew Afualo?

  I don't know. My brother said salmonella. He's right there.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 41:16Drew Afualo?

  He said salmonella.

• 41:17Speaker 04

  And he looks great.

• 41:18Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, he looks, he survived it. Honestly, it's funny because the year he got salmonella was like, it was like during the summer. He got it when we were camping in Mexico.

• 41:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:26Drew Afualo?

  And he obviously had to go to the hospital, uh, because he was really sick for too long. And my mom was like, everybody keeps telling me he has the flu. I know it's not that. So she finally got him diagnosed and they were like, he needs to be seen immediately and we need to seal him away and something.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  You got sealed?

• 41:41Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, they like zipped him up and that shit. Yeah. Exactly.

• 41:46Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, he had heat stroke too. So it was like, it was a whole thing. So like.

• 41:51Speaker 04

  I almost bought a small business on heat stroke.

• 41:55Speaker 04

  Salmonella, oof.

• 41:57Drew Afualo?

  It's crazy. And I, we, I remember we would finish work and we would go to the hospital to visit him. He had to stay in the hospital for like four to four or five days.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:04Drew Afualo?

  And they were like, had him in like a little penthouse suite. Like they were wheeling in a TV so he could play like Mario Kart and shit. I remember like after all that hap- ended, we, he was going back to school and then we were like, what was your favorite part of summer? And then my sister goes, my favorite part was when you got salmonella. And then he goes, honestly, same.

• 42:24Drew Afualo?

  Cause I got to lay down and play video games and eat whatever I wanted. So that was pretty nice.

• 42:29Speaker 04

  You were treated like a king because you had salmonella? Where was this? Did you say New Mexico?

• 42:35Drew Afualo?

  No, in Mexico.

• 42:36Speaker 04

  Oh, original Mexico, yeah.

• 42:38Drew Afualo?

  Got back to California and then he had to go to the hospital.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  You started out by saying the year my brother got salmonella and that, that does sound like a beautiful kind of teen novel.

• 42:47Drew Afualo?

  Right, a YA novel.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:49Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, or like a John Green book.

• 42:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:52Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, the year I got salmonella. The summer I turned salmonella.

• 42:57Speaker 04

  Do you think the Mario Kart was causing sal- the salmonella?

• 43:00Drew Afualo?

  No, I think it was healing it.

• 43:01Speaker 04

  That was healing, that was the treatment?

• 43:03Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I think if you get salmonella, just play Mario Kart. I think it'll go away.

• 43:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, just don't be Yoshi because that guy, that guy's got it.

• 43:11Speaker 04

  He's fucking riddled, yep.

• 43:13Drew Afualo?

  Who do you, who do you play as when you play Mario? Do you play Mario Kart?

• 43:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:16Drew Afualo?

  Who do you, who's your character?

• 43:17Speaker 04

  Um, I'm obsessed with Funky Kong. Who famously spent some time, I think at Rikers Island.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  Cause they found coke at his Miata.

• 43:28Drew Afualo?

  Right, right.

• 43:29Speaker 04

  Who do you, who do you assess?

• 43:31Drew Afualo?

  I play as Toad.

• 43:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 43:33Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 43:33Speaker 04

  Oh, that's perfect. The most decent people are Toad.

• 43:36Drew Afualo?

  I would say Toad. Don't ask him where he was January 6th though, because.

• 43:41Speaker 04

  No alibi?

• 43:42Drew Afualo?

  I don't know. I don't know and I don't ask.

• 43:44Speaker 04

  He's disorganized.

• 43:45Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  He doesn't have, he doesn't keep us an eye count.

• 43:46Drew Afualo?

  It's not, it's not the politics, it's finances. That's what it is. So it's, it's the money, that's why. Whatever the fuck they were saying, 2016.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:56Drew Afualo?

  It's just because he's a bank guy, he's a money guy.

• 43:58Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, he's a Wall Street guy, Toad?

• 44:02Drew Afualo?

  Probably.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  You ever watch Wolf of Wall Street?

• 44:05Drew Afualo?

  Yes, I did.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:06Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, don't, don't know how I feel about that. Although, one time I did a little Hot Ones thing and they were asking me.

• 44:12Speaker 04

  The Hot Ones?

• 44:13Drew Afualo?

  No, it wasn't the real Hot Ones.

• 44:14Speaker 04

  Mini Hot Ones?

• 44:15Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it was the mini, like, you're not that famous yet, Hot Ones, like that one. That's the one I did.

• 44:19Speaker 04

  A training ground.

• 44:20Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I had the training bra.

• 44:22Speaker 04

  Training bra.

• 44:23Drew Afualo?

  Training bra Hot Ones, that's what I had. So, I did that. Those, first of all, those wings genuinely are hot as fuck.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 44:32Drew Afualo?

  And I, it's any wonder how I made it home and didn't blow out my pants like a baby. Like, just up my back, you know what I mean? It's, it's a wonder. But I, they also did tell me, though, on that mini version that I did, they put only the hottest ones. So it's the very last one on all of them.

• 44:47Speaker 04

  It's not a mini one, it sounds like you did the worst one.

• 44:50Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I did the crash course one, apparently.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  Just with a smaller distributor.

• 44:55Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 44:56Speaker 04

  You went through more pain.

• 44:57Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, literally.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  For fewer views.

• 44:58Drew Afualo?

  And I was chugging that milk like it was gonna save me, it didn't. Uh, but one of the questions they asked me, because at first I was like, I'll eat the fucking wings, I don't give a fuck, because I do love spicy stuff.

• 45:07Speaker 04

  Really?

• 45:08Drew Afualo?

  The first bite I took, I said, so I'm gonna burn every bridge I've ever built. I'm gonna, I'm going to out every single person, I can't do any more of those things.

• 45:16Speaker 04

  Wait, so you, you, it would, it was like a, it was, it would bring out like a confessional thing?

• 45:21Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it was like, I'm gonna answer every question honestly, because I can't put that thing near my mouth anymore. But the next question they asked me was, whose TikTok account would you delete? And I couldn't think of anybody, like, fast enough that I genuinely hate.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:34Drew Afualo?

  But I was like, uh, Jordan Balfour.

• 45:39Drew Afualo?

  I was like, get that geriatric motherfucker into a home and off TikTok.

• 45:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:43Drew Afualo?

  That's what I said, so there you go. That's how I feel about Wolf of Wall Street.

• 45:46Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 45:47Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 45:48Speaker 04

  What, yeah. It seems like Scorsese liked him a little too much.

• 45:51Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 45:52Speaker 04

  Like.

• 45:52Drew Afualo?

  I think so, because they kind of made him look like awesome in that movie for a little too long, I would say.

• 45:58Speaker 04

  Leo?

• 45:58Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 45:59Speaker 04

  Leo doesn't blow my hair back.

• 46:00Drew Afualo?

  No, me either.

• 46:02Speaker 04

  It's like, yeah. This is Leonardo DiCaprio.

• 46:08Speaker 04

  Right.

• 46:09Drew Afualo?

  Got it.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  And he's, he's like doing a little bit of an accent.

• 46:14Speaker 04

  Okay. He's in like, oh, he's in a plaid shirt in this one.

• 46:20Speaker 04

  It's like.

• 46:20Drew Afualo?

  His hair is black in this one.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, not even. I don't even think they let him die. Yeah. Yeah.

• 46:26Drew Afualo?

  He's got a little bit of a close shave on this one. The other one, a beard. Get this, a beard now.

• 46:31Speaker 04

  Right. Remember that scene where he's crawling to the car for, I think, forty-five minutes?

• 46:36Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, and he's off Quaaludes or whatever.

• 46:38Speaker 04

  Hated that.

• 46:38Drew Afualo?

  Just the worst dudes you know to watch that. And they were like, no, this is cinema. I've never seen a movie like this in my life.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 46:47Drew Afualo?

  That's crazy.

• 46:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I feel like they were rooting for the wrong.

• 46:50Drew Afualo?

  Reasons?

• 46:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, it seemed like, yeah, I know Scorsese's got a good daughter and all that.

• 46:56Drew Afualo?

  That's true.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  You know the clip of, um, occasionally to pump myself up, I'll watch and delete this. I'll watch Lose Yourself. I don't know. You don't have to delete this. I'll watch, I'll watch Lose Yourself, uh, when, remember when Eminem came out for no reason at the Grammy, uh, Oscars?

• 47:09Drew Afualo?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 47:09Speaker 04

  And Scorsese falls asleep in it. They cut to him.

• 47:12Drew Afualo?

  I don't remember that.

• 47:13Speaker 04

  Oh, it's good. It's so good.

• 47:16Drew Afualo?

  I love shit like that, though. Let's like, like, it's celebrities almost like being human for like half a second.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:23Drew Afualo?

  I love that shit.

• 47:25Speaker 04

  Oh, me too.

• 47:25Drew Afualo?

  I was just talking about that with my last guest. I was talking about like.

• 47:28Speaker 04

  You had another guest before?

• 47:30Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, can you believe it?

• 47:31Speaker 04

  Oh, oh my god.

• 47:32Drew Afualo?

  Well, I shifted there. That's why it doesn't count.

• 47:33Speaker 04

  Was it Biden again?

• 47:37Speaker 04

  No.

• 47:38Drew Afualo?

  But I'm so glad that when I did tell you that, I literally got it the day before you came on. It was like the perf- you're the perfect person to break that news to.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think I handled it with grace and poise.

• 47:47Drew Afualo?

  I think so, too.

• 47:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:48Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, especially when I said, fuck, no. Cause you said, what did you say?

• 47:51Speaker 04

  I can't believe you said no. Uh, the idea of Biden in this chair.

• 47:57Drew Afualo?

  I would never, I would never be able to escape that if that was in there. There's no fucking way.

• 48:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:02Drew Afualo?

  But also like.

• 48:03Speaker 04

  The girlies would tear you to shreds.

• 48:05Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I was like, well, let me ask him whatever I want then.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:08Drew Afualo?

  If that's the case.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Oh, and they said no?

• 48:09Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. Well, no, I said no, but like, it was very like, it's gonna have to be too curated to a point where I'm like, no, thanks.

• 48:16Speaker 04

  And you'd have snipers on you the whole time?

• 48:18Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, the whole fucking time. Like, just one red dot in the middle of my forehead the whole time.

• 48:23Speaker 04

  One in the shoulder. Just a, just.

• 48:26Drew Afualo?

  Not to kill, just to maim.

• 48:27Speaker 04

  Yeah. To wound. To slow down.

• 48:33Speaker 04

  You know, yeah, a little lip pink, a little clavicle. Yeah.

• 48:36Drew Afualo?

  No, I was telling them I love to remember things that celebrities have done that are like less than favorable when they look back. Like they, like now they'd probably be like, ugh, hate that. Those are some of my favorite things to remember.

• 48:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:50Drew Afualo?

  And the one I always bring up is like Sydney Sweeney when they found out, when they saw that picture of her mom in like MAGA hats on her birthday.

• 48:56Speaker 04

  Love that.

• 48:56Drew Afualo?

  And everyone's like, hey, what the fuck is this? And then she went, guys, it's my mom's birthday. And that was it. And everybody moved on. Like, I think that's so, that's the funniest fucking thing you could ever say to that.

• 49:08Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 49:09Drew Afualo?

  Guys, it's my mom's birthday.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  Why, is she, I think she might, I think she might be getting ripped off by her people, because why does she need to do so many ads?

• 49:18Drew Afualo?

  And so many bad things, too.

• 49:19Speaker 04

  She's doing-

• 49:20Drew Afualo?

  Zeros after zeros, you know?

• 49:22Speaker 04

  And she's like selling, remember the bathwater thing?

• 49:24Drew Afualo?

  Yes, I do remember, very distinctly.

• 49:26Speaker 04

  She shouldn't have, she's an icon.

• 49:28Drew Afualo?

  Hey, what's going on?

• 49:29Speaker 04

  I should be doing that. I should be doing that for like 5K.

• 49:36Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 49:36Speaker 04

  Working with Sasquatch, it was like Sasquatch?

• 49:38Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  They rep, they, they like, that's like a soap you get at a comedy festival. They, it's like in like the, in the swag bag.

• 49:46Speaker 04

  That I, I never slam dunk anything into the trash except at the airport. Kapow! You give me a fucking-

• 49:54Drew Afualo?

  Useless ass gifts.

• 49:54Speaker 04

  Oh my god. It smells like a stump. Kapow! And Sydney Sweeney's like, it seems, it seems like she's like, she's doing spawn con.

• 50:04Drew Afualo?

  I don't know, so she's preparing for something.

• 50:06Speaker 04

  Oh, a bunker? You think she's building something? She's building a craft?

• 50:10Drew Afualo?

  That would be crazy.

• 50:11Speaker 04

  Where's she going?

• 50:12Drew Afualo?

  I don't know, she's preparing, maybe she thought the rapture was for real. Did you hear about that?

• 50:17Speaker 04

  Tell me about this. Yeah, I, I keep missing these things.

• 50:19Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, that doesn't surprise me.

• 50:20Speaker 04

  But they moved the rapture to December.

• 50:23Drew Afualo?

  I guess.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  That's what I-

• 50:24Drew Afualo?

  I'm assuming, oh, that's what you last heard?

• 50:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:26Drew Afualo?

  Because it was supposed to be yesterday.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  Just kick it down the road, yeah.

• 50:28Drew Afualo?

  They're just kicking the can again.

• 50:29Speaker 04

  I have sympathy for them because I could see myself starting, you know, thinking something like that.

• 50:35Drew Afualo?

  What a cult like vision?

• 50:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:38Drew Afualo?

  I feel like if you and I tried hard enough, like we could easily start a cult.

• 50:42Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, yeah.

• 50:42Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, both separately and together. I feel like if we tried hard enough.

• 50:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm just too tired. That's truly the only like.

• 50:49Drew Afualo?

  I don't have any, the energy to do it.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, if I were younger, yeah, what would yours, what would you do with yours? You probably do kind of have a little bit of a cult.

• 50:56Drew Afualo?

  I do a little bit, yeah, I would say.

• 50:57Speaker 04

  Do you abuse it at all? Like, like, like a little bit?

• 51:01Drew Afualo?

  Sometimes, yeah. Like when I want to get into the Caesar Palace buffet in Las Vegas, yes, I do. I'm standing there with pulling my hair back going, hoping someone recognizes me.

• 51:11Speaker 04

  I do that outside of Buffalo Exchange sometimes when I need attention. I just rotisserie around.

• 51:21Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, like when I want to like.

• 51:22Speaker 04

  My wife kind of likes you.

• 51:24Drew Afualo?

  I think.

• 51:25Speaker 04

  I don't.

• 51:28Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, like I've used it to get into the Caesar's Palace Bacchanal Buffet. That's what it's called. It's literally called the Bacchanal Buffet.

• 51:37Drew Afualo?

  Have you ever been there?

• 51:38Speaker 04

  I, I've done the, um, I've had too many bachelor parties that are there and then we all realize, what are we doing?

• 51:47Speaker 04

  We made a grave mistake. I've had too many, yeah.

• 51:51Drew Afualo?

  One too many at the buffet?

• 51:53Speaker 04

  In that, yeah, with the crab, the giant crab legs.

• 51:55Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, yeah, they have that like, it's like three huge rooms full of food. Like it's just a never ending spread.

• 52:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:02Drew Afualo?

  And it's like goes by like country almost, like they have like Mexican food, Chinese food. Like it's just, it goes all the way to the back.

• 52:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:11Drew Afualo?

  It's crazy.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  Organized in terms of like what it does to your glucose levels.

• 52:15Drew Afualo?

  Right, very true. Like when you move in, yeah, you're gonna die in there for sure.

• 52:20Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 52:20Drew Afualo?

  I've posted up a couple of times in there. That was probably, those are probably like the only times I've abused my cult position.

• 52:26Speaker 04

  That's not bad.

• 52:27Drew Afualo?

  I wouldn't say.

• 52:27Speaker 04

  No, that's.

• 52:28Drew Afualo?

  I'm like always the most famous person in like the most inconvenient awful times and then I'm like just a regular ass bitch in times where I could use it.

• 52:37Speaker 04

  Give me an example of this.

• 52:38Drew Afualo?

  Well, I was like probably the most famous person in the entire universe when my dog was dying and I was at the vet.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 52:46Drew Afualo?

  And they asked me for pictures.

• 52:46Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't know which one, the bulldog?

• 52:48Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, no, they didn't die. I had two Frenchies, but I thought he was gonna die cuz he was like on the verge.

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:53Drew Afualo?

  You know, Frenchies borrowed time already.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:56Drew Afualo?

  As soon as you get them.

• 52:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:57Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I always say they're great dogs if you have a lot of time and money.

• 53:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:01Drew Afualo?

  To just blow on anything.

• 53:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:04Drew Afualo?

  I recently found out-

• 53:05Speaker 04

  Breathe in like a Teletubby vacuum.

• 53:06Drew Afualo?

  Exactly.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:07Drew Afualo?

  I recently found out my oldest Frenchy has alopecia.

• 53:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:11Drew Afualo?

  Cuz he has bald spots and we were like, what is that? And then we looked it up and it's cuz he has alopecia.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 53:16Drew Afualo?

  So, you know, he's also allergic to protein, so I have a vegan kibble.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  Same babe.

• 53:23Drew Afualo?

  I have a vegan kibble that I subscribe to a service that gets auto sent to my house every two weeks.

• 53:28Speaker 04

  What's a vegan, what's in the, is sweet potatoes?

• 53:31Drew Afualo?

  It's hydrolyzed protein, so it's basically protein without actual protein from a meat because he's allergic to that.

• 53:37Speaker 04

  Oh my.

• 53:38Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I was making him throw up seventeen times a day, like at, by the time he developed it and I remember I took him to countless vets, I was taking him everywhere, I was like, something is wrong with him. Everyone would be like, it's just what Frenchies do. And I was like, okay, so do I just, do I just get rid of all the carpets in my house? Like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? And then I finally found like a specialist and took him there.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:58Drew Afualo?

  And when I took him to the specialist, they were like, can you describe, cuz there's two different kinds of dog throw up apparently, there's throw up and then there's regurgitation.

• 54:06Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 54:06Drew Afualo?

  So they were like, can you describe the throw up? And I was like, I verbatim, I was like, you know that scene in The Exorcist where her head turns all the way around and then she spits out the black stuff?

• 54:15Speaker 04

  Sprinkler mode, yeah.

• 54:16Drew Afualo?

  Or, or Jurassic Park, when it's like, like that one in the Jeep and then blows it?

• 54:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:23Drew Afualo?

  That.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  That's, that part still surprises me.

• 54:25Drew Afualo?

  He's doing that all around my fucking house.

• 54:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:28Drew Afualo?

  At least nine times a day, so like, can you fix it? I guess this is my question.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  He's devaluing the property.

• 54:34Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, once, one carpet by one carpet. One time I, I went to, I was like, we only had him at the time, my fiance wasn't home, he was working, and so I was at home by myself with him. And I went pee and I heard, he was just kinda wandering in my room, and then I heard him start going, like he was gonna throw up, and I just bought a brand new rug and it was under my bed. And I was like, squid, squid, squid, cuz I was already peeing, I couldn't like stand up.

• 54:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:59Drew Afualo?

  And then when I stood up, I finally turned the corner, I like run around the corner, he goes on my carpet, vomits all over it, gets off my carpet, lays down. Of course.

• 55:09Speaker 04

  They have it backwards.

• 55:10Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 55:11Speaker 04

  On where to. They need to switch it.

• 55:18Drew Afualo?

  I need something to shift.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  They think that's where, yeah, they're designated. Okay, but you were, so you were recognized at the emergency vet when, like, when you're.

• 55:24Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, when he was laying on the table and I was like, holy fuck, I'm gonna kill myself if this dog dies. And then someone asked me for a picture.

• 55:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 55:30Drew Afualo?

  But when I'm late and I'm in TSA and I'm like, ah, my flight's late, they're like, I don't give a fuck.

• 55:35Speaker 04

  Right.

• 55:36Drew Afualo?

  Right, okay, no worries.

• 55:37Speaker 04

  I find that people want to take pictures a lot at 5 a.m. at the airport.

• 55:41Drew Afualo?

  That's the best time.

• 55:42Speaker 04

  Like when I'm coming down with something.

• 55:46Speaker 04

  It's, it's, it's really weird.

• 55:48Drew Afualo?

  When you just got the worst news of your life. And then they're like, I love your sub.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  Yes, yes. Or during like elder care and then they like remove you from the person who's supposed to be taken care of to like meet their daughter who doesn't want to, they're like, and the daughter's kind of like.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  That literally just happened last weekend. I was like, I, and the person I'm supposed to be watching is like walking down a precarious stairs. Yeah.

• 56:12Speaker 04

  No, it's completely useless. No, I don't think I've ever benefited from it at all.

• 56:16Drew Afualo?

  One time I was on a red eye coming back to LA and, um, what's the dude's name from The Walking Dead that we saw? Steven Yeun. Uh, he was on our flight and we landed at like 5 a.m. right and in LA. So we're getting off the flight. He's, um, like kind of in front of us and, or no, he's right behind us. So we're walking and as we come out, obviously it's empty, like in the terminal, like there's really no one there.

• 56:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:43Drew Afualo?

  But there was three.

• 56:44Speaker 04

  The occasional person's sleeping. I love that.

• 56:45Drew Afualo?

  Right, exactly. Waiting for their flight. That's it. Like with their jacket over their head.

• 56:47Speaker 04

  The deepest sleep I've ever seen.

• 56:51Drew Afualo?

  Mouth wide open.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:52Drew Afualo?

  In LAX.

• 56:53Speaker 04

  Full tent, like. Glamping.

• 56:57Drew Afualo?

  Glamping in the Delta lounge.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:59Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, the Delta.

• 57:00Speaker 04

  Like a California king. It's crazy.

• 57:02Drew Afualo?

  He, we were walking out and there was three grown men standing waiting right there with like, like figures of his character from The Walking Dead.

• 57:11Speaker 04

  Brutal.

• 57:12Drew Afualo?

  And they were, they were like, oh, Steven, Steven, Steven, can you sign these? And one of them had like six of them, like six boxes of that figurine. And he was like, oh, yeah. And then he like stood there and was signing every single one. These grown ass men like.

• 57:26Speaker 04

  He's just waking up from a sex dream.

• 57:29Speaker 04

  That he had on the plane and he's having-

• 57:30Drew Afualo?

  From his lie down, yeah. And he literally was like, "Yeah, sure." And then we were walking past him and I was like, "That's fucking awful." "How did you even get in here?" "Like, they're not flying anywhere."

• 57:40Speaker 04

  Right.

• 57:41Drew Afualo?

  These dudes, I think they like bought-

• 57:41Speaker 04

  Is it the 90s?

• 57:42Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, they like bought, for real.

• 57:44Speaker 04

  They're smoking cigarettes.

• 57:46Drew Afualo?

  For real. They can come and watch and wave at the plane as it flies away.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, chasing their fiance who they fucked up with. Wait! Wait, Steven and you-

• 57:55Drew Afualo?

  They get on that little cart, they're like, "Follow that girl."

• 57:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. While they're playing that, uh, was it Big? What's that song from Notting Hill where they're driving? Oh my god, that movie. You know what I'm talking about? It's called like Big Dirty Love or something.

• 58:08Drew Afualo?

  No, but they could be playing Viva La Vida. Through an airport chase scene.

• 58:14Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 58:14Drew Afualo?

  This is the perfect one. I got chills when you were doing it.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  He used to rule the world.

• 58:20Drew Afualo?

  And you guys, some of you guys don't get that. Some of them were too young to understand that.

• 58:23Speaker 04

  Now he's just playing smaller arenas.

• 58:26Drew Afualo?

  Now he's breaking up loving couples at the Coldplay concerts. Did you see that?

• 58:30Speaker 04

  Oh my god, of course.

• 58:31Drew Afualo?

  The couple on the screen.

• 58:32Speaker 04

  Humiliating.

• 58:34Drew Afualo?

  You know what's funny is you, if you had just chilled for a second and let it pan somewhere else, none of that would have happened. They got too spooked.

• 58:41Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 58:42Drew Afualo?

  Like, if you, if you just chilled for a second.

• 58:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:45Drew Afualo?

  And just waited it out.

• 58:46Speaker 04

  That horse was skittish and I'm talking about the guy.

• 58:51Drew Afualo?

  Maybe it's first time cheating?

• 58:54Speaker 04

  First time cheating? Oh, your first time cheating?

• 59:01Drew Afualo?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 59:01Speaker 04

  Can't be cheating around a Jumbotron.

• 59:03Drew Afualo?

  No way. Not in front of Chris Martin. He'll get you. He's like the, the guy who was, well, that's not a very good joke. I was gonna say it's like the guy who caught the predators.

• 59:13Speaker 04

  Oh, uh, Chris Hansen. Yeah.

• 59:14Drew Afualo?

  There you go.

• 59:16Speaker 04

  Totally, totally. But for cheat, he's the Chris Hansen of, uh, of infidel, of high, of finance infidelity.

• 59:22Drew Afualo?

  Of adultery.

• 59:23Speaker 04

  Of adultery. Yeah.

• 59:26Drew Afualo?

  Well, that's a perfect segue into some fun facts about you.

• 59:29Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:30Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, would you like to hear some fun facts about you?

• 59:32Speaker 04

  Someone in your crew just put their fists through the drywall back there? Oh, my fucking god.

• 59:36Drew Afualo?

  Is something else moving?

• 59:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:38Drew Afualo?

  Is it my frame?

• 59:39Speaker 04

  That was getting higher and then, yeah, okay.

• 59:43Drew Afualo?

  It's real spooky out here right now. Oh, that thing moves on its own.

• 59:46Speaker 04

  I love that. I love that.

• 59:48Drew Afualo?

  I kinda hate that.

• 59:49Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 59:50Drew Afualo?

  Hate that I'm seeing it move on its own.

• 59:52Speaker 04

  We have a difference of opinion about this.

• 59:55Drew Afualo?

  Let's just watch it the rest of the episode.

• 59:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:57Drew Afualo?

  And decide for ourselves.

• 59:58Speaker 04

  You know, I have a, I have a, in the same way that when I travel somewhere.

• 1:00:02Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  I think it's an emotional maturity block. I can't ima- like, if I am traveling to a cold region, I can't, I, I believe the weather is gonna be exactly where I, how it is where I am.

• 1:00:12Drew Afualo?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:12Speaker 04

  And the fact that, and the fact that this is gonna be coming out in October is, I can't even imagine that right now.

• 1:00:18Drew Afualo?

  Can't conceptualize that far.

• 1:00:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:21Drew Afualo?

  Right. October's next Wednesday.

• 1:00:23Speaker 04

  Fuck.

• 1:00:25Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:00:25Drew Afualo?

  Time flies when you're having fun.

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  As the year to go girl say, summer's beginning to give up her fight.

• 1:00:33Drew Afualo?

  That is true. Okay, this fun fact, this first one about you. It says, "Your first manager convinced you to move to LA and then quit management to become a chef."

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  A chef. And I found out because she was posting shishito peppers in Times Square on Facebook. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:52Drew Afualo?

  That's how you found out she had quit managing altogether?

• 1:00:54Speaker 04

  That's right, yeah. It's like, Anna, what about me?

• 1:00:59Drew Afualo?

  So you'd rather make shishito peppers than make me a star? Okay.

• 1:01:04Speaker 04

  Yes, so now I'm just in LA.

• 1:01:06Drew Afualo?

  Do you have any sort of beef against shishito peppers now because of that memory?

• 1:01:10Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, I recoil even at the, there's not much to a shishito pepper, is there?

• 1:01:15Drew Afualo?

  I think it's just the shishito pepper if I, well, and a chef's probably gonna be like, "Mmm, actually."

• 1:01:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:20Drew Afualo?

  It's about how to cook a fucking shishito pepper.

• 1:01:22Speaker 04

  But you bite in and it's gone, you know? There's, there's an emptiness to it.

• 1:01:26Drew Afualo?

  That's true.

• 1:01:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:27Drew Afualo?

  I do love a shishito pepper, but.

• 1:01:29Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 1:01:29Drew Afualo?

  I get what you mean, though. It's kind of a throwaway.

• 1:01:32Speaker 04

  Well, when a pepper, yeah, when it looks spicy and it's not, you know?

• 1:01:36Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, and when it doesn't look spicy, it is, that kind of thing.

• 1:01:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:40Drew Afualo?

  I feel it.

• 1:01:40Speaker 04

  Oh, my god. I haven't had something that spicy in a while.

• 1:01:44Drew Afualo?

  I think the spiciest thing, well, the Hot Ones thing was probably the spiciest thing I ever ate. And even on there, like, after I finished, I still felt like my mouth, I felt like I had a live lava rock in my mouth, like, currently.

• 1:01:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:55Drew Afualo?

  And they gave me this, like, I think it was like vanilla bean, like oat milk ice cream.

• 1:02:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, and like, they said, just eat this, it goes away immediately. And I go, oh, okay, and I ate, I ate one bite, it disappeared immediately.

• 1:02:09Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:02:10Drew Afualo?

  Now, did that excuse what happened to me in the bathroom later? Of course not.

• 1:02:13Speaker 04

  No, but no, but it took care of the...

• 1:02:15Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it took care, it alleviated this, and yeah, and I was just like, I felt like a cartoon, you know, when they're getting mad, and it's like getting red, it's filling up their whole thing, and then their head explodes.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  That's right, that's right.

• 1:02:24Drew Afualo?

  That's how it felt.

• 1:02:25Speaker 04

  I had that in New York, I had a, I had something so spicy where I had to jump over something, eh, eh, eh, I think it was an NYU, like, professor thing, and I had to put my mouth up to a sprinkler. And it was just, I think it was just like a falafel that I had. And this was like two thousand and seven or something.

• 1:02:42Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 1:02:43Speaker 04

  And I just needed...

• 1:02:43Drew Afualo?

  So before COVID, thankfully, otherwise, who knows what you would have caught?

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  I should have, I should have mentioned that.

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  This was pre-COVID.

• 1:02:52Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, you could put your mouth on a sprinkler head, why not? You probably feel like going up against a fire hydrant, though, no?

• 1:02:57Speaker 04

  No, it was before Fauci said sprinklers are the, what's, what, that's how we're getting it.

• 1:03:02Drew Afualo?

  That's how you're getting COVID.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  That's how we're spreading it so fast.

• 1:03:04Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it's that, and then Tylenol is causing autism.

• 1:03:06Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 1:03:08Drew Afualo?

  It's all, all the pieces are coming together.

• 1:03:10Speaker 04

  Claritin causes OCD.

• 1:03:12Drew Afualo?

  Second fun fact.

• 1:03:13Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:03:13Drew Afualo?

  It says you were once fired from a country club for sunbathing.

• 1:03:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:03:20Drew Afualo?

  On the job?

• 1:03:21Speaker 04

  I was in, so my dad got me the job illegally. I was like, really young.

• 1:03:25Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:26Speaker 04

  And this was around the time of the Blair Witch Project.

• 1:03:28Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 1:03:28Speaker 04

  And so I would walk through the woods afar amount to get to the golf course, and I, and I remember being terrified of the Blair Witch at this point. I think I was fifth grade. So I was being paid under the table by, uh, um, a, yeah, a potentially, I don't know.

• 1:03:48Speaker 05

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• 1:04:17Speaker 02

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• 1:04:50Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, mob run golf course.

• 1:04:52Drew Afualo?

  But...

• 1:04:53Speaker 04

  But it felt that.

• 1:04:55Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 1:04:55Speaker 04

  It felt that way.

• 1:04:56Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 1:04:56Speaker 04

  And, um, yeah, it was, it was honestly...

• 1:04:59Drew Afualo?

  You had to walk through the woods to get there? What, your little red riding hood?

• 1:05:02Speaker 04

  This was in the 50s. Yeah. This was in the USSR, Drew, in the 50s. I was a little girl in the USSR.

• 1:05:10Drew Afualo?

  This was before the Berlin Wall fell.

• 1:05:12Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I used to work at this golf course. I would drive the golf carts around. I would get, I would empty the trash and like spill cigar juice, coffee, beer. I would be just completely saturated.

• 1:05:27Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 1:05:28Speaker 04

  And so I would often then take my clothes off and lie on the green and, and just dry out and sunbathe and just kind of Ferris Bueller it, you know? Like, life moves pretty fast. And, um, eventually, yeah, I think I got fired as a, I think I worked there from 5th grade to through the end of 7th.

• 1:05:48Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 1:05:49Speaker 04

  And they were like, you can't stop, like, you have to stop being topless, uh, on the greens.

• 1:05:55Drew Afualo?

  Put your tits away, please.

• 1:05:56Speaker 04

  And I wouldn't. And I wouldn't stop.

• 1:05:59Drew Afualo?

  They tried to harsh your mellow.

• 1:06:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was a greeter too. I would greet people. They tried to train me as a caddy and it didn't stick. And, and I was, so I would just kind of like, hello.

• 1:06:09Drew Afualo?

  Any particular reason why it didn't stick, being a caddy?

• 1:06:12Speaker 04

  I lost it one of the man's pitching clubs in the, in like, in like, the lake.

• 1:06:17Drew Afualo?

  You lost it?

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:18Drew Afualo?

  How?

• 1:06:19Speaker 04

  I was, I was frantic and I, and I misplaced it. And I think it was like a pitching wedge or a sand wedge.

• 1:06:24Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:24Speaker 04

  And I left it behind in the marsh. And it was the most coveted job I've read. And we all wanted to be the, the, the caddy at this place.

• 1:06:33Drew Afualo?

  Really?

• 1:06:33Speaker 04

  I think I was the first eliminated. So I was kind of a figurehead position.

• 1:06:37Drew Afualo?

  They're like, so you're back on trash and I'll let you know if I get another job for you.

• 1:06:41Speaker 04

  And I was, I think I was 10 or 11, like completely illegally. But my dad was like, if we don't, if we don't get this kid a sense of

• 1:06:52Speaker 04

  something in this, like capital or whatever.

• 1:06:54Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 1:06:55Speaker 04

  Like, he's gonna be such a problem.

• 1:06:59Speaker 04

  So that was my first job.

• 1:07:00Drew Afualo?

  When I picture your childhood.

• 1:07:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:02Drew Afualo?

  I literally pictured the little kid in Iron Giant.

• 1:07:05Speaker 04

  See, I never saw Iron Giant, but it's like, he's like a very lonely child who, who hallucinates a gigantic robot. But that, is this what I'm gleaning from posters?

• 1:07:14Drew Afualo?

  You know, he like runs into the woods and just finds a friend. Like, that's like how I picture your childhood.

• 1:07:20Speaker 04

  Yeah. Is it one of those where, and stay.

• 1:07:23Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. He's like, get out of here.

• 1:07:26Speaker 04

  Just go.

• 1:07:28Drew Afualo?

  Nobody wants you.

• 1:07:30Speaker 04

  Seriously.

• 1:07:32Speaker 04

  It's like Air Bud in a jersey. Like, he's on, he's, he's in a full.

• 1:07:36Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:37Speaker 04

  Jersey.

• 1:07:37Drew Afualo?

  They're like, your head's always in the clouds. It's because you're thinking about your iron giant friend in the woods that you have to save from military destruction.

• 1:07:44Speaker 04

  I, I, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:45Drew Afualo?

  He's being used as a weapon of mass destruction. It's like, you, stop, he's nice. That's literally.

• 1:07:52Speaker 04

  Give him a chance.

• 1:07:54Drew Afualo?

  That's what I picture your childhood is like.

• 1:07:56Speaker 04

  He's ugly, but he's cool. Yeah, yeah, it was that, it was that.

• 1:08:01Drew Afualo?

  What's your, what was your favorite movie as a child? Did you have a favorite movie?

• 1:08:05Speaker 04

  Oh, my god, my favorite movie.

• 1:08:07Drew Afualo?

  Or one that you kept revisiting?

• 1:08:08Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 1:08:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, was it Twister?

• 1:08:12Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, the original Twister?

• 1:08:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:15Speaker 04

  You know what?

• 1:08:15Drew Afualo?

  I actually have.

• 1:08:16Speaker 04

  I think I watched that, me and my sister watched that maybe 400 times, because it's all about, it's all about these freaks finding alternate roads that are parallel to highways.

• 1:08:28Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 1:08:29Speaker 04

  It's these storm chasers.

• 1:08:30Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:31Speaker 04

  That's where they got the Glenn Powell one wrong. It's not about the tornado. It's about these people being like, I know this backstreet goes in, and it's just like, way too big a cast.

• 1:08:43Speaker 04

  Every, like, I think Janine Garof, it's like every character actor from 1990 to 2000 is in it.

• 1:08:49Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. Star studded.

• 1:08:51Speaker 04

  You cannot keep track of, there's way too many characters. And Paxton, Bill Paxton is making fireable choices. With jeans up to here.

• 1:09:03Speaker 04

  Just like, oh, just doing a lot of that. Helen Hunt looking so fresh.

• 1:09:08Drew Afualo?

  I know, Helen Hunt in her prime, in Twister.

• 1:09:10Speaker 04

  And, and, and, and the wind. In the 90s, they loved to put Helen Hunt in the elements. They loved to, they.

• 1:09:17Drew Afualo?

  They needed her outside.

• 1:09:18Speaker 04

  Fog.

• 1:09:19Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:19Speaker 04

  Rain, wind, fire.

• 1:09:22Drew Afualo?

  You name it, she's in it.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  She was, yeah, just getting. What was your favorite movie growing up?

• 1:09:28Drew Afualo?

  I don't know, I had quite a few.

• 1:09:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:30Drew Afualo?

  I'm trying to think, like, my family and I, like, we really latched on to movies that, like, when I was a kid, I thought like, oh, everybody's watching these.

• 1:09:38Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:09:38Drew Afualo?

  And then when I would talk about them at school, everyone would be like, what the fuck? Like, I don't know what movie you're talking about. So I was like, oh, okay.

• 1:09:45Speaker 04

  Like Strange.

• 1:09:46Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, like, well, just like ones that, like, my parents loved, and they were like, you guys are gonna love this, and I did.

• 1:09:51Speaker 04

  Like, like, what's one?

• 1:09:52Drew Afualo?

  Uncle Buck.

• 1:09:53Speaker 04

  Sure, I, see, I never saw Uncle Buck, but I, the pancake thing is in my craw.

• 1:09:57Drew Afualo?

  You have to watch Uncle Buck. That's like one of my favorite movies of all time.

• 1:10:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:00Drew Afualo?

  The humor in it still stands to this day. Like, we watched it during Christmas last year, and I was laughing like I've never seen it. I was like, no.

• 1:10:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:08Drew Afualo?

  God.

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:09Drew Afualo?

  I love John Candy too, so I just think, yeah, just an absolute legend.

• 1:10:13Speaker 04

  The Canadians, they're funnier than, than us.

• 1:10:16Drew Afualo?

  I agree.

• 1:10:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:17Drew Afualo?

  And, you know what's funny? The other day I was talking to my fiance about, like, When I was a child, and I already know I'm going to be diagnosed for this, I'm just getting in front of it. When I was a child and growing up, I would like hyper fixate on super specific times in history, like I was like, I need to learn everything there is to know about this specifically.

• 1:10:37Speaker 04

  Oh wow.

• 1:10:38Drew Afualo?

  And they would always be like catastrophic events or something, so like.

• 1:10:41Speaker 04

  Great Molasses Flood.

• 1:10:42Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, like the first one, the Dust Bowl.

• 1:10:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:44Drew Afualo?

  The first one that I remember hyper fixating on was the Titanic.

• 1:10:47Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:10:48Drew Afualo?

  I was just like, I need to know everything there is to know about this. To the point where like my mom was getting me books about the Titanic for my birthday. Like I was going to the library and I was checking out books on the Titanic.

• 1:10:59Speaker 04

  You were Matilda in?

• 1:11:00Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, yeah. I was like, I have to study up on this, as if someone was gonna ask me.

• 1:11:05Speaker 04

  You were locking up the library?

• 1:11:06Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, like I was closing it out, I'm like, I'll lock up, yeah.

• 1:11:10Speaker 04

  You're six, yeah.

• 1:11:12Drew Afualo?

  I'm nine, by the way.

• 1:11:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:14Drew Afualo?

  And I remember.

• 1:11:14Speaker 04

  Was it because of the film, or is it?

• 1:11:15Drew Afualo?

  No, no, see, like, that's the funny.

• 1:11:17Speaker 04

  Not even aware of the film?

• 1:11:18Drew Afualo?

  This is before the movie came out, really, I think, if I remember correctly.

• 1:11:21Speaker 04

  You were just really seduced by the hubris of man.

• 1:11:24Drew Afualo?

  Yes, exactly. I'm not even kidding, exactly.

• 1:11:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Drew Afualo?

  And I used to think, man, people really did that shit. Like, I would read it and I'd be like, oh my god. Like, I was just so blown away by the logistics of it, and also like the, the classism of it. The fact that they had never done anything like that before, just all of it was so fascinating to me. To the point where also when I saw the movie Titanic for the first time. I was so unmoved by it, cuz I was like, they're not even focusing on the interesting parts. Like, I was so like, okay, this, this couple's fucking, and there's a lot of other stuff going on.

• 1:11:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Drew Afualo?

  Like, I felt so like, almost short-changed by the lack of information about the real Titanic, when I watched it for real. And I was like, well.

• 1:12:04Speaker 04

  So you really did a summer reading before?

• 1:12:06Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I was like, I guess it's fine, like, I guess it was good, when I watched Titanic. They didn't really talk about the captain, though, and also the engineering crew, so.

• 1:12:13Speaker 04

  Well, the captain, played by, what's that guy, Andrew, um?

• 1:12:18Drew Afualo?

  I forget his name, but I see his face in my head.

• 1:12:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, Legally Blonde Two, as well, he was, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:26Drew Afualo?

  Legally Blonde Two, Red, White and Blue?

• 1:12:27Speaker 04

  I loved how he, I loved how, I loved how he was, he was, I, I think there was a point in Titanic where he was asking Kate Winslet what they should do. He was like, hey, do you have any advice on what we?

• 1:12:40Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, let me ask this middle-class woman.

• 1:12:42Speaker 04

  Let me ask a passenger.

• 1:12:43Drew Afualo?

  Mind you, they don't give a fuck about women at the time. So I was like, well, that's not true. It was just me, me fact-checking, watching it. I'm like, there's just no way. And I remember I even asked my mom, is that couple real? And she said, no. And I go, I knew it.

• 1:12:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:56Drew Afualo?

  Like, me thinking about it, I was like, they didn't track any personal accounts of those people.

• 1:12:59Speaker 04

  So you couldn't even enjoy it?

• 1:13:01Drew Afualo?

  No, not at all. I was like, that's why I feel like I've been a ninety-year-old man like my whole life.

• 1:13:06Speaker 04

  That, that movie tore my generation's hearts. Like, we just, the way we bled tears in that. It's, oh my god.

• 1:13:17Drew Afualo?

  Another one I focused on too was like, just general English monarchy, like, all of like, especially like sixteenth to like eighteenth century.

• 1:13:25Speaker 04

  Oh shit.

• 1:13:26Drew Afualo?

  I was just so fascinated by how they moved and what, all the awful things they did and all the shit they had to do.

• 1:13:31Speaker 04

  Holding papillons all the time?

• 1:13:33Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, like shitting in the corner at parties. Like, I just found that fascinating.

• 1:13:37Speaker 04

  They were, they were doing that?

• 1:13:37Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, like in Versailles, they would throw these like huge parties and like they had no running water, like, you know what I mean? Like indoor plumbing. So they would just, if they had to go take a shit, throw up, whatever, they'd just go do it in a corner.

• 1:13:46Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:13:47Drew Afualo?

  In the same room they're partying in.

• 1:13:48Speaker 04

  Like Burning Man.

• 1:13:49Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Early Burning Man, right? And I would like study that kind of stuff just for fun. Like, I was just like, wow, fascinating. Like, the Habsburgs, have you ever heard about the Habsburgs?

• 1:14:01Speaker 04

  No, what's the Habsburgs?

• 1:14:01Drew Afualo?

  There's like something called the Habsburg jaw, which is like a literal, it's like a phenotypic, like, almost deformity that was because there was so much inbreeding in Spain.

• 1:14:12Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:14:12Drew Afualo?

  And like to the point where they extinguished their own bloodline because each generation was more and more fucked up because there was so much inbreeding.

• 1:14:18Speaker 04

  Until there was no more.

• 1:14:19Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, until there wasn't, until they just disappeared into thin air. They flew off into the sky like the Iron Giant. They disappeared.

• 1:14:25Speaker 04

  So what's the jaw? What's the, how, what is this?

• 1:14:27Drew Afualo?

  Well, it's a Habsburg jaw is literally like a jaw that like protrudes out and it's very pointy and very long.

• 1:14:32Speaker 04

  Bayracuta style.

• 1:14:33Drew Afualo?

  Exactly.

• 1:14:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:36Drew Afualo?

  Exactly.

• 1:14:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:37Drew Afualo?

  Like the eels in The Little Mermaid.

• 1:14:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh, flotsam and jetsam?

• 1:14:43Drew Afualo?

  Serious underbite action. That's what was going on there.

• 1:14:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:46Drew Afualo?

  And it was fascinating to me. I was like, I have to learn everything there is to know about this. To the point where like, also, in fifth grade, I had to do like a wax museum project.

• 1:14:54Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:14:56Drew Afualo?

  It's like, you know, you know, like Madame Tussauds.

• 1:14:58Speaker 04

  Oh, of course.

• 1:14:59Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, so we had to do like, basically pick a figure in history that we admired.

• 1:15:03Speaker 04

  And steal it from Madame Tussauds.

• 1:15:05Drew Afualo?

  And go and steal it.

• 1:15:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:07Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, and then we'd get into the fraternity. We succeeded.

• 1:15:11Speaker 04

  Fun, yeah.

• 1:15:12Drew Afualo?

  So then, we had to pick someone and then like, do a whole report on them, and then like, dress up like them, and then like, pretend we were statues, and then recite our like, monologues.

• 1:15:19Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 1:15:20Drew Afualo?

  And I loved to get in drag, so like, obviously, I was, I was so fired up about it. But I picked King George, King George the third.

• 1:15:26Speaker 04

  King George.

• 1:15:26Drew Afualo?

  King George.

• 1:15:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:27Drew Afualo?

  Literally. Well, that's how I probably said it, because I was ten.

• 1:15:30Speaker 04

  You were in a character.

• 1:15:31Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:31Speaker 04

  You were doing the music, yeah.

• 1:15:32Drew Afualo?

  And I was the only one who cross-dressed, so I was the only one who, who dressed as a boy.

• 1:15:36Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:15:36Drew Afualo?

  And it was so concerning to my teacher that she called my mom and was like, I really don't know, like, if she... No, and my mom was like, is this against the rules? And then she said, no, and I, she's like, then just let her do it. So I did.

• 1:15:48Speaker 04

  She was pissed, or she was concerned about how, how much, how much passion you brought to it?

• 1:15:55Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, well, and also the fact that it was supposed to be someone you admired, and I picked him, and he's the, one of the worst English monarchs in history.

• 1:16:01Speaker 04

  Got it. What are some of his sins?

• 1:16:03Drew Afualo?

  I was just going through, well, he was just a terrible leader, like, he drove them into bankruptcy, like, led them into wars they didn't win, like, was awful, just an awful ruler.

• 1:16:11Speaker 04

  It's like coming in as Genghis Khan.

• 1:16:12Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, exactly. They're like, well, you know, like...

• 1:16:18Speaker 04

  I'm Lucifer.

• 1:16:19Drew Afualo?

  And like, that was my whole, my whole thing was about how terrible he was.

• 1:16:23Speaker 04

  Oh, cool.

• 1:16:23Drew Afualo?

  I was a terrible king, like, that was like, how I started it.

• 1:16:26Speaker 04

  So you were presenting?

• 1:16:27Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I was being honest in the reporting of it all. I just don't know why that was the thing I had to do. I mean, I feel like medically, I know, but like, maybe just like, socially, I'm not sure. But like, I genuinely just didn't...

• 1:16:40Speaker 04

  Drew is thirty.

• 1:16:42Speaker 04

  She loves, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:44Drew Afualo?

  I just didn't give a fuck. I was like, well.

• 1:16:45Speaker 04

  She loves King George.

• 1:16:46Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, King George III.

• 1:16:47Speaker 04

  She dislikes her French Bulldogs throwing up a little bit.

• 1:16:51Drew Afualo?

  Everybody else was like, like Betsy Ross, or like, you know what I mean, people who are like.

• 1:16:57Speaker 04

  Molly Pitcher.

• 1:16:57Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, well.

• 1:16:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:59Drew Afualo?

  I mean, I could have been John Candy. I should have been.

• 1:17:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, his history to me, I, my brain, I can't, cause and effect, I can't understand it. I can't, I can never.

• 1:17:11Drew Afualo?

  They just tell you and you're like, probably.

• 1:17:13Speaker 04

  I don't get it. I don't get how something leads to another.

• 1:17:16Drew Afualo?

  That's kind of, that's fair.

• 1:17:17Speaker 04

  It's so strange.

• 1:17:18Drew Afualo?

  Well, I think when I, in my adult brain now, I think looking back, like everything, the one commonality, all those things, the faces I had were, they were like, almost like the hubris of man, or like white people being white. Like, I was just so fascinated. I was like, they just really be doing this shit. Like, they just, they just make these terrible decisions. Like, I think that's why the English monarchy was so fascinating to me, because I'm like, these people were just born and they're like, well, that person's in charge of you now.

• 1:17:45Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:17:45Drew Afualo?

  That's a baby, by the way, but it's in charge of you now. And then they're, and everyone's like, alright.

• 1:17:51Speaker 04

  So the patriarchy eating itself has always been.

• 1:17:53Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it was just, right. If anything, it all tracks.

• 1:17:57Speaker 04

  It does. Yes.

• 1:17:59Drew Afualo?

  It all tracks, it all adds up to where.

• 1:18:00Speaker 04

  The downfall of man.

• 1:18:01Drew Afualo?

  To the way I am now, too.

• 1:18:03Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:18:03Drew Afualo?

  And like, what essentially blew me up in the first place.

• 1:18:05Speaker 04

  Aplotting men disgracing themselves. Yes.

• 1:18:09Drew Afualo?

  Or just pointing it out, being like.

• 1:18:10Speaker 04

  Just pointing it out.

• 1:18:11Drew Afualo?

  Has anyone ever thought about how crazy this is?

• 1:18:13Speaker 04

  And cackling.

• 1:18:14Drew Afualo?

  At the same time.

• 1:18:15Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:18:15Drew Afualo?

  And having a ball while I'm doing it.

• 1:18:17Speaker 04

  And having a ball. Yes, of course.

• 1:18:21Drew Afualo?

  I have more fun facts about you. Okay, this one says, one time, your Airbnb host texted you, who's your daddy?

• 1:18:28Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, um, yes. Uh, I could read you the whole text.

• 1:18:33Drew Afualo?

  Okay, yeah, please do. I'd love to know.

• 1:18:35Speaker 04

  It's, it was complicated. So, I was throwing one of my classic bachelorette parties. I think I remember it, actually. It was a guy. Oh my god, you have it. Okay. Thank you, thank you so much. Okay.

• 1:18:48Drew Afualo?

  Oh, perfect.

• 1:18:49Speaker 04

  So I was throwing a ba-, I had just done an oil painting of my friend, Alicia, who's getting married. She's an oboe player, so she's playing the oboe in it. And I'm like getting the place ready. Oh, your phone is blowing up. You're getting a lot of, a lot of texts.

• 1:19:02Speaker 04

  This is a good prop for the Halloween set someone just wrote.

• 1:19:06Speaker 04

  Oh my god, yeah, okay, so, we're in this, uh, we're in this house. And I just, I wrote to him, Enoch, I said, "The place is beautiful, what a house!" exclamation mark. He wrote back, "Thanks, you man. Take your shoes off, kick your feet up, grab a crystal glass in dining room, pour yourself some wine, lay back near the fireplace with your feet up and look at your friends, and say to them, exclamation mark, "Who's your daddy?" question mark, question mark, question mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. Yeah, so, I, I then dropped the phone when I received this. And, uh, I don't know why he wanted me to be so confrontational.

• 1:19:43Drew Afualo?

  That's also like, that's a lot of instructions.

• 1:19:45Speaker 04

  I know. He wanted me to be in a, in a very Burt Reynolds type of position. And say something very antagonistic to my dear friends.

• 1:19:56Drew Afualo?

  To your lady friends?

• 1:19:57Speaker 04

  Yes. Yeah. Who's your daddy?

• 1:19:59Drew Afualo?

  And go ahead and get, and also make sure, what if it was just a chore list? Take off your shoes, sweep the porch, also make sure you take out the trash, make sure you go help yourself to liquor and say, "Who's your daddy?"

• 1:20:08Speaker 04

  Say, "Who's your daddy?" And obviously I did not abide by this. And there was another Airbnb where I was also in Denver.

• 1:20:15Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 1:20:15Speaker 04

  People in Denver don't give a fuck. I-

• 1:20:17Drew Afualo?

  Denver's crazy.

• 1:20:18Speaker 04

  It's crazy.

• 1:20:18Drew Afualo?

  And haunted.

• 1:20:19Speaker 04

  And ambition.

• 1:20:20Drew Afualo?

  It's got a very strange energy about it.

• 1:20:22Speaker 04

  You feel your ambition going away when you go to Denver.

• 1:20:24Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:25Speaker 04

  I had to take care of a pit bull in my Airbnb in Denver.

• 1:20:28Drew Afualo?

  Why?

• 1:20:29Speaker 04

  Because I went in the kitchen and there's a doggy door and I hear a thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk. And Mr. Ed style, there is a pit bull sticking his head over the doggy door. And I couldn't get a hold of anybody, so I was just kind of like, I guess I'm in custody of this pit bull.

• 1:20:43Drew Afualo?

  While I'm here.

• 1:20:43Speaker 04

  For a week in Denver in 2017.

• 1:20:44Drew Afualo?

  What if he was the owner of the Airbnb?

• 1:20:46Speaker 04

  He was running it.

• 1:20:47Drew Afualo?

  It was his house that you came, you went into, apparently.

• 1:20:50Speaker 04

  He was happy.

• 1:20:52Drew Afualo?

  Happy to see you, happy to host you.

• 1:20:53Speaker 04

  I gave him water. It was fun. Denver's crazy.

• 1:20:56Drew Afualo?

  Denver is so weird, like-

• 1:20:58Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:20:58Drew Afualo?

  I went there a few months ago for a show thing, uh, for work and it was like- Uh, my friend Harry was telling us it's like haunted, like their, their airport is like haunted. Yeah.

• 1:21:08Speaker 04

  A haunted airport?

• 1:21:09Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I said, really? And then they also have that weird, uh, statue of a Bronco. Did you see that? On the way to the airport, it's like a big blue horse.

• 1:21:18Speaker 04

  You know that like forty mile stretch from the airport to civilization?

• 1:21:21Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:22Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 1:21:22Drew Afualo?

  It's horrible. That's why on that drive, there's like a rearing Bronco that's like fluorescent blue and has red eyes.

• 1:21:31Speaker 04

  The, the whole thing is all.

• 1:21:32Drew Afualo?

  Very haunted.

• 1:21:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:34Drew Afualo?

  It felt like going, you know, like, did you ever watch Wandavision?

• 1:21:37Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:21:38Drew Afualo?

  Oh, well.

• 1:21:38Speaker 04

  I was, I was supposed to.

• 1:21:39Drew Afualo?

  This joke would kill if you watched Wandavision, but like, there's basically like this force field around it that's making it like she's trapping the whole town in there. And when you go in, you go into whatever reality she's projecting at the time. That's how I felt going into Denver. I was like, whatever, whatever force field I passed, I'm in it now. Like, whatever's here.

• 1:21:57Speaker 04

  It's just jam bands and a lot of different shades of sage green hatchbacks. Yeah, they're discovering new, new shades of green for cars. Yeah, oh my, oh my god.

• 1:22:12Drew Afualo?

  And also I felt like walking in the city, it felt like there was no noise, but there's lots of people.

• 1:22:18Speaker 04

  Well, downtown, why do they, they don't need a downtown.

• 1:22:22Drew Afualo?

  That's true.

• 1:22:23Speaker 04

  They're not doing, like, what are they?

• 1:22:24Drew Afualo?

  It's Denver.

• 1:22:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, what are they dreaming up? Like a, uh, what's, what, like a tiger bomb, like, that like doesn't hurt the balls? That, it's like, it's like all these bros doing things that are like, okay, guys.

• 1:22:40Drew Afualo?

  That's very true, honestly. I did see a lot of bros, groups of bros.

• 1:22:43Speaker 04

  Oh, my god, in a constant state of bachelor parties, yeah. With the shorts down to here, oh, my god.

• 1:22:50Drew Afualo?

  And they would be going to Denver, honestly.

• 1:22:51Speaker 04

  They would be going to Denver.

• 1:22:52Drew Afualo?

  For whatever fucking reason.

• 1:22:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:54Drew Afualo?

  Okay, this other fun fact says you used to be an SAT tutor.

• 1:22:57Speaker 04

  I did.

• 1:22:58Drew Afualo?

  Oh, my god, smarty pants.

• 1:22:59Speaker 04

  I moved out here. Well, I, I would mostly just kind of, um. I would tutor, like, I tutored twin girls in Seal Beach for a while and I would, and I would just get them to kinda gossip.

• 1:23:14Speaker 04

  About the other for like, and then run the clock. That was kinda my job for a while.

• 1:23:18Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 1:23:19Speaker 04

  But then I would teach classes, SATs.

• 1:23:22Drew Afualo?

  And just kinda same thing?

• 1:23:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:23:23Drew Afualo?

  Just gossiping?

• 1:23:24Speaker 04

  But no, I, I, but then I did take it pretty seriously. And I would, I, there was a physical challenge element. I was like, and I would challenge one of them to a race. Up like, one time like up a hill. And they always beat me. It was like, it was very, there was a whole thing of it. It was.

• 1:23:38Drew Afualo?

  Any particular reason or just like, you think you could beat me in a race?

• 1:23:40Speaker 04

  Just to spice it up. Cause you can see like after six hours and it was like, alright, like if you do this, like we'll do a physical challenge.

• 1:23:47Drew Afualo?

  Okay.

• 1:23:47Speaker 04

  And I'll race your fastest. And I never even came close to. Beating them at all. Yeah.

• 1:23:53Drew Afualo?

  What a fun teacher.

• 1:23:54Speaker 04

  Oh, I was a blast.

• 1:23:55Drew Afualo?

  I think that sounds fun.

• 1:23:56Speaker 04

  Me in a tank top at twenty-two, in like redondo.

• 1:24:01Drew Afualo?

  Get outta here.

• 1:24:02Speaker 04

  Hair uncut. Oh my god. I just saw two guys from Denver.

• 1:24:06Drew Afualo?

  Really?

• 1:24:07Speaker 04

  In Cape, on Cape Cod. And one of the guys was like, you and I, man, we got something in common. Neither of us have paid for a haircut in a long time. And I was like, I pay tons for this. I pay so much money for this.

• 1:24:22Speaker 04

  This is not a.

• 1:24:25Drew Afualo?

  Don't find community with me on that.

• 1:24:27Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:24:28Drew Afualo?

  Speak for yourself.

• 1:24:29Speaker 04

  Oh, sorry dude. But yeah, no, I wasn't, I was an SAT tutor. Yeah. I could've tutored you, but no, you were Riverside.

• 1:24:37Drew Afualo?

  That's true. And you are significantly older than me, so that would be possible.

• 1:24:42Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:24:44Drew Afualo?

  I did, I took the SATs and the ACTs to go to college. And I fucking heard they don't even have to do it anymore.

• 1:24:51Speaker 04

  What's the ACT? Is this about marine biology?

• 1:24:53Drew Afualo?

  No, it's like, it's literally a different version of the SAT.

• 1:24:56Speaker 04

  Out of thirty-six or something creepy?

• 1:24:57Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it's like, yeah, the, the top score I think is like a thirty. Like they measure it like, it's like ten to thirty or something like that.

• 1:25:04Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:25:05Drew Afualo?

  I don't even fucking remember. But I, I got a twenty-six, clock it.

• 1:25:08Speaker 04

  Great.

• 1:25:08Drew Afualo?

  And on my SAT, I got a seventeen fifty.

• 1:25:11Speaker 04

  Great.

• 1:25:11Drew Afualo?

  Not bad.

• 1:25:12Speaker 04

  Not bad at all. No, those are good numbers.

• 1:25:14Drew Afualo?

  Listen, is what it is.

• 1:25:16Speaker 04

  What was your essay about?

• 1:25:17Drew Afualo?

  I genuinely don't remember.

• 1:25:19Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:25:19Drew Afualo?

  If I'm being real.

• 1:25:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:25:20Drew Afualo?

  I did though in ca- in ca- high school, I took AP classes.

• 1:25:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:25:25Drew Afualo?

  And so I took AP tests and one time someone said, what's something you wish people asked you more about? And I said, my AP test scores.

• 1:25:32Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 1:25:33Drew Afualo?

  Very proud of those.

• 1:25:34Speaker 04

  I got a two on the music theory. We had to sight sing music to this and in front of a guidance counselor.

• 1:25:40Drew Afualo?

  Right.

• 1:25:40Speaker 04

  I had to be like, a fa la, like sitting next to this guy named Dan Glover. He was this like ripped coach and I had to, a si mi ni, a la ti do. And I got a two out of, I I botched it so bad. I don't think it's, it was impos- I did so badly on all those.

• 1:25:56Drew Afualo?

  Was the judge Simon Cowell? He said, no.

• 1:26:00Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. What were your score, what were your AP scores?

• 1:26:05Drew Afualo?

  I, on my econ one, I got a four. It was like.

• 1:26:09Speaker 04

  Hell yeah.

• 1:26:09Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, economics and government on.

• 1:26:11Speaker 04

  Hell yeah.

• 1:26:12Drew Afualo?

  AP comp, I got a five.

• 1:26:14Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 1:26:14Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, AP lit, I got a five.

• 1:26:16Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 1:26:17Drew Afualo?

  And the only one I didn't pass was APUSH, I got a two.

• 1:26:19Speaker 04

  APUSH? What's APUSH?

• 1:26:21Drew Afualo?

  US history. AP US history. I was like, maybe I wasn't taught correctly.

• 1:26:26Speaker 04

  I thought APUSH was one of the Black Eyed Peas.

• 1:26:28Drew Afualo?

  Then I would have aced it if that was the case. I remember too, my AP comp test score, I got a five and then I, when I went to class, like the following week or whatever, cause you know you take them at the end of the year.

• 1:26:39Speaker 04

  Oh yeah.

• 1:26:40Drew Afualo?

  And then you have like another week of like nothing classes, like before you go to summer. And I remember my, uh, teacher was like, oh, did anybody get a five? And it was me and the kid who was valedictorian of my class, like my year. And then she was like, you got a five. And then I go, yeah. Why would I lie about that? Like, that would be so humiliating if I just lied for no reason.

• 1:27:01Speaker 04

  She didn't believe you?

• 1:27:02Drew Afualo?

  No, and then I had to show her, I showed her my score on like the little envelope they gave me.

• 1:27:06Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:27:06Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:06Speaker 04

  This seems really inappropriate.

• 1:27:08Drew Afualo?

  Yeah. Oh, yes, it was. Uh, she was like.

• 1:27:11Speaker 04

  What was her name?

• 1:27:12Drew Afualo?

  Uh, her name was Mrs. Garcia. And it's ironic because the next time I saw her, which was like the last day of school. She wrote me a letter of recommendation for college.

• 1:27:20Speaker 04

  And how they come crawling back.

• 1:27:23Drew Afualo?

  This girl's going somewhere.

• 1:27:24Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:27:25Drew Afualo?

  But I remember being very proud of the five. I, fuck if I know what I wrote about. I don't remember.

• 1:27:29Speaker 04

  Probably Moby Dick.

• 1:27:30Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, probably. Or The Odyssey, Iliad, something like that.

• 1:27:34Speaker 04

  Who's your favorite Moby Dick character? Three, two, one.

• 1:27:38Drew Afualo?

  The Whale.

• 1:27:38Speaker 04

  Queequeg, okay.

• 1:27:40Drew Afualo?

  I don't even know.

• 1:27:42Speaker 04

  Queequeg was the punk. He was the harpooner. Yeah, he had gauges, I think.

• 1:27:47Drew Afualo?

  I remember when I was in AP Literature, my senior year of high school, we learned about and read Dante's Inferno.

• 1:27:53Speaker 04

  Whoa, damn.

• 1:27:54Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, we learned about it, read it, did a bunch of shit on it, and I remember there was a girl that I was friends with at the time, and I'm not friends with anymore, but for what will become obvious reasons, but we.

• 1:28:03Speaker 04

  She betrayed you during Dante's Inferno?

• 1:28:05Drew Afualo?

  She, she just had started really getting into Christianity at the time in a way that I wasn't finding or vibing with, really. So like, I, it started getting a little bit worse as time went on, and she started dating a, a youth pastor who was 21, and we were 17, right?

• 1:28:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, can't be doing that.

• 1:28:22Drew Afualo?

  Her mom was also.

• 1:28:23Speaker 04

  Can't be doing that.

• 1:28:23Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, we can't be doing that. Her mom was also racist, but that's besides the point. So, we were learning about Dante's Inferno. I remember we did the seven circles of hell.

• 1:28:31Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:28:31Drew Afualo?

  And we got like a worksheet, and we made, she like wanted us to make our own seven circles of hell.

• 1:28:35Speaker 04

  First one is Tampa.

• 1:28:40Drew Afualo?

  Second one's the jet, the JetBlue wing of the J, of JFK Airport.

• 1:28:44Speaker 04

  Terminals, six.

• 1:28:45Drew Afualo?

  The terminal.

• 1:28:45Speaker 04

  Terminal six.

• 1:28:46Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, the JetBlue terminal, exactly.

• 1:28:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, 55A.

• 1:28:49Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:28:50Speaker 04

  Yep, yep.

• 1:28:51Drew Afualo?

  And I remember she put in the very center, which is of course the worst, right?

• 1:28:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:28:56Drew Afualo?

  She put, uh, premarital sex. I remember that so distinctly because I was like, it, at, even at 17, I'm like, you think that's the worst thing I could do? And I literally told her, what if I killed your mom in front of you?

• 1:29:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:29:10Drew Afualo?

  Is that not a terrible thing to do? And she's like, right, but, you know? And that was, I remember thinking, we're not gonna be friends for much longer.

• 1:29:18Speaker 04

  Premarital sex being-

• 1:29:20Drew Afualo?

  Murder, right after that.

• 1:29:21Speaker 04

  That's someone who's so aware of the audi- of like, like, like writing it for God to see. You don't, you don't believe-

• 1:29:28Drew Afualo?

  Just in case he's watching, just in case.

• 1:29:30Speaker 04

  You don't believe.

• 1:29:32Drew Afualo?

  Just in case.

• 1:29:33Speaker 04

  That is, what is, what is the tightest, uh, circle in Dante's Inferno?

• 1:29:36Drew Afualo?

  I honestly don't remember.

• 1:29:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:29:38Drew Afualo?

  If I'm being real, I don't remember.

• 1:29:39Speaker 04

  It's probably something surprising like Envy. It's probably something where you go, oh.

• 1:29:43Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, you're like, oh, well-

• 1:29:45Speaker 04

  That's not that bad. Yeah. Dante's Inferno.

• 1:29:49Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it's pretty intense.

• 1:29:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:29:51Drew Afualo?

  It was a, an intense read.

• 1:29:53Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:29:54Drew Afualo?

  That's why, I just so distinctly remember being violently irritated by her. After that, I was like, you think that's the worst thing you can do?

• 1:30:02Speaker 04

  How, are we talking seniors in high school?

• 1:30:04Drew Afualo?

  Yes.

• 1:30:05Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:30:06Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, for real. And what's even worse is the year, that same school year, cause that was towards the end of the year, like during Christmas time, she invited me to a New Year's Eve party. And I didn't really go to many parties in high school, cause I was an athlete. I never had like time to do anything. And I had time, but I got invited to two and one was hers and one was a different girl. And the other one was gonna be way more fun. But she was my friend, so I was like, fuck, so I guess I gotta go to hers. So I went to hers and she said, it's gonna be so good. Mind you, like, the, the Christian shit was like creeping in at the time. It wasn't like fully effaced.

• 1:30:36Speaker 04

  There was a Christian leak.

• 1:30:38Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, like it was starting to seep into the walls, right?

• 1:30:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:30:42Drew Afualo?

  And then when I got there, no kids from school, just me and like two other girls that I knew that we were all friends. All church people, all her parents' church friends, that youth pastor she was dating. And they were playing water pong in the garage.

• 1:30:58Speaker 04

  What's water pong?

• 1:30:59Drew Afualo?

  It's exactly what it sounds like.

• 1:31:00Speaker 04

  Ping pong underwater?

• 1:31:02Drew Afualo?

  It's beer pong, but with no alcohol. It's just water.

• 1:31:05Speaker 04

  I, I like the idea.

• 1:31:06Drew Afualo?

  And they're all like twenty year old white dudes with that high and tight haircut. And like, they're all wearing like those brown rosaries, you know what I'm saying? Like, they have a Henley top on.

• 1:31:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:31:17Drew Afualo?

  And those chubby shoes, like that, that kind of youth pastor, hair just swooped to high health.

• 1:31:22Speaker 04

  Jimmy Neutron.

• 1:31:23Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. And just the, the, the gummiest smiles you could think of.

• 1:31:28Speaker 04

  Drinking dangerous amounts of water.

• 1:31:29Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, and they're like, oh, it's getting so lit in the garage. I remember thinking to myself, this is the wor- I could not have made a worse decision. And then they had a Scrabble tournament with all the oldies. And I did participate in the Scrabble tournament, but.

• 1:31:44Speaker 04

  Scrabble is nice.

• 1:31:45Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, and mind you, I'm like wearing like what I thought was like my cutest outfit at the time and I'm sitting here playing Scrabble across from your fucking dad.

• 1:31:52Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:31:52Drew Afualo?

  What is going on?

• 1:31:53Speaker 04

  No, no, that is no way, no.

• 1:31:55Drew Afualo?

  And I was sitting, I was like, you said this was gonna be fun. This is not fun.

• 1:32:00Speaker 04

  She also thinks premarital sex is the center of.

• 1:32:02Drew Afualo?

  Right, that was like, and then I was like, well now this Dante's Inferno worksheet is putting all the pieces together for me.

• 1:32:08Speaker 04

  That was the first, yeah. You, you should have put post marital sex as the. As the center.

• 1:32:16Drew Afualo?

  I put Christianity in the center?

• 1:32:18Speaker 04

  I think post marital sex is, is the tightest circle in Dante's Inferno.

• 1:32:22Drew Afualo?

  It has to be.

• 1:32:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:32:23Drew Afualo?

  At that point.

• 1:32:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:32:25Drew Afualo?

  What else could be in there?

• 1:32:26Speaker 04

  How do you get from one ring to the next? You just keep committing sins and you get.

• 1:32:29Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, it's like the worse they are, the further in you go.

• 1:32:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:32:32Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, so it was just, it felt more like a murder thing, like, you know, like embezzling, like, I don't know, what are awful things to do? I feel like murder is kind of the worst.

• 1:32:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:32:44Drew Afualo?

  If I had to guess.

• 1:32:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:32:45Drew Afualo?

  Like, I was like, I can't even think of enough crimes. I just know there's one that's worse than premarital sex. There's at least one.

• 1:32:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, even trespassing, I think is probably a little worse.

• 1:32:58Drew Afualo?

  Jaywalking is probably worse.

• 1:32:59Speaker 04

  Jaywalking, way worse.

• 1:33:01Drew Afualo?

  Worse, you put that right in the center.

• 1:33:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:33:03Drew Afualo?

  Then I would have been like, I mean, you're dumb, but at least it's not annoying.

• 1:33:08Speaker 04

  Right. Did you go to Northwestern? Where'd you go?

• 1:33:11Drew Afualo?

  Uh, University of Hawaii.

• 1:33:12Speaker 04

  University of Hawaii?

• 1:33:13Drew Afualo?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:33:14Speaker 04

  And you were a journalism major?

• 1:33:15Drew Afualo?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:33:15Speaker 04

  My god.

• 1:33:16Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:16Speaker 04

  That's badass.

• 1:33:17Drew Afualo?

  I honestly didn't think I was gonna work there at all because it didn't appeal to me at the time, but one of my girlfriends who was also working at the paper at the time, she was, we had talked about it and I was like, I need clips, like, to get a job. Like, so I needed to like, clips are like all the articles you write and just to show what kind of writer you are and all that. And I was like, shit, I probably should join so I could get clips and that's why I did.

• 1:33:37Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 1:33:37Drew Afualo?

  And I became the sports editor at my school newspaper.

• 1:33:41Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 1:33:41Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I worked my way up.

• 1:33:43Speaker 04

  So you know sports?

• 1:33:45Drew Afualo?

  Yes, I do. I I would say pretty well, but at this point, I've been I've been doing this for so long that.

• 1:33:50Speaker 04

  Mona Lisa.

• 1:33:51Drew Afualo?

  My my modem's wiped, you know what I mean? Like, I'm doing this dumbass shit every day that I'm like, smores, what are those?

• 1:33:57Speaker 04

  But if you had to at a sports bar, you could make it work.

• 1:34:00Drew Afualo?

  Oh, yeah, absolutely.

• 1:34:01Speaker 04

  That's cool.

• 1:34:02Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I know. I like my main sports I covered were like football, men's basketball. Baseball. Also, like, I said in my interview when I interviewed to work at the paper, just as a writer. Uh, they asked me what my favorite sports were. I told them and then they were like, any sports you're not that, you know, keen on covering. And I said, baseball. Like, I explicitly said, I I don't know a lot about baseball and I also fucking hate watching it. Like, it's boring to me. And they're like, OK, great. Then I got hired and then that was my beat was baseball. I had to cover it for like months.

• 1:34:33Speaker 04

  Sounds like a hazing thing.

• 1:34:34Drew Afualo?

  Right, I felt so. And even when I would tell my friend, who was my boss at the time, he was like, you said that you loved baseball. No, I fucking didn't. I know I didn't say that because I hate it. And I and I said, I I mean, I could learn to cover it.

• 1:34:47Speaker 04

  You could learn to love it.

• 1:34:48Drew Afualo?

  Oh, and of course, when I went, like, every time I went, they would go to fucking twenty seven innings, like, every fucking time I went, like. They just couldn't. They had to go to all twelve, every fucking time.

• 1:34:58Speaker 04

  And they take their time with it.

• 1:34:59Drew Afualo?

  Oh, my god, and they're so weird. Like, baseball players are so fucking weird and not in a fun, whimsical way.

• 1:35:05Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:35:05Drew Afualo?

  No, they're weird in a very, like, off-putting, strange way.

• 1:35:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:35:09Drew Afualo?

  And so every time I went, I'd have to go like, oh, like.

• 1:35:12Speaker 04

  You would talk to them?

• 1:35:13Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, you have to because you have to get quotes. So you would like have to go on the field and be like, can I ask you a couple of questions for the paper?

• 1:35:20Speaker 04

  You're in the dugout.

• 1:35:20Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, so, yeah. And I would talk to the coach and all that stuff and then like.

• 1:35:24Speaker 04

  Is it cozy down there?

• 1:35:25Drew Afualo?

  In the dugout?

• 1:35:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:35:26Drew Afualo?

  No, it stinks and everybody's weird.

• 1:35:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:35:28Drew Afualo?

  That's why I was like, I used to, like, when I would cover it, like, I would go to post-game press conferences, so I would, like, sit in the little rooms where they, like, wait for them to come in and then you're like, um, how do you feel about whatever? I did all of that shit.

• 1:35:41Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 1:35:42Drew Afualo?

  I was very like Peter Parker in Spider-Man, but like, I wasn't taking pictures of Spider-Man. I was just covering sports.

• 1:35:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:35:49Drew Afualo?

  So kind of nothing like it.

• 1:35:50Speaker 04

  I would ask would be, are you planning on stealing any bases anytime soon?

• 1:35:56Drew Afualo?

  Anytime soon?

• 1:35:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:35:57Drew Afualo?

  If time permits.

• 1:36:00Speaker 04

  How likely are you to steal?

• 1:36:03Drew Afualo?

  Well, that's another thing, too, is like, I always wanted to do very silly whimsical questions like that.

• 1:36:08Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:36:09Drew Afualo?

  And they were like, yeah, no, this is journalism, so no whimsy required.

• 1:36:15Speaker 04

  What's under the mound?

• 1:36:19Drew Afualo?

  How do you get it so high?

• 1:36:21Speaker 04

  I think I saw a guy under there. Did you guys see that?

• 1:36:24Drew Afualo?

  Then I just start rumors like you did at your cousin's wedding.

• 1:36:26Speaker 04

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 1:36:28Drew Afualo?

  Just gonna start rumors.

• 1:36:29Speaker 04

  The power of the rumor mill.

• 1:36:32Drew Afualo?

  What else does it say on your Wikipedia?

• 1:36:33Speaker 04

  I don't, I don't, that's none of my business. I don't wanna know, it's too stressful.

• 1:36:39Drew Afualo?

  I'm gonna go in there and donate twenty-five dollars so that I can alter it, but I'm just gonna write out the plot of Iron Giant.

• 1:36:45Speaker 04

  Total, please.

• 1:36:46Drew Afualo?

  As like, early life, under early life, I'm gonna put that in there.

• 1:36:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, just the plot, not even mentioning Iron Giant.

• 1:36:52Drew Afualo?

  No, no, no, no, no, just describe it very vaguely, like as if someone's reading it on Letterboxd.

• 1:36:56Speaker 04

  A lonely boy befriending.

• 1:36:59Drew Afualo?

  Befriended this, what was to be used as a war machine.

• 1:37:04Speaker 04

  No, I like that. No, my Wikipedia, it's like, it's like fans trying to help but only hurting, is what it is.

• 1:37:13Drew Afualo?

  I get some of that.

• 1:37:13Speaker 04

  Causing harm.

• 1:37:14Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I get some of that.

• 1:37:15Speaker 04

  Yes. It's like, it's like, it's like when people defend you.

• 1:37:18Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got one recently that was like, she never said she was a good person. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's not true, that's not what I said. I said, no, no, no, I said I wasn't a nice person, I am a good person, that distinction matters.

• 1:37:36Speaker 04

  That is so, yeah.

• 1:37:40Speaker 04

  This is why I'm so afraid of being eulogized by anybody, like, I, like, any, like, people are gonna keep fucking up things like that, like, until the day we die.

• 1:37:48Drew Afualo?

  You should write it yourself, that way, they know what to recite, yeah.

• 1:37:52Speaker 04

  You think I should write my own Wikipedia?

• 1:37:54Drew Afualo?

  No, your own eulogy.

• 1:37:55Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 1:37:55Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, just have it prepared and be like, do not deviate, no ad-libbing whatsoever.

• 1:38:00Speaker 04

  Staff writer at FSU. Yeah.

• 1:38:03Drew Afualo?

  Little Boy and Iron Giant. Yeah, all of that. Just add it all in there.

• 1:38:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:07Drew Afualo?

  Big Martin Scorsese fan.

• 1:38:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yeah.

• 1:38:11Drew Afualo?

  So do you have anything else you want, you would like to add before we close?

• 1:38:14Speaker 04

  Um, I appreciate you having me here for Halloween and for the solstice. And, uh, I, and I congratulate you on the augmentation of your staff.

• 1:38:24Drew Afualo?

  Thank you.

• 1:38:25Speaker 04

  You have such a, such a crew here.

• 1:38:27Drew Afualo?

  It has expanded greatly since the last time.

• 1:38:29Speaker 04

  Your empire is.

• 1:38:31Drew Afualo?

  Including the pads, the amount of pads has also increased.

• 1:38:33Speaker 04

  The pads is even more alt-left than last time. The amount of pads in the bathroom.

• 1:38:37Drew Afualo?

  We have to be way more explicit about being alt-left now.

• 1:38:40Speaker 04

  It's like the Scrooge McDuck but with Tampax pearls. Kind of swimming around in the bathroom. It's really nice. And not to mention the maxi pads, which you don't see very often.

• 1:38:49Drew Afualo?

  That's true.

• 1:38:50Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:38:50Drew Afualo?

  Speaking of maxi pads.

• 1:38:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:38:52Drew Afualo?

  You're also going on tour.

• 1:38:54Speaker 04

  Kind of, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 1:38:56Drew Afualo?

  Do you want to tell me about your tour?

• 1:38:58Speaker 04

  Well, I think by this point, uh, November 15th in New York, Carnegie Hall.

• 1:39:02Drew Afualo?

  Yes, Carnegie Hall.

• 1:39:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:39:04Drew Afualo?

  How fucking cool.

• 1:39:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:39:06Drew Afualo?

  Congratulations.

• 1:39:07Speaker 04

  Thank you, Drew.

• 1:39:08Drew Afualo?

  The same way you're not paying attention to me, I'm also not paying attention to you, clearly.

• 1:39:13Drew Afualo?

  Now I'm honored to have you on the show again.

• 1:39:15Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:39:15Drew Afualo?

  Like I said, you, you're my favorite guest.

• 1:39:17Speaker 04

  Thank you, Drew.

• 1:39:18Drew Afualo?

  And you can tell Caleb I said that. He's been on like three times.

• 1:39:21Speaker 04

  Um, I will, I will text Caleb that. I saw him in the Minions outfit on here and I think of that. That's one of the things I see before.

• 1:39:27Drew Afualo?

  See, that was on Caleb's.

• 1:39:28Speaker 04

  Before drifting off.

• 1:39:29Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, you just imagine it.

• 1:39:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:39:32Drew Afualo?

  That's true. That's very true.

• 1:39:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:39:33Drew Afualo?

  But we have a mutual love in Caleb, so it works.

• 1:39:35Speaker 04

  Oh, the best.

• 1:39:36Drew Afualo?

  When you were on my show, he was like, I, I'm so happy I could cry. Seeing you on my show.

• 1:39:41Speaker 04

  Seeing, wait, seeing me on yours?

• 1:39:42Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, when Caleb saw that you came on my show. He was like, I'm so happy I could cry.

• 1:39:47Speaker 04

  He's the best. He's the best. I did his podcast when it was still in that like courthouse.

• 1:39:55Speaker 04

  Did you ever go there?

• 1:39:56Drew Afualo?

  Yes, I did.

• 1:39:56Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 1:39:57Drew Afualo?

  With the yellow curtain and everything?

• 1:39:58Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was wild.

• 1:40:02Drew Afualo?

  The loudest audio and the yellowest lighting. I love it.

• 1:40:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:40:05Drew Afualo?

  We were on the ground floor.

• 1:40:06Speaker 04

  Jaundiced, completely. Yeah, we were. Yeah.

• 1:40:10Drew Afualo?

  There are actually lost files of our original episodes. Like, there are lost files of that that we had to re-record and that's-

• 1:40:15Speaker 04

  Lost files?

• 1:40:16Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, that was when we went into the courthouse room. That's like where they settled like divorce disputes in the little room.

• 1:40:22Speaker 04

  Yes, yes. Yeah, it was, it was crazy.

• 1:40:25Drew Afualo?

  That's where you settle like lawsuits in there.

• 1:40:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:40:27Drew Afualo?

  It's very true. And it was just like him, uh, Chance.

• 1:40:31Speaker 04

  And a mystery man.

• 1:40:33Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, I think there was... Or was, who else was there?

• 1:40:38Drew Afualo?

  No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. He's talking about the original one, yeah.

• 1:40:42Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:40:43Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, the original, the OG.

• 1:40:44Speaker 04

  It was like this far from the road. Like-

• 1:40:47Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, literally.

• 1:40:48Speaker 04

  You entered the building and like cars are whizzing by you.

• 1:40:53Drew Afualo?

  It's very true. He has come a long way since then.

• 1:40:56Speaker 04

  He has, yes.

• 1:40:56Drew Afualo?

  He has. And he's forgotten all about us. That's fucked up.

• 1:40:59Speaker 04

  Oh, I'll never hear from him again.

• 1:41:02Drew Afualo?

  Hopefully. Here's hoping.

• 1:41:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:41:04Drew Afualo?

  Well, thank you so much for coming on again.

• 1:41:05Speaker 04

  Thank you, Drew.

• 1:41:06Drew Afualo?

  You're the fucking best.

• 1:41:07Speaker 04

  You're the fucking best.

• 1:41:07Drew Afualo?

  I really do think, oh, wait, before we leave, I'll tell you this.

• 1:41:10Speaker 04

  Oh, yes.

• 1:41:10Drew Afualo?

  I did, I did lay claim to your brain should anything happen to you.

• 1:41:14Speaker 04

  You want it?

• 1:41:15Drew Afualo?

  Yes, I would like to have it.

• 1:41:16Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:41:16Drew Afualo?

  In a jar.

• 1:41:17Speaker 04

  Who gets the nose? Okay!

• 1:41:21Drew Afualo?

  That's like really genuinely horrifying.

• 1:41:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:41:23Drew Afualo?

  And I'm really glad that this is blocking me because that's genuinely horrifying. I was like-

• 1:41:28Speaker 04

  Has that been going on?

• 1:41:29Drew Afualo?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:30Speaker 04

  Oh, my god.

• 1:41:30Drew Afualo?

  She's been tweaking up there. Who the hell is controlling that thing?

• 1:41:34Speaker 04

  They've been playing these twisted psychological games with us.

• 1:41:38Drew Afualo?

  Yeah, mind you, we filmed one today and I had no idea that thing could move.

• 1:41:41Speaker 04

  I think my chair's been getting a little higher.

• 1:41:44Drew Afualo?

  We're gonna look down, there's gonna be spikes beneath our feet at some, at a certain point. Thank you.

• 1:41:49Speaker 04

  Beneath is a dramatic, dramatic word to end on. Beneath. Thank you. Thank you, Drew, for having me.

• 1:41:55Drew Afualo?

  Oh, my gosh, you're so welcome. Thank you for coming back. You're the best.

• 1:41:58Speaker 04

  You're the best.

• 1:41:58Drew Afualo?

  I think you're awesome. Do you have any, uh, words of wisdom for anybody?

• 1:42:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, stay safe.

• 1:42:03Drew Afualo?

  Who's feeling like you?

• 1:42:04Speaker 04

  Stay calm and keep inhaling. No, no exhales.

• 1:42:10Drew Afualo?

  Exactly. Perfect. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you all so much for tuning in. Don't forget, new episodes of the comment section come out every Wednesday. You can stream the audio on all streaming platforms, but the video lives for free and exclusively on our favorite platform, Spotify. Thank you so much to my amazing guest, Chris Fleming. Make sure you follow him on everything. Go see him on tour. He's the funniest person to ever live, and I'll see you all next week. Bye.

• 1:42:31Speaker 04

  Bye.

• 1:42:42Speaker 02

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