A Rams Blame Game, Indy in Purgatory, the Pack’s Back, OJ’s Helper, Aikman Vs. Buck, the Slapper, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

HED: A Rams Blame Game, Indy in Purgatory, the Pack’s Back, OJ’s Helper, Aikman Vs. Buck, the Slapper, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal DEK: The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to discuss Packers-Cowboys before recapping the rest of the Week 6 games. Then, they guess the lines for Week 7 before ending with Parent Corner. (0:00) Intro (3:14) Cowboys-Packers (13:30) Titans-Colts (19:41) Jets-Patriots (24:52) Bills-Raiders (36:55) Cardinals-Rams (47:00) Texans-Jaguars (54:49) Chargers-Chiefs (01:00:18) Steelers-Buccaneers (01:04:39) Ravens-Browns (01:07:24) Saints-Giants (01:09:22) Bears-Falcons (01:10:27) Panthers-Eagles (01:17:52) Guess the Lines Week 7 (01:34:07) MLB playoffs (01:40:02) Parent Corner Host: Bill Simmons Guest: Cousin Sal Producers: Chia Hao Tat, Eduardo Ocampo, and Chris Wohlers #ULTRACourtside could get you closer to the game! https://michelobultra.com/courtside MICHELOB ULTRA® COURTSIDE ’26 to ’27. No Purchase Necessary. Open to US residents 21+ Begins on 10/1/26 and ends on 6/30/27. Multiple entry periods. See Official Rules at https://michelobultra.com/courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes, and details. The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit https://fanduel.com/playwithaplan to learn more about the resources and helplines. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Bill Simmons?

  This episode is brought to you by PayPal. The holiday rush is coming and you can get ahead of it with PayPal. Shop your favorite online stores with PayPal this season like eBay for collectibles, Fanatics for teen gear, Walmart for tech. Check out the flexibility to pay now or pay later and split your payments with Pay in four with no interest, no late fees. Shop now with PayPal. Paying for subject to approval. Learn more at paypal.com slash paying for PayPal, Inc., NMLS 910457.

• 0:39Bill Simmons?

  All right, before we start the show, I wanted to mention we are going to the Pacific Northwest. I've talked about this. I told you we were gonna do it. We are doing it. We're doing the rewatchables live in Seattle at the Moore Theater on Tuesday, December 1st, and we're following it up with the Bill Simmons Podcast live at the Newmark Theater in Portland on Wednesday, December 2nd. Make it Chuck Klosterman join us for that. Chris Ryan's gonna be there for both. We'll see who else joins us. Tickets for both events will go on sale this coming Wednesday, October 21st, 10 a.m. Pacific time. The Ringer dot com slash events will have all the details very soon. I love the Pacific Northwest and I really, really, really love going to Seattle. I haven't been to Portland in a while. I'm excited for both. Come see us. It's gonna be great.

• 1:22Bill Simmons?

  This is the Bill Simmons Podcast presented by FanDuel. Make every NFL week more rewarding with FanDuel Rewards Club. You heard me. Just bet like you normally would, earn points on eligible settled bets, win or lose. Keep collecting points, level up and unlock bigger rewards. So keep an eye on your rewards club progress and see what you can unlock. This is your most rewarding season ever and it's with FanDuel. 21 plus select states or 18 plus DC or Wyoming. Game problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER or call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat. Connecticut.

• 2:23Bill Simmons?

  Bill Simmons Podcast live on Netflix. Cousin Sal is here after a Cowboys loss.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  It's not fun.

• 2:32Bill Simmons?

  How do they do it? You have kidney stones, the Cowboys just rolled over. Wanted to mention have a new rewatchables coming on Monday. We did It Follows. We've been doing horror movies this month. It Follows, a modern horror classic. Why don't I thank all the people that emailed or sent tweets or whatever about us talking about Paul Cohearse, Paul Cohearse, our buddy who sadly passed away. But the thing I think both of us were getting were people talking about the little, the pics, the toothpicks.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, the dental floss pics.

• 3:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. People were sending a bunch of them, like pictures of different things and like this made me think of your buddies. So it was nice to hear from everybody. And also want to give a shout out to Bella from Netflix who is leaving the company but was a great advocate for us and a very good friend to The Ringer and a good person and a great boss and beloved by all. So best of luck to her. I know it's gonna be, I know it's gonna be great for her. Anyway, week six recap.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  No, no, no, let's, let's keep naming people that, you know, it's maybe great things that happened. Yeah, yeah, it's okay. We get to skip the Cowboys.

• 3:45Bill Simmons?

  Wish best to Dak Prescott. Cowboys, Packers. I wrote down, I might try to emulate Dallas's offense during the pod. I'm gonna backpedal on every topic, dance around terrified and then throw points up for grabs to you. Because that was basically what you did today. What happened? They don't have Parsons, they lost Hargrave. How is the Packer? You had all your offensive linemen, you had all your receivers. How does, how do the Packers, when you're on 10 days rest, just run over Dallas like that?

• 4:13Speaker 01

  I don't have any effing answers. I don't know. It was just, it's a terrible three hour watch. Like if it was a movie, I would have walked out like 15 times. It's really like, you know, I don't know where to start. Are you talking the defense? I guess the defense is good, like giving the, let's give them credit first. I know we don't like to do that, but last 21 quarters, they've given up, I don't know, almost no points, whatever. But I hate watching our defense. We could start with that because they never pressure the quarterback. The Packers could have scored 50. They were dropping touchdown passes all over the place.

• 4:44Bill Simmons?

  That guy's just running around wide open.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. I don't think there's a scenario on fourth down where I would pass up going for it if I were the other team. Like I really don't like fourth and eight, I've been feel like maybe like fourth and goal from your only one.

• 4:56Bill Simmons?

  Against your team.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  Against our team, yeah. And it's like, you know, Mike Petten makes no difference. Joey Porter Jr. is gonna make such a, no, he's not. He's not Chris.

• 5:05Bill Simmons?

  He's actually gonna shove receivers out of bounds.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  That's it.

• 5:08Bill Simmons?

  For major penalties.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  That's all I could do. And I know Jerry hates losing this one because like you said, Micah Parsons is laughing at him, like pointing, staring up at the luxury box and hysterics. But yeah, and then like you said, the offense, they can't protect Dak. They're slipping all over the place. Something looks off with him. They're just playing catch up the whole time.

• 5:26Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, maybe you need new sneakers, new cleats.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Is that what it is? Who could afford that in this economy? We can't.

• 5:32Bill Simmons?

  Looks like you're wearing tennis sneakers out there.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  I mean, we played a tiny bit better than we did last week against the now one and five Bucks, but I have nothing good to say otherwise.

• 5:41Bill Simmons?

  They sped up Dak, which I didn't really understand. The only thing I can think of that's a silver lining for you is the NFC East now has eight wins in six weeks. Your record is eight, 14 and two, heading into Washington tomorrow night against, against San Francisco. If Washington loses tomorrow night, you'd become the first division since the merger that played back to back weeks where nobody won a game.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 6:13Bill Simmons?

  The merger happened in 1970.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  1708, yeah.

• 6:17Bill Simmons?

  So again, I look, I look to you, our friend Sal, who has just been merciless with the NFC South. You picked everyone in the NFC South to go seven and 10 this year.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Still.

• 6:27Bill Simmons?

  You're so dismissive and arrogant about the incompetence that division. Your division just made history. That hasn't happened since, since I was one years old.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Hmm, I know, I know. And I listen, maybe that's the key. Maybe I just don't watch the games and I'll come on with you and like, oh, we're favored to win the division. We are favored to win the division at plus 125. Like, and I'll come on with you like, you know, in December, like, oh, we're four and 10, but we're still favored to win the East? That's terrific.

• 6:54Bill Simmons?

  Are you favored to win the division right now? Because I would actually believe this. So I'm gonna look this up.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  We are, yeah.

• 6:59Bill Simmons?

  Who else is?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  FanDuel.

• 7:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. You're plus 130 to win the division. You guys were terrible tonight.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  We were really.

• 7:07Bill Simmons?

  Oh my God. Giants are three to one. Eagles plus 370, won't have hurts for the next three weeks. And then the commanders are plus 440. And honestly, that to me, it's a crap shoot between those four. You might as well take the commanders at plus 440.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:21Bill Simmons?

  Like one, three and one, they could easily be two and three. They lost Daniels for a couple of games.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  Commanders play defense sometimes, sometimes. That's enough. That's better. And Jaden Daniels is definitely serviceable and maybe better than Dak at this point. So yeah, take the plus 440. But yeah, I'm not, I mean, that felt like giving like 10, passing 10 kidney stones, golf sized, sized kidney stones. I hated that game.

• 7:44Bill Simmons?

  I was trying to think of Jerry's front office strategy of just constantly throwing picks and money and assets, you know, at splashy stuff. And it would have to be somebody who owns like some giant mansion, right? And then, but the roof is having issues and there's like a septic leak and there's all kinds of electricity issues and the, the back house has been condemned. But then you go over to his house, he's like, I just got a 130 inch plasma. You want to see it? It's amazing. It's an eight, eight K H D. Check it out. Look how good this picture is.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:23Bill Simmons?

  Meanwhile, there's like sewage dripping on your head.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:26Bill Simmons?

  Like, what about the sewage?

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. And the plasma hates your guts and all the plasmas around it hate your guts too.

• 8:33Bill Simmons?

  The Joey Porter trade, like, what the hell was that? That was the last thing that team needed was the quarterback. You did like eight things.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Hey, we gotta win the division. It's mid October and we're favored. It's all that matters.

• 8:46Bill Simmons?

  Well, you flip it to the Packers. Their pass rush, I don't know why it's back, but they, the blitzing, whatever they were doing, Jonathan Gannon, I think has been great for them. It was the Cardinals coach last year. It was the DC now. So you have that. Their cornerbacks, I think are actually good. I thought those guys over and over again were all over your receivers. They were jumping routes. It felt like the kid had like six picks. They have two good receivers and Jacobs comes back next week.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:11Bill Simmons?

  So, you know, I was looking big picture at the NFC because we're gonna talk about all the weird stuff that happened, but. If you did over under NFC North playoff teams, would you do two and a half or three?

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Well, I'm.

• 9:25Bill Simmons?

  For the over under, if you're trying to get betting action on each side, probably do two and a half, right?

• 9:30Speaker 01

  I think two and a half.

• 9:31Bill Simmons?

  I would go over immediately. I think it's like two and a half with minus 140 juice or something.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  So you think, I don't want to get into the other games just yet.

• 9:38Bill Simmons?

  No, let's get into the picture though.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  You'll say like the, you'll say like the Lions are better than all the other NFC West teams other than the 49ers? Like that'll never even out?

• 9:49Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you have the Rams who are now two and four with some legitimate issues, which we'll talk about when we get to that game.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:56Bill Simmons?

  You have Seattle that has a running back slash quarterback, you know, conundrum going on right now. And then you have the NFC North where all four teams have a winning record. I, I, Chicago looked awesome today. Green Bay looked awesome today.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:11Bill Simmons?

  You know, Minnesota's five and O and the worst of the four teams right now is Detroit, who completely killed Arizona last week, who beat the Rams today. So.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Right.

• 10:22Bill Simmons?

  I don't know. You could argue if you're, if you're saying like, who are the six best teams in the, in the NFC? I think you could make a case for four in the NFC North, right?

• 10:31Speaker 01

  They keep saying it's a long year and that's what I was going to say to you, but I'm like, oh no, please don't say it's a long year. I got the, what? I have four, 12 more three hour games of this with the Cowboys? Don't, don't, don't phrase it like that. I think the Packers are good. I picked them to win the division and early on. We didn't know about Josh Jacobs. He should be back. That defense is solid. I feel like they throw up 50, 50 balls that weren't caught today, but, you know, they got, it's, it's like Tyreek Hill, the Chiefs back in the, you know, the early 2020s and whenever he was there.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  They're going to get, they're going to score. They should have scored 40 today. I think they're going to be good.

• 11:08Bill Simmons?

  And love is an MVP fringe candidate.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:11Bill Simmons?

  I was surprised by the MVP ads. I have another spot to talk about that. If you're looking at the playoffs for the NFC right now, the Giants, Minnesota, Carolina, San Francisco are leading the divisions. Chicago's four and two, so is Green Bay. Detroit's three and two, Seattle's three and three. Then in the other division, other conference, Buffalo, Cleveland, Jacksonville, KC are leading. New England, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Denver, all four and two. Pittsburgh, I just, we're just never going to get rid of them apparently. But that leads to cross offs.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:40Bill Simmons?

  Which for some reason, we've been doing cross offs forever, but for some reason it feels like we have a better PR campaign. Like we have A24 has picked up cross offs at the festival. They're, they're putting on eight hundred screens and it's becoming a thing. So we crossed off Miami, Tennessee, Chargers and Arizona. And before we figure out week five, Chris in Nashville via Indianapolis, wants to know if Carly or St. Gordon can become the official sponsor of the cross off list.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 12:09Bill Simmons?

  Especially after this week with the most embarrassing home loss of the season. He's wondering, instead of she's writing down stuff in her notebook during the games, maybe she's doing her own cross off list and trying to figure out who we're going to do in week five.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  That's excellent. Or have her on as a cameo at the very end.

• 12:25Bill Simmons?

  So we could call it the Carly cross off list if you want.

• 12:30Bill Simmons?

  But, uh, this week's tough.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  All right. So what are our choices? I know you went through the good teams. Our choices are.

• 12:38Bill Simmons?

  I sent a, I sent our Netflix guys, I sent them, I sent them a possible, um, cross off list, which includes India two and four, the Jets at two and four, Philly at two and four. And you would think like, oh, it's gotta be Tampa. They're one and five, but they're two wins out in the NFC South. And I'm not sure you can cross off Tampa, especially Mayfield's coming back. They haven't played anybody in the NFC South yet, I don't think. So, um.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  I think it's the Jets. I think it's the Jets. I've seen enough. And you know what? My biggest.

• 13:12Bill Simmons?

  Seen enough.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Well, what's weird is my biggest futures bet was the Jets to come in third place in the AFC East. And I still feel good about that. And they play Miami this week, so they, they might settle all hash on Sunday. I think it's the Jets, man. They can get this shit together. Aaron Glenn and that team, their offense. Their defense is supposed to be really good. What, what do they do? They don't intercept the ball today. They didn't, they didn't, you know, they didn't sack. I don't think they had any sacks against you, right? I know that you got two fumbles, but I think it's the Jets.

• 13:43Bill Simmons?

  All right. Can I make a counter and then maybe we could have America decide? I think it's Indianapolis. I think they're awful. They play at Minnesota, at Jacksonville, their next two. They're two and four for the year with a pretty lucky win against Houston in week three, and then they beat Washington's backup in week four. But this Tennessee loss today.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  I hate it.

• 14:05Bill Simmons?

  Well, it was the game of the day. It was, I talked about on a, on Thursday's pod with House. And I said, if I hit the Titans, I had a fake Titans pick. And I was like, if I hit this, I'm going to start doing this every week. But gambling 30 years ago, my buddy Jeff and I, and we had this guy, John Steimets, who used to bet with us and we'd call on a pick. And it was always the weirdest pick on the board. And he would laugh and he'd be like, I kind of like the Titans plus six and a half. We'd be like, oh my God. And then they would cover and the Titans were so clearly the Steimets pick this week. And they did it, but they had that, they, Colts got sacked six times. Jones had two picks. And they had a fumble. They still out, outgained Tennessee 399 to 186.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  186 is the number I have written down.

• 14:52Bill Simmons?

  Eleven first downs. Cam Ward, if he completes two passes in a row, it feels like a fucking miracle. Like that guy has no idea where it's going. So, uh, I just don't see how it gets better. They're booing the entire game. Like this is the angriest crowd you could possibly have. Indianapolis, normally a pretty happy place. The Fever, the Pacers, like Indy 500. I think it's a pleasant place to go. These people are fucking furious. They're chaining fire Ballard for the GM. They're just losing their minds. So I don't, how is it? They're going to be two and six in two weeks. How is it not them?

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Fire, fire everyone. Carly Rae Jepsen, Ursay, and smack them with your clipboard on the way out. I mean, that was abysmal. And I, I had a giant money line parlor with the Pats and Colts.

• 15:37Bill Simmons?

  Oh no.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  13, nothing. When that interception came and I tipped, I was like, oh, here we go. This is it.

• 15:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  And I mean, you look at the stats, they had 24 to 11 first downs. And all they needed to lose was that kick return that went pretty far, that interception and that block kick. And that was that. And Danny dimes his shot. I mean, really, almost, almost everyone is better than him if he can't run. So I know I'm the street killer.

• 16:01Bill Simmons?

  We kind of, listen, we didn't do awesome on over unders. I don't think this year we're probably 500, maybe a little bit better.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:08Bill Simmons?

  Well, I, I, there's some that I'm just like, wow, got that one wrong. But one of the ones I definitely got right was this Colts thing.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Colts under. Yeah.

• 16:15Bill Simmons?

  Thinking like Daniel Jones, running quarterback, coming off a torn Achilles surgery. I'm just dubious. I don't, I don't, that doesn't make sense to me. I went to Colts Reddit. As you know, I love going to reddits of teams that are in complete turmoil and especially if they booed their GM. The leading post, it's, it's a coach with a clown face. I think that's Steichen. And the headline is fire them all.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:41Bill Simmons?

  That's the, that's the hottest post on Colts Reddit.

• 16:44Speaker 01

  Good.

• 16:44Bill Simmons?

  The ne, the next one is the Forrest Buckner's quote, I'm sick and tired of the same song and dance every year.

• 16:51Bill Simmons?

  They got, it just goes on and on. Here's one where there's a gravestone for Steichen and Ballard with a Colts thing. So they're in that mode. They're in like angry, let's go on the internet and come up with the meanest things possible.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  I saw a good one where Carly's writing on her thing. Uh, so let me get this straight. Cam Ward beat us. Cam Ward, Cam Ward. And then the word becomes bigger and bigger, question marks and everything. So, yeah.

• 17:17Bill Simmons?

  I got a couple of emails. One of them was from Quentin, who says he's 24, a diehard Colts fan. Is there a bleaker team outlook for the next decade? The Sauce Gardner trade was like a self-imposed aspiration punishment. They don't have their pick this, this year.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Right.

• 17:33Bill Simmons?

  They're in the 2027 draft and it's going to be like the eighth pick of the draft and it's going to go right to the Jets. And then DJ Cook emailed, how great would it be? Just stay with this joke. Cause there's a point where you'd be like, whoa, he's saying that, but it's going to pay off. How great would it be if Carly or St. Gordon sold her notebook at the end of the season? And it was filled with eight months of dick drawings like Jonah Hill's dick book from Superbad. How much would you pay to give this to House?

• 18:00Bill Simmons?

  Super bad joke. That one killed me. And I was thinking of all the possible funny jokes for the notebook. But anyway, that's the Colts season so far. Just a lot of laughter.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  What is, yeah, really? What if she becomes like the next Amy Schumer? She's just writing that material in there.

• 18:18Bill Simmons?

  She's doing a set. Dude, shade stinking jokes.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  Listen, oh, God.

• 18:23Bill Simmons?

  The GM, Chris Ballard.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:25Bill Simmons?

  Who, I've been making fun of this guy. I've been on the podcast for 10 years. They were writing long features about this guy. I remember pre-COVID about, oh, master plan, Chris Ballard. Every year, there would be some sort of flattering something. The guy's done jack shit. He's been their GM since 2017. How many playoff appearances for the Colts in that stretch? 2017 and now?

• 18:47Speaker 01

  So it's nine years.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Two.

• 18:52Bill Simmons?

  Two is the answer.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:53Bill Simmons?

  How many playoff wins, you think?

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Trying to think who they played. Did they win one or zero?

• 18:59Bill Simmons?

  They won one.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Good.

• 19:01Bill Simmons?

  They also blew a 33 to nothing game in the playoffs.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:04Bill Simmons?

  They've had 14 different starting QBs. They had the third longest playoff drought. And they have no AFC South titles.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:13Bill Simmons?

  And so Carly, who, you know, has been taking notes on the sideline, she's trying to learn stuff. At some point, she, she, what'd she say a few weeks ago? Like, this is, we're gonna look at everything, the coach, GM. So it feels like they're gonna clean house. I think that's what she's writing down. Clean house.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, clean it. She draws the house. I said, what did, and yet they could, the one thing they could do is beat the Titans. That was the one thing they were about. I think they won like six in a row. The Titans themselves had lost like 11 in a row, I think, in the division, which is really like two years worth of AFC South losses. They could have been three and three, and we would have been talking about them differently. I'm not gonna fight you on this. If you want to go Colts over Jets, we'll go Jets next. I mean, it's a Sauce Gardner Bowl right here, but we.

• 19:57Bill Simmons?

  Oh, interesting. Netflix, the, the listeners slash watchers.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  What do they want?

• 20:03Bill Simmons?

  Bucks 13%, Eagles 19%, Colts 33%, Jets 36%. So they're split two. I, so here's my case for the Jets. I thought they outplayed the Pats today, and they absolutely could have won. I think their coach is kind of a semi bozo. They, they had two fourth down and shorts that the Pats stuffed them on. That I think if they get either of them, the game might be different. And in general, like their, end of the half stuff, you were the one that sent me that. What was the stat on Aaron Glenn in the, end of the first half?

• 20:36Speaker 01

  Well, I know he thought he was getting the ball in the second half.

• 20:39Bill Simmons?

  It was that too, but isn't he like, he's, he's minus 57 in the last two minutes of the half or something like that? Maybe it'd be worse.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was really bad. Yeah.

• 20:47Bill Simmons?

  But the Pats lost half of their offensive line during the game. They had something happen that I don't really remember happening before. Some guy came in who I'd never heard of, like sixth round pick from three years ago. And they're like, this is their last lineman. If anyone else gets hurt, they're gonna have to use like tight ends or running backs on the offensive line. So that's how bad that got.

• 21:08Speaker 01

  The P A announcer, public dress announcer, like I said, this is our last lineman.

• 21:13Bill Simmons?

  This is it.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  If anyone else could play the offensive line.

• 21:15Bill Simmons?

  Any of you fatties, jump on the field. Now's the time. The guy who saved the game for them, Drake was great again, but.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Drake was great again?

• 21:23Bill Simmons?

  He was great. Yeah, he was really good today. A J, A J had like four drops. Like every time they were about to get momentum, somebody would drop it. But the guy who saved them was Kiner.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  Right. Yeah.

• 21:34Bill Simmons?

  No relation of Ralph Kiner or Kiner Falafa, the $6 million second baseman we had last year, hit like 195. The Kiner, Corey Kiner,

• 21:47Bill Simmons?

  was like the, it was like the first good running they've had all year. He was actually like creating stuff out of nothing and falling forward. And I think he was like 11 for 57. So I'll be picking him up in every fantasy league I'm in. I'll probably get waived in a week, but.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  Good. Take him.

• 22:03Bill Simmons?

  But yeah, no, I thought, I thought.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  I don't know. I thought that was a lifeless Jets team, honestly. And I, I thought you had forever, maybe had forever to throw to Dobbs, which was his first good pass and only good pass like in the first hour and a half. You could have taken a sauna in the time it took him to find Dobbs. But I don't know. It's just, you know, all right, we'll wait till next, well, next week, the Jets will probably beat the Dolphins. And then, then we're gonna have a conundrum, but.

• 22:27Bill Simmons?

  I never felt safe during that game. The highlight was when Spiro Ditas, we got him today.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:34Bill Simmons?

  He, there was some play that happened and they cut to Aaron Glenn, who looked confused as usual. And Spiro said, quote, "Aaron Glenn looks bewildered at something." And I was like, that's open ended. That could be 30, 30 different things. But they, offensively, they're 12 points behind the 2025 Jets team.

• 22:56Bill Simmons?

  At the same, after six weeks.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:58Bill Simmons?

  The Fields Jets scored 12 more points than this version of the Jets. And if you watch them, they're like, we had a lot of trouble tackling Braylon Allen.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Right.

• 23:06Bill Simmons?

  Wilson got open a bunch of times in the first half. Cooper was really good in that game. And they were missing guys too, but they were hanging around, hanging around. And I was getting more nervous, more and more nervous.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Geno's numbers weren't even bad, right? That I didn't write them down, but weren't they?

• 23:21Bill Simmons?

  No, he had like two terrible passes, but A J kept them in the game. A J had three absolutely murder drops.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  I think he had four, yeah, four total, right?

• 23:31Bill Simmons?

  And the onside kick, which, you know, bounced off his hands. I looked up, I was, if, I don't know, this might have been an aberration, maybe he's rusty. But if he continues, if he's this bad all year,

• 23:44Bill Simmons?

  I think we have to call him by his full name like a serial killer.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 23:47Bill Simmons?

  You know how they use the three names for the serial killers? They just did this for Bernard Carmel Pollard. His full name is Arthur Juan Brown. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna stay with A J, but if it's another week like last week when we gave up a first-rounder for him, and he was the worst guy on the team today.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  Right.

• 24:04Bill Simmons?

  I, I think he has to become Arthur Juan Brown for a couple of weeks.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Arthur Juan? I like that.

• 24:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Arthur, Arthur Juan Brown. This is his full name.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  You should call him J because A J, because the J isn't even a, it makes a W sound, right? Yeah, I wouldn't do that. Yeah. A J, what was A J Soprano's middle name? Was it, was just Anthony Junior, right? The J was Junior?

• 24:25Bill Simmons?

  Anthony J Soprano. We never knew what the J was.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:28Bill Simmons?

  Drake was 18 for 32 for 235, three touchdowns, zero picks, was, had some of his better throws of his career in this game, including the one to Dobbs, who was such a good throw that Dobbs stretched out, caught it, caught a touchdown. And then we probably won't see him again for a while.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, we all stretched out. It took 40 seconds. The Jets gave him to throw that pass.

• 24:51Bill Simmons?

  It is true. Well, MVP odds.

• 24:54Speaker 01

  Oh, here we go.

• 24:56Bill Simmons?

  Well, you asked. You didn't ask. You were thinking it though. Kind of asked.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, he's fifth?

• 25:03Bill Simmons?

  He is fifth. He's fifth at 14 to one. Your guy, Drake, maybe. Drake, maybe he's fifth for MVP right now. Trevor Lawrence, 10 to one. Mahomes, nine to one. And really, it's a two-horse race now between Purdy at plus 210 and Josh Allen.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:20Bill Simmons?

  Plus 185. And I, I'm actually surprised Purdy's not the favorite. But Josh had that crazy flick basketball pass for a touchdown today. That was, I've never, never seen that in my life. I don't know how he did that.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Do you feel like he is purposely doing stuff like that to upstage Mahomes? Like Mahomes for years did that for us. He was the magician. And every week, we'd see something different. And he threw that ball, you know, he like shot putted it, but.

• 25:46Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  And I was like, oh, you know what? I would be good at that. That's one thing I'd be. It went 23 yards. Like, how far do you think you could shot put a ball?

• 25:53Bill Simmons?

  People's heads. Who could have, who could have picked it up? So obviously, he's done it before. He knows how far it could be.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:59Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, with shoulder pads on, doing it this way.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  It's like the Dr. Pepper challenge. When the kids do that, I hate it, you know, when they're like just throwing it in there. But like Josh Allen's doing it from like 25 yards away.

• 26:12Bill Simmons?

  So that was a winnable game too for Vegas. I thought they played well. Even at the end, they had a heroic cover at the end. Cousins had to hit Tucker big. So Cousins is, was 23 for 41 for 313. It's a pretty lousy Buffalo defense, but he's available.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:31Bill Simmons?

  Pellicero talked about it on my pod Thursday. Like, if you're, if you're there for, with an offer for him, he's available. They'll just start Mendoza.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Oh, you're not even talking fantasy. You're talking like real life. Yeah.

• 26:42Bill Simmons?

  I'm talking real life. Like, you know.

• 26:47Bill Simmons?

  Well, if Hertz is back by week nine, and if I'm the Eagles, I'm probably going the other way and selling. But if you're the Eagles, would you sell or buy at this point?

• 26:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know, man. It looks like, I don't know if they're two and six and still in contention for the division. It might not be bad.

• 27:01Bill Simmons?

  If you're them and you could trade Barkley for like Minnesota's second or something, I don't know why you wouldn't do that.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:07Bill Simmons?

  It's not, it's not like anything's gonna happen.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  How about this? Let's just see the Raiders be good, decent for a year, competitive, right? I, I don't mind seeing Cousins. I like it and there's a lot of teams that fell apart here. It's, it's really bad, but.

• 27:17Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's fair.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  The Raiders are fun to wa, they're fun, they're just for me, they're a fun watch.

• 27:23Bill Simmons?

  They were seven and 12 on third down, scored 30 points, only one turnover. They had multiple 25 plus plays. The question for them is Gentey sucked again today.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:33Bill Simmons?

  He's on one of my fantasy teams that I care about. He's 10 for 22 for a touchdown today, but just he, it was another game where he just seems small.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, he had 22 yards. Is that what it was?

• 27:44Bill Simmons?

  22 yards total.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:46Bill Simmons?

  So it's not like they have awesome people behind them, but they can't really figure.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  I think, not, not to say that they're not gonna, they don't need a running back, but he works the tight end so well, Cousins, so that, that underneath game is spoken for a little. You need more catches like Tucker made at the end, you know?

• 28:05Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  A couple of them from the receivers.

• 28:07Bill Simmons?

  It's a very strange team to watch. I think Tucker's pretty good. So they have one deep threat. They have these two tight ends who are both really good. They can't run the ball. So they're doing play action when the teams are way more terrified of the tight ends. And they're actually fine if you run the ball. Uh, on the Bills side, C J Gardner Johnson, yet again, he just blatant spit at, at, uh, at one of the, at one of the Raiders.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 28:36Bill Simmons?

  Gets kicked out. And I think it's only six weeks, but I think he locked up Devante's perfect award.

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:45Bill Simmons?

  For the craziest player of the year. I think perfect strangers, I think he locked it up. Who's gonna, who's gonna beat him? Every game it feels like he's gonna get kicked out, on the verge of getting kicked out, trying to get kicked out. I don't know what's going on with him.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  He is good. I don't like the spitting. I'm, I'm, I'm not like everybody, a lot of people, who was announcing that game? It's like that spitting is the most despicable, the most dishonorable thing. Like, all right, he could, he could pull his pants down and wave his thing around. Like, you know, I think there's, there's worse, but.

• 29:14Bill Simmons?

  It's pretty gross.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  See, you're one of those guys.

• 29:19Bill Simmons?

  No, it's all right. When Bret Hart, when Bret Hart hawked that loogie in Vince McMahon's face.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Great.

• 29:23Bill Simmons?

  Arguably the grossest thing that's ever happened in the WWE. I don't, can't think of anything worse. This is where guys are cutting themselves with razor blades and this seems way more disgusting.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  May Young gave birth as an 80 year old or something.

• 29:36Bill Simmons?

  I forgot about that.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, come on.

• 29:39Bill Simmons?

  The other thing that, by, by the way, yet another non impressive Bills game, but with Allen and, and Cook, who was great today too. So you just have to take them seriously every game, but every, both teams are in the entire game. You never feel like they're gonna pull away. The most exciting thing that happened, I don't know if you were watching it when it happened, was the Jim Nance punch.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  I saw the highlights of it, yeah.

• 30:02Bill Simmons?

  When they're, J J Watt's like, look, you got it. And Jim Nance punches it and immediately you could tell that he knew this would, that something bad had happened. And he, he just like, it was one of the only times I've ever seen him fall out of Jim Nance's character. It was like, it was like our dads.

• 30:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:21Bill Simmons?

  It's like, dad, did that hurt? And no, no, I'm all right. And you just see like their arms broken. It was like one of those, no, no, I'm all right. And you know, he broke like four bones in his hand. I really think he might've broken his wrist.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  He came back and it was wrapped, right?

• 30:35Bill Simmons?

  What was that? And it was like, is this a bit? But Jim Nance doesn't do bits.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  He doesn't really do bits, yeah.

• 30:40Bill Simmons?

  What was, what was like the funniest thing Jim Nance has ever done? The answer is nothing. He's not funny at all. Can't think of one funny thing from him.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  Well, I like when he spit on a, a, a production assistant. No, no, he didn't do that.

• 30:52Bill Simmons?

  No, he didn't do that.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  No, he will, I'll, I'll say something.

• 30:55Bill Simmons?

  He's not a funny person. Like, created an answer, but I wouldn't say nicest guy.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he punched that thing, like, we know footballs, right? They could be, they could be rock solid or they could be like, like it'd be Tom Brady deflated ball. He probably thought it was somewhere in the middle where he could just give it a good, you know, good college try. And they gave him the, the fricking cannonball version. And I think he might've broke his, what is he gonna do? They really, let me tell you something. All those years, no trips to the emergency when Romo was his right hand man. That's all I'll say. Not, not one.

• 31:31Bill Simmons?

  Jim Nance is like Iron Mike Sharp. He's coming in with giant cast on his arm. Yeah, it was crazy. I, they're trying so hard to make this J J Watt, Jim Nance thing have any sort of chemistry at all. And he breaks his wrist three weeks in.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  He's gonna be in a body cast and be like, listen, J J, I like you a lot, but, uh, you're gonna kind of have to do this on your own.

• 31:53Bill Simmons?

  It's like one of those where there's like his sticks, he's like this. It's like OJ. Did you see that OJ piece, by the way?

• 32:00Speaker 01

  I read, I tweeted about it, yeah. I mean, it's looking like he could be guilty now.

• 32:05Bill Simmons?

  He might've done it.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:07Bill Simmons?

  I, for the record, I've always thought he had hope.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  Help?

• 32:11Bill Simmons?

  I thought A C Cowling's was minus 150.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 32:15Bill Simmons?

  I think there was a second person there. A C Cowling's minus 150. His son was plus 200. And then the field was, I think, plus 220. And now I think the field is even odds.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:25Bill Simmons?

  But yeah, it made, made sense. Like OJ, by all counts, cocaine, crystal meth, did different things. I think he was high as a kite that night and probably didn't even remember he did it. And was definitely with somebody who gave him drugs is my, has always been my take.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  They should've talked about this during the Bills game.

• 32:42Bill Simmons?

  This would just be my pod, like, forget football, just talk about the OJ. Yeah, OJ that day. Yeah, but that guy, it really seemed like that he helped get rid of, of the, the murder weapon. And there's a bag and allegedly put it in some dumpster in Doheny. Just incredible stuff.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  I mean, if you're Fred Goldman and you're hearing this, um, I don't know, 32 years later, are you, are you relieved a little bit? Or are you like, yeah, no fucking shit. What's wrong with everybody? Like that, that, I think that would be my reaction.

• 33:13Bill Simmons?

  If you're Fred Goldman, are you in jail right now?

• 33:16Speaker 01

  Oh, I think, yeah.

• 33:17Bill Simmons?

  I'm saying you. I'm not saying Fred.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so. I would've, I would've figured something out.

• 33:21Bill Simmons?

  I probably would've snapped by like 1998.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  I would've done something stupid, yeah.

• 33:24Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Or especially like we're in the courtroom together. It just feels like one day you could at least figure out how to do those Twitter videos where the person leaps over the row.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Right, right, right.

• 33:34Bill Simmons?

  You gotta get like, although the problem with OJ, it's like the football Jim Nance punched. OJ had that big giant hard head.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:42Bill Simmons?

  To punch OJ, you probably like just break your.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 33:45Bill Simmons?

  Well, anyway, rest in peace, Juice. We're gonna take a break.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  It's a good time to break.

• 33:50Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, good time to break. We're gonna take a break, come back and then we have to talk about, uh, that the Chargers are owed six. That's X. The Bill Simmons Podcast is brought to you by FanDuel. The NBA is back. It's gonna be your most rewarding season ever on FanDuel. How rewarding are we talking? More rewarding than 15 half court buzzer beaters in a row. This NBA season, which we've already done a lot of content on, that feeling will not stop on the court. Look out for FanDuel Rewards Cup, exclusive offers, surprises and more. You can look out for me on the FanDuel page and the NBA, they have a tab with all of my favorite bets. And, um, you could really, really, really go nuts with different profit boosts.

• 34:34Bill Simmons?

  You can bet on over unders for wins. You can bet on how long will team go in the playoffs? Can they make it first round, second round, third round, conference title, division, finals matchups? You can bet on the points per game leader, whatever you want. Every week, check the FanDuel app to see what's waiting for you beyond NBA futures, because we're gonna have games soon. Be ready for those. Make this your most rewarding season ever with FanDuel. Download the app to get started. 21 plus select states or 18 plus D C or Wyoming. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Game problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER or call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra, the official beer sponsor of the NBA.

• 35:18Bill Simmons?

  And legitimately my favorite beer. I was drinking them at Fenway Park actually recently. It's tip off and I can't wait to see in person. The best thing for me is when the new guys come in the league and you get to go check them out for the first time. Like when Wemby came in a couple of years ago. We have a great rookie class this year. I want to see Cam Boozer in person. I want to see DeBansa in person. I want to see Darren Peterson in person. I'm excited for all of these dudes. And I think that's my favorite thing about when the season starts, those first couple of months, when the newer guys start coming in and then getting to see the old guys too, your old friends. Like Curry is a, is a can't miss. I gotta go see him in person every year. So, um, I think it's reuniting with old people you loved watching and then seeing the new blood too.

• 36:03Bill Simmons?

  But when I'm at the game, nothing better than watching one with a Michelob Ultra. A superior light beer with a distinctly smooth taste. Gets nice and cold, just good times. Good news for fans, Michelob Ultra giving you a chance to watch the game you love this season in person with courtside tickets and more. So enter now at michelobultra.com/courtside and maybe, maybe you'll luck out. Michelob Ultra Courtside 26 to 27. No purchase necessary. Open to U S residents 21 plus. Begins on October 1st, 2026, ends on June 30th, 2027. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobultra.com/courtside for free entry, entry deadlines, prizes and details.

• 36:47Bill Simmons?

  Got an email from Joel in New Orleans.

• 36:51Bill Simmons?

  Is Jason Garrett reaching his final form by becoming more likable, not as the clapper, but as the slapper? It turns out the only thing he's actually good at is slapping a desk for Mike Tomlin. After Tomlin says something charming and insightful, he's finally found his calling. A good toady makes other people look good. Maybe that's what he was meant to do all along. That's why he was the number two quarterback. I propose changing his nickname to the Slapper.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 37:17Bill Simmons?

  It's pretty good.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  I try not to watch him. Yeah.

• 37:20Bill Simmons?

  Why can't he break his hand?

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Tell us again, Mike.

• 37:23Bill Simmons?

  Let him break his hand on some like hard granite from Europe or something. Speaking of TV, Sean McVay, just go to Amazon already. Just do it now. Do it in time for week seven. They have the Herbstreep job waiting for you. Just go next week. Another fucking atrocious, cost me a 13-point tease I shouldn't have done.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 37:45Bill Simmons?

  But I thought just two weeks in a row of atrocious coaching from him. So we can go, we can hit all the other parts of that game. They could have stolen it. I actually thought the Cardinals outplayed them and deserved to win the game. And if anything, it shouldn't have even been close in the last couple of minutes. The Cardinals did everything you needed to do. They slowed the game down. They got fourth down stops. They were able to move the ball. They made every field goal, but it still came down to terrible play calling. Even before they got the ball back for the go-ahead touchdown, what was it like third and 38 or something? They ran like back-to-back bubble screens where the guy just got tackled behind the line. It was fucking awful.

• 38:27Bill Simmons?

  They give them great field position after they scored the touchdown. They give Arizona the ball in the 35 because their special teams are so bad. He doesn't care about that. So Arizona, one pass over the middle penalty, all of a sudden they're in field goal range. But the biggest thing, I thought they scored too soon.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 38:44Bill Simmons?

  And I don't understand how teams are still getting this wrong. Where, you know, second and three, they're inside the five. Arizona is now out of timeouts because the floor for some reason has fucked up the timeouts. And all they have to do is run one in the middle of the line, get the first down or set up 31, whatever, but you just want to run like three, four more plays. You never want them to get the ball back. They call like the quick out to Parkinson, who then this dumbass reaches the ball over the goal line to score. 47 seconds left. It's like, well, we know how bad their special teams are. This is a gift. They're gonna need two passes. The Cardinals are gonna win the game. What were they doing, Sal?

• 39:22Speaker 01

  You're begging them to get that wrong. And McVay is like a guy who can memorize like, you know, when he played against the New Orleans in 2019, you know, in the third quarter. Like he remembers like every play, but like, how do you not? Like, he's not like one of these other moocs that just like, oh, he was coaching at Arkansas State and now he's the, now he's the guy. 47 seconds left, second and three at the six. The opposing team has no timeouts. That is a run. That's a run every single time. You kill some clock. You could even, especially when you could even get a first down. If it's second and goal, it's probably a run, but second and three at the six, it's still a run. I don't know. You're right. They were lucky to be in it. I mean, Arizona allowed 33 points a game and then went on the road against an angry Rams

• 40:06Speaker 01

  team that scored almost nothing and they were still in it. But I don't understand how, this is now three games he's lost as a 12 or greater point favorite in his last like seven years or something.

• 40:19Bill Simmons?

  This was the biggest upset of the year, I think.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Right.

• 40:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. And it might even been the biggest upset of last year too. Well, we're gonna have, they're, they're two and four now, 10-1 for the Super Bowl. They'll be on their third kicker next week because they started this game with their

• 40:33Speaker 01

  They're not allowed to have a kicker. They're just not allowed now.

• 40:35Bill Simmons?

  New kicker just decides to try to tackle somebody and just, and break something.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  On crutches.

• 40:40Bill Simmons?

  Myles Garrett, heading into week seven, don't know where he is. The Browns have their pick, which all of a sudden seems like a problem. And then, I mean, there's a real Stafford conversation to be had, I think.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  What, what's the conversation? I mean, he still throws the ball, he still zips it in and makes throws that a lot of guys can't make.

• 41:02Bill Simmons?

  Is he closer to the MVP year he had last year or just being completely washed? In the middle, in the middle of that? What is he closer to right now? Cause I think it's like 57-43 on the wash side. Like he, he had Puka, I think it was in the third quarter, which is wide open for a touchdown. Overthrew him. Like he had, it feels like he has two or three of those a game. Feels like you can speed him up. It felt like the Cardinals were just blitzing him. They don't really have a deep threat, so I guess it's easy to do it that way where you just send everybody at him, but I just didn't think he was good today.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  Do you want him to be our cross off? Should we wait on the Colts? We could always do the Colts next week.

• 41:41Bill Simmons?

  Listen, I would tell Ty Simpson, like, I'm not telling you to get ready, but don't not get ready.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. No, I, I don't know why. I didn't, I didn't look at him as the problem there, but I guess, I guess, yeah, sure. He overthrew.

• 41:53Bill Simmons?

  It was part of the problem. You scored 16 points against the Cardinals. They gave up 45 points last week.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 41:58Bill Simmons?

  What changed? It's not like they added a bunch of guys back.

• 42:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm on a coach killing spree. I really am. I'm just so mad at all the coaches around the league, starting in the morning, especially when you're mad and yelling at the TV at 6:30 in the morning on the West Coast. We'll talk about that too, but, and, and yet with all of this, the Rams are fourth, fourth Super Bowl favorite at 10 to one.

• 42:18Bill Simmons?

  I agree with that.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Will the Rams make the playoffs? Yes, 50%. No, 49%. And then there's a half in there somewhere.

• 42:25Bill Simmons?

  That's what Netflix says?

• 42:27Speaker 01

  That's what Netflix says.

• 42:28Bill Simmons?

  Steel, what about, should we ask the net, let's ask the Netflix people, Steel Cage Match, Sean McVay versus Troy Aikman for Herbie's Chair.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 42:39Bill Simmons?

  Who wins that? Put that, can you guys put that in the, in the?

• 42:43Speaker 01

  They could do anything. Yeah.

• 42:45Bill Simmons?

  Who's, who's favored in that? McVay, like McVay's shorter. Troy Aikman has way more size than him, but Aikman's like 15 years older.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  An actual cage match, you're saying?

• 42:56Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I think it's Steel Cage. I don't even think, I don't think we do the thing where it's like one match.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 43:01Bill Simmons?

  It gets double counted out. Now let's do Texas death. Oh my God, something happened. We're gonna have to put him in a cage and really, I think we go right to the cage.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  I think McVay has endless energy, but I think Aikman's got a lot of anger in him. And it depends.

• 43:14Bill Simmons?

  He really does.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  If like, if Iron Jim Nance with this cast was, had your back, that's who the winner would be.

• 43:21Bill Simmons?

  Iron Jim Nance.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:24Bill Simmons?

  He has the cast next week. I'm gonna fucking pee my pants in the morning. If I see him with the fucking Iron Jim shirt thing, I'm gonna die. Aikman, by the way, didn't he take a Miami Dolphins job?

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:37Bill Simmons?

  Or try to?

• 43:38Speaker 01

  The job? What do you mean? Like part ownership, right?

• 43:41Bill Simmons?

  He got like a, something with Miami, right?

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Right. Did he have to turn that down? I can't even keep track.

• 43:47Bill Simmons?

  I feel like this is one of those classic sports media things where we're only, whatever the version of the story that somebody wanted to get out, got out first. But how do we, how do we know Aikman didn't ask ESPN for like 25, 30 million? And they're like, yeah, we're not paying that. And then he, and now he's taking umbrage. Meanwhile, he did this Miami thing already. I'm just, I don't want to hear the victim thing for Troy Aikman. Like he's got a pretty good life. You're calling 17 games.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:16Bill Simmons?

  You know, you're just flying around doing games and, and guess what? If you're not doing the games, they're gonna get the same rating for the games.

• 44:22Speaker 01

  Oh shit. You're just hating on the Cowboys today. I know.

• 44:26Bill Simmons?

  I'm just saying, like you're gonna get, they're gonna get the same rate, rating regardless. At some point, there's a point of no return. By the way, if I was ESPN, I would dump the Manning cast. I would have Eli and Peyton do eight games each.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Interesting. But you also, you also, don't you, uh, don't you champion like guys negotiating together and stuff? I mean, we're talking about Joe Buck here.

• 44:45Bill Simmons?

  But they didn't do that.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  I, I know, I know. Like that's.

• 44:48Bill Simmons?

  But how do, but everyone, the, the feeling of this is like Joe Buck was the one that didn't negotiate together. What if, what if?

• 44:54Speaker 01

  It might be unfair. Yeah, you're right.

• 44:56Bill Simmons?

  What if Aikman was the one that didn't negotiate? I don't know. I just don't, I'm only hearing one side of the story. Joe Buck hasn't said anything. And for whatever reason, it tore their relationship apart, but I thought, do the Friends cast thing and do it together, but maybe Aikman thought he was more valuable than Buck. I just, I don't believe any of this stuff because I've been through it where people have written things about stuff I've been involved with or whatever. And it's always like, whatever the first narrative that comes out becomes the narrative. And in this case, I don't believe it.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. You're right. Well, Troy, if you're watching or listening right now, vote on Netflix, whether it was you.

• 45:29Bill Simmons?

  Whether you could beat Sean McVay.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  You beat Sean McVay. Iron Mike, Iron Jim.

• 45:32Bill Simmons?

  Listen, he's just gonna go to Amazon.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:36Bill Simmons?

  Unless McVay beats him there. And if he doesn't go to Amazon, he'll go to CBS. Like he'll be fine. I really like listening to Troy Aikman do games. I like Buck and Aikman together, but.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  Listen, you know what I said? I said Aikman, Romo, Cowboys alt cast. They only, they only do Cowboys games. I don't know, you know, whatever. It doesn't even have to be the network that does it.

• 45:56Bill Simmons?

  I would love that. I, this makes, this bums me out though, because I do like Buck and Aikman together and I thought they.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:02Bill Simmons?

  I don't know. I thought we'd get them for another five, six years. And if they, if they go apart, I guess Collinsworth and Tirico would be the best two, right?

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, Myers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, other than Myers.

• 46:14Bill Simmons?

  Myers is up there too. So the other one thing I wanted to mention about this Rams game, I've been on the wrong side of every single game where a backup kicker, backup snapper has become involved.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:27Bill Simmons?

  Since 1990. If it ever happens, just assume I have money on the other team somehow. It's never worked out in my favor. I'm like, I'm a little nervous about this Browns bet. And then the team they're playing all of a sudden as a backup kicker.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:40Bill Simmons?

  I, I don't know how it's worked, but I'm batting a thousand the wrong way on this. Have you ever had it gone your way on that?

• 46:45Speaker 01

  It doesn't seem like it. It seems like I'm always watching and the ball going through is, is a bad, uh, bad thing, but it really didn't even, it shouldn't have mattered, honestly.

• 46:55Bill Simmons?

  It changes a little bit though. I think it changes when you're inside the 30 and the team knows that you have no field goal potential. I think that can change a little bit how they play defense.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  Sure. For the first 59 minutes, but McVay still screwed up that last 20 seconds. We didn't talk, by the way, with the pass interference, can't they, can't they pick that up? I thought something happened in the preseason where like you could pick up a flag.

• 47:20Bill Simmons?

  Booth interview. They should have picked it up. It was terrible.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  They should, right?

• 47:24Bill Simmons?

  It was the worst call of the day, other than that first ref in the passer on Dak.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:27Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. That, that call was, that was awful.

• 47:32Bill Simmons?

  Okay, we're going to Texans Jags. And I'd like to congratulate the London games this year.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:40Bill Simmons?

  Is it over?

• 47:40Speaker 01

  I thought.

• 47:41Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, three good ones.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:43Bill Simmons?

  Three good ones. Today's game was fantastic. We had 842 yards of offense. We had a roller coaster ride of a game. D'Amico Ryans, as always, I'm, I'm, your game management is always going to leave me cold at all times. But yet somehow they finally won a dumb 50 50 game. So what's the doubt to you with this one?

• 48:02Speaker 01

  They got a, well, they got a treat. You're right. Like you might as well give them no names scoring touchdowns. Who was it? Like Noel was Jordan, Tooten, Moreau and Burkettcher or something. So.

• 48:12Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  And but, yeah, I, I thought it went back and forth. It was nice. There were, it was even time possession was even yardage, turnovers were even. Coaching was pretty much even Liam Cohen's late decisions were a tiny bit more asinine than D'Amico Ryans. And so they kicked that and we're on text. It's very early in the morning. And they kicked that 60 yard field goal. We're like, all right, congratulations. There's over a minute left and they have timeouts. Like what the hell are you doing? Like what? I, I, I was starting to think like, do the English fans know the coaching is bad all around for the league?

• 48:47Bill Simmons?

  I think they assume.

• 48:51Bill Simmons?

  This is the coaching.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  Really? Yeah.

• 48:53Bill Simmons?

  So it's bad consistently. So then they just assume this is how it goes. It's like these blokes, they love to screw stuff up.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:01Bill Simmons?

  Every week that make a dumb decision.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would.

• 49:04Bill Simmons?

  That was my English accent.

• 49:05Speaker 01

  That was pretty good. I was gonna try to, I'm not gonna be as good either. But I mean, I feel like I could watch and I watch EPL every Saturday and for the rest of my life, I would not know what a bad substitution is. You know what I mean? But I guess there's less situational thing, but I would really think it would be like, what in the bloody hell has got into that bloke Liam Cohen scrumming? Or something like that. We both use bloke. That's all right.

• 49:24Bill Simmons?

  Bloke, bloke and what's the other one they use? Bloody?

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Bloody, bloody bloke. Yeah.

• 49:30Bill Simmons?

  So Brian Thomas, Jr., 15 plays total benched in the second half.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  The hell?

• 49:35Bill Simmons?

  I guess his Jaguars career, maybe he's the next disgruntled or underachieving receiver to get traded. Flip side Harrison. Pretty good on Houston and he wasn't really involved. I got up early. I watched this entire game because I have a lot at stake with the Texans. I had the Maringer win 07. Wasn't really involved in the first quarter. They went to him once in the second quarter on a big play and he got it. And I was like, okay. And then by the end of the game, he was in there and, and they had him and Noel and Nico, who I thought Travis Hunter did mostly a really good job on.

• 50:09Speaker 01

  Right.

• 50:09Bill Simmons?

  And, and Stroud was lights out. Like to me, Stroud, you can't be the MVP if your team's two and four.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  He's not gonna be.

• 50:18Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. But if they, if we had the under 500 awards. For all the under 500 teams, he's the MVP.

• 50:25Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. They should have that.

• 50:27Bill Simmons?

  He's the best ever at all the under 500. He's the most important player in the league.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  I feel like he had a conversation with himself. He says, who knows if this defense, our defense, which is normally very, very good, if not the best, is going to travel well. So I'm just going to match them point for point.

• 50:41Bill Simmons?

  Just gonna carry him.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  And I'm going to score first. And their running game was good too. Marks and Jawaal Jordan had 100 yards like combined. So that, that definitely helps. Yeah.

• 50:50Bill Simmons?

  The weird thing, I mean, they lost Al Shair at some point during the game. They lost Blankenship. The defense hasn't been good. They give up 30 plus again today.

• 51:00Bill Simmons?

  They finally got assembled some of a stop, but it doesn't seem the same. It would be funny if Stroud. Gave some interview or press conference. And it was like, you know, it's tough to carry the other side of the ball like this, but this is what I have to do. Like after what happened in the playoffs last year.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 51:18Bill Simmons?

  Say, you know, this is, I guess what God decided that I wasn't going to get help this year. But I thought it was a huge win for them. I still think it's a playoff team. I still think it's one of the five, the seven best AFC teams. And they've, they're two and four. They could easily be five and one or six and O. And, uh, and I think they'll be heard for them.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  They have Giants, Chargers, at Browns and home for the shitty Colts. I think that's their next four or four of the next five. They're plus 280 for the division. I, I figure you're going to pounce on that. That's what I thought.

• 51:47Bill Simmons?

  I think we get two AFC South playoff teams and I think we get two AFC Norths. I'm sorry, one AFC North. Two AFC East.

• 51:55Speaker 01

  One AFC North is.

• 51:57Bill Simmons?

  Oh, two AFC North and then one AFC West. I think that's the one with the one.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  Wait a minute. What are you talking about? You, Bills, Bills Patriots, right?

• 52:06Bill Simmons?

  Right. Two there. So one wild card from there.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Right.

• 52:09Bill Simmons?

  One wild card from the North.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 52:11Bill Simmons?

  Then one wild card from the South. Seven.

• 52:13Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 52:14Bill Simmons?

  And I, I think we get nobody from the West other than the Chiefs.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Interesting. Why did I forget?

• 52:18Bill Simmons?

  You know why? Cause Bo Nix died about nine months ago.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  I don't know what to make of that team.

• 52:24Bill Simmons?

  I know what to make of Bo Nix. He can't throw a football anymore and, and can't run or scramble or do anything. They're at the bench.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  Just can't throw it forward, but yeah, he could throw it. Yeah.

• 52:32Bill Simmons?

  He can throw it if the guy's five yards in front of him.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's like, who needs air yards? I don't, I don't care about this air yard thing.

• 52:39Bill Simmons?

  Gus said it best. Our, our buddy Gus Broncos fan, who watches every play. He's like, he doesn't have his burst anymore. Whatever happened to his ankle? He doesn't have his, his juice. So you have that combined with that. He was an erratic QB to begin with. And seems like he's lost his confidence. I actually think they have to go to Stidham. And you could talk me into Kirk Cousins for them too, if the Raiders wanted to trade in the, in the division. Yeah, I think the, I think Nix is a rap. That game on, that game Thursday was a cry for help. Like they were basically like, we just don't want to turn the ball over. We think we can win our defense. We're not letting Bo do anything. We're putting the childproof aspirin lock on him. You're doing nothing in this game and he's, and he still almost killed them.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  I think they have to go to every, every reiteration of, uh, iteration of, um, you know, like he, Sean Payton calling third down play, like what, how many plays is Sean Payton calling now? Cause I'm not even sure. Like I know he gets to admit calling the, the ones that work.

• 53:36Bill Simmons?

  If I was Sean Payton, I would say I wasn't calling any of these.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, right. Yeah.

• 53:40Bill Simmons?

  I would just, I would blame everything on the other guy. What lasts longer? Bo Nix or your kidney stones?

• 53:48Speaker 01

  I hope Bo Nix. I mean, I don't, I'm never rooting against anyone's.

• 53:51Bill Simmons?

  Bo Nix as a starter or your kidney stones?

• 53:53Speaker 01

  My kidney stones would probably put up like six and a half air yards per attempt that they, they go do better.

• 53:58Bill Simmons?

  How many, how many listeners have texted, tweeted or emailed you advice or weird things or things to do?

• 54:05Speaker 01

  They've done great. And you're forwarding me stuff and there's like, there's a lot of good stuff. There's that power blast or whatever that kidney blast, that stone blaster, what a breaker it is. I'm taking that. Think it's getting easier, but I have no idea. I have to wait for, uh, results. This is the dumbest thing I've ever been through in my life.

• 54:22Bill Simmons?

  I thought the craziest suggestion that people swear by is just rampant adultery. I don't know if you heard that.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  Is that right? Oh, wow.

• 54:29Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you tell your wife. Yeah. It's like, listen, this is, I have to just.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Get a load of this.

• 54:33Bill Simmons?

  Apparently I just need to have as much sex as possible and that'll solve the kidney stone.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  That's better than my mother calling up and saying, do you jump up and down a lot? Because I read a lot of stuff where if you jump up and down, it'll loosen things. I'm like, I'm not jumping up and down.

• 54:47Bill Simmons?

  It will loosen things?

• 54:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, it'll loosen things. You're loosening her brain. I'm not jumping up and down for this.

• 54:54Bill Simmons?

  That's incredible. Maybe ride a couple of roller coasters?

• 54:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's perfect.

• 54:58Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Well, Texans Jags, great game. Worth staying up for or worth, worth getting up for. Even though these, I mean, this Dallas game, this was another 14 plus hour day today. Where we just went all the way through. We needed one more West Coast game. We still had the three.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  They did seven, three. They did seven in the morning. I like the seven though. I do like the seven. I don't have to.

• 55:21Bill Simmons?

  Well, we had, right. We had three for the late and one of them was, was, uh, a piece of crap, which we're going to talk about now. Chiefs Chargers.

• 55:31Bill Simmons?

  I don't know. Mahomes looks fine. Walker looks great. Walker's averaging 106 yards a game. He's got six touchdowns. Chiefs are the Chiefs. Another five and O star for Mahomes. Not a lot to discuss there. We haven't, we, I want to see them really tested one of these weeks. It wasn't going to be this week. Meanwhile, the Chargers. Herbert is on a six game interception streak. Did you know this?

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:53Bill Simmons?

  Started the year, six starts, six picks. I like, has anyone ever just ripped through the year? Jameis must've done this.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Jameis had over 30. So yeah, he had to be right there, right?

• 56:06Bill Simmons?

  Like doing just 17 games in a row of one pick.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. Get it out of his system.

• 56:12Bill Simmons?

  And then like, is like DiMaggio nervous? When does he get nervous at this point? He, uh.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  56.

• 56:18Bill Simmons?

  259 yards of offense, six points, bunch of key drops. Lot of dumb shit. Weird plays. They just love the play where he pretends to throw left and then turns and throws to the guy right who's already getting tackled. It's a lot of hang dogs, a lot, lot of receivers doing this, a lot of shots on the sideline and people like this.

• 56:43Bill Simmons?

  Uh, John, John Harbaugh Biden is just, is, looks more confused than he's ever looked in his life.

• 56:54Bill Simmons?

  Both of them.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  It's tough. I don't know which Harbaugh would you rather be at this point? I'd rather be John.

• 57:03Bill Simmons?

  You want to be John?

• 57:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd talk myself into J.J. McCarthy in three minutes.

• 57:08Bill Simmons?

  It's like, see him in the fourth quarter, he threw for 250 yards.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  Listen, I wish I could laugh, but I bet the Chargers every single week. I bet them as my underdog special on Ringer Wise Guys. I'm like, this is gonna be the week they're gonna sneak up on everyone. That was a close one in Arrowhead last year. They're gonna do it. I need an intervention. Like, you have to, you have to tell me, I can't bet the Chargers anymore.

• 57:27Bill Simmons?

  I honestly didn't know, didn't, I thought this was a bit. I didn't think it was real. They're the first, they're the first team since 2009, Tennessee, to start 0-6, average fewer than 15 points a game, and have 15-plus giveaways in the first six weeks. So this has not happened for 17 years. It feels worse. They are the first team to have 10-plus giveaways and 15-plus sacks taken. That started 0-6 over the last 30 years. The only other one was Eli Manning, 2013 with the Giants. They had this week EPA, which I mostly understand. I can't say it's a stat I throw around. I think it confuses most people. The football nerds love it.

• 58:11Bill Simmons?

  Their offense was minus 31.6 total EPA against the Chiefs. According to Atsumer Sports, out of 54-60 performances since 2016, that was 54.04th. So it was in the bottom 60 of all performances in the last 10 years.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:32Bill Simmons?

  Unwatchable. They were supposed to be better this week.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 58:35Bill Simmons?

  The other way. Fantasy murderers Chargers, Miami, Tennessee. You just don't want anyone on any of those teams.

• 58:41Speaker 01

  Uh, Chargers.

• 58:43Bill Simmons?

  You're not starting anyone on any of those teams.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  No, you can't.

• 58:45Bill Simmons?

  You're, somebody got hurt, or you fucked up your season.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Trying to think of a tight end or something. No, you can't do it. Wondell Robinson? Nah. I'm good. I'm good. Yeah. The good news is, I checked, they're off this week. So I don't, cancel the intervention. I won't be betting on this.

• 58:59Bill Simmons?

  Somebody's getting fired tomorrow, and it's probably McDaniel. I don't think he got, he didn't really get a vote of confidence from Grandpa Harbaugh.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 59:07Bill Simmons?

  Like, what do you need about McDaniel? Ah?

• 59:12Speaker 01

  He froze.

• 59:13Bill Simmons?

  But I think McDaniel probably becomes the fall guy. They give it to somebody else. They do quotes about, we're gonna simplify the offense. We're gonna, it was too complicated. We had to slow things down for Justin. And, uh...

• 59:29Speaker 01

  I'm trying to think if there's been a preseason predicted marriage between a coach and a player that worked out more poorly than this. McDaniel and, uh, and Herbert here.

• 59:42Bill Simmons?

  It's like one of those celebrity weddings where it gets annulled after four months.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 59:48Bill Simmons?

  Or like after a year. They, you know, like the stuff we grew up with, where you're on the cover of People Magazine, and then everyone's pointing fingers. Yeah, it's really tough.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, but a lot of those, you don't think it worked. Kenneth Walker, you brought up, um, first of all, favorite to win Offensive Player of the Year now, and I think that's right.

• 1:00:05Bill Simmons?

  So much fun to watch. Yeah, I think that's right, too.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, third running back with 650-plus yards, uh, six yards per carry, six-plus rushing touchdowns in the first five games.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  One of the other two, Orenthal James Simpson.

• 1:00:21Bill Simmons?

  Oh.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I forget who the other one was, but the other one didn't murder anyone. I know that.

• 1:00:26Bill Simmons?

  Does Kenneth Walker have an accomplice?

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Looks like it.

• 1:00:30Bill Simmons?

  He has so passed his D.I. test. There's been like eight offensive, I don't know, seven, eight, nine offensive players this year that jump out of the TV. He's just like play to play, series to series. He's just really, you just watch him like, wow, this guy's really good.

• 1:00:43Speaker 01

  Excellent.

• 1:00:43Bill Simmons?

  It's like, he took everything from the playoffs last year and carried it over, and is clearly one of the four or five best guys now. Uh, Bucks Steelers goes into overtime, and it ends with the Steelers being 4-2. And, uh, a couple notes for this one. I, I'm really giving up on Tampa Bay as a sports city.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  Well, not yet. They're, they're gonna be in the World Series, baby.

• 1:01:08Bill Simmons?

  This was a home game for the Steelers.

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  Right, yeah.

• 1:01:12Bill Simmons?

  We already, this happened earlier in the year. I forget, who was it? There was another team that went in there. It was the same thing. But...

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:19Bill Simmons?

  You've eight, I'm gonna go look back. You've eight NFL, eight or nine NFL home games a year. How are you getting demolished? Like, how are you the Chargers?

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  Vegas was bad, too, today with the, with the, uh, Bills. And of course, the Chargers, yeah, like you said, every week.

• 1:01:36Bill Simmons?

  Oh, they, it was either the Vikings or Green Bay. Green Bay, I think, was the one.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  Green Bay had a big crowd there. Yeah. It's funny, you were texting me, you were texting me, oh, good job, McCarthy. Classic McCarthy. And I was like, I'm not sure what he was talking about. J.J.? Mike? Uh, Melissa McCarthy? Like, they were, they were all, like, sucked at the time you were talking about, like...

• 1:01:57Bill Simmons?

  Like, which McCarthy?

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, J.J. ended up doing well, I guess, but...

• 1:02:01Bill Simmons?

  No, it was, McCarthy had a terrible timeout at one point.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:05Bill Simmons?

  Or, or didn't call a timeout, or did the thing where you waited 20 seconds before you called the timeout. You should have called 20 seconds.

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  More time than they need, they should have had, yeah.

• 1:02:13Bill Simmons?

  This was an 11-punter.

• 1:02:16Bill Simmons?

  Tampa had 224 yards. Tampa had the game. Like, I wrote down in my notes in the second quarter, like, don't hurry back, Baker. And then Daniels just completely fell apart. I think some of it, it was hot, and it seemed like it, for some reason, affected Tampa more than, uh...

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:32Bill Simmons?

  More than, and it was hot and windy. It was just like the weather conditions were weird. And, uh, Daniels just completely fell apart. Boswell made a 58-yard game-time kick with the wind going sideways that I just think in 1978 would have been inconceivable. Right? Do we need to go back to barefoot kickers?

• 1:02:53Speaker 01

  Oh, I like that. I like it a lot. There weren't too many, right? Tony Franklin on the Eagles.

• 1:02:57Bill Simmons?

  Tom Dempsey boot, like, there's gotta be some sort of...

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Well, that helped, right? I mean, that just, uh...

• 1:03:01Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, true.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  That, that got him. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess the Steelers, it's so funny with the Steelers and Browns. I mean, the Steelers were, uh, you know, more highly touted than the Browns going in. But Pittsburgh has the Saints, the Browns, the Eagles, three of the next four. So, they could be around for a while.

• 1:03:17Bill Simmons?

  I had them as a playoff team. It's gonna be one of the, one of the good ones for me in my 500-future season. The McCarthy play, it was 16-16. He makes that crazy field goal. They get a pick. Daniels throws a pick.

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:32Bill Simmons?

  It's first and goal from the three.

• 1:03:35Bill Simmons?

  And they go two yards with two incompletions. And give them the ball back. 19-16 with 1:21 left. And Tampa had two timeouts, and it allowed them to, whatever. But it was just every part of how they handled that was awful.

• 1:03:51Bill Simmons?

  I got handed to Rogers. I thought he, I thought he was awful for an hour, and he got better as the game went along, and it felt like he solved it. Now, the Bucks, I thought, got tired as the game went along, but I thought Rogers was really good down the stretch.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  I thought he was, too. What, it was, in the beginning, he was like two of six with an interception, and like, oh, yeah, this is good. And he was getting sacked, too. Like, this could be one where he just checks out. And like you said, it was hot and windy and all that stuff, but this was a great comeback. Is it 19-3, or 16-3 in the fourth?

• 1:04:19Bill Simmons?

  He, yeah, it was 16-3.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:23Bill Simmons?

  And they had, uh...

• 1:04:26Bill Simmons?

  I forget, why did it was 16-3, what, 16-6, 16-9? Yeah, two field goals and a touchdown. But, um...

• 1:04:35Bill Simmons?

  One other thing. Oh, Bernard, Bernard had a breakout game for them, even though he fucked up the fourth-down play.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:04:40Bill Simmons?

  He had the classic, the, the, all the football plays that would kill Hensh. This is in the top five. The guy catches the first-down patch, uh, pass, but then runs backwards to try to get more yardage, and then gets tackled on the other side and loses the first down. It's an all-timer. So the Bucks are 1-5, and they're two wins back in the NFC South.

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  I was all excited. When the Bucks were beating the Steelers, I was like, maybe the Cowboys are the second-best team. Maybe they just, like, no, nothing like that. Now Baker has to rush back.

• 1:05:12Bill Simmons?

  Well, you mentioned the Browns. Classic Cleveland home win. This was a 14-punter. The rule in the show is if we get to 15 punts, we just move on. They were 11 for 32 on third down combined, and it was really awful. Tyler Huntley was who we thought he was.

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:28Bill Simmons?

  Deshaun was typically awful. But then Henry fumbles. They're up 10-3. Baltimore's in the zone. Like, as long as we don't turn the ball over, we're winning 10-3. Fumble, Cleveland scores. I don't know where it's going on yet. Deshaun Watson's speech after getting the game ball after the game, Sal.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  What'd he say?

• 1:05:46Bill Simmons?

  His fourth-game winning drive this season, by the way, for Deshaun Watson. He said, "It's been a long 22 months, and this is what I did it for. I come back so I can win these games for all you boys. Love everybody. Party at my house."

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Oh, what's that look like?

• 1:06:02Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, let's just keep going. So, let's keep moving.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  That motherfucker's gonna get extended.

• 1:06:10Bill Simmons?

  Party at my house.

• 1:06:14Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, so they're 4-2.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  They're 4-2. They have a minus 16-point differential. The Bucks have a minus 19, and they're 1-5. And, look, I don't know. At halftime or close to halftime, I texted you. I said, "The Browns have 46 yards, the Titans have 64 yards, the Steelers have 73, and all three won." How is that possible? Like, does anyone look as bad as Deshaun Watson does in the first hour, only to come back? Like, I, I think he just might be that guy now. Like, yeah, we just have to expect that he's gonna, you know, throw the balls in the dirt for the first and second quarter, and then you're gonna see a crazy resurgence. As long as the other team has 10, or 16, or 17, he's gonna be in it to win it.

• 1:07:00Bill Simmons?

  Well, it'd be like, our friend Jeff Ross sent us a picture of him at a Springsteen concert last night. It's like, if Springsteen was like Deshaun Watson, comes out for a three-hour show, he's terrible for two and a half hours.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:07:12Bill Simmons?

  And everyone in the show's like, no, no, hold on, he's gonna get really good in this last half hour.

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:16Bill Simmons?

  And then in the last half hour, he's like 1978 Bruce Springsteen. And you're just like, yeah, this is what he does. He just throws away the first 80% of the game.

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  It's funny, I feel that about Jeff and his stand-up act. I feel exactly the same way. First hour, eh, all right.

• 1:07:30Bill Simmons?

  Can I steal that?

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  Get to the B. Arthur stuff.

• 1:07:35Bill Simmons?

  Poll results, cage match for Herb Street's job.

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  Who's winning?

• 1:07:39Bill Simmons?

  McVeigh won 51 to 49.

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  Oh, so close.

• 1:07:42Bill Simmons?

  Another loss for Aikman.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:07:45Bill Simmons?

  Tough, tough Aikman week. You couldn't even beat McVeigh in this, still a cage. I think they just feel like McVeigh would have so much caffeine, it would almost be like watching a wild animal.

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably. Yeah, he would eat through the cage. Yeah.

• 1:07:57Bill Simmons?

  Saints Giants, really quick. Gail Bethson called out everybody this week, and I guess it actually worked. They're 34 to 10 at one point. And then J.J. McCarthy came in. And if you're a Giants slash Michigan fan, like Noah Malale, who works for us, this was, this was the greatest half hour of your life. You still have your J.J. stock. You need a quarterback because the answer's not Jameis. And J.J. comes in and is just winging it around. I didn't have this game on the TV. I don't know what happened. All of a sudden, it's 34, 27. And I guess he starts next week, right?

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  I guess he has to start.

• 1:08:35Bill Simmons?

  He has to, right?

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  I, I did something. I was forced to start Jameis Winston in a fantasy league you don't know about. I was stuck. I guess I could have gone Huntley or something, whatever. But yeah, does it ever get to when your fantasy quarterback is so bad? You, you're, you're like, please take him out. Please bench him.

• 1:08:50Bill Simmons?

  Right. You don't want any more minus points.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  These minus twos, I'm getting crushed with the minus twos. Jameis came out. And you know, the ones that, that other genius, Kellen Moore, took out his starters with eight minutes left. They're up like 24, whatever. I think they were up 24, right? They needed three eights. And, and, uh, you're not Mike Martz leading the 99 Rams, like, leave your guys in. So, yeah. J.J. has to start. I just, that, that Harbaugh, that Harbaugh interview was great, too, with Scatabo and like, Scatabo with no cat, no touches today. And they asked him.

• 1:09:21Bill Simmons?

  In the running for worst fantasy pickup this year.

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, no doubt.

• 1:09:25Bill Simmons?

  He said, what did he say? Nobody's taking the bull by the horns?

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  Well, he's like, no, he was in the rotation. He was on the field. He just didn't get the ball when he was on the field. It's like, just, he just didn't have carries. It just so happened. It was bad luck. It was just bad luck. He'll probably get 30 or 35 touches next year.

• 1:09:39Bill Simmons?

  And then somebody's like, well, do you, do you, can't you tell us more about, was it a benching? And he's like, I think I just told you in the answer I gave. I don't have any information at all beyond what I just told you.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  These coaches are fascinating. It really is.

• 1:09:52Bill Simmons?

  They love, well, they don't want to get clipped.

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:55Bill Simmons?

  Falcons, Bears, Caleb was incredible. Caleb was 26 for 26 for 255 when he was in pressure.

• 1:10:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:03Bill Simmons?

  And it felt better than that. Uh, most important, Colston Loveland finally emerged from the depths of fantasy hell.

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:10:10Bill Simmons?

  And had a good game and also was wide open for another touchdown. And Caleb kind of threw it behind him and missed him. But he would have had two touchdowns. But they looked awesome for an hour and hung on. And I thought Penix looked terrible. If you watch Penix, what was the game when he lit up? Who did he let up? Uh, New Orleans? Was that two weeks ago?

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, yeah, it was the Monday night game. Yeah.

• 1:10:32Bill Simmons?

  If you watched that Penix and you watched the one today, you would think they were two different people. He must have broken ribs.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  It's so weird because he was 19 for 33. He had 225, three touchdowns, no interceptions. And you would think that.

• 1:10:42Bill Simmons?

  It was all garbage time stuff.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  It was such a weird game.

• 1:10:44Bill Simmons?

  16 points in the fourth quarter.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  When Kyle Pitts scores twice, like, I knew this game was drunk. So.

• 1:10:48Bill Simmons?

  No, he was bad. The first two hours of that game, he was bad. So according to your math, the two and four Falcons, five more wins, they win the NFC South.

• 1:10:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's right. That's right. Yeah, they're, they're in good shape.

• 1:11:00Bill Simmons?

  And then Panthers, Eagles, uh, Eagles just got dominated. Deceiving score for this, I thought the Panthers.

• 1:11:06Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 1:11:07Bill Simmons?

  I thought, uh, the Panthers could have easily won like, what, 40 to 10? 45 to three? Like, they had the ball the whole game.

• 1:11:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:16Bill Simmons?

  Couple stupid things happened. Chuba Hubbard was excellent. 222 yards for the Eagles. And there's not a Tanner McKee controversy. And yet, it's fourth and goal, 13 to seven. Panthers are going for it. And it really felt like the Eagles were going to stop them. And somebody jumped offsides on the Eagle, on the Eagles. And then the Panthers and then the game falls away. But it felt like the Eagles were going to stop them and somehow be winning with six minutes left or something.

• 1:11:43Speaker 01

  They're undisciplined now, the Eagles, in addition to everything else. And yeah, I, I picked this wrong. I can admit now Tanner McKee might not be the answer to the Eagles' offensive woes. They were, um, you read that crazy stat last week where they, they go three and out 45% of their offensive possessions? They were five three and outs today on 11 drives. It's exactly 45%. They did it again.

• 1:12:04Bill Simmons?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:12:05Speaker 01

  So he's not better, he's not worse. So, um, but, uh, yeah, if they're gonna have like 35 yards rushing, they're, they're in a lot of trouble. This, this should have been a bigger blowout. Like, they, Carolina had 170 yards of penalties. Probably would have won by four touchdowns.

• 1:12:19Bill Simmons?

  I did something amazing with the Panthers.

• 1:12:22Speaker 01

  Go ahead.

• 1:12:22Bill Simmons?

  I had, for Thursday with House, I was gonna take them at three and a half. And I decided to hold and keep my fingers crossed that it would drop to three. And then it dropped to three and I took them today. Now, they covered by more than three, but I was like, wow, that actually worked out. And I was feeling really good about myself until the Rams somehow didn't beat the Cardinals.

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  That offense is decent. Uh, if I have to say something nice about an NFC South team, I'll, I'll do it. I'll start with the Panthers.

• 1:12:47Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, they're competent. They can run the ball and they can throw it a little bit. And McMillan's good.

• 1:12:52Bill Simmons?

  I wrote down, take it easy Eagles, no pun intended. I think, I think, I think it's over for them. I wouldn't cross them off yet, but they've lost four straight. Hertz is out for another three. Everybody in the team's hurt. Like, what? This isn't turning around.

• 1:13:06Speaker 01

  Interesting. And then Devonta Smith comes back, right? But they don't, uh, I mean, I guess he had a good game, but I don't know. Yeah, you, you think this is a, I don't know if Froze Man's like a tanking guy.

• 1:13:18Bill Simmons?

  Two and four, play your stupid team next week at Washington, home Giants, home Pittsburgh, at Dallas, at Arizona. Funny thing is the schedule, the last few games are the hardest. Seattle, Houston, at San Fran, at Giants. But four losses.

• 1:13:37Bill Simmons?

  Nine and eight wins the division?

• 1:13:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. And like, eight and eight going in.

• 1:13:42Bill Simmons?

  Eight and one could win the division?

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  Oh, that's true. There's that tie on the, with the other two. Yeah.

• 1:13:46Bill Simmons?

  So this team needs seven more wins, I think. So they, there's 11 games. They have to go seven and four, I think, to make the playoffs. I don't see it.

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  And the, uh, half those games are gonna be with Tanner McKee, right?

• 1:14:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. I would trade Saquon if I was them.

• 1:14:05Bill Simmons?

  Last one, uh, that's it. Oh, there's one more thing. Uh, two more small things for guest lines. One is that Pro Football Talk today had an article about the 9:30 a.m. ET games are hurting the traditional pregame shows.

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  Saw that.

• 1:14:20Bill Simmons?

  When the NFL expands to 16 international games, the morning window could kill them.

• 1:14:27Bill Simmons?

  I, I can't say I'm shedding a lot of tears for this one.

• 1:14:31Bill Simmons?

  It's like, oh no, we're not gonna have the pregame shows? Oh, you mean, I'm not gonna be able to watch a four-minute interview with the quarterback of a team with shot by 13 cameras? Be like, Sal, how good was that win last week? That must have been awesome.

• 1:14:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:50Bill Simmons?

  You must, you must love playing with him. You guys, it just feels like the energy is so different this year, right? Like, who wa, who are, who is this for?

• 1:15:00Speaker 01

  Coming of age interview with, with Sauce Gardner. Yeah, I know.

• 1:15:04Bill Simmons?

  And five guys on the desk, Russell Wilson doing this. Like, who's watching these?

• 1:15:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. I don't know. I'm, I'm trying to, um, decide if I'm gonna get insulted by this or not because we had a pregame show and you basically said, who's watching this?

• 1:15:19Bill Simmons?

  And now we don't have a pregame show.

• 1:15:21Speaker 01

  There's six international shows.

• 1:15:22Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, but now we're doing our show on Friday and you have two days to listen to it.

• 1:15:25Bill Simmons?

  I love it. I love it. I know. But you're right. This, uh, this'll cheer you up. This email from Jay from Winter Springs. I'm a big lover of the pod. This week while listening, my wife asked me, what is the big deal about DeBundo not eating the stew?

• 1:15:39Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:15:40Bill Simmons?

  So this was, I didn't talk about this with you on the pod last week because I wanted to save it for the gambling show, but.

• 1:15:45Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 1:15:45Bill Simmons?

  Chang cooked for us last Sunday, made a stew, and DeBundo never tried it because he had eaten in the morning. He had had, uh, like a muffin from the hotel. Chang made two different stews, one of the best chefs in the world. DeBundo's like, yeah, I'm not hungry. So anyway, this guy's wife says, what's the big deal about DeBundo not eating the stew? I replied, David Chang made it.

• 1:16:07Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:16:08Bill Simmons?

  Her response, David Chang? Fuck that guy then. How can you not eat anything Chang makes? Then he says, I don't think A.D. realizes how serious this is. This is fucking first paragraph of the obit level. Anthony DeBundo, beloved husband, devoted father, who famously refused to eat stew cooked by legendary chef David Chang, passed away. And then he said, it's impossible for this horse to be beaten to death. And said, you guys can't make enough jokes about this. This is from Jay from Winter Springs.

• 1:16:39Speaker 01

  I love that. I love that email.

• 1:16:41Bill Simmons?

  Call him Stewie.

• 1:16:41Speaker 01

  I want to call him Stewie. I think Stewie fits for now.

• 1:16:44Bill Simmons?

  Stewie Tokens?

• 1:16:45Speaker 01

  I think, and by the way, there's a, there's a little nugget in there that you didn't mention. Like, he had multiple, multiple chances to either lie about eating the stew or actually eat the stew. First of all, I wasn't hungry. That's not an excuse when David Chang.

• 1:17:01Bill Simmons?

  He was there for seven hours and he ate when he showed up. So there's seven hours where he didn't eat.

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  That drives me absolutely crazy. You, since when do you have to be hungry to eat? Look at me. I'm a fat slob. Maybe I shouldn't do that.

• 1:17:10Bill Simmons?

  You could try like a small bowl, at least put, cross it off.

• 1:17:13Speaker 01

  You wouldn't be paying attention if he took half a spoonful and ate it. And that would be done, right? We never, and then.

• 1:17:18Bill Simmons?

  He could have fed it to Murph.

• 1:17:19Speaker 01

  Right. And your wife approached him too and then said, hey, did you have the stew? This is what alerted you. Your wife said, did you have the stew? And even then, he could have said, yeah, I had the stew. You wouldn't have cared. You were watching 15 games, right? He said, no, I wasn't hungry. I didn't have the stew.

• 1:17:34Bill Simmons?

  No, he said, no, I didn't eat it. And she goes, why? Why didn't you try the stew? And, and he said, I wasn't hungry. And she kind of walked away. She was like, what's up with this guy?

• 1:17:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. It, I'm getting angry talking about it now. I really don't understand. And then we called Chang and he was upset about it. And, um, yeah.

• 1:17:50Bill Simmons?

  Well, the funny thing is, we can't really do anything with this from a Ringer standpoint where it's like, it's all leading to Chang's gonna cook DeBundo because he's dead to Chang, like, for real. Like, I don't, I don't think Chang will.

• 1:18:01Speaker 01

  Good. I don't know. He doesn't deserve a second chance. He turned down the stew. And it was great stew, right? Not that it matters. Of course it was great.

• 1:18:08Bill Simmons?

  Well, he made, there were two different stews. One was like a sweeter one.

• 1:18:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:12Bill Simmons?

  And then there was one like more traditional Korean one. The sweeter one was one of the best things I've ever.

• 1:18:16Speaker 01

  What an asshole. Now, I'm the, I forgot all about the Cowboys.

• 1:18:20Bill Simmons?

  Go at him again.

• 1:18:21Speaker 01

  I am. I can't. We're gonna reset this every Monday.

• 1:18:23Bill Simmons?

  Tell him to eat his wife's, wise way, Jay.

• 1:18:25Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:18:26Bill Simmons?

  Guess the Lions, week seven.

• 1:18:30Bill Simmons?

  It's three, two and one, I'm leading.

• 1:18:32Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:18:33Bill Simmons?

  People thought the kidney stones destroyed your season, but you did win last week. Speaking of seasons destroyed, somehow my dumb team is playing the Thursday night game.

• 1:18:41Speaker 01

  I like this.

• 1:18:41Bill Simmons?

  About a hundred injuries.

• 1:18:43Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:18:44Bill Simmons?

  I have no idea who my offensive line is. A.J. Brown, I guess the only benefit is it's not a full week of coverage about is A.J. Brown a bust? And Drake stuck up for him. Drake's like, he's one of the best persons in the league. I'm gonna keep throwing it to him over and over again, if that's okay. Thursday night, Bears in Chicago, coming off a big win against the Pats. And I went with Bears minus one and a half.

• 1:19:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what it should be, right?

• 1:19:09Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:10Speaker 01

  It's Bears minus three. I had one and a half also.

• 1:19:12Bill Simmons?

  Hmm. You think the injuries are factored in there?

• 1:19:15Speaker 01

  They have to be. This is a one and a half. This is as one and a half as it gets.

• 1:19:22Bill Simmons?

  Anthony DiBundo, beloved husband and devoted father, who famously refused to eat stew cooked by legendary chef David Chang, passed away.

• 1:19:32Speaker 01

  Rest in peace, Stewie.

• 1:19:35Bill Simmons?

  That killed me. The fake-o bit is always funny.

• 1:19:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:38Bill Simmons?

  All right. Uh.

• 1:19:41Bill Simmons?

  So let's go next with Sunday's marquee game, which I had down as Ravens Bengals.

• 1:19:48Speaker 01

  Wait, you forgot? Did you not, uh?

• 1:19:51Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I forgot.

• 1:19:52Speaker 01

  This happens once a year, so let's go.

• 1:19:54Bill Simmons?

  Now, you know why? Cause I put it in the poop facta.

• 1:19:56Speaker 01

  All right. I mean, it goes there too. Yeah.

• 1:19:59Bill Simmons?

  It's, we, we have another overseas game and it's in Paris. Great, great, great time to be in Paris. We have, uh, the Steelers playing the Saints in Paris, which I put in the poop facta, but I should have put in its own category. Uh, neutral field.

• 1:20:20Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:20:20Bill Simmons?

  I have the Steelers favored by three points over the Saints.

• 1:20:26Speaker 01

  I had three and a half. It's two and a half.

• 1:20:30Bill Simmons?

  Oh, winner for me.

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  Well, they really, they really bought into that Saints performance today.

• 1:20:34Bill Simmons?

  I would not.

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  I guess, right?

• 1:20:36Bill Simmons?

  Saints are good.

• 1:20:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:39Bill Simmons?

  You know what's interesting? Like, uh, on the Ringer Wise Guys, Raheem has this thing, the Larry Holmes status when somebody's washed.

• 1:20:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:47Bill Simmons?

  Larry Holmes was like the first washed athlete he'd ever seen, so he always brings him up.

• 1:20:51Speaker 01

  I always tell him Larry Holmes was an excellent fighter.

• 1:20:53Bill Simmons?

  Larry Holmes is unbelievable.

• 1:20:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:55Bill Simmons?

  Like an unbelievable 10-year career, undefeated for.

• 1:20:57Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:20:58Bill Simmons?

  The majority of his career before he finally lost. Anyway, he always says Larry Holmes status. And, uh, there's a reason I was telling you this.

• 1:21:06Speaker 01

  The Saints?

• 1:21:07Bill Simmons?

  What? No. I'm blanking now.

• 1:21:09Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:21:10Bill Simmons?

  Uh, Aaron Rodgers? No, Kamara. See? I brought it around. It's 10 o'clock Pacific time. We've been up watching football for 14 hours. Kamara, who I thought it was, he's, I think Raheem said was Larry Holmes status.

• 1:21:24Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:21:24Bill Simmons?

  Was, was pretty good today.

• 1:21:26Speaker 01

  Really good.

• 1:21:26Bill Simmons?

  Every time you count on Kamara, he comes back and looks like Kamara again.

• 1:21:30Speaker 01

  Tiptoeing the sidelines, right? Yeah. I mean, it's never gonna be that 45-point fantasy point, uh, Christmas, uh, performance, but yeah, it was good today.

• 1:21:39Bill Simmons?

  How funny is it that it's like, hey, Paris, heard, heard you've had a lot of unrest. Here's Aaron Rodgers.

• 1:21:46Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 1:21:47Bill Simmons?

  Meet Aaron, he's an American quarterback. He's not controversial at all.

• 1:21:52Speaker 01

  They're good. Yeah.

• 1:21:53Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you'll like them.

• 1:21:54Speaker 01

  Quell the protest.

• 1:21:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would recommend not flying the team out, um, anytime before Friday for this.

• 1:22:06Bill Simmons?

  McVay would have them go in there on Sunday morning.

• 1:22:08Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:22:09Bill Simmons?

  Just off the plane into the game.

• 1:22:10Speaker 01

  Halftime.

• 1:22:10Bill Simmons?

  That's another thing. McVay talking about the bad season yet. So he throws away the first game of the year.

• 1:22:16Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:22:17Bill Simmons?

  Right? With the, his goofy travel plan that he allegedly spent two years researching and then throws away the game last week and then botches the game this week. It's three losses, like directly resulting with McVay. Not to mention they drafted a quarterback from 13th pick who probably could probably use somebody to help him during the game today.

• 1:22:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm disappointed in him. I expected from all the others, not him.

• 1:22:41Bill Simmons?

  Sunday marquee, Ravens against the Bengals. And it's in Baltimore and I think Lamar's coming back and they tried to do the thing with Lamar where they thought they could sneak out the win against a really, really, really flawed Browns team.

• 1:22:57Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:22:57Bill Simmons?

  And then they could save Lamar for this game. And guess what? Didn't work.

• 1:23:03Speaker 01

  Didn't work officially. Yeah, that kick went in.

• 1:23:05Bill Simmons?

  And now they really need this game. I have Ravens at home minus two and a half against the Bengals.

• 1:23:09Speaker 01

  I'm too in love with these one and a halves. I don't know why. I should have thought it through. You're right, or you're righter. It's minus three. You're closer.

• 1:23:18Bill Simmons?

  Minus three. Okay. Derrick Henry, four fumbles this year?

• 1:23:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:25Bill Simmons?

  The one today was a momentum killer. I, I really think the Browns would end up with three points in that game.

• 1:23:32Speaker 01

  I think it just demoralized the team. Like, hey, it's gotta be him, like, carrying us, you know?

• 1:23:37Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Watchables, I only have two, unfortunately. Niners at Atlanta. Pretty good game. Turf. We'll see who's left on the Niners. They play tomorrow night, but right now I have the Niners favored in Atlanta. Niners minus three and a half.

• 1:23:53Speaker 01

  All right, you get it. I said six and a half. Um, I was really, it's, uh, four and a half. That's right in the Vegas zone.

• 1:24:00Bill Simmons?

  All right.

• 1:24:01Speaker 01

  No teasers, thank God, so far.

• 1:24:05Bill Simmons?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:24:07Speaker 01

  I mean, unless you wanna go dogs.

• 1:24:10Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you take somebody going the other way. Lions are home for the Packers. Packers with a lot of, gonna get a lot of love all week about how they've turned their season around.

• 1:24:20Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:24:21Bill Simmons?

  I think somebody will be on TV this week, Sal, with the hands.

• 1:24:26Speaker 01

  What, man? What?

• 1:24:31Bill Simmons?

  There is no more underrated coach than Matt LaFleur. This guy, year after year, people complain. All I know is this guy wins. He has a top-five EPA offense. This guy is one of the best coaches in the National Football League. Somebody will do that tomorrow on the next show.

• 1:24:47Speaker 01

  It's not gonna be Jim Nance because his, one of his hands is in a sling for the next four months. Yeah.

• 1:24:54Bill Simmons?

  It's gonna be reeled out like Hittable Lecter. So I have Lions minus, uh, two and a half over the.

• 1:25:01Speaker 01

  You might just kill me this week. Every time you go two and a half, I go one and a half. It's three again.

• 1:25:06Bill Simmons?

  Oof. All right. Jacoby's turned it on.

• 1:25:10Speaker 01

  I know, sorry, Jacoby.

• 1:25:11Bill Simmons?

  He's starting another podcast.

• 1:25:13Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:25:14Bill Simmons?

  Fairly watchables, four. And this really isn't a fairly watchable, it should be a poop facta, but I think with everything going on with the Colts, we gotta put it in there. Vikings home for the Colts. I don't think there's a better time to catch the Colts than this week. There's gonna be a lot of turmoil and weird shit going on and the Vikings coming off a bye. And I think this is our first tease candidate. And yet, I will never put Kyler Murray in a tease, so it will not be a tease candidate for me. I have Vikings by him at six and a half.

• 1:25:42Speaker 01

  Oh, all right, we tie. I said four and a half, it's five and a half.

• 1:25:45Bill Simmons?

  All right. You know, and this would have been a, um.

• 1:25:48Speaker 01

  That goes up.

• 1:25:49Bill Simmons?

  This would have been a watchable if the Colts had won that fricking stupid game today.

• 1:25:54Speaker 01

  I don't like their chances blocking the Vikings.

• 1:25:56Bill Simmons?

  They suck. Next, uh, fairly watchable, Panthers home for the Bucks. Bucks could be right back in the race with a win here. I assume Baker Mayfield will play. I have this under three. It's in Carolina and I think it's Panthers minus two and a half.

• 1:26:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had that two. It is minus three.

• 1:26:16Bill Simmons?

  Hmm.

• 1:26:17Speaker 01

  They're going with a lot of threes here, Fanduel, early in the week. They don't usually do that.

• 1:26:21Bill Simmons?

  If that stays three, I'm gonna take the Bucks for, I think, the sixth time this year.

• 1:26:25Speaker 01

  So that's gotta be a Baker start, right? If they're saying three?

• 1:26:28Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:28Speaker 01

  Has to.

• 1:26:29Bill Simmons?

  Okay. Fairly watchables, just cause J.J. McCarthy's probably starting this game. Texans home for the Giants. Texans in a weird spot where they just can't, you can't have them laying six and above to anybody, I don't think, with the, how weird they've been.

• 1:26:46Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:26:47Bill Simmons?

  So I put this in the Vegas zone. I have Texans minus four and a half.

• 1:26:49Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Whoa, this is gonna be the one you're off most on. I said seven and a half, it's eight and a half.

• 1:26:57Bill Simmons?

  All right. Disagree with that. Love that Texans have picked them much times.

• 1:27:00Speaker 01

  If their defense is gonna step up, it's gonna be against the J.J. McCarthy, Jameis combination, right? Giants can't run the ball. Like, what are they gonna, how are they gonna move the ball?

• 1:27:10Bill Simmons?

  Let me ask you a question about the Texans defense.

• 1:27:14Bill Simmons?

  Why do we think they're gonna step up?

• 1:27:16Speaker 01

  I just think they're gonna shine eight times a year.

• 1:27:20Bill Simmons?

  They gave up thirty to, thirty-four to Dallas. They gave up thirty-one to Jacksonville today. Gave up twenty to Cincinnati, thirty-six to Buffalo, and they lost. They gave up nineteen Indianapolis, but including the three-point drive at the end that beat them. I just don't think their defense has been good.

• 1:27:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess not. I mean, they have prime, premier players, though, that I feel like are just, can't be shut down always.

• 1:27:44Bill Simmons?

  DBOA heading into the game today, they were ninth defense, which I'm sure it's not the same. But they're not a, I don't think they're a top-ten defense anymore. But this is the right team.

• 1:27:54Speaker 01

  They'll get it right here. Yeah. This is your teaser game. Good for you.

• 1:27:58Bill Simmons?

  Callie's gonna have her super bad notebook going. Just doing all kinds of, all kinds of drawings.

• 1:28:04Speaker 01

  You have the wrong team. What? She's with Houston now? Uh huh. Who'd you say is gonna have it?

• 1:28:10Bill Simmons?

  No, I got mixed up. I thought Colts were playing Texans. Callie's got her, she's got her super bad book for the Vikings game. Texans, uh, minus eight now for the Giants. Last fairly watchable is Rams at the Raiders. Rams in Vegas. The rare game where Vegas will have most of the fans, I feel like.

• 1:28:29Speaker 01

  Oh, interesting. Yeah. Hadn't thought of that.

• 1:28:33Bill Simmons?

  I couldn't have crammed this harder into the Vegas zone. So I went minus four and a half Rams.

• 1:28:39Speaker 01

  We split this, too. It's, uh, I said six and a half. It's five and a half.

• 1:28:43Bill Simmons?

  Hmm. Interesting, cuz the Bills game ended at five and a half. And I thought, because the Rams aren't as good at the Bills, I knocked a point off that.

• 1:28:51Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:28:52Bill Simmons?

  But apparently that was the wrong move. I like the Raiders. I think the Raiders in a teaser would make sense.

• 1:28:56Speaker 01

  I would not take the Rams in a teaser here, no way.

• 1:28:59Bill Simmons?

  The other thing with the Rams, their left tackle was gone for the game today. The right tackle was getting his ass kicked.

• 1:29:07Bill Simmons?

  The running back, Kyron Williams, after the game was unhappy. Devante got hurt near the end of the game, and it didn't look great. You see that?

• 1:29:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:14Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he had like the non-contact, looked back at his leg, and then limped off.

• 1:29:18Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:29:19Bill Simmons?

  And then Puka took like thirty-five hits today.

• 1:29:22Speaker 01

  Do you think Miles Garrett is like, how the hell?

• 1:29:25Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. How am I in the Browns again?

• 1:29:27Speaker 01

  I left, I left, the team I left is in first place, and I'm on a last-place team. This is, what? I'm gonna fire my agent.

• 1:29:36Bill Simmons?

  This will be a good Netflix poll. Do you think the Browns would trade verse a one, a two, and a three for Garrett? Just a complete undoing of the trade. Goes the other way. Poop Fecta, three one, three real poopy games. Browns at the Titans. God damn it, the Browns could be five and two.

• 1:29:56Speaker 01

  I got this exactly, and so will you, I'm sure.

• 1:29:59Bill Simmons?

  I have Browns minus two and a half.

• 1:30:00Speaker 01

  Ooh, it's one and a half.

• 1:30:02Bill Simmons?

  Ooh.

• 1:30:03Speaker 01

  I'm fighting back here. Six, two, three, four. Eight to six, you're still up.

• 1:30:09Bill Simmons?

  Deshaun Watson versus Cam Ward.

• 1:30:12Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:30:13Bill Simmons?

  Can you imagine like old-school rules where you could only have the one game on your TV if you lived in the vicinity of the home game? You're like in Nashville, and this is your one game? Jets, Dolphins, home for the Jets. Dolphins coming off a bye, and I have the Jets minus six.

• 1:30:31Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, you get it. I said four and a half. It's five and a half. It's you. You have a three-game lead with three left.

• 1:30:40Bill Simmons?

  Dolphins looking like a Steyman's pick.

• 1:30:43Speaker 01

  They're looking like a Hyman pick.

• 1:30:46Bill Simmons?

  You can't make a, what would be the case for the Dolphins? But this is, if they're gonna get a win, it's gotta be a stupid game like this.

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  You know how good they are off a rest? This, uh, that's.

• 1:30:58Bill Simmons?

  Broncos at the Cardinals.

• 1:31:04Bill Simmons?

  Wow. Who's the QB for the Broncos in this game?

• 1:31:08Speaker 01

  What do you mean? Why, is Nick hurt? What do you mean?

• 1:31:12Bill Simmons?

  Is it definitely gonna be Bo Nix?

• 1:31:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:31:15Bill Simmons?

  Yeah?

• 1:31:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, he didn't take him out yet.

• 1:31:20Speaker 01

  They won that game.

• 1:31:22Speaker 01

  He's a winner.

• 1:31:24Bill Simmons?

  I tic-tac this one. Broncos minus one and a half.

• 1:31:26Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Oh, wow. I went completely the other way. I said Broncos six and a half, and it's four and a half. So I'm technically closer.

• 1:31:36Bill Simmons?

  That's stupid.

• 1:31:39Speaker 01

  Tease the Cardinals, I dare you.

• 1:31:41Bill Simmons?

  I've watched every week of football this year, and there's no difference to between the Cardinals and the Broncos.

• 1:31:46Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:31:48Bill Simmons?

  They're just two non-playoff teams.

• 1:31:52Speaker 01

  Their defense is bad. Before today, the Cardinals' defense is really bad.

• 1:31:56Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, but their offense, they can move the ball. The Broncos have a good defense, and their offense can't move the ball at all.

• 1:32:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think Vance Joseph is just gonna have to win these games, some of these.

• 1:32:08Bill Simmons?

  Sunday night, Chiefs-Seahawks in Seattle. Kenneth Walker's revenge game.

• 1:32:15Bill Simmons?

  I think the Chiefs are gonna be favored, and it's either gonna be one and a half or two and a half. And I said Chiefs minus one and a half.

• 1:32:23Speaker 01

  Or you got it wrong. I said Seahawks minus one and a half, and it's Seahawks minus two and a half. So the score now.

• 1:32:30Bill Simmons?

  I am stunned by that.

• 1:32:32Speaker 01

  Is nine to eight, you.

• 1:32:35Bill Simmons?

  Seahawks minus two and a half against the Chiefs on a Monday night?

• 1:32:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, let me make sure. Yeah, Seahawks two and a half.

• 1:32:44Bill Simmons?

  I have a few Seahawks futures. And I picked them to make the Super Bowl. And I couldn't feel worse about it. Well, they stink at running back. They can't block like they did last year. And Darnold is a mess, and they have one receiver. And I don't think they can move the ball. I don't see it.

• 1:33:05Speaker 01

  Kitchen sink, home game at night. The first time the Chiefs actually have a matchup that you could, you know, you're a little nervous about. I mean, this would be three out of four if Seattle lost this?

• 1:33:20Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:22Bill Simmons?

  Well, Seattle's three and three right now.

• 1:33:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:25Bill Simmons?

  I think that line's gonna go down. I would predict. I think that line ends with one of those teams being one and a half, and I would predict it would be the Chiefs, but who knows? Monday night, Cowboys at Eagles. Somehow we gotta watch your team on a Monday night again.

• 1:33:44Speaker 01

  This is for the tie for me.

• 1:33:46Bill Simmons?

  I have Cowboys minus three and a half.

• 1:33:48Speaker 01

  Oh, I tied you. That's great. That's a good comeback. I said four and a half. It's five and a half.

• 1:33:54Bill Simmons?

  Five and a half, your team?

• 1:33:56Speaker 01

  Come on.

• 1:33:57Bill Simmons?

  Oh, my gosh. That's absurd.

• 1:34:00Speaker 01

  Tanner McKee. If we lose this one.

• 1:34:03Bill Simmons?

  You guys, I don't know who was the least interested in that game tonight other than me, but Pickens was up there.

• 1:34:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was. He'll get into it.

• 1:34:12Bill Simmons?

  Pickens thinks the franchise tag means that he's playing tag football, not actual football.

• 1:34:17Speaker 01

  It's actually hanging it off his jersey. That's what went out of bounds in that play.

• 1:34:21Bill Simmons?

  So we're three, two, and two for the season. Well, at least that's more exciting for the fans.

• 1:34:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, all right, good. I needed to come back.

• 1:34:28Bill Simmons?

  McVay edged out Aikman, more importantly.

• 1:34:30Speaker 01

  They had some close polls today.

• 1:34:32Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Okay. Anything else before we get to parent corner?

• 1:34:36Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, let's hit some, uh, well, baseball. Two weeks ago, I gave you Brewers over Rays at ten to one. So that's looking good. Need, still need a little work there. I don't know if you're, you have takes on that. It is tough. The Rays actually did it with like four pitchers today. I'm proud of them.

• 1:34:53Bill Simmons?

  Do I have takes on the Brewers sweeping the Dodgers? What were, what were the odds on that?

• 1:34:57Speaker 01

  Twenty.

• 1:34:58Bill Simmons?

  Wow. Would've been a fun bet.

• 1:35:01Speaker 01

  Pretty good.

• 1:35:02Bill Simmons?

  It's weird how the Dodgers, the Dodgers hit that kind of Sheshevsky, Leitner-era Duke, mid-two thousands Patriots, late-nineties Yankees level where everybody was rooting against them except the Dodger fans?

• 1:35:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:17Bill Simmons?

  Everybody else, people who don't normally care are like, oh, I hope, fuck those guys. I hope they lose. And people really seem like they got a lot of enjoyment out of the Brewers, just taking it to them. And if it's Brewers, uh, Cleveland,

• 1:35:31Bill Simmons?

  that, I personally think that's a really fun series. I'm less excited about Brewers.

• 1:35:35Speaker 01

  The Rays? Yeah, you don't like Tampa as a sports city now, yeah.

• 1:35:38Bill Simmons?

  Well, I mean, come on. We, we play them every year. They have like twenty thousand fans.

• 1:35:42Speaker 01

  But you liked them, you thought they were the best in the American League, right?

• 1:35:45Bill Simmons?

  I thought they were the best American League team. It's weird that the two teams that seem like they were the two best teams.

• 1:35:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:35:50Bill Simmons?

  Could actually be the World Series.

• 1:35:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, it doesn't usually happen like that.

• 1:35:53Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. But I still feel like Cleveland, I, I, I wouldn't count them out yet. I had that game on today, cuz we only did three football games.

• 1:36:00Speaker 01

  Right. There are people who think the Dodgers tanked this series, I don't know, that they needed to get swept so that they, uh, they could overpay, that there could be a season next year, small market wins out, and they could overpay even more than ever.

• 1:36:16Bill Simmons?

  Every time I hear a theory like this.

• 1:36:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, you like it?

• 1:36:19Bill Simmons?

  Obviously, it's conspiracy bill. I'm gonna entertain all of these types of things. Like, what, what do the players gain out of that? They're already getting paid. The players would be the ones that technically tank the series. What do they care?

• 1:36:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, how would that work?

• 1:36:31Bill Simmons?

  The future, whatever. They wouldn't.

• 1:36:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:33Bill Simmons?

  How about this? Otani, Otani just was not a playable baseball player for the last month.

• 1:36:40Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:36:40Bill Simmons?

  They lost their mojo, and the Brewers were really good. That's why they lost.

• 1:36:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:44Bill Simmons?

  The Brewers had it. You could see it. You could see with their dugout, guys stepping up left and right. They had a couple clutch guys, they're good pitchers. It's the kind of team that makes it to the World Series.

• 1:36:54Speaker 01

  Runners in scoring position. It's all, it's all it's about, really, in October.

• 1:36:58Bill Simmons?

  The best GM in the league. Tampa probably has the second-best front office in the league.

• 1:37:02Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:37:03Bill Simmons?

  You know, so.

• 1:37:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, they probably didn't tank. They threw Scoobal, Yamamoto, and Snell at, at the, uh, at the Brewers and couldn't win in one game, those guys.

• 1:37:12Bill Simmons?

  I mean, the only conspiracy I would entertain is did, were they tipping pitches, or did the Brewers have some sort of something?

• 1:37:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:37:18Bill Simmons?

  Cuz those two homers in a row against Snell were unbelievable.

• 1:37:22Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:37:22Bill Simmons?

  Like two fucking bombs against Snell. It's not like he was.

• 1:37:26Speaker 01

  Lefties. Never happens. Back to back.

• 1:37:29Bill Simmons?

  Crazy. So you think, who do you think wins the?

• 1:37:31Speaker 01

  So I got Brewers over Rays, ten to one. Please let me win something.

• 1:37:35Bill Simmons?

  You have that one.

• 1:37:36Speaker 01

  That's what I have, yeah. I'll, I'll stick with it. I mean.

• 1:37:39Bill Simmons?

  When's the next game, though?

• 1:37:40Speaker 01

  Uh, tomorrow. They go right into it cuz they had the rain out. So game six is tomorrow, and then game seven is Tuesday, and then the series starts Friday.

• 1:37:49Bill Simmons?

  It'd be funny if the World Series started before we played two WNBA Finals games.

• 1:37:55Bill Simmons?

  WNBA, they, they, they turned down just starting the finals on a Wednesday and a Friday when nothing's going on. And then they started on a Saturday during all these awesome college football games. They're like, we're over here, we're on NBC. By the way, the game was really good and now the next one's tomorrow night.

• 1:38:13Speaker 01

  I mean, you're, you're right about the finals, but idiots. What are they supposed to do? They're gonna lose to everything. I mean, I guess the finals shouldn't start.

• 1:38:20Bill Simmons?

  It should have started last week. We should have had two games already.

• 1:38:23Speaker 01

  That's fine, but you're not gonna use Saturday, you're not gonna use Sunday, you're not gonna use Monday, like, I guess.

• 1:38:27Bill Simmons?

  The first league in history where the

• 1:38:29Speaker 01

  Thursday.

• 1:38:30Bill Simmons?

  The opposing team in the finals has to intervene with the, the team that can't figure out how to play a game in front of more than 3,500 fans in the fucking finals.

• 1:38:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was

• 1:38:41Bill Simmons?

  Other team's owner has to be like, hey, this isn't right, we gotta fix this.

• 1:38:44Speaker 01

  That's not good.

• 1:38:45Bill Simmons?

  Because they basically don't have a commissioner.

• 1:38:46Speaker 01

  That probably would happen in the, in the NFL, yeah.

• 1:38:50Bill Simmons?

  Banner, start, start to finish WNBA, it's an awesome season, all they do is try to fuck it up behind the scenes.

• 1:38:56Speaker 01

  Hmm. Speaking of fucked up leagues, NBA, real quick, cuz I listened to five hours of you just to find out that your four star lock is Celtics over win total, wow, what a frickin' surprise that is, um, but, uh,

• 1:39:12Bill Simmons?

  They're gonna be really good.

• 1:39:12Speaker 01

  Jazz under, you got that right? Toronto over, you got that right? Orlando I have under, 22 and 7 against tank teams last year. I think you gotta tax that a little bit, I don't know.

• 1:39:22Bill Simmons?

  I didn't feel great about Orlando either way, so I'm, I'd, I would believe in you.

• 1:39:25Speaker 01

  Couple more, SGA plus 400, uh, I get it, Larry Bird's the only one that wins back to back to back, but 83 first place votes, this is still the same people voting.

• 1:39:36Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:37Speaker 01

  Only 10 went to, not even, Wemby went to Jokic, right? And five went to Wemby. I think Wemby's gonna be one of the hate, most hated players by, uh, by April.

• 1:39:47Speaker 01

  Caleb Wilson, who everyone will call Caleb Williams, is gonna win Rookie of the Year. Edwards points per game, 15 to 1, if you like a long shot. Uh, Sabonis rebounds, plus 650, if you like a longer shot. And Khan, 20 to 1 for most threes per game, which

• 1:40:01Bill Simmons?

  Nick Khan?

• 1:40:02Speaker 01

  Nick Khan, you're gonna drive him to pick up his trophy, whatever he gets for, uh, having most threes in a game.

• 1:40:08Bill Simmons?

  Most threes for the season?

• 1:40:10Speaker 01

  Most threes per game, yeah.

• 1:40:12Bill Simmons?

  Most threes per game, he is hurt right now.

• 1:40:15Bill Simmons?

  Celtics look really good, I'm really, really

• 1:40:18Speaker 01

  I can't believe that, you made that

• 1:40:19Bill Simmons?

  I think they're gonna be really good.

• 1:40:20Speaker 01

  Your best.

• 1:40:21Bill Simmons?

  I think the line's too low, I think the Rockets and the Celtics, the over/under is still too low for both those teams.

• 1:40:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:27Bill Simmons?

  KD's ready for the season, he was feuding with Matt Ishbia and Dillon Brooks on Twitter this weekend, he's ready to go. Yeah, he was taking shots at both of them.

• 1:40:35Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 1:40:35Bill Simmons?

  This parent corner is brought to by Instagram. Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections on by default, built-in content settings for the content teens can see, contact limits for who can contact them, and time management tools like daily time limits and sleep mode. Teens are automatically placed in teen accounts and teens under 16 will need a parent's permission to change any of these settings to be less strict. Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to create age-appropriate experiences. So there you go.

• 1:41:03Speaker 01

  That's your parent corner?

• 1:41:05Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, that's it, I'm done.

• 1:41:06Speaker 01

  Why?

• 1:41:06Bill Simmons?

  Well, you have a teen under 16.

• 1:41:08Speaker 01

  I do.

• 1:41:09Bill Simmons?

  You don't even, he's not even a teen yet, he's 12.

• 1:41:11Speaker 01

  He's 12, he's 13 in a, a couple of months, but I do have an 18-year-old in high school, um, my son Jack.

• 1:41:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:19Speaker 01

  Big, big Steelers, big win today, he's whooping it up at the bar, his, uh, puts it on Instagram, but anyway, Jack comes home, uh, from school, I think Wednesday, it was after school, and we ask him, uh, how was your day? He's like, well, great until I got accused of shoplifting, like, alright, here we go, here it is. So, he goes to this grocery store sometimes after school, and I don't know what he gets, he gets like snacks or stuff and walks out. So, this time he went and the manager, some woman, as he's walking out, approaches him and accuses him of, of stealing. Nothing specific, she didn't see it, but she accused him, and apparently after some, uh, back and forth, he invites her to check his bag. It's like, I didn't steal anything, check my bag, and that's, that's when she backed

• 1:41:59Speaker 01

  off, so, um, so what happened is he went in and didn't get anything, so he went in, walked around, and then walked out, which is always suspicious, and, you know,

• 1:42:10Bill Simmons?

  So they feel like he's like casing the place?

• 1:42:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know what it is, so, and I look at him and he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, and he's wearing a crazy neon sunglasses, and something around his neck that serves as a fan, because it's hot out here, and he's got a giant school bag that I think has Steelers stickers on it, I don't know. And so my wife is outraged, she's like, we're going back there and we're gonna talk to the manager, and he's like, good, good, because I don't feel good about this, so they go.

• 1:42:33Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:34Speaker 01

  And they come back and the manager woman, she's not there, but the guy who relieved her is there and he apologized, and, and they get back and like, they're like, taking like a victory lap, and I'm like, I think there's a lesson here, like, I feel like, like, you, you look like a curious case, like, someone who might walk off with something. You didn't even, you went in there, you didn't even buy like a Twix bar or anything, like, you're walking in there, you're looking like Marty McFly's son, like, if, if I, if, it was a good bet, I think, for the woman to approach you.

• 1:43:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, if you're, if you're dressed like Hannibal Lecter at the end of Silence of the Lambs.

• 1:43:04Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:43:04Bill Simmons?

  When he's in disguise, they're probably gonna be suspicious.

• 1:43:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, he didn't understand, he's like, I didn't steal, and that should be enough, and I was like, alright, but help yourself out, and I think he's mad, I think he's still mad at me, and, uh,

• 1:43:16Bill Simmons?

  They closed profiled him?

• 1:43:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was it, yeah.

• 1:43:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:19Speaker 01

  That was it, so, you know, I'm proud of him, it's, as long as he doesn't take up surfing out of nowhere, uh, I'd love, rather him steal than surf, but, uh, that's it. So anyway, just, everybody help yourself out, I think.

• 1:43:32Speaker 01

  Don't go in there with a giant frickin' bag.

• 1:43:34Bill Simmons?

  Check out a bear.

• 1:43:34Speaker 01

  Walk out with nothing.

• 1:43:37Bill Simmons?

  My parent, I have a quick parent corner, cuz my dad came and visited for a few days.

• 1:43:40Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 1:43:41Bill Simmons?

  And, uh, and I'm realizing as he gets older and the roles, we've talked about this before, the roles flipped, where we're kind of the parents in some ways.

• 1:43:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:50Bill Simmons?

  And I had to work the first, like, uh, first day he was, the first day I was here, I had a rewatchable, so I, I set him up on the TV, cuz he had to kill like, a couple hours, and, um, oh no, this was, he came Thursday, Thursday, so I'm doing my football pod, which I do for three hours, so Thursday afternoon, I gotta set up the TV, and, uh, I'm like, what do you wanna watch? He's like, well, the Chicago shows. And I'm like, um, like, a specific show? And he's like, no, all of them. So, so it was like, well, so we go, we go to, uh, I think they're on Peacock or Hulu,

• 1:44:31Bill Simmons?

  I can't remember, it's the all-night Chicago lineup on NBC, it's PD, Fire, and Med.

• 1:44:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:44:38Bill Simmons?

  They're the three. So I'm like, which one do you wanna start with? And it's like, I wanna start with PD. Okay, the police one, let's put that on, show them how the remote works, and went, did my pod, and he banged out all three hours of the Chicago shows. All three in a row. So then, later, there was another, another one I had to do the rewatchables, next time I was like, you want me to put thing on for you? And I think the baseball or something was on, but he was like, well, I do have a couple more, so I'm like, well, which one? So we start going through the shows, let's just say FBI and CIA, he likes both of those.

• 1:45:21Bill Simmons?

  Not sold on Cupertino yet. Hasn't, hasn't really decided whether he's in on that one. The NCIS, NCIS New York and NCIS Origins, three for three, that's Tuesday nights.

• 1:45:33Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:45:34Bill Simmons?

  He watches all those, um, and then, I'm looking at the CBS schedule, cuz I wanna make sure I didn't miss any, doesn't watch Survivor and Amazing Race on Wednesday, so that's a free night, but that's the night I think all the Chicago shows are on. And then, Thursday, nothing really, that's Elizabeth and Cupertino, but between the NCIS franchise, Law and Order SVU, and the three Chicago's, like, he's doing really well.

• 1:46:00Speaker 01

  They got everyone hooked.

• 1:46:01Bill Simmons?

  They really do.

• 1:46:02Speaker 01

  My, my parents do, same kinda thing, yeah.

• 1:46:05Bill Simmons?

  What is it? So what is it? Is this gonna happen to us?

• 1:46:07Speaker 01

  Right, so I was, I was just gonna ask you that, so we know we're gonna be, we know we're gonna be forgetful, we know we're gonna forget names, we know we're gonna tell, you know, stories that we've told a million times, there's just no denying that. Are our viewing habits gonna change? Or TV or streaming, whatever the hell it is, in 20 years?

• 1:46:24Bill Simmons?

  When do you hit the point? Like, there's gotta be some demo you hit, when the hour-long procedural just becomes the same way we feel about like a Sunday night football game.

• 1:46:34Speaker 01

  Right. Let me ask you this.

• 1:46:36Bill Simmons?

  Oh my god, I can't wait, her, her brother came back?

• 1:46:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:39Bill Simmons?

  Obviously he did it, oh my god, it wasn't the brother, it was his cousin.

• 1:46:43Speaker 01

  It's a soap opera, yeah.

• 1:46:44Bill Simmons?

  Was he, what was he watching in 1992?

• 1:46:48Speaker 01

  Was he a hip viewer? Was he?

• 1:46:50Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, we, we were, he was way more hip back then. He didn't like, like the Fox shows, but-

• 1:46:55Speaker 01

  That's bad for us then.

• 1:46:56Bill Simmons?

  I know. Like, he loved NYPD Blue and ER.

• 1:46:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:47:00Bill Simmons?

  Like during the, you know, during LA Law, he used to love, so yeah.

• 1:47:04Speaker 01

  And he'd mix a Seinfeld in there and a, you know-

• 1:47:06Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:47:07Speaker 01

  King of Queens and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're in trouble. We're in trouble all around.

• 1:47:12Bill Simmons?

  So it's just gonna be cops and fire. So he didn't really like the pit?

• 1:47:17Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:47:18Bill Simmons?

  He thought it was too intense.

• 1:47:20Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:47:20Bill Simmons?

  Plus, he doesn't like the shows that it leads to the next week. He likes things to finish within-

• 1:47:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's gotta be kinda easy. Served up to you. Shit.

• 1:47:29Bill Simmons?

  That's one thing. And then, um, the other thing is, uh, my dog Murph turns six tomorrow.

• 1:47:36Speaker 01

  How do you know that? You don't know that.

• 1:47:37Bill Simmons?

  I do. Cause that was the one we didn't, he wasn't a rescue dog. We actually got him in a litter.

• 1:47:42Speaker 01

  Oh, you saw him come out and everything?

• 1:47:44Bill Simmons?

  But it was his, the litter came out on October 19th, and the only reason I remember that was the Dave Roberts steal. Same day. That was the day we turned things around against the Yankees.

• 1:47:54Speaker 01

  Why didn't you name him Davey?

• 1:47:55Bill Simmons?

  Murph was born, we probably should have.

• 1:47:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:47:57Bill Simmons?

  Probably should have.

• 1:47:57Speaker 01

  My, my dog, Super Dave. Your, your dog should be named Dave.

• 1:48:01Bill Simmons?

  Murph Roberts, something like that. But, um, but yeah, he turns six tomorrow. He's mellowed out a lot.

• 1:48:06Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:48:07Bill Simmons?

  Still doesn't really like other dogs and doesn't like smaller people.

• 1:48:11Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:48:13Bill Simmons?

  So like, like a nine-year-old kid, very suspicious. I think he feels like they're like terrorist little people or something. He just wasn't, he, the first year we had him during COVID, everyone had masks on, so he's just always kind of figuring people out.

• 1:48:26Speaker 01

  Smaller people?

• 1:48:28Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he doesn't like smaller. He wasn't around kids, like his first year.

• 1:48:31Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:48:31Bill Simmons?

  So we were always like, thank God we didn't have like grandkids, cause Murph would be like fucking jumping on the kids.

• 1:48:36Speaker 01

  Have you had our friend Shriftie at his house? At your house?

• 1:48:39Bill Simmons?

  He would be suspicious of Shriftie. The biggest thing that happened to him, uh, I was in Boston for this, but we had a coyote in the backyard. Coyotes are around.

• 1:48:49Speaker 01

  Scares me, yeah.

• 1:48:50Bill Simmons?

  So he came back to the backyard, saw the coyote, and it was like the greatest. He was like in slow motion, running at the coyote.

• 1:48:56Speaker 01

  He ran at the coyote?

• 1:48:58Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah. Murph was gonna fight the coyote.

• 1:49:00Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:49:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Murph would've won too. Murph's a badass.

• 1:49:03Speaker 01

  Wait a minute. I thought coyotes automatically went.

• 1:49:05Bill Simmons?

  No, that coyote was out. No, Murph's like 80 pounds.

• 1:49:09Speaker 01

  I know, but I thought it's just like a inherent, I don't know. All right, well, good for Murph then. Yeah.

• 1:49:14Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Murph, and now every time he's out in the back, he's like, that fucking coyote better not be back here.

• 1:49:19Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 1:49:20Bill Simmons?

  Say coyote back here, I'm gonna fuck that guy up.

• 1:49:22Speaker 01

  Holy shit. Murph, if you wanna live to seven, don't chase the coyotes.

• 1:49:26Bill Simmons?

  Listen, Murph making it to six is a fucking miracle. I can't believe he made it to six and that my wife can murder him.

• 1:49:32Speaker 01

  These coyotes, I think there's some collar you could put on. I mean, if Murph's attacking them and they're running, that's one thing, but if they're like three of them, I think they have like these, um, these horn typed, uh, I don't know what the hell, like spiky collars you have to wear. I hate the coyotes around here.

• 1:49:47Bill Simmons?

  I don't like coyotes, and I, I know we're, as you know, I love dogs and I love animals, but I'd never really have seen the case for coyotes.

• 1:49:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:49:55Bill Simmons?

  That doesn't seem like they bring a lot of joy to a lot of people.

• 1:49:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:49:59Bill Simmons?

  I'm gonna keep, I'm gonna stop talking before we get in trouble.

• 1:50:01Speaker 01

  We're, we're gonna get in trouble for talking, talking bad about coyotes?

• 1:50:05Bill Simmons?

  So unfair what you said about coyotes. You don't understand what they go through.

• 1:50:08Speaker 01

  They kill dogs. I seen-

• 1:50:10Bill Simmons?

  They kill dogs and they attack little kids sometimes.

• 1:50:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:13Bill Simmons?

  This parent corner is brought to you by Instagram. Instagram teen accounts come with automatic protections that limit who can contact teens, the content they can see, the time they spend on the app. Learn more at teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 1:50:28Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:50:28Bill Simmons?

  Um, anything to plug? I have one thing to plug, but you can go first.

• 1:50:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, Ringer Wise Guys, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday's a big preview show. The, we recap, uh, Phil Simms is gonna be on with me during the week. Um, if you had a bad beat with a player going out early, take advantage of Bet Protect on Fanduel, or go to betaches.com. I'll give you $50 back, reimbursed, uh, give me proof in a quick video showing your anguish. What was the worst beat today? Bills? Um, Rams money line? Bad? There's some bad ones.

• 1:50:59Bill Simmons?

  Rams money line. Throw in the Rams money line in a parlay. You know, the best beat was UCLA fucking kicking ass, 6-0, baby.

• 1:51:06Speaker 01

  Good for you.

• 1:51:07Bill Simmons?

  6-0. They beat Wisconsin. People thought they couldn't do it, the third stringer. Let me tell you something, he was, he wasn't bad. He was good. He's big. Little Brady Bledsoe vibes, 6'6".

• 1:51:17Speaker 01

  Big dude, yeah.

• 1:51:18Bill Simmons?

  Didn't start playing quarterback till sophomore high school year. The UCLA thing's gotten to the point that I'm now, they gotta give Chesney an extension now.

• 1:51:27Bill Simmons?

  We're gonna lose Chesney.

• 1:51:28Speaker 01

  How many years did he get?

• 1:51:30Bill Simmons?

  How many NFL teams could he take over and just immediately be good with? Like, wouldn't you rather have him than half of the coaches we watch every week?

• 1:51:36Speaker 01

  Only all of them that we saw today, yeah. Anyone we ever watch in London. Maybe just send him to London and coach all those teams.

• 1:51:43Bill Simmons?

  They're 6-0. He's like pissed off after these games. It's like, we still got a lot of work left. I don't like, I don't like what's going on. But they play Michigan State next week. Michigan State's 2-5.

• 1:51:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:52Bill Simmons?

  They're gonna be 7-0. We gotta get people to the Rose Bowl. I know people can, I know people in LA, like the Dodger Stadium's packed.

• 1:51:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:59Bill Simmons?

  And they, they play 81 games a year, plus playoffs, and Dodger, I know we can pack stadiums in that area, so we gotta get people to the Rose Bowl, man.

• 1:52:07Speaker 01

  If you get a, a five, six, seven, or eight seed, you will be home. You'll have a home game in the playoffs.

• 1:52:12Bill Simmons?

  What's their, what was their ranking today? I forgot to check.

• 1:52:15Speaker 01

  Uh, I didn't even-

• 1:52:16Bill Simmons?

  Were they like 8th or 9th?

• 1:52:18Speaker 01

  They have a game, uh, this week?

• 1:52:20Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, they play Michigan State.

• 1:52:21Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 1:52:22Bill Simmons?

  They're home. But did they make top 10 this week?

• 1:52:24Speaker 01

  I, I see 12 on, on Fanduel.

• 1:52:27Bill Simmons?

  No, that was last week.

• 1:52:28Speaker 01

  Did they not? No.

• 1:52:29Bill Simmons?

  But there were like six teams lost in the top-

• 1:52:31Speaker 01

  Right, right, like five teams, yeah.

• 1:52:33Bill Simmons?

  They gotta be like 8th, 9th, or somewhere in 8, 9 range.

• 1:52:38Speaker 01

  Wait, let me see. We gotta-

• 1:52:39Bill Simmons?

  Where does that come out? I feel like it should be-

• 1:52:41Speaker 01

  No, it was out, wasn't it?

• 1:52:44Bill Simmons?

  Top 25 rankings. College football, this is riveting.

• 1:52:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, right. Nine and 10, yep.

• 1:52:51Bill Simmons?

  UCLA is 9th in the country. This team was dead a year ago. It's one of the great coaching jobs. He's only lost once in two years.

• 1:52:59Speaker 01

  They're the only team in the Big 10 or the SEC that's, that's undefeated. Spectacular.

• 1:53:05Bill Simmons?

  You did it. You did it, Simmons. This is all you. I feel great, but now I feel like I, I, I helped out too much, and now he's gonna like leave in like a year. He's gonna just take over like the Colts.

• 1:53:16Speaker 01

  They got Lewis Gordon, so like-

• 1:53:18Bill Simmons?

  Oh my God, who's this Chesney? Drawing pictures of her in her super bad book.

• 1:53:23Speaker 01

  They gotta lose like three in a row. Yeah.

• 1:53:26Bill Simmons?

  They're not losing to Michigan State, so that's gonna be 7-0. And the funny thing is, don't you think they could beat Michigan? They have to go into Michigan, but that seemed like the scariest game ever. They have USC left, but like-

• 1:53:38Speaker 01

  At Michigan, I guess they'll be an underdog, but not by much. They'll, they'll be favored over USC. They'll be favored over Illinois and at Minnesota and home for Nevada. They have, why is that game in there? Yeah. Wow. On Halloween.

• 1:53:51Bill Simmons?

  They have six games left. I'm gonna read them again, even though you just did.

• 1:53:55Speaker 01

  Go ahead.

• 1:53:56Bill Simmons?

  They have Michigan State at home, Nevada at home, at Minnesota, Illinois at home, at Michigan, and home USC.

• 1:54:03Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:54:06Bill Simmons?

  Now, the QB could just shit the bed one of those weeks, but for the most part, like-

• 1:54:10Speaker 01

  Michigan State played Northwestern tough this week, which was barely ranked, but, so, I mean, that should be a win.

• 1:54:19Bill Simmons?

  The crazy thing to me, I know they're going against Oregon's backup QB,

• 1:54:24Bill Simmons?

  but they gave up 15 points to them in Oregon, and that, they, they had three points in the fourth quarter. Then last week, 7 against Wisconsin.

• 1:54:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:54:33Bill Simmons?

  And it was like, that QB couldn't throw the ball, but he was a good athlete. And Chesney's like, okay, cool, you're not gonna run the ball on us, go throw it. And the guy couldn't throw it.

• 1:54:41Speaker 01

  Their defense is very good. I watched back that Oregon-

• 1:54:44Bill Simmons?

  Really good. Samio? Are you a Samio fan?

• 1:54:46Speaker 01

  Those guys are, the guys just aren't open. They're just really cover. Yeah. What are you gonna do? Are you gonna get a ring? Are you gonna get, this is, this is huge for you.

• 1:54:56Bill Simmons?

  I'm just happy for Chesney, cause I, I feel like this should've happened for him four years ago.

• 1:55:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:55:01Bill Simmons?

  Like Syracuse had him two years ago. These dumbasses didn't wanna hire him. Like, it's just crazy.

• 1:55:08Speaker 01

  He's living in LA. He made the right move.

• 1:55:11Bill Simmons?

  Guys like literally can build a culture in six months and start a thing over. Uh, my one thing I wanted to plug, we mentioned at the top, but we're going to the Pacific Northwest for a couple podcasts at the beginning of December. Seattle Rewatchables, Portland for the BS Pod. I haven't done a live podcast in a while, so, uh, just for fun, we're going out there and hopefully, uh, Portland fans, I don't know if you've been following the Trailblazers or stuff, but we're gonna try to cheer them up.

• 1:55:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:55:36Bill Simmons?

  Couple, couple ideas.

• 1:55:38Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 1:55:38Bill Simmons?

  Are you going to Chicago? Do, do the Chicago Fire, uh, podcast? The Fire, the, should we do Fire, PD and-

• 1:55:46Speaker 01

  Two, all three.

• 1:55:48Bill Simmons?

  Have your father there? Oh my God.

• 1:55:50Speaker 01

  This week, my dad's like, I can't leave the house. It's a special crossover episode. Police, Fire, and Med. It's just one thing that happens. It's a fire engine caught on fire and there was an accident. It's a three-hour episode. Um, all right, Sal, great job by you.

• 1:56:05Bill Simmons?

  Good job by you, buddy.

• 1:56:07Speaker 01

  Thanks to Eduardo and, uh, Gahal and Jack and Chris on R and as well. Uh, Rewatchables tomorrow, it follows, and I'll see you on this feed on Tuesday. Thanks, Netflix.

• 1:56:19Bill Simmons?

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