Pod Insights The Bill Simmons Podcast Round 1 Winners (Da Bears!) and Losers (the Eagles!), Plus Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal About this episode The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal LIVE on Netflix after the Patriots' win over the Chargers to recap the wild-card round of the NFL playoffs (3:25). Then, they guess the lines for the divisional round before ending with Parent Corner (01:11:46).
Host: Bill Simmons
Guest: Cousin Sal
Producers: Chia Hao Tat and Eduardo Ocampo
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Transcript 20,353 words · 2 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Bill Simmons? This episode is brought to by Viori. When it comes to clothes that score high in both comfort and style, Viori is my MVP. Sunday performance joggers, oh yeah. They have the perfect, I could watch a game and then go out to dinner vibe. And the Meta pant, that's my number one, I need to look like I tried option. Get 20% off your first purchase at Viori.com/Simmons and discover the versatility of Viori clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions.
0:32 Bill Simmons? The Bill Simmons Podcast is presented by FanDuel Sportsbook. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. Normally I have a rewatchables coming for you every Monday, but we pushed it to Tuesday this week. It is going to be What Lies Beneath with Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford. We pushed it to Tuesday because I'm going to have another podcast on Monday night. Sal's coming up in a second. We're going to break down wild card weekend, some crazy games. The Pats pulling it off for my sanity on a Sunday night. We're going to talk about all of that stuff, but we have to come back tomorrow after Steelers Texans to break down that game and then do the last guest align. So you'll see what happens later in the podcast, who's winning.
1:17 Bill Simmons? So the schedule this week, Sunday night, Monday night, Wednesday, and then Thursday. So four podcasts this week, and it's a special week because this is the first week, this is the first podcast actually where our video was actually on Netflix as well as on Spotify. And you can get the podcast wherever you get it, but video stays on Spotify, but we moved the video over to Netflix. We went live on Netflix. We were the first podcast that they launched with. They're launching a whole set of podcasts this week, including a bunch of Ringer podcasts, some of our sports podcasts. We have more pop culture and other stuff coming into the month. But Sal and I launched it tonight and it was a really fun night because not only did the Patriots win,
2:01 Bill Simmons? but Amy Poehler won a Golden Globe, the first ever podcast award that they, that they handed out in the Golden Globes. Our own Amy Poehler. We don't get to say that that often because she belongs to nobody because she's the best. But she does do a podcast with The Ringer and we won a Golden Globe for best podcast. Beat Smartless and we beat some serious podcasts, Mel Robbins. But it was, it was a great one. So I was very happy for her. It's an excellent podcast. We're proud to be associated with it and she's been great to work with. So congratulations to her. Congratulations to the Patriots. Not congratulations to a lot of my bets. We're going to talk about that in a second. Cousin Sal, coming up next. We're going to take a break. Pearl Jam, Cousin Sal.
2:45 Bill Simmons? The Bill Simmons Podcast is presented by FanDuel. FanDuel's got it all. Same game parlays, quick bets for jumping in live. They have your way. Go check out your way. You can build the bet that fits your play your way. Plus, don't miss out on the NFL playoffs, one of my favorite times of the year all month long. Download the FanDuel app or head to fanduel.com/BS to get started. Get ready for the playoffs. Let's go. Must be 21 plus, present in select states, 18 plus in DC, Kentucky and Wyoming. Game problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. Call 888-79777 or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut.
3:52 Bill Simmons? All right. The first podcast ever on Netflix and we're bringing it to you. I'm Bill Simmons. That's Cousin Sal. We wanted the Netflix fans to really understand what a podcast was. He's wearing a hat. Mm-hmm. I'm wearing a hoodie. I don't have makeup on. You could probably count my whiskers in 4K HD. And I'm deliriously happy because my Patriots just won, Sal. We did it.
4:14 Speaker 01 It's, it's, I, I don't think people understand what's about to happen, but you should, everyone just buckle up for the most insufferable 90 minutes in Netflix history. I mean, did James Corden have a Netflix special? No, he didn't.
4:26 Bill Simmons? No, I think, I think we might be able to take the record.
4:29 Speaker 01 This is it.
4:29 Bill Simmons? How about this? I'm gonna zag on you. I'm not gonna start by talking about the Sunday Night Pats game, because that was, that was the worst of all the games.
4:36 Speaker 01 Okay.
4:37 Bill Simmons? I'm gonna give you three, yeah, let me give you three storylines from the weekend, and you tell me which one mattered the most.
4:42 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
4:43 Bill Simmons? That were, that were now moving forward into round two.
4:46 Speaker 01 Okay.
4:46 Bill Simmons? Josh Allen against the world.
4:48 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
4:48 Bill Simmons? Caleb and the Never Say Die Bears. Or San Francisco going for the nobody believes in us all decade title, because literally nobody believes in them. Out of those three, what do you care about the most?
5:00 Speaker 01 I, the Bears, I think is the meatiest.
5:02 Bill Simmons? The Bears, interesting.
5:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:04 Bill Simmons? Okay, explain.
5:05 Speaker 01 Well, it's just so improbable that it keeps happening, the same freaking thing over and over and over. And this was like, highly improbable, because they were, they were dead. I mean, should we just get into it? Like, the Packers, like, great.
5:17 Bill Simmons? Yeah, let's do that first.
5:18 Speaker 01 Let's do it. You wanna set it up? Thirty-one, twenty-seven. I mean, first of all, people go after me, because I, I talk about this rivalry. I'm like, this isn't a great rivalry, cut it out. But the last three Packers-Bears games were, were better than any of the previous 100. I mean, we could talk about this until Stranger Things sixth season is, comes out. I don't, I don't know, but, uh.
5:37 Bill Simmons? My kids think there's another Stranger Things episode dropping.
5:40 Speaker 01 Really?
5:41 Bill Simmons? Yeah. I, I hate to break it to them, but this was Stranger Things, right here.
5:44 Speaker 01 This is it?
5:45 Bill Simmons? You and I on a Sunday Night Live.
5:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, no kidding.
5:47 Bill Simmons? So, big picture, Bears fans finally have a QB and a coach. I think no matter what happens going forward, you at least have those two things. And Caleb had some unbelievable throws. But, uh, the big one for me, though, is better win or worse loss, if you have to pick one or the other. Was that a better Bears win, or was that a more devastating Packers loss?
6:09 Speaker 01 Wow, I'm gonna say devastating loss. I mean, it's hard to discount the win, but for God's sakes, 25 points. You want to give the guy 17 points in the fourth quarter, 820, 21, whatever, but 25 after you just, they would, he just had him dead to rights, right? Like he had what, three touchdowns at half, 154 yards, love. He looked so smooth. Caleb looked like he was coming out of a coma. He's saying F this job after the Luther burden, the pick to the way he ran the roll. I was like, wow, the Bears were just happened to be here mode. The crowd was dead. Al Michaels was freezing his ass. So Herb Street's dog's tail got frostbite. I mean, but we had it all. Like, I don't know. You tell me what happened. How they
6:51 Bill Simmons? Herb Street was just focused on that one defensive back on the, on the Bears and how he was playing hurt. And that was like his only point he had. This is trying to process this. It was one of the best Bears home playoff wins ever. They scored 25 fourth quarter points. I had the Packers, everyone had the Packers. That was part of the problem.
7:11 Bill Simmons? I remember not feeling safe really ever, especially with the floor. It's 21-3. They had the ball to start the second half. First, they missed a field goal at the end of the first half. Starts slow the second half. The Bears are hanging around, but they don't look good. The crowd's kind of waiting to get into it. And then all of a sudden it was 21-16. But then the, the, the Packers score and they go up 27-16 and the guy misses the extra point. And Michaels and Herb Street are just, it just bounces right off them.
7:42 Speaker 01 Right.
7:42 Bill Simmons? They're like, oh, well, it's still a two-possession game. I'm like, that was huge. 12 points means two touchdowns or you're not getting back. And it just felt like from that moment on, it became the game from hell for the Packers.
7:54 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, yeah, they, look, before that, there were four fumbles that, and they didn't recover any of them. And that was their thing, the Bears, right? All year. They were one for five on fourth down conversions before that crazy pass that we're going to talk to, talk about. And, uh, yeah, I don't, I, I don't, I don't really get what, what the plan is. I know everyone wants to kill the floor, but if you're up five,
8:16 Bill Simmons? Me.
8:17 Speaker 01 I know, but five and a half minutes left, you're up 11 on fourth down. At some point you won the game for the, the team's got to kind of come through there. I just hated that. I hated the whole thing.
8:29 Bill Simmons? Well, you get four fourth down stops. You get two Caleb picks. You have at one point, uh, uh, how big was the lead? Eighteen and you're up 11?
8:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:41 Bill Simmons? And you still can't get it done, but I, let me take you to, let me see, there was, it was 21 16.
8:47 Speaker 01 I know you love this, this little stretch here.
8:48 Bill Simmons? Yeah, I gotta go through this, this drove me crazy. Um.
8:54 Bill Simmons? Bears get the two point right after Green Bay gives up a fourth and eight on the best throw Caleb's career, which the all 22 of that throw is just the best.
9:01 Speaker 01 Yep.
9:02 Bill Simmons? Love hits Dobbs for 34, right? Bears need to stop or the game's over. Packers are still up three. Now it is first down on the Bears 33 with 327 left. And, uh, and the Bears have to start using timeouts. Jacobs gets stuffed, timeout. What happens next? They hit Golden for 12. Now we're resetting. Now we're on the Bears 21. The Bears have already used the timeout. There's three 11 left. If you just stop this, it's impossible basically to lose.
9:32 Speaker 01 Right.
9:32 Bill Simmons? You can, at worst case, you can run, you could kneel three straight times. You can take it to the two minute warning and go up six. What do they do? Second down, they throw an incompletion in the end zone.
9:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:46 Bill Simmons? They try to hit the tight end on like this high level play that you're up three. What are you doing that for? Green Bay timeout, um, at 302 because they don't like the next play. And then they get a delay of game after the timeout.
9:58 Speaker 01 Right.
9:59 Bill Simmons? And then they throw another end zone pass that's incomplete. And now they miss a field goal and Chicago has one timeout left.
10:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:07 Bill Simmons? And they have three minutes and all they have to do is go 30 yards for a field goal. It was the, like, to me, that's like Matt LaFleur can't come back. That's it. You can't come back.
10:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's a couple of reasons why he maybe can't come back. Cause this is Ohio State, Michigan now, right? And so you lost it and you lost two games that you should have won, right? So whether it's his fault or not, it's bad. Maybe he lost the team. I do want to give the Bears defense credit because I know we like to crush people first and then praise afterwards. Like 40 minutes into the podcast, get used to that, everyone on Netflix, but their defense was phenomenal. I think the Packers had one run over one yard. In the second half. So there was a lot of just kill the clock talk, but there was a way to kill it without throwing it over everyone's head in the end zone. Right? Like that, that whole middle of the defense was open from the Bears. That a linebacker get hurt?
10:56 Bill Simmons? The whole game it was.
10:57 Speaker 01 Right.
10:57 Bill Simmons? Edwards got hurt in the first half is their best linebacker.
11:00 Speaker 01 Yeah. And I'm screaming the whole time. I'm like, love, just throw it to the dwarf with the giant head. Like we're just find that guy and throw it to him. He's the one converting first downs. And then it was too late and.
11:12 Bill Simmons? Well, when they handed out, when they stuffed Jacobs after the 34 yard pass to Dobbs.
11:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:16 Bill Simmons? I re- I went back and I freeze framed it because they knew the Green Bay was going to run on that. And they just had like nine guys in the box. And if they had just play action and love rolled out, the game's over. So it was weird. They both weren't aggressive. And then they were stupidly aggressive. But I don't, I don't, in both pass plays that were first downs, the guy ended up going out of bounds anyway. So they like did everything wrong. But I just feel like if that's my team and I'm down three and the other team has the ball on my 30 with three minutes left, I just feel like I'm going to lose.
11:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:46 Bill Simmons? Right. It's like a borderline miracle. And then you got to give credit to the Bears. Six play drive, 20, uh, to take the four point lead. And somehow during that Green Bay has to call timeout because they only have 10 guys in the field right before the two minute warning.
11:59 Speaker 01 Right.
12:00 Bill Simmons? It was just a comet of errors and we have, we weren't there. We didn't know how, how good the crowd was.
12:05 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
12:05 Bill Simmons? But it was a classic home field playoff game. And I was really happy for the Bears fans. I mean, talk about a rough 40 years.
12:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:13 Bill Simmons? I've forgiven them for Super Bowl 20.
12:14 Speaker 01 And as lucky, if you want to say they're lucky as they were this year, it was completely the other way last year, right? With the Hail Mary and everything and that turned them around. So, and listen, you called me, we spoke on Friday and we're like, all right, we got the square picks. We have the Packers and we have the Jaguars and we're not getting off of it, but damn it, we know it. Like we, we, I wish we would have known, we give these picks Thursday, whatever. I wish we would have known Friday who everyone's taking. Cause now it's like we're betting it without seeing the dealer's hand at all. And yet I still don't think we're suckers. Like the Packers should have won that game. I thought we had the right side for God's sakes.
12:50 Bill Simmons? Yeah, I called you Friday afternoon. I listened to the Ringer Gambling Show and you and I had the same basically straight up picks. And I felt like a lot of people were on the Packers, the Eagles, the Jags. And I just, I was like, oh, man, this is gonna suck. Like, I've seen this too many times. And we're making these picks on Wednesday and Thursday, and you don't know where the general feel is going. House was on the show going, 64% of the public likes the Bears. I'm like, listen, everybody I know who bets on football loves the Packers, and that's not a good sign. Right. But then at halftime, I mean, we had every, we could have easily taken the Bears plus 500 or whatever it was and not done it.
13:31 Bill Simmons? It was, I think, in the running for biggest choke of the year, when you throw in that McManus missed two field goals and two PATs. Either PAT that could get a field goal on the last draft. I hated the last draft, too. I hated everything. It did make me think, though.
13:47 Bill Simmons? The Packers, who I don't, I don't think people would think with the Bills and the Browns and the Vikings and some of these NFL, the kicked in the balls club of fanbases, you don't think of the Packers, right? They won, they won a Super Bowl with Favre. They won a Super Bowl with Rogers. I didn't tell you I was gonna do this.
14:09 Bill Simmons? We gotta go through their losses since they won that Favre Super Bowl. Because I, I'm kind of in disbelief. I was doing it this morning. I'd had coffee and I'm like, man, they've had, my buddy Chip was like, another, my buddy Chip's from Milwaukee, he's like, another awful Packers loss. And I'm like, shut up. And then I'm thinking about it, I'm like, oh, yeah. I went through, so since the 96 Super Bowl win, they're 0-5 in overtime playoff games. Wow. They've lost five NFC title games. They won that one with Rogers, but some of the losses from the last 30 years. 97, they're going for that back-to-back Super Bowl against, with Favre against the Broncos, right? They had the ball with five minutes left, tie game, go four and out, and then Denver drives down and Elway has the helicopter put. Right.
14:53 Bill Simmons? So they lose that. Next year against San Francisco, Terrell Owens, the miracle 25-yard touchdown, when he just gets nailed by two guys. Remember that? Like, almost like a pseudo hail mary. They lose that with eight seconds left. 0-2, they get smoked in Lambeau by Michael Vick, which was like, I think his only great playoff moment. Did he have another one? No, that was probably it. That was it, right? Other than video games? 2003 Philly, the fourth and 26 to Freddie Mitchell.
15:18 Speaker 01 Right.
15:19 Bill Simmons? Overtime, Favre throws the pick and overtime they lose. 07 Giants, Favre's last hurrah there, OT loss at home. When the Giants missed the field goal to win in regulation and then Favre threw a pick in OT.
15:33 Speaker 01 Freezing, yeah.
15:34 Bill Simmons? 09 Arizona, OT loss at home, Arizona missed the field goal to win and then they get a fumble touchdown in overtime. That's how the Packers lose that one. They win the championship in 10. 2011, they go 15 and 1, they get smoked at home by the Giants, like super embarrassing loss. 2012 Kaepernick murders them. That was the, is Kaepernick about to take over the league game, 181 rushing.
15:56 Speaker 01 Kaepernick murdered? I mean, I thought he just knelt down.
15:59 Bill Simmons? No, no, he murdered them.
16:00 Speaker 01 Oh.
16:01 Bill Simmons? 2013 San Francisco, they lose on a field goal at the buzzer. 2014 Seattle, NFC title game, they're up 19-7 with 11 minutes left.
16:09 Speaker 01 Probably the worst.
16:10 Bill Simmons? Seattle has an onside kick with 2:13 left, gets the ball back and then the Packers lose in an OT TD. I'm not done. 2015 Arizona, Hail Mary by Rogers to tie the game.
16:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:22 Bill Simmons? And then they lose in OT.
16:24 Speaker 01 You may not be done, but everyone switched to Chappelle like 40 seconds ago.
16:27 Bill Simmons? No, no, one more. Stay with me Netflix.
16:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:29 Bill Simmons? 2016, they lose the NFC title. 2020 Tampa, remember this one? They're down 8 with 2:15 left, fourth and 8, and LaFleur kicks the field goal to go down 5, then they lose. 2021, block punt TD, they lose to San Francisco on a field goal at the buzzer. And then 2 years ago, up 4, 6 minutes left, miss a field goal, Niners drive, win, and then this Bears game. I mean, that's like 20 games.
16:53 Speaker 01 So they're not Cleveland or Buffalo or the Raiders, but they're.
16:57 Bill Simmons? It's a different class of like.
16:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:59 Bill Simmons? I shouldn't feel tortured, but.
17:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:01 Bill Simmons? Why do I get my nuts kicked in every year in January?
17:04 Speaker 01 Right.
17:05 Bill Simmons? I think that's enough now. And they haven't won since. 2010, so it's 15 years. And they're not the same case as the Vikings Bills, but that's just bizarre that all that stuff happened on the same team.
17:15 Speaker 01 I always look at them that they're the team that beat the Cowboys. They go to Cowboy. They can win on the road and Jordan Love can do it on the road and all that. That's another reason I like them so much. But so you you fire LaFleur, no, no, no questions asked.
17:28 Bill Simmons? Well, supposedly he wants an extension for a lot of money, right? I'd probably part ways at this point. I mean, you lose a game where your quarterback throws four TDs with no picks.
17:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:38 Bill Simmons? On the road and you lose. You lose a game where you're up 18 heading in the second half and 11 heading into the last 12 minutes of the game. You have the ball with three minutes left. You're an offensive coach.
17:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was all bad. That last couple of drives were bad for sure for him, but you know, you have a good coach. Like I haven't had a McCarthy was fine, whatever. It wasn't a good fit, but I kind of think you hold on to these guys. Like at some point, it's like, all right, what are you gonna, what are you, have you seen some of these guys going for interviews for some of these teams? Like Bowen Yang, I think interviewed with the Raiders the other day.
18:13 Bill Simmons? No, they had to cancel it because he got in trouble.
18:15 Speaker 01 They did?
18:16 Bill Simmons? He's had to drop out. Yeah.
18:17 Speaker 01 All right. So LaFleur to the Raiders.
18:19 Bill Simmons? People got upset at him, so he's no longer a candidate.
18:22 Speaker 01 That's so sad. I don't know. Just sometimes you look for a new house and it's got mold. Like just stick, stick what you got.
18:29 Bill Simmons? I don't, if you're the Packers, you had a bunch of injuries. Parsons is coming back.
18:35 Bill Simmons? It might be one of those where you wait three days, you calm down, you take a deep breath and you're like, hey, we had a lot of stuff go wrong this year. We lost Tucker Kraft. We lost our center. We lost Parsons. We don't have a pick now. Maybe we wait one more year. But LaFleur in the playoffs has just been bad. And, you know, I, at some point, you gotta, like, you think at what, what Shanahan did with that Niners game today.
18:58 Speaker 01 Right.
18:58 Bill Simmons? Where he's basically. You know, playing seven card stud with six cards and still trying to figure out how to out poker everybody versus what the floor did.
19:07 Speaker 01 And not to mention Ben Johnson just beat them up, just beat them up, you know, on the field and after the game, the handshake was crazy like.
19:16 Bill Simmons? Yeah, can we talk about that?
19:17 Speaker 01 Sure.
19:17 Bill Simmons? So I did, I tried to do a lot of investigating today with anybody I know who knows anything, which is basically Peter Schrager. No, but I asked a bunch of people like, what's the genesis of this, of this? And it seems like it's a lot of, I heard you said this in a press conference or you heard that. And then that first handshake they had, the first game where the floor kind of quick shake them.
19:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, right.
19:42 Bill Simmons? And now that's it. Now it's like, now, now it's like revolutionary, revolutionary war level hatred on both sides. It doesn't really seem like that was a bigger catalyst than that, though.
19:52 Speaker 01 Well, it's also stupid. Like if I'm Ben Johnson, I'd savor the moment. I don't just move on from it fast. Like I follow them, I follow the floor home. I'm like, hey, what about that fourth down throw? What'd you think? You know, like ask them like, hey, where are you going to interview tomorrow? Where you think, where you thinking of going? Like, I wouldn't let it go. So that, that's just, uh, that wouldn't be my tact.
20:10 Bill Simmons? Well, we can swear on Netflix.
20:12 Speaker 01 We can.
20:12 Bill Simmons? And we, we, we could already swear on Spotify. Cause this is available on Spotify as well. But he started out, fuck the Packers. That was his speech. Gave a great speech. Caleb turned it over to Caleb Williams who got, I watched all five minutes. Uh, this has been the year of they've taken locker room videos and turned them into, uh, something great. But Caleb Williams gave a nice speech about him and, um, if you're a Bears fan, you just like, think of all the inept coaches and QBs. Our entire life, we've been watching football now for
20:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:40 Bill Simmons? Half, half a century. And most of our life, except for that one Walter Payton year.
20:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:46 Bill Simmons? Yeah, that one, that one year when everything came together, they were, you never took the Bears seriously ever. I don't think they were on TV for the first 15 years of my life on the East Coast, right?
20:55 Speaker 01 Yeah. And now they have this coach, I, I've kind of got his cadence down for the speech. It's a smart thing. And he does, he repeats everything. Well, he's just like, he's like, that's the first one. That's the first one. And that's one you'll never forget. That's one you'll never forget. All right, bring it on in, bring it on in. So you double every line and it's twice as effective.
21:16 Bill Simmons? Who is the Goodfellas character?
21:17 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
21:18 Bill Simmons? Tommy two times?
21:19 Speaker 01 Oh, that's right. It was Tommy.
21:20 Bill Simmons? So he's Benny two times?
21:22 Speaker 01 It's Benny two times.
21:23 Bill Simmons? It's a great win. That's a great win.
21:26 Speaker 01 You have to double up, man.
21:27 Bill Simmons? I love this, Benny, two times. He needed a nickname. Ben Johnson's a pretty annoying, uh, pretty boring name.
21:33 Speaker 01 No kidding.
21:35 Bill Simmons? All right, well, there's a lot to discuss. We, that was the game of the weekend for you?
21:39 Speaker 01 I think it had to be. Yeah, it was not only because I had marked it off as a win on everything on my ledger. And then, uh, I had to reconfigure.
21:46 Bill Simmons? I had the same as my quest to go undefeated against the spread in the playoffs every year, which I dream of doing. That would be my number one thing I would want to accomplish.
21:54 Speaker 01 I know.
21:56 Bill Simmons? Get the first one with the Panthers cover. Then the Packers, you think, now I'm starting to, I'm already thinking about Sunday. Cause the Bears look like they've checked out, right? It's, it's Caleb, the body language, everything looks bad.
22:09 Speaker 01 Right.
22:10 Bill Simmons? And I'm like, oh man, if I get the Jags tomorrow, I'll be three and O heading, you know? And then all of a sudden it flips.
22:15 Speaker 01 Stupid.
22:16 Bill Simmons? We're gonna take a break on Netflix here and then, uh, and then come back and hit the rest of the games. This episode is brought to you by Apple Watch. So how's that New Year's resolution looking?
22:29 Bill Simmons? You gonna crush the gym? You're gonna inch into quitters day territory? What's your plan? Cause that's a real thing. The second Friday of January. It turns out most of us, we throw in the towel by then, but not this year. Not if you got an Apple Watch. Apple Watch keeps you locked in. You've got the daily movement and activity rings, achievement streaks, goal tracking. It's like having a coach on your wrist. So if you're on the edge of giving up, don't. This is the year we quit quitting. Let's do this. Apple Watch, made to motivate you. Find out more at apple.com slash Apple Watch, series 11, iPhone 11 or later required. All right, we had another NFC upset. And in fact, all we had were upsets until the Sunday night game.
23:09 Bill Simmons? And, uh, when my Pats beat the Chargers, we had four straight underdogs because the Bills somehow became an underdog over the course of the week.
23:16 Speaker 01 Well, they covered, you mean? Panthers didn't win, but yeah.
23:19 Bill Simmons? No, four straight covers.
23:20 Speaker 01 Yep, yep.
23:21 Bill Simmons? And then three outright wins. The most shocking was Niners Eagles. I spent five days trying to talk myself into the 49ers. And like on Wednesday, I thought I was gonna pick them. And then you just keep looking at the injuries. And you're like, all right, this is insane. Like, they don't, they don't have anybody. They're not a boss anymore. They, they, Pierce all was scratched. Kiddo blows out his, his Achilles, it looked like during the game. And it's just like, this stupid Eagles team that seems like they hate each other, even though they won last year. I get the nobody, the most compelling nobody believes in us case in a while for the Niners, who were really good and had a chance to actually win the division two weeks ago, which is casting them aside, this checks,
24:06 Bill Simmons? and I just couldn't do it. I was like, the Eagles will win one game and then they'll, then they'll let their fans down. I thought this was the most Eagles playoff, Eaglesy playoff loss we've ever had. I can't think of a better one. Right? Would you agree?
24:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think so. I think so. But we also, it wasn't surprising either, right?
24:24 Bill Simmons? Not at all. Not for one minute. Not for one minute.
24:27 Speaker 01 At the, the Super Bowl MVP, played so poorly and couldn't move his team. Like, that's, like, yeah, that makes sense. That, that really tracks with what we've seen. I mean, that offense is so lethargic. It really looks like, it looks like they could do whatever they want, whenever they want, right? And then it's like, it's fourth and one, and he's, Hertz is just chucking it into the wind. Like, he had 4.6 yards per pass, and there's almost no rush coming his way. And the other thing is, like, the play clock is either at zero or one when he snaps it every time. And so you would think the games would seem to go fast. Each Eagles game seems like it's six hours long. I can't stand it.
25:04 Bill Simmons? They had 70 plays today. I'm with you. How do, how do you run 40 seconds of play? And you're still run 70 plays somehow? Usually it's like 55.
25:10 Speaker 01 Right. Yeah, I know.
25:12 Bill Simmons? They had the demeanor, remember when we would play with our kids when they were younger? You play like basketball with them, and it's like two on one against dad. The kids are like six and eight, and you're kind of half-assing it, but then somebody intentionally punches you in the balls, and you get mad, and you start trying a little bit, and then you lay back again. The Eagles, they've acted the whole year like they're the dad playing their little kids.
25:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:34 Bill Simmons? And that they're, they're like begrudgingly getting competitive. So this is a football game. They play with no pace. They try no trick plays. They try no chicanery at all. They never seem like they're trying to outwit the other team and they have these two receivers that they're paying $60 million for. I think between the two of them, the longest catch they had was 15 yards. The longest catch, I want to say was Goddard. Somebody had a 20 yarder for them and it wasn't either receiver. So it's like, if you're gonna pay that much for your receivers and your quarterback, but never throw the ball and never play with pace and never spud it out, never have fun, what's the point of having all of these guys?
26:12 Speaker 01 So what the F happened? Like what, what really happened? Like, cause Barkley and Hertz were amazing. You couldn't stop them by the goal line. And this is now, are they just that much older and fragile? Like this is like a racehorse turning from three years old to four. Like, all right, I have no use for these guys. They were so bad. They had to do so little to win. Like Purdy gifted them two picks, right? At home. Ran for three yards per carry, San Francisco, right? So it's not like McCaffrey crushing until he caught something. And it's like, Shanahan never wins after losing by six or more going into the fourth quarter. And they let like, DeMarcus Robinson and Kyle Huscheck beat them. Really, really bad.
26:50 Bill Simmons? How many Americans found out today that DeMarcus Robinson was on the 49ers? Probably like one fourth the audience. I wrote down 12 minutes left, San Francisco was up one. And I wrote down Purdy, two picks, McCaffrey 15 for 35 and just question marks. It was like, how are they winning? What are they doing well? But it all came down to the Eagles. The crowd, I think booed every quarter. So if that was a parlay on FanDuel, you would have won that one. Will the Eagles fans boo every quarter?
27:20 Speaker 01 I had that parlayed with, um, pregame Aaron Andrews would be attacked by a herd of skunks. So that's, that's what that was, right?
27:28 Bill Simmons? No, she was dressed like Carmela Soprano. I thought that was a Halloween outfit. Yeah.
27:32 Speaker 01 I thought you were getting attacked.
27:33 Bill Simmons? I saw that on, I stole that on Twitter from the Sopranos World Account.
27:37 Speaker 01 That was great.
27:38 Bill Simmons? That was funny. So here was my favorite part of the game.
27:43 Bill Simmons? Because I did have out of, I lost the parlay I had with the passing Eagles, but I had the Eagles in these big teases. So I actually survived with a couple of them. Brady announcing that Jalen Hurts game was riveting. Cause I've heard Brady talk enough and he always tries to be diplomatic, especially with other quarterbacks, but they would show like the all 22 view and he'd be like,
28:06 Bill Simmons? Yeah, I don't, I don't really know what he's seeing there, Kevin, but uh, obviously he saw something and he just was, you could tell he was just dumbfounded. Like he just wanted to say like, Kevin, I don't know what the fuck this guy's doing.
28:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:20 Bill Simmons? What are these passes? Like what, what is his agenda here? But Brady was like so disappointed and we've heard that too with Romo sometimes when a quarterback is really bad. And they kinda don't want to breach the, it's like a, almost like mafia. You don't want to go against somebody who's a made man. The quarterbacks are the made men, so you can only go so far. But I thought Brady was disgusted by.
28:40 Speaker 01 I think so. Like that, you're right. There's like, that's, that's a bucket that we don't hear from announcers. From the analysts that were former quarterbacks. You got the Josh Allens where you could just like, if it's Allens against Mahomes, it's just, that's a jerk fest for three hours. That's fine.
28:53 Bill Simmons? Yeah. You're pulling your pants down at that.
28:55 Speaker 01 Exactly. So that's it. Then you got the young quarterbacks, Cam Ward. You could always find something nice with them, you know, something like that. Or even we'll get to Trevor Lawrence and they're like running for first downs, but something like this, like it's just a shocker that this guy won Super Bowl MVP. And like that, he's not taking off more. Like there's no design runs. Like I don't know, this offensive coordinator's gotta, talk about guys, this Kevin Patullo. He is awful. I mean, he's interviewing, he should interview with the Jets. Uh, he's that bad. I don't really get it.
29:22 Bill Simmons? I wrote down the gambling manifesto, which, which even though my picks weren't great, I thought hit some good ones today, including uh, bad offensive lines don't travel with the Chargers. Possible manifesto ad I wrote down. If it seems like a team actively despises each other, no matter how good they are, you can't lay more than a field goal with them.
29:43 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
29:45 Bill Simmons? Did it seem all season like the Eagles didn't like each other? And that was the storyline. It was like, well, they won last year and Super Bowl hangover. And it's like, all right, but these guys also don't seem like they like each other. And then that play with Sirianni, Sirianni runs over to yell at AJ Brown.
30:01 Speaker 01 Right.
30:01 Bill Simmons? And Brady goes, they have a great relationship.
30:03 Speaker 01 They have a great relationship.
30:04 Bill Simmons? It's like, they do?
30:06 Speaker 01 Maybe it's not so great anymore.
30:08 Bill Simmons? I say it's not great. He just yelled at him on national TV.
30:11 Speaker 01 Broken up for less, I think, but and then he drops a big pass, so.
30:15 Bill Simmons? Drops a big pass and then doesn't get interviewed after the game.
30:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
30:19 Bill Simmons? And has been trying to probably get out of there for a year, but I think that was just an unhappy team. Whereas this Niners team, even though they kept losing these dudes, like they still kept their team together. And like the concept of pulling for each other and that you could feel it today. So it was, it was literally like one team really cared about each other more than the other team did. Felt like part of the game.
30:42 Speaker 01 And yet I feel like if one guy wasn't on the field, and I'm not even saying he should have been replaced. If he just wasn't on the field, Blankenship, I think that Eagles win that game.
30:51 Bill Simmons? Was he the LVP of the weekend?
30:53 Speaker 01 Disaster, just a fricking disaster. I mean, the, the, the play that everyone's going to talk about is Juwan Jennings throwing that pass to McCaffrey, who Blankenship was supposed to blanket, but and then the Willie Mays catch. And I think that was the only way they were scoring that drive, honestly. Like there's two players who could hurt you on this team. One of them has the ball, is ready to throw it. He's about to get attacked by four guys and you're like, you're covering the other one. And you're like, all right, you know, I'm going to join the other four guys, even though I'm 15 yards away. What the hell? And then just three other plays, it was just awful.
31:26 Bill Simmons? They, so the heroes of the game, McCaffrey had a couple of big, even though he didn't have the rushing stats, had a couple of big plays. Robinson, we mentioned, the fullback had a couple of awesome plays.
31:37 Speaker 01 It was Jack.
31:37 Bill Simmons? And then, uh, we gotta do it. Criticized them a few times on the BS pod over the years, but, uh, nine kids, Bobby Sala.
31:47 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
31:49 Bill Simmons? I mean, he might get hired now, he might get a head coaching job, like for real.
31:53 Speaker 01 I guess so.
31:53 Bill Simmons? This could, there's gonna be like nine jobs available, but he was. What he did to the Eagles and what he did to their receivers, I thought is really impressive. Like, the other way to look at it is Lane Johnson's the most valuable player since Tom Brady retired.
32:06 Speaker 01 Right.
32:07 Bill Simmons? Because it just feels like they fall apart without him.
32:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you know, Barkley had 100 yards. They just did stupid things, right? They didn't convert when they should have, you know, this ends up being like a, you know, this ends up being like a fourth down fest, who can convert and who can't and just, um, you know, I just, uh, the way, and I would say Shanahan deserves credit too. I mean, when a guy like Kittle goes out and you already have injuries and you have to really like, you know, he and Kubiak have to adjust and, and the defense kept them in like, you know, we'll probably crush them next week, but good job by Shanahan.
32:39 Bill Simmons? I think he's been awesome. And I, I thought he would have been the coach of the year before he lost the last game.
32:45 Speaker 01 Right.
32:46 Bill Simmons? Vrabel, Vrabel or Liam Cohen probably gets out of the Liam Cohen loss today. Well, the big thing was they get that Purdy pick, they're down 17-16. There's enough time left. There's like nine minutes left. Philly's at home. It's like, all right, let's see some emergency guys and they start their drive and it's like, okay, I'm already in my head, like they're going to score, go for the two point, they'll be up seven. Now they're covering, like you go through all that mental gymnastics. And then the drive kind of stalled and they kicked the field goal and they're up two.
33:16 Speaker 01 Right.
33:16 Bill Simmons? And I thought that was it.
33:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:18 Bill Simmons? At that point, I thought the Niners were going to win the game. It was, it was one of those, they kind of had to get a touchdown.
33:23 Speaker 01 Right.
33:24 Bill Simmons? On that drive, they just couldn't and the, I mean, we didn't talk about this yet. This is, I don't know if a coach has ever been fired a year after they won the Super Bowl. It's probably, probably be making history.
33:36 Speaker 01 Too crazy, yeah.
33:37 Bill Simmons? And I really thought LaFleur was what we saw from him in the second half was going to be the worst thing we saw a weekend. It's fourth and 11, there's 43 seconds left.
33:47 Speaker 01 Right.
33:47 Bill Simmons? Eagles need to get a first down and they're on like, what, the 22 or something? Some, they don't like something and they call a timeout. And they had three timeouts left. Brady and, and I thought Brady was actually really good today. I thought that was the most I've enjoyed him doing.
34:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:04 Bill Simmons? Brady and Burkhardt are fine with it. Brady's like, well, if you don't like it, you gotta call a timeout. It's a big play. And everyone else is watching this has ever played a video game. It's like, you just lost. Like, if you don't get this, the game's over. You only have two timeouts. And I couldn't believe they missed it. And I couldn't believe they called a timeout. I'd rather have a delay of game.
34:21 Speaker 01 Can I say something? And I, I know I'm in way in the minority here and I'm usually with you the whole time, but.
34:27 Bill Simmons? Okay, zag on me.
34:28 Speaker 01 I, honestly, that was the game right there. That was the play. The offense looked so disheveled. Get a play. If you, you make the timeout count. Don't throw it so that nobody's gonna have a chance to convert or get it on fourth down. Or don't call the timeout and kick the field goal. And then you're talking about the same thing, basically. Stopping them and no time comes off because, right? Because.
34:52 Bill Simmons? Oh, that's interesting. I didn't even think of that.
34:53 Speaker 01 I just, I, I just didn't think they were gonna drive the field, even if they were gonna get, you know, stop, stop, stop, and then punt. So that play seemed to, to be the end for me.
35:04 Bill Simmons? It's the classic, why are we practicing all season if we're not prepared for this specific moment?
35:10 Speaker 01 Right, right.
35:11 Bill Simmons? It's like, oh, fourth and eight. Ah, need two more minutes to think about this. It's like, this is just, what's your best play?
35:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:17 Bill Simmons? Is it AJ Brown, one on one, just throw it to him. He either gets a PI or catches it. Like, what is it?
35:23 Speaker 01 Right.
35:23 Bill Simmons? This is the time to call it. Is it Goddard over the middle? Hit, be, you know?
35:29 Bill Simmons? It was really bad. Uh, we had, it was, there was a crazy wind. We had the fight. We had Kittle getting hurt. We had a double reverse wide receiver pass. And we had the Niners somehow scoring on two straight drives. Trent Williams playing was a big part of this game, though.
35:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:45 Bill Simmons? And it was like, like, when we were trying to figure this out on Wednesday, Thursday, it was unclear with him and Lane Johnson, which one of those was playing, but.
35:52 Speaker 01 Fox, when they're promoting this game on Wednesday, wouldn't put Trent Williams' picture against Lane Johnson. That's not how they would do it on the graphic, but.
35:59 Bill Simmons? You don't think that would work?
36:00 Speaker 01 It really kinda came down to that, right? That one of them didn't play.
36:05 Bill Simmons? Other NFC game and then we'll do the two AFC games after Panthers Seahawks. Seahawks by 10 and a half. It was the biggest road favorite line ever.
36:16 Speaker 01 Panthers Rams. Yeah.
36:17 Bill Simmons? Oh, I'm sorry. Panthers Rams. I, uh, I took the points. I didn't. It was the only one for our Ringer 107 contest. Somehow I'm two and three with picks this week and own four in the Ringer 107 contest.
36:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:29 Bill Simmons? Yeah. Ask yourself how you can pull that off because I did. Um, I'm going the other way and Ringer 107 now I want to end up with by far the worst record and then have the big comeback next year.
36:39 Speaker 01 Well, just keep doing what you're doing.
36:39 Bill Simmons? I want to go like 42. Yeah. I'm not changing anything.
36:42 Speaker 01 Okay.
36:43 Bill Simmons? I want to go like 43 and 60, 64. Um, but Panthers Seahawks, we all, the people that were around and our fantasy.
36:53 Speaker 01 Why do you want to call them the Seahawks so much?
36:55 Bill Simmons? Uh, the Panthers Rams because I'm screwing up here on Netflix.
36:58 Speaker 01 We're gonna get canceled.
36:58 Bill Simmons? Panthers Rams.
36:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:00 Bill Simmons? Seven of us come together.
37:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:02 Bill Simmons? At Shakey's in Hollywood, which we do every year.
37:06 Speaker 01 Right.
37:07 Bill Simmons? Was this the most entertaining Shakey's game we ever had?
37:11 Speaker 01 I think so. So we, we saw Tebow, right? I think that would be the, be the only, oh no. Wow. So there were two that we thought of.
37:17 Bill Simmons? Oh, I should probably explain the Shakey's game to whatever new audience we have.
37:21 Speaker 01 Just don't keep saying it's the Seahawks, but go ahead. Yeah.
37:23 Bill Simmons? It's Panthers Rams.
37:24 Speaker 01 Right.
37:26 Bill Simmons? Shakey's game. It's the first game of the weekend, round one. They always put the least appealing game. Our fantasy league gets together and we go to Shakey's because it's, it's, was a pizza place in the late 2000s. That was pretty rundown on, on Santa Monica Boulevard.
37:43 Speaker 01 Right.
37:43 Bill Simmons? And we thought it'd be funny to do our banquet there. Like the most rundown pizza place in our area and it's become a tradition to go to Shakey's.
37:50 Speaker 01 Like we could afford chicken parmigiana at like a decent restaurant.
37:54 Bill Simmons? Yeah, we could go to like Dantana's or something. We don't. We go to Shakey's and, and it's, and it's usually an experience. Tebow versus Pittsburgh, 2011. Tebow's one great playoff moment happened in a Shakey's game and then beast mode against the Saints. I think those were the two best moments.
38:10 Speaker 01 That was good. Uh, you're not going to like this, but, um, oh no, it was, uh, it was Ravens Broncos, right?
38:17 Bill Simmons? Was that a Shakey's game?
38:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was a Shakey's game. We might've stayed for the second game. That might've been like the second game kind of thing, but yeah.
38:24 Bill Simmons? This one was great. And the funniest thing was. Our groups all together, including our friend Hench, who we've talked about many times, Damashek, our friend Tony, who you and I used to share an office with on Jimmy Kimmel Live. You have, I don't, I don't, whatever college funds left you have.
38:42 Speaker 01 It's more.
38:43 Bill Simmons? The Rams are involved.
38:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:45 Bill Simmons? So you come in pleasant and as the fourth quarter starts and it seems like there's going to be Panthers upset. You're sinking backwards in your chair and you, you, you're just focused on the game. And Hench and Damashek and Tony just start talking about the American Revolution doc on PBS. Loudly.
39:05 Speaker 01 Yes.
39:05 Bill Simmons? Talking about different wars, what was the best part? And they're just going on and on. I almost felt like it was a bit. I thought it was like a hidden camera bit.
39:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
39:15 Bill Simmons? And I'm like, guys, three minutes left, kind of a bit, this is going to be kind of a big upset here. And they're like, but here's the thing about Benedict Arnold. And they're just like going crazy and you're dying and I'm dying and our friend Randy is dying. It was hilarious.
39:29 Speaker 01 I don't want to say anything, but I'm like, this is the biggest upset in, in shaky's history and in, in wildcard history, right? It's about to happen and you're fricking talking Damashek and Hench like, oh, General Cornwallis had it coming. Like, who gives a fuck? Like, this, this is not Netflix, right? It's PBS? This, this thing? This American Revolution thing? It's not Netflix.
39:49 Bill Simmons? They're like, and how about what they did to the Quakers? And it's like, alright, fourth and three. It was amazing. So it was like watching you being honestly operated on.
40:00 Speaker 01 Listen, this, this was a near disaster of a shaky's outing for me. Like you and Hench killing Stafford. Stafford's like auditioning for MVP every single pass. Like, oh, Drake May would have completed that. He would have done, yeah, he hits Puka in the helmet from a 30 yards. He's like, he threw it too hard. Like, alright, then the American Revolution talk and, you know, I'm about to get killed with this Rams money line and Brad wasn't really fun. Like he fell asleep with his arms folded and then he'd like occasionally wake up to make fun of the, uh, diminutive, you know, elderly women in the booth behind them, but that was it. I was like, I, I may have to leave. What's going on?
40:34 Bill Simmons? You missed Brad's most fun part when he reviewed centers for us. That was.
40:37 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
40:38 Bill Simmons? He thought it was overrated was his take.
40:40 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. Well, the best part, I'm sorry, I know Brad is our crazy, crazy friend for many, many years. But before I even got there, you're like, hey, hurry up. Um, they only have the Rams game on on two of the eight screens and Brad is yelling at the manager. I was like, yep, that checks out. And then I didn't hear anything from you. So I was like.
40:57 Bill Simmons? Yeah, they had a Bears Packers game on two of the TVs from NFL Network from two months ago. I've noticed this in different restaurants and establishments.
41:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
41:07 Bill Simmons? Whoever's in charge of the TV, they're always put out.
41:10 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
41:11 Bill Simmons? Like you put, you have a place and you have TVs all over the place.
41:16 Bill Simmons? I assume part of the attraction of coming to your place would be people are going to eat and watch games on TV. And then you don't care what games are on the TV. And it's like, this is, we're in LA. It's a Rams playoff game. Every game should be, there was like a corner show and a corner TV show on NBA TV. They were showing the Packers Bears game. They had Spectrum Channel one, just the news channel was on one of them. It's like, but just go around and put Channel 11 on all these.
41:43 Speaker 01 Right. Yeah, listen, I, I, I try. I think there's a way to do it. You have to have a deft touch. You go to the manager and it's like, listen, I have this great, great talent. I can control any, any remote you hand to me. This won't take a second out of your time. I know what, I know what channel every game is on. Just go about, do your thing. Just cook up a new batch of Mojo potatoes. I'll do this for you. And they, they get, they get put out by it most of the time. Sometimes they're like, yeah, here, take it. I don't care. I don't want to do it, but yeah.
42:11 Bill Simmons? I thought you said you went up to them and said, listen, if the Rams lose this game, I'm gonna have to put my house on Redford. Can I please have the remote control?
42:22 Speaker 01 Grabbing all this leftover pizza and selling it in the parking lot. And then I'm selling my car along with it.
42:28 Bill Simmons? Well, Stafford, it was an MVP roller coaster.
42:33 Bill Simmons? Couldn't, like the lack of mobility, you could really feel with him a couple of times. But then every time it really started to look bad, he'd make a great play. He had a, I wrote down, there was a happy feet drop pick. After he'd had another pick and after he'd missed Adams for a bomb TD. And after the happy feet drop picked on third down, he was 11 for 26.
42:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:54 Bill Simmons? But then he, he kind of rallied. And what was interesting was. Panthers threw a pick. They had a field fourth and one. They lost their left tackle. They're hanging around, hanging around. And they block a punt with 4:30 left because the Rams special teams is just going to be their Achilles heel. Apologies to George Kittle. And the Panthers get the go ahead touchdown, but there's almost too much time left. It was like they almost would have been better off punt, 70 yard drive and the game. But instead they score fast and the Rams were able to put together a drive.
43:23 Speaker 01 And that's my second talent, working the remote and knowing how to do the clock management. We talked about that. We said like, hey, quarterbacks need to play less video games and coaches, head coaches need to play more. And in the form of Madden, like knowing how much time is left and time management. Cause I know their head gets scattered, but yeah, Stafford was good. I think it was 12 for 15 down the stretch.
43:43 Bill Simmons? He was good.
43:44 Speaker 01 Everything you said before that is true. Six for seven on that last drive. But again, it comes down to like fourth downs. They were 0 for three of the Panthers on fourth down conversions. And that's, that's a turnover.
43:56 Bill Simmons? Bryce was all over the place, which has been the experience all year, but it was weirdly like a, it was a moral victory win for them. But they didn't get embarrassed. They hung around. They almost won.
44:07 Bill Simmons? There was some really bizarre coaching. Like McVeigh passed up going up 27 before halftime.
44:14 Speaker 01 Right, right.
44:14 Bill Simmons? Could have been up 13 kickoff, just take it, but decided to do the, there was a lot of fourth down hero ball. That I'm sure the nerds have, have, uh, have, have supported all the time. But I did feel like it was a tipping point of like common sense in some of these.
44:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:30 Bill Simmons? You know?
44:30 Speaker 01 But what's funny is we'll get to it in your game, but Harbaugh like kind of had the same decision to make twice. And once he made one and the other, he decided to kick.
44:39 Bill Simmons? Right. He flipped.
44:40 Speaker 01 Well, it probably would have said green, go, you know, if you looked at analytics for both. But at some point, yeah, like, yeah, let's get some points on the board enough.
44:47 Bill Simmons? Harbaugh was like the guy at third base and blackjack who hits on 13. Then the next time it comes to them, he stays and you're like,
44:54 Speaker 01 Right.
44:55 Bill Simmons? Yeah. Pick a lane dude. It's not, it's not, you just gotta go in one way or the other. What's, what's the one you like doing more?
45:03 Bill Simmons? Pretty bizarre last minute Carolina drive too, where they had enough time left, maybe to see when we do something. But, uh, listen, I was suspect of the Rams. I didn't think they would be the team that came out of the NFC. Uh, I had, I had Seattle, which Seattle didn't play and was probably one of the big winners of, of the weekend. But I just don't think the Rams defense is good enough. That's my, my big, I thought the Panthers proved yet again that I think you can move the ball on them. They have a pass rush. That's about it, right?
45:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:33 Bill Simmons? What do you, what do you, what do you see from it?
45:34 Speaker 01 No, that's it. I mean, they, they had Young in trouble, uh, a couple of times, a few times they put him down, but, um, and they're also penalized, which is weird. They had like 83 yards and penalties that, that hurt them a lot. But yeah, you're going to get a couple of big plays now that they're going to see better quarterbacks. Caleb Williams, um, you know, they have to go to his backyard. So this is tough. I mean, I have them on, I love those cross, this is who's going to meet who in the Super Bowl things. I made a bunch of those and the Rams are on them. Not feeling great about that right now.
46:03 Bill Simmons? No. We did have a good conversation about, uh,
46:07 Speaker 01 American Revolution?
46:09 Bill Simmons? Yeah. Well, we learned a lot about, uh, learned a lot about the revolution. I got to put in my two minutes about how, uh, how, how Boston just saved everybody's ass. Some people should be a lot nicer to Boston fans.
46:23 Speaker 01 Yeah. You thought that could end.
46:25 Bill Simmons? 1775, 1775 starts everything. We don't get enough credit for that.
46:30 Speaker 01 Right.
46:31 Bill Simmons? But, um,
46:31 Speaker 01 Unless I get live bet this American Revolution chat, um, cut it out. Let's watch the game.
46:37 Bill Simmons? That's what I do. Well, we had a good talk because I was, I'd watched the Marshawn launch, Marshawn Lynch, uh, beast mode run on Twitter, like on Wednesday. It was just randomly on. I was like, that has to be the greatest run of my life. And so we were talking about what were the best NFL runs we could ever remember. And I do think that's like a minus 420 favorite to be the answer.
46:57 Speaker 01 Wow. It's been around a long time. What did we say? We had a couple that stacked up, right? Dorsett's 99 yarder, maybe not as important, but it was a Monday night, right?
47:06 Bill Simmons? But it had the Monday Night Football crew.
47:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:09 Bill Simmons? Marcus Allen, the Super Bowl, Riggins in the Super Bowl, and then I think the wild card or the two Bo Jackson ones though.
47:16 Speaker 01 Right.
47:16 Bill Simmons? When he knocked over Bosworth, but then the one when he's going down the sidelines and he's like on the 50 and the announcer's like, he's gone. And he just keeps going and runs into the tunnel.
47:25 Speaker 01 Right. That was good.
47:26 Bill Simmons? But I think when you watch the Lynch one, for what it meant to the game, it's an actual playoff game. They're like 10-point underdogs. He may, he either, I think like eight guys either hit him or bounce off him.
47:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:37 Bill Simmons? And it just, it's like a Benny Hill sketch.
47:40 Speaker 01 Camera shaking.
47:42 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
47:42 Speaker 01 Stadium so rocking so much. Yeah.
47:45 Bill Simmons? Yeah, I think that has to be the number one.
47:47 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
47:48 Bill Simmons? But I don't know the answer. If we're gonna go greatest, greatest reception ever gets a little harder.
47:53 Speaker 01 What about when Lamar Jackson had the runs and had to take off to the locker room like in the middle of the second quarter?
47:58 Bill Simmons? You're not counting that? I forgot about that one. Um, oh, and then we talked about, uh, we talked about Mendoza too.
48:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:07 Bill Simmons? What's going on with him? Cause I, I've, I've landed on Mendoza going to Vegas as would be the funniest 2026 storyline.
48:14 Speaker 01 Poor guy.
48:15 Bill Simmons? The least Vegas-y guy who could ever go to Vegas and that's just where he's gonna be.
48:21 Bill Simmons? Mendoza, you wanna come gamble with us? I can't. Have fun, guys. I'll say a prayer for you.
48:26 Speaker 01 This is pregame.
48:27 Bill Simmons? Least fun Vegas hang ever?
48:29 Speaker 01 He's just, his pregame meal is like dinosaur chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. And like, yeah, they're gonna send them to the crazy horse three. Like, yeah, no, sorry.
48:38 Bill Simmons? It's gonna be the hangover four as they finally break Mendoza at a bachelor party and it's just loses his mind and disappears.
48:46 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:46 Bill Simmons? That's it. This episode is brought to you by Workday. Guessing is for game shows, not your business, especially when your margin for error is zero. Workday is the enterprise AI platform for HR, finance and IT with a deep understanding of your organization's context and guardrails. So every AI action is permission aware, giving you accuracy 24/7 and the ability to not just get work done, but get it done right. It's a new workday. This episode is brought to you by Expedia. You know how at the end of the season, your team goes to Cancun? Sometimes earlier than expected? Sometimes after blowing a 3-1 series lead? But what if you went to Cancun? With Expedia, save up to 30% when you bundle and save. You can book the flight or the hotel now, then book the rest later.
49:30 Bill Simmons? In all fairness, though, hopefully, your team doesn't go to Cancun. 1-2-3 Cancun. Or if they do, you go with them. Expedia, the one place you go to go places. Sign in to save, savings vary. This episode is brought to you by PNC Bank. In today's sports, everyone is constantly trying to outdo each other. Trick formations, infield shifts, constant rotation changes. Yet it's proven time and time again that strong fundamentals are the thing that will lead you to victory. Banking, no different. While everyone else tries to outdo each other, PNC Bank just keeps going right down the middle with steady, calculated money moves. And the financial wins just keep coming. PNC Bank, brilliantly boring since 1865. Brilliantly boring since 1865
50:15 Bill Simmons? as a registered mark of the PNC Financial Services Group, Incorporated. PNC Bank, National Association Member, FDIC. Let's go to the AFC. We'll do my game, fine.
50:28 Speaker 01 Don't be ashamed, you did it. You won, it's great.
50:33 Speaker 01 Terrific. 19-3, disgusting.
50:36 Bill Simmons? Two teams that couldn't block.
50:39 Speaker 01 Oh, your guys couldn't block either?
50:40 Bill Simmons? We couldn't block, they really couldn't block. And, uh, and it was just a defensive battle. That was the best our defenses looked in a long time. But everyone's also healthy. They had a great game plan. They really took advantage of the fact that the Chargers don't have a left or a right tackle who should be playing.
51:00 Bill Simmons? And Herbert has whatever's going on with his hand and got the crap kicked out of him. And by the end of the game, even though I wanted the Pats to blow them out. Like 10% of me felt bad for Herbert.
51:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, I, I, I didn't know which way to go with it.
51:12 Bill Simmons? I don't know what he was supposed to do in that game.
51:14 Speaker 01 He's a tough bastard, right? So that's why you can't, you can't really crap on him, right? But these are some bad losses now that he's been part of. Not that bad, like they should have won and then lost, but you know, the Jaguars won when they're up 30. Didn't do anything in the fourth. Uh, that Texans game last, last January, he threw four interceptions. And now this one, uh, I, I just don't know. That offensive line ought to be ashamed of themselves. I know there's injuries, they've used like nine guys, but what were you guys like 26th in sacks this year? Like, they've blocked better teams, like better runs. Like they're just, we're not ready for this.
51:49 Bill Simmons? I think Milton Williams being back and healthy was a big part of that. Cause he, he missed like five, six games. And that was like the entire middle of the defense, but, um,
52:01 Bill Simmons? home crowd, Sunday night, West Coast, East Coast. But the big thing was I didn't feel like their receivers were ever, ever open. And then a couple of times when they were open, they weren't making plays. But even like Keenan Allen had a drop. Got Gonzalez before he got hurt. I thought that was the best Patriots game I've ever seen him have.
52:18 Speaker 01 He was phenomenal.
52:19 Bill Simmons? He was all over the place. Collinsworth called it out a couple of times, but it was like, nobody was doing anything on him. And then he got, hopefully not concussed, some sort of possible something. And it didn't even seem like a concussion play. So status could be, uh, in question for next week, but, um, I, the, the, I'm trying to think how the Boston, Boston media can get a little negative.
52:42 Speaker 01 No.
52:42 Bill Simmons? Especially the radio shows. Couple of radio, though, no, it's a, it's, they do this whole, there's a couple of Northeast cities that do this where they zag. And they're like, they might've won, but they only won, be, and then this was bad. And Drake May, that's why he's not going to win MVP. They're going to get super negative. I've watched every snap of Drake May's career. That was not a good Drake May game for about two hours there. I thought he was, he was off. He was okay.
53:07 Speaker 01 What he did with his legs was
53:09 Bill Simmons? What he did with his legs was great.
53:10 Speaker 01 More impressive than anything, honestly, right? And then, you know, you move the ball. I don't know. I just, you do see how it's a little more difficult than when you play the Jets four times, right? But still, you handle, I mean, you were so overconfident and it worked. It worked. How does this happen?
53:26 Bill Simmons? I was. I felt really good about the Chargers O-line. I really felt like that was gonna be me. I didn't think they were gonna be able to run the ball and I didn't think they were gonna be able to protect Herbert. But I thought May was gonna be better than that. Like, he missed Hooper in the second half for a touchdown. And he hasn't missed that throw in three months.
53:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, he's a little off balance.
53:42 Bill Simmons? He's nailed that all, I know, but he's nailed that throw all the time. He had a couple of great scrambles. I did the one thing, we should have talked about this on Ringer Gambling Show, that whole, remember that there was like four or five playoff games when the Mahomes rushing over-unders were too low?
53:57 Speaker 01 Oh, right, yeah.
53:58 Bill Simmons? And they never factored in that he would just play differently in the playoffs. The Patriots have had the fucking, you know, kid's gloves with May with the scrambling all season. They don't want him to get hit. They don't want him to get concussed. He slides, he goes down. He didn't this game. He was really aggressive with it and trying to run around. And I think that playoff Drake, I thought that was the difference.
54:22 Speaker 01 Definitely. No doubt about it. I mean, that under, that over must have hit in the first quarter, like with that first run. I mean, I know you did the kneel downs and stuff.
54:29 Bill Simmons? It was about the only over that hit.
54:30 Speaker 01 And then it's like, you know, I think it helped you that, I didn't see when they changed this rule, but Patriots are allowed to slap the, like, get face, use face mask penalties and like, it's not a penalty.
54:42 Bill Simmons? Oh, the hit in the head thing. That was great. I loved that.
54:45 Speaker 01 It happened on, I think, McConkey too. Like, I didn't know you were allowed to do that now. So that's, that's a great benefit going forward, I think.
54:51 Bill Simmons? That was a penalty. It came right after a ridiculous spot, so I felt like it evened out.
54:56 Speaker 01 Right. That's true. That's all you ever.
54:57 Bill Simmons? I never, I just did not believe in this Chargers team as a playoff team. I thought they were lucky to get in and I just thought they'd had too many injuries.
55:07 Speaker 01 This never works, by the way. As a fan, when you call out the team you want to play, like, three weeks ago, you probably, you said you wanted to play the Chargers, right?
55:15 Bill Simmons? Yeah, because they had no offensive line.
55:17 Speaker 01 Let that be the 2-7. And then you talk up May and everything well. Like, is this one of the top three days of your life? I wanted to ask. Patriots win. Hold on.
55:27 Bill Simmons? That's like top, top 25.
55:29 Speaker 01 Netflix debut.
55:31 Bill Simmons? Netflix debut. People wondering why we don't have makeup on.
55:33 Speaker 01 Right, right, right. Probably just me, but Amy Poehler wins, right? Let's talk about that. She, she's.
55:39 Bill Simmons? Amy Poehler won the Golden Globe for best podcast.
55:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:43 Bill Simmons? And deserved it because the podcast is great and she's a great person and we love working with her. So yeah, that was exciting.
55:49 Speaker 01 Good job by you. I mean, this has to be a top three. They, they doused Vrabel with hot water and lemon. I don't know if you saw that because we were just like going live.
55:56 Bill Simmons? Did they do that? Put honey in it?
55:58 Speaker 01 Put honey in it.
55:59 Bill Simmons? Well, Vrabel hugged Milton Williams and got head butted in the nose and mouth and was bleeding. He like loved it. He was trying to make himself bleed more.
56:07 Speaker 01 Coach is going in the blue tent after the game. It's weird. You don't see it that much.
56:11 Bill Simmons? Yeah, it was, you know, I wanted, I was hoping the Golden Globe thing would turn out well. And it was happening right during a Patriot drive. And it was just a lot. I felt like I was overheating like a car. I was like, this is too much. I've seen this happen to you a couple of times when there's too many games. And you're just kind of like, get that like deer in the headlights, getting overwhelmed look.
56:31 Speaker 01 Did you, let me ask you this. Amy wins.
56:34 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
56:34 Speaker 01 But the Patriots lose, or you could have the opposite result. Which one?
56:38 Bill Simmons? You know what's funny? I said to my wife two hours ago that you were going to do this.
56:42 Speaker 01 Okay. So you should have an answer prepared then.
56:45 Bill Simmons? I'm definitely not answering.
56:46 Speaker 01 Oh, come on.
56:48 Bill Simmons? For the, for the new listeners, when Sal and I worked together on Kimmel's show and we sat next to each other at a desk, that desk right next to each other, writing jokes and doing shit every day. And anytime I was like trying to work and you were trying to mess with me and you would be like, Simmons, you could only save one of your two parents. Which one do you pick?
57:09 Speaker 01 Right.
57:09 Bill Simmons? And you would just throw these like crazy hypotheticals at me every day, basically.
57:14 Speaker 01 And you said your dad.
57:14 Bill Simmons? So I knew that Poehler one was coming because I've known you now for 23 years.
57:17 Speaker 01 Well, what's the answer? You don't want to answer? Come on. I think it's nice for the Netflix.
57:20 Bill Simmons? I wanted both. I wasn't thinking either or. It was not a good sudden situation.
57:24 Speaker 01 All right.
57:25 Bill Simmons? But I was happy. I did, I got, I started to get competitive when the smartest guys handed out an award though.
57:30 Speaker 01 Oh, right. In the beginning.
57:32 Bill Simmons? I was like, oh, is this rigged? I didn't, I didn't know we were rigging this. The smartest guys, they hand out the award, they get to do it, but um, big picture for Herbert. You said it earlier. 0-3 in the playoffs now.
57:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:45 Bill Simmons? The nerds love him. The nerds will defend him to the death. Did you feel like he could have done more in that game? Other than maybe be a little more protective of the ball? What was he missing?
57:54 Speaker 01 When he was stepping up in the pocket and like just before the line of scrimmage and he lets it fly. I don't think he hit any of those passes. And those are the only like 15 plus yard passes. I thought he was able to complete. If he drops back in the pocket, he goes through his progressions as, as good as anyone else. But that wasn't working. So everything else is like a five yard pass. But I really thought he'd be able to hit. Although, I mean, you had great coverage. I don't know what to say again.
58:19 Bill Simmons? Defense was good.
58:20 Speaker 01 Defense was good.
58:21 Bill Simmons? Well, can't we say the two worst playoff teams were the Panthers and the Chargers? Right? I mean, maybe tomorrow we'll feel that way about, uh, the Steelers or the Texans, but.
58:30 Speaker 01 Right, right.
58:31 Bill Simmons? I just felt like they weren't at the same level. Even Philly, who, you know, shit the bed, but you can't say that team wasn't talented. That team had dudes all over the place.
58:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, those are the two for sure.
58:43 Bill Simmons? The May thing, couple other just deep cut Pat stuff. They really missed Matt Collins, who the announcers did not mention once in the game today. And I liked to recall Collinsworth. I thought they did a great job for the most part. Matt Collins, the blocking, he was like a Drake May security blanket. They would always get one deep pass with him and he got hurt just randomly. He had some abdominal injury or something like in the last two weeks of the season. But I, I just thought, I don't think they've looked the same since he left. And then May was too sloppy in the pocket with the ball. Like he, if they're going to play whoever next week, it's, it's either going to be the Texans. They play the Texans next week who have a good defense.
59:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:23 Bill Simmons? You can't be that careless with the ball with all the people around you. This is stuff he was doing as a rookie and he wasn't doing it the last three months. He was way more careful with the ball. He was not careful.
59:33 Speaker 01 So you're fine. You're, you're going to get every single bounce from now until 2050. He fumbled, the offensive lineman like grabbed it, a whirling dervish, but switched hands and recovered.
59:43 Bill Simmons? They recovered one of those too on the Chargers side. Vidal got one.
59:48 Speaker 01 His own, right? Yeah.
59:49 Bill Simmons? Yeah, yeah.
59:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:50 Bill Simmons? Yeah, they were.
59:51 Speaker 01 That was their biggest play for a while.
59:52 Bill Simmons? Yeah. I do wonder, like, that first playoff game, there are some pretty convincing stats about a QB in their first playoff game, no matter who they are. You know, we have like the Quincy Carter types from way back, but then even like Peyton Manning, whoever, Brady, the snow game, he was terrible for two hours in that game and then finally got going. But I think we'll see next week because I know that I bet his standards are gonna be a little higher and Vrabel will push them a little bit.
1:00:19 Speaker 01 Wait, so the Virgin?
1:00:20 Bill Simmons? Awesome.
1:00:20 Speaker 01 The Virgin quarterbacks were two and one, Virgin quarterback, playoff quarterbacks were two, two and one?
1:00:26 Bill Simmons? He had a similar game to Caleb where it took him a while to warm up. Caleb finished with 361 and he didn't have the scrambling like Drake did.
1:00:35 Speaker 01 Oh, I know it.
1:00:35 Bill Simmons? Drake finished with 17 for 29 for 268, but he was, he was like 7 for 17 at one point. Like it was like way, usually he's 75% of his passes. He was 10 for 66 rushing. The big thing now, and I mentioned this last week and I just wanted to mention again quick, the Remandre Stevenson renaissance, who was the best guy for on the offense today. And this was a guy the Pats fans were ready to wave after the Steelers game, you know, Vrabel stuck by him. It was one of the best things that he did. All right. The game I was the most wrong about. This was the only game I really loved.
1:01:11 Speaker 01 Jacksonville.
1:01:11 Bill Simmons? Jags Bills.
1:01:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:01:13 Bill Simmons? And I really thought the Jags were better. I didn't understand how the Bills were gonna beat them. And as it turns out, the blueprint for them beating them was basically what happened, a ridiculous game. Allen throws to nine receivers. Allen runs the ball 11 times. He runs the ball for two touchdowns, including a 10 yard tush push. I think he had 14 injuries by the end of the game. I couldn't even keep track anymore. His wife was pregnant at the Golden Globes, you know, 3,000 miles away. And it's just like, gamut of emotions, day for him. Is there in a Shakir? Brandon Cooks, who wasn't playing for anyone, Gabe Davis, who they picked up, who got hurt again. Coleman, who they benched twice.
1:01:56 Bill Simmons? The two white tight ends, couple running backs.
1:01:59 Speaker 01 Shavers, right?
1:02:00 Bill Simmons? He had seven incompletions and nine guys caught passes from him. Like that's, you should not have less incompletions than receivers.
1:02:07 Speaker 01 Right.
1:02:07 Bill Simmons? But he was just.
1:02:08 Speaker 01 Interesting.
1:02:09 Bill Simmons? Yeah. It was a face of the league game from our guy Josh. And I'm watching the whole game going, God damn it. Why do I have Trevor Lawrence against Josh Allen?
1:02:17 Speaker 01 I know.
1:02:17 Bill Simmons? And I had the whole week to think about it and I knew it and I walked into it and I was just like, ah.
1:02:24 Speaker 01 But again, one stupid play and that's, I guess, the difference, right? In the end, one team had Josh Allen and the other one did, although they both had Josh Allens. The other one didn't play quarterback though.
1:02:34 Bill Simmons? Yeah, the other one had a Heinz Allen.
1:02:36 Speaker 01 So they have a Josh Allen.
1:02:37 Bill Simmons? The Mahomes Philly game last year really screwed me up because I, I couldn't think of a single reason to pick KC other than Mahomes. So I'm like, I'm just not going against Mahomes. So then you go into this game, I'm like, I'm not doing that again. We're the only reason I can think of picking one team is the quarterback. And yet that was the reason they won.
1:02:53 Speaker 01 But then you think they were running them, they were doing just what they needed to do. They're, they were, they had rushing yard. I know you were, you were killing the offensive play calling because they didn't go as much to, you know, you know, at the end and to as much as they should have. But it's one play, it's that fourth and one where like Lawrence goes and he launches and his shin hits the ground or something, I don't know, his knee hits, I don't know how it happened. They score there, it's what 14, three? And then like, then Josh Allen's like a little against the ropes. That's what you needed to happen.
1:03:26 Bill Simmons? Well, they get, they had a terrible pick in the first half.
1:03:30 Speaker 01 Yep.
1:03:30 Bill Simmons? By Lawrence, just an awful, old school, terrible Trevor Lawrence throw where like red zone September. Like, let's go to Jacksonville, Trevor Lawrence wants this one back. So we had that, we had the fourth and two inside the 10, which, which is there. For some reason, as he dives, he, he, these, the ground. They get a fumble on a kickoff.
1:03:52 Speaker 01 Yep.
1:03:52 Bill Simmons? And yet, nothing was going right for them. I wrote down their running backs were eight for 99 in the first two hours rushing.
1:03:59 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
1:04:00 Bill Simmons? Eight carries for 99 yards and they're just force feeding Lawrence. And it was to the point where it's like, do they want this guy to be the hero of the game or something? Like, what's the game plan? Just run the Buffalo can't stop the run. What are you guys doing? And then the run will set up the play action and it just, it took them too long to get going, Sal.
1:04:18 Speaker 01 I think it's tough, Bill, but no, that, I mean, that's their, that's their offense though. Like they mix it up and don't forget like Lawrence at that point, at that point was averaging seven yards a carry himself, right?
1:04:28 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:04:29 Speaker 01 And I'm all for like, oh, he just threw an interception. Let's run the ball a little bit, but it was late first quarter. You can't, you gotta build that confidence back a little bit. And I felt he, look, it was their defense that needed to step up at the end, right? Like he got him ahead in the fourth quarter with a few minutes left. We all knew, we all knew it was too much.
1:04:48 Bill Simmons? No, it was the last two drives. Buffalo drove.
1:04:50 Speaker 01 The last two, right?
1:04:51 Bill Simmons? Two touchdown drives in the fourth quarter to end the game on the road in Jacksonville.
1:04:56 Speaker 01 Yep, that was it.
1:04:58 Bill Simmons? Stop them.
1:04:58 Speaker 01 That's it.
1:04:59 Bill Simmons? I thought Lawrence was bad.
1:05:00 Speaker 01 And the kick missed. That was a bad miss from the guy who like makes them from, you know, Boca Raton.
1:05:05 Bill Simmons? Little.
1:05:06 Speaker 01 He can, yeah, little cam little, so.
1:05:08 Bill Simmons? Oh my God, Nance really.
1:05:11 Speaker 01 Oh, he did. They were both jinxing it.
1:05:12 Bill Simmons? Oh, he's like, this guy can make it from 80. And then of course he comes out and misses it.
1:05:17 Speaker 01 15. They're like, ah, bring them out for this.
1:05:20 Bill Simmons? Lawrence was 18 for 30 for 207 and two picks. I actually kept track of the entire game of balls that he threw that hit Buffalo hands.
1:05:31 Speaker 01 How many?
1:05:33 Bill Simmons? Uh, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
1:05:36 Speaker 01 No.
1:05:37 Bill Simmons? Eight.
1:05:38 Speaker 01 What?
1:05:38 Bill Simmons? Eight. I'm telling you, I marked all of them down. Eight times a Buffalo defender hit a Lawrence pass with their hand.
1:05:46 Speaker 01 Oh, the tip passes. Is it talking tip passes?
1:05:49 Bill Simmons? Tip pass or the guy had a chance to pick it? The last play when they actually got the interception, two guys hit that. The guy tipped it. Another guy caught it.
1:05:58 Speaker 01 Right.
1:05:58 Bill Simmons? Um, but it was just, he was just throwing it around and he reverted back to September Trevor Lawrence. I thought that guy was dead after the Denver game. I thought this was the new Trevor Lawrence. Was not.
1:06:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think I
1:06:12 Bill Simmons? He wasn't good enough. Buffalo doesn't have a good defense. Come on.
1:06:14 Speaker 01 It's true. It's true, but it was very good today. It really was. Russo and Shaq Thompson was was excellent. I think they did have like the eight or nine pass deflections. I did write that down. And the other thing that they turned around on the Bills was time of possession was like 34 26 Buffalo. It's like, they're not gonna win that game. That's not, we knew that they wouldn't win with that game plan.
1:06:35 Bill Simmons? So they had Buffalo has a chance to go up three. They get that crazy tush push, or as Nance called it, the push tush.
1:06:44 Speaker 01 Right.
1:06:45 Bill Simmons? Did you hear that one?
1:06:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, push.
1:06:46 Bill Simmons? Push tush. No relation to pass rush from Chris Collinsworth. And Allen's gets tackled. Basically, they decide he's down at the one. There's a minute, two left.
1:06:57 Speaker 01 Right.
1:06:57 Bill Simmons? Jacksonville has no timeouts. And the move is kind of sneak, but don't do what Drake made it earlier this year where you don't try to score. Allen's like, fuck it. He goes right in. There's a minute two left and they're up three. And it felt like a huge mistake.
1:07:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:07:14 Bill Simmons? Yeah, I felt, I'm always for like ram it in, but in this case, like a minute with that kicker who can kick 70 yarders. I'm like killing.
1:07:22 Speaker 01 But what does the play look like? So is it a kneel down? Cause you don't want to start the second play from the three and then you get a false start.
1:07:28 Bill Simmons? He snaps it and he just kind of sneaks, but he just kind of goes down.
1:07:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, because they were gonna let him score anyway. So they probably, he probably could have just like gone forward or right where he was. Yeah.
1:07:38 Bill Simmons? They had 62 seconds left. They got the ball at like the 25. And their kicker can kick a field goal from the 50. So they needed to go in 62 seconds, 25 yards. So what's the first play? Let's throw it right over the middle to a guy who's covered by two people.
1:07:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:07:54 Bill Simmons? Even if he catches it, it's a 10 yard play. He gets tackled. 22 seconds come off the clock.
1:07:59 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
1:07:59 Bill Simmons? Like, how is that your first play? I just thought Liam Cohen. Is there something about first year, first, first time coaches in a playoff game? Again, with somebody who immediately is losing the QB matchup, maybe that's like some sort of bad formula?
1:08:17 Speaker 01 Let's ask our producer, Cahill, get, pull that up and we're gonna need that in 30 seconds.
1:08:21 Bill Simmons? Yeah, come back with us.
1:08:23 Bill Simmons? I got an email from a reader, a listener, Pierre in Louisiana. After this game, he said, think you're overthinking the picks. Fundamentally, hobbyist gambling should simply be about having fun. You agree with this?
1:08:37 Speaker 01 Wait, what?
1:08:39 Bill Simmons? Hobbyist gambling should simply be about having fun when you gamble. He's saying it should be fun. He needed to see you yesterday during the Rams game.
1:08:49 Speaker 01 Fun. I'm trying to think, when was the last time was fun? Like, when was, this is not where a lot of craps, a hot craps table. This is every man for himself.
1:08:57 Bill Simmons? I think the most fun I ever had was Ravens Giants, Super Bowl in January, February 2001.
1:09:03 Speaker 01 Cleaned up, yeah. Yeah, that was good.
1:09:05 Bill Simmons? I didn't, we didn't even know each other yet. We separately cleaned up. I hit like everything in that game.
1:09:10 Speaker 01 Super Bowl's weird for me. I don't have fun because I'm so upset the season's over. You've too many bets. So even if I win, yeah.
1:09:15 Bill Simmons? So Pierre says, betting against Josh Allen isn't fun. Betting on Trevor Lawrence isn't fun. Maybe add fun to the playoff gambling manifesto. So he sent this email and then I watched the Eagles Niners game and I'm like, I'm not having fun with my pick here either. I, I wish I had the Niners. It would have been more fun to have the nobody believes it's Niners. So round two, I might just go for fun.
1:09:40 Speaker 01 What is, because Pierre said so?
1:09:43 Bill Simmons? Yeah, Pierre in Louisiana thinks we should have more fun with gambling.
1:09:46 Speaker 01 Buddhist or something? Pierre, thanks, but we know, we got this, man. Don't ever email us again.
1:09:51 Bill Simmons? I have to find this picture I took of you. I hope this.
1:09:56 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
1:09:56 Bill Simmons? This is Sal and Shakey's.
1:09:58 Speaker 01 You son of a bitch.
1:09:59 Bill Simmons? As these, as our three friends are talking about American history and the Rams are falling apart. And Sal is just sinking backwards into his chair.
1:10:09 Speaker 01 You know.
1:10:09 Bill Simmons? Yesterday. See, that looks like gambling wasn't fun.
1:10:12 Speaker 01 No, no, no. That was one of the, uh, that was all the three hours that it wasn't fun.
1:10:16 Bill Simmons? It's 2724 with 242 left. And I think Hench and Damashek and Tony were in 1776 at that point. Like breaking down post, post tea party.
1:10:27 Speaker 01 Right.
1:10:27 Bill Simmons? What was happening there?
1:10:28 Speaker 01 I'm glad you showed, because I wasn't gonna do this, but now that you did, I have a picture of you singing in excess to your wife here. No, I don't. I don't have. I don't. I don't have.
1:10:39 Bill Simmons? Surprise birthday party.
1:10:40 Speaker 01 Surprise birthday party.
1:10:42 Bill Simmons? I was a karaoke surprise. I don't know if that's gonna be a win or loss for me, if that ever ends up on my mind.
1:10:49 Speaker 01 Very red. It looks like you have makeup now. This is good. This is all right.
1:10:54 Bill Simmons? What you need, said what you need.
1:10:56 Speaker 01 What was it? What'd you say to her?
1:10:57 Bill Simmons? I really thought you were gonna have the video. I was like, I was terrified.
1:11:02 Speaker 01 I should have. I knew, um, really, yeah, you've had too good a day. Yeah.
1:11:05 Bill Simmons? You know what I do have, though, is I have video footage of, of me watching the Eagles game in the sauna. I got that one for you today. Yeah. Yeah. I knew that would annoy you.
1:11:17 Speaker 01 What is the matter with you? You wore a shirt also? Bill wears a shirt in the sauna.
1:11:22 Bill Simmons? I wore a shirt in sauna. I did, uh, second half Jags Bills on the treadmill. Going 3-9, walking and 4-0 during commercials. And the game flew by because I just couldn't believe the Jags were blowing it. And then sauna after. And then finished it off with some hot water and honey. Yeah.
1:11:41 Speaker 01 What a guy.
1:11:42 Bill Simmons? Yeah. Things are, things are, things are off the rails in 2026. Yeah. Did you see me eating the pizza and pulling the cheese off?
1:11:49 Speaker 01 I know.
1:11:49 Bill Simmons? Proud of myself.
1:11:50 Speaker 01 Most disgraceful, uh, patron of Shakey's. Good job.
1:11:54 Bill Simmons? So we had five games. Four of them were awesome.
1:11:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:11:57 Bill Simmons? The Pats Chargers game was not awesome, although I had a great time and I was excited for my dad. Um, and now we have Steelers Texans tomorrow.
1:12:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:12:06 Bill Simmons? Which the line is settled at three, it seems like, right?
1:12:10 Speaker 01 I've seen it at three. Yeah. I don't think it's moving.
1:12:13 Bill Simmons? So what I watched this weekend made me even more convinced that the Steelers are the bet tomorrow.
1:12:18 Speaker 01 Because, because the.
1:12:21 Bill Simmons? I think it's same thing as that Chargers. I don't think they're gonna be able to block.
1:12:25 Speaker 01 Oh, interesting.
1:12:25 Bill Simmons? Texans. So as good as their defense is, I think it's, it's worse when you have the offense that can't block and you're on the road and a, and a crowd like that. I think it, that'd be my takeaway.
1:12:35 Speaker 01 I thought my thing was there are three fraudulent teams in the playoffs right now, in my opinion. All different levels are fraudulent. I said the Panthers, I thought the Bears a little bit, and I thought the Steelers.
1:12:47 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:12:47 Speaker 01 And the two of them will play tough. And I think the Steelers also will. Oh, man, if, if Aaron Rodgers goes to New England. Come on. It's another win for you.
1:13:00 Bill Simmons? So they, they, they beat the Pats in week three in a game where the Pats had five turnovers, including
1:13:08 Bill Simmons? Remandre fumbling as he's about to score. We also had the one yesterday in the Bears game, the Christian Watson helicopter play where he fumbled on the half inch line. Just feels like anything full speed at the half yard line is gonna go badly for somebody. You just don't know.
1:13:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:13:26 Bill Simmons? I don't know what it is about the half.
1:13:27 Speaker 01 They got it.
1:13:27 Bill Simmons? They did.
1:13:28 Speaker 01 Like that was a, that was a bad Bears moment too, because it didn't go out of bounds somehow. And the Packers recovered. They didn't, they didn't score because they had to place it at the one, but eventually they did.
1:13:38 Bill Simmons? See, I know we led with that. I still can't get over that game. That was the, the Packers were the right pick in that game.
1:13:44 Speaker 01 I know.
1:13:45 Bill Simmons? They just were. That was a ridiculous Bears win. All right, quick break. This episode is brought to you by Fire TV. You ever sit down, ready to watch the game, only to search and scroll endlessly? If so, you need Fire TV. It shows you are live games from your favorite teams all in one place, right on the home screen. No more searching. Just sit down and turn on Fire TV. Separate subscriptions may be required. Feature and content availability may vary.
1:14:11 Bill Simmons? This episode is brought to you by Sony Pictures Classics. A perfect crime film, says the Daily Beast. John Torturo gives a career best performance. Don't miss the acclaimed new thriller, The Only Living Pickpocket in New York. Torturo stars as an aging master pickpocket, whose latest score puts him in the crosshairs of a ruthless crime family. It's also starring Giancarlo Esposito, Tatiana Maslany, Will Price, and our guy, Steve Buscemi. See the film that the LA Times calls instantly classic, The Only Living Pickpocket in New York, now playing in theaters nationwide.
1:14:47 Bill Simmons? All right, so we're gonna, here, here's the plan for us. We're gonna do guest lines for the, for the games that we have, which are three games.
1:14:54 Speaker 01 Did you see the Times? This is, um, news.
1:14:57 Bill Simmons? Oh, do we have a schedule? What is it?
1:14:58 Speaker 01 I think so.
1:14:59 Bill Simmons? Can I guess? Can I guess the schedule?
1:15:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:15:03 Bill Simmons? Okay. I'm gonna guess, um, Broncos Bills is the first game on Saturday?
1:15:12 Speaker 01 If Fandel listed it correctly, you're right. Yes.
1:15:15 Bill Simmons? Okay. I'm gonna guess.
1:15:24 Bill Simmons? Seahawks 49ers, Saturday night?
1:15:26 Speaker 01 Yeah. Are you looking at this or you?
1:15:28 Bill Simmons? No, I'm guessing.
1:15:29 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:15:29 Bill Simmons? Patriots, whoever on Sunday afternoon, because that had, early Sunday, because that has to be, the Monday night team needs enough days. Right?
1:15:38 Speaker 01 Well, the Monday night team needs enough days, so Patriots are definitely playing Sunday.
1:15:41 Bill Simmons? Patriots hosting somebody. And then Rams Bears Sunday night?
1:15:45 Speaker 01 They have Rams Bears Day, and which means we would do this again after your, uh, after your team plays.
1:15:51 Bill Simmons? Please, no.
1:15:52 Speaker 01 Let me make sure. See now.
1:15:55 Bill Simmons? Is it because, is it a Fox thing?
1:15:57 Speaker 01 Let me see.
1:15:57 Bill Simmons? Must be a Fox thing. Fox must get the early game on Sunday. They must get their picks.
1:16:01 Speaker 01 I hope this isn't, this isn't right. I mean, this is, this is what's on, uh.
1:16:05 Bill Simmons? Another Pats game? I mean, I love Netflix. If it means we, we follow a Pats playoff game every week, this is a good streak for us.
1:16:12 Speaker 01 Yeah. Yeah. No, this is, this would be fun.
1:16:14 Bill Simmons? Good for me.
1:16:15 Speaker 01 I think they would have put you Saturday night if they knew Rogers was playing, for sure. I think they want Rogers in a night game if, if they, if they're able to do so. But, um, there's no guarantee.
1:16:26 Bill Simmons? Pats Houston is almost like a shaky's round two game.
1:16:29 Speaker 01 Right, right, right.
1:16:30 Bill Simmons? Could be ugly like the one today. All right, so.
1:16:34 Bill Simmons? A quick backstory for any new watchers we have here. Sal and I have been playing Guess the Lines. It was first, who'd you start the game with?
1:16:42 Speaker 01 My buddy Darren. The parlay kid. Yeah, yeah. He used to hide in a closet so his girlfriend, now wife, couldn't hear us guessing lines because it was frowned upon back then. And now we're on Netflix, don't it?
1:16:53 Bill Simmons? So you have the schedule. I start working for Jimmy Kimmel Live. We start doing it. It's, I show up like mid-November 2002. The show hasn't started yet. We're sitting next to each other. Rest of 2002 through the playoffs. You're like, let's play Guess the Lines. We start doing it. Then the next year, we do it at work. Then I leave J K O. We start doing it on the phone. We do it on the phone for like three years. Then when I get a podcast at ESPN, it becomes the Monday Pod. And we've been doing it ever since. This is, I think, our 19th year.
1:17:27 Speaker 01 19th year.
1:17:28 Bill Simmons? Guess the Lines. And what happens is, we guess the line. Whoever's closer wins it. And I've won all 19 years.
1:17:34 Speaker 01 No, stop it. I won last year.
1:17:35 Bill Simmons? You're right. You won last year.
1:17:37 Speaker 01 I've won more than last year.
1:17:39 Bill Simmons? Yeah, no. I'm probably up like 10-7 lifetime.
1:17:42 Speaker 01 I know. Well, when you're cheating, when you're allowed to swat the quarterback in the helmet, then what are we gonna do?
1:17:48 Bill Simmons? All right. So we're gonna guess the lines. So we're gonna say the first game is Broncos-Bills in Denver.
1:17:55 Speaker 01 That's what it appears to be.
1:17:57 Bill Simmons? Okay. I've not seen the lines.
1:17:59 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:18:01 Bill Simmons? I think the Broncos are gonna be favored.
1:18:04 Bill Simmons? And I think it's in the Tic Tac Zone, which we call for anything minus 1.5. And I'm gonna say Broncos.
1:18:09 Speaker 01 One and a half calories. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
1:18:11 Bill Simmons? Broncos minus 1.5 at home against Denver. Or against Buffalo.
1:18:16 Speaker 01 Oh, all right. So I get this one because I said Buffalo minus 1.5, and it is Buffalo minus 1.5.
1:18:23 Bill Simmons? Okay.
1:18:25 Bill Simmons? Let's talk about this.
1:18:26 Speaker 01 Well, they power rated them exactly the same as the Jaguars, right?
1:18:31 Bill Simmons? But aren't the Broncos better than the Jaguars? The Broncos are the one seed.
1:18:35 Speaker 01 Yeah. They're the one seed.
1:18:37 Bill Simmons? They won 14 and 3, they're home.
1:18:40 Bill Simmons? They're the altitude. And Josh Allen got the shit kicked out of them this week.
1:18:44 Speaker 01 Right. They also have trouble eclipsing 13 points a lot of times. So I think they're factoring that in. And who's betting Denver, right?
1:18:53 Bill Simmons? I am going to make my first Netflix hardcore prediction.
1:18:56 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
1:18:59 Bill Simmons? The Broncos will be favored by next Saturday.
1:19:02 Speaker 01 Really?
1:19:03 Bill Simmons? This will be Broncos by one and a half on Saturday.
1:19:04 Speaker 01 Okay. All right.
1:19:07 Bill Simmons? I think it had, this is exactly what happened that Jags game. The line moved along, the line moved along, then it flipped.
1:19:12 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
1:19:14 Bill Simmons? That's my prediction.
1:19:15 Speaker 01 Interesting. Let me just make sure these are, uh, no, I mean, these, these things flip all so much. And then what, we take a teaser, right? We add six points to whoever the underdog is getting one and a half. That doesn't seem to work all the time.
1:19:28 Bill Simmons? Well, the ones, the ones today in real life that worked. We can't do these in Ringer 107, but all the, all the 10 point, 13 point teases hit.
1:19:37 Speaker 01 Right.
1:19:38 Bill Simmons? Basically the Chargers, unless you had the Chargers in one of them.
1:19:41 Speaker 01 Except the Chargers.
1:19:41 Bill Simmons? Any other version of any game that you wanted to tease.
1:19:44 Speaker 01 I know.
1:19:44 Bill Simmons? Even the Eagles, the Eagles was, it ended at minus five and a half, 10 point tease, which I did. Brought it to plus four and a half and it covered, they lost by four.
1:19:52 Speaker 01 Missed extra point.
1:19:53 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:19:54 Speaker 01 Big. Very nice.
1:19:57 Bill Simmons? All right, so Saturday night is Seahawks, 49ers?
1:20:01 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
1:20:04 Bill Simmons? I had trouble with this one. I wanted to go lower and then I was starting to think about where they would have to get it to, to make people bet on the 49ers, the nobody believes in us team two weeks in a row. And it's in Seattle and Seattle's had the week off.
1:20:19 Bill Simmons? I have Seahawks minus seven.
1:20:22 Speaker 01 Okay, I had Seahawks minus six. I thought that was division rivalry. They'll chuck a point their way. It's seven and a half, so you got that.
1:20:33 Bill Simmons? Damn.
1:20:33 Speaker 01 And you love Seattle.
1:20:36 Bill Simmons? I'm just telling you now, they'll be in a parliaments for me.
1:20:40 Speaker 01 Really?
1:20:41 Bill Simmons? Yeah. I thought they should have won the last time they played by 25 points. That 13 to three game, that should have been like 30 to three. Darnold wasn't good enough. This is the perfect team. If they can get by, they have three playoff games with Darnold potentially, right? So you get through this game where you're not playing a team that has a really good defense. Then next round would be Rams versus Bears. Potentially they could play the Bears. They don't have a good defense either. Although they did stop the run in the second half. They might be able to get to the Super Bowl without ever seeing Darnold like under distress in any way.
1:21:16 Speaker 01 Right. I, if you could guarantee me there's not going to be rust on this Seattle team. Yeah. Having an awful week, I would love them. I would love it because I, the Denver, San Francisco's luck has to run out.
1:21:30 Bill Simmons? Alright, so then Sunday, we can't guess Patriots.
1:21:34 Speaker 01 The times haven't been announced, but the days are right. Bills, Broncos and 49ers Seahawks. Yeah.
1:21:40 Bill Simmons? Sunday, we can't guess the Pats game, but we do have good news. We're, I'm going to do another podcast tomorrow on Monday night. And you're just going to be the top of it. We're going to film 25 minutes at the top. That's going to be in my pod. I have another guest after, so we're going to guess the line for that. Talk about the Steelers Texans.
1:21:58 Speaker 01 No makeup again? Let me know now. Don't.
1:22:00 Bill Simmons? We can, we're just going all natural.
1:22:03 Speaker 01 Okay, alright.
1:22:03 Bill Simmons? Yeah, like John Mulaney covered in makeup. I saw his show. Yeah, some of the other podcasts that are coming in, like we have a bunch of Ringer podcasts coming tomorrow. That will also be available on Spotify as well on video, but.
1:22:15 Speaker 01 No makeup?
1:22:17 Bill Simmons? Yeah, well, some of the people we have will wear makeup. I'm trying to set the tone.
1:22:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:22:22 Bill Simmons? Yeah, just, just be you.
1:22:24 Speaker 01 I love it.
1:22:25 Bill Simmons? Don't worry, don't worry about what you look like in 4K and people counting your whiskers.
1:22:33 Bill Simmons? So we can't guess Pats, but we can guess Rams Bears.
1:22:37 Speaker 01 Yep.
1:22:41 Bill Simmons? I had two lines that are within a half point of each other and I went back and forth and I went back and forth and went back and forth. This game's in Chicago. You know, the Bears are gonna be losing at halftime. Rams minus two and a half is my guess.
1:22:56 Speaker 01 All right. I said four. I was like Vegas, the books, Fandals, I'm gonna fall for this. It's three and a half. So I was a little high, but I was closer.
1:23:05 Bill Simmons? Oh, so you you won.
1:23:06 Speaker 01 Well, I won.
1:23:07 Bill Simmons? Two one for the week.
1:23:08 Speaker 01 Two to one. So you could tie.
1:23:09 Bill Simmons? I could tie tomorrow.
1:23:10 Speaker 01 Big, big day to check in if you want.
1:23:14 Bill Simmons? Wait a second.
1:23:16 Bill Simmons? So Packers, Bears, Packers were one and a half.
1:23:21 Bill Simmons? Rams, two points more in Chicago after a game that Chicago looked awesome and felt like there's some mojo going now. That's weird.
1:23:31 Speaker 01 See, I look at it as they were 10 and a half at Carolina and right, obviously they didn't cover that. They didn't come close to covering that, but I think they just took a touchdown off of that and said, let's, let's see what the Rams could do.
1:23:45 Bill Simmons? I think that, don't you think that ends at three?
1:23:48 Speaker 01 Yeah. I mean, the Rams are the, are the perfect team to go up 25 points on the Bears and blow it in the fourth quarter. Perfect.
1:23:56 Bill Simmons? Outdoors, night game, something goofy happening. Caleb, it's funny, Caleb and Drake May are the same where I, I'm not really sure what to expect from them for the first hour and a half of the game because they're young.
1:24:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:24:08 Bill Simmons? But you also feel like they're never out of any game and that at any point they could just make an unbelievable play.
1:24:14 Speaker 01 Right.
1:24:15 Bill Simmons? But that, that play that May made to Hunter Henry was similar to the Caleb play on that fourth and eight. Like the Caleb throw was crazier and he ended up up in the air after he threw it, but it was same kind of like he, they just saw it. The throw had to be perfect. You have to have like a fucking great arm. You have to be able to throw on the move. And, uh, and those guys are two of the best at it.
1:24:37 Speaker 01 Yeah. Caleb did the Jordan Jumpman thing too, right?
1:24:40 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:24:41 Speaker 01 That was no accident.
1:24:42 Bill Simmons? Yeah, I think this will be, when you think like Mahomes goes down, Burrow doesn't make the playoffs. Like, everyone's already talked about this, but it does feel like a little bit of a change in the guard, even though those guys aren't that old. It does feel like there's a new generation. May and Caleb, there's something happening. And then maybe Stroud tomorrow if he can have a good game against Pittsburgh.
1:25:03 Speaker 01 That was a great class. And, uh, yeah, it paid dividends. And after
1:25:06 Bill Simmons? Daniels last year?
1:25:08 Speaker 01 Yeah. We watched so many bad quarterbacks in that 1pm slot from weeks one through 18.
1:25:14 Bill Simmons? We're gonna have Mendoza and a Bender in Vegas. Maybe he'll be the next one.
1:25:20 Bill Simmons? Goes to Vegas, gets completely corrupted within five minutes. I am in, uh, not only in the fantasy league with you, but I'm in this league that I've been in with, uh, my high school buddies and their college buddies since 1990.
1:25:34 Speaker 01 Playoff counts?
1:25:35 Bill Simmons? Goes all the way through. Get to protect up to six guys on your fantasy team. And then we have a draft and I had the first pick in the draft because I won. And I protected Drake May and Parker Washington and Jake. I didn't really have good keepers, but I had the first pick, so I took Puka. And then I had the, I took Puka over Josh Allen. And my thought was like, I have Parker Washington. I think the Jags are going to beat the Bills. I'm hoping Trevor Lawrence is going to be there when it come. There's four teams in the playoff draft. So one, two, three, four, I have five. Like, I'm really hoping Trevor Lawrence is there at five. Trevor Lawrence is there at five. Now I take him. Then I got ETN in the nineties. Now I have three Jags. I have Drake May.
1:26:17 Bill Simmons? I have it all set up and I had 195 points with all of my guys today, but I lost like six of them. And I'm probably gonna lose to the, to our friend Steve, who still has Allen, Darnold and Stafford.
1:26:32 Speaker 01 Oh, boy.
1:26:33 Bill Simmons? And Cook and Harvey and Kenneth Walker and Diggs. And, but this is, this league's great. I don't know why people don't do this idea where we, it's just more fantasy. I get five more weeks.
1:26:45 Speaker 01 I guess so.
1:26:46 Bill Simmons? Why does fantasy have to end after 16 weeks? I'm going 22.
1:26:49 Speaker 01 I should end after three weeks, to be honest with you. I don't know. Yeah. No, that's pretty cool. You know what's ironic about this though? Remember when we did the Ringer draft? You hated the Jaguars. You're like, I'm not drafting a Jaguar.
1:27:00 Bill Simmons? I hated Trevor Lawrence and now he's rekindled by hatred for him because he let me down today.
1:27:05 Speaker 01 You, you, you made that proclamation. You're like, he's gonna be my most hated player in the league if he loses this game.
1:27:09 Bill Simmons? Yeah.
1:27:11 Bill Simmons? I saw there was an onion thing today about, or this week about guy spends 3,000 hours on his fantasy team this year wins $30 for second place. And I was like, that it?
1:27:22 Speaker 01 Close to home.
1:27:22 Bill Simmons? Exactly, yeah. Okay, so we're gonna do, we always do parent corner, which is how long have we been doing parent corner? I can't remember. When did we start that?
1:27:32 Speaker 01 Before we even had kids, which people thought it was weird at the time. No, I mean, I guess probably more than a decade, right?
1:27:40 Bill Simmons? At least. Well, at one point, my young son was the star of parent corner.
1:27:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:27:45 Bill Simmons? For like three, four years in a row, just was killing it. And now-
1:27:48 Speaker 01 That was untouchable.
1:27:50 Bill Simmons? Well, now he's 18. He's like, I will kill you in your sleep if you do any sort of parent corner about me. Do not mention my girlfriend. I will put you in a home on a moment's notice. He's just really, really terrified me.
1:28:03 Speaker 01 A dozen years ago, you were talking about how he did all the finishing moves on his pillow and everything. And then he's like, you know what, pops? I'm gonna do those for real on you if you mention me once now.
1:28:12 Bill Simmons? When he was a kid, we would do the ones about when he would have the, he would have the diaper and he would try to do the stink face on my wife when he had a gross diaper. When he was like two. Yeah.
1:28:23 Speaker 01 He doesn't still do that?
1:28:24 Bill Simmons? No, he doesn't do that. Now he's like, leave me out of parent corner. He's a responsible kid. He's going to college next year. He's got a car. He's got a girlfriend. He's a nice kid. Doesn't want to be in parent corner anymore. But you have, fortunately for us, younger kids that can still be in parent corner. So you go first.
1:28:41 Speaker 01 I have a 12 year old. I have a junior in high school and a junior in college, as you do. Well, so about an hour ago, my son Harrison snagged a fly ball to end the game and the South Bay Blue defeated OC Crush to win another fake gold ring. So we'll take it. I think they're coming home now.
1:28:57 Bill Simmons? Nice, congrats.
1:28:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, I'm very-
1:28:59 Bill Simmons? Were you watching that on your phone or during the podcast?
1:29:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, no, no. That was done, that was Golden Globes. That was Patriots and it was South Bay Blue watching that. But my other son went to, goes to Oregon, big game, came up against Indiana. And as he left for school, you know, like, went to drive back up to Oregon last week, I grabbed his shoulders and I said, dude, bring us back a championship. And then, you know, he informed me that he doesn't play for the team. He just watches on TV.
1:29:29 Bill Simmons? Just what you wanted in a root for a championship.
1:29:31 Speaker 01 Yeah. So, but, you know, I said to him, I was like, look, if they beat Indiana- We'll we'll figure something out like because you have to send the kid, right? Like if the kid, if they if they make the championship. So now they're losing by like 700 points in the third quarter and I text them. And I figured for sure he would think this is a joke. I was like, this is such a bummer. I got two tickets on the 50 yard line, like 20 yards up for you and Cookie. I had you at the Fontainebleau and I got somehow there's a jet going there and I was able to get you on there. And he was like, son of a bitch, like so upset.
1:30:10 Speaker 01 I was like, now what do I do here? Do I tell him I'm joking around or let him think I'm father of the year or decade or the century? Or but there's a risk in it too, because if Oregon comes back, I have to now come through on this. Even though so now I'm looking at the Oregon live line. I'm like, all right, I can get 70 to one. So if I put $500 on Oregon, I'll get 35 grand and I'll be covered for this thing that I promised him. Let me just tell him I was kidding and said, I told him I was kidding.
1:30:39 Bill Simmons? How'd that go?
1:30:41 Speaker 01 Not not very good.
1:30:44 Speaker 01 So now I'm like the worst father. I went from best to worst. But anyway, don't don't promise things. Don't joke with your kids, I think is the moral.
1:30:52 Bill Simmons? Does your wife still cry when he goes back to college?
1:30:55 Speaker 01 Um, I think she goes in a different room and cries. She knows not to do it in front of me because I'll make fun of her.
1:30:59 Bill Simmons? She like sneak cries?
1:31:00 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. But she was the one who said, go away. She's like, you have to go away. Like he could have gone to a local, it's plenty of, you know, Cal schools out here.
1:31:07 Bill Simmons? Plenty of California, like a drive away.
1:31:09 Speaker 01 She's like, you have to go, you have to live your life, you have to see what it's like to be away and regretted it. Like, I don't think he was the the asphalt was kicking back when he drove away and that she was upset.
1:31:19 Bill Simmons? My parent corner is about my mom.
1:31:23 Bill Simmons? Who I needed my mom. I I had a birthday party, surprise birthday party for my wife. That ironically, your wife was was there. Not a lot of people, but um. Had to get my wife out of my house because we had to set up the house and her friends wanted to do this mafia theme and they wanted to dress up. It was like a mob lives theme and they were all dressing like goomers and all. Your wife did a very good Goodfellas, by the way. Yeah. Yeah, she was, I think it had been practicing. She had a great time, yeah. Um, but uh, I had to get my, my wife out of the house. Five o'clock on Friday. So we had to go to my mom's. I had to get my mom involved. So I
1:32:04 Bill Simmons? came up with this whole thing about, my friend Dave is a, is one of the producers on Jury Duty and it was like, we're gonna, it's gonna Jury Duty, season two premiere and it's a mafia theme. So we have to dress up like we're mafia people. And we're going and we gotta bring my mom because she's a hundred percent Italian. So we're gonna bring my, we have to go to my mom's house. We'll have a glass of wine with her and then we'll drive back and it's a paramount. And my wife just falls for it, hook, line and sinker. I have a couple of my friends texting us like, are you going, you going this week? I heard it's gonna be really fun. So now the whole day she's, she's dressing, getting what she's gonna wear, her outfit, all that. Right. She goes to buy something on Friday, stops at my mom's house on the way home and it's
1:32:49 Bill Simmons? like two o'clock and my mom who like anytime anyone comes over, she's just ready to, the wine comes out. Oh. So I noticed, I check on Life 360 and it's like 2:35 and my wife is at my mom's and I'm like, oh no. Cause you know, this is a surprise party, a lot of boozing. Yeah. Like that, you definitely don't want to start early. Everyone's arriving what time? 6:30. Okay. You got a couple. So I FaceTimed my wife. She doesn't answer. I call my mom. She's like, oh, yeah, we're here. We, we just having some wine. And I'm like, so I text my mom. I'm like, what are you doing? You're supposed to be like the decoy. Like you're. Right. So.
1:33:35 Bill Simmons? Finally get her out. She comes back. We end up, we're on time. We go five o'clock. Go to my mom's. My mom is nervous. She's gonna screw it up.
1:33:45 Bill Simmons? Come back, pretend that I forgot my key, cuz I used my phone for my car. We gotta stop by the house to get, get my key. We go in, surprise, it works. How long do you think my mom stayed?
1:33:57 Speaker 01 Oh, I was gonna ask you this, but I thought it would sound insensitive.
1:34:01 Bill Simmons? It's like fourteen of my wife's friends. My mom's already had, you know, we had like a glass of wine. All these people, there's gonna be food.
1:34:09 Speaker 01 Right.
1:34:09 Bill Simmons? Whole thing.
1:34:12 Bill Simmons? How long did she stay? Over, under? I'll give you over, under twenty-nine point five minutes.
1:34:18 Speaker 01 I'm gonna say she's still there. No, I'm gonna, well, I, I mean, the way you're phrasing this, it has to be over. The way, right? I mean.
1:34:27 Bill Simmons? Nine minutes.
1:34:28 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
1:34:30 Bill Simmons? Hugs everybody, says, and then she's like, I gotta go. And, and she's calling an Uber.
1:34:34 Speaker 01 No kidding. Wow.
1:34:36 Bill Simmons? Why aren't you gonna stay? We're having food. No, no, no. Said, no, no, no, you guys. And does the you guys thing. And is gone. And it was just like, what? Our parents just get weird.
1:34:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:34:50 Bill Simmons? Like, there's some sort, I don't know what the year is, but it's definitely gonna happen to us, right?
1:34:55 Speaker 01 Well, all right.
1:34:56 Bill Simmons? I hope we're still on Netflix at that point.
1:34:58 Speaker 01 Yeah, we will be. Let me defend her here, though. You just called her and told her, don't forget, you're a decoy. Just be a decoy, lady.
1:35:06 Bill Simmons? I wanted her to come, though.
1:35:08 Speaker 01 Get out of my house, decoy. I don't know. It's a little bit. No?
1:35:12 Bill Simmons? I don't know. She said the whole week, she kept thinking she was gonna screw it up, but, um.
1:35:22 Speaker 01 Have you talked about her since, or you just like didn't follow?
1:35:25 Bill Simmons? Well, I texted tonight, cuz, you know, I told her about the Golden Globes thing.
1:35:28 Speaker 01 Right.
1:35:29 Bill Simmons? And what she knew is on, and she said, I didn't watch, I refused to watch CBS.
1:35:36 Bill Simmons? Maybe I'll see it online. CBS is canceled in my house. She's at that age. Yeah. Yeah.
1:35:43 Speaker 01 She hates Romo. She's one of the people that hates Romo for no reason.
1:35:46 Bill Simmons? She might not like the Romo and Nance combo.
1:35:50 Bill Simmons? But anyway, so that's it. Our parents are going, I'm sure you have 20 stories about.
1:35:55 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:35:56 Bill Simmons? I just can't figure them out anymore. It's like when they were talking about the cover three defense, the Panthers, when it was like, are they gonna blitz? Are they gonna go back? And Stafford has to read. That's how I feel about my mom all the time.
1:36:07 Speaker 01 Right.
1:36:07 Bill Simmons? Is she blitzing? Is she going back and cover three? Like, what is she gonna do? I just can't get a handle on it.
1:36:12 Speaker 01 That's good. Oh, yeah. That's, listen, everyone's approaching 80. I think you just start to, you just wander a little. My father's big thing is dry runs. So if there's a party in like, um, March, and uh, he's like, what's the address? He'll go there like tomorrow and like drive, even if it's an hour, just to get the lay of the land.
1:36:31 Bill Simmons? He's like a White House bodyguard?
1:36:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, exactly.
1:36:34 Bill Simmons? There's assassination angles?
1:36:36 Speaker 01 I scoped it out. It's like, all right, you're not a scout on Jimmy Kimmel Live. You're scouting locations for hidden camera.
1:36:42 Bill Simmons? Oh, my God.
1:36:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:36:43 Bill Simmons? I can't wait for us to get this nuts. I feel like we're still gonna be gambling on football. I don't know what else is gonna happen.
1:36:49 Speaker 01 Listen, you're wearing a shirt in a sauna and you swore off pizza. You're there.
1:36:55 Bill Simmons? Wearing a hoodie on Netflix, first ever Netflix pod. So every Sunday night, we're gonna be live during football season.
1:37:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:37:00 Bill Simmons? And then after that, you go away, you always come back on my pod. You're still on the Ringer Gambling Show.
1:37:05 Speaker 01 That's right.
1:37:06 Bill Simmons? And then I'm gonna keep, keep going on Sunday nights live here. And if you wanna see more of Sal, you can see him on the Ringer Gambling Podcast, which, how'd we do on the, on the show this week? Like, okay?
1:37:16 Speaker 01 We did good. On the pregame show, we had one Saturday and Sunday. We have one next Saturday and Sunday. I did all right. Pukunakula, by the way. He's just, I don't even think we mentioned him that much, except for getting hit by, I mean, it's a freebie touchdown, and then you just wait for the second one. I got plus 600 on two touchdowns. And Booty, your guy Booty is my favorite Patriot of all time.
1:37:36 Bill Simmons? Plus 50, yeah.
1:37:37 Speaker 01 Plus 240 on 50-plus yards. I don't know if you saw, he penned like this article about, you know, how he was a gambler. He mentions Fandel and everything. I was like, great. This is one of us, and he's gonna be on the Ringer pregame show with us like three years.
1:37:51 Bill Simmons? The he, one of the things I liked about that article was he talked for a long time about how special Drake May was.
1:37:57 Speaker 01 He did?
1:37:58 Bill Simmons? And I read all content where people talk about how special Drake May is. Hopefully he can bounce back.
1:38:03 Speaker 01 Ruined it.
1:38:03 Bill Simmons? Next week. All right, that's it. First Netflix podcast in the book. A bunch of Ringer podcasts coming on here tomorrow, along with some other ones. But I will be back with you tomorrow night, right after, uh, we're not going live tomorrow night, but with the next podcast you'll see with us, we'll be talking about Steelers, Texans. What's your final prediction for that one?
1:38:24 Speaker 01 Steelers win the game. More nonsense from the ayahuasca god. One more week of him. That's it.
1:38:31 Bill Simmons? I think you, I think you're probably right on that. Thanks to Gahal, thanks to Jack Wilson, thanks to Eduardo, thanks to Chris.
1:38:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:38:38 Bill Simmons? Thanks to everybody at Netflix who wanted to have us, uh, bring our video over here. It's been a, been a true pleasure. Good to see you, Sal. Good job by you.
1:38:46 Speaker 01 Good job by you, buddy.
1:39:02 Bill Simmons? Must be 21 plus and present in select states for Kansas in affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 plus and present in DC, Kentucky or Wyoming. Game problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. Call 888-797777 or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut or mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here. Visit gamblinghelplineMA.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24/7 support in Massachusetts or call 877-8HOPENY or text HOPENY in New York. This episode is brought to you by Core Power Protein Shakes. You know how we always talk about the little things that separate great athletes? Post-workout recovery is a big factor. Core Power Protein Shakes help you keep going after your workout with high-quality protein
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Previous A Hawks Power Play, Plus a Round 1 Playoff Mega-Preview With Joe House and Billy Gil Next So Long, Rodgers, Plus a Football History Deep Dive With Cousin Sal and Chuck Klosterman Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated