2025 NFL Teams as Classic Action Movies, With Kyle Brandt and Joe House

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Kyle Brandt and Joe House to classify their NFL teams as classic action movies (3:10). Host: Bill Simmons Guests: Kyle Brandt and Joe House Producers: Chia Hao Tat, Eduardo Ocampo, and Steve Ceruti Play for an ULTRA today, available on Doordash! ENJOY RESPONSIBLY ©️ 2025 ANHEUSER-BUSCH, MICHELOB ULTRA®️ LIGHT BEER, ST. LOUIS, MO. The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit⁠⁠ www.rg-help.com⁠⁠ to learn more about the resources and helplines available. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Bill Simmons?

  This episode is brought to you by Carhartt. We spend a lot of time talking about football, the players, the coaches, the big plays, but there's a whole other team we rarely think about, the people who make the game possible, the workers building stadiums, paving parking lots, growing the grass, welding the goalposts, even making the footballs. They're committed to their craft and they're doing the work long before kickoff. Carhartt is proud to outfit those crews. So next time you're watching a game, take a second to appreciate the people behind it. Learn more at carhartt.com/jointhetrades.

• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 0:56Speaker 02

  Paid partnership with Johnson & Johnson. Brian Dawkins has not prescribed Caplyta lumateperone.

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• 1:54Speaker 03

  Ask your doctor about Caplyta. Learn more at caplyta.com or call 888-252-4824.

• 2:01Bill Simmons?

  The Bill Simmons Podcast is presented by The Ringer Podcast Network. We can find a new episode of the Rewatchables coming on Monday night. We did Witness. It was me and Mallory Rubin. It is the 399th movie that we've done on the Rewatchables. It was a really fun one. We had a couple pods that are launching and relaunching. We launched last week. The Ringer Tailgate, a college football podcast with Tate Frazier, Van Lathan, Joe Anderson. First ones up, they're gonna be going live after the late college football games on Saturday, so around 4:00 PM Pacific time. I thought the first episode was really, really good. I was excited about it. Did you listen to any of it, House?

• 2:43Speaker 04

  I haven't had a chance to yet, but I'm excited for college football season. So those guys guiding the way is-

• 2:48Bill Simmons?

  It's excellent. So check that out. That's gonna be on YouTube as well. But if you like college football, you know, we've been doing this since the Greenland days. I feel like we finally cracked the code with one of these. And we also have Todd McShay. He's gonna be, you know, we've had his podcast now for almost the last year, but we had that. So I feel like we're finally in a good place with college football. We're also gonna be doing something on the revamped Ringer Gambling Show, which relaunches on Monday with some new lineups. And the gimmick for that this year is we're gonna be going noon ET live every day like a TV show. And we felt like that was like the best possible time to do the show because you could go backwards. But it's also just enough time to talk about that night's games

• 3:31Bill Simmons?

  if it's on a Thursday. And on that YouTube channel, we'll be doing a lot of like shorts and picks where some of the stuff like that, that maybe we don't even get to on a pod for a week, but even Premier League, some golf stuff, baseball as we get into the playoffs. So we're really gonna try to go all out on the, on the gambling thing, but it's gonna be concerted Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, noon ET, live on YouTube. And then Shiel Kapadia relaunched the Ringer NFL Show.

• 3:59Speaker 04

  Awesome.

• 3:59Bill Simmons?

  So that's our third one. And that's been going every day. And I thought he had a great first week. Can't wait to go on that podcast as well. So coming up on this podcast, I had to try a crazy gimmick because we don't have Cousin Sal. We're doing the over unders later this week, the annual over unders podcast. Brought Kyle Brandt in. We decided to rank the AFC teams and the NFC teams. And do, uh, action movies. And I'll explain it after we do the break and then Pearl Jam. But it's a gimmick that I wasn't positive it was gonna be work, but I had a great time. It went a half hour longer than I thought it would. Uh, and we dedicated it to Tommy Fleetwood, who finally got off the schneid today. Congrats to him. Uh, anyway, taking a break. Pearl Jam, Joe House, Kyle Brandt, next.

• 5:11Bill Simmons?

  All right, we are taping this a little after three o'clock Pacific time on Sunday. House and I are on a high because our guy Tommy Fleetwood finally pulled it off. Kyle Brandt, I don't. Oh. He, he finally won a PGA tournament. Not just any, though. The tour championship, 10 million bucks. Yeah, he kept falling out. It, it was the equivalent of if, if Josh Allen had just kept losing playoff games. But also they were, they were his fault every time. And then he finally won the Super Bowl, which maybe that will happen this year. Your guy, Josh Allen. Uh, so Kyle Brandt's here, Joe House is here. And we have an absolutely ridiculous gimmick that I'm not even sure the two of you fully understand. Definitely don't. But we're plowing ahead anyway.

• 5:52Bill Simmons?

  I sent you the text, Kyle Brandt, and I said, we're gonna rank the 16 teams in the AFC and the 16 teams in the NFC. We're gonna go from one to 16. Uh huh. And we're going to assign an action movie from our wheelhouse era of 1984 to 1996. And a, an action movie that fits the profile for each team. It wasn't even coherent when I sent it to you. You immediately understood because that's what we have.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  I was at the gym. It was one of those where like I'm texting while I'm at the gym like an asshole. And I see something, Bill concocts some kind of like Long Island iced tea of football and 80s movies. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck this is. Yeah, sure. I don't know. I don't follow it. I still don't follow it, but it sounds fun and I want to drink it. So let's do it.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  It's literally the most Bill Simmons thing ever. Like, you know, it's.

• 6:37Bill Simmons?

  Well, the problem for Kyle Braden and I is there's some action movies that we're probably never going to do on the rewatchables because they might not even be that rewatchable. So it's an excuse both to hit a couple plus go backwards at movies we've already covered. And just try to thread the needle as much as we can.

• 6:53Speaker 05

  Let's just say, Bill, I got a fastball coming from my, my KB secret pick choice. I got one coming that we have never covered and I don't think we're allowed to cover on the rewatchables, but we may cover it today.

• 7:02Bill Simmons?

  I can't wait. So what we're going to do, we are going to go AFC and then NFC. And Kyle's going to get first pick. I get second pick. House gets third pick. And we're going to go basically two trios, first six teams. Then Kyle and I have seven and eight. Then we go back and we'll finish the thing. And when House is up, because House doesn't know these movies as, as well as us.

• 7:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:24Bill Simmons?

  He's going to give us the profile of what we're thinking.

• 7:27Speaker 05

  Right.

• 7:27Bill Simmons?

  We're going to be standing at the dinner table next to him in our Somi outfits. And he's going to be like, I'm, I need an action movie for the Houston Texans. It's kind of a one man show. I don't really have high expectations for them, but I think they'll be entertaining. And then we will Somi it with him and figure it out.

• 7:48Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, like, sir, you want an estate Cabernet, something from the Seagal Vineyards with some good legs later. We, we got you covered, House.

• 7:56Bill Simmons?

  I appreciate it.

• 7:56Speaker 05

  I'm so excited for this. My question, Bill, is like, if I, if I give my AFC team, whoever is number one, and I assign a movie to it, then that movie is off limits, like it's taken, it's done?

• 8:06Bill Simmons?

  Movies off the board. That's why it's much like eating with House. It's not competitive. Nobody, we're not trying to win. Nobody's going to leave.

• 8:15Speaker 04

  But once it's off the table, it's gone.

• 8:17Bill Simmons?

  Once off table, it's off the table, but we're all eating. We're all sharing food.

• 8:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're all eating.

• 8:20Bill Simmons?

  It's not a zero sum game.

• 8:22Speaker 05

  Great.

• 8:22Bill Simmons?

  We're trying to win. Uh, so here's what we did because we're going to do the AFC and the NFC, but I sent you four divisions of, of movies and, uh, I mean, these divisions are incredible.

• 8:33Speaker 05

  Yes, they are.

• 8:34Bill Simmons?

  Just for the record. The Stallone Division, obviously, he was gonna get one. So that's, that's eight movies. That is Over the Top, Cobra, Cliffhanger, First Blood, Rocky IV, Tank on Cash, Demolition Man, and Rambo: First Blood Part Two. Was there a Stallone movie you felt like was missing? Is there a case you want to make for anything I left off? Daylight?

• 8:53Speaker 05

  I just love, Bill, when you sit down to type out the Over the, the Stallone Division, your first two are Over the Top and Cobra. That just tells you everything about you. All the movies he's done, those are the first two on the menu. That's great.

• 9:05Bill Simmons?

  And you.

• 9:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 9:07Bill Simmons?

  Because obviously Cobra has to be on here. And for me, Over the Top, and it had, there's good football parallels. There are a couple of good teams for that.

• 9:13Speaker 05

  Like House, Rocky is allegedly the best sports movie of all time. Like, I like Cobra way more than Rocky, just so you know where I'm coming from.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  I, I've, I've listened to some of the pods with you guys. I get it.

• 9:23Speaker 05

  Okay, good.

• 9:23Speaker 04

  I get it.

• 9:23Bill Simmons?

  And so Rocky IV is technically a sports movie. But for us, it's also an action movie.

• 9:28Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 9:29Bill Simmons?

  He's taking on, you know, not just Drago, who's fueled by steroids. But he's also ending the Cold War.

• 9:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's a politics movie, too.

• 9:39Bill Simmons?

  So we have that. Anyway, that's the Stallone Division. Schwarzenegger gets his own division. And what's great about Schwarzenegger is there could have been three more movies in here. But we got Predator, The Terminator, Total Recall, True Lies, Commando, The Running Man, Last Action Hero, and Kindergarten Cop, a movie that Kyle Brandt tosses my way on text every once in a while, just to make sure he knows, that I know that he knows, that he's ready for it.

• 10:05Speaker 05

  I watched it with my son recently. Very strange storyline about domestic violence in the middle of the, I have no idea where that's coming from, but it's all there. We'll get to Kindergarten Cop.

• 10:14Bill Simmons?

  Okay. And then Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

• 10:18Speaker 05

  You had to put them together.

• 10:19Bill Simmons?

  Van Damme, I'm just gonna say Van Damme, Van Damme over and over again. Neither of them really had enough movies for their own division. But what they did is they each had four great movies to share a division. So we did Out for Justice, Above the Law, Under Siege, Mark for Death. The only Seagal movie Kyle and I have not done on the rewatchables, those are the four Seagulls. Bloodsport, Sudden Death, Kickbox, or Double Impact. So House, when you're making one of your picks... Maybe Kyle just thinks about it and goes, it feels like you're leaning towards something in the Jean-Claude.

• 10:51Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 10:51Bill Simmons?

  Vintage, uh, maybe a kickboxer. Uh, so that's that division. Wild card division. That's the last one. Toy Soldiers, Point Break, Action Jackson, Passenger 57 and Roadhouse. Uh, and then we each get a random, you don't know what the movie is.

• 11:09Speaker 05

  Correct.

• 11:09Bill Simmons?

  So people are gonna hear this and go, well, wait a second. This is, you're doing the apex of all these movies, but there's some stuff missing. So what happened? Well, I made Die Hard ineligible. It's too good.

• 11:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:22Bill Simmons?

  It's a different draft. It's in like the best movies of the day's draft. Speed is ineligible, The Fugitive, Terminator 2, Lethal Weapon 1 and 2. They're just too elevated. They don't want to be swimming in these pools. You okay with that, Kyle?

• 11:36Speaker 05

  Yeah. I mean, listen, it's, I struggled with a team. I'm not even gonna say it. I struggled with the team that is so good in the NFL right now. I thought it deserved something, like one of the taboos, like Terminator 2, but we'll have to fit something with it.

• 11:47Bill Simmons?

  Well, you have a random pick. You might be able to do it.

• 11:50Speaker 05

  I do, but my random pick is a shitty movie and that's the one I'm going for.

• 11:53Bill Simmons?

  I'm not surprised at all. Uh, the funny thing for me is Toy Soldier was just in a, Toy Soldiers was an automatic. We did it on the rewatchables, I think, two years ago. Uh, I love it. I have a perfect team for it. I hope it survives until we get to our team. Anyway, AFC. So this is it.

• 12:12Speaker 05

  Let's go.

• 12:12Bill Simmons?

  The movie comes off the table, the team comes off the table.

• 12:14Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 12:16Bill Simmons?

  Kyle Brandt, first pick, AFC. Who is your one seed? The season ends 18 weeks from now, or 19 weeks, but 18 weeks. Who is the number one seed in the AFC?

• 12:28Speaker 05

  The number one seed, I'm gonna go with Kansas City Chiefs. I'm gonna go with the Chiefs. Yeah. And, um, listen, I'm not gonna mess around here. I'm gonna go with Rocky IV. We are, we are deep into the franchise now. We're already in the fourth movie. It should be getting shitty by now, but it's not. And it's an incredible testament to them that the fourth movie is arguably the best one. You have Mahomes as Drago, this like unstoppable force in the AFC, wins it nearly every year. And the Kelsey piece, Kelsey I see House as this like kind of old aged, lovable wingman. Kelsey is Paulie, which if anyone's wondering, would then make, uh, Taylor Paulie's robot, which is the best part in the whole movie. So I have Rocky IV and the Chiefs number one.

• 13:09Bill Simmons?

  That's unbelievable.

• 13:10Speaker 04

  That was great.

• 13:11Speaker 05

  I've been running.

• 13:11Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 13:12Bill Simmons?

  When there's another movie that when it pops up, I'm gonna explain why that was my Chiefs pick. But I love the Rocky IV thing.

• 13:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:20Bill Simmons?

  It's like the franchise, are we really gonna do this again? It's all the same characters, same narratives, but holy shit, I'm enjoying myself. How's where, do you have Kansas City winning the AFC West?

• 13:32Speaker 04

  Yes, I do have them winning the AFC West.

• 13:34Bill Simmons?

  And I've seen Kyle this.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:35Speaker 05

  Yeah. Bill, my question for you quickly about Kansas City is like, are you, are you seeing sense memories with the Chiefs now that you had with the Patriots? Like, I'm at the place where I'm kind of getting bored of the Chiefs.

• 13:47Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 05

  Like, I don't think they're terribly interesting, but they're just, because they're so good. And I'm, a lot of the same feelings are coming up from the middle of the Pats run.

• 13:56Bill Simmons?

  First of all, thank you.

• 13:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:58Bill Simmons?

  Cause we always like when the Pats get organically brought up into the pod.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  Oh, Brad, you don't have to suck up to him.

• 14:04Bill Simmons?

  That was awesome. It wasn't a suck up, it was a legitimate football question.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  At this stage of, of the podcasting between the two of you, you can tell it like it is, Kyle, Brad.

• 14:13Speaker 05

  Well, listen, if you think I'm sucking up to the Patriots, wait till you hear the movie I compare them to, so that's not gonna happen.

• 14:19Speaker 04

  Good.

• 14:19Bill Simmons?

  I think people didn't like the Patriots and I still feel like people, most people like the Chiefs is my take. Maybe I'm missing it completely, but I still feel like if you're talking about the seesaw of, I hate those guys versus I like those guys. It still feels like they're in the I like the guys camp. You disagree or no?

• 14:38Speaker 05

  Uh, the officiating thing was tough, the turn off the Taylor thing was tough.

• 14:42Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 05

  But listen, the Patriots had sex and drugs and murder and gates and all this shit to keep us entertained and talked about. The Chiefs are just like, yeah, my homes is great and Reid is pretty cool. So it's, there's different kind of sizzle.

• 14:54Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, the Chiefs had, you know, some pretty unseemly stuff themselves, but they were never with the main characters. We had like Spygate, season, week one, 2007. We had the Flakegate right in the playoffs. We had the Hernandez thing, which was the craziest football story. So, and, and then people hate Belichick. The media hated Belichick. Everyone hated Belichick. I don't think people hate Andy Reid like that.

• 15:17Speaker 05

  Nobody hates Andy Reid.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  Nobody hates Andy Reid. Plus, we're only like halfway through the Patriots run now with the Chiefs, essentially, right?

• 15:24Speaker 05

  True.

• 15:25Bill Simmons?

  Um, I'm up now.

• 15:27Speaker 05

  Go on.

• 15:28Bill Simmons?

  And, uh, I did not have Kansas City as my one seed.

• 15:31Speaker 05

  Nor did I.

• 15:32Bill Simmons?

  I had the, uh, Bills of Buffalo as my one seed.

• 15:35Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 15:36Bill Simmons?

  In the AFC.

• 15:37Speaker 05

  This is unbelievable.

• 15:38Bill Simmons?

  We should mention, I'm doing, uh, four hours of content with the Cuz where we're doing all of our over under picks and futures and everything on Thursday. I reserve the right to change my mind over the next four days.

• 15:49Speaker 05

  I get it. So do I.

• 15:51Bill Simmons?

  Right now, right now, uh, I'm leaning toward kind of going all in on the Bills story and all the pieces and Josh and the whole thing. So my movie is gonna be Cliffhanger.

• 16:03Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 16:03Bill Simmons?

  Sly Stallone, 1993, the run's kind of, the run's kind of over for him.

• 16:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:11Bill Simmons?

  He has this amazing eighties, Arnold has come in and cleaned his clock. And we've talked about this on Rewatchables multiple times. Arnold comes in and he's just like, here's Total Recall, here's Kindergarten Cop, here's Terminator 2. He's just like, he's pummeling him, a lot like Rocky in, uh, in the, in the first couple of rounds of Rocky IV. Stallone's just getting the, the shit kicked out of him. And people kind of give up on Stallone a little bit.

• 16:36Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:37Bill Simmons?

  And then Cliffhanger happens and he gets us to come to the theater right before, it's like right around Memorial Day, um, May 1993.

• 16:45Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 16:45Bill Simmons?

  And he's fucking back. He looks great. The movie looks awesome. He's, he's just playing all the hits and, uh, and we leave the movie and we're like Stallone's back. I think that I'm gonna feel that way about Buffalo at the end. Like all the stuff, all the tough losses and the close and this and that. And I just feel like, I feel like this is gonna be their Cliffhanger season. Plus, literally, it's a Cliffhanger, Cal, Brad.

• 17:08Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 17:08Bill Simmons?

  That's my case.

• 17:10Speaker 05

  Um, I think there's also a lot of things that just piss people off about the Bills. They leave you frustrated a lot. And as we know, Michael Rooker spends this entire movie just kind of pissed off for really weird reasons that don't make sense. Like at the beginning scene, he's mad, even though he brought the girlfriend up there and she died, but he blames, there's a lot of blame that goes around with Buffalo when they don't pan out or they can't beat the Chiefs again. So I think there's a symmetry there, too.

• 17:32Bill Simmons?

  Misplaced anger, blame, resentment. Yeah. So Cliffhanger starts house. Michael Rooker takes his girlfriend up on a mountain and they're hiking and it gets fucked up, they have to be rescued. And finally they're on a zip line and she barely knows how to hike. And starts to lose it on the zip line and Stallone tries to be the hero like she's gonna fall climbs on the zip line to save her and she ends up falling to her death and Rooker's pissed off about it. It was like, what about you, buddy?

• 18:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:02Bill Simmons?

  Who took her up there?

• 18:03Speaker 04

  Who took her up there? That's right.

• 18:05Bill Simmons?

  So anyway, and he's mad at Stallone the whole movie. All right.

• 18:08Speaker 05

  This is like Bill's fans being mad at Dalton Kincaid at the end of the title game for dropping that pass. Like, was that really what it was about? It's a little bit misplaced. So, Bill, I think it's a great pick. And we're two teams in. I feel the same way you do. I'm like, oh, shit, I had a good one for Cliffhanger, or I had a good one for Buffalo. So we'll have to get to him somehow.

• 18:25Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think we're off to a good start and it's a relatively coherent gimmick. And I'm pleased with it. But now this is the part where it gets scary because Joe House is up.

• 18:34Speaker 05

  All right, come on, House.

• 18:35Speaker 04

  I don't think I can mess this up.

• 18:37Bill Simmons?

  This is the third team in the AFC.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  Um, and it turns out that this is my favorite team in the AFC and the team that I think is gonna land the one seed and the team that I've already bet to win the Super Bowl this year, and that's the Baltimore Ravens.

• 18:49Speaker 05

  Awesome.

• 18:49Speaker 04

  I think the Ravens are lined up for an incredible season. Reminder to everybody, they started off last year eight and five and they had bad losses.

• 18:59Bill Simmons?

  A couple dumb losses, yeah.

• 19:00Speaker 04

  That's exactly right.

• 19:01Bill Simmons?

  They had likely lost. Yeah, there's a couple bad ones.

• 19:03Speaker 04

  And then they reeled off four straight wins and came into the playoffs, you know, in as good a position as anybody and once again snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. And it wasn't Lamar Jackson. Reminder to everybody, in that game against Buffalo, there was a couple key turnovers and Mark Andrews, you know, was the GOAT. Uh, and I don't mean, you know, greatest of all time. This Baltimore team, what they did in the offseason, once again, they reload on the defensive side. I think that they have found a defensive identity last year in that run at the end of the season. I just think that they are ready to go on a tear. And so I'm in between two movies.

• 19:44Bill Simmons?

  Let's hear him.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  I, on the one hand, I love the idea of Terminator because Lamar Jackson last year had an MVP season. I don't see anything in terms of this offense that will take me off of Lamar Jackson in that direction. Then the other one, if we're gonna go in that direction is First Blood 2, Rambo. Those were the two where I was.

• 20:06Bill Simmons?

  First Blood 2?

• 20:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:08Bill Simmons?

  What would be the case for First Blood 2 with the Ravens? I'm trying to just like.

• 20:12Speaker 04

  Well, you didn't give me first. Oh, you did give me First Blood.

• 20:14Bill Simmons?

  Sure. You could do First Blood if you want.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, I meant First Blood then. You put both, both movies in. Okay, I see. I remember that First Blood.

• 20:22Bill Simmons?

  So you don't want to put Action Jackson here?

• 20:25Speaker 04

  Oh, well, that's the layup, right?

• 20:27Speaker 05

  Guys, mind if I butt in, Bill? I, I, I got Action Jackson written down for the Ravens. It's fucking awesome. God damn it. I love it. I got Action Jackson.

• 20:33Speaker 04

  Great, done, done.

• 20:34Bill Simmons?

  Okay. If the sommelier's can help you here.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  I'm, I, I agree. I love it. Thank you.

• 20:39Bill Simmons?

  We have a vintage bottle of Action Jackson.

• 20:41Speaker 04

  He's literally the, the Action Jackson. It really is.

• 20:44Speaker 05

  Are you interested in a movie house where at one point Carl Weathers throws a guy out of a window so hard that he goes through the window and into the window of the building next to him? It's never been done before. That's Lamar kind of shit.

• 20:58Speaker 04

  See? Action Jackson, you guys. Thank you.

• 21:01Bill Simmons?

  Also, uh, I don't want to say this was the movie I fell in love with Sharon Stone in because it had already happened five years earlier. Um, but she's throwing 119 miles an hour in this movie. Also, we, have we talked about this, Kyle?

• 21:17Speaker 05

  Go ahead.

• 21:17Bill Simmons?

  The fact that they weren't three or four of these is enraging.

• 21:21Speaker 05

  I don't know why. Well, that brings you to the point about the Ravens, Bill. Carl Weathers never really became the, the man. Like, he never became, he was always the guy in Predator, or he was always Apollo, or he was always Chubbs. He never got over that. Is, is that Lamar? Does he never win the Super Bowl?

• 21:38Bill Simmons?

  No, beloved, beloved, respected, and yet he.

• 21:41Speaker 05

  Love him.

• 21:41Bill Simmons?

  I mean, honestly, some MVPs. You, there's a real Rocky III MVP case for, for Carl Weathers that I, I could have thrown in. But yeah, I just felt like, I loved Action Jackson. I don't think we've done it yet on the rewatchables. It's one of the ones we're saving.

• 21:56Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 21:57Bill Simmons?

  And I don't know why there wasn't four of them.

• 21:59Speaker 04

  Let's go.

• 21:59Bill Simmons?

  I mean, we actually know why there wasn't four of them because Hollywood was super racist back then. And they, all they want to do is, was get the white dudes. So it's really only Snipes has a couple of movies and the one Carl Weathers, and that's it.

• 22:11Speaker 04

  Um, well.

• 22:12Speaker 05

  On the topic of being exclusionary, I love that House gave two totally viable suggestions to Bill and I were like nah, fuck that, Action Jackson, you're out. We're like the dick waiters.

• 22:20Speaker 04

  It was the right answer, though. I, I, I love the dick waiters. I love dicks in all of those walks of life, like a dick caddy. I always loved the guys that are ready, you know, the, the asshole at the counter, the soup Nazi. I'm, that, that appeals to me.

• 22:33Bill Simmons?

  I, I, having, having worked in the service industry for a couple of years there, I always thought people respected when you gave them the truth.

• 22:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:41Bill Simmons?

  When they give you a choice and they're like, I was thinking about either getting the chicken or the cheeseburger, what would you get? And I'd be like, I'd get neither. I, our skirt steak is phenomenal.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, don't sugarcoat it.

• 22:53Bill Simmons?

  Just tell the, tell the truth.

• 22:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:54Speaker 05

  I was recently in Vegas and I ordered a tequila and I'm not, it's the, it's the George Clooney's tequila. The bartender looked at me, goes, would you mind if I gave you something else that's way better and cheaper? And I was like, awesome, man. Yeah, do it. And he gave it to me and I thought so much respect for him.

• 23:08Bill Simmons?

  That just happened with Action Jackson, the Baltimore Ravens.

• 23:11Speaker 04

  There we go.

• 23:12Bill Simmons?

  Uh, all right. So off the board, interesting, interesting wrinkle. I gotta say, the gimmick's working great. We all had different one seeds.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  I would not have guessed.

• 23:21Bill Simmons?

  So Kyle had Kansas City.

• 23:23Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 23:24Bill Simmons?

  I had Buffalo and House had Baltimore and it was gonna be in some order, those three. I, this is where I was really excited to see where the draft was gonna go.

• 23:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:34Bill Simmons?

  Uh, the four spot, because, well, I'll tell you later. Who do you have for the four spot?

• 23:40Speaker 05

  All right. So this is my first shock and awe. In the fourth spot, gentlemen, I have the LA Chargers.

• 23:47Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 23:48Bill Simmons?

  Wow. Oh my, hold on, let me scroll down.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  I, they're not in my first spot.

• 23:52Bill Simmons?

  Hold on. All right. There they are. Gotcha.

• 23:54Speaker 05

  Okay. And my movie comp for the LA Chargers is Total Recall. You have, in both cases, a wild man director. You got Harbaugh, you got Verhoeven, you got Harb-hoven, okay? You got a great lead in Herbert, but like. In Charger, for the Chargers house, like weird shit always happens. Yeah. You have your quarterback who throws like no picks all year and then he throws like 12 in one game and one playoff game. With Verhoeven, it's like, we're going through a science fiction movie. This is fine. Everyone looks normal. And there's a three breasted woman out of nowhere. For no reason. God, Verhoeven's fucking crazy. For no reason. Lastly, there's always the sense of the, of with the Chargers, like their past is repeating itself and haunting us. And I'm having recall of I'm living a different life. And it's like, it just seems to gel up.

• 24:38Speaker 05

  Chargers, total recall.

• 24:40Bill Simmons?

  So it's funny. I had total recall for the Chiefs.

• 24:43Speaker 05

  Hmm. Oh, okay.

• 24:45Bill Simmons?

  No, but this is better. You made a way better case because mine was, was like Mahomes. You're pretty ordinary last year. You were just a construction worker, working nine to five and coming home and you threw for 3,900 yards and.

• 24:57Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 24:58Bill Simmons?

  You, you know, you guys, you didn't have a top five offense and then in this, in the playoffs, you weren't that great. And the Super Bowl, you got your ass kicked.

• 25:06Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 25:07Bill Simmons?

  You realize you're a guy that everyone thinks is the key to Mars. That's in there. Is that coming back? But I think this is way better. I.

• 25:16Speaker 05

  Well, ironically, I think also, I think the Chargers, like I have them in the divisional round, losing. So that would mean they're in the playoffs for how long? Two weeks. Two weeks. It's all there. How else would you think?

• 25:29Bill Simmons?

  It's a total recall.

• 25:29Speaker 05

  I love it. I think it's tremendous.

• 25:31Bill Simmons?

  So we've already done this movie in the rewatchables. I don't, although I don't think you were on it.

• 25:36Speaker 05

  No, I know Van was on it and probably CR. I don't remember though.

• 25:39Bill Simmons?

  I just watched it from start to finish.

• 25:42Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:42Bill Simmons?

  A week and a half ago.

• 25:44Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 25:45Bill Simmons?

  And I couldn't believe how good it was, even though we had already dissected it, exacted every amounts, amount of content we could have gotten. Start to finish. I was just like, god damn, they really knew how to make movies back then. Every, there's not a wasted split second in that movie. It just goes and it's got, and, and there's just these different premises and different locations and these. Every time you think they've run out of characters, there's another one. The three breasted ladies there. We have shootouts. All of a sudden we're in this weird nightclub. It's just a tour de force and the ending's unbelievable.

• 26:20Speaker 05

  I know.

• 26:21Bill Simmons?

  And I still don't know if he dreamed it or not. What was your take? Did he dream it?

• 26:25Speaker 05

  Yeah. I mean, it's like inception with the, the top spinning. Like I, I, I like to think he dreamed it because it was just so cool and everything was so fun and he wins in the end. And I, I like to think he dreamed it.

• 26:34Bill Simmons?

  So the, the. The, the reason you would think he dreamed it is they ask him to find a girl and he picks the girl when they're, when they're trying to do is choose your adventure.

• 26:45Speaker 04

  Sleazy.

• 26:46Bill Simmons?

  It's the exact, it's the exact girl that's the girl in the movie.

• 26:50Speaker 04

  Right.

• 26:51Bill Simmons?

  So it's like, okay, so then the other hand, um, I don't know, maybe he didn't dream it. Maybe he really did save Mars. Who knows?

• 26:59Speaker 05

  What's really fun about Total Recall for a beginner is it, it leads the league in Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling and grunting like that. Ah, he does it more in Total Recall than any other Arnold movie. So if you like that, that's your movie.

• 27:11Bill Simmons?

  So ironically, my wife was in the background like getting ready and walking in and out and stuff. And at one point she says to me, is this just an entire movie of people grunting and screaming? And I was like, yeah, you nailed it.

• 27:22Speaker 05

  Pretty much.

• 27:22Bill Simmons?

  That's, that should have been in the E-ber review.

• 27:25Speaker 05

  That's being a Chargers fan.

• 27:26Bill Simmons?

  Well, let's talk about the Chargers really quick. I'm down on them. And, and I have four days to talk myself out of it. I thought the Slater injury was a terrible omen. Trying to figure out, and I know like out of all the teams in the league, to be able to at least move Joe Walt over is probably a better solution than anyone else would have, but I just, when you lose a guy like that before the season starts, when is that? Not a terrible omen.

• 27:50Speaker 04

  Yeah. And, and I, I didn't love what they did with the receiver room. I mean, at some point, these, these Herbert seasons, you have to like capitalize on it, uh, and, and use it to push you.

• 28:02Bill Simmons?

  They have guys they're all excited about, but I, it feels like preseason. I know poor Kyle's doing three hours of content a day, trying to like talk about fourth and fifth receivers on.

• 28:12Speaker 05

  No, but my deal is like, I've learned over the years, especially with playoff picks, just go with coaches.

• 28:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 28:19Speaker 05

  Like cover the roster. Pick Mike Tomlin to make the playoffs. Pick Sean McVay. And I know Harbaugh's new here, but I don't care. I think he's a top five coach in the league. He's crazy. Like in the best way, but like, I know they got an offensive tackle injured. It sucks. It happens. Other teams will too. I just trust Harbaugh. I do always.

• 28:34Bill Simmons?

  The case against them is last year's schedule.

• 28:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:38Bill Simmons?

  Was, was so favorable for them, but then the games where they had to play good teams, they just didn't score.

• 28:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:44Bill Simmons?

  I mean, you're talking like 10, 12, 14 point range for five, then in the, in the playoff game, they completely fell apart. I had a different AFC West team.

• 28:53Speaker 05

  Okay. What do you got?

• 28:54Bill Simmons?

  That I'm about to take. Um, I really admire that pick, by the way. It's a team that I had in the, uh, in the three spot. Because I think they're gonna win the AFC West, but I don't think it's the Chargers. I have the Denver Broncos right here.

• 29:09Speaker 05

  Denver, okay, talk about it. Interesting.

• 29:13Bill Simmons?

  I just like every, hey, I've talked about them five different times in the pod. It just feels like they have a ton of talent. They know who they are. You're a great coach, Theory.

• 29:23Bill Simmons?

  The Denver versus KC thing has been kinda quietly really good here for, since the 1990s. The KC piece of it where, you know, they're still trying to figure out some of the stuff with their offensive line, especially the middle.

• 29:39Bill Simmons?

  The Rashi Rice thing just kinda hanging over the season like an anvil. When does that suspension kick in? Doesn't seem like they're totally psyched with their running game. I just, I have just as many questions about KC than Denver. I'm just like, fuck it. I really like this Denver team. I'm gonna ride with them. So my movie

• 29:56Bill Simmons?

  is Predator.

• 29:57Speaker 05

  Okay, let's go. Somebody's gotta take it.

• 29:59Bill Simmons?

  Because, uh, for a variety of reasons, but this is more like, less of a match of the, what the movie's about. And more like just the name.

• 30:08Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 30:08Bill Simmons?

  I think, I think Denver's the predator of the AFC. Nobody sees them coming. Not really sure what's happening in the jungle. There's just some weird shit happening. Can you guys go down there?

• 30:18Speaker 05

  Right.

• 30:19Bill Simmons?

  And it's like, oh no, you're not hunting them. They're actually hunting you.

• 30:22Speaker 05

  Than you, yeah.

• 30:23Bill Simmons?

  And right now, I feel like Denver, nobody realizes they're the alien in the jungle yet. And that's my case.

• 30:29Speaker 05

  That's like Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes are like, you're scared, Andy. Bullshit. You ain't afraid of no man. There's something out there hunting us. And it ain't no man.

• 30:37Bill Simmons?

  And KC, it's like, how's KC gonna lose this? They have Jesse the Body and Carl Weathers, Arnold. Like, this is gonna be great. They've got this.

• 30:47Bill Simmons?

  I also, you guys talked about this on the Ringer Gaming Show House.

• 30:52Bill Simmons?

  And then Sheil did his three tiers of MVP picks on the Ringer NFL Show, did not mention Bo Nix. I don't think Bo Nix is going to win the MVP. Just, I'm just gonna say that.

• 31:03Speaker 05

  Okay, nor do I.

• 31:05Bill Simmons?

  But there is, it usually, Sheil made this case out, it's usually a 13 or 14 win team produces the MVP. So if you're all in on Denver.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:15Bill Simmons?

  As House would say, maybe sprinkle just a

• 31:18Speaker 04

  A tiny

• 31:18Bill Simmons?

  smattering.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  So you have a ticket.

• 31:20Bill Simmons?

  On the 60 to 1 Bo Nix.

• 31:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:22Bill Simmons?

  Why not? Like, what if he throws, what if he's 3,500 yards?

• 31:28Bill Simmons?

  You know, runs for 800 yards and 10 TVs. They go 15 and 2. I am not saying this will happen, but for the odds, I just thought it was interesting.

• 31:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't think that's a bad way to speculate, to have that, you know, in the portfolio, a little taste.

• 31:41Bill Simmons?

  Cause Purdy's the other one like that, where it's like, if you really like a San Francisco comeback, odds are Purdy's gonna be awesome. And maybe just go long shot on him. Alright, so.

• 31:50Speaker 05

  Well, I think what else is interesting is, one of these second year quarterbacks is not gonna play well this year. It's just how the odds are. It's like, they're not all gonna work out. They're not all gonna be great. So Jaden, Nix, May, and then like Penix and McCarthy are in their other class and Caleb as well. Like, I think one of those four, including Caleb, is gonna be like, ooh, what happened in that second year? You have to, just the law of averages of quarterbacks, is it gonna be May or Caleb? Like, I, Nix looked great, fine, he was in the playoffs, he represented himself, but I don't know, I just don't think he's John Elway yet.

• 32:20Bill Simmons?

  Here's the problem with the Bears, from what I see with Caleb. They, they just, how much can you blow Tyson Badgett?

• 32:30Speaker 04

  They like Badgett a lot.

• 32:31Bill Simmons?

  Coach loves him. They gave him an extension, he's sobbing in the press conference. It's like, what are you guys doing?

• 32:36Speaker 04

  Let's save it. Save the Bears for the Bears.

• 32:38Bill Simmons?

  I've never seen

• 32:39Speaker 05

  We're not even on the Bears.

• 32:40Bill Simmons?

  If like, House is gonna be on my podcast on Thursdays this year. And as we're leading up to it, if I was just like, raving about the person who's, like, if anything happens to House, I'm gonna have this guy host instead of House. And all I did all August was rave about the other person. At some point, that's just weird.

• 32:57Speaker 04

  If you get that person a $10 million contract, I'm gonna be upset.

• 33:00Bill Simmons?

  Two years, 10 million?

• 33:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'll be upset.

• 33:02Bill Simmons?

  Tyson Bajin or Badgen?

• 33:03Speaker 05

  Bajin, like agent.

• 33:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, you said it right.

• 33:05Bill Simmons?

  Tyson Bajin, okay. I didn't say it right. All right. So Denver off the board and that means House is now up with the six picks. So we only have two playoff spots left here.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Yeah. And in that context, this is why Houston is the right answer to me. They are the class of their division. The case for Houston is just, it's a bad division and they have a great defense. There could be, should be a bounce back for CJ Stroud. They got rid of three of their offensive linemen. They brought in four guys, so you swapped out, but.

• 33:40Bill Simmons?

  There's some weird receiver stuff too. They're relying on some rookies, Tank Del's not back yet.

• 33:46Speaker 04

  The thing that hurts the enthusiasm for Houston is the Joe Mixon injury. And it does seem like that is going to be persistent.

• 33:54Bill Simmons?

  Because they're basically having a open mic night for the running back position?

• 33:57Speaker 04

  That is the problem.

• 33:58Bill Simmons?

  It's like, is it gonna be Nick Chubb? Is it gonna be this random guy we drafted?

• 34:01Speaker 04

  And yet, it may not matter in that division. And CJ Stroud and, and that defense might be enough. So I'm not sure what to do.

• 34:11Bill Simmons?

  I think, I think this is the right spot for him, for them, first of all, like the six spot, even though they're, they'll be the four seed because they're gonna win it. But it's the defense, like they're at least, we know they're gonna be good defensively and we know their secondary is awesome. So you'd be like, are, like even in the playoffs, pretty respectable defensive performance by them, right, Albrecht?

• 34:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, they, where you're putting them now is just, it's kind of like where they've been.

• 34:34Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 34:34Speaker 05

  They're, they're a very good team, but like, you know, not that upper echelon. So I, I'd be curious to know the movie pairing because I have something in mind.

• 34:42Bill Simmons?

  I have an idea as well.

• 34:44Speaker 04

  Oh, well, I'm sure. I was going to ask you guys about Cobra because this idea of a secret society, the killers.

• 34:51Bill Simmons?

  I don't know if we want to shoot our Cobra out here.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 34:53Speaker 05

  By the way, Cobra is the 85 Bears and the 73 Steelers. So no, that's not, we can't do Cobra with the 25 Texans.

• 35:00Speaker 04

  That's fine.

• 35:00Speaker 05

  I like, you're curious about it.

• 35:01Bill Simmons?

  You gave us a price range in the 60, 80 dollars range and then you just asked about a 750 dollar bottle.

• 35:08Speaker 04

  Can I have the, uh, Sana Steph Bordeaux?

• 35:11Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. I was, so what were you thinking? Cause I had a movie I was thinking for them.

• 35:16Speaker 05

  All right, this would be wild. This, this is, this is an interesting one. For the Texans, I have Passenger 57. Just for the simple reasons of lots alike, really strong, cool lead. You got some good supporting actors, the young Liz Hurley, Tom Sizmore. But it's just not up there. It's not a Stallone or Schwarzenegger Van Damme quality thing yet. That's what I'm saying. I like that movie, but I'm not saying it's going to win the AFC or like be the coolest movie of the year.

• 35:44Bill Simmons?

  So my two were Commando and Pastor 57 because Commando.

• 35:47Speaker 05

  Awesome.

• 35:48Bill Simmons?

  Commando.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  Well, that's good because I had Commando as my second choice, but.

• 35:52Speaker 05

  Great.

• 35:53Bill Simmons?

  So I think it's Pastor 57.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Passenger 57, good.

• 35:56Bill Simmons?

  The thing I was thinking with the Commando is it's like really likeable, good Artie and Schwarzenegger movie, but it's, it's, it's either a round one or round two loss compared to the rest of his catalog.

• 36:06Speaker 05

  Absolutely.

• 36:06Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 36:07Bill Simmons?

  So that's a strong pick.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  For the Texans.

• 36:10Speaker 05

  Passenger 57.

• 36:11Bill Simmons?

  All right, we have done, we're through six teams. We're going to take a quick break and then hit the rest of the AFC. The Bill Simmons Podcast is presented by FanDuel. I hope you're ready because FanDuel Futures Day is going to be Tuesday, August 26th. It's a futures extravaganza. Not that it hasn't been a futures extravaganza for me in house all summer.

• 36:30Speaker 05

  Since March.

• 36:31Bill Simmons?

  If you wanted your straight up over wins for the Pats, do alt wins. Maybe you think the Pats are going to go 12 and 5.

• 36:38Speaker 05

  What?

• 36:39Bill Simmons?

  Go nuts, go nuts on House's team, go under on Washington.

• 36:43Speaker 05

  Unders on Pats.

• 36:44Bill Simmons?

  You can do that. You can parlay division champions. We, I have a five division champ parlay.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  We do have a couple of those lined up that are tasty.

• 36:52Bill Simmons?

  190 to one or whatever. One day only, all customers get an instant bonus on any football futures bet plus flash deals every three hours that you won or miss. I like flash deals.

• 37:02Speaker 05

  Flash deals?

• 37:02Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Whatever your game is, you choose how you want to play it tomorrow, Tuesday, August 26th at FanDuel. What are you doing for future day? I have an idea. Visit the FanDuel app to learn more, get your picks ready. FanDuel, play your game. Must be 21 plus and present in select states or 18 plus and present in DC, Kentucky or Wyoming. Game problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. Call 1-887-89777 or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut. Paid endorsement. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Cracking up at a cold one on a hot summer day is one of the best feelings, but it's even better when it feels like you've earned it, like in a little friendly competition.

• 37:45Bill Simmons?

  It's always better when there's something worth playing for. Michelob Ultra, superior light beer. It's a pretty great prize. I'm trying to think stuff I would play for this summer. Golf, I'd have the, I need to have a big handicap for golf. It's really tennis and maybe basketball, three-point shooting contests. And I don't know, what's that Block Blast game? You play on your iPad? I would do that. I would compete against other people on that one. It's like Tetris for the 2020s. Play for Ultra, fill your fridge with Michelob Ultra this summer at doordash.com. Enjoy responsibly. Copyright 2025 Anheuser-Busch Michelob Ultra Light Beer,

• 38:24Bill Simmons?

  St. Louis, Missouri. And now it's time for Fantasy Sleepers. It's a new segment presented by Yahoo Fantasy, a site that we use here at The Ringer for our fantasy football draft. The season kicks off September 4th. Now's the time to play Yahoo Fantasy Football. Try the new Yahoo Fantasy Guillotine Leagues. We're doing that this year. The lowest scoring team gets eliminated weekly. It's great. It's cutthroat. It's awesome. Want to play insulin with friends? Try the new draft with friends mode. Prefer the classics? Play in a private head-to-head league? That sounds fun. Maybe we'll just go head-to-head.

• 39:00Speaker 04

  I'm, don't touch RJ Harvey. RJ Harvey's my guy.

• 39:04Bill Simmons?

  Or you could join a public league. No matter how you play, one thing's true. Sleepers can win you the week or even the whole league. So House loves RJ Harvey. That's your guy?

• 39:12Speaker 04

  I do.

• 39:13Bill Simmons?

  I loved Eg Buka, who's a first-round pick, who's not even a sleeper, but I actually think he's a sleeper to be a top 10.

• 39:19Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 39:19Bill Simmons?

  Dude, my biggest one is Trevion Henderson.

• 39:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:22Bill Simmons?

  I just think he's going to be a top 20 points guy.

• 39:25Speaker 04

  We're going to find out a lot about that offensive line this year.

• 39:27Bill Simmons?

  I think Sam Darnold's a sleeper. You're down on him? Nobody believes in Sam Darnold?

• 39:31Speaker 04

  He's going to be sleeping on his back from that offensive line. Yes, I agree with you.

• 39:35Bill Simmons?

  He's a sleeper.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  He's literally a sleeper.

• 39:37Bill Simmons?

  JSN on the Seahawks as well, like him?

• 39:40Speaker 04

  Summer room's gotten worse.

• 39:43Bill Simmons?

  The season's almost here. Don't listen to House, listen to me. Draft now at yahoo fantasy.com slash Simmons. All right, so we have six AFC teams we've done. KC, Buffalo, Baltimore, the Chargers, Denver and Houston.

• 39:58Bill Simmons?

  One of the questions with the AFC, Kyle, which I'm sure you've done multiple segments on.

• 40:03Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 40:03Bill Simmons?

  It's your bleary eyed.

• 40:04Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:05Bill Simmons?

  In the mornings, trying to figure this out is, who the fuck is the seventh AFC team?

• 40:10Speaker 05

  I know.

• 40:11Bill Simmons?

  Who is it? I mean, you could even say, who's the sixth AFC team? You at least made a compelling case for the Chargers. But when you get to the seven seed,

• 40:20Bill Simmons?

  it's an all bets are off situation. So who'd you have?

• 40:24Speaker 05

  I have an angel and a devil on my shoulders because I have some teams, but like, my movies for them have already been taken, but it's fine because there's a clusterfuck trying to get the seven spot. So I'm just going to go with it again. You guys mentioned this, this division already.

• 40:40Speaker 05

  I have the Raiders. I have the Pete Carroll Raiders, the Pete Carroll, Tom Brady Raiders. I like them. I like how they're built. I like their quarterback. I like their running game. I like their defense and my, uh, my movie comp is Kick Boxer. I, I like anything with an old mentor who teaches like a young talent how to do things. And that's Pete Carroll. I also like that the Raiders given Ashton Gentry 350 carries in his rookie years, like Van Dam kicking the tree until he breaks his leg. Just keep kicking it, kick it, kick it again until it's bleeding. And, uh, Max Crosby is Naksu Kao, the white warrior. So I have the Raiders as Kick Boxer and as our shocking seven seed as the third team from the AFC West for me.

• 41:22Bill Simmons?

  It's in the vicinity of where I had them as well.

• 41:25Speaker 05

  I like it.

• 41:25Bill Simmons?

  I, so, but you left out the key point why this is such a great pick with the Raiders. The unintentional comedy in Kick Boxer. Matching the unintentional comedy of the Las Vegas Raiders. Brady just randomly coming in with his cool Raiders gear. Mark Davis's hair, just the fact that they're in Vegas. Like there's a cheesiness to the Las Vegas Raiders that

• 41:49Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 41:49Bill Simmons?

  matches, there's a famous scene in Kick Boxer, Boxer when, when Van Dam dances.

• 41:54Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:56Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, and it's like his whole, he's wearing a black tank top.

• 42:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:01Bill Simmons?

  It'll occasionally become a meme and it's like, what fits better than that with the Las Vegas Raiders?

• 42:06Speaker 04

  It's great. We, I just want to observe out loud. We have all four of the AFC West in the top seven teams here.

• 42:13Speaker 05

  Unlikely, but possible.

• 42:15Speaker 04

  I'm just saying it out loud. That's, that's what we did.

• 42:18Bill Simmons?

  But I think.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  The coaches.

• 42:19Speaker 04

  I understand.

• 42:20Bill Simmons?

  There's two divisions that are above all the other divisions, AFC West and the NFC North. And I think you could make a case for playoff spots for all eight of those teams.

• 42:30Speaker 04

  We just did.

• 42:31Bill Simmons?

  If you want it. We just did with the AFC West. And people have a different one of who bounces out. Most people will probably have it like we have it here. But I, listen, talk about this every year. If you have a terrible QB and a terrible coach. And you go to a B minus for those categories or C plus, it's still four to five wins. Just being competent makes you go from five and 12 to nine and eight. So I'm fine with it.

• 43:01Speaker 05

  You have an adult in the room. Listen, Geno Smith, I know he doesn't blow anybody's hair back. The Seahawks won 10 games last year. 10.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  With the worst offensive line.

• 43:09Speaker 05

  They have all that. And they have Carroll now and they have adult in the room. I, I just, I like it.

• 43:13Bill Simmons?

  Pete Carroll's never lost less than seven, right? Isn't that the stat?

• 43:17Speaker 05

  You take your hands and you put them in broken glass for the fight against Tong Po at the end. That's them against the Chiefs. Amazing sequence.

• 43:25Bill Simmons?

  I had the Patriots, not just because it's my team.

• 43:28Speaker 04

  I'm stunned.

• 43:29Bill Simmons?

  Look, come on.

• 43:31Speaker 04

  What do you mean, come on?

• 43:33Bill Simmons?

  Come on.

• 43:34Speaker 05

  They're making the jump.

• 43:34Speaker 04

  Make the case.

• 43:36Bill Simmons?

  They check all the boxes that we see every year that Washington did last year and have the balls to pick them, but brand new coach replacing a horrific coach and a horrific coaching staff. Spent a lot of money in free agency. They had a really good draft with guys that seemed like they're going to play. They have a quarterback that I think has a chance to be special. I, I just thought what he did in 10 games last year with the worst coaching personnel, offensive line situation possible. And the team really likes him and. They're they're definitely gonna be better. Nine and eight might be a seven seed. And when you look at their schedule and you start going through it, it's like a miracle of a schedule. And you know what else was a miracle? Getting Trevion Henderson because the Browns took his teammate two spots before.

• 44:21Bill Simmons?

  So, uh, my movie here, we circled it with Houston, but I think this is Commando. Where it is. It's just like, it's just a little tester for what's to come, or what I hope as a Patriots fan is gonna come. It's like, oh, can Arnold carry his own movie where he's not just walking in and going, I'll be back. Uh, oh, he can. He can be like a likable star of a thing. Oh, could, could this, could bigger things happen down the road? They could.

• 44:52Bill Simmons?

  Could there be a good infrastructure around Arnold in a movie that's repeatable? Oh, yes. Yeah, sure. So Commando is, is, uh, my pick. I know you love Commando.

• 45:02Speaker 05

  I love Commando. Um, my, my, my wonder, and what I'm wondering about is this, the fun digs piece of this, is this, is he Bill? Is he a Radon Chong? Is he a Bill Duke? Is he, is he, uh, Vernon Wells? Like, where do you come out?

• 45:16Bill Simmons?

  I think he's Radon Chong. I think it's, it's.

• 45:17Speaker 05

  Radon.

• 45:19Bill Simmons?

  I think it's like, we just kinda needed somebody that where you recognized their name. Could we have spent more money on the actress? We probably could have. She's serviceable. Can she, can she get 75 catches and 900 yards? She can. And that's it.

• 45:32Speaker 05

  I think Diggs is gonna have 90 catches this year. I, I know that people are down on him and they think he's a jackass or something. His stock is low. He's such a professional on the field. He's so, so good at wide receiver. And he took Josh Allen from adolescence to adulthood. I think he's gonna do it again. I love Diggs this year.

• 45:47Speaker 04

  My only issue, the ceiling for me, um, that I, I don't, makes it unattainable is just that offensive line isn't good enough to give Drake May the time that he's gonna need to get 90 balls into the.

• 45:58Bill Simmons?

  It's a way better offensive line this year, and it's still not that good.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  Right.

• 46:02Bill Simmons?

  They were an F minus minus last year as an offensive line. It was the worst offensive line they've ever had since I've been a Patriot fan. And now they're gonna be.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  A D?

• 46:11Bill Simmons?

  No, I think they're gonna be like a, like a C.

• 46:14Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 46:14Bill Simmons?

  Maybe a C plus.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna sit here and argue with you about it because last year, Washington was forecasted to have one of the four worst offensive lines the entire NFL. If you look at every forecast, and then they came in and scheme wise, Cliff Kingsbury, and with the, with the weapons that they had, they ended up being a very serviceable offensive line.

• 46:32Bill Simmons?

  I mean, they had. When you look at the coaching staff they had last year, it's people that aren't in football.

• 46:37Speaker 05

  I get it.

• 46:37Speaker 04

  I know.

• 46:38Bill Simmons?

  Like, I don't know what Mayo's doing. I don't know where Alex Van Pelt is. You're going down the line. I don't know if these guys are in pro, college, high school. Who knows? You're up again with the ninth pick, Kyle.

• 46:52Speaker 05

  Um, the ninth pick.

• 46:56Speaker 05

  All right, well, I had, this is where I had the Bengals. I had Cincinnati here, just on the outside. And listen, I, this is where I run into the, I have Predator. I, I know, Bill, you already claimed Predator, but I'm just like, so many, so many just huge, giant, expensive, violent weapons with no ability to defend themselves. They, they just sit there like a sitting fucking duck and the Predator goes in and steals Jesse the Body's body. There's nothing they can do about it. And it's pretty cool. And they got miniguns and Jamar Chase's old painless, but like, they really have no way of protecting themselves against this, this superior weaponry.

• 47:34Bill Simmons?

  Predator's off the board. You just violated the draft.

• 47:36Speaker 05

  I know. So I gotta go with another movie?

• 47:40Bill Simmons?

  I have an idea for this. If you want, if you, I don't know if the summa is, can help each other.

• 47:46Speaker 05

  Yeah. Give me, give me something.

• 47:49Bill Simmons?

  I had Tango and Cash written down for them, and here's why.

• 47:54Bill Simmons?

  It's not a good movie.

• 47:58Bill Simmons?

  It's super entertaining. I don't know why it's so entertaining, but it is. You just get to hang out with Stallone and Kurt Russell.

• 48:05Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 48:06Bill Simmons?

  They have this weird kind of back and forth stuff. Stallone's trying to be hilarious. He's trying, he's like this hilarious wisecracking, uh, really into the stocks. And it's just a fun hang and you never think it's gonna win the Oscar or be that good. And I think that's the Bengals. I just think they're a fun hang. They're never gonna really do anything. Their defense is gonna be bad. Zach Taylor.

• 48:29Speaker 05

  Chase and Burrow are cool, too. That does, like, there's a cool factor with Swayze.

• 48:33Bill Simmons?

  You want anybody from this team on your fantasy team. You enjoy it. I'll buy it on 4K Blu-ray.

• 48:40Speaker 05

  Predator is too good of a movie to go to go to the 2025 Bengals. This is good.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're in agreement.

• 48:47Bill Simmons?

  That's where my head was.

• 48:48Speaker 05

  Highly watchable. I think that's a word for both of those things.

• 48:50Bill Simmons?

  Tango and cat plus like Borough and Chase.

• 48:53Speaker 05

  Chase.

• 48:54Bill Simmons?

  Literally Tango and Cash.

• 48:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:56Bill Simmons?

  Uh, all right. My next one, uh, this is gonna, see, I'm, I'm taking movies right off Kyle's board. I don't mean to.

• 49:02Speaker 05

  That's all right.

• 49:03Bill Simmons?

  Cause it's, it's not a zero sum game. I have Pittsburgh right here.

• 49:07Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 49:08Bill Simmons?

  I don't think they're a playoff team. I don't know if Aaron Rodgers even gets through the season. I think it's completely unrealistic that he's going to be good this year. I don't see the case. I watched him play football last year. I don't know why he'd be better a year later.

• 49:20Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 49:20Bill Simmons?

  I don't think he wants to get hit anymore. The way that team cratered last year, the, the Metcalf thing, they kind of went sideways with the skill positions. Their offensive line will be a little bit better. Schedule is pretty hard.

• 49:36Bill Simmons?

  And I just, I, I just grabbed out for justice here. Because I think it's, I think it's a season where there's just a moment where Tomlin's just wandering around going, has anyone seen Richie?

• 49:48Bill Simmons?

  Has anyone seen Richie? And, but he's really means a quarterback. Cause this is year eight for him not having a quarterback, year nine. And it just feels like a, has anyone seen Richie season for the Steelers? They'll probably go eight, nine, nine and eight, whatever, but I don't think they're a playoff team.

• 50:03Speaker 05

  I'm gonna keep coming back to nine and eight until somebody remembers seeing the divisional round.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  It's good. It's good. That was excellent. The case for Aaron Rodgers being better this year is that he is a full year now rehab away from the, the Achilles. I mean, you know, if you want to advance the argument that he was back too early from the Achilles, definitely you would make that argument with Kirk Cousins.

• 50:30Bill Simmons?

  Is he, was he back a year too early from not wanting to get hit anymore? Cause he didn't want to get hit last year.

• 50:36Speaker 04

  There was a lot of, of disarray. Now, some of it, he certainly had a, had a hand in. I'm not absolving him of the disarray in that Jets situation. But this is a different situation and I, I, I'm really, really, really intrigued by Arthur Smith and Aaron Rodgers. Really. What, KB, what are you hearing? Like, how is that relationship going?

• 50:57Speaker 05

  I went to Steelers camp. I sat with Rogers. I watched and god damn, the ball flies out of his hand. We know that. Like, it's very impressive. And the Arthur Smith thing is very strange from the get-go because Arthur Smith's like, run the shit out of the ball. Just run left, run right, do the Falcons thing, what I did with those two running backs. You wouldn't think. And the weird part about it is Rogers had no say in picking him. Rogers brought Nate Hackett to the Jets. There's no Alan Lazard, Randall Cobb is not on the, it's not like his whole crew where he's Vinnie Chase and he brought Turtle and E. There's none of that. He just is there because Tomlin is the coach and Tomlin always is in the playoffs.

• 51:36Bill Simmons?

  All right, you monitor this training camp stuff closely and you've gone to training camps.

• 51:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 51:41Bill Simmons?

  Why do we believe any story about anything that these guys say in the training camp? Like, who's gonna be like, yeah, we haven't really liked him. He's been kind of a dick.

• 51:50Speaker 05

  No, but those stories, those stories do leak out. Like, that's why everybody's got their eye on the Dolphins. We'll get to them eventually, right? Yes. Those stories are leaking out of Miami, like, you know?

• 52:02Bill Simmons?

  That's a good point.

• 52:03Speaker 05

  Bill, you got, it's like you're skeptical of ex-players in the best shape of his life and has recommitted himself to fitness and lost this much. It all matters in this time of year. It's what we do in August.

• 52:12Bill Simmons?

  Well, the thing that, and I've talked about this, the one thing I do look for is the raving quotes from the teammates and coaches about like a new quarterback, a rookie, like, and this is where like the Cam Ward thing becomes so interesting because the way they talk about Cam Ward, it's very similar to Daniels last year.

• 52:30Speaker 05

  Agreed.

• 52:30Bill Simmons?

  You could see like from the moment Daniel showed up in Washington and House and I were texting during the summer, I was like, House, did you, did you get a quarterback? It seems like you got a quarterback. Everyone's like blowing this, blowing this.

• 52:42Speaker 05

  And I wouldn't let myself believe it. I was like, oh, this is the thing.

• 52:46Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, House had his guard up. He didn't want to be hurt.

• 52:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, I didn't want to get hurt. When did you start believing, House? Like, when was the moment? That pass that he threw to Terry McLaurin on Monday Night Football against the Cincinnati Bengals. And took the hit. Yep. That, I got chills. I'm almost getting chills right now thinking about it again. It's just so unexpected to see a guy with that level of poise and it was like, there was a bucket to drop it into that was like barely the size of the football. God damn, that was a badass play. That made me believe.

• 53:13Bill Simmons?

  Well, House, sadly, you're up and, and the following teams are left.

• 53:20Bill Simmons?

  Indianapolis, Jacksonville, the Jets, Miami, Tennessee and Cleveland. And you have to go, you have to take one of those teams. Who are you taking?

• 53:28Speaker 04

  Uh, Miami. And the reason that I'm taking Miami is because it's one of two outcomes for them. And for sure, we're, we're, we're, everybody's got their antenna up. Everybody's paying to like when, when the odds board opens for first coach to be fired, it's going to be Mike McDaniel's name at the very top. And all we've been talking about is that hot seat for him, the hot seat for Tyreek. But the talent is still there and on both sides of the ball. Like if you, if, if, if Jalen Phillips and Bradley Chubb can play 12 games this coming season on defense.

• 54:03Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, they, they have certain skill sets.

• 54:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:06Bill Simmons?

  They can rush the passer. They have speed. Then there's other parts of the team where it's like, yeah, we just don't have an offensive line. Yeah, we're just not going to have a secondary this year.

• 54:13Speaker 05

  Well, the thing with, the thing with McDaniel is his apologists say if his record with Tua as a starting quarterback is excellent. He wins.

• 54:21Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 54:21Speaker 05

  It's a huge if, but he is when two, when he has a starting quarterback, he wins.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  So what's a movie that's like one extreme or the other?

• 54:28Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I had, I had an idea for this, but Kyle, you, you go, cause I've, I've kind of strong armed you in a couple of days.

• 54:35Speaker 05

  Did we, I don't think we burned this. This is where I'm ready. I have a chip that is very special to me. This is where I'm ready to burn my Cobra chip.

• 54:44Speaker 05

  I, I, I think Marion Cabretti is Mike McDaniel, just eccentric for eccentric sake. Like, doesn't even really make sense. You know what I mean? It's just like, why are you being that strange? You can just be straight with us sometimes. And it's like, I, I can see McDaniel with the aviators and a match in his mouth and talking about his run game. You're like, guys, defense is a disease and I'm the cure. Like that fits to me. That's, it seems like him.

• 55:09Bill Simmons?

  He would definitely eat pizza by cutting it with scissors.

• 55:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, just scissors, frozen pizza. I think Tyreek is like this really cool, like bladed weapon with spikes. He's the night stalker. Like I think Cobra is down in South Beach. I do.

• 55:21Bill Simmons?

  House and I went to breakfast and I was walking him through the movies on the list because he didn't remember some of them.

• 55:26Speaker 05

  Fun. That's a fun breakfast.

• 55:27Speaker 04

  Great breakfast.

• 55:28Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, if somebody had overheard it, they would have thought we were just two lunatics. But we get to Cobra. I'm like Cobra.

• 55:36Bill Simmons?

  Stallone just lost his mind.

• 55:37Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 55:38Bill Simmons?

  He just loses his mind and at one point he eats pizza by cutting it with scissors. He kills 230 people and mumbles all his lines and has a toothpick in his mouth. And it's an incoherent movie that we both love.

• 55:50Speaker 05

  There's no guardrails. Just do anything, Sly. Nothing. It's, it's, it's no one stepping in to tell him that would never happen. And that's why it's fun to watch.

• 55:57Speaker 04

  That's the Dolphins, too.

• 55:59Bill Simmons?

  I had over the top in that splat for many of the same reasons you just laid out. Completely ridiculous, incomprehensible, not sure why it happened, multiple major, major holes in the movie. And yet it's still weirdly enjoyable. Um, okay. That means I am now up.

• 56:16Bill Simmons?

  So.

• 56:19Bill Simmons?

  I can't believe I'm doing that. I, I hate the AFC South. I really do. And.

• 56:25Speaker 05

  It's tough, isn't it?

• 56:26Bill Simmons?

  I've changed my mind on the Indianapolis Jacksonville Tennessee thing. And I thought I had kind of landed on Indianapolis for a split second and then the Danny Dimes thing. I just can't do Jacksonville. My body keeps rejecting it like a, like a kidney.

• 56:41Speaker 05

  It's understandable.

• 56:42Bill Simmons?

  And I keep kind of veering toward Tennessee for the second place spot, maybe.

• 56:46Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 56:47Bill Simmons?

  We already have bets on them finishing in fourth place. So it's like a zag just on things we bet on. And it really comes down to like, they have a good offensive line.

• 56:57Speaker 05

  Yep, they do.

• 56:58Bill Simmons?

  They might have a quarterback who's special right away, which we have seen year after year after year now, where this one quarterback will come in and just be good right away. They have some things they can do, like maybe they'll have a little bit of a pass rush.

• 57:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:14Bill Simmons?

  Maybe they'll have an easy schedule. So you can kind of start talking yourself into pieces, but it's really the Cam Ward piece.

• 57:20Speaker 04

  I want to ask Kyle this, and I want to ask it in a way that won't get him in trouble with anybody.

• 57:24Speaker 05

  Okay, go ahead, go ahead.

• 57:25Speaker 04

  I didn't see any team last year that was worse coached.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  Than the Tennessee Titans.

• 57:33Bill Simmons?

  Well, so that was that.

• 57:34Speaker 04

  It was stultifying.

• 57:35Bill Simmons?

  The special teams like some, but how much of that was Will Levis, though?

• 57:40Speaker 04

  That they, Will Levis didn't play special teams. Their special teams was an abomination.

• 57:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 57:44Speaker 04

  No, I know that they, they brought in, you know, so a, an adult finally on, on that, that side of it. But I'm just gonna put it politely. I have Matty Callahan questions. I have Callahan questions.

• 57:57Bill Simmons?

  Sure.

• 57:58Speaker 04

  And, and until those get answered, I.

• 58:00Bill Simmons?

  Why is this making Kyle uncomfortable? They talk about shit like this every day on Good Morning Football.

• 58:04Speaker 05

  I don't have to tell the league line that hard. It's, it's cool house. I, I'm the only one who's critical. It's fine. I don't care.

• 58:10Speaker 04

  Good.

• 58:10Speaker 05

  We can, we can, I don't think they're gonna fire me because I say the Titans coach has questions about it.

• 58:14Bill Simmons?

  Right. They're like, hey, did you hear what Kyle agreed with this Tennessee coach?

• 58:20Speaker 04

  I thought they were point shaving last year. That's how bad it was.

• 58:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:23Bill Simmons?

  I have a.

• 58:23Speaker 04

  I call them the Tennessee point shavers.

• 58:25Bill Simmons?

  I never told you my movie for them.

• 58:27Speaker 05

  Oh yeah. What do you got?

• 58:28Bill Simmons?

  Kindergarten Cop. Because kindergarten cop, first of all, gives the, the feeling of youth, which is what they have with Cam Ward, right? This is like, oh, he's too young. They're, they're, they can't do anything. He just got there. The team's a mess. Kindergarten Cop's a movie that when you saw the trailer, you just assumed it was gonna be terrible.

• 58:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:50Bill Simmons?

  And I'm old enough, unfortunately, to remember seeing the trailer. Like, oh, man, Arnold's really lost it. What the, what the fuck is he making this movie? Like, this is just, this is just gonna be a bomb. I can't believe it. And then it turned out to be really good.

• 59:02Speaker 05

  I know. It's, it's one of these annoying things that our heroes all did is they're like, I, I, I can't do action movies forever. I gotta show my diversity. You're like, god damn it, just make the fucking action movies. It's like when you go to a concert of a band you loved in the eighties and they're like, hey, this is one of our new ones. My, oh shit, I'm going for a beer. It's like that. Don't do that. But they do.

• 59:21Bill Simmons?

  And it worked in this case. So I got them.

• 59:23Speaker 05

  Twins worked and a lot of them worked for him.

• 59:26Bill Simmons?

  How's, uh, you have?

• 59:29Bill Simmons?

  Are you next? Yeah.

• 59:32Speaker 05

  I lost track, Bill. Yeah, I lost track too. Give it to Kyle.

• 59:35Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Kyle, you go. Yeah, I think Kyle hasn't gone.

• 59:38Speaker 05

  All right. I like that we, I feel like like a janitor just mopping up the hallways of the AFC South.

• 59:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 59:44Speaker 05

  We have to do it.

• 59:46Bill Simmons?

  The real point is, it doesn't really matter who goes at this point, but you go. Who do you have?

• 59:49Speaker 05

  All right, I'm gonna go to Duval County at the Jags. I got the, I got the Jags. I'll take this one for us, Bill, and this one is on a T for what the movie is. This is definitely Double Impact. This is like, listen, back in the day, people were like, we need more Van Damme. We need two Van Damms in one movie. And House, I'll give you one wild guess. Who gets a screenwriting credit for this movie? Take a guess. I can't, I can't imagine. Jean Claude Van Damme, screenwriting fucking credit. On the screen, my hot take, Bill, about, about Double Impact is that Sinners is just a ripoff of Double Impact. And Michael B. studied tape of Van Damme and that Smoke and Stack were just Alex and Chad. Totally ripped off. They Van Damme did it first. That's great.

• 1:00:35Speaker 05

  That's great. But obviously, the connection is Travis Hunter. They're in Double Impact. He needs to do two characters. They drafted him to be the defensive guy, the wide receiver guy. And we'll see if it works. Van, Double Impact doesn't totally work. Trevor Lawrence, in this case, would be Bolo Young, who would, he was like, great physical gifts, but never really wins. So that's where I'm at. It's right there for you. Double Impact Travis Hunter.

• 1:00:58Bill Simmons?

  I really like it. I don't have a lot of notes other than to mention that not only did Van Damme co-write the movie. I wonder if he bought first draft? Do you think he loaded it into his computer? Do you think?

• 1:01:09Speaker 05

  I don't think so.

• 1:01:09Bill Simmons?

  Van Damme had a computer?

• 1:01:11Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:01:11Bill Simmons?

  But he plays twins and he plays the twins differently. But, you know, even in Sinners, the twins, they're a little different, but

• 1:01:19Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:01:20Bill Simmons?

  You know, they, they sound, Van Damme's like, no. One guy is gonna be this guy and the other guy. And it's a really bad movie that I can't believe we haven't done on the rewatch.

• 1:01:29Speaker 05

  There's a part where a woman starts to put her hand down Van Damme's pants. And she goes, am I gonna get a surprise? And he goes, yeah, big surprise. And you're like, Jesus, what are we doing here? Just kick somebody, bro.

• 1:01:40Bill Simmons?

  He wrote, he wrote that though.

• 1:01:42Speaker 05

  Big surprise, a big penis, yes. That's him.

• 1:01:45Bill Simmons?

  He liked that one.

• 1:01:48Bill Simmons?

  That's great. All right. Three teams left. You can have Indianapolis, the Jets or Cleveland here.

• 1:01:53Speaker 04

  I'm taking the Jets and we're squarely in the in the Seagal Van Damme division, I think, movie wise, right? It's gotta be one of those.

• 1:02:01Bill Simmons?

  If I can suggest a movie here.

• 1:02:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:04Bill Simmons?

  As action. So my, I mean, you could do The Running Man. The double entendre, because Aaron Glenn is just like, we're just running.

• 1:02:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:12Bill Simmons?

  We're just gonna run the ball a lot and then we're gonna keep running it.

• 1:02:16Speaker 04

  Is there a scenario where the Jets can win eight or nine games this season?

• 1:02:22Bill Simmons?

  I mean, yeah, how many Justin Fields conversations have you had on this show in five years?

• 1:02:26Speaker 04

  He's pulling his hair out.

• 1:02:27Speaker 05

  Yeah. And you know why? I've seen a lot of Justin Fields, a lot, a lot. And he is like the greatest person and the greatest employee. He doesn't say shit and he works really hard and he gets his ass kicked. He almost never wins the game he starts. And then when he finally did win some games, Mike Tomlin benched him for Russell Wilson. It's a very odd legacy. So I love him. I'm rooting for him. But like, it's also the longest playoff drought in like major professional sports. So is this, did Justin Fields in year one of Aaron Glenn's gonna break it? I don't think it's likely.

• 1:02:57Bill Simmons?

  I went back at my notes from last year for all the podcasts I hosted to just try to jog my memory because we always get amnesia after the season. And before they benched Fields, there was a game that they won, but I did a whole section, I wrote out a whole section to do on the pod about like, Fields doesn't have it. They actually have to go to Russell Wilson. He's not good enough. Because he just, you know, especially if you're down, what was that game? Was it maybe Dallas where they were down and he had to do a drive at the end? He's just not accurate enough.

• 1:03:26Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:03:27Bill Simmons?

  So it might be, I think, I've said before, I think they're gonna be the tease buster this year. There's gonna be like two games this year that they win 16 to nine and they have the lead the whole game. And you had the other team as part of a three team 10 point tease and you can't believe like Cincinnati's losing to the Jets in the fourth quarter. Let's go to Cincinnati where Justin Fields just ran. See, I'm just like, I can't believe I bet on Cincinnati. What am I doing?

• 1:03:53Speaker 04

  I just, I'm not gonna bet anything involving the Jets. Cause their defense and Aaron Glenn together like they they're still talent on that defense.

• 1:04:01Bill Simmons?

  They do have talent.

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

  It was a disaster what what happened with that with with Sala leaving and and the difference between what you know, what that defense was capable of when Sala was still there. That was the only unit that had any kind of semblance of like competent football.

• 1:04:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  And I mean, the schedule is the problem.

• 1:04:19Bill Simmons?

  All right, we're on a terrible pace. We gotta keep moving.

• 1:04:21Speaker 05

  We ran that running man for that, Bill?

• 1:04:24Bill Simmons?

  Let's do, yeah, let's lock down the running man for that.

• 1:04:26Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  Good.

• 1:04:26Bill Simmons?

  All right, you have the second to last one here, Kyle, and then I'll I'll go last. You can have Indianapolis or Cleveland. Tough, tough podcast already for Danny Dimes.

• 1:04:36Speaker 05

  I I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go Cleveland. And um, I'm gonna go Jim Cotta.

• 1:04:43Bill Simmons?

  Jim got, you're going wild card.

• 1:04:45Speaker 05

  Wild card Jim Cotta. Cleveland is like, we have Miles Garrett and that's it. Jim Cotta is like, we have a pommel horse and we will kick the shit out of you with it. I don't care what else is going on. You give us a pommel horse and we will kick. That's all. It's it's really like one asset that they're bringing and all kinds of other shit going on with quarterbacks and ninjas and attacks. I got the Cleveland Browns' Jim Cotta, Bill, and I hope I didn't steal your wild card.

• 1:05:11Bill Simmons?

  So, does this mean you've watched Jim Cotta?

• 1:05:13Speaker 05

  I've seen Jim Cotta in in like a seamstress, like in pieces.

• 1:05:18Bill Simmons?

  I've been poking you with it for the last couple of years.

• 1:05:20Speaker 05

  Oh, let's go.

• 1:05:21Bill Simmons?

  Rewatchables. I'm just like, hey, can you check out Jim Cotta? Like, he badgered me for Out for Justice for

• 1:05:28Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:05:28Bill Simmons?

  two years and I finally did it. And guess what? I was, it made my year. I'm so happy that I that I dove in Out for Justice. He won't oblige with Jim Cotta.

• 1:05:37Speaker 05

  You can't do a full hour on Jim Cotta. How do you do it?

• 1:05:40Bill Simmons?

  Oh, we definitely can.

• 1:05:41Speaker 05

  It's a pommel horse.

• 1:05:42Bill Simmons?

  It's it's in the running for the worst sports movie of all time. Cause it's Kurt Thomas as Kurt Thomas coming off the 84 Olympics, star gymnast, and they make an action movie for him and he just has to do gymnastics action shit.

• 1:05:56Speaker 05

  It's amazing.

• 1:05:57Bill Simmons?

  It's a mesmerizing movie.

• 1:05:58Speaker 05

  Every time it comes on, I watch it. It's stunning.

• 1:06:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, all right. I'm gonna take Indianapolis then, who somehow fell to the 16

• 1:06:07Bill Simmons?

  seed in this, so.

• 1:06:11Bill Simmons?

  We're gonna do True Lies here.

• 1:06:14Speaker 05

  Ah, alright, go on.

• 1:06:15Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I'm sorry.

• 1:06:16Speaker 05

  Now do it.

• 1:06:18Bill Simmons?

  I just think a lot of lies left and right coming from this franchise and just things that that Richardson and I, all of it just seems. I don't think they had any intention of bringing him back. I think there's a lot of stuff behind the scenes with that they're seeing that we're not seeing. They spent money on Dimes to come in. Dimes is not remotely close to the guy he was in 2022 when he wasn't even that good. And I just think they're out on Richardson and I don't even know, like I would have tried to trade him in August, just feeling, you know what, we fucked this up. It was the fourth pick in the draft. We took a swing.

• 1:06:52Speaker 04

  I have two questions about that.

• 1:06:54Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:54Speaker 04

  Kyle, was, how invested was Shane Steichen in that draft pick?

• 1:06:59Bill Simmons?

  I think very.

• 1:07:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:01Speaker 04

  Is that the story?

• 1:07:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:01Speaker 04

  Steich?

• 1:07:02Speaker 05

  That was the guy. They were like, we're gonna find the weapon of tomorrow.

• 1:07:05Speaker 04

  That wasn't Ursay. It was Steichen.

• 1:07:08Speaker 05

  I think, I mean, when you draft a quarterback that high, the owner is very involved as well, especially that owner.

• 1:07:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:14Speaker 05

  So, I don't even know what, who was it? It was a Ballard, Steich and Ursay. Maybe that's why we are where we are.

• 1:07:19Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:07:20Bill Simmons?

  True Lies is a good movie and Indianapolis is gonna be a bad team. And, and by the way, we have to stop talking about them because we're way behind on pace now and we're gonna go to the NFC. We're gonna take a break and we're gonna rip through the NFC. This episode is brought to you by Michelob Ultra. Excitement is in the air. That's right. It's the start of NBA season. I can't wait to get together with friends, share some Michelob Ultras and watch Tip Off Plus as the official beer sponsor of the NBA. Michelob Ultra is getting you closer to the action with experiences that make you feel like you're courtside to actual courtside tickets. Enter now for a chance to win at michelobultra.com/courtside. Michelob Ultra Courtside 26 to 27. No purchase necessary. Open to U.S. residents 21+. Begins

• 1:08:03Bill Simmons?

  on October 1st, 2026, ends on June 30th, 2027. Multiple entry periods. See official rules at michelobultra.com/courtside for free entry. Entry deadlines, prizes and details. This episode is brought to you by Expedia. You know how at the end of the season, your team goes to Cancun? Sometimes earlier than expected? Sometimes after blowing a 3-1 series lead? But what if you went to Cancun? With Expedia, save up to 30% when you bundle and save. You can book the flight or the hotel now, then book the rest later. In all fairness, though, hopefully, your team doesn't go to Cancun. 123 Cancun. Or if they do, you go with them. Expedia, the one place you go to go places. Sign in to save, savings vary. All right, we're coming back. We just did the AFC. We each had a different one seed for the AFC.

• 1:08:47Bill Simmons?

  I can't wait to see what happens in the NFC. Plus, we have a lot of good movies left, including, I think we have Under Siege, Above the Law, Over the Top, Terminator's available, Point Break, Rainbow 2, Sudden Death. Toy Soldiers is still available, Under Siege 2, Rocky IV, Above the Law, Demolition Man, couple of wild cards, Bloodsport. So we have some good stuff here. And Kyle, you're going to lead us off with, I don't think it'll be a surprising one seed for the NFC, but who you got?

• 1:09:19Speaker 05

  I got the Lions.

• 1:09:21Bill Simmons?

  Wow.

• 1:09:21Speaker 05

  I do.

• 1:09:22Bill Simmons?

  Wow.

• 1:09:22Speaker 05

  I got the Lions.

• 1:09:23Bill Simmons?

  I'm surprised. We're both surprised.

• 1:09:24Speaker 05

  I have the Lions. I know, and I know all the attention is on Philly. I'm going to go with the Lions and I'm going to go with Under Siege for the Detroit Lions. Ryback is just like, I'm just a cook. And Campbell's like, I'm just a coach. But you know, both of them want to get in there and kick ass. You got all these new weapons. It's, there's Tommy Lee, there's Bucy, Jameer Gibbs is a laniac, just hot as hell, fulfilling different kinds of fantasies. It's Under Siege, the Lions is exactly what they are.

• 1:09:52Bill Simmons?

  That's great. I, I have them lower in the seeds and I had Under Siege 2 for them. So I thought that's pretty funny.

• 1:09:57Speaker 05

  Yeah. Fucking awesome. I love what that is.

• 1:09:59Bill Simmons?

  You got Under Siege 1. That's the difference in how we feel about the Lions. He's feeling an Under Siege season.

• 1:10:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:05Bill Simmons?

  I'm more in the Under Siege 2. I was telling House about Under Siege, because I don't think he'd ever seen it. And as soon as I got to Erica Lanierak, jumping out of a birthday cake. He was like, say no more, I'll watch it.

• 1:10:17Speaker 05

  I'm in.

• 1:10:18Bill Simmons?

  So Lions, you're not worried about?

• 1:10:21Speaker 05

  Coordinators?

• 1:10:22Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, so that would be like the, in this case, it'd be like, it's Die Hard on a boat. We're not worried about it's too close to Die Hard.

• 1:10:28Speaker 05

  But all those movies are like, you know, the odds are against Dan Campbell. That's just the way he likes it. This season is about like, are you just some meathead who had really smart coordinators? And this is going to catch up with you? Or is Dan Campbell truly like Mike Ditka? Is he the real thing? We'll find out. I think he is.

• 1:10:45Bill Simmons?

  So here's, I just want to make this as a PSA. You can't be all in on the Bears and Ben Johnson being a genius and how great he's going to be for the Bears. But then also be all in on the Lions being good this year.

• 1:10:56Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:10:57Bill Simmons?

  Like it's, to me, that's the seesaw and you gotta pick a side on the seesaw.

• 1:11:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know which side I'm on.

• 1:11:02Bill Simmons?

  So if you don't think, if you don't think the Ben Johnson loss is going to be a huge thing for Detroit, then you can't also then pick the Bears to go 11 and 6 because Ben Johnson's their coach. All right.

• 1:11:10Speaker 05

  We'll see.

• 1:11:11Bill Simmons?

  I'm gonna take, uh, I'm gonna take Philly here.

• 1:11:13Speaker 05

  Sure. Okay.

• 1:11:15Bill Simmons?

  This was a pretty easy movie. It's, I had Rambo, First Blood 2.

• 1:11:19Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 1:11:20Bill Simmons?

  Um, First Blood, big movie, influential. Uh, the best acting is Stallone's career. Other than maybe, maybe.

• 1:11:28Speaker 05

  Oscar.

• 1:11:29Bill Simmons?

  The Mickey dying scene. I had so much to do, I had so much to do.

• 1:11:37Bill Simmons?

  So Rambo, they're making First Blood 2. There weren't a ton of sequels. The sequel thing had really started in the late 70s and, and they, they started to feel money grabby by around 84, 85. It's like, ah, they're bringing this back.

• 1:11:52Bill Simmons?

  Boy, was I glad they did.

• 1:11:53Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:11:54Bill Simmons?

  And they took it, they blew it out. They threw some steroids, literally and figuratively into it. Uh, they made it absurd. Uh, it had iconic moments and scenes and was in some ways better than the first movie. I still, I still like the first movie.

• 1:12:08Speaker 05

  More weapons, more muscles. There's a love story in it. There's helicopters shooting missiles.

• 1:12:13Bill Simmons?

  They're just adding shit.

• 1:12:13Speaker 05

  John Kreese is in there. It's just like, put it all in. Yes, more, more and more. It's, it was like the Bash Brothers of a movie.

• 1:12:19Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:20Speaker 05

  Just like big beefy forearms and muscles and hitting Jack's house. It was great.

• 1:12:24Bill Simmons?

  So Eagles, they won the Super Bowl last year. So how do you top that? Well, just fucking make it more cartoony.

• 1:12:30Speaker 05

  Run it back more.

• 1:12:31Bill Simmons?

  Run the tush push every time.

• 1:12:33Speaker 05

  Run it back, baby.

• 1:12:34Bill Simmons?

  Try to see if Devonta Smith can get 200 yards in a game.

• 1:12:37Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:12:37Bill Simmons?

  Just come up with the fake Hertz injury. So Tanner McKee, you can, you can showcase him per game because you're trying to trade him before week seven. I'm ready for all of it and that's my pick. How's your third pick?

• 1:12:49Speaker 04

  Um, out of respect to the Washington franchise, I'm not going to select them here.

• 1:12:54Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  Um, but I am going to select the Green Bay Packers out of respect for the NFC.

• 1:12:59Bill Simmons?

  Wow, that's high.

• 1:13:00Speaker 04

  It is high. That's exactly right. But I think that this is a 10 to 11 win team. And the winner of the NFC West, I have around 10 wins, not much more than that. And the winner of the NFC South is like a 10 win team. So I'm fine with Green. I think Green Bay, the combination of their head coach and their quarterback, if their quarterback is healthy all season long. I like that combo better than any of the other divisions, mainly because the LA Rams with Matthew Stafford's back have taken, you know, a significant drop for me. I would have had the Rams, honestly, in this spot because of how much progress their defense made last season. Their defense was incredible the last six games of the season. So the Rams would have been, but I'm not touching an old quarterback with a bad back.

• 1:13:45Speaker 04

  So I'm putting Green Bay in here because of, out of respect for LaFleur, out of respect for Jordan Love and their defense. They, they changed that defensive coordinator and very quietly, Jeff Hathley had a good season last season. I thought they're still thin, the secondary, Green Bay. But, uh, help me, help me out here. A quality team. They gave the Eagles everything the Eagles wanted.

• 1:14:05Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:14:05Speaker 04

  They were right there.

• 1:14:07Bill Simmons?

  So the profile is basically they're young. They're coming on. Could this be the year, the year away? What are we getting from Jordan Love? Uh, I had point break written down for them.

• 1:14:18Speaker 04

  Interesting.

• 1:14:19Bill Simmons?

  It's like Keanu had been alive for a few years. Could he lead a movie? Swayze is coming off Ghost and Roadhouse. It's like, could he be a bleach blonde, cool surfer?

• 1:14:32Speaker 04

  Mm hmm. So the Swayze Keanu is your LaFleur Jordan Love?

• 1:14:36Bill Simmons?

  There were just questions when it's coming out, but I was also really wanting to see it and then it delivered. So how's this case put in Green Bay here? Yours like, there's some young pieces here.

• 1:14:46Speaker 05

  What's crazy about Green Bay too is like, how's like, there's, there's no buzz. They're very quiet.

• 1:14:52Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:52Speaker 05

  Because everyone's talking about the Bears and the Lions and what's J.J. McCarthy going to look like? They're by far the most quiet team in the league. That's probably good. I don't know if we saw Point Break, Kathryn Bigelow, middle of summer hit, like being that big of a hit. I, Point Break's one of my favorite movies of all time. I think it was way better than everybody thought. That would be Green Bay.

• 1:15:10Bill Simmons?

  Okay. Okay. Good one. So we have a top three of Detroit, Philly, and Green Bay. Interesting. Two division champions, not even, uh, not even brought up yet. You have the fourth pick, huh? Who do you have?

• 1:15:22Speaker 05

  All right. Well, I'm going to need some help from the Sommelier because, uh, my picks here at the top of the NFC, the movies are all gone. So, um.

• 1:15:30Bill Simmons?

  So we'll go Sommelier to Sommelier here.

• 1:15:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, I need, I need help. Um, I have the Buccaneers. I have them right there.

• 1:15:36Bill Simmons?

  Sure.

• 1:15:37Speaker 05

  For a bunch of reasons. Not only is the NFC South pretty light, I like Baker, I like Bowles, and nobody plays the Eagles harder than the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Ask any Eagles fan who plays them the best, the Bucks. They knocked them out of the playoffs a couple of years ago.

• 1:15:50Bill Simmons?

  Yep.

• 1:15:50Speaker 05

  They played awesome. If they were to run into Philly in the playoffs, they could beat them. But I also had, Bill, I, I had written down that Baker has Bodie energy. It's not tragic to die knowing what you love, but Point Break is off the board. So are you feeling anything for like young, hot shot Baker? Lot of baggage there. It hasn't got it done yet. What do you think?

• 1:16:09Bill Simmons?

  So this was my favorite one of the 32 for the movie match. Um, and one of the reasons I came up with this dumb idea that people are probably pouring gasoline in themselves. I'm having a great time. I don't care if people like this or not.

• 1:16:20Speaker 05

  I am too.

• 1:16:22Bill Simmons?

  For me, it's obviously toy soldiers.

• 1:16:24Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:16:25Bill Simmons?

  Baker Mayfield, Sean Astin.

• 1:16:28Bill Simmons?

  Young, scrappy, like Sean Astin can't be the lead of a movie. What are we doing? He's five, seven. He's going to be John McClain in a boarding school, saving a boarding school from terrorists? This movie's ridiculous. How is it working?

• 1:16:40Speaker 05

  Great.

• 1:16:40Bill Simmons?

  And same thing for Tampa. Like, this is ridiculous. How are they, they, Godwin's coming back from Benicio. They've lost McMillan for a half year. This Ohio State receiver miraculous, he falls to them at 21, who's going to be awesome.

• 1:16:54Speaker 05

  He's going to be awesome.

• 1:16:54Bill Simmons?

  How, Mike Evans is. Still good like what are we doing? How are the wherfs they're not gonna have for four weeks? How are they scoring 38 points in this game? I just think it's gonna be like, and then you have scrappy, underdog, tiny Baker Mayfield, AKA Sean Astin.

• 1:17:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, I thought, I thought that Todd Bowles would be Lou Gossip, but Mike Evans is so old, I think it might be him. And, and I also think that Toy Story, or not Toy Story, uh, Toy Soldiers, the villain is really bad, right? We've talked about that, like that villain is not great. The NFC South, the villain is not very good, like there's not someone who's really intimidating there. So I, I love, you know, I love Toy Soldiers, great call.

• 1:17:29Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I don't know who Will Wheaton is in this. Because when we, Kyle and I broke this down two years ago and we slow-moed a couple of Will Wheaton scenes. It just went like really, really intensely in on some of the stuff he was doing. Uh, I don't know who that, that character is in this Tampa.

• 1:17:46Speaker 05

  It's gotta be Bucky Irving. He's looking to fight, but like maybe not really. I like, I like Bucky. He's up and coming. He's going. I, I think Jason Light, the GM is Marcus Brody from the Indiana Jones. Like, we can do the whole casting bill. Okay. The fact that this was what launched what we're doing is perfect. Toy Soldiers and the Bucks. I'm in.

• 1:18:05Bill Simmons?

  Uh, all right. So now we have Detroit, Philly, Green Bay, Tampa. I am up with the five seed. And it's a team that I actually had a whiff higher than that. And I'm just confessing, this is full confession time, because I think I'm locked in. House is not gonna like this.

• 1:18:22Speaker 05

  Oh, I, it's fine.

• 1:18:24Bill Simmons?

  It's the Seattle Seahawks, who I think are going to win the NFC West.

• 1:18:27Speaker 05

  Okay, I love this.

• 1:18:28Bill Simmons?

  I have, I, I needed a nobody believes in us team. They qualify. I couldn't find one in either conference.

• 1:18:36Speaker 05

  How do they qualify for nobody? They won 10 games last season.

• 1:18:39Bill Simmons?

  They're plus 550 to win the NFC West in a division that I think any of those four teams you could make a case for.

• 1:18:45Speaker 05

  That's fair.

• 1:18:46Bill Simmons?

  Why is Seattle plus 550 on FanDuel? There's almost six to one odds they're gonna win the division. They were good last, they had the division last year. They almost won it.

• 1:18:54Speaker 05

  People are not excited about Sam Darnold. Let's just say what it is.

• 1:18:59Bill Simmons?

  Which makes the nobody believes in this thing. But this is the nobody believes in this part. They don't believe in Sam Darnold. He already went through this last year.

• 1:19:06Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:19:06Bill Simmons?

  They thought they got the receivers worse. They don't believe in Cooper Cup. They but everyone's just blindly in on Niners and it it from a zag standpoint. I think it's the best zag of the eight divisions where there's a case for it.

• 1:19:19Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:19:19Bill Simmons?

  Their offensive line, Kubiak doing the zone blocking. Everybody's excited about that. They nailed the Grey's Dable pick. They nailed the draft house.

• 1:19:26Speaker 05

  They did. They did a great job with the draft. I agree with that.

• 1:19:29Bill Simmons?

  And guess what else they have? They have a defense that might be a top five defense.

• 1:19:33Speaker 05

  It's a very good defense.

• 1:19:34Bill Simmons?

  If you're making your top five defense draft, they have to be one of the candidates. They have a home field advantage and I don't think their division's gonna be very good because of the Stafford piece.

• 1:19:43Speaker 05

  Well.

• 1:19:44Bill Simmons?

  You mentioned earlier. So I have Seattle and my movie is sudden death.

• 1:19:47Speaker 05

  Oh, awesome.

• 1:19:49Bill Simmons?

  Sudden death is a nobody believes in us movie.

• 1:19:51Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:19:53Bill Simmons?

  They pitched this and the people in the room were like, no way. Stop. It's like so, Ben, it's like Die Hard, but it's during a hockey game.

• 1:20:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:03Bill Simmons?

  It's a Penguins game.

• 1:20:05Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:20:05Bill Simmons?

  Van Dam is basically going through a divorce. He's kind of a loser. He's like a security guard type guy. And he's gonna have to foil this terrorist attack. And at some point, he's gonna play goal in the movie.

• 1:20:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:18Bill Simmons?

  And everyone in the room's like, I don't believe this. I don't, we shouldn't make this. I don't want to commit. And they're like, just trust me. Just trust me. And guess what? We've already done the rewatchables. It's a magical movie.

• 1:20:28Speaker 05

  And they said, well, what if we have a scene where he fights the mascot in a kitchen? Would that work? Yes, everything. All house, the best thing about this movie is, can you imagine if a team, if a movie maker went to the NFL and they're like, can we have a thing where the Steelers and Cowboys are playing and the whole stadium's rigged with bombs and it's gonna explode? And they're like, fuck no. The NHL is like, sure. Whatever you, you're gonna make a movie about hockey? Take our jerseys, whatever you want. Fine.

• 1:20:51Bill Simmons?

  If you want to blow up both teams, fine.

• 1:20:53Speaker 05

  Do it.

• 1:20:53Bill Simmons?

  Cut the check. So Seahawks, nobody believes in them. Nobody believe that sudden

• 1:20:59Speaker 04

  I definitely don't believe in them.

• 1:21:00Bill Simmons?

  All right. Well, there you go. It's perfect pick. House, you're up.

• 1:21:04Speaker 04

  Um, I have San Francisco 49ers here. And, you know, this is the right place for them, I think, um, where there is, uh, been a, a large market movement in favor of, of the 49ers winning the West. Um, you know, they have

• 1:21:23Bill Simmons?

  They're penciled in.

• 1:21:24Speaker 04

  The win total.

• 1:21:25Bill Simmons?

  It's just the NFC West is done. Just put them in there. They're the champs.

• 1:21:28Speaker 04

  It's just that they're, they're, they're the, the favorite. I mean, it's not, you know, it's still like

• 1:21:32Bill Simmons?

  Everyone has them in the playoffs. Everyone's doing the three and three out. Well, the Niners will definitely be one of the teams. They're just in. And meanwhile, they lost 10 guys who signed contracts for at least 10 million a year. On top of like McCaffrey, who knows? We don't know when I U's coming back. They're already having like major wide receiver stuff.

• 1:21:51Bill Simmons?

  I don't know. I just have questions.

• 1:21:52Speaker 05

  This week, they, they just brought, they traded for Brian Robinson, Jr. From commanders.

• 1:21:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:56Speaker 05

  Really good running back.

• 1:21:57Speaker 04

  Really good.

• 1:21:57Speaker 05

  I just had a fantasy draft and that was fucking everybody up. I think he's going to get carries. I do.

• 1:22:01Speaker 04

  He's definitely going to get carries. He's, he's a tough guy. This is one where you have to, um, invest in, in, you know, the regression, which is to say they're not going to have the injury luck that they had last year. They're not going to have the worst defense in the second half of football games. They were a, an abomination in the fourth quarter of football games last year. The defense was a bottom five defense in all of those, those metrics. You say that Robert Sala with these guys, starting from scratch.

• 1:22:26Bill Simmons?

  Robert A. Kid Sala.

• 1:22:28Speaker 04

  I know. There we go.

• 1:22:29Bill Simmons?

  Shreks is probably texting him right now.

• 1:22:32Speaker 04

  And they have the

• 1:22:33Bill Simmons?

  Text me after you put the kids to Beth. I have some questions about the secondary.

• 1:22:37Speaker 05

  Do you know, I once had an exchange with Robert Sala that I'll share with you where I was like, dude, you're, you're ripped. Like you are so huge. What, what are you on? Like, would you, do you take some sort of like creatine? Or he's like, no, I'm on, I'm on PHW. And I was like, what's PHW? I'm Googling it. PHW. I go, what the hell is that? He goes, pure hard work. And I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. You're pure hard work.

• 1:22:58Speaker 04

  I love this guy.

• 1:22:59Speaker 05

  Amazing story.

• 1:22:59Speaker 04

  Let's go.

• 1:23:00Bill Simmons?

  PHW. So you have the Niners winning the NFC West. You did a movie.

• 1:23:06Speaker 04

  I bet it. And I bet the Niners to win the AFC West, even though I think Arizona has a good, you know, it's an interesting, uh, team. I, I just can't do anything with the Rams with Stafford's back.

• 1:23:15Bill Simmons?

  You disparaged Seattle and you like Arizona.

• 1:23:18Speaker 04

  I think Arizona is better than Seattle.

• 1:23:20Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:23:20Speaker 04

  And I think that's the way it's gonna work out this year.

• 1:23:22Bill Simmons?

  It sounds like we're gonna have to make a head to head bet.

• 1:23:24Speaker 04

  It's fine. Well, it says, give me a movie for San Francisco. They have the easiest schedule in the NFL. That's part of the case.

• 1:23:29Bill Simmons?

  I have a good one for this, but I stole the last one spot.

• 1:23:32Speaker 05

  No, no, no. You, you, you do yours, Bill.

• 1:23:34Bill Simmons?

  No, you do. I wanna hear yours.

• 1:23:37Speaker 05

  No, my, my Niners, cause my Niners pick was, um, was cliffhanger, just because like everything's so tragic with the front forty Niners constantly. And the cliffhanger is tragic, but the cliffhangers aren't being used. So what do you got?

• 1:23:49Bill Simmons?

  So I was thinking Above the Law, cause it's them coming out of the coma.

• 1:23:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Well, that's, that's hard to kill.

• 1:23:56Speaker 05

  Hard to Kill is coming out of the coma.

• 1:23:57Bill Simmons?

  Mixed up my Seagulls.

• 1:23:59Speaker 05

  So your three word titles, they're tough. They're tough, but that's why I'm here.

• 1:24:02Bill Simmons?

  I, I mean, I would argue if, if I'm not the preeminent Seagull expert, you are. And even I messed up the title just now.

• 1:24:10Speaker 05

  We all do.

• 1:24:10Bill Simmons?

  I just got above the law and hard to kill, screwed up. Well, I, I'm gonna go hard to kill for this. Maybe House, that could be your, your, uh, your random, your, your surprise pick.

• 1:24:20Speaker 05

  I like that.

• 1:24:21Bill Simmons?

  So Hard to Kill.

• 1:24:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:24:22Bill Simmons?

  Seagull gets shot after a, a sex scene with his wife that became a rewatchables category.

• 1:24:30Speaker 05

  Correct.

• 1:24:31Bill Simmons?

  Because Seagull just starts going at it with the actress in a way that it's uncomfortable.

• 1:24:35Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:24:36Bill Simmons?

  It's, it's, so we had like, we had to create a category for like, we, we, this movie needed an intimacy coordinator.

• 1:24:42Speaker 05

  What's crazy is later in the movie, he has a sex scene with his future wife and they have no chemistry.

• 1:24:46Bill Simmons?

  Right. No chemistry at all.

• 1:24:47Speaker 05

  And he goes with none of it.

• 1:24:48Bill Simmons?

  No chemistry with this actress. But anyway, he's in a coma, comes out of the coma, hasn't done anything for five years. And sees Senator Trent on the TV.

• 1:24:57Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:58Bill Simmons?

  And Senator Trent says, you can take Ted to the bank. And he's, and the first words he says is, I'm gonna take you to the bank, the blood bank. And then all of a sudden has his strength back.

• 1:25:08Speaker 05

  Well, that's.

• 1:25:09Bill Simmons?

  Nobody's ever come back from a coma faster.

• 1:25:11Speaker 05

  That would be San Francisco coming back.

• 1:25:13Bill Simmons?

  Yes, so that Hard to Kill is the case.

• 1:25:15Speaker 05

  Great. Love it. I'm in.

• 1:25:17Bill Simmons?

  All right. You're up, Kyle Brandt. This would be the seventh seed on your board. Playoff team right here.

• 1:25:25Speaker 05

  I got the Cowboys.

• 1:25:26Bill Simmons?

  Whoa.

• 1:25:27Speaker 05

  I got the Schottenheimer Cowboys.

• 1:25:29Bill Simmons?

  Wow.

• 1:25:31Speaker 05

  And I my movie comp is Last Action Hero.

• 1:25:34Bill Simmons?

  I had that as well for them.

• 1:25:36Speaker 05

  See, Bill, the FanDuel odds of how many times can we nail the same movie on the same team? Why? Because it's just so fucking much. It's it's overproduced, it's loud, it's there's so many cameos, you can't keep track. It's still pretty good if you watch it. Um, but what is Last Action Hero most remembered for? The soundtrack, Cypress Hill, Alice in Chains, and it's all the soundbites coming from Dallas, all the nonsense and the blather, but the movie is still pretty good, even though it's just a fucking lot. Last Action Hero Cowboys.

• 1:26:08Bill Simmons?

  Big budget, Arnold, lot of attention. Ultimately disappointing. It's the perfect pick. It it was one of the only no brainer, it has to be Dallas. I had them lower on the list than.

• 1:26:20Speaker 05

  I have them lower ranked, but the movie is a great movie.

• 1:26:24Bill Simmons?

  The so the case is basically when Dak Prescott plays, they're usually pretty good.

• 1:26:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:26:30Bill Simmons?

  They weren't good last year, just with Dak Prescott, just before he got it just up. Uh, all right, I'm up. I am taking, uh, the Bears of Chicago.

• 1:26:39Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:26:40Bill Simmons?

  And

• 1:26:43Bill Simmons?

  I might change this before Thursday, but right now I have them as a seven seed.

• 1:26:48Bill Simmons?

  I'm actually buying the Ben Johnson.

• 1:26:50Speaker 05

  I am too. Me too.

• 1:26:52Bill Simmons?

  Um, and they've just they've had good drafts, they've spent a lot of money, they beefed up stuff. Their biggest question is this left tackle thing where they just basically had.

• 1:27:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:27:03Bill Simmons?

  An an entire offseason audition for this left tackle and then landed on the same guy they had last year. So that was enjoyable.

• 1:27:10Speaker 05

  Braxton Jones.

• 1:27:11Bill Simmons?

  Um,

• 1:27:13Bill Simmons?

  they just have a lot of talent and they have an easier schedule and easier road than those other teams, even though they're playing all the NFC North teams that.

• 1:27:19Speaker 05

  House, remember when I said, when did you know Jaden Daniels was good and you had the moment immediately?

• 1:27:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:24Speaker 05

  The moment, Bill, I started trusting Ben Johnson was, um, there was a moment in in early in training camp where he screamed at Caleb, like was tearing him apart. They get to the press conference, the press goes, what was that about with Caleb? And he's like, he was late on the throw. He can't be late. And he knows that, and now he knows that even better. I was like, holy shit. Like Caleb is the ultimate like NIL self-made millionaire. Everybody kisses his butt. And now Ben Johnson's like, fuck you, kid. Like be on time with my throw. I love it.

• 1:27:51Bill Simmons?

  One other thing with them, they play the Vikings, week one, Monday Night Football at home. And they're catching the Vikings, catching the Vikings at an optimal time where there's a bunch of shit going on with them. And if you want to play them, you want to play them that week.

• 1:28:02Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:28:03Bill Simmons?

  Then they're at Detroit, home Dallas, at Vegas, bye week, at commanders, and then the home Saints. And it really feels like they could be five and two coming out of that.

• 1:28:12Speaker 05

  They have to be for the season because the bottom half of their schedule is brutal. They have Green Bay twice. They're on the road at San Francisco in week seventeen. They host the Lions in week eighteen.

• 1:28:23Bill Simmons?

  Everybody in that division has a tough, tough road.

• 1:28:26Speaker 05

  I know.

• 1:28:26Bill Simmons?

  So my movie for them is Rocky IV.

• 1:28:28Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 1:28:34Bill Simmons?

  You know, nobody believed in Caleb Williams. Could he be the guy? I know he got drafted. Just bear with me.

• 1:28:42Speaker 05

  Sorry, go, go, cook.

• 1:28:43Bill Simmons?

  Just bear with me.

• 1:28:44Speaker 05

  Okay, cook.

• 1:28:45Bill Simmons?

  Cause deep down, there's this whole Bears QB thing that's lingered over the franchise forever. And then if he actually gets over the hump and the Russians are now cheering for Caleb Williams. It becomes a, you know, when I first got here, a lot of people were saying the Bears would never have a QB. But I guess it's better than 400 million people killing each other. And if I could change, and it just, I don't know, it would be Caleb climbing the mountain.

• 1:29:13Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:29:13Bill Simmons?

  And doing the, ah, Drago, Jim McMahon, doing the Drago yell.

• 1:29:19Speaker 05

  He's in Lambeau Field and it's like, a few cheers now for Caleb Williams.

• 1:29:27Bill Simmons?

  So yeah, I don't know. For some reason Rocky IV struck.

• 1:29:29Speaker 05

  I do love that. I have him over 4,000 yards this year. I bet that. He's gonna do it. I, I, I think, yeah.

• 1:29:35Bill Simmons?

  I mean, if Luther Burden's good, they might be genuinely dangerous.

• 1:29:40Speaker 05

  The schedule is the problem, but.

• 1:29:41Bill Simmons?

  Do you have a Loveland jersey yet, Kyle, or no?

• 1:29:44Speaker 05

  I have a Colston Loveland jersey. I have an Alama DeZakias jersey. I have a Braxton Jones jersey, a Joe Toon. I have them all. I can go get them right now. I have it, but yes, I do.

• 1:29:53Bill Simmons?

  Do you have them as a playoff team?

• 1:29:56Speaker 05

  I do have them as a playoff team. My list is getting convoluted, but yes, I think I do. And for no other reason than like, if not now, when? Their defensive coordinator is perfect. It's Dennis Allen, who's not good as a head coach, but a great defense coordinator. So many weapons. But I think to your point, Bill, like, the most interesting game of Week 1 for me is Vikings at Bears. And the team that has to win the most Week 1 is the Bears. If you lose at home to J.J. McCarthy without Jordan Addison, like, that's so bad, so bad.

• 1:30:23Bill Simmons?

  Okay. House, uh, oh, no, we, we, House, we skip you on this one. We go back to Kyle for the next pick.

• 1:30:30Speaker 05

  Okay. Um, I actually have the Vikings. What? Yeah. Wait, what number are we?

• 1:30:39Bill Simmons?

  This would be, I think, number 9?

• 1:30:41Speaker 05

  I don't know. All right. Are we 8 or 9?

• 1:30:44Bill Simmons?

  Uh, let's see.

• 1:30:44Speaker 05

  9, because you had the Cowboys at 7.

• 1:30:46Bill Simmons?

  Detroit, Philly, Green Bay, Tampa, Seattle, San Francisco, Dallas, Chicago. We're 9.

• 1:30:50Speaker 05

  No, take the Vikings back. But I actually might choose an even crazier team.

• 1:30:54Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:30:56Speaker 05

  In my 8 spot, I have the New York Giants. Oh, my God.

• 1:31:00Bill Simmons?

  I love it.

• 1:31:01Speaker 05

  This is absurd.

• 1:31:01Bill Simmons?

  I love it. The only reason not to do it is the, is the schedule is like the scariest.

• 1:31:07Speaker 05

  It's terrible. It's the hardest schedule in the NFL.

• 1:31:08Bill Simmons?

  Okay, let's hear it, though.

• 1:31:10Speaker 05

  I, I have to tell you guys, I love you. Like, I fucking hate schedule talk. I hate it. I think it's usually so misleading. It's all based on last year. I don't know. It's a pretty daunting schedule. Like, that team might end up sucking. They have a million injuries. Like, there's so much turnover. I'm personally not intimidated by schedules. I just not. Okay. Uh, my movie, it was already taken, but it was perfect. It was Kindergarten Cop. Like, there's just all these fun little kids. You know what I mean? There's, there's Scataboo, and there's Dart, and there's Neighbors, and Dable and Russ are like Schwarzenegger and his partner. Um, and also, in the history of the New York Giants, they have a player who's named the Monty Tuma. Um, so, I don't have another movie. It's Kindergarten Cop. And I just, the question is, and let's talk Giants. Uh, House, I have it, um, over/under,

• 1:31:53Speaker 05

  when does Jackson start? Jackson, Dart start? Yeah. I have it, uh, Week 4.5. What do you think? Wow. I, I thought it was gonna be a little bit longer, like.

• 1:32:03Bill Simmons?

  I think it's in, I think it's in September. So, I, you, you can't do kindergarten crap because you took it. Can I suggest?

• 1:32:10Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:32:11Bill Simmons?

  First blood, and here's why. Did we do first blood yet? We did first blood, too. Did we do first blood?

• 1:32:16Speaker 05

  I don't remember.

• 1:32:18Bill Simmons?

  Hold on, I'm looking through.

• 1:32:21Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, we didn't do it.

• 1:32:21Speaker 05

  We did Jim Cott, I know that.

• 1:32:22Bill Simmons?

  We didn't do first blood.

• 1:32:23Speaker 04

  The, the problem with the Giants at this spot, there's a cognitive dissonance here, right? Because if they're gonna go to Jackson Dart in four, four games into it, that means that they've, they've lost.

• 1:32:34Bill Simmons?

  No, or he's so good, they want, they feel like they have a pretty good team and they want to activate him. Here's why I'll go first blood.

• 1:32:39Speaker 05

  Or they're two and two and he just, Russ hasn't been good and they run the ball and play defense and they're like, Russ, you, you got us on the ground, but now let's go to the kid and the kid works.

• 1:32:48Speaker 04

  And he gets to go to the Saints and they go three and two at that point.

• 1:32:51Speaker 05

  Sounds great.

• 1:32:51Bill Simmons?

  Let me do my first blood case. You've interrupted me twice. We know you don't like the Giants pick.

• 1:32:56Speaker 05

  Didn't you go over this at breakfast?

• 1:32:58Bill Simmons?

  Oh, yeah, I did. Jackson Dart is just John Rambo, walking through a small town, trying to get some breakfast, trying to stay out of everybody's way. And then he gets activated and fucking unleashes holy hell. And it's about the 20 minute mark of the movie, basically. When all of a sudden, he's a superhero.

• 1:33:19Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:33:19Bill Simmons?

  That would be the case here for Jackson Dart and the Giants.

• 1:33:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:33:22Bill Simmons?

  Just he gets unleashed. It's like, oh my God, he took down those three guys in the prison cell, stole a moped and went into the mountains. This guy's a fucking badass. That'd be the first blood case.

• 1:33:34Speaker 05

  Fucking great.

• 1:33:35Bill Simmons?

  I really tried to talk myself into the Giants going nine and eight. And that was the one schedule where I was like, holy shit.

• 1:33:43Speaker 05

  Guys, don't be scared by the fucking schedules and look at the teams and like, don't worry about the schedules.

• 1:33:48Speaker 04

  They're gonna beat the Chiefs? No. Even though it's at home, are they gonna beat the Chargers at home? Maybe. I don't hate that.

• 1:33:55Bill Simmons?

  I hate Giants fans because they took two Super Bowls from me and remind me about it all the time. I'd actually be happy for them if the Giants were good. Like if Scatabo is getting goal line carries and Jackson Dart's good.

• 1:34:05Speaker 04

  That is fun.

• 1:34:05Bill Simmons?

  And they have like a pass rush that's the 07 Giants again. It's like, this is fun.

• 1:34:09Speaker 05

  Tremendous. After Carter, you know, and they, and they go to Russ and they go after four weeks, Russ, it's over. And he goes, nothing.

• 1:34:17Speaker 05

  It's over.

• 1:34:18Bill Simmons?

  Well, the other case for them, and this is sadly does not apply to Indianapolis because they're not going to be good, but this is a we all get fired if the season doesn't work out team.

• 1:34:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:34:27Bill Simmons?

  So if they think Jackson Darden's good, they're gonna play him.

• 1:34:29Speaker 05

  Yeah. There's a different kind of pressure with the Giants. Like, I think all those three other teams in the division have to do incredible things this year. The Giants are like, let's be like, pretty good this year and we have things to build on. I love Dable. I think he'll work. I do. I believe. Once they get Darden.

• 1:34:43Bill Simmons?

  This episode is brought to you by Workday. Guessing is for game shows, not your business, especially when your margin for error is zero. Workday is the enterprise AI platform for HR, finance and IT with a deep understanding of your organization's context and guardrails. So every AI action is permission aware, giving you accuracy 24/7 and the ability to not just get work done, but get it done right. It's a new Workday. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything, and whether it's a flea flicker or a tush push, you need a plan that fits your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and for your budget. Now, that's a solid game plan.

• 1:35:28Bill Simmons?

  Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. All right, so I'm up and I'm delighted because House interrupted me twice with the last team. Now, I'm just gonna take his team here, the Washington Commanders. I do not have them as a playoff team. They they fit just about every regression exercise you're ever gonna do. They check all the boxes. I'm still not sure if Jaden Daniels can be healthy for 17 games, even though I respect the guy. Here's the thing. If they're a playoff team again, then Jaden Daniels just moves into that Josh Allen group of just they he's 10 wins a year for the rest of his life.

• 1:36:02Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:36:04Bill Simmons?

  I think this was a team that the fourth down luck last year, the schedule, the new coach replacing, the new coach bump, so many things went in their favor. They fucking completed a Hail Mary and ruined the Bears' season. They just had a couple ridiculous wins. I'm going demolition man for them for for this season.

• 1:36:24Speaker 05

  Do it.

• 1:36:26Bill Simmons?

  It should have. It looks good on paper. This movie should have been awesome. You got Stallone and Snipes and Sandra Bullock just feeling her oats out. Cool premise. There's a cryo prison.

• 1:36:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:36:40Bill Simmons?

  I gotta chase somebody and it just.

• 1:36:42Speaker 04

  Dennis Leary.

• 1:36:43Bill Simmons?

  The pieces just didn't totally. By the way, I've watched Demolition Man 12 times. The pieces never really fit together and I think that's going to be this Washington.

• 1:36:51Speaker 04

  What pieces aren't fitting together for Washington?

• 1:36:54Bill Simmons?

  Much harder schedule.

• 1:36:57Speaker 04

  What about the wide receiver?

• 1:36:59Bill Simmons?

  The wide receiver's still holding out.

• 1:37:01Speaker 04

  Oh, he's playing. He'll be in week one.

• 1:37:04Bill Simmons?

  Under the old contract? You have that. You spent some money on these two defensive line guys who didn't really play last year. I'm not sure about your secondary at all. You got old guys everywhere.

• 1:37:14Speaker 04

  Better now. It's the oldest team in the NFL. The one thing I'll say out loud, I won't say the line because I respect you and Cousin Sal. The lot, they are favored by a number that is inappropriate against the New York Giants. One of the best bets for week one is playing the New York Giants against, you know, taking the number against Washington. Historically, those teams play each other tough. The front seven for the Giants is as good as any. The only case that I'll make for Washington is they got markedly better on offense. Assuming McCorn's back for week one, I keep assuming that. They're markedly better. The line is better.

• 1:37:52Speaker 04

  That what they have in terms of a double-headed running back tandem with Rodriguez and Bill Jacori, whatever the extra.

• 1:38:01Bill Simmons?

  The hyphen guy. Yeah.

• 1:38:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:38:02Bill Simmons?

  Hyphen chain, but call me Bill, but I have three other names.

• 1:38:05Speaker 04

  And Debo in a Kingsbury system, I think it's going to be a dynamic offense.

• 1:38:10Bill Simmons?

  Counter.

• 1:38:11Speaker 04

  Go on.

• 1:38:12Bill Simmons?

  Did we see Debo's best years already?

• 1:38:14Speaker 04

  Of course. Doesn't matter.

• 1:38:16Bill Simmons?

  Are you going to have the same luck you had last year?

• 1:38:17Speaker 04

  Did we see Austin Eckler's best years previous to this point?

• 1:38:21Bill Simmons?

  20 for 23 on fourth down conversions and completed a hail Mary.

• 1:38:24Speaker 04

  They're going to keep going for it on third and fourth down. They're going to play four down offense all season long. I'm not saying that they're going to convert that number. I have them stepping back. They're not going to win 12 games this season. I have them.

• 1:38:34Bill Simmons?

  What do you have, Kyle?

• 1:38:37Speaker 05

  I have them just on the outside and I, I'll tell you how I'm not talking shit here. I think they lose week one to the Giants. I just.

• 1:38:44Speaker 04

  I'm petrified of it. You're not talking shit. I think that's a very, very sound observation.

• 1:38:49Bill Simmons?

  More importantly. We've never done Demolition Man on the rewatchables. Where do you stand on it?

• 1:38:55Speaker 05

  Stand in great places. It's a lot predicted a lot of the future Wesley Snipes. And I look at, I look at the, the three seashells, kind of like the commander's wide receiver room. Like, we don't really know what they do. Like, what are those things? So we can, we can go out Taco Bell plays a role in it. The warden from Shawshank. It's great. I love it.

• 1:39:11Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:39:12Speaker 05

  Touchless sex. It's odd, but it's in the movie.

• 1:39:15Bill Simmons?

  It's a very strange movie. Uh, all right. You're up. What do you got?

• 1:39:19Speaker 05

  Oh, I'm up?

• 1:39:20Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you're up.

• 1:39:21Speaker 05

  All right. What number is, is this like 10 or 11?

• 1:39:23Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, we're in the, we're in the double figures range.

• 1:39:26Speaker 05

  All right. Here's my sleeper. This is like my super, super, super sleeper. I like this team. I have the Carolina Panthers.

• 1:39:33Bill Simmons?

  Wow. Man.

• 1:39:35Speaker 05

  Yes, based on this. I like the coach. I like the staff. I like the quarterback. I like how they played at the end of last year. They scared the shit out of the Eagles. They scared the shit out of the Chiefs. They were winning games down the stretch and I think there's continuity. I like the draft picks. I like, I like them to play like in early December, like holy shit. When the playoff scenarios are up, like the Panthers are in that, like in the hunt column or whatever it is. I really do. I had them, Bill, as, I had them as Terminator one, cause it's like, holy shit, where did this movie come from? Wow. Um, but we've used Terminator, I think.

• 1:40:09Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, you have.

• 1:40:11Speaker 05

  Uh, Panthers.

• 1:40:12Bill Simmons?

  So, uh, what do we have left?

• 1:40:16Speaker 05

  It's not a lot of, a lot of good picks left of movies, but, um.

• 1:40:20Bill Simmons?

  I mean, we do have under siege two left. I don't, it doesn't really fit. Uh, we have.

• 1:40:25Speaker 05

  Dark territory? That's the NFC South.

• 1:40:28Bill Simmons?

  We have, uh, over the top is left, but I don't know if you want to waste on the Panthers, but your excitement for the Panthers. Maybe this is where over the top goes.

• 1:40:37Speaker 05

  Over the top and Bryce Young is the child in the military academy who learns how to be tough and learns how to arm wrestle. And learns how to love his father, Dave Canales. And David Tepper is the Robert Loggia up there with all the money. Say, I want the kid like that. We can make that work.

• 1:40:51Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. And Matt Rowe is the mom. Just watching for hospital bed.

• 1:40:57Speaker 04

  Also, it's a very over the top pick to say the Panthers. So like it all works. I'm talking Panthers.

• 1:41:02Speaker 05

  Very over the top.

• 1:41:03Bill Simmons?

  I explained over the top to House today, and I think he had a vague memory of it and trying to explain how important it was.

• 1:41:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:41:10Bill Simmons?

  Wasn't. He was just thinking about.

• 1:41:12Speaker 04

  Our boys from Carolco.

• 1:41:13Bill Simmons?

  Think about it. Yeah, our guys.

• 1:41:15Speaker 04

  They're like, we want to make an arm wrestling movie, but we also want to make a truck driving movie. Let's save some money and just make it one movie. Fine.

• 1:41:21Bill Simmons?

  Merged them. We kind of fucked up the order. House was supposed to go there, but it's fine because I don't think he was going to take Carolina.

• 1:41:27Speaker 04

  I definitely was not going to take Carolina.

• 1:41:29Bill Simmons?

  So I'm going to jump. We'll make believe, uh, House is up here and then we'll jump it ahead. Who do you have here, House?

• 1:41:35Speaker 04

  Um, I think Atlanta is, is interesting. I, I thought they were more interesting a couple of weeks ago before all these injuries on their offensive line.

• 1:41:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:44Speaker 04

  Um, but they, they, um, you can't overstate how much Kirk Cousins sabotaged their season. There's really, it's not possible to over exaggerate what he did. He single handedly submarined them with that, that stretch of games that he had. He had by far the most, uh, uh, fourth quarter turnovers where the game was within one score. He had, you know, near the most, you know, uh, turnovers that were returned for points.

• 1:42:13Bill Simmons?

  We don't need to hear about how bad Kirk Cousins was again.

• 1:42:17Speaker 04

  What the point is.

• 1:42:18Bill Simmons?

  Kirk's probably watching and you hurt his feelings. That seems like such a nice guy.

• 1:42:22Speaker 04

  They have talent and they improved on, on defense, I think. The defense let them down over the course of the season.

• 1:42:27Bill Simmons?

  They definitely spent next year's first round pick trying to improve their defense.

• 1:42:31Speaker 04

  Uh, well, listen, I, listen, fantasy draft last night for me and everyone is saying, take Bijon number one. Like he's the guy and I couldn't do it. I just, I couldn't pull the trigger. It's, it's like a Falcons running back in 2020. I like Bijon and I, I think he's really talented, but like the number one pick over, I, I couldn't get there.

• 1:42:49Bill Simmons?

  All right, we're coming back. If you noticed that edit, that was because we couldn't figure out the movies. Then, uh, producer Steve Sarudy reminded us that we used Rocky IV to start this podcast and then I did it again for, for, um, for the Bears.

• 1:43:01Speaker 04

  Fine.

• 1:43:02Bill Simmons?

  Uh, I'm going to make the case Rocky IV eligible twice.

• 1:43:06Speaker 04

  Do it. Do it a third time.

• 1:43:07Bill Simmons?

  You are the father. Uh, how about the Falcons? We haven't used Roadhouse yet. Maybe this is a fun spot for Roadhouse.

• 1:43:13Speaker 04

  Talk about it.

• 1:43:14Bill Simmons?

  House thinks the Falcons are going to be exciting. They have a lot of fantasy guys. Nobody think it's going to win an Oscar. Um.

• 1:43:22Bill Simmons?

  I don't know, there's some comedy. No, why are you shaking your head sadly?

• 1:43:25Speaker 04

  No, it's the rowdiest bar south of the Mason Dixon line.

• 1:43:28Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's where in the south with Atlanta. I think that's the right call.

• 1:43:31Speaker 05

  Hey, you know why? I got one. Have you seen this video where someone was chirping Michael Pennix and calling him Michael Penis? And he like confronted him and it looked like he was about to roundhouse kick him or something like Dalton? Like, don't mess with Pennix. He doesn't think that's funny. So there you have it. He'll rip your throat right out.

• 1:43:46Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, and it's, and there's like, uh, I'm trying to figure out who Kyle Pitts is in this. Maybe it's the guy that gets sent in. It's Dalton's buddy who just gets the complete shit kicked out of him. And Kirk Cousins would be Sam Elliott. He's the old vet who might have to come in for one fight. Yeah, Roma's makes sense.

• 1:44:04Speaker 04

  This is good. This is good.

• 1:44:06Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:44:07Bill Simmons?

  Who is, uh, who's our guy Brad Leslie in this?

• 1:44:10Speaker 05

  Our, our Brad West? Is that like Arthur Blank?

• 1:44:13Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Arthur Blank.

• 1:44:14Speaker 04

  I brought JCPenney here because of me.

• 1:44:19Bill Simmons?

  All right. So Atlanta, then Carolina, and then Minnesota is gonna be my pick here. And Minnesota, can't believe it took this long to go. I had a stretch where I had Minnesota winning the division at one point in early August.

• 1:44:32Speaker 04

  With JJ.

• 1:44:32Bill Simmons?

  And I might have even have a, a FanDuel bet when I was in Chicago on them to win like 10 games. I just don't like what I'm smelling from this team the last couple of weeks. Um, I think the defense is still gonna be the defense. At the, just start the combo of the McCarthy with some wide receiver uncertainty. Um, harder schedule stuff. Somebody's kinda has to lose out of the NFC North. And I just think I like Chicago more.

• 1:45:01Bill Simmons?

  I, I just have a lot of questions with them offensively beyond Jefferson. And we're just pushing McCarthy into this.

• 1:45:06Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:45:08Bill Simmons?

  When he missed all last year, he's coming off an injury. I just, I, I, the more I stared at it, it just made me nervous.

• 1:45:14Speaker 04

  The thing that got me off of Minnesota was when you go into the numbers and look at how incredible Sam Darnold was on passes that were 20 yards or longer down the field. He led the league in all, every one of those sub-metrics having to do with longer passes down the league. And I, I have no No confidence whatsoever that J J McCarthy will be able to replicate that. And I was in a really important part of that Minnesota offense.

• 1:45:38Speaker 05

  I think J J McCarthy is the most pivotal player in the whole NFL this year. Like so much way, is he good? Is he not? We have no fucking clue. He has this Lamborghini and Justin Jefferson, and you know how that goes. Like they start 0-2 and he throws a couple picks and it's like, well, we could have had Donald still. Look at him. He's winning in Seattle. That's a bad storyline. So he seems like a great dude, McCarthy, but like it's, it's a lot to step into and he's played no football in the NFL.

• 1:46:01Bill Simmons?

  Ironically, I'm pairing those two storylines together with liking Seattle. Because I think the Sam Darnold, nobody believes us, but then also the Minnesota not being as good. And people going, hey, you know, it's pretty good. Sam Darnold. Anyway, my movie is Bloodsport. Because the thing that is fun with them is their defense and Bloodsport is just a violent.

• 1:46:19Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:46:20Bill Simmons?

  Uh, incredible action movie. Chang Lee, I think is, is, I'm not sure who.

• 1:46:27Speaker 05

  The Lions.

• 1:46:29Speaker 05

  The Lions. It's Dan Campbell, basically. Bill, I got Bloodsport for the Vikings. I'm just thrilled to tell you that. I got it written down.

• 1:46:34Bill Simmons?

  Wow, we've matched on like eight.

• 1:46:36Speaker 04

  You guys.

• 1:46:37Bill Simmons?

  If we had that match game, we would have won. We would have been going to Hawaii for a week.

• 1:46:40Speaker 05

  At the beginning of Bloodsport, Van Dam's acting is so fucking bad. But by the end, it's like he does that scene with Ray Jackson where he's like, if you ever need me, my brother, I'll be there. I was like, holy shit, Van Dam. That's really good. I think that's how McCarthy has to be this year. It might start rough, but he'll get better in the kumite that is the NFC North.

• 1:46:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I think I said this when we did the pod. It's the best acted scene in a bad movie of all these movies.

• 1:47:03Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:47:04Bill Simmons?

  He has this moment in the hospital. Van Dam and, and what was this guy? What was the guy's name?

• 1:47:09Speaker 05

  Ray Jackson. Ray Jackson. Donald Gibb.

• 1:47:13Bill Simmons?

  Anytime, anyplace, anywhere. I got you. Or whatever he says and Van Dam's like, I love you, my brother. And it's like, why am I welling up? It's fucking Bloodsport. I'm getting choked up.

• 1:47:26Speaker 05

  He used to write columns about that. That the director was probably on the monitor taking off his headphones and being like, cut.

• 1:47:33Speaker 05

  Guys, really good.

• 1:47:36Bill Simmons?

  No more takes.

• 1:47:38Speaker 05

  We're done. That's lunch.

• 1:47:43Bill Simmons?

  All right, you're.

• 1:47:44Speaker 05

  I'm up, I think, or is it?

• 1:47:45Bill Simmons?

  No, because we screwed up. So it was Carolina, Minnesota, now House is up. And I'm really excited for this one because I have the wine bottle ready for you.

• 1:47:54Speaker 04

  How did we not get to the Cardinals yet?

• 1:47:57Bill Simmons?

  Is that who you're taking?

• 1:47:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:47:58Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:47:59Speaker 04

  I think the Cardinals are live this season. All of their offensive metrics were good. I mean, you know, obviously the story is always what version of Kyler, how consistent can he be? But they have room to improve on defense. And I thought as the season went on, like, they were legit threatening for a playoff spot. It feels weird to have them where we have them. They're, to me, as good of a breakout candidate. I like them way better than I like Seattle. I think Seattle with the poorest offensive line with Sam Darnold under duress is a disaster waiting to happen. I think this Arizona thing, like, that's a sustainable on both sides of the ball with the talent. They made the improvements on defense that they need, and I trust Gannon. So I like this Arizona team.

• 1:48:46Bill Simmons?

  Well, we don't have a lot of movies left.

• 1:48:48Speaker 05

  I can do one.

• 1:48:49Bill Simmons?

  What do you got?

• 1:48:50Speaker 05

  I have the Cardinals as Mark for Death is a kind of a ridiculous Steven Seagal movie in which he fights the, quote, Jamaican voodoo posse.

• 1:48:59Bill Simmons?

  Oh, no.

• 1:48:59Speaker 05

  And it's kind of like a dumb movie, but really likable. Like, the Cardinals, very likable. And the comeback for Kyler, to your point, House, to have an ascension to stardom again this year would be like Screwface's comeback after he gets his head cut off with the katana and he comes back to life to fight Hatcher. So I like Mark for Death. It's not like one of the most famous Seagal movies, kind of like the Cardinals' small media market, but talented. And there's still an arm breaking bill over the shoulder, and it gives you what you want.

• 1:49:26Bill Simmons?

  Well, of course, it's a Seagal movie. It's the only one out of the, we haven't done that in Under Siege 2, out of the Seagal catalog. Those are the two. Unless we, probably in season 15 of the rewatchables, when we talk ourselves into executive decision.

• 1:49:40Speaker 05

  Yes, and on deadly ground.

• 1:49:43Bill Simmons?

  On deadly ground, we might actually have to do. I like Mark for Death for them. That's good. I actually had Mark for Death for the next team. Oh, no.

• 1:49:52Bill Simmons?

  Kyle's up.

• 1:49:54Speaker 05

  Um, all right. Shit, we're really deep now. I only have a few teams left. Are we on 16? Is this the last team?

• 1:50:03Bill Simmons?

  I think we have two teams left and I can't believe one of the teams hasn't been picked yet.

• 1:50:07Speaker 05

  All right, so I'll just put my cards on the table. I have the Saints at 16. So who's left?

• 1:50:13Bill Simmons?

  The Rams. So Rams are 15. You have to take the Rams.

• 1:50:16Speaker 05

  How did that happen?

• 1:50:17Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:19Speaker 05

  All right, well, listen, I believe in the Rams way more than this. Way more. And here's my take, and this is nuclear. I said you believe in the coaches. I think Sean McVay is the best coach in the NFL house. If they said that Matthew Stafford was out for the season, I would still think the Rams are fighting for a wild card with Garoppolo. That's my take. I believe in McVay that much and their defense and their run game. I just think he's the best coach in the league. I do. Um, I don't have their down here at 15.

• 1:50:45Bill Simmons?

  How did they fall to 15 on our list?

• 1:50:47Speaker 05

  I don't know. I kept picking teams because I like the movie better.

• 1:50:53Bill Simmons?

  So who's your movie for this one?

• 1:50:54Speaker 05

  I don't know. What's left? We have only a couple of movies left, right? I already used Jim Cotta. I used, what's left? Anybody?

• 1:51:01Bill Simmons?

  Above the Law is left. Under Siege 2 is left.

• 1:51:04Speaker 04

  They're down here because you dummies put the Panthers and the Giants all the way up.

• 1:51:08Speaker 05

  I did that. I did that.

• 1:51:10Bill Simmons?

  That's it. It's, it looks like we only have Under Siege 2 and Above the Law left.

• 1:51:15Speaker 05

  Well, I had Above the Law for the Browns because many of their players think they are, but I, um, I went, uh, let's go, let's go dark territory. Um, Under Siege 2, Bill, for the, for something, you know why? Because I've never seen that movie before and I have never seen the Sean McVay, Jimmy Garoppolo Rams or the injured back Matthew Stafford Rams, but I still kind of believe in it.

• 1:51:36Bill Simmons?

  Okay. So what movie did you do?

• 1:51:38Speaker 05

  I did Under Siege 2.

• 1:51:40Bill Simmons?

  Under Siege 2, okay.

• 1:51:41Speaker 05

  I've never seen it.

• 1:51:43Bill Simmons?

  You've never seen Under Siege 2?

• 1:51:45Speaker 05

  I refuse to watch it. It's like I don't watch the, uh, the Hangover sequels. I don't, I don't want to watch that. I like the original only. My relationship is strong. It's on a train. People say it's not very good. I'm out.

• 1:51:55Bill Simmons?

  Who said it's not very good?

• 1:51:57Speaker 05

  Many. That movie is like, is, Under Siege 2 is not well-liked. That's not, that's, you, you partied with Under Siege 2?

• 1:52:04Bill Simmons?

  In this house it's liked.

• 1:52:06Speaker 05

  I have never seen it. Sell me on it.

• 1:52:09Bill Simmons?

  It's Under Siege 2. It's, I mean, for 15 years, it was on all the time and Under Siege 1 was never on. So Under Siege 2 was like, alright, there's not the beer I wanted left in the fridge, but there's that beer left. I'll drink that. That was Under Siege 2 like forever. Cause Under Siege, I don't like, it's like Tommy Lee Jones like made it disappear from cable for.

• 1:52:31Speaker 05

  It's like, I've never seen US Marshals, the Fugitive sequel. I don't watch it. I don't care. I like the original.

• 1:52:36Bill Simmons?

  That I can defend you on.

• 1:52:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:52:39Bill Simmons?

  Alright, New Orleans.

• 1:52:42Speaker 05

  Here we go.

• 1:52:43Bill Simmons?

  That's our last team. Do you think this is the worst team in the league?

• 1:52:46Speaker 05

  It's just, what is the plan here? Like, they, they don't have a quarterback, right? So every other one, everybody else kind of does. So their defense is good, like they have really good defensive players, but I just, I, I, new head coach, no quarterback. What are we doing? People think they're going for Arch Manning.

• 1:53:01Bill Simmons?

  Horrible organization, poorly run. I don't think there's any scenario where they're not the worst team in the NFC. I'd be shocked. I have adjusted alt unders on them already, House, on FanDuel. Can bet them to win three wins or less, two wins or less. And I'm not giving them a good action movie. So we're gonna have to go to one of the worst action movies.

• 1:53:23Speaker 05

  What do you got?

• 1:53:24Bill Simmons?

  Ever. It's Stone Cold with Brian Bosworth.

• 1:53:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:53:31Bill Simmons?

  Where they were just.

• 1:53:32Speaker 04

  Did the Bos ever play for the Saints? That would have taken it to another level.

• 1:53:35Bill Simmons?

  Probably. Well, there was this era where they just, like Stallone and Schwarzenegger and Van Damme, all these guys got old, Segal. And we were just like, we need some new action. Maybe it'll be Brian Bosworth. And it's like, you know what? It's not gonna be Brian Bosworth, actually. It will definitely 100% not be Brian Bosworth. It's a really bad movie. I can't defend it. I wouldn't watch it if it was on right now. And I think New Orleans is gonna be bad. So, there you go.

• 1:53:59Speaker 05

  Our guy, William Forsythe, AKA Richie from Out for Justice, in Stone Cold, in which Brian Bosworth goes undercover with a biker gang. It's awful. Just, not even fun awful, just awful. House, you ever seen Stone Cold?

• 1:54:11Speaker 04

  I don't think that I have.

• 1:54:12Bill Simmons?

  I think ironically, I've only seen it once.

• 1:54:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've watched it.

• 1:54:17Bill Simmons?

  I think ironically, it's in New Orleans. Is it possible?

• 1:54:22Speaker 05

  I don't remember.

• 1:54:23Bill Simmons?

  Maybe not.

• 1:54:23Speaker 05

  But that'd be great.

• 1:54:25Bill Simmons?

  It's bad. What's funny is Stone Cold Steve Austin then came in and took Stone Cold and like turned and that became and it's so like it even made it go away even faster and more violently.

• 1:54:36Speaker 05

  At the same time, Vanilla Ice was in a movie called Cold as Ice, which is also like, what are we doing with all the cold? It's very strange and none of them were good.

• 1:54:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. So that was 1991. That came out Stone Cold. A street smart cop goes undercover to infiltrate and bring to justice a ruthless motorcycle gang before they can carry out their plans of tyranny and murder.

• 1:54:58Speaker 05

  Do we have some Lance Hendrickson in there too, Bill? I think he might show up. He's in everything back then. Yeah, I thought so. I thought so.

• 1:55:04Bill Simmons?

  Our lead lady was Arabella Holsbog. That was it for her.

• 1:55:09Speaker 05

  That's her character or the actor?

• 1:55:11Bill Simmons?

  That was the actress. She played Nancy.

• 1:55:16Bill Simmons?

  All right, that's it. So our big fuck up here is the Rams are not going to be the 15th best team in the NFC. I don't know how we ended up, but I also think that speaks to how good the NFC is compared to the AFC. Like we got to the AFC, there's seven teams left and you don't like any of them. You get to the NFC, it's like, all right, Carolina, maybe the Giants. Like you could really do some talking. So there you go. Kyle, did you have a good time?

• 1:55:39Speaker 05

  I had the best time. I'm trying to think of the one that was the most satisfying. I liked the Cowboys as last action hero and I liked the Ravens as action Jackson. Guys, this was, I could have done this for three more hours. I love it. Let's do MLB and NBA teams too.

• 1:55:53Bill Simmons?

  I think my highlight was when I took Rocky IV, even though it had already been taken at the first pick of the draft, but I took it anyway. I just didn't care. Guess what? Kyle Brandt, great to see you. We could see a Good Morning Football and all over the place and definitely on the rewatchables too. We're already talking about the next one. Thanks for coming on, buddy.

• 1:56:10Speaker 05

  My pleasure.

• 1:56:11Speaker 04

  Great times, KB. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to insult any of your ex colleagues. I'll say that for the next pod.

• 1:56:16Speaker 05

  Who would it be?

• 1:56:18Speaker 04

  There, we'll do a draft.

• 1:56:20Speaker 05

  I know who the number one selection is.

• 1:56:22Speaker 04

  I don't.

• 1:56:23Speaker 05

  Sorry, Shrek.

• 1:56:24Speaker 04

  Sorry, Pete.

• 1:56:26Bill Simmons?

  Bye, Cobra.

• 1:56:26Speaker 04

  Bye, guys. See ya.

• 1:56:29Bill Simmons?

  Oh, that was awesome.

• 1:56:30Speaker 04

  So fun, Bill. Thank you.

• 1:56:31Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, really. Thanks for sticking around so long.

• 1:56:32Speaker 04

  You're the man. Of course. No, this was a great time, dude. Good times.

• 1:56:35Bill Simmons?

  All right. Thanks, guys.

• 1:56:36Speaker 04

  See you, KB.

• 1:56:37Bill Simmons?

  All right. So that was it for the big, uh, the movie. I, I'll give it a B plus. I had a good time.

• 1:56:43Speaker 04

  I mean, I want.

• 1:56:44Bill Simmons?

  Hard to keep track of while also hosting it and coming up with the teams, but I thought we did a good job.

• 1:56:48Speaker 04

  We want to, I want to see the rankings of.

• 1:56:51Bill Simmons?

  I think the Rams were the big mistake. Somehow I don't see them falling to 15 in the NFC.

• 1:56:56Speaker 04

  I think both of those teams.

• 1:56:58Bill Simmons?

  It's just Carolina and the Giants ascend it, but this is what happens in the, in football. We, the big thing is, so on Thursdays, you're gonna be on my Thursday podcast.

• 1:57:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:57:07Bill Simmons?

  We're launching Ringer Gambling Show this, relaunching Ringer Gambling Show this week. And you're gonna be on that on Monday, Wednesday. And on Thursday, we're gonna launch this gimmick called Ringer 107, where we are going to make 107 football picks for the 22 weeks of the NBA, of the NFL season? 22?

• 1:57:26Speaker 04

  Three.

• 1:57:27Bill Simmons?

  23?

• 1:57:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:57:28Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:29Speaker 04

  Super Bowl.

• 1:57:29Bill Simmons?

  So five picks a week, and it's gonna be four straight up picks. And then one has to be a teaser or parlay around even odds. I'm gonna do two. We're gonna agree on two together, and then you're gonna do the fifth one. And we're gonna be a team, and we're actually gonna compete against some other Ringer people. And Fando's gonna put odds of us going head to head and all that. And the goal is like 107 picks total for the season. I'm not doing million dollar picks for this season. And, uh, and we're hoping that we can go 60 and 47 would be the dream. Can we get to 60 wins? What's a good, what's a record that you'd be delighted by? 58 and 49?

• 1:58:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, I want to get around 54, 55%. That's, that's how you win at, at football picking, so.

• 1:58:16Bill Simmons?

  I feel like we should be able to do that.

• 1:58:18Speaker 04

  It feels like we should be able to, but it's, it's hard.

• 1:58:20Bill Simmons?

  I mean, come on. So, yeah, so that Thursday night pod, we'll be doing our picks. We'll be using those lines. The lines are gonna freeze on Thursday morning for all the shows. And we'll be doing Ringer 107. And that's what we're gonna be doing. But we'll talk more about that the next time you're gonna be in here is, um. That Thursday, I mean, after Tommy Fleetwood wins a PGA tournament, anything's possible.

• 1:58:39Speaker 04

  Man, he did it. Thank God. Thank God for Tommy. He took out, the check that he won today is enough for all of the tournaments that he should have won combined.

• 1:58:47Bill Simmons?

  He made all the money back.

• 1:58:48Speaker 04

  He did.

• 1:58:50Bill Simmons?

  And then we spent, we spent the weekend with Jacko.

• 1:58:53Speaker 04

  Amazing.

• 1:58:54Bill Simmons?

  And we watched, we watched the Yankees, Red Sox. We watched two of the games. And he started drinking at 10:54 in the morning.

• 1:59:02Speaker 04

  He, he, he wanted to know when we could go to the bar after the first four innings.

• 1:59:06Bill Simmons?

  I mean, I'm probably jing, as we're recording this right now, the Red Sox are playing the Yankees. But, uh, but we had a good time doing that. We saw Cousin Sal, we saw Rob Stone. We, we had a

• 1:59:16Speaker 04

  A lot of the greats.

• 1:59:16Bill Simmons?

  We had a fun, uh, fun trip. And then the other thing is we're doing this Ringer Fantasy Football Draft.

• 1:59:22Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:59:23Bill Simmons?

  That we're doing on Monday, which is tomorrow, in person.

• 1:59:25Speaker 04

  Yahoo.

• 1:59:26Bill Simmons?

  You have a team, I have a team. We're going head to head. We're doing the whole thing.

• 1:59:29Speaker 04

  Fun.

• 1:59:29Bill Simmons?

  So, uh, it's football time. It's officially, now it officially feels, this is my last Sunday podcast without the Cuz.

• 1:59:36Speaker 04

  People can't wait.

• 1:59:38Bill Simmons?

  We'll have it. So thanks for doing the movie draft. Thanks for pretending you haven't seen any of these movies.

• 1:59:44Bill Simmons?

  Thanks to Gahow as well. Thanks to, uh, Sir Rudy. Thanks to Eduardo. And, uh, and I will be back on this podcast, I think Tuesday. Uh, but Thursday is going to be the big two-part over-under podcast with me and Sal. I'll be interested to see, you guys swayed me on a couple of teams today. I still haven't landed on my final outcomes, but it'll be interesting to see where we go.

• 2:00:04Speaker 04

  Good. I'm, I'm eager to hear.

• 2:00:06Bill Simmons?

  Thanks, Sal.

• 2:00:06Speaker 04

  My pleasure.

• 2:00:21Bill Simmons?

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• 2:00:53Bill Simmons?

  NY or text HOPE NY in New York. This episode is brought to you by Core Power Protein Shakes. You know how we always talk about the little things that separate great athletes? Post-workout recovery is a big factor. Core Power Protein Shakes help you keep going after your workout with high-quality protein to build muscle and electrolytes to help hydrate. It's all you need for your recovery in one bottle. Available in 26 and 42 gram protein options to pick what works best for you. Visit corepower.com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Searchlight Pictures Wild Horse 9. John Malkovich and Sam Rockwell, I like those guys, star in the sharp-witted comedy thriller from Academy Award winner Martin McDonagh.

• 2:01:33Bill Simmons?

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