The Basement Yard
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At Edward Jones, we believe rich is more than caring about the latest and greatest. It's also taking care of what gives your life meaning. That's why your dedicated financial advisor meets you where you are with personalized financial strategies that help protect what matters, so you can preserve your progress while creating a path forward. The key to being rich is knowing what counts. Let's find your rich together. Edward Jones, member SIPC.
Welcome back to the ba-
Welcome back to the basement yard.
Glad to be here, Joe.
I didn't introduce you yet. We got Frank Alvarez on the show today.
Well, pack up. Let me do it like-
Welcome back to the basement yard. We got Frank Alvarez on the show today.
Hey, glad to be here. Really appreciate it.
And we got Ann Prisco over there too, and his nicest shirt.
That is a really nice shirt. I actually do like that shirt.
That is a nice shirt. What is that? What kind of material is that?
I think it's knit.
Take it off.
If I come over there and I rub on it, am I gonna get high?
Rub on it, it's a weird way to say. That's like a humping thing.
I'm not gonna hump you.
This? I think you might enjoy yourself a little.
Can I see?
See what?
The shirt.
I'm not getting up.
How are you doing today, Frank?
I'm doing well. I really appreciate you inviting me here. Excited for what we got to unfold today. And, boy, let's get right into it.
Frank, it says you're working on a new project. Is that right?
Yama, yama, yama, yama, yeah!
You're working on a new project?
Yeah, so according- Um, we fucked this up.
Yeah. So, do you remember last week when I said on the podcast that like-
Greg said, "Don't fuck it up."
It says, "Don't fuck this up," in bold and underlined at the top of this, and these are the tour dates.
Guess what we did?
Fucked it up. We weren't supposed to put it, we weren't supposed to say it then. We were supposed to say it today, so we're doing it again.
Joey walked in today, and, well, was this why you said you were gonna be a little late? Okay.
Cause I was on the phone and Greg called me and he goes, why are the tour dates out? And I said, what?
It's like, what do you mean they're out? Yeah.
Yeah, I wasn't even thinking. I don't even know how this happened, to be honest with you, but I mean, listen.
He walked, Joey walked in and he goes, that's on me, guys.
Yeah, that was my fault.
And, and, and, and he's like, I'm like, what? What happened?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And Ant didn't tell me because you're gatekeeping information for me.
I don't know what wants to be said. If I'm told something. I mean, obviously he knows.
Imagine if it has to do with the basement yard, I should know.
No, uh, but yeah, so, uh, last week, on our last weekly episode, which was episode...
Who knows? It's a number.
I have it, I have it. 558.
558. Good time, too.
Are you drinking a cocktail?
No.
What is that?
Red Bull vodka.
It is a cocktail.
You do have a clubbing shirt on right now.
You definitely don't have a clubbing hat, though.
Yeah, that's a Mickey Mouse hat.
That is a Mickey Mouse hat that says Network?
Can I ask a question?
New York hat.
How much Mickey Mouse merch do you have over there?
Over, under, let's go by hats. Over, under two?
Forget about hats. I want overall pieces of clothing.
Like, uh, four.
No, you don't.
A lot, a lot.
Five?
I've seen way more than that.
A lot, a lot of hats.
Six pieces of clothing?
Six, six.
Overall.
You just went from two to six.
I said four. Six, seven, maybe seven.
Oh, my God, there's some draw.
Can we, just to be safe, in case you're forgetting, can we make it an even eight?
Sure, why not? Just in case.
What color is your toothbrush?
White and navy blue.
What about you?
Red and white.
Okay. I'm realizing now that I had no reason to ask that.
I got mad curious. For some reason, it just like lit up in my head and then I like asked you and I was like, ooh, I got nothing. And then it went there.
You're hoping that in our responses, there was something to jump off of.
I was just.
Well, what color is yours? Let's finish it.
It's black.
What? What, what an incredible groundbreaking contribution to this show.
First of all, that was a racist look on your face.
Don't do that.
It's a black toothbrush. Big deal.
Is that not weird?
No, if anything, you thinking it's weird is very weird and racist.
Why is it? Yeah, you're, you're a racist.
What color are the bristles?
White.
They can coexist, Ant. I know how much you hate that.
Isn't that weird to have a black toothbrush? They're working together to get the job done.
That's a very normal thing.
Why? Oh, do you think because it's like white toothpaste and it looks like shit? It's just a weird- I've never seen a black toothbrush. It's like a- it's like a- it's a zip.
Yeah, a zip is a-.
Oh, oh, oh, you got- yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you got- you got the manual going?
Do you have an- do you have a buzz?
I got a- I'll- I'll- I got a quip. I use that.
Okay, and you have- you got old school going? I got old school. I transitioned to I'm gonna do the one that you bite down completely and it goes right here.
Oh, come on, brother. Just get fucking new teeth at that point if you need to do that.
Get dentures. Um, maybe. The idea of having dentures is not terrible.
Yes, it is terrible, dude.
But if you like- like-
Bro, look at- you don't-
Yo, take all my teeth out when you circumcise me and I'll never know any- any- like when I'm- What I'm saying is like-
Hold on, hold on.
Yeah, no, you hold on. When- when we're- when you're a baby and you get circumcised, you're like, oh, I didn't even know, but like, I'm circumcised, I said. But if I could have the option of like, yo, just take all my teeth and let me get new dentures every- every two years like a- like a new lease on a car, and you got perfect teeth. You know, babies aren't born with teeth. I know, that's the problem.
Technically, they are. Um, uh-
Alright.
Technically, they are.
Yo, do teeth grow in your face?
Yeah, dude, have you ever seen the x-ray of- of someone with like no teeth? Pull it up, it's gonna make Joey squirm.
It's so gross. An x-ray?
Like, not an x-ray. It's like a picture of a skull and it shows you what it looks like. Don't look at the TV, look at me. Uh, I was gonna ask you a question, but now I- I don't remember.
We're talking about teethless skeletons right now.
Oh, um, dude, the idea- I don't think you realize how much of your face is structured around the fact that you have teeth. If you lose that, then you look like a- just a toothless loser.
No, but I'll- I'll have t-
What the fucking ass is that? Baby skulls have so many teeth. Milk teeth and permanent teeth. That's, that's what a baby's face is? If that's real. Also, absolutely heartbreaking that they have a baby skull. I mean, I'm assuming.
No, it's like a model.
Oh, okay.
I've seen, it's like this, because you lose the teeth and then they grow. Like, there's a lot of teeth.
Ew, dude, this dude's looking like a fucking predator! I think I saw something that like Japan has just like tried out an experimental drug where they can just like regrow teeth now. Sick. You just, like, anywhere you want? Like, I get a tooth in my elbow? No, Joey, but... I don't know, you know? There are people that like, were like, um, you know, like in the womb, if they were a twin and they absorbed their twin, they'll find like a mass sometimes on people that has like hair and teeth in it and stuff like that. Hell, yeah. No? Well, they... Uh, but yeah, so, so, our mistake, we are a unit here. Yeah. We, as a unit, accept criticism and when we're wrong, no, we will. I will ride with him. I will die with him. Bad boys for life.
Okay, that's a, literally count 15 seconds. We're gonna shut him up for 15 seconds for that.
Alright, I'll lower it, I'll lower it. I'm never, I'm never doing, I'm never doing.
Bad, bad boys for life. Uh, we're going back on tour. Tickets are coming when this comes out, two days, okay? Oh, uh, oh, oh, oh, okay, yeah. When it comes out to the public. Um... Another 10 seconds, I'll, I'll shut up.
Wednesday, June 17th, at noon Eastern, okay? 12:00 PM Eastern, through June 18th, midnight. Um, that, that is the pre-sale. The tickets will be available for general sale after that. We'll explain the difference between those two things that'll, like, later on, but right now, all you need to know is Wednesday, June 17th, at noon Eastern, okay? That is when you can get tickets. Tickets will now be on, on sale for all the dates that we have so far. There are more dates coming, but these are the dates that we have so far, um, from September to March. And the pre-sale code is basement, as always. All of our codes are like basically basement, so you go to thebasementyard.com, you put in that code basement, you can get tickets on June 17th,
at 12:00 PM, noon Eastern, alright? Frank, where are we starting? Well, we're starting first in September 10th, 2026, in Durham, North Carolina.
And then right after that, September 12th, 2026, Charlotte, North Carolina. Charlotte, Carolina. After that, a couple of days later, we're gonna be going up to the, uh, north central part of our country. Uh, going to Minneapolis, Minnesota on September 24th, and then a quick, quick little stopover in Indianapolis, Indiana on September 26th. Okay, um, so, uh, do you want me to still do this?
I can do October. October 2nd, we'll be in Charleston, South Carolina.
South Carolina.
South Cr- South Cr- Carolina.
It's like my life's just spewing out of your mouth.
Uh, then October 3rd, we'll be in Atlanta, Georgia. A to P- Peace up, A town down.
Oh, I'm can't, I'm can't, that's it, I'm think, I'm damp, that's it.
And then October 16th, we'll be in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Where is that? No idea.
Joey said, Joey said that if ATL, if the Atlanta show sells out, he's gonna get me, uh, at, at the A diamond chain, that I can throw around like Usher and catch it.
Uh, that would be fire, honestly.
To buy me the chain.
Uh, November 7th, we're going to Buffalo, New York. Okay, November 7th, I'm expecting there to be snow, and I expect both of us to jump through a giant table, Bill's Mafia, no one's gonna push the wagon.
Can confirm nor deny that we might Bill's Mafia it up there, but December 5th, 2026, Baltimore, Maryland. December 10th, 2026, Austin, Texas. December 11th, 2026, Dallas, Texas. December 13th, 2026, Houston, Texas.
And then that'll be all the shows for 2026, and then in 2027, we're back at it. January 15th, we'll be in New York, Newark, New Jersey, and then, uh, February 5th, we'll be in Red Bank, New Jersey.
I don't know why I said like I was Mumford and Sons.
And his son. Uh, February 23rd and February 24th, we're doing two shows in Vancouver, uh, which will be a lot of fun. That is the, by the way, my birthday's the 25th, so these are gonna be like birthday shows. The 26th, uh, we will be in LA. So we'll be in Los Angeles on February 26th. And then we're, our last show that we have booked right now is March 12th in Chicago.
Chicago.
At the Chicago Theater. Um, but yeah, these are the shows that we have so far. There'll be more coming. There may be a little break after that, but we're gonna be booking more shows. So maybe at some point during this year, there'll be more shows if, if you're like, hey, you're not coming to Boston or something or whatever, but I don't know. We don't know. We can't guarantee.
May we also take a moment, seriously, to extend our sincere apologies to Greg. We, we did fuck this up and we're sorry. We know that you asked, I think of all the things you asked of us, the easiest one of them was just not to fuck it up.
To be fair.
To be fair, we did fuck it up.
He printed.
He did print. He did. And he told us when we, when we filmed something the day before, like,
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow on the episode.
Right.
So like,
He did, he did.
He did, but also he's, he's got a lot going on. He's got a lot of plates spinning and it could be a lot more difficult for him than it is for other people. So, we apologize, Greg. Let this be the first and last time we apologize to you.
Oh, don't promise that. I don't even want to.
I will never apologize again, even if I shoot Joe in the back of the head.
Hmm.
Interesting. Write that down. Yeah. Let's get some, let's get that on tape.
But, uh, we're really excited and just to reiterate, this is the first batch of shows. So if you're seeing something and you're seeing like, oh, besties, are you, when are you gonna come to, you know, Albuquerque? We don't know. We don't know. But what is available is what we have and what we know is what's available. If you want to wait, that's on you. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but we have seen in the past, you guys are incredibly supportive and sometimes they go quick. We'll just tell you that you might want to get in on the pre-sale with the code basement, not cap sensitive. It could be uppercase, lowercase. You could spell it like Joey used to spell things on MySpace and AIM back in the day. He used to do it too. Wednesday, June 17th at noon. Okay, 12pm.
That's a good day. Eastern. Cause then right after, they can on 3pm, watch the Standing Out of Studios video, which I'm, it's, it's available. That is true. You could have your tickets on Wednesday, June 17th at noon. Streamlining this stuff for you guys. And then at 3 o'clock. You're, so that week, you're getting Monday, weekly episode. Wednesday, you're getting the tickets and the Standing Out of Studios. And then Friday, you get exclusive Patreon episode if you're tier 2 on Patreon, on patreon.com/thebasementyard.
Yeah, so there's a lot going on there. So yes, thebasementyard.com. And here, just to, for, so people know, um, the pre-sale is, for us, that's where we sold a lot of our tickets. So the only difference between this is that this one you need a code for. The code is basement, so the tickets will be first available to anyone who has that code, our fans. So that is, uh, the code is basement. Wednesday, June 17th at noon. Put in the code, boom, you could a- access tickets. General on-sale is whatever's left from that, which at that point, you won't need a code anymore. And that is, uh, basically June 19th.
So June 18th at midnight, it will switch from pre-sale to general sale. So by the time the 19th comes around, you could just go onto the site and buy tickets without having a code. I don't know why they do this. I don't know why it's the setup.
It's an industry thing that we, we're not high on the totem pole to understand this stuff. We don't get it. And even if they told us, we don't care. I don't wanna know information. And again, we're sorry, Greg.
So go check it out, uh, thebasementyard.com. By the time this is up, hopefully, I, I imagine that the website will be fully updated and, you know, crisp and clean and polished. Uh, we're excited. And they'll see the-
The photo shoot we did.
And also, oh yeah, that's a big part of it too. Also, brand new show.
Brand new show.
Brand new show. We are, we have been sitting and brainstorming, trying to make sure that we give you guys a wholly unique, brand new show that is an experience that you will not get at any other show, even during the same tour. So like each show is gonna be unique.
Yeah.
So yeah, we're trying to sell it. What? Also, we're sorry, Greg.
So that's gonna, yep. The, the, the show that we have put together now is like also very different than the other shows that we've done. I think it's gonna be way more fun. It's more interactive.
We're also better.
We're better because we're better on stage now.
We're seasoned vets.
We're, well, we're seasoned.
How would you want to be seasoned? Give me your three seasons that you want, seasonings you want on you.
I'm doing a thing here, Frank.
Oh, sorry. Okay. Forgive me for asking a podcast question.
We're doing a, but, but Jimmy Cherry, by the way.
Oh, but that's a collection of seasoning.
Summer.
It's a sauce.
Summer? That's a.
You're going the, the.
I'm pointing him. I'm not allowing you to laugh at him like that.
I'm not even, I.
Do you want me to defend you?
No, for what did I do?
Nothing.
Exactly.
That's the point. He just victimized you on your own show.
Remember, you could fire him.
I could fire him or we could force him to buy tickets on Wednesday, June 17th at 12:00 PM Eastern.
Ant said he's gonna buy.
At thebasementair.com, promo, promo, promo, code basement.
Ant said he's gonna buy and give away a whole show of tickets.
Imagine?
What does someone get if they go to every single show?
What does someone get?
Yeah, let's say someone does it.
Uh, restraining order thing.
We have actually met some people after shows and they had come to a lot. I think one said seven.
Whoa.
I was like, whoa, that's a lot of shows.
The one, the one person that I specifically remember was, she came to the very first show and we spoke to her and she's like, I'm from Alabama.
Oh, yes.
Came to another show and she was like, oh, I, I came to the, the, the, the Montclair show with my husband and I'm back here, but we've since gotten divorced. Holy fuck. You know, we wish them well, but it, all signs seem to have pointed to it not going well.
Oh, it went absolutely not well.
Well, to the point of it just like them not being together.
I think it was Atlanta.
I believe it was Atlanta.
And so I could write it down. What website do they go to?
Thebasementair.com. I said it first.
In tandem.
Um, uh, yes. So Ant said he's gonna give away a bunch of tickets. Also, what does a person get? What are the parameters on what they get if they go to every single show? Which, don't, guys, please, we're, we're obviously joking around because
Yeah, don't do that.
What I was setting up was technically, I'll be going to every single show, so I would get whatever that you would say would be for them.
A knuckle sandwich.
Ooh, put it in my knuckle mouth.
Well, I don't know how to even interpret that, to be honest with you.
I meant sandwich.
In my knuckle mouth.
I know. I'm not like sucking on fingers, like.
Liar.
Hmm? But, like, to call my mouth my knuckle mouth.
What?
I just wanna say that.
You're not sucking on fingers?
Not really.
I mean, you do suck on your fingers. I've seen you eat a bag of chips.
I don't think, I don't think that counts unless it's the whole finger. If you get a little, like a So then you suck fingers, because I know you do this, dip.
Why do I do that?
You taste it, something.
It was a pure guess. I don't do that. I don't suck on my fingers.
Honestly, I was taking a shot in the dark there.
Yeah. You go down a few knuckles.
Whoa, few knuckles?
Is this a knuckle?
Oh.
I don't know what that is.
I don't know. I, I thought it would be a joint.
Uh, that's boring.
It's a first knuckle.
Yeah, mini knuckle.
So you think I'm going?
Two, at least.
I mean, I can. But I'm not.
I swear. I mean, there was a very viral video of you shoving your whole hand in your mouth and not gagging.
Uh, I, I was very surprised at the, you know.
That was like eight knuckles.
Yeah, you were down there. I think I was two.
It was an elbow.
You were in your sarcophagus. Sarcophagus?
You were in your esophagus, yeah.
I think I was, yeah. I mean.
Do you think there's anyone who could like?
Ooh.
Actually touch, like?
I don't think they can go that low. I mean, there are people.
It was not their own hand.
I mean, it doesn't ma- at a certain point, the hand is not gonna fit past your cheeks.
Wait, yeah, so it's so.
At Edward Jones, we believe rich is about taking care of what gives your life meaning. That's why your financial advisor personalizes your plan to help you preserve your progress and create something that lasts. Let's find your rich. Edward Jones. Member SIPC.
Sword swallow. Where does the sword go?
There, brother.
Into the stomach?
Have you ever seen someone do, or the, the, the, the nail in their nose?
I don't like that.
That one sucks.
But where does a sword go? It's a sword.
I think it just goes down, but it doesn't do, like, it's like dulled or something and they can like.
You can't cut your, a savage.
I mean, that's why I said dulled.
I know, but like, ow.
I imagine it's a trick and it's impressive because of the.
Oh, you think it's ma- like fake?
No, I think a trick is, it can still be a trick if it's real. Like, it's just like a party trick. Like, oh, watch what I could do.
Can you imagine you're at a party and all of a sudden someone's like, yo, look at this, and then they eat a sword? I'd be like, the fuck are you doing?
I would, I would be more confused as to why they brought or have a sword with them.
Well, to swallow it. Come on.
If you could swallow swords, are you bringing a little, like, retractable sword?
Like, not a full ass sword.
If I could swallow swords, I better be in the circus, because why else would I be doing that?
Like, I'm just gonna like.
Of all the circus, like, skills, is that the one you would want to do?
Uh, I'll be honest with you, I don't really fuck with the circus. Like, I'm like, I, I just don't, I don't think that it's cool.
It's not right. I get what you're saying.
I just mean, like, it's like, I, I.
Outside of the, outside of the animal rights issues?
But yeah, outside of that, like, I don't like it. Like, I'm like, what is entertaining about this?
I mean, I.
I don't get it.
You, you've openly spoken about your love of magic and tricks.
But there's not a lot of that going on. It's like people, like, almost dying the whole time. I don't like it.
I mean, yeah, I, I'm not arguing here. I'm not a big fan of the circus either. I feel like that was so, like, fifties and sixties when there were people in wagons across country.
Yeah, and I don't like the music. It's kind of scary.
And like, there's like trapeze people and it's like, they're doing flips and landing on a book. I'm like, what?
Landing on a book?
I don't know, I just.
I mean, like, I, I, for some reason, immediately go back to Dumbo and I just think of, like, the lion tamer with a. Stool. Bro, if I'm a lion and I see a stool in my face, I'm breaking it and I'm straight for the jugular on this fucker.
I will say, if it's a real thing where someone got a li- a fucking elephant to balance on a ball, that's fucking nuts.
I don't think that's real.
I mean, we saw it in like a cartoon or something. I don't know if that's real or not.
Think it is.
I can't imagine. I loved how they'd be like, we're, we're the circus. It's incredible feats. And they'd be like, here's a woman with a beard, like.
Yeah, like.
Cool dude. If I went, if I paid to see that, I'd be so fucking angry.
Yeah. It's like, yo, the circus is in town. What kind of tricks? And it's like.
And watch this. Look, twins.
Yeah, right?
Oh my god.
It's a guy with one eye.
What, what, what kind of entertainment is this?
It's so lowbrow because they would just find, they'd be like oddities and it'd be like, a woman who knows math and be like, it could, grow up.
Also, the ringleader? Who's this predator?
What is this?
Yeah. I mean, I think.
What is your job even?
I think it is like, literally like they're just like the, the smoking, like cigarette smoking, like evil little fuck, you know?
Yeah, and they got like twirly, twirly.
Twirly mustaches.
And like a staff. Brother, you're not a mage. You're not a mage. You'll never be a mage.
Ooh, I'm not off the staff though, to be honest with you. You also would. You would.
No, I would not, but a cane.
Name, name one character in any form of magic or movies or TV that has a staff that's like, I don't like that.
The old guy from Jurassic Park.
You don't love that?
I, what do I, I, what, what is he?
He's a billionaire that opened a fucking park that has.
Yeah, dude, he almost took the halls fucking out because of that.
He didn't do that. That wasn't his fault per se.
Bro, you started it.
I mean, but it has the little fucking mosquito in the amber on the end of it.
That's cool.
That's cool as shit. I have a cane. It has a duck head on the top.
What's it for?
Uh, uh, it was gifted to me and, and I had, when I had like issues with walking, as you know.
I had actually used it. But it's cool. And you're gonna tell me that if you get a.
It's got a duck head.
It's got a duck head on it.
What does that symbolize?
It was gifted to me. I, I don't think there was, I think it was the only one they were able to find.
The The only cane they could find.
Had a duck head on it.
Mallard?
Nice.
You would love a cane and you'd love a staff, dude.
Not at this age.
You absolutely would.
Bro, look at every, like, you Gandalf? Moses?
He's a mage. Moses, Moses, oh yeah, he did have one.
He's like parting the sea and shit like that?
You know when shepherds have that big ass?
With the hook?
What's the point of that? Is that to like yank sheep by the neck or something?
Or if they're like bombing on stage, you know what I'm saying? Like, things are just not going well for them.
Sly Cooper?
Sly Cooper's a good one. He doesn't know who that is. There's no, there's literally no chance.
Is this more anime? Not everything is anime. With you guys it is.
With you, whoa. With him guys it is. With me, it's video games. That's how you know it is.
That is adjacent to anime to me.
Oh, mm.
It's unfair.
I, I, oh.
To, to raccoon that.
He's like a thief.
It's a raccoon that steals things.
He's a good guy.
He's not that good.
He looks cool as shit too, though, dude.
You've never seen Sly Cooper? You've definitely.
You know Sly Cooper. He knows Sly Cooper. He played PlayStation 2. He knows Sly Cooper.
You know Sly Cooper?
Sly Cooper.
Frank, I have no idea who that is.
You don't know Sly Cooper?
Shut the front fucking door.
No, there was a different, um, uh, like raccoon, I think, that I was thinking of. I've never seen this person in my life.
Look up characters with staffs and or canes. And tell me that some, like, we gotta go through these.
That's gotta be tough.
I mean, how do you not know Sly Cooper? Are you thinking? Blinx the Time Cat?
What the fuck is that?
You don't know who that is?
Blinx the Time Cat?
Oh, Gandalf. That's a good one.
Yeah, Gandalf is, you know, he's got stuff.
That's good. Gambit? Really good one.
I mean.
You don't like Gambit?
It's fine. Is it the gun with the cards?
Yeah, I mean.
Gambit?
Yo, we're phoning it in with Gambit.
No, you're not!
Yo, it's Gambit. It's like, oh.
Rafiki!
Rafiki from Lion King. Yeah, dude, that's so different.
The Monkey King from the Farback. I don't even know that. Lord Zed! Lord Zed! You know Lord? Oh Zed. He's not British, but maybe he was British? He was the like, it was like the, the Power Rangers bad guy that looked like a skinned human that had like metal, like a metal suit on, but it was like skinny.
No, I missed that.
I would have loved pictures. How do they not have pictures on the side?
I don't know. Who's number one though? You're fucking blue balling us here.
Again, of course, you know Donatello.
Yeah, oh, oh my god, Donatello.
Aang's a little.
Aang is alright, you know.
I mean, I just, you know.
If you, if you had a staff or a cane, what do you want on the top of it?
A ball?
But like, you can, it can be anything.
Oh, I would really like it if it looked like a storm.
What the?
What? Like I'm a, I'm a big fan of like, when orbs look like there's a storm in it, like an active.
Oh, so like it'd be clear glass and on the inside it's like a cloud with a thunderbolt?
So a light, lightning staff.
Okay, I'm cool with that. I'm cool with that. That would be fun.
Yo, if I could be, uh, uh, I would like to be Storm. I think, I think lightning's cool.
Dude, being Storm would be awesome.
Well, it's, it's weather, so you could control what like.
I'm not hot enough to be Storm, man.
She's the hottest one.
What was?
I don't like.
Unfortunately, no.
Storm's the best.
You don't get to insult how he looks.
I didn't.
I do.
Yeah, he does that.
I do. You're not allowed to say, if he wants to be Storm and he says, I'm not hot enough, your literal job?
It's a lie.
Talk about Halle, were we talking about Halle Berry right now?
Uh, not only are we talking about Halle Berry, we're talking about like, uh, drawings of very hot women. Is there any men, Storm?
Drawings?
Storm, Aurora Monroe has been consistently one character throughout the entire run of.
Well.
Uh, I'm sure the fucking X-Men people are gonna come for me and be like, actually, but to my understanding, it is one person. Also, a little bit of a reason why you wouldn't be able to be African queen Storm.
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
I mean, I mean, look. I can't.
He doesn't have long enough hair?
Oh, there's some other things too, you know?
Skin. Ah. Joe is.
Boom. I would love if, if I had a cane or a staff and it had, remember that thing that you used to have in your house? That was like the like magnet? And you put your hands on it and the like? Pink lightning bolt would like touch your hands?
Yes.
What was that?
I have no idea.
But like if you had a cane that was one of those?
Yeah. Oh, see, that's cool.
I need it to be moving and electric.
Do, do I know cool?
When it, yeah.
I just gave you a really cool thing and you're supposed to say yes?
More concretely, let's try this again. Do I know?
There we go. That's what I'm looking for.
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I have a question, you hungry Frankie?
I?
I gotta go, you hungry Frankie?
I don't like how you specified me, I'm sorry, I'm joking around.
It's just because I'm looking at you.
Yeah, I honestly, always hungry, so you'll never get a no out of me.
You enjoy chicken nuggets?
Boy, do I, dude.
If you see a plate of chicken nuggets, you have a favorite?
Are they dino shaped?
No, they're this shaped, here we go.
Out of, if you see a plate of chicken nuggets here, which one do you think would be the best? Which one are you picking?
Oomk, oomk, oomk, oomk.
Oh, I have an answer, easy. I have, I think, what about the worst one? Let's go worst first.
Worst first?
I think it's easy, easy. We disagreed on these kind of things before, I think we all agree here.
Okay.
Honestly, worst?
Easily, easily.
Okay, okay.
My worst one?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say E.
No, dude.
I was gonna say G.
What the fuck is that? It's not even a nugget, it's a fucking circle!
It's not a number, it's a letter.
I said it's not a nugget.
I was gonna say either E or P, cuz P looks like it hasn't been cooked.
Oh, P looks like shit. What about C? It looks raw.
I mean, C doesn't look great either. That is definitely a lighting issue.
You think it's a lighting issue? But it's a good size. Look at G, what the hell is this?
I think we could with conf- we could argue, I think E, C, P are bad. G's not that bad to me, dude.
G, G's getting golden.
G is not that bad to me.
You're not thinking about the shapes.
The shapes absolutely matter.
Okay, let's go to the best one. There's a unanimous best one here.
You, uh, we're going unanimous.
I will say the best chicken nugget on this board. Oh no.
Is O.
It's big, it's the shape of a nugget, and it's, it's got that brown, it's gonna be crunchy, it's gonna be hot inside.
Am I crazy for thinking that it might be A?
Yay! No.
That's horrible!
Why is that horrible, dude? It's deformed!
No, it's not deformed, I mean, that's what you want out of a chicken nugget. It's supposed to, it's, it's goop that's been breaded and dunked.
No, I don't like that. D?
D's good.
D is F!
Nooo, D's good.
It's too small! No, it's not too small!
It's too small!
It has a good hook to it. F is better than D!
I'm gonna fucking F your D if you don't shut up and listen to me about A.
Listen. M is good too. I was, M would be strong number two.
M is a good one, M is good, M is good.
Oh though, bro, what's wrong with O?
I mean, it's good, I'm not saying it's the unanimous best. You're sitting here and you're putting your, you're planting your fucking staff in the ground and saying that it's O.
I think there are top five here, and me and you picked like one and, like, two and three. Frankie didn't even, Frankie picked like five. What'd you pick?
I would, I said A, I thought was quite, it also-
A's the weakest.
It is such an ergonomic design. That's a perfect, like, dunk and curve with it, up. And it holds, it will maintain the sauce better than, if the sauce is running off O, and what did you say, J? Jay could suck it.
No, you said-
I almost said Jay. I said D. Which you complimented me on.
D's a good one. I'm not gonna sit here and say it's bad.
I don't like D.
I do think A, it just, it feels like it has more of the breaded texture. It looks like there are clumps of breading on D. It's inconsistent.
It is.
At least O, and O has like the wavy breading too. You know what I'm talking about? That's good.
And it's big. It's meat. It's a meaty bitch. That's what you want out of chicken.
I think D will have a crunch every bite.
Yeah, but, but you're-
You couldn't eat meat at a certain point. You could just have crunch.
Yeah, he's right. You have too much crunch.
But like shit like E and L and G, like, these are, these are, this is, now this is popcorn chicken. It's not even a chicken nugget.
Also, what's wrong with your oven? Like, these are two different batches of chicken nuggets.
Yeah, I agree.
With how poorly these are cooked.
I'm into F.
Uh, F is not bad. F is not bad. I think-
She's got a fat full diaper.
F is not bad. Honestly, I also don't hate G.
I'm not into it.
I don't hate it.
I would like leave it. I would eat it when I was like fucking pissed.
M is also pretty solid.
M is solid.
M is a solid one.
If I was making two plates, I would give my brothers like B, C, H, E. I'd throw them a J because you gotta give them one good one and then P. You know? Give them all the bad ones.
I'll, I'll be honest with you. I'm eating the whole plate of these bastards in record time.
I think I is like underrated.
I is a good one. I is a good one. You're getting more of a consistent- Uh, let me ask you guys this question as we are continuing to parse through this. Best fast fry nuggets.
What? What'd you say?
You said fry.
Best, fa- sorry, best fast food nuggets.
Oh, oh, um...
Burger King?
Oh no. Oh, worst answer. Oh my god.
I don't, I don't dislike Burger King, but-
I don't know the answer.
I think Burger King, you could get 10 of them for a dollar 49.
I mean-
Those can't be good.
I mean, I was gonna say, if we're going price, I mean, everyone here is going to sit, everyone that listens to this is gonna scream fucking Chick-fil-A through this-
I've never had it.
I've had Chick-fil-A, dude. So aggressively okay, dude.
Wow.
And they hate the gays. Don't like that.
They don't fuck with the gay?
Nah, dude.
They don't get down with the gayness?
They're not. Go ahead and get down with the gayness! Down with the sickness. But.
Whoa, so you say it's a sickness?
No, the song.
No, no, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that, the song.
Right as we're going on tour.
The song, no, no, it's not, it's the cure, gay is the cure, it helps us all.
The band is the cure.
I would say, if he's talking about the chicken fries from Burger King, that's probably the best.
Those are good.
I think that.
Those are alright, actually.
I, I, I know, I know, and everyone is gonna say like, have you guys even seen the videos of how chicken nuggets are made? The chicken McNuggets from McDonald's are legendary for a reason. You're getting a consistent flavor, a consistent crunch. I mean.
So wait, what's your favorite, what's yours?
It's probably McDonald's.
I, they're good. They're fine.
I actually enjoy, like, nuggets that come out of my freezer. Like, bagged shit.
Brother.
I'm, if it's a Dino Nugget. I'm, like, that's an incredible nugget.
Bro. Also, I just wanna say this.
I've, I've, I've only ever tasted this at McDonald's, but the sweet and sour sauce? The green top at McDonald's?
Gaped me and poured it in.
That shit is delicious. It is a great, it's a great sauce.
I, um.
It's not even sour, it's just sweet.
I, I'll be honest with you. First of all. It was so hard to see where you were going there.
Not even top five sauces that McDonald's has.
Oh, Frankie. Do they even have five?
The best sauce that they have, without a dizzy.
Bard?
Is the barbecue.
The barbecue is good.
Then, their buffalo.
No!
That's crazy!
It ain't better than the Sweet and Sour, huh?
Bro, Sweet and Sour is one of the worst sauces.
I'm gonna come over there and strangle you.
Do it, I had it-
It's not.
I, I can tell you-
There is bad Sweet and Sour sauce. Like, some places have a Sweet and Sour sauce, I'm like, "The hell is that?" But the one at McDonald's is mad good.
It's rage bait. He's rage baiting.
I'm not rage baiting, I'm dead serious. If they sold bottles of the McDonald's barbecue sauce, I might bathe in it. That shit is incredible.
It's not, it is a good barbecue-
And I know, I know, everyone's screaming at us, "Guys, it's not real," like, fucking who cares?
We're at McDonald's.
We're all dying! We're all dying, dude. I, I do, I, Sweet and Sour sauce is so low tier for me.
That's crazy.
It's so low tier.
You know, you don't know, I mean, I probably said this before, but you know what's just overrated like crazy and not even near my top five? Ranch.
I like Ranch, but-
It's fu- people go crazy, "Oh, I keep a little ranch in my backpack."
Yeah, my, my, look, what's this?
"You hear me drinking a cup of ranch?" No, I don't think it's that good at all.
Have any personality. Let me guess.
I don't-
"Don't tuck me for my coffee."
Also, we'll say this also about Mickey D's. When you get ketchup out of the little paper cup, it just tastes better. Like, the one that's like paper.
I like when I have to like dispense it like I'm an old timey guy at a water well. You know, it's like-
I don't know.
Yeah, yours is like, you definitely need some WD-40 on yours.
You know what I'm talking, like-
I know.
And it's like fucking like- Spits out at you. I love that, oh! Dude, bring back condiment dispensers. I know people don't eat in those places anymore because-
Well, they have them at baseball games.
Do they?
Bro, I also hate that, honestly. Like, when you go to Yankee Stadium, you're like getting a hot dog, and they're like, "Oh yeah," and the fucking-
The ketchup's two gates down. Fuck you!
What do you mean? Put it on it right there!
Put it on now!
Can I have sauerkraut? Yeah, go to the communal bin outside the bathroom, brother. That's where it is. Fuck!
And then you get over to the fucking ketchup and it's a murder scene, because people are like, "Kk-kk-kk!" There's fucking shit everywhere.
I mean, I'll be honest, I'm one of those people.
Are you slapping it down?
I'm hitting that thing. If you're gonna give me, like, slap-activated condiments,
They're not slap-activated.
They're slaps. They're slap-activated. And I love doing them hard enough so it makes like a crater of ketchup in the thing.
Yeah, but then it farts everywhere all over your hand.
I mean, a little stinky ketchup on me is not gonna fucking ruin the day.
Ketchup is great.
Bring back the greatest ketchup invention that has ever existed.
Disgusting.
You guessed it. It was the green and purple Easy Squirt Ketchup from the early 2000s.
It's honestly nasty.
Honestly, the best.
Not good.
And I know your gimmick is that you hated it.
Well, I just think that it's like a... If I'm looking down at a burger and there's like green or purple all over it, I'm like, "The fuck is this?"
And you're not gonna eat it?
I mean, I'd give it a go, but I'd rather it be the color I'm expecting.
And you think the color that you're expecting is...
Red, like a tomato.
Yeah, I guess so. He's right. I mean, the green one was like dill pickle flavor. The purple was...
Was it flavored? I thought it was just ketchup.
I think they had one that was like a dill pickle-flavored one. Do we do our annual Google it check-in? Because we do this, what, a couple times a year?
You know what I'm really interested in lately?
Relish.
Sweet relish.
Grow up!
I don't even know what it is.
Actually, no.
What is relish?
It's like sweet chopped up pickles.
Fucking good.
I don't like sweet pickles.
Dude.
You know how I'm a... I am a gutter slut for fucking sauerkraut, dude.
Have you ever had relish, like the bottle?
Yeah, I don't like it.
Bro, the relish comes out of the bottle farting like a bastard.
It's a stinky, spitty, farty fucking condiment.
There's no way to get this on your ketchup without it farting all over it.
And like, when it's filled. Because like, when you have like, empty ketchup and you do the last couple, it's like...
They all fart. Yeah.
But like, relish?
Consistently queefing off. I, when we went to the Yankee game recently, I got a, I got a hot dog and I put ketchup and I was like, oh, they got relish, let me put some relish. And it was just queefing. It's like.
It's like, alright, but it's good. And a little goes a long way.
It's a spitty bastard.
I mean, I just, I've never been a guy for, like, I just don't like the taste of sweet pickles.
Just try a little bit. A little bit goes a long way with a queef, with a relish.
With a relish, with a relish, relish.
A little goes a long way with a queef. No, with, with relish. You get a little bit.
I'm alright. I'm okay.
I, I'm, as I'm getting older, I'm adding more things to my hot dog.
I know, and, and I, I guess I'm fine.
Sourdough's right around the corner.
I know, I, I mean, I don't know why you don't start with sourdough. I'm, I'm okay with it as long as you're in the, in the game.
I'm in the game.
You're in the game, you're, you're fully dogged out.
And I'm cool with it.
You dog how you like. Maybe that'll be the next year. The five years of dog sucking season for 2027, it'll be dog, get dogged out how you like. Dog it your way. However you like it, get dogged by it. It's a work in progress.
Yeah, we're definitely gonna workshop that a little bit more.
Chop it a little.
Well, you know what I had recently, uh, this past weekend? A brioche bun?
Hell yeah.
Uh, not a hot dog, a hamburger with a brioche bun.
Bro, I love them, but my god, it's like eating a fucking loaf of bread.
I will say this, and it has not happened yet, I am cautiously optimistic about a pretzel bun on a burger. Because I love pretzels.
A pretzel bun that's got the flakes on the top?
I, dude, I am so in on salt on a bun.
Hawaiian! What are those called?
The Hawaiian rolls?
What, why are they Hawa- what are they?
I figure it's just a branding thing, I don't know, but they're, dude, we made some dinners with those. What you do is you cut the bottom half, put them in a pan.
Then you put like raw, like meat on top and then the top on, like cheese and then the thing on, and then you cook it in the oven like it's a fucking burger and it comes out, it'll.
Line buns are fucking great.
I, I, yeah, I'm kind of on board when people make like pulled pork sandwiches on them.
Oh, don't even piss me off.
Uh.
God, I love them.
I love pulled pork.
Pissing you off.
Oh, my god.
You're, you're-
Sliders are great.
Ah.
You don't like sliding?
I like sliding. I, I think that the thing that sliders is like, sometimes I just want a whole burger.
That's why you eat three.
I, I could eat 12 sliders off fucking rip, dude.
Bro, no one's stopping you.
I feel like I'd be a piece of shit if I did that, though. Just give me two of my own burgers instead of 12 communal sliders.
I like a slider.
I guess.
Ooh, I would like a burger flight. We just talked about flights.
Oh!
Can you imagine like bison burger, ham, uh, cheeseburger hamburger? I'm out on hamburgers, by the way.
Yeah, I don't think-
Almost a burger.
It just, I mean-
You're right there.
You are upstaged by your cooler cousin who has cheese on them.
And like, just, just put it on.
Yeah, I, I guess I don't understand the whole idea of hamburgers. Like, you're just, just go.
Whack.
Just go. I understand people like, I'm lactose-
Bro, so am I. Take some diarrhea and be a man about it, or lady, or a nice woman.
Be a man, shit your pants.
Yeah, be a man or a nice woman and shit your pants with, with diarrhea with the lactose intolerant, who cares? It's one sheet of cheese.
You know, you know where I'm starting to come around?
Oh, you're changing stuff?
Changing, but like, I'm seeing more of an appreciation for it in my older years.
Breakfast burgers.
With just like an egg on the bitch?
Just throw an egg on it and it's a burger. Cause realistically, I know, I know, I know you should start the day with like a healthier thing to like jumpstart your system and like it shouldn't be as heavy. But like, if I like an over easy egg and grits, what's the difference between having it and then throwing it on top of a cheeseburger?
I mean, you make a fair point. I also don't think that the laws of health should apply if you're visiting a city.
The, uh, he- health only matters when you're in your, eating in your home. That's it.
It definitely doesn't matter at a, any sporting event.
It absolutely does not matter on vacation.
No, well, you, if you, if I'm not in the, in the state that I live in, I'm fine.
Also, if it's,
if it's a brunch.
Yeah, I, we, I think we know that.
Well, you said at brunch, I eat normal stuff.
The confines of your healthy lifestyle are within the confines of your home.
Going out to eat, for the most part, I think you're pretty health conscious when you go out to eat. Like, we'll be at a restaurant, you'll be like, let me get the grilled chicken.
This fucking guy. Oh, I love him to death. I'm gonna call him out.
Me?
No. Mikey.
Oof.
I love him so much.
And the dude is absolutely shredded like a bag of mozzarella.
He really is.
But like, anywhere we go.
I'll get the avocado toast. Brother.
And listen, if you're gonna order the avocado toast, order the avocado toast.
Ooh, I'll get the falafel wrap. Uh, please, Mikey.
Wait, wait, I've had good falafel.
I know, I'm not arguing. I, I know falafel is good.
I don't like when he-
Please, man. For fucking once, get a cheeseburger.
I did, I just don't like how he sells the avocado toast like, ooh, that looks good.
It's, to save every, why? Cause they put pickled red onion, which I'm a fan of on it, and some micro greens?
Yo.
Oh, my god. Mikey.
Low key, low key, pickled red onions?
So, so clutch, dude.
What the fuck?
So good, dude. So good. You know what's gonna fucking just absolutely bend you over and spit directly straight through your asshole out your mouth? Pickled jalapenos.
Ooh, I do like those.
Pickled jalapenos.
Are going to light a Christmas tree on fire and take the presents.
Like the Grinch.
You know what I'm saying?
Anything pickled. I went to a farmer's market in Asbury Park.
No, pickled eggs.
Fuck outta here with that. Pickled eggs, pickled eggs, pickled eggs.
These are disgusting.
Pickled beets too. Love pickled beets.
Beets, we're, now we're pretending.
No, we're not. Pickled beets are good.
That's like eating a wet shirt. That's what eating like pickled beets is like eating a red shirt. Like out of the laundry.
Why? It's so funny to me.
It's gross. I don't like, like beets are like, ugh.
I, I, I could see what you're saying. It'd be like chewing on a, like a, like a freshly tie dyed t-shirt.
And I also, I also like, when, every time I eat a beet, I'm like, I was expecting this to be different.
I, I was on, I was on your side and then Becca has turned me around on beet. She turned me out on beets.
Which, oh, you like beets?
I love beets now, dude.
Yeah, love, I can.
I love beets. She has made some of the best beet, like she did like roasted beets and balsamic and feta cheese once.
Balsamic can make anything taste good.
I had a balsamic marinated steak for the first time the other day.
Oh, fuck.
It, it.
Balsamic is so good. What is that shit?
Grapes.
It is grapes.
Balsamic is fantastic.
But I don't understand how it's grapes, but it's grapes.
But it's grapes.
Don't ask me what balsamic is, but it's, but it's grapes.
No, it's good. I fucking love that shit. Balsamic also just pairs so well with a piece of mozzarella.
When it's thick and it's a gl- it's like a drizzle.
When it's like a syrup?
When it's like a syrupy drizzly glaze.
I hate when it gets on my hands and that pisses me off.
Can you tell we're hungry?
Can you tell?
A fucking sticky balsamic?
A sticky like fig balsamic?
Yeah. Oh, fig. Frank, don't make.
Yeah, I know how you feel on figs.
Yeah, I gotta.
Bro, the other morning, listen. Wow, you tucking it in?
I'm fixing my boner because of fig.
You're, you got a fig boner?
Uh, I don't like figs.
I like figs. Becca turned me out on figs. She has opened my life to so much, a lot of it food related.
Figs? Also, you said turned me out on figs?
I know, that's, that's, uh, obviously.
I got it.
That's a joke.
I didn't know if you were doing it as a joke or doing it because of incorrect.
It was a joke. I, it was fully a purposeful joke.
For, for.
Purposeful joke because it's grapes.
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Yeah, let's talk about Google.
Let's talk about Google.
Let's talk about Google. Let's get after it.
Let's talk about search engines.
Let's, let's, hey, Google. What's up?
No. Google is-
Apparently their offices are cool, dude.
They're fucking Google. They better be cool.
Are they?
I better be able to take a slide to my office or something.
Dude, if there's, if I'm a Google employee, I'm like, being like, please give me like a fucking arcade machine in my office or something.
I'm sure they have that.
They're Google. They can do whatever the hell they want. They can Google it.
Yeah. Uh, Google is apparently planning to, or they're trying to get this thing passed where they're allowed to release 30 million mosquitoes in California and Florida to combat a disease of some kind?
With mosquitoes?
Yeah, with like, they were gonna, like... This is just hitting me as I'm saying this. Google has 30 million mosquitoes?
Wait. How do you have a mosquito?
Yeah, wait, wait a sec.
Thirty million?
Google, Google.
How do you have thirty million?
You're very famously not in the
mosquito?
Insects or bugs or animal business.
Where are you keeping these thirty million mosquitoes?
If I'm, if, if Google is doing anything, I want them to be like, we're releasing a search engine that
An update?
Will just show you pictures of puppies.
Like only pictures of puppies. No, you could type in anything you want. It could be like, you know, potholes in western Tennessee and it'll just be pictures of puppies.
They're releasing them in two teams. Sixteen million going to California, sixteen million going to Florida.
What are they combating?
I'm trying to find that.
I, I heard it's like a, a disease that is being spread via mosquito bites and the idea is that they're basically sending out mosquitoes whose fish don't swim. You catch my drift?
Oh, jizzless ones?
Like they are just like, they're, they are just no jizzies.
Oh, I, I honestly thought it was more sinister than that.
Oh, you thought, oh, well, I mean, it's Google, so you never know.
I thought that they were like, we're gonna inject these things and they're essentially gonna like-
But also, yeah, Google, why do you have thirty-two million?
Where do you keep thirty-two million mosquitoes?
Where do you?
How do you even get a mosquito?
It's like, yeah, we're just gonna open the door to our basement and like, what?
You leave a bunch of fruit out or?
And also, how are you transporting thirty-two million mosquitoes? And what is thirty-two million?
You get them in a jar.
What does thirty-two million mosquitoes look like?
Yeah, it's probably like dark.
Like a, like the completely like, I don't know.
No, like if you had them in a jar, oh, maybe they just like have like a farm and they had mosquitoes and they let them mate all the time.
How do they be, how do they get them to have their nuts not work? Cause I saw that it's like the guys, they're sending them out there and they got no nuts. And then like,
Can we confirm? I'm trying, I'm trying.
And then like the idea, the idea, I saw this, the idea is that like they're going to mate with the females and the eggs are gonna be basically like, they're not gonna work.
Shoot blanks.
Yeah, they're gonna shoot blanks because they got no nuts.
It's, they don't individually chop off every mosquito nut. What they do is infect them with a specific virus that makes them sterile.
More virus!
Oh, wow.
And they're combating,
What's the, what's the virus that's called a, uh, being a fucking?
I got it, just leave me alone, give me a sec. Being a fucking incel?
Alright. Uh...
The, the, the... To make them sterile, you're saying? It's called... Alright, we'll try. Uh, Walbakiya?
Nope.
Nah dude, that's a Baltic country. Shit.
I thought-
He bought that at Media.
I thought he was doing a gotcha.
No, no, no, I'm serious.
That's why I said no.
But the virus they're fighting, I couldn't find it because it's fighting them all, essentially, like uh, West Nile, the Zika, malaria, it's trying to get rid of a bunch.
So, kinda cool.
I mean, that is good!
Wait, wouldn't we get more mosquito bites, though?
I mean, yes, but you're getting fine mosquito bites, you're not getting the ones that are going to be like harmful to you and/or your unborn child.
They specifically asked that question because they knew someone wearing a hat would, um...
Did they say anything about the sleeveless shirt in there?
Uh, it's all the same, they were building a character, they're building a character. Um, these don't bite.
So they're biteless, ballless mosquitoes that are just roaming around?
What are they even for?
Like grandpas?
For this?
So they got dicks, but they got no balls and they got no mouth?
Uh...
Are you even listening?
Honestly, I'm on board now, because I feel like once a year, you always hear, "We're releasing a hundred thousand mosquitoes," or "a million mos-"
I have never in my life-
Heard that.
It's like, they've done this like 4,000 times.
They keep doing it, I don't think so.
I, I-
Maybe it's like one of those things-
I don't, I've never, ever heard them do this.
You've never heard them do this?
Well, maybe they're getting better at it. They're called the good bugs.
Wait, why are they doing it in Florida and California and not New York?
And why does Google have a surplus of fucking limpless, dickless, jizzless, mouthless fucking mosquitoes?
That's a fair question as well.
Dude, you're Google! Just let us look up stuff on your websites!
They have access to too much information, so that's how they're able to like-
They're like bored, like they're like, you know, like Jeff Bezos now likes to race cars, like that's what they're doing now?
He's racing cars?
I dunno, I'm, uh, Frankie Muniz.
You mixed up Frankie Muniz and Jeff Bezos?
Completely different planets.
I mean, I, two cultural icons.
What do you think this program's called?
Uh, Project Suck'em.
Got it.
I dunno.
Project Let the Bed Bugs Bite.
Um, uh, Buzz.
Project Cousin Skeeto.
It's just called the debug pro- program.
I will say, all three of those are better than that.
Yeah, run it by Frankie Muniz. Run it by Frankie Muniz, see if he's on board.
Cousin Mosquito.
That's pretty much what's going on.
Alright, I mean, yeah, no, that's weird to have all those, but I used to have a fruit fly problem. Everyone has had a fruit fly problem at one point.
Explain this to me about fruit flies, because every single time that I have had it.
They're there.
Do they, are they born out of food?
I think, I think, I think.
Legitimately, like, I think that, because I'm like, my entire apartment is sealed. And if I leave food, like, in the trash or whatever, like, they'll just appear in the trash.
So to my understanding, which could be proven quite possibly to be not real, or not a lot. Um, I, I believe that food does come sometimes, like, organic specifically, too, because they don't spray them with pesticides to prevent stuff like that, like. There might be some, there might be some eggs and larvae in there, so you might be munching, munching and crunching on some bugs before you even know it.
I'm sure we are. Have you ever seen a video on TikTok of someone washing fruit and they show the water afterwards? I'm like, Jesus.
Love it, love it, love it, love it.
Yeah, but they, like, really do a deep clean on it.
I do sometimes, it, it really depends on my mood. I do sometimes with berries. I have, like, that, like, thing that you, like, press down and it spins it.
I love that fucking thing.
I do too, honestly.
The salad washer?
Yay, yay, yay, yay!
I get that thing, I swear to God, I have convinced myself, I'm this close to splitting the atom with that thing.
Bro, legitimately, when I'm fucking doing this thing, I'm like, oh my god.
I'm, I'm pushing on that thing, and it's like.
Yeah, the fucking romaine lettuce in this thing is pulling 5Gs.
Yes, it really, really is.
Up against the wall, like, yo, we're dry!
It's that fucking thing at all, like, Six Flags and all the amusement parks, where, like, the walls go fast, and then the kids, like, try to, like, turn upside down, and they get yelled at by, like, the 14-year-old that's operating the ride. Shouldn't happen.
I'm convinced that if I do it hard enough, it'll just, like, take flight.
I, I am too, I swear to God. I just love to feel that power that I have made something like that. Like, I'm fucking spinning it, and it's like, ooh, and I'm like, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, spinning shit is fire.
Now that I think about it.
One of America's greatest pastimes, spinning, tops, yo-yos.
You like tops?
Dude, tops are, like.
Bro, I remember the first time I got my hands on a dreidel, I was like, hey! I don't know what any of those stuff means on it.
I love when they would do like those toys that were like they like you put them on top of a stick and you pull a fucking string and they fly in the air.
Yo, I almost killed my sister with one of those once.
Cause like smacked her in the face?
Yeah, because it's like it was like a little fairy and then like she when she spins her thing opens up and she like I fucking ripped this thing like a Beyblade and it hit her in the eye.
Yo, those things are serious. They could really hurt somebody.
Did you see the video?
Of it going into the fire?
God, it's so good. The dad got it for her, uh, his daughter as a, as a gift. They spin it and it just slowly flies into the fireplace.
Ours, we would just like rip as hard as we could and it would like.
Dude, I, I'm not kidding. In that moment, anytime I've ever used one of those, child to a current adult, I am the strongest person on the planet. I am pulling that thing with such force and ferocity that it is immeasurable by any societal or scientific standard that we have.
That was a long sentence.
Big sentence.
Lot of.
You'll be fine.
You'll be fine. I used to love those though.
Um, yeah, I, I'm not fully on board with project.
Debug?
Project debug. I, I have more questions than I like. I hope it can be good and beneficial for people. But we'll fuck this up.
I just don't, I, I, I do feel like mosquitoes like me. Everyone likes you. But I think that mosquitoes think I like, I have a certain kind of blood.
They can smell you. They can go, ooh, he's sweet and sleeveless.
And then let's go suck his blood.
Yeah, if you're showing that much skin, they got more to bite.
Uh, yeah.
Selfishly.
See, selfishly, I don't hate being bitten by mosquitoes because.
You think they like you?
Becca's got really nice nails.
And I, I like make it like I make her like I convince her and I don't, it doesn't work. I like to think it works like, but like she's like helping me medically. Like I'm having a medical emergency. I need you to scratch this mosquito bite.
A medical emergency and it's a mosquito bite?
Mm-hmm.
That's interesting.
Do you ever sit in a place? And like you're like, yo, I'm getting lit up by mosquitoes. And then other people are like, really, I'm good. I'm like, I'm just better than you.
Yeah, we, we had this conversation several years back.
I'd love that. Actually, I don't love it.
I also love just like smacking things. Like where else do you get to smack something unapologetically? You can just.
A butt? Well, unapologetically is crazy.
Unapologetically.
That's insane.
No sorry here, babe.
Sorry, sideline.
Um, yeah.
I, but like you can't slap anywhere anymore.
Where would you? Oh, well. What are you talking about?
Oh, I'm not talking about. I'm talking about mosquitoes.
What did you just do? Bro, I thought you were doing that. I was like, oh shit. Oh, you can.
I can also do that.
Oh, can you, you can't do that. No.
These are things you've learned about me and I.
I know, but I, I, I don't know. Frank, you could do a lot of things.
Damn right, baby. Watch this.
Whoa. Whoa, that was cool.
You want to know why I learned that? The saddest.
Impressed your children?
No, no, no, no. I saw Tony Stark do it in one of the movies and I was like. That's pretty cool. And he would like walk around and he'd be like.
So I got like cool with it.
Cause you're Tony Stark.
I mean, better to be fucking Tony Stark than whoever you want to be. Max Verstappen?
Oh, I'm Lewis Hamilton.
He's getting, he's getting better at naming them.
He knows two.
I know more than two, Joey.
Yeah, you can.
I, I absolutely do.
Name another one.
I'm not gonna.
I'm not gonna, to prove a point, to stick it to the man. You're the man, and I'm sticking it to ya.
Ew.
You know another one, just name another one.
The, the.
The.
The. Not the.
Maybe it is the. The.
Ver. Thever.
The. Uh.
Nuts on your face, thank you.
Um.
That was so rude.
Technically, that was a bad one, he didn't really say anything.
Honestly, I loved it though, can you hit him? I, I, I feel I, I earned that one.
Hit him would've got him.
I earned that one.
Got him. Oh my god, I loved that. That was great, that was so creative.
Stop, alright, take it easy, take it easy!
It was so creative.
You're the judge now? I love that, that was so great, that was so creative.
Whoa, dude. Clip that, someone clip that, give that to me.
That's great. Give that to me, what?
In charge of the edit.
Also, what are you gonna do?
Give that to me, send it to me, blow it up! Zoom in. 10x speed.
10x speed.
It's at least 50x speed. No, I was saying 10x speed.
No, I know, I know. I know other Formula One and Formula Two drivers, I'm just not gonna do this.
I don't even know Formula Two drivers.
Well, maybe you should fucking be a better fan of the sport, Joey.
Maybe, uh, that could be it.
Living under the fucking, all you care about is the, the, the names, the big names. I care about the smaller drivers that are really trying to make a name for themselves. So as you sit there and idolize Ferrari, and, and Lewis Hamilton, who jumped ship to play for them, to race for them, drive for them?
Right. He jumped ship from?
I'm not, see, he, he tries to bait me.
Master at it.
Nice try.
He made a jerk off joke.
Guys, something else. Um, yeah, listen. You got me. The these nuts, that was good. It was a while. Honestly, now that I think about it, that was kind of...
It was bad.
That was not great.
It was great. I feel like leading you, you know, you bring a horse to water, and this one drank it, you know what I mean? Like, he led you right to it, went right for it.
You gotta be more creative with it. I've been writing some down, but I'm... I am waiting for the right time.
Why cough on these nuts when you could blow my... Oh shit.
That was such a good one. Now, what was the other one I had? Uh, uh, fuck. The one, it was a, it was Diplo was a good one, the car one that I had. That was last time we talked about F1.
College in Connecticut?
UConn, UConn, yeah, yeah, UConn sucked.
Just in case he was double dipping.
No, no, no, I'm not. Once, once a gotum has been done, you can't double dip on a gotum.
I don't know if you were double dipping. You can't double got, uh, the gotum.
You can't double gotcha.
It's a gotum to a gotcha. Gotchas are not allowed.
If you taped yourself...
What? I didn't even finish it yet. If you tape your hand to an umbrella and go in a tornado, will you fly away?
Bro, have you ever stood outside with an umbrella? The thing inverts immediately if it's too fucking...
Such a, honestly, such a fucking, like, so disappointing that you can't have more fun with umbrellas.
What could that mean?
I'm not saying that I need to fly, but I need to get, I need to fall slower with an umbrella.
Oh, I agree.
Like, it needs to be good to the point that, like, I, it does something.
I, I'm with you. I think that we should be able to at least do, like,
um, kind of like float jumping, at least. Not like flying, but like, I should be able to be like, like, not...
Jump and land.
I wonder if there is any measurable difference.
I, I'm sure it depends on the umbrella, but like, I should, I'm not saying I need to like Princess Peach on my way down, you know what I mean? Like, it shouldn't be that slow. But if I, if you and I were to both jump off this desk, we should hit it different times because one of us has an umbrella. And like, not like a split second, like...
Two.
Like a, like a th- a third of a second.
Like.
It's a pretty split second.
Just something, dude.
I just went, like, you know how they walk on the moon? Like anti-gravity?
We should be able to do that.
I agree.
When I was younger, I had such a big jacket and it was super windy. I opened it and held the thing and I got some air.
No, you didn't. Bro, this is a made up story.
No, I got a little bit of air.
No, you did.
No, I got a little bit of air. I did.
It's disrespectful. No, you did not.
I jumped. I was, I was very young. I had a really big jacket. The wind was very high and I jumped and I opened my jacket. I got a little bit of air.
My guy, in, in your head, that happened because you're little and young.
No, everybody looked.
I'm flying.
And stupid.
Everybody looked and went, whoa.
Everybody, how many people were there?
Four.
Who?
It was my friends.
No way.
They all go to a different school?
No, it was in recess. I did it. I did that. You can't take that from me.
Oh, my guy, it's the boy who flew.
Unless it was documented by your fucking school, I'm not believing it, dude.
A little bit of air. I got a little bit of lift.
You have, just a little bit of lift.
I mean, me jumping straight up is a little bit of air.
Also, why, if there is wind strong enough to blow away a small child, why are you outside at recess?
Yeah, what is this, a hurricane?
Yeah, are you fucking a prisoner in your own school?
If it's not raining, teachers want a break. It's like send the kids out in the wind, let them fly around.
They get a break regardless of if you're inside or outside.
No, they don't.
Yes, they do.
Then you gotta take care of all the kids in the classroom while you're eating lunch. They don't want to do that.
Bro, we've fully used to go outside in a schoolyard with like open gates on both sides and the teachers are just like.
They had bouncers though.
Did they?
I mean, they had like teachers that would stand there.
I don't remember that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They would have them stand at the edge and go, hey, you gotta, don't go in there. Don't go out there.
So whoa, whoa, whoa, use code primetime at the door.
Yeah, yeah. Who's guest list are you on? Who you know?
I, I haven't been to a club in, like, like I am going to a club in 15 years. Do they still do that? Like promoters?
Sell tickets or something?
Like being like, yo, at the door for $10 off or you get in for free. Use code basement. Which you could do if you go.
Do on June 17th at noon, uh, June 17th, Wednesday, June 17th at noon, uh, Eastern time, uh, code basement. Go to thebasementyard.com and come to these shows. Frank, September 10th, we're going to Durham. September 12th, we're going to Charlotte. September 24th, Minneapolis. September 26th, Indianapolis. October 2nd, Charleston. October 3rd, Atlanta.
October 16th, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
November 7th, Buffalo, New York. December 5th, Baltimore, Maryland. December 10th, Austin, Texas. 11th, Dallas, Texas. December 13th, Houston, Texas.
Is that a president you're doing? Is that Bernie Sanders?
January 15th, Newark, New Jersey.
That does sound like Bernie Sanders.
February 5th, Red Bank, New Jersey. February 23rd, Vancouver. Oh, and the 24th.
Yep.
February 26th, Los Angeles, California.
And March 12th, Chicago, Illinois.
Those are all our shows. Wednesday, June 17th at noon sharp. TheBasementYard.com, the pre-sale code is basement. Go get some tickets and come see your boys.
And we're sorry, Greg.
I'll jump through a table.
Ant's gonna jump through a table.
Who said you're coming to the shows?
That's fair.
I'll buy you, you can't stop me, really.
I mean, that part's true, too.
If you guys buy tickets quick enough, you'll stop him.
It's not a motivator. I think people would want to see you there. I would like you there as well. I think it would make it a complete experience.
Ooh, the Basement Yard experience. TheBasementYard.com, pre-sale code is basement. Like I said, June 17th at noon Eastern. Go get your tickets, come see your boys. Thank you guys so much for all the support over the years. This is so awesome and we appreciate all of this shit. Uh, thank you so much. And Frank, where can they find you? Okay, and Ant?
Ant Prisco on Instagram.
And you guys can go follow me at Joe Santagato. And, uh, you okay, Frank?
Taking a picture to get my notes up there. And you guys can, uh, go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.
Bye.
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