The Basement Yard
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Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you, based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. Good morning.
Why are you rubbing your eyes like a baby?
Babies don't rub their fucking eyes like that. I don't know why. Who came up with that?
Cartoons.
Why?
I don't know.
Why do cartoons have such stupid ways of like waking up?
I do that. Maybe not both hands.
You do? You wake up like a cartoon character?
Not like both hands at once.
Like you're like, "Uuuuuhhhhh."
I mean, I do. I definitely do this.
You also throw the shades open and like...
Well, I gotta pull. I gotta pull them open.
Uh, oh, you have one of those?
Yeah.
No, no, just take your fucking time. Make, make, make, make more noise! Don't worry about it.
You can hear that?
Can I hear it? It's loud! All we hear is "k-k-k-k-klikkling, d-d-d-dinkling."
Alright.
That's my impression of that bag.
I just got off a flight. I came back from Toronto, and I had a very interesting experience. I would say probably the worst possible thing that could happen to me on a plane happened.
No, there's some really bad ones, and now you got me a little freaked out.
Well, the plane was on the ground at this time. So here's what happened, alright? First of all, I'm gonna flex real quick. Yeah.
Can I just start guessing?
You're never gonna guess it.
I guarantee it. Now, see, now I feel like I have to!
Are you crying?
I was way too scared.
Yeah, you said like the worst thing that could happen to me, and I got a little freaked out, and I got a little... I'm not crying.
I can see like you...
My eyes got a little water read.
Did you yawn?
I was just like, I was doing this.
Oh, maybe that was it, okay.
So maybe that's what that is, and also I...
Go ahead, I'll give you a guess. What happened to me on the plane?
I figured you would have something lined up, Frank.
You, um, you, hold on. Alright, now, now if you're, you're testing me. You, um, you piss into a water bottle in your seat and then, uh, when you were up in the air, you opened it and it burst because of the pressure. And then you had pee all over you and the, um, like someone came over and said like, "Hey, can you hold my, like, three more..."
Alright, and what's your guess? Clearly that didn't happen.
Um, I don't know. Yeah, it's fine. Um, no, but I, I was going to, uh, Toronto and,
and I, and I got upgraded, right?
Very nice.
Upgraded to first class?
Very nice. You didn't pay for first class?
No.
Oh, humble of you.
And I got upgraded to first class and I got upgraded to 1A.
Oh, that's a tough seat. I've been in 1A before.
Yeah, and it was a small plane, so it's like, it's just you. Like, it's one seat.
Solo?
Yeah, like you're by yourself and then it's a row of two. It's a small plane. And I'm on, I had my headphones on, and then this girl gets on, right? And she looks at me and she goes like this, like she is trying to talk to me. So I take my headphones off and I go, "What's up?" And she goes, "Are you Mr. Gabagool?" Swear to God, she said that to me. She said, "Are you Mr. Gabagool?" I said, "What?"
Hold on.
Bro, yo, hold on, hold on. Loud, loud, she said this. Mad people around. "Are you Mr. Gabagool?" I was like,
What, what, I, I have so many questions. Because, you know, we're, at this point, like, we get no, recognized and noticed in public and something like that.
Sure.
I can't even for a single second think of anything that would tie you to being Mr. Gabagool.
Exactly. So that's why I was like, "What?" Cause at first I was expecting she's gonna be like, "Oh, uh, you know, like, and I'm, you know, usually that interaction goes the same way, for the most part."
Was she referencing, you ever see that guy who's...
I'll stop you there. We'll get to that.
Okay.
What she's referencing, cause it's even better.
So she goes, "Are you Mr. Gabagool?" I'm like,
uh, and she goes, "You have a podcast, right? And you're Italian?" And I'm like, "Yeah."
Like, I'm, it's not like I'm Italian outward, you know, I'm not outwardly Italian.
You're not, you're not front facing Italian.
I'm blood Italian. I'm not like out Italian. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, you're a closeted Italian.
Right. Well, yeah, I guess, I guess. But so she's like, and you have a podcast, right? And you're, and whatever. And I was like, yeah, but she goes, Mr. Gabagool.
So she, so she is assigning you like, you're, you're exactly, you fit the criteria for who I'm looking for. So you must be Mr. Gabagool.
I, I am sitting in 1A, Mr. Gabagool at this point. And now everyone's looking at me and like, this is what I don't like about that, that interaction.
I know what you're gonna say.
Everyone looks at you and is like, who the fuck is this guy?
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But now everyone's looking at me, not only doing that, but they're going, who the fuck is Mr. Gabagool?
I gotta say, as a prolific legendary eater of cured meats, I would love to be called Mr. Gabagool.
Well, you can be Mr. Gabagool.
I can, I mean, I can't be Mr. Gabagool. You're Mr. Gabagool. That would be, that would be theft of the Gabagool.
I don't even know if I'm Mr. Gabagool at this point.
You were assigned Mr. Gabagool by this woman on this plane.
Bro.
You are now Mr. Gabagool.
Then, today, coming home, I sit down in my seat and this dude sits next to me. And he goes, you were on my flight here too also. I was like, oh, was I? He goes, yeah, my fiance was the girl who called you Mr. Gabagool. And I was like, that was your fiance? I was like, yeah, I was like, I'll be honest with you. I don't know why she called me that. And he goes, tells me that they were in the airport and she saw me walk by and she's like, I know that guy for some reason. And she's like, I think he has a podcast. He like comes up on our TikTok and he's like Italian. And then he was like joking with her and, and he was like, oh, if he's Italian, go up to him and say like, hey, Mr. Gabagool.
So she took that as, I am, I am Mr. Gabagool.
I mean, now, look at what she has done.
And she's like, that's Mr. Gabagool.
You, you are now, contrary, cause, cause there, there are many like Italian, growing up Italian podcasts and stuff like that.
I mean, we got Big Italy over here. This is the Mr. Boot.
You are now. Overall of them, Mr. Gabagool.
Mr. Fucking Gabagool.
Big Joe Gabagool.
That's what you are.
He was like, I said that as a joke, but for like me and her, but she just ran with it.
And ran with, she ran with the Gabagool.
Yeah, and he, I mean, we talked the whole flight. He was a really nice guy.
I mean, well, cause he was talking to Mr. Gabagool. He was pretty impressed.
I'll be honest with you, like, we talked the entire flight, me and this guy. It was like a rom-com.
He has my phone number now.
Wait, what? You fell in love? Wait, first of all.
First of all, it was a friendly rom-com. What I'm saying is like, you run into people.
Cause now I'm gonna get fucking pissed.
Oh, here we go. Yeah.
So now you're just making other friends?
He's running this bit again. This is what we're doing now.
Now he's just making other friends. You got enough right here, bitch. Count that. I'll take a bitch for that one.
Oh, I was like, what is he talking about?
You don't need to go out and start friend cheating on us here, okay? Definitely not friend cheating on me.
Well, don't, I'm hearing French eating.
Friend cheating.
Got it.
That sounded more like French eating.
You don't gotta go out and eat French. No, I mean, you were close enough. You were gonna be French to this dude.
No, I'm not.
You're friend cheating on me.
And that, that.
I have a question.
Have you ever sat next to Frankie on a plane and talked to him the entire time?
Yes.
Yeah. I just, I was hoping for him now.
Yeah. On our flight to Puerto Rico.
Oh, God.
Well, that was less talking, more drinking on that one. We, and a lot of Creed out of you. We, oh, boy. My arms were wide open.
Frank.
Frank was drinking mimosas and then he would just go like this. With his fucking i- i- do you have, did you have an iPad? Todd, Todd, Todd? Hello?
No, I have an iPhone.
Okay, okay. But it was like, it was the Apple.
Did anyone hear that voice?
The Apple!
It was a Apple. You know, like, uh, like iTunes. He's got iTunes.
Well, that's, you know.
So he had, you were about to go, what's wrong with that? Dude, a lot. You have iTunes.
Yeah, so?
I have bought music.
Over the last calendar year.
You can do that on like streaming.
And I do, but they also take it from me.
Who's, who are they?
Big music.
They take what?
I bought songs on iTunes.
And then I go to play them and they're like, "Not available anymore."
Ooh.
This is why I'm a big physical media guy. I, to this day, refuse to do digital purchases of movies or games or anything like that.
But you, but they just appear somewhere else.
No, they do not.
Like, like Spotify. Like, they probably took that off of that and put it here.
Wherever, wherever they put it, but like, I bought a song. I'll show you exactly what it is.
You bought a song?
What song?
You bought a song? You bought a song? You bought a song? One song?
For like a dollar twenty-nine, you bought a song?
Um, well, see, now I feel like I'm being, like... Yeah, I am being accosted.
Hey, hey, you are. You bought a song?
Um, so, uh, from the Jim Croce, uh, "I Got A Name" album, I bought "I'll Have To Love You" in a so- uh, "I'll Have To Say I Love You" in a song. Look, and it's grayed out. Item is not currently available in your country or region. What the fuck, dude?
Where did you buy it? In Canada?
iTunes! No, iTunes!
You bought, you bought a song? Why did you buy that song?
Uh, because it reminds me of my daughter Maeve.
He, he, to be clear.
That's a great reason. Also, another one! "Always Remember Us This Way," the Lady Gaga from "The Newest Star Is Born." Not available in your country or region. What the fuck, Lady Gaga?
You can just stream them!
I, I understand that, but like, sometimes, I don't have access to the internet, whether I'm in the-
You can download them.
Mm-hmm. I didn't know that. Until right now.
You bought two songs you can't even listen to?
How much money? There's others too, dude.
I, I'm willing, I, dude, are people buying songs on iTunes?
Well, actually, it's funny that you say that, because I saw an interview, like, one of those, like, I know you're gonna love this, like, a business interview recently? And it was like, the guy that, like, worked for iTunes or Apple or something, and, and he's like, "They gave the reasoning behind why it's more expensive to buy a song than it is an album." I don't remember what it was, but I thought, I, I, what I saw, I remember it being pretty interesting.
Well, a song is like a dollar thir- well, now it's probably higher. I remember when it was like a dollar twenty-nine.
I, I remember, I, I mean, I'm sure some songs you could buy-
When did you buy that song?
Like, like, a couple months ago.
I don't understand why that's so funny.
It's such an orth- like you never hear that anymore. You're a diamond in the rough.
I, I think I am, so like if I'm just looking right here at a random album.
Uh, you could buy-
Why don't you have streaming?
I do now, I do, but yes, it's a dollar twenty-nine, or you could buy the whole album for nine dollars, ten dollars.
Sometimes you don't want the whole album.
Well, think about this-
Sometimes you don't wanna listen to the whole fucking album!
So you could just stream it, and then, and then you don't have to buy it, and then it-
I know, I understand that, and now I get that, so, but like, but let's not move past the whole start of this conversation, Mr. Gabagool. Because then you go and you're friend cheating on me.
Now, it literally is friend cheating now.
I am saying, friend cheating.
That's better, yeah.
How am I not saying that correctly?
When you say it, friend cheating. Doesn't it sound like it when I say it?
You need to understand something.
I'm gonna accost you now.
Get ready for the costing.
I forgot what I was gonna say.
I know.
No, I got it back! This dynamic, this friendship,
you're gonna go and give that to somebody else? You're gonna go have a little fucking quickie in an airport bathroom with this fucking guy? A quickie little friendy? A little quick, a friend quickie? That's what he was having!
Are you saying you two do that?
No!
Yeah, what are you saying, really?
I mean, like, you know how people say, like, uh, like-
He's just making it up. This is gonna be a good expression that three people say?
Well, no, like, remember when, um, who was that actor that got caught fucking dudes in the bathroom?
Excuse me?
You know what I'm talking about?
That could be a-
Could be anybody.
From Wham!
Wham!
Yeah, from Wham! I think he was in Wham! It was a guy, "Last Chris..." Jo- uh...
George Michael?
George Michael! Yes, thank you!
Oh.
He was like going underneath like closeted, like-
He was fucking dudes in bathrooms?
Yeah, you know, it was like-
Dude.
And like, and then like the early 2000s, he got caught, right?
Got caught, dude.
I'm serious, he got caught and like arrested for it.
For fu- oh yeah, I don't think you can fuck a dude in a bathroom.
In like a public bathroom?
Yeah, you can't do that.
Like at like a park, that was a thing that was like-
A park?
Brother, that was like a very well-known like, I don't wanna say-
Frankie, Wham! Wham!
Wham was massive in the 80s!
In the 90s, Frank!
People know George Michael, dude!
Yeah, I'm, I was four-
R.I.P. by the way.
I was two, years old.
I'm not, but I think the, the, in the bathroom with the guys was in like the early 2000s.
Frank, I was dealing with 9/11, they were, I was in 14-
You were dealing with that, you were, you were slowly transitioning into being Mr. Gabagool.
Yeah, I was, that was the beginning of my transition to the Gabagool.
You were gab, you were gabagoing.
Yeah, to, to eventually get to the Gabagool.
Which was Mr. Gabagool.
Yeah, absolutely. Uh-
And here I am.
Same point, are you comparing your friendship to George Michael?
No, the joke was that he was like, cause I'm making the joke of like he's friend cheating, you know, so like-
So then the quickie is the-
Like the, like comparing it to like going and like actual cheating. Why do I need to break the joke down? I think that our fans got it.
I'm trying to understand, so he's George Michael?
Pink Pantheress here, Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
Why do I gotta be... whatever. Quam. I mean, you kinda look like George Michael, if we're being honest. And that's not a disrespect at all. Frank. Well, not now. Pull up a picture of George Michael, please. He's dead. He's dead. No, there's- They're gonna show an old picture. They're not gonna show him in the ground. We can look him up. Pull up George.
Frank. Like, an older... look at that, all the way to the right. All the way to the right. This one? That is... that does look like you.
What? You don't... you don't see it? Like, the beard and facial hair situation? No. It's like Hugh Jackman. Who looks like Hugh Jackman? A little bit. What are... are we having... is anyone having an eye? I mean, there's obvious differences. If you put you and George Michael in a room- Look at this picture on the left. This one? Bottom. This one? Yep. Yeah, there's obvious- Who's that? Joey, there's obvious differences, but if you were to put your hair- It's a great shirt, though. That's like a U-shirt. You know how I love shirts. If you were to put your hair on George Michael's body, right there, there is a... like, you would be able to be... squint and go, "Okay." Uh, I don't think so. There are pictures of Joe Santagato where you... can you... that... I can see you doing that lighting in face. I think he's trying to make it work. I don't think it's working. Yeah, you know. I mean, I don't need to make it work.
But, anyway. I'm Mr. Gabagool. So now you're Mr. Gabagool. Yeah. And you became friends with the dude? Yeah. Seems like a nice guy. Okay. What was his name? Jake. Have him on the show. Have him here. Or you wanna have other friends? Be friends right in front of me. Here. Be friends right in front of me. What were you sliding across? That was like the whole, like, "You wanna smoke cigarettes here, or smoke the whole pack?" Right in front of me, right now. You never heard that? What is that example? You never... The joke. You never... Why do I need to explain my jokes today? I don't even know if they are jokes! Obviously, I'm not upset that you made a friend with someone on a plane. He has nothing on me.
I make friends all the time.
Frankie.
Who's the last friend you made?
Jealous.
Met a guy in the sauna.
Oof.
I guess I'm not doing the... We still have any favorites in the whole George Michael living at all?
What's he, what's his name?
Uh...
Blake.
No, I don't, I don't remember. But he said he knew my uncle.
Huh?
A guy in a sauna was like, "I know your uncle?"
Well, we were talking and it got on to the like, like the union.
And then I said, "Oh, my uncle and my, a bunch of my family." He's like, "Who's your uncle?" And I said his name and then he said, "I know him."
So you made a friend with a guy who knows your uncle in the sauna?
Yeah, I guess so. I sang it out loud and now I realize it's ridiculous.
You regret it?
Yeah. I, I also, one time went to dinner and made friends with a guy that gave me some of his wine. Well, that doesn't sound, doesn't sound good.
Wait, you drank from his cup?
No, I had my own cup and he gave me from his bottle though. I told, I was texting you and Greg when this happened.
Oh, wait.
That's, that was like, I remember this.
I thought he sent you a bottle of wine.
He had one and he was like, "You can have some."
Well, because he saw, because we were celebrating, because we, we had that, I, I, you know what happened. So we got a nice bottle of wine.
Was it like Radio City?
Yeah, it was the, the, when we sold out.
Why are you withholding that information?
All right. It was, we sold the, the first round of tickets and Becca's like, was like, "I'm surprised I got a sitter. We're going out to dinner." She got me a bottle of wine. Very nice. And then there was a guy across that saw the bottle of wine that we got and he was like, "I got a nice bottle of wine." Boy, did he.
He bottle cucked you?
He bottle, I got, I got bottled. I got bottled by this guy on the Long Branch, New Jersey boardwalk. Let me tell you.
He was like, "You celebrating? How about you celebrate with a real bottle of wine?"
His bottle was like, we looked it up. It was like fifteen hundred bucks.
Holy shit.
He was by himself?
Yep.
Dude, that guy's got a problem.
I honestly, I kind of like, I, I look forward to doing that in my older age.
How old was he?
Late 50s, early 60s, I would say.
And he's taking himself out to dinner and buying a fifteen hundred dollar bottle of wine?
And giving it away? This guy doesn't give a fuck.
Doesn't give a fuck? Living life.
The place have a view, was it a view place?
It was the wa- the, the, it was the beach, like, we sat on the, like, boardwalk and that's the beach right there.
I know you don't like the ocean.
Don't.
But do you like looking at it?
But like, I like looking at it from not sand.
From wood?
From, yeah, like a boardwalk?
You like it on the wood?
Yeah, man, oh yeah. I like seeing it do its ocean thing, but then I get freaked out by what I, what is under there probably.
Right.
Because like, yo, look at the ocean, and then underneath it is a whole other world, dude.
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
That doesn't freak you the fuck out?
Um, I choose not to think about it. You wanna hear something that this would have pissed you off? When I was in Miami, me and Nicole were walking to the beach and like, the hotel like has someone like escort you to chairs and they like put the things down and they like set it up and like put a umbrella. Uh, and he's walking us over there and he's like, you ever see those, dude, this is like the second thing, he's like, where you guys from? New York, oh, cool. You guys ever see those videos where they fly a drone over like Miami Beach? And I'm like, what do you mean? And he's like, we're shows, like, you know, you're out in the water, whatever, and then a drone goes over and it shows and you can see like sharks getting close to people. And I'm like, why are you saying this to me? I just got here.
Dude, the, the, like, I think the fear of the ocean for me came from Miami. Cause like, we were down there and my brother and I swam out. And then we were like, standing and the water was at our ankles and we were like fifty to sixty, if not further out. Like, and we were like, whoa, this is so cool, and we see people like waving to us, and we're like waving back and we get in and there's like, don't ever fucking do that ever again. We're like, why? And apparently it's a thing, they're called like sandbars?
And that's where like.
Sharks hang out?
Sharks hang out because idiots like me go and stand on there thinking like, whoa, this is cool, and then you get your fucking shit ate.
I feel like.
Get your shit ate, it's so funny.
I'm on a sandbar, my legs are over my head, my shit ate.
Fucking shock my ass.
You're out there with George Michael or Jake or whatever his fucking name is.
Yeah, um, I forgot what I was gonna say. Oh, when we were in Key West. This is a very gay episode.
Gayest episode we've done.
But we were in Key West and then we went to the beach that day and they had that like, uh, it looked like a giant rock out in the middle.
Yeah, dude.
And I swam out to it and there was a bunch of, there was an eel and I saw an eel. And there was an orange fish and I'm like, and I saw a dude with goggles and I was like, I need to ask this guy for his goggles.
Oh, oh yeah, you did, didn't you?
I didn't get them.
But you like swam there.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It wasn't like you could walk out onto the rocks. It was like beach, it was like shoreline rocks and Joey.
Yeah, I got, I got onto the rock and then on the other side of the rock, it was like deep because it was a different color. Like it was like blue.
I remember the sign there saying like, don't go swimming. There's Portuguese man o' wars. So you're, you're.
I didn't see any of those.
You're in the gayest place in America, Key West.
Swimming with Portuguese men. You know?
And there's a war happening.
There's a war happening and you're about to get your shit ate.
I, uh, I didn't see any, uh, jellyfish, but I like looking at fish.
Apparently Portugal, like those like Portuguese man o' war jellyfish will like get on your back and like fucking ruin your day, dude.
I, when I was a kid, we used to, uh, there was this one summer where we went to, I think Long Beach Island. And my cousin went in the water and just got like killed by fucking, uh, jellyfish and had a bunch of spots. And I can't remember, but I like, because I was so young. But I remember him coming out of the water and having like red spots on his body. And I'm like, I wonder if anyone pissed on him.
I think they've since debunked that.
Yeah, but this is way before the debunking.
Before they debunked pissing.
Yeah, he must have gotten pissed on. Like he must have.
Do you like, what do you do? Like, do you like, as like a hero, like be like, listen, if you, if you need any help, I'll be the one.
If I was on a beach and someone came out of the water and like, we need someone to rip a piss, I'd be like, I got it.
What?
Yeah, I could do it. I would pee on a person to save them, to save them pain. If it was real.
Jellyfish stung my face. Oh no.
Yo, he's into some sick shit.
Yo, I know he is.
He's a sick freak.
I know he is. You saw his eyes light up before when I said get your shit ate?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. He wants to get his shit ate on a sambar.
And like he got stung on the fucking tongue by a Portuguese man-o'-war.
Oh my god, a Portuguese man-o'-war that stung my teeth.
That's what he wants. You get pissed on, right?
Regularly. You ever get peed on?
No. I'm not about. I mean, like, kids. Like, having, like, holding my, like...
Yeah, dude, I've been pissed on by my nephew.
There's been some piss on me, but like...
I think I've, I think he's pissed on me. He's definitely thrown up on me.
You don't have a kid?
Nephew. Holding. They puke.
Gotcha. They do. I mean, spit up is not puke. It's just like a little...
I mean. Comes out of the mouth and it's gross.
So, to kind of add a cap on top of this conversation, what do you plan to do with now being Mr. Gabagool? Because that is...
That's a great question.
That is a... I gotta be honest with you.
It's a big title.
Huge honor to be Mr. Gabagool.
I'm carrying the weight here.
Because like, you think about, like, if we're looking at, like, typical, you know, like, the stereotypical version of Italian-Americans, it's just like, "Oh, Mr. Gabagool, he wants to go, and he be be be." Like, you are now the poster child for Italian-Americans in New York City on podcasts.
I don't think that. What I thought is that she, that she thought I was one of the guys that does, like, the Growing Up Italian podcast, and I was like...
Here's the thing. I've seen them. You look like zero of them.
I was like, what's going on?
Like, not only do you not look like them, you don't sound like them, and you couldn't look less, like, they, each of those people on those shows have a very, like, like, striking, distinct appearance.
You couldn't even resemble them.
It was just funny, dude. I immediately texted, uh, Nicole, like, "You won't believe what just happened." The worst part was the volume.
I will say that. Mr. Gabagool!
My, my, my issue with people doing it is, you're right, people then go, like, I had one guy come up to me at a pizzeria where, like, the people at the pizzeria were just like, "Oh my god, we know you, we love you, buh buh buh, thanks for coming in." And then one guy goes... Why the fuck do these people, who are you?
Like that?
Yeah. It was like one of those like classic, it was in Jersey, but it was like that classic like New York, New Jersey, like nothing impresses us. So like, we're gonna act like I don't give a fuck.
You know, and he was just like, who the fuck are you? And then like, what am I supposed to say in that situation?
You don't know me?
Exactly, exactly.
I do a podcast, do you know what that is? Probably not.
Exactly. Like, it, it, it happened the other day. You, you would think this is funny. I was getting bent over and railed doing my taxes the other day. And...
The fucking...
On a sandbar.
The tax guy like several times in conversation, just kept going like, "Forgive me, but I gotta ask."
He kept at, he was just like, but like, people actually like, "Listen?" And I was like...
Oh, I thought he knew who you were.
No, no, no, no.
But he kept being like, "Seriously, where's, where's the money coming from?"
No, no, no, no, no. He was just being like, it was just like, "Wait, so what do you talk about?"
I hate when people ask that.
And it's like, oh, you know, it's like, I always say it's like your oldest friends, like, you just kinda chop it up and talk and like, that's what the show is. And he's like, "All right, forgive me, but like..."
What the fuck are you talking about?
And then he's like, "So, what did you guys, like, what, what did you, you just do the podcast?" I was like, "Oh, well, we did live shows." And he's like, "Forgive me for asking." People come to that? I'm like, yeah, he's a nice guy. I have no issues with him. It's, but like, he kept doing that. And then I was like, "Yeah, yeah." And he's like, "And then are you still doing them?" I was like, "No, well, we stopped and, uh, we ended, uh, we, we, uh, you know, we sold out a show in Madison Square Garden."
He must have been like, "For, shut the fuck up."
He was like, "Forgive me for asking."
Father forgive me, but what the fuck did you just say?
That mentality of just like, "Who are you?"
Like, now it's on me to tell you? I'm not gonna do it.
That's so funny. Like, people...
Yeah, you get those, I feel like.
And also, when someone asks me, they're like, "Oh, so what do you guys like talk about on your podcast?" I'm like, "I, I, I don't even know how to answer that." Even if I wanted to answer it, I have no idea how.
I got asked a question, and I think you might have gotten asked the exact same question, because I did an interview with BuzzFeed, you did an interview, the same reporter from BuzzFeed. I don't know if she asked you this, she asked me, "If you can use three words to describe the show, what would they be?"
I don't remember, I think, I think, I think relatable was one that I had put in there.
That's a good one.
I, I can't, I can't even.
What, what answer did you give?
I mean, I'd have to look it up, but relatable, I think was one of them.
Chaotic, maybe? Chaotic was one of them.
Chaotic? There's so much chaos right now.
You didn't throw funny in there?
I mean, I'm, what am I gonna be like? Funny, hysterical, the best.
It's fucking unbelievable. Forgive me for asking.
People, people really listen to you?
That, well, that's what, I mean, it wasn't like, he didn't frame it like, "To you?"
You know, Hispanic man?
Seriously, where's this money coming from? For real?
No, it was just, it was just like, it's such a like, person of the previ- our parents' generation talking to us and just not getting it.
Oh, they were, uh, older?
Yeah, they were probably our parents' generation, you know? But like, that mentality of just like,
"Radio used to be like groundbreaking." So you guys are like Howard Stern?
I've, I've, I've heard people describe it that way too. Yeah, I've heard one person said like, "Well, I like you guys because I, I used to love listening to Stern." And I was like,
We are completely not that.
Draw the line in the sand.
Especially back then.
My god, yes.
I have, Frankie said chaotic. He said fun. And he said relatable.
Oh, so we nailed it.
I like to think it's pretty fun, is what he said.
I like to think it's pretty fun?
Wow, so humble.
You didn't read the interview, did you, bitch?
I read some of it.
It's long.
It was really long.
I was just scrolling to see if I was in there.
You, uh, you are in there.
I am in there.
Yeah, you are in there.
So that was the most surprising. What'd he say? I think it was just my picture. I don't know if he said anything.
Oh, no, I said something about you.
Oh, did you?
You're reading it like it's a comic book. You're like, let me get to the picture.
Yeah, let me see, let me see.
Of course I said something about you.
Oh, maybe I'll give it a read.
Oh, now because your name is in it. What a, what a gutless fucking gabagool.
You get, you're not Mr. Gabagool, by the way.
Frank, you sound pretty angry.
Um, you know, it's because I got my, I got my apples in a bunch.
Yeah, Frank, you sound pretty angry.
I'm angry and, and, and, but I'm, I'm sour. I need to be a little sweet.
Yeah, you...
Don't get angry. Get Angry Orchard, okay? Sponsor of the podcast, as you can see right here, but Angry Orchard, they make that cider, that hard cider, okay? It tastes like crisp apple. Anytime it hits your lips, it's like you just ate an apple and you probably... Yeah, the reason why you feel like that is because there's two apples in every bottle, all right? So it's real apples in here, uh, 5% alcohol, gluten-free. So for those of you out there that are celiac or whatever,
it's gluten-free. There's no gluten in there, you know? My brother drinks those because he can't, but hard ciders, boom, right here. Angry Orchard, it's amazing. It is the number one hard cider in the country, all right? So, uh, definitely go check it out. I've had these before. These are so nice on like a nice warm day, just sit back. You know, when you don't want to eat an apple, you're like, I'm, I'd rather have a hard cider. You get that feeling of biting into an apple right here in the bottle. You get a little buzz, maybe. Maybe. Uh, but yeah, you can go check it out. Go check out Angry Orchard. Uh, you can go get them. I mean, they're available. They're available. They're out there in the stores.
Um, yeah, go check out Angry Orchard. Don't get angry. Get Orchard. Frank, when was the last time you had an Angry Orchard?
Maybe about 10 minutes ago.
Alright, no problem. Uh, but yeah, Angry Orchard, they're amazing. Like I said, hard cider, go get them. They're available in stores. Um, but go visit their website as well to get yourself some Angry Orchard. Alright, uh, and we also have, uh, SeatGeek. SeatGeek is where you're going to buy your, uh, tickets for anything, okay? So if you have, uh, you know, you want to go somewhere, you want to go to a baseball game, you want to go to a concert or whatever this summer, get your tickets on SeatGeek. That's where I get my tickets always. They're very transparent about the tickets. What's a good price, what's a bad price? Uh, you know, a dark green is a really good price for a ticket. Dark red, stay away. That's, that's too expensive, so, uh, stay away from that. But they have over 35 million downloads. They're number one rated ticketing app, okay? You have the most downloads and you're number one in the ratings.
I mean, proof is in the pudding here. There's over 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek at any given time. Um, but definitely go check them out. And this year, uh, you know, concert season is coming up right around the corner, but you can save some money off your tickets. You can save 10% off your t- tickets, uh, by typing in the code basement2026, okay? So, download SeatGeek, put in basement2026, and get 10% off of your tickets with that promo code, alright? Save the money, enjoy your concert.
Hey, guess what? It's me. Here I am. I'm here to talk to you about Patreon. It's a service. It's cool, relatable, and fun. If you don't join it, come on.
Come on.
Listen, Patreon.com is the best way to support us. I tell you guys about it every single week. Go to Patreon.com slash The Basement Yard. Go check out what we got over there, okay? It's our little service where we hang out. We have big pow pow. Everyone's there. People are there. They're having fun, I think, I hope. Uh, if you sign up for that first year, you get these weekly episodes, one whole week in advance. Seven whole days. Get in on a conversation, get in on everything. You could see it, and you're in a cool little exclusive club with only a couple other people, and you're just like, whoa.
This is cool. And then if you get that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. Also a cool exclusive club. It's like this. And he's like, I can see this. And other people can too, but not a lot. Uh, so go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. You guys have been so supportive, wildly incredibly supportive. Getting us to over forty-five thousand paid patrons. Thank you guys so much. Uh, i- i- if you, you, if you wanna gift it, you could gift a gift to Patreon for like graduations. I know graduations are coming up. Uh, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, whatever, you know, if you really wanna gift it for like Memorial Day, I don't know, but you could do it. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. And if you wanna sign up and save yourself some extra money, go do it on a web browser.
You go type in a little beep beep beep, biddy beep beep, and then you can sign up and save yourself some extra money if you do it on a web browser. If you do it on an app, it's gonna take some extra dollarinos from ya. And you don't want that because dollarinos are so hard to get. So go check it out. Patreon.com slash the basement yard. I'm gonna yell at you.
I really like the picture of the tree on this.
It looks just like an old wise tree.
Yeah, it's like an old tree. Also reminds me of the ones.
It's kinda sexy.
Really? Sexy tree on the Angry Orchard, yeah.
It reminds me of, uh.
Bro, if you like sexy trees that got a little bit to them. Doesn't matter. Get yourself an Angry Orchard.
Uh, I mean.
It's a sexy tree.
Uh, yeah, I guess, you know what? That's a good, that's a good way to get more people to market it. It's just like, not only do we got good cider, we got a sexy tree on our bottle.
Yeah, they do got a sexy tree.
You know, you could peel it off, take it home.
Frank, don't say that. Angry Orchard.com.
Oh, is that the website?
Oh, well, Patreon.com slash basement yard.
That too.
Um.
Um. I wanna try that. Okay. Are you just gonna copy me now? Copy me now. Try to, try to do a full sentence where you're copying.
He's pretty good at it.
Dog bears.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
A, B, C, one, two, three.
Ah!
Spaghetti!
Spaghetti balls!
Voldemort vagina pee.
Moaning Myrtle. Moaning Turtle.
See, I'm pretty good at it, right?
Better than I thought.
What is that? What do you got in your hand, you little dirty boy?
I have... Excuse... For our... For our audio listeners, he's talking to Anne.
I'm talking to the guy that said he wants to get pissed on.
What do you got in your hands, you little dirty boy?
Are those KFC jelly beans?
I have KFC jelly beans I wanted you two to try.
Oh, boy.
They are fried chicken, sweet corn, and gravy flavored.
Because you know, what a throw.
Perfect.
I used to be a pitcher, you know?
No, you didn't. I... You probably went fucking gorilla tits on some jelly beans yesterday for Easter, right?
You went off?
And the Cadbury little eggs?
I went... I went fucking full George Michael on some peeps, let me tell ya.
Yeah, those are gross.
Wow. Yo, you know what I couldn't find at all this year? Robin's eggs. Where'd they go, dude?
Oh, my god!
They stinky?
Yo, this reeks!
It stinks?
Yo, and I'm this far away, and it's...
Oh, it's stunky!
Yeah. I think you like the funk. Like, you're like, you're eager for the funk.
Mr. Gabagool, this is a filthy episode, dude.
A little.
Oh, my god, these are fucking brutal!
Alright, throw the bag, I wanna-
I'm trying to get the last one. I think you should try one of each and then all three at the same time, like a meal.
There's no shot of doing it.
I kinda think that is the right way to do it, and I shall.
Can you just get me a paper towel?
I was debating, but then that means you have a failsafe, and I think you should just swallow.
Oh! I mean...
I don't do... I don't do well-
Smell in the bag, smell in the bag.
Oh, can you at least open this? Can I-
Just smell in the bag.
Because I'm gonna need something to wash this down. Or, actually, I got some old water bottles here. I don't know whose they are, but I'll use them.
That's insane.
Um-
Just smell it.
So gravy, fried chicken, sweet corn. I am excited. Brrrr!
You like that to freak?
No, but I don't like that, but it ain't good.
It smells like the underside of a cardboard shoe.
What could that even mean?
This smells... This smells like a highlighter that was just pulled out of an ass.
You know what it smells like? If you took a, a, a piece of chicken and you clamped it with the back of your knee and pulled it out. That's what it smells like.
It smells like if I, like, bare butt after the sauna jumped into a vat of mashed potatoes.
And the mashed potatoes smell like that?
I don't know why it smells like an old person.
This is not good.
I think I got all three.
You got a whole bunch over there.
I think, I think these are them.
Oh my god.
Right? Yeah.
Are these bad? Have you had them?
I've had them.
They're bad?
Have you thrown up? They're not good. The, one of them made me gag.
None of them are good?
No. Only one of them made you gag? That's a shocker. The corn is good. By the way, this is no disrespect to the Colonel. Uh, or... Frankfurt, who made these.
Lot of noise. Stink.
Um, I guess, alright, which one are you going? Which one are you going first, baby?
Um, which one made you gag?
Um, I believe the chicken.
And that's gotta be this one, the pink one?
Yeah, that looks like it.
Alright. You can't go first to the chicken.
Bro, I wanna end on a good thing. I don't wanna have the shit chicken in my mouth for the rest of the episode. I'll do chicken first, too. Why not? You first? Yeah, you first. I'll do corn first, actually.
KFC chicken.
Why does it stink so much, bro?
Give it a good whiff.
It smells almost like...
Okay. Am I gonna like this? Uh, you might, because you're Mr. Gobble.
Nah, I'm scared, bro. I might take that from you.
Just go for it. Rip and dip.
Oh, bad, huh? Bad, huh? Yeah? Really? That bad? He's running away, he's out. He's, he's deadass. He's putting his mouth underneath. He's spinning.
Are you okay?
Should we chase him?
No, don't chase him, just leave it, it's alright, it's just me and you. Alright, I'm gonna try the corn one then. I'm gonna go for the corn. Okay? He's not making a sound.
What's he doing over there?
Yo, bring me something.
There he is.
Bad.
It's like someone threw up in my mouth.
Really?
And shoved their foot in it.
Oh boy. I, alright, I'm gonna try corn first then, I'll save that one for the end.
Yeah, that's literally like someone threw up in my mouth.
What are you, what's in your mouth?
Magic spoon.
I shoved it in my mouth. Bro. It's like someone threw up in your mouth?
Alright, alright, well then I'm gonna go corn first, I'll go corn first. You ready?
Joey's panicking.
He's looking for something.
Alright, I'm just gonna go for it though. I'm sorry, I'm not waiting for you, here we go, corn.
Oh man. That's really gross.
Corn is bad.
Corn's bad?
That's a good one! Oh, corn is not good, and it doesn't even taste like corn, what is that?
I mean, if that, that one was not good, if it's worse than corn, I'm in trouble.
Yo, it is so, it's, I, I...
Try the corn.
It's bad. Am I being pranked?
I'm being pranked.
Who's corn?
The, the yellow with the dots.
This one.
Just eat it, baby, just chew.
Your face is funny. This is okay.
It's not, it's not good, but it's not...
Frank, I'm gonna tell you this right now.
What you got up and ran away with.
The corn?
I don't wanna be disrespectful.
Oh, you mean to the fried chicken?
No, no, no.
You'll, you'll hear it. I don't wanna be disrespectful.
For me.
This is up there. With 9/11.
Wow.
I think he has to, he has to try another one. It can't be that bad.
I mean, it is so bad.
He has to try.
Frank, literally like someone puked into my mouth.
Alright, well then I'll try me the gravy next then.
It's disgusting.
Gravy train. Here we go, riding it all the way down.
This tastes like a plumber's tool bag.
Oh, that's fucking bad dude.
A plumber's tool bag?
It does it? It tastes like, no, no, no, no, no. Yo Frank, so I'm, I'm, first of all, I'm gonna be honest with you, right? I know you're gonna throw up from the last one. Like, I know it.
You had a good meal today too.
Any ost- huh, I don't even, okay.
Joe, you gotta try the gravy Joe.
Is the gravy that bad?
It's just, it's not good.
Frankie's finishing them, which I, which is making me proud.
There's no way I'm finishing it. You ate that? There's no way. Your little fucking sensitive stomach, you were to throw up all over this place.
Alright, now you gotta try it again.
No, you do it again.
Let me try this gravy shit. Yeah, I, I honestly, I don't even want him to have that. Okay.
Oh, god.
What the hell am I eating?
Oh, what's going on now?
Did you see what I mean about the plumber's tool bag?
Yeah, but now it feels like someone put a pen in here.
Yeah, like, I should be soldering.
This is like someone pissed in gravy.
Alright, well.
I'm getting out of the way.
It all, it's all come down to this.
Just have two at the same time.
The fry- no.
You're gonna do the same as him?
Yo dude. I, I'm being serious, I'm being serious. If you're okay with that, I'm not okay with you. So like, eith- either this is going to be the most disgusting thing you've ever put in your mouth, or I don't respect you.
Wow, that's, that's bad.
No, no, I'm, that's how confident I am.
I mean, I remember when we did Bean Boozled.
This is definitely worse, dude.
No way, dude. Those Bean Boozled ones were, the, the, the old Band-Aid and the spoiled milk ones, I couldn't believe how they even figured out how to make it taste like that.
The spoiled milk one was pretty bad. This one, I, I just couldn't get it out of my head. I'm like, someone threw up in my mouth.
I'm, I'm gonna need something to wash this down.
You're gonna need a run to the sink.
I'm gonna need something to wash this down.
Yo, I don't even get like that, and I almost vomited.
Really? Alright, now you're making me like...
I know, I'm sorry.
Alright, fuck it.
Frankie, you're gonna, just put three. Who is that?
You know, the guy at the peanut gallery, now you have to fucking have some.
If you do three, I'll do one.
I'm having one, just to try it.
Oh, boo, boo.
I'm having one, but this one has extra dots on it. Look at the dots on this one.
Do them separately, do them separately, though.
Yeah, yeah. But this one is the fried chicken one.
I think so. What the fuck did I eat, then?
You ate the fried chicken one?
The pink one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But this one, look, this one is just a little dots. Look at the dots on that one.
No, do that one. The one that's lighter.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah. I'm a little nervous, because if you almost threw up, there's a good chance that I might. It's just a fried chicken jelly bean, you'll be fine.
It isn't. Alright, here we go.
Here we go, here we go.
I don't even wanna watch.
There are people that have like fear of throwing up that are watching this that are gonna...
Yeah, the metaphor.
They're, they're gonna be pissed.
We're gonna need, we're gonna need, you know?
Okay, here we go.
How is it still in his mouth? How is it still in his mouth?
We gotta see the reaction.
Doesn't it taste like throw up? Doesn't it?
How you s- eat it? Okay, thank you, thank you. Oh my god, I almost fucking vomited just now.
Ooh, that almost got me. Yeah, I don't-
Seeing stars.
Frank, doesn't it taste like th- th- what? Doesn't it taste like throw up?
Isn't that so nasty? Oh, ooh, that one was real.
Yeah, I didn't like it.
What's happening now? I'm involved in this.
Dude, that's so bad, dude.
It tastes like a wrench.
No, it doesn't. It tastes like someone puked on a wrench. And then shit on it. I got it, though. You ate it? Yeah. Is it bad I want Joe to do one more? He's not.
You need the whole KFC meal, obviously.
You do.
No, you got it.
I'll do it if you do it.
Alright, you go first.
You first. I promise you I'll do it.
I-
I'm a man of my word. I will never break my word.
You gotta, you- I don't want this. You gotta do it first. Why are you shaking?
Did you like it? You're so disgusting!
Don't, don't, cuz you're gonna get me. I- It feels like someone's pressing on the bottom of my throat.
Yo, my rice-
See ya, now here I go.
I think I'm getting the smell of it over here. I'll tell you what, that's part's not helping me at all either. Fucking stinks.
Come on, it.
No, you got it. Frank, why?
Bottom's up.
Holy shit!
Oh, no.
Ew! He's on his, he's on both knees right now. Oh, no. Let's, he's, looks like he's praying. Oh my god, I hate this show, dude.
Frank opened up the paper towels to look at it and then made him gag again. You like gagging. I don't.
Ah, that was fucking bad. Smell my breath.
Last thing I wanna do.
Please smell my breath.
Last thing.
Please.
The last thing.
I'll give you nothing.
You're free.
No, stop.
It's just so gross.
Alright, show's off the rails.
Alright, alright, alright.
Show's off the rails!
God, it smells like ham.
Call the cops!
Oh, it smells so bad.
The fried chicken... The fried chicken fucking, uh, jelly... I can't even talk right now.
Jesus Christmas.
Angry Orchard's pretty good, though.
Yeah, it's good.
How'd you get it open?
I used these scissors. I brought them over just in case you guys wanted them open.
That's so disgusting. I mean, I mean, look.
I hated that a lot.
I gotta stop listening to you. When you bring food in, I'm just gonna reject it. For my own safety.
I think you'll be fine.
Frank's walking like Triple H right now.
It looked like he's... It looked like he cried. He's walking around like Triple H. I think he's hurting here. Frankie just has like... Now he has a stench to him.
I had it... I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. I just took a fucking swig of scotch to get that taste out of my mouth.
That would work.
That's really bad.
We should keep breathing to a minimum, because...
Be serious.
Yeah, I'm smelling it.
Was there a question? You getting anything?
Thankfully, no.
Yo, that was, that was bad, dude.
How fuck... Yo, you mixing those is nasty.
If you do that, I will...
Yeah. Make it... What do you do?
I will admit
full, like, loss of the whole, like, bitch-whatever thing, and I will pay you whatever it is.
It's 260 bucks, if you care.
It's not worth it. I won't even put one of those jelly beans in my mouth.
What about in your butt?
That was really bad. I don't mean to be disrespectful to the Colonel.
Oh, I'd like to. Disgusting.
Fuck you.
The chicken.
I mean, the, uh, last time I had pop, uh, KFC, uh-oh.
He's about to fucking fuck your ass. I'm going crazy now. You know what it is? I'm seeing stars.
This is a crazy episode.
I'm just gonna throw this here. Yeah. Good god, dude.
Every now and then we'll check in on it to see if, uh, if it's, if we got an acquired taste.
That's so gross.
Aw, man. It's like stuck in my teeth. Those gags were for, purely for health.
The one, the one... That was a disgusting one. That one almost got me.
People are gonna be upset at this episode.
Yeah, they're not, they're not gonna be happy with it.
Hundred percent. I mean, I would, I'm upset and I'm on it. So... Can't imagine how they feel. I had a fun time from here, I don't know.
Yeah, you also, you said that you would do it if I did it, and I didn't, you didn't do it.
I don't think we can afford to have Ant puke all over the stuff.
I know, I know, I know that Joe is like, "We gotta move on from this," cause he said before, like, "It's getting off the rails." Like, "Let's move on."
Ooh, I didn't say it was getting off the rails because we were doing it for too long. I was saying it was getting off the rails because you nearly vomited.
And then you ran across.
It's alright. Yo, I really, I had to take a step and breathe because I thought... I was like, "I'm going to throw up on this desk."
When I ran away from my desk, I was running towards the sink because I thought it was gonna come out of, like, my, I thought it was just gonna like...
I was thinking of that buffalo chicken wrap that I had before this, and I was like, "This, I swear I thought I was gonna paint the, the desk with my secretion."
That'd be so much fun if you two threw up at the, at the desk.
I mean, we would immediately get demonetized.
I'll blur it, we'll blur it.
Why, you can't?
We'll blur it.
You can't throw up? I don't think so.
People puke.
Also, we were talking straight up about butt sex earlier, so that's probably gonna do it.
Were we? It was more around the act. It wasn't a direct.
A used word, fucking sticking your tongue out, asking to get pissed on.
That did happen.
It did.
That's true.
This is probably a bad time to get to the rest of the ad, so we're gonna like...
Well, you wanna give it a beat?
Yeah, say something that is family-friendly.
Um...
I had a good one, but I can't say it. It's not family friendly.
Where was it?
Just get to the ad.
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I'm being haunted.
My breath is hot and gross.
I'm being haunted by those jelly beans.
Yo, they're disgusting.
Um, you did, I did wanna get to this, cause I'm curious. You brought it up beforehand, you're like, oh, you know, they found out where the male G-spot is?
That's right. I mean, as this-
To our knowledge-
As if, as if this episode didn't have enough-
Butt.
Butt and homoerotic conversation.
Where do you think the G-spot is?
What the fuck is that? Why are you measuring it by distance?
Wait, what are you, what are you talking-
It's in your butt, isn't it? So-
I'm asking you where you think it is.
In your butt.
But what is the, what is that? What's the measurement? It's like that deep?
But is it up, down, left, right?
I think there's only one way to know.
Down. It's down.
Down is out. You press down.
So you go, so if someone went in your butt and pressed down, that's where you think the G-spot is?
You know what? I'm not gonna be- Bewildered here. I'm gonna be sex positive. Good for you.
Bewildered is not
But wait.
I think it's in and down.
Is that you standing up?
That's a good question. I think so.
So if I went in your butt?
Yeah, mine.
And I go down?
Then you'd be like, "This is nice."
I think so.
What makes you think that? Experience?
It's what I feel.
Hell yeah.
Good for you, man.
I thought it was in the butt too.
Well, move over butthole. There's a new G-spot in town.
Is it?
We sold out MSG.
I know. Is it stupid? Like, is it like an ear? Cause I'm gonna freak out if it is.
It is not.
Can I get to it?
Yeah. Like, what does that mean?
Can I reach it from here?
It's on your body, so yes.
Is it external or internal?
It's external.
No way. So I can accidentally rub up against my G-spot and I would go crazy?
I mean, I guess.
Cats do that.
Cats love to get themselves horny.
They're like, "Oh my god."
They're just like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."
Yeah, it's like, "You love the couch."
Yeah, so a new study showed that they found the male G-spot. I don't know what the science behind this.
Can you give us clues?
I like how we found the male one before we could find the female one.
Speak for yourself.
Speak for yourself, honey.
It's up.
Yeah, that one's up.
It's up?
I didn't know what that meant.
Like, at the top?
She's around the corner.
Yeah, and up.
Well, it's like, it's up there. Wait, where are you guys?
I feel like you don't know.
I feel like, "Where are you?"
I know where I am.
Where are you right now? Picture it in your mind.
I know exactly where I am.
Wait, so give us clues for this male G-spot. It's not in my asshole.
Not in your asshole.
Is it near my asshole?
I mean, everything is technically near your asshole.
What? My eyebrows are nowhere near my asshole.
I mean, in the grand scheme of things, if you think about the distance between here and the moon, it's near your asshole.
I'm talking about my body.
Oh, well, still technically close enough.
Hmm. Can I get anywhere with you? Can I get anywhere with you?
It is, um...
Below or above the waist, huh?
Below the waist.
Back of the knee?
You think that the point for male sexual gratification is the back of the... I will tell you this, I will even narrow it down. It's between your waist and your thigh.
Oh, my dick.
Wait, what?
It's called the frenular delta.
Frenular?
Yeah, apparently it's a spot on the shaft of your cock.
So, it was so weakly?
You're a snorting pig!
I'm sorry. Wait, it's on the...
Apparently...
Frenular delta.
Damn. That sounds like a platoon.
In an obscure region called the frenular delta, which sounds like a fucking awesome powering their name.
Frenular delta! Ooh, yeah!
Yeah. Um, a triangular zone located on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft. An area so mysterious it has long been omitted from sexual health textbooks.
Omitted?
Yeah, like, they didn't know, it's like the fucking, like, you can't, like, explore the Marianas Trench. We just didn't have, I guess, the science to explore the frenular delta?
Let me ask you a question, you read that, did you fiddle with it?
No, I was, no, I did not.
Doesn't sound too believable, I'm looking at it.
What are you looking at? The frenular, what did you say? Delta, so you're looking at a penis? Yeah. It's the underbelly. Yeah, it is. It's like a triangle of death?
Which is so, I think...
It's like Bermuda Triangle?
Yeah, I guess so, the part of this that is so funny is all, you know, like, all those, like, toxic masculine guys that are just like, "Jeez, fuckin' the ass, but I'm not gay, I swear to god", you know?
And then to find out it's not in there.
I mean, it's gotta be some sort of spot, right? If people were calling it G all these years, I mean...
Yeah, I'm sure it's like, it's like little G. You know, like, big G-spot is the frenular delta.
This is the capital G?
Yeah, that's the capital G-spot.
Yeah, this is lowercase g.
And then lowercase g-spot is in the butt, maybe.
Damn, I gotta check out this delta.
That's a better way to describe it. I think we have a lowercase and an uppercase.
Yeah, yeah. What do you think? Yay or nay on this, on the lower G?
What, like, do you think it, like, checks out? Like, oh, yeah, that's a good spot?
You pushing buttons?
You playing the piano?
Yeah, I, I think it checks out. I gotta check it out.
The lower G? This is your asshole, just so we're clear.
No, no, I'm checking out this new one.
The frenular delta's the upper G.
Yeah, yeah, I'm capital G-ing.
It's not fair that the frenular delta is the upper G. Because the other one was so OG. You can't downgrade it to lowercase g.
Dude, you can. If you find something bigger and better. I mean, Aaron Judge comes around, who cares about Babe Ruth? You know what I'm saying?
The guy's got a point. I mean, you know, he's got a point.
Let him cook.
Uh, I'm definitely gonna check it out.
I mean, I think by just natural biological advances in your sexual life, you probably have already without realizing it.
Yeah, of course. I mean, it's my weener. It's getting touched.
It is your weener.
That is correct.
How would I even go about...
You do best friend on your plane touch it?
Doesn't it kinda feel like cheating, though? Cause like, oh... Oh, yeah, the male G-spot's on the penis. Oh, wow. Cool.
I mean, I'm sure there, there are like, you know, women watching this that are just like, of course, they have it so easy. You know, it's right where everyone knew it always was.
I don't remember anything in this episode that happened, so...
Mr. Gabagool was in there, the jelly beans were in there, you know?
I don't wanna think about the jelly beans.
I mean, big episode for G-sounding things. Gabagool, jelly beans, I know it's with a J, it sounds like G. And G-spot?
This is a triple G-episode. Gabagool's Grocery Games in your G-spot.
Please don't.
That's the title?
I think that's a working title.
No one would know what the episode could possibly be.
I think that's the point.
Nor would the...
Can you imagine Manu making that thumbnail?
Gabagool's Grocery Games in the G-spot.
Mr. Gabagool, and it could be Joe as Guy Fieri with Gabagool like hanging over his shoulder. And he's looking down at his new G-spot. He's like...
And what are you doing?
I'm over there in a tux and I'm sitting there like this.
What does that signify?
Not being you.
Correct.
You know? That was... It is like... I wonder like if people graduate from college and there's like, "I got my degree. I'm gonna use it to like really like break, do some groundbreaking research." And then they're like,
"Guess what I did at work today, honey?"
Found the G-spot.
On the male penis.
I have a crazy theory where the new male G-spot is.
Where can we look?
Oh, gotta...
Exactly.
We're gonna have to...
Exactly where it is. We've been right under our nose the whole time.
We're gonna have to do some tests.
Do you guys have a G-spot?
Here we go.
Do you have a G-spot that you think is just unique to you? You're like, "Well, I like that spot on me."
No, I don't think so.
No?
I'm pretty penis-focused.
Penis-forward. Um, isn't it your ear or something?
Well, he, like when he was a kid.
Never mind.
Yeah. Well, no, that's not my answer. I don't know. I'm trying to think about my answer. It's just a question I thought of.
I mean, you, you, you talk enough about your nipples that I feel like your nipples are on there.
Yeah, you talk enough about nipple play that you're, you're doing something.
It was like twice, dude.
For, you're blowing on them to make them look good. You're playing with them for pictures.
I don't blow on them. I, I fiddle them.
You diddle your nipples.
Yeah. You're a nip- I don't, I don't blow on them.
You're a nipple diddler.
Of my own.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm a self-inflicting... Yeah.
You, you, you, you are a, uh...
I diddle myself, dude.
Yeah. I can't think of any. I'm pretty good with like.
Really? I feel like you got like a, like a, you're like a back scratching weirdo.
I do.
Yo, this kid's like a fucking cat, dude. You scratch his arm and he's like, oh! Like, it's like, yeah, relax.
I will, I will say. It's not, it's never has been, and I can't imagine it will be sexual in nature. But like, there'll be some times I'll be in the kitchen and Becca will just like put her hands under my shirt and just scratch my back, like down my back.
Why is that so good?
And I'm like, I literally like, I feel my body just like, huh, like melting.
I just saw your tongue flip back and forth like a snake's.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Um.
Whereas you're, you're good, you're like, normal, run of the mill. You're not breaking the mold.
Your back thing sounds pretty like an answer.
But it's not sexual. Like, I've never gotten sexual gratification from it.
But it's like, it's a spot.
But it just feels good, but not.
Like, if you were a dog, I could get your leg going by scratching your back.
Yeah, but that's not sexual, though. You know what I mean? Like, that's not sexual.
It would be, like, if, if there was like a thing where it was like, I don't know how to explain it. It feels good, but not in a sexual way. It feels good in like a relaxing way.
Yeah. You got one?
I would tell you, not at the top of my mind, honestly.
Hmm. Let's do some thinking. We'll come back to this.
Do some testing.
I wanna know your G-spots.
Boy, I'm sure, I'm sure Angry Orchard's real happy to be on this episode.
Yeah, don't get angry.
Get horny.
Get Orchard, get Orchard, your G-spot.
Yeah. I guess, how many, how many guys do you think saw that article and were just like, honey? We gotta figure something out.
Tonight's the night.
Yeah, we gotta, we gotta do, you ready to do some experimenting?
My triangle's ready.
Frenular delta is also, it sounds like the opening of a river.
Mm-hmm. A delta?
It's like exactly what the word is also used for.
Oh, man. I think I'm like.
I can't get the taste of these damn jelly beans out of my mouth.
Yo, my mouth is so disgusting.
I'm not kidding you.
I'm not kidding. What it feels like is I ate a human hand, like a cannibal. Like, that's what my mouth tastes like.
If I chewed on the inside of a baseball, I feel like this is what it would be. Like, one that sat-
Or like a handball.
Like, no, like waterlogged. You ever seen the inside of a baseball?
It's all like mush.
It's like, if I chewed on a waterlogged inside of a baseball, it's what my mouth tastes like.
It's so hot, too. Like, my teeth are hot.
It's like, it's like I made out with Foghorn Leghorn.
The chicken?
I believe he's a rooster.
I say, I say, I say, he's whatever you want him to be.
Which one is a cock? Rooster?
Yeah. Yes. Male chickens are cocks or roosters.
Oh, what's a chicken?
A female chicken.
No, that's a hen.
I think it's also, I think maybe chicken is like the overarching, that's like, that's a chicken, it's a male one, oh, it's a rooster. It's a female one, oh, it's a hen.
But they're both chicken.
Yeah, frogs and toads.
Looking it up.
He's looking intently.
Chicken is a general term for the species, and a hen is a mature female chicken.
So I'm right.
Mature, yeah.
Well, I said it.
No, I said it!
I said chicken. I said, what's a chicken?
And I specified what the answer was.
You said female at first. I said a hen. You know what I don't like? How much you have to do to things to make them work. Like, a chicken, you can't, if, if-
Like the G-spot?
Yeah, exactly. If, if, like, when a hen lays an egg, you have to incubate it. You can't just eat it like it's an egg.
Uh-
Can you?
I, I've never done that.
I mean, people are drinking raw milk these days, like idiots, so... No, the opposite. You have to incubate it for it to be another chick.
Yeah, like, that's why they sit on them.
Sit on it? Yeah.
Like, that's why, like, I, I don't know what that was, and I'm not gonna ask.
Yeah, what was that?
That's why they'll, that, like, that's the whole, like, sitting on it, is they're providing the warmth that would be through incubation. Cause it's like heat, isn't it?
That makes the animal, that makes them, no, they have to be fertilized.
No, eggs don't need to be, how would eggs be fertilized? They're a shell.
No, like, if it's gonna be a chick-
Yeah, but how do you fertilize an egg when the shell is already around it?
Before they get laid.
But like, it's, like, you could get a-
It's got a shell along the way.
Yeah, but what I'm saying is, like, you need to, like, once the shell is, once the egg is down, it could still turn into... Wait a second.
No, no, no. They lay eggs if they're not, like-
So, eggs are just non-fertilized chicks?
So they're, they're laying blanks?
Yes, every day. I didn't know that.
Yeah, I, I mean, I know that they lay eggs every day. It's crazy their body-
Wait, what did you, you thought that they just lay eggs, but the ones they sit on are the ones that become chicks?
So, where does sex come into any of that? You didn't think it did?
I didn't go a step further and think about chicken sex.
Does that mean you think that you can accidentally crack an egg for breakfast and there be a chicken?
I, I used to think that.
But no, you can't. Well, I mean, you, I, I assume you can.
Something went wrong, yeah?
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, that would be terrifying. I have cracked an egg and it's twins.
I don't like that.
Yeah, it's kinda mean, but-
One time I saw a TikTok of a girl crack an egg and she was, like, making something and it came out and there was, like, some black shit in it. And I was like, "Yo, what is that?"
Yeah, have you ever seen balut?
Is that Vietnamese?
I don't know where it's from.
I think it is Vietnamese.
But I'll tell you this, it does not look appealing. Cause that, that I think is like what we're referencing, right? It's like, it's, it's a, it's a fertilized egg that like, they cook then, right?
Did you say you'd eat it? Balut?
It's a thing, they eat it.
Um, oh, I thought you said you would eat it.
I would eat it.
Oh, man, I don't think I can.
I mean, I would try it. If it's like a delicacy in someone's country, I'll try it.
Yeah, but so were century eggs, but we ate those and-
I did eat them and those were, I didn't like.
They were, they are also a delicacy in places and they were not good.
Yeah, I don't know how those are likable, to be honest with you.
Can you look up balut? Let's, let's get a look at this thing.
I don't know if you're supposed to- What?
Toss this up here.
Well, well, well. It's just food.
Well, it's not, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, that's balut?
Yeah. What did you think it was?
Not that.
What did you think balut was?
Um, I just thought it was something. And I didn't think it was, uh, what is it?
I can't eat this.
No, I wouldn't. If it has a beak, I'm good.
That's what I'm saying. I can't eat this.
Oh, it is a fertilized duck egg. Can you look up what balut is?
Just like what it, what it is?
Yeah, like what's the, what's the, what, what, what is it?
What is it?
This is.
It is a fertilized duck egg.
Incubated for two to three weeks. Boiled and eaten in the shell. Popular street food in the Philippines, Vietnam, and Cambodia.
You know what I want to eat?
Yeah, I don't, that's not, that's not for me.
Oh, that's heavy, that's heavy.
Yeah, that's not, that's not for me.
I want to eat, I want to eat an ostrich egg. You ever seen someone cook an ostrich egg?
Yeah, they're fucking huge.
Dude, I would love to eat an ostrich egg. That'd be cool.
You think they taste different?
I'm sure they do.
They look similar.
Yeah, they do, but like, they aren't chicken eggs. Like, we've, have you ever eaten an egg not of a chicken?
I've had quail, yeah, quail egg.
But that's like egg, it's a bird.
Yeah, but I mean, they all have different, I guess you wouldn't be able to tell with your palate. Especially now, after it's getting fucking gangbang by those.
Why are you putting down my palate?
You have openly admitted to not having the best palate.
I say that.
Okay. It's your palate.
I'm not good at salt and sh- and like, which, which one of you two would you say is more adventurous with food? Cause I feel like.
That's a great question. I, I think.
I only don't, I just, the only thing I won't eat is tuna fish. Like, I don't like that.
I mean, I guess by definition, I am, but then I won't eat anything like honey mustard and you will.
You won't eat anything with honey mustard? Honey mustard's fantastic.
Honey mustard's not good.
It's very good.
I have stuff with mustard, isn't it?
I don't think either of us are like picky eaters.
I think if you were to ask 15 years ago, it would be a radically different answer. I think you were a lot less adventurous at that point in life.
Yeah. But not anymore.
Yeah. What about you? Are you an adventurous eater?
If I look at it, I can tell if I'll like it or not. I don't like the...
Nah.
I don't like the people that say like, "Oh, you haven't tried it." It's like, no, I can see. I can see I'm not gonna like that.
Well, there are certain...
I agree with that.
I do to an extent, only when it comes to like, if you're big with like the texture of food. Because I can understand people that look at oysters and they're like, "Listen, I've never had an oyster, but just looking at it, I can tell I'm not gonna like it because of the texture." With taste, then you have to try it.
Like, I can't...
Yeah, I mean, are there foods that you won't eat?
I was talking about this yesterday, that's so interesting you bring up. The only one I can think of...
Is there a meat you won't eat? No, I don't think there's a meat I won't eat, but...
Meat I won't eat?
Meat I won't eat, but fish, I think I said this, like, I like shellfish. I prefer shellfish over fish fish.
Like a branzino?
Yeah, I don't like it.
You don't like the way a branzino looks? I feel like that's aesthetically pleasing. I feel like, if anything, that's more aesthetically pleasing than shellfish.
Yeah. Branzino is definitely not aesthetically pleasing.
Shellfish is disgusting looking. What the fuck are you talking about? Yes, it is.
It's a full, the full head of the fish is there and the tail and the whole...
Yeah, it's incredible, like, look at what I just roasted, like a caveman.
What about salmon?
But there's no head! Yeah, I know, the head is absent from there.
I mean, if you're not eating a branzino and a salmon, you can kiss not picky eater goodbye. And guess what the salmon does have? Frenular delta, probably.
Probably, yeah.
The head might be gone, but the delta's there.
Triangle, bitch.
Yeah, I'm gonna have to count that.
Yeah, but, no, that's the reference to the Will Smith.
Yeah, but you looked at him.
Triangle, bitch? What's that? What movie was that, where he said that?
And I'm just making it up.
No, no, no, I remember.
Oh, you're trying to get me.
I'm dead serious, I'm not trying to get you.
It's not in his eyes.
No, I'm dead serious, I'm not trying to get you here.
I can't really reference too many Will Smith.
Man, well, I'll remember it after the show.
What about octopus?
Oh, I love octopus.
Chard octopus, I like that.
What about...
Gollamod.
Goddamod.
Goddamod from Mr. Gabagool.
Bro, I would love to be like on a pirate ship. Oh. And attacked, but I mean, I actually, I don't wanna be attacked. I would like to watch an attack.
Of what?
Of like a giant octopus.
Oh, hell no? You wanna watch people die?
Well, I hope they don't, but I'm so far away that I don't know if they do.
I imagine that if there is a ship that is attacked by a giant octopus and/or squid, there will be some casualties involved.
Are we referring to a kraken?
Could be kraken.
Is a kraken an octopus?
I think, no, I think a kraken is a mythological one. I think like giant squids and giant octopi exist.
Octopi.
But I think a kraken is like a mythological, like, version of those.
Yeah. I'm just saying, like, you ever see, like, in a movie or something where it's like a ship and then there's like big octopooks? Octo- octopooks. Octopus legs, like, coming over and just kinda drags it.
Yeah, apparently there's a deadly octopus that'll fucking ruin your day.
Blue ring?
Blue ring octopus. I just watched a movie and they had it in there. It'll fucking...
How?
It's a, it, like, you get bit by them and they release like a toxin that like...
I don't like poison.
Did you watch that movie? Send help.
I do like octopus, though. I think they're cool. Did you watch My Octopus Teacher?
Dude, this guy wanted to fuck that octopus.
Yeah, he wanted to crush it.
He wanted to have sex with that
octopus.
I only like giant octopus, though.
No, I like cool, I like the ones where they put like jars of food in there and they're like, "Look at how smart they are."
I love that, dude.
Yeah. But like giant octopus and like ships.
I love looking at like octopus get onto like a big ship and then there's like a little hole and there's like, "Look at him get out."
Seen that, where they had like an octopus and it's just going and then all of a sudden just goes through a hole this big, like...
Yeah. Or like the ones that can like camouflage and that you're following it, following it, and then it's gone.
I don't understand how animals can do that.
I have, I shouldn't say I have a theory. Becca has a theory that she has instilled upon me and I kind of agree with it. Octopus are aliens.
I mean, looking at them, yeah.
Like, but like, looking at them, what they can do, how they move. Like, they are, they are the, if we're gonna look at the whole animal kingdom on our planet, that's the one that'll look like, and be like, that's an alien dude. That's not from here.
How big does a giant squid get?
They just found one recently, I think, or they saw one.
Well, like, that's like a normal-
Are there videos of giant squid? Because I don't wanna get freaked out.
I think there's one, but it's a second and then a... So, what's the biggest a giant squid-
Yeah, like, how, how big do giant squid get?
Pictures of giant squids and how big they get.
Giant and colossal squid. That's from Reddit, so it could be fake.
Yeah... Wait, wait, wait.
You're also using Gemini-
Well, I'm reading, bro. "The largest invertebrates on Earth with females reaching total length of around forty-three to fifty-nine feet."
Yeah, but that doesn't count. That's just their legs.
Dude, they typically weigh four hundred and forty to six hundred pounds. Excuse me?
Can you imagine that, Godamod?
Yeah, that's good. Unlimited gobble-
Un-
Gobble-a-ma.
That could feed a whole group of Mr. Gobba Gools.
Yeah. Forty-three feet?
Yeah, I would go, this site is pretty good.
I mean, I'm sure they can get there, but until, like, someone has a picture of one, I don't fucking believe it.
Can a giant, I mean, giant squid are like, real, obviously, right?
Yep. Yeah, but I don't think they're that real.
Can they actually, like...
Is this a stupid question?
Take down a ship?
I don't think-
I don't think, I don't think so.
I don't think a forty-three, maybe a small ship, like a sailboat or something.
Do you think pirates got, like, killed by them one day?
I don't know, man. I guess anything is possible.
God, that's scary.
Just, like, I wanna see a picture. Giant squid. Show it to me now.
Holy fuck.
That's not real. That's not real.
No, it's not real.
Bro!
That's not real.
I'm trying to find the one that-
Oh, they're so gross. I like them, though, a lot.
I do like, I mean, the single eye thing fucking freaks me out.
I don't, like, imagining it touching me and like suction cupping to me is, is like, I got, eh.
I've cooked octopus and I've gotten freaked out because like the suction cups still work.
I'm gonna look.
Like, bro, I heard a thing that like they have somewhere, like, let's say it's like three hundred, it might be more, it might be less, but let's say it's like three hundred individual cups. They can control each and every one of them individually.
Don't they have eight brains or something like that?
I thought I saw something like, like four brains.
Or four hearts.
Four hearts.
Something, they got something like that.
Yeah, a king of diamonds.
But like they can like do that shit and it's just like, whoa dude.
That's just, that's just nuts.
I fuck with them, but like chill out, you know what I mean? What are you intently looking at?
Trying to find the one I was talking about. I think I found it.
I just like the idea of them fucking ruins my day.
Of an octopus?
Of a giant one.
Because like.
If I see that in the water, dude.
I'm pretty happy knowing that like humans are the top of the food chain. So like the idea that like, I know other animals exist that can also threaten that, like bear and, and lion and tiger.
Oh, is this a video?
So this, this is what they found.
Oh, I saw this. This is, uh, but it's not giant. It's just like some fucker.
It's long, bro.
What the fuck?
No, that's not real, is it?
No, I've seen this before.
And then they, they make a representation of the scale.
Shh, what?
But I don't think that's a, that's a, that's more of a jellyfish.
It was something, but this is like the longest one they found.
Oh, wow.
I mean, if you're talking about something that looks most like an alien, I mean, look at, look at that.
I would, I would be honest with you.
Yeah, dude, that looks like the thing from Nope.
Yeah, bro.
I don't like things that have long, like, that are, like that.
Forget about that.
Uh, like imagine, like even seaweed, I'm like, oh!
Too long!
Those, uh, yeah, I don't like, like when you're swimming and you touch seaweed and it's just like, I'm too close to the ground.
I haven't even touched seaweed in a.
God, I just.
Yeah, I know. I haven't touched seaweed in a bit.
Oh, God. That was my least favorite, like being at like the lake. Like as you're like going closer to the shore.
And you get to like the area where it's like, you're like, it's, like, you're far enough that like, it's not like you can walk, but like you put your feet down and it's like all seaweed-y and it's like, yucky.
Yeah, I don't like shit on my feet.
I don't like it.
I don't like it either. Well.
Good gosh.
Yeah, what do we name this one?
Fuck knows, dude. Who the hell knows? Ended on octopus and ships.
And we started with Mr. Gabagool.
We started with Mr. Gabagool, and this is where it leads.
Mr. Gabagool's Neighborhood. This is your...
Mr. Gabagool's Neighborhood.
Mr. Gabagool's Neighborhood. We should, for one episode, or for one week, it shouldn't be standing out of studios. It should be Gabagool the Studios.
Alright, we're gonna get back to you with some other great ideas next time. Frank, where can they find you?
Frank Alvarez is all over the place. Go check out The Basement Yard on all forms of social media. And then Patreon, patreon.com/Thetabeytore.
And?
Nope.
Alright, we'll see you guys next time.
For what he did with those jelly beans, he doesn't deserve it.
Page updated October 30, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated