The Basement Yard
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Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you, based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. I'm here with Frank.
And I'm also here with Ant, who bought that fucking hat in the airport yesterday. I watched him.
Really?
Yeah.
That's what you bought?
He bought that and a sweater.
Of all the things you could buy, you just bought that?
Bought a hat.
We got dope.
What do you want me to do?
It just seems like a really, like, buy anything else.
Like what? We had 30 minutes, it was a layover. I wanted to... I've never been to St. Louis. Got a hat?
It doesn't count, by the way.
No, I was gonna ask. That wasn't gonna be my question. Does that count as having been to St. Louis now?
No.
What do you... Why?
No way.
Why not?
You gotta be outside, you gotta, like, go to a place.
He's gatekeeping being places.
I am.
He loves to do this. Because him, Zach, and Greg, on tour the last two years, would do all, like, who's been to the most places? So, like, they've come up with these rules because it's like, "Oh, well, I've done layovers in these", and they're just like, "It doesn't count because I haven't." You could say that you've been there and you've purchased something.
No shot.
I bought something there.
I'd fully support it.
An airport is not part of the land.
It absolutely is.
No, it's a... That's a... It doesn't count. You have to go outside, and you gotta be at a place. Like, that's not St. Louis, you're in an airport.
So if you drive through...
Drive-throughs is crazy.
Why?
Drive-through doesn't count.
And if you stop at a...
What the hell?
Because it's different. Drive-through is... It counts way more than flying, but I consider flying to be okay too.
No, if you're gonna say that you went to a place, you have to step on the floor outside there.
Yes.
You gotta go to a place.
So we drove... We drove from Chicago to... to home.
And we drove through Ohio, we drove through... So, like, let's use Ohio as an example. I step out and I use the bathroom at a rest stop in Ohio. I've been to Ohio.
I'm not saying, I don't count that. I personally wouldn't count that.
But that met all your criteria.
This is, exactly.
He got out, he touched the ground, he went to a place.
You see what I mean about gatekeeping places?
But gas stations aren't part of the place.
Yes, they are.
No, if you went to like a coffee shop that was like local.
Why do you do this?
It's true.
No, it's not. First of all, why are you the end all be all of places going?
Cause I'm the one who's making up the thing.
Right.
No, it's a well-known thing.
You don't have to go by my rules, these are my rules.
Not only will I not go by your rules, I will do my best to tell you that your rules are stupid.
I don't count when I've done that. I've driven through West Virginia. I don't tell people I've been to West Virginia.
But you've been through West Virginia?
I've driven through it. I don't know what it's like at all.
Did you, did you, did you do this? Did you, did you have these when you drove through?
Or did you go through like this?
No, I, I just don't think, I think you need to experience the culture in a place.
The culture.
Yeah, and that requires you going to a place.
Tell me about the culture you experienced when you went to Las Vegas.
The culture of Las Vegas? Absolutely, that's an easy one. He's trying to gatekeep places and going places. What's the difference of, of driving through and I flew to California, so all the states below me count?
No, because you're not on the ground.
So you have some criteria here, you have to be on the ground.
Yeah, but like, yeah, okay, sure.
Yeah, got him!
Sure. My, my criteria though allows for Ant to say that he has been to St. Louis.
I hate to be this guy, but I think my staying in the airport in St. Louis counts more than your gas station.
That's ridiculous. I was just supporting you. Now I am recanting it? You are a fake human being.
I think that's insane because you haven't even, you don't even know what it looks like. All you know what the airport looks like.
There's glass.
The driving through is way more of an experience than the landing in an airport and getting up and flying out of it.
I experienced St. Louis skies. You haven't.
Yes, I have, because I looked around and I did this.
You can see the sky from a car?
I looked around, I saw the ground. There's glass in airports?
Nah, you guys are insane.
I bought something.
If anything, if anything, mine makes more sense than his. Sure.
What?
But, yeah, I mean.
Mine makes more sense than his. No, damn it.
What'd you think I was gonna do?
I thought it was just the last person who said it, maybe?
I was with you and now you made, you forced me into a corner where I needed to recant it.
I was just trying to see how loyal you were to your statement about me. Guess you weren't.
I, but like, once you came for mine, I'm, I'm going to, yeah, I'm gonna recant.
Don't you think that if you tell someone like, "Oh, I've been to Ohio," and they're like, "How was it? What are you gonna say?" Or if they like, "Where'd you go?" Or like, "Do you have any recommendations?" Like, "Oh, I just drove through." You don't think they'd be like, "Oh."
Well, I think it also, it goes with the presentation of the information that you're giving. Like, I wouldn't say like, yeah, if I was an answer case, I wouldn't be like, "Oh yeah, I've been to St. Louis." Because then they're gonna be like, "Oh, there's more to this." You could just say like, "I connected in St. Louis." Technically, you've been there.
So you could just say, "I drove through St. Louis. I didn't go to St. Louis."
I mean, we went to St. Louis.
I know that. I'm saying, give an example.
No, but like, you could say, yeah, you could say like, "Oh, I drove through St. Louis. From what I saw, it was really cool." But like, you can't give like, specific recommendations. Even the places you have been to, you can't give specific recommendations.
I can tell people the places that I went.
Yeah, but I'm saying like, "You've been to Columbus, Ohio. Can you recommend anything over there?" No. So the criteria of being able to say you went somewhere has nothing to do with being able to recommend something from that place. But like, you were there.
I think that is part of it. I mean, it's one of the, one of, it's not the end-all be-all, but it is a part of it. To be like, "I've been to a place. I went to, to these places."
Maybe if you're measuring the depth of the experience, but like, you've been to Kansas City. You've been to Kansas.
Are you counting those?
Have I been to Kansas?
The Airbnb that we stayed at for Kansas City was in Kansas.
It was in Kansas?
Yeah, it was on the, it was on the other side of the border.
I mean, yeah, I guess. I mean, yeah, I stayed at an Airbnb there. I think staying overnight in a state counts.
All these criteria he has.
I, I feel like-
I feel like I'm, I, like, you, you are trying to get away with more than me. Like, you're just trying to be like, "I drove through, so it counts." And I'm saying like, "No, you gotta like, stay there, be there, go to a place there."
I also said, "I drove through and I got out and walked around the fucking rest stop."
The gas station?
Or the gas station or something, but like, I stopped and I-
Walked around the rest stop?
You said something before, where you were like, "You stop and you buy something there." Like, "Yeah, I did something. I bought something in those areas." But I also drove through rural Ohio, so like-
I've been there. I've seen it.
I don't know. I don't know. You gotta, you gotta go. You gotta actually go. You gotta go.
So the only, so the only times that you could say you've went to places if you go and you actually experience it.
Yeah, you gotta like, you gotta like plant yourself.
So, if he drove straight through St. Louis.
But I stopped at the airport and was there and bought something. Who's more of that?
The airport is, is like not.
I am more there. I am physically more there.
But you drove straight through it. I landed.
My, he was able to see more than you though.
I was able to see more than you and by definition, my presence has been
around more than yours has.
You're staring at runways.
Yeah, what are you seeing? I was on your side.
Over, over, while we were landing. I saw a bunch. I saw the whole.
So you've been to the whole fucking Atlantic then too?
I went, before I went to France, I connected in France. I would never tell someone I've been to France.
But you had been.
No, but, but. But you're talking about like a technicality. I'm talking about.
It's not a technicality. It is, it is the reality. I have been.
Asking, have you connected in France? If someone's having the conversation with you and being like, have you been to France? You'd be like, well, technically I have. They'd be like, what's the point of even saying you've connected there? Cause you haven't been to France.
Because that's what happened. It's factual.
But no one is gonna ask that.
I would say, if they would say, you've been to France, you'd be like, you know, I connected there, but I never got to see it. Technically, I've been there.
But, but what are you getting out of saying that is my point. This is why I don't count it.
Factual, you cannot count it. That's fine, but factually I was there.
So factually I was there.
Yeah, and I, I was with you, but then you decided to fucking attack my argument. So now I take your argument behind the shed and I shoot in the back.
So if someone in conversation asks you guys.
Me.
Yeah, let's just say you guys had the same experience there, right? At St. Louis.
Alright. Are we acting this out?
No, I'm just saying like if someone were to ask you, have you been to St. Louis? You would just say, yeah.
Do I like the person?
See, why, why would that hold any?
Cause then I'll say, yeah, probably.
If you like them?
No, if I don't.
If you don't like them, you'll say yes?
Yeah, I'll say yeah.
What do you get out of that?
They think I went to St. Louis?
But they're gonna have a follow-up question.
I won't answer it.
This is impossible.
Well, I got two of them now.
No, look, ask me if I've been to.
I guess I, have we been to Ohio?
Yeah, we have.
We did, where did we do?
Columbus.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Insert random state. Okay, go.
A state I've never been to.
Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying, yeah, okay.
Idaho.
Okay.
Okay. But you drove through there. Okay.
So, ask me a question. Have you been to Idaho? I drove through and what I saw was beautiful.
Yeah, that's not a yes or no, but this is my point. Like, that's an appropriate response to the question, have you been? I'm asking you if you've been, you're like, I've been there.
Yeah, I have been there.
But you, but, but tha- that's, the part I'm not arguing is not this conversational thing. But my question is like, if someone's asking you if you've been to Idaho, what do you think they're asking?
I don't know.
You know.
No, I don't.
They're not asking you if you've technically-
I cannot, I cannot assume I know where the conversation is going.
Frank, you can assume that they're not saying, did you drive through? They're asking about an experience in Idaho.
No, an experience in Idaho, which none exists, by the way.
It could be any city.
It could be just sitting there and plucking potatoes, you Idahoans. I don't know.
Hoes.
Yeah, Idaho's.
Do you think they call themselves hoes? I'm from Idaho, I'm, I'm hoes. We're, we're hoes. We're just a bunch of hoes in Idaho.
I'm just saying, have any, have there been any, like, well-known rappers that have come out of Idaho?
I have no idea.
Cause the, the branding opportunities are there.
I'm going to Idaho.
I've, I've been.
You drove through it.
No, I do think that the driving through it, although it is not like stopping and eating at a fucking cafe, you Brooklyn geek. It's like still an experience. And like, you could say you drove through it, you've been to it. So, these people that do cross-country trips that drive through Louisiana but never get out of their car, they can never say they went? And they can never count it on the cross-country trip that they did?
I would personally not say that. I would say that I-
Why do you limit the amount of enjoyment you can have? Why do you need to put strict guidelines? You take these little fucking handcuffs of society and you put them on the wrists of your life. Why don't you just allow yourself to live for 30 seconds? It doesn't need to be all, "You need to get out and go to a cafe and get a fucking oat milk latte." Fuck you, fuck your coffee drinks, and fuck Brooklyn while I'm at it. How about that?
I'm counting those. I don't know, I felt targeted.
No, I'm just counting it.
I don't know what, what would elicit that sort of response, especially when I'm saying that I just wouldn't count it. I wouldn't tell someone who asked me, "Have you been here?" And I connected in the airport and been like, "Yeah, I've been there." Cause then they're gonna go, "Oh, cool. Where'd you stay?" And I'd be like, "Oh, I just connected." And they're gonna go, "What?"
Well, I am recanting my support of his argument because he decided I was his enemy when I was your friend.
For driving through.
That's crazy.
It's not.
That is crazy.
If someone asked me-
Forget about the technicality of the fact that you are physically within the borders of that state.
You are getting an experience driving through that state while you are physically there.
I, I-
So like, let me ask you another question. If I drive by Mount Rushmore, did I visit Mount Rushmore?
You can't drive by it.
He got you. Got him.
If it was a drive-a-by-able- You know what I mean? Like, if it was something you could drive, what's, what's a, what's something you could drive by? Like a, like a monument or something?
The Empire State Building?
Sure.
Yeah, but those are visual things. Like, that's so different.
Like, I've seen it, I've seen it. But have you been to the Empire State Building?
If I flew over the Grand Canyon and saw it from a plane-
I'm not saying flying. I'm not saying-
But I'm saying, like, I wouldn't say I saw, I've, I like, I went to the Grand Canyon.
I'm not asking, "Have you seen it?"
I'm asking, if you drive by, pretend you're not from New York, you've never been to the Empire State Building.
You drive by the Empire State Building, have you been there?
That's a good question. I don't know.
That's my whole argument!
No, no, my, my, no, no, that's to- totally different.
How?
First of all, because you're making it seem like you could just see an entire state. Like, this is why I'm saying like the culture, you didn't experience whatever you were doing there.
I'm not saying I saw the entire state.
But you're saying like, I've been there, I saw it.
I've been there and I've seen parts of it. I'm not gonna say like, I've seen every square inch of Idaho.
But like, things that are monuments are like visual things. It's not a city of people and places and whatever. Like, that's what a city is. A monument is a single thing that I can be like, "Yeah, I saw Big Ben." I don't have to go and like, touch the clock. Like, I saw it. It's a mon- it's a monument.
Yeah, but, in theory, if Big Ben, which we know is in London.
If you go to see Big Ben, you have also been to London because of where it is.
I'm not arguing that point. I'm arguing you trying to make the...
That's what I'm arguing now.
No, you're arguing that like, that's the same. That if you've seen, if you drove by the, the Empire State Building, then you've seen the Em- Empire State Building. Yes, you've seen it, but you...
But I'm saying like, if you drive-
Have I been to the Empire State Building? But it's not the same as a s- a whole city.
I'm not saying the whole city counts. You're saying that you need to see like, multiple places in a city to count having been there?
I'm saying there's a difference between driving through a state and being in a state. And, and experiencing the state.
If, so where you live in Jersey, and you come here, if you've never been to Manhattan, but you drove through every day, like that, but you've never been there. It's always driving through. Have you, has you been to Manhattan?
No. No.
I'm going to bash my head against this desk. Yes, I have!
Driving through places is not being in them. Like, I just, I disagree.
Do you think this lighting rig will support me?
I mean, wow, I mean, I don't know. Like, that's, to me, that's wild. To assume that like, and you were on his side with the connecting. Like, you guys thinking that counts as being a place is wild.
I am, we are on another part of this. He can kiss my ass.
Well, you're, you're saying no to that now.
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
Ow, because of the support.
Because you're mad at him, but you were agreeing with that.
And guess what? My anger goes far.
Okay, but you agree, but do you agree with the idea that if you've connected in a place, that you've been there?
Now I'm going to say no, just to spite Ant.
But do you believe that?
I don't know what I believe.
Let's say I wasn't here. I can't hear you. Now, now do you believe it?
Do I like him?
That's what I asked.
I know.
So you don't think, if he's never been to Manhattan, even though driving through, as many times he comes, never been there?
Wow.
I mean, I personally would never say like, yeah, I've been to Manhattan. I've been like, I drive through it all the time. I've never been there.
I'm gonna get him. I'm gonna get him so fucking good.
Alright, let me write it down.
So then that logic also applies to if you go to like the safari.
What is the safari?
The, like, the safari in Africa.
What? There's not one.
One of them.
If I, if I go-
So, because they do like car trips.
A safari tour?
Because they, yes, because they do car trips. And you can drive through and be like, there's animals all about. So in that-
Frank.
With, nope. With that, with your own logic used against you.
You'll never go to the safari.
Wrong.
That's not the same.
Howm.
Howm. Because if I'm, if you're doing a safari tour, right?
You're in the car. You're not leaving the car.
Of course.
Yep.
So if I'm in the car and the animals that I'm looking at just happen to be buildings in the middle of midtown Manhattan.
But that's-
That doesn't count.
But that's what a, but that's what a safari is.
So now we gotta get into the, the, the fucking nitty gritty of what this, what this is? So the people, the people that do bus tours in Manhattan.
Uh huh.
Can say they've never been to Manhattan.
How'd you get on the bus? Like, what are you talking about?
What's the... because that's what it is, the bus tours. They get on a bus in Jersey City and they drive into Manhattan.
You're... but you're... what you're doing is you're searching for like this very like niche thing and they're not even the same. If someone's doing a bus tour in Manhattan, that means they're in New York. You're acting like the bu-
Yo, Ed, Ed, please-
Frank, Frank, hold on, Frank. If they're... how'd they get on the bus? They were in Manhattan.
No, no, I said they got on in Jersey City.
They got on a tour bus of Manhattan in Jersey City?
Or Queens, or Brooklyn, or Staten Island.
Yeah. I think all-
Never the, never the-
Also, I think that tours are different. Because that... the whole point of a tour is to immerse yourself in the culture and learn about the city.
So, if I'm driving- So, if I'm driving with my family in the car in Midtown Manhattan-
It doesn't count of ha... as having visited. But if... but-
That's not what I'm like... I mean, this is like a very like...
But if I get into a tour bus where someone's speaking on a microphone, then it counts.
I think those things are different, yes.
Factually, they are different. The point that I'm trying to make, though, is that in essence, they're the exact same thing.
No, because you... the example that you're giving is very different than that.
No, it is not.
Yes, it is.
If I decide, "Kids, you guys have never seen Manhattan, let's drive through to go see it." They're gonna go, "You know what, Dad, it doesn't count, though, because you're not a certified fucking person with a microphone."
No, I... I think that like, when... in the context of someone asking you if the... if you've been to a place, they're asking about your experience in that place. It's different if you're like, "Let's go see Manhattan," or "Let's go see something." Like, that is a visual thing that you're going to do. Like, "We're gonna go see Times Square," or whatever, or whatever. Like, I'm not saying it doesn't count like that, but you acting like driving through a state because you're on your way to a different destination and then telling people that you've been to that state is way different.
It is not. It is exactly the same.
It's... I mean, alright, I mean, I disagree.
Because the experience of driving through it, you think- Looking around, being in the state-
It's not the same.
It... it is.
As being a person who like... who's like staying overnight there?
The experiences can be different, but also be the-
Can, they is, are!
Okay, but I'm saying, they could be different experiences, but they all satisfy the same goal, which is having been there. So whether you're staying. So let me ask you this then. Let me ask you this. He connects in St. Louis.
They can't, it's back to you now.
It's back to me, okay.
They cancel his flight and they put him up in a hotel for the night.
Does that satisfy your rules, sir?
That he's been to St. Louis?
If he like, yeah, I mean, I guess. I mean, like, if, if you, if, if I were to say that to him, if he were to tell me, like, I've been to St. Louis, and I'd be like, oh, where'd you go? And he's like, well, my flight was canceled and they just, like, put me up at a hotel, but I didn't, like, really get to go anywhere. I'm like, oh, okay. Like, if you want to count that and, like, be like, oh, I've been to St. Louis and I've experienced St. Louis, like, okay, but like, I'm, you know. To me, it's like, well, you have nothing to really offer me about St. Louis, so like, why even say you've been there? Like, what are you getting out of saying you've been there?
He only cares if you have something to offer him, to his esteemed life.
No, to someone.
What, present to me your information to, to better my life and move it in the right direction.
What do you have to offer, aunt?
That's not what I'm saying. If I'm asking a question about your experience in St. Louis and you're like, I just, I just was put up at a hotel, I'd be like, oh, okay. Like, I'm, like, but what do you get out of saying that you've been there? Like, you so badly want to say that you've been there and you're trying to find all the loopholes as to why you've been there, why?
And no one is fucking trying to.
Yes, you are.
Like, show off that I've been there.
I'm saying, I only tell people if I've been to places, if I've, like, been there and went to places or whatever. You're like, why do you need all that? Like, that's obviously that you've been there. You're the one looking for loopholes. I'm not.
I'm not looking for a loophole.
You're saying I drove through, it counts.
If anything, you're the one that's putting the, the guardrails on the experience of defining when you have or have not been there.
Well, there were many, for me, there were many times where, from New York, I would drive down to Florida to go to Disney.
Yeah, and you've been to all those states, like, bro, yes.
Are you saying, are you saying I've been to all those?
That's what he's saying. And I disagree with that, like, because, because I wouldn't be able to have a conversation or speak to what those places are like. Even if I drove through a part, you're not driving through the entire state. So I threw, I drove through a part of it and be like, well, I drove through. No one's going to be like, oh, okay, like. Like, you can't tell anyone anything about a city.
What if your Colombian, uh, construction-working father makes you stop at every Cracker Barrel in every state on the way down to Florida?
Then you sure know a lot about that franchise.
Yes, I do.
That's something to offer.
It is awful.
Awesome to offer.
I can't, I can't tell you anything about the states, but I can tell you is where to stop. And I can tell you that they let you take as many as the maple syrups. What would you steal?
Yeah, those places are, they, my dad, my dad thought he was running the maple syrup heist of all time.
Were you sleeping in bed, like a bed or something? Or you were sitting in a chair, like a car?
Oh, my dad, like, took out the back seats in his truck and like, put down blankets and stuff. So we would just like, sleep and hang out back there for the day it took to travel. And it, I'm not even kidding, it added 10 hours to our day because we stopped at seven or eight Cracker Bells. There, there is no part of that that is even the smallest bit of an exaggeration.
How long does it take to get there?
If you just ripped it? It's like 20 hours.
Where, where, where are you going?
Florida.
Oh, yeah. My uncle, my uncle lived in Jacksonville, but we also drove down to South Beach.
Wait, you did this too?
Many times.
Wow, is this like a New York thing?
I don't know. I think it's just, so you have a car and you could drive around and you save on flights and tickets for like, young kids and everything?
Whoa.
But, um, pooped in a car.
Excuse me?
Now that was not information we requested or wanted.
When we were kids, like, they just had a bucket in the car. I don't know why we did that.
Wait, there was a bag in the?
It was a bag.
And then, and then what would you do with the poop?
They could just throw it out.
Out the window?
No, no, no, like, throw it out the next rest stop, I guess if we couldn't make it. I don't-
So there was, there was a good chance, and I'm assuming it's 95, so there's not like, rest stops every five miles?
So you'd go 10 miles or some, or 15 miles with a bag of shit in the car?
I, I don't, I'll be honest, I don't remember every detail, I was young, but I do distinctly remember pooping in a, in a bucket.
Um, I've pooped in a bucket. I have a question.
You ever poop in a bucket?
I don't think so.
We could, we could change that.
You don't have to.
We could change that.
You don't have to poop in a bucket.
I don't think, yeah, I don't think I have.
46,000 patrons.
I will, no.
Get him a bucket, he could poop in the bucket.
And then throw sawdust on it.
Is, is, is pooping in a bucket and then throwing it on the side of the road, is that littering?
Yeah, dude. I mean, I also think that's like, very illegal. Because of the poop, it's like a toxic waste, or like, it's like dangerous.
I don't think it's toxic waste dude, I think it's fertilizer.
No, no, no, I, I mean, if you get human shit, if like, humans use their shit as a weapon, it's like, illegal.
Correct. I am not saying that this is going to be used in any way that is gonna be harmful toward another human.
But if there's shit around in society, and you put it there, and a cop sees you do that, like, that's illegal.
If I go, driving down 95, and we're passing through North Carolina.
If I stop, side of the road, walk into the woods, dig a hole, and dump a human shit in that hole.
Dig a hole?
And then cover it up.
Is that illegal?
Cover it up? I mean, no, it's very like, strange.
I mean, yeah, it's strange, I'm not getting away from that.
Dig it and cover it up? Um, that is illegal, yeah. Is that your question?
Because you can't have people shitting outside.
I understand why in like, too close to a home, or like, too close to a city, or in a city, or in like, a neighborhood.
I think it's just one of those-
But if a, if a human shits in the woods, is it illegal?
I actually don't know if it's illegal, because I think that like, that's assumed on like, hiking trips. Like, people will have to shit.
It, the answer is essentially, it depends. Like, is the area you're doing it in, legal to, for it to happen or not? How do you get rid of it? It's, it's all just, it depends.
Yeah, I don't think you could throw it out your fucking window.
Can't do that.
I mean, yes, correct.
You guys did that.
Probably. Not out the win- not out the window, but at a rest, the next rest stop, just throw it in the garbage or something.
Yeah, I mean, that's where it's supposed to go.
That's probably what we did.
Yeah, that's gross.
Sorry. We also had a little TV in there, we played Crash Bandicoot.
You know what's crazy? When I stayed in a van for six days, did, nobody shit in the van. Like, there was a, like a, small thing to shit in, and we didn't have to use it. It was like, for emergencies. Never happened.
Van?
Well, why would you have to use, when you're in the middle of the wilderness, just get out of the car?
Yeah. I didn't do that either, I don't think.
What'd you do?
There was like, we stayed on people's property and they had like a little tent or something, or they had like an outhouse. Or like on trails, like at the trailhead, there would be one, at the end, there would be one, but not during the hike. But in between, and also you're driving on the road, obviously.
Mm-hmm.
So like, if you hit a rest stop or something. But I was surprised, it never happened. I thought I was gonna have to shit in a car, didn't wanna do that.
Yeah, I could imagine that would not be fun.
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Keep it. Sorry, sorry, I don't know.
Dude, I gotta tell you about this too. This morning, Nicole wakes up and she's like, "You weren't really nice to me in my dream last night."
Hmm.
Right? One of those? I'm assuming we've all been there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, and I'm like, okay. And she was like, "You told me that you didn't want to be with me anymore."
And I'm like, okay. How'd I, what'd I say? And she's like, "Well, we were texting." And I forget what the text message was, but it was something that I like, you know, whatever. And she said that she was in a car. And she was texting me, but she wasn't using a phone. It was, you know, Boursin cheese? Do you know what that is? Type in Boursin, B-O-U-R-S-I-N. You've definitely seen it on charcuterie boards.
I mean, I've seen a lot of things on charcuterie boards.
So.
Oh, yeah, I've seen this.
So you see this cheese?
Oh, yeah, I've seen this cheese.
So you see how like, you see the wrapping? Click on that.
Comes in like a muffin tin?
Yeah, it comes up, it comes like that. Nope, the one you were hovered over when I said that, you bastard. Okay. So you see, she said, "It was a P, it was Boursin cheese."
Which I'm all about, by the way.
It's good. And then it would unwrap and have my text message, and then it would rewrap. And I was like, so this is a magic Boursin cheese?
I'll be honest with you. If Becca were to present information to me that she didn't want to be with me, it would probably be the most digestible in cheese.
A, a cheese breakup is probably a great one.
I would love, I, I, let me, no, no, no.
You would love?
I don't. I don't want to ever be broken up with by Becca.
But.
I would be a little more appreciative of the information if it came via cheese.
That would be?
By a magic Borsen cheese?
I'd be like, "Oh, huh huh huh."
Yeah. It's a good cheese.
That was a good cheese.
I like that because you gotta undress it.
What's the other flavors you got in there? I see that little, what, the box is right there, so what do we got? Zoom in on that little bitch.
He wants to, he wants to make himself hungry here.
Oh, I can't listen, maybe.
Caramelized onion and herbs.
Basil and chive? Yeah.
Shallot and chive, throw that up.
Cracked.
Fig and balsamic, make me a woman.
Make a woman out of me.
Yeah, make him a woman. Shallot and chive, I don't mind that. I like shallots.
Rosemary and black garlic?
Oooh. Yeah, rosemary, black garlic might be a problem. I, you want to know what's, first of all?
I love rosemary. What's that?
I also kinda like the name. I feel like that's a, that's a guy, cool, older woman, like a rosemary. Rosemary is an herb.
Uh, and it, it grows pretty, like, you grow it on, like, in, like, your kitchen. Like, you don't, it doesn't need, like, a ton of light.
Frank, I know what rosemary is. I'm asking if you like it. What are you explaining to me?
I'm like, "You like rosemary?" He goes, "You can grow it. It's very easy." Bro, I know what rosemary is.
See how he's yelling at me?
You think I deserve this?
First of all, you were very disrespectful in the earlier conversation.
Well, Joey, what does rose, what does knowing rosemary do to me? What does that do for me? No more about rosemary, or it does nothing.
That's another thing that you took out of context. I was not saying...
Oh, I don't really know what you're doing anymore.
I'm you, like, what, what people trying to talk to me, but they don't offer me anything. That's you.
No, if I have a question and you're answering it, but you don't have any answers, then why am I asking you the question?
I'm sorry, your ear space is so fucking, so expensive, right?
Literally not what I'm saying at all.
Your ear space is so expensive.
This is your, this is what...
You can't be bothered with other people.
You're deflecting.
Unless they have information that's not worthy of my time.
I can see that. You're upset that you're wrong, yeah.
I could tell that you have information. Bet it must be worthy of my time and attention.
I'm not, I'm not, this is, it's not funny?
It's very confusing.
You're laughing too, come on!
And?
Oh, keep going!
And? Give me some information.
You bet it must be worth my attention.
Why are you saying that? That sentence doesn't even make sense.
What's that mean? And if it shall not be worth my attention?
You're in trouble.
I don't think you like that. Obviously not. Obviously that's not what I said.
Obviously it's not!
You wanna do the voice again?
The voice made it a little better.
Are you crying over that?
I was crying, yeah.
What were you just talking about?
Oh, you were talking about the dream that Nicole had.
I was trying to talk about rosemary.
Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. And the information I had was not worth the incredible amount of intellectual time you have on your hands.
I said, "Do you like rosemary?" And you're like, "You can grow it." Like, I don't know what rosemary is. Like, you're telling me what it is for the first time.
You ever grown rosemary?
Exactly. So I'm giving you information you might not have had before, idiot.
By saying, "You can grow it"? You think, what did you think, where'd you think I thought?
I'm presenting you with confidence to maybe fucking go home and do something with your life. Instead of building this media empire.
I'm counting on that.
And employing all of your friends and, and giving our lives meaning and purpose.
Don't try to save it now, Frank. You're in the gog, you're in the gog house?
The gog house.
Becca, but Becca's had dreams like that too. Where like, she'll wake up, we'll wake up, and she'll go, "You were a real piece of work last night." Like, "What happened?" And she's like, "You went to a party. And you sent me a text message saying, 'I'm partying and I don't ever wanna see you again.'" I was like, "Yeah, that sounds like me."
"I don't ever wanna see you again." I think Nicole told me one time that she had a dream that I... I called her disgusting and I'm like, that is such an insane word.
Like, you're disgusting.
You disgust me.
What are you thinking about? Also, the last dream, I'm like, thinking like, you know, they say like, your dreams are kind of like a mixture of your last thoughts for a bit. I don't know how true that is, but like, how do you get to, like, I get how you get to the breakup thing, I guess, but the boar said cheese.
Be in the cell phone.
Just hungry?
I like, what? I'll be honest with you. I wouldn't be upset if cheese was in any of my dreams, in any capacity.
Would you be into, you've seen Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs?
Have I?
That's a great film. I'm calling it a film.
It is a film.
It's a, it's a well-made film.
I haven't seen the second one, but the first one, I'm like, this would be fire.
Well.
Also, like, uh,
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
That one's a little bit.
If it existed where the whole thing was food, I would like that.
Yeah, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I'm not as on board with because it's a little like.
A giant candy factory?
Yeah, but like, I don't want to sit in this fucking chair and then turn around and eat it.
Yeah. Did, did they? Did the factory kill the kids?
Um, they didn't kill them.
Great question.
Pretty damn close, though. That Augustus Gloop.
That kid's dead.
Like, I mean.
He went out doing what he loved.
What about fucking Violet? You're turning Violet, Violet?
Yeah, didn't she explode?
Yeah, she, well, they had the juicer. They had a juicer before she exploded.
You assume they juiced her.
And also, that doesn't sound like it's very, you know.
Doesn't sound good either.
Kid-friendly, like, it's like, that sounds like it would hurt.
Yeah, I mean, I, of the ones in that movie that I can remember, the one that is probably closest to death is Augustus Gloop, and let's be honest.
Whatever happened to the girl? Who was like, mean?
And Mike TV.
Mike TV got turned into a little, into like a little TV thing, remember?
Right, yeah, it got trapped in a TV.
It got trapped in a TV, yeah.
But what the hell, what happened to the girl?
What, the girl, the one that was like, "I want mommy and daddy to get it for me now."
A golden goose egg or something?
Oh, she like, oh, she's taken away by like the, the-
She pulls the thing and she falls.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes.
Oh, so she was, she's in the vents.
I mean, but she probably fell into a cool slide.
That's fair.
If anything, she's having the time of her life.
Do you know one time, my cousin, like, we were all at my cousin's house, like, a bunch of my extended family and, and this, one of my cousins, she tried to go down their laundry chute. Cause they had a laundry chute from like their second floor to their ba- first of all, not far. Like, it's like right near the stairway, I don't know why, just walked down the stairs. But she tried to go down and she got stuck. Yeah, and it was like this whole thing.
Oh, well, duh, yeah, it's a whole thing.
She was also a little older, so I feel like she was at that age where it was like, she was like stealing drinks or something. So I was like, oh, so we think that like she just got a little drunk and she's like, "I'm gonna fucking slide down this thing." And then she got stuck, cause it's like, it like bends.
Yeah, well, apparently, it's a thing that like, they, like, adults that try to go down like, slides at like playgrounds and stuff like that, like, it could be really dangerous, cause they could break their legs. Because like the twirly slides?
You know those? So like, you don't realize, like, it's made for a child, because like, their legs are short enough that like, they can just kinda go with it.
And also you weigh so much, that it's like whipping ya.
Dude, I've gone down and like, your foot catches it and it'll fucking like, it'll pull your foot back. And like, there, there, I've heard, take it with a grain of salt, that there have been instances of people going down those things and like, their legs breaking, cause they get caught. You fucking imagine?
I went down a slide, maybe like, three years ago, and it hurt my ass so much.
There was a slide, we took the, uh, girls to like, one of those like indoor playgrounds, and Maeve went down, and I'm not kidding, it was so fast that at the end, she like slid on the floor, like an extra like six feet.
Jesus.
So then, I went into like, cause they were like, please, come on, come on, come on, so like, I went up and I went and sat with him and went down it. Yo, I was flying down that thing.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I was worried that there was gonna be like, kids like trying to run in front, cause I would've, you know, I would've took a kid out at the ankles.
I would've been bad.
Would've flipped them over.
Did you see the family, I think a family complained about a slide being too fast, so a cop went down it, did you see that?
Yes, I saw it. This is a famous video that a lot of people have seen.
You've never seen that?
Dude, dude, he's flying, look at this.
He comes down, upside down, dude.
Dude, he's, you hear him shake.
You've never seen that video?
Oh, what?
That video went mega viral a couple of years ago.
You hear him rattling.
It's like a dead body coming down.
Alright, last one.
Yo, where is that? It's in Boston. No! Yeah, it's in Boston. Dude, we have to go to. I saw that there are other videos of people.
Would you go down that?
A hundred percent.
Yeah, yeah, I gotta like, wear like, pads on my ass.
Look it up, people, like the viral Boston slide, there have been videos of people like going down and greasing it.
Yo, I mean, they're asking for it.
I'm telling you, pull those videos up, they go down.
Oh my god.
And like, they fucking fly down this son of a bitch.
That's awesome, dude. Oh man, I love that.
The one of the cop is really.
The one of the cop was the one that went mega viral at first.
It's taking a lot of the juice.
Yo, coming out of the slide, upside down, face down, what? That's incredible.
They're flying down, right?
No, I can't, I can't find it, it's only the cop, but I found another one of the cop, wait, hold on, I just wanna show this. This one is just, it says, it says, uh, local Boston cop gets sucked, sucked into slide.
Yo, that looks even crazier.
No, I mean, come on.
Yo, that doesn't even look like it would be that wild.
Look up, I'm telling you dude, you have to find it, people greasing that Boston slide.
Alright, I'll try.
I, hear me out.
What if we just start making adult playgrounds again?
They're called gyms.
No, no, no, but gyms are like, you're going for health purposes, like adult playgrounds where you can go down a bigger slides. And like, there's like adult swings, dude.
What? Aren't swings just adult swings?
No, a lot of swing sets are made for kids, so like, they're like, like someone with long legs like me can't swing back and forth that well because my, I clip my feet on the ground.
Pick your feet up.
Hey, man.
On the way back, my feet, I'd so low, I clipped the ground.
That feels like a, you know what you gotta do, you gotta swing the swing over the thing one time, make it shorter.
Oh, that's actually, that's not a bad idea, I completely forgot about that, but I don't wanna be that guy.
Have you been on a swing recently and been like, have you ever done like the backflip off of like the dismount?
Do you not remember the times, the jumping off of the swings that we used to do?
But you've done the backflip?
Yeah!
So, have you tried to do that as an adult?
I, I tried to do that, this was probably like, five years ago.
Oh my god, dude.
My life flashed before my eyes.
I wouldn't do, like, I remember, I have pictures of when we were teenagers, jumping off, and like, I remember from that height, falling and rolling my ankle, and if I did that now, it's not rolling.
It's over.
Pulverized.
Yeah, yeah, pulverized. I, I did it because I remember being young and doing it so effortlessly, like it was the easiest thing in the world for me to do.
And then when I did it, I like, came around, and I was like, what have I done? And then as I was, like I landed mad weird and like landed on my ass, I was like, I'm never doing that again.
You're a brave person for having done that five years ago.
I honestly didn't think that it was gonna be hard, I thought it was gonna be easy, but I guess I just hadn't done it in a while.
I mean, life, one of the things that people won't tell you about getting older is that like, your body just can't do what it used to do.
Not if you don't do it.
I mean, it was.
Man, what are you looking up there, buddy?
Nope.
Is that like an ab?
It was a bunch of big titted women.
This is the basement yard can- this is the basement yard thing, it's not mine.
The basement yard what?
Google.
You're the only one who uses that computer.
I thought about that, you're right.
Did you find any of those?
No, nothing was better than that cop, nothing, nothing was better than that cop.
That's a good one though.
Dude, speaking of videos though, can you pull up the video of the animatronics? This is such a freak show thing that is going on.
So, the context, to my understanding, this girl likes animatronics?
I, I believe she builds animatronics, or she likes this one, and she, the premise is she brought her animatronic to a show of animatronics.
And I, I hate that.
This is such a freaky thing I saw on TikTok, and I was like, dude, please. To see his favorite band.
Who's his favorite band, like Kiss? Oh, it's other animatronics.
What are you doing?
I don't like that one.
What's wrong?
That one, that, that big one with the guitar, I don't like it.
I don't know, it looks like it's gonna come at me.
I mean, it's not. You played too much Five Nights at-
Are you, are you like that?
Get the fuck out of here, dude.
This old bag! Wait, oh no, I don't, really don't fuck with birds with eyes with humans. Human eyes?
Is this like the Country Bears?
I don't like that these guys are moving around, so... Oh, no, they killed him.
Oh. Anything with legs.
I don't mind animatronic, you've, you've played too much Five Nights at Freddy's, Ant, that's what it is.
I don't, I don't like it.
Oh, that's Chucky.
That is Chucky.
Okay, that feels like culture appropriation.
I mean, definitely the Italian and with the accordion.
This guy's bat- first of all, I'm decapitating this thing if I ever see it.
If I ever saw this thing in person, I'm shooting it with a real life gun.
For real.
Yeah. It's, it's just, it's just-
Wait, why does she have an animatronic? And why does she bring it? Also, is, is she a fucking-
I don't like the piano player at all, I don't like his mouth.
It's that, it's that one, alright.
Why can't you watch it without-
I don't know, that, look at that, look how tall he is.
Do me a favor.
Yeah, that's a big fucking guy.
Play it from the beginning and watch the video without blocking your eyes.
I could.
Stop what you're doing.
Why are you acting like you're gonna throw up?
Stop what you're doing, yeah.
I don't like it.
Why can't you?
I don't really like it either.
Dude, look at, look at that. It's just too tall.
It's a big, it's a big horse.
I just, I have so many like, operational questions here.
Also, how did, how can this place possibly be in business?
Also, why in God's name does she have a ninety-nine-hundred-year-old man with a cigar animatronic?
Yeah, that, that makes no sense to me.
And how is she moving this thing?
I don't know, but it's terrifying.
I imagine it's heavy. Is she a bodybuilder?
I don't know. Imagine someone bringing you to this, like, "Oh hey, you wanna see something?" And then it just starts playing, all of it.
If it was close, we should go.
I, what, it says Sandy Hook.
Oh.
Where do you see that?
The bottom. It says Smithy's, Smithy's Sugar Service?
Super Service.
Super Service?
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, if that's Sandy Hook in Jersey, that's not that far. Connecticut's, it'd be a drive, but...
I don't wanna go.
I don't like this. I don't like animatronics, but I also don't like, uh, anything that's like a, a doll with human eyes. I just like...
Sandy Hook, Missis- Mississippi.
Oh, okay.
This is in Mississippi?
Yeah, it's something, that's, that's a, that's a Mississippi animatronic, if I've ever seen one.
So it seems like what they do is, they restore nineteen-eighties animatronics. So that was Chuck E. Cheese.
Ah!
And, they play, I don't know. I don't wanna look.
And they play a band?
I guess so.
I would, I'd go to see this.
Fully operational, synchronized?
Dude, we should do mushrooms and go to this.
I would.
No?
Santa Gau Studios video?
No, I'm okay.
We took mushrooms and we went to an animatronic show.
Fifty thousand patrons.
How about this? Actually, no, that's a horrible idea.
Oh, I love, I love those.
Do they sing the song, like, from Five Nights at Freddy's, where it's like? "It's nice to meet you, we're the animatronic family." I know you know what that is, don't even pretend.
You gotta do like, that stuff.
What's that?
I don't know. Something on the internet.
I was gonna say, just get mad drunk and go to fucking medieval times.
That, we've talked about openly and sounds like a good idea.
Why was that a bad idea?
Cause it's like a children thing?
Is it?
Yeah, who cares about them? Why don't, again, we're the basement yard. Now we can reach out to like, be like, yo, listen, we wanna come like, include us in a show, let us joust.
Oh, I definitely don't wanna joust. Are you insane?
Brother, if you had the opportunity to joust with a chicken leg, a turkey leg in your hand, and a bowl of grog in the other, you're not doing it?
I mean, jousting seems a little dangerous.
Give me a blunt sword. I'll fight you.
Bro, you're getting poked in the chest while sitting on top of a horse.
Okay, put me on the ground, and you and I with blunt metal swords, fight.
I hope a knight gives me a rose.
Oh, no shot. You're not a child. It's a children's thing, no?
I think that you have a chance.
Thank you.
I would like to go, and I would be full in. I would get a getup, I would get a fucking, like a crown.
Oh, please get me some chain mail.
Oh, that's a good idea.
King, knight, and executioner? I feel like that sounds right.
You wanna be the executioner?
I'll be the executioner.
And I'm the knight, cuz I'm brave, and I'm doing actual, the, the, like, going out and getting after it while the king just sits there,
as people try his food so he doesn't get poisoned.
I'll take it.
Sure. Whatever you, whatever you need. Sure.
Well, we need, yeah.
And you're the pick number three, my lord.
I'll do it.
Oh, that was Thelonious.
Pick number three, my lord. I would love to go to medieval times.
I just wanna eat chicken with my hands and like peas.
I've never been.
We went, it was like, it was like the big fifth grade trip that our, our school did.
Yeah, that was the last time I went.
Yeah, me too.
I bought a battle axe and a shield.
I bought, I bought, I bought two battle axes, and I was like Gimli.
I, when I was in, uh, Toronto, I was driving around, and I saw-
So you weren't there?
And I saw a giant medieval times. It was huge.
In Toronto?
Did they even have the medieval times back then? It was just like French people decapitating each other.
That's what I thought. Like, I thought, like, why is this here? But, uh, they have a giant medieval times there.
Oh, the medieval times.
Well, they're-
They weren't having turkey leg, we were having wine and-
Aren't they like ruled by the British?
Canada?
I thought it was the French.
I mean, there are French people.
It feels like something you should know, probably.
I'm pretty sure it's.
If anyone's gonna know that here, it's definitely not me.
I could, I could do it.
No, no, I'm, I'm doing the ads anyway.
But I, I, I'm pretty sure they're, they're.
You look up that information. You do the ads.
Alright.
I'll dictate how this is all going.
I'm, I'm looking up, is Canada?
I think it was. They're ruled, they're ruled right now by like.
By British.
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Beautiful.
What were we saying right before we cut to?
Long story short, Canada is not under British rule.
I think they were founded by-
Not like, under rule.
Since nineteen eighty-two.
But like, not under rule, but like-
Well, they're, they're independent.
Yo, Mikey's watching this and he's just shaking his head.
They do share the same, um, monarch.
That's it.
But that's more of a symbolic head of state thing.
Yes, yes, that's what I meant. The monarch, yes. Which I don't, I mean, once we start getting into monarchies and those types of things, like, that's a little tough. Um, so I don't really know what that means.
I knew they weren't ruled by the British, but like, they were like, there was something with the British. It wasn't the French, is my point.
But I thought the French were the ones that, like, founded it.
Meh.
Above my pay grade. I know there's a lot of French-
I mean, that's why, isn't that why, like, French is like, the most spoken language in Canada?
We also don't know much about Canada.
I think Toronto also, you know how they say Queens is like, super diverse?
Toronto's like,
uh, one of the most diverse countries. If not the, I think it's the most-
Cities.
Cities, I mean. It's like, the most diverse city in the world. Isn't that insane?
Yeah. I mean, Queens is up there. It's like, every language in the world is spoken somewhere in Queens.
That's so cool.
Which is pretty crazy.
And then it's even crazy to think about,
I mean, this is like-
Here we go.
Now we're getting here, let's go.
Yep, let's do it.
No, because, I feel like when I was younger, right, because of how we grew up, it was like, how can people be like, racist? You know what I mean?
And then like, but like, I get how people can like, hate people. I don't get being racist, though. Like, I, like, I mean, obviously now, I'm older, that's not what I mean. But when I was younger, I was like, thinking about how strange it must have been to grow up in a place, where there wasn't like, other people. Like, other, uh, ethnicities and like, cultures, like-
Gotcha.
That is like-
Like, and you could just be like, I, I don't know, like,
that's, I'm like dumbfounded by that.
I agree. I, I mean, I think that, you know, these are people that have grown up in a, an isolated world to them, so like, the idea of somebody else existing and having a similar lifestyle to them, like, they don't like.
Yeah, I just, it's so weird.
Are we gonna sit here and parse through the trying to understand racists?
No, that's not my intent.
I know, I know that's not your intent, but like, why do we have to explain, like, not that you're asking me to explain, but like, that's just, that's a weird thing to have to like, it is so stupid, being racist.
That's not where I was like, leading the conversation.
There you go, folks.
I just-
That's the political discourse you're getting here.
Being racist is so what?
It's so stupid.
No, but I thought it was, what I was getting at was like, we're just so used to being around a bunch of like, racists and other people.
Yes, correct.
And then there's people who like, don't, that's not their experience, and I never understood that everywhere it wasn't like, where we lived.
I, yes, and then I, and then I, I really don't understand the people that have grown up.
And those people are-
And those people are like, I don't like them.
Yeah, you're like, huh? Yeah, you're like, do what?
We all grew up in the same-
Literally-
-school system and shit.
Yes, you shared a class with someone named Pablo, someone named-
Azim.
Azim, someone named Marcus, someone named Joseph, like, you should be able to like, understand-
Yeah, it's so weird, dude.
That these things can coexist, yeah, it is, it is, it is baffling. Queens is really like,
outside of the diverse, like, I guess this goes hand in hand with the diverse people, but like, the food? Like, yo-
I'm not even fucking around, like, people say like, oh, go to New York for the food. When you go to Manhattan, like, you'll find spots here and there, bro, you want like, and I can't speak about the other boroughs, because I've not lived in them and spent as enough, as much time, but like, you can go to Queens and get the best version of those countries' foods outside of those countries. You know, does that make sense?
I would loop in the rest of the five boroughs in that.
I agree.
With what part?
Like, what he, I, I-
Racism is bad?
No, yeah, well, that especially, I'm saying, loop in the other boroughs, but also that, outside of the country, yeah, for sure, the best food of that country.
Like, I've, let's, as an example.
Colombian food. Obviously, my father's side of the family is Colombian. Go to Jackson Heights. It's basically Little Colombia. I've had Colombian food outside of Queens and it it pales in comparison. And I know people could say like, oh, it's just like that's the first you had, so you think that's the standard, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I'm just talking from a quality standpoint, like the quality of the food that you're having. It's just better.
Living in a place where it's like just one cuisine would suck ass.
Dude, you want to know something crazy that my mom taught me, that taught me, told me and I and it like it didn't like at first register because it didn't make sense. But now, thinking back on it, it's like, what? My mom said that her first time having Mexican food was when she went out to Oregon in the eighties. Cause she said that Mexican food really wasn't a thing in New York.
Could you imagine?
That's my favorite food, I think.
I think Mexican is, yeah.
Okay. I would say, oh, man, I mean, if we're gonna categorize like food by like nation.
It's really tough. I mean, I love like traditional American food, like steaks and hot dogs and barbecue. But like, boy, oh, boy, the minute I see like Greek food is on the menu.
Whoa. What do you, what's like Greek, like, uh?
Gyros? Sure, gyros, as we say them appropriately. Uh, but then like, like the way that like the Greeks prepare their fish, uh, pasticcio, you know, the desserts, galactoburrico, baklava, which I know people say it's not technically a Greek thing. Um.
Baklava is good, very sticky.
Oh, I love it. That syrup on it.
I like anything that's like flaky as fuck.
Flaky and just fucking moist.
Like layered shit is good.
Dude, that's why that one, you know, you've never been to the tomatoes. Oh, my god.
I haven't.
They've, well, I don't know if they still do this because we live in a different world than we did 10 years ago. But like for, they would give complimentary dessert. It was called galactoburrico. And it's like the flaky filo dough on top and inside it's like a custardy cakey.
With like that like honey vanilla syrup drizzle on it.
And I'm telling you.
Open it up. I'm coming in.
That's right.
That is right.
What's your favorite food?
Uh, it's a tie between traditional American and Italian, for sure. I actually don't like Mexican food that much, believe it or not.
Oh, I also love Asian food.
Absolutely.
Like?
I don't like Thai.
I love Chinese food, I love Thai, I love, uh...
Oh, I ate a lot of Thai food.
I love-
My fucking, my Uber Eats, the top was Thai.
Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause I only really used it, that app for the Thai food, cause it's only available on there, so it's kinda cheating, but...
Yeah, whatever. Um, yeah, you know, I don't think I've had, like, I've, I don't think I've been introduced to food and not enjoyed it.
Hmm. What?
I don't know that that's happened to me either.
Like, no one has ever been like, "You've never had this? Let's go have some," and been like, "That's not good."
Like, of course, I've had food in my life that, like, it wasn't of good quality-
Filipino food.
And you're like, "Oh, I don't like this."
Like, one of my, one of my earliest memories of, like, trying foods from different places, cause as, like, a, a young teenager, I was, like, not really into trying that shit, but, like, we knew someone whose father had a Moroccan cafe.
Food blew me away.
Yeah, Moroccan food's good.
Well, I do believe that, unless there's a crazy dietary restriction, but people, you could find something you like at every restaurant, even if you don't like the food. Like, I don't traditionally like Mexican food, but if I go to a Mexican restaurant, I could very much eat there. Cause, like, there's something I'll like.
What do you not like about Mexican food?
I, I don't know, but, like,
I may, I guess it's just, like, the traditional flavoring, cause I like the fajitas, I like certain tacos, cause, like, when it tastes more plain, I guess. I'm not, I'm not trying to ex, like-
You like plain food?
Yeah, I was gonna say, I'm not trying to, like, be super white, yeah, I'm not, I'm not trying to be-
You said American and Italian, brother. You ain't digging at this one.
Well, absolutely, but...
I think, I think-
I don't know how to explain it.
Whatever, like, the flavor profile is that is used traditionally in Mexican food is not your favorite.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Cumin, you know, like, a lot of their foods use cumin a lot.
So, like, I could see that, because that is, that is a pretty, like, you know cumin when you taste cumin.
When I was younger, I thought that was pronounced "cumin."
Of course it is.
I'm, I'm not-
It's spelled "cumin," come on.
I'm not sure it's not, still.
Yeah, I think that, like, maybe we, like, I don't see a Q, I see cup. They also use stuffing a lot, and it's not, like, if you don't like it, it's not, you're not gonna like it. I don't know how else to say that. It's so, it's so, like, intensely flavored.
I mean, at this point, like, you're trying to disrespect me.
It's gotta get better than that.
Stuffing.
It's gotta get better.
Sky. I almost had him. No, no you didn't! I almost-
He also used, um, gargoyles.
I almost, almost, almost really quickly almost.
It's Frank, it's Frank the, the doctor, the scientist with your degree in crim- what-
Oh, I apologize, is my contribution to the show not enough for you?
World traveler. World traveler.
I'm not a world traveler.
Been everywhere?
I am not a world traveler, I, I very openly say that and am okay with that.
You're Bachelor of Science in criminal whatever.
Yeah. Yup. Got me with some factual information that proves my point.
What actually was it?
Bachelor of Science, Criminal Justice.
Justice dick in your mouth.
Oh! Oh no! Oh no!
Oh no! You gotta hit him with a got him, please, get to the mic, get to the mic, hurry up. God! Got him!
Oh my god!
Also, you owe him a hundred bucks.
Do you remember that?
Oh, for all those?
We, no, we bet if we ever got somebody.
Dude, you just ate that and you have to give him a hundred bucks, that's crazy.
You just ate that, Jesus.
Oh my god! That was good. That was crazy. That's what it feels like?
Yeah, yeah.
It's not good, right? I feel dirty.
I know!
I feel filthy.
You feel so dirty, why'd you go home and jump in your bed?
I will, was my contribution not enough for you, sir? This better be good enough for my attention, mmm, huh!
That is a deflection from the point.
He's pointing, look at the points!
Ah, yeah, yeah.
Ah, whatever.
It's alright.
You just got a hundred bucks.
I'm chilling.
I mean, minus three, he just pointed at me thrice!
I think it was twice, I think it was twice, I'll give it twice. This is ridiculous.
I think it's not ridiculous.
Oh my god, you tried to get, and then he set a different trap, and then you got got.
You know, I mean honestly, the game of life sometimes is surprising, and I'm, I, I respect you all the more for it.
The game of life is sometimes surprising.
I respect you all the more for it. Good for you.
There's nothing I can do. I can't even try to come back with one now.
I'm too, like...
That was, that was so good.
I'm analyzing every word you're saying.
No, no, no. I'm, I'm done.
No, you can tell when he's doing it because it's a weird, different light that comes from his eyes. I don't know how he does it.
I honestly don't understand how you are so like, in tune always on it. Did you know that was what I was doing?
His job is to be in tune.
Yeah, I gotta listen very intently.
Did I know you were doing it? No, that was good. That got me. Well, well, well, because it was very targeted. When it's targeted, it's different. Frankie's just like...
Wait, can you repeat one more time what it, what it was? Just this dick in your mouth?
That's good.
I, but for a second, what I thought he was doing was, I was like, here goes Frank, just saying something that seemed...
To show that he knows something.
Like a niche, like spice or something. But like, so that was like originally that, what I was thinking. And then I was like, oh. And then...
Well, I looked over at Ann. I looked over at Ann and Ann already knew because he went... And I was like, fuck. If you had not done that, he may, might have, might have given it and been like stuffing.
Maybe. I don't know.
Stuffing these balls in your mouth. That's what it would have been.
Got it.
Stuffing these balls in your mouth is hysterical.
It's really something with your eyes. They light differently.
When, when you're, when you're excited.
It might be like where he's like, like Keith, when he's doing something like that is always like... Like it's just this, it's just a little corner, one side of the mouth like...
I'm gonna get you again. Cause I've already gotten you twice. If anything, it's two to one.
Yeah, but he got you after. We said we're gonna do money.
Yukon and suck on these.
Yeah, the suck ons.
Oh, right.
The suck ons.
That one got me too. Cause I was like, this is probably a nostalgic drink or something.
Joe did get you after we established money, so...
That's fine. He can, but he's already, I'm already...
Up, he's already owed me, so if anything, we're like even now.
Was I down that much?
No. But, you know, we're getting there.
What were you talking about, actually?
I don't know, that was, that really derailed.
Uh, I was, uh... You had asked me to reference my, my, my bachelor's degree.
Oh, it was what food we like as well.
Oh, yeah.
I have it in my notes.
Yeah, your food, yeah. You do hate Mexicans.
That's what you said, you said-
I mean, that is an interesting one, because... That's such a, like, I feel like that's such a, like, well-integrated part of our world now.
Tacos and burritos.
Yeah. Like, it's not like, it's like, you know, "Oh, I don't like Indian food." Like, okay, like, Indian food is very popular, but like, you could go your life without having it. I feel like tacos and burritos is everywhere, on every menu, at every place you go to.
Indian food.
Unbelievable. Holy moly, dude.
Very good.
The first time I dipped garlic naan in that butter chicken sauce.
Yo, I still don't understand how naan is possible. Like, where, the way that they make it, where they just stick it on the side and it doesn't fall.
Yeah, isn't that cool?
Even when it's cooked, though, like, how?
I don't know, it's really cool, though.
It's interesting.
Have you ever seen it, like a-
In the stone, like the stone?
The thing, that-
I think it, I think, I actually think it's called, yeah. No, no, no, don't do them, they, they just paid us!
Damn it. Okay.
Um, I think it's called a tandoori oven?
Hmm, hmm.
But, I love the, the, like, seeing the video, them just fucking bang-
Smacking it up there, and it just stays, I'm like, "What?"
It's crazy.
Dude, I had a chili one, like a spicy naan.
Oh, dude. I've only had garlic.
Have you ever had, because you said you like Thai, have you ever had tom yum soup?
Too much?
What's it?
Uh, I don't know, but whatever it is, it's out of this world, dude.
I get like pad Thai.
It's like a spicy Thai soup.
Next time you order Thai, tummy yum soup.
I'll see if they have it. It's just when you put lime on stuff and it's like a taco, it's just weird.
I'm good on the lime. Like, I don't eat it, but like, there's so much more going on except lime.
I agree, I agree.
Like, we had, I also said it the other day, I think that the breakfast burrito is like the best breakfast item that exists. It's got everything. Are we including, like?
Any breakfast food.
Any, pancakes, waffles, french toast?
I think those things are all good, but I do, I think that like, all things considered, the breakfast burrito. So versatile.
I'm not gonna argue that. I can, I can see the argument and I will support it and appreciate it.
I like when food is just jammed in and you can hold it all in one hand and just eat it. And not like I gotta go digging for it on my plate.
I'm fine, yeah.
I like more when it's chopped up though, and then built, then stacked and built. To where like the bacon is sometimes on this side and the egg is only over here.
Wait, what? I agree with that.
Do you know what I mean?
I like when they mix it all up and then put it in the burrito because then it's like you're getting a little bit of everything in the same bite.
Yeah, it's weird that I have to, like, to get everything, you know?
I mean, I hear what you're saying, what you're doing is not a real thing people do.
Trying to bite the whole thing, kinda?
Like, when I go to, like, the times I've been to Chipotle, like, I'll like, get all the chicken and rice at the top and then the bottom is just lettuce and avocado.
Which I don't hate, but like, not there for that, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, let's make this thing a little crazy.
Oh, god, I was such a gutter slut for Chipotle in like 2010, 2011. You could not have convinced me that was not the greatest food on the planet.
You know, the first time I had Chipotle, I was probably like 26, 7?
That's old, brother.
I know. I like refused. I was like, oh, my Frankie shit. Do you remember when I visited you at, at college? And we went and I was like, I'm not eating this.
Yeah, cuz you said you wouldn't make it back in time without crapping your pants.
Which is like not, like, I don't know why Chipotle has that reputation.
I've never heard that reputation for Chipotle. I know that like, I know that like, uh, like Mexican food has the reputation for like, it can kinda go through you, but I've never heard it specifically about Chipotle.
Oh, I've heard about Chipotle, but like, Chipotle is just like, you know, yo, their spicy chicken's kinda spicy.
I, I can't speak to the overall quality of Chipotle. I don't wanna offend them as a company. But the first ten times I had Chipotle in my life were near euphoric.
Was it just hammered?
No, they were all sober.
I don't think I've ever had a drunk Chipotle. That might fucking kill me.
Bowl?
No, I've never gotten anything other than a burrito, and I never will.
Okay. Was, it was before the shrinkflation thing.
Which, is that even real with Chipotle?
I've never eaten Chipotle in the store. My brother like, usually caters it when we like, go over for stuff. And you just make your own.
Oh, so you've, uh?
I've never eaten Chipotle in a Chipotle.
Have you ever gotten Chipotle prepared by, by a Chipotle?
No. I've only done my own.
So you haven't really? So you haven't really had Chipotle?
And I'll accept that.
I'll accept that.
That's a circle. That's a circle, baby. Full callback.
But I'm in agreement. I, if, if you guys were like, you, you haven't had it unless someone at the place makes it for you, I'd be like, yeah, fair.
Unless you walk up and you need to have every bit of information ready the minute they ask you.
To be clear, your, your point has been more right the entire time.
No, but, to be clear.
Also, to watch them just go like this, and it's like, there's no way that's gonna fit, that's gonna fit.
What the hell was that?
I was just making conversation.
His point has always been more, more right on what?
We know.
Have you guys seen, I, I don't know if you guys are on the same algorithm as me, but there's a place that does like, these giant Caesar salad wraps and they put a ridiculous amount on this wrap and you're like, you have no fucking way. But they get it closed and it's like this thick.
No, but you know who's given Chipotle a run for their money? You ever had Dos Toros? In Manhattan?
They're good, they're good dude.
Have I actually? I think I have had it once, but I don't remember at all.
Dude, really, really good.
It's like, what?
It's basically the same thing as Chipotle, but just different enough to legally be.
Different name.
Your doghouse looks like.
Take it both ways here.
Alright. What does that mean?
I don't know, that's probably too much.
Yeah, it was.
It happens.
Uh, but. Yeah, I would say.
Italians up there, Greeks up there.
Italians not that high for me. I feel like it's all kind of the same. Like it's like good, obviously, but like. Pastas and like chicken parmes.
I've seen a lot of, I've seen a lot of discourse online with people just saying like, Italian food is more than pastas. And it's like, yeah, we know that, but like.
It is, but like, you know.
That's your, that's your, that's your errand judge.
I would say that tomato sauce is the flavor.
What do you put pizza under? Do we get that?
That's a really good question.
Alright, so I mean, you're starting to get.
Yeah, no, that's a, yeah, you got. I saw, I saw something once and it was like, the Chinese invented pizza or something like that.
They invented literally everything.
Probably.
Literally everything. Noodles, everything.
They're one of the oldest like.
Still running civilizations.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, you got pizza, you got pasta, you got Mike Trout and Otani, the rest of the team sucks.
Well, they're no longer on the same team.
No, I know. I'm saying like, they're the angels of whatever year it was.
I mean, no, I've never had like, a bad Italian dish, like...
Well, not that it sucks, it's like, it's just all this, it really feels like...
Yeah, the heavy hitters, the heavy hitters are the pasta. That makes sense. But then the way that they, the way they do fish. Good bronze?
Really like Mediterranean food too, which might be, is like...
I guess technically, Italian is, it borders the Mediterranean, right?
Southern Italy?
I think Italian is its own thing. Mediterranean food is like, a different thing.
I mean, I think of Greek food, I think of...
Like a Greek salad?
Yeah, like...
Fish?
Isn't like, Spain also bordering the Mediterranean?
What? No.
Okay, I'm...
It's not even close.
It's far, it's pretty far.
Sorry, I'm wrong.
Sorry, I'm wrong. I've, I've wronged.
What country's border the Mediterranean? Can you look that up for me, please?
That's a good, it's a good one.
Also, you're leaving out desserts, tiramisu, cannoli is good.
Yeah, I'm not a huge cannoli guy, although the one that you brought in was phantasmic. That was stupidly good.
It was like...
I actually want you to get some more from them, but I'll pay.
This time, because I want to bring some home to Becca and the kids, because when she saw that episode, she was like, "Holy shit."
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh! Oh!
Go to the map.
Oooh!
What is that?
Mediterranean seems pretty big here. Alright.
Let's fucking run through that again. Watch this. Doesn't Spain border the Mediterranean? No! It's out there! Ahhh! Fucking both of you.
I was, I didn't, yeah.
God.
Got me.
There's a lot of... So Mediterranean is everything?
Pretty much, yeah.
It's every food?
I mean, you're also using, you're also using Gemini, I would cross-reference this with another...
It is, I'm talking about the maps.
More reputable.
The Mediterranean goes all the way through here. Well, okay, see, this is more what I thought, like...
That the Caspian?
I honestly thought the Mediterranean was just
like surrounding Italy, Sicily and like up where like Montenegro and Albania is.
No, that's what it's saying. It's saying it's the whole thing here.
I had no idea the Mediterranean was that big. I apologize Frank.
Oh my god, I want to jump across this table and strangle you both until your eyes pop out of your sockets.
I had no idea the Mediterranean went all that way.
You know what, I'm not giving it, I would say it's, it cuts off.
You know what, I would say it cuts off like right there.
Yeah, but it doesn't.
It doesn't, yeah, it doesn't.
No, it really doesn't, that's... So if I say, I like Mediterranean food, you like all of the food?
I, I think that-
I mean, of bordering the Mediterranean?
I think that like Mediterranean food is, I think it excludes like Spain, France and Italy. Cause those are like their own cuisines.
What is considered Mediterranean food?
I, I, it's a lot of fish and like fresh lemony-
Yeah, it's like fish and like salads and shit.
Yeah. I would say, yes, all of Spain is not, like the, the eastern like coast of Spain you could say is Mediterranean fare. Because a lot of countries used to have like different specializations in their foods depending on where they were. Like northern Italy's food is different from the southern part of Italy and stuff like that.
Also, like Greece and Italy, it's, the Mediterranean surrounds pretty much all of it. Spain, you know, Spain's huge. You get this whole other side.
Yeah, that's, it, it, did, did I not say human words there?
I'm just having some fun.
No, I mean, no, he's right. I mean, I had no idea that it bordered it.
Um, counting France seems even more crazy, actually.
I mean.
That's a good part of France.
Southern France, yeah.
It's a good part of France, buddy.
It is. Alright, congrats Frankie, you got another one.
I've been right for like 10 episodes in a row now. And it's fucking crazy the amount of disrespect.
Did you miss the first hour of this conversation?
We were in a disagreement, but who sat here and planted the flag in your ass of being right?
I don't even know how to answer that.
Exactly.
Yeah, but also the 15 minutes ago happened and...
What was that?
Justice. That's what it was. Oh.
That was good. That doesn't make me wrong. That just makes me a victim.
Um, alright, well, I think we can end there, right there in, uh, the Mediterranean Sea. For those who don't know, borders Spain. And Algeria, apparently.
I'd love to go to Algeria, I've heard good things.
About Algeria?
I've never been to Algeria, I've never... Oh, I knew one Algerian person, you know who I'm talking about.
She was a girl.
Nar- narrows it down to several girls.
She...
Took her boobs out at a bar.
Oh, that should not, right?
Oddly enough, it doesn't.
No, it was, it was, this was like during like a World Cup, and they were playing...
We'll talk, we'll talk.
Belgium.
I was, who they were playing doesn't make sense, we'll talk later.
No, I just like remember.
Well, you'll tell me later.
I don't know who you're...
I have no other information, I don't even know her name.
Oh, so then how the hell would I know?
I just knew she was Algeri- Algerian, it was the only Algerian person I've ever known.
So you know her heritage, you don't know her name, but you have seen her tits?
None of that was on me.
I'm not saying...
That's how the information was presented to me.
I'm not saying that you're held responsible here, but like, I would imagine that you would at least know, uh, that, not, any more identifiable factors of that person.
I, I actually don't. I mean, she wasn't like our friend. Like, she came around a couple times, I think one of her friends was like hooking up with her.
And we were at a bar, and she was like, "If the US wins, I'll show everyone in the bar my boobs", like yelled that, so everyone was super hyped. And then the US lost, and then she did it anyway.
That's a hero.
Is that the word we're using for that?
That's the nicest outfit.
The FDNY and NYPD.
That girl.
Superman.
That girl. Um, alright, well, that's all we have, folks. Uh, Frank, where can they find you?
You know where to find me, uh, and after this, I'm gonna be upset with Ant, because he's completely threw me under the bus and said he thought your argument was better than mine, and I'm gonna be pissed about it for an hour.
There you go. Ant, where can they find you?
Find me at AntPrisca.
No, don't, don't, no!
On Instagram, and that's how I got that one.
Why'd you say that?
Cause I agreed with you.
That's how I got that one.
You said it very anime. Uh, you guys can go follow me at Joe Sanagawa, go follow the show at The Base Me Yard, on TikTok and Instagram, and that is all. See you guys next time.
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