The Basement Yard
What's the weirdest thing on your algorithm? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
12,006 words · 6 speakers
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you, based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
Welcome back to the ba-
Welcome back to the basement yard, decked out in all white. There he is.
Why do you say it like that?
What?
Decked out in all white like that. It felt... It felt wrong, right?
You're trying to make everything like a thing.
I don't know, and I don't want to offend anybody.
So we're gonna pivot.
Yeah, CNN's gonna pop in there.
No, but it is really, really cool that like... I do think, and this isn't cool, I do think though that like, when we get together, your algorithm is like, listening to what we're talking about and it'll be like, "Let's send this." Because how many times have we talked about something, whether it be on the show or off the show? We leave here and then immediately a TikTok of it posts. Like, it pops up in my timeline.
Mine is like, pretty... See, the problem is, like, sometimes I'll... Like, what I really don't like, and this is why, yo, Twitter's horrible. Like, it's so bad. Everyone is like miserable on that app. And like TikTok, you can get to a point where there's a lot of just misery back and forth, and I'm like, "I can't." Like, I will purposefully like get out of those and try to watch, like, nice stuff. Like, I just wanna be warmed by the heart by things.
You know what we should do? We should do a Patreon episode that it is niche, but we each bring in like our five favorite TikToks, and we show them to each other. Just because like, it's such a sense of camaraderie. Like, Becca and I will lay in bed and I'll be like, "You like anything for me?" And she'll be like, "Come look." And we like sit there and we go through like her TikToks.
Oh yeah, I do that, like... I don't do it every day, but like definitely like, there's a check-in of like, "Let's see what we've liked."
Yeah, let's see, like, what did you like? What did I like? Let's combine.
Also-
Obviously, mine is the best, and you think yours is the best. I've never met anyone whose likes are better than mine.
Uh, I mean, I think, I, I, I, I don't like a lot. I am very selective with what I'm going to like.
Oh, you're trying to build a portfolio.
Bingo. I'm trying to, I'm trying to make it like, oh, man, like, these are good likes. This is a good like over here, you know, a well-placed like.
Yeah.
I also get a lot of, uh, I don't know if you guys get these, it's like TikToks of like, like, not, I don't want to say poorly drawn, because that sounds disrespectful, but it's like, it's like animation that like looks more.
Sketch?
Yeah, like sketched animation, and it's like, "To my partner, you are my home, you are my life."
Like, fuck are you watching?
It's like cute little, and I said, and now they, I sent it to Becca once. And now it's always, so now every time I see it, I'm like, alright, I'll just send it over to her. You know, but like, it's like, it's like, uh, a little drawing, and it's like, "You don't realize what you mean to me." But it's over like hand-drawn animation.
And then you take credit for the words, and you're like.
Of course, yeah, absolutely.
This is how I feel.
My thought.
Instead of me, instead of me saying it, instead of me saying it, I'm just going to
Yeah. show you a video of someone else doing it very well, and I'm taking credit.
It's the equivalent of like, a Valentine's card, you just, "Dear, dear babe, love me," and whatever's written in it, you're like.
You underline some words?
Dude, I've done that. You do that? You do that?
I don't, uh, I've changed words so it makes sense.
My, what?
Like, I'll, like, as a joke, like, I'll cross it out and like, do it.
Like a word that like, you know.
Instead of saying love, you say hate.
No. No, I'll change like some of the words so it makes a little bit more sense. Or like, I'll put like an inside joke, instead of like, "Your hair is like the ocean in the breeze," like, I'll like cross that out and put like something that.
Gotcha. I, uh, my parent, I thought it was only my parents, really my mom that does this, where like, she like triple underlines the part of the card that she wants to like really draw home.
You are the best!
Yes, yes, literally, and I was like, that's just such a my mom thing, but I guess it's a your parents and you guys as well?
I've done it. I've like underlined.
My parents, or my mom.
Yeah, not your dad.
No, my dad.
Yellow ain't giving you any cards.
No, no. Bro, me and Keith used to give my. When we used to get my mom like Mother's Day cards Keith used to write Keith Santagato in the card.
Yeah, we've got over that.
It's the most insane thing in the world.
I remember I-
You are definitely a huge card guy, right?
Oh, big card guy.
Like, no, you fill that bitch up.
Um, I, yes, yes, I, I like to like write.
Write a lot.
You know, I do. I, I think that it's heartwarming, you know, we-
Do you do it for everyone or just Becca?
Um-
Like your brother's birthday, you're gonna like give him a card?
It's, it's gotten shorter on siblings. You know, now my attention is like going toward kids and Becca.
Do you give your brother a card?
No. I, I can't even tell you last time I give, I gave my brothers or my sister a card, but like nieces and nephews, they get cards.
Sure, sure, sure.
You know, you reach a point in life where a birthday, like it's just like a high five.
Yeah. A Miller Lite.
Uh, but I, I'm a big card guy. I have cards from like high school, middle school.
I have one that someone got me a high school musical card and you open it up and it was like, when you open it, it sings. But the battery's so fucked that it's like, everybody can freeze.
You know what I've done sometimes? Like sometimes like for a birthday or something, I'll just get like a happy birthday grandma or just like a completely separate card.
Just to try and make it work.
We, my, my siblings and I used to do that for like birthdays, like a 20th birthday, we got like a quinceañera card in Spanish. You know, because it's hysterical.
Does your, do you get your dad cards?
Uh, I haven't in a while because again, I'm an adult now. Um, but when we did like, he, he's one of those people where he has all the cards we've ever given him.
Yeah, that's where you get that, I'm sure.
And he's like, I'm telling you right now, when you cremate with me, I want all my cards in there with me.
He wants to be creamed?
Your dad wants to be creamed when he dies?
Cremated.
Yeah, I mean.
I mean, I want to make sure we're, we're establishing that as the proper way to say it.
Yeah. Dad wants to be creamed.
Write that down. Why must you write that down? Also-
Just a note, just to take a note.
Also, first of all.
Please don't. My dad will hear this.
No shot in hell, dude. He's checked out already.
He's gone.
He's in Colombia. He doesn't give a fuck about this right now.
Yeah. Oh, I'm going next year.
Oh, you are going to Colombia?
Yeah. Medellin?
That's where my dad lives.
Dude, imagine I accidentally run into your dad.
You can hang out with my father.
Can you?
You better be careful. So you said you were saying my dad is creamed. You're going to where he fucking... I know what you're gonna bring up. I know exactly what you're gonna bring up.
He's calling 30.
I... No, no, no.
I am...
I am gonna pivot before I tell the story.
This is a real story.
Because I get secondhand embarrassment from this story. I knew you were gonna bring this up.
It reminded me.
It was so fucking bad.
You often in life catch yourself saying something stupid and you're just like, that was so fucking dumb.
I will allow Frank to fill in the blanks after I tell the framing, but we were younger and we were going somewhere.
No, I'll tell the story because it deserves to be properly told. Joey had just purchased a fucking apartment in Long Island City. The place was sick. And it was, for those of you guys that don't live in New York or know Long Island City, it's fucking awesome. It was like cool bars, cool restaurants before it became like cool to be cool. It was Long Island City. And my uncle had always lived in Long Island City. And when he got the place...
Oh my god, this place is dope, dude. Where is it? I'm like, oh, it's in Long Island City. Oh dude, we can hang out with my uncle. I said, "What?"
I said, "Why would we hang..." And I could see as soon as the words left his mouth that he was like, "What have I done?" And I was like, "Why?" And I still was like, "Why would we hang out with your uncle?"
Like, it was just like, and it's funny because like, if it was like an uncle that was like...
I love my uncle.
Younger, like... Younger, cool, you know, like... I mean, I'm not getting crazy. He's a cool dude. He's a cool dude, but like, not like, if it was like, I have an uncle that works for the NFL, we can hang out with him. No, he was an elec... is an electrician.
So like, hey man, let's go hang out with my uncle. He's an electrician.
Or if he was like thirty something and we were like twenty five.
Mid to late forties, maybe even fifty.
Oh dude, we can go hang out with my uncle. I said, what?
I said it and as the last syllable left my mouth, your brain just instantly registered, this is the dumbest thing. That I have ever heard.
I can also see on your face that you do, like, it was almost like you didn't say it.
It was like.
Someone else did it with your mouth and you were like, what am I doing?
Well, it was a prime example of like, I had the idea and the idea went from my brain out through my mouth at the exact same time. There was no filter, like, people think like, oh, he's not filtered, like, he says fucked up shit. No, it was not filtered in the sense of like, the idea should have stopped right where it was.
Right in the throat.
It just kept going.
Oh man.
It was bad. It was bad.
That's so fucking funny.
Dude, we can go hang out with my uncle.
By the way, we have, we have, we have not addressed ants sweatshirt.
Oh.
Dude, first of all, I was in my office, he comes over, knocks on it and just goes.
Look, it's cool, no?
The ant colony?
I will say.
You're leaning in. You're leaning in.
I got them.
He's leaning in.
You, the, from, from Greg's TikTok to that sweatshirt, you expedited that process.
It was actually already in the works, believe it or not, before he made that.
Really?
Yeah. I saw a comment on it and went, like, a while ago on an old episode, I went, doing that.
Oh, someone said the ant colony. Sue, sue, sue, sue.
Cease and desist. Leaned into it and then Greg made that social media post and he named the ant colony and went, and I sent them the, the, like.
Well, you know what?
Designed immediately.
It sucks since it was someone else's comment, we can't sell it now, so.
Too bad.
Well, they didn't make this.
It's true.
I mean, why, first of all, why not just commit to just being an ant, not being in an ant suit?
I am an ant.
No, but like, you have an ant suit on because you have a human face.
But he's always got sunglasses on.
Yeah, he's always got the sunglasses, but like, you're, that's, you're a human in an ant costume.
Why not just be an ant?
And there's an ant colony and there's little ants.
So what you're saying is that you are standing on, on a fabricated ant colony, so it's not real?
What are you even saying? What are you talking about? Real to me. You know what I low-key liked a lot?
Antarage? Ant farms.
The ant farm?
Like, you know, like, the big, the big glass?
Oh, you actually like them? I thought you meant like the name of his, like, following?
Oh, no, no, no. I meant like an actual ant farm. I mean, I wouldn't want one in my house, cause it'll, but like, I'd like look at my life.
I would love an ant farm in my house. That's really, that would be really fascinating.
Be careful what you wish for, buddy. I'll get you a big ant farm.
I mean, I think that would be pretty cool. I, you know what I like? Alien ant farm.
What's the other song?
That's the only one that I know that they did.
No, I mean, obviously they covered that. What was the Alien ant farm song?
I think that's the only one I know of.
Alien in the sky. You don't know that song?
No.
It's called Satellites or something? I don't know.
I don't, I wouldn't even be able to.
That's probably not the right song.
Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. They got big from taking a, a Michael Jackson song and doing a cover of it.
Bro, how about the dude in that music video used to scare the shit out of me, cause his eyes were like all black.
You don't remember that?
I remember the guy who was, I think the guitarist for Led, um, definitely not Led Zeppelin, Limp Bizkit.
Had like the white, uh, contacts.
Bro, I wanted those so bad, you have no idea.
I wanted those so bad too.
Oh my god, I wanted them so bad.
I, thank god I didn't become the person I wanted to be in middle school.
If I had a, had choices, like if I didn't have siblings, this would be so much worse.
Like I'd have flames going up my arms or something.
I mean, yeah, honestly, my sister, who, like-
Saved you.
No, she pushed me down the fucking worst parts of town.
Because she was the first person that put a Yankee fitted on me, and she was like-
Do it like that.
And I was like, Jay, okay, you know. It's like, they gotta.
You took the ball. She may have been like, here, and you took that shit and you fucking threw the legs, slammed it.
I did.
Because Frank was out here.
That is fair, but she was the one that was just like, you know, don't listen to Pokemon. Here's Nina Sky, which
Nina Sky.
To her credit, a good pivot in some regards as I was growing up. But like, she was very supportive of you getting spray painted t-shirts that were way too big. I don't know if she was supportive of that.
Okay.
I can, I can say that might have been the, you know, the, the fully created monster, you know? Eventually Frankenstein's monster broke out from the lab. You know what I'm saying?
At that point, you can't control.
Uh, you need the torches.
It's still big.
Yes, sir.
Are we gonna keep the hat like that?
Fair question, to be fair. Unbelievable. Unbelievable amounts of disrespect.
How does he take off the hat and the hair looks good?
I don't know. It pisses me.
How do you do that?
Not on.
Really? I just. It's not moving.
The sound you're making.
Um, but, um, I forgot what I was saying. So your, your siblings like reeled you in from like making terrible choices aesthetically? I mean, earrings wouldn't have been bad. Oh my God. There's people watching this have been like, if Joe Santagato had a diamond stud in his ear.
Why? I would have double earrings.
Oh, that's right. Because one of them, you would have been.
I've been gay, yeah.
Gay.
Well, what was the gay ear?
Uh, the right, the right one.
The right one.
And can you do me a favor and Google, which ear is the gay ear?
Which, which such, such a crazy.
How is that an indicator?
How did we assign straight ears?
Was that, was that based in any reality? Like?
There was a saying.
What? In, in Queens, there was a reality.
Yeah, there was a saying that was just like the left, like, like.
If you just get just the right or just the left, it was like gay or some shit. The right. The right was the gay one?
Just make, just, you know. That's my dominant ear, though.
Domi- you have a dominant ear?
I mean, I'm right-handed. I assume this is doing a better job than over here.
I don't think that's how that works. I think you pick to be dominant in your hands.
Then I pick right ear.
I will say this, thank God you did have your siblings because I was probably the one that was pushing you down the path of just like.
Yeah, you would have made me worse too. I mean, both of, do you remember? I mean, I've had some tattoo ideas that were pretty bad. None were as bad as yours.
Yeah, that was bad.
That was a pretty bad one.
I also like, again, we were big fans of Need for Speed Underground 2, and I, with every part of my soul being serious, wanted to get like a souped up Nissan 350Z. Or a fucking Toyota-
With neon lights on the floor?
A Toyota Celica with neon lights around.
I did too, to be fair.
Like the one where like the tires for some reason go out like that, like I'm drifting?
What is that about?
It's a drifting thing. It's gotta be.
Is it?
It has to be.
I don't know. I thought hydraulics were really cool. I'm like, yo, does this car bouncing, dude?
Yeah, because I'd be watching a fucking music video and I'd be like, these are the coolest people I've ever seen in my entire life.
I still don't get hydraulics and like, why that's cool? Like, it's like-
I, I think we have since come around to be like, that's a little ridiculous. But like, you're gonna tell me if you're riding down the street and you got a car that's just fucking-
This is kinda fire.
You know what? I'm coming back around on it.
Back in. Put him on your car.
This is the worst time for me to get back into it because I could make these decisions now.
You could technically put hydraulics in your car.
What would you do? If I pulled up here and I said, "Look out the window," and it was the
the horn, and then my fucking car is just, I have like a 67 coupe and it's just bouncing down the street.
I would immediately be like, how much money did you spend on?
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
And also, you hate your children, I guess. Because I know this costs too much money. Can you do me a favor, Ant? Can you go to a website where we can build a car?
Ant, I don't think that-
Literally don't do that.
I don't, I would have to-
Just look up how much it would take to get hydraulics to make a car fucking bounce.
How much does it cost to make the fucking hood blow off?
I'm just talking like, I want this shit to just be fucking hopping down the street.
Yeah, like a bunny. Hmm, we should ask exhibit dude.
He doesn't know.
He used to. Exceeds ten thousand dollars.
I figured it would be around there. That's a lot of money.
But you would need custom paint.
So.
Look up candy paint.
Like a prolessent green or candy paint.
Candy paint green, green candy paint.
White on top?
Just look it up and shut up. Candy paint.
No Post Malone, alright, alright.
No, I know, I know. Look at the twenty-four inch spinning Spree Well rims. Do you remember they would sell like those as hubcaps? And they were like the flimsiest plastic?
Candy paint green cost?
Uh, cause I wanted to be green on the inside, green on the outside.
Oh my god, it could be from twenty-five hundred to over fifteen Gs.
See?
Well, it depends on the, the.
It's the amount of candy.
It's the amount of candy green.
It's the candy paint.
Damn, I might, I might kinda wanna like, I'm not going to.
Candy paint your car? That'd be insane.
I would, I, I would like a cool color car, that would be.
Don't you have like enough candy in your car already?
No, he's got piss.
No, first of all, both of you cut it out.
No, you got seeds in there probably.
I got, I got a lot of sunflower seeds. I got a lot.
Is there still like a lot of seeds in there?
Oh yeah, bags. Bags, I mean, I emptied the bags out.
Yeah, yeah.
But like, I get about ten bags every time I go, that lasts me a couple of weeks and then.
Ten bags of seeds?
Yeah, every time I come in. It's one bag. I split it up, so it's half on the way in, half on the way out. And it's those big bags too, the three hundred grams, the Tatum red.
Where do you get them now?
I got my places. I'm not gonna say where, because then people are gonna fucking go and buy them!
No one's gonna do that. You're the only one buying them by the tens.
There is a Turkish supermarket in Toms River that I frequent. And then there is a very specific supermarket directly off the BQE in Staten Island, you know.
I know.
That also has them.
Wow.
And it's perfect.
How did you find, have you, are you just driving around to supermarkets and trying to find them?
I have my methods of finding things. Um, I like my sunflower seeds.
Why are you making it sound like you're a secret agent and you could find things and...
Well, because we live in a time now...
Yeah, I'm not listening to this. I'm not listening to that.
No, no, no. Now you opened the canopy, allow my baboon ass to fly out at you.
That was one of the craziest things I've seen. And I actually love that one. Out of all the ones, usually they're bad. That was amazing. Open the canopy and let my baboon ass fly out at you? Makes, that's insane. Oh, man. Yeah, we're gonna, also, I guess we have some sponsors to get to now. Uh, right after the baboon ass.
Oh, and good, it's a brand new sponsor we've never done before.
Isn't who I think it is?
Kachava.
Yup.
They got good shit.
Alright, I'm sorry, start again, my bad. It's really good.
They opened up the canopy too!
They got it.
Let me show them.
Uh, Kachava is amazing, okay, this is... It provides clean nutrition to fuel whatever your day takes you to. No fillers, no nonsense, no artificial flavors, colors, sweeteners, non-GMO, no soy, no animal products. Uh, it is amazing, but two scoops of that is, uh, 25 grams of protein, six grams of fiber. There's greens, adaptogens, and so much more. Honestly, when I found out that they were going to be a sponsor on the show, I was very excited 'cause they send you some free bags. But I've been buying Kachava for a year, like literally the last like five years or something like that. I like did research on good proteins because I, there's only a certain types that I like that agree with me and this is one of them and they have everything. It's, it's, it's really good. Um, but they have really good flavors.
They have chocolate, which is delicious.
I cannot stop drinking the chai. The chai is unbelievable.
The vanilla is very good. They also have matcha, coconut, uh, acai and strawberry, which I haven't tried the strawberry and I would like to. Um, but you could try it risk-free with their love it guarantee. Um, but yeah, it's really good, but they have all this stuff in it. Um, like I said, I, you know, they have six gram of fiber, 25 grams of protein. So it's really good. So you could stick with your wellness goals, go to kachava.com and use the code basement for 15% off. That is kachava, we'll spell it for you, K A C H A V A dot com slash basement. Uh, to get that 15% off, but go check it out. There's, you know, you'll see all the nutritional facts on the website. You'll see how much it has to offer, but really good, kachava.com. Uh, the code is basement, okay?
And, sorry. We also have HelloFresh. Uh, HelloFresh is going to bring the joys of, you know, cooking right to your doorstep. Uh, they make it easy for this time of year. Um, you can choose from more than a hundred recipes every single week, including cuisines from around the world and meals to help you beat the winter blues. So you go onto their website, you pick out, you know, what you want. They also have categories. So if, you know, you want to do a Mediterranean type of diet or, um, you know, protein friendly or low calorie, things like that, they can have the food for you. But, um, they have wholesome ingredients, sustainably sourced seafood and a hundred percent, um,
Antibiotic and hormone-free chicken, okay? So you can go check it out. Go to hellofresh.com/basement10fm to get 10 free meals and a free Zwilling knife, which is $145 value on your third box. Okay, the offer is valid while supplies last. Free meals applied as a discount on the first box. New subscribers only. It varies by plan. But again, that is hellofresh.com/basement10fm to get 10 free meals and a free Zwilling knife, which is $150 value. I've used HelloFresh numerous times before. My mom is a massive HelloFresh fan. So it's awesome. Go check it out. Yeah. You know what else is awesome? Patreon. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. I tell you about how awesome it is every week. All right?
And if I have to say it again, I'm going to be mad about it. But you know what? I'm not going to be mad about it. And I am going to say it again. You want more of us? Go to Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Take a look at those tiers. That first tier, that'll get you these weekly episodes one whole week in advance. That's right. You'll get in on the jokes. You'll get in on the baboon ass. You'll get in whatever you want to get in on one week before everybody else. And the only other people that have it are our patrons. They're incredibly loyal, fucking amazing patrons. So
Fucking.
Thank you. And also that next tier, you get exclusive, exclusive episodes every single Friday, Patreon exclusive episodes. And if you join, you can see all the previous ones. If you're brand new or if you were gone for a little bit, whatever you missed, you'll see them. So every single Friday morning, you'll get the opportunity to get an exclusive Patreon episode that'll be right into your eye holes, baby. So go check it out. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Thank you, guys. We're approaching 40,000 patrons. Are you fucking kidding me? This is incredible. You saw how passionate I am about it. Are you going to get a friend to commit? Commit to what? Forty. Oh, I don't know about that. But go check it out. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. And while you're doing it, if you want to save yourself some money, go do it on a web browser. If you use the Patreon app, they're going to take extra money from you
because they have to pay our tech overlords that are going to enslave our minds one day. So until then, go to a web browser, Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Sign up. We love you. Well. So really quick, I'm sorry. I know. Please just give me 10 seconds to explain what I wanted to say before. Sure. We are in a society where people aren't gatekeeping cool things anymore. We need to be better at that.
Gatekeeping?
Yes. So like, I'm not telling people where I get my seeds. Like, everywhere I get my seeds, because then they're gonna get it and they're gonna take it from me. So, it's the same thing with like, if people find like a cool, like, niche restaurant, they like, "I have to tell the world about this." No, no, no, keep it amongst your small group. Other people will find it naturally, but like, we gotta, we gotta gatekeep cool things more.
Yeah, if you think your sunflower seeds are that cool, I got news for you.
They fucking are, okay? Just like our fucking patrons.
Uh, I got something.
Oh, boy.
So I found this guy on TikTok that plays a note on his keyboard, and he asks you, "What does it sound like more, this item or this item?"
What are the items?
Well, one example is, one time it was either gushers or olive oil, and he plays a note, and you have to think, "What does it sound like most to you?"
I feel like gushers would be like,
No, it's like musical.
It's not the sound of gushers.
It's like, then it would just be gushers.
Can we have an example?
Olive oil would be like, "Ooey."
Ooh, this looks like Sean William Scott.
I tell them like, Sean William Scott and Diplo.
So, for example, does this sound more like windshield wipers or an Etch A Sketch? I don't even know how you say that. Okay.
Do you think this looks more like windshield wipers or an Etch A Sketch?
This is easy.
The fuck is that? First of all, that sounds like a video game.
But, but which one does it, is it sound or taste?
He said looks.
He said looks, I don't get it, I just was going for sound.
Alright, so then, do it again, close your eyes. I'll close my eyes, let's go. Do it again.
Does this sound more like?
Do you think this looks more like windshield wipers?
Close your eyes.
Or an Etch A Sketch?
I mean, that's, that's, that's easy. That's an Etch A Sketch. Obviously. Like, it's, it's, you could hear sand. It's sandy. It's a sandy game.
Frankie, you were listening very intently. What'd you think it sounds like?
I, I would say Etch A Sketch. It felt like shifty, like...
Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. Yeah. I would say Etch A Sketch.
Did you get that?
Alright, yeah, that one's easy. I feel like that's like... Is that all this is? It's not like...
I mean, but... Alright.
Do you think this smells more like roasted garlic?
Smells.
Or chocolate dipped ice cream?
Oh, oh, oh! Hold on. Smells more... So he's going off of smelling now. So we're gonna have to close our eyes and we're gonna have to sniff.
Frank, do it the first time.
Please, no, do it! Do it again.
Go.
Starts from the beginning. Close your eyes.
Alright.
I'm closing my eyes.
Do you think this smells more like roasted garlic? Or chocolate dipped ice cream?
You fucking bitch!
I heard you coming over to try and scare me? I got him. I got him. Alright, seriously, do it again.
Now the same thing.
I'm not doing it a third time! No, no, no. I, I, I will actually close my eyes this time.
Why don't we try something different?
Try something different.
Okay, alright.
Do you think this smells more like campfire smoke? Or copper?
What is copper?
I, well, I don't even know what the fuck copper smells like. Like a penny?
There you go, brother.
That was... To me, that was aggressively copper.
Oh, really?
I got smoke on that.
I got smoke too!
Cause it's like...
It's like, it's like airy, yes, yes. It's like...
You know what I'm saying? It's like this.
It's like that, and it's like... Play it again. Play it again and watch me.
It sounded like metal, but okay, I'll watch it.
Watch me.
You know, we both were smoke on that.
I was smoked too. But it still felt like copper to me. Copper, what was so funny? Sorry, just a laugh snuck up on me. Copper.
One more, one more.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Give me a taste, give me a taste.
I don't know what's...
There's one right there. It's got, he's got his tongue out.
Oh, there is a tongue.
Oh, tonguey.
Listen closely.
Pause it? What the hell was that?
Ooh, tonguey.
Listen closely. Do you think this tastes more like Smarties or an ice blue Gatorade?
Wait, pause it.
It was about...
What was he saying?
I don't know.
The Smarties suck.
Yo, I think they're super underrated.
I think they are appropriately rated.
No, I like Smarties.
The... Like, they're just, I used to love them as a kid and then I grew up and I stopped wanting to drive a Nissan 350Z with blue neon lights underneath.
Allegedly. I, I think they're good. Also Canadians, Smarties is different.
Yeah, it's called like, we, usis.
No, they call the Smarties rockets.
They're definitely not rockets.
Alright, what did he say? I probably have to...
First... Whoa, that woke something up in me. I was like, huh. Uh...
I'm going Gatorade. Like, blue Gatorade.
I guess so, cause Smarties to me would taste like...
Do it, do more, do more, do more!
One more.
How much is that?
No, do like ten more.
Ten more?
Why not?
Alright, alright, alright.
Listen closely. Do you think this looks more like a cracked phone screen glare or fireflies flickering?
Ooh, you know, I was on Fireflies in the beginning, but then I'm on a phone glare.
I swear to god, I was on Fireflies, but then I was like, "It's too fast to be Fireflies." Fireflies would be like...
Yeah, it's more like...
It felt more like a across-the-screen glare, like, "Oh, yeah." It felt like, if like... Yes, yeah, that's exactly right. I can't say it better than that.
Yeah, no.
I would say...
Yeah, when was the last time we saw... Oh, you probably see Fireflies.
Yeah, we get it. We used to get... We... Not used to. We get them, like, all, like, a lot.
I've loved... That's a cool animal.
They're also cool because they let you catch them. They're slow, so like, you can catch them and hold them, and then you look at them.
And they're, they're willing to hang out in your hand.
They hang out, and then they fly away, and it's cute.
And they're not really gross. They fly like this kinda.
No, they don't. They have wings.
Yeah, but it looks like that's... No, it's out of their butts.
It's... They open their ass.
And, yeah, their ass opens up into wings. Is this a lightning bug?
Yes, lightning bug, Firefly.
Oh, okay. Yeah, they kinda fly like that. No, they don't have wings.
Well, they have wings, but they're not like...
Where do you grow up?
They do fly.
They have like, hands, but it's on their ass. Their wings are on their ass.
Yes, brother. They're like bu... They're, they're...
And their ass is on fire.
They're like quadrapods. What you're referencing is like bipods, like if they're bipedal.
Well, I don't have wings, so my hands aren't the bug's hands. These are the bug's wings.
But they don't even do... They do like...
They're more back here.
And they're back here, and they...
Go like this. Like, this is like a Firefly. See? I'm a Firefly.
Yes, not this.
This is, is nothing, really.
That seems almost kinda...
This is nothing. But aren't they butt-down when they're glowing? They're like this, dude. This is a Firefly. You see this?
He's right.
That's what a Firefly is.
He is very right.
And why does their ass light up like a Christmas tree?
I think it is like a, a communication, mating thing, you know, like...
Oh, like, "Look at my hu... Look at my bright ass."
Sweet ass.
Come fuck it. That was so aggressive.
Yo, you... Are you gay?
Like, if you are. I wasn't talking for me, I was talking for the firefly. I'm just saying this in conjunction with like, you know? Cause, cause I said fuck my firefly ass when I'm not the firefly. I'm not the firefly.
Careful.
I just wanna, look, if you are, I want you to know, I love you and support you no matter what.
Thanks. To attract mates. You got it.
Oh, so it is like that?
So, you're right, actually.
And it's every night in the summer, so they're horny. Bruh, they're, dude, so horny and like, a lot of horny, you know what I mean? Like, imagine if you looked at- All at one time too, cause you're like, yo, there's a hundred horny fireflies. Imagine looking out at like Times Square and like someone was doing, everyone was doing something, or people were doing something to indicate they're horny. I guess that's actually a bad thing, cause there are people doing that. Illegal. Illegal. Yeah, I think that's illegal, buddy. But, I'm saying like, bro, look at a crap, like, look at a field and you just see- Horny. Sex. Yeah, are, does it, do they both light up if they're doing the deed? What is a female lightning bug? I guess, well, what, what do the different? Yeah, is there?
I've looked at the mating patterns of lightning bugs?
Just look up what a male lightning bug is, like, looks like, and a female lightning bug, what they look like.
They both light their butts up?
Do they have a lightning penis?
Gimme a second, you guys-
You would think that would light up. If I were to pick anything on my body that can illuminate at will, it's my penis.
They both light up and they often use their light different for mating. Males flash as they fly to attract females, who respond with their own specific flashes from a stationary position.
Oh, so it's like a horny light Morse code? It's like, it's like, that's exact, it's like horny flash tag. Yeah, it's like SOS, but like- Come fuck me. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Like, S- DTF, DTF. DTF, instead of SOS. DTF.
Isn't, wanna be like DTL down to light?
No. Nah dude, they're fucking.
Down to firefly?
Down to, down to firefly, yeah, that's a good, or, or, or lightning. What are they?
Insects?
Oh my god, dude, you think that the, the male lightning bugs are like, I'm a lightning bug, but I'm bringing the thunder?
Hmm, no. I, also, what do they eat?
Um, probably leaves.
They're herbivores? That's not the word, herbivore. I heard herbivores.
I, I imagine leaves. Like, what else could they eat?
Ant's really earning his paycheck this episode, huh?
Um. They eat snails, slugs, worms, other insects. Snails, slugs, and worms? Bro, these things are half the size of all of those.
I feel like a snail could kick the shit out of a firefly.
Maybe like a decomposing one?
Some do, like, pollen, nectar. Oh, okay, that makes sense. Females eat other fireflies. That's like, very common.
Whoa! That's a common thing in the bug world. They'll just be like, "I'm gonna fuck you and then I'm gonna rip your head off."
Oh, and the women are like, "I'm just gonna eat the body."
Well, no, I think, isn't that what praying mantises do? Like, praying mantises, I, I-
Those guys are crazy.
Dude, have you seen one, like, in the wild? I don't know why I went German there.
What was that? Yeah, I was like, what?
Have you seen, like, one in the wild?
Uh, yeah, I saw one upstate once. It was in a tire.
Dude, first of all, big bugs.
I thought they were poisonous. My parents were like, "Get away from it!" I was like, "Why?"
Well, they are protected, from what I was told. And maybe, maybe someone was just making shit up, but like, we saw, um, uh, uh, uh, like, at our old house, we were like, I was like mowing the lawn and I saw a bunch of things crawling up the fence. We had like the white privacy, like PVC fence.
Ew.
And then I was like, I stopped and I looked and it were baby-
Oh, babies!
Praying mantises, bro, hundreds of them.
Were they praying or they're not there yet?
They weren't there, well, maybe. I couldn't see because they're so small.
Uh.
But then I saw like they're like, I imagine parents, people were like, "Yo, stay away. Don't fuck with them. Like, they're protected." Like, you don't wanna like get in trouble for like killing them, which how the fuck would anyone know? But- Yeah, they're sick. Yeah, I mean.
My uncle's friend convinced me that those red ants, the very tiny ones, suck blood, and I cried.
Why'd you cry? Fire ants. Cause it was on you?
Cause they were on me a little bit.
What were they? I don't even think they're technically ants. I think they're like spiders technically.
I don't know. You know what I'm talking about, those very-
The really like dot red ones.
Very dot red ones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you were talking about like fire ants.
No, no, no.
No, fire ants are like- Yeah, they'll, they'll, you wanna talk about fucking a butt?
Are they around?
Not here. I think they're indigenous to Africa.
Like the Amazon?
Yeah, they're- Or maybe South America, yeah. I think, I, I remember watching an episode of Wild Boys. And there was a tribe that Steve-O and Pontius visited that like, in order to like, become a man, you had to put your hand in this glove. And the glove was filled with fire ants.
Bullet ants, I think.
Well, I, I think bullet ants would kill you.
No, it just hurts really, really bad.
Damn, I kinda wanna get bit by one. It's the worst bite on the planet. It like- Really? Bullet ants are the worst. No, no, no, they, it's like-
It's an ant.
What about a shark? That's gotta hurt a bit. Duh, but they're saying like in terms of like stings. Oh. They say that bullet ant, you guys never saw Coyote Peterson? Hi, I'm Coyote Peterson and this is the sting zone, the bite zone, the, the bug zone, I don't know. Coyote Peterson is a crazy name for a human. He just got, he did a tier ranking. Bro, pull up the animals. Have you ever heard of a, uh- Type in Coyote Peterson. I know, I'm serious. He did like a, a series of videos. He, he does it like educationally where he's like, I'm getting bit or stung by these things in order to like tell people how to deal with it if they come across them or shit like that.
He has a, a ranking, you said?
Yeah. And there was one that was called- An executioner wasp? Dude, there are some that it's like, yo, the tarantula hawk. What the fuck is that? Yo, yo, once you see this thing, you'll be like-
Bullet ants number three.
Bro, that's a, that's crazy. Oh, I always thought- Pain lasting up to 24 hours? I'm good. And then there were some that like a stonefish. They have some of the worst venom on the planet. And this guy like gets stung by them to like show you what happens. And then what, just takes a bunch of antidotes? Well, he like shows you how, like what happens, like, uh, how your body reacts if you need like some form of a anti-venom.
So tarantula hawk is a big wasp?
Yes. But look at the size of it. Like, I wish they could show you it in comparison to something. I'm getting really uncomfortable looking at this stuff.
Oh, sorry. I got you.
I don't like it. No, no, no, keep showing them.
Oh, alright.
Yeah, I'm okay.
He got bit by a fucking snapping turtle. Maybe on hand? On hand?
Oh. Excuse. See, that makes, this makes me uncomfortable. Oh, nah, nah, nah. Dude, look how big, look at that thing. Why are they all spread out like they're getting a massage?
Dude, isn't that crazy?
Yeah, those are disgusting.
I think that's the video where he got stung.
Dude.
Cause he ho- he holds them with those forceps. By the abdomen, he said it's very safe.
Oh yeah, Brave, Brave Wilderness?
Yeah, Brave Wilderness, Coyote Peterson.
Why don't, why don't we get him in here? We got bit by a couple things. Does he like? Just eat it? He's like? Uh, yep, yeah, that hurts.
No, he's like, brrrr. Grrrr. And he like rolls around on the ground.
Can I see a picture of this guy? Yeah, it's.
Bald, white dude.
I mean.
Coyote?
Coyote Peterson.
That is such a crazy name.
Dude, try to pull up a TikTok where you can see.
It's kinda porny. That's Coyote?
That's Coyote Peterson.
Yeah, this guy looks like a guy who stings himself. Ooh, would you? Excuse me? Is this like, what am I doing here? The snapping turtle, they're big, dude.
Dude, they'll fuck you up.
When I was younger, I wanted a snapping turtle, like I just.
Stupid.
I wanted like a big cage and like put a snapping turtle in it.
One of my earliest memories is at the lake house. Um, there was a snap, cause that water, that lake, there are snapping turtles there. And there was one that like. I'm trying to explain to you, this will make no sense to them, but like, you know where my dock goes out?
And you know that like?
That a cove.
The family next to us has that little cove right next to us. And then there's a tree.
That little island.
That little is- not, not, not an island. It's like attached, I guess it's technically a peninsula, but it's a lake. But like right in front of that big rock. Underneath there. A fucking snapping tur- a big snapping turtle. I remember like, one of my earliest memories is seeing my father and our neighbor wrestling to get this thing out of there. And it was giving them hell, brother.
A tor- like, can you just pick it up?
You could if you get in the right position, but like. They could be huge. Bro, they could be like this big.
So cool.
And they will take your fucking fingers clean off.
Ah, I gotta go to the Galapagos and get in the water with like a, like a tortoise.
See, that's different, my guy. That's a sea turtle. I'm talking a like. A like.
A nasty fucker.
A like. Louisiana bayou snapping turtle.
I wanna do that too, like fan boating, belt fanning, whatever that's called, where you get a boat with a big fan?
That'd be cool.
No way.
You wouldn't do that?
No fucking way.
Come on, let's go to Louisiana and do that.
And then we'll eat some like jambalaya. Crawfish and stuff.
Are you done?
Absolutely not.
And how can we bribe him? Let's get a bribe going.
Yeah, get a bribe.
Here comes... Oh my god, he's gonna sting himself?
Bribe him?
It's just...
I mean, physi... You would need to monetarily pay me a lot of money to do that.
Do you want to see him get stung by this?
Sure.
He doesn't have an accent?
No, he's a white guy!
He's a person.
Aw, that sucks.
Look at that, look at that stinger!
Oh, yeah.
By the way, the audio on this is off. That's not what he sounds like.
Yeah, it's slowed down, I guess, so someone can post it?
Let's get him, let's sting the boy!
Here it is.
God damn.
Oh, yeah. Show him the goods, baby.
I don't like the feet! I hate the feet!
Just go already, coyote!
Aww.
Watch, watch, watch.
Bang!
Here's the thing.
Pause it?
Bro, first of all, you know what I thought he was gonna do? Fucking slap this thing.
I thought he was reaching for something, he was gonna smash it.
It's, it's like, now that I see it, cause I watch it like with my kids, but like seeing it now outside of that context, like, he's just writhing in pain on the ground, rolling.
God, that's gotta hurt like hell.
Bro, and he's done it with like, other shit, like, crazy shit too, like the stonefish, just pull up a picture of that bastard. It's got blue venom coming from its fucking pussy.
Did he get venomized? What's that called? Poisoned?
Venonamized.
Yeah. What the hell is that?
Yeah, you think it looks all fun and games, show him those fucking, those are them, baby.
Dude, what a crazy guy. Shout out to Coyote.
Dude, the ocean is just disgusting.
I hate it.
So gross.
Blood worms.
I don't wanna know.
Speaking of copper, they got copper teeth, I think.
The teeth are copper?
You ever seen a blood worm?
It can't have copper teeth.
No, I believe their teeth are made of copper.
I'm sure.
Copper?
How is that po- okay.
I dunno, while you're pulling that up, hold on, let me get to these, these, I have more ads here.
More ads here.
Uh, we have BetterHelp, this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, uh, BetterHelp is online therapy, so if you wanna get connected to a therapist in a clean fashion, you can do so through BetterHelp. Um, they have a bunch of licensed therapists that are gonna help you through whatever you have. I am a big proponent of therapy, I think everyone should be in it, and, uh, it's amazing, I've been in it for close to six years, I think, at this point, um, but yeah, they have over thirty thousand therapists, um, it's the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over six million people globally, and we can save you some money, and I know that therapy can be super expensive, I've been there, um, and BetterHelp is more affordable than most in-person therapy, so
you can sign up and get ten percent off at betterhelp.com/basementyard, that is betterhelp.com/betterhel- uh, slash basementyard, sorry. B E T T E R H E L P dot com slash basementyard, and you will save ten percent off of, uh, you know, your- Your subscription there, so enjoy that. You know, take care of your mental health, everyone. Uh, and we lastly here have Hims. Hims offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that work, including oral chews, oral medication, uh, serums and sprays. So if you have, um, you know, some trouble with your hair, if it's thinning, or if you have hair loss and you want to kind of mitigate that, Hims is going to help you do that.
They have doctor trusted ingredients like finasteride, iminoxidil, can help you further, uh, can stop further hair loss, um, or help regrow hair and just as little as three to six months. So this could happen for you and there's no hidden fees or surprise costs, just real personalized care on your schedule. For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss and more, visit hims.com slash basement. That is hims.com slash basement for your free online visit. Uh, feature products include compounded drug products with the FDA, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality, prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information.
Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. Alright. Alright, show me the stone. What am I seeing?
Blood worm, you got one?
Uh, I was more looking up if their teeth are made of copper. It just looks like a worm, but it is. It's like how we have a little bit of copper in our body at all times. They have a high concentration in their teeth.
Yeah, I learned that the hard way.
You did, you did, you did. It's amazing.
We benefited greatly from my stupidity. Well, I guess that's what the whole show is.
I mean, we, our individual stupidity has only, for some reason, done well for us. And then our combined stupidity.
Now we're talking about.
Now we're talking about Madison Square Garden. You know what I'm talking about? Now we're talking like, imagine being so dumb.
So stupid.
So fucking absolutely stupid that you dumb your way to the top. And you get nominated for fucking iHeart Podcast, best comedy podcast, best ensemble podcast.
What a time.
It's a really good thing to be stupid sometimes.
Sometimes.
But we're also kind. I think that's the difference between us and the rest of the world.
Kind of stupid?
Are you bullying? Is that what we're doing?
No, I was clarifying, to be, to be clear.
He's bullying you.
Didn't your father ever see?
Oh my god, please.
Like the clip of us talking about you?
He did, he, he actually.
He was pissed?
He talked to me about it and I said, this is what they want, please stop.
Well, does, does he know what you recently did?
This can't be, what do we have?
So I, I invited Ant and, uh, you know, to come to, to my daughter's birthday party.
Mm-hmm.
And I said-
I was there, I didn't see him.
No, no, no, the one that you will not be at.
Oh, the one coming up.
Yes, the one that you can't make. Uh, and, and Ant said to me, he goes, "Do I need to?"
I said, "Well, no, man, I'd like for you to, you know, if you want, you know, no pressure." And he goes,
"How can I be less supportive of you?"
And I said, I mean, this is starting to border on the line of you're being mean and disrespectful. And then he pulled out a picture of you and spit at his own phone.
What was the picture for?
To show that he disrespected you too.
Oh, okay. I did ask him one time to come to my birthday and he said, "How much does it pay?" I was like, "It's just my birthday, it's not part of your job."
And he was like, and he just kept going like this, he's like, "What's the brass tacks with this whole, like, are you, are you getting my Uber, what's?"
Well, when I asked him to come, he's like, "Could we post a TikTok in your house?" And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Optics, I'm only coming if it looks good."
Which-
Optics. Which is fucked.
Mr. Prisco, I want you to know that we are inviting your son into our lives, or like our home, our personal life.
Yeah, now I gotta pay for that. Ten thousand dollars.
That's what, that's all he charged you?
What'd he charge you?
Joe, you're blowing up the spot right here.
Twelve thousand. I thought I could get a little-
That's insane. What'd you think, that he was, he wants to be your friend more?
Well, he paid it.
He paid it.
Oh, God.
Well.
We've not yet been asked by a billionaire to do a party. Just wanna say that.
Yeah, I mean, I would rather not.
Shut the fuck up.
What do you mean?
If a billionaire calls you tomorrow and says, "I'm gonna pay you and your dumbass Hispanic friend $250,000 cash each."
If he uses that language.
To show up to my party. If he used that language, you're gonna say, "I'll do it for free."
It's like, uh, what the fuck? You and your dumbass Hispanic friend.
Hold on, serious situation. Do your Elon Musk impression?
Glad I asked.
Doesn't Elon Musk look like if you shoved a baby into a water bottle?
He looks like when you watch a horror movie and you see someone's face in a jar.
He looks like if you sneezed really hard in slow motion and someone got like a screenshot of it at the perfect time.
Do you remember the original X-Men movie? Do you remember when Senator Kelly, like, becomes a mutant and melts into like a blob?
Yeah, you said this.
That's what he looks like.
Yeah. Oh, have we done this? Have we talked about Elon Musk?
A bit.
What do you think he looks like?
Mashed potatoes? That's a great example.
I love mashed potatoes.
I do too. I like when they're more creamy, though.
When they call it not mashed potatoes?
Yeah, they call it like whipped potatoes.
Whipped garlic potatoes?
Whipped potatoes can take me across its knee and whip me.
Whip you.
Okay?
Right in your boy potato.
Right in my fucking baboon red ass. Until it's red as a baboon.
There you go.
Spank it. I also, do you ever go to a restaurant and they bring out the like CO2 can of it? No. They have like a... Batman.
They have like a metal can and they come, why am I getting small? But they have like a metal can and they come over and they just go, and it's whipped potatoes and then you taste it and you're like,
I've figured out how to make restaurant-style mashed potatoes. This is serious.
Butter.
Uh, also a potato ricer.
That too, yeah.
I have that and let me tell you, those mashed potatoes that I've been making...
Is that good?
Yeah. So, as I was saying, a billionaire calls you up.
You know. Hey Joe, it's me. Um.
A billionaire.
Billionaire. It's me, the billionaire.
You and your buddy, I'll pay you guys a quarter of a million dollars each. Come to my house. I said buddy.
He wanted buddies.
Sure, you can come too, but you don't get the money.
We're an ensemble.
Honestly, I'll come and not get the money, that's fine.
You're right. He charged me twelve thousand. No, no, no. If they said like a billionaire, it's like you and your buddy and the guy that bullies you off camera.
Come to my party, I'll give you two hundred fifty thousand dollars each. Cash. You'll walk out with a briefcase.
Walk out with a briefcase?
You're not fucking doing it?
No, of course.
Oh, and, and the party's in Manhattan.
Why Manhattan?
You couldn't think of a different buddy?
Not a single other place.
Dude, did we ever tell you this, that in my pool, growing up, I had a small pool? And we had this like, it was mad heavy and it was like a rocket and you could throw it underwater to each other? And we would go in the pool and sit on the bottom of the pool and throw it at each other's penises. And you weren't allowed to block it. If it hit you in the penis, it hit you in the penis.
This thing hurts, was solid rubber, like dense, solid rubber.
And it was bouncing off of my weener as a young boy and hurting me.
Joey also had the like, the flapper in his pool would come down and we would make whirlpools and it fucking caught me on the back and it shit hurt like a bastard.
Yeah. Used to have a little deck that my dad built and then we broke that down by accident, jumping off the railing. Well, Keith did it.
Keith, we had videos of Keith. Oh, one of the Keith video, movies.
Oh, he jumped off the top deck.
Show that. Dylan has number two. He sent me a picture of it recently.
Have you been in my, my mom's backyard?
Well, no, you don't have, you have to pony up and pay him if you want him to get him.
Oh, yeah, that's true. God, it's so expensive to get in places. Uh, pony up.
But he ju- Keith used to be a fucking nut job. He would just jump off of shit. He's that kinda guy. He used to jump into bushes.
Bush diving, we all did it.
Well, yeah, I was, yeah, I did it because he was doing it.
We all did it.
It wasn't my idea.
I told the story to Miles the other day when, like, cause it, it snowed and we had snow everywhere and like how they would put like on the corners and in Astoria, they would do like the big
Mountains.
Mountains. And I like, was cool and would run and try to dive through them. And the last time I did it, it was solid ice.
And I was trying to do it to impress a girl. And he was like, did it work? And I was like, no, Miles.
No, it didn't.
No, it didn't, dude.
The only thing that I took away from that
Was shoulder pain.
Shoulder pain.
It hurt.
And he had amnesia and it made him think that he's the Michael Phelps because he jumped in a pool. I drink tea. I'm a good swimmer. I'm around water all the time.
I'm sure that's another part of it.
Do you think?
I am water.
Do you think if you pee while you're swimming, you get a little bit of propulsion?
I feel like, yeah. That's a great question. And
I feel like it has to be yes.
I feel like even if I wanted to not try it, I will.
You ever pee in the water and your penis is like, no, no, no, no, no. And then it finally it's like, okay. You know what I mean?
Go ahead.
Just take that out. Just take it out. No, my, the times that I've peed in bodies of water, my piss is like cool. But apparently that's dangerous to pee in bodies of water. They say that like worms can swim up your cock.
It's in like specific lakes and places you'll never go.
Yeah, like the Amazon or something. I think in Connecticut you'll be all right.
I've ripped many a piss in that pond.
Brother, I've probably pissed in that lake more times than I have in a toilet up there.
I've peed in the lake and the woods more than I have in a toilet at my lake house.
Honestly, probably. Probably me too.
Nothing was cooler than having a night of drinking and then just ripping the fattest fucking piss on a tree.
What's better than taking a piss outside?
Dude, taking a piss outside while-
In the woods.
With a beer in your hand?
Now we're talking about fun. You know, like-
Self shame.
And a cigar and you're hanging out of your mouth?
Well now you got too much in your hands, brother.
Well, you know, you're drunk.
What's the last time you smoked a cigar?
Hey, that's a long time.
You, by the way, I was gonna say, what are you talking about?
Like, two years ago? A beer in this hand with a cigar like this and you're just taking a pee, not even touching your weener, just going like this and letting it hit the wood.
Not having to care for where your stream goes is so cool. Like, we have to like be careful of the seat and like not pee on the floor, you know, like, I'm talking like, let this piss fucking rip and who cares what you get?
If I'm peeing outside, I will actively try to cover as much surface area as possible. I'm like, I wanna feed all the plants.
And I will try to pee as hard as I can. I am convincing myself that my piss stream is gonna break through tree bark.
I, bro, yes. Or I wanna like, I'm gonna shoot my pee so hard into the dirt that it's gonna kick up a bunch of dirt.
And if it's a little chilly outside and you see the steam rising from your piss?
I love that. I love my-
Piss steam?
Yeah, piss steam is-
It's so cool.
Oh, I love piss steam.
It is so crazy that our body operates at 98.6 temperature, like, degrees all the time?
So then when you piss and you see that hot piss?
Hell yeah.
You're like, pretty cool science.
Yeah, you're like, yo, I'm a fucking demon.
I am a demon. I'm pissing hot.
I'm pissing so hot, I'm gonna burn-
Pissing hot!
I'm gonna burn the earth up with my piss, scorched earth!
I imagine like devil went down to Georgia playing in my head.
And I'm fucking seeing the steam rise from my piss.
Did you, did you know?
I was just enjoying here.
Did you, but you ever pee outside?
He doesn't pee outside.
I pee outside.
Nah, he doesn't.
I think it'd be a cooler sensation if it was cold pee.
Shut the fuck up, dude.
It's the opposite of what we're saying.
What a stupid thing to say.
Freezing cold pee coming out your penis, your penis would be so cold.
You suck, your piss sucks.
I feel like it'd be cool. Like imagine feeling cold pee in your bladder like a-
You suck, your piss sucks. How about that?
I feel like that wouldn't feel good. That would make my penis go, "No."
Yep, he's right.
Yeah. You can't have it too hot though, because then you're like, "Yo, what's going on?"
Well, yeah, if you piss too hot, then, then it's-
You gotta hit the doc.
Then you gotta go talk to the doctor. Like, "I'm pissing too hot." But if it's like, warm?
It's good.
Yeah, sometimes when I have a fever and then I'll pee, I'm like, "Yo, my piss is hot."
Brother, that, my-
Fever pisses are crazy.
Fever pisses are fucking insane.
Yeah, I'm like, "Yo, the water's gonna boil."
It feels like I'm pissing, yeah. Like, I'm pissing lava.
Yeah, dude. I'm like, looking at the bowl. I'm like, "Yo, I wanna see bubbles."
And it's also sharp. You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, sometimes it comes out. I'm like, "What's going on?"
I, I feel like, like, maybe that there's like, rocks in this, which I-
Kidney stones?
No, not those. Like, safer rocks.
Uh huh.
I've never had a kidney stone, knock on wood.
Oh my god.
Oh, I just drew on my pants.
We're talking about pissing ourselves.
Well, not peeing ourselves, but peeing.
On, on something, yeah, peeing like men.
Being in the woods so much, you ever get in a tick?
No, and that's a big fear of mine.
No, I never got one.
Me neither.
That was, alright, well, I guess we can end the show there.
Congratulations, that was the ant question of the day. Don't put a fucking ant question graphic over that.
You ever get a tick? No.
That scares me to death, though. I'm not even kidding. Ticks are terrifying to me.
I, I wouldn't want one.
Anything that could burrow in me, I'm good.
Yeah, I'm good. Um, anyway, uh, Frank, where can they find you, bud?
Frank Alvarez everywhere. Go check out Patreon, patreon.com/thebasemyard. We love you, we thank you, and we'll see you next week.
Ant?
Ant Prisco on Instagram?
Ant.
That's the ant colony. Go follow me at Joseph Anagato. Go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at thebasemyard, and that is all. See you guys next time.
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabi Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences and personalised products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated