The Basement Yard
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Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
Welcome back to the ba-
Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going? Good. Right, you?
Better.
What, better? Did you answer for me? He said, "Great."
Yeah, I guess I also said better than innocent.
Then, then, then, good, yeah.
Alright, dude, start again, start again. Take, and, go.
How's it going, Frank?
Alright.
Ant?
Good.
I don't even, what are we doing? What's happening?
Alright, let me start it.
We're done with the opening, come on!
We, it's, you're meant to-
What's that hat, by the way?
Uh, this is a minor league team, they're the Hops.
Oh, that makes sense.
Yeah, isn't that cool?
It's kinda cool, I like that.
Oh, they're, they're so pumped right now, they're getting free plugs.
Yeah. Well, how's your butcher gonna feel about this? Because you love promoting that.
You know what, listen, I, I am, I am-
Wasn't the butcher shirt, like, it was like a Bull's Balls out of?
Yes, yes, it was, yes, it was. Yeah, there were, there were-
Big fat ant-sized balls.
No, not that big.
Yeah, yeah, nothing that's-
Nothing. It wa, I mean, now, is this, I wear that pretty much exclusively to the gym. Is that better or worse?
You're putting balls on your back in public?
So, worse.
Is it on the front or the back?
It's on the back, so the front is the front of the bull, and he's just like-
Oh, the back is his asshole.
And the back is, is balls.
Yeah.
His ass and balls.
Yeah, I'd say that's pretty bad.
Really?
It feels like an indoor, it feels like an at-home shirt.
I feel like that's worse, because I have young kids. So where am I gonna wear the shirt if not at the, if I have a shirt that has balls on it, I'm wearing it somewhere.
We have a different opinion.
Have you ever had like a-
I'll do one better. Probably wouldn't wear it at home either.
Yeah, I, that's what I just said, cause I have ca- I don't, so I pretty much don't wear it ever.
Hmm.
Just on the show. Just, well, where else, I mean, if, if I'm going to express-
Balls.
No, I, I, you know, I said express, then I felt like, what am I trying to express here? If I'm gonna get a shirt that has balls on it, where else am I gonna wear it? But this comedy podcast.
Where the people wash.
They also, they also don't see Frankie from the back too often on here.
That is fair. Why'd you say it so sexually?
Yeah, that was-
You don't see Frankie from the back.
Oh, this is a guy who's, you're still, you're still in a heated rivalry, the way he said that. He's just like-
Who do you think's got a better ass, me or Frank?
Come on now. Come on.
Don't, don't, don't swing.
Don't.
It's probably Frankie.
Okay. I, I'm, look, look, I'm just, I'll let you be your person, make your decision.
Alright. Why are you saying probably? Stick, be a man.
It's Frankie.
Thank you. Fuck!
But why though?
Yeah, tell us why. Tell, tell me something negative about my ass.
There's nothing negative about your ass, his ass is just a little more voluptuous.
Okay.
Voluptuous, he's making up words.
Yeah, voluptuous isn't a word, buddy.
Mm-hmm.
Um, but what, how would you describe my ass? And like, give me like two adjectives.
It's there.
Yeah, yeah, get him, get him. What the fuck?
You heard that shit, right?
That was crazy.
He just body shamed his boss.
It's there, you know, where else would it be? It can't be over there, it's gotta be here.
What happened to the respect that kids used to have for their employers? What happened? Back in your day, which I don't, I think you and I agree, I was the greatest generation.
Which-
The second greatest, the greatest was World War II.
Like, what are we talking about?
Which, which part of World War II?
The generation of good people. They call themselves the greatest generation.
Yeah, they were self prog- pro-
Programmed-
Into saying they were the greatest generation.
What cocky bitches.
Yeah, it's kinda crazy.
Just being like, well, that was the greatest generation, and it's just like-
Was that after the, um- Depression?
Yes, it was.
I mean, it's easy when you do contrast like that.
I mean, you can just look at pure numbers and see that like, I guess, US got involved in 41.
If we start getting into this stuff, we're gonna embarrass ourselves.
Pearl Harbor was bombed, so 41, and then 45, it was over. So, yeah, and then after that, boomers, that's the baby boomers, that's what our parents' generation is. Because they came home from war, and guess what they did? They fucked.
Got after it like rabbits.
Like absolute jackrabbits. I mean, these-
Like Rosenoff and Hollander, bang, bringing it back. I'm trying to capitalize on this audience as much as I can.
Clearly. You keep bringing it up, it's interesting, and then you're asking Ant to rate your ass?
This is a weekly still.
You, you, you-
Where do you think I measure up to?
We're gonna have to record that episode every time now.
This is a weekly. Everyone take it easy, alright? We're not talking about it.
Um, by the way, uh, I don't know if we, I don't know why I'm bringing this up now, but yesterday I got the shit scared out of me because I was like in my living room, and I live on a high floor, not a flex, but just reality for me.
Definitely a flex, but also a flex.
Giant, like, movie-style drone outside my window, scared the fuck out of me.
I mean, that's illegal, brother.
It wasn't like right outside my window, like, it was kinda like, but it was mad big, I thought it was an animal. Or I thought, alien little ship. I felt like you, like, you know, in Jersey, you remember when you guys had all the drones or whatever?
Oh, I didn't see any personally.
Oh, really?
No, I didn't see any, which, it's, that was a year ago, and it feels like it was fucking decades ago.
It does.
But like, personally, I didn't see any, and you best believe that because I didn't see any, I said everyone was lying.
Got it.
You know, and not with these eyes, didn't fucking happen.
Did you not get in your car and drive around and try to see?
So we did, Becca and I did, and she was just like, you know, like, she, she, she subscribes a little more to like conspiracies and stuff like that.
It's like a cloud, what is that?
Yeah, well, there was, no, there was one night where her and I drove around, and she was just like, there it is, oh my god. You know, like, it was like, she was excited, and then like, oh no, like, yeah, but-
Yeah, the drone scared the fuck out of me, dude.
Dude, that, that is like legitimately creepy because windows, brother.
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't like-
You don't have a terrace, right?
No.
Oh, that'd be so cool up there.
It would be.
But so dangerous up there.
Bro, it gets windy up there, I can hear the wind against my windows, I'm like, who the fuck is out on their terrace right now?
Bro, you're, once you buy like a home on like-
Flatland?
300 acres. You're gonna be like, yo, this is so much sicker than living fucking 95 stories in the air.
I do like it. I mean, I'm not on the 95th floor. That's a little crazy.
93rd, whatever.
No, not gonna say the number, but, um, uh, no, but it like scared me. Like it was probably like a good 200 yards away. So it wasn't like at my window.
Was it like interacting with you? Like, were you like?
No, it was like there. I had, I think I took a video of it. So you can see how far away it was, but, um.
You saw it before you heard it? Like you saw it?
I didn't hear it.
You didn't hear it?
Yeah. So look, you see the size of this thing? Like it was like a big one.
Yo, how far away is that?
Um, I zoomed. It was like there. So it was like kind of in front of the next building over. But I was like, what, what's going on?
Yo, that's scary because like.
It was there for a while.
What if you were naked?
I don't care.
I mean, if they were like spying on me.
I mean, who's to say they weren't? Those drones have pretty good camera and, and zooming capabilities. You know, maybe they were just like, it's TMZ. They're after you.
They, why are you talking about zoom? Well, you're trying to disrespect me or something?
I mean, I'm just saying like, sometimes you need a little help in order to see something from a distance.
Like a, like a, like a binocular.
You know, like a telescope.
The Hubble telescope.
Now we're getting even further away.
I mean, I'm not saying the Hubble telescope.
You shut up over there, alright?
You spoke to him?
First my ass, now my dick. You're, you're fucking, you're beating both those to shreds today, Ant.
Sorry. Yeah.
It, I think like the, you know, it would need, just, just, just, just to make the distinction. If they can't zoom in on you, then you're just white guy number 48 that they're spying on. But then once they zoom in, you know, as close as they could get and they go. That's Joe.
Hey, buddy.
I, to your face dude!
I've been, I've been double body shamed and we are nine minutes into an episode, maybe eight minutes.
Let me just be very clear about something.
Shamed my body.
I am not shaming you in any capacity. I did, I did this like looking at your face. If you feel that me making that-
What a weasel. You're weaseling out?
Is shaming your body-
You're really gonna weasel out?
Then maybe you have something to be ashamed of. Maybe you're projecting the shame that you have for your body upon me. He did, he straight up shamed you.
He's throwing you under the bus and he's weaseling. I don't wanna be this guy, but you did just point at him.
Thank you.
Whatever, run it up!
To hit you- How much dollars are we at?
He's at forty bucks.
That's not bad. That's forty dollars I didn't have before.
That's how that works.
That's exactly- Wait, so, so, did you, you didn't call, cuz, uh, brother, I would've been on the phone with the cops.
Who am I calling? Karen?
The cops. What do you mean Karen?
You would call the cops? This kid's Karen, bro. Karen!
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you are.
Karen!
Yes!
Report a crime viewer!
How the fuck are we getting to a place-
Oh, my food was soggy. You ordered food a fucking thirty miles away.
How are we getting to a place in society where reporting a crime, put that fucking phone down.
Excuse me cops?
Put that fucking phone down.
There's a couple of kids outside and they're making a racket.
That's you. No, that's a difference between, excuse me, police, guess what? There's a drone at my window and I'm fucking a hundred million feet in the air. There's a difference. Reporting that doesn't make me a Karen. You're, you, you know what you're doing? You see what you're doing? Now you're, now you're, now you're ethically shaming me. He's body shaming you, so you're ethically shaming me because I have standards?
You're creating terms. Put the phone down. Police, uh, someone is violating the airspace. This is not allowed. And I heard a firework back there. Maybe we should put some kids in jail.
Bro, do you remember what happened in 2001?
What are you referring to?
We grew up in a time where it has been pushed upon us. See something, say something. That communal camaraderie in New York City has potentially prevented numerous attacks from happening. We don't know, we don't see the numbers, but I respect that seeing something, saying something did something.
They were probably filming a movie or something.
So then you should get your paycheck.
I'm not in it. I mean, if they were filming me.
Maybe they were. Well, that's what I'm saying. How do you know they weren't?
I guess I'll send them a cease and desist if I see the movie and I'm like, hey, that's my ding dong. Although I wasn't walking around my.
So what, you're gonna split the profits with, if it's a movie from a Disney? Because you're in the back just fucking dick in the wind in your apartment? Is that how that works? You'll just send, like, you get to split the profits? Like now you and Disney make 50% of this movie?
50 is crazy, but I think that like if you're gonna use my yang, then I should get something for sure.
How much is your yang worth?
It really depends how close they got. You know what I mean?
See, now you're doing it, dude.
No, I'm saying like if it's that visible and I'm in a movie.
Like if they can make out the scar tissue on there.
The scar tissue? What do you think has happened to my?
I don't know what happens. I mean, you're clearly so ashamed of it. I don't know if you take like a bamboo stick and just fucking whack at it or something.
A bamboo stick? How, what did you, how did you grow up masturbating? Bamboo stick? What, am I a panda?
I'm saying that you are clearly projecting the shame that you have for your indiscriminately sized weiner.
I also was not walking around naked in my living room. I don't do that. Do you guys walk around? Well, you don't walk around naked. You hate being naked?
I do hate being naked, but I got a house. So I use like, I explore the space naked sometimes, not a lot.
Your bedroom?
Yes.
Yeah. Do you walk around naked?
I'm pretty much always in my underwear. I can't really be naked because I got other people in the house that just barge in.
You're always in your underwear?
Pretty much.
That's all of us. Oh, just underwear?
Do you walk around barefoot or you leave your socks on?
I leave my socks on for everything.
For everything is so crazy.
Throw that in there.
We know what you're talking about now.
You referenced it.
Wait, you sleep in your socks?
Yeah, I sleep in my socks too. Don't worry about it.
What?
We're together.
You guys sleep in your socks?
Double sock sleeps?
Yo, what are we doing? You guys don't get overheated?
No, actually, if anything, I feel it regulates my temperature better because if they're off, I'm more likely to get cold. Then if they're on, being more likely to get hot.
Forget regulated. You guys should be medicated in a psych war.
I actually, I have heard that it is like conducive to sleeping better wearing socks because like I said, it regulates your temperature when you sleep. I also live with, oh my God, I love Ega so much. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. She likes the room cold.
Oh, so your feet get?
I mean, it could be, I get a little, I mean, I'm a heat rock, but like, yes, it could get a little.
You'd rather it be hot?
I would rather be hot than cold.
But you could always be more hot. Like you can't, like you could put on blankets. You can't, you know what I'm saying?
Yeah. No, but then I can just put on clothes.
But if you're too hot.
But if you're too hot, you can't take off more skin. You can't take off skin. You can't take off more.
I mean, if I'm too hot, then I just take off the clothing I'm wearing.
Yeah, but what?
But what if it's continuously getting hot?
Now what?
Well, then, then there's a fire in the house because we have, we have a working air conditioning.
I love sleeping in a cold room. If it was snowing, I'd prefer that.
I mean, that's crazy. We know someone that is like that, like legitimately like Espo's place. I remember his bedrooms. Yo, not even kidding.
Don't even.
50 degrees.
Espo's parents, the fact that their.
Energy bill is not through the fucking roof.
Forget about the energy bill. How are they alive? How are they surviving in that house?
Well, there's gotta be some science.
On 13.
There's gotta be some science behind. A lot has come out about people doing cold plunges and stuff like that.
Yeah, I mean, being in their house is a cold plunge.
The closest thing to a cold plunge that I've ever.
Their cottage or whatever we're calling that. And I would come in from jumping in the lake and then I'd get inside and be like, I have literally instant hypothermia in this house.
Yo, it gets cold. It gets cold. Maybe a colder, maybe colder conditions are better on the skin. I don't know.
Yeah, that's good. I think it keeps your skin tight.
It keeps it tight and hydrated because, well, maybe it dries it out. I'm not sure, but I'm saying that there's possibly some science. Someone can tell us.
Do you have a face routine? Like, what's that called?
The hell was that?
Not a face routine.
Skincare?
Skincare routine.
I, I don't have a routine. I have been provided some products by some lovely companies that every now and then I'll, I'll be like, you know.
Oh, but you don't do it every single night?
No, no, no.
Do you?
Sometimes.
So same answer as me.
Yeah. What do you, what do you got?
I, I, from the P O box a few times, I've gotten like a bunch of skincare stuff, like face masks and like the under eye pasties thing.
Oh, I, I.
Oh, you get like the, okay.
You know?
You put them on?
I'll be honest, I, I actually pretty much like never use the face stuff now that I think about it. It's more of the hand stuff. I'm more worried about my hands being dry.
You are big on your hands.
I am.
You lick them like a cat. We've gone over that.
We don't have to.
I know.
But I just, I, I, I, I don't like use much of the face stuff.
Really? I use a, I use a, a moisturizer. There's some stuff that I have that I used to use a lot, but I stopped using it because, I don't know if you guys noticed back there. I mean, I did talk about it on the show, but my eye was fucked up for like a month because I got some cream in it. And then I got like a little thing and it took forever to clear up and I needed steroids. Um, but, uh, also my dog had something wrong with his eye also. He needed steroids. Twins. Why are you guys smiling?
It's him, not me.
What did I do?
Why are you laughing? Cause I said steroids?
No, yeah, that's why I'm laughing. I'm not laughing at all. I'm just, I'm listening. I, I appreciate you.
You looked at him like, wait till I say something. I'm a little sneaky little whore.
No, no, I'm just, you, you expressed that you had something get in your eye and it fucked it up and you needed medication.
Oh, I see. I see. I see what's going on now. And you're laughing. Strike three for you, buddy. I'm telling your dad literally in person the next time I'm seeing him, which would be in a year, I think. But I'm, I'm going to tell him.
No, less.
Couple months.
Maybe, we don't know.
I don't even know what he meant by that.
That's another point, unfortunately.
Uh, that is another point.
Yo, the ice that you're on is literally...
I think this episode is just dedicated to rage baiting Joey.
We're just getting him at every...
I can't even talk about using eye cream without you being like, "Oh, yeah, you creamed."
I did it. I looked over at...
Is it eye cream or a guy's cream?
I...
I know that's what you're saying.
I did not say that!
You're insinuating...
You're projecting your insecurities about your sexuality upon me.
Frank, stop using therapy speak.
I am not... I... I am affronted.
Gather yourself.
I have been sitting here trying to establish decorum and speak with aplomb on this episode, and you're sitting here, you know, doing all this.
That's another one.
I'm gonna come over there and snap the computer in half.
I looked over at Ant and I saw him go like this. That's what he did. That's what he did.
No, that's... That's something you'd do.
No, it is not!
Josh, show the clip.
It's a lot of pointing.
Let me find out that you did that.
I'm a prisoner in my own studio. This place sucks. I hate this place.
I... I... I looked over at him and my laughing was more of a sense of, "That's inappropriate, be respectful," than it was like, "Yeah, he maybe did get a load in his eye."
Shut up. And you shut up. And I'm pointing at both ya. Mark it down. I don't care. Um, what else do we have to talk about?
I don't know if this will upset you or not, but, uh, one of the Santa Gato Studios videos, we lost some monetization. Well, actually, we're giving it to somebody else right now.
Oh, what does that even begin to mean?
Also, why are we talking about this on the podcast?
Oh, I was gonna explain that the reason is because you guys sung Backstreet Boys so well that...
It was flagged.
Wait, when did we sing Backstreet Boys?
In the misheard, uh, music video when you were singing in Simish.
Oh, when we were like, what does that word mean?
Simish.
It's the language from The Sims.
Oh, bro, I thought that was like a.
You ever played The Sims?
It's like you were singing in Simish. I thought that was like a word.
Bro, I used to play The Sims. I love.
I've never played The Sims, but you can like build a house and people die.
And then like, yeah, you like, don't put a door in a room and then they sit there, they cry, they die.
I've seen people like put their dogs in a fire. I'm like, what is this?
Yeah, I mean, that's the, that's the bad parts of life that you don't want to interact with.
Don't love that. Wait, what? So wait, we're giving money to the Backstreet Boys?
So the Backstreet Boys flagged you for singing their song in Simish.
Shut the fuck up.
I swear to God.
Wait, we sang it in a, in a made up language and then we got flagged and we have to give them the money?
First of all.
What's going on?
One, speaks of how good we are at doing things.
Singing that song?
Not just singing that song.
Did you put like a music in the background?
I did not. It was all you. They flagged it.
What is going?
I, I mean, this might be the pipeline that we get to the Backstreet Boys.
I'll tell you what, if we do get to the Backstreet Boys, I'm showing up with a big document and an invoice being like, "Give me it back." "They're a residency at Vegas at the Sphere." "Give me the money back."
They can afford to give us. So, but we, we would have to go in and inflate the numbers on the video and just be like, "Yo, this video was supposed to have made." "Was supposed to have made like."
Twenty million dollars.
A hundred and fifty million dollars.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, like, so just give us, you know what, just give us a third. That's what you asked for.
Give us a hundred K.
Let them, let them believe that they're getting a deal.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, the art.
That's how you do it.
The, I, you're still reading The Art of the Deal, right?
I don't even know what that is.
You were just telling me it's your favorite book.
I don't know what that is.
Oh, well.
I'm reading a book about mushrooms.
Actually, I've switched. I put the mushroom book down and now I'm reading a book about, you guessed it,
childhood trauma.
So, in the episode where you, so in the episode where you projected your discomfort with your tiny penis, you tell us that you're reading a book on childhood trauma and then you had previously been reading a book about a mushroom.
Let's unpack that.
Thinner ice than him. Actually, that's not true at all. What am I saying? Don't even say yes.
Wait, hold on. So the Backstreet Boys are getting some of our money?
So in addition to not only supporting them by literally being drug mules for their fucking music, now they want to take us, they want to bend Joey over and take-
Wait, what are you, wait, are we, are you, what are you saying?
We sing their music all the time.
No, no, no. What is the drug mules thing?
I don't know.
We're like, we're mules for them, basically.
Oh, oh. You know. So now, what they're doing is they're bending Joey over and taking his car, cold hard earned cash from him?
First-
Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
First of all,
we'll take free tickets to a show.
That I'm on board for.
If we get to come to the Sphere and sit in any seat we want.
But not even just that. Like, if you're gonna, if we basically paid-
We want to sing the song!
Basically!
Now we're talking!
Thank you. Get us up, and they're just like, yo-
JC!
Nope.
Wrong band!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I got it, I got it, I got it!
Okay, you go.
Kevin.
AJ.
Brian.
Howie.
Nick.
Like, you saw what we can do.
Right.
And-
We did it so well that we're, we're, we're paying you!
We're basically, literally, you've put people on stage for free, I assume.
Yeah, you pull a fan up and be like, hey, sing the song, Rusty!
Yeah, exactly.
And he sucks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then like, you're like, alright, sit down.
Yeah, alright, okay, you know. But like, we have literally paid into this opportunity.
Let us get our money's worth.
You know, just go up there, and you guys could do your whole thing, like, I've seen there's, there's like videos of you guys going through like, the Matrix and shit like that.
The stage pops up?
That's all, you're a boy band.
I'm gonna need to be harnessed to the floor if we're gonna do that.
Also, watch this.
We'll work on it. We'll work on it for sure.
Yeah, um, we'll work on it. That's a different band.
That, no it isn't. That's also, no, no, that's Marionette. That's in sync.
Yeah, that was, that was, that was in sync.
No, but like, I, go look at the, the, uh, the everybody, Backstreet's Back. Go look at the music video.
I guess everyone was doing that.
Pull up the fucking music video. Don't show it on here because they've already taken enough of our money.
We can't, we can't have the music too.
I'm afraid of saying the B word now. But if you see, I believe it's AJ. He goes in the video and he's just like, "Oh my God, we're back again." Like, it's-
Oh, because he's the mummy.
Because he's the mummy, dude.
It was a great Halloween music video.
Or no, I think he was the Phantom of the Opera.
Oh, that might be true.
That might be it.
Regardless, if you're gonna take the money, we want to sing the song on stage. Not the whole song, just want to get a couple of notes in.
Also, like, I think we are both coordinated. I think that we both have-
I'm starting to get nervous, though.
Combined fair amounts of cardiovascular health.
Frank.
We could-
Learn choreography. And I'm not talking for like, a whole song. I'm not even talking for half a song. Give us this, give us this.
That's all we need, that last clap. Holy shit, that rang my ears.
I can hear it, I heard it bounce against the back wall.
We don't need much. We're simple. We're Backstreet Boys fans.
We're boys, we're-
We're not Backstreet Boys in the basement. We're more from the Backstreet than you.
We're basement.
Backstreet Boys. The basement boys.
I'm sure that everyone in your crowd would be confused and that's okay, because our fans would like it.
No press is bad press.
You would be like, "Who are these idiots?"
No press is bad press, especially in today's world. Let's be honest, okay? So, what they could do is they could just be like, "The Backstreet Boys bought up who?"
And then TMZ gets it, along with your pictures from the drone, and they run away with it.
I will say, it is obvious that we would be getting more out of this than you guys, but I think you need to be okay with that.
Also-
They already stole our money.
They've taken our money, yeah, if anything. Also, Backstreet Boys,
you should be in a part of your life where you're being generous with your time.
Like, you should be-
Spotlighting young creators.
Oh, you know what? I just thought about this. Maybe it's not them and it's the label. The evil label.
But here's the thing.
That is what's happening.
And they're gonna see this.
And that's not fun to think about.
Oh my god, like, I didn't even know that was happening.
I don't think he talks like that anymore.
I think he does.
He may.
I think he does. Can we cross-reference my Nick Carter impression?
Who's your favorite Backstreet Boy?
I mean, I was pretty cool with AJ. Dude is sick, had a couple earrings, which I thought was cool.
How's a Brian guy?
Brian, you kinda looked like Brian, I remember.
I think that's why I liked him. I was like, oh, what guy?
I dislike any of them, Howie, but like, I just...
I just...
What? I just think that...
I'm kidding. I love everyone. All of the boys from the Backstreet have my approval.
They're, I mean, they're legends. Legitimately.
Legitimately legendary.
Like, not a joke. They are legitimately legendary.
I will say, we're like joking around here, but if this did spiral out of control, I'd be mad nervous.
Brother.
Also, I'm not doing this, just so, if you guys are watching this and you're even considering this...
They're sitting around watching together. You know how the boys, like, they do.
They're the Backstreet Boys.
They're also sitting on bleachers in like a studio, for some reason, you know what I mean? Yeah. And he's just like, "Oh my god, this is so fun."
And then Nick's got his foot up against a, like, a basketball.
Yes. And then Kevin's in the back and you think he's just sitting down, but he's really tall.
If you guys are watching this and you do wanna bring us onstage and be like, "Oh, it'd be a really funny moment, you guys, you know, could sing the song." I'm not doing it with a handheld mic. I need this.
You need this?
I need that.
And glasses.
And I need sunglasses that don't, that are one glass.
One glass. You need the, this mic.
You know? We need puffer vests.
And baggy pants.
Baggy pants. Baggy pants. I'm talking, I'm even going like, what kinda shoe wear are we wearing? We need some like
Boots.
mid 90s lugs. That's what I'm talking about. Because Timberlands? People have stolen Timberland culture from New York. Don't get me started on that.
Lugs.
Give respect to the-
Something with a fucking buckle.
Something that if I used during kickball, it would be a cheat code.
You know what I'm saying?
They wouldn't allow it in a league, in a professional league.
It'd even just be big sneakers.
And like, very, very minimal.
You can just give us a high five? You know?
The way you gave yourself a high five.
Yeah. Um, I'll also just go to a show too, though.
But I, but I'd like to be in it. I'd like to sing a note.
I would like, or you know what? Bare minimum. Acknowledge us.
Bro, first of all, obviously this is hilarious. But we're gonna shoot a shot on a podcast now.
That's what we do.
Our lives have gotten kind of out of control and this feels a little bit possible, so I'm gonna say it.
Listen, you know-
Frank, hold on. Just for one second, just think. Can you imagine? That that happened?
If they were like, come on stage with us?
And we sang a song with the Backstreet Boys? First of all, that's not happening. Second of all, if it did happen, though.
That's better than MSG.
I'm glad you said it.
Way better than MSG.
That's way better.
I mean-
Like, yo, I was on stage with the fucking Backstreet Boys.
I mean, we were on-
The fuck are you gonna tell me?
Hold on, reel it back, reel it back. You were on stage with Frank Alvarez at Madison Square Garden. That's pretty fucking great, too.
I almost said it. I almost let the B word go.
Oh, oh, you were gonna call me a B?
Oh, boy, was I.
That would be up there.
That'd be crazy.
That'd be up there and like, again-
My sister would kill me.
Oh, my God. My sister would bring her fucking Dolphins starter jacket out of retirement that she bought just because she wanted to impress Nick Carter at TRL. And she would punch me in the mouth. That's a real story. My sister became a Dolphins fan because she heard that fucking Nick Carter was a Dolphins fan, so she, my parents bought her a Miami Dolphins starter jacket in the 90s.
It's probably fire.
Yeah. You ever seen a starter jacket and said, ew, that's ugly?
Yeah, they're all sick.
They're the best!
Every single design. Let's shoot another shot. Hey, starter.
You know me, I'm fucking there, baby. I'm ready to go.
We squeeze out of this show.
I mean, listen, also-
We've, we've made our pitch to the Backstreet Boys.
If they don't do it, NSYNC, this is the perfect time to swoop in and get some good press.
On the same episode.
I mean, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. We can reignite the Boy Band war. We can bring back the Triple B, baby. 2026, the reemerging of Triple B. Boy Band beef. Alright, everyone talked about Drake vs. Kendrick, Drake vs. Kendrick, Drake vs. Kendrick. Let's bring back and spark the fire and flames of NSYNC vs. Backstreet Boys, and they are fighting over us. Take it easy, boys. We've officially gotten ahead of ourselves. We have. Yeah. I just think that there's, because like, what if NSYNC, our fans are so supportive. Yeah. Thank you guys so much. Yeah. And what if they rally behind us and they start tagging the Backstreet Boys, which... Maya.
Maya.
What if, what if like, everyone cut a clip?
Everyone cut a clip of us.
Something.
It's just like, what if someone?
What if we?
What if someone used their hard skills and, and valued time to find all the clips of us singing about the Backstreet Boys?
And they make a fucking clip that goes mega viral.
What if people worked really hard to help us two who are already spoiled get more out of this?
What if that happened?
I mean, if their life is not to help us, then...
What are you doing?
Why be a fan? Be a better fan. Do what we want you to do, not what you want to do.
I feel like one of those like, preachers now, lock the door. I need to collect a hundred thousand dollars.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, those fucking megachurch pastors that are just like, I need a new G6 in order to spread the word of God.
Speaking of, we do have some sponsors for today. The first one being, how you doing?
I'll keep going after.
Uh, how you doing? Squarespace, okay? Is it Squarespace? Yes, it is. It is Squarespace. Squarespace is a platform where it's gonna help you create and run your website. So if you make content, or you have a, a online business, or you sell things, you're gonna wanna use Squarespace if you're not already using it, because that is the only one that I will use. All the landing pages that we've created have been through Squarespace. And they're amazing. They make it very easy to make a professional looking website, which is very important. It's your first impression. It's huge. So you can go to Squarespace.com. They have templates. You click on the templates. It'll populate a website. You switch out the text. You switch out the pictures. You have a professional looking website. You literally could do that in an afternoon. I've done it before. So, you know, that's a great feature of it as well. And they
have a lot of features that are going to help you optimize your traffic, you know, give you all the updates and send you emails about this, how many people, you know, we're visiting and, you know, blah, blah, blah. Give you suggestions, what you should do. So Squarespace is the one. You can head to Squarespace.com/basement and you'll save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain using that code basement. Okay, that is Squarespace.com/basement to save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. And we also have prize picks. Okay, the big game is all is almost here. There's no better way to cash in during America's biggest sporting event than prize picks. It makes, you know, Sundays, especially for me. I kind of use
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That is the code basement to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup prize picks. It's good to be right. Frank?
Yes. Thank you. I appreciate you throwing it over to me. I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with you guys. And it's about the state of our nation. And our nation is Patreon. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. What's the state of it? It's going great. It's incredible. There's stuff on there that maybe you want to take a look at. Maybe you want to gander. Okay. Maybe Patreon is inviting you to come take a look under the blanket, so to say.
Well, you're not gonna get the chance if you don't go to patreon.com/thebasementyard. That's the blanket. I'm showing you the way to the blanket. And all you need to do, lift it up, take a look.
Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Sign up for that first tier. You've got these weekly episodes a week in advance. Whatever.
What the fuck is happening?
I can hear even Ann over there going, "What is he doing?" Second tier? Weekly episodes, every single Friday.
Right?
Yep.
Also, hey Joe, I've got a question for you. If I join Patreon today, do I only get to see the episodes that come out after my joining?
No, you get access to all of them.
All of them?
All of them.
It's actually, it's a good question. I've gotten that before. It's a good question.
Thanks for your approval, this guy.
This guy over here.
I'm telling your dad.
Oh my god, I can't wait. Well, listen, go to patreon.com/thebasementyard. Jokes aside, we love the fact that you've joined us on this ride and we want you to keep joining us. Or if it's your first time watching or listening, or you're thinking about maybe you needed, you know, a little, a little nudge in the right direction to check out what's under the blanket, this is that one. So go to patreon.com/thebasementyard. Sign up, you're gonna love every single second of it, we promise. You'll get more of this. You'll get more of that.
And...
Don't do that.
Oh god. Uh, go check it out. If you want to save yourself some money, go do that at the URL on a web browser. If you use an app, guess what? Uh, it's gonna take extra money from you. So save yourself some bucks, sign it up for Patreon. Patreon.com/thebasementyard. Thank you, we love you. We'll talk with you later. Last pitch I'm gonna say about this. That's not a saying at all, but, last thing I'm gonna say about this.
About the Backstreet Boys?
We have made our plea and made our case of the Backstreet Boys. The balls are in their court. You, it's not just one ball now. There's five of them. So you need multiple balls for them. If they chose not to do it, it's okay. Also, other boy bands? I'm not, I, I think I can speak for both of us. We're not opposed.
N'Sync? I mean, listen, sounds like Justin Timberlake could use some good press.
Maybe, maybe we can help?
Don't ruin this.
I'm not ruining anything, I'm just saying-
But you're already bringing up other options. We have one goal.
We have one goal, but that doesn't mean that we can't be bought.
Yeah. We're, we're paying.
I know. We can't be purchased. Ing. I'm just, I've said what I had to say.
And I think, you know, I think I could speak for, anyone would be lucky to have us.
I agree. I don't know, I don't know. I mean, I might throw up on that stage, to be honest. It looks like, it looks like it would get me dizzy.
Yeah, I mean, if I looked back and I saw like, you know, like-
It's like, oh my god, we're flying through a black hole, I'm gonna throw up on the stage.
Yeah, that would be, that would be tough, especially like-
Everybody-
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of those rooms, like, I remember when we were, like, first time on stage, first time, Backstreet Boys, you hear that? First time we were on stage at Radio City. I, I remember standing on that stage and just seeing the curvature of the room and just be like, whoa, I'm, this is, I'm feeling a little dizzy.
Yeah, a little bit. You know, it could have been also in addition to the weight of the moment for our first time of two nights on stage at Soul That Radio City. And, uh,
It wa- it was, it was intense. So like, I can imagine getting on there and just be like, this is also intense.
Yeah, that would be a crazy one. I don't know, bro.
But they've done like stadiums, so like-
Balls are in your court.
If you're, if you're getting one song to do with them, and they're saying, you can hop on one song, here's our set list, which one is like, that one right there?
That one. I think- Everybody-
I, I do wanna do the dan- or I at least wanna do the part where they just go, uh, everybody, uh, you know?
There's a part of the song where it's like, uh-
Oh, I didn't like-
Everybody, everybody-
Yeah, I wanna, or, or- That part.
Now throw your hands up in the air.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Wave around like a just donkey, ah. That was pretty good.
Be careful how good it gets.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, now we're gonna owe the mess to? Yeah. If we, they take money from us in two videos.
I'll tell you what, now we have to upload this early and make sure it doesn't get.
Damn, come on.
We have to make sure that this doesn't get.
Not much, not much. I don't know anymore, the rules are so crazy with YouTube. Dude, call up the CEO of YouTube. Just be like, "What are you doing?"
"What are you doing here?"
What should I say?
I'm, I'm going to the office.
No, well, yeah, I guess I said you'd call him, so like.
Ooh, him.
Oh, yeah, you know what? Oops. Him or her.
Women can't be CEOs?
No, they can be and should be.
I believe that the CEO of YouTube is woman. If I'm not mistaken.
Cancel him.
No. And, of all the things you're gonna look up now? To make me look like an asshole?
I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure, she's a...
I am a victim of a patriarchal society.
I'm a victim here.
That's a good narrative, that's a good way to spin it.
You like that?
I've done something wrong, but it's because the world made me this way.
The world made me into the monster that I am. Okay?
Oh, it's, it's a, it's a man now.
Ah, so she was fired for a man, even worse.
Uh, she stepped down.
Stepping down is great.
The, the.
Her own accord, we love that autonomy. And that choice.
That's how you girl boss. Even if you're stepping down from being the boss, still girl boss.
She, well.
CEO of YouTube is now Neil.
Neil? We're back to this?
Your dad is the CEO of YouTube?
Neil what?
Neil Mohan?
I think I got it.
Spell it.
M-O-H-A-N.
That was how I thought it was gonna be spelled.
Yeah, I mean.
From Susan, Susan stepped down.
Susan.
There's better names.
Well.
Such a bad idea.
This is, this is going to, this is, if anything, now YouTube has like a double reason to fucking hit us, you know?
We buried it. We're 40 minutes into an episode. They'll never see this.
Neil's gonna be, Neil's gonna be like, Neil searches.
Neil?
Neil searches his name in all the videos that have been uploaded and he just scrubs through them. And he's gonna see your pretty grin and be like, "I'm not gonna do anything." And he's gonna see my fucking ugly mug and he's gonna be like, "Now I gotta do something."
What is this? You always do this thing where you're like this big ogre who's disgusting. It's ridiculous. You act like you're just, like, "Oh me, I'm just so, I'm like, I got pimples and I'm like disgusting and I stink." Like, that's how you, you talk. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous.
You're a good-looking guy.
First of all, let's start here. Who is to say that your beauty standards are pimpily is bad? Get him, people that suffer from acne.
Two, there is only one instance in popular media where we can point to an ogre, and that's Shrek, and Shrek is a corner of the internet fucking daddy.
What port, what point are you making? I'm saying that you always talk about your, your appearance negatively.
No, I think I'm a relatively good-looking person.
Except if we talk about your ass. Then you go crazy.
See, what a loaded episode.
Your, your ass makes him make up words. "Well, don't push of us."
Like, "Don't use sky." What, what, what, like, what is going on in this episode?
First, you're clearly feeling a way about how you look in the mirror.
First, what?
We started there.
No, what we started with was a double body shame.
It was a singular body shame.
It wasn't a, it was not even a.
Yeah, I mean, you guys dog piled me. Fully shamed him.
You guys dou, dog piled me. You talked about my butt, and then you talked about something else that I can't remember at the moment, but I will watch the tape.
I think it was your tiny...
His words.
Well, that's what you brought up.
His words, his words.
There was a lot of insinuating, then you brought up, uh, uh...
The eye cream, if you will.
I laughed at Ant because I looked over at Ant and he went like this. That's what he did.
And let's be careful because Neil's watching and we don't know what's gonna happen and the Backstreet Boys.
Yeah, I mean, this could be one of the most like, like celebrity viewed episodes. Because the Backstreet Boys, there's five of them. You think of the staying power of each of the individual boys of the Backstreet. Then you add Neil in there. Neil's got
Neil.
The biggest media platform on the planet, basically.
Which I think is doing a great job.
We're cool.
We're cool, dude.
We're cool, Neil.
We're so cool.
You're good.
You're really cool. Ant, put your fingers down.
Yeah, be careful.
Sorry. Uh, I don't, you know, I'm just saying that like,
I don't think I'm ugly, but like.
If you had to rank yourself one to 10.
Oh, we've done this a bunch.
I, yeah, that was like years ago. I don't remember.
Ah, so we're revisiting our, our
Do you think you're higher or lower? Like have you, do you think you've peaked?
Um, I think
I am the best version of myself that I've ever been.
Physically?
Overall.
I'm talking about appearance.
Oh, just, just appearance?
What are we doing here?
Well, I mean, there was, oh, there's an overall ranking. There's a bunch of that stuff.
We're talking about how you have this thing where you say you act like you're disgusting.
I know I don't do that. It's a jokes and jokes and, and fun.
One to 10.
On just looks, I would say I'm at like,
See, this is tough because any answer I give, people are just gonna be like, no, you're bad. Or there's gonna be those dickheads that are just be like, honestly Frankie, I think that you're pretty cool, but like you gotta know you're ugly. So there's no fucking answer that I give is gonna satisfy anyone. So you know what?
There is no winning.
There is no winning. There is no winning. So I'm going to leave it, uh, uh, uh, for ambiguity. I'm gonna let the world decide. And by the world, I mean, uh, Becca, because that's the only fucking opinion I need on that.
And God and Santa Claus.
That's right. God and Santa Claus.
They're always watching.
Yeah, that, that, that is correct. But, yeah, I, I mean, I, I know I'm not ugly. Why, why you gotta make me break down a joke like this? Why you gotta make me do that?
I'm joking back.
You're joking back?
Joking back?
Yeah. I think you're both tens. That doesn't save you, buddy.
Yeah, nice try.
You think I forgot about the last forty-five minutes?
Nice try, you're, you're, you're-
I'm telling your dad!
Oh.
What would you do?
Serious question.
Oh wow, you're enjoying that.
What would you do if his dad actually saw that? And then he came into work when we were recording, he's like, "Yo, guys, like, you need to, like, seriously step back on those jokes." And we're like, "Why?" And he's like, "My dad bent me over his knee and spanked me."
First of all, that would be an insane thing to come in and say. Two, if you think that's not resulting in a doubling and tripling down on the jokes, you are sadly mistaken.
Look at me like I said it. Yo, could you, like-
If he was like, "Yo, you gotta chill," I'd be like, "Literally not gonna."
I just like, the picture of like- Cause I've met your father-
Have you ever been spanked by your dad? Crazy out of context thing to say.
No!
But like, you know, like, across his knee and being like, "Ah!"
I think once, and-
Smacked your butt?
I think, yeah, I think once, and like, it was like a pivotal thing for my dad, where he was just like,
"From that moment on, I never want my kids be afraid of me."
So he like, didn't hit us again, but he gave us the look, like-
Really wish our parents hung out more, because my dad, I think, got addicted to it.
Got addicted, wait, so you got bent over like you're fucking Pepe Le Pew in a cartoon?
No, I never got bent over.
Never, that never happened.
The last couple of episodes-
It was more of like a standing.
It was, oh, so like, you took it standing?
Cra- come on.
I mean, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that, but like, you know what I mean?
Was it bare butt?
No, it wasn't my butt.
I'm just-
I don't know, maybe I, maybe I got smacked in the butt, I don't know.
Yo, I gotta be-
Did you get across the knee? Yeah, I mean, your dad's Italian, dude, he probably like-
He probably hit you with a wooden spoon. Anytime you had a wife beater on, you're like, "He'll stay out of his way."
You've seen Godfather?
Jesus Christ.
But like, he never, do you never?
Not really. I don't think so. Maybe when I was really little.
I mean, you're the oldest of your siblings too, so if anyone's getting their shit beat, it's you.
That's a wild.
You know what I mean? Come on. The double entendres don't count.
Neil, Neil, take it easy on us, because we're just joking around.
Well, both, both Niels.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All Neil. All Neil's involved. I was talking about the big Neil. That's the other Neil.
And then your, your Papa Neil. That's what we'll call him.
Yellow and Neil.
Yes, that's right. That's a good one. Yeah, I can't, I can't. I don't know if I've ever known someone, or at least they haven't told me like that, like just got like the legit, like knee out, they like slumped over it and then just got like a.
Yeah, that's like a real 50s thing. That's a real 50s way of abusing children. You know, that's not really modern.
Yeah, now it's done through like text messages.
Yeah, now.
Yeah, exactly. Now.
Now you like psychologically catfish your daughter and you just pretend to be other people and bully her until she's psychotic.
Listen, if you plan on being a parent, there's two ways of rearing your children. The old fashioned way.
With a wooden spoon, with spanking on the butt, or you can text them that they're a fugly slur.
Yeah, you can cerebrally assassinate them.
You know, and guess what? You also have the luxury of if you get caught, the world made you into this monster.
Exactly.
It's your trauma that made you do this.
Just because you blatantly get caught doesn't mean that you can't change the narrative and be a victim too.
Bingo. If you get in trouble for something that you actively do, you're not in trouble for it because you're doing it because something actively happened to you.
Correct? I don't know.
I mean, you know, I think like.
What a crazy documentary.
What a fucking fuck.
Did we talk about that?
Yeah, we talked about it ad nauseam.
Yeah, that's a good word. I like that. It reminds me of Muzam.
What does ad nauseam mean? Like, does that mean until we're nauseous?
Like, that's what it feels like.
Like, we talk about it until we want to throw up. Like, oh, until like, but it's gotta be, it's gotta be Latin, right?
Also, is it at nauseam?
Ad, A-D.
Yeah, and nauseam is like.
Like mausoleum.
Good word also.
Yeah. What is it? What is it? Is it one word or two words?
Uh, it's ad nauseam.
Ad?
Uh, used to say that something happens or is done so many times for such a long time that it makes people annoyed disgusted.
So similar, yeah.
Basically what I said.
Is it one word or two words?
It's two words.
Where's the, where does the word nauseous, I know nauseous has to do with like the feeling of being sick, but I guess like if we traced it back to the early roots of what nauseous means, it's the same thing.
No, you had it. It's a Latin phrase. It means to sickness. So until sickness.
Yo, I'm a fucking genius.
Frank, the word is ad nauseam.
I mean, but to be able to make the distinction that it's, uh, Latin, I think is very impressive.
Well, I'm just really excited to be sitting next to Rosetta Stone. Thank God you're here to figure that one out. Literally my guess too. I didn't get any credit.
Well, you don't deserve credit. Speaking of credit though, you know, who does deserve credit and is finally maybe getting some?
Us.
I had no idea where you were going with that. Yeah, I mean, the segue wasn't perfect, but you know. That was actually a good one. You've had way worse in the past. How so? You have to hard pivot sometimes. I mean, yeah, sometimes you have to hard pivot. No, but, uh, I don't know. It was announced and I think we can talk about it now, but we have been.
We're gonna go for it.
We're just gonna do it, right?
At this point.
Yeah, who cares? Neil, turn this off. Neil, wait, wait, can we get in trouble?
Turn it on. I don't know.
Well, yeah, why would you tell Neil the two? It's nothing to do with Neil. Yeah. Why would you do that? I'm confused now. Neil, he doesn't want you in the room. I do, because I think everyone deserves a seat at the table to have a conversation about what they feel here.
There you go, Neil.
No, we got nominated for iHeart, uh, iHeart Radio Podcast Awards.
Yeah, we got.
Yay! We want the laugh track. I mean, not the laugh track, the clap.
A clap track.
Clap track.
Applause track?
Joey wants the clap, so give him it.
Um.
Cut that out Neil. Um, uh, yeah, we got nominated for awards. We got best comedy.
Best comedy podcast and best overall ensemble, I believe it is.
Which is wild. I didn't think that we were an ensemble.
Pull them up, baby.
Well, that's, that's what it is.
Yeah. Pull them up.
What are you gonna look at?
What do you want me to do? Just wanna make sure that, I wanna see who else we're nominated with.
It's, it's best overall ensemble, which, we're an ensemble? That feels like we're doing a dance.
I mean, no, an ensemble is just a group.
I know, but ensemble to me, it sounds like.
Ensemble feels like more than two.
So like, huh.
I, I know, I know. I absolutely know he was gonna do that.
Just, more than two, you'd say.
Huh, too many.
Now we're an ensemble. Because of this nomination, now, like, I'm flab, we're, we're very.
Oh my god.
Honored to be nominated.
Legitimately incredible.
Legitimately, like, all jokes aside.
We were just talking, we started this episode talking about Joey's tiny wiener, and now we're nominated for awards.
Yeah, this is crazy.
Um, I will say the fact that we, cuz I just learned today, I knew that we were nominated for best comedy podcast for a while now. Not for a while, but like a week and a half or whatever, and that, that was cool. I just learned today that we were also nominated for best overall ensemble. And that is, although, very happy for that, also not the best cuz I gotta deal with this now.
So.
I didn't, I didn't say anything.
Ant's over there going like, you know, ensemble isn't duo.
I mean, you know, I think that, who knows, the, the addition could have also, uh, refu, like, taken us from being nominated elsewhere.
So he's viewing it as in the positive, like, maybe you have just fucked us up.
So we better win, really.
Well, I was looking at the other people in the category, and it's all like trios. The ensemble?
Yeah, I'm just saying.
Oh, wow. Sky, sky.
You gotta, you know what you need to do, right?
The people love Ant, man.
You know, I mean, good, he deserves it.
Oh my god, when it's like, contract negotiation time. Ah, this is gonna come up.
Can I be in? Only if we win. Can I be in on the talks?
If we lose, then it's easy, I get to blame you.
If we win, you're gonna...
Oh, I mean, this is a classic scenario of just like, if the cake is good, I made it, if it's bad, you're not gonna make it.
So what else made it?
It's the same situation, so, I mean, listen. Jokes aside, an incredible honor, because
the names in there are people that are, like, been in the industry.
Massive people.
Like, massive shows, massive people, comedians, actors, actresses, um, so, just even being in the conversation is cool, but then seeing that, like, you're nominated in the font that Batman Forever was typed in is really fucking cool, too.
Why did they use that font?
That is so funny that you said that.
It is the Batman Forever font, though.
Yeah, I mean, I'm just excited that we get to sit and go to an award show and just sit there.
And just be like, "Yeah, I mean, I'm cool with losing, to be honest."
Yeah, I mean-
It's just gonna be fun.
If we're, if we're being honest, we are-
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Nominated in best comedy category with some juggernauts.
Amy Poehler is one of them.
So-
Shit!
You know, it's the honor of losing to the great Amy Poehler. Uh, and then, uh, and the other one, again juggernauts, one of the people that are nominated, one of the shows in there is, uh, Smartless.
Both nominated for Golden Globes this year.
One was a winner. And, and, did anyone else in that category get nominated for a Golden Globe? Did we get nominated for a Golden Globe?
No, we did not. No.
No? Uh, we-
Baby steps.
I mean, listen-
Oh, nomination! I, full, just being completely honest here, and not joking anymore. Eh, I don't know if that's true, but, uh- Not something that I thought was actually possible because when you go and you look at the names who are nominated like in our field like they're kind of like either have a really good relationship with certain companies or whatever or they're very famous people like obviously we are not that we're very independent and kind of do our own thing here in New York. So the fact that we even nominated on this and and the winners are decided by like a like their own judges or whatever. So like the fact that we're even nominated by people like that is like fucking awesome. That means that you know, we're kind of doing something right.
I mean, and we're also hot off the presses of being the sexiest podcast on the planet. Which is also a crazy thing like it like, you know, if we're, you know, letting you peek. If we're letting you peek under the blanket, we are legitimately in a place where we're just like, the things that have happened to us are crazy.
They're just funny now.
Now, and now it's getting to a point where it's just like, that would be funny. And then it's like, it happened. It's like, like it is, it's weird, but also we need to approach it that way because if we don't, certain people here that I can't point fingers to.
Are going to be like,
You know.
But we remain humble.
The byproduct there is pretty unfortunate, but.
What if? Our humbility is what is preventing us from winning.
Two words that we've made up today.
Is that a word?
Humbility.
Our humble, humbledness, humbility?
Humility?
That's it. That's the one.
Yeah. What if that's what's preventing us from winning in this stuff? Like, maybe we didn't get nominated for a Golden Globe because we were too humble.
I don't know what we could have done diff.
I mean, what if we just made spitballing here? What if we just made shirts and just put our names on all the shirts? And oh, you know what? Even faces.
Hmm, I've tried that.
I've made that, I've done that before.
Yeah, I mean, it's something, it's something, it's a thought.
Yeah, um, no, but that's, it's crazy. I mean, a lot of this stuff is just fucking funny now. And even like, we were joking before about the Backstreet Boy thing, like, if something like that ends up happening, like, one, that's just like, not,
that's a dangerous thing to happen for us. To know that we could speak something stupid like that into existence, get ready.
This podcast is gonna be littered.
Do you remember, there was a whole run of episodes we did where we were like, saying that there was a bidding war out for the basement yard.
We didn't do anything. You, you were like, oh, Taylor Swift, buy our podcast, whatever that means.
I didn't say that, I said, fund it. Uh, but also, I think that, uh, you know, you know how I am. I keep an ear to the ground with things in the entertainment industry, movies, TV, you know, comic books, stuff like that.
The way that that industry works is when something gets hot enough, everyone wants it. What if we need to be?
Hotter.
We gotta get hotter.
But like, in the sense of like, you know, Backstreet Boy, Backstreet Boys, you could become like, you could have equity in this if you really want.
Ooh, don't use that word.
Tough word.
We're not giving out equity.
I mean, you know, you think about it, like, they could.
They could what?
But they just need to give us what we want. And maybe they'll get equity.
I'm trying to do everything I can.
Everything I can.
We're campaigning is what we're doing now.
I mean, you gotta campaign, you gotta start somewhere.
I know, but.
What's the award again? iHeart?
iHeart Podcasts Award or something like that? It's, it's South by Southwest.
Yeah, so the show's in South by Southwest, uh,
In Austin.
In Austin, um, I think it's safe to say, we could say, we'll be attending.
And, uh, I fully plan on making-
I gotta have a cool outfit.
I was thinking about that.
Should I wear a camel hat?
Becca and I, first of all, I already have two. Second of all, I was thinking, because Beck and I were like, what are we gonna wear? And I was like, oh shit, yeah, that's right. Like, do we do tux? Or is that like, you gotta kind of, it's the podcast awards, you need to take it a little jokey.
Like, it's like, I believe what they said was cocktail attire.
I mean, you are so far this year, oh for one for cocktail attire, because he dresses the weight stuff.
Honestly, yo, you want to know something funny about that? And I swear to whatever God is correct, that I was, when I put on the suit, right? Because I was like, I don't want to wear a blue or black suit, I want to wear something different. I put on the suit and I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, this looks nice, but I look like a maître d'. And I'm like, it would be very funny if I'm dressed, like if the staff is dressed like that.
Called it.
And when we walked in, I was like, I really need to stop manifesting shit.
Well, I mean, that is what you do and what people do in general. It's like, things only happen when they are manifested.
Right, yeah.
So you did that.
Ah, yeah.
You did that.
Yeah, so I was like, oh god.
Can we?
It wasn't that bad. No one made a comment. Just me.
I mean, oh my god. This is such a big momentous occasion that we need to like, remember it by purchasing something fucking stupid.
Alright, well, I almost pointed there.
Yeah, after, by the end of the year, you might be able to afford something. We're at 90 bucks.
I thought that he just pocket watched you and said you're a broke bitch.
Oh, no, no.
Maybe by the end of the year, you'll be able to buy yourself something nice.
You stupid fucking peasant.
We started at 40, we got 50 this time, well, we got 50.
I mean, if we are, if we are, you know, as of recording, three weeks into the month, average, if we're making a hundred dollars a month, I could be walking out with a pretty good chunk of change by the end of this year.
That's what I'm saying.
You know, and if I just keep rage baiting him, it'll get better.
Yeah, but I don't, I don't point just for anger. I point because I talk with my hands and we're doing a thing, you know?
I think, I think it's mostly anger that you pointed at me.
Tape my fingers now.
I mean, you could do whatever you want. You can put your fingers anywhere.
Do the whole show like this? What am I doing?
Did we do, did we do an Edward Forty Hands episode?
Oh my god, that'd be so good.
We didn't? I've done it at your house numerous times.
I think the only times you've ever done it have been with me.
And underhaged.
Uh, Neil, does it make it worse?
Get out of here.
Stop, Neil. Does it make it worse that I did Edward Forty? For those of you guys that don't know what Edward Forty Hands is, by the way, it was an inner-city thing when 40-ounce beers were $3.
Such a
It's the best deal ever.
Yo, such a crazy deal.
You know what, like, you talk to boomers and like, "Oh, I bought my house for $15,000." I still don't think that's a better deal than the 40.
Yo, that really is not.
Getting fucking eight beers for six bucks?
It's crazy.
And not like, yeah, you can get 40 ounces of like, Old English, or like, Cobra, which is like, it's malt liquor, technically, it's not even beer.
But you got Bud Light.
You get a Bud Light, Coors Light for fucking like, dude, you guys don't understand, and if you do,
but, you take two 40-ounce beers, and you take them to your hand.
You know what's funny? For 40,000 patrons, Ford, Edward Ford, no? Well, fuck that, I'm pointing, I don't give a shit, but yes.
Well, it was only point at me, it was only point at me.
Yeah, yeah, it's only at him.
Whatever. 40,000 patrons, Edward40 hand Patreon episode.
Wait, how, wait, didn't we already hit that?
Well, we're getting, we're very close.
Alright, how about we raise it a little bit? Come on, guys, do you not understand marketing?
What, no, it's perfect, I feel like it's perfect.
I'm gonna make a statement.
Do you not understand marketing?
I'm gonna, I'm gonna make a statement right now, and if you argue against it, you're racist. For 42,000, for Jackie Robinson. Now, if you say no, then you're-
What is it, what is it, what is it, what is it?
Now you're racist.
Because what? You're the one, you're making, what are you talking about? What are you attaching 42 to?
You gotta, you gotta bump it up a little bit.
You don't, we just wanna do it. I'm gonna have to take one hand at a time, so I feel like I need my hand.
Oh, you're gonna do it too?
I really don't wanna do this.
I pointed.
I really don't?
He did point.
Why don't, why don't, why don't? The idea of drinking six beers in a one-hour episode? It doesn't need to be like that.
Let's mull it over, but I do have some sponsors, and we'll get some.
Oh my god, we're late.
Oddly enough, yeah, I didn't even think. Uh, we do, uh, this is kinda funny to transition into this, but, um, Zocdoc.
Zocdoc is a free app and website that helps you find and book high-quality doctors. So you can find someone that you love, okay? They're in-network doctors too, so you go on the website, you plug in your insurance and your area, and then it will show you doctors in your area, and they're all patient-reviewed, so you know the ones that are, you know, well-reviewed or good doctors. People had good experiences there. And, yeah, you know that they take your insurance, you can kind of go there. I use Zocdoc literally all the time now. Anytime I have to go to like an eye doctor, or a dermatologist, or anything like that, I use Zocdoc to find people in my area. So, um, that's what I, like, I was using this before they even were a sponsor, but it's really great.
Like I said, it's free, so all you have to do is stop putting off those doctor's appointments, okay? Go to zocdoc.com/basement, and to find and instantly book a doctor today, that's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash basement, okay? Zocdoc dot com slash basement. Thanks, Zocdoc, for sponsoring our show. And lastly here, we have Skims. Skims makes underwear. They make it for men now, so if you're a man out there and you need a pair of underwear that's nice and breathable and nice on your body, you can use Skims, okay? Uh, they have a 5-inch boxer brief. I think those are the ones that I have. They sent us some boxers, and they are very comfortable, so I do enjoy them.
Uh, but you can shop the best underwear for men and women at skims.com. Let them know that we sent you. After you place the order, select Podcast in the survey, and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gift for your Valentine, uh, the Skims Valentine shop is now open, okay? So, yeah, this is actually a really good gift for Valentine's Day. So, go to skims.com and let them know that you came from our podcast, all right? Thank you.
What were we just talking about?
Do you remember?
Four.
Oh, the 40s. Oh, yeah, I mean, that's an intense, but. If you don't want to do it, you don't have to do it.
Yeah, we'll do it.
Thank you, I know that. You made it seem like you didn't want to do it. Yeah, I don't, but, I mean, there's fucking drinking six beers and then having to drive home. I would have to wait like fucking 10 hours. You wouldn't drive. How would I get in? You sending a car? No, no, I mean, you wouldn't.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Yeah. How about we have the picky boys pay for that one then?
I mean, this guy. A Blade? Blade? You want to take a chopper home? We're gonna land it in your backyard? Uh.
Flex, that's why this yard is so big, dude.
I mean.
Call me a broke bitch now. Maybe one day you'll be able to afford something. Yeah, I mean, it'd be crazy if we get, since we're nominated, like, we would have to, like.
Get something, right?
If we're in this together?
I feel like you're convincing the wrong people here.
Oh, yeah. I'm in support.
Yeah. If we win?
You know what's funny is I, there's no one I have to convince but this guy. Yep. Because every person, like, when it came to, like, uh, like, buying, like, something for, like, Radio City and MSH, I was like, yeah.
And I was just like.
Someone fight back.
I was doing the whole, like, no. You know?
If we do, if we do the Edward 40 hands, then I'll send a car if that's gonna do it. Fire, dude.
We will talk offline and figure this out.
We'll figure it out.
So, we're not committing?
Not committing.
What percentage? I mean, that's, that's a, that, I'll be honest, that's a big part of it, is like, the idea of like. Driving? Driving, yeah, because I would have to sober up.
Well, then the car.
So, 60%? That's a big part of it.
Well, the car, I mean, dude, I wouldn't, you're not gonna drink six beers and drive away from me?
No, duh, no, duh, no, duh. No one's saying that, you're suggesting that.
What is happening?
Why are you guys pressuring me live on air?
Whoa, who's press? I just said you didn't have to do it.
Oh my god, he's yelling at me now.
I said you didn't have to do it.
He hit me, oh! I'm saying if it's the driving, then like, well, in the car.
Yeah, we'll talk about this.
Okay, no press.
Ask for a limo.
Oh, do I get to pick the car?
There's be a...
Like, if he's like, "I'll get you a car," and it's like a 2002 Nissan Altima, I don't want that shit. You know what I'm saying?
Do you want like a limo with a, with a, uh, cheese pizza?
I would like something...
Like Home Alone?
I would like something that has, oh my god, a cheese pizza right now, because it's the beginning of the year, so I'm eating like a deer.
So...
I'm eating like a deer as well, and not drinking. This sucks.
Yeah, this is not fun.
Ugh.
Uh, but... I would like something that preferably would have like a bathroom, so like a bus. Because I'm gonna need to piss like a fucking racehorse. Or just send me home with jugs.
First of all... Getting a bus. That's not happening.
I think a limo is fair.
There's no bathrooms on a limo.
Just take the 40...
But there's enough space that I could piss in a limo if I had to.
You'd be paying for the cleanup.
But also, first of all, what? You're gonna pee on the ground?
No, but god forbid some pee got on the ground.
You could just be like, "Pull over."
And piss where?
At a place.
My guy, when I have to piss, I have to piss now.
There's no like...
I mean, you make it here, you pull over, I assume. Places.
I mean, I don't, I've stopped drinking water, or any food.
Oh, you're talking about the way home.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, well, like, we kill some time, and then you, you let out five, six peas, and then you go.
We'll figure it out offline. We don't know.
But 42,000.
How are you committing to that, Ben?
Pump it up.
Forty-six?
Okay, you're getting crazy.
You gotta give them something to like crawl toward.
We are.
This is perfect. We'll, we'll hit it in no time. People definitely want to see that.
It's been a long time since we were drunk on an episode.
Has it been?
I think that the last one was the...
Oh, I drank, though.
You drank, you drank during the yardies. Those cameras went off, and, and I saw Joey just like, "I have this concept." And Ant and I were just, and Ant and I were just sitting there like, he's drunk.
"I have this concept."
Uh, but I think the scorpion ball episode was the last one we got drunk for. Yeah, that
No, no, no, the brunch one here.
We were drunk for that?
What do you mean, we drank?
Oh, the beer tower.
The beer tower.
I used NAs.
He did.
You didn't.
I didn't, but I wasn't like drunk on that.
No, well, yeah.
I may have been, I don't know. The brunch one, I think that we were, we were drinking champagne the whole time.
Yeah, probably. But I, I don't think I was drunk. I think I maybe had like two.
The scorpion bowl was definitely like.
That was crazy. You've had scorpion bowls. You, of course. I mean, you're, you're the king.
Thank you, but um.
You've had scorpion bowls?
I've had one.
Oh, okay.
Not, not, uh, Plethora, you know?
Plethora or plethora?
Yeah, you just made it sound like a dinosaur. What was that?
It's cooler.
Is it?
Yeah. Dinosaurs aren't cool. Crazy.
I love dinosaurs.
That's crazy. Um.
Yeah, we're bringing it back. Should we bring it back? Like, we'll do like Patreon goals? We'll do forty, then forty-five, then fifty.
We, we should put out a poll, seeing if people want us to do that. Because we have like.
What's the point? What's the point of that poll? It's gonna be, oh, you mean bring back the goals? Oh, I thought you meant the forty hands.
Yeah, I think they would like that.
Cause if we put that, you're talking about the forty hands, put that on a poll?
No, the goal.
Oh, yeah. Why wouldn't they like that?
Some people just be like, no, I don't really care.
Ah, wish for stinking over there.
Yeah, no, I, I, I, I think that when we did those, did I ever tell you the story of the first goal that we did? So it was the first goal when I first came on as co-host, it was to get to five thousand.
And it was Joey will pelt me with eggs.
By the way, not my idea.
Yeah, I, I, I, I am like, we grew up in the Jackass era, which by the way, they announced a new movie's coming out in June.
What? They're still doing them?
I'm there, brother.
Yeah, you're there.
I am there. But I was like Joey will pelt me with eggs and he was like, alright. And we filmed it in his bathroom.
He just climbed into my tub.
And he like from standing through them. And whether it be because I'm a little more doughy than he is. They weren't breaking when they were hitting me. So it was fucking hitting me in the chest and it was just not breaking.
So he would throw it and it would only break when it like hit like my arm and like the tub where it met. And then we film it, it hurts.
He's like, it's unusable footage.
You know, it was, there was way less of a budget back then. So like the video just looked horrible. And I'm like, it, the eggs weren't breaking like it's stupid. And he's like, are you fucking kidding me? Wait, I do remember actually, I saw the clip recently on TikTok. Where you were like, if we hit this thing, I'll come in in a tape soon.
Yeah, that was a crazy one because what people don't know about that.
That was painful.
That, that, that was painful. I looked ridiculous and I had broken out with a rash.
After?
Because of the adhesive.
Oh, right.
This part of my body had broken out with like an intense rash. And it fucking sucked.
Damn.
It was not good.
I remember taking that tape off was interesting.
By interesting, you mean painful.
I, I felt horrible for you.
Yeah. Well, I think what we'll do this time around is like how I was on the receiving end of all these like.
I deserve it.
You deserve something.
And I think it should be up to Ant to decide what that something is.
Yeah?
Be careful.
No, actually leave it up to me.
Oh, no, no. I already, I already said yes.
No, but you have an idea? You didn't say yes, you said, oh, okay.
Well, I didn't expect this.
He's gonna be like, oh, shot caller.
I didn't expect this power. I'll think.
There is an episode I want to revisit that we did that included the shot caller. I was thinking about it the other day. Do you remember the episode we did where it was like, you should know, like, and it was like, you asked me questions about things that you like? And I ask you questions about things that I like.
And like, if you didn't get it, I got shocked.
Yeah, I mean, I don't trust you. I certainly don't trust them.
Oh, I'm fair with that.
Yeah, he's better, he's more, he's better to have the fucking shock button than I am.
There's nothing I hate more than that, besides a tarantula.
Here, how about this?
I also bought new shock collars, so.
How about this?
It's weird that you bought them and you haven't used them yet. What do you use it for?
I've used them. I don't, not here.
Where?
Other places.
In my underwear?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, in my underwear.
And my socks, don't forget.
Yeah, his socks.
Yeah, his socks, yeah, his underwear.
Can you do me a favor? Can we put out a poll? Just ask people what kind of stuff they want to see?
Oh, don't let them do that.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, don't give them the power. We're gonna be skydiving.
See, this is why, this is why, this is why we need you. And I value you.
Would you skydive ever? No.
No. I used to be like, yeah, and now I have kids and I'm like, no.
If I die skydiving, that's so stupid.
That's so dumb.
That's so dumb, dude.
It's tough.
Kids, keep your feet on the ground, literally and figuratively.
That's an incredible line I just came up with.
That you're impressed with?
So, I'm bringing the shock collars in next week, is that what we're saying?
No, I, I also...
I'm always down to get shocked. I have no problem with it.
I don't like it.
That was a pretty hard no, so.
I don't, I don't like it. We could throw one on him if he's like.
We could also put one on your arm. Grow up.
Grow up. You could do it.
Oh, now who's pressuring who?
Yeah, pressure guy. You're a pressure washer.
I'm not a pressure washer.
Yes, you are. You're washing me.
I'm not, stop that. You can't start the episode being so ashamed of your micro dick that now you're going up with me micro washing you.
The term is micro penis, one.
Oh, sorry. I apologize for your condition.
Two, I don't have a micro penis, although it's fine if you do have one. I don't know how he feels about it. You could mark me down for 10 more dollars I just pointed.
Oh, I missed it.
It is fine, but...
Neil's still watching.
Yeah, Neil, I really hope Neil checked out.
And, and the Backstreet Boys. They can't be involved with micro penises.
Um, yeah, I can't. I don't like the shocking. You could eat like spicy shit that doesn't really bo- I mean, that sucks, but like bothers me way less than the shock.
What about a-
It's the anticipation that gets me.
I know what I could do with, I know what we can get him with. If we mix a shot of olive juice and Malort.
What does that do?
Oh, like gross stuff?
Oh, oh, I don't know why I was thinking olive oil.
Is there anything that really makes you gag?
I really don't, like tuna fish? Nah, you guys are, you guys gotta grow up. That's the thing. You guys gotta grow up. You gotta be, be joined, be a grown gentleman.
I looked, I looked at Ant and you know what he did?
I know you're gonna make this up.
I'm not on your side.
And I'm getting bullied. I, there's bullying going on.
Ant, did you not do this?
I sort of did that.
Oh!
Now who's being the lying teller?
Nah.
I'm sorry, I'm tired.
I feel like we are getting drunker. I know. We just talked about it in the air and I'm like, am I hammered or something? What's going on here? Um, alright, we'll figure it out. We're gonna figure it out off air and we'll get back to you guys, but we're closing in on 40. And, uh, we'll see what happens here.
Yeah, we'll be good.
See what happens.
Yeah. Exciting stuff.
Yeah. Thank you guys for joining us. Uh, boy, I appreciate it. Ant, I think, is happy about it too.
What about me?
You tell me.
Yeah, what?
I'm happy.
It sounds like you're trying to convince me.
More bullying before we leave.
No, we are, jokes aside, like, the nomination for the iHeart, uh, Podcast Awards is because of you guys. And, uh, we are truly, truly appreciative and, like, humbled. This all is, like, very crazy to us. And, uh, just getting the opportunity to do this is amazing and then getting the chance to, you know- Be validated by you guys is unreal. So thank you guys from the bottom of my heart.
Yeah, it's it's really cool to get that recognition because it's not something that we ever really expected to be honest. I mean, all this is pretty unexpected. So it's it's but it's a really cool thing. So hope we win. But if we don't, no need to feel bad for us. We're just happy to be in the building. All right. But yeah, you guys can go follow the show at the basement yard on Tik Tok and Instagram and you can find thin ice, baby. Thin, thin, thin ice.
You should know that after all the bullying about his.
You're in with him.
I'm in.
You're not with you're not on the same time as him.
You know, I can't ice skate, so I'm not even on anywhere near thin ice.
That is all. We'll see you guys next time.
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