The Basement Yard
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the basement yard. How's it going Frank?
What do the kids do?
I don't know, but that...
What do they do?
Not any of that.
I don't know.
Help me out here!
Ask the kid.
Kid!
I'm tangled in my wires.
That sounded like a metaphor.
What do they do? Like, oh, this, they do this, right?
Yeah, check pulse.
Is that, is it a check pulse? Or is it like a...
That's ice in my veins.
Ice in veins. So, this is checking pulse.
Well, this is checking pulse.
Yeah. This is checking. This is what?
Ice in my veins.
No, this is checking pulse.
Right. I've never felt a pulse before.
It's so hard to keep up with, like, what's in and out. Now I, now I understand why our parents hated us so much.
I don't think that was the reason. I think there was other things.
There were so many things that we had that, like, were like inside jokes for us that, like, our parents didn't have. You know?
Like what?
Uh... That's a good question.
Yeah, it is.
There were some, there were some that, like, how we hate the kids do the 6'7" thing.
Yeah, I know. That was the first time that I'm kind of like, oh god, I'm so disconnected.
Dude, and it's like a universally hated thing amongst parents.
6'7"?
Yeah, like, I was at a, uh, we brought Ruby to a kid's birthday party, and one of the kids there was like his older brother, and he went like, "6'7", "6'7", and all the parents in the room groaned. And we, like, looked around, and it was like...
I mean, that just makes it stronger, though.
But the kids didn't, like, I don't think they realized that we hated it that much.
Hmm.
But it was just like...
Oh, we, you were part of the groaning?
Uh... I didn't...
Oh my god, you're groaning now.
I think I groaned, yeah.
You groaned.
I think I groaned a little bit. But like, there was a beauty in the camaraderie of the hatred of this trend.
That's beautiful. I know teachers hate it. How do you know that? All over the classrooms. I'm well versed in the teacher verse. For wha- this is your job.
How and why?
Well, I know things.
This is your job.
Yeah, like he's in classrooms.
I mean, how do you know? Do you know teachers?
My mom's a teacher, my friends are teachers.
Oh, your mom's a teacher. So your mom tells you like, oh man, six, seven is out of control. Antonio, what is this? What's this, Antonio? Antonio, what is this? What's this? What is he? What's this? No more margaritas for me.
What, um, are you drinking a Red Bull?
I didn't open it yet.
Oh, okay.
But now I feel like.
Now you have to.
I mean, now's the time.
What age?
I swear to God if you do that in the middle of a conversation.
What age does your mom teach?
These are really good questions.
You don't know, so you know she's a teacher, you don't know whom she teaches?
Young.
That is, that is all of them.
That's all of them. Youngest.
Youngest?
Like second, second.
That's not youngest. By definition, that's not youngest.
The younger ones.
So it's like very early?
Yeah.
K through three?
Sure.
Okay. Sure is definitely not what I was looking for. All right, if you could be a teacher.
Bro.
And you could get paid, well, I don't know what, why was I saying that?
You'd be a teacher, but you're, you're teaching K through three. Four through eight.
That ain't it.
Or nine through 12th. What are you doing? I know that the, the brackets are all over the place, but I just tried.
I think I would probably go through like kindergarten through third grade. Only because I think.
First graders are annoying as fuck.
Bro, fourth through eighth is probably devastating.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
And I'm worried about teaching high school because I don't know that I would know the curriculum that well.
You look like Robert De Niro there a little bit.
Just cover your mouth.
I know, I know, I know, I should have. So you said four through eight?
Do you call, do you sneeze in your hand, by the way?
No, I, I do you.
I, I do, I, I sneeze into my elbow, like I, I have to, I like panic, cause sometimes I sneeze into my hand, I'm like, why did I do that?
And I'm, I like, but people tell you like, cover your mouth, but like, don't sneeze like this.
What, it's like a cute thing that I do, I think I've told you this, when we're in the car, and Becker and I are holding hands when I'm driving, I'll take her hand and I'll sneeze on her.
Yeah, that's cute. That is disgusting.
Yeah, uh, let's be very clear about something, she does not like it.
She don't like it.
She does not, you know, she said like, and like, if I have to sneeze in the house, I'll like, find her.
And sneeze in her hand?
And like, try to sneeze on her and she runs away. Hey, man, modern romance.
This is what it is. So you think fourth through eighth would be the most annoying group?
Absolutely.
Bro, think about- Are you just trying to think about when you were the most annoying?
Just anybody. Like, I think that's when I was the most disruptive, and so were you. Is that, is that puberty?
Uh, puberty's like, sixth to seventh.
I, I don't want that one. Yeah, I don't want puberty either.
Well, sixth to, yeah, sixth and seventh grade would, that's in that bracket.
You know how they say puberty is like, oh, when your hormones are raging? I never really felt like that.
Well, first of all-
My nipples were budding.
Yeah, we knew what was going on with your nipples.
Yeah, my nipples were like puffy.
Your fucking, your, your budding nipples told the story that your body was not writing.
I think I have a little bit of like, the gynecomastia stuff. Not like-
Like fat tits?
Yeah, it's like, you get a little fat nipples, like, I think I kinda had it.
No, you had that when you were-
They were way fatter when I was going through puberty.
And puberous.
Yeah, I was, I had puffed.
Puffed, brother. It looked like someone, like, I'm not kidding, like, someone glued ring dings to your chest.
I don't think you know what ring dings are.
I don't know, I don't know, alright, maybe not ring dings. Like the Entenmann's chocolate covered donuts, you know how they're like, kinda like, rubbery?
Those are so good. They're also like, black brown, so-
They're also dog shit, they're disgusting.
I hate those.
Yeah, they're not good. But like, you had like, it looked like someone put like, a lifesaver under your shirt.
Yeah, kinda.
It's cr- Yo, I'm not kidding, like puffy and like the, the area, like the middle part of the nipple, the areola, was like in, so it was like a valley.
Alright, I don't have inverted nipples.
You did.
I, I don't know that I did, I think that it was all just puffed out.
Dude, if, if someone showed me your nipples in 7th grade, just like a picture, they would look like a pair of tits.
Alright.
My friend has inverted nipples.
Yeah?
Is he insecure?
For other things, probably.
No, I meant for his nipples.
Well, he's an adult with inverted nipples. What exactly is an inverted nipple, can we clarify?
I, I would assume.
Like a dimpled nipple?
Like, it's like, it's like a, like a nipple is in there, it's like facing around going backwards.
Dimple nipple.
It's like a nipple, but like this.
Dimple.
Wait, is that?
Yes, yeah.
That's, yeah.
A dimple.
There's not a joke in there.
I'll find it.
I kinda have a feeling that like, like, high school has gotta be way harder, because they're at an age where like, well, 4th to 8th grade, I can like bark at them, be like, "Don't cut it out."
9th to 12th, there's a chance they might be taller and bigger than me.
And they could fuck me up.
They still listen.
Do they?
I mean, you can kind of like reason a little more, like someone who's in 6th grade, 7th grade, who's just like, you know, just crazy.
I feel like it's harder.
Like, I didn't like listening to any teachers.
I feel like it's probably harder now with the onset of social media, because like, inside jokes are like nationwide and worldwide now. Like, when we had inside jokes, it was like in a classroom.
I mean, bro, this thing, this was worldwide.
This was, oh my god, the hand pussy?
You did that? Did you ever guys make hand pussies?
Yeah, I've seen a hand vagina.
Yeah, dude, you were like, you were like, open it up.
Whoa!
Guess what it doesn't-
I feel like teachers would be mad too, like, "Hey, stop the pussy!"
They knew, they knew we were making pussies at them.
You wanna make one? You wanna make a pussy?
Oh, look in.
Let's be very clear, doesn't look like that.
Yeah, no.
No, I, maybe at the like the OBGYN when they got you cranked open, maybe. You know what I mean? You're in the stirrups and they're, they're opening you to check everything, maybe.
What are those things called? That like open vaginas?
Oh, the clamp?
Clamp?
No, there's a word for them.
Um, opener.
Opener, keep going.
You'll find it.
Does it, does it look, cause I, I mean, I've never been.
I think it's called like, uh, forceps?
Speculum?
No, that's not what I was thinking.
No?
That's not, so I don't care.
Forcep, were you ever in the room for something like that? Like during childbirth stuff?
Where they had to like check her out?
Yeah, like do they, how do they?
I don't think I ever saw when they had to like mechanically open it, yeah.
They have like a car jack?
Yeah, I didn't see that, like they, yeah, like they had to take it out of the trunk, tie the fucking, you know?
He's taking the cr- cranking it open. It's kind of a wild, uh, you know?
It is insane.
What a compromising position.
What a compromising position, and it's crazy what women go through.
Isn't it crazy? Cause we, we go to the doctor and it's like the doctor like holds your balls, he's like cough.
Cough once.
That's the extent, bro. If I had to be like basically like in a rocket ship with my legs up and the doctor's cranking up in my thing.
Lay back, let me get in, like it, it's, it's gotta be wildly invasive.
Oh my god.
You know, I could only, I mean, I, I've been examined like in ways that the normal man does not have to get examined. For medical things, let's make that very clear. And like that's, that's uncomfortable for me. So I can imagine it's just like a routine visit, get up on the stirrups, brother.
Like if it's, if, if the way that you're going to the doctor is the same, the way that someone like mounts a horse, yeah. Crazy.
It's probably uncomfortable.
Insane.
Yeah. Have you got a finger in your butt yet?
No.
Me neither. Yeah, I guess we should probably ask.
No, me neither.
Um, no, I, I haven't. I mean, I've definitely like washed my butt pretty hard and like.
Accidentally fingered your own asshole, dude?
Fingered's crazy. Like I'm not like, uh, my whole finger was in there.
That's not what I. Stop me, stop me when it's gotten into your ass realistically.
Okay, well, you should start from the other side because it's only gonna get shorter. Like if you start at the top. Wait, what?
Yeah, I'm not following.
Stop me? And I'm like, well, it's you know.
Start at the other side, okay.
No, no, no. I'm saying like it's.
I, I hear what you're saying, but like.
I would say a, a like a.
Alright, I'm going up.
A third of the nail.
A third of the ni- oh, brother.
I feel like it would've been easier to start from the top. Yeah.
Well, I didn't want to say stop with me. I know how fast he was gonna go.
I didn't, I wasn't gonna go fast with my finger.
I bet you weren't.
I was not.
Um, but yeah, just like, you know.
I meant by the doctor.
Yeah, no, doctors never fiddle around in my.
I mean, fiddled is, is the non-medical way to say it. Let's make it very clear. The only fingers that have been in my ass have been for medical reasons.
But they are fiddling.
By definition, I don't think with, fiddle has a sense of playfulness and joy to it.
Like when you.
Well, you gotta make it fun.
No, you don't. It, nothing fun about it.
Dude, I'm not a doctor. But I imagine it's gotta be a little fun.
You are correct. You are not a doctor.
You know, you go to the doctor and they give you a lollipop. They're making it fun.
Dude, I, if, if that's happening, boy, all the doctors I've seen have poor bedside manner.
Real quick, which, which job has the, no, which, which place has the best lollipops?
The bank. Thank you. Tuh.
Bank lollipops, dude?
Those like, I don't know why, but they're Italian to me. The lollipops are Italian and it's like, they have like random white in the middle.
They're like ying and yang, but never black and white. They're always like yellow and white.
Yellow, green, white, orange and red sometimes. What are those bank lollipops, dude?
And they're kinda soft. Look, what is that?
What is the act? Could you buy bank lollipops? Or is it like, once you open a bank, they, they reach out and there's like, listen, we, we see you got a bank here. It'd be really nice if you had some lollipops that no other place has on the planet.
I'll tell you what, I vividly remember going to the bank and.
Ridgewood.
I went into Ridgewood and I put in, uh, my paycheck, which by the way, no, no joke, sixty-eight dollars. That's illegal.
We got a joke. You're making a lot more money now.
Oh, my god. Uh, but I put, but I put in sixty-eight dollars and then they made a complaint that I didn't have enough in the account. And like there was gonna be something over there or something.
Dude, fuck banks.
Dude, I took eight lollipops. I was like, I'm leaving here with eight now.
First of all, absolutely. And, and I've taken pens from banks.
Frank, I'm not leaving without a pen.
I don't know if banks are still like that. If they are, fuck you banks.
Second of all, it was the same thing. It was just like, alright, here's my first paycheck and it's like, "Oh, you don't have this much in your account to cover it? So, you, it won't be ready for three days." And I'm like,
"I only have sixty-eight. Why do you want more from me? What, I'm already in a bad place."
But not even, but not even that. It's just like, they do the thing where it's like, well, you need the, the funds in there to account for. And I'm sure there are people that work for banks that are watching this that are just like, "I can explain." I don't want an explanation.
No one wants to know. I have sixty-eight dollars to my name and you're telling me that that's not enough? And I should be charged for being poor already?
I, I'm gonna, we're gonna play a quick game of guess the shirt that I was wearing.
I have a picture of my mom and I at the bank when she, when I cashed my first like working paycheck, like on the books paycheck. I was wearing a graphic tee. I'm gonna give you three guesses to guess, at least in the realm of which.
I mean, it was Marvel?
Nope.
DC?
Sports?
Joey, you think I was wearing a sports graphic tee?
I don't. I mean, I've, I've, I've exhausted my options here.
No, there's other, there's other avenues.
Was it like a Pac Sun type of vibe?
Was it a, like a, a cheeky, like,
If you're reading this, you're too close.
No, like the, the man, the myth, you know, or some shit. Uh, no.
Was it a spray painted shirt?
No, it was reptile.
Let me ask you a question. Why did you think that out of all the things that exist in the world that I was going to guess? The dinosaur from Rugrats? Like, were you that confident that I was gonna pull that out of my ass?
I thought you would at least be able to say like, "Oh, it was something like cartoon-related."
I was gonna go to cereal box next, cuz I know you had a couple of those.
I mean, you're moving in the right direction, at least.
Cereal boxes is going towards Rugrats?
Somehow, in my head, absolutely. And, do you know who Reptar is?
Yes.
Okay.
He's very tapped into like-
The original weird-looking chocolate bar. Remember the Reptar chocolate bars? It was like you bite into it and it was green? And now you have those Dubai chocolate bars?
Yeah, those are gross.
Can we talk about something?
Dark chocolate sucks my fucking little balls.
Sure, we can talk about that.
Hate that, hate dark chocolate.
That's all I have.
That's all you got?
It's just so like, not milk.
Yeah, tha- that is correct. I was just ready to like, prepare a statement that Dubai chocolate bars look like poop from a butt. Like, they look, I'm not even kidding, like, I understand that there's certain food that looks unappetizing, but then you eat it and it's good. We talked recently about oysters.
Yep.
I can't even imagine a world where a Dubai chocolate bar tastes like anything other than the dogshit that it looks like.
It literally like, it's like hairy.
Like, people open up and it's like, "Look at this," and I'm like, "I'm seeing hair."
I, when people open it, I'm like, is, like, it looks like it's something that mushrooms grow on. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like a filthy, fucking disgusting, poopy butt.
Ahmed loves it. I mean, I'm not like...
Ahmed loves it. There's a word for it. It starts with a K, but I forget what it is. But it's like, it's, it's something. I just don't think, the only, the only Dubai chocolate bar that I've ever had was dark chocolate, so I was already just not in a good mood.
Oh, you've tried one?
I have, yeah.
Oh, and what does it taste like?
The middle?
I know it's like pistachios in there somewhere-
And pubes, I guess.
Yeah, and hair, there's hair.
It looks really good.
Really?
Stop.
Does it not? It looks like you're eating moss.
Well, I will say- Why does that look good?
You never-
Are you a deer?
I think that we're finding out what, you know, Frank poops green, pretty consistently, apparently.
No, but like, tell me, that doesn't look like shit.
I'm not saying I fucking, like, that, no, but-
You could see why I feel like that is.
It's like guacamole. I could, I'm gonna give it a second shot when I had, when it's milk chocolate, cause I just can't.
Get some Dubai chocolate bars in here for the boy.
I can do that.
Yeah. Because I imagine.
Make Frank eat the poop. You know what I mean?
But like when there, there are some that I've seen that are just soaking wet.
Wet?
Yeah, like the middle is just sopping, soaking wet.
Just like.
Yeah, yeah, wet. I get it. Have you ever seen a cooking show where they're making cakes and all of a sudden they have this, um, it's like a, not a spray bottle, but it's like a, like an oil bottle, you know what I mean? Where like, like oil, like in the,
no?
I'm letting you go.
It's like a bo, like a ketchup bottle, but it's clear and they have oil and they go like this.
Oh, okay. Yeah, like a squirt bottle.
Yeah, like a squirt bottle, but there's like two or three holes and they like soak the cake in something. You ever see that?
Ah, when they wet the cake.
I love that.
I have seen that. They do that a lot.
And like ganache? Oh, I love when they make the ganache.
I do like a ganache. The best cupcake I've ever had was, uh, uh, and I, unbelievable was a, uh, Irish Car Bomb cupcake. Follow me, follow me, follow me, follow me.
Where, how and why?
It was a Guinness, like flavored cupcake. So they put like Guinness in it to make the cupcake. And then the ganache was a whiskey chocolate ganache.
And then the frosting on top was a Bailey's cream frosting. Dude, it'll fucking take your ass and send it through the conveyor belt.
Was, was it alcoholic?
I mean, all the alcohol was probably cooked off.
Well, yeah.
But like, it was good.
You, that was the best cupcake you've ever had?
Best cupcake I've ever had in my life.
That's insane. That's insane.
It's so good.
Just like a regular cupcake.
Regular cupcakes are overrated.
I don't like cakes in places. Does that make sense?
Dude, when you go to like-
Homemade cakes.
When you go to like, listen, all power to like, small business owners that have like, confectionaries and like, you know, make like, specialty cakes and cupcakes. If I go to a bakery and I'm going for cupcakes, if this is the cupcake, there better be at most that much frosting on top of it. When they do this-
I can't. I can't.
It's like, I, like, how am I eating this?
Whom, whom's mouth do I have?
I, yeah, like, you want me to eat this with a snake's mouth? Cobra snake.
You want that TikTok girl's mouth, the one that's fucking giant mouth?
Bro, why is that girl's mouth open up like a bat? It's just like, huh.
Unclear.
It's crazy.
She looks like Gold Bat.
Tell me I'm wrong.
A little bit. I watched her fit a full can of, uh, Fosters in her mouth in front of me.
In front of you?
In front of you.
You met, you met the-
Yeah, I met her.
You met the mouth woman?
Yeah, she came on-
You met the big mouth woman?
She came on my, my thing.
Oh, she was on your podcast?
Yeah, she was on-
Oh, I've talked, I've talked to her before.
Yeah, I think so, I think you have.
Wait, what?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Both of you guys have met the mouth woman?
I haven't met the mouth. I did, I did, I did, uh, talk to her, though.
You heard, I said she came on my, my thing. What was it? Why didn't she come on? Don't say it, no, no, no.
My, uh, it's a-
Yeah, I was trying to say, yeah, I was trying to like, not, I was trying to-
My other thing-
I was like, that's where I met her.
You're a walking billboard, it's over.
So, wait. I imagine, I imagine that her life is difficult, cause people just say like, let's, let's see what your mouth can do.
Well, she, that's like, her thing.
She's like, turned it into her thing.
She came over, like, we, we had her, uh, bananas and like, other things and the-
Bananas, brother.
Why did you say banana?
Why did you say bananas?
I'm saying, like, we had her, we all tried to put different things in our mouths to- together. We were bad at it, she was very good, and then-
Can I ask you a question? Bananas, like, at their girthiest are like, a half dollar.
This way.
Oh, she can do it sideways?
Like she's a, like the monkey phone?
What's that?
You don't remember the monkey phone banana?
Oh, yeah.
The monkey banana phone? Dude, your mind.
The places it goes.
And her husband came in and he saw like all the things and he was like, yeah, that's usually what people make her do. I'm like, damn it.
Yeah, no, I mean, she, you remember, um, the scene that I think of is, uh, one of the Naked Guns where he has the full fucking, um, watermelon in his mouth?
I don't remember that.
He like turns around and he's like, oh wait, no, that's not that. It's not in the Naked Gun. That's in one of the movies, nevermind. Oh, it's, it's a movie called Mafia. Do you know what that is? It was a parody on like The Godfather and whatnot.
Oh, no, I, I.
But I think it was, um, I was about to say Leslie Mann. That's wrong.
I mean, she might have been in it. She is a comedic actress.
Leslie.
Nielsen?
Yeah, Nielsen.
It was him.
R.I.P.
To our, as Joey calls him, White King.
When have I called him that? What the fuck? Definitely haven't called him that. Um, you know what? Let's get to some sponsors after that. I mean, I don't know where to go from there, honestly, but, uh, we do have some sponsors. The first one being, how you doing? Uh, we have Squarespace, okay? Squarespace is going to be the platform where you are going to build your website, okay? Uh, Squarespace, they make it very easy to build your website. Um, we've used them for a number of years now. All the, you know, landing pages and platform, uh, all the landing pages that we have, uh, we've built with Squarespace. Our website is Squarespace. Uh, but I think it's the best platform to build your website.
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we miss you, and we'll talk to you later, baby. Back to you, Joe. Bow!
You, we love you, we miss you.
We do. We love you and we miss you. In theory. What were we just talking about before?
It doesn't matter, because there's more pressing matters, which is, apparently there's a black hole that's like eating other galaxies.
I heard of this.
What's a black hole?
Right? I don't know either, what is it?
I think, I think a black hole is, it is like a break in the space-time continuum that just swallows light and matter and it just turns it into dust.
I don't, I think there's-
Where does it go though?
I think it's a, there's another side, like you go through a black-
Cause a hole needs a side, hole needs two sides. That's what makes a hole a hole.
Like you gotta go, if you're going in a hole, there's gotta be something in there.
But like, how do we know what's on the other side?
You don't, dude, that's the thing.
So like, what's, what's it doing with these galaxies? Where's it putting them?
That, I don't know.
Like, your mouth is a hole, and there's two sides.
Now you gotta chill, I don't wanna talk about my mouth.
Why not?
Because I know where this is going.
I was gonna say, like, think about it, like, if, if, let's say a galaxy is a Twix bar.
Milky Way? Or something stupid like Mike and Ices.
Where are you going?
Your mouth is a black hole and it swallows the galaxy, Mike and Ices. It doesn't just stay in your body forever, it eventually, it goes out somewhere.
Frank, the, a black hole, do you know what a black hole is? Did you like, look it up or something?
I'm just looking up some, keep going.
But a black, a black hole, from my understanding, you know what, I don't have an understanding.
Did you, does it travel?
It moves. It's not just a hole, it's a moving hole.
How does a hole move?
It's like those like, Wile E. Coyote, like, when he like, draws a hole on the wall-
And he pulls it?
And then pulls it across.
What is it?
I'll give this fact about it, which I didn't know, so, black holes range in size from tiny structures comparable to a human cell, to giants in billions of times more than the mass of the sun.
So you're tell-
Whoa.
Stop it. First of all, if it's billions of times larger than the sun-
We could be in a hole right now, deep in a hole!
Well, no, if we got in a hole, it'd, we'd be going.
It'd be a big problem.
It'd be a big ol' faddle.
Why, what's, who's to say?
I mean, I think-
We could be one side of the hole, that doesn't mean that we're not in.
But I think they figured out that within the hole, like, it's like, it's a hole, and then when it gets in there, it's like, you get eaten up. It's like a charlatan pit.
No, it's not.
It's the opposite, the gravity is so intense in a black hole, that every, like, let's say, centimeter of your body gets stretched.
Spaghetti-ification.
You get spaghettified.
Spaghetti-ification, I've heard about this.
You turn into spaghetti.
You will become a big spaghetti meatball.
Why do you guys know that term?
I've watched Loki.
Science.
You're.
Also, also science.
This is your job! You're not science!
I can't know things.
Also science. Yeah, no, spaghettification, where it stretches your body and you literally are shredded like a piece of spaghetti.
I think the, it being the, it could be the size of a cell. What does that mean?
Like, I get. Yeah, like, I wouldn't know that I'm being, that there's a hole.
Yeah, I get it being big.
I think a black hole the size of a cell is probably not gonna swallow us.
But how does it?
But it's gotta do something.
How does it exist?
Because there are things that are smaller than us in this world.
What does it live off of, a black hole?
I don't think, I think it's the, it's the absence of light and matter, so like, it doesn't live off anything and it just kinda consumes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think like,
I don't like black holes.
That's racist, dude.
Well, I don't like any holes!
Right.
You know what? I'm not doing myself in a game this year.
That doesn't either. But, I, I don't know, like, obviously I've watched, what's the movie?
Interstellar.
That's the one.
And like, the black hole there, it's like this whole thing, and he's like floating in this weird purgatory of...
If you found out that we could go into a black hole, but we have like an eighty-five percent chance, like, you could see what's over there and then we can bring you back. Eighty-five percent chance, though. You doing it?
Are you fucking crazy? I'm not doing that, no.
Okay, alright. I thought the "are you fucking crazy" was like, "Yeah!"
I wanna see what art is out there. I wanna see
what Black Hole Joey's like.
I really don't wanna be in a black hole.
I mean, but you could go and come out. Like, you can go and like hang out.
You just had an eighty-five percent chance. That's fifteen percent chance of Dan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, eighty-five is pretty good, though. Those are good numbers. Watch this.
They are good.
Eighty-five, fifteen, you taking it?
He said he'd go, he'd go twice. Uh, what if it's just dark?
No, well, you don't know.
Could, could, could!
You don't know.
I'll do it. You son of a bitch.
That's what I'm saying.
I'd do it.
Eighty-five fifteen, I'll take that.
Yeah. I just don't like the idea of, of like a black hole, just like.
Creeping. Like, what happens if it get, wait, is this one bigger than Earth? That we're talking about?
Which one?
The one that, like, I'm talking about, like, there was a, there's a, there's one that's like moving and it's like, first of all, it's eating a galaxy. Obviously, it's bigger than the Earth.
Mm-hmm.
We're doomed. Um, but that's crazy, dude.
I don't know, like, this scares me more than like, real things should scare me.
You don't like space?
I don't like space, I don't like underwater.
Um.
You, which do you think you don't like more, space or, or the depths of the water?
Depths of the water because it's right here. It's closer.
I mean, space is right there.
It's right there, but water's right here. Like, I can go and be in the, in the problem.
Yeah. Okay, I get it.
But also, I guess like-
But it's, it's so much smaller than space. Like, the sheer size of space scares me.
That is scary, like, the idea of like-
Cause it's sizeless.
You ever seen, you ever seen those things that are just like, it shows you, like, a person in Times Square, say, and then it keeps zooming out?
And it gets to like, the Milky Way galaxy and it's like, not even a fucking pixel.
That fucks me up.
It's, and it's funny because sometimes I see videos like that, it's like, oh, you're, you're worried about, like, how you, or, or you're worried about being cringey, and then it, it does that? And you're real, and it's really, honestly, it helps, cause it puts it in perspective a little bit, and I'm like, wha- what the fuck am I doing?
You know, like, you're a little scared about doing something, or you're a little worried about something, and it's like, I get it, cause we're all having a human experience, and it's like, I gotta worry about this, I can't think about the fucking, the size of the whole universe every time I make a decision. But, when you really get the perspective, you're like, damn dude. The chances, what are the chances? That you get to be born.
It is like-
I mean, I think, I think the astronaut that went to the moon said that like, there was, like, something that happened to them, where like, they got freaked out, cause they looked at Earth and they were like, everything about human existence is there.
Right there.
It's right there.
And it's like, that concept is fucking freaky.
I feel like if space travel became very accessible, not like travel, but if you were able to like-
Uh, get right outside of the atmosphere and like see Earth that I feel like even if I saw it, I wouldn't believe what I'm looking at. Like I'd be like, this is not real.
How are we, how are we in a circle, guy?
Well, there's a lot of people that don't think we're in a circle. They think that we're on a disc, you know?
That too, though. I'd be like, bro, whoa, flat.
I just, yeah, I mean, space is fucking crazy.
Yeah. I just don't know what else to say. I mean, like, the idea of space that like, we're just floating, like, and we're just moving in like a predetermined path, and if we get off that path a little bit, we're fucking toast.
Bro, also think about, as a society, as like a planet, we have gotten like,
like, we're very intelligent life forms.
On Earth.
Some of us more intelligent than others.
Some would say. Um, but then like, when you consider everything else, you're like, we don't know literally anything.
Well, that's the freakiest quote that I've heard, uh, is Neil deGrasse Tyson, which Neil, still come on the show, dude.
I would love to have Neil in here.
Neil, we have so many questions for you that we know you can answer.
One being, what kind of shampoo you use?
He's got, he's got good hair, dude. But also, he said like, we don't know what we don't know. And like,
That's, to me, that's crazy because like, you can look at something and be like, oh, I, I understa- like, that's a camera, but I don't know how it works.
But like, then there's things about the universe or physics or anything that we just can't, our brain at its current level of knowledge can't even comprehend understanding.
I'll go even lower, bro.
Phone calls?
Phone calls fuck me up.
Phone calls.
Phone calls do fuck me up.
We're all pretending like phone calls are just like phone calls.
It's, it's become such a normal part of society.
How the fuck can I hear you?
Brother, fuck that. Cameras?
What?
Cameras.
Cameras? What the fuck?
Bro, cameras. There's like a physical thing, though.
No, no, no, no, no. But like, old timey ones. Where it was like the big bulb that flashed onto a paper or something?
I feel like that's way easier to understand.
No, dude. Radio. Like, sound waves. Like, radio waves. Radio and calls!
Like, radio waves, I don't... Bro, how does a phone call happen? Don't fucking say "waves." What's the "waves"? That's my question! You're telling me I'm calling to someone? I'm talking to someone on the other side of the blon-!
Yeah. What?
Yeah, yeah.
Or even better, you're talking to an astronaut in space? Mm-hmm. How the fuck phone call get there?
I can, I can understand that now, but in 1969 where they're like, "Yo, one small step for man, one giant step for mankind." How are you... They're up there, brother.
Dude.
We're here.
How am I...
Why do I need a call-collect in order to fucking reach, you know, Barbara three streets away?
And, obviously, like, a phone call, figuring out how the phone call works is like, I'm sure there's an answer, whatever. My thing is this: How did someone think of that? Like, how did someone be like, "We'll, the, we'll just put it and it won't, nothing will be connected"?
And I know that people are gonna say like, "We figured out a way to transmit a signal of you talking to a tower, which goes to another tower and pings to that person."
You said a bunch of stuff that I don't have answers to.
I, and I'll be honest with you, I've heard the answers, still don't make sense to me. I don't think Neil could really help us with phone calls.
Well, he's gonna get the questions.
He's not a telecommunications specialist.
He better be.
He, but you know what, yeah, when you're that smart and famous for being smart, you better have all the answers. And Hank, too.
Hank Green.
Hank probably knows.
Hank probably knows, and he'd probably put it in a way that...
Fucking guy knows everything, dude.
He does, and he'd put it in a way that's very easily digestible, but also like, "Fuck you, Hank. Why do you need to know that, you smart bitch?"
I have such a, did I ever tell you about how Hank Green, like, will text me randomly? Did I ever tell you that?
I, Hank Green doesn't text me?
He will randomly text me a picture of like, a duck.
That's kinda cool.
And it's always just like, it's just like, so random. That is so funny.
You know how smart you need to be to like, just send pictures of ducks?
That's just, I think like, that's such a smart person's thing to do.
Why?
Cause he's probably like, the, the, uh, cos- the cosmic ra- randomness that this animal exists on this color palette with this gradient that's tricking our eyes into seeing and existing at the ti-
I think it's just a duck.
No. Hank's not doing it just for the duck.
I think he's just ducking it.
My friend used to send me a picture of his balls with lettuce on it every day, at 12.
Lettuce?
Your friend? I'm gonna say it.
Is not Hank Green.
Should be in prison.
E- every day?
Every day at 12pm.
At a certain point, 12pm.
Were they not working a normal job?
Yeah, what's going on? Well, there's, no.
Okay, they were lettuce dick.
Yeah, that just-
Balls on lettuce.
Reminded me, no lettuce on balls, sorry.
And I- I'm gonna ask, uh, some follow-up questions.
Was it the same po- photo, or?
I- unclear, I think it was, it was some different flavor sometimes.
Uh, how long did this go on?
Three months.
And at what point did you block his number?
It's just like, why you keep doing this? It was really just more the question.
So, what you're saying is you didn't block his number?
I did not block his number.
He was my friend.
I mean, was he?
After a while, it's like you can only see so many balls.
I mean, you didn't see so many, you saw the same balls.
That's true.
With mo- you saw more lettuce than balls.
That's also true.
Well, I can't say, that's, tha- that's not my experience with Hank Green, it's just ducks.
It's good.
Yeah, I mean, it's not-
I haven't gotten a duck in a while, I will say that, it's just bullshit.
When was the last time you got some balls?
Uh, balls? Oh, that's been years since I got a pair of balls. Let me see the last duck I got from Hank.
That seems like a smart person's thing to do, to like, be so amazed by something so-
This is the last duck, this was December 2nd, so we're almost going on a year.
Wow, year with no duck, Hank!
That's one duck, do you guys wanna see them?
Is it a pretty duck?
Well, this one's not. This is the, this is a duck.
That's Howard, the duck.
Yeah, that's Howard.
I don't know who that is. Um, then he sent, he sent this duck, which is a middle finger, I don't think he was upset that day. Um, what else we got? Um, the first one was it, oh, uh, well, I was so-
That was a fuck duck, that was a fuck duck!
Fuck duck, yeah, it was.
Wow, he sent you a fuck duck!
I honestly was so confused by the original duck, that I just sent a duck back, oh wait, no!
Well, the first text he ever texted me, he said, "Hello, it's Hank Green," and then sent a picture of a sick duck.
Like, it's a cool duck.
That's that, you know what? I could see why you'd send that duck.
That's a sick duck.
That's a really good duck.
But then, um, the next time we spoke, he just sent a picture of a duck coming out of a banana.
That's a good duck, too, honestly.
I kinda, I don't hate that one. Peel a duck?
At that point, I was very confused, so I sent something back. It was like a koala wearing a hat.
That's not a bad one either.
That's not what you send back.
Yeah, I mean, if you're sending, responding to a duck, it needs to be better than a duck.
So that's what I sent back, and then he sends me a text three months later of a giant duck building. So I sent a duck back, and then we had a conversation about just nothing, and then the next time we talked again, it was another duck.
It's just like a very, you know, it's just one of those things. I feel like people like that, it's like...
You know, we, we...
It's just a, it's just a thing you gotta do.
We have...
I'm gonna send him a duck right now. We have archaeologists and linguistics that are still trying to decipher some of the, you know, language and text from ancient Egypt, uh, Mesopotamia, other ancient civilizations. This is what we're doing with our time: sending fuck ducks, banana ducks, orange ducks.
All this because we were talking about fucking black holes, dude.
There's something beautiful about it.
Yeah, there is.
There is. The, the kinship that he must feel with you. Like, maybe the people, you know what, maybe?
I hope he's not sending ducks to everyone.
Wow, yeah, then he's cheating on ya.
I'd like to be the duck.
He's a duck cheater.
I'd like to, yeah, I'd like to be the, the only duck in his pond. Now that's... I don't wanna be that.
You can swim in his pond. I think that's, that's an okay way to say it.
Friendshiply.
Platonic.
Friendly is the word that I was going with. Jesus Christ. Friendshiply.
Maybe sending somebody else like turtles.
Yeah, but then again, if he is, but like, if Hank Green, we're doing 10 minutes on Hank Green.
I know, Hank Green's getting the day or time.
If Hank Green is sending you a duck, would you be insulted if he sends someone else like a cooler animal, like a tiger or a giraffe?
Nah, nah, nah.
Bro, if he...
I may take a page out of his book, though, and do this. Like, the next person that I give my number to, I'm just gonna, like, send a photo with every text and see how long it takes until they like...
Like, what, it wouldn't hurt you if you found out that he has like a rank and file based off of how much he likes someone based off of his favorite animals, and he hates ducks?
I would certainly be confused. Cause I feel like our, our interactions have been positive. So for me to get the negative duck would be very confusing.
Like say you get a duck and then he texts me like, again, like a cool animal.
Like a gorilla.
Or a, an electric eel.
Right. Well, how did your mind go there?
I'm just thinking cool animals.
Have you ever eaten an eel?
Oh yeah, sushi.
It's alright. It, I mean, it's been cooked.
Are electric eels electric?
Yeah, brother.
Like they will like electrocute me?
And I'll get hurt?
Can I die?
Oh yeah.
Or is it like a little-
No, they can.
You need a lot of them.
But are they like, they're charged?
They're charged. They'll let it rip. Beyblade style.
Can they, can they cho- like shock me from where you are?
If you're in the water, if you're in the water like-
So it's like Pikachu?
Uh, yeah. Yeah. They are, they are Pokemon in real life.
Wait, they can throw electricity at me?
Not like, like you would have to be within close proximity or touch them. Yeah.
Well, if I touch them, that makes sense.
So they just have it coursing through their bodies?
Well, they have to, it's like- Yes, dude. It, they have to like let it go. They have to like, bzzzt. I imagine, like it-
So it's like a porcupine? Cause they could like kinda shoot their shit?
No, porcupines don't, bzzzt. And no, they don't shoot. They actually just kinda like-
It just comes out?
They do one of those. They like arch their back and they get like all horish.
How, how many electric eels you think it would take to power a house? Average house?
Oh, brother.
Two hundred.
No, a, a hundreds of thousands.
Sixteen thousand eels.
Well, I, I, what planet am I living on?
I was right.
Honestly, if my answer was correct, we could just-
Yeah, but we wouldn't because of big energy.
Right, exactly.
Big energy would never let that happen. I mean, we could, we could like, it would be not right.
Wait, so does that mean, can I get hurt from an eel? Like it like would really fuck me up if I touch a eel?
It could. I mean, if you took your, your home power, you went to your box and you fucking jam forks in the side.
Do you want a single eel fact?
Would that be nice? Um, a single eel can produce up to eight hundred sixty volts.
That'll get you, brother.
I don't, I don't know volts.
Right. So, so that's why I was gonna go into nearly four times the voltage of a standard plug socket.
They are that electric?
Yeah, brother, they'll get you.
Boogie, boogie, boogie.
Yeah, good job. Good job. Can I talk to them real quick? Just tell them what I'm gonna say.
Shit! Um, that is way more electric than I thought.
So like, there are people, like, they'll get you, dude.
Yeah, I mean, that will like literally put you down.
If I put you, it'll fuck your day up.
God, that's scary.
I don't, can a, like a wall socket, I know it can harm a human and it can give them burns. I don't know if it could kill them, though.
I mean, I'm pretty sure like if your heart gets like jumped a little bit, you could go down.
Yes, yes, absolutely.
Did I ever tell you a story about how my dad got electrocuted?
Yes, you have in the garage, right?
No, no, no. He got electrocuted because he was like holding, we were doing like a construction job. And he was holding on to like an end of a thing and accidentally like, I guess forgot what he was holding it. And held this and he went, "Duh!", and the light turned on. Like, that's how much electricity went through his body that the light turned on? I had to be resuscitated, I was laughing so hard.
I've, I've, I've gotten an electric shock. I don't think technically I've been electrocuted. Because I think the cute part of it means that there is a-
It's not so cute.
It's, there's death involved?
Um, I've gotten shocked a handful of times. Nothing like crazy.
From like an outlet?
Dude, I used to do, at my old job, I responded to a couple cases where people like had third degree burns up their arms.
Because there was one in particular, it was in the basement of a construction project in Manhattan. And it was a guy just, something blew and he was right there while he was working on it and it- Fucking, like, it, it was, it was bad.
Yeah. Also, while we're talking about this, like phone calls, whatever, electricity? What the fuck is that?
That one makes more sense.
It does, but like, what?
Because they can just, they can send it pla, they can make it and send it places.
Yeah, but like, what?
But like, and it's like kinda like a physical thing.
It feels yellow.
It does, well that's because of Pokemon.
But, well also-
That's because of Pokemon-
And like light bulbs.
Light bulbs?
But like, electricity feels yellow.
It does, it's a yellow, it's a yellow thing.
You know?
I think electricity makes sense, because that's all like hardwired and you see the wires and everything. What's about, adjacent to electricity is how you could just like put your phone down on something and charge it.
Dude, doesn't make sense.
Or you walk in-
Doesn't.
There are some times you walk into a room and the room can charge your phone, don't know what that means.
I've never heard that in my entire life.
Can that be good for you?
No, can't be, absolutely not, no, we're dying tomorrow.
The whole place is fucking charged up?
So now that part I don't understand.
I don't like, I've never, I've never seen it but I heard about it where it's like this magic thing at JFK where you could like walk through and like it'll only put up your information on the screen and like someone stands next to you and they walk through at the exact same time but they see theirs and not yours.
This is some Harry Potter shit.
It really is, like, I, I, I kinda like, I want Harry Potter to stay in Harry Potter.
Oh, I don't, I would love to be a wizard.
Yeah, dude.
I, I would love that.
I mean, I would do, who am I lying?
We do have some-
Why would you murder me there?
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What are you whispering?
He whispers things into my ears sometimes.
That's like the worst time to play a prank.
I mean, but you can't hear it.
It's the edit. If you're doing it into a microphone, it can make it into the episode.
Yeah, but they cut my audio out.
Hope so.
I mean,
I said something and he goes...
Jesus.
Pranks.
It is pranks. Good old fashioned fucking pranks Joey.
Jesus Christ, when's the last time you pranked someone? Be honest. Exactly dude.
1999 Frank.
Live a little. Live a little.
Live less.
We could get... He wants me to die. We could get swallowed by a fucking black hole tonight. And you're gonna die, thinking, "Oh my god, I'm turning into spaghetti. I should've pranked people more. Been more playful."
You saying I could get swallowed tonight?
I mean, I don't know, by a black hole, you know? Yeah.
And you could turn into spaghetti, you're just like, "Ahh!"
So what's the word? Spaghettified?
Spaghettification.
Spaghettification?
That doesn't sound like a bad way to go out. I imagine it hurts for a little bit though.
Getting stretched thin?
Yeah, I would. But like, it probably happens so quick, that you won't feel anything?
No? I imagine like Jumanji, where he's like, "Ohhh!" And his hands get into the game.
Oh my god, good movie.
Good movie.
You ever seen Jumanji?
I have seen Jumanji.
The fuck outta here, no you haven't.
No, you ain't seen shit.
Not the original.
Yeah, we're not, we're talking, you know, welcome to the, we're not talking welcome to the jungle, we're talking, you know...
Something.
We're talking the original, baby.
Robin Williams?
Alan Parrish.
Yeah. I got it.
Put some respect on his name.
Yo, those bugs in that movie, nightmares.
Those bugs were bad, when he gets stuck in the floor? And the spider's coming toward him?
No, no, no, no, no.
And he's like, "But..."
Legitimately my nightmare. Like legitimately the last thing I would want.
Could we like... Get you in a room with bugs?
We have. I held a...
No, no, no, like, I want, let's prank Joey. Let's get him one day, we'll be like, "Yo, we're doing like a filming for like, this watch company wants to give you their biggest watch."
I can't.
At like, oh, we could say like, "Yo, Rolex wants you to be like their spokesboy."
Spokesboy.
"You gotta go into this room," and he goes in the room, we shut the door.
He'll either fire me, or like, we'll have to throw hands. Yeah, if you guys did that, like, I'm not letting it go.
Like, realistically?
No, I am not letting it go. I'm being serious.
But like, realistically?
I'm being serious. If you came in here, right, and you, and you like, had a tarantula, and you threw it on me, there will be a reaction.
What would the reaction be?
Something that I know you will hate, and I don't know what it is right now, but I will get creative.
Oh, like, pranking me back? That's okay, I'd take a prank.
You can call it a prank.
I'd talk, I'd take a prank.
I mean, I'm talking about a reaction, like, it could be like-
What are you gonna do, like, fucking, like, like, like, put a bomb in my house or something?
Put a bomb in your house? Who am I?
I don't know, you're saying-
The Punisher?
That would be pretty cool.
The absolute, like, max that I would probably do is, like, smash your windshield.
I'd take that, honestly.
That's, I think that's a fair trade.
Like, a, like, a, just a-
I'll give up a, a, a windshield if it means that we can get you in a room, just like, head to toe and-
But I, I mean, I held a tarantula, and I'm actually very proud of myself that I did that.
I'm proud of you.
I, like, held that tarantula in my hand, and like, I, thinking about that now is not good.
We also held, we held a couple bugs. We should get the bug guy back. Let's see if we can, and let's, well, let's get a snake.
We still got the bug guy merch. He had merch.
Yeah, we still got it. Ri- Ri- Ryan the Bug Guy, I think his name was?
I don't know, but it, it made it over in the transfer of studios, which shocked me.
Well, we respect the people that come in here, Ant.
Well, that's not, yeah, well, yeah, sorta.
It was on the rack.
Mm.
That's why it made it.
Um, speaking of rack, did you see that-
I was like, how are you bringing, what are you talking about?
You see Tom Brady cloned his dog?
What does that have to do with racks?
Nothing, I just thought of a, a way to move on to something different.
Yeah. I'm gonna do it.
No, I'm not.
First of all, what, I imagine that costs a pretty penny. Tom Brady's doing it, it's Tom Brady money.
Well, there's a conspiracy that, not a conspiracy, but he's like, on the board of the company, so it's like a fucking PR move.
It literally sounds like Haggard is driving around.
There comes that black hole.
Yeah, right, like, what is that?
I don't know what that is.
But he's on like the board of this company that like clones things, I guess, I don't know.
Oh wait, we're doing cloning now?
Apparently, yeah.
Like, we're in cloning.
Didn't we clone a sheep like 20 years ago? Am I making that up?
Yeah, and people were pissed about that. They did not like that.
Why? We need wool.
They were upset about that.
We need wool.
Yeah, but there's other ways to do that that are not cloning. There's definitely ethical conversations to have around cloning.
Is cloning not ethical?
I imagine.
I have no idea.
That's a clone.
Alright, you don't have to treat them like not real things.
Well, that's the issue. That's the issue, that people were just like, "It's not real. The original's the real one. That's just a clone, whatever."
I mean, if we were running out of wool, I think like cloning a sheep.
There's other ways to do it.
To do what?
Birth them.
Yeah, I'm just saying if you can't...
Like, have sheeps fuck, and then you get new sheeps.
I mean, you could argue that that's not really like forcing two sheep to...
No, they don't force them. They don't take one and like the other and bash their shit together. They like put them in a fucking field and they're just like... It'd be crazy if you guys, the only known sheeps to exist on the planet, had sex.
Yeah, they put on like some Barry Manilow and they're like...
But Barry White might be the music to get. Barry Manilow's not really love making music.
I don't know why. I meant to say Marvin Gaye.
I mean, that's... Barry Manilow is more like, "I'm 50, drinking a Cosmo at Old Vegas." You know?
Old Vegas.
At the Copa, Copa Cabana.
I just found out, by the way, that, um, I was talking about this place in the neighborhood. You remember, um, Just Arthur's?
It was on Steinway and 21st Avenue. It was on the corner.
Steinway and 21st Avenue? Just Arthur's?
Wasn't that like a restaurant?
Yeah, yeah, it was like a restaurant bar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just found out.
It had the stucco.
Stucco.
On the outside. You go ahead, just go.
I don't know. But, um, I just found out. It's like across from that salon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's on the corner.
On the corner, yes, yes, yes.
So it's the opposite corner of that, but like, I just found out that my grandma would go to church every Sunday and then her and her friends would go right there.
Dude, that would-
And they would just drink Manhattan's.
First of all-
Sunday at 12:15, having a Manhattan?
That's where, that's where, you know what?
Praise God.
Yeah, praise God, they were, they were-
They were.
Yeah, they were praising something at that.
Um, yeah, that's like a well, that was like a well-known place for people outside of Astoria.
Yeah, like I knew other people that were just like, "Oh, we love to go into Astoria because of Just Arthur's." And I, like, I had to do like a triple take, I was like, "That place?"
Like, I, I'd never set foot in it. I don't know if it's even still there.
No, it's not. I mean, it, like, it, it left like years ago and then it was something else and now I don't even know what the hell is there. I think it's like a store, not a store, but like a place of business or some shit, I don't know, like-
I think what you're referencing is Dipmars, that's not 21st Avenue.
I am thinking Dipmars, I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because I was going down more and I was like-
Yeah, yeah, those are delis.
Um, no, I was thinking Dipmars, you're right. Uh, but yeah, um, I just found that out. I was like, "What?" Cause I remember, I was like, "What was that place?" Like, I remember being in there like once or twice when I was younger, but it was like a bar slash whatever. I saw Santa Claus there. You know what I mean? They had a Santa Claus. What?
What was he doing there? He was, we know, he was there to see your grandmother and her friends.
You'd watch it.
I'm- Okay.
Do you remember the first Santa Claus you ever saw?
No, but I do remember that my grandmother and her friends had a place too. Grandparents? Where?
The, the place that your grandma used to go.
No, that was where she worked.
Oh, she worked there? I thought that was like an old Greek hangout for ladies.
It was an old Greek hangout, but like, she also worked there.
What'd she do?
What did they do there?
I don't, honestly, I don't fucking know. I'm not even, I think she like did the books.
She was an accountant?
Your grandma with dementia was the accountant?
By the time the D rolled in, she was way out of there.
She had retired and then that's when the dementia started to like really show.
That's when that D train came into the station.
Take it easy. I don't like how you talk about my grandmother, alright? I'll talk less about Santa and your grandma if you start to stop talking about my grandmother and the D train.
Alright, no problem.
Uh, but no, she, I would go there and she, you know why I know it had something to do with like keeping records or books or something? She had so many of those rubber fingers.
I love them.
I love them so much, I turned them inside out and I'd stuff, I'd look at it inside and shove my finger in it.
I would kinda do the same.
Uh, my, and like my grandma had one for like, just turning pages.
And then also like, uh, sewing?
That would make no sense for sewing because...
Well, to protect your finger.
That's a thumbnail.
Thimble?
Thimble, that's it. That's what they wear, the metal ones, the caps that would go over your finger.
Oh.
Yeah, thimbles. Thumbnail is not that.
YouTube.
Yeah, YouTube.
Always work on the brain.
Yeah, it's always some thinking about work.
Can you buy those rubber fingers? Can you look up?
Of course.
Can you look up how much you think, do they sell them by like the hundred?
Probably.
Too much?
Watchmakers have them too. They're like little ones though. They're like only come up to here.
Well, those that you like roll down, they're like finger condoms. I've seen watchmakers with those. These were like, it was like a full hood.
Are you, are the ones you were speaking of ribbed for your pleasure?
Got it. Um, Costco, we can DoorDash it right now for a pack of 12 for four bucks.
12 for four? It feels like that's expensive.
It's kinda crazy.
Uh, this, this one says 12 for six bucks, so I feel like we're getting a deal.
Whoa dude.
Costco, I mean Costco probably pretty much has the best deal in the nation.
It's a free plug for Costco, I guess.
There you go.
Um, but, back to Tom Brady. This is weird, right?
I would do it.
Would you like know how much it costs?
To clone a dog?
To clone your pup.
Let's give a guess. Is this with insurance? Insurance doesn't cover this.
Yeah, I mean, I mean, I'm sure Tom Brady insurance covers it.
Maybe, but...
There are different prices for, uh, dogs and horses.
Ho- clone a hor- oh, forget it.
The next Triple Crown winner.
Yeah, it's gonna be like, this is a clone of fucking American Pharoah.
Yeah, Secretariat.
Uh, we can't name it. Seabiscuit. Name another horse.
Uh, Warhorse.
That was just a movie about a warhorse.
Oh, which one'd you say? American Pharoah?
And then I said Secretariat.
No, I said...
Oh, Jack's Revenge.
That's a real horse?
I don't know, it sounds like one.
Pai Oh Mai.
Sopranos.
Yeah, you like that one.
Frankel.
You're just looking them up now, you cheater.
I did.
You absolute cheater. I would say, for a dog, since we're talking doggies here.
Buck twenty. Hundred twenty thousand.
I- I'm so below that, it's not even funny.
What, are you below it?
I will say... Twelve grand.
That seem- see, that seems, if it's that hot, that low, that seems crazy, cause then more people are gonna start doing it. I haven't heard anyone else do this.
I don't know if anyone has the answer to this. Do you know how much it costs to do IVF?
Not cheap.
I know that it's expensive, I just don't know how much.
I don't know the exact price.
And maybe it's similar to that.
I don't know the exact price, and I don't wanna sit here and even try to guess, because it would be...
It can range from fifteen to thirty thousand, for IVF.
Oh, you looked up IVF?
I just did it quick.
That's expensive.
Yeah, crazy. But I imagine it's probably a similar price, price range. And if it isn't, wh- what are we doing?
It's, uh, fifty thousand dollars.
Fifty?
And to clone a horse, it's eighty-five.
Those are huge animals.
I don't love an animal enough to pay fifty thousand dollars to get them.
You know that the people who own, like, racing horses are going to do this.
Well, cause they're multi, multi, multi-millionaires, like fucking Tom Brady.
Yeah, bro, fifty Gs to clone a fucking dog.
I'll be honest, even with pet insurance, like, a dog surgery, like, on a leg could be twelve Gs. Like, it can. So, like, once you rack up a couple surgeries, like, I'll just clone my dog, and start from a pup, get a new one.
I mean, again, you have to say-
No one's doing that.
You have to think from the perspective of Tom Brady. Tom Brady has fuck you money. He has, he, he, uh, I think, what was his Fox deal, like, three hundred million dollars?
Yeah, it was like three fifty or something.
Three fifty, okay. A fucking 50K is bing, a drop in the barrel.
It's probably nothing when he's on the board. They're like, yo, just do it and like, let the paparazzi take photos.
When are we gonna, listen. Tom Brady, I, you know, I've been slighted by Tom Brady as a Jet fan, okay? When are we gonna admit that outside of football, weird dude?
Weird dude.
Kissing his adult dad on the mouth. Didn't he do that?
Yeah, he's Super Bowl kiss him.
Kiss of a winner.
Dude. If my father even tried to kiss me on the mouth right now.
Which he probably would. He will at MSG.
What if he just won the Super Bowl?
I mean, we're doing MSG, that's the Super Bowl that we're getting to.
If my dad tried to after the show come up to me and kiss me on the mouth, I would say, I'm not kidding, I never want to see you or speak to you again in my entire life.
Oh my god, I'm gonna literally get in his dad's ear. Be like, yo, kiss Frank.
It won't happen.
You won't even know it's coming.
I absolutely, now I know if my dad comes up to me that he's gonna try to kiss me.
He won't remember.
I'm, it's my dad!
He's gonna kiss ya.
No, don't kiss me daddy.
Whoa, that feels like an invitation if I'd ever heard one.
You ever kiss your dad?
On the lips?
I don't think so, maybe as a child.
I asked my, when my kids were real young, they'd kiss me on the lips.
But.
When did you stop?
Like, like Ruby turned like 3 and stopped there.
She stopped or you?
She.
Full transparent, like she's just like, I'll be like, can I have a kiss? And I'll go like this and she'll just give me her head. And I'll kiss her on the head.
Oh, she got sick of the?
Yeah, I think she, I was the problem there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cause I'm cutting you off.
To have the wherewithal.
You're gonna be kissing your kids until fucking puberty, probably. I know Joe, Joe is gonna love his kids so damn hard. Cause it's not like, like you're not, it's just like a, like, a.
Hee hee hee ha! You're gonna kiss your kids. And you're gonna too.
I will.
You're gonna name your kids like-
You're not kissing my kids.
Twisted T.
Oh, true. No.
You're gonna kiss your kids, and you will too.
You're gonna name your kids like Twisted T, Jamison.
You ever think about what you would name a child?
Like, is it Antonio?
It's my dad's name.
What's his name?
Ferragamo.
Neil.
Neil?
An yellow, technically, yeah.
Yeah. That's what it would be.
You would name a kid Neil.
Isn't that your brother's name? It is my brother's name.
Oh my god, all these Niels.
Well, he's, he's Junior, I think. Wait, what was the other name?
Wait, wait, wait. So, your younger brother-
Was named after your father?
Yeah, we ran out of like, that's how it goes. It's like, after the grandfather, then yourself, and then your dad, and then yourself.
Oh, it was like a traditional-
Yeah, that's how it goes.
I'm gonna go the route of, they liked your kid brother more than you.
No, I was named after my dad's dad.
And then I would name my kid after my dad. It's like, alternating. Like, my grandfather's name is Antonio.
And what was the other name?
An yellow is the actual name.
Yellow? Yellow? Wait, hold on. Yellow? Is that what you said?
An yellow. Like, A-N.
The way-
An yellow? Yeah.
The way you said-
Wait, hold on. What am I hearing? What are you saying?
An yellow.
An yellow?
An yellow? Yes.
What the fuck is that? Angelo.
It's a great question.
It's Angelo, brother.
It's not Angelo.
The way that you said-
Neil? But yo, An, An yellow?
I thought he was saying Neil and yellow. And I'm like, what? Neil and yellow? Such like a, like a classic name, and then yellow.
My god.
Is An yellow like an Italian name or something?
Neil, apparently.
Was so fucking funny.
This is not a name either.
I had an Uncle Neil.
My dad's gonna see these TikToks and get very upset.
Is he really? No disrespect to your dad, he's a cool guy, I met him, he could probably whoop the shit out of me, and according to you, he's like a trillionaire.
Said that.
The, the, there is something funny about, you have a beautiful child and you're like,
I mean, listen.
My name's Joe. Like, it's not like.
I'm not.
You know what I'm saying?
Defending or arguing either way.
Well, I'm just saying, like, I wasn't expecting that.
What, so you're gonna follow the like, the like naming my children?
You gotta do it.
Yeah, it's very possible.
Okay. What about, like, do you think your brothers and, or, and sister, if they have children, they'll do the same thing?
It's very possible.
So like, they'll just be like five Niels?
And, and Antonio's running around, yeah.
That's crazy. What, what's, what's, where, where did you get the other name?
Which?
Anhelo.
That's like, the name. That is his name.
That's the Italian, like.
We call him Neil.
Like.
Oh!
That is his name.
Bro!
You got that? Yeah, a hundred million percent.
Your dad's name isn't Neil?
It's Anhelo.
I just didn't think, I didn't wanna cause this whole yellow.
Version of it is Neil.
I didn't wanna cause the whole yellow thing. Which we caused.
What about a girl?
Anhella.
It's Anna.
Anhella, and it's Neela.
That's crazy, dude.
I mean, I would definitely stick with the cool version.
Oh. Which one's the cool version?
I'd, I'd go with a different name.
Not Neil.
Different name.
Yeah, that.
That sounds like a fucking, like, Hispanic name almost, you know?
So.
We're close.
Oh, yeah, I mean, Italian and Spanish is, is, is, you know, right there. They're neighbors.
You know, they share a fence.
Neil and, and yellow. I was like, those are on different planets, those names.
Oh, man. Uh, that is my pipes TikTok. Like. The way you said Neil.
Yeah, I, I, I, yo, I just, I was not expecting Neil whatsoever.
Good, I don't know.
Yellow. You, you were, that was such a who's on first moment for you.
It really was.
That absolutely, like, you were so gone.
And yellow?
Yeah. You were just on another planet.
I also thought there were two separate names for the, oh, longest. That's fair.
I get you.
I'm sure it's gonna be a lovely child.
Well, thank you.
That's all, I'm tapped out.
All right.
If you had another kid, do you have a backup name?
You know, I've had enough names that I suggested that Becca was just like, "Let's try something else."
Can you tell me a name that you thought of that Becca was like, "Are you out of your fucking mind?"
Um, out of my, out of my fucking mind?
Or just like, no, like an immediate no? Yeah.
Um, I honestly don't think there were any like that.
Uh, there were some that we came up with and like talked about and were like, "This is gonna be it." And then as the reality of having another child came in, we were just like, "All right, we're not gonna do that."
Right, yeah.
Like, this is not a joke. These are three names that were actually, like, in contention.
For both of my daughters.
Or, or before we knew the, the gender. Uh, Loki was seriously on the table.
I knew there was gonna be one.
Uh, Thanos was seriously on the table.
Shut the fuck up. No, no. You were gonna name your child Thanos?
What would you call him, her?
Thanos.
Thanos! It was on, it was considered. It was in contention.
What is cont-
I feel bad for laughing at Neil. Thanos is bananas! And, uh, uh, Valkyrie.
I remember Valkyrie for some reason.
Well, it was because the summer of 2018, um, I had played the God of War game.
And I then read a book on, uh, uh, Norse mythology and I was, I was captivated by it. I loved it so much. And Valkyrie, I thought was just such a cool name because you can go with Val, you can go Kyrie, you know?
So Valkyrie was-
You have a daughter named Valkyrie and you call her Kyrie?
So Valkyrie was seriously on the table for, and then literally as we like found out that Becca was pregnant with both Ruby and Maeve, it was just like, "Okay, we're not doing Valkyrie."
How?
Thanos is so, is that, are you serious?
I swear to god.
Frank, Thanos is so funny.
I swear.
How, like? What was the thought process? So, you think he just sounds cool?
So, Loki, Thanos, and Valkyrie, you were just watching Thor one day?
He was watching Endgame.
I mean, well, no, I explained where Valkyrie came from. Loki, I think, just sounds cool.
I like Loki.
Loki sounds cool, and also like the god of mischief, like, he could be like a little, he could be like a little prankster.
Yeah, I like Loki. I think that's like a popular one.
And then, uh, Thanos, I think, just sounded sick.
It's just a giant...
That's a tough one.
I mean, fuck you, Neil.
You can't compare those things. Neil!
Neil and Thanos.
It's my son Vortex.
Yeah, I mean, there are people that do that. I didn't. I didn't. I mean, I think it's like those people that do like, this is my daughter, Khaleesi. You know?
Oof.
And it's just like a blond-haired, blue-eyed kid that was born in 2016.
That's a prettier name than Thanos.
There's also Greek meaning behind Thanos.
I think it's the, like, it has-
Everyone is going to think of a giant-
No, it's like a god of something. It might be, now that I think about it, it might be a god of death, which is why we might have pivoted away. Also because it's-
The god of death, too. Like, oh, what does your name mean?
It is the god of death, right?
Immortal, and, and the person- phon- the-
Personification of death.
Of death, yeah.
That word beat me up.
Well, that's a rough name.
Yeah. There was other, like, we looked to mythology for like, I think, um, at one point, we looked at like-
Venus?
Venus was on there, Athena, I think, was on there at one point. Um, I think I had suggested Scarlet.
But then Becca was just like, we're not, there's only one Scarlet, and it's Scarlett Johansson, and we're not naming our daughter after Scarlett Johansson.
Scarlet Fever.
That is the Fever.
Were there any name suggestions that had nothing to do with Marvel?
Well.
They're, they're named what they are.
Ruby and Maeve have nothing to do with Marvel. There are others.
I think those are great names, too.
I think Avera was on there.
I love Ruby. What is Ruby? Ruby what?
Ruby Willow.
Fucking.
Incredible. I mean, yeah, and, and it's, she's such a Ruby. Maeve Robin.
Robin. I didn't know that.
You snuck one in there.
Well, well, no, that wasn't even done.
It wasn't even.
He's like, oh, Maeve Bruce Wayne.
Maeve Poison Ivy.
He's like, oh, it's Maeve James Gunn.
No, that, that wasn't even done for that reason. That was done because, um, like, we, we were going back and forth. Becca is very much so like, I need to, like, we can have the names figured out, but like, once I hold the child.
The feeling of the name is going to be like, this is a Ruby. This is a Neil, you know? So, she, uh, I think.
I think, um, at the time, we were going back and forth on a couple from, well, Ruby, because, um, well, Miles is Miles Robert after both of his grandparents. Both of his grandfathers were Robert. Um, and then, uh, Ruby Willow was, uh, uh, Becca and I bonded over, like, we love Willow cheese, uh, Willow trees, like weeping willows. And when, uh, when she was pregnant, we went, uh, on, we went to like, uh, Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and we drove by, and we found, it was literally like out of a fucking Hallmark card. It was like a bench under a beautiful Willie Willow tree. We pulled over, we sat under it, and we were just like, Willow's a nice name. We thought about it for a first name. Uh, and then Maeve was Maeve Robin because
at the time, we were watching a lot of, uh, like Robin Williams movies, and it just brought a lot of joy into our life. And then, uh, Miles one day had like, he was like learning to read, and he had a book on birds. And it was like, oh, this is a swallow, this is a dove, and then he was like, it, it got to Robin. And we're sitting in bed, and we have a picture of him holding up the book, because we were like, we couldn't believe it. And he was like, Robin. That's a really nice name. And that would go, he said something like, that would go good as a first or middle name. And we were like.
Well, that's the end of that.
Yeah, so then after that, it was like, it was either Robin as a first name or middle name, and we went with that.
Nice.
Cute.
It's cute names. They're good names.
Great names.
Man, really glad you didn't go with Thanos.
Be honest.
Yeah, no, I probably, like, my reaction would kind of be like, no, it isn't.
Until Becca introduced them, I wouldn't believe you.
I wouldn't either. Like, I think he was fucking.
Not even if I sent you a picture of like, the birth certificate.
No, that wouldn't do anything.
This has been doctor.
Yeah, that wouldn't do anything.
By a doctor.
Thanos, Thanos, Iron Man, Alvarez.
Yeah, like, I mean, where do you even, if you said that your kid's name was Thanos, I would.
I, I wouldn't, I don't know, I wouldn't.
Becca has a list in her phone, I, I wonder if she still has it. She had it definitely, of like, potential names.
She was in on Thanos?
I think, I think that was one where she was just like.
She was trying to be nice?
I don't know, I don't know about it, yeah.
Well, let's just like, think of others, and then we'll come back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, like, okay, we all have ideas here, you know?
Let's open up to.
All right, no idea's terrible.
Well, like, we, we tried to go with like, Vs and Rs sounds, because they work really well with Alvarez, you know, like.
So, uh.
You want it to be phonetically.
Yeah, we liked it. So like, Santagato, like, is gonna be like, Ts, Gs, and Ss, you know?
You gotta think of like, the punchier letters in there. Prisco, Ps would be good, like, Priscilla, that'd be a nice name for a girl.
Priscilla Prisco?
It's too close.
Priscilla Prisco.
P R I, P R I, that's tough.
Uh.
It's like, Julia Gulia.
What's that from?
Excuse me.
Oh, Wedding Singer.
I thought you would get that.
Yeah, Wedding Singer.
I pulled that out of my.
No, no, I know, I'm, I'm, I know what you're referencing, I'm just saying like, excuse me, like, you're fucking shooting down Priscilla. Take it easy on Priscilla.
Only when it's.
Close to Prisco.
Prisco would be like, Prisk, so, Prs and Cs would work best.
I'm confused with this system.
Catherine, Catherine Prisco would be nice.
Catherine, Neil.
A yellow.
A yellow. Blue. Oh, man. Well, that's all I got.
You said that twice now.
Yeah, I did.
We got more in ya. Let's squeeze some more out of ya.
That's kinda crazy.
It's all you.
Oh, I was gonna, I'll watch you, yeah.
Huh? Jesus. All right, well, Frank, where can they find ya?
Me, Frank Albrechts, on all forms of social media. Go check out the Patreon, patreon.com/thebasementyard. And, uh, yeah, we're happy.
Yep, uh, you can go follow me at Joe Santagato and go follow the show at the Basement Yard. And you can find me at AntPrisco on Instagram.
Yep, and that is all. We'll see you guys next time.
Nice, you got it in.
I'm always like the...
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