The Basement Yard
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Welcome back to the basement.
Welcome back to the Basement Yard. Frank, how are you feeling today?
I'm feeling great!
Are you Frank Sinatra?
I thought we were doing like, a more regal entrance.
Right, yeah.
You know, like, maybe some, like, throw some, like, award show music in here, with, like, trumpets?
That'd be cool. Can you do that?
Bam bam bam. Oh, not me doing it.
No!
We've heard your vocal renditions and stuff on the Santa Gato Studios.
Go ahead, give us your, uh, your horn intro. Go horny for us.
No.
See, now that was just insulting.
I tried to do a puppet.
You tried to?
I'm not usually on this side.
Yeah. You're also standing like Trump.
You guys can't see it, he's like, forward?
Leaning?
I'm making sure this podium doesn't fall over.
Ah, you're alright. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the 6th Annual Yardie Awards. I mean, come on, folks! Look at us! Round of applause for us, me, mostly me and us.
Yeah.
Oh, you're going right for it.
Yeah, we're gonna open this up, because it's a celebration, okay? It was a wonderful year, uh, for everyone out there. Not everyone. It was actually, you know, the price keeps going up, and, uh, people are not getting paid, and that's sad.
Yeah, there's some people that definitely... What are you doing?
I don't know, but now...
Why are you, like...
There's easier ways to open up a champagne, and I don't have that in front of me now, but that's what, this is all we got.
By the way...
Did you buy this?
Well, you bought it.
I was gonna say, how much is this?
Also, it's bottled away. I mean, if you were doing it for the Yardies, you'd go...
Yeah, you gotta bump this up.
You gotta bump it up.
Honestly, it's really, I forgot to buy champagne, that's what I had in my house.
Ah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
This is from probably 19102.
19102, the year 19102?
I got a quick-
Look, it's got a little thing on.
You gotta be careful, there's a very expensive light right above you.
Should I just send it?
I mean, I don't see why. It's gonna get wet on your desk.
I hope it doesn't. Is this gonna go everywhere?
I don't know. Is it cold?
Did you shake it?
Hey, welcome to the 2025 Yardie Awards! You hit the light.
Damn it. Oh, but she didn't spill.
Hey!
She didn't spill.
This is an evening, we're recording this at noon, of celebration where, uh, well, I, I, I feel like I don't need to explain it. A lot of people here know what the Yardies is. If you guys are a first time viewer, you're in for a fucking treat. Okay, we got all dolled up. We got all snazzed up. Joey is wearing a pre-tied bow tie, which is disgusting. I am wearing a custom-made eye tie.
Hey, let's give it up for Frank and his fucking bow tie! Because we all give a shit! Alright, here you go.
I think it's more impressive that mine is not pre-tied.
Honestly dude, when you walked in here with that, the first thing me and Ann said to each other is, wow, how impressive. The guy can tie ribbon.
I can tie a bow tie.
The guy can make the ribbon happen.
Also, what the hell was that? Why, look at what you did.
He did it too.
Look at him! He's fat! Not you, like the cup. I'm sorry, that was mean. I don't mean you.
Batman bow tie, by the way.
Batman bow tie.
I can see that. I can see. You did say it was custom. What does that mean?
Uh, my friend, um, uh, Melissa made it for me in college for Christmas.
So you think guys and girls can be friends?
Uh, she, uh, she's still one of my friends. I love her. Love her to this day. Uh, cheers to the Yardies.
I'm not gonna make it over there.
I mean, you and I can make it.
Yeah, we can do it.
No, no, no, come on, come on, come on. These are nice champagne flutes, by the way.
Alright.
This is gonna be quite the episode. Who knows what's gonna happen?
Technically, we do. We planned the whole thing.
Like I said, if you guys, actually, I shouldn't introduce it.
I think if anyone is to introduce this show, it is the, uh, first time host.
First time host.
Mister, the only host we've ever had for the Yardies. Usually it's just me and Frank out here doing the damn thing, but Ant's on this side of the camera today because he wanted to host this and he also wrote some words for us. So, uh, let's, uh, let's get her going. Why don't we? Yeah, Ant wrote a monologue. We'd love to give you the floor. Uh, so please, take it. Take the floor.
Take it.
Take it from us.
Did I spend a lot of time writing this?
I sure hope so.
Oh, you spent a good amount of days.
This is a big, this is a big moment. This might be your last.
There's been rewrites even.
Right. This might be your last moment, not even just on the, on the channel, on the show. But maybe in life. I will just say, would like you to enunciate and speak loudly.
And we could stop in the middle if we need to talk about what he says.
Sure.
Right. And my, I will have a job.
Well, that seems to be up in the air.
That feels like a random question.
You're asking the wrong people.
Right.
But the right person. You know what I'm saying?
Okay, so, welcome to the, what year is it?
Read the fucking goddamn, what the fuck?
Welcome to the sixth annual Yardies Awards. My name is Ant Prisco. You know, the fat dick, thick daddy with the, with the fake glasses, hubba hubba, booyah.
Wow, that's a pretty good, that's a pretty good introduction for yourself.
Cheers to you, Mr. Fat Balls.
Oh wait, what was it?
Uh, I'm sorry. It was fat dick, thick daddy.
Got it, got it, got it.
You should read slower.
We need to understand.
Really enunciate.
You're trying to like, you know, twist of the thing.
Twist of the thing. Got it. I'm honored to be the first official host of the Yardies. That's right. Your favorite gagger gagged his way into, into this role and I don't plan to come up for air anytime soon.
Whoa, that's a good plan, I think. Wow.
He's dedicated, it's, it seems.
It's, well, and honestly, you do gag often and pretty well, so.
You have been gagging every day for the last month. Let's get that out of the way.
Also, where are you that you're saying you're not coming up for air? Really?
Not only is it a good question, it's a fair question.
It's a fair one.
I believe that's to be left up to the imagination Frankie.
Hmm.
Okay. Hold my hair back Haley Welch, I'm gonna hock to a all over this thing, ya schmel?
Free ditty.
It's good, it's good.
You wrote that?
I can't believe, dude, why would you say that?
Your first time as a host on the show, you're gonna say free ditty.
You know, what's in this champagne now that I think about it?
Good lord. It's gonna be clipped. Okay.
You ended with free ditty.
Yes, right, thank you.
Start right after the free ditty part.
Yeah, okay. In honor of this momentous occasion, I've written a brief monologue in my own words that no one else has seen or had a hand in.
That's obvious.
That's great.
Yeah. Speaking of a hand in, I wish someone had a hand in me right now.
I don't see how that's even, I don't know how that applies.
Why, in what context would that be necessary for the moment?
So strap in, or strap up if lesbian.
Whoa dude! This is a very lesbian friendly show. You know what though?
I like that you're inclusive of the lesbians.
It's good.
Although you're leaving some people out.
Yeah, a lot of people out.
And join me as we have an evening of laughs, tears, and if you're lucky, maybe Frank and Joe will lightly kiss beneath the milky twilight.
Why would you, did you write that?
I didn't write that.
Why, well, he wrote that.
I thought we had free room to ad lib here.
Okay. What the fuck?
At this point, oh, I see. At this point, we can look confused like, wait, you wrote that?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing dude?
Fucking?
Got it. That's in parentheses, I'm not supposed to read that.
Take a sip of your martini that you made. He made the thickest, strongest, dirty martini I've ever seen.
Can I say, it looks like an old dehydrated man pissed in your glass.
Oh yeah.
Good lord.
That looks like it's fresh out of a urethra.
It tastes like that as well.
Shall I continue?
Um, yeah, actually, can you start from the free ditty part one more time?
Or just repeat that?
Mm-hmm.
I was gonna, I can't. Wow. Six years of the Yardie, amazing. Only 12 more years and it'll and it'll officially be too old for my liking.
Whoa!
God, you filthy fuck!
Yeah, you're a pig.
What is wrong with you?
Jesus.
It's disgusting.
That's illegal.
If you're a first time viewer, the Yardie is an award show where the boys look back at the past year and award some of the most iconic moments and people that shaped 2025.
Yeah, right. Yes, we do. And we are very happy to do it.
Yep.
We love doing it. It was an incredible year for us as as a unit, for the world, sometimes for certain amounts of people, but we'll get to that.
Yep. Two more pages. Oh. Just saying. This year, we decided there needs to be a clear winner, so the boys will give their nominee and then tell us why they think their nominee should win. My job here is to be unbiased and uncircumcised.
Okay. Are, what? I don't know. I don't know if I should ask. Should you?
You got a hood?
Are you doing your job well?
You got a hood? You got a hood?
No, I'm doing it.
Why are you thinking?
Why, yeah?
Because I was trying to remember which one is circumcised, which one's not. I'm doing a bad job.
Oh, so you're, so you're, you're walking around like...
So, shalom?
Is what you're saying.
I thi- yeah?
How, this isn't hard.
The chop, the chop it off. That's what I have.
Circumcised is no, like, there's been a procedure. The removal of-
Oh, thank you, yes, that's the one I have.
Of the circumference skin around your wang.
It's the circumference-
Got it.
-resized.
Okay. That's the one I have.
I will pick a winner, but let's be honest, you know I'm gonna rig it against the not-white one.
Oh!
That's crazy.
That's insane. You know what, though? He's saying the quiet part, not loud.
We, we also expect, we like expected that, but I didn't know that he was going to say that.
I mean, there is something beautiful about the fact that he's just coming out and saying it. We don't need, we don't need a probe. What? Are you kidding me?
I'm sorry, I had to sneeze.
That, that can't have been real.
Your first time over here, and this is how you're sneezing?
Yeah, you also sneezed at me, brother.
I think I went down.
You did.
Okay, go ahead.
Okay. Each, oh.
Are you kidding me?
Each winner will receive a small golden statue, and boy, do I love statues.
That's right.
You ain't tearing these down, liberals.
Okay. 2025, we squeezed it in, we got Republican ant. Yep. Perfect.
And what a year it was. I mean, how crazy was this year that we forgot that it started with mysterious drones in the sky? There were rumors that these drones were coming from Chinese mothership off of the coast. Due to, but due to our overpopulation, each mothership can only have one drone.
That's really clever.
Whoever.
Someone, yeah.
Listen, listen, listen, hold on. Took me a reader too.
Whoever, well, we haven't seen this.
I'm saying though, whoever wrote that?
That was very clever. And I think they deserve an award just for that one. Cheers to that.
Cheers to that. Cheers to Chinese motherships.
We saw the rise of viral trends and the fall of King of Trolls, King of... Typo.
Reading's tough.
We saw the rise of viral trends and the fall of the King of Trolls, Elon Musk.
Solidifying the age-old sentiment that the hardest thing a person could be is a rich, white, and straight. Am I right, Joe?
What?
What is this?
I don't, did I, was I?
I mean...
I wasn't involved in that.
You guys often talk about this.
There was a, there was... Now I'm being shocked by things in here.
Last page.
Oh.
Another page, yeah.
Three pages, wow.
Here it comes. This year brought us so much to be grateful for, especially me coming on as the official producer of The Basement Yard.
Yeah, you know what, actually cheers to that.
Cheers, everybody.
Congratulations.
Cheers to that, seriously.
I'm afraid to spill, oh my lord.
The average dong size just grew a whopping five inches, maybe eight inches, I don't know, maybe like hands in balance.
I don't know if you-
So you admit it's huge!
I don't know if you know how, like, action typing works.
You're not supposed to read the action words.
Well, there's a little star and then like a hyphen. It doesn't really signify-
How would that mean, read this out loud?
You're in the industry now, man.
This is welcome to- welcome to Hollywood.
Hands and balance is hilarious.
I mean, is that not what it is?
I guess, but it's just a funny way to write that.
He's like, "Oh, yeah."
If you just wrote gest- if I just wrote "gesture 67," I'd probably-
Thank you for committing.
Well, you might have a better, uh, understanding of that-
-world.
Regardless.
We're- we're almost- we're getting there.
Thank you for upping the average.
Mm-hmm. You're welcome. So here's how it's gonna work, piggies. Joe is-
(laughing)
Oh my god!
Wow, okay. Yeah.
Just so, uh, just- I'm sorry, really quick, wanna make sure we're clear.
Are you talking about us, piggies, or piggies? Like, you're talking about our fans, piggies? Says, "I'll come over there."
A collective trough of everybody.
He- he- he- just so, he said- we are all on the same page. He said he upped the average. The average was already at ten.
So now it's at eighteen for fucking- Yeah, colossal kong over here.
Uh, so here's how it's gonna work, piggies. Joe is going to go first, obviously, and present his argument for each award. Then...
I guess because D E I Frank can explain his side and the boys will argue.
Unbelievable. Now we see how you really feel about us.
That's crazy, calling him D E I Frank is fucked up. That's fucked up.
Before we get started, this show is sponsored by American Eagle jeans.
That's what?
That's new to me!
That's new to me, too!
Want comfort, want style, want to look like all the coolest and best celebs? Ellen DeGeneres, Sydney Sweeney, Jared Leto? Wear American Eagle jeans.
Wow.
The jeans so great- The jeans so great, there must- Frankie. The jeans so great, there must haves this Christmas season. American Eagle jeans. Blonde hair, blue eyes, blue jeans.
Yo, that's a crazy ad to put in there. I didn't approve that ad.
Crazy!
I think that-
That better be a fat check!
It went out on his own and now I'm-
I don't know what's going on here.
So, just like Boeing, let's take off and just pray this goes smooth.
Well, thank you, unbelievable.
Thank you for the speech.
Great opening monologue, Ant.
That was great, Ant.
I mean, my goodness.
Good for you, that was beautiful.
Just, how do you feel?
Feel good.
We learned a lot about you in that one.
Yeah, it got a little dicey there towards the middle.
Yeah, I mean, I would argue that it was dicey the whole time.
Yeah, I mean, I definitely didn't end on a strong note.
I accidentally drank my glass.
Just give that one.
Oopsie poopsie, it's the yardies. What do you do, Z? Alright, I'll be killed.
Someone kill me.
Alright, so, there you go. Now you know the rules. Uh, we wanted to switch it up this year because we felt like last year and the years before were fucking awful.
I'm kidding. No, we just, we wanted to really, people love seeing us disagree. And we wanted to flex our-
Disagreement.
Debate me bones.
Right. Yeah.
You know, so I think that we could really, uh, hit a homerun here. Nail it. And, uh-
You know who I love nailing it? That's a sex joke. What do we got for our first category?
Two for two, by the way.
They told me to show the cards, because we put into effort.
Look at you, look at you.
First award, Gagger of the Year.
Many mo- many moments left us gagged or speechless, but only one can be the moment or person who shocked plus amazed us the most.
Unbelievable, great award.
I gotta remember what the hell I wrote.
Um, so, I mean, the rules that Ant established, uh, his, uh, white supremacist award rules, uh, shows that you must go first.
And then we fist bumped.
Yeah, and then we fist bumped. Oh, I think I remember this. Okay, so my, let me, let me just put my computer over here so I know what the hell's going on. Alright, so my-
My nominee for Gagger of the Year-
No pun intended, is the brothers from White Lotus, okay? You want to talk about something that shocked me, left me without air and gagged, some would say? It was that episode of White Lotus, and I don't even really watch the show like that, but my god, that is a scene that I did not see coming, nor did I think that it was necessary in the show at all. I don't know how that added to the plot, but that's what I'm going with.
What happened in the scene?
You didn't watch it?
Okay, so let's just describe, let's go for it.
I'm not doing anything, this is your pick, bitch.
Two guys.
Yes.
Brothers.
Correct.
Played by. Fucking the Terminator son, and then the other guy.
Patrick Schwarzenegger and I believe Sam Nivola.
Oh, okay, some other white. And they're on a boat, were they on a boat?
They were on a yacht, brother.
Yeah, so it's not really a boat. Um, but they were on a boat and they were like, having sex with this, or one of them was having sex with this girl, and then the other one, they were like drunk and like high and all this shit, and then the other one like sat in a chair and he started like,
self-serving, um, and then all of a sudden.
I didn't play to you!
You know what I'm talking about. Um, but then, uh, you know, one thing leads to another and now he's doing that to his brother.
Interesting.
Okay, well, color me gagged, folks.
Okay, that's a very interesting pick, however, my pick, as you will find, is the actual winner. My winner of the gagger of the year award is the moment
that Kendrick Lamar called Drake a pedophile at the Super Bowl halftime show. Now, we have seen rap beefs before. We have seen disagreements in the public eye.
We have never seen one where one of the people went on quite possibly the most viewed
television event consistently every year and straight up looked into the camera and went,
Say Drake, I hear you like 'em young.
It's a tough one.
I mean, just an unbelievable amount. I mean, the beef that we had last year.
Beef.
Was quite the, I mean, a lot of people felt it was one-sided. You'll get people to argue both sides. I'm not here to say if anyone was in the right or the wrong, okay? Who am I? I'm not an expert on rap beef. But what I will say is that the fact that someone, a Grammy Award-winning rap musician, went on the Super Bowl halftime show and called another one a pedophile, is absolutely bananas. And it left me.
Gagged?
Gagged.
Tagged and bagged.
Tagged, bagged, and ready to shag. You know what I'm saying?
Oh, got you going.
I mean, no.
Because he was talking about...
I just thought of, I just thought of other AG words, you know, AG.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Hmm. Here's, can I make, can I make an argument? Here's the-
That was, no, no, no, I made an argument for mine. Can I make an argument against his?
Why not? Whoa.
Thank you. I appreciate it. You're, man, you're really doing well. And your contribution here, by the way, has been absolutely incredible.
Do not fall for that.
We're very, very lucky.
He has a Band-Aid on his hand. Is this tampering a witness?
I mean, I- Who would be the witness?
Him. You're tampering.
He's the judge.
You're pandering the witness.
I'm not pandering. I'm just telling him- Thank you. I'm telling him-
You're not a judge.
I'm telling-
You just said I was a judge.
You honestly-
Yeah, you are kind of a judge.
Yeah, he absolutely is. I'm just letting him know that his contribution here has been-
Go ahead, talk badly about mine.
Exponential. Um, fans of The White Lotus are kind of used to some out of fucking left-field shit happening.
So everyone is watching that show, anticipating, expecting something wild is gonna happen. And if we're being honest,
These guys look like they wanted to fuck each other all episode, all season. So, some of us that are keen-eyed viewers of White Lotus, saw it coming. And then watched it unfortunately coming.
No one believes that. You know that.
I don't think anybody saw it coming.
Thank you.
Dude, these guys wanted to fuck each other.
They're brothers. I mean, I don't, I mean, this was, this was gagging. This was shocked.
These are both great points.
Um, I would have to say that just on the sheer scale of the size of the Super Bowl, that, uh, the Gagger of the Year Award has to go to Kendrick Lamar calling Drake.
Unbelievable. Thank you so much. Um, listen, I have so many people to thank. I have so many people to look back on. Uh, if my kids are awake, please, you're up too late, go to sleep. Um, thank you to Kendrick Lamar. Thank you to the Academy. Thank you to everyone that made this possible. This is proof that your dreams can come true and, uh, uh, uh, you, all you need is a dream and you'll make it come true. Thank you.
I don't think you're built for the Grammys.
Fuck!
It was valuable. Wait, why do you have a big one behind you?
That's been there.
Why?
I don't know.
Where did that come from?
It may have been like an old yardies, to be honest.
Oh, you got a tiny one.
Next award.
Alright, the landscaper of the year award.
Hmm, what's that mean?
Hmm, give me a second.
It's on there.
The person or moment that needed to touch grass the most. You spent the good part of the year annoying the hell out of us, so here's a shiny reward.
Unbelievable, unbelievable, great award.
For my nominee, I put the whole debate this year, 100 men versus one gorilla. And dude just getting on the internet and just being all bent out of shape and being like, we can take on a gorilla, but the reality is this. A gorilla's gonna kill 100 men.
You're definitely not gonna take it down, you and your boys. That ain't happening, okay? And I don't need the discourse anymore. I already got one person over here in my life that thinks that he could take down moose and great white sharks and shit. Okay, I don't need the whole fucking internet out there thinking that they can beat up the strongest animal that exists. Annoying. Touch grass.
Unbelievable. Well, may I first open up by saying, you read that really well, like with such aplomb and just an unbelievable amount of riz. This just in, folks, we have a new nominee for Gagger of the Year.
Now, listen, I give credit where credit is due, and he deserves so much credit.
I'm going to transition, though.
Sorry, I thought that would upset you based off of your monologue.
My winner of landscaper of the year is not a group of people that I necessarily disagree with, but the reaction that they elicited definitely showed me that they need to see life outside their phones. And that were, that is, the winner, my nominee, are the people that posted those crying over TikTok going away TikToks. Now, listen, we've all been on TikTok, we've all established a beautiful connection with the people that love us and support us. Thank you guys so much. Hey, thank you too, by the way. You really did a great job just standing there.
The idea that although I understand that this is going away, you've amassed a following and some people a livelihood, I support that.
But you can live life outside your phone a little bit. You can go outside, you could touch grass, you need it. You need to feel the energy of the earth underneath your feet. You need some blades of grass between your toes, some Kentucky bluegrass, maybe. I don't know the type of grass, but you need it and you need to touch it. So that's why my nominee are the people that cried on TikTok when it was going away.
I would like to point out that Frank was one of these people.
Frank posted a video.
I didn't cry.
He didn't cry, but it was one of those like, uh...
I really appreciate.
Well, the judge is laughing. So that's, that's one thing.
That's, this is tampering. You've tampered him. No tampon tampered.
No, you've tamponed him. And also, I think that also, let's just get this out of the way. I mean, people crying because these are their full-time jobs sometimes, and then it's going away. They have, and then you're making fun of them for crying. And in a way, you're kind of forced to give me the trophy. Because mine's silly, Frank. I don't know. Maybe we're laughing at people that lost their jobs. I don't know. It's gonna play.
Uh-uh. Do you know who he wants? You know the people that he's talking about that said that they have a chance at beating 100 men versus one gorilla? It's all the big fans of like the hyper masculine, like evil dark web podcast bros. So that's who you want to award. That's who you want to award. You want to award them. You want to give them more.
I'm awarding them for being annoying!
Oh, no, but they're not gonna take it that way. They're gonna take it as like, yeah, I won this because I'm a bachelorette man. I'm a good boy. And that's not right. I think mine, I'm not saying I don't agree with the reason that they got emotional. I fully support and understand it. But I will say, the realization that a social media app could go away and like, you can go outside and you could see the earth. You could look at the sky. You could let the rays hit you on the face.
Unfortunately, the clouds don't pay the bills. So, what are you gonna do, Ant?
Um, I'm sensing a cloud of hypocriticism.
Ah, as am I!
On some side of the earth.
No, I didn't cry. I wasn't crying. I was just, I was saying like, it was a joking manner.
No one said who I was talking about. That felt a little defensive there.
Come on, bitch.
Even though I do think 100 men can take out a gorilla, I'm gonna have to give it to him.
That's why! This is, this is, he's part of the cohort. This is why you're doing this. Oh, you picked answers because he's in them. Cause he says he thinks he's one of those people.
I didn't even know that.
If you didn't make a video doing it, you might have had a better chance.
I made a video of me showing off a talent.
It was me singing a song that I memorized.
You sang a song in that video?
Oh, I should get another one. I should get another one.
No, no, no, no!
There's plenty down here.
It was not a real, like, singing. That I wouldn't do.
What was, what was the song?
Imagine all the people.
If, if that was that, I would have given him the award, you would have given me a cyanide tooth. Oh, I would have changed the locks if that was that.
Okay, 1-1.
Okay, moving on. Here we go. This card just says jizz.
Ew! This is a professional setting!
This card just says jizz. Why does it say it's so little, though? It's so tiny, it's a tiny amount of jizz.
Yeah, well, you know, some people just don't have giant loads.
Okay.
So, maybe, maybe don't be so judgmental.
What did you prepare over there, you freak?
Put jizz in there? This is a, this is a, like, a, on TV.
I guess no one wants an award for that one, okay.
Well, hold on, are you giving out awards for jizz?
The moment passed.
Next category, the Lifetime Bereavement Award.
This will be awarded to something that died in 2025. We're either sad, we're either sad to see it go, or happy that it's gone. Either way, it's dead.
Hmm. Unbelievable, unbelievable. Great, great job reading that.
You choo-, you choose the-
Am I going first every time, or you wanna go? Well, that's his rules, I'm just telling you.
Oh, okay. Um, I, for, my nominee for the Lifetime Bereavement Award is none other than Hulk Hogan.
Joey, Jesus Christ!
Who died in July, he died in July.
Come on, man!
It's a lifetime bereavement, we don't know whether you're happy, we're, what was it? That you're happy to see it go?
Happy to see, ha, sad to see it go, or happy that it's gone.
Right, we don't know that, but Hulk Hogan did die, an iconic guy.
Well, well-
Love the N-word, brother!
Soft rails.
He's had some champagne, that's what's going on. What you gonna do, brother?
He's really setting me up on I would have to give him that award.
Probably in hell, brother!
That's where my vote is going, my nominee, Hulk Hogan.
I mean, you went with a literal someone died.
I mean, I understand it could be a moment, it could be something.
Listen, instead of, by the way, you look great, that shirt jacket combo, out of control, is there like a... I'm gonna throw up. Is there like a, there's like a texture on there, like a pattern?
Yeah, it's a texture.
That's really cool. Yeah, what is that?
Couldn't tell ya.
Alright, no one cares anymore. Yeah. So...
So instead of putting you in a position where you have to pick between awarding the death of Hulk Hogan, I'm gonna give you one that's an easy pick. My lifetime bereavement nominee is for uncomfortable press junket interviews. Now what do I mean by that? Well, we've seen some examples for some pretty big movies come out where the stars of these movies get a little uh, comfortable, may we say, handsy, may we say, uh, touchy feely. And it makes us, as the audience, just feel a little strange and a little odd. Now listen, these individuals have their own relationships, but I don't need to see Pedro Pascal having Vanessa Kirby's hands stuck up his ass during an interview. I don't need to see that, okay?
He's got anxiety. Whatever the reason is, I, it's something that as a, as a society, think all of us have seen and just gone, yeah, that, that ain't it, and I'm happy and hopeful that it dies a fiery death in 2025 and we can move on.
The only argument that I will make, we don't know if it's dead.
Yeah, it does say that died in 2025. Oh, it died, it died, it died, it was born and died in the same year.
Did it?
Because Ariana Grande and Cynthia Rivia, who are very talented women, I will point out. Whoa, you just, you just identified their gender, you just, who knows what they identify as? They say that. They are women, Joey.
You're trying.
I am. And I don't know my way out of this. I will say this, jokes aside.
Just an unbelievable amount of talent in those two individuals and then collective as a unit is ridiculous.
It's interesting.
But they are crawling all over each other in the interviews still.
But it happened in 2025 and it's dead. We're moving into a new year.
You're killing it, though. We don't know that it's dead.
Listen, sometimes in order for things to not go on, you need to bring them behind the shed and put two in the back of their head. I'm talking Lenny of Mice and Men style. And that's what I'm doing to this and you're welcome.
I believe he was near a lake.
It was behind a shed. Technically, everything is behind a shed.
The world is behind a shed.
So I have to choose between a dead Hulk Hogan who has a choice word selection.
Definitely does.
Or...
I think that's minimizing it.
Or, uh...
An answer that doesn't even fit in the category.
Excuse you! How does that not fit in the category?
It's not dead.
It is dead!
I killed it.
You know what? I like the initiative, Frankie.
Unbelievable! Alright, so now we've now established that ant can be bought. That's what we've established.
Bought? And I just think that you just gave an answer that was insane.
Hulk Hogan died.
Yeah, you went with the literal...
He's dead, Frank. Let it go. He's dead.
I let it go. I've moved on with my life.
I don't know, but that...
Okay. I think... Thank you, by the way. Thank you so much.
To be fair, I also want it... I want the interviews to stop as well.
If you have the power to kill it, I would like that.
You guys, I'm gonna take that back. The next round of interviews that we see where people are all over each other.
If that happens, I will come on this show.
And you will have to give me my fucking thing back.
And I will eat a spoonful of the hottest hot sauce you could find.
I have that.
Why am I interested in that?
Yes, we are interested in that.
You are. You're interested in that.
Alright, so you said no?
Are we ready for the next category?
Yes, we are.
Do we need more champagne?
What we need is a word from our sponsors, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm good.
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Wow, unbelievable. Well, Ant, are we moving on or are we moving on?
It's time to, the next award.
The COVID 2025 Award.
A moment so viral that the entire world couldn't escape it.
Ah, just like COVID-19. That's a pretty clever way to name an award.
How do you feel about that?
Which part?
COVID-19.
The naming of the award.
You think it was Fauci? You think it was him?
Mm.
I mean, your monologue seems to say it suggests...
Right, right.
Well, how do you feel about that?
The name of the award?
I think it's fitting.
It's fitting, yeah.
The entire world couldn't escape it.
They couldn't. Do you like it?
The, the award.
I don't know yet. What are the answers?
I, I mean...
What are you doing? What's going on here?
Why are you pointing me like this?
I don't know. What am I doing?
What are you doing?
What percent is this?
Uh, percent down the hatch. Bone, apple, teats.
13?
That'll do it. Okay. Uh, Joe, it sounds like, uh, he's read the award category. Be respectful.
Okay, COVID, uh, 2025 Award, the most viral thing. I will say, I'm gonna go with Ashton Hall's morning routine. So you remember the yoked dude who's fucking putting his face in Saratoga water every fucking morning at 2:00 a.m. or whatever the fuck is going on? That became so popular that like every single company was like, we're gonna have our mascot do this thing. Everyone's putting their face in water in the morning, sometimes squeezing some lemon. All of a sudden we started putting banana peels on her face and stuff like that. I've never done any of this, to be honest, but I'm not against it. I don't know if it works. It feels gimmicky.
But I think that was probably the one thing, not the one thing, but one of the things this year that were so viral that everyone and their mother knows about this.
Joe, do you mind showing some respect to your award and put it in front of you, please?
Wow, what an unbelievable... He doesn't even care. He does not even care. Look, I have these...
Damn, this award's got a fat ass.
I have the... He doesn't even care for them.
Nah, my shit's got a...
You know why I care for these?
Your shit's got a fat ass?
It's got a dump.
It's got a bump.
It craps. You know why I care for these? Because I earn them. You know why else I care for them? Because you put in the hard work and dedication to get them. And I thank you for that. That's incredibly kind.
I'm gonna freak out.
Joey, you know what? That is a pretty viral moment. And I am not gonna sit here and try to bring down something that clearly is deserving of this award.
Have you done a face plunge?
I have not done a face plunge.
Have you fluff- plu- plunge?
Not yet. He does seem like someone who would recreate the video, though.
Frank?
Why is that?
Uh, I mean, I'm up pretty early sometimes, so, you know. Then maybe that... Because he gets up at like 2:00. And then the first thing he does was at like 4:00...
1 million pushups, I think?
Yeah, well, that I'm not doing. I think I might have a torn bicep, uh, uh, uh, chest, pec.
So I can't. I can't be doing that.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, but that is... Joey, you know what? I will give flowers where they're needed.
That was a very viral moment. However...
There is one moment that not only took the US by storm, because that's really what that was. That was localized to the US, as far as I could see.
I mean, there were videos of him in Dubai.
That ain't the US.
It is, by definition, not the US. But you know what was even bigger, Joey? It was the Coldplay concert moment. Now, this guy did something, as anyone else does, okay? He took a video of himself. He's already a pre-established influencer. I believe he makes content about, you know, like routines and vlogging and stuff like that, health, wellness.
You know what was even bigger? A moment that was candidly caught on camera at a Coldplay concert, where allegedly there were people having an affair, and Coldplay himself saw them.
Chris Martin is his name.
Chris Martin himself saw them, okay? So I think that, yes, although you have some grounds to stand on, I'm over here laying down streets for the world to drive on. This thing was everywhere. Gritty was doing it. Other mascots were also doing it. Everyone was doing it where they were hugging and then the camera got on them and they jumped out of frame. It was massive, you couldn't escape it and it was significantly more deserving of this award than yours.
I actually think that that was very viral, but it lasted very short. It wasn't a long time. The putting the face in the ice thing, I feel like lasted a very long.
Here's the thing, I think the face in the ice thing, if I'm being really honest, I didn't even hear about it until like after it was viral, really. Like, it was like maybe a week and a half later.
That's how virality works.
No, no, but I'm saying, I'm saying like, it became viral and then it was like two weeks later, I was like, why is everyone buying Saratoga, why is everyone talking about Saratoga Springs water? And then I saw the original. You couldn't escape this Coldplay concert video. It was massive banana sandwiches.
Well, we'll see what the judge thinks.
I think we should probably look up and fact check which is more viewed.
How would we do that? We have to count up all the students' videos?
No, I'm sure it's like pinned on his TikTok, right?
He has a bunch, he does it in every video.
He, but what was the one?
I don't, I don't, I don't even know, but he just like kept doing it.
Is there a "the one" of the Coldplay concert?
Yes, it was from a girl like, uh, someone's Twitter account.
I think this is actually very hard. I think these are two of the best answers probably that have been given so far.
Hey.
Thank you so much, Ant.
To being hard.
Hey, yeah, to be, to both being hard. To both making Ant hard. Why not?
You don't like that.
No. It's not good.
I can tell.
It's not good at all. I do think the mascot argument, uh, doesn't work here because with the Saratoga water, a lot of mascots did it as well. And I've seen a lot of influencers do it and mimic that, not so much the other thing. So unfortunately, I'm gonna have to give it to Joe here.
What the fuck?
Man, you were doing so well.
Now that I have this in my possession, unfortunately, what the fuck is that about? Whose team are you on?
Did I say unfortunately?
You did, you certainly did!
I can't back you up here unless you want me to.
I would like, yeah, I would like that.
Yeah dude, leave him alone. He's trying to do his best, man.
Well, I meant unfortunately because it was such a hard decision.
Ah.
Not that unfortunate that you won it, of course.
Unbelievable, of course. You know what? They're in cahoots. You, I want to say, you navigated that with such aplomb. And I'm very, very proud of the way that you handled that. And although I lost, I'm proud to be a part of your team. If I had a grenade, it'd be live.
I think he used aplomb twice now, in this episode.
He could have. I don't think. He knows about five interesting words and they may, they will rear their ugly head through this episode, I'm sure. Joey, that is so not very aplomb of you. See, now we're on to number three. Next award, the I'm an old pathetic fat loser award.
This goes to the award that made us feel old. Hmm, yeah, I mean, I have a very obvious one for us. I mean, me and Frank are 33. Who knows how old they are? Yeah, you're like, I don't even like, what, like an elf, how old are you? You look great, I would never call you an elf.
Twenty, twenty-eight.
Twenty-eight. You're not twenty, are you twenty-eight?
I thought you were twenty-nine. No, his birthday is, I know when your birthday is.
January sixteenth, I'm just gonna throw that out there.
Which is his astrology sign. Uh, that's Sagittarius. Isn't it? Capricorn. That's the one. Um, I can't believe he didn't know your birthday, by the way. He's, yeah. I did not know it.
You're telling everybody I'm twenty-nine?
Well, that was more of a feeling and an energy. It's not a fact, it's how I feel. Oh. So you can't really tell me how I feel about your age. You hear what he said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Just put that down there.
Yeah. Um, I, I mean, for this one, I think it's obvious, I put six-seven. This was probably one of the first things that appeared on the internet that I was like, oh man, I'm so aged out of this and I, I just can't get in, like, because I'm so old. So it was, it was definitely an indicator that I am no longer part of... The younger generation that pushes culture and now I'm just on the outside and I have to accept what wave crashes over me.
Hmm, interesting. Well, while you're gasping for air drowning under this wave, let me explain to you my point of view, which is surfing above the waves and going to win this award. My nominee for the "I'm a fat old bitch," what is it?
"I'm a fat old pathetic loser."
Yeah, whatever it is.
Old pathetic fat loser.
Let's make sure you get that right.
Um, Joey, that's a great point too. However, there's one reason that my answer is better than yours and should win because my answer is the Labubu craze. Now, yes, 6'7" is a massive, massive thing. However, we at one point were in that age bracket. We at one point were in that demographic. We understood inside jokes with our friends and they became big. You and I better than most people. We didn't have the internet at that time, but you know what? You and I definitely can relate to that. You know what we can't relate to? The massive explosion of Labubus. These hideous little rat demon looking things that all of a sudden are becoming like status symbols?
I mean, they're selling some for thousands of dollars. Yes, collecting is something that is understood, but when there is something that is collecting that I have no understanding about, I am completely a fat loser about it. So that's why I take the Labubu craze.
Alright, I assume this is gonna be tough for our drudge here.
Yeah, I mean, the Labubu answer was awful. It's an awful answer. It's like, it actually, it's not very good of an answer.
I mean, you've gone through many iterations of that, the Beanie Baby. You know, like, it's not new.
No, but Beanie Babies were adorable. Furby's were adorable. They did something. Labubus did nothing. They're ugly, they do nothing.
I would never talk about a little toy that has eyes like that, just in case they get it.
It's true.
Just in case they get demonic.
Unfortunately, uh, what's going against you is the definition of 6'7" is literally nothing, so even looking it up makes you feel old.
Well, let me ask you something. Why?
Give it away, give it away.
No, no, no!
Woo!
Unbelievable.
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo!
I believe Joe takes the lead there.
Yeah, now that he finally put his awards on display.
Yeah, and I'm petting all their butts.
The "I'm gonna cut my head clean off if I hear this one more time" award.
This goes out to the song or vocal stim that we couldn't get out of our heads in 2025.
Uh, I have here, I mean, the only thing that kind of pops out in my head is the "Now I'll have my head!" Fucking Jet 2 Holiday was the, and that was bad. It's not, don't go off of the impression of it, because that wasn't great, but I, I feel like that was such a fucking like, when I was scrolling on TikTok, it was every other video was this and I was, and I like those types of videos where there's crazy shit going on, people falling down a flight of steps, old people shitting their pants or whatever it is. Those are the type of videos that I like, and now I'm forced to sit through this, the sound of, of "Nothing beats the Jet 2 Holiday"
every single second of the day. Very annoying. That's what I'm going with.
The second attempt, that was good.
I can do that part.
Yeah, that part was good.
I mean, I can't hit that, that's not my, that's not my tone.
Is, is the vocal stim, um, that's a terrible sandwich, by the way. Is that this year?
Yeah, that is.
I love that one.
The little kid. I don't even know which one that is.
Little kid gets off the school bus and goes up to his mom and he goes, "Mom?" And she goes, "Yeah?" He goes, "Terrible sandwich, by the way."
Terrible sandwich. So every time there's something like that doesn't good happen, like, "Terrible sandwich, by the way." Either way.
That's adorable, and you saying it is cute.
You know what? That was big. But I'm gonna make it harder, okay? Because not only is my vocal stim, my little, my little audio snippet, or whatever you may call it, not only was it big in social media and people couldn't escape it, but it was big in the real world, okay? And that's why my nominee for the, what's the award title again? Fucking, I'm gonna kill myself if I hear this one more time.
Yeah, close, close enough.
Uh, my nominee for the "I'm going to chop my head off if I hear this one more time" award is
Chicken Jackie! Listen. Minecraft movie is, I think, as of recording, the biggest movie of the year financially.
Really?
And it is a phenomenon that spans over like fifteen years at this point in time. So, the fact that the movie came out, and not only were people on social media unable to avoid Chicken Jackie, and everything with Minecraft movie, but they had to go in real life to the movies and they would be covered in popcorn and nachos with kids bringing actual chickens into the movie theater. I couldn't get this out of my head. It was borderline torture, and it needs, it was, it was, it was a lot. It was a lot to deal with.
I have no rebuttal. I know that you love Minecraft. I'm simply just...
It's not really about that, but Joe gave a good answer and then your answer blew it out of the water.
God, no!
Pass go to Frankie. That's a very good answer.
Also, Ant, can we look up the, how much the Minecraft movie grossed?
Now you gotta run over there and do it.
I'm not, I just wanted to do that from this side.
You know you gotta do it. You want me to tell you how much it grossed? I'll tell you right now.
It's just the first thing on my phone.
I don't know why. It's a picture of J.D. Vance? Yeah. Is J.D. Vance your background? Okay, give me one of those fucking pictures right now. Frank's background is J.D. Vance, alright?
How many categories do we have?
So the Minecraft movie, as of recording, uh, worldwide, made about nine hundred fifty-eight million dollars.
It's a couple bucks.
Couple bucks.
On a budget of a hundred and fifty-eight million dollars, reported. That's a lot of money.
That's a lot of money, so... Chicken Jackie!
Next card. This card just says "cum."
Oh, so, okay.
This card just says "cum."
I know, I know.
Frankie's laughing a little hard with that one.
I feel like he was the "cum."
Yeah. You were the "jizz."
We don't snitch.
You're right.
You just snitched!
I don't, I said "I think."
That's a snitch!
I think the murder weapon's over there.
You just snitched! And, and you hear, you heard about his free ditty line? You know how he feels about snitches?
You didn't say that.
I did, I did read the paper.
Next category. The that'll wake up your aunt moment of the year.
It's aunt.
Aunt moment of the year. That'll wake up your aunt moment of the year. I only spell aunt one way.
That was bad. A moment this year that made everyone notice someone or something that was previously unknown or laying low. There's a, that's.
Yeah, I messed up.
That was scribbled out.
I messed up, I messed up.
Or laying low.
For this one, I I put something that I think is more recent or whatever, but I put the the, can you read it one more time?
A moment this year that made everyone notice someone or something that was previously unknown or laying low.
Right, so something that like, we all kind of knew, but now we have a term to kind of out these people, but I went with the performative male. Okay, the dudes who walk around with the tote bags and a little chain off of their pants and drinking a matcha latte and reading a book. Like a, like a, just a, I don't know, just some, just some very performative book.
Do people walk down the street and read books?
Bro, you gotta go to the East Village in like the middle of the day.
I'm, I'm.
You gotta. It's unbelievable.
That's.
Walk into any coffee shop, the dudes are drinking fucking matcha.
Careful.
Matcha's great.
It's not about the matcha.
They're drinking matcha, they're wearing tote bags, they all just look the same. That's what it is. Sometimes they have tattered clothing, ironically. But you live in the Lower East Side.
Have you ever gotten to the coffee shop with a book?
I have not, no.
He's protecting himself there.
I've, I've never been to the coffee shop with a book. I, I, I don't, I like my apartment, so I don't, I'm not gonna go work somewhere else.
Makes sense.
Even people, I mean, there's a coworking space in my building and a lot of people worked there. And I'm like, I, you know.
It's a nice building. Why wouldn't you just work in your house?
Interesting. Well, my nominee not only is great, but Joey should be disqualified because he himself said it. The award for the "That'll Wake Up Your Ant" moment of the year is something that was previously laying low or people didn't recognize or realize. Is that correct?
Well, he just said that we knew about these people. We just didn't have a term for them. So he is just going off someone that now has a title. But you know what?
I'm gonna tell you who wins my award. Who is the nominee that I am presenting to the table, which by the way, your table looks great, by the way. I just want to say. I know you, did you build that?
I did.
My god, it's so sturdy.
It's on a box now. It's a little wobbly.
No, no, no.
My nominee for this award
is me playing basketball in Phoenix. Now, hear me out. Hear me out. Yes. Yes. Joey might have picked something that's a little bit more traditional, but even Parasite won Best Picture at the Oscars one year. And why should I win? Because there was nothing but disrespect thrown my way for my basketball skills. Nothing but disrespect.
Can I stop you?
And I, hold on.
I, I, I would-
No, you better hold on. And I'm just gonna say this, okay? There was nothing but disrespect. And I told you last year I was working on my basketball skills.
That's not what you said.
Me coming out and putting on a clinic is worthy of praise and awardship.
I, I, I will stop you there. One, that thing that I want to point out, you didn't say you were working on your basketball skills. You said, "I'm trying to dunk." And I'm like, that's not going to-
Is dunking a basketball skill?
You didn't dunk during the game that we played.
Just, just wait.
Two, I am going to actively surrender this trophy because if you were there in Phoenix-
What a performance Frank put on during that game.
It really was something. It really was something. In 105 Heat.
Okay, in 105 Heat, the guy pulled up and he really just put a lot of points on the board, a lot of boards, a lot of hustle plays.
Listen, man.
The guy went after it. It was impressive.
It was a big, it was a big moment for me personally. A lot of hard work went into it. And I'm just, I'm really excited that I opened some eyes that day. Some scouts might not have been there, but now they hear this and they might be a little more inclined.
That was the basement yards linsanity. You know, like someone comes off the bench and you go, you're not expecting too much and it's like, what's going on?
That's what happened.
They picked me and they were like, I guess just throw Frankie on that team.
You were on my team!
Yeah, I know. They were like, just put him on that team. And I was like, okay. And then I fucking balled up like, like Mike.
Just balled up. It was unbelievable. What was that one called? Oh, that'll wake up your aunt?
Yeah, dude.
Deserving.
It's unbelievable.
Frank's basketball performance in Phoenix this year was great. We don't even know if something like that can be replicated.
Probably not.
But it happened.
I'll go one step further. It can. Okay, let's make that very clear. There's a ton of pressure now.
Oh, man. Okay, next up, fan favorite, the Will Smith Award.
The person or entity that lost credibility and continued to make matters worse for themselves.
Yeah, um, I feel like this one's a little, uh, you know what? This one is actually gonna be super cool, but we're gonna let you know what it is right after these sponsors here.
Tricky.
What'd you say?
You're tricky.
Oh, I didn't know what you said for a second. But we do have some sponsors here that we have to get to. The first one being SeatGeek. Okay, this podcast is always sponsored by SeatGeek. SeatGeek is where you're gonna get all of your tickets to any sort of sporting event or Broadway play, monster truck rally, whatever it is, whatever you're into. I don't judge. But you can get tickets on SeatGeek. They have over 28 million downloads. They're the number one rated ticketing app in the App Store and they have a bunch of, you know, all these live performances. There's a bunch of things on there and right now- Now you can save 10% off of your tickets with the promo code basement2025. Okay, so go download SeatGeek or go to their website and use the code basement2025 at checkout for 10% off of your next set of tickets. Okay?
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What do we have?
The award's already... The Will Smith Award. Ladies and gentlemen, we have the Will Smith Award, and my nominee for this award is going to be... Can you read it one more time?
Yeah, I'm gonna go with Sidney Sweeney this year.
That was mine too!
Sidney Sweeney, we're on the same wavelength here.
Someone who I believe was America's darling for a certain amount of time, and then we had this American Eagle Jean thing, which was one thing, and it was kind of like, people are like, "This is kind of tone deaf," but some people are giving her the benefit of the doubt, then goes on an interview and kind of has an opportunity to say something and really doesn't. So, just keeps consistently making it worse. What are you gonna do?
Yeah, and this is an award that we've been giving out for several years. I mean, Will Smith has been a topic of conversation at these Yarde Awards for a couple of years.
I don't know why.
I mean, he's had some, he's had a rough couple of years, you know, and definitely didn't have a great year this year with the whole, like, music thing.
AI fake crowd.
AI fake crowd, the whole, like, performance in London. But, we just, I mean, I decided to give it to Sidney Sweeney, and it sounds like we're in agreement. So what do we do in this situation, I guess?
A tie? We both get one? Or...
I do have two.
Yeah, I think that makes sense.
But someone did answer first.
Ah!
Get the fuck out of here. Hold the fuck on. No way!
One, two, three, four.
I don't want it, your pity award.
Yeah, no, no, I got four butts.
Wait, no, now we're tied. I do want it.
No, no, no, you can't. You just can't. That's not how the show goes.
It's not how it goes?
It's just not how the show goes.
See, this is what hap... You guys are seeing it live.
Next award, the...
Hit us with it.
The Orange Phone Award.
Comeback of the year.
Ah, yes, the comeback of the year, the Orange Phone Award. I have... Justin Bieber.
Justin Bieber this year made a comeback in a way that I don't think people are actually realizing. One, this guy's very cool. I fuck with Justin Bieber, okay? Two, over the years, he's had run-ins with paparazzi and those have been iconic moments. Do you remember when he was, I believe he was in Paris and he said, "I'll beat the fuck out of you, bro." Something like that. Cool. This year, now we get a new one where he's like, "It's not clocking to you." "It's not clocking to you that I'm standing on business." You know, like, he's serving all the Gen Z-coded slang right to these motherfuckers, the paparazzi. Then also is standing behind a fucking guard, like a security guard, and goes, "Fucking you too. Everyone gets these hands. According to Justin Bieber, the boy is back."
Okay, and now he's streaming on Twitch, apparently? The guy's back in a way that you would not believe, okay? If an album comes next year, I'm gonna throw up.
Interesting. Well, first of all, let's say this. It's called the Orange Phone Award because the Orange Phone made its return. A lot of people are very excited about it. The Orange Phone deserves, by the way, round of applause for the Orange Phone. If we could please...
Hey Dad!
Hey, by the way, great clapping there. Really good. Full of aplomb. I will say that although that is a serviceable nominee, my nominee is something that has transcended the year, okay? And that's why my nominee... What's the award again?
The Orange Phone.
That's why my nominee...
We just gave it a round of applause.
Yeah, I know, we did. That's why my nominee for the Orange Phone Award goes to 50 Cent.
Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
A generational hater. Now, this is a guy that has been in the news for being a hater for years. All the stuff about telling Floyd Mayweather to read a page from Harry Potter. All the stuff with buying like a bunch of, uh, front row tickets to Ja Rule's concert. A bunch of his beef with Fat Joe. Listen, this guy stepped up the hating this year. And he is so back in the hater driver seat, okay? He not only produced a documentary about Diddy, but then he made sure that it was shown on a platform where inmates in prisons, in the prison where Diddy is, could watch it.
That's hate, that's hate. He's drinking the hater aid. And, this broke recently, he just bought Jim Jones' podcast.
Did he really?
This guy is taking hating to a new degree, okay? And Joey wants to award someone that is sitting there, offering violence?
If you award that, you're a bystander and part of the problem. If you don't, you're a good person.
I think that's a threat.
It's not, it's not a threat, it's a social awareness.
He's kinda handcuffing me with the Diddy documentary thing here. Uh, I mean, he is threatening you as well.
Well, listen, I think Justin Bieber has remained in the limelight for years.
Are you gonna be in support of him picking 50 Cent? Who made the documentary about Diddy when you very clearly in your opening monologue said, "Free Diddy."
Wow, and you know what though? You have a moment, you are, this is a moment in our lives where you can do the right thing. And you are being presented with an opportunity to, to do the right thing here. You can stand by your Diddy comments, or you can vote an award against it.
I think...
You'd make a great point. The award has to go to Joe.
No! Fucking way! How? Where the fuck, what do you mean comeback of the year? Justin Bieber hasn't left the limelight.
Bruh.
Where? He just had that Georgia song a couple of years ago.
Georgia?
By Peaches Down in Georgia, yeah.
Song's called Peaches.
Whatever it is.
That was like five years ago.
Whatever!
Wasn't your comeback player of the year technically like? A person's?
Personality?
It's the person being a generational version of a hater. You know?
But you also said that he was consistent in his hate.
No, I gave examples a years ago. This is this year where he just sprung his hate upon us.
To be comeback, I would say were there moments where he was not hating?
Joey's getting after it.
Yeah, he really is.
God damn!
It's already open. Uh, I believe, let's count the trophies, because we're on our final award here.
I have four.
I have five.
I need to tie this up.
It's true. For the final award, we are playing for this big one.
It counts for the whole game.
It counts for the whole game, probably, yeah.
The whole one.
There we go. It's actually up there.
This last award.
Written very small. Big Roar Energy Award.
You can't see it? Can I see it?
Oh wow, okay.
Yeah. Command- commanded the year with giant amounts of energy and aura. The Big Roar Energy Award.
Which of course refers to Frank's roar.
Uh, which was a big moment for us.
It was a big moment. Yes, it was.
Um, so, actually was, you know, for those of you who didn't make it to the live shows, that was part of our intro. It was the first thing that you would hear when you go to a Basemart show would be Frank's roar, okay?
Um, you have yet to grace us with a legitimate roar, and I feel that the year is ending, and...
We would all be remiss if we didn't celebrate 2025 and...
No way.
What was that?
I didn't wanna make that sound. That's not the sound that I was planning. Uh, my vocal cords have like, done me dirty, I think. Um, and I apologize, I think.
That was something else. Um, I gave it a go.
You can't fucking breathe.
Alright, come on, give us a real one. Frank.
Oh, that's, I think that's the best we're getting.
Oh god, I'm sorry.
Ant?
Oh no, I can't top that.
What's the award?
Oh, the big roar.
You just did it.
Yeah, uh, the roar award. The big roar of the year. Uh, this is our big one. I'm gonna say...
And, and, you know, you know me, bro. Swiftie. So I'm going Taylor Swift in this year. I think she put out this album, the ship broke records, it was like the fastest selling album ever and blah blah blah, shit went like super platinum. And also she got engaged this year. She's had a hell of a year. She's had a run for the last three years, honestly. So, it's about time she's awarded for that.
Just gonna, just gonna, Taylor Swift. That's my big roar.
Unless I'm mistaken, I think we gave like our year end award to Taylor Swift last year.
Amen. It's a, it's a, she's making a fucking run. People win, people win awards.
Listen, you know what? I'm not gonna speak ill of Taylor Swift because...
That's a good strategy.
Pretty good, astute strategy. Um... But I got someone who just had a little bit more of roar energy this year. And that's why my nominee for the big roar energy award for 2025 is Timmy Chalamet.
Oooh, Tim Ote!
Right. He came into this year and everyone saw Tim Ote Chalamet as like, he was coming in and everyone was like, oh, he's kinda like a snooty, uptight, like, you know, like it's Tim Ote. Like, people had that image of him. And then he shaved his head, he put on a puffer jacket, and he started just spitting bars and just... throwing ass at the Knicks games. This kid knows what he's doing. He had a generational year. Yes, Taylor Swift is consistently having great years. But I would say 2024 with her Everest tour was bigger than 2025. So, I feel it's only right that we award someone that stepped out of the shell of being a snooty actor
and into the limelight of being an absolute roaring motherfucking stud.
It's hard to argue. It's hard to argue.
And he had some viral moments too. Remember someone interviewing him, he was like, hmm. Uh, yeah, you know, something like that. I don't remember exactly.
This is, this is hard. You guys gave real answers for this one.
Yeah, oh, excuse me. I've given real answers for every single one that I have presented.
Do you have any follow-up questions to help you make your decision?
Was this year the year where Timothy Chalamet went on stage and said that you guys all suck? I want to be better than all of you? Was that this year?
First of all, that's not what he said at all.
That's not what he said?
It was more internal. It was like, I'm in the, like, on the pursuit of greatness and I want to be one of the greats. It wasn't like, fuck all of you guys.
I knew that's what he said. I just wanted him to say it. That's a pretty good help for you.
Thank you. Appreciate that.
I'm tapped in, bro. I'm a big Timmy, Timmy C guy.
He just, he just came out and just completely flipped the script on how people saw him. He's out there with a shaved head. Now people think he's a mysterious London rapper.
That's true. They do think, yeah, they do think that. I think he's Scottish.
Taylor Swift on her tour, wrote her whole album as well, right?
She did, so during that-
Guess what year that was, though?
Yeah, but I'm just saying, the album came out now.
The album came out now, but she did it all the, all this-
Also, I will say that this year, I believe that she bought back all of her masters for like her earlier albums, so.
Listen, no one is saying that she's not generational. But every now and then, Tom Brady needs to lose.
I will even make the argument for Timothy Chalamet of saying that, I don't think that people thought he was like snooty or whatever, but he, he definitely, I feel like, has pushed himself into a different category as an actor. Like, people are like, this is a, this is a generational guy. I think.
Hank's gonna shit his britches.
So hard.
I think you should chug your drink first.
Yeah, I feel like you should.
I feel like you should.
Swallow the-
The whole thing. Go, go, go, go, go.
I feel like, oh, that's good.
Oh, he didn't chug it.
He's gonna vomit.
He didn't chug it. Chug it, come on.
Please.
You're gonna throw up?
I wanna snap this in half and give it to you guys, honestly.
Where would you snap it?
Someone, someone will get the, the, oh, no, it's screwed in real tight at the bottom.
You know what? I'm gonna do this.
I think, cause I, I opened up multiple of these, so.
You had to make a decision.
Yeah, it has to be one or the other. You can't, there can't be two winners.
What are you, are you singing a Christmas song?
How? What's the justification behind his winnership?
A whole tour, the album.
The tour ended in 24!
I know, but she wrote the whole album on the tour.
In 24!
And then she, she, you know what she did? She made money forcing me to hear about Travis Kelsey's penis.
Like you didn't, you didn't think about it for free?
That is true. She put out a song about Travis Kelsey's fucking apparent dong, dude. Apparently that.
Have some respect, both of you.
Yeah. He, you know what it is? He identifies with the dong. He's like, yo, she made a song, people have made songs about my penis before, probably.
I believe it's called Redwood?
I thought it was just called Wood.
That's worse.
The fact that you guys don't know. The fact that you guys don't know.
Frank, I helped, tried to help you.
Also, I didn't watch Dune.
Neither did I.
Oh. This is getting crazy now.
I don't think that came out this year.
Timmy, we would love to have you on the show. We'll force Frank to watch before you get here. I watched it.
But he, he was Bob Dylan.
I didn't watch that.
You're not gonna award him for Bob Dylan?
You didn't watch.
You know what?
You didn't watch Bob Dylan.
Did you watch it?
Did you watch Wonka?
I did watch Wonka.
Wonka was fantastic.
You know what I'm gonna say?
Bro, Timmy, you can sing, bro!
You know what I'm gonna say, Timmy?
Fuck around.
You are a generational talent. See the way that they just ripped that award from your fucking deserving, cold, dead hands?
Technically, it was ripped from yours.
Don't let this happen again. Continue to be you. You're crushing it. You see them? This is them. That's what they're doing. Being them and not allowing you to shine. You and I are on the same page, Chalamet.
You were robbed, again. And I was robbed, so...
We should get Timothy on this show.
Get him on here. Call him up!
Yeah, I'm gonna send an email.
I'll be honest with you, I'm furious. Like, not even joking.
I did not think I was gonna win that one. This was a shock to me. Especially when I started petitioning for Timothy Chalamet. But you know, it is what it is. Winners win, losers lose, and it is what it is.
And it is what it is. And like I was saying earlier, that these ones have fat asses? This motherfucker's got a butt-dong. So this shit is crazy. I appreciate it. I love the show, and thank you guys so much for an amazing year. All jokes aside... Show gone. Um... Like, this show gone.
It's still the show.
Well, I'm saying, this is our last episode.
Well, seriously, all jokes aside...
Let's be just very clear, of 2025.
Yeah, of 2025. No, we're still doing it. Last show of the year, do wanna honestly say that this has been a life-changing year. I mean, the last two years, for me and Frank, similar to Taylor Swift. You know what? I do deserve this. But similarly to Taylor Swift, the last two years have been very life-changing for me and Frank. And you know, we moved into this space, had a new studio set up and all this stuff, and it's been amazing. And now, Ant's on the show. Like, we were going through a lot of changes at the moment, and you guys have been so supportive and haven't wavered at all. And we appreciate that so much. And it's been so much fun. And like, I really look forward to the future and have no idea where we can take this. And it feels like we've been working for many years to get to this point.
But in a way, it also feels like the beginning of a next level, so it feels like we're just getting started. So, uh, we're very excited to kind of see what happens in the future, and you know, how far we're able to take this, but... It's fucking... It was a crazy year.
I finished, so.
Yeah, I think you should.
I'll cheers an empty glass.
You should chug the bottle, probably.
I think you should.
I'm not gonna chug the bottle.
I think you should chug your drink.
I got no more.
No, chug it.
I think you should swallow both. I don't wanna.
No, don't do that, dude. Jesus Christ. I think you should put a little champagne in there and top it off and chug it.
Now, we're talking about something that's probably disgusting. Are you gonna have some with me? Are you wearing lipstick? What is going on in that cup?
You know.
I think it's the dishwasher.
I was.
Also Frankie took a sip of this. He wears.
I took a sip through a straw, bitch.
To not mess up your lipstick.
No. I was going in with.
Do you want a little bit?
Treating you with much aplomb. Yeah, just the cheers at the end of the year. I was going in treating you with much aplomb and then you ripped that from my fucking hands.
Five aploms is definitely too many for an episode.
Well, folks, we are so appreciative. Uh, some of us are flabbergasted that we didn't win this, but thank you for 2025. If you celebrate the, this new year, some people are Jewish and some people are Chinese.
Jewish people have a different New Year, too?
What? No, they don't.
Yes, they do. Yeah.
Jewish people have a different New Year?
Yes. I, I don't wanna mess up the name of it, but I absolutely know that they do.
It looks like. I know that the Chinese have a different New Year. The Chinese New Year. What's up? It looks like my olives are like little jets.
What the fuck is going on in there? Bro, show him that.
Let me see it.
Yo, they're like moving and farting. It's like they have their little jets. Look, they're farting.
Isn't that?
Uh, it's called Rosh Hashanah. That's Jewish New Year.
That's their New Year?
Oh, I thought that was just like a, like a.
The Hebrew, it ushered in the Hebrew year 5,786.
Wait, what?
That's what it says.
5,000. Bro, we're in 2025.
5786. I don't make the rules, but whatever you celebrate, we wanna thank you for the love, for the support. We're excited for 2026 and we hope that you'll join us and maybe bring along some new friends while you're at it. So cheers.
Cheers. Cheers, big ears.
See, now he's insulting your ears, too.
That's a Keith thing, I think. Did he say that, too? I think. I think it's, my dad used to say that to us. Oh, well, that makes sense. Happy New Year, Merry, Happy Holidays, all that stuff.
Wow, yeah.
And we'll see ya in, we'll see ya next year.
See, now you gotta ruin it. I'll, let me sign it off.
And catch ya on the next year.
That was way worse.
Pink Panther's here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, booked just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com.
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