EP.268 - ADAM AND JOE

Adam shares a helping of face-to-face, NOT in front of a live audience, spicy Christmas waffle cake with his old friend Joe 'Cornballs' Cornish. Expect gift exchanging, Made Up Jokes, celebrity couple news, hand music, what to do if a dog shits on your lap during a job interview, Adam’s newly confident K-Pop musical direction and more… CONTAINS SOME FESTIVE BAD LANGUAGE AND MILD MULLED FILTH Conversation recorded face-to-face in London on 9 December 2025 Thanks to Séamus Murphy-Mitchell for additional editing. Thanks to Kid Klava https://kidklava.com/ for musical assistance on Adam’s Confident K-Pop song Listen to Adam's album 'Buckle Up' https://adambuxton.lnk.to/BuckleUp Order Adam's book 'I Love You Byeee' https://lnk.to/iloveyoubyeee_ Sign up for the newsletter on Adam's website https://www.adam-buxton.co.uk/ (scroll down on homepage) Podcast illustration by Helen Green https://helengreenillustration.com/ THE ADAM BUXTON BAND SPRING 2026 TOUR https://linktr.ee/theadambuxtonband On sale on Monday 29 December 2025 at 10:00 IF YOU CAN, PLEASE HELP MUSIC FOR ALL https://www.musicforall.org.uk/donate/become-a-champion/ ST MUNGO'S - HELPING END HOMELESSNESS https://www.mungos.org/buxton/ DONATE TO MSF https://msf.org.uk/adam-buxton-podcast PICS AND RELATED LINKS (ONhttps://www.adam-buxton.co.uk/ADAM'S WEBSITE https://www.adam-buxton.co.uk/podcasts/82dyw29p3may2fa-dwb79-eycgn-fahgj-8yxba-c6hde-7lne6-5kthd-7a97e-9s3a8-yy37e-8nxyt-fzl6s-dyzny-wax8b-7jyex-3wh2h-a7m2y-bxwlz-5srns-t9c3p) THE HAND MUSIC OF GRIPMASTER G https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYwKpZ6au8Y (MATCH OF THE DAY) - 2022 (YOUTUBE) GRIPMASTER G'S YOUTUBE PAGE https://youtube.com/@gripmasterg1354?si=CrS4937ja4a7pMkF ADAM AND JOE MOUNT ON TAPE NOTES PODCAST http://linktr.ee/tapenotes - 2025 (LINK TREE) ADAM ON SODAJERKER ON SONGWRITING PODCAST https://www.sodajerker.com/episode-308-adam-buxton/ - 2025 (SODAJERKER WEBSITE) MANY MEN SOUND SYSTEM - PODCAST THEME https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPJOJLijHgI - 2025 (YOUTUBE) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Adam Buxton?

  Hey, how you doing, Christmas podcasts? It's Adam Buxton here. On a very cold Christmas Eve, I'm here with Rosie. Say hello, Rosie. Adel patronize me, thank you. Apologize. Now, look, pre-jingle, I'm going to start with a message from Ben Jackson, who says, "Hi, Adam. This year, I've become the leader of a new male voice choir in Falmouth, Cornwall. We're called the Many Men Sound System, and we're a highly non-toxic group of men who sing a wide range of tunes from Jefferson Airplane to Hot Chip. And I conduct while holding a synth/drum machine, which gives us an unexpected electronic edge."

• 0:44Adam Buxton?

  I don't think any of us expected that, Ben. He continues, "One of the things I've done this year as a warm-up/icebreaker is I've adopted your theme song and arranged it for the choir. Basically, people say their names and then everyone else joins in with 'He's a Man.' Here's a couple of examples. My name is Ben Jackson.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  He's a man. He wants you to enjoy this, that's the plan.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  My name is Paul Lydon. He's a man. He wants you to enjoy this, that's the plan.

• 1:20Adam Buxton?

  There you go. Ben continues, "I've also done a full arrangement of your intro song with electronic backing, which we filmed and I've put it up as an unlisted YouTube video. There's a link in the description if you'd like to see them in action. All the best, Adam. Thanks for all your stuff. Hey, thanks, Ben." So here is the Many Men Sound System from Cornwall to play us in for the Christmas Podcast 2025.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  He added one more podcast to the giant podcast bin. Now you have plucked that podcast out and started listening. He took his microphone and...

• 2:12Adam Buxton?

  Hey, thank you very much. The highly non-toxic many man sound system. And a very Merry Christmas to all of you podcats wherever and whenever you happen to be listening to this. I hope this podcast finds you well. My wife informed me the other day, she doesn't like that phrase. Do you ever use that at the top of an email? I do. I hope this email finds you well. I quite like it. She doesn't like it. She thinks it's pointless and annoying. I thought that was a very strong opinion to have about starting an email with, I hope this finds you well. Anyway, there you go. That's my brand. Welcome to another pointless and annoying Christmas podcast.

• 2:53Adam Buxton?

  Wow, it's cold out here in Norfolk on a farm track on Christmas Eve 2025. I'm feeling uplifted on a number of levels. I like this time of year on the whole. And also today I had a very special thing happen, which was that yesterday at Castle Buckles, we were forced by my daughter to have a party for her and her friends. She's 17 years old and so that's the age group you're dealing with there. As any parent of teenage children knows, hosting a party for around 60 or 70

• 3:35Adam Buxton?

  of them guys is generally unrelaxing. This was a great group of people, I have to say, but when we were clearing up this morning in the barn where the party happened, and that's my main base of operations there across the way. There's a lot of my knickknacks and bits and pieces belonging to my parents are still around that area. And one of them is a small ceramic statue of Jesus Christ. And it belonged to my mum. She was quite religious.

• 4:10Adam Buxton?

  And I kept it on top of a shelf beneath the picture of Neil Armstrong on the moon.

• 4:16Adam Buxton?

  And you see it when you come in through the door to the barn. But this morning, no Jesus. And of course, there were a few other things that had been moved around or were missing. And I got a little bit sad about the idea that Jesus had been removed. Especially because it belonged to my mum.

• 4:38Adam Buxton?

  And I was thinking, what are they gonna do with Jesus anyway? My daughter phoned around. And just an hour or two ago, she came into my nutty room. Where I was editing the podcast. And she said the phrase that I never realised I would be so happy to hear from my teenage child. Dad, I found Jesus.

• 5:01Adam Buxton?

  For some reason, J C had been relocated to an outside wall. I don't know why, what they were doing, but anyway, I hope it brought them some joy and it certainly made me happy. To be reunited with Jesus. Now, look, I don't really need to spend time introducing my guest for this episode, number two hundred and sixty eight. But before we get into the festive waffle party with cornballs. I just have a few bits of exciting news for you. Headline, the Adam Buckston Band are touring a selection of intimate venues in the UK. So if you didn't get a chance to see us this year, then I hope you can come out.

• 5:43Adam Buxton?

  And enjoy some great, great music, tracks from my album Buckle Up, plus a few wonderful covers. And other bits and pieces with myself and various members of Metronomy. That's gonna be fun. But as I say, they're fairly small venues. So get in there fast. There's a link in the description. I was a guest on a couple of other podcasts recently, talking about the album, and those episodes have now dropped. I'm on the Tape Notes podcast once again, hosted by DJ John Kennedy, and myself and Joe Mount, the producer of Buckle Up, Joe Mount from Metronomy, chatted with John about how a few of the tracks from that album came together.

• 6:28Adam Buxton?

  We played some outtakes and some weird bits and pieces, it was good fun. And I talked about some of the other tracks on the record on Soda Jerker, that's another podcast I really love, Soda Jerker on Songwriting. It's hosted by two songwriters from Liverpool, Simon Barber and Brian O'Connor, and they have got an archive filled with over 300 episodes with incredible guests. Recent people on that podcast have included Mac DeMarco, Black Country New Road, Sharon Van Etten, Suggs, Self Esteem, Labby Sifry, Graham Nash, The Last Dinner Party, Richard Thompson, Sleater Kinney, Damon Albarn,

• 7:10Adam Buxton?

  they've all been on there. And now Adam Buxton has been on there. Anyway, links in the description to Soda Jerker and Tape Notes podcasts. All right, nearly there. One more thing before we get going. It is time to appeal very briefly to your festive generosity in support of a few organisations that are trying to make the world a better place. If you're able to support just one of these, I'd be grateful. But hey, look, if you're a wealthy podcat who would love to show your appreciation for the podcast in some way, why not go nuts and donate generously to all three of these? There's some links in the description to the International Humanitarian Organisation, Médecins Sans

• 7:51Adam Buxton?

  Frontières, or MSF, aka Doctors Without Borders. There's also the Music For All Charity. They work with disadvantaged individuals and with community groups, helping them access music-making opportunities. Help them pass on the magical, healing gift of music. And finally, it would be great if you could support St Mungo's. Homelessness and rough sleeping are sadly at their highest levels since records began.

• 8:23Adam Buxton?

  It's a terrible thing to see, but what can we do? Well, one thing is you could join me in supporting St Mungos. They're out there on the frontline every day. They're there right now, helping thousands of people, and your donation could provide someone who is sleeping rough with access to emergency accommodation, a hot meal, or whatever they need. Donations also help keep St Mungos teams out on the frontline. You'll find a link in the description to mungos.org/buxton, where you can find out more and donate what you can. It would be a wonderful Christmas gift, not just to St Mungos and the people they help, but to me too. Merry thank you. Okay, let's get to the festive waffle with

• 9:07Adam Buxton?

  Joe Cornballs Cornish, who I sat down with a couple of weeks ago as I speak, in mid-December 2025, and we caught up a little, exchanged a few gifts, and read out some jokes from the podcasts. Thank you so much if you sent bits and pieces in. Apologies if we didn't get to yours. I will be back for a brief goodbye at the end of the podcast, and I might give a few shout-outs to some of the messages we didn't get round to, but which I particularly enjoyed. But right now, with Joe Cornish, here we go, ho, ho.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Oh, it's so cosy in here, or it will be cosy when we light the fire.

• 10:27Adam Buxton?

  Are you gonna light the fire?

• 10:28Speaker 02

  I'm gonna light the fire.

• 10:29Adam Buxton?

  What are you using to burn?

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Well, I'm using the opposite of smokeless coal.

• 10:35Adam Buxton?

  Uh-huh.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Extra smoky coal. It's like smoky bacon.

• 10:38Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  It's very, very bad for the environment.

• 10:41Adam Buxton?

  Is it chilli-flavoured?

• 10:42Speaker 02

  It's chilli-flavoured Pringles smoky coal. It comes in tubes, tubes of, tubes of coal blocks. And then also, I'm gonna burn... Rare trees.

• 10:53Adam Buxton?

  Okay.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, like endangered ones.

• 10:56Adam Buxton?

  You know what I'm gonna burn?

• 10:57Speaker 02

  What?

• 10:57Adam Buxton?

  Books.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  That's very au courant. For the current global political climate. This is a very topical Christmas fire.

• 11:05Adam Buxton?

  It is.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  And very festive.

• 11:07Adam Buxton?

  Who cares about books? Come on. I mean, look, I like audiobooks. I don't know about you.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  Do you?

• 11:13Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Are they flammable?

• 11:14Adam Buxton?

  My ones are.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  They're so incendiary. Uh, a lot of your writing is very incendiary.

• 11:19Adam Buxton?

  Well, some people disagree. A friend of ours forwarded a little mention in The Times, I think, of my audiobook, and it was in a collection of audiobooks you should listen to.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  This is I Love You By?

• 11:32Adam Buxton?

  This is I Love You By by Adam Buxton, my second volume of memoirs. And it was generally a positive mention, but there was one line that said, "The book is really quite light."

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. That's not a bad thing.

• 11:43Adam Buxton?

  Is it not?

• 11:44Speaker 02

  People love light. They don't want heavy things.

• 11:47Adam Buxton?

  It didn't sound very positive. I was just thinking, like, I poured my flipping guts out.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:52Adam Buxton?

  There's some of my guts are in that audiobook and the actual pages of the physical book.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  But you're up against a lot of very depressing biographies, a lot of people who've really suffered terrible things in their lives.

• 12:02Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 12:03Speaker 02

  And you haven't done too badly comparatively speaking.

• 12:06Adam Buxton?

  Both my parents died.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that does happen.

• 12:08Adam Buxton?

  They both died. I'm an orphan.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Did they kill each other?

• 12:12Adam Buxton?

  They would have done if they'd lived a bit longer.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  That would have made better. That would have been a bit heavier.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  You should have thought of that before you wrote the biography.

• 12:21Adam Buxton?

  That's true. Okay, it's nice and cosy.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  The books are really going up lovely.

• 12:24Adam Buxton?

  Oh, they burn so well, those books, especially the really dry ones. The sort of textbooks, the poetry, the science books.

• 12:32Speaker 02

  A lot of your books are water damaged.

• 12:33Adam Buxton?

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Because you took so little care of them. And then they dried out again. So now the pages are separated in a really nice crispy way.

• 12:41Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  So they're going up beautifully.

• 12:43Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, some of them, back when I used to read books in the bath, that happens, doesn't it?

• 12:48Speaker 02

  Yes, it's a sign of a really well carefully read book to have a crinkly, crinkly, X-dabbed pages.

• 12:53Adam Buxton?

  And they burn so much better because the air gets between the pages.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, it's very warm and it's very Christmasy. We should say Merry Christmas to the listeners, shouldn't we?

• 13:02Adam Buxton?

  I mean, I probably will have said Merry Christmas in the intro.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, but we should say it.

• 13:06Adam Buxton?

  Oh, okay, from us both.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  I should say it. Merry Christmas, listeners.

• 13:08Adam Buxton?

  Oh, that's nice.

• 13:09Speaker 02

  We're in our Christmas shack. It's a few days before Christmas, shall we say.

• 13:13Adam Buxton?

  No, we're live.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Well, is it live?

• 13:15Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  I had no idea.

• 13:17Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, this is live.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Why did I not realise that? What's going on with me?

• 13:21Adam Buxton?

  This is live. The intro was recorded on maybe Christmas Eve or something.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  No wonder. That's why it's so shoddy.

• 13:27Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  There you go. Yeah, this is live on Christmas Day from the Christmas Shack and it's great to be here. And you know, in the last couple of years, we've done a live show, haven't we? Speaking of liveliness. From the Royal Festival Hall.

• 13:41Adam Buxton?

  From the festive whole hall.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  But this year, we're not doing it.

• 13:44Adam Buxton?

  Why not?

• 13:45Speaker 02

  Uh, well, I think you've been doing a lot of live stuff, right?

• 13:48Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  This year, and you're just a bit lived out.

• 13:51Adam Buxton?

  Definitely.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. And we thought we'd go back to the traditional way of doing this podcast, which is when we gave each other presents, or at least that's what I thought I'd do. As an excuse.

• 14:02Adam Buxton?

  I've got you presents.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  I've got you presents.

• 14:04Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  That's good. But usually also we do quite a lot of laborious audio.

• 14:09Adam Buxton?

  Yes, there's a bit of laborious. There's some fun audio.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Good.

• 14:14Adam Buxton?

  It's not too laborious. Well, one of them is very laborious. I haven't done any. That's okay. And.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  I'm speaking into my teacup out of shame.

• 14:22Adam Buxton?

  It's, it's podcast, it's Christmas podcast classic. It's two guys in a room with a fire. It's not a real fire, it's an audio fire.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  In the, at the North Pole, in the North Pole, at the North Pole.

• 14:34Adam Buxton?

  Up the North Pole.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  On the North Pole.

• 14:36Adam Buxton?

  Impaled on the North Pole.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  What a year, a year of Buckles Media saturation, a bestselling book all over the TV and radio. I mean, for a couple of months there, you were very difficult to avoid.

• 14:48Adam Buxton?

  I'm so sorry.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  You were popping up everywhere like a rash, like a bad stink.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  But it was a lot of fun and we did a, we did a fun thing together in Sheffield, didn't we? At the Sheffield Documentary Festival?

• 15:02Adam Buxton?

  That was great.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  The Doc Fest, Sheffield Doc Fest, that was fun.

• 15:06Adam Buxton?

  We played a load of clips from the Adam and Joe Show.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:09Adam Buxton?

  You were on excellent form. You were very funny. You did a bit of roasting of me and of the clips.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:16Adam Buxton?

  It was good. Maybe we should do that again. I hope so. I mean.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  Well, we're thinking of doing something next year, right? Cause next year will be the. 30th.

• 15:24Adam Buxton?

  30th anniversary.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  Anniversary of the Adam and Joe Show in December 96. So maybe we'll do something live next year.

• 15:31Adam Buxton?

  That would be fun.

• 15:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:32Adam Buxton?

  Because that was a really enjoyable night. And I went and dug up a load of clips that we haven't shown quite so often. And I even thought that maybe we could do a redux, re-digitize some of the old toy movies and get them all shiny.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Like digitally enhance them.

• 15:48Adam Buxton?

  Get Peter Jackson to do Titanic.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Mate. Peter?

• 15:53Adam Buxton?

  Peter doesn't say mate.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Uh, he doesn't say mate. No.

• 15:58Adam Buxton?

  What does he say?

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Uh, he says, he says hobbit.

• 16:01Adam Buxton?

  Hobbit.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Hobbit.

• 16:02Adam Buxton?

  Chops. I haven't asked you about your year.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  What a year I've had.

• 16:07Adam Buxton?

  How has your year been?

• 16:09Speaker 02

  My year's been good. My year's involved a lot of screenwriting.

• 16:12Adam Buxton?

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  And a lot of, like, pushing projects along. It's been a slightly frustrating year, I've got to say. It's been a year when everything seemed to take ages to happen.

• 16:22Adam Buxton?

  Hmm.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? Slow progress on lots of big things. But between all of that, I had a lot of fun. Few holidays, quite a lot of theatre.

• 16:32Adam Buxton?

  Oh.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  I've seen Matilda the Musical four times.

• 16:36Adam Buxton?

  Holy Moses, in one year?

• 16:37Speaker 02

  No, but I saw it twice last year. Yeah, I saw it twice last year. I saw it once before my daughter was born, once when she was little, and then twice in 25.

• 16:51Adam Buxton?

  Hmm.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  The last time I saw it, can you believe they skipped a whole number?

• 16:57Adam Buxton?

  By accident?

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Well, there's a number in that musical where she arrives at the school. Have you seen it?

• 17:02Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  It's really good. Do you remember they slide out this big, the gates of the school?

• 17:06Adam Buxton?

  It's spectacular.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  And it's the song where they go through the alphabet.

• 17:09Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  Very cleverly, lyrically, and they're sliding these wooden blocks with A, B, C, D, E, F, G on them and climbing up them. It's brilliant.

• 17:17Adam Buxton?

  It's the first big show showcase number.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  That simply didn't happen.

• 17:20Adam Buxton?

  What?

• 17:20Speaker 02

  There was a blackout, there was a pause slightly longer than usual, and then you were just into Mrs. Trunchbull, Miss Trunchbull, and that song, whatever.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  And the audience kind of didn't notice it, but we noticed it.

• 17:36Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 17:37Speaker 02

  So I went to the lady, one of the ushers at the interval and said, hey, did they miss out a song? And she said, yes. I said, oh yeah, why? She said, technical difficulties. And I said, okay. Are they gonna make an announcement or anything? She said, no.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  Cause you think about it, of course, cause then everyone would ask for their money back.

• 18:02Adam Buxton?

  That's right. They don't wanna draw attention to it.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they just had a technical thing and of course the show must go on.

• 18:07Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  So they just kept going, but I felt I had a right to ask for maybe, I mean, they're quite expensive, those tickets.

• 18:14Adam Buxton?

  Absolutely.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  Maybe fifteen quid back.

• 18:17Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Price of the ticket divided by the number of musical numbers.

• 18:20Adam Buxton?

  Absolutely.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:21Adam Buxton?

  You should have said, oh, okay. Well, look, there's been a little technical problem with my credit card. Because I appear to have paid the full price for the show that doesn't have one of the main numbers in it.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:34Adam Buxton?

  So if you could just sort that out, that would be great. And do it in like that patronizing passive aggressive voice.

• 18:40Speaker 02

  Yes, I'm very good at that.

• 18:41Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 18:41Speaker 02

  The other thing you notice when you go to a musical, a lot of, a lot of times like.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  They do those things a lot, right? Eight times a week. So like the guy, I guess I shouldn't name names, but one of the characters in it was clearly sort of, uh, he's spoken quite a heavy Cockney accent. And it's noticeable how relaxed he was becoming and how fast he was doing his lines. To the extent that you couldn't really understand what he was saying. And the audience were like, they were sort of, the melody of it was amusing.

• 19:17Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  But you're like, fucking hell, slow down. It was odd. But apparently that's what they do like, cause the director isn't there every night. So after the press night and say the first week, things start sort of slipping. Do you know what I mean? And actors start like doing it sort of how they wanna do it. And not necessarily how the director sort of corralled them into doing it.

• 19:40Adam Buxton?

  Come on, guys.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Come on, guys.

• 19:42Adam Buxton?

  Was this the same night they missed out the song?

• 19:45Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah.

• 19:46Adam Buxton?

  Wow.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:47Adam Buxton?

  What else happened? Did they just start like improvising stuff?

• 19:51Speaker 02

  No, it was pretty good. It's a really, really good show. It's a pretty flawless show.

• 19:55Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, of course.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  But if you do the same thing every night, but like, how long's that show been going on? Like 10 years?

• 20:01Adam Buxton?

  Long.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  Six years? A long time. I mean, it's kind of mad, isn't it? Sort of like being trapped in an insane like Groundhog Day.

• 20:09Adam Buxton?

  It's not the same cast, though.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  No, no, no. I think the transball actor's been doing it for a long time. He's really good. And Miss Honey's really, really good as well. I mean, it's really good. But you do the same thing that often over and over again.

• 20:26Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  And it must drive you slightly mental, mustn't it?

• 20:29Adam Buxton?

  I'm sure. That's why you have a bit of crack.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Little bit of crack cocaine.

• 20:33Adam Buxton?

  Hey, you know who I met this year and I interviewed him at a book show? Was Nigel Planer.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've worked with Mr. Planer.

• 20:41Adam Buxton?

  That's right. He was in.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  He was in Lockwood and Co.

• 20:44Adam Buxton?

  Yeah. Yeah. It was really quite exciting to meet him.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Yes. Nice guy, right?

• 20:48Adam Buxton?

  Such a nice guy. We had a great chat. I was being interviewed about my book at the same festival. They said, look, Nigel Planer's here. He's got a book out. It's called Young Once, and it's about his whole career, but it focuses a lot on the amazing comic strip stuff and the young ones. And I said, yeah, great. I'd love to interview him. And it was really fun. We got along. I would say like a house on fire.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  Really?

• 21:12Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  He's a very convivial man. And he likes talking about his, uh, you know, he's not cagey about talking about the young ones either, which is nice.

• 21:20Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, he was very candid, talked about the bad times as well as the good ones, but in a non-depressing way. And he was really funny and sharp. And I had a great moment, the moment you dream of as an interviewer, which I wasn't expecting. At one point, I mentioned a bit that I particularly loved from The Young Ones that's always stuck in my mind. And in fact, I talked to Charlie Brooker about it when Charlie Brooker was on the podcast. And we both found that we loved this same bit from The Young Ones. When there's a little comic interlude fantasy sequence or whatever. And it's Nigel Planer and someone else playing some cheesy Las Vegas type entertainers.

• 22:01Adam Buxton?

  And they're singing, well, I'm tying my dog to the railroad track. Does this ring any bells?

• 22:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 22:08Adam Buxton?

  Choo choo train's gonna break his back. They sing this weird, sick little song in the style of these Las Vegas crooners. And so I mentioned that to Nigel and said, oh, I always loved that bit. And he's like, I wrote that bit. And he said, yeah, that was, that was my bit. And I was like, oh, cool. And then we started singing it together.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  No.

• 22:28Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, it was great. So that was a highlight for me this year. Hey, look, we've got presents.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Prezi time.

• 22:33Adam Buxton?

  Not only do we have presents, but we have messages from you, the podcast. Thank you so much for sending them in.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  And made up jokes.

• 22:40Adam Buxton?

  And made up jokes, all sorts of bits and pieces of communication.

• 22:44Speaker 02

  You know, talking of made up jokes, I dreamt a made up joke.

• 22:47Adam Buxton?

  Did you?

• 22:47Speaker 02

  I did, yeah. Do you want to hear it?

• 22:49Adam Buxton?

  Yes, please.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  What do you call the third movie in a series of movies about a gang of magicians? Who do heists and smoke heavily? Now, this came to me in a dream. Like Frankenstein came to Mary Shelley in a dream.

• 23:03Adam Buxton?

  Really?

• 23:03Speaker 02

  A lot of the metaphysical poets dreamt a lot of their best material.

• 23:07Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  So this is like that.

• 23:09Adam Buxton?

  Okay.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  Things that come to you in dreams are always great.

• 23:12Adam Buxton?

  That's true, yeah.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  Aren't they?

• 23:14Adam Buxton?

  I mean, not me, no, not for me.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Like Freddy Krueger? And Robin Williams in the film In Dreams?

• 23:22Adam Buxton?

  What dreams may come.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Anyway, so I'll give you this setup again.

• 23:24Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  What do you call the third movie in a series of movies about a gang of magicians? Who do heists and smoke heavily?

• 23:33Speaker 02

  Okay. Now you emph- now you empha- now you empha- now you empha- see me three. Now you empha- see me three.

• 23:42Adam Buxton?

  Empha- see me, not empha- see ma.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  Now you empha- now you see me, isn't that the name of the film? Now you empha- see me three. In the dream, it was really good.

• 23:53Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  For some reason, in the dream, that little bit at the end wasn't a problem.

• 23:57Adam Buxton?

  And it's the idea.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Now you went for Seema.

• 23:59Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Three was not, doesn't land.

• 24:02Adam Buxton?

  No.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  But now you went for see me three does land.

• 24:05Adam Buxton?

  Okay, say it rhymes.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, and it's important that it's the third one, because then there's an extra rhyme on it on the end as well.

• 24:12Adam Buxton?

  That's a fun joke, man. That's always nice to have.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  It came to me. Have I made it clear? It came to me in a dream.

• 24:16Adam Buxton?

  Yes, yes. Wow. You must have woken up and been really excited to, because it's quite dark. But it's also very funny.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a lot of my subconscious concerns. I don't smoke, but obviously somewhere deep down, the fact that I used to smoke is worrying me.

• 24:31Adam Buxton?

  Sure, of course.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. Pretty good, though, huh?

• 24:35Adam Buxton?

  Amazing stuff.

• 24:36Speaker 02

  Amazing.

• 24:37Adam Buxton?

  That's really good. Are we gonna have more jokes right now?

• 24:39Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 24:40Adam Buxton?

  Okay, well, we should do the jingle.

• 24:42Speaker 04

  I'm a funny person. I often make up jokes. My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks. When you hear my joke, I think you'll find that you agree. Come on, you're all invited to a made up joke party.

• 25:01Adam Buxton?

  Okay, here's one that really made me laugh. This is from Peter from the Highlands. And Peter says, this was written 18 years ago whilst interrailing around Eastern Europe. What happens when a badly behaved child from Slovakia falls into a volcano?

• 25:19Speaker 02

  I don't know. What happens when a badly behaved child falls into a volcano?

• 25:23Adam Buxton?

  From Slovakia.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Important, from Slovakia.

• 25:26Adam Buxton?

  Bratislava.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 25:29Adam Buxton?

  Brat is lava.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  The brat.

• 25:30Adam Buxton?

  The brat.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Becomes lava.

• 25:32Adam Buxton?

  Turns into lava, having fallen into the volcano.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  That's very good.

• 25:35Adam Buxton?

  And Bratislava is a place from in Slovenia.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Written 18 years ago. What has stopped Peter from the Highlands from sending that in over the last 18 years? Why this year?

• 25:48Adam Buxton?

  Are you sure it's not some sort of cover for some sort of volcano-based child murder that's actually happened?

• 25:55Adam Buxton?

  He pushed a child into a volcano just so he could do that joke.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  I think it happened accidentally. And then he made up the joke so that people would think, no, he couldn't have done that because he wouldn't have sent that joke in. You know, hiding in plain salt.

• 26:08Adam Buxton?

  Right, okay, yeah. What kind of murderer does a joke that good about a crime they've committed?

• 26:14Speaker 02

  A cold-blooded genius.

• 26:16Adam Buxton?

  Bratislava.

• 26:18Adam Buxton?

  Have you got one?

• 26:18Speaker 02

  Uh, sure, I've got one. Let's have a look. La la la la la. Here we go. Dear A B and J C. This year, I tried learning French. I did not succeed, but in the process, I did come up with some spectacular puns. My worst offence is below. I told it to a French person once. She hasn't spoke to me since, though I believe this to be unrelated to the joke. Here comes a joke. Are you ready?

• 26:41Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  What did the French man say when he was sad that he couldn't find his olive oil?

• 26:50Adam Buxton?

  I don't know.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  I've lost the will to live.

• 26:53Adam Buxton?

  Oh.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  That was quite good.

• 26:56Adam Buxton?

  Oui, huile d'olive.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Will to live, said in a French accent. Merry Christmas and bye, Natalie from April du durn. Ap- appel d'urn. Can you see that? Can you say that? Ap- appel d'urn. I'm finding that harder to say than the actual joke, which I thought I did very well.

• 27:15Adam Buxton?

  Yeah. Hu- huile d'olive. I've lost the will to live. I've lost the will to live.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  That's good. And as you know, listeners, the test of these jokes is are they genuinely made up? You know, a lot of the jokes that were sent, one senses have been told before because they're kind of too obvious. So the sign of a good joke is sort of a tortured contextualisation, or the necessity of tortured contextualisation.

• 27:40Adam Buxton?

  I Googled made up jokes the other day because I checked the provenance of some of these.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 27:46Adam Buxton?

  And in so doing, I used the phrase made up jokes and I ended up on a Reddit thread. And they just called them dad jokes.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Well, hmm, that's flattering to dads.

• 28:00Adam Buxton?

  I think that's slightly different, isn't it? Like dad jokes are sort of...

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Jokes come from dads. If you do the etymology of a joke, it's probably from a dad.

• 28:09Adam Buxton?

  Why do you think that is? If you're gonna unpack it.

• 28:11Speaker 02

  Because dads are making a lot of effort to impress. You know, they're not really necessary in any other way, are they?

• 28:17Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  For the survival of a child.

• 28:18Adam Buxton?

  Yes, yes. Your mum suckles you and gives birth to you.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, and generally protects and cares for you in your early years.

• 28:25Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 28:26Speaker 02

  Your dad has to justify his existence. So why not cracker corker, corker cracker? That's very sexist theory and it's obviously not true.

• 28:37Adam Buxton?

  I don't think it's sexist. If it's sexist, it's sexist against men.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's like the old canard that, um, you know, women can't do comedy.

• 28:44Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yeah, but you're not implying that. There's one or two very funny women.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  I think I am on a very profound sort of Stone Age primordial level.

• 28:53Adam Buxton?

  I mean, it's so manifestly, right, okay, you wanted to deal tackle with it.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  I just wanted to make it clear that I don't really believe that.

• 29:00Adam Buxton?

  No one believes that anymore.

• 29:01Speaker 02

  Okay, good. That was good, though. Nathan, that was very good. Even though I can't say where you're from, Appeldoen.

• 29:09Adam Buxton?

  Google it.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  I'm gonna Google it.

• 29:10Adam Buxton?

  Google it. No one says, what's the other search engine?

• 29:14Speaker 02

  Chat GTP.

• 29:16Adam Buxton?

  GPT.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  GPT. Or my daughter and I call it Jacqueline Pepe.

• 29:22Adam Buxton?

  That's a good egg, corn.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Shall we ask Jacqueline Pepe?

• 29:25Adam Buxton?

  Do you check facts with Jacqueline Pepe?

• 29:27Speaker 02

  We enjoy Piku Niku on the Nintendo Switch, too. What other games might we also enjoy?

• 29:31Adam Buxton?

  Right, okay.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  That's what we ask Jacqueline Pepe. And she always comes up with the goods. And she does have quite a male voice. Do you have the male voice on Chat GPT?

• 29:40Adam Buxton?

  I have. Jacqueline Pepe hasn't been speaking to me. I've never even.

• 29:42Speaker 02

  You don't use the voice? It's the most annoying voice. I mean, if they'd actually.

• 29:47Adam Buxton?

  How do you turn the voice on?

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Millions of pounds of research to get the most annoying voice. It's a sort of awful, sort of Southern Californian, laid-back vocal fry voice.

• 29:55Adam Buxton?

  How do you turn the voice on?

• 29:57Speaker 02

  There's a little speaker symbol at the bottom of the app.

• 30:00Speaker 05

  Appeldorn is a city in the Netherlands located in the province of Gelderland. It sits roughly ninety kilometers east of Amsterdam, forty kilometers south of Zwolle. On the edge of the Velua, a large forested nature reserve. It's known for.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  Okay, whatever. You've got a nicer voice than me.

• 30:19Adam Buxton?

  So there you go. That's how you pronounce Appeldorn, and it's in the Netherlands.

• 30:23Speaker 02

  It sounds lovely.

• 30:24Adam Buxton?

  Does sound nice.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  I'd like to be there now.

• 30:27Adam Buxton?

  Okay, I made up a joke.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 30:30Adam Buxton?

  See what you think of this. Can't believe that no one's ever done this one before. What's the opposite of a hijack?

• 30:37Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't know. Bye, Jack. Right. I mean, that's like- That's good, that's good, because it flipped the mental imagery in my head. I was thinking of like a LoJack. Yes, LoJack. And I was still in the sort of cops and robbers milieu. And you just flipped it into just a casual greeting to a guy called Jack. That's why it's such a good joke. Who is not in the criminal fraternity at all. No, it's nothing heavy like a- Hi, Jack. Like an armed heist or anything like that. That's very good. Bye, Jack. Very good. Thank you. That's very good, well done. It's not as good as now you went for see me three.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  But it's good. It's not as dark. I made up another one. What? I might have told you this one before. What did the Blue Peter presenter say when showing the audience how to neuter a cat? Um. You should be able to figure this one out. Come on, Christmas listeners, who can figure this out? It's a fun parlour game for podcast listeners. Say the setup again. What did the Blue Peter presenter say when showing the audience how to neuter a cat?

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Um, here's one I spayed earlier. Yes. That's good, come on, that's good, look at that smile, he's smiling. He's smiling, a real Santa smile with little rosy cheeks. Pushed up by the buckle smile. That's good, here's one I spayed earlier. I mean, that's dark as well, if you actually picture it on an episode of Blue Peter. But they did all sorts of edgy things on Blue Peter in the seventies. They didn't do that. They didn't do that, but it was a thin line between- They didn't do surgery. Pushing, pushing presenters off cliffs and showing you how to spay your cat at home. If they ca- does Blue Peter still exist? Yes. Does it? I think so, yeah. They'd probably do that sort of thing now. Probably.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  Probably. All right.

• 33:09Adam Buxton?

  I think it's time we had a present, don't you?

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's gonna give a prezzy first? Who's gonna receive first? I feel like I wanna give you a prezzy first.

• 33:16Adam Buxton?

  Your stack is bigger than mine.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Here, have this one.

• 33:19Adam Buxton?

  Oh, thank you so much.

• 33:20Speaker 02

  Adam's taking the parcel. Do you like that festive wrapping paper?

• 33:24Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, brown, utilitarian.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  Very environmentally sound.

• 33:29Adam Buxton?

  Definitely.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  Traditional parcel paper.

• 33:33Adam Buxton?

  Thank you. This is so nice and exciting.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  I was thinking you could use these during the record.

• 33:42Adam Buxton?

  Okay.

• 33:45Adam Buxton?

  So, this is two little boxes. One of them says, "Tiny violin soundtrack for your sob story."

• 33:55Adam Buxton?

  And the other one says, "Toot your own horn, if I do say so myself." So I'll open the tiny violin first.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  My thinking was that it was a shame you didn't have them while you were recording your audiobook.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  Because if there was a paragraph where you felt sorry for yourself,

• 34:13Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  you could have played the little violin. And then if you were name dropping, or maybe, uh, writing about a triumph, you could toot the horn.

• 34:22Adam Buxton?

  Well, I could, I mean, I could...

• 34:23Speaker 02

  Do you want me to open one of them for you?

• 34:24Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, that'd be great. You do toot the horn.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  It's even got a little stand here.

• 34:29Adam Buxton?

  Oh, this is great. All right, this is the tiny violin that I've got here. Oh God, it actually works when you do the...

• 34:35Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 34:36Adam Buxton?

  The bow.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I guess it does. Yeah, because you press down. Yeah, there you go.

• 34:40Adam Buxton?

  That's amazing. All right, here we go. Um, so this is a bit from "I Love You Bye." Uh, this is me looking at photographs of my dead parents. "I was sure I knew too what was going on in my nine-month-old head in the photograph. I would have been feeling that Mum and Dad were just the absolute shit, just the most fun, interesting, great-looking people in the world. And now, they're gone. Not just a few hundred miles away, but removed from the whole universe. Photos of violence."

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Now do a little horn toot. Because in a way, that's quite self-aggrandizing.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  I mean, it's so maudlin itself, a grand idea.

• 35:23Adam Buxton?

  It's from my book.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Can you do them both at once?

• 35:28Speaker 02

  There you are. That's the TLDR for, uh, I love you, bye.

• 35:35Adam Buxton?

  Can you describe your book in sound?

• 35:44Speaker 02

  It's funny, because it's true. Isn't it?

• 35:52Adam Buxton?

  That's what I should say to Anthony Hopkins. I read his book. It's called You Done Good, Son, or something like that. I really loved it.

• 36:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've read some reviews saying it was good. Like, well, he was diagnosed with something, wasn't he, recently?

• 36:05Adam Buxton?

  ADHD, yeah, yeah.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:07Adam Buxton?

  And, um, it is quite melancholy, the book. It's very definitely quite a lot of that going on.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  That's what people want.

• 36:16Adam Buxton?

  And not too much. In fact, not enough.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  No, he hasn't. He hasn't done all. He's not known for his comedy, though, is he? Has he ever done a comedy?

• 36:25Adam Buxton?

  That's true. I don't think he has done. He's a heavy guy, in the best possible way.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  Quite good little, um, little novelty toys, though.

• 36:31Adam Buxton?

  Brilliant. Fantastic presents.

• 36:33Speaker 02

  At this stage in the game. God, you're good at presents. Well. I mean, you really are good. Gotcha. Was that Hopkins talking? Oh, you're good. God, you're good at. No, that was started in your. You're damn good. You're damn good. It's got to be a bit Welsh. God, you're God, you're good. Good presents. You're very good. I'm okay, but not great. I'm okay. Sounds American. What? Sounds American. No, no, that's Welsh. Okay. It is. Yes, that's. Thanks for the tip off.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  What I'm doing now is Welsh. I think you should, I think, and this is me directing you now, I think to make that clear, you just have to add the line. I'm Welsh. I'm Welsh. At the end.

• 37:16Adam Buxton?

  I, I come from the valleys. I'm Welsh. The valleys. I come from the valleys. The valleys. He was a coal miner for a long time. A coal miner. I'm Welsh.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  Thanks, man. That was an amazing present.

• 37:29Adam Buxton?

  Hey, feel free to use them as the podcast progresses.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay. This is an actual nice present.

• 37:37Adam Buxton?

  Really?

• 37:38Speaker 02

  That I hope you don't have. And if you don't like it personally, you can re-gift and maybe give it to your daughter.

• 37:43Adam Buxton?

  That's lovely. How very thoughtful.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  Well, I'm ripping open the lovely sparkly Christmas tree paper. And it's padded. It's a some sort of a box and it's padded and it's quite heavy. I think this might be a musical instrument because it's in a sort of lovely leathery padded case with two little silver.

• 38:00Adam Buxton?

  That's faux leather.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  Fasteners, yes.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. So this, listeners, is like in a lovely cushioned velvet box. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven harmonicas.

• 38:13Adam Buxton?

  You got all the different notes there.

• 38:18Adam Buxton?

  Beautiful.

• 38:21Adam Buxton?

  Are you quite good on the harmonica?

• 38:23Speaker 02

  Do you know what? I've always thought I would be.

• 38:25Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 02

  I've never put in any effort into it. And we've only got little plastic ones at home.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  Are you, so if you play a tune on a harmonica, are you supposed to be able to play the whole tune on one harmonica? Or am I supposed to swap them out depending on?

• 38:38Adam Buxton?

  I've never seen anyone swapping them out. I think most songs are in one key, right? So you find the harmonica that's appropriate to the key your song is in.

• 38:51Adam Buxton?

  What key is that?

• 38:53Speaker 02

  Hang on a second.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  We are on a pirate ship. Are we now? So why are we suddenly on a pirate ship?

• 39:04Adam Buxton?

  Were you trying to do Captain Pogwash?

• 39:06Speaker 02

  I don't know. It just came to me. Sometimes when you're gifted. When you're gifted in a particular instrument.

• 39:12Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 39:13Speaker 02

  It's not, it's not an intellectual process. It's instinctive.

• 39:16Adam Buxton?

  It's organic.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  Oh, talk about now you emphasi me three. It's my laugh.

• 39:28Speaker 06

  How are you doing? Are you just going tiddly-titty?

• 39:37Speaker 06

  He's turned it into a vocoder.

• 39:41Speaker 06

  This is going better than I could have possibly imagined.

• 39:52Speaker 06

  Which, tell us which keys they're in. Says on the end.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  Oh yes, that's an A.

• 39:58Speaker 06

  Find the C one, maybe you can play along with a song.

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Okay, I think that's probably a bad idea.

• 40:08Speaker 06

  Even on road trips when we didn't fight, I'd be annoyed with you all through the night, knowing you'd skip a great song that I'd picked because you'd declare it was shy. Solo.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a beautiful present, man.

• 40:43Speaker 06

  It's quite nice, isn't it?

• 40:44Speaker 02

  That's incredible.

• 40:45Speaker 06

  Have them in a little set like that.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  It is terrible though, I apologise to listeners, because there's nothing worse than somebody who can't play an instrument, playing an instrument.

• 40:53Speaker 06

  Don't say that, because that really does describe me in my entire career.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  I had a party and we had, well, we had some friends around once, and a friend of mine bought, you know, somebody along who that we didn't know very well.

• 41:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  And I got the guitar out, started playing some Bowie, you know, out of chord books.

• 41:10Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  And singing along. And after about 10 minutes, we noticed this guy had gone. And we thought he'd gone to the loo, but then more time, but after about an hour, we realised he'd like gone, he hadn't come back. And we thought, well, that's a long time in the loo. And we knew that the internal door, because we lived in a flat at the time, we knew the internal door, which was down some steps, was double locked. So he couldn't have got out of the flats. So where's he gone? So we went looking for him and he was literally sitting like a cat whose cat flap had broken, outside the internal door, trying to get out. Because he couldn't stand.

• 41:47Adam Buxton?

  The guitar.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  The guitar and the amateur hour Bowie singing.

• 41:51Adam Buxton?

  Oh, wow. That's a bit much.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  It is a bit much, but it can be painful. But that's a beautiful gift. Thank you very much. That looks expensive. It looks more expensive than the blow your own, toot your own horn and, and mini violin set.

• 42:04Adam Buxton?

  I'm guessing it was, but I did feel like, the thing is about this time of year, is that it's also your birthday.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  That's very true. Well, that's an incredible present. Thank you very much. And there's going to be a lot, a lot more harmonica in my life generally and my work.

• 42:18Adam Buxton?

  I feel like you could be really good on that instrument.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  A troubadour.

• 42:42Speaker 02

  So, listen, it's been a big year for celebrity couples. And I'd like just to know what you, Adam Buxton, what your predictions are for some of our favourite celebrity couples next year.

• 42:56Adam Buxton?

  Okay.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  And it's just going to shoot you some names, okay, and get your response. Diddy and Fiddy.

• 43:01Adam Buxton?

  Diddy and Fiddy.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:03Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yeah, okay. I just, I actually do know who they are.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:08Adam Buxton?

  Uh, Diddy's in Do Do.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Why is Diddy in Do Do? What did Fiddy do to Diddy to get him into Do Do?

• 43:13Adam Buxton?

  Because Fiddy done.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  Fiddy done the doco.

• 43:16Adam Buxton?

  Uh, Fiddy done a doco, Diddy the baddie.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Diddy the baddie, done a lot of baddies.

• 43:21Adam Buxton?

  He done a load of baddies.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  According to Fiddy, Fiddy produced it.

• 43:24Adam Buxton?

  Produced what?

• 43:25Speaker 02

  The documentary.

• 43:26Adam Buxton?

  About Diddy?

• 43:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:27Adam Buxton?

  Diddy?

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, have you watched it?

• 43:29Adam Buxton?

  Fiddy Diddy.

• 43:29Speaker 02

  He Diddy.

• 43:30Adam Buxton?

  Did Fiddy?

• 43:31Speaker 02

  And you know who else is involved?

• 43:33Adam Buxton?

  Fiddy Diddy Diddy.

• 43:33Speaker 02

  Dodi, Ken Dodi.

• 43:35Adam Buxton?

  Oh, my goddy.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Dodi, Diddy and Fiddy.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  Apparently, Dottie's making a documentary about the Fiddy Diddy feud.

• 43:44Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  With his tickle stick.

• 43:45Adam Buxton?

  On his body.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Dottie's body, yeah, Dottie's tickle stick on his body, making the doco about Fiddy and Diddy.

• 43:56Adam Buxton?

  Is it appropriate to be laughing at this?

• 43:58Speaker 02

  But what?

• 43:59Adam Buxton?

  Diddy. Anything Diddy, but anything Diddy related. I mean, we're just, we're literally.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Do you know who else is involved?

• 44:09Speaker 02

  Noddy. Noddy and Dottie and Fiddy and Diddy. Okay, you ready for another celebrity couple?

• 44:19Speaker 02

  Because I feel we've learned a lot about that. About that one.

• 44:25Speaker 02

  What about?

• 44:29Speaker 02

  What about Timmy and Kylie?

• 44:33Adam Buxton?

  I don't even, I mean, I'm assuming Kylie is Monogue?

• 44:35Speaker 02

  No, no. Oh.

• 44:37Adam Buxton?

  Oh, Jenna?

• 44:38Speaker 02

  Yes. And Timmy?

• 44:40Adam Buxton?

  Shalame?

• 44:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 44:42Adam Buxton?

  What have they got to do with each other?

• 44:43Speaker 02

  They're together.

• 44:44Adam Buxton?

  Are they?

• 44:44Speaker 02

  They're an item, wearing lurid.

• 44:46Adam Buxton?

  Kylie Jenner.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  Orange tracksuits and things.

• 44:50Adam Buxton?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  What do you think 26 holds for Timmy and Kylie?

• 44:53Adam Buxton?

  Each other's parts?

• 44:57Adam Buxton?

  That's, I apologize to everyone.

• 45:00Speaker 02

  Timmy does very well to be, he's a very good actor and he does well to be taken seriously as an actor. But also to be a kind of figure of sort of zany paparazzi fun. Do you know what I mean?

• 45:13Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yeah. He ticks all the boxes.

• 45:14Speaker 02

  On the, in the olden days, actors, serious actors, wouldn't really want to be sort of seen in that sort of tabloid-y, zingy, sexy, he's sort of like a pop star actor.

• 45:25Adam Buxton?

  What's the film with George Clooney called Jay something or other?

• 45:28Speaker 02

  Jay Kelly.

• 45:29Adam Buxton?

  Jay Kelly. Maybe you should watch that because that's what fame used to be like.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  I have watched that.

• 45:33Adam Buxton?

  Right?

• 45:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:34Adam Buxton?

  Is it just like being dipped in golden celebrity juice?

• 45:38Speaker 02

  What it made me feel is how difficult it is to be very famous and wealthy.

• 45:43Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  And a film star is.

• 45:44Adam Buxton?

  Really?

• 45:45Speaker 02

  Yes, really difficult.

• 45:46Adam Buxton?

  Because I thought it would be fun.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  No, no, no. You don't get to see your kids and it's awful.

• 45:49Adam Buxton?

  Really?

• 45:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's awful.

• 45:51Adam Buxton?

  But I thought, I assumed that you'd make a lot of money, you have lots of fun.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  Yes, tick.

• 45:56Adam Buxton?

  You go in a pool.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  Yes, tick.

• 45:58Adam Buxton?

  You get a big car.

• 45:59Speaker 02

  Yes, tick.

• 45:59Adam Buxton?

  And then it's all fun.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  No, but when your kids are doing a little, like a little show for you, you have to go. To to be on set and it's very, it's very difficult.

• 46:10Adam Buxton?

  What about your sense of your own self? I I would imagine that it's pretty good.

• 46:14Speaker 02

  Because you're playing so many other people, you forget who you are.

• 46:17Adam Buxton?

  Oh.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  It's all, it's really awful. I think it's possibly one of the worst jobs in the world. In terms of human suffering.

• 46:24Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. What about Zenny and Tommy?

• 46:27Adam Buxton?

  Zenny and Tommy. Okay, so this is Zendaya.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 46:32Adam Buxton?

  And Tommy Lee Jones.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  No.

• 46:36Adam Buxton?

  Tommy.

• 46:37Speaker 02

  Tommy's Spider.

• 46:38Adam Buxton?

  Spider Tom. Higher Huddlestone.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  Who plays Spiderman?

• 46:43Adam Buxton?

  Who plays Spiderman? Henderson. Holland.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Tom Holland, son of a British comedian.

• 46:47Adam Buxton?

  That's right.

• 46:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:49Adam Buxton?

  They're going out.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  They're definitely going out. That I think, are they married? They they were engaged. I'm not sure whether they're married. Maybe Jacqueline Peepy can tell us.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  I think.

• 47:00Adam Buxton?

  Does it respond to Jacqueline Peepy?

• 47:02Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, mine does now because we've called it, we've called him Jacqueline Peepy so much.

• 47:08Adam Buxton?

  I like Jacqueline Peepy. Um, is Zendaya and Tom Holland going out? Is there, are they?

• 47:18Speaker 02

  It's a good start. That's a very modern, that's just a very modern moment. Is Zendaya and Tom Holland going out, are they?

• 47:32Adam Buxton?

  How do you make us saying it to your phone?

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Hey. I think that just saying that to your phone might have made you young again.

• 47:39Speaker 05

  Appeldorn is a city in the Netherlands located in the province of Gelderland.

• 47:43Adam Buxton?

  We've done that one. Uh, okay, all right, it's down here.

• 47:49Speaker 05

  Good question. As of now, yes, Zendaya and Tom Holland are together and not just dating, they're now engaged.

• 47:55Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 47:55Speaker 05

  The two publicly became a couple in 2021 after years of speculation. In January 2025, their engagement was confirmed. Zendaya appeared at the Golden Globes wearing a diamond ring on her left ring finger.

• 48:08Adam Buxton?

  Thank you so much.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  That's a good voice, isn't it?

• 48:10Adam Buxton?

  Yeah. She sounds very no nonsense.

• 48:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She sounds a bit like Marina Hyde.

• 48:16Adam Buxton?

  Yes, that's right.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:17Adam Buxton?

  On top of things like.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  Authoritative, assertive, but lovely to listen to.

• 48:22Adam Buxton?

  Yep.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  And very knowledgeable.

• 48:24Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:25Speaker 02

  Watch your back, Marina Hyde.

• 48:28Adam Buxton?

  Because Jacqueline Peepie.

• 48:29Speaker 02

  Jacqueline Peepie's coming for you, leaving a trail of celebrity Peepies.

• 48:34Adam Buxton?

  Behind you.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  Okay, so did we learn anything about Zenny and Tommy?

• 48:40Adam Buxton?

  Well, that they're together and that.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  You learned that, I didn't, I knew that already.

• 48:44Adam Buxton?

  Okay.

• 48:45Speaker 02

  You barely knew who they were.

• 48:46Adam Buxton?

  Uh, I think that, I would imagine.

• 48:49Speaker 02

  I mean, she's got the new Dune movie coming up, he's got the new Spider-Man movie coming up. They're both in Christopher Nolan's Odyssey.

• 48:56Adam Buxton?

  Are they?

• 48:56Speaker 02

  It's gonna be a huge year for them.

• 48:58Adam Buxton?

  What's Christopher Nolan's Odyssey?

• 49:00Speaker 02

  It's a film by Christopher Nolan of The Odyssey.

• 49:03Adam Buxton?

  Homer's Odyssey?

• 49:04Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 49:05Adam Buxton?

  Corden Bennett.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  That's who it's written by.

• 49:07Adam Buxton?

  Is it updated to modern times or?

• 49:09Speaker 02

  No, no, it's studiously real. And apparently he's done, it's like a kind of Ray Harryhausen movie, but Nolan- Nolanified.

• 49:19Adam Buxton?

  Hmm.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  So very serious and real and enormous.

• 49:22Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 02

  I'm excited, I think it'll be thrilling, but it's very, a very big year for Zenny and Tommy. I've only got 20 more of these, okay, you ready?

• 49:30Adam Buxton?

  Sure.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  What about Ellen and Portia?

• 49:32Adam Buxton?

  Ellen is Ellen DeGeneres.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 49:35Adam Buxton?

  And Portia Rossi, Rosso?

• 49:37Speaker 02

  Something like that, I don't know. And what's the den news been this year? What happened in Ellen and Portia's life this year?

• 49:42Adam Buxton?

  I think that they moved to the UK.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  That's right, they moved to the Cotswolds, bought a huge house.

• 49:48Adam Buxton?

  Cause they got so fed up of being monstered in the US.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:52Adam Buxton?

  And also, wasn't it a political protest?

• 49:54Speaker 02

  She was, Ellen was accused of being beastly to her crew.

• 49:58Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  And so she became a sort of target. And she didn't like the, the Trumpian atmosphere.

• 50:05Adam Buxton?

  Right.

• 50:05Speaker 02

  Don't know why, and left to move to England to escape the whole deal.

• 50:11Adam Buxton?

  So the two, I mean, it seems a little convenient that she was able to use Trump as an excuse to just. Run away from the accusations flying around. This is my

• 50:21Speaker 02

  What happened later this?

• 50:22Adam Buxton?

  This is Matt, the voice that I use for Son of a

• 50:26Speaker 02

  Is this chat BUX?

• 50:28Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 50:29Speaker 02

  You should do a voice on chat G- GTA.

• 50:31Adam Buxton?

  GP.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  G- GTX, Castrol GTX. You should do a voice on GTA 6. What? Listen, let's, well, the, the big news is they don't like it in the Cotswolds anymore.

• 50:44Adam Buxton?

  Oh, really? Why? What's not to like?

• 50:45Speaker 02

  It's too rainy and dark and boring.

• 50:46Adam Buxton?

  Oh, dear.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  So they're going back to, uh, to America.

• 50:50Adam Buxton?

  Good riddance.

• 50:52Speaker 02

  Who, who, who said that? Who said that?

• 50:57Adam Buxton?

  Jacqueline Phoebe.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Jacqueline Phoebe.

• 50:59Adam Buxton?

  The new Marina Hyde.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  With her little snarky, quiet voice.

• 51:04Adam Buxton?

  Wow.

• 51:06Speaker 02

  They should program it to say sort of slightly sarcastic, cynical things quietly in the background

• 51:10Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  when not invited.

• 51:12Adam Buxton?

  That feature is gonna come in within the year, I would say.

• 51:16Speaker 02

  Well, that's it. The other famous couples I had were Willie and Katie and Harry and Meghan.

• 51:20Adam Buxton?

  Oh, Laura.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  How's 96 looking for the, the two royal golden couple?

• 51:26Adam Buxton?

  It's looking so nice. Seen it because a lolly, lolly Meghan, she's had a bad time actually of quite a lot of years now and things have been kind of so wrong for Meghan. She's really not that bad. She's nice. And I think that two 26s is gonna be if everyone likes Meghan's again.

• 51:48Speaker 02

  Very exciting listeners. We've been joined in the Christmas shack by Her Majesty, the Queen.

• 51:52Adam Buxton?

  Oh, Laura.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  And Your Majesty, what did you think of Meghan's, uh, Meghan's Netflix show, Her Lifestyle Show?

• 51:59Adam Buxton?

  It's so nice. I loved it. It's really quite interesting as well. And albeit like a nice quiet politics sometimes in there as well, cause it's quite good. I don't know.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  I thought it was a little bit sort of a little bit sort of

• 52:13Adam Buxton?

  I didn't see it. I hadn't seen it.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  Sort of banal.

• 52:17Adam Buxton?

  Didn't see it.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Apparently she, she puts lots of things in little plastic bags and ties a ribbon around them and

• 52:22Adam Buxton?

  Body parts?

• 52:24Speaker 02

  No, like little, little, little snacks and scented stones in little plastic bags.

• 52:29Adam Buxton?

  Stones.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  And ties a ribbon around the top and puts them in little baskets for her guests.

• 52:37Adam Buxton?

  Sounds nice. I didn't watch it. But I think it's gonna be a Laura, Laura nice.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:45Adam Buxton?

  A better time for them.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  And Willie and Katie?

• 52:47Adam Buxton?

  Oh, they're just going from strengths to strengths.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm. And Prince Andrew?

• 52:52Adam Buxton?

  I gotta go. I gotta go. I got turkey in the oven, I gotta go.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  God bless you.

• 52:58Adam Buxton?

  Bye.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  Vive Regina.

• 53:00Adam Buxton?

  Don't talk about me like that, please.

• 53:05Adam Buxton?

  This is pretty highbrow stuff.

• 53:39Adam Buxton?

  This is from Stee Thomas.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  Is this a made up joke?

• 53:43Adam Buxton?

  No, this is filed under random. Merry Christmas, chaps, says Stee. Whenever I play Space Odyssey by David Bowie in my head.

• 53:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 53:53Adam Buxton?

  This always happens. Does anyone else get this? I can't be the only one. And by this, he means this.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  Well, I didn't before, but I am now.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  That's good. Did he send you that or did you make that yourself?

• 54:22Adam Buxton?

  He sent that.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  That's good. Do it again. I want to hear it again.

• 54:25Adam Buxton?

  Of course, I want to hear it lots.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  That's brilliant.

• 54:38Adam Buxton?

  God, that's satisfying.

• 54:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's good. That's how it should have gone.

• 54:42Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 54:42Speaker 02

  But Bowie was just too pompous to just, uh, drop into that lovely satisfying key.

• 54:48Adam Buxton?

  I'm never gonna dance again.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  Well, what is there to say about that? But that's a, a, a masterpiece, Stay. That's amazing.

• 54:55Adam Buxton?

  Stee.

• 54:56Speaker 02

  Stee.

• 54:57Adam Buxton?

  Stay.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  That's how you pronounce it with like, if you put a little accent on it.

• 55:02Adam Buxton?

  And you get stay, Andy.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  Stay. It's like, ye, you're cute.

• 55:08Adam Buxton?

  Stay another day.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Okay, here's another prezi. Ooh.

• 55:13Adam Buxton?

  This isn't properly wrapped.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  Now, this is in a lovely, uh, what do you call these things? Tote bags?

• 55:18Adam Buxton?

  Tote bag.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  Even though I'd say we've got too many tote bags in our house.

• 55:22Adam Buxton?

  You never have too many tote bags.

• 55:23Speaker 02

  Is that really true?

• 55:24Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  I suppose you could knit a tent out of them. Oh, look at this. Well, there we are.

• 55:29Adam Buxton?

  Now, I'm guessing you didn't have a copy of this?

• 55:31Speaker 02

  I do not have a copy of that. That's very kind. I'm already, uh, hypnotized.

• 55:37Adam Buxton?

  Which record is this?

• 55:38Speaker 02

  By Your Eyes. This is, is called Adam Buxton Upbuckle.

• 55:46Adam Buxton?

  Buckle Up.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Bu- Buckle Up, Buxton.

• 55:48Adam Buxton?

  You've been confused by the circular.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  By the circular writing.

• 55:51Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  But it's very nice. This is very lovely artwork. This is your, uh, album. It's got a little pair of shorts growing off a tree. And these are all the songs, aren't they?

• 56:00Adam Buxton?

  A lot of them.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  Pizza, a record, a smiley face, a heart, a like a wifi logo, a little pair of shorts. Just like a wank rag.

• 56:11Adam Buxton?

  It's a tea towel.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  I'm sorry. A glitter.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  It's not very Christmasy, is it? A glitter ball.

• 56:20Adam Buxton?

  That's gonna be on the next album.

• 56:23Adam Buxton?

  Of course it is. That's, can't get more Christmasy.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  Anything makes you happy. A bicycle wheel, a cross. I just don't know. I think families listening to this in their cars, there might be a little bit of a change in the atmosphere when I say wank rag.

• 56:37Adam Buxton?

  I think they understand that it's a bit of a roller coaster ride when they

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 56:41Adam Buxton?

  get on the Christmas podcast with Adam and Joe.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  Just a bit of an awful phrase.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  Isn't it? It's not a very, not a very pleasant pair of words.

• 56:49Adam Buxton?

  What else? What's a better phrase?

• 56:51Speaker 02

  I don't know. A pleasure towel.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  I don't know. I don't think there is one. It just shouldn't be spoken about. And I did it. I'm sorry. Um, it's a beautiful album.

• 57:05Adam Buxton?

  Well.

• 57:05Speaker 02

  From the wank rag. It's a lovely piece of artwork. That's lovely. Thank you very much, man.

• 57:11Adam Buxton?

  Well, you're welcome.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  Have a record player, but it'll be a sort of ornament.

• 57:14Adam Buxton?

  Yeah. Again, I won't be offended if you re-give.

• 57:17Speaker 02

  I've got a lot of these images of your face staring out at me in my house.

• 57:21Adam Buxton?

  Sure.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  I mean, on the spines of two books on my shelves.

• 57:24Adam Buxton?

  It's in fact the same illustration.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  Well, yeah.

• 57:27Adam Buxton?

  It's Helen Green's illustration.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  I've had to put them on high shelves so they don't stare at me.

• 57:31Adam Buxton?

  If I do another album, my face won't be on the cover.

• 57:34Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 57:34Adam Buxton?

  I thought that it would, um, probably help the album to sell if they.

• 57:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 57:40Adam Buxton?

  If people could see. I don't think it did.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  How's it doing?

• 57:44Adam Buxton?

  I don't know, but I haven't got any large royalty checks recently.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  Listen, the, what, what matters is the integrity of the work itself.

• 57:52Adam Buxton?

  Well, exactly. And you know, this ties into what I was going to say, um, is that later on, I'm going to play you a song.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  From the new album?

• 58:02Adam Buxton?

  Maybe from the new album. I don't know, but I, I learned something when I was doing the promotion for the record. And it kind of ties into a lot of the themes of my memoir as well, which is that it can be difficult for my collaborators sometimes.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Right.

• 58:20Adam Buxton?

  To deal with my levels of negative self-energy. And I was doing a podcast called Tape Notes the other day.

• 58:28Speaker 02

  Right.

• 58:29Adam Buxton?

  Which I've done before. And me and Joe Mount, who produced the album, Joe Mount from Metronomy, we went on Tape Notes to talk about doing the album and played a few outtakes and went through a few of the sessions. Anyway, at one point, Joe said, you know, I really have had to bite my tongue a few times doing interviews with Adam when he puts down the album. And he puts down his own songs. And, you know, I, I feel like saying, no, these are good and I'm happy with them. And we worked on them together, you know? And it was really something I, it should have been absolutely obvious to me. And I definitely had thought it, like I was being a little bit careful. To not be too down on the whole thing. I don't think I've ever been negative about Joe

• 59:14Adam Buxton?

  Mount's contribution. He's been brilliant, but I certainly have sort of said, oh, you know, I don't know if I would call these songs and things like that.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  And thereby insulting him and his work.

• 59:22Adam Buxton?

  Well, exactly. I suppose so. Anyway, I took the opportunity to apologize to Joe on that podcast. I did really mean it. I didn't want to dwell on it too much and make it into an excessively maudlin moment, but it was.

• 59:38Speaker 02

  Better do the other one as well.

• 59:39Adam Buxton?

  It was emotional.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  Because by talking about it on yet another podcast, you seem to be making currency of even your mistakes.

• 59:51Adam Buxton?

  Well, exactly. But it's something that I'm working on.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  Right.

• 59:57Adam Buxton?

  And I've done a song that I'll play you at the end of the podcast, which I feel is a demonstration of my new direction.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Okay, that's very exciting. This is going to be a big year for one of the biggest celebrity couples in the country, Adam and his self-esteem, self-esteem.

• 1:00:15Adam Buxton?

  She's on the podcast next year.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  She's great.

• 1:00:17Adam Buxton?

  She may be one of my first guests, in fact.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  Guess another, Prezi?

• 1:00:20Adam Buxton?

  Okay. I just gave you one.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  Oh, of course. Sorry. Whoops.

• 1:00:25Adam Buxton?

  Let's have some more jokes.

• 1:00:27Speaker 02

  Okay, that's a good idea. More made up jokes.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Here is a joke from Chris Dennett from Alveston in Cumbria. What's the difference between AI and a Haddock Emporium renowned for its creative seafood displays housed within a men's toilet made from old TVs?

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  It's promising, isn't it?

• 1:00:53Adam Buxton?

  It's very.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  It's good already.

• 1:00:55Adam Buxton?

  It's good and torchy.

• 1:00:55Speaker 02

  Do you want it again? Do you want to try and figure it out?

• 1:00:57Adam Buxton?

  Yes, please.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  What's the difference between AI and a Haddock Emporium renowned for its creative seafood displays housed within a men's toilet made from old TVs?

• 1:01:05Adam Buxton?

  Okay, so one is artificial intelligence.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:01:10Adam Buxton?

  And the others? Tell me.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  An arty fish hall intelligence.

• 1:01:16Adam Buxton?

  An arty fish hall.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  Fish hall intelligence.

• 1:01:18Adam Buxton?

  Intelligence.

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  An arty fish hall intelligence.

• 1:01:22Adam Buxton?

  An arty fish hall.

• 1:01:23Speaker 02

  An arty fish hall.

• 1:01:25Adam Buxton?

  Intelligence.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  Intelligence.

• 1:01:27Adam Buxton?

  Intelligence.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  Intelligence. A men's toilet made from old TVs. The other great thing about these made up jokes is you just have to say them a lot. You've got to say it over and over and over again.

• 1:01:38Adam Buxton?

  The punchline.

• 1:01:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, and and the setup. Before you get anything out of them, like a really, really old lemon that you've really got to squeeze really hard to get anything out of.

• 1:01:48Adam Buxton?

  If you cut a lemon in half and you only use one half for your salad.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  Do you keep the other half?

• 1:01:54Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  Wrap it in foil, pop it in the fridge.

• 1:01:56Adam Buxton?

  Is that what you do?

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then throw it away when you get it out.

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  It's it's just the the gesture, isn't it, of keeping it that is a sort of salute to to nature.

• 1:02:07Adam Buxton?

  Dear Count Buckley's and Cornballs, long time listener, first time writer. Do you like it when people say that?

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, of course I do.

• 1:02:14Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, it reminds me of old LBC days.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  Yes, Clive Bull.

• 1:02:18Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, sexual and marital problems. I came up with this joke about four years ago and keep forgetting to send it in time. I've Googled it and as far as I can see, it's not already made up. What do you call a non-binary ladybird?

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, I like it's not already made up. That's a good sentence, like, because you you might say no one's thought of it before.

• 1:02:40Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  But not to be not already made up is a better way to articulate that. What do you call a not? Well, this I this I think is part of a whole new school of jokes. Where people find words with a him or her in them and turn it into them.

• 1:02:56Adam Buxton?

  Oh.

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  Isn't it?

• 1:02:58Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  So so what's the setup?

• 1:03:00Adam Buxton?

  What do you call a non-binary ladybird?

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  A themdy bird.

• 1:03:04Adam Buxton?

  A theydy bird.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  A theydy bird, okay.

• 1:03:06Adam Buxton?

  Theydy bird.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  A theydy bird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because there was a similar one from somebody which had Himalayas and it was themalayas.

• 1:03:13Adam Buxton?

  Ah, yeah.

• 1:03:14Speaker 02

  So, yes, good, very au courant, and obviously a lot of people struggling with this shift in in the culture and the language and, you know, trying to relax into it with some gags.

• 1:03:28Adam Buxton?

  A theydy bird.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  Is that the punchline again?

• 1:03:31Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  You're saying it again.

• 1:03:32Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  A theydy bird. It's good. It's very good.

• 1:03:34Adam Buxton?

  That's from Ruth Tucknot from Osset.

• 1:03:36Speaker 02

  Well, I should not tut.

• 1:03:37Adam Buxton?

  West Yorkshire. And she says, I hope you like it. I love you. Bye. Thank you so much, Ruth.

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  That was really good. By the way, uh, the, the joke about the Himalayas was from Alex Hines.

• 1:03:48Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  Joke was, did you hear the one about the non-binary mountaineer?

• 1:03:52Adam Buxton?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  Who went missing on Everest.

• 1:03:53Adam Buxton?

  They're all at it.

• 1:03:54Speaker 02

  They found their body in the Himalayas. I just think we should be alert to this new strain of joke.

• 1:04:01Adam Buxton?

  That's fine, though. I mean, it's the, this is, it's absolutely. It's not impugning anyone, right? It's not casting aspersions. It's not belittling.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  No, but I feel it's like it's a little sort of, it's a little muscle exercising itself because of this little, um, thing that's happened. Um, so I just think a lot of the jokes will be quite similar.

• 1:04:21Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  And they'll be along those lines.

• 1:04:22Adam Buxton?

  Sure.

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  Here's a joke from Avner. It says, Dear Adam and Joe, when our son Alexander was 12, he came up with a joke that has become a family classic. Question, what do you call a really annoying Italian sandwich? Answer, a paini, a, a pain, a peni, a penini, a painini ass.

• 1:04:45Adam Buxton?

  A penini ass.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  It's a tough one to sell. Say it again.

• 1:04:48Adam Buxton?

  A penini, a penini ass.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  That's good. You did it well. Really looking forward to the Christmas podcast. Take care, Avner.

• 1:04:56Adam Buxton?

  Love it.

• 1:04:56Speaker 02

  That's a good one. That is a very good one.

• 1:04:59Adam Buxton?

  Well, this one follows on a little bit from that.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:05:03Adam Buxton?

  Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  Just while you're looking for the next one, we also had a joke from Lucy Picard. And it went like this, Dear Adam and Joe, why did the baby octopus laugh? Because his daddy gave him ten tickles, brackets, tentacles. Now, this is a great joke, obviously, but it's also a joke that I made up as well this year for my daughter. But Lucy, I'd just like to comment that the joke is better if it's a squid. Cause a squid actually does have 10 arms.

• 1:05:32Adam Buxton?

  Hmm.

• 1:05:32Speaker 02

  So the joke should really be, why did the baby squid laugh? Okay. So that's not, cause of course an octopus has.

• 1:05:41Adam Buxton?

  Eight?

• 1:05:42Speaker 02

  Yes, octopus.

• 1:05:43Adam Buxton?

  Octo, there's clues in the name, isn't it?

• 1:05:47Adam Buxton?

  Here's one from John Meredith that carries on from Penini ass. Hi, El Buckalardo and Cornucopia.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  Hmm. That's correct.

• 1:05:58Adam Buxton?

  Adam, you might remember I met you online as I asked you to do the Tony Visconti interview at Confetti Nottingham a few years back. Oh yes, I do remember. And it was nice to meet Tony Visconti, albeit on Zoom. Tony Visconti being David Bowie's producer, of course. Anyway, this is from John Meredith. John says, "My cousin is a baker and as part of his day job, his boss gave him an extended period of leave to travel around Italy, eating long, small loaves of bread with crispy flowery crusts and an airy chewy interior. It was a ciabattico."

• 1:06:34Speaker 02

  Nice. I like that. That is a slam dunk. I mean, it's more efficient than funny.

• 1:06:40Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:40Speaker 02

  It like gets the job done. Say it again. A ciabattico.

• 1:06:44Adam Buxton?

  Ciabattico.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  Yeah. What's the setup again?

• 1:06:46Adam Buxton?

  Cousin, baker, day job, extended period of leave to travel around Italy, eating long, small loaves of bread with crispy flowery crusts and an airy chewy interior.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:56Adam Buxton?

  Ciabattico.

• 1:06:56Speaker 02

  A ciabattico. That's really good.

• 1:06:58Adam Buxton?

  He's on ciabattico.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  Very, very good. Very, very good. Yeah, you could say that to somebody who's just out, you know, having a little lunch break with a ciabatta, whereas Tony, oh, he's on ciabattico.

• 1:07:06Adam Buxton?

  He's on his ciabattico.

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  That just means he's having a sandwich. Yeah, that's like more an addition to the national lexicon than a joke.

• 1:07:13Adam Buxton?

  You know what? There's probably people groaning, listening to this, going, "Everyone says that."

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  Did you do the check?

• 1:07:19Adam Buxton?

  It's one of those things, if you're on social media, probably everyone, like, if you're going to have your lunch or something, you just say.

• 1:07:26Speaker 02

  We've established we're not on social media anymore.

• 1:07:28Adam Buxton?

  I'm just going on ciabattico, mate. I'll be back. I'll see you after. I'm going for ciabattico.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  Listen, going forward, for listeners of this podcast, no social media.

• 1:07:39Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Because then you can just ride with our rhythms, out of touchness.

• 1:07:43Adam Buxton?

  And you'll enjoy old jokes much more.

• 1:07:46Speaker 02

  You'll just enjoy our output a lot more if you go to the middle of a field, switch everything off, don't listen to any news.

• 1:07:54Adam Buxton?

  Put on some relaxing music.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  Relaxing music or an old rerun of a comedy that makes you happy from the 80s and just stay there.

• 1:08:00Adam Buxton?

  Watch the Beatles anthology on a loop.

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  That's how to really get the most out of us in this period of our career. What do you call the, what do you call the third movie in a series of movies about a gang of...

• 1:08:17Adam Buxton?

  Honestly, I sometimes I think about the the number of times that I have repeated whole, not only jokes, but whole ideas, conversational topics, insights, observations, words of wisdom in the podcast, like at this point.

• 1:08:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:33Adam Buxton?

  There's gotta be loads.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  But that's okay, you know, essentially, life's about getting up, brushing your teeth, getting dressed, having breakfast, having lunch, having dinner, brushing your teeth, getting undressed and going to bed. Essentially, isn't it?

• 1:08:45Adam Buxton?

  And just doing it over and over again and trying to get a bit better at it each time.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, or just enjoying the the repetitivicity, the repetivity.

• 1:08:53Adam Buxton?

  Here's one more before we leave the jokes for the time being.

• 1:08:56Speaker 02

  Repetitiveness, the repetition.

• 1:08:59Adam Buxton?

  Here's a joke from Ben Kelly. Where do clever electricians buy underwear and healthy snack treats?

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  Marks and spark plugs.

• 1:09:08Adam Buxton?

  Come on, mate, you're nearly there.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  Give me the.

• 1:09:10Adam Buxton?

  You're a film guy. What do you call your electricians on a film set?

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  Marks and Sparks. I mean, that's what electricians are called on film sets.

• 1:09:19Adam Buxton?

  Sparks. You're so close. And?

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  Marks and Sparks and Spencer.

• 1:09:24Adam Buxton?

  Clever electricians.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  Oh, Marks and Bright Sparks.

• 1:09:27Adam Buxton?

  Jesus. Sparks and Mensa.

• 1:09:31Speaker 02

  Sparks and Mensa.

• 1:09:36Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 1:09:37Adam Buxton?

  It's good.

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  That is good. Sparks and Mensa, that's a satisfying, what do you call it when you swap around the first letter to two words? Yeah, that's a satisfying one of them.

• 1:09:45Adam Buxton?

  Thank you so much, Ben.

• 1:10:29Adam Buxton?

  Here's a message from George. He says, "Hi buckles and cornballs." And he has sent me a link to a YouTube channel where, a few years ago, he posted some videos of him doing songs with his hands. Like, he just puts his hands together and squeezes air out from between them in a musical way. Have you ever seen anyone doing that?

• 1:10:52Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I've seen people do that. I could never have described it as musical. It's a sort of painful, sort of cracky noise.

• 1:10:59Adam Buxton?

  No, no, no, no.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  Or is it a farty noise?

• 1:11:01Adam Buxton?

  No, no. I mean, yes, it is farty, but it's tuneful the way that this guy, George... Have you seen George doing it?

• 1:11:08Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:11:09Adam Buxton?

  Listen to this. This is George doing the Match of the Day theme with his hands. And I said to George, I emailed him and said, "Is that really just your hands? Or is there any post-production?" And I said, "I don't want to get in a whole cancellation scandal situation about this." He said, "No, it's genuinely just my hands."

• 1:11:51Adam Buxton?

  So would you like to revise your initial slightly?

• 1:11:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's very impressive. You know, that is so impressive, I'm surprised, A, he doesn't have an agent, B, he hasn't appeared on panel shows and radio shows, and C, that he's not very wealthy. Because that is a talent, isn't it? And especially because of the little rhythmic stumble at the end, which I thought really set it off beautifully.

• 1:12:16Adam Buxton?

  He did the podcast theme with his hands.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  Your podcast?

• 1:12:21Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:25Adam Buxton?

  To the giant podcast bin. You have blocked the podcast out and started listening. Took my microphone and found some human folk. I recorded all the noises while we spoke.

• 1:12:40Speaker 02

  I think you.

• 1:12:41Adam Buxton?

  That in Buxton, I'm a man.

• 1:12:44Speaker 02

  Jesus.

• 1:12:45Adam Buxton?

  I want you to enjoy this, that's the fact.

• 1:12:50Speaker 02

  The sound of that and the sound of you mumbling along to it.

• 1:12:55Speaker 02

  The image in my head was you, like, when you've hit the skids. Sitting in a puddle in an alley with really terrible wind. Mumbling along to your own woe begotten podcast theme whilst farting it and go, anybody? Like those, like you're playing a tune on a, um, on a road cone. No, that's good, though. It wasn't as good as the other one because I feel he didn't really get the, the melody quite as well.

• 1:13:25Adam Buxton?

  It was more just the rhythm.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:27Adam Buxton?

  He was doing there.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  That is quite a talent, isn't it?

• 1:13:30Adam Buxton?

  That is quite a talent, I think.

• 1:13:32Speaker 02

  Hecking hell.

• 1:13:33Adam Buxton?

  I mean, again, because we're not on social media, he probably has been all over.

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  I know. What are you doing sending that to this show?

• 1:13:41Adam Buxton?

  It's, I think, five years ago he did the Match of the Day one.

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:13:44Adam Buxton?

  So we're probably only just getting the memo now.

• 1:13:47Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 1:13:48Adam Buxton?

  I mean, we literally are.

• 1:13:49Speaker 02

  Are you sure he hasn't been on all the other comedy shows and where his last calls of call?

• 1:13:53Adam Buxton?

  Not sure.

• 1:13:54Speaker 02

  Well, it's great.

• 1:13:56Adam Buxton?

  Because I'm disconnected.

• 1:13:59Adam Buxton?

  From the world around me. Well, look, here's a sound-based present for you.

• 1:14:04Speaker 02

  Oh, this is a big.

• 1:14:06Adam Buxton?

  This is a big present. And this one, I tell you what, I hope you like it. I had such fun doing this and they're artworks specially made for you.

• 1:14:17Speaker 02

  So listeners, I should describe, this is, this looked like an Amazon box, a little shoebox sized Amazon box. But it's just recycled. An insider, what looked like, um.

• 1:14:26Adam Buxton?

  Well, they're dog buttons. They're noise buttons.

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, those big, round, sort of red, emergency buttons that you get.

• 1:14:32Adam Buxton?

  Like buzzers from quiz shows.

• 1:14:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:34Adam Buxton?

  But you can record.

• 1:14:35Speaker 02

  There's a lot of them.

• 1:14:35Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, I did six.

• 1:14:36Speaker 02

  But on them are painted with what looks like.

• 1:14:40Adam Buxton?

  Posca pen.

• 1:14:41Speaker 02

  Hand-painted faces of famous people.

• 1:14:46Speaker 02

  In lovely dayglow colours. You have to take a picture of these.

• 1:14:49Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, we'll take a picture and you'll be able to check them out.

• 1:14:52Speaker 02

  Now, do I recognise that's, that's-

• 1:14:54Adam Buxton?

  Link in the description to the picture.

• 1:14:55Speaker 02

  That's Malcolm Muggeridge.

• 1:14:56Adam Buxton?

  Oh my god!

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  Only because it's written on the side.

• 1:14:59Adam Buxton?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  I thought it was Prince Charles. This one just says murder.

• 1:15:05Adam Buxton?

  Well, play it.

• 1:15:06Speaker 02

  Wait a second. This one says Tippy Toes Alright from Sing Two. This one says Order. Who is that?

• 1:15:17Adam Buxton?

  John Burkow.

• 1:15:19Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, don't tell us though.

• 1:15:20Adam Buxton?

  Alright.

• 1:15:21Speaker 02

  This one says, "There we are!" It's Eddie Murphy. That was a good documentary this year. Did you watch that?

• 1:15:28Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, I liked the first half of it.

• 1:15:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, the first half of those ones are always good because it's all the old stuff.

• 1:15:33Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:34Speaker 02

  And then this one says Alora with Her Majesty the Queen. Alright, let's see what sound these make. Are we ready? Let's start with Tippy Toes.

• 1:15:41Speaker 03

  Tippy toes, tippy toes, I can see your tippy toes!

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  Did you do that specially or is that from the film?

• 1:15:48Adam Buxton?

  Did it specially.

• 1:15:49Speaker 03

  Tippy toes, tippy toes, I can see your tippy toes!

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  Okay, I'll never press that one again. Here's the next one. Murder?

• 1:15:58Speaker 07

  There is no harmony in the universe, only overwhelming and collective murder.

• 1:16:03Adam Buxton?

  That's Werner Herzog. Wow, that's very good. Is that from Grizzly Man? That's from Burden of Dreams.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  Burden of Dreams.

• 1:16:11Speaker 07

  There is no harmony in the universe, only overwhelming and collective murder.

• 1:16:17Adam Buxton?

  There's supposed to be buttons for training dogs.

• 1:16:19Speaker 02

  Oh, hence you describing them as dog buttons?

• 1:16:21Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, yeah, so you can record-

• 1:16:23Speaker 02

  Does the dog pat them with its paw?

• 1:16:24Adam Buxton?

  Yes, so you can record food, or out, or whatever you want the dog to signal.

• 1:16:30Speaker 02

  Did you try that with Rosie?

• 1:16:30Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 1:16:31Speaker 02

  Did she respond?

• 1:16:32Adam Buxton?

  No. So that's why you've got now a collection of buttons with people's faces drawn onto them.

• 1:16:39Speaker 02

  Man, I'm honoured. Look at this, Malcolm Muggeridge. Tell the audience who Malcolm Muggeridge was.

• 1:16:44Adam Buxton?

  Well, he was a kind of public intellectual writer, philosopher perhaps, who was around in the 50s and 60s. If you've ever seen the footage of John Cleese and Michael Palin getting roasted about Life of Brian on a TV show, that is Malcolm Muggeridge who's there with a member of the clergy, giving them a hard time. But he was someone my dad respected a lot. He was a kind of crusty old intellectual type. And there's a quote on that button that I always liked of his and I've no idea where it came from, but I think I must have recorded it onto a videotape back in the nineties when I would watch a lot of documentaries on BBC Two when I was at art college.

• 1:17:27Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:17:28Adam Buxton?

  And he was talking about television, but it could apply to everything, every bit of visual media in the

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  Let's see what he's gonna say. Let's, let's press muggeridge.

• 1:17:40Speaker 08

  More and more news, more and more ads, stupefying us, bewildering us. All the happenings in the universe compressed into a small screen, flickering image.

• 1:17:58Speaker 08

  It's too much. The mixture's too rich.

• 1:18:03Speaker 02

  Wow. I mean, everybody always thinks that it's the end times, don't they?

• 1:18:08Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:09Speaker 02

  And that whatever the thing is, is gonna be the last thing.

• 1:18:11Adam Buxton?

  Uh huh.

• 1:18:13Speaker 02

  Cause that's how I feel about some things. That's how I feel about Jacqueline Pepe.

• 1:18:21Adam Buxton?

  I think a lot of people feel that about Jacqueline Pepe.

• 1:18:23Speaker 02

  Oh, here we go. That's it. Curtains.

• 1:18:26Adam Buxton?

  It's too much.

• 1:18:27Speaker 02

  It's too much. Alright, here's Eddie. This is great. Look at this.

• 1:18:37Adam Buxton?

  So that's Eddie being James Brown.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  Oh man, so good. You're right, that Netflix documentary about him is, the first half is so good.

• 1:18:47Adam Buxton?

  First half is so good. That, that, some of the clips, I went back and watched them on Netflix, like choice selections from Delirious.

• 1:18:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:55Adam Buxton?

  And, and stuff from Saturday Night Live. Like when he, when he does James Brown Hot Tub.

• 1:19:01Speaker 02

  Fantastic.

• 1:19:01Adam Buxton?

  Amazing.

• 1:19:02Speaker 02

  But this is the thing, even the documentaries that are about the downfall of people, so the Michael Jackson one, the Neverland one, even I'm afraid the Savile One, the first half is always like, oh, I remember those days. Whee, Jevil picks it, hooray, beat it and stuff like that.

• 1:19:19Adam Buxton?

  And then the gloomy music kicks in.

• 1:19:20Speaker 02

  And then, so here we go. Here is the Queen. Let's press the Queen. It feels disrespectful to punch her face.

• 1:19:27Adam Buxton?

  Oh, you're not punching it. You're caressing it.

• 1:19:30Speaker 03

  A Laura, Laura, lovely beef, a blander data.

• 1:19:34Adam Buxton?

  It's only a short one.

• 1:19:35Speaker 02

  That's punchy.

• 1:19:36Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:39Speaker 03

  A Laura, Laura, lovely beef, a blander data.

• 1:19:43Speaker 02

  Laura, Laura, lovely beef.

• 1:19:45Adam Buxton?

  A lovely beef.

• 1:19:46Speaker 02

  Order. Okay, this is John Burkhart.

• 1:19:50Adam Buxton?

  John Burkhart, yeah, the speaker.

• 1:19:51Speaker 02

  These are beautifully drawn.

• 1:19:52Adam Buxton?

  The former speaker.

• 1:19:54Speaker 02

  Is there a little bit of Tippex on there?

• 1:19:56Adam Buxton?

  No, it's all Posca Pen.

• 1:19:57Speaker 02

  Posca Pen.

• 1:20:02Speaker 02

  Okay, so how would we use these in a conversation?

• 1:20:07Adam Buxton?

  Oh, that's a good point. I mean, I didn't think that bit through.

• 1:20:10Speaker 02

  Well, they're amazing, man. I mean, I feel very privileged to own these.

• 1:20:14Adam Buxton?

  Little bits of art for you.

• 1:20:16Speaker 02

  Little bits of art. Thank you very much. That's amazing. What a gift.

• 1:20:20Adam Buxton?

  You're welcome.

• 1:21:01Adam Buxton?

  One of my sons, Natty, went off for a job interview this year. And, you know, they're in their early twenties, the boys, entering the working world. And he went off to interview for a job as a piano player in a Norwich bar. And while he was chatting to the manager, a little doggy came into the room. He told us this when he got back that night. We said, how did the interview go? He said, yeah, yeah, it was going good. It was going good. And then a little dog came into the room. And he's called Charlie or something like that. And the owner was like, oh, Charlie, at you go. And Nat was like, oh, no, I like dogs. Hi, hello, Charlie.

• 1:21:44Adam Buxton?

  Charlie's quite jumpy and excitable. Charlie jumps up on Natty's lap.

• 1:21:51Adam Buxton?

  And the manager's like, Charlie, get down, get down. Nat is, oh, it's okay. Hello, Charlie. Charlie's um scruffling around there on Nat's lap. Interview progresses. Charlie does a shit on Nat's lap. So when Nat told us that, we were all like.

• 1:22:08Speaker 02

  How did he say it?

• 1:22:09Adam Buxton?

  He said, yeah, yeah. And so anyway, the the dog kind of like did a like shit on my lap. We're like, what?

• 1:22:20Adam Buxton?

  What did you do then? He was like, well, it wasn't big.

• 1:22:23Speaker 02

  And did the owner go, Charlie has decided. You've got the job.

• 1:22:33Adam Buxton?

  When Charlie does the job, I give the job. No, none of that happened because Nat didn't tell him that Charlie had taken a shit on his lap.

• 1:22:42Speaker 02

  So it was a little poo, a poo in the crevice of the thighs.

• 1:22:45Adam Buxton?

  It was a small poo. And this is what I said. I was like, did you say anything to the manager? And he's like, no.

• 1:22:50Speaker 02

  Did he pop it in his pocket? Like you would with food you don't want to eat.

• 1:22:54Adam Buxton?

  No, because Charlie ate it.

• 1:22:56Speaker 02

  Charlie ate it. Dogs eating feces.

• 1:23:00Adam Buxton?

  Yes.

• 1:23:00Speaker 02

  You're a dog owner. You dogs do like eating feces.

• 1:23:04Adam Buxton?

  They are known to, they can do. I mean, usually there's something psychologically amiss if that's happening.

• 1:23:09Speaker 02

  Right. So Nat is just making continuing the casual conversation while the dog poos and then eats its own poo.

• 1:23:16Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, yeah. And he doesn't at any point mention it to the manager. And I was like, why didn't you say anything? It's like, because it's a job interview.

• 1:23:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:24Adam Buxton?

  And I said, I know it's a job interview, but I think you are within your rights. You don't have to like.

• 1:23:29Speaker 02

  No, but he encouraged the dog in. The owner was trying to get the dog to leave. So really Nat, I can see where that's coming from. He takes responsibility for the dog's actions in many ways.

• 1:23:40Adam Buxton?

  He reckoned that it would have been unprofessional to mention it.

• 1:23:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:23:44Adam Buxton?

  And I was saying, I think it's unprofessional not to. You don't want to give the impression that you are someone who is literally and metaphorically happy to be shat on in your new.

• 1:23:54Speaker 02

  Wow, getting deep fast.

• 1:23:56Adam Buxton?

  Well, isn't that.

• 1:23:58Speaker 02

  So what happened? He, he did the note, did, well, carry on. What's the rest of the story?

• 1:24:03Adam Buxton?

  Well, he said, he said in his defense, his defense was, no, it would have been unprofessional. And did you watch Succession?

• 1:24:11Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:24:11Adam Buxton?

  Oh, okay. Well, this won't mean anything to you, but those of you who watched Succession, this was Natty's defense. He said that if Tom Wamsgans from Succession had been shat on by Luke Madison's dog, Tom Wamsgans wouldn't have said anything. And I said, I know because Tom Wamsgans is an avatar for a kind of spineless, pathetic toady. And that is not someone that you should be using as a indication of how to behave.

• 1:24:42Speaker 02

  And what happened in the end? Did he get the job?

• 1:24:44Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, he got the job.

• 1:24:45Speaker 02

  There you go. That's perfect.

• 1:24:48Adam Buxton?

  I think he could have got the job and said, oh, by the way, your dog just shat on me.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  Well, the thing is, if he'd said the dog shat on him, the owner might have felt, you know, obliged to give him the job to make up for the pooey pants.

• 1:25:03Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:04Speaker 02

  Or at least given him one night of, of work.

• 1:25:08Adam Buxton?

  Well.

• 1:25:08Speaker 02

  Just to pay for the cleaning bill. Did it leave a pooey residue on the trousers?

• 1:25:12Adam Buxton?

  He said that it was, um, in the car on the way home.

• 1:25:16Speaker 02

  It was stinky.

• 1:25:17Adam Buxton?

  It was, yeah.

• 1:25:18Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:25:18Adam Buxton?

  Hmm.

• 1:25:19Speaker 02

  I think he did extremely well. He dealt with a very, very tricky turd-based situation. Lap turd. And then I, cause I would have probably been sick on the dog and then the dog would have eaten that as well. So revolting would the sight of a dog eating its own turd. How long did the dog wait between doing the turd and eating it? Or did it like it fresh and hot? Or does it let it cool a little bit?

• 1:25:43Adam Buxton?

  Fresh warbuns.

• 1:25:44Speaker 02

  Allow to chill.

• 1:25:45Adam Buxton?

  No, of course he just snapped it as soon as it was out.

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  That dog should do a cookery show.

• 1:25:53Speaker 09

  And just leave it on this, on the side to chill for a bit. One, two, three, ready.

• 1:26:04Adam Buxton?

  This one's fresh out of the oven and is ready to eat. And I think you'll find the fridge can really taste the freshness.

• 1:26:12Speaker 09

  Do it on Joe's lap and here comes the garnish.

• 1:26:15Adam Buxton?

  In a way, we're doing something much worse than anyone involved with that job meeting did, which is where we're taking it to a much more disgusting place and we are.

• 1:26:27Speaker 02

  Why? Why?

• 1:26:29Adam Buxton?

  Well, because of what we just said, all the things we just said.

• 1:26:31Speaker 02

  The dog having a cookery show.

• 1:26:32Adam Buxton?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, that is disgusting. That'd be a disgusting programme.

• 1:26:36Adam Buxton?

  And also we are now undoing all the good work that Nat did by not complaining about it.

• 1:26:41Speaker 02

  Do you think the person who gave him the job might listen to this?

• 1:26:44Adam Buxton?

  There's a chance.

• 1:26:45Speaker 02

  Do you think he might lose the job?

• 1:26:46Adam Buxton?

  If you are listening, it was such an amazing time when we found out that you had given Nat the job and it was so, such a cool thing.

• 1:26:57Speaker 02

  The thing is now customers might demand it as part of the show.

• 1:27:03Adam Buxton?

  They're gonna bring their own dogs.

• 1:27:04Speaker 02

  Is that the?

• 1:27:05Adam Buxton?

  Is that Dogshit Boy?

• 1:27:07Speaker 02

  I wasn't gonna say, you had to say that. Is that Dogshit Boy? Is that lap dog, lap dog plop?

• 1:27:14Speaker 02

  Is that lap dog plop Nat? Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.

• 1:27:29Speaker 02

  The dog sits on the piano.

• 1:27:30Adam Buxton?

  Ding ding ding ding ding.

• 1:27:31Speaker 02

  Looking uncomfortable.

• 1:27:41Speaker 02

  Now that's entertainment.

• 1:27:43Speaker 09

  Hello, hello, hello.

• 1:27:51Speaker 09

  Hello, hello, hello, hello.

• 1:27:59Speaker 09

  Hello, hello.

• 1:28:03Speaker 09

  Hello, hello.

• 1:28:07Speaker 09

  Hello.

• 1:28:09Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 1:28:09Adam Buxton?

  Hello.

• 1:28:10Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 1:28:11Adam Buxton?

  Hello.

• 1:28:15Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 1:28:16Adam Buxton?

  Hello.

• 1:28:19Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 1:28:20Adam Buxton?

  Hello.

• 1:28:22Speaker 02

  Hello, hello.

• 1:28:24Adam Buxton?

  Oh, look, bonus joke. Last bonus joke from Russ Clark.

• 1:28:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:28:29Adam Buxton?

  I once made a belt out of fresh herbs. It was a complete waste of time.

• 1:28:35Speaker 02

  Yes, yes, that's, that's good. I mean, it's solid. That's really solid.

• 1:28:39Adam Buxton?

  But you're not chuckling.

• 1:28:40Speaker 02

  I don't know. It's a sort of technical joke.

• 1:28:42Adam Buxton?

  It's an intellectual feat.

• 1:28:43Speaker 02

  It's an intellectual feat. It's a sort of a, you know, I don't know, busman's holiday.

• 1:28:49Adam Buxton?

  I hear you.

• 1:28:50Speaker 02

  It was a complete waste of time. Like, why? Because it didn't function as a belt. Do you know what I mean? I think there's more to it.

• 1:28:56Adam Buxton?

  I've moved on from it.

• 1:28:57Speaker 02

  No, I'll never move on from it.

• 1:28:59Adam Buxton?

  So I did a song in which I am trying to learn from having done press this year, having had to apologize to Joe Mount and to a degree to you, Joe Cornish.

• 1:29:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:14Adam Buxton?

  For being sometimes a difficult collaborator to be with because of my intense inward spiraling.

• 1:29:22Speaker 02

  Mm hmm. Your, your empath powers.

• 1:29:24Adam Buxton?

  And self criticism.

• 1:29:26Speaker 02

  Hmm. I must say, Joe Mount got his apology. You turned it around a lot quicker than mine.

• 1:29:32Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, but I wrote a whole, like, two books to say sorry to you.

• 1:29:36Speaker 02

  Two books?

• 1:29:37Adam Buxton?

  Yeah, I do some mild apologizing in the first one.

• 1:29:40Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:29:41Adam Buxton?

  Second one is like a one whole big long apology. Thanks, man.

• 1:29:45Speaker 02

  I don't think you got anything to apologize for.

• 1:29:47Adam Buxton?

  Okay, thanks.

• 1:29:47Speaker 02

  I think it was great.

• 1:29:50Speaker 02

  Time of our lives.

• 1:29:52Adam Buxton?

  It was fun.

• 1:29:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:29:53Adam Buxton?

  Anyway, there's still more chapters to go.

• 1:29:57Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:29:58Adam Buxton?

  And going forward, I'd like to think that I'm going to be more positive. And so to embrace that, I've done a song in a modern style.

• 1:30:08Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:30:09Adam Buxton?

  In one of the defining styles of 2025.

• 1:30:12Speaker 02

  Well, if the most played song in our house, the most played album in our house, because we have a six-year-old girl, was the K-pop Demon Hunters album.

• 1:30:21Adam Buxton?

  Bongo, that is of course the style. That is one of the best singles that I've heard in a long time.

• 1:30:27Speaker 02

  Golden.

• 1:30:28Adam Buxton?

  Golden.

• 1:30:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:30:29Adam Buxton?

  I mean, every now and again, something like that comes along and you're like, well done.

• 1:30:34Speaker 02

  That's the genius though, isn't it? The huh.

• 1:30:36Adam Buxton?

  Uh huh.

• 1:30:37Speaker 02

  It's one of those songs that made no sense to me musically when I first heard it.

• 1:30:40Adam Buxton?

  Hmm.

• 1:30:41Speaker 02

  But the little, you know, sometimes with a complicated song, there's one little bit that gets you that you can cling on to.

• 1:30:46Adam Buxton?

  Right.

• 1:30:46Speaker 02

  And just the huh at the end of each line in the first verse.

• 1:30:50Adam Buxton?

  There's so many good ideas.

• 1:30:51Speaker 02

  So many good ideas. It's amazing.

• 1:30:53Adam Buxton?

  Anyway, so well, here is my attempt at channeling some of that energy for a song about my musical journey of confidence.

• 1:31:19Speaker 06

  I was a worm, I was a dick. I was a weedy wormy dick.

• 1:31:27Speaker 06

  I didn't know I had a gift. Bigger than everyone else's gifts.

• 1:31:34Speaker 06

  I put myself down, said I couldn't sing. Even though I was the absolutely king of singing. And I thought my songs weren't good enough. When in fact, they were all actually very good. But then one day, a powerful record executive heard my jingles and she said. Oh my gosh, this guy is gonna Laura Laura Lully Talon. He's really gonna do an album. And now I'm smash, smash, smashing all of my music rivals. They're in a puddle choking, gasping for survival. I am hurtling up on my big successful rocket.

• 1:32:17Speaker 06

  Scattering songs below from my magic music pocket. I was sick of hiding my light under Gary Bushel.

• 1:32:28Speaker 06

  But now I'm holding a hand so strong it'll win like a royal flush all. I've got the musical equivalent of a royal flush in poker. Been trying so hard to be the me that's inside, the me that's inside, the me inside me. It's time to leave all the hurting behind, gonna flush it with the poo and the pee. No more fake self-deprecating like Hugh Grant in the rain. Cause people now prefer self-confidence even if it sounds insane.

• 1:33:12Speaker 06

  I'm gonna crush, crush, crush Coldplay and Taylor Swift. I'll smash Bad Bunny into funny tiny bunny bits. I'll make Drake bit for the scraps from my music plate. Bruno Mars is gonna be parking cars. See ya Rosalie, bye bye Millie Eilish. Write to me if you would like some tips on being stylish.

• 1:33:47Speaker 02

  Holy shit. I mean, am I right in saying that you took singing lessons in preparation for your live shows with the Adam Buxton Band?

• 1:33:54Speaker 06

  Well, I had one.

• 1:33:55Speaker 02

  Cause it shows.

• 1:33:56Speaker 06

  It really does, doesn't it?

• 1:33:57Speaker 02

  The one lesson really shows. Especially on the, on the middle eight, was that the middle eight? When you go all falsetto.

• 1:34:04Speaker 06

  It gets very breathy.

• 1:34:05Speaker 02

  That's very good. And it's exciting to listen to cause you're not, I mean, you're on the edge of your seat cause you're not sure whether you're gonna hit the notes. And sometimes you do and sometimes you don't, but it's equally exciting either way.

• 1:34:19Speaker 06

  It's thrilling.

• 1:34:20Speaker 02

  It's like Mission Impossible, watching an action sequence from a Mission Impossible movie. Is he gonna do it?

• 1:34:25Speaker 06

  It's like Free Solo. Did you ever see that movie?

• 1:34:27Speaker 02

  Of course. It's very, very like Free Solo. And lyrically, it's very strong with some very good rhymes, especially the one you have to actually explain.

• 1:34:38Speaker 02

  During the song. I played it to my wife and she didn't get the bit about the poker hand. No, no, no. And so to stop the song, a little musical pause to explain it to the audiences. Something more singers should be doing. I think so. And, you know, it's classy lyrics about poo and pee, references to Hugh Grant in the rain. So contemporary film references.

• 1:35:02Speaker 02

  Very young. I don't even think he is being self deprecating in that scene in Four Weddings. And the thing I like most about it is the way it sort of captured the tune of Golden. Whilst not being exactly the same. Well, it's intended not to directly infringe copyright. For legal reasons, but it was similar. It was, it's a soundalike. That's what I like. Yeah, yeah. Because if, it's a bit like, um, Harry Styles' big hit, you know, as it was. That was similar to Take On Me by Aha. Right. And that was a big, big hit, but there was a bit of time between the two. So I'd hold on to this for maybe 20 years. Then pop it out. Plop it onto someone's lap. Yeah. But, um, 20 years, you reckon? Yeah, when you're in your seventies.

• 1:35:49Speaker 02

  That seems like a long time. And then people who, you know, kids my daughter's age, they'll be in their mid twenties. And I'll be like, oh, that's really like old school and new school at the same time. But by that time, it might be fashionable to be self deprecating again.

• 1:36:06Speaker 02

  Right. And this is too arrogant. Too confident. It's too confident. Saying I'm gonna smash, smash all of my music rivals. Yeah, yeah, but there's an irony to it. It doesn't necessarily have to be taken at face value. Like, it could be, if you really push your imagination, it could be interpreted as a song by someone who can't sing. Who is like no good. And is bad, is bad, like really bad and everything to do with it.

• 1:36:39Speaker 02

  And everything, and everything around it.

• 1:36:44Speaker 02

  You're supposed to be the one wanting me to boost my confidence. But I'm saying it works on both levels.

• 1:36:58Adam Buxton?

  Both levels.

• 1:37:01Speaker 02

  It's really good. Thanks very much.

• 1:37:03Adam Buxton?

  You're welcome. Merry Christmas. Thank you so much for all my beautiful gifts.

• 1:37:07Speaker 02

  Merry Christmas to you and Merry Christmas, listeners. We hope you have a lovely Boxing Day if you're listening to this on Christmas Day and if you're not listening to it on Christmas morning, then what the hell are you thinking? Bye bye.

• 1:37:20Adam Buxton?

  Bye. Well, I'll be back with you very shortly.

• 1:37:29Adam Buxton?

  Wait. Continue.

• 1:37:48Adam Buxton?

  Hey, welcome back, Podcats. Thank you so much to Joe Cornish for making the time to come and join me once again in my Christmas shack. It was lovely to see him and I'm so grateful to him for all his friendship and generosity, especially this year, supporting me promoting my book, I Love You Bye. What do you mean you haven't read it yet? The audiobook was nominated for a prestigious audiobook award, the Speakeas' inaugural year. Unfortunately, I was in a category, the memoir category, with some really quite heavyweight books and Sarah Wyn Williams, the Facebook whistleblower,

• 1:38:31Adam Buxton?

  won for the audiobook version of her excellent book called Careless People, which I certainly recommend. But after you've finished Careless People, I think it's time for I Love You Bye. Put a lot of work into it, me and the audiobook team from Harper Collins.

• 1:38:50Adam Buxton?

  Thanks to all of them. And Joe joins me at the end of it for an exclusive podcast waffle about the book and what he thought of it. So check that out. Don't forget as well to get in there early for tickets for the Adam Buxton Band Tour in Spring 2026, kicking off on the 1st of May in Manchester at the Stoller Hall. Then we're in Leeds, Exeter, Cardiff, Bath, Brighton, Margate, Buxton, Nottingham and Leicester. That's where it stands at the moment. From the 1st to the 19th of May, those shows are. Hope

• 1:39:29Adam Buxton?

  you can come along. If you demand more buckles, talking about music and the record, then don't forget to check out Tape Notes with myself and Joe Mount, talking to John Kennedy. And there's me on the Soda Jerker on Songwriting podcast. An honour to be on both of those and they're always beautifully put together and produced and, you know, they have so many top-notch guests on both of those podcasts. It was a real thrill to be included. House

• 1:40:07Adam Buxton?

  of Games, towards the middle of January 2026. Before I say goodbye today, I just wanted to give a few brief shout-outs to a handful of podcasts whose messages I particularly enjoyed. I enjoyed all of them. Thank you very much if you were one of the people that sent them in. We read all of them and much appreciated. Yeah, it was really kind of you. Thank you. And I'm so sorry that we only got to read a small handful, but there was loads there that I really enjoyed. Colin and his wife from Hebden Bridge, thanks for your message. Gareth and his daughter Trixie. Hey Trixie, I hope you're doing well. Richard

• 1:40:45Adam Buxton?

  Harland, Simon Dickey, Jack Gavin, Martin, hello Martin, Dot, Andrew, Henry, Flossy and Stan, hope you're all well. There was Rosie Sneddon, who said, "My six-year-old daughter came home from school and excitedly told me that she'd been learning about biology." She very proudly announced, "Did you know, mummy, boys don't just have a penis, they also have tentacles." That made me laugh.

• 1:41:14Adam Buxton?

  It's also true. Doesn't get talked about enough, I don't think. Thanks Gavin Shiel, Shiel, Shiel, for the joke about the witchy tall linesman. Can work backwards from that one. Thanks Martin for the Greek drug addict, Mr. Popalotta Pills. Thanks Joe, Ben, Clem and Finn, who, when told by his mum that she would be there in a minute or two, asked, "Why are you calling me Tortu?"

• 1:41:43Adam Buxton?

  "Oh, it's cold." "Can you hear that wind?" "It is icy." Thanks Ben. "Why did the matchmaker set up two perfumiers on a date?" "They just made sense together." Thanks Alex, Beth, Cooper and Ava. Ava made this joke up, which is a kind of brilliant meta-construction incorporating a couple of tropes. "Why did Roger the Chicken cross the road to get to his friend's house?" Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Roger the Chicken.

• 1:42:16Adam Buxton?

  Thanks Ed Norrie.

• 1:42:19Adam Buxton?

  "Which animals can see inside you?" Cats can.

• 1:42:25Adam Buxton?

  I mean, I can't believe that hasn't been made before, but I did check. Couldn't find it. I just got the AI assistant saying, "I believe this is a pun." "And there's no evidence that cats or any other animal can actually see inside your body."

• 1:42:44Adam Buxton?

  And thanks to John for this joke, which goes like this. "Hey, man, I liked your joke about a Liam Neeson sequel where he rescues his daughter from a convent, but the punchline was too contrived. No offence." None taken.

• 1:42:59Adam Buxton?

  None taken. Okay, that's it for 2025 from this podcast. Thank you very much, Seamus Murphy Mitchell, without whom I'd be lost. Very special thanks to Kid Klava for his musical assistance with my K-pop song. Thank you, Mr. K. Thanks Helen Green for the beautiful artwork. And while I'm at it, thanks Bryony Jackson for your beautiful artwork for the album. Thanks to everybody at Acast who work so hard liaising with my sponsors.

• 1:43:40Adam Buxton?

  Thanks to everybody who appeared on the podcast this year and thank you so much for listening. If you'd like a creepy festive hug, now's the time. I've got my ski jacket on because it is Arctic. Come here, it's happening. Let's have a festive creepy hug. Hey, how's it going?

• 1:44:03Adam Buxton?

  I hope you're doing okay out there, keeping it together. I hope things are not too stressful at this festive stressedive time of year. This podcast will be back with you in early 2026, probably around about March or April. Until then, please go carefully. It's ridiculous out there and for what it's worth, I love you and so does Rosie. It's true, I do do.