James Acaster

James Acaster is a man of many talents - he’s one of Britain’s best loved comedians, the co-host of our rival podcast (yet we love them!) Off Menu, a regular on the telly, and most recently became a very reluctant Traitor on the Celebrity Traitors. James joined us for a chat about his early days in stand-up, the story of his band The Wow Scenario, and we hear about his latest comedy creation, Craig Simons - the UK's number one James Acaster tribute act! We chatted about his experience in the Traitors castle, his lovely friendship with Romesh Ranganathan, and the time he caused a public outcry by punching a fake polar bear on Saturday Kitchen. What a lovely treat to be joined by such a fab guest, thank you James for such a fun afternoon! James’ new YouTube comedy special ‘James Acaster is Craig Simons’ is released on 1st December. Listen & watch Table Manners here - https://tablemanners.komi.io/ Follow Table Manners on: Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/tablemannerspodcast/ TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@tablemannerspodcast Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/tablemannerspodcast YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@TableMannersPodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 2:23Speaker 03

  Hi, this is Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman. I've been writing about food and restaurants for almost 50 years, my whole career, really. And what I know is that the good restaurants all have something in common. They're busy, genuinely, chaotically busy. And somehow, in the last few years, the best of them have begun to make it look easy. And do you know why? Because they're running on Toast's technology. Toast is built for restaurant owners who understand that Toast's tools keep the line moving and keep their customers happy with fewer mistakes and hiccups in ordering and paying. For owners, that turns busy into business. To learn more, head to toasttab.com.

• 3:08Speaker 03

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• 3:22Jessie Ware?

  Hello and welcome to Table manners. I'm Jessie Ware and I'm here with Lenny in her kitchen, looking very glam and relaxed.

• 3:28Speaker 05

  Don't you look glam, darling? I've made an effort.

• 3:30Jessie Ware?

  Why are you so chill?

• 3:33Speaker 05

  New hip?

• 3:34Jessie Ware?

  New hip, new me.

• 3:35Speaker 05

  Hip hop, new hip, new woman. Thanks to Mr. Alazawi, who operated on me, and the wonderful nurses and physios.

• 3:44Jessie Ware?

  So you've got a new hip.

• 3:46Speaker 05

  I've got a new hip.

• 3:47Jessie Ware?

  Feeling good. Didn't manage to come on tour with me. However...

• 3:51Speaker 05

  I've got a certificate now. When I go through security, if I set the alarms off, I can show it to them.

• 3:57Jessie Ware?

  Because you're a bionic woman.

• 3:58Speaker 05

  I'm bionic, and I'm coming next week.

• 4:01Jessie Ware?

  Oh, yeah, mum will be in Paris. Because you can get the train there.

• 4:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:05Jessie Ware?

  So I had the most amazing tour in North America and Mexico. I'm finished in Mexico. And many people asked after you.

• 4:14Speaker 05

  Did they?

• 4:15Jessie Ware?

  Yeah. Mexico loves Lenny.

• 4:17Speaker 05

  Good.

• 4:17Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, it was an amazing experience. I'm really proud of my gang and can't wait to do it all again. We start Europe this week when this comes out.

• 4:26Speaker 05

  So where's the first one?

• 4:27Jessie Ware?

  Paris.

• 4:28Speaker 05

  Oh, first one's Paris.

• 4:29Jessie Ware?

  And then finish all of my touring at the end in the UK. I'm very excited about tour. I hope you're all coming. Can't wait to see you. And I ate very well in the States, of course.

• 4:41Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 4:42Jessie Ware?

  I had some of the greatest dumplings of my life.

• 4:45Speaker 05

  Where?

• 4:45Jessie Ware?

  In San Francisco at Dumpling House.

• 4:48Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 4:48Jessie Ware?

  They were so good. And now I will never stop thinking about the way that my lighting tech, Justin, his name is actually Justin Time.

• 4:57Speaker 05

  You're joking.

• 4:58Jessie Ware?

  Not joking. My tour manager looked in his passport. Justin Time.

• 5:04Speaker 05

  So his parents called him?

• 5:05Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  Even with the name?

• 5:07Jessie Ware?

  And you know why it matches him? He's a kooky guy, and I love him very much.

• 5:10Speaker 05

  And he was always just in time?

• 5:12Jessie Ware?

  He was just in time. Justin has ruined eating soup dumplings for me because he tried to give us a demonstration on how to eat them. And he said, you put it in the little spoon, and then you bite the nipple.

• 5:29Speaker 05

  Jesus. Where's the nipple on a dumpling?

• 5:32Jessie Ware?

  It's like the bit where like...

• 5:34Speaker 05

  Where it's twisted?

• 5:35Jessie Ware?

  Bite the nipple and suck. And I thought, you've ruined this for me, Justin Time. Ruined it. And now all I think when I think about my beautiful soup dumplings is biting the nipple.

• 5:45Speaker 05

  Right.

• 5:46Jessie Ware?

  Anyway, so we have, well, we have our rival on today.

• 5:52Speaker 05

  He's not really a rival. He's a colleague, a comrade.

• 5:57Jessie Ware?

  A peer.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  A peer.

• 5:59Jessie Ware?

  We have...

• 5:59Speaker 05

  And he's about to appear.

• 6:01Jessie Ware?

  We have James Acaster of Off Menu, the other very excellent food podcast. Where we do ask the same question, if we're being honest. I think we started in the same year, but we have a very different clientele, I think.

• 6:18Speaker 05

  But it's a different approach.

• 6:19Jessie Ware?

  It's a different approach, and we love them. We respect what they do. And it's Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Obviously, we've had Ed Gamble on before. It made me think about soggy biscuit with older Ed. Do you remember that? Limp Bizkit. So I don't know if James has got anything as disgusting as Limp Bizkit.

• 6:38Speaker 05

  James is a foodie.

• 6:39Jessie Ware?

  I don't think he's like Ed Gamble. But he does do a food podcast, doesn't he? So Off Menu, and obviously, if anybody's been watching, the most reluctant traitor ever known to exist.

• 6:52Speaker 05

  I feel for him.

• 6:53Jessie Ware?

  I feel for him, too. So he's just been on Celebrity Traitors. He's regularly on Would I Lie to You, Taskmaster. He's, I think...

• 7:02Speaker 05

  Seth Meyers.

• 7:03Jessie Ware?

  Seth Meyers. Do you remember Seth Meyers was obsessed with him? Said he was his favorite British comic. He's had Netflix specials. I think he's had the most amount of Netflix specials for a British comedian. And he's got a new one. It's not a Netflix special. It's on YouTube, and it's called Craig Simons. And we'll let him explain it.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  I'm really excited.

• 7:23Jessie Ware?

  He's, I, you know what? When I was doing some research, I listened to his How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, who we adore. And he's so kind of honest and brilliant. And I am really looking forward to having a chat with him. Now, I've done the cooking for today, half. We, actually, we've halved it. I've brought over the main. And one of James's very well-known things is that he likes to eat cold lasagna. Well, he discovered this in a time of need. So I thought we've actually never served bolognese. I think we did a vegan bolognese for Leanne La Havas.

• 7:59Speaker 05

  No, he did it for Paloma.

• 8:01Jessie Ware?

  Was it Paloma?

• 8:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:03Jessie Ware?

  Oh, okay. We've never done a meat one. So I've done a bolognese that I'm serving with rigatoni because I think that is the superior...

• 8:11Speaker 05

  Kind of fancy.

• 8:12Jessie Ware?

  It's the superior pasta. And we're doing it with a fennel, orange rocket, and pine nut and almonds, because I didn't have enough almonds, and like sherry vinegar salad, just to kind of brighten it all up. But I have done a play on Jamie Oliver's bolognese. Obviously, everyone makes their own bolognese, and I made mine. But I thought, I remembered when our gorgeous friend Felix White invited me over for dinner for the first time he's ever done that in my life, and I've known him since we were eight. And he made the most delicious spaghetti bolognese. And it was the Jamie Oliver one. And you do it in the oven, and you do it with lots of sun-dried tomato.

• 8:53Speaker 05

  Lovely.

• 8:53Jessie Ware?

  And rosemary. And so I kind of added the rosemary and the sun-dried tomato. No basil. And I've kind of added bits and bobs, a bit of milk, sofrito, all of that, because he only puts in onion. Anyway, made it last night because it's always more delicious the next day. I don't think we've done a Jamie Oliver recipe in ages.

• 9:13Speaker 05

  I did, I did one, a Greek one. Chicken with yogurt.

• 9:17Jessie Ware?

  And then what have you done for Pudd?

• 9:18Speaker 05

  I've made the Alexandra, is it Dudley?

• 9:22Jessie Ware?

  Alexandra Dudley is getting a lot of airtime. We like the book. It's great.

• 9:26Speaker 05

  It's a great book.

• 9:27Jessie Ware?

  It's that and the John Gregory Smith.

• 9:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, our favorite.

• 9:31Jessie Ware?

  Are our favorites.

• 9:31Speaker 05

  And I did message her. I've made caramel miso ice cream.

• 9:36Jessie Ware?

  Yum.

• 9:37Speaker 05

  And I made it a couple of days ago.

• 9:39Jessie Ware?

  You re-tasted it.

• 9:40Speaker 05

  And it's got Konto in. So she says, because it's got alcohol in, it will be soft scoop straight from the freezer. So let's see.

• 9:47Jessie Ware?

  Okay, well, my daughter wanted to make cookies this morning. Of course, she did. So she made some cookies.

• 9:53Speaker 05

  You can have a cookie with this ice cream.

• 9:55Jessie Ware?

  Exactly. Because I remembered reading something about him adoring his mum's baking. So we've just made this quite cozy. You know, with our new friend, James Acaster.

• 10:06Speaker 05

  Have you got Parmesan?

• 10:07Jessie Ware?

  Yes.

• 10:07Speaker 05

  Good.

• 10:08Jessie Ware?

  James Acaster coming up on Table manners.

• 10:18Jessie Ware?

  James Acaster.

• 10:20Speaker 06

  Hello.

• 10:20Jessie Ware?

  Um, it's nice to meet our fellow rival.

• 10:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:24Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, okay.

• 10:25Speaker 06

  There we go.

• 10:25Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 10:26Speaker 06

  Rep, repping.

• 10:27Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 10:28Jessie Ware?

  That is very good merch.

• 10:29Speaker 05

  That is blatant.

• 10:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's blatant. That's me, that's Ed Gamble, you've met Ed Gamble.

• 10:34Speaker 05

  I have, yeah.

• 10:35Jessie Ware?

  We talked about a limp biscuit.

• 10:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was a shame that Ed Gamble, sorry there about that.

• 10:40Jessie Ware?

  I'm wondering what you've got for us.

• 10:43Speaker 06

  Classy, it's gonna be a classy episode.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  Whether his biscuits limp or not.

• 10:47Jessie Ware?

  No, oh, Jesus Christ, okay, well, it's really nice to have you.

• 10:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:52Jessie Ware?

  We actually do really admire what you do.

• 10:54Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 10:55Jessie Ware?

  You've got really good skin.

• 10:56Speaker 06

  Thank you, mate. That's nice.

• 10:58Speaker 05

  I thought your hair, yeah, but I thought your hair would be redder.

• 11:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, people do think that.

• 11:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, I thought, thought you were really, you know.

• 11:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, on certain TV sets and stuff, it looks.

• 11:09Speaker 05

  Redder, yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 06

  Looks redder, yeah, yeah.

• 11:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:11Speaker 06

  And I, and that's, I've been claimed, like the ginger community have claimed me.

• 11:15Speaker 05

  Oh, they have.

• 11:16Speaker 06

  And I don't want to shun them because I am an ally, I like them.

• 11:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, you like them, obviously.

• 11:21Speaker 06

  You know, and saying I'm not ginger makes it sound like I think it's a bad thing, which I don't.

• 11:26Speaker 05

  No.

• 11:27Speaker 06

  But I'm just factually not.

• 11:28Speaker 05

  You're not?

• 11:29Speaker 06

  You know.

• 11:29Speaker 05

  How would you describe the colour of your hair?

• 11:31Speaker 06

  Well, now, it's getting, was gradually getting just grey and white, but like.

• 11:34Speaker 05

  Was it blonder before?

• 11:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, very blonde, and then like a bit of a brownie blonde, and now.

• 11:40Speaker 05

  So how would your mum describe it when you were little, your colour of your hair?

• 11:44Speaker 06

  Strawberry blonde, strawberry blonde, no, strawberry blonde wasn't a, a thing really in my.

• 11:48Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 11:49Speaker 06

  No one said that in Kettering.

• 11:52Jessie Ware?

  Kettering.

• 11:52Speaker 05

  Kettering, where they make the shoes.

• 11:54Speaker 06

  Yes, thank you.

• 11:55Jessie Ware?

  What about, what?

• 11:56Speaker 05

  It's very famous.

• 11:58Speaker 06

  First boots of Everest were made in Kettering.

• 12:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:00Speaker 06

  Edmund Hillary's boots.

• 12:01Speaker 05

  Shoes are very big round there, welling, welling, is it welling, um.

• 12:05Jessie Ware?

  Why should it be big?

• 12:06Speaker 05

  Welling brothers nearby.

• 12:07Jessie Ware?

  Walk a lot there?

• 12:09Speaker 06

  What?

• 12:09Jessie Ware?

  Lots of walking?

• 12:10Speaker 06

  Is that why they make shoes there, Jess?

• 12:12Jessie Ware?

  I don't know, do you, there's like a bit of taping.

• 12:14Speaker 05

  No, they all go barefoot, darling. No, they don't.

• 12:16Speaker 06

  No, it's just where the fact, I mean.

• 12:18Jessie Ware?

  I don't know, like.

• 12:19Speaker 05

  It's where all the, they were the famous shoemakers and the tanner, tanner, people doing tanning.

• 12:25Jessie Ware?

  You know what, just get the jacket off so we can really see the merch, because I actually think it's fantastic merch.

• 12:30Speaker 05

  It's probably cold.

• 12:31Jessie Ware?

  Jacket is great too.

• 12:31Speaker 06

  I quite like the jacket.

• 12:32Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, fair enough. I mean, it's just obscuring your face, who have just got.

• 12:36Speaker 06

  Just Ed.

• 12:36Jessie Ware?

  Just got Ed looking like he's.

• 12:38Speaker 05

  Don't have Ed, shove him over that, that's it.

• 12:40Jessie Ware?

  There we go, okay. Um, it's really good merch, who did you?

• 12:43Speaker 06

  And we're wearing our own merch on the thing as well.

• 12:46Jessie Ware?

  Now, listen, can we just talk about this? I don't know if I talked about this on the Ed Gam, uh, on the Ed Gamble episode.

• 12:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:52Jessie Ware?

  I think we've been going for a similar time.

• 12:55Speaker 06

  I think so.

• 12:55Jessie Ware?

  Potentially, you may have started just before us.

• 12:58Speaker 06

  Twenty eighteen?

• 12:59Jessie Ware?

  Twenty eight, twenty eight.

• 13:00Speaker 05

  I think we were earlier, twenty seventeen.

• 13:03Jessie Ware?

  No, we were twenty seven, oh, sorry, we did beat you though.

• 13:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:06Jessie Ware?

  So, did you listen to our podcast and then think of the, um, really original idea of, uh, Last Supper?

• 13:12Speaker 06

  Talking about food, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we copied you.

• 13:16Speaker 06

  I can admit that.

• 13:17Speaker 05

  Would you, would you describe yourself as a foodie?

• 13:20Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 13:20Speaker 05

  Oh, you would?

• 13:21Jessie Ware?

  But isn't that hard to talk about when you've got Ed Gamble Great British Menu? Were you pissed off when he got that gig?

• 13:27Speaker 06

  No, no.

• 13:28Speaker 05

  I was.

• 13:29Speaker 06

  I wouldn't want to do that.

• 13:30Speaker 05

  I would love it.

• 13:31Jessie Ware?

  It was a task.

• 13:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, ugh.

• 13:33Speaker 05

  Why would you not like it?

• 13:35Speaker 06

  It's cold by the time it gets to you.

• 13:36Speaker 05

  Is it?

• 13:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:38Jessie Ware?

  Is it?

• 13:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, most of it's cold by the time it gets to you, you're just waiting around all day for another cold dish, you kidding me?

• 13:45Speaker 05

  That, that's true.

• 13:46Speaker 06

  Live, I live in hell.

• 13:47Speaker 05

  Never thought about it like that.

• 13:49Speaker 06

  Awful career.

• 13:50Speaker 05

  Been so jealous, and now I'm not.

• 13:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, you shouldn't have been jealous of Ed.

• 13:54Speaker 05

  Relieve me of my jealousy, yeah.

• 13:56Jessie Ware?

  So, let's just go back, I mean, we've got lots to talk about, Craig, we've got Craig to talk about.

• 14:01Speaker 06

  Craig Simons.

• 14:02Jessie Ware?

  Sweet Craig, poor Craig.

• 14:04Speaker 06

  You feel sorry for Craig?

• 14:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, I do, actually.

• 14:06Jessie Ware?

  Are we supposed to feel sorry for Craig?

• 14:07Speaker 06

  No, I don't think so.

• 14:08Speaker 05

  He's a bit of a nebbish, he's a bit of a nebbish.

• 14:10Jessie Ware?

  Well, hold on, isn't Craig, hold on, should we be?

• 14:13Speaker 05

  Craig is imitating somebody else, someone else.

• 14:16Jessie Ware?

  Okay, you know what, let's just talk about Craig.

• 14:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:20Jessie Ware?

  We're gonna talk about other stuff too, like, you know, the success of Off Menu and, and the fact that you're like one of the biggest British comedians that's had the most amount of Netflix specials, I think, as a British comedian, wasn't that the thing?

• 14:32Speaker 06

  I don't know, at, at once.

• 14:35Speaker 05

  He's, he's, in the words of Ron Burgundy, he's a kind of a big deal.

• 14:39Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 14:39Speaker 06

  Didn't think you were gonna quote Anchorman.

• 14:41Speaker 05

  Do you like that?

• 14:42Speaker 06

  I did like it.

• 14:43Speaker 05

  I save it for a lot of people, but not, but mostly you.

• 14:46Jessie Ware?

  We're gonna go into Afternoon Delight in a bit.

• 14:47Speaker 06

  You know, Anchorman, where they're fighting the bears?

• 14:48Speaker 05

  Uh, no, I've forgotten, go on, tell me.

• 14:51Speaker 06

  Anchorman, they go to the zoo and like the finale is like they fall in the bear pit.

• 14:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:55Speaker 06

  And then the, the news team are fighting these bears. They're real bears that are actually there with them.

• 15:00Speaker 05

  How do you know that?

• 15:02Jessie Ware?

  You're fucking with us.

• 15:03Speaker 06

  I did a film with Paul Rudd, I, I asked him about it.

• 15:05Speaker 05

  Did you?

• 15:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:06Jessie Ware?

  Is he so handsome?

• 15:07Speaker 06

  So handsome.

• 15:08Jessie Ware?

  And ageless.

• 15:09Speaker 05

  So handsome, yeah.

• 15:10Jessie Ware?

  What was the film you did?

• 15:12Speaker 06

  Uh, I did a Ghostbusters film, not, I hope many people know about it. We, yeah, we did, yeah, one of the reboots.

• 15:17Jessie Ware?

  With Kirsten Wig and Kristen.

• 15:19Speaker 06

  I know, I would, I'd also have loved to have done that, but we did the one after that, which was like another reboot of it, and it was, it would get rebooted forever.

• 15:27Speaker 05

  So you're an actor?

• 15:28Speaker 06

  Uh, no, um, but I've been allowed to act sometimes as a stand-up. Yeah, yeah, so, sometimes stand-up comedians get, they go, I'll go, have a go at it.

• 15:36Speaker 05

  So he knew that they were real bears?

• 15:38Speaker 06

  He said they were real bears, they went in with the real bears.

• 15:41Jessie Ware?

  And he wasn't fucking with you?

• 15:43Speaker 06

  He wasn't fucking with me, because I've also seen Will Ferrell talk about it in interviews and how one of the bears charged at Christina Applegate.

• 15:49Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 15:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, so it was like, they're real bears.

• 15:53Speaker 05

  Very exciting.

• 15:54Speaker 06

  At the end of Anchorman.

• 15:55Speaker 05

  Um, why would they do that to their, their well-insured cast members?

• 16:00Jessie Ware?

  That would have been like more Revenant, do you know what I mean, than Anchorman?

• 16:03Speaker 06

  It could have been, it could have gone very Revenant at the end.

• 16:06Jessie Ware?

  Um, okay, well, back to you and your achievements. Now, I know that you've played a detective.

• 16:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:14Jessie Ware?

  That kind of masters it, yes, so this is maybe a theme of yours, but.

• 16:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:19Jessie Ware?

  But tell me, yeah, where did Craig come from?

• 16:21Speaker 06

  So, I, I wanted to do a new show, I just wanted the show to be as silly as possible. I did a work in progress that was just a bunch of unconnected jokes and I felt a bit bored at the end of it, I felt like, I don't know if I'd want to watch that, feels a bit boring. And I simultaneously had a cartoon series turned down, uh, by a streamer. And the idea of that, uh, there was loads of different ideas in that cartoon series that got turned down at different points. And one of them was like a performer and his relationship with his tribute act, and I really liked that. And when they said no to it, I was like, but I think there's something there, and often as a stand-up, because you can just do whatever you want. You do just go, that idea that I got told wasn't gonna be good, I'm just gonna do it in stand-up and see what happens.

• 17:04Speaker 06

  So, I had all these jokes that I thought were funny but weren't framed in a way that I thought was entertaining. I had this device that had been like turned down that I wanted to explore, so I just put them together. It was like, I'm gonna say that I'm the UK's number one James Acaster tribute act, Craig Simons, and I'm gonna do all this material under that kind of like lens and see what happens. And like, yeah, it was really, I mean, I.

• 17:26Speaker 05

  Tis clever.

• 17:27Speaker 06

  Had a lot of fun.

• 17:28Speaker 05

  You did.

• 17:29Jessie Ware?

  I also think like, um, you are a very generous performer, but also you're quite, like, you're very physical.

• 17:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:38Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, especially at the beginning, like, is that a way, I mean, is that Craig, or is that kind of how, because then I watched, I watched Rep, well, and that, like, you have a similar, like, energy, but.

• 17:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:49Jessie Ware?

  I also think of you as quite deadpan and.

• 17:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think of you, yeah, very deadpan.

• 17:53Jessie Ware?

  Watching you on stage as opposed to, I guess, listening to you, um.

• 17:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, you, you want to open the show, you know, you want the, you want the show to feel like, like this is the beginning of it, and a lot of the time, I try and do that with just me. And not like, you know, uh, you know, coming in on like the back of an elephant or whatever, you, you want to just like try and do something. So, yeah, with this one, it was, well, the show has to start by showing the audience what the tribute act is before you start to get to know Craig. It has to be, well, what does he actually do? And you can only get that across by showing it to them. So I just based it on every impression of me that I'd seen on the internet or that fans had come up to me and done, which is always just over the top, really all like, you know, the voice is just mad. And the physicality is often exaggerated as well, and I was, I'm just gonna do that at the beginning, you kind of had to, really.

• 18:42Jessie Ware?

  I want to go back to that, but I also wonder whether there's something about like that level of performance and you coming from like the music background and that, like, getting ready for like the big opener of a show.

• 18:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:55Jessie Ware?

  I don't know, but anyway, are you still playing?

• 18:57Speaker 06

  Music?

• 18:58Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 18:58Speaker 06

  Um, I don't, I don't play as often as I'd like, I release music. Drums, I used to teach the drums before I did stand-up, I was, I, I just, just used to drum all day. I've released some music this year, uh, a couple of weeks ago, but that was, I didn't play it recently, I played it in two thousand and seven, that's me playing when I was like in a band before I even started stand-up.

• 19:18Speaker 05

  Why have you released?

• 19:19Speaker 06

  The wow scenario.

• 19:21Speaker 05

  The wow scenario.

• 19:22Speaker 06

  We had an audience member who was quite drunk trying to explain to us that we didn't have the X Factor, but he was too drunk to remember the term.

• 19:27Speaker 05

  The wow scenario, not the wow scenario.

• 19:29Speaker 06

  Remember the term X Factor, so he was telling us, you don't have the wow scenario, you need to get the wow scenario, so then we called ourselves that.

• 19:35Jessie Ware?

  It's a good, it's a good name.

• 19:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's a funny name.

• 19:37Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 19:37Speaker 06

  Um, and like, if it gets across like the, the spirit of what we were doing.

• 19:42Speaker 05

  Do you sing as well?

• 19:43Speaker 06

  There was just two of us in the band.

• 19:45Speaker 05

  Oh, just two?

• 19:46Speaker 06

  And we loved the Beach Boys, so we were like, we, we want to be able to sing as good as the Beach Boys. And we had a first band practice, we recorded ourselves singing, um, I think Sluke John B.

• 19:56Speaker 05

  Did you sound like that?

• 19:57Speaker 06

  Acapella, I was very bad, tone deaf, and I hadn't, I wasn't aware that I was tone deaf until I lived them back to it, so then I went for singing lessons, I had singing lessons for seven years.

• 20:06Speaker 05

  And?

• 20:06Speaker 06

  It got me to the point where as good as the average person singing in their car along to the radio, I'd say.

• 20:12Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 20:12Speaker 06

  But it was a very, very long.

• 20:14Speaker 05

  Big improvement.

• 20:14Speaker 06

  The first lesson she told me, hu, hu, in five minutes in, she said, you stopped playing the piano, I was doing scales with her, and she said, I can't teach you.

• 20:22Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 20:22Speaker 06

  You have to go, I can't teach you.

• 20:24Speaker 05

  That's a bit unkind.

• 20:26Speaker 06

  I said, give me a week, and if I'm, if I've improved even a little bit by next week, this is when I was like seventeen, nothing, then you've got to teach me.

• 20:33Speaker 05

  Why were you so keen to sing?

• 20:34Speaker 06

  Because there was two of us, we did, Kettering is like, there's not like, you're not like tripping over singers in the street.

• 20:40Speaker 05

  Right, so you couldn't find another singer?

• 20:42Speaker 06

  We got to do this ourselves.

• 20:44Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 20:44Speaker 06

  If we don't do it, no one's gonna do it.

• 20:46Speaker 05

  Needs must.

• 20:47Jessie Ware?

  Was the lead singer good?

• 20:48Speaker 06

  He was much better than me, but, but I was talking to him last night, because he's, you know, we've released this music now and, and we both live in different, he lives in a different country now, so we were like, uh, he just won't, won't be able to say, he's very private.

• 21:00Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 21:01Speaker 06

  But we had a FaceTime last night and he was like, we were reminiscing about that, and he was definitely a better singer. And bits of him are still on the album singing, but we mainly replaced the vocals with other vocalists.

• 21:11Speaker 05

  The wild, the, the.

• 21:12Jessie Ware?

  Wow scenario.

• 21:13Speaker 05

  The wow scenario is now out on an album.

• 21:15Speaker 06

  The album's out there.

• 21:17Speaker 05

  What's the album called?

• 21:18Speaker 06

  Stand in the Star, A Verse and a Chorus, which is what, um, pop idol producers used to say to the contestants before they went to audition.

• 21:26Speaker 05

  Did they say, just say it again?

• 21:27Speaker 06

  They say, stand in the star, a verse and a chorus, is what they get told.

• 21:31Speaker 05

  Oh, is that what you did, Jess?

• 21:33Jessie Ware?

  My mum made me go for pop idol.

• 21:35Speaker 06

  Oh, hello.

• 21:36Jessie Ware?

  I didn't even get past the producers.

• 21:39Speaker 06

  Showed them.

• 21:40Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, look at you now.

• 21:42Jessie Ware?

  Doing a podcast.

• 21:44Speaker 06

  Smash, smash album after smash album.

• 21:46Jessie Ware?

  You're very sweet. Anyway, my mum made me, she went, if you, because we loved Will Young so much.

• 21:51Speaker 06

  Who doesn't?

• 21:52Jessie Ware?

  We were, we were so rooting for him. I remember I was working at Peter Jones on the perfumery counter, I must have been fifteen, sixteen.

• 21:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:00Jessie Ware?

  We were so, we voted so many times for Will Young.

• 22:03Speaker 06

  You voted, you actually voted.

• 22:05Jessie Ware?

  Yes, we were committed.

• 22:07Speaker 06

  Good on you, because so many people watch those shows.

• 22:10Jessie Ware?

  And don't vote.

• 22:10Speaker 06

  Don't forget to find it and then they complain.

• 22:12Jessie Ware?

  Oh mate, don't, like all the fucking Strictly lot.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  I know.

• 22:16Speaker 06

  Yeah. Did you vote? No, well, shut up then.

• 22:18Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, shut the fuck up. So anyway, my mum's like, you've got to go for it. And, and I said, mum, I've got, I've got my ASs and it's kind of around the time and I think maybe I should be focusing on that.

• 22:28Speaker 05

  Who went with you, Carla?

• 22:29Jessie Ware?

  My friend Carla, who loved Will Young too. And.

• 22:32Speaker 05

  How is it? Let me, tell me.

• 22:35Speaker 06

  I didn't even touch my lips yet. Saw, saw that you clocked it, knew I was getting asked that. I knew before this has even gone in. It's nice.

• 22:43Speaker 05

  It's okay, better with food.

• 22:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:46Jessie Ware?

  Do you want to know what we're having?

• 22:47Speaker 06

  No, surprise me.

• 22:48Jessie Ware?

  Are you hungry?

• 22:49Speaker 05

  I'm starving, yeah. Jessie, it's nearly quarter to two.

• 22:53Jessie Ware?

  Oh fuck, well, yeah, James was late, that's why.

• 22:55Speaker 06

  This is such a different vibe to off menu.

• 22:58Speaker 05

  Did you think it was going to be like this?

• 23:00Speaker 06

  No.

• 23:01Speaker 05

  You thought it was going to be more organised?

• 23:03Speaker 06

  Maybe. But I wouldn't want it to, but I'm loving it. This is what I like.

• 23:09Speaker 05

  Darling, I've got to ask you about Traitors, a very important question, and it's about the food.

• 23:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 05

  So I think I've just learned that that breakfast, you've already had your breakfast when you walk in. So when Ramesh is eating one piece of, one kind of quarter of a white toast, he's not really eating breakfast.

• 23:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, you, you have breakfast in the hotel when you wake up and then you go in, but like the hotel's about an hour away from the castle.

• 23:37Speaker 05

  Is it?

• 23:37Speaker 06

  So you have, you wake up, you have your breakfast in the hotel, then wardrobe come and sort out what you're wearing for the day and then you have a shower, get ready, get,

• 23:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:46Speaker 06

  Get in the car, an hour getting in there, then you wait around in rooms while they tell someone that they're murdered.

• 23:52Speaker 05

  So what time's that bloody breakfast then?

• 23:54Speaker 06

  So that, that bloody breakfast might be more of a brunch, really.

• 23:58Speaker 05

  Okay, so are you ready for a bit of a bite?

• 24:00Speaker 06

  I, I, I would always have the boiled eggs with some salt and pepper. I'd look forward to that.

• 24:04Speaker 05

  And was it cold or hot? Because cold, everything was cold.

• 24:08Speaker 06

  Everything was cold, but like, I still would look forward to those eggs.

• 24:11Speaker 05

  And what about the lunch? Was that any good?

• 24:14Speaker 06

  Well, I think it was fine. Some people would tell, some people would tell you it was awful, but like, I actually thought it was fine.

• 24:20Speaker 05

  And can you have a drink whenever you want?

• 24:22Speaker 06

  No, you, you, you're allowed two drinks maximum in the evening. Um, but, um, but, but really it's one.

• 24:30Jessie Ware?

  It's not Love Island, it's like, you're not going to start shagging in the library.

• 24:34Speaker 06

  But they want that on Love Island, so that's fine. Yeah, so that's why they're giving them loads of drink on that. With our one, if someone, and not that this worked out very well for them, but if someone gets a bit loose, slipped and drunk, they might just go, whatever, I'm a traitor and tell everyone.

• 24:47Speaker 05

  Oh, right.

• 24:47Speaker 06

  So they want you all sober, although we had Richard.

• 24:50Jessie Ware?

  So that for the round table?

• 24:52Speaker 06

  I did the round table, Richard did it at the beginning. We, no alcohol required. But, uh, but yeah, that's why they don't want people just getting hammered.

• 24:59Speaker 05

  Oh, right.

• 25:00Speaker 06

  People might then just like.

• 25:01Speaker 05

  But then after the round table.

• 25:03Speaker 06

  You go home.

• 25:05Speaker 05

  And you don't get a drink then either?

• 25:06Speaker 06

  You do. It's like, that's when your drink is, is after the round table.

• 25:09Speaker 05

  Only one drink?

• 25:10Speaker 06

  Two, but, but they kind of delay the second one. You get your first one and then you kind of ask for your second one, but it kind of doesn't really come through until you finish the meal. That's why you wouldn't want to go on it.

• 25:23Speaker 05

  I couldn't manage it.

• 25:24Speaker 06

  So the reason you couldn't go on it is because.

• 25:26Speaker 05

  Absolutely not.

• 25:28Speaker 06

  That's the thing.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  That's the thing for me, I'm telling you.

• 25:30Jessie Ware?

  What if they allowed you three drinks?

• 25:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, maybe.

• 25:35Speaker 06

  So you'd have to negotiate that before you go in.

• 25:36Speaker 05

  I'd have to negotiate that.

• 25:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, that you have a third drink.

• 25:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, it'd be a real deal breaker for me.

• 25:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, well then.

• 25:44Speaker 05

  Because I think you need.

• 25:45Speaker 06

  I think you probably shouldn't go on.

• 25:46Speaker 05

  I think I probably shouldn't. But I think you need to relax, actually, a little bit.

• 25:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, I think that's an important part of those shows, but.

• 25:54Speaker 05

  Yeah. Who was your best friend there?

• 25:56Speaker 06

  Romesh Ranganathan.

• 25:58Speaker 05

  So Ramesh is your best mate?

• 25:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, I, I.

• 26:00Speaker 05

  But you know him before, didn't you?

• 26:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. I'd just walk in and stand next to Ramesh. Ramesh won because I wasn't ever going to murder him or let them murder him.

• 26:09Speaker 05

  No.

• 26:09Speaker 06

  I was like, I need Ramesh to be here, so I can hang out with him. That's because of me, that he won.

• 26:14Speaker 05

  It's all down to you.

• 26:15Speaker 06

  Yeah. He was a calm presence. It was great to go and just stand with Rom. Equally didn't seem to, you know, be overly fussed about who won it, but did want to play the game. That was where we both were.

• 26:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:28Speaker 06

  Wanted to play, but it wasn't life or death.

• 26:31Speaker 05

  Had you watched it before?

• 26:32Speaker 06

  I had, yeah, I'd watched all of it. Yeah, yeah.

• 26:35Speaker 05

  Yeah. Did you watch the non-celebrity one as well?

• 26:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'd watched that.

• 26:38Speaker 05

  Is it something you play at Christmas?

• 26:40Speaker 06

  No.

• 26:41Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 26:41Speaker 06

  No, I've played, you know, similar games, Matthew and stuff and Werewolf, I played those with my mate and stuff, that's fun. Yeah, yeah.

• 26:49Jessie Ware?

  So, James, we all know about your love of cold lasagna.

• 26:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 26:54Jessie Ware?

  And whilst I didn't want to serve you a cold lasagna, I actually realised so many people have said for their last supper, which I'm sure that you have on off menu, they've put spag bol.

• 27:03Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 27:03Jessie Ware?

  Homemade spag bol.

• 27:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:05Jessie Ware?

  So I decided that on quite a chilly day, we're having spag bol. I wasn't, you can't go wrong, I don't think.

• 27:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, sure.

• 27:13Jessie Ware?

  Well, potentially I can, but we'll find out.

• 27:16Speaker 06

  That'd be historic if you managed to mess spag bol up after so many episodes of cooking.

• 27:20Jessie Ware?

  But I did do it differently.

• 27:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:22Jessie Ware?

  I, every, I'm sure you have your way to doing spag bol. I actually did Jamie Oliver's kind of ver, kind of did Jamie Oliver's ver, Oliver's version, where you do it in the oven.

• 27:32Speaker 06

  Uh huh.

• 27:32Jessie Ware?

  And you do loads of sun dried tomato in it, lots of wine and rosemary. So.

• 27:38Speaker 06

  Love it.

• 27:39Jessie Ware?

  Whilst we eat, you can start thinking about your last supper. How many times has your last supper changed whilst doing off menu?

• 27:47Speaker 06

  Um, oh yeah, quite a lot. We change it pretty, pretty regularly, pretty routinely. Yeah, we, we do our own menus every hundred episodes. But it's not really last supper, you know, because it's like.

• 27:56Jessie Ware?

  I know.

• 27:57Speaker 05

  Every hundred episodes, how many hundreds have you done?

• 27:59Speaker 06

  We're, we've recorded over four hundred, I, I don't think the four hundredth one's gone out yet. Or has it? Maybe it has, I don't know.

• 28:06Jessie Ware?

  Are you still enjoying it?

• 28:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:08Jessie Ware?

  It's a pleasure, isn't it?

• 28:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's a pleasure. It's, it's an honour and I, and I feel very lucky to, to have something like that. That's just like, you know, we just do it off our own back and we don't have to get permission from anyone and just release it.

• 28:21Speaker 05

  Where do you record it? Have you got a studio?

• 28:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's a little studio, uh, in, uh, South London that, uh, we recorded in. Yeah, yeah.

• 28:28Jessie Ware?

  How does it feel to be a bit of a heartthrob? I mean, maybe you've always been a heartthrob, but I definitely took notice of you, James O'Carter, at that round table. I really was quite attracted to you.

• 28:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:39Jessie Ware?

  When you fessed up.

• 28:41Speaker 06

  Was that, was that attractive?

• 28:42Jessie Ware?

  I found you so attractive. Because I felt like you admitted your faults.

• 28:46Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 28:47Jessie Ware?

  You owned up, you acknowledged, so you got a bit of rind, parmesan rind, I'm sorry.

• 28:50Speaker 05

  Also, you've got.

• 28:51Speaker 06

  What?

• 28:52Jessie Ware?

  The parmesan rind, but I think it will be delicious.

• 28:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think.

• 28:54Speaker 05

  Also, you've got one over on them because you said it first.

• 28:58Jessie Ware?

  Yeah. But I do think you were very attractive in that moment.

• 29:02Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 29:02Jessie Ware?

  I know that lots of people have said you were a villain.

• 29:05Speaker 06

  Mm hmm.

• 29:06Jessie Ware?

  Which I think is ridiculous. And I found it very attractive as a woman, that I felt like you owned it. And I actually feel like I couldn't have been a traitor for, I would have hated confrontation.

• 29:17Speaker 05

  Every, every woman.

• 29:18Jessie Ware?

  I would have cried if anyone said I was being a bit rude or weird or like cunning. But I, I just found, I found you very attractive at that stage and I don't, and how are you finding the attention? By.

• 29:28Speaker 06

  Because, because I'm not on social media.

• 29:30Jessie Ware?

  Oh, that's so good.

• 29:31Speaker 06

  And I genuinely don't look at it.

• 29:33Jessie Ware?

  Oh, that's so good.

• 29:34Speaker 06

  And with, with a show as big as Traitors, I'm too scared to Google myself or look at the press. So I genuinely haven't seen any of it. And, and unless it, you know, the things that have properly got into the Zeitgeist store, like any, any lines the press have printed have been reported to me by my agent so that I'm across it.

• 29:52Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 29:53Speaker 06

  But, so it's weird really, because I have a bit of a disconnected.

• 29:55Jessie Ware?

  That's amazing.

• 29:57Speaker 06

  Thing from it. So I don't, I'm not really, I know that those things have been talked about and gone on. But I don't know like how massive they are. And with stuff like that round table, I was like, after it had happened, because you know, I didn't go in planning to do it. But after it happened, you go, well, that's never happened on the show before, so there's going to be every opinion, every opinion under the sun about that. So you kind of already know.

• 30:18Jessie Ware?

  Did that, did that stress you out?

• 30:20Speaker 06

  What?

• 30:21Jessie Ware?

  The, the idea that, like, because I've heard you, I've heard that you talk about, and I can relate to this, I guess, because doing gigs and actually having verbal diarrhoea on shows where I have this thing where I'm like, fuck, I've said too much, or fuck, I didn't acknowledge that bit, or fuck, I didn't thank the support act, or, you know, and, and so that feeling where you were like, well, that's never been done before. You're kind of like, well, that's quite, as somebody who's on telly quite a lot, were you like, that's good telly?

• 30:48Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah, a bit, a bit, yeah, part of me thought that. Uh, part of me was just like. Stand by it, I don't care. Because you obviously get to that point as well, where you know that the public will have um every opinion about it.

• 31:01Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 31:01Speaker 06

  And you can't worry about the people who don't like whatever it is that you've done. You know, I went on Saturday Kitchen and punched a fake polar bear. And got two hundred and fifty.

• 31:09Speaker 05

  Of con.

• 31:10Speaker 06

  Complaints to the BBC, but like.

• 31:12Speaker 05

  Why did you punch a fake polar bear?

• 31:14Speaker 06

  Because um I I didn't get the dessert that I wanted, um and so and they told me to go big when I discovered I wasn't gonna get it. So I trashed the studio.

• 31:22Speaker 05

  Heaven or hell.

• 31:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, heaven or hell. So I didn't I didn't get my. Heaven, so I trashed the studio. It's Christmas time. They had a fake polar bear there, so I punched it in the face.

• 31:30Speaker 05

  And you got two hundred.

• 31:32Speaker 06

  And some something complaints.

• 31:33Speaker 05

  Fake polar bear.

• 31:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, people complained. So I I already knew once that thing had happened on Traitors.

• 31:37Speaker 05

  Mm hmm.

• 31:38Speaker 06

  I was like, well, obviously some people are gonna take the game very seriously and they're gonna complain about it. Some people are gonna be like good tellies. So yeah, there's gonna be a whole bunch of things.

• 31:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, but you see, all the girls love a faithful man, don't they?

• 31:48Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, exactly. I think it's actually been an incredible tool. You're you're not single though, are you?

• 31:54Speaker 06

  Not not at all, no.

• 31:55Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, you're you're, well, then I guess your partner's gonna have to be fighting off all these women that think that.

• 32:02Speaker 06

  That's all she does.

• 32:02Jessie Ware?

  And men. Um, so we should do this podcast properly, but so we should set the scene.

• 32:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:10Speaker 05

  You were born in Kettering?

• 32:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:12Speaker 05

  Which hospital?

• 32:13Speaker 06

  General, Kettering General.

• 32:14Speaker 05

  Kettering General.

• 32:15Jessie Ware?

  And who was round the dinner table and what's a memorable dish from your childhood?

• 32:19Speaker 05

  I thought you were gonna say who was round the birth table then. Good God.

• 32:23Speaker 06

  Couple of nurses, the doc. Round the dinner table, me, my siblings, mum and dad.

• 32:30Speaker 05

  How many siblings do you have?

• 32:31Speaker 06

  Two, I'm the oldest.

• 32:33Jessie Ware?

  Boys, girls?

• 32:34Speaker 06

  Brother and sister.

• 32:35Jessie Ware?

  Mm hmm.

• 32:35Speaker 06

  Um, that would be the five of us, yeah, sitting down for dinner.

• 32:39Jessie Ware?

  Right.

• 32:41Speaker 06

  My mum, great cook.

• 32:43Speaker 05

  Good baker.

• 32:44Speaker 06

  Very good baker. The dishes are, I mean, we were all very dessert motivated as a family. So a dessert I remember from childhood the most is when my mum got an ice cream maker and then we would insist that we just had it before she froze it. So we would just get. Ice cream poured from the ice cream maker into a bowl with like chocolate chips and marshmallows chipped on it.

• 33:04Speaker 05

  Sounds fun.

• 33:05Speaker 06

  She's fun. She's a laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's fun.

• 33:08Jessie Ware?

  Who do you think's funnier, your mum or your dad?

• 33:11Speaker 06

  My mum.

• 33:12Jessie Ware?

  Really?

• 33:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, he won't like that because he tries harder to be funny. He's a great guy. I love him. But she's just naturally funny. You just got it. Sometimes you just got it, you know. I've had to work on it. So I'm the same, I I empathise with him.

• 33:24Speaker 05

  She didn't go to funny lessons, like you went to singing lessons.

• 33:28Speaker 06

  She didn't go to funny lessons, I don't want to sing lessons. She.

• 33:30Speaker 05

  She had it.

• 33:31Speaker 06

  Funny straight out the gate.

• 33:32Speaker 05

  She was the Brian Wilson. Yeah.

• 33:35Speaker 06

  She's the Brian Wilson. We're all just trying to harmonise with her.

• 33:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:40Jessie Ware?

  That was very beautiful. That was lovely. I liked that. So ice cream.

• 33:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:44Jessie Ware?

  Pre-made. We're actually having ice cream for pudding.

• 33:47Speaker 05

  I made it for you.

• 33:48Jessie Ware?

  Is that okay?

• 33:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's great.

• 33:50Jessie Ware?

  What's your favourite scoop?

• 33:52Speaker 06

  I mean, there's a lot of of different scoops. I mean, I think of of the classics. I don't think you can beat a raspberry ripple.

• 33:59Speaker 05

  Oh, I nearly did do that.

• 34:01Jessie Ware?

  Oh my.

• 34:02Speaker 06

  Love it. But then like these days, anything that's like chocolatey and salty.

• 34:06Speaker 05

  I've done caramel miso.

• 34:08Jessie Ware?

  Tick, tick. And I've made double chocolate cookies. Because I heard you liked a cookie that your mum made.

• 34:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, loved loved a cookie that my mum. My mum used to make double chocolate chip cookies.

• 34:19Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 34:19Speaker 06

  Get get get home from school before my mum got home and tried to have as many as I could at the biscuit bar, then claimed that I just had two.

• 34:27Speaker 05

  Are you the person that goes out for dinner and you really are keen on the dessert before the dinner?

• 34:33Speaker 06

  I will, I will be excited about the whole dinner, but I will have already looked at the desserts.

• 34:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:39Speaker 06

  So I'll have that in my head. I'll have banked that.

• 34:41Speaker 05

  To make room and to.

• 34:43Speaker 06

  I know, so I'm having that. Oh, you know what dessert, whereas everyone else is like, we'll see how we feel when we get there, if we're gonna have dessert or not. I know I'm having dessert. I know that's what I'm gonna order.

• 34:52Jessie Ware?

  Do you look at a menu before you get to the restaurant?

• 34:55Speaker 06

  No.

• 34:56Jessie Ware?

  Okay.

• 34:56Speaker 06

  No, I do.

• 34:57Jessie Ware?

  You like that element.

• 34:58Speaker 06

  Ed does.

• 34:59Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 05

  Jesse likes to plan. So what's a savoury dish that your mum was very good at?

• 35:05Speaker 06

  Really good at lasagna.

• 35:06Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 06

  And and and a spag bol actually, yeah, she would do stuff like that really well. Um, oh, my favourite was she'd do a sausage meat pie.

• 35:14Speaker 05

  Sausage meat pie?

• 35:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, like.

• 35:16Jessie Ware?

  So like get the sausage meat out of the sausage.

• 35:19Speaker 06

  I think that's how she must have done it. I actually never asked her.

• 35:22Speaker 05

  Big pie, like a sausage roll pie?

• 35:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:25Speaker 05

  Puff or what's the other one? Um, short?

• 35:29Speaker 06

  I think it was short, but it was quite flaky, really buttery, flaky pastry. So maybe, I don't know, maybe it was puff. She still does it now when we request it.

• 35:36Jessie Ware?

  How was she serving it? In like a quiche, like pie dish or is it like a lot?

• 35:40Speaker 06

  In like a rectangular, big old dish with corners, cutting that into squares. You'd have a big load of that with some like mash and some veg maybe.

• 35:49Jessie Ware?

  Gravy?

• 35:49Speaker 06

  Gravy all over it.

• 35:50Jessie Ware?

  Sounds really good.

• 35:51Speaker 06

  Um, there's some onions in the sausage meat pie.

• 35:53Speaker 05

  Are you going there for Christmas?

• 35:55Speaker 06

  No, but I I have done sometimes.

• 35:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:58Speaker 06

  But then it's like Christmas dinner, but you might have to request a sausage meat. I mean, again with that.

• 36:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:03Speaker 06

  Christmas, uh, my mum's, it's like all about the snacks, the sweet snacks that are gonna be in the fridge for the whole thing.

• 36:10Speaker 05

  So what's gonna be there?

• 36:11Jessie Ware?

  So what's in the fridge?

• 36:12Speaker 06

  So like, there's there's a thing that it just gets called fridge cake in in my house, which is just like, it's just gooey chocolate and it's got bits of biscuit in it in a tray.

• 36:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:21Jessie Ware?

  Is it a Nigella recipe?

• 36:22Speaker 06

  It probably is.

• 36:23Jessie Ware?

  Has it got peanut in it?

• 36:25Speaker 06

  Uh, this one doesn't.

• 36:26Speaker 05

  No, it's like a rocky rose.

• 36:27Speaker 06

  It's like a rocky rose, gooey, it's really gooey.

• 36:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:31Speaker 06

  We started grating orange zest into it. It's like a chocolate orangey thing.

• 36:34Jessie Ware?

  Oh, nice. Great.

• 36:36Speaker 06

  She does like a homemade, like Reese's peanut butter cups thing. So just that in a tray.

• 36:42Jessie Ware?

  Oh, don't she's great.

• 36:43Speaker 06

  Has some raisins in it as well. It really makes it pop. Those are great. Um. There's a third one of the of the absolute dream team that I always hope is there when I go back. But those are the two like. That i- if if one of us like couldn't be there for Christmas and Boxing Day and is arriving closer to New Year.

• 37:00Speaker 05

  She'd save you some.

• 37:00Speaker 06

  You're on your way there going, oh, I really hope they save me some. Because we all we all love desserts so much, you can't really rely. My mum doesn't, isn't really that fast on dessert, so you're hoping that she's played goalkeeper and saves some for you.

• 37:14Speaker 05

  Trifle?

• 37:15Speaker 06

  I love a trifle.

• 37:16Speaker 05

  Me too.

• 37:17Speaker 06

  Didn't really have much growing up. Wasn't a staple in the house.

• 37:20Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 37:20Speaker 06

  Um, even though definitely that was my mum's era of cooking, was like, yeah, those seventies cookbooks with the.

• 37:25Speaker 05

  Love a trifle, yeah.

• 37:26Speaker 06

  With the faded uh pictures in them, yeah.

• 37:29Speaker 05

  Can you cook?

• 37:30Speaker 06

  Not really. I can do little bits and I I enjoyed it during lockdown. Actually stole one of her recipes in lockdown that she did for this uh, this Thai soup that was like a coconut. Uh, so with like salmon in it and noodles in it. And I I'd make that pretty regularly during uh like a green Thai like curry soup. It was um, that was really good. I got really good at making that.

• 37:54Speaker 05

  And kept the Covid away.

• 37:56Speaker 06

  It kept the Covid away?

• 37:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:58Speaker 06

  Apart from the times that I got Covid.

• 38:00Jessie Ware?

  Um, Seth Meyers talks very fondly about you.

• 38:04Speaker 06

  That's nice.

• 38:04Speaker 05

  He's lovely.

• 38:05Jessie Ware?

  When we interviewed him, he said you are his favourite comedian.

• 38:10Speaker 06

  That's nice to know. I didn't know that. I'm gonna rub that in his face.

• 38:12Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 38:13Speaker 05

  Is he a comedian? Is he a comedian?

• 38:15Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, he did SNL mum.

• 38:16Speaker 06

  He's stand up. He's got brilliant stand up specials. Yeah, he's the real deal.

• 38:21Jessie Ware?

  He said you make him laugh the most. And then I watched, I watched your Seth. I don't know, you've probably been on it a few times.

• 38:28Speaker 06

  Few times now.

• 38:29Jessie Ware?

  The the one where you had the New York, did you have like merch on, like you had?

• 38:34Speaker 06

  All the Seth Meyers merch.

• 38:35Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, oh yeah, it was the Seth Meyers merch.

• 38:37Speaker 06

  Green room, yeah.

• 38:38Jessie Ware?

  It was very funny, James.

• 38:40Speaker 06

  I said he made a dog come.

• 38:43Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 38:43Jessie Ware?

  I didn't.

• 38:44Speaker 06

  So.

• 38:45Jessie Ware?

  Elaborate.

• 38:46Speaker 06

  Competes with Limp Bizkit, doesn't it?

• 38:48Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, let's elaborate on that. Let's get a, let's get a trailer out of it.

• 38:51Speaker 06

  He he'd done Taskmaster Live and he wanted to talk about it on the show. And often on that show, I don't tell them what I'm gonna say, which is nice. They don't demand that they know what your answers are. And but I knew that what the questions were. So he was like, I did Taskma-, yeah, I did Taskmaster Live uh the other day. And I said, the tasks were way. More hardcore than they are for the the film version that we do back home. I said, could I tell them one of the tasks you did, Seth? And it was like, make a dog come? And then uh.

• 39:17Jessie Ware?

  Shit.

• 39:18Speaker 06

  They obviously had to bleep that out, but.

• 39:20Jessie Ware?

  Oh, they bleeped out?

• 39:21Speaker 06

  Everyone knew knew what I said. Everyone knew.

• 39:24Jessie Ware?

  Did it land?

• 39:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was the only bit. That that interview was a trickier one because I'd gone, I think I'd gone all in on weirdness on that one. So that was a harder one, but luckily make a dog come took the roof off.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  Did your mum watch that?

• 39:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 39:39Jessie Ware?

  Hmm. How did your mum feel about it? Proud?

• 39:41Speaker 06

  She was like, you know, she knows that there's no point telling me. She's not proud. She has to just go, well done. She can't say you let me down then.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  You let me down there.

• 39:51Speaker 06

  But I know that I did, but like, you know, she doesn't need to tell me that.

• 39:55Speaker 05

  Do you luxuriate in the awkwardness?

• 40:00Speaker 06

  Not really, no, that's never been my aim. I've I've I've I've learnt the hard way that I'm awkward through doing stand up. You do stand up and then you just learn who you are and however people see you.

• 40:09Speaker 05

  A fucking terrifying thing to do on a stage.

• 40:12Speaker 06

  I thought it was the Fonz before I did this.

• 40:14Speaker 05

  Where did you first do stand up? Which was your first show?

• 40:17Speaker 06

  It was the Rising Sun in Kettering, a little pub. Uh, I and that was when I did my first gig.

• 40:22Speaker 05

  And who came to watch you?

• 40:24Speaker 06

  Quite a few, like, like, like friends and and like, I think my sister might have come. I don't know if any other family members did. Cause I was like, I didn't want them to come in, you know, my first gig.

• 40:32Speaker 05

  Say come, when we've just talked about the dog, sorry.

• 40:35Speaker 06

  That's it.

• 40:35Speaker 05

  Jessica. I just, you just said my sister, I think, it's anyway.

• 40:39Speaker 06

  Came, I didn't want the rest of my family to come.

• 40:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, that, okay.

• 40:42Speaker 06

  You got a problem with that?

• 40:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:44Speaker 06

  That's you that's doing that.

• 40:45Speaker 05

  Jessie's filthy.

• 40:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:46Speaker 05

  Not me. Jessie always makes out.

• 40:48Speaker 06

  My mum is ashamed of you.

• 40:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:50Speaker 06

  Jessie.

• 40:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm sure she is.

• 40:52Speaker 06

  Your grubby little mind.

• 40:53Speaker 05

  So you started off in the Rising Sun.

• 40:56Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:56Speaker 05

  How many people do you think were there?

• 40:58Speaker 06

  I think there's probably about fifty people there. It felt like a million.

• 41:00Speaker 05

  And did you feel confident? Were you frightened?

• 41:03Speaker 06

  I was definitely frightened. I spent the whole day pretending that I wasn't doing it, just telling myself, I'm not doing anything particular tonight. I'm just gonna go to the Rising Sun and watch.

• 41:10Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 41:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, like, like.

• 41:11Speaker 05

  It's very casual.

• 41:12Speaker 06

  So the whole time when people were getting up and doing their bits, I was like, I'm just watching this.

• 41:16Speaker 05

  Oh, so it's like an open mic thing?

• 41:18Speaker 06

  No, it was a pre-booked thing. I was on it, but I was still telling myself, like, I'm just watching.

• 41:23Speaker 05

  Okay, fine.

• 41:24Speaker 06

  I don't have to think about getting up there. I'm just watching.

• 41:27Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 41:27Speaker 06

  And then when they said my name, I remember walking up to the stage and I could feel my heart pounding.

• 41:32Speaker 05

  What did you wear? Casual?

• 41:34Speaker 06

  I can't remember what I wore. I actually didn't used to think about.

• 41:36Speaker 05

  You didn't wear that little t-shirt with the bow tie? Craig's little bow tie dish.

• 41:42Speaker 06

  Uh, and that that's inspired by Ashton B. Ashton B. used to wear a t-shirt, like, tuxedo, kind of, get up on stage. Uh, and then when I had to find an outfit for Craig, I was, I went to a thrift store in L A. And I saw that and for a moment I was like, maybe I don't get it because of Ashton, because Ashton like does a similar thing. And I was like, no, that, you should get it because of that.

• 42:02Speaker 05

  Did you ask her permission?

• 42:03Speaker 06

  I just tell her, I just say, look, just so you know. I've got a t-shirt, tuxedo, she went, you motherfucker.

• 42:09Speaker 05

  So we had Nick Mohammed on the podcast.

• 42:12Speaker 06

  Lovely man.

• 42:13Speaker 05

  Great.

• 42:14Speaker 06

  Awful palate.

• 42:15Speaker 05

  The worst palate I've ever come across.

• 42:18Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  No, I think that's. Spate when he gave me his speciality meal this week.

• 42:22Speaker 06

  Disgusting.

• 42:24Speaker 05

  If you had, he he uh, he said, if you had one dish that you had to eat forever and ever, what would it be?

• 42:31Speaker 06

  Um.

• 42:31Speaker 05

  Every day.

• 42:32Speaker 06

  And does it have an effect on you?

• 42:33Speaker 05

  No. No, not particularly.

• 42:35Speaker 06

  So it won't, it won't affect you at all?

• 42:37Speaker 05

  No. No.

• 42:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'd just have ice cream.

• 42:39Speaker 05

  Oh, would you?

• 42:40Speaker 06

  I would have, uh, what kind of ice cream would I have?

• 42:43Speaker 05

  Raspberry ripple.

• 42:44Speaker 06

  That'd be, yeah.

• 42:45Speaker 05

  No, I think that would be a bit boring.

• 42:47Speaker 06

  Yellow raspberry ripple.

• 42:48Speaker 05

  Oh, the with Cornish, the Cornish cream one.

• 42:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, that you're getting in tubs at Sainsbury's and stuff. It's always yellow.

• 42:55Speaker 05

  You're not, you're not fancy pants about your ice cream?

• 42:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, I love, I love fancy pants food. But if I'm gonna have it every day forever, I'd want something that isn't too rich.

• 43:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think you're right.

• 43:05Speaker 06

  Do my head in.

• 43:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, it would do your head in.

• 43:07Speaker 06

  I think I'd have to have something that, like, yeah, it, I I like it, tastes nice, but it's not like.

• 43:13Speaker 05

  It's not gonna.

• 43:14Speaker 06

  Hit me in the face.

• 43:15Speaker 05

  Okay, I absolutely get that.

• 43:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:17Speaker 05

  And and for your last supper, would ice cream be on the menu?

• 43:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'd have it, you know what? There's some, some murderer on death row ordered like two pints of mint choc chip ice cream as his last meal. And I really related to that.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Did you? Really?

• 43:33Speaker 06

  I was like, I'll do that. Yeah, I I I like mint choc chip.

• 43:36Speaker 05

  Do you? It's a reason now I don't like it to do it. It's like toothpaste.

• 43:40Speaker 06

  Come off it. It's not like toothpaste.

• 43:41Speaker 05

  Yes, it is to me.

• 43:43Speaker 06

  Behave, you know it's not like toothpaste.

• 43:44Speaker 05

  No, I don't like it. No, I don't like it. My five-year-old. Loves it. Doesn't want to brush his teeth and has to have like bubblegum flavoured. Likes mint choc chip. Goes for mint choc chip. It makes no fucking sense. Well, cause you don't.

• 43:57Speaker 06

  That's that, oh, he's, he's, he's trolling.

• 43:59Speaker 05

  He's contrary.

• 44:00Speaker 06

  He's, he's, he's, he knows what he's doing there.

• 44:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:03Speaker 06

  He knows that's not nice for you.

• 44:04Speaker 05

  No, it's not.

• 44:05Speaker 06

  But he's like delicious.

• 44:06Speaker 05

  Get mint choc chip, oh, it's toothpaste. Maybe you should invent one. Oh, my god. You'll make a fortune. Yeah.

• 44:13Speaker 06

  Usually you watch missing from toothpaste is the choc chip.

• 44:15Speaker 05

  Yeah. I think it is. But I mean, to be fair, if you can make a bubble, bubblegum flavoured. Yeah, you can add a bit of to, chocolate flavouring. Go mint choc chip.

• 44:26Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think you, on the winner. Taste in your mouth. Should we go on Dragon's Den? Yeah, sure. Okay.

• 44:31Speaker 06

  I mean, I would like to see you two on Dragon's Den.

• 44:34Speaker 05

  Would you?

• 44:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, so I'd see how long that pitches.

• 44:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, take a while to get there.

• 44:39Speaker 05

  Short and sweet is better on Dragon's Den.

• 44:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, oh, definitely.

• 44:43Speaker 05

  Don't you think?

• 44:43Speaker 06

  But more watchable, you two doing a whole thing.

• 44:46Speaker 05

  Pitching to Deborah Meaden. How do you think Lenny would fare on traitors?

• 44:51Speaker 06

  Um, well, you've said you wouldn't like it because of the the drink stuff.

• 44:54Speaker 05

  I think the the lack of alcohol is really a problem for me.

• 44:58Speaker 06

  I think you would struggle to get past just the production aspect of it, before we even start talking about the game.

• 45:04Speaker 05

  Oh, they can't produce you.

• 45:06Speaker 06

  Well, no, just, there's, no, naturally it's a production, you, you, you know, just just go, like, like the number of drinks you have or driving in for the day. Not having breakfast a bit later, all that stuff.

• 45:17Speaker 05

  Would drive me a bit nuts.

• 45:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, they don't tell you what to do, but like, in terms of playing the game.

• 45:21Speaker 05

  A lot of faffing.

• 45:24Speaker 06

  That's not as much as you would think.

• 45:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, the faffing drives me mad on any kind of production.

• 45:28Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah, there'd be a bit of stuff that, yeah, I think, so you'd have to get past that to begin with.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  But I don't think I could do any of the, yeah, but some of those challenges. Out of the games. Well, I, you know, I've just had a hit replacement.

• 45:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:42Speaker 05

  I would not have been able to jump out of a helicopter, that was for sure. I've been laughed. And abseiled down on a rope. There was no way.

• 45:49Speaker 06

  Leanne was pregnant, she did that.

• 45:50Speaker 05

  I know, I know. But I also couldn't, I couldn't be buried either.

• 45:56Speaker 06

  That would have been great.

• 45:56Speaker 05

  I'd have had another breakdown if I was buried. Done the helicopter?

• 46:01Speaker 06

  I don't know by that point, because like, it's knackered by the end.

• 46:05Speaker 05

  Really?

• 46:06Speaker 06

  Well, I probably would have gone on May as well.

• 46:08Speaker 05

  Really?

• 46:09Speaker 06

  I was annoyed that I got talked into be being buried alive, actually. I I look back at that.

• 46:13Speaker 05

  Totally could not do that.

• 46:14Speaker 06

  Well, the thing was with that is that they tied us to our partner.

• 46:17Speaker 05

  Oh, my god.

• 46:18Speaker 06

  So, no, no, not, not physically, but it was like, if you don't do it.

• 46:20Speaker 05

  You let them down.

• 46:21Speaker 06

  They're up for murder.

• 46:22Speaker 05

  Which is why Hannah Fry.

• 46:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, so if they'd said, you're all being buried alive on your own, I'd be like, great, not me. And I wouldn't have done it, because I would have been like, I ain't getting buried alive for this shit.

• 46:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:31Speaker 06

  But instead you're like, oh, if you don't do it, Bella Ramsey's gonna be up for murder. And then when you're also a traitor who's probably gonna end up murdering them, you feel a bit bad.

• 46:39Speaker 05

  Responsible, yeah.

• 46:40Speaker 06

  So you go, oh, I better do it. And then you're in the grave going, what am I doing?

• 46:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, I. How long were you in it for?

• 46:45Speaker 06

  So they said fifteen minutes.

• 46:46Speaker 05

  Oh, my god. That's telly.

• 46:48Speaker 06

  It was a lot longer, because like, obviously.

• 46:50Speaker 05

  Two.

• 46:51Speaker 06

  First of all, they get us all under there, they they put the soil on, and then Jerry goes, I wanna get out. So now, they're getting out Jerry while we're all in there still. Then they had to set up a drone shot, so you you heard that through the soil, through the layers, going like, you're gonna set up the drone. It's a, it's not, it's not.

• 47:06Speaker 05

  Oh, my god, faffing. You've said the drone before, I'm sorry.

• 47:10Speaker 06

  Higher with the drone. Okay, have we got, can we just check the monitor on that, on the drone shot? And you just send that. And then Bella and I were the last ones to get dug up.

• 47:17Speaker 05

  Oh, mate. Did, did they hate it as well?

• 47:20Speaker 06

  I think Bella coped with it much better, actually, than, but I didn't hear Bella complain about that, actually. Um, but like, I, I, yeah, I I was like, this is some bullshit. Can't believe they did this.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  I agree with you.

• 47:32Speaker 06

  So, yeah, so that, but then.

• 47:35Speaker 05

  Before you go on, do they say, look, we're going to do stunts like this?

• 47:39Speaker 06

  No.

• 47:39Speaker 05

  So you have no idea what you're going to be up to?

• 47:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, and I, I flagged up, yeah, you can flag up stuff, but they asked you like, um, so they asked all of us. They asked you a billion questions before you go on, obviously. And one of the questions was, are you claustrophobic?

• 47:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:57Speaker 06

  And everyone went, no, not really. Now, I would argue, that's a different question. That's a different question to, are you okay with us burying you alive?

• 48:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, that.

• 48:05Speaker 06

  I would say.

• 48:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, I agree with you.

• 48:06Speaker 06

  Those are two different things.

• 48:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's being in a small room, not in a bloody coffin.

• 48:10Speaker 06

  Exactly. They're buried alive as.

• 48:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:13Speaker 06

  Are you okay? Are you claustrophobic? No. Okay, so we'll do the most extreme version of claustrophobia.

• 48:18Speaker 05

  Do you have like a little pipe for air?

• 48:19Speaker 06

  Apparently, yes. I actually didn't know that, but apparently.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  That would have been nice to know, yeah, it would have been nice to know.

• 48:25Speaker 06

  Joe Lysit knew, and it calmed him down.

• 48:28Speaker 05

  Fucking hell. I know. Yeah, I'd, I'd just cry if anybody said that I was a traitor.

• 48:43Speaker 00

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• 49:20Speaker 07

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• 50:34Jessie Ware?

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• 51:09Speaker 06

  This looks amazing, Lenny.

• 51:10Speaker 05

  You don't know yet.

• 51:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, okay, fair enough.

• 51:15Jessie Ware?

  That does look good, Mum. Last supper, desert island, six months. We've got, we've got Still Sparkling, we've got Still. What is your drink of choice?

• 51:24Speaker 06

  I'm gonna go for, this is just what I want today.

• 51:26Jessie Ware?

  Okay.

• 51:27Speaker 06

  We're going to Speedboat Bar.

• 51:28Jessie Ware?

  Yes.

• 51:29Speaker 05

  What do you mean the Speedboat Bar?

• 51:31Jessie Ware?

  It's a Thai restaurant in town. It's delicious.

• 51:33Speaker 06

  It's called Speedboat Bar. It's not a Speedboat Bar. It's just called Speedboat Bar.

• 51:37Speaker 05

  And you go?

• 51:38Speaker 06

  I've been.

• 51:39Speaker 05

  Do they let older people in?

• 51:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, you can be allowed in. It's not like, it's not how you're imagining it in your head right now.

• 51:45Jessie Ware?

  What are you thinking, like motorboat mum?

• 51:46Speaker 05

  I think it sounds kind of exciting and jet-setty.

• 51:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, it's exciting, but not in the way that you're thinking. It's like, it's just like a pretty normal restaurant.

• 51:55Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 51:56Speaker 06

  Um, pretty bright, bright colors and, uh,

• 51:59Speaker 05

  Where is it darling?

• 52:00Speaker 06

  Very spicy food.

• 52:01Jessie Ware?

  Would you say?

• 52:02Speaker 06

  I think it's near Soho. It's not, it's not in Soho, but like it's out the corner.

• 52:06Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, it's.

• 52:07Speaker 06

  One of those ones where it's like.

• 52:08Jessie Ware?

  Near Leicester Square.

• 52:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, near the West End.

• 52:10Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, West End.

• 52:13Speaker 05

  This is the kind of guy you are. What do you mean, Speedboat Bar kind of guy?

• 52:18Jessie Ware?

  You've never been. Why are you sounding judgmental?

• 52:19Speaker 05

  It just sounds racy in the West End.

• 52:23Speaker 06

  This is the kind of guy I am.

• 52:25Speaker 05

  Go on, tell me.

• 52:27Speaker 06

  Um, there are a lot of spicy foods and stuff, but they do this drink that is essentially a frozen beer, like lager with like honey and ginger in it.

• 52:37Jessie Ware?

  Oh, that sounds nice.

• 52:38Speaker 06

  That me and Jamie Dimitri just like.

• 52:40Speaker 05

  Frozen?

• 52:40Jessie Ware?

  Hold on, I was just saying.

• 52:41Speaker 06

  Well, it's slushy.

• 52:42Jessie Ware?

  Oh my God. That sounds quite interesting.

• 52:46Speaker 06

  It's delicious.

• 52:46Jessie Ware?

  What, you and Jamie went?

• 52:47Speaker 06

  Me and Jamie, we went with Ed and Kamal Nanjiani, you like him? Um, the four of us, and me and Jamie got big into those. And we're ordering them repeatedly.

• 52:57Speaker 05

  I can understand a cocktail, not beer slushy.

• 53:00Jessie Ware?

  When you say you were ordering them repeatedly, they only let you stay for about a half hour until they want the table back.

• 53:04Speaker 06

  You gotta be quick. You gotta keep them coming. You can drink them fast.

• 53:07Jessie Ware?

  Okay, okay. Starter.

• 53:10Speaker 06

  I, I would like, because it's my, so I've never picked this for my dream meal and off menu, but for my last meal.

• 53:15Jessie Ware?

  Why are you doing this?

• 53:16Speaker 06

  Because it's nostalgic. And I actually do want, I want to, if I'm about to get popped, that's what I imagine is going to happen on the island. So it's going to pop me in the back of the head.

• 53:25Speaker 05

  You're going to be all right.

• 53:26Speaker 06

  What?

• 53:27Jessie Ware?

  You're going to be, unless it's shock.

• 53:28Speaker 06

  Well, how's it last supper?

• 53:29Jessie Ware?

  He's method, he's method.

• 53:29Speaker 06

  I would rather that I die, if it's my last supper, I want to die after, not have this and the rest of my life eat nothing.

• 53:35Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, fair, fair point.

• 53:37Speaker 06

  You're starving forever. That's a horrible rest of my life.

• 53:40Jessie Ware?

  Thank you, James.

• 53:41Speaker 06

  I'm going to get popped in the back of the head by someone.

• 53:43Jessie Ware?

  Okay.

• 53:44Speaker 06

  Um, I would want, every Christmas at my mum's, and Dad's, to his credit, he's there. We get, we have avocado, um, and in the little hole where the stone is, just loads of like garlicky prawn mayonnaise.

• 53:58Speaker 05

  Garlicky prawn, nice.

• 53:59Speaker 06

  So just prawns in this like mayo and garlic, like Mary Rose, like, but like with garlic.

• 54:05Speaker 05

  Is that your starter?

• 54:06Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:06Jessie Ware?

  Kamal, just ask, does your mum cook the garlic before? Is it raw garlic?

• 54:09Speaker 06

  Oh, I actually don't know. I've never asked that. I think she buys garlic mayo and mixes it in with.

• 54:15Jessie Ware?

  Oh, it's got like a- only, okay, sorry, sorry.

• 54:17Speaker 06

  And makes the sauce from that. But I have to ask her. Anyway, it's a garlicky prawn mayo.

• 54:22Jessie Ware?

  Delicious.

• 54:22Speaker 06

  Prawns in the avocado. We have it every Christmas as the starter. And I think for me, if I'm about to get popped, that's what I want.

• 54:30Jessie Ware?

  Okay. I love that.

• 54:31Speaker 06

  I want that to reflect on all those family Christmases.

• 54:33Jessie Ware?

  Do you have bread with that? Like brown?

• 54:36Speaker 06

  You can do, uh, there is bread on the table. I never have it. I just, I just have both halves of the avocado and then I'll wait until everyone else is done and then I always have another one. I never have.

• 54:45Speaker 05

  Okay, she always makes extra.

• 54:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, there's always more than enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a great host. So yeah, I have three of them as my starter.

• 54:53Jessie Ware?

  Okay, delish.

• 54:54Speaker 06

  Definitely.

• 54:55Jessie Ware?

  Um, main?

• 54:57Speaker 06

  Main course is the same, every single off menu when I do my dream menu, the main course is the Beef Wellington from Ron Gastrabar in Amsterdam. I can't see myself changing my mind on my last meal.

• 55:08Jessie Ware?

  When did you last have it?

• 55:11Speaker 06

  Oh man, that is, like, when did we go? Like, three years ago, probably, my partner and I went. And that was after I've been shouting out on the pod a lot.

• 55:19Jessie Ware?

  Okay.

• 55:20Speaker 06

  But like, the first time I had it was in 2018, in January, and I had it twice in five days. I went back and got it. And it's for two anyway.

• 55:29Jessie Ware?

  I wonder if my kids would eat it? And I'm going to have some, they're coming on the tour.

• 55:33Speaker 05

  What makes it special?

• 55:35Speaker 06

  What makes it special? I think they just get every element perfect. The, the beef in the middle is cooked perfectly, medium rare. If you had that as a steak on it, it's only been one of the best steaks you've ever had. They get that sauce around it. Sometimes Beef Wellingtons.

• 55:49Speaker 05

  Mushroom?

• 55:50Speaker 06

  The mushroom sauce, but sometimes it's so thick at restaurants and it ruins the whole day. You know, your first bite of a Beef Wellington is sometimes amazing with that sauce. And then as you go, the sauce just makes me feel sick. This, very thin layer of sauce and a thin layer of cabbage.

• 56:04Jessie Ware?

  Okay.

• 56:05Speaker 06

  Around it.

• 56:05Speaker 05

  Oh, cabbage.

• 56:06Speaker 06

  Very thin.

• 56:07Speaker 05

  Some people put omelette around it, which I find weird. Yeah.

• 56:11Speaker 06

  That's mad.

• 56:12Jessie Ware?

  What, like instead of a pancake?

• 56:13Speaker 05

  Yeah. Well, it's not a pancake. It's pastry.

• 56:16Jessie Ware?

  No, they put a crepe.

• 56:17Speaker 06

  No, no, it's just pastry. Lenny's, Lenny's right on this one.

• 56:21Jessie Ware?

  No, I know it's pastry on the outside, but they put a crepe.

• 56:24Speaker 05

  I've never made a Beef Wellington with a crepe.

• 56:26Jessie Ware?

  Well, I've seen it and they do the beef.

• 56:29Speaker 06

  Well, we haven't seen it.

• 56:31Speaker 05

  And it's wrong. It's totally wrong, isn't it?

• 56:34Jessie Ware?

  Google that now.

• 56:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's totally wrong.

• 56:36Jessie Ware?

  Okay, I'm just Googling this.

• 56:38Speaker 06

  I'm just going to join them. I'm not having it. I've got to sit here while this is happening.

• 56:42Speaker 05

  Your family must be very quiet and calm.

• 56:44Speaker 06

  They're pretty quiet. There's not, there's not, we don't have any of this. And I don't know which is the healthiest, to be honest.

• 56:49Speaker 05

  I don't know either.

• 56:49Jessie Ware?

  Oh, I'm so sorry. A crepe or pancake acts as a crucial moisture barrier in a classic Beef Wellington.

• 56:58Speaker 06

  Oh, when you said so sorry, I thought you were going to admit you were wrong. That was really good.

• 57:02Speaker 05

  She's never, never would do that.

• 57:03Speaker 06

  That was really good.

• 57:03Jessie Ware?

  Because I was correct. Because I was correct. Now you're both quiet.

• 57:08Speaker 05

  I'm not anything.

• 57:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm pretty quiet now.

• 57:09Speaker 05

  I'm not quiet.

• 57:10Speaker 06

  I picked the wrong time to shout.

• 57:14Speaker 05

  James has now become a shouting person.

• 57:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:17Jessie Ware?

  Okay, you just picked the wrong team. That's the problem. Right.

• 57:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, I did.

• 57:20Jessie Ware?

  Um, okay, so you've got Beef Wellington. Now, is it too fancy to take three children there? Is it a fancy pants place?

• 57:25Speaker 06

  No, no, Ron Gastrabar is actually, yeah, really, really good family place. Just the food is exceptional. Also, your children might like it because on your way out.

• 57:34Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 57:34Speaker 06

  Just completely give you an ice cream, little ice cream, a mini ice cream.

• 57:38Jessie Ware?

  Okay.

• 57:38Speaker 06

  It's like that big, little cone.

• 57:39Jessie Ware?

  That's great. I love it when they do that. In Greece, they always give you like a little magnum.

• 57:44Speaker 06

  It's great.

• 57:44Jessie Ware?

  I just appreciate that. Like, it's a good touch. Okay, brilliant. Maybe I'll go there.

• 57:48Speaker 06

  The pastry's perfect. Like, um, the only annoying thing was when Robert De Niro came on our podcast, he didn't want to choose anything.

• 57:56Jessie Ware?

  So did you choose that for him?

• 57:57Speaker 06

  So we said, how about, because he said, just bring me whatever's good. It's a dream restaurant, you can have whatever. So I said, I said, how about this? And then Ed said, would you like to maybe, you know, because he'd said earlier in the pod that he likes Wagyu beef. So how about, you know, we could make you that Beef Wellington from Ron Gastrabar.

• 58:12Speaker 05

  But he owns the most famous steak place in the whole of the world.

• 58:15Speaker 06

  You'd think he would know.

• 58:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:17Speaker 06

  And then he agreed that he would have the Ron Gastrabar Beef Wellington, but he would like it with Wagyu beef, which they don't do. Ed, Ed then went there to Ron Gastrabar.

• 58:26Speaker 05

  And they did it.

• 58:27Jessie Ware?

  And they're doing it.

• 58:28Speaker 06

  They did it for him. And it wasn't even Ed's.

• 58:30Jessie Ware?

  Ed asked for the Wagyu.

• 58:32Speaker 06

  No, they'd heard the podcast.

• 58:34Jessie Ware?

  No, stop.

• 58:34Speaker 06

  They did it for him as a little surprise. There you go. There's, there's what you came up with with Robert De Niro. And I was like, are you kidding me yet? That's my dream, that's my dream main course.

• 58:43Jessie Ware?

  Really annoying. I'm so sorry.

• 58:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, thank you.

• 58:46Jessie Ware?

  That is fucking annoying. Do you want to know what, I didn't, didn't Rob say when I asked him about a memorable dish from his childhood, he said, I don't have any.

• 58:56Speaker 06

  Great.

• 58:56Jessie Ware?

  I went, okay, God.

• 58:57Speaker 05

  He was born in a Italian.

• 58:58Jessie Ware?

  No pasta? No pasta?

• 59:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, not a lot of it. People go on and on about, um, you know, in Taxi Driver, when he does like, you're talking to me that that's improvised. And once you've met him, it makes sense that when he improvises a scene, he says the same thing over and over again.

• 59:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll get it.

• 59:14Jessie Ware?

  Okay, I'm gonna see if they do the wagyu for me. Should I, should I go for the classic? Or should me text you and go?

• 59:23Speaker 06

  Ooh.

• 59:24Jessie Ware?

  I couldn't even get a table. Um, just, what do you think about them to start?

• 59:28Speaker 06

  It looks great.

• 59:29Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, okay, good.

• 59:32Jessie Ware?

  Quite rich.

• 59:34Speaker 06

  Nice, really.

• 59:35Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, it's alright? Okay, great.

• 59:37Speaker 06

  Really chocolatey, really. And also, what, what, what, a bit of coconut in there?

• 59:40Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, that's the only bit I'm not fussed about, actually.

• 59:43Speaker 05

  No, I love coconut.

• 59:44Speaker 06

  I like, I like that it's in this, yeah.

• 59:45Jessie Ware?

  Okay, good. Mum, these are generous. This is like a very sexy Pralines and cream Haagen-Dazs, which is my favourite ice cream.

• 59:53Speaker 05

  Well, it's got miso in it, because I tried to be trendy.

• 59:57Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah? You're trendy enough, Lenny. You, you, you're trendsetter.

• 1:00:02Speaker 05

  Is it nice?

• 1:00:03Jessie Ware?

  It's good.

• 1:00:04Speaker 06

  Great.

• 1:00:05Jessie Ware?

  It's really good. Oh my god, Mum.

• 1:00:07Speaker 05

  Is it delicious?

• 1:00:09Jessie Ware?

  Mmm.

• 1:00:10Speaker 05

  It took forever to make, so it should be.

• 1:00:12Jessie Ware?

  So enjoy it, James.

• 1:00:13Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:14Jessie Ware?

  This is delicious.

• 1:00:16Speaker 06

  Kind of blinder here, Lenny.

• 1:00:17Jessie Ware?

  Hmm, yeah, yeah. Really good, Mum. This is great. Um, so we've got the beef wellington. What side do you have in?

• 1:00:25Speaker 06

  See, this is where it's really hard, because I, I struggle with. I think I would actually, no, this is the last meal, you can't have vegetables. When I originally had that beef wellington, I had it with a big roasted cauliflower and it was so good together.

• 1:00:40Jessie Ware?

  Mmm.

• 1:00:42Speaker 06

  I think I actually would like that, but yeah, for the, I, I, I'd want my last meal to actually go with each other.

• 1:00:47Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:48Speaker 06

  And not just.

• 1:00:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, not just spoons up, because like, I almost was just like, just, let's just do chips for the final time. Let's do the classic side, the king of the sides. It's chips, french fries.

• 1:01:01Jessie Ware?

  That's true.

• 1:01:02Speaker 06

  So let's do it for one last time before I get popped.

• 1:01:04Speaker 05

  Do you want some more ice cream?

• 1:01:06Jessie Ware?

  No, Mum, this is so good. Um.

• 1:01:08Speaker 06

  I'm having a great time.

• 1:01:09Speaker 05

  So, are you getting the chewy bits?

• 1:01:12Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:12Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, Mum, look.

• 1:01:14Speaker 06

  I'm getting the full range.

• 1:01:14Jessie Ware?

  It's gonna take my veneer out, I think.

• 1:01:16Speaker 06

  You've got a veneer?

• 1:01:17Jessie Ware?

  I've got one. My sister knocked my tooth out when I was seven.

• 1:01:20Speaker 06

  Got it.

• 1:01:20Jessie Ware?

  Yes, and I had what I called rave tooth, because it wouldn't. When I was raving in like fabric and whatever.

• 1:01:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:31Jessie Ware?

  I'd be like that, and my, I looked toothless, because it wasn't a real tooth, so therefore the UV didn't pick it up. So I looked toothless in the club.

• 1:01:39Speaker 06

  That's a real shame, mate.

• 1:01:40Jessie Ware?

  It's a real fucking shame. And you know what's harder? One veneer is very hard to.

• 1:01:46Speaker 05

  Have both veneers?

• 1:01:48Jessie Ware?

  No, because I don't want to have like that fucking pirate peg teeth. Lenny's usually fall out every season. Touch wood, why would you speak so soon? Anyway, it's a nightmare for me. Um, but anyway.

• 1:01:59Speaker 05

  Have more, darling.

• 1:02:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, man, I was still eating this one.

• 1:02:02Speaker 05

  I don't want it to melt.

• 1:02:03Jessie Ware?

  Um, so, so, so, okay, we're going, we're going king of the side, and we're going for this beef wellington that does sound absolutely amazing.

• 1:02:11Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:12Jessie Ware?

  Not really bothered about the, um, veg. Now pudding.

• 1:02:16Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:02:17Jessie Ware?

  Did we, did we, because Mum kind of went straight in on that, didn't she? So did we actually answer this? Yes. Was it raspberry ripple?

• 1:02:24Speaker 06

  No, that's if, if I had to have something every day for the rest of my life. I think I would have the. And Joe Lysit's about to get shouted out here again, and I've said this as my dream dessert before. And I've only ever had it once, so that's why I really would like it again before I die. When I did Travelman, Joe Lysit took me to the Basque Country, and, um, I think it was in Bilbao, but it could have been in San Sebastian, because we went to both. Went to a restaurant called Atari, and they did a French toast that had been bruleed. That you could just scoop this French toast, it was so soft, uh, and like soaked in like lemon, lemony milk as well. Uh, and, and served with a dolce de leche ice cream. And.

• 1:03:03Jessie Ware?

  Wow.

• 1:03:04Speaker 06

  You can see on the episode, Joe and I eat it and can't help but like start dancing, because it just makes you do that. And it was the first like time I've been abroad after Covid as well. It's a very special trip. Um, I think about that dessert all the time. Apparently, they're tired of British tourists going there and asking for it because of Travelman now, but there you go.

• 1:03:23Jessie Ware?

  Okay, a few more questions, James. I'm really enjoying your company.

• 1:03:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:26Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:03:26Jessie Ware?

  It's been a pleasure.

• 1:03:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:28Jessie Ware?

  Something that's so wrong, it's right.

• 1:03:31Speaker 05

  In terms of food?

• 1:03:32Jessie Ware?

  What do you think, Len?

• 1:03:33Speaker 05

  Well, he, he, I don't know what he might think. He might think it's something quite.

• 1:03:38Speaker 06

  This is not a stock question on the pod.

• 1:03:39Jessie Ware?

  It's a new one, we're trying it.

• 1:03:40Speaker 06

  So, yeah, I thought, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. In terms of food.

• 1:03:45Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:45Speaker 06

  So I, I'm, I'm a. A- as you've knocked out the park here, I'm a big salty, sweet convo kind of person. You're not gonna like this, Lenny. Um, I, I went to a place in Berlin. It's like a dessert tasting menu, but. Really, it's that they're all pastry chefs, but they are making you some savoury stuff. One of the courses was a caviar popsicle, which was like an artichoke ice cream. With like some, a caramel ice cream over the top of that, and then, um, like fish roe. On the outside and then dusted with white chocolate.

• 1:04:18Jessie Ware?

  Was it delicious?

• 1:04:19Speaker 06

  It was so good.

• 1:04:20Speaker 05

  We did go to a place where we had ice.

• 1:04:22Jessie Ware?

  Remake that on the bloody YouTube shorts. We, artichoke ice cream.

• 1:04:27Speaker 06

  I guess really, that's a very accurate description. I bet you can do it.

• 1:04:30Jessie Ware?

  To be fair, I have had ice cream with caviar on, and it, and it was.

• 1:04:34Speaker 05

  It's, it's just salty, really.

• 1:04:35Jessie Ware?

  Where did, oh, we had that, um, Prince Region.

• 1:04:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:39Jessie Ware?

  The Basque, yeah.

• 1:04:41Speaker 06

  I loved it so much.

• 1:04:42Jessie Ware?

  Okay.

• 1:04:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, really good.

• 1:04:44Jessie Ware?

  Okay, that was quite foodie, James. Yeah.

• 1:04:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:04:46Jessie Ware?

  It's like you got a.

• 1:04:47Speaker 06

  I said, I said some foodie at the top.

• 1:04:49Speaker 05

  What do you think you learnt from Traitors?

• 1:04:52Speaker 06

  Well, that's a good question. I learnt, what did I learn? Romesh Ranganathan's best guy.

• 1:04:58Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:04:59Speaker 06

  I think that's it. That's the, the main thing I learned, is just how much I love Rom.

• 1:05:03Speaker 05

  Not how to be more treacherous?

• 1:05:05Speaker 06

  No, you learn nothing from the game.

• 1:05:07Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:05:08Speaker 06

  What, what, what is, I, I would say, obviously like any TV show, the edit and what people see at home is, is a separate thing.

• 1:05:16Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:16Speaker 06

  So the things you learn from it aren't really, the things you learn are boring career things. About, okay, if I do something like this again, I'll do, you know, I'll, I'll make sure we sort this out and I'm more clear about that. Just boring stuff.

• 1:05:27Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:27Speaker 06

  Like, okay, so if you, if you get the breakfast a bit later, then maybe I should have, uh.

• 1:05:31Jessie Ware?

  Had a bigger.

• 1:05:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, so, but that's the boring stuff you learn, but you don't actually learn anything playing the game, really. I think. I, nothing that I didn't know about myself already. Like, I, I've done Would I Lie To You in the past, that panel show. And if you've seen me on Would I Lie To You, it's on three episodes, and every time it's me, it's the truth. Because I already couldn't lie on that.

• 1:05:52Jessie Ware?

  Interesting.

• 1:05:53Speaker 06

  I wouldn't panic, but I'd try and do the lie and I just couldn't really. Do it, even as part of a little parlour game on Would I Lie To You?

• 1:06:00Speaker 05

  Your parents must be very proud of you.

• 1:06:03Speaker 06

  Maybe. Yeah, I hope so. But, uh, so, yeah, I already knew that going in there. I was always like, I know I can't lie anyway. That's why I was gonna, gonna be a faithful. So, yeah, learnt nothing.

• 1:06:14Jessie Ware?

  Learned nothing. James, we've loved having you. Thank you for coming on. Before we let you go. Um, a nostalgic taste that can transport you back somewhere happy or sad.

• 1:06:25Speaker 06

  I would, so I really enjoyed, there's a few years where I'd go to New Zealand every year with stand-up. And, um, there was a sandwich place called Honey Trap that did this brisket sandwich.

• 1:06:36Jessie Ware?

  Mmm.

• 1:06:37Speaker 06

  Um, with this amazing coleslaw in it and pickles. And after two years, it shut down and I couldn't get it anymore. But I used to get off the plane, go to my hotel, and then walk down to the, to Honey Trap in this arcade and, and have this sandwich. Um, and that was like the first time where I got really stung by a place closing down, and I can't have it anymore. Because I only was able to have it once a year anyway, so I'd, I'd go that, and then I'd be back. And that point of my career and my life. I'm just quite sentimental about, because it's my first time like doing gigs abroad and actually selling tickets, doing solo shows abroad. Never been to New Zealand before, um.

• 1:07:17Jessie Ware?

  Is it beautiful, darling? So, and they're really nice there.

• 1:07:20Speaker 06

  It's incredible. The people are lovely, and it really felt like, oh, I think this is gonna be my career now, I'm gonna be able to carry on doing it. And that felt really good. So like, yeah, that kind of, I'd like to be transported back to that mindset and that, that headspace.

• 1:07:35Jessie Ware?

  The special comes out in December?

• 1:07:38Speaker 06

  December the first on YouTube. The YouTube channel is called Craig Simons Live. Now, it has been pointed out to me. Because it's bad enough, obviously, my agents have their head in their hands that I've chosen to put it out on YouTube because I think it's funnier. Because I think that's what a tribute act would do, would release their special on YouTube.

• 1:07:55Jessie Ware?

  Method, yeah.

• 1:07:56Speaker 06

  They're a bit annoyed about that.

• 1:07:58Jessie Ware?

  Why do they want you?

• 1:07:59Speaker 06

  Well, they would have preferred it that I sold it for money.

• 1:08:01Jessie Ware?

  Okay.

• 1:08:01Speaker 06

  Uh, to a, to a, to a platform or a streamer. I'm Mike Robin Hood, uh, Robin for myself. And, uh, so I was like, I want to put it on there. And then not only did I do that, I haven't put it on my pre-existing YouTube channel, which actually has subscribers and is established. I put it on a brand new one that has no subscribers. Because that's what Craig Simons would do. He wouldn't be able to put it out on my YouTube channel. It would be impossible.

• 1:08:24Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:25Speaker 06

  So it's on Craig, Craig Simons Live.

• 1:08:27Jessie Ware?

  Do you feel like Craig Simons is, um, gonna carry on? Like, are you gonna keep on going?

• 1:08:32Speaker 06

  I can never call it. When I did that undercover cop, Pat Springley.

• 1:08:35Jessie Ware?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:36Speaker 06

  I thought, I, I thought that'll be it, but then I did a, an audio sitcom about Pat, Pat Springley, and I ended up doing it again. So I think these things, they come around and like, like with musical, I did, you know, you might do an album and think, that's it. But any album might turn into a trilogy, or you might revisit that sound years down the line, where you find yourself in that space again. Like, you just have to be like, that's, that's there in case I want to do it again. Um, so, yeah, Craig Simons could come back. I mean, don't want to spoil it at the end of the special, but it's more of a question mark over whether I'm coming back.

• 1:09:12Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, that's very true. Um, thank you so much for coming on.

• 1:09:15Speaker 05

  Thank you, darling.

• 1:09:16Jessie Ware?

  Best of luck, um, off menu. Still carries on and is fabulous. Well done.

• 1:09:22Speaker 06

  We're honoured to be number two.

• 1:09:24Jessie Ware?

  Oh, fuck off. I think you're number one. I think you're number one. Listen.

• 1:09:28Speaker 06

  You're just number one. We say it every time about to record an episode.

• 1:09:31Speaker 05

  We, we respect you.

• 1:09:32Speaker 06

  Thank you, respect you as well. I, I, you know, do I respect you more or less, having now done the part?

• 1:09:38Speaker 05

  Oh, tell, oh, fuck.

• 1:09:41Speaker 06

  Who knows? Who's to say?

• 1:09:56Jessie Ware?

  James Acaster on Table manners. I'm sure producer Alice is going to make a fantastic edit of that, but that was all over the place. I'm sorry to say.

• 1:10:06Speaker 05

  Was that my fault?

• 1:10:07Jessie Ware?

  I think it was my fault. I think it was your fault.

• 1:10:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:10Jessie Ware?

  I...

• 1:10:11Speaker 05

  Was a bit disappointed.

• 1:10:13Jessie Ware?

  Why?

• 1:10:13Speaker 05

  Thought he was going to have ginger hair. I did.

• 1:10:16Jessie Ware?

  Well...

• 1:10:17Speaker 05

  But I'm not the only one who thinks that about James.

• 1:10:20Jessie Ware?

  I don't know why that's important to you, Lenny.

• 1:10:23Speaker 05

  It's kind of important because that's what I thought he was.

• 1:10:26Jessie Ware?

  Okay, well, he...

• 1:10:28Speaker 05

  Anyway, liked...

• 1:10:29Jessie Ware?

  Maybe traitors made him great.

• 1:10:30Speaker 05

  He definitely enjoyed the meal.

• 1:10:32Jessie Ware?

  Loved the meal, had seconds.

• 1:10:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:35Jessie Ware?

  Wolfed it down.

• 1:10:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:37Jessie Ware?

  That ice cream was fantastic. It was sexy.

• 1:10:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was good ice cream.

• 1:10:42Jessie Ware?

  And I thought my spag bol was delicious.

• 1:10:44Speaker 05

  Delicious.

• 1:10:45Jessie Ware?

  I mean, you can't really go wrong.

• 1:10:46Speaker 05

  No, it was delicious.

• 1:10:47Jessie Ware?

  Maybe I should have gone more fancy for him. I kind of didn't realise he was such a foodie.

• 1:10:51Speaker 05

  I didn't think he was a foodie, to be honest. When he said in his Guardian interview, he liked cold lasagna.

• 1:10:57Jessie Ware?

  Yeah, but I...

• 1:10:59Speaker 05

  You never know.

• 1:11:00Jessie Ware?

  Well...

• 1:11:00Speaker 05

  We would have done a Beef Wellington.

• 1:11:02Jessie Ware?

  On off menu, mum, then maybe you would, but...

• 1:11:04Speaker 05

  Well, we should have done a Beef Wellington.

• 1:11:06Jessie Ware?

  No, that would have gone horribly wrong.

• 1:11:08Speaker 05

  I would have competed.

• 1:11:09Jessie Ware?

  I'm going to try that Beef Wellington in Amsterdam.

• 1:11:12Speaker 05

  Are you?

• 1:11:12Jessie Ware?

  I'm going to try it. That is what I'm going to do. And I'm probably going to fall asleep before I go on stage that night. Thank you, James Acaster, for coming on. James Acaster's YouTube special is going to be on Craig Simon's channel on the 1st of December. Um, I love that.

• 1:11:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, good old Craig. His little outfit.

• 1:11:33Jessie Ware?

  Sweet little Craig. You can also hear James reading James and the Giant Peach on Audible. My kids enjoy that. Um, or you can see him on, I mean, you can listen to him on off menu every week. Thank you, James, for being a fantastic guest.

• 1:11:48Speaker 05

  Gorgeous guest.

• 1:11:49Jessie Ware?

  Still waiting for us to be invited on off menu, but you know.

• 1:11:52Speaker 05

  Is it because they don't like two people at once?

• 1:11:55Jessie Ware?

  I don't know. It's either that or they don't like us, but...

• 1:11:57Speaker 05

  That might be it.

• 1:11:58Jessie Ware?

  Not sure.

• 1:11:59Speaker 05

  Not sure.

• 1:11:59Jessie Ware?

  Um, but we'll see you next week for more Table Manners.

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