#197 - Joe List and Dan Soder

Dear friends of the show Joe List and Dan Soder return to the pod to discuss Jed York’s bust, Joe’s fun voices, Trump on podcasts, meathead burger diets, playing with boogies, your friends’ hot moms, a visionary new game show idea, and much more. Joe, Dan and Stav help callers including a woman who wants to withhold season NFL tickets from her husband after she caught him flexing them to women on a dating app, and a 27-year-old guy who wants tips on cutting off the 42-year-old woman he’s hooking up with because she’s catching feelings. Watch Stav’s new special Uncle Stav on Netflix on Sept. 8th: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 See Joe List live and follow him on social media: https://punchup.live/joe-list/tour https://www.comedianjoelist.com/ https://www.youtube.com/@JoeListComedy https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy/ https://www.facebook.com/comedianjoelist/ See Dan Soder live and follow him on social media: https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder https://www.youtube.com/@DanSoder https://x.com/DanSoder https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy Thanks to our sponsors!! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Chubbies - Get 20% off with code STAVVY at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvy ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎤 Watch Stav's new special Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld 🎟️ See Stavvy live!! 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome everybody to Stav's Road 904-800-Stav. Call the Stavie hotline sponsored by Visible. We'll solve all your problems. Big show. Two of my best pals in the world on the couch. Dan Soder, Joe List, thank you for being here, boys.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Thank you. And this episode, of course, is brought to you by

• 0:21Speaker 02

  And

• 0:23Stavros Halkias?

  Both of those things out and

• 0:24Speaker 02

  Get those

• 0:25Stavros Halkias?

  And blur the cups.

• 0:29Speaker 02

  Get those Seattle queers out of your house.

• 0:33Stavros Halkias?

  That is true. That was the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl last year was

• 0:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, Seattle versus Boston. It was the Dunkin' Starbucks.

• 0:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of, ah, no, we shouldn't start with sex scandals for NFL owners.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  Yes, we can.

• 0:46Stavros Halkias?

  We can, but let me just say Uncle Stav on Netflix tomorrow, folks. The big special. The culmination of the last three years of my life. The Lord tried to kill me many times

• 0:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 0:57Stavros Halkias?

  Before this came out.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  Was it the Lord or was it the devil?

• 0:59Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe it was. You're so right. I need to dedicate my life to Jesus Christ.

• 1:03Speaker 02

  You want a black, you want a black following? Devil was trying to keep you down.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  Not that. Not that.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  I was going more with the love. I was going more with the love of God.

• 1:16Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  I'm a voice guy.

• 1:19Stavros Halkias?

  You're rebranding his Do you have another one? No, no, we're done with that one. Do you have another voice?

• 1:25Speaker 02

  You know what?

• 1:31Stavros Halkias?

  What was it?

• 1:32Speaker 02

  Mine is Nelson Mandela.

• 1:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's good.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  That's okay?

• 1:35Stavros Halkias?

  He's doing a real guy.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  Nelson Mandela.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  So was mine. You didn't let me know.

• 1:39Stavros Halkias?

  Who is it?

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Kirasawa.

• 1:40Stavros Halkias?

  No, that is not I don't know. I have, I don't believe that is what Akira Kirasawa sounds like.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  When I was locked away, I would think Joe List is a pussy.

• 1:50Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think that sounds like Mandela, but it's pretty good.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Mine, the first one was Sam Jackson.

• 1:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Shee, motherfucker.

• 1:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's literally better to do it, to say that.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:58Speaker 02

  It really did, or you know?

• 1:59Stavros Halkias?

  It actually clicks in. You're like, wait.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Is that Jackie Brown? That's Jackie Brown's hair.

• 2:05Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you're doing, yeah, like, like he knows, like he has, there's difference.

• 2:10Stavros Halkias?

  We don't have to hear him, Joe. It's our podcast. We should, then let's talk about, wasn't the 49ers owner recently, no longer, Joe, is you're the only sex, sex scumbag owner.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Well, stop.

• 2:22Stavros Halkias?

  Bag.

• 2:23Speaker 02

  Excellent.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Jerked off my guy.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  My guy's good.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Also.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  No, he's not. Bob Kraft?

• 2:27Stavros Halkias?

  Bob Kraft was in the, was getting, was getting jerked at a very low end massage parlor.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Can I say something? Joe?

• 2:34Speaker 01

  You have changed. I'll just say that.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Joe, could I take this?

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Please.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  Number one, you have changed.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  You being anti-sex worker.

• 2:43Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no. Bro, what I'm saying is if you're a bit, Eldis?

• 2:46Speaker 02

  Thank you, Eldis.

• 2:47Stavros Halkias?

  Do not turn on, you are such a piece of shit. You're turning on me just because Dan and Joe are funnier than me and are dead and you respect them more, you fucking piece of shit? Fuck you. Don't forget who pays your fucking bills.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Stavros, you're a Ravens fan, correct?

• 3:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Would it hurt your feelings if your owner got caught with a hooker? Or would you look at it like this? What happened when Robert Kraft got caught with a hooker that season?

• 3:09Speaker 01

  And my dad says your quarterback's a thug, but I don't hear any

• 3:13Stavros Halkias?

  Your dad, your cousin, your mom, everyone you went to school with.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  I got some cousins that say it's a thinking man's position.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  What? What happened the year Robert Kraft got caught?

• 3:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, they won that year?

• 3:27Speaker 02

  Ring loading.

• 3:28Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. Okay. So you think, you think that's okay? Ring loading. Now here's my point. Those guys could, I'm pro sex worker. They should be hiring the most high end one.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  Oh, really? When you go get eggs, do you go to the expensive?

• 3:42Stavros Halkias?

  I don't have a billion dollars. A restaurant with the eggs restaurant?

• 3:45Speaker 02

  No, but you go to a diner. You go to a greasy spoon diner where you get a good, right off the grill. I'm sorry.

• 3:52Speaker 01

  You give your money to someone that needs it.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  That 160 bucks is gonna go so far in that part.

• 3:58Stavros Halkias?

  If those guys cut a $40,000 check to those women, which means nothing to them, I take it all back. I take it all back.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 4:06Stavros Halkias?

  Even 10.

• 4:07Speaker 02

  Can I tell you the part that hurt?

• 4:08Stavros Halkias?

  But I'm guessing they paid market price.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Well, they revealed, they revealed the texts.

• 4:14Stavros Halkias?

  And this, by the way, to clue, to fill everybody in, the 49ers owner was

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Jed York.

• 4:19Stavros Halkias?

  Was it called a trailer park?

• 4:20Speaker 02

  He got pulled over in a trailer park.

• 4:21Stavros Halkias?

  Ah.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  But

• 4:22Speaker 01

  His name's Jed?

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Jed York.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  It's perfect.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:25Speaker 02

  Well, it's shout out, it's the Di Bartolo family, who's he from Youngstown? And then when Eddie Di Bartolo got in trouble for gambling,

• 4:33Stavros Halkias?

  They rebranded to York?

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Well, he sold it to his sister, who was married to Jed York's dad.

• 4:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I thought, I thought Italians kind of Ellis Islanded themselves to get away from their sex crimes.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  They really do.

• 4:43Stavros Halkias?

  Di Basilio or whatever.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  But that's what they did. That's why it's York.

• 4:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  But that pasta sauce is still in there.

• 4:51Stavros Halkias?

  You could take the Italian last name from the boy. You can't take

• 4:55Speaker 02

  You can't take the tomatoes out the sauce.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  Sausage is like a nice guma.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  But he

• 5:04Stavros Halkias?

  He got, so yes, he

• 5:04Speaker 01

  That's acceptable?

• 5:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 5:09Stavros Halkias?

  Cut his mic.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  No Irish, no cats, no dogs.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  But there's

• 5:17Stavros Halkias?

  Boston Joe.

• 5:20Stavros Halkias?

  Italians were slaves too.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  No, but the Irish were.

• 5:28Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  They found the texts and the lady was like, it's $160 for sex with a condom. It's 180 for sex without a condom, which

• 5:39Stavros Halkias?

  Twenty?

• 5:39Speaker 02

  What a value.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  1985?

• 5:41Speaker 02

  These are good prices.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  These are amazing prices.

• 5:43Stavros Halkias?

  Dollar difference is way too low.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Have some love for yourself.

• 5:46Stavros Halkias?

  Truly.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  That's less than I was, or my buddy was paying in

• 5:50Stavros Halkias?

  When Sarah was pregnant.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  I was saying that price to catch both of your reactions to the hooker market. You guys going, oh, it's actually

• 5:59Stavros Halkias?

  20 bucks.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  I'll tell you, I'll tell you what's inflation proof.

• 6:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. That just sucks. You know, I feel bad for them because the, they're, they're, they're, they're eggs, they don't stay the same price. You know what I mean? They still gotta buy them, but

• 6:13Speaker 01

  I thought hookers are like two grand now.

• 6:15Stavros Halkias?

  I would have assumed that as well. And then these guys should have been, and I thought these guys should be paying, if you're a billionaire, give a, give a beloved hooker 10 grand.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  Okay, but, but maybe he didn't have the opportunity to have that pretty woman moment.

• 6:30Stavros Halkias?

  I see.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  Because these pigs come and bust them.

• 6:33Stavros Halkias?

  You mean the cops stopped, they, he was about to change her life. He was driving and he was looking for, he was on Zillow looking for apartments to buy up.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I watched that, the footage of him being pulled over by the cops and I listened to Roy Orbison's Pretty Woman while I watch it. And it's way more of a

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Pretty woman.

• 6:52Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man, that's what, so it was a sting? I don't get it.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  He got caught in a sting.

• 6:57Stavros Halkias?

  And he But wait, did he fuck her or no?

• 6:59Speaker 02

  No. He just got caught setting it up.

• 7:01Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, dude, getting arrested with a hard dick. That's, I mean, look, I don't, I have no

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Shout out tires.

• 7:09Stavros Halkias?

  He's doing Dave.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's getting Dave.

• 7:12Stavros Halkias?

  Jed York got Dave. He got arrested with a hard dick in a van.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  In basketball shorts.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  If I can got my boy, dude, free Jed.

• 7:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking insane, dude. What, like, why would, if you're that rich, you could just like, you know,

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Well

• 7:27Stavros Halkias?

  Fly out.

• 7:27Speaker 02

  A lot of them just go to islands and traffic the youth.

• 7:30Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Jed's out here in trailer parks. You know what he's doing?

• 7:33Stavros Halkias?

  Isn't it sad that that's like a, you're, you're making a valid point?

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:37Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, my billionaire, only sex traffics of age women. That's, that's your point.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, he's the Springsteen of billionaires.

• 7:45Speaker 01

  So what's the, does he have to give up the team now?

• 7:47Speaker 02

  No.

• 7:48Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  They just got arrested or what?

• 7:50Speaker 02

  Someone, someone, all these 49ers fans keep retweeting this video of Jed York from like 2015 or whatever, when people were really mad at him because the Niners were losing. And he goes, I'm the, I'm the owner. Can't get rid of the owner. So they keep playing that now and they're like

• 8:04Stavros Halkias?

  Didn't what's-his-toes lose the team though, the Clippers guy? Yeah, but he was a

• 8:09Speaker 02

  His shit was different. His was like

• 8:11Stavros Halkias?

  He was just, he was caught on like Mike being insanely racist about his own players.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, he was calling, he was like saying how he checks their teeth and shit like their horses.

• 8:19Stavros Halkias?

  It was kind of fucking, I mean, Blake Griffin's got the story about like when he was a rookie, the owner would like throw these parties.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:27Stavros Halkias?

  And he like would parade young Blake around like, hey, check out my new one. You know what I mean? Like, it's fucking insane.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  That's how bad you need your bills paid sometimes is you just like go along with it.

• 8:38Stavros Halkias?

  It shows you how evil controls everything. Even like, uh, the guy finishes third in MVP voting and he still has to just have a weird kind of gay, like

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Touch him.

• 8:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  Strong.

• 8:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking crazy.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  Feel the power.

• 8:55Stavros Halkias?

  That's basically what he was doing.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  It's crazy.

• 8:57Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, the deposition is still one of the funniest things of time.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  The funniest thing from that is her interview where she goes, I was his right hand arm, his right thing, his silly rabbit. And Barbara Walters goes, does he call you that? His silly rabbit? And she goes, no.

• 9:14Stavros Halkias?

  She was just freestyling. She was in the zone, dude. She was like, you know what? This is fun. I could give interviews.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  She goes, yeah.

• 9:19Stavros Halkias?

  And she's wearing those like visor, she's wearing that weird visor. You remember?

• 9:22Speaker 02

  She wore the full face one.

• 9:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the Lady Gaga visor. Interesting move. But yeah, anyway, I believe Jed York will continue to have the team probably.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  I'm telling you, we're following the path of the New England Patriots and we're gonna win a Super Bowl this year.

• 9:35Stavros Halkias?

  Are you worried about, there's like electromagnetic fields that

• 9:38Speaker 02

  Brother, I have

• 9:39Stavros Halkias?

  Hook everybody's knees and

• 9:40Speaker 02

  I have done a deep dive on this.

• 9:42Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis, do you know about this? That

• 9:44Speaker 02

  There's an electrical substation next to the facility of the 49ers.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  I tuned out quick.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  You really did. I was telling Joe and Joe was like, I don't, it was as it was happening. So it was like, you know what I felt like? A scientist in a disaster movie?

• 9:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  Showing Joe the stuff.

• 10:01Stavros Halkias?

  Sea levels are rising much too quick.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  He's the mayor in Jaws. It's just like, they're gonna go up there and they're gonna play.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  It's gonna be one of the best summers we ever had.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  But I was like, I'm telling you, this shit's going bad. But then every news station in the Bay Area did investigations with like real scientists. It's in a suburban community. Turns out the 49ers, just like they don't like to pay for hookers.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  They don't like to pay for high end training. So they sunk $9 million in between last year and this year.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  They're like up their facilities and their training staff.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  And what was happening there?

• 10:34Speaker 02

  Tearing knees.

• 10:36Stavros Halkias?

  Apparently the electronic fucking waves cook your fucking ACL or whatever.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  So they were saying that it makes your tendons weaker, weaker because of the low frequency.

• 10:45Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, now, what if you slow roasted a fucking brisket by the electric? If you get, you get the tendons breaking down.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Right off the bone, baby.

• 10:53Stavros Halkias?

  Like that's, maybe the 49ers need to open up a barbecue restaurant in between the stadium and the substation.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  And practice where the old barbecue restaurant is.

• 11:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, flip them.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  There you go. Running around in that sauce they can't maintain. That sauce has made them slippery as a hole.

• 11:10Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to watch Sauceball. You just fucking hose down the running back with fucking sweet baby rays.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  And then the defense has got hickory on. Watch these two collisions of flavor.

• 11:21Stavros Halkias?

  That would be a fun, cause I always enjoyed Slam Ball where it was basically basketball, but on a trampoline.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Can I tell your fans that love you, but don't love sports?

• 11:30Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Just pretend Stav is pushing Sauceball on ESPN.

• 11:34Stavros Halkias?

  Sauceball, that's true. That is true. My, what I'm trying to do, look, I did a, I'm doing a commercial for ESPN Football this year. Next year, I hope they'll let me pitch Sauceball. It's all a way to get Sauceball going. I gotta get my foot in the door and then I'm like, fellas, why don't we sauce them down?

• 11:52Speaker 01

  It's like, you gotta be moderate in the general election, but then.

• 11:55Stavros Halkias?

  No, don't start this bullshit.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  And then all of a sudden.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  I'm just saying, AIPAC funding can go a long way.

• 12:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  Like Trump, very moderate during the election. And now all of a sudden.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Oh dude, I'll tell you what.

• 12:10Stavros Halkias?

  Takes a turn.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  I would have personally really enjoyed a Tuesdays with Stories, your first guest is Donald Trump. First and only guest.

• 12:18Stavros Halkias?

  That, I mean.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Norman zinging him.

• 12:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Norman doing puns.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  Very big, he goes, eh, too big, little size clean. And he goes, what, what was that? Just confused old man.

• 12:30Stavros Halkias?

  Ken aside, more like Ken aside, Barbie and Ken, Barbie.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Hey, and he goes, I don't know what's happening.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  He's shutting down.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  I don't fuck.

• 12:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I would love Sauceball.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Would you eat your dad's come for 300 bucks? I don't care for the question. I don't like that.

• 12:51Stavros Halkias?

  I know, obviously we would never have Trump on here, but it would be funny to, for him to ask, to answer questions about like, hey Stav, so I'm in a polycule and my wife keeps getting fucked by her bigger dick boyfriend. What should I do about that?

• 13:03Speaker 02

  That's what I wanna see. I don't, and by the way, everything, that's how we fix society, cause that's what I wanna see. I wanna see him answer that question.

• 13:12Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  And be like, big dicks are terrible. They're terrible things. Be like, this guy, I like this guy.

• 13:18Stavros Halkias?

  No, I don't think that's how we fix it, actually. I don't think we should make him likable.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  No, but I'm saying, I'm saying silly.

• 13:24Stavros Halkias?

  We haven't tried it, you're right.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  Silly, we've gotta go, next round of podcasts in the election cycle should all be the silly podcasts.

• 13:29Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Not the interview ones.

• 13:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like those fucking guys that fucking had literally Netanyahu on. The Nelk Boys, maybe the dumbest guys in the world, right? They, they're asking what his Burger King order was.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  No, they didn't.

• 13:44Stavros Halkias?

  They asked a war criminal, what his fucking Burger King order was. That's epic dude, hell yeah.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  Oh my god, yo.

• 13:51Stavros Halkias?

  You can bet on, wait, wait, before you say anything, Mr. Netanyahu, bet on Polly Market if you think he's gonna say Whopper or Tendies.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Yo, did you know that BB's a chicken sandwich boy?

• 14:02Speaker 02

  That's a taste overload.

• 14:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, anyway, I haven't been, you know what? I haven't been to Burger King in a while.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  It fucking rules.

• 14:10Stavros Halkias?

  I hear Foley, I was just talking to Foley, he thinks they need to fix the pickles, but everything else is good.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  Crazy note.

• 14:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean Foley's the man.

• 14:17Speaker 02

  Crazy note, but great note.

• 14:19Stavros Halkias?

  Great note.

• 14:20Speaker 01

  I ate McDonald's more than I'd like.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  When's the last time you had BK?

• 14:25Speaker 01

  I never do McB K, I mean, it's been a year, maybe on a highway somewhere.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  That's what's up.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  I'm a McDonald's guy.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  I was driving up to Albany, hit some traffic, pulled over on I-95, got some BK, chicken sandwich Whopper Jr.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Think that's the one I'm thinking of, just over the New York line.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, I know, cause.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  Fan.

• 14:43Stavros Halkias?

  At some point, it changes from McDonald's to Burger King on the, on the highway.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  It's like cryptic bloods.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Poor gross areas. McDonald's is classy, baby.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  McDonald's is not classy.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  I get it delivered all the time, I love it.

• 14:56Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 14:57Speaker 01

  All, all the time. And it's funny, cause I live in like a doorman luxury building. And they're just like, here's your McDonald's, you fucking white trash.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  It's like all guys in suits and fucking things, I'm like, hi.

• 15:08Stavros Halkias?

  I looked in an apartment in your neighborhood and the guy, you know, I just dress like I do. The broker was like, uh, you have enough money to live here, right? He was like, that's, that's fucking, that's the neighborhood we're talking about. Joe was like, yeah, I'll just have a fucking six nuggets of, what is your order? What's your go to order?

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Uh, well, it used to be a double, this is, you guys are gonna enjoy this. It used to be a double quarter pounder, just beef, cheese and bun. I don't like all the bullshit, I don't want any.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Damn dude, missionary style.

• 15:34Stavros Halkias?

  I respect that, yeah, just hit it raw.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  Missionary style, no kissing.

• 15:42Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I'll see you later. Anyway, I gotta go make some free agent moves.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Hopefully that makes a baby.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Now I'm on a diet though, so I get two double cheeseburgers.

• 15:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, of course, yes, yes.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Wait, two double cheeseburgers is more than a.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  No, double quarter pounders are big, they're greasy, double cheeseburgers are little. But I was talking to your, your old pal, Mike Vecchione, trying to lose some weight, you know, cause I'm, I'm getting older, I'm a fat fuck.

• 16:07Stavros Halkias?

  You look great.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  Cookies, brownies, the whole thing. And so he was like, I was like, you know, I eat McDonald's all the time. And Vecchione, who's a nut, he's like, McDonald's is good. He's like, when I'm on the road, I see McDonald's, I get four double cheeseburgers, take the bread off, a lot of protein, it's perfect. And so I took that info and I was like, great.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  You bastardized it?

• 16:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'll get fries and a couple.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  That was like when someone was like, actually, that was like when we were drinking still and someone would go, you know, wine's good for your heart. And I go, well, that's probably half a bottle of whiskey, right? Was that wine? What does that convert to wine?

• 16:38Speaker 01

  I was left to Centarians, you know, the blue zones, they all drink wine every day. But I'm like, they might live eight more years.

• 16:47Stavros Halkias?

  Well, there's, I love, cause one of the blue zones is Greece. And I promise you that that is people doing fraud. I promise you that's people continuing to collect their dead grandfather's pension.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 17:00Stavros Halkias?

  I like in Greece, I promise you, the cigarette smoking, like fucking, you know, moonshine drinking villages, they're not living to 108.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  Because these people average a lifespan of 127 years. This is unlike anything we've ever seen.

• 17:17Stavros Halkias?

  And I have no proof, it's just knowing how, you know, Greece people are.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  It's just racism?

• 17:22Speaker 02

  Well, no, because if you.

• 17:23Stavros Halkias?

  Joe second attempt of anti-Mediterranean racism, Italians, Italians and Greeks.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Joe's going after the sauce collective.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  Just hurling at all the white people. And I can't do shee.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  And you could just rush all Greeks under the rug. I won't stand for this.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Joe's gonna be selling out in Athens.

• 17:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  Joe with the Acropolis.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Joe, he goes, and another thing, I like that you guys eat feta. I think it's gross.

• 17:55Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck Turkey, fuck Albania.

• 17:59Stavros Halkias?

  He's getting fucking souvlaki thrown at him.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  I like Albania.

• 18:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Oh dude, Albania rules.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:06Stavros Halkias?

  You've been to Albania?

• 18:07Speaker 02

  No.

• 18:08Stavros Halkias?

  So you know what? They do kinda rule because they've been destroying Jared Kushner's settlement.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  Pushing trailers off of cliffs. They're nuts, Albanians are nuts.

• 18:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, you will not take my beach. That is where I go cheat my wife. I will not put luxury hotel where I cheat my wife.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Where I get sex pussy, you make the beautiful resort.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Shee, another acceptable accent.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  That's, and you know this?

• 18:32Speaker 01

  That's your Albanian, motherfucker, what the fuck?

• 18:34Speaker 02

  That's urban Albanian.

• 18:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's a Bronx Albanian, actually, the ones in the, the scary ones in the mafia.

• 18:40Speaker 01

  I may have tried that voice on once or twice, growing up in Baltimore city.

• 18:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  How did you guys not grow up with black accents? Cause you guys both grew up in heavily black neighborhoods.

• 18:50Stavros Halkias?

  It was, we always, uh, you mocked those kids. It was, they were always seen as posers to, where it was like, yeah, we, we could just be white guys that talk like this and just like basketball and rap. We don't have to pretend to do a voice.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  There wasn't one that you, there's always one that you saw that you go like, I think this is just who he is and I don't think he's trying to be this way.

• 19:10Stavros Halkias?

  There's a couple of those.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  Just white kids that are like, aye, you know what I'm saying, I'm around and you're like, damn, that really is you.

• 19:15Stavros Halkias?

  There's a couple of them, and there's this one guy on Instagram I see all the time, he's just got like, he's like gray hair, short, little like Caesar cut.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Oh dude, he's awesome, I follow him.

• 19:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's hilarious, but he talks in, like, you're like, yeah, that guy, and he just drops the N word on Instagram.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  Oh no, that's a different guy. I'm thinking of a guy doing a character. Boston Joe goes, did he run for president?

• 19:38Speaker 01

  I like the cut of his jib, baby. This guy's all right.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  You fucking tell me this guy isn't a Yankees fan, we're in business.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  That's what I think Tarantino is like, I think he's one of those guys.

• 19:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean dude, it is so funny to look back and be like, really, you had to be the guy who said this on, on Pulp Fiction on rewatch, it really, cause he's not that good an actor to begin with.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  You go, what's that?

• 19:59Stavros Halkias?

  And then it's like, really, did you have to? And you have to repeat dead blank storage a couple times? You really like the rhythm of that.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, what a tight friendship he had with.

• 20:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Samuel, your best voice, Samuel Jackson.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're just doing character, how would he take that? Now you could do the voice, how would he take that?

• 20:16Stavros Halkias?

  Do Tarantino saying it to Sam Jackson.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  Jules, I couldn't think of his name. Knock it off Julie.

• 20:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  That's pretty good.

• 20:23Speaker 03

  Come on, Jules.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  God dude, the funniest one is Norm, you ever seen Norm McDonald's?

• 20:27Stavros Halkias?

  Incredible.

• 20:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:29Stavros Halkias?

  You can tell he hates him by that impression.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Well, we were talking about screen tests on, uh, the regs, but they do a Pulp Fiction screen test.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, was there a movie about hamburgers?

• 20:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, that's the Burt one.

• 20:39Stavros Halkias?

  Is it?

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Burt Reynolds playing it, where he goes, you know what they call a quarter pounder in, in France?

• 20:46Speaker 02

  And then he goes, oh yeah, Quentin, this whole thing about cheeseburgers?

• 20:50Speaker 02

  It's so funny. That doc is coming out. I'm excited about.

• 20:53Stavros Halkias?

  The Norm doc.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, Norm MacDonald doc. It's like Judd, Appleton.

• 20:57Stavros Halkias?

  He's so good at docs.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  That Mel Brooks one, unbelievable.

• 21:01Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you don't know, like you grew up with Mel Brooks. You're just like, oh, his movies have always existed. And you don't realize how close he came to like never make like people doubted him all the time. And then when he's successful, it's like blazing sounds was like the number one movie in America for years.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  And Young Frankenstein, Young Frankenstein.

• 21:17Stavros Halkias?

  Young Frankenstein.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  That was a, my dad, that was what my dad used to like, not really push on me, but we'd watch all the time was everything Mel Brooks. So I loved it thinking no one else liked them. And then you grew up and you were like, kind of like a hipster with a band.

• 21:30Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Where someone's like, I like Mel Brooks. You go, you don't know shit about.

• 21:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a classic. You live in a non like, like urban center or you live like somewhere without Jewish people.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:40Stavros Halkias?

  And then like, you think you're like interesting for having Mel Brooks movies and they're like, nah dude, we fucking.

• 21:46Speaker 02

  They're standing. What are you? What's wrong with you? We've been watching Mel Brooks since we have a baby.

• 21:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  And I go, oh shit.

• 21:52Stavros Halkias?

  My mom loved it. My mom loved Mel Brooks and mafia movies and everything else. She was like, wouldn't let me watch the Simpsons, but she let me watch that type.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Why is that? Why did so many, were you allowed to watch Simpsons?

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, but I know there was a lot of pushback about it. My parents didn't care.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  My mom did.

• 22:09Stavros Halkias?

  She was like, my parents didn't love.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  So your parents didn't, your parents never brought it up?

• 22:14Speaker 01

  I don't think so. My mom was. I remember there was kids in my high school that were like, they weren't allowed to wear Bart Simpson and stuff. Cause at the beginning, I think his thing was like, blow me, suck you my dick. Homework stinks.

• 22:25Stavros Halkias?

  Eat my shorts, homework stinks.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Which is basically blow me, I think.

• 22:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  Kill your masters.

• 22:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, lick my cum is what he was saying.

• 22:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bart, Bart was essentially saying snort my cum like, like it's a line of coke.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  Man. He's gotta put that at the end.

• 22:39Stavros Halkias?

  Snort my jizz, man.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  Uh, Matt, can we change that line? Is that possible?

• 22:47Stavros Halkias?

  Don't eat my ass, man.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. And my mom was like, no, you can't watch the Simpsons. And that's why I thought my dad was so cool. My dad was like, Simpsons rules. You wanna watch it? I was like, yes. And then South Park came out and my mom had already given, she watched an episode of Simpsons. She's like, this is really funny. You can watch this. And then South Park came out and she didn't know about it. Cause it was on Comedy Central.

• 23:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  And that was like some shit.

• 23:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I was really not allowed to watch South.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Beavis and Butthead was the one where everyone was not allowed to.

• 23:13Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. I had to go to Eldis's house.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Really?

• 23:16Stavros Halkias?

  Cause Eldis's family was way so fresh off the boat that they were just so happy to be in America that he got like, I, he had like a foxy brown poster in his bedroom and it was like her tits out when we were seven. Like I remember going over to his house to get, and I'd be like, all right, nice. We're gonna look at that poster for a little bit. Like we would, I would plan to get horny at Eldis's posters when I was like 10.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  Same age. This kid Tony was, his, his dad was like an eastern Colorado farmer. And he moved in with his grandpa and his grandma who lived in my neighborhood. And he was allowed to have sexy beer posters on his wall. And I was going over there at 10 years old and you know which one it was? It was a Budweiser where it should bottom boob. The first time I saw bottom boob, I Looney Tunesed out of the house. Like I was like.

• 24:01Stavros Halkias?

  You can't even fathom bottom tits.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  And they were heavy.

• 24:04Stavros Halkias?

  They're all top. You're, listen, top is great.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Great.

• 24:07Stavros Halkias?

  Cause every like, you know, as a little boy, you see like a, uh, uh, somebody's aunt bending over. You see that.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  Cleavage.

• 24:13Stavros Halkias?

  You can't, yeah, cleavage is, you're like, well, it can't get better than this. And then you're like, you could see under her nipples?

• 24:18Speaker 02

  And also that is the, that is the true gravity of the situation. Cause you're seeing the hang.

• 24:24Stavros Halkias?

  You see how they hang. That's a great point.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  I walked into Tony's bedroom. I saw that and I went, I'm a, I'm a man now.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm literally getting a little horny.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  And then the side boob. There's so many different boobs.

• 24:37Speaker 02

  Side boob. Let me tell you the best side boob I ever saw in my life. Jamie Foxx started coming around the cellar like 10 or 11 years ago.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Wondering where this is going.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  And his side tit was so nice.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Nice job boob.

• 24:49Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice.

• 24:50Speaker 02

  Good.

• 24:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:51Speaker 02

  He had this lady with her and she had a, uh, like a sleeveless T-shirt, but it hung like down her side. And obviously she had her tits like pasted to it or whatever, but she had big boobs.

• 25:04Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  Or whatever it was. But her side titties were out and every single comic at that place was like.

• 25:09Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  Just dialed into this lady, trying to get her to watch her when she would turn to the side and you'd be like.

• 25:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I thought it was gonna be a much younger story.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  No. I was in my 30s.

• 25:22Stavros Halkias?

  Cause mine, I was like 12.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Nah, brother, I still.

• 25:25Stavros Halkias?

  At the Greek festival and it was just a lady. I don't know who she was. And I remember her side, having side, and I was like, and I was like.

• 25:35Stavros Halkias?

  And I just got caught. Didn't matter.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Young Stavros getting hit with the tit vapors.

• 25:40Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, it was, it was like, it was like in a boxing game when you have to clinch, cause you need a second. Yeah, I'm like, stop licking her tits, stop licking her tits, stop licking her tits.

• 25:51Stavros Halkias?

  She's friends with your brother's godmother. She's gonna get mad at you.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Which obviously made it hotter.

• 25:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  Oh my God. When you saw like a rando mom, a rando friend's mom's huge tits, you go like, yo, those were in my life.

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And it was, she was like, I was like 12 and she was like, I don't know, like in her early twenties, it was like a, she was like a.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  A woman.

• 26:11Stavros Halkias?

  And, and I remember being like, starting to do the math. I'm like, all right, I'll be 18 in six years. Like I was like, can I, how could I fuck this woman?

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:19Stavros Halkias?

  Not like tits are awesome, but being like, well, I have to fuck this lady. And too scared, by the way, even look at a girl in the eyes at that age, you know? But at the time I'm like, how do I scheme on this woman whose name I don't know?

• 26:30Speaker 02

  She'll be my wife.

• 26:31Stavros Halkias?

  And I would, that is, there is actually something wholesome about it. Cause it was like, how do I date this woman?

• 26:36Speaker 02

  You were like, let me fuck her and use her and toss her away. You go like, how do I make this woman a part of my life?

• 26:41Stavros Halkias?

  No, truly.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  What's life look like with her?

• 26:43Stavros Halkias?

  I think I could, if I, I think I could, if we had like a police sketch artist, I think I could perfectly describe her to this day.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  That's a great idea for a show.

• 26:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Just having your first tits.

• 26:54Stavros Halkias?

  Favorite tits. Yeah, that's, that's our subway takes rip off.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Now I have, now, now you're doing.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  You're doing well. You have a lot of money, a studio. Maybe I can pitch my show idea.

• 27:04Stavros Halkias?

  Please.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  A lot of people, I've heard this, many people have heard this many times. So fast forward, if you're, you're following my career, because I've been talking about this for many years.

• 27:10Stavros Halkias?

  I'm interested.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  Here's the show idea. Now I feel like I'm highly skilled at knowing what kind of shit I'm about to take.

• 27:18Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh.

• 27:19Speaker 01

  So you get a police artist and everyone, there's three contestants saying.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  I don't know if I've never heard this idea.

• 27:24Stavros Halkias?

  This is incredible.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Well, I've had it for a long time. So everybody describes, cause like if I, by the way, it feels in my stomach. I'm like, there's gonna be double tapered. There's gonna be pebbles. Everyone describes their shit. We sketch it. Whoever's closest to the dump wins, gets to eat the shit.

• 27:39Stavros Halkias?

  Eat my shit?

• 27:39Speaker 01

  No, I don't know. I don't know that. I don't know all the stuff.

• 27:42Stavros Halkias?

  What's my shit?

• 27:44Speaker 02

  Dropping it with Joe?

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Sketch my shit.

• 27:46Stavros Halkias?

  Sketch my shit. Dropping it with Joe's pretty good.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  What kind of shit this, cause.

• 27:49Stavros Halkias?

  The shit list.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Cause.

• 27:51Stavros Halkias?

  The shit list with Joe List.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  That counts. What you have to do when he's the producer, the money guy?

• 27:57Speaker 02

  We could probably massage it.

• 27:58Stavros Halkias?

  Hold on, shit list is good. That's a real phrase with shit in it and his last name. That's pretty good.

• 28:05Speaker 02

  I go, honestly, right now though, uh, name puns aren't charting. So I think we're probably just gonna go a different direction.

• 28:12Stavros Halkias?

  But don't you feel when you have to shit? Cause some people don't know that. I know what you mean. I know what you mean.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 28:16Speaker 02

  Can I tell you right now, I'm a person where I would lose at that game. Cause there's some times where I go, what is happening? And then I get up and I go, this is the most beautiful shit I've ever taken in my life. But it felt like a, uh, blowing out the sides. It didn't make the noise of that, but it didn't have the funk. It didn't have the swish. The swish of a good turd.

• 28:37Stavros Halkias?

  But it hits bottom of the net.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:40Stavros Halkias?

  It has to be before you take.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  I know. But that's what I'm saying. Cause sometimes I go in there, I go, ooh, I got rumbling. And then it's just a slide to the left.

• 28:47Stavros Halkias?

  So I have this problem where I have the, a really nice, like the perfect one.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 28:53Stavros Halkias?

  Just comes out, you know, classic J shape. If it doesn't coil. Sometimes that feels exactly like a very powdery, like a bat, like I've eaten, I haven't had enough fiber shit.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:05Stavros Halkias?

  So that would trip me. That would be my Achilles heel in this, I would say.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:09Stavros Halkias?

  So, but you know, maybe that wouldn't even rear its head until the playoffs. I think I'd get by through the, the regular season.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Every once in a while I have one that starts very thin and then has like a snow cone on top. It's like pointing at the bottom and then like a head, like a microphone.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  What kind of fucking?

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Every once in a while.

• 29:24Speaker 02

  What kind of ass track? What kind of ass track?

• 29:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Like one scoop and you're like, whoa. Like it started off nice and then got kind of squeezed out.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  When that happens, does it become painful?

• 29:35Speaker 01

  No, no, it's quite enjoyable.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  You just pass it?

• 29:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. I just, I'm like, oh shit.

• 29:41Speaker 02

  I got cos- cosplayer as an adult and that was maybe four years ago. And since then, I, I haven't forgot it. I just, I got packed up, dude.

• 29:50Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 29:51Speaker 02

  And I was taking.

• 29:52Stavros Halkias?

  Dietary?

• 29:54Speaker 02

  No, that, my doctor thinks it was stress related.

• 29:56Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 29:56Speaker 02

  And, and then, you know, what's funny is the, uh, it was the 49ers lost the NFC championship game and I was trying to poop at halftime, but I was trying to rush it. Cause I was like.

• 30:06Stavros Halkias?

  Seahawks?

• 30:07Speaker 02

  It was when they lost to the Rams and then the Rams won the Superbowl. And I was like, get out, get out. And then it didn't happen. And then for the next three days, I kept being like, hey, come on, hey, come on. And then I started panicking.

• 30:17Stavros Halkias?

  And it's when it's on the tip of your hole too. You can feel it and it won't come out.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  I was in Rochester at Comedy, the Carlson, just in my hotel, like, come on, come on. I was making that pathetic noise.

• 30:29Stavros Halkias?

  Please, please.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  I was taking stuff and it wasn't working. I was going, please. I took a suppository.

• 30:35Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you put something up your ass? You tried to get it start, you tried to siphon the shit out of your ass?

• 30:39Speaker 02

  And it didn't work?

• 30:39Stavros Halkias?

  You're like Sagalow, come grab this fucking.

• 30:42Speaker 02

  Grab a hose, grab a hose.

• 30:43Stavros Halkias?

  Sags.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  Grab the hose. This is why you're here. This is why you're here.

• 30:49Stavros Halkias?

  Don't worry. I've, I've done that with JP plenty.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Uh, but what's funny is I kept drinking the Miralax, which is supposed to loosen it. And then, uh, I was like, my doctor was like, yeah, uh, drink Miralax. And so I was doing it like pretty like, well, I don't wanna shit while I'm on stage. And then, um, I called my doctor on like a Saturday and I was like, hey, it's still not, it's been four days. And he's like, oh, when I say drink Miralax, I mean, just every time you're done drinking a cup of water, drink another one with it. And I did it. And the second I got home from Rochester, I was like, and it was.

• 31:23Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  It was the best feeling I've ever had in my life.

• 31:25Stavros Halkias?

  What shape were we talking?

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Uh, there was no shape.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Shapes. Lots of shapes.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  It was a mound.

• 31:30Stavros Halkias?

  It was fun.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  I felt like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. I was like, oh.

• 31:36Stavros Halkias?

  You're taller. You're sitting on your shit by the end of it.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Thanking God. It felt so good. I was going, thank you, God. Oh, thank you, God. It was just like, so that would have been a wild.

• 31:47Stavros Halkias?

  That would've been a wild one.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  Shit list.

• 31:48Stavros Halkias?

  We have to say, we have, we have to save that for sweeps week.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  Dan Soder's coming in here packed from an NFC championship game. We've packed Dan to the brim.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Sometimes I'll have like a stack of logs, like it's like five big, long logs, like the end of a dugout.

• 32:06Speaker 02

  Just looking at lumber?

• 32:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. We might lose people here. By the way, 2003 ALCS, I shit blood. Game seven, yeah, right before game seven, I went to the ER and they're like, have you been under serious stress? And I'm like, you're watching these games?

• 32:16Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, those were incredible.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  You're thinking the season before they won.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  That was the year they lost, yeah.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  That was where Boone hit it.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  The game before the Aaron, the day, the morning of the Aaron Boone homerun.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  My favorite story is where you were when it happened.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Where?

• 32:31Speaker 02

  You were out with your family, but your dad's reaction.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, my dad, well, he was, it was a long game. It was extra innings. So my dad, there was like a back room with a pool table. So they were playing pool in between innings and Aaron Boone hit the leadoff homerun. We all went, ah, reacted. My dad hadn't made it into the living room and he walked, he was putting his coat on. He goes, who hit it?

• 32:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Aaron Boone. He goes, all right. And he had the keys. We just walked out and nobody ever spoke of it.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  My favorite fucking reveal of a fucking football.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  It's like, okay. And then I was going to New York the next day with my buddy Derek and we literally got in the car and did not speak of it. We just didn't have a conversation. We sat there.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  But the idea of being so used to losing that you just put your coat on and you go, who did it to us this time?

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  It's so fucking funny.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  That was horrible.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  And then next year you guys won it and then you became the best sports city.

• 33:19Stavros Halkias?

  In the coolest way possible. That was the last time Boston were like the nice, lovable underdogs. Cause I remember rooting, of course you didn't want the fucking Yankees to win. And that come from behind, it was so beautiful.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  In 2001, you must have been rooting, well, maybe not you, but most of America was rooting for the Patriots post nine 11.

• 33:34Stavros Halkias?

  I was rooting for the Cardinals and the Rams.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  Well, I'm a 40, I'm a 49ers fan.

• 33:38Stavros Halkias?

  Or not the Cardinals, sorry, Diamondbacks and the Rams that year.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  I was a 49ers fan, so it was fuck the Rams. And when the Patriots hit the, the New England Patriots have decided to be introduced.

• 33:49Stavros Halkias?

  Team.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  As a team, you were like.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Who's pumped?

• 33:53Speaker 02

  And then you guys became the most hated, and then you guys just won and kept winning. Then the Bruins, and then the Celtics won, and then the Bruins won, and then you kept winning.

• 34:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, fuck.

• 34:01Speaker 02

  And then the Red Sox won again and again.

• 34:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right.

• 34:05Speaker 02

  Baltimore's just been getting shit on.

• 34:07Stavros Halkias?

  I know, we're getting our asses.

• 34:07Speaker 02

  And we haven't won since the 90s.

• 34:09Stavros Halkias?

  This is our year, baby. Shout out to the, the Mint Man. I've given mentoring you nickname. The Mint Man, Jesse Minter. I'm having mints.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 34:19Stavros Halkias?

  I'm eating mints. I'm workshopping a lot of stuff.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  My breath is hot.

• 34:22Stavros Halkias?

  My breath is so fresh. It's Minter fresh.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  That's great. Minter fresh is what's up.

• 34:28Stavros Halkias?

  Not bad. Let's move on.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Let's, yeah, let's see. This episode is sponsored by BlueChew. Fellas, you know what women want and need. And I'm not talking about the Mel Gibson movie, What Women Want, where he can read their minds. I'm talking about a stiff something, something. Be her rock with BlueChew. With their new arousal boosting formula, you're getting turned on mentally and hard physically. Bricked in the brain, bricked in the body. BlueChew Gold is better sex in a tablet. They combined four ingredients into one powerful solution. It works fast and last. Knock, knock, who's there? Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. You know what I'm saying? There's a reason BlueChew is the number one brand for better sex. Experience it yourself at bluechew.com.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  And we've got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third free with promo code STAVI. That's promo code STAVI. You will also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank BlueChew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom.

• 35:40Stavros Halkias?

  This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stavvy Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stavvy's World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month.

• 36:19Stavros Halkias?

  Or get the premium Visible Plus Pro plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STAV. Terms apply. No, you're right. We've talked way too much sports for, uh, for the, for the general public here. But you know what? It's good. We have, this is America. It's the first week of, uh, it's the first week of NFL football. Like we said, Uncle Stav is coming, coming out.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  You happy it's coming out?

• 36:42Stavros Halkias?

  I can't wait, dude. I'm so happy to fucking be done and just like, I don't know, just chill.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, but how much are you gonna be checking that Netflix top 10 list?

• 36:51Stavros Halkias?

  I think I'm gonna, I think I'm, I will be checking it fucking nonstop, obviously, but I think I'm gonna completely get off my phone. Cause I just feel like the last time anything, any, when, when things come out, you're like constantly saying what people think.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:04Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm just gonna, I got a brick. I love the brick. It's, my phone is bricked right now. I can't get on Instagram. I can't get on, you know, I took Twitter off my phone completely.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  Deleted Instagram and Twitter and blocked Reddit. It's the best thing I've ever done.

• 37:15Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  But now I'm watching YouTube all day.

• 37:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Dude, no, I was starting to go, I started scrolling Spotify. I was like, what kind of new songs are there?

• 37:22Speaker 01

  I look at photos all the time. I'm all photos.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  I'm in my photos and I'm in AP News app.

• 37:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yes. I've started reading the news.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  AP News app, I go, what's in the local section? It's like, well, the thing.

• 37:35Stavros Halkias?

  A beloved hot dog stand is threatening to go out of.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  And Meta just, you know, settled like 162 billion for whatever their shit is, but it really is.

• 37:44Stavros Halkias?

  Getting kids addicted to social media.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Always coming after the good guys.

• 37:52Stavros Halkias?

  Palantir Joe.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  We all love it.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  That's so funny. I'm on my Palantir app all the time. I'm just watching, I'm just over here watching flock cameras.

• 38:00Stavros Halkias?

  I'm on my flock cameras. I'm, I'm watching my neighbors argue.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  Katie goes, what are you doing? I go, I'm watching a car crash in Springfield, Missouri.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  Guy didn't have the right of way and he just blew right through the light.

• 38:11Stavros Halkias?

  Are you scared with Marty being a online guy? Uh, should we believe his name? I'm sorry.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  No, that's all right. I'm no, no, we say his name, but I, yeah, I'm not, right now he's three and he sleeps in our bed and kicks the shit out of my throat all night. So I'm not there yet.

• 38:26Stavros Halkias?

  So you want to give him an iPad?

• 38:27Speaker 01

  But I'm good about, uh, not being on my phone and not letting him watch the stuff. So we'll see. I mean, who knows? That's the thing that's crazy and I don't want to go down a dark, whatever. None of us have any concept of what life is gonna be like in five years.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  Well.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 38:40Speaker 02

  We also, I think like that could be scary, but it also could be positive. Marty's generation could grow up and go, fucking social media fried a whole generation.

• 38:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  So we gotta stay away from that shit.

• 38:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, if there's like the hippie movement, but for fucking computers.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  But also like, look at the pushback that, uh, cause you know, um, Grand Theft Auto's coming out and they were like, we're not releasing physical copies. And then Sony was like, we're done making physical copies for PlayStation. And the pushback they got.

• 39:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  Was like, oh shit, my bad. Because everyone kept going, so you don't own anything anymore?

• 39:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  You just have a streaming service. It's like, Marty's generation might be like, I want to buy shit.

• 39:18Stavros Halkias?

  Be nice. Yeah.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  Right.

• 39:20Stavros Halkias?

  Luddites out in the forest. They, cause also everybody's saying like Gen Alpha and Gen Z aren't horny. So what if there's a new sexual revolution with like, and they're like, we're gonna live out in huts, no internet, we're gonna grow our hair long, beautiful. And we're gonna suck and fuck.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  When he comes into our bed, we still fuck.

• 39:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  Just like, put him out to the side.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  Pow. You go, watch this. Now watch this.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Now watch this drive.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  We're gonna get you your pacifier. Now watch this drive.

• 39:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's cheering. He's like, good job, dad.

• 39:56Stavros Halkias?

  Way to stay hard, dad.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  Would you take George W. Bush right now?

• 40:01Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Straight up?

• 40:02Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Really?

• 40:04Speaker 02

  No Chaney.

• 40:06Speaker 01

  No Chaney.

• 40:07Stavros Halkias?

  No Chaney, I'm listening.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  He's buddies with that one.

• 40:09Stavros Halkias?

  No Chaney.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  I'm talking right now. Just George Bush. He'll pop soon.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  I'm fantasy booking this.

• 40:14Stavros Halkias?

  I guess, yeah, I would rather have, have, have George Bush, no Chaney, painting in the Oval Office. No, take, yeah, stops.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Bush, but it's.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  Cut my dick off and punt it to have George W. Bush in office.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  George W. Bush and Mitt Romney is the VP. How you feeling?

• 40:29Speaker 01

  I love that ticket.

• 40:31Stavros Halkias?

  Joe's ready to vote right now. Are you fucking kidding?

• 40:35Speaker 02

  I mean, I, you know, I would.

• 40:36Stavros Halkias?

  To finish out this term, yes.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  I would go in the bathroom and jerk off to get a John McCain.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, not 2028, just fucking.

• 40:42Stavros Halkias?

  Just to finish off this, yes.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Trump steps down. I made a mistake. Excuse me, sorry.

• 40:46Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry, yeah, yeah.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  W comes in, mission accomplished.

• 40:49Stavros Halkias?

  Trump goes to the resort in Albania they're building to Epstein Island, Little St. James two, Tirana.

• 40:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then they go, they go to the fucking.

• 40:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  They go to the bullpen and they go, oh, it's him. It's, it's the Texas Ranger.

• 41:05Stavros Halkias?

  Isn't he literally younger than Trump right now?

• 41:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 41:12Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, we don't have to make it about policy, but is, with Mom Donnie, isn't it funny to see a politician who can play soccer? Like, it's like, all our politicians can't even like walk and they like start wars and shit.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  He just makes me feel like I didn't do the homework and he did.

• 41:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  That's all, is all of his energy.

• 41:28Stavros Halkias?

  He's SGA president.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Where he goes, if you did, if you did the reading and you go, I didn't do the reading.

• 41:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, I just, for, for sure, he has like SGA president and like, is, does a film, has a club, does the student government? But I just mean literally, it's funny to see a politician be able to run like no other, like no other politician.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  Not have their.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Clinton, Clinton was the last big runner. He was running.

• 41:51Stavros Halkias?

  And Barry, he played hoops.

• 41:52Speaker 01

  Barry did play hoops. You're right. You're right. Uh, DePaul had a great joke, you know?

• 41:58Stavros Halkias?

  You're not gonna like it.

• 42:01Stavros Halkias?

  Elvis, get the, get the scissors ready.

• 42:07Stavros Halkias?

  He got a fat lip basketball.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  And now we're cutting back in.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Come on, that's a good joke.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  No one said Apollo doesn't understand joke structure.

• 42:17Stavros Halkias?

  I know the COVID one too. People said, touch my eyes.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Oh, my fucking god. That one isn't a brilliant joke.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  He has one that I was thinking about all the time where he's like, professors in college, women avoid.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  He's very good. All right, we're back.

• 42:38Stavros Halkias?

  And we're, and we're back, folks.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  I love that guy.

• 42:43Stavros Halkias?

  Best of Apollo. Oh, fuck dude. Yeah, um, we're, yeah, what else is, what the hell else is going on, man?

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Are you not doing the rave? Are you not gonna be like?

• 42:54Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think I'm gonna be doing.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Cause the ESPN thing, you can't be Ronnie?

• 42:57Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's just like, how many times can you be like, I'm a sex offender and I'm ironically racist?

• 43:03Speaker 02

  He's back, guys.

• 43:04Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 43:05Speaker 01

  I've been doing it all.

• 43:08Stavros Halkias?

  It's just the same joke over and over again. And there's, there's no way to do it and be good, like, interesting and creative about it. I think I'll still do the big games.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 43:17Stavros Halkias?

  And I, obviously I'm gonna do the playoffs.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  Well, reactions.

• 43:19Stavros Halkias?

  I'll do some.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Playoffs?

• 43:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  I talk about playoffs.

• 43:22Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, dude, I don't know. I can't do it every fucking week. It's just like, there's nothing to talk about after a certain point. But I'll do it. Listen, maybe a little opening, maybe this week I've done it because it's opening week. Uh, and then the playoffs, but you know, don't get, you know, I'm not doing them every week.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  No Ronnie fatigue.

• 43:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we're getting, we're getting real Ronnie fatigue.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  I get it.

• 43:39Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but you know, I am excited. I am excited for the fall. I can't wait to get autumnal. You know what I mean? Get in the, go to a cabin or some shit, be in the leaves. You ever leaf? Cause New England, everybody goes in.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  I know, we go in October.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  Like the leaf right now.

• 43:56Speaker 02

  God damn, I heard that one off the bat. I was in the dugout grabbing the double bubble.

• 44:01Stavros Halkias?

  Stay fair. Stay fair.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  It's gone.

• 44:04Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's gone.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  I even turned around, I was going like this. I go, what are you throwing? Do you see?

• 44:09Stavros Halkias?

  Pucked it around the ball, baby.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  I'm putting on my elbow.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  It's Steph Curry turning around and the ball's in the air.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  I heard Joe hit that as I was putting my elbow guard on. I went, oh yeah, that fucking thing's out of here.

• 44:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yes, I always forget you are, you're basically, you're, you're New England in law now. You're like, you're marrying into.

• 44:27Speaker 02

  Married into the Boston life.

• 44:28Stavros Halkias?

  So you go, you guys go and hit a fucking little cabin and look at the leaves?

• 44:31Speaker 02

  No, we do that just because we live in New York and that's where we got, we got engaged at a place up in the Catskills. And so then just every year, we don't do vacations. That's like the one week where we go away and there's no reception.

• 44:42Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 44:42Speaker 02

  But there is wifi.

• 44:44Stavros Halkias?

  You're not a reception, you're not a vacation guy?

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Uh-uh.

• 44:46Stavros Halkias?

  Hit the beach?

• 44:47Speaker 02

  Uh-uh.

• 44:47Stavros Halkias?

  You, you don't like to take your top off, do you?

• 44:49Speaker 02

  No.

• 44:50Stavros Halkias?

  I, you do, you seem to, yeah, I don't understand why.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  Can I tell you right now, one of the most things I'm jealous of you of is how comfortable you are with your shirt off.

• 44:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  And how positive your relationship with sex is. It's fucking.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  It's generational.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  It's truly.

• 45:04Speaker 01

  It's kids, they don't, you know what I mean?

• 45:05Stavros Halkias?

  You'll take your shirt off.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  I love taking my shirt off.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  He's got a good bod.

• 45:08Stavros Halkias?

  Your bod's great. Your bod, you have a sneaky good bod.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  Sneaky good bod.

• 45:12Stavros Halkias?

  Really, really.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  Sneaky good bod and I'm hot for it.

• 45:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  My, my stomach's getting a little, I'm 44 now, I have brownies a lot, so I'm gonna diet now. But my chest and arms, I mean, ladies.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  He's still got WCW body.

• 45:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  Where you go, that's a good body. Even if, even if he's soggy in the.

• 45:26Stavros Halkias?

  Look at those, look at those.

• 45:28Speaker 02

  He's got.

• 45:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oil those, I just have some baby oil outside. We just did a picture for the calendar. Oh, look at those fucking.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  And let me tell you what I am. I'm winter jacket hot.

• 45:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I bet you if you took, if you took your shirt off right now.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  It's not good.

• 45:41Stavros Halkias?

  I think you just, you're a big guy, you're.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  I don't like it.

• 45:43Speaker 01

  This feels like when Kramer shot George.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  Cause you're a fun guy. You got nice pecs, but I can't see.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  How did that go for George?

• 45:51Stavros Halkias?

  Were you ever, were you ever humiliated as a youth?

• 45:54Speaker 02

  I had puffy nipples.

• 45:55Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, puffy nipples.

• 45:56Speaker 02

  And puffy nipples will fucking sink you. They'll sink you. Also did not have like, I wasn't like naked around the house.

• 46:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no father, like around the house?

• 46:06Speaker 02

  No dad around the house shirtless?

• 46:07Stavros Halkias?

  Well, your dad must, when you hung out with him, he must have been shirtless.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  Well, he was asleep most of the time. And by that, I mean passed out.

• 46:14Stavros Halkias?

  He was at, at the wheel of his car.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  I go, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.

• 46:18Stavros Halkias?

  Dad, dad, I'm not gonna make my Little League game.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh no. You thought that was what his concern was? He goes, I can't wait to get you on a flight home.

• 46:27Speaker 02

  He wasn't, he didn't live near the Little League. But it was, I never like, it was always, you know why?

• 46:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, please tell me.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  And this is just some real shit?

• 46:36Stavros Halkias?

  I wanna hear the real.

• 46:37Speaker 02

  I always felt like a guest in my own home.

• 46:39Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  Because my mom was dating and so I always was like clothed and like.

• 46:45Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. Oh, hello.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Hello, sir.

• 46:47Stavros Halkias?

  Hello, sir.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  I can't mess this up or I might.

• 46:49Stavros Halkias?

  Wearing jeans in your own home?

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Like sweatpants.

• 46:51Stavros Halkias?

  Sweatpants.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  Sweat, sweat shorts.

• 46:53Stavros Halkias?

  Sweat shorts, shorts.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  T-shirt on, fun t-shirts.

• 46:55Stavros Halkias?

  See, that's a good, so I grew up, my father just like would, would shower and just walk upstairs naked.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 47:03Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? And would be in his underwear, like just, just like, I know, well, that, that gave me.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Joe just go like, no.

• 47:10Stavros Halkias?

  Well, your dad probably like wore a full tuxedo.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  In the shower?

• 47:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  Suit in the shower?

• 47:14Speaker 01

  No, my dad, yeah, I mean, shirt and tie to work, I guess. And then, yeah.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  I can see Steve being shirtless.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  Never wore sweatpants.

• 47:22Stavros Halkias?

  See, that's crazy.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  No.

• 47:23Stavros Halkias?

  No la, so there's no lounging happening at the List household?

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Now he wears like pajama bottom kind of thing.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that's almost like he's lost his mind.

• 47:31Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. Yeah, I've lost my marbles.

• 47:35Speaker 01

  I always got an eye patch, he cuts his own hair.

• 47:39Speaker 02

  Oh no, dude. We gotta, Steve wears, we gotta round them up pants. Oh no.

• 47:47Stavros Halkias?

  Boone hit it.

• 47:48Speaker 02

  Oh, he's back.

• 47:48Stavros Halkias?

  Boone hit it.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  He's back in Korea.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  No, nobody was walking around naked. That's fucking wild.

• 47:55Stavros Halkias?

  But even, but there was no lounging happening or it was, cause jeans at all times is kinda like, that's in the 50s, they asked it. That was like, sweatpants of the, I wore, I was like reading a book about the 50s. And that was their like, oh, we're just relaxing. I threw on some jeans in the house.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:09Stavros Halkias?

  Like your dad's kind of old fashioned in that way.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  I guess so. Well, I always talk about this, when we were boys, men were all shirtless.

• 48:16Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  Like every photo of my family hanging out at a cookout, they'd be around the grill, tight blue jeans, no shirt.

• 48:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  That's what you'd like sit on a summer day and then you go to like the Sox game, you'd be at Fenway Park. It was just a sea of shirtless.

• 48:29Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  Which isn't even allowed now.

• 48:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Now you take your shirt off, they're like, you gotta leave.

• 48:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had no shirt, no service. I grew up opposite. Just never, everyone had a shirt on.

• 48:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 02

  Ever, like what's crazy is I would see my dad when I would visit him and he'd be shirtless and he was cavalier about it.

• 48:43Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  But I never inherited that. Cause I wasn't around him.

• 48:46Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. And that even felt, that probably gave you a little, I bet you even putting your shirt, taking your shirt off almost was like, would have been bittersweet. Cause you're like.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  I miss him.

• 48:55Stavros Halkias?

  If my dad was here, I'd, I would just be on the couch with my shirt off, watching football, you know?

• 48:59Speaker 02

  For real. I feel like that about that and playing basketball.

• 49:02Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 49:03Speaker 02

  Cause when I'd visit my dad, we'd go shoot around hoops and he'd give like tips and I would improve instantly.

• 49:08Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 49:08Speaker 02

  And then we'd leave and I'd be like.

• 49:10Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 49:10Speaker 02

  And be like, you wanna play basketball? You're like, nah, I'm not really, I don't wanna play basketball. Can I play football and run fucking hard as shit in here?

• 49:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna hurt my brain so I don't remember stuff.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  This is exactly what it was. I go, my head needs to hurt and so do you. Play me outside linebacker, I'm gonna fucking rip you off the earth.

• 49:29Stavros Halkias?

  You're, it's like the water boy, but you're seeing like every guy your mom is fucking face.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  Hey Trish, the TV isn't working.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  My TV's working. You just had it on the wrong channel.

• 49:45Stavros Halkias?

  Who moved my Macho Manny figurine?

• 49:48Speaker 02

  I go, you turned off Saturday night main event. Earthquake was about to fight Eno Bravo. Yeah, dude, but also.

• 49:57Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, dude.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Cause this happened with Louis Katz. Louis Katz and I were hanging out and he was like saying something and I go, can I ask you why? Uh, all the short Jewish guys I know or the horniest dudes I've ever met? And without even batting an eye, he goes, yeah, cause we have a positive relationship with sex. And he goes, so we're just like cool with it. He goes, all you Christians have this weird fucked up shit where you're not allowed to play with your dick.

• 50:20Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 50:21Speaker 02

  And you're like, oh, as an adult, you hear that and you go, yeah.

• 50:25Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's true. Cause Greek orthodoxy is a, it's like, no one is actually that religious. You go to, you go to Easter, you, it's mostly a social club. Like I'm even to the point where, you know, I like, when I was in my twenties, I was like, oh, or even when I was like a teenager, it's just like, oh, God's not real. And I was like, one of those like corny, like, you know, Bill Maher atheists when I was in, in like college, like, oh really? You think there's a God?

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Oh, there's a big man upstairs.

• 50:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  Keeping tally.

• 50:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:52Speaker 02

  Here's a new rule.

• 50:53Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, how about no? But, but then the older I get, I'm like, yeah, maybe this shit isn't, obviously that shit did not happen, but the lessons are good. Like you should live your life that way. And so I'm even. Thinking about like, kind of just going to like Greek church.

• 51:08Speaker 02

  Here we go.

• 51:09Stavros Halkias?

  More of a social thing.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  Here comes the Christian grift.

• 51:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, it's like, and I just like, so no matter what you believe, whether you're atheist or believe in God, you should watch Uncle Stopp on Netflix.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  Check out our new podcast, Coming From The Studio, Prayers Up. It's, we're all gonna be coming in and being grateful.

• 51:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  With special co-host, George W. Bush.

• 51:30Stavros Halkias?

  No, Dick Cheney, though. I guess he is in hell right now, but.

• 51:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, right. He's in heaven. All the good work he did.

• 51:38Stavros Halkias?

  But yes, that's, I, cause there was no real guilt, but yeah, Catholics and you just.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  My mom was Irish Catholic, even though I'm Episcopalian. My mom was raised Irish Catholic.

• 51:48Stavros Halkias?

  House divided.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  Well, no. We ran, we went by her rules. I didn't have to vote.

• 51:55Stavros Halkias?

  You were an Episcopalian child, living under Catholic rule?

• 51:58Speaker 02

  My mom got excommunicated because she got divorced. Yeah.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  Some of these words are losing.

• 52:04Stavros Halkias?

  Excommunicated is like some shit that would happen to like a medieval warlord.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Italians, that's when you eat the fish.

• 52:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Catholics kick you out, that's funny.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Catholics kick you out. Catholicism, you get kicked out if you got, if you get divorced.

• 52:20Stavros Halkias?

  No, still? There's no way.

• 52:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:24Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 52:24Speaker 02

  Well, this is my mom.

• 52:25Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe she was a woman living in sin.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  1976.

• 52:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay, damn.

• 52:29Speaker 02

  And there were.

• 52:30Stavros Halkias?

  Elders, don't look it up or anything.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  Well, she got, she was in college and got married for two years and there was like, this isn't working. It got divorced and her church was like, you're out.

• 52:40Stavros Halkias?

  That was to your dad or a different guy?

• 52:41Speaker 02

  Different guy.

• 52:41Stavros Halkias?

  Huh.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  And then her second marriage was my dad.

• 52:43Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  And he, and then he was Episcopalian and she was like sick. And by the way, Episcopalian is just Catholicism that allows divorce. Cause literally a king made it up. It's the Church of England.

• 52:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's the one where Henry was like, I need new pussy. So the, so now we actually have, fuck the, fuck the, fuck Rome.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:01Stavros Halkias?

  I gotta get, cause I gotta get, I need a male heir.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  It legitimately was, I want some different pussy. Don't be mad at me, God. It's Episcopalian subtitled, need some new puss.

• 53:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  Don't be mad, God.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  I might be Episcopalian.

• 53:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you get fresh pussy every four years?

• 53:23Speaker 01

  Gee, I need some new pussy up in this motherfucker.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  And that was Samuel L. Jackson in the upcoming movie, Episcopalian.

• 53:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, cause that, that was really funny because he just kept killing or divorcing his wives.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  He goes, oh, redo.

• 53:37Stavros Halkias?

  And then it turns out genetically, it's the guy, it's the guy's jizz that decides whether it's a, cause women have both X chromosomes and a guy has X and Y. So if the man doesn't give a Y, it's gonna be a girl. So it was all Henry's jizz was girl jizz.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 53:53Stavros Halkias?

  And he killed all those ladies because he had girly ass jizz.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  He's got that fucking pink jizz.

• 53:57Stavros Halkias?

  But you got, you, you can't be Episcopalian because you got, you got a male heir already.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  I got male, man, man jizz.

• 54:03Stavros Halkias?

  You have, you have the heir to the.

• 54:04Speaker 02

  You're very manly jizz.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  By the way, Marty, when he introduces himself to kids, he says, I'm Marty List. The people say, what's your name? He goes, I'm Marty List.

• 54:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's a great name. It rolls off the fucking tongue.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  It's wrong.

• 54:15Stavros Halkias?

  It's old fashioned.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  Could also be like an ambulance chaser with that.

• 54:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  Have you been injured? Marty List.

• 54:21Stavros Halkias?

  Marty List, join the list, list. Yeah.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  I'll put you on the list to fight for.

• 54:29Stavros Halkias?

  Here's a list of all the money I got.

• 54:31Speaker 02

  Billboards driving to Philly.

• 54:32Stavros Halkias?

  Marty saved my life.

• 54:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, I got into an accident with FedEx and they didn't want to pay, but Marty List fought for me.

• 54:41Stavros Halkias?

  A DoorDash driver ran over my nuts and Marty List got me new nuts. Like the kind they give dogs after they.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  Did he do a handshake? Is he like, hi, I'm Marty List?

• 54:52Speaker 01

  No, but he is a high five. He'll high five, say, I'm Marty List. He's very funny.

• 54:56Stavros Halkias?

  What a cute guy.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  He's a sweet boy.

• 54:58Stavros Halkias?

  I miss Marty. We gotta chill soon.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, come over sometime.

• 55:01Stavros Halkias?

  I can't wait.

• 55:01Speaker 02

  Last time I saw Marty, he just had a fat bug in his nose.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:05Speaker 02

  Joe is holding him. He goes, you see that bug?

• 55:09Speaker 02

  In the chamber.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  The best thing about having a kid is you get double the boogers to play with. I'm rolling his booger. Sarah's like grossed out. I love it. He gets a cold. I'm like, yes. Cause he gets like fucking squishy long green ones.

• 55:20Stavros Halkias?

  I hate what you're saying right now.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  And I'll play with him for 10, 20 minutes.

• 55:23Speaker 02

  I'd almost rather you molest him.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  Well, they get those, those goo ones where they stick and they go.

• 55:29Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I do know what you mean.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  Kid boogers are my greatest joy.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  Talk was bad. I, back to, to do like, people at home are like, talk about your shit.

• 55:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  Joe just pulling it and going like, ooh.

• 55:43Speaker 01

  When he gets a couple of chopsticks and I grab one from each.

• 55:47Speaker 02

  Do you give him a mustache?

• 55:48Speaker 01

  No, and I play with them and I'll do some of my own stuff.

• 55:51Stavros Halkias?

  You were a booger kid as well as a child.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  At, well, I, I never ate boogers. Some people eat boogers. Those people should be fucking put to death.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  You know what he is?

• 55:58Speaker 01

  I play with them.

• 55:59Speaker 02

  I experimented with a guy in college.

• 56:01Stavros Halkias?

  I kissed my roommate. I never sucked his dick.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  Meanwhile, we're finding out he was the throat dope in his house.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  I love, I still love playing with a booger. In fact, most of the time when people think I'm deep in reflection, I actually just, I'm like,

• 56:17Stavros Halkias?

  You're playing.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Really enjoy being mindful.

• 56:19Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  I'm like this, huh?

• 56:21Stavros Halkias?

  I actually really hate that you divulged that information.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  I don't like it at all and I've known him for 20 years and I don't like any of this.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  It's all in the privacy of my own home. I'm not, you know, I'm not on the airplane.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Well, that's my question. You ever publicly play with a bug?

• 56:35Speaker 01

  No, I can't pick my nose in public, but if you go in the, you feel something, you go in the bathroom and.

• 56:41Stavros Halkias?

  I'm, I'm, I'm one of these guys.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  You're a man.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  It's worse. That's worse.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  You're a man.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  I end up in the trash. I roll into a nice.

• 56:47Stavros Halkias?

  On the sidewalk.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Shout out Coach Barker.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  It's horrible.

• 56:50Stavros Halkias?

  I don't have time for a fucking Kleenex. I'm making deals.

• 56:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, first time I saw a man do that, shout out Coach Barker.

• 56:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I like to do this.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  Nailed the farmer blow.

• 56:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:59Speaker 02

  And it was so cool. So after a long practice, he goes, and it just went, poosh.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  Bob Barker was his football coach.

• 57:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's so.

• 57:05Speaker 01

  Same guy.

• 57:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, Price is Right.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, they went out neutered pets together.

• 57:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  It's getting late, sorry.

• 57:11Stavros Halkias?

  Why was that his thing? Did he, why did he love cutting a cat's nuts off?

• 57:15Speaker 01

  Not sure. I never knew what it meant.

• 57:18Stavros Halkias?

  Of all the like celebrity causes, paying and neutering pets seems pretty loved.

• 57:22Speaker 02

  Let's stop animals from fucking.

• 57:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Let's, let's stop them from, you know, getting a nice nut off.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  He was on TV every day for 60 years and he's like, I'm gonna take care of this.

• 57:31Stavros Halkias?

  This cats and dogs is gonna be me.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:33Speaker 02

  We're weird cause.

• 57:34Stavros Halkias?

  Well, he's a weird, and I wonder, do you think he was fucking all the, the girls?

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Oh, he was like animals.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I thought he's one of animals too. Yeah, a hundred percent. Dude, he was like the fucking 60s. He could just go like, did you shave your pussy today? And they'd go like, sure did, Bob. How many episodes we doing today? It's like, two. Can I see it? And there was no HR.

• 57:56Stavros Halkias?

  Can you, uh, can you go ahead and, uh, put the drop, the clippings in an envelope?

• 58:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:00Stavros Halkias?

  Put them in my office? Have your pubes on my desk by five o'clock, please.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  We have had a tough day here. Can I suck your tits?

• 58:09Stavros Halkias?

  The best was the fucking Family Feud guy who would just kiss.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Richard Dawson.

• 58:13Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  When we watch, like when we go to an Airbnb and they just have that internet TV.

• 58:19Stavros Halkias?

  The family.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  And there's like a Family Feud channel or whatever and she goes, I can't watch the seventies ones. They're all drunk and kissing. And I go, that's exactly what it is.

• 58:28Stavros Halkias?

  She's a hundred percent right.

• 58:29Speaker 02

  Every episode he goes, now you are married to Stevie.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  Can you imagine someone, just a guy kisses your wife on the lips in front of you?

• 58:37Stavros Halkias?

  And you have to take it.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  And then think of words?

• 58:40Stavros Halkias?

  And you can't fuck him up on TV, on TV.

• 58:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:43Stavros Halkias?

  Like people are gonna see you get cucked by this guy.

• 58:46Speaker 02

  And then they go, all right, and what are five things a dog does outside? You go, I'm not thinking about that.

• 58:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, bro. And by the way, there's four channels. Everyone you've ever met is watching that episode. It's gonna make the newspaper.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  You go, Richard Dawson got quite friendly with Alice.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  It's really wild. And then he'd do daughters too.

• 59:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  Your wife, you're in the front of the thing. You do the first answer and you watch your daughter and wife get kissed on the lips.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  By the way, crazy compliments too, when you watch it. He goes, you are filling out nicely. And you're like, that's my fucking little girl.

• 59:17Stavros Halkias?

  Woman you're becoming.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  Whoa, some lucky young man's gonna take this as his bride.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  He's like, bro's working overtime.

• 59:25Speaker 02

  Doing porn flicks.

• 59:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Good answer, good answer, good answer, good answer.

• 59:30Speaker 02

  He goes, this is your wife.

• 59:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three things the clown is afraid of.

• 59:41Stavros Halkias?

  A big, a really big car.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  Hey, Rich, hey, Rich, could you, like, could you, could you ease up?

• 59:46Speaker 01

  Somebody had a joke like 20 years ago. I can't remember who. I think it was a New York comic. They're like, they say, ask a hundred people a day. The show's been on for 60 years. Why have I never met a single person that's been interviewed?

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Great point. It's like, they're obviously making it up.

• 59:59Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  A hundred people a day since 1961? We've never encountered? Someone's like, Family Feud called today.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  What would you say things you keep in your pocket? You go, comb? You go, like six people to that.

• 1:00:09Stavros Halkias?

  Well, do you know anybody who's done like the Nielsen ratings? Like, is anybody?

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  I knew someone that had a, a thing in their house for the ratings.

• 1:00:17Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I stand corrected.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  And they thought they were king shit. They wanted to tell you about it.

• 1:00:21Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, dude, you're a tastemaker.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  There's my friend in middle school. His mom was like, yeah, we do the Nielsen ratings. And you're like, great.

• 1:00:27Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, nice.

• 1:00:28Speaker 02

  Cool.

• 1:00:29Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I think it's time for us to go from Richard Dawson sucking off ladies to, uh, giving advice on the.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  Mind, miss, do you mind if I taste your pussy?

• 1:00:40Speaker 02

  Uh, alright, that's fucking weird.

• 1:00:43Stavros Halkias?

  Hopefully we have some Family Feud related calls on the visible hotline today. Eldis, why don't we play some calls with our boys and fellas? Anything here at the midway point you'd like to plug?

• 1:00:53Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, midway?

• 1:00:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we just got going. It's been 15 minutes.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  Good life of child stuff. For a day and a half.

• 1:01:01Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, alright, the two, the one point, whatever.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  We're at 1.75.

• 1:01:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  Uh, what do I got? Oh, this weekend, uh, Royal Oak, Michigan.

• 1:01:10Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful.

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  Uh, Comedy Castle, love that club. And then I got a, uh, October 1st to the 3rd, SideSplitters in Tampa.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  Great.

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  And then, uh, and then Philly Helium, a couple of...

• 1:01:19Stavros Halkias?

  Woo! Beautiful.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  Bangers. 22nd to the 24th, yeah.

• 1:01:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's awesome.

• 1:01:23Speaker 02

  Uh, September, uh, I'll be in, um, Hartford, Connecticut for four shows, Friday and Saturday. I think that's September, I want to say 18th and 19th.

• 1:01:34Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:01:35Speaker 02

  Let's see if I'm right about that, because that would be pretty cool in this old resin-filled brain of mine. And the answer is, I was right. 18th and 19th, Hartford Funny Bone.

• 1:01:45Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful.

• 1:01:46Speaker 02

  And then I'm gonna be at a new club in Albuquerque called Kazada's. I'm gonna be there October 2nd and 3rd, DanSoder.com.

• 1:01:53Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck yeah.

• 1:01:54Speaker 02

  For all the rest of my dates.

• 1:01:54Stavros Halkias?

  Truly two of the best comics alive. Go fucking see these boys, they're the best. And watch Uncle Stav, and I think this weekend, uh, because Nick Kroll and Mike Birbiglia dropped out, I am gonna be on a, on a, some huge festival in like Mississauga, opening for, uh, Mulaney and, um, Fred Armisen.

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  Sick.

• 1:02:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  Those outdoor festivals?

• 1:02:15Stavros Halkias?

  Those outdoor festivals.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  They're great. I love those, up in Canada.

• 1:02:17Stavros Halkias?

  I'm excited.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  Very fun, they're outside and you go, how does this go? Every time, I've done it twice, it's fucking awesome.

• 1:02:22Stavros Halkias?

  Sick, alright, I'm excited. It will be the material on Uncle Stav. I don't, I was not able to write a new half hour in four days. Play us a call, little Eldie. Oh baby, the fall, October, a chill in the air. The leaves are turning, your body's all messed up, it's dark outside, fast. You're getting off, you gotta switch from summer to the fall, that's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time, it's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop cold water every morning before anything else. AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, including vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics,

• 1:03:07Stavros Halkias?

  and you're not gonna believe this, superfoods. It's backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials and specifically formulated to support immune defense, so you can stay ahead of the season. I'm loving AG1, you know, I'm back in, I'm back at it with the health. Stavvy Gets Ripped is coming back. AG1 is now, now they're a nice building block to me. Keep checking back, folks, let's see how it's going. I'm feeling more energetic, I'm ready to go, and I will say, other little vitamin, I've tried a lot of stuff, the taste of AG1 is pretty delectable while you're getting healthy. Go to drinkag1.com/stavi and for a limited time, get a free immune support bundle,

• 1:03:48Stavros Halkias?

  including a bottle of omega-3 fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/stavi.

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

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• 1:04:34Speaker 05

  Hey Stavvy, uh, long time listener, first time caller, hello esteemed guest, hello Eldis. Uh, I got a question about my boss at work. Uh, I've worked with him for a long time, he's always been a really like soft spoken kinda guy. Uh, he's terribly afraid of confrontation, um, kinda difficult to work with. Uh, but lately he's been especially difficult to work with. And, uh, we've come to find out that he is, uh, going through a divorce. And, uh, the divorce is because his wife, uh, cheated on him.

• 1:05:07Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh.

• 1:05:08Speaker 05

  And they have a kid involved in their marriage, and he's had to like sell his house, et cetera, et cetera. It sucks for him, I feel really bad for him. Uh, however, he's the type of person who keeps all this stuff kinda bottled up. He doesn't really say anything to anybody or go to therapy or anything like that, and he's just always kinda got this super like fake chipper attitude that everybody can kinda see right through.

• 1:05:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's one of those classic cuck guys behavior.

• 1:05:36Speaker 05

  I'm a little bit worried because I'm afraid he's gonna have like a me, myself and Irene episode.

• 1:05:43Stavros Halkias?

  What a movie, by the way.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Underrated film, I was just saying it the other day.

• 1:05:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  I mean, Jim Carrey puts on a clinic.

• 1:05:49Stavros Halkias?

  It's unbelievable, his sons are so fucking funny.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  Oh, they're amazing.

• 1:05:52Stavros Halkias?

  It's an incredible movie.

• 1:05:54Speaker 05

  An Irene episode where he's like Charlie and then something snaps and he turns into Hank.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  Fellas.

• 1:06:00Speaker 05

  Um, so I'm kinda trying to wonder like, is there a way that you could talk to your boss and be like, hey man, like, I know you're going through something, or like, recommend him to go to therapy or something? Because it's kinda like at this point where it's like, everyone feels it on him and everybody knows that he's doing this like fake facade. But he's like clearly making mistakes at his job, he's clearly not focused, and he's clearly just, doesn't have his head in the game. Um, so I'm wondering, how do you approach something like that before, you know, before anything happens? Like, it feels like there's gonna be a snap, is what I'm trying to say.

• 1:06:40Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:06:40Speaker 05

  So, as a person approaching their boss, what's the best way to go about that? Thanks, man, have a good one, bye.

• 1:06:48Stavros Halkias?

  Approaching your boss, your boss got cucked so hard, you're afraid he's, he might kill you and everyone in the office.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Well, the thing is, I've never had a boss, because I'm not a pussy, but...

• 1:06:57Speaker 02

  It's not gonna get cucked.

• 1:06:58Stavros Halkias?

  Joe's his own man.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I think, I think just expressing concern for him might go a long way. He might break down crying just by saying, hey, I'm a little worried about you, buddy.

• 1:07:08Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  I can agree.

• 1:07:10Stavros Halkias?

  Just treat him like a friend.

• 1:07:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I think what might crack him before he snaps is you going, do you wanna talk?

• 1:07:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:19Speaker 02

  Or, or even going like, you taking care of yourself?

• 1:07:21Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  Because when someone goes, you taking care of yourself, you just go like, huh, I'm not. Which is better than him being at the office and being like, and it's like, kuh, kuh, and he goes, what's that?

• 1:07:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  What are those pops? And then the next thing you know, he's fucking...

• 1:07:36Stavros Halkias?

  Fireworks already?

• 1:07:38Speaker 02

  You guys are letting off fireworks in the building?

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  You know what's crazy? In your sentence, you use the word snap, crackle, and pops.

• 1:07:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:07:45Speaker 02

  Shout out to Rice Krispies, I do want everyone to know, I am working hand in hand with Kellogg.

• 1:07:48Stavros Halkias?

  He's doing his in-home, in-app podcast?

• 1:07:52Speaker 01

  Well, you don't want this guy to just turn out to be a Fruit Loop, I'll tell you that.

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  I go, I'll tell you what, get your apple jacks shifted when your wife gets fucked. Next thing you know, he's turning you all into Frosted Mini-Wheats.

• 1:08:01Speaker 01

  Do that thing when you do the Cheerio.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  Anyways, guys, DanSoder.com, get 20% off all Nabisco products. We're working with the big dog, we're working with the parent company. No, talking to this guy will save your life.

• 1:08:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I think...

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  If he does snap.

• 1:08:16Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's purely, uh, he says he's been working for a while, right Eldis? And I think it's, yeah, you go at him as a ma, like, just as a guy. It's not a boss, like, underling relationship. It's like, hey man, you wanna go get, literally, take him to Buffalo Wild Wings.

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  It's the Dane, it's the Dane Cook joke, about the guy shooting the office.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  Thanks for the candy.

• 1:08:35Speaker 02

  That's exactly it.

• 1:08:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:36Speaker 02

  Thanks for the candy, it's like, don't...

• 1:08:38Stavros Halkias?

  But take him out for truly beer and wings, like, classic bro shit. You gotta get, you gotta get real patriarchal with it right now.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:47Stavros Halkias?

  This is bro bonding, this is like...

• 1:08:49Speaker 02

  Caveman shit.

• 1:08:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, this is like, watch, truly watch football, eat wings and be like, everything alright, man? And then like, that's, that softens him up, that's, you put the ice cold butter on the counter and let it thaw out a little bit, then you come back, spread it out a little more, you know what I mean?

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  He goes, man, I was gonna do this, I was about to kill everybody.

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  And he goes, hmm.

• 1:09:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  Have you tried the Parmesan garlic?

• 1:09:14Stavros Halkias?

  Parm garlic, what an innovation. When Parm garlic wings came around, I'm 14, fat as shit, and I'm going to fucking, Thursday nights were two for one. Ah, some of my finest memories as a boy.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  Oh, Korean barbecue for me was the one where I went, barbecue hit Korea, not realizing it.

• 1:09:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  And I move here, I go, oh my god.

• 1:09:33Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, dude, I just...

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  Korean barbecue fucked me up.

• 1:09:36Stavros Halkias?

  Being in high school and like, literally Buffalo Wild Wings, watching UFC events, where it was like, you know, when they weren't really training, it was like, just the guy with the mo, like, the guy with the most, who was born with so much CTE, it didn't make a difference if he got hit in the head or not?

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  Or, my favorite part was when they just realized like, oh, if you have any wrestling background, you can beat everybody.

• 1:09:57Stavros Halkias?

  But this is before that.

• 1:09:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:58Stavros Halkias?

  This was like...

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  You're talking about when they were wearing karate gis and shit.

• 1:10:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, there was like, it's like the, um, the Tito Ortiz era, the like, uh, Chuck Liddell brawler.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  Mickey's 40s was their sponsor on the side.

• 1:10:09Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, yeah.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  So my stepdad, we ordered the first UFC, because it was in Denver, so there's a lot of local press.

• 1:10:15Stavros Halkias?

  That was cool, because that was the one where they, they fought every type of style.

• 1:10:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, but dude, it was, it was so wild.

• 1:10:21Stavros Halkias?

  There was like, a guy with one boxing glove?

• 1:10:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, one boxing glove, they couldn't have both because he had to grab them. So, and the guy's getting hit and he's like, great, I'm gonna claw your eyes out. You used to have a great joke back in the day about UFC was like, they watched wrestling and they go, why don't we just do this for real?

• 1:10:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  And everyone's like, why would I watch wrestling? This is awesome, they're really fighting.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  I still think that, how could this possibly survive?

• 1:10:42Speaker 02

  But then I watched...

• 1:10:43Stavros Halkias?

  People like Dan?

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:45Stavros Halkias?

  Who miss their father so much, and they, they watched wrestling one time when they were four?

• 1:10:49Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:10:49Stavros Halkias?

  And it was the only good memory?

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  It's, I loved wrestling, because I love the theatrics of it. And I loved, my father had nothing to do with wrestling, Gary could fuck all the way off on that.

• 1:10:58Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're right.

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  Wrestling was my love, my stepdad wanted, we both wanted to watch UFC. And then I ordered it and I felt like a giant pussy, because the second it got real, I went like, ho!

• 1:11:10Speaker 02

  I was like, nine years old, I was like, whoa, whoa, oh! And I liked boxing, but for some reason boxing with the gloves seemed less barbaric. Than watching a guy, the first fight, a guy's tooth got kicked out.

• 1:11:20Stavros Halkias?

  And that, Ken Shamrock was in that too.

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  Uh, I don't...

• 1:11:23Stavros Halkias?

  The second one?

• 1:11:24Speaker 02

  He was in the first one, he was, he was, yeah, because, yeah, Hoist Gracie won the first one.

• 1:11:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:11:28Speaker 02

  But the first one, a fat sumo wrestler gets kicked in the face by a Russian guy, and a tooth flies out. And I looked at my stepdad and I was like, huh! And he was like, yeah buddy, this isn't pro wrestling.

• 1:11:39Stavros Halkias?

  That was aw, that...

• 1:11:39Speaker 01

  They gotta throw salt in his eyes.

• 1:11:42Speaker 02

  At any moment, his friend will run in and stop him.

• 1:11:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, the referee. Oh, the referee had his back turned. That's my favorite wrestling thing. It's like, it's on the biggest screens in the world.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  My favorite thing is the, how easy a ref can get knocked out for so long.

• 1:11:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:57Speaker 02

  Just bump into him and he goes.

• 1:12:00Speaker 02

  Missing a whole arena cheer.

• 1:12:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. So yeah, maybe buy the, cause we had it on DVD, UFC, buy UFC one on DVD and then watch it with your boss.

• 1:12:09Speaker 02

  Get him drunk.

• 1:12:10Stavros Halkias?

  Get him drunk.

• 1:12:10Speaker 02

  I'll tell you what, and this is from two former booze bags, get him a drunk cry.

• 1:12:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's a reset.

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:18Stavros Halkias?

  That's four years of therapy.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  That's holding down your power button on your fucking laptop.

• 1:12:23Stavros Halkias?

  He's got the red circle of death. Blow into it and try and restart it. Either that or he has to fucking kill himself.

• 1:12:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, which, yeah, drunk cry though.

• 1:12:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, drunk cry is nice. Good luck. Sorry this guy got cucked. What else we got, Eld? Uh oh. Holy crap.

• 1:12:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no. It's not on the twisted hat, Joe.

• 1:12:44Speaker 02

  Joe.

• 1:12:45Stavros Halkias?

  It's the motherfucking, it's the motherfucking fucked up twisted question of the week.

• 1:12:50Speaker 02

  This feels like Wayne's World. This feels like Wayne's World and you're drinking Pepsi. And now, and now Joe's in all the reback like Garth.

• 1:12:59Stavros Halkias?

  Holy crap. It's time for the fucked up ass question of the fucking week. Brought to you by Twisted Tea.

• 1:13:05Speaker 02

  This is so funny. This is your sponsorship. This is so funny.

• 1:13:08Stavros Halkias?

  What's the fucking fucked up question this week?

• 1:13:12Speaker 05

  This is crazy. Hi, Bobby. Hi, Eldis. Hi, guest. Love you in such a normal way.

• 1:13:19Speaker 05

  I have a question about this upcoming football season and how to handle a little bit of a situation with some season tickets.

• 1:13:28Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 1:13:29Speaker 05

  So my husband and I have been married for about 10 years. We have two kids together and own property. And I mention that because

• 1:13:40Speaker 05

  that stuff in and of itself and the economy makes divorce complicated. And so the reason that we would be looking towards divorce is because he has unfortunately downloaded some apps that you would not expect a married man to have. Nothing has been physical, but there's just.

• 1:14:00Stavros Halkias?

  That really grinds my gears hearing about that. I bet this guy really grinded her down with his new app.

• 1:14:07Speaker 02

  Yo man, finding out your husband's in the cock has to suck so bad.

• 1:14:11Stavros Halkias?

  Now, this is quite a twisted question, Eldis. I'll give you that.

• 1:14:14Speaker 01

  Wait, do you think it's cock?

• 1:14:16Stavros Halkias?

  I think so.

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're right. Because.

• 1:14:18Speaker 01

  Could be Tinder.

• 1:14:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, Tinder.

• 1:14:21Stavros Halkias?

  Let's, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:22Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:14:23Speaker 02

  Ashley Madison.

• 1:14:24Speaker 05

  A married man to have. Nothing has been physical, but there's just been conversations with people who, hey, aren't me.

• 1:14:33Stavros Halkias?

  So it's not necessarily.

• 1:14:34Speaker 05

  One of those conversations did include him telling a girl about our season ticket seats and sending her a picture from our seats while.

• 1:14:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my, this is worse than raw dogging her.

• 1:14:46Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 1:14:48Stavros Halkias?

  This guy kept it way too motherfucking twisted. Cheating and bringing your shared season tickets into it. I, look, I can understand, you slip up, you want some pussy. That's not good.

• 1:15:00Speaker 01

  Thank you, brother. I was gonna ask you.

• 1:15:03Speaker 01

  I've been meaning to ask you off mic.

• 1:15:05Speaker 02

  Is that twisted or is that straight?

• 1:15:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that, that is under, like, I don't think you should do it, but I get it. But to cheat to the level where you're showing the yard line view, you're like, look, we're at the 50 yard line. Perfect seats. That's crazy.

• 1:15:21Speaker 02

  You might as well show her your TV and the surround sound.

• 1:15:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:24Speaker 02

  You go, this is what I watch my TV on.

• 1:15:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you might as well.

• 1:15:27Speaker 02

  It's personal.

• 1:15:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucked up. Have your, have your mistress meet your child. I think it's crazy. Uh, whatever. Let's, let's let her finish though.

• 1:15:35Speaker 05

  About our season ticket seats and sending her a picture from our seats while I was with him last season.

• 1:15:41Stavros Halkias?

  With him.

• 1:15:42Speaker 05

  So the thing is, we're dealing, we're dealing with it, but the season tickets are in my name.

• 1:15:49Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:15:49Speaker 05

  Um, so this is a team that was historically really bad and has since been very successful and is pretty consistently a part of the Super Bowl conversation.

• 1:16:00Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck you, lady. Fuck you and your husband, actually.

• 1:16:03Speaker 05

  Thing to just yank those tickets away from him. And I'm trying to figure out the best kind of way to get a little petty get back. Obviously, none of this is healthy. None of this is ideal.

• 1:16:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, it is.

• 1:16:14Speaker 05

  But we do what we do with the life that we have.

• 1:16:17Stavros Halkias?

  This is totally healthy.

• 1:16:18Speaker 05

  The things that I'm kind of considering here, selling the tickets, just outright getting rid of them. I enjoy football. I'm a big fan. The tickets are obviously.

• 1:16:25Speaker 02

  No, you're hurting yourself.

• 1:16:27Speaker 05

  Um, but a little money back in the pocket never hurt anybody. Option two, taking anyone and everyone.

• 1:16:34Stavros Halkias?

  Take a bunch of guys.

• 1:16:35Speaker 05

  Anything that I could just to have somebody with me. Um, and making him stay home with our kids every week. Option three. He gets to come to some of the games or all of the games, but I get to have the good time every week.

• 1:16:53Speaker 05

  There are probably more options within that. There's probably an option where I.

• 1:16:56Speaker 01

  Unclear.

• 1:16:57Speaker 05

  React like an adult, but I thought this was an interesting thing that you could help me ponder.

• 1:17:02Stavros Halkias?

  This is, I'm glad you called us.

• 1:17:04Speaker 05

  I love you so much, guest. I love you and all that you are. Eldis, I love you no matter what anybody says about you. I appreciate you guys. Have a great day. Bye.

• 1:17:13Stavros Halkias?

  This poor woman is so emotionally distraught.

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel sad for her. I think Eldis should fuck her right before he has his kids.

• 1:17:22Speaker 01

  Just to, you know.

• 1:17:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:24Speaker 01

  Show that guy.

• 1:17:25Stavros Halkias?

  I had to show, that is, that would show, cause it's, look, if you fuck, it's one thing to cheat on someone with a podcast. That's pathetic enough. But to cheat on someone with a podcast producer, oh, that's tough. Getting cucked by a producer.

• 1:17:38Speaker 06

  I'd never do that, but I don't think that would be pathetic at all.

• 1:17:42Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis standing up for his guild. You're gonna unionize all the producers.

• 1:17:46Speaker 02

  He goes, let's see these, you know what we call them behind their backs? We call them front of cameras. Let's see these front of cameras do any of this goddamn shit without them.

• 1:17:55Stavros Halkias?

  These on cam riffers.

• 1:17:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  This is tough. This is sad. It made me a little emotional.

• 1:18:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, that bummed me out.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  Made me regret some of the decisions I've been making lately.

• 1:18:06Stavros Halkias?

  Joe's just thinking.

• 1:18:07Speaker 01

  I got a girl in every port.

• 1:18:08Stavros Halkias?

  Right, of course, of course. I know that about you. You're a sex maniac.

• 1:18:12Speaker 02

  I think you bring, if the divorce goes through and you are divorced, I wonder how many tickets she has.

• 1:18:23Stavros Halkias?

  She has a full season ticket, right?

• 1:18:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, but what does that mean? Two?

• 1:18:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, two, yes. Definitely two.

• 1:18:27Speaker 02

  Two. Bring the new boyfriend actively.

• 1:18:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:31Speaker 02

  Have, first off,

• 1:18:34Speaker 02

  bring the funnest guy.

• 1:18:35Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:18:36Speaker 02

  A guy that will win over everyone around him.

• 1:18:39Speaker 01

  I'm the guy.

• 1:18:40Speaker 02

  Make out with him at the game.

• 1:18:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, little smooch.

• 1:18:43Speaker 02

  And then the next time your husband.

• 1:18:44Stavros Halkias?

  Story posts with you with a guy thing. Like you have to, I don't think you're petty. I don't think you're being petty at all.

• 1:18:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:50Stavros Halkias?

  He, this is insane. I would rather someone send a picture of your, if I'm this woman, I'd rather this guy send his cock than the shared season tickets together.

• 1:19:00Speaker 02

  Because that's carnal. That's all physical.

• 1:19:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's carnal.

• 1:19:03Speaker 02

  You go, baby, I wanna fuck.

• 1:19:04Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:19:05Speaker 02

  Here's my penis. You don't go.

• 1:19:06Stavros Halkias?

  And then you nut.

• 1:19:07Speaker 02

  Here's my thing I love.

• 1:19:08Stavros Halkias?

  I love. Now, how's there?

• 1:19:10Speaker 01

  But how can we be sure what she did to bring this on?

• 1:19:13Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:19:13Speaker 01

  We're only hearing one side.

• 1:19:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:19:16Speaker 01

  You never know.

• 1:19:16Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe she was abandoning her wifely duties.

• 1:19:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, this guy could call back in and say, hey, the dishes are piled. Dishes are piled.

• 1:19:24Stavros Halkias?

  Joe, you're keeping it a little too twisted right now.

• 1:19:26Speaker 01

  Remote batteries are missing.

• 1:19:28Speaker 02

  She's got very loud opinions.

• 1:19:31Speaker 02

  She sometimes reads. I don't like any of that.

• 1:19:34Speaker 01

  How about the balls to take a photo and send it to your girlfriend next to your wife?

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  It's a level of horny that I don't think I've ever been.

• 1:19:41Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. That's like middle school horny.

• 1:19:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, you go risk.

• 1:19:44Stavros Halkias?

  I'll do whatever. I'll do whatever, pussy. Please, please, please, please, please.

• 1:19:47Speaker 02

  Please look at this.

• 1:19:47Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:19:48Speaker 02

  Do you like this? I like this. He's next to you. Don't worry, she's fucking dead.

• 1:19:53Speaker 06

  To clarify, it is like, it doesn't sound like he actually cheated. And it sounds like they are working on, I mean, you know, he was on dating apps.

• 1:20:01Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, wait, didn't she say they're getting divorced or no?

• 1:20:03Speaker 06

  No, she said they were like, they're not getting divorced because of, because of complications of owning property and having kids, et cetera, et cetera. And she didn't quite say that he actually cheated, other than messaging girls, but.

• 1:20:15Stavros Halkias?

  He's on a dating app.

• 1:20:16Speaker 06

  No, I know.

• 1:20:17Stavros Halkias?

  And also it's like, do we even believe that? At a cer, at some point did that, he might've kept it very twisted and got his dick sucked on the sneak. You know what I mean? Like, who knows? And I would say this, it's such a fucked up thing to do this when football season is right around the corner. The, the air is turning, there's a nice chill. It's a romantic time of year, the fall.

• 1:20:38Speaker 02

  Sweeps me up.

• 1:20:39Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you wanna do, a, a good marriage, what they like to do, crack open, get together, crack open a couple of twisted teas and reflect on how much you love each other. But what your husband is doing is giving away your tickets when he hasn't even gotten head. That's even worse.

• 1:20:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:53Stavros Halkias?

  That he didn't even get sucked off when he's, he's waiting to trade you.

• 1:20:57Speaker 02

  If he would have gotten a universally great blowjob and then like, and she's like, I've been a part of Chiefs kingdom for my whole life. And he goes, you should see my seats. They're fucking crazy.

• 1:21:10Speaker 01

  Now, well, how do, how did she read these messages? She's snooping?

• 1:21:13Stavros Halkias?

  Right. Great point, Joe.

• 1:21:15Speaker 01

  This bitch be snooping?

• 1:21:16Stavros Halkias?

  You're great, great, great point.

• 1:21:17Speaker 02

  Also, I wanna know if she ever brings up the fact that they didn't call holding in the Chiefs 49ers Super Bowl, even though that Chiefs offensive line was just mugging.

• 1:21:25Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:21:25Speaker 02

  Our entire front seven. That's a question I would like her to answer.

• 1:21:28Stavros Halkias?

  Great, great question. Um, I think, look, if this guy, if you caught him cheating and he involved the season tickets, minimum one year, he has lost his season ticket privileges.

• 1:21:39Speaker 02

  I would, I would go as far as, yeah, that's good. A full season, including playoffs.

• 1:21:43Stavros Halkias?

  You have a suspension and then depending on his behavior, the next year, we start to fold them back in.

• 1:21:50Speaker 02

  And listen, all of us, Ravens nation, Patriots, 49ers, we can all agree, fuck the Chiefs.

• 1:21:55Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck the Chiefs.

• 1:21:56Speaker 02

  But they are gonna be good again this year.

• 1:21:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:58Speaker 02

  Cause the universe is mean.

• 1:21:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you know what it is? You, he, he gets the tickets if like Mahomes blows his knee out.

• 1:22:04Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:22:05Stavros Halkias?

  Like something horrible happens, you keep the tickets until they're bad again. And then he gets them again. I think that's totally fair.

• 1:22:13Speaker 02

  Bad season, they get him, he can, he can go when they're bad again.

• 1:22:15Speaker 01

  Didn't they kinda suck last year?

• 1:22:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, he blew his knee out. They didn't even, by the way, he blew his knee out after they already were out of the playoffs.

• 1:22:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they, they were like still in the picture and they were like.

• 1:22:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, but all my homies hate the Chiefs.

• 1:22:25Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. Fuck the Chiefs, obviously. But I would say you just, you definitely get them this year. If you're gonna keep, like, you have all the power here. The fact that she is like, like being demure about punishing her possibly cheating husband.

• 1:22:40Speaker 02

  Also might turn him on.

• 1:22:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's true.

• 1:22:42Speaker 02

  If she's like, Josh, I punish you? And he's like, oh, this is fucking hot.

• 1:22:46Stavros Halkias?

  Please, I wanna see, I wanna see a game.

• 1:22:48Speaker 02

  I'm gonna, please let me watch it.

• 1:22:50Stavros Halkias?

  Please mistress, let me watch Travis Kelsey drop stuff.

• 1:22:52Speaker 02

  I'm just a bug. I'm just a fucking bug.

• 1:22:56Stavros Halkias?

  Stuff on my nuts in a Raiders jersey.

• 1:22:58Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck, I'm a stupid Raider. I was trying to raid some other pussy. Ride me like a Bronco. It's all AFC West stuff.

• 1:23:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely. And I thi- I think you should be able to, you, here's what you do. You go to the games with like a, a very attractive gay man who he doesn't know is gay. And you take a picture and you bait him. And she's like, what the fuck? You're going with a guy? You, what I did, you're doing it worse? And then you're like, he's fucking gay, you piece of shit.

• 1:23:27Speaker 02

  He's gay.

• 1:23:28Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck you. And then you and the gay guy crack open some twisted teas, slurp them down and your husband can, you know, suck your dick as far as I'm concerned. I, I would say, think about divorce, sister. At least, this guy's on thin ice. At least, don't completely, don't completely get it out of the picture. But, he kept it much too twisted and we are sorry that happened to you.

• 1:23:49Speaker 02

  That's so funny.

• 1:23:49Speaker 01

  He's on thin ice tea.

• 1:23:51Stavros Halkias?

  He's on thin ice tea and also fuck the Chiefs and that'll do it for us, folks. Thank you very much.

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  Also, that's really funny to the thought of this guy.

• 1:23:59Stavros Halkias?

  Hold on, let's, let's fucking, oh, oh.

• 1:24:02Speaker 02

  Oh, back to normal.

• 1:24:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh shit.

• 1:24:06Stavros Halkias?

  You can stay twisted.

• 1:24:09Stavros Halkias?

  It is a great hat, actually. It looks like the friend of the Joker.

• 1:24:12Speaker 02

  The idea, yeah, oh, I like fucked up shit. The idea of him messaging this woman like in his car, you know, he's parked at a Walmart, but then that stinger playing where he goes, yeah, I got a nice seat. And then it's like, that's twisted. And he goes, oh, fuck, I'm sorry, I'm horny.

• 1:24:32Speaker 03

  Cheating, twisted, keep it twisted.

• 1:24:37Speaker 02

  He's like, uh-oh, I'm thinking about leaving my family.

• 1:24:41Stavros Halkias?

  That is wildly twisted.

• 1:24:43Speaker 01

  That sounds like the voice from, this is a deep cut, but Let's Get Rocked by Def Leppard opens with, do you wanna get rocked? You were, you were a negative three years old when that came out, I think, but if somebody played it, you'd be like, whoa.

• 1:24:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:57Speaker 01

  Whew, fucking shit out of that.

• 1:24:59Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry, no, no, I fucked up. I got a weird text while you were saying that and I just looked at it like, sure, it would've crushed.

• 1:25:05Speaker 02

  Hold on, I'm enjoying absolutely Joe Bailey on that. He goes, Joe goes that, then you look down, he goes, that fucking stuff.

• 1:25:13Speaker 01

  If you heard it though, you'd be like, whoa.

• 1:25:15Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fuck, that's so true, Joe.

• 1:25:16Speaker 01

  Do you wanna get rocked? Let's get, let's.

• 1:25:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I thought that was it. I was like, I told you.

• 1:25:23Speaker 01

  It's just the same thing.

• 1:25:24Stavros Halkias?

  No, I just did a, that generic, that is like a generic, kinda like, you know.

• 1:25:27Speaker 03

  Scumbag, like radio scumbag.

• 1:25:30Speaker 02

  You're listening to the, it's, it's Def Leppard, wanna get rocked?

• 1:25:33Speaker 01

  Let's get rocked.

• 1:25:34Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, Def Leppard or Twisted Sister?

• 1:25:36Speaker 01

  Def Leppard.

• 1:25:37Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:25:37Speaker 01

  You're just thinking of Twisted Tea.

• 1:25:38Stavros Halkias?

  I was. I literally, I'm, that's how fucking stupid I am.

• 1:25:43Stavros Halkias?

  Let's hear it.

• 1:25:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's pretty good.

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  That's pretty good, that's it.

• 1:25:49Stavros Halkias?

  Granted, I haven't heard the song in 35 years.

• 1:25:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you know what?

• 1:25:52Speaker 01

  Triggered something in there.

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  Good recall.

• 1:25:54Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. What was the, what, did you ever, like, those, what was the song going on when you were getting jacked off for the first time?

• 1:26:00Speaker 01

  Getting jacked off or jacking off?

• 1:26:03Stavros Halkias?

  Either one.

• 1:26:03Speaker 02

  I got sucked off to the NCAA college tournament for the first time. Yeah, it was like round one.

• 1:26:08Stavros Halkias?

  One shining moment?

• 1:26:11Speaker 02

  Was it my mom's friend's house?

• 1:26:14Stavros Halkias?

  Then, thank you for having an incredible answer to a really bad question.

• 1:26:20Stavros Halkias?

  You failed me out, brother.

• 1:26:21Speaker 02

  Cause I remember putting it on, I was cat sitting for my, I was like feeding my mom's friend's cat.

• 1:26:26Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 1:26:27Speaker 02

  So I just had access to this lady's house who's on vacation.

• 1:26:29Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 1:26:30Speaker 02

  And then the, like, the, the girl that, you know, gave me a blowjob was like, I was like, oh, can you take me to this place? I gotta feed the cat. And then I put on the TV and it was round, like, it was like the second round. It was like the round of 32. And we're like sitting there and then all of a sudden we was like, I did the thing where you're like, have no game. So you just go like, try kissing her and then gave me a pro blowjob.

• 1:26:51Stavros Halkias?

  That was the first one?

• 1:26:51Speaker 02

  First one I ever got.

• 1:26:52Stavros Halkias?

  Do you remember who was playing? No.

• 1:26:54Speaker 02

  No, but I remember going home and being like, to my mom's boyfriend, being like, I could connect with you, but I don't like you.

• 1:27:00Stavros Halkias?

  But I don't like, oh, that would've been awesome.

• 1:27:02Speaker 02

  Go home, go, I just got my dick sucked.

• 1:27:05Stavros Halkias?

  I hope, I hope.

• 1:27:06Speaker 02

  Fifteen?

• 1:27:07Stavros Halkias?

  I hope one day Marty comes home and is like, dad, I just got my dick sucked.

• 1:27:10Speaker 01

  I hope so too.

• 1:27:11Stavros Halkias?

  Would you feel cool, if he tell you that, would you be awesome?

• 1:27:13Speaker 01

  Depends on the age.

• 1:27:16Stavros Halkias?

  If he's 10 or 40.

• 1:27:17Speaker 01

  Catholic school?

• 1:27:19Speaker 02

  Thirty-five?

• 1:27:19Stavros Halkias?

  It happens.

• 1:27:20Speaker 01

  Is he, yeah, is he nine or, I mean, if he was like, yeah.

• 1:27:24Stavros Halkias?

  What's the youngest you'd be pumped to hear about?

• 1:27:27Speaker 02

  That's a good question.

• 1:27:28Speaker 01

  Maybe sixteen, maybe.

• 1:27:31Stavros Halkias?

  I was gonna say sixteen. Sixteen's a little.

• 1:27:34Speaker 02

  Fifteen, you go, I mean, I was smoking at 12, so you go, that is kinda sick.

• 1:27:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I think sixteen's safe though. Sixteen is nice and safe. Maybe if he has a growth, maybe he's a really big kid at 15, who knows?

• 1:27:46Speaker 01

  I'll tell you this, I got what was his name locked and loaded.

• 1:27:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man. Thank you. That's so good. And I hope one day, either eldest's child or.

• 1:27:57Speaker 02

  I hope somebody gets to use that on that, dad, I got a blowjob, what was his name?

• 1:28:01Stavros Halkias?

  Stuff like that is literally the only reason I, I hear stuff like that, I'm like, fuck, I should have kids. Cause like.

• 1:28:06Speaker 02

  That makes me wanna switch my decision. I go, maybe I can talk Katie into it.

• 1:28:09Stavros Halkias?

  Hitting your kid with what's his name, he doesn't even know about what's his name. It's gonna be the funniest thing in the, imagine you hear what's his name for the first time.

• 1:28:17Speaker 01

  But it's not funny anymore. Now the kids are very spiritually gender stuff. When we were boys, you'd be like, hey, what are you, what are you, gay? He'll be like, oh no, it's a woman.

• 1:28:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:29Speaker 01

  He won't be like, ah, can you imagine? Well, like, oh, that's great.

• 1:28:33Stavros Halkias?

  I think it might, I agree with you that like, we're in a time now where it's not funny, but I think it will turn all the way around.

• 1:28:39Speaker 01

  Lord, I hope so.

• 1:28:40Stavros Halkias?

  Where it's like, but not in an offensive way and like, oh, that's hilarious. It's like, it's like, that's not what I am, that's fun. You know, like it's, like if he was gay and he was like, I just got it, and you're like, what's her name? It would still hit, I would think.

• 1:28:51Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 1:28:52Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, I think by the time he's around.

• 1:28:54Speaker 02

  He goes, dad, stop.

• 1:28:56Stavros Halkias?

  Dad, stop, you know it's a guy.

• 1:28:58Speaker 02

  You know it's the guy.

• 1:29:00Stavros Halkias?

  Dad, you know it's.

• 1:29:00Speaker 02

  You know it's my boyfriend, you met him.

• 1:29:04Speaker 01

  Eldis Jr., you fucking idiot.

• 1:29:08Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis Jr. sucked me off, dad.

• 1:29:10Speaker 02

  And we did the snake eating his own tail.

• 1:29:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, actually, I'm, I hope to be able to hit a gay nephew of mine with what's her name.

• 1:29:22Stavros Halkias?

  He's like wearing earrings. He's like, oh my God, I'm not straight.

• 1:29:26Speaker 02

  Stop, Rose, stop it.

• 1:29:28Stavros Halkias?

  I'm hope, that, that's a good, that's the, that's what progressive is, those are the kinda jokes progressivism could give us, folks. Hit us with another fucking little call, LD.

• 1:29:37Speaker 04

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• 1:30:07Speaker 05

  It's 2 AM. You've kicked off the blanket, flipped the pillow to the cold side twice, and your shoulder is filing a complaint about last night. Nobody warned you menopause comes with a side quest? Sleep is like a competitive sport. Hot flashes and frozen shoulders walked in together, uninvited? So Coop built solutions for both. Cooling pillows, sheets and toppers that actually hold up through the night sweats, plus adjustable fill pillows that ease shoulder pressure instead of leaving you to rotate through four positions, hoping one works. You've Googled it, asked your group chat, tried three different solutions that solved nothing. This is menopause awareness month. Turns out, the fix was just better sleep essentials all along. Wake up once instead of four times.

• 1:30:52Speaker 05

  Head to coopsleepgoods.com/menopause. That's C-O-O-P, sleepgoods.com/menopause, to get 20% off sitewide. Bobby, baby. What's going on? Christine Gads, how we doing? Eldis, what's up, brother? So, I got a situation. I'm 27. I've been helping out this 42-year-old, the hottest woman I've ever hooked up with, the hottest woman I've ever talked to. Nice. Um, 42 years old, at the beginning, he's great, hey, let's have fun, nothing serious. Then, you know, a month or two after, started going on little dates, here and there, started going over, spending the night with every, every other night. And now she's talking about, oh, hey, I wanna come meet your mom and your family.

• 1:31:37Speaker 05

  And I don't know how to tell her, hey, I don't dare engage you. Because.

• 1:31:44Stavros Halkias?

  Why?

• 1:31:45Speaker 05

  You know, you're forty two without being mean saying you're old.

• 1:31:49Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that is what you're saying.

• 1:31:50Speaker 05

  So my family, she's forty two. I can't have my wife be fucking fifty when my kid's twenty and I'm forty seven. You know, but uh, yeah, man, I'm talking, how do I let her? Let her know, hey, you're a little bit like, you know, too old for me. So let's keep having fun.

• 1:32:07Stavros Halkias?

  No, you don't, you don't get to have both, you fucking asshole.

• 1:32:09Speaker 05

  You know, how do I end it properly without sounding like a dick and making someone feel like she's uh, she's like she's not decent. Old. Uh, but yeah, man, that's it. Love the pod. Love you.

• 1:32:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's what a fucking scumbag.

• 1:32:23Speaker 05

  Alright.

• 1:32:23Stavros Halkias?

  He said, it's the hottest woman he's ever been with. She gives insane head. She clearly likes him and it's like, you know, what are the odds that? I also said, like, sometimes I think like, I could date an older woman if she's still gonna die after me. I'm dying quick. You know, I would do the math of like, how healthy are you? How does she keep, does she stay in shape? Cause you're thinking, well, I'm gonna outlive her, obviously. Women will live longer. You never know.

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  And this guy doesn't sound like he's healthy.

• 1:32:49Stavros Halkias?

  No, he sounds like a fucking idiot for sure.

• 1:32:51Speaker 02

  I, you know what I hear? A young Padawan.

• 1:32:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:32:56Speaker 02

  Cause as someone that used to date older women, I've been in this situation many times.

• 1:32:59Stavros Halkias?

  Hit us with it.

• 1:33:00Speaker 02

  Because when I was like in my twenties, older women liked me more than younger women. Older women were like, yeah, and also used car versus new car.

• 1:33:10Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:33:11Speaker 02

  Used car, you can get a better one if you go to the lot.

• 1:33:13Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:33:14Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:33:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah, an old school with some character.

• 1:33:16Speaker 02

  Oh my God. And also, and you go to the pickup on this, that's that head.

• 1:33:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:33:23Speaker 02

  That fucking head is good.

• 1:33:24Stavros Halkias?

  We don't make dumb like this anymore.

• 1:33:26Speaker 02

  But uh, it's a rental. It's not an owner. You can't, you, you are, you're literally just gonna have to shut it all down.

• 1:33:34Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. And that's really the answer. It's like, you're sort of being ageist here because you're treating her different. If a girl your age that you didn't want to date, basically all the question is, is I'm seeing a woman who I want to have a fling with.

• 1:33:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:33:48Stavros Halkias?

  And she wants to take it to the next level.

• 1:33:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:33:50Stavros Halkias?

  You thinking that you can just because she's forty two, be like, obviously I still want head from you, but you're a.

• 1:33:57Speaker 02

  I'll give you this young penis.

• 1:33:59Stavros Halkias?

  In ten years, your fucking pussy's gonna have cobwebs in it. I don't want to be, I don't want that Crypt Keeper pussy.

• 1:34:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't.

• 1:34:06Speaker 03

  Ah, it turns out this boater became a soft one.

• 1:34:12Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:34:13Speaker 03

  A tale of no longer coming. After this, don't bust in your pants.

• 1:34:21Speaker 02

  Uh, you've got the best of it. The best of it is behind you.

• 1:34:24Stavros Halkias?

  It's over. It's done. She just.

• 1:34:26Speaker 02

  By the way.

• 1:34:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:27Speaker 02

  You're gonna slap your dick around to that for the next thirty years.

• 1:34:30Stavros Halkias?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:34:31Speaker 02

  Especially when you're old and you get tits like Joe and I.

• 1:34:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:33Speaker 02

  And you go, I remember being a young tight body. Older women going like, ooh, ooh, you, you're so firm.

• 1:34:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's interesting. Do you guys feel like there's a, do you, do you think about when your sexual prime was?

• 1:34:45Speaker 02

  It's passed me. I know that.

• 1:34:47Stavros Halkias?

  But do you have like a moment where you're like, fuck, I was laying it down?

• 1:34:49Speaker 02

  Dude, honestly, I think I had albums.

• 1:34:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:52Speaker 02

  I think I had albums. Cause I think like, dude.

• 1:34:56Stavros Halkias?

  You're on a three album run?

• 1:34:57Speaker 02

  Twenty, twenty-four to twenty-seven, we were like the Stones in seventy-two. And then it's like, and then late thirties, I, I put out a mature album.

• 1:35:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:07Speaker 02

  That everyone went, this rock.

• 1:35:07Stavros Halkias?

  Stripped down, just you and a guitar, black and white.

• 1:35:10Speaker 02

  But it, but it, but it rocked.

• 1:35:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:12Speaker 02

  Everyone went, ah, ah, man, and then.

• 1:35:14Stavros Halkias?

  Soder's back.

• 1:35:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then now I'm just playing the, the carnival circuit. Playing the three hits.

• 1:35:20Stavros Halkias?

  You're fucking, uh, who's the guy that they keep parading out there?

• 1:35:25Speaker 02

  Uh, Frankie Valli.

• 1:35:25Stavros Halkias?

  Frankie Valli, yeah, yeah. And he's just like.

• 1:35:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm fucking scorpions. I'm just, I'm just.

• 1:35:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:33Speaker 02

  Fuck you like a hurricane. And, and don't forget to ride the Ferris wheel.

• 1:35:40Stavros Halkias?

  I'm still fucking well. I gotta tell you.

• 1:35:41Speaker 01

  I think, well, here's the thing, in my twenties, I wasn't getting laid regularly.

• 1:35:45Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:35:45Speaker 01

  So now I got some regular puss.

• 1:35:47Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:35:48Speaker 01

  And uh, who's much older.

• 1:35:51Speaker 01

  Much older than this lady. My wife's forty-eight. She looks unbelievable. Nobody believes that she's that age. So uh, you've got at least ten more years of this old bag that you could be fucking her.

• 1:36:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:02Speaker 02

  Forty-two, so you've got six more years.

• 1:36:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, look, yes, I think you just, this is just over, man. You, you, you, like, you would have hoped that, go ahead.

• 1:36:13Speaker 02

  It just feels like every time I, we have like noodles in the fridge and I go, hey, these noodles from last Friday. And Katie goes, I wouldn't eat those.

• 1:36:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:21Speaker 02

  That's what it feels like we're telling him right now. As he goes, hey, this pussy I had in the fridge for like four weeks ago.

• 1:36:26Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I, cause I'm thinking it's still, see, we have different opinions here. I'm sniffing the noodle, the pussy noodles like, oh yeah, put a little sriracha on there. You know, put a little, melt a little cheese in there, make a, make some fucking, some buffalo mac and cheese. Cut up some fucking chicken tenders in there. I'm saying you can make a nice meal out of this. Treat this woman's pussy like a chopped basket. You know what I mean? And like, and really, and really liven it up.

• 1:36:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:50Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but I, I'm saying like, it doesn't matter that she's older. You just don't want to date her. And you don't get to keep fucking her because she's old. She's not gonna be like, oh, okay, of course, of course you don't see me as an equal human. Twenty-seven and forty-two, that's what fifteen year difference? It flips the other way all the time. You know what I'm saying?

• 1:37:10Speaker 02

  Also, older, older women do rock.

• 1:37:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah. I just think this guy.

• 1:37:14Speaker 02

  When you're dating an older woman, it fucking can, it really, I've had some major regrets letting go some of the older women. So that's what I would tell you is if you actually do like her, try it because there's been times where I nervously was like, I, I can't do this. And then like now, I'm like, man, it would have been kind of cool to date her for a year.

• 1:37:33Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course. And that's the other thing. Why don't, dating doesn't necessarily mean like the, you might be, you might actually seriously date her and be like, you know what? Fuck it. I love this woman. Like.

• 1:37:43Speaker 02

  Getting sloppy top?

• 1:37:43Stavros Halkias?

  You can give it a go, but I will say, don't do it because this guy clearly doesn't.

• 1:37:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, he doesn't want it.

• 1:37:49Stavros Halkias?

  And if you don't want anything serious, then it's, you just gotta quickly get out of there.

• 1:37:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, let her go on to a guy that will appreciate it.

• 1:37:56Speaker 01

  She's running out of time for God's sake.

• 1:37:57Stavros Halkias?

  For real, that's, it's true. You're kind of, it's fucked up if you, if you lead her on, if you feel this way.

• 1:38:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're running the ball in the fourth quarter and you're down.

• 1:38:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:04Speaker 02

  I go, what are you doing? Fucking throw it.

• 1:38:06Stavros Halkias?

  Throw the ball.

• 1:38:07Speaker 02

  Throw it.

• 1:38:08Stavros Halkias?

  Um, yeah, dude, you just gotta get out of there and uh, you know, I, I, my question to him is like, if the girl was his age, are you at a point in your life where you want a relationship? Is it just a general relationship problem? Is it just an old, you know, the age gap?

• 1:38:21Speaker 02

  Also the, whatever young girl he hooks up with after, he's gonna be, that's a painful reality with those teeth are hitting that dick.

• 1:38:28Stavros Halkias?

  After, after his foreskin gets scraped, he's fucking knocking on that assisted living facility.

• 1:38:34Speaker 02

  I don't care if you have to interrupt Matt.

• 1:38:35Stavros Halkias?

  Myrtle. Oh, so that's your dog's name?

• 1:38:39Stavros Halkias?

  It is an old lady's name.

• 1:38:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely. He's fucking my dog.

• 1:38:45Speaker 02

  I go, don't let him up.

• 1:38:47Speaker 03

  The story of the transforming chemo. What happens when a penis goes soft?

• 1:38:54Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, dude. So whatever. Let's do, let's do another one and then we'll get these boys out of here.

• 1:39:01Speaker 05

  Yo, Stav.

• 1:39:04Speaker 05

  For a little bit of context here, um, I'm thirty-four, live in the Midwest, small town.

• 1:39:12Speaker 05

  Relatively successful guy, married, two kids.

• 1:39:15Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful.

• 1:39:16Speaker 05

  Uh, my wife and I have been together.

• 1:39:17Speaker 01

  What if this is the season ticket guy?

• 1:39:20Speaker 02

  He goes, anyways, my wife's a bitch.

• 1:39:22Speaker 01

  I just met a girl. My wife was fucking around on the side.

• 1:39:26Speaker 02

  Or it's like that.

• 1:39:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it really is. It's like, uh, if you like Pina Colada song, you know, the whole time they're calling this night play.

• 1:39:35Speaker 05

  Two kids. Uh, my wife and I have been together, uh, mostly since high school. We were broken up for a few years in college, but whatever.

• 1:39:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's good.

• 1:39:44Speaker 05

  Um, but here's my question, man. So my wife, um, she just doesn't have any friends and I feel like she holds it against me that I do have friends and do things with them. Um, so basically I have some hobbies, right? Normal hobbies for a middle-aged guy. I play golf. Um, I hunt and fish a little bit.

• 1:40:12Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:40:13Speaker 05

  Um, but it just always seems to be an issue whenever I go to play golf or whenever anything happens like, oh, you get all this time away, blah, blah, blah. Um, and I'm always watching the kids. Why tell her like, hey, I will watch your kids. I will stay at home, just go do something. But she never asks and she never has anything to do. Um, I've tried to include her in like my friend group, but she hates all the wives of all my boys.

• 1:40:42Speaker 02

  That sucks.

• 1:40:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's tough.

• 1:40:43Speaker 05

  So that doesn't work.

• 1:40:44Speaker 02

  That sucks.

• 1:40:45Stavros Halkias?

  Hates all of them?

• 1:40:45Speaker 05

  I don't mean, it's just like, it causes this issue constantly where, you know, she, she feels like, you know, once a year, I go off for one weekend on a, on a boys' golf trip. That seems like when it, it always pops up like, oh, you got this whole weekend off, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, go take a weekend.

• 1:41:05Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:41:06Speaker 05

  Go do something.

• 1:41:07Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:41:07Speaker 05

  But she just never does. And at the heart of the problem is she just doesn't really have any friends. Um, I guess I should have mentioned her job. She stays at home and uh, runs a daycare out of our home.

• 1:41:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:41:21Speaker 05

  I work for.

• 1:41:22Stavros Halkias?

  Jesus Christ, dude.

• 1:41:23Speaker 05

  Um, you know, just a bullshit corporate America, middle management job. We do decently find, feel like our finances aren't really a problem, you know, and otherwise we're very happy. You know, our kids are great.

• 1:41:37Speaker 01

  What's your phone bill?

• 1:41:38Speaker 05

  You know, we have two daughters and everything is.

• 1:41:41Stavros Halkias?

  A nice snappy one day. End the episode, Eldis.

• 1:41:44Speaker 05

  It rears its ugly head a couple times a year.

• 1:41:46Speaker 02

  His third date.

• 1:41:47Speaker 05

  Gets really in her feelings about I'm leaving.

• 1:41:50Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:41:51Speaker 05

  And it's like.

• 1:41:53Stavros Halkias?

  I think we get it, right? There's not much else to go.

• 1:41:55Speaker 01

  I mean, he said the problem forty five minutes ago. Maybe you're a long winded asshole and your wife doesn't want to hang out with you. You're a shit friend.

• 1:42:02Speaker 02

  Does your friends wives tell stories like you do?

• 1:42:08Speaker 01

  For god's sake.

• 1:42:09Speaker 02

  No, he, man, that's.

• 1:42:11Speaker 01

  I've lived this. I know how it is, you know, sometimes in the past, not now. My wife has friends. But, uh, yeah, it's tough and it's frustrating and you try to be like, come along, but you're hunting. The guy's out hunting.

• 1:42:23Stavros Halkias?

  Come along is definitely not.

• 1:42:25Speaker 02

  Not the, that's not the way.

• 1:42:26Speaker 01

  The two of you need to go do a thing.

• 1:42:28Speaker 02

  That's great.

• 1:42:29Speaker 01

  Sit her, go to the spa, go to fucking play volleyball together, get, get, put in the effort to get her.

• 1:42:36Speaker 02

  That's the answer.

• 1:42:36Speaker 01

  Or you be her friend.

• 1:42:38Speaker 02

  He's, he nailed it.

• 1:42:39Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 1:42:39Speaker 02

  Get the kids away.

• 1:42:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:41Speaker 02

  Get the kids away, go do something. Also, if she has a family member, a lot of times women that don't have friends, they have a cousin that they're close to. They have a sister.

• 1:42:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:50Speaker 02

  That they're close to.

• 1:42:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, fly her in, fly her out there.

• 1:42:53Speaker 02

  Just, or do the thing where you go, listen, this weekend, I'm taking the kids, the eighth and the ninth. You, you're gonna go with Tiffany. There's no, you're, I'm not taking no for an answer.

• 1:43:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:04Speaker 02

  Just go, you, you actually have to make her go do it.

• 1:43:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely. I think, yeah, my, I didn't consider that. That's an awesome, this is the, the perspective of fucking guys in actual relationships and not a fat moron with very limited life experience, but, uh, like I would have said, hey, just, you have to almost, because it sounds like this weekend sneaks up on her. I think part of it is like, you kind of almost have to like, portion out the weekends and be like, hey, I'm taking the kids, figure out what you want to do now. You know what I mean? Like, I think there can be cer- certain weekends that are like, or even buy something for, take her to, buy, you know, she wants to do a concert. Get her tickets to go with her cousin or whatever the fuck. But if he's saying she doesn't even have one person, that's a little tough.

• 1:43:45Speaker 02

  That's, that might be a bigger problem.

• 1:43:46Stavros Halkias?

  And that's another, that's that, I, I would say, the fact that she hates all your friends' wives, there is something weird there. There's not even one.

• 1:43:56Speaker 02

  Cause just, if you just do the math, these are people that you're friends with, so you like these guys.

• 1:44:02Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:44:02Speaker 02

  And these are the women that they've fallen in love with.

• 1:44:04Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:44:05Speaker 02

  Which is a reflection of who they are.

• 1:44:08Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. So it's like, is, does that, and look, I get not liking even the majority of your significant other's, you know, friends, right?

• 1:44:17Speaker 02

  I'm surprised Katie likes any of my friends.

• 1:44:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Katie's the best, but, um, but like, I understand, but like, even in that situation, there's usually factions. There's usually like, these two hang out and these five don't. And like, the fact that she's the odd one out.

• 1:44:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:44:32Stavros Halkias?

  To me says either she's, there's something wrong with her, or there's something wrong with your friends. It's something, there is something to interrogate there as to why there's not even one wife she hits it off with. But I like the idea where you guys, because ultimately, she's mad she doesn't get to have fun.

• 1:44:48Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 1:44:48Stavros Halkias?

  So if, yeah, that's a great idea, Joe, where it's like, just now, she might be like, well, what the fuck? You get double the weekends off, but I think you can start, you can just dedicate a couple of weekends and then say, hey, I want to, I want to have my weekend where I wa- where I'm away, where I watch the kids and I want you to have your weekend where you watch the kids. And then we're gonna have another third type of weekend where we bring someone in and we do something awesome. And then listen, if you can sneak in a little like, and maybe you would do a staycation and you do like, some kind of activity.

• 1:45:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:45:21Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I, I don't know, just off the top of my head, like some bullshit cooking class, like, try and do a cup, when you have those weekends off, try and figure out something where she might meet someone.

• 1:45:30Speaker 02

  Well, I also feel like these kind of relationships, which are all great and like, natural and healthy, you met in high school, took a couple of years apart, got back together, you guys have just grown into these roles where you forgot how to be like,

• 1:45:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:45:45Speaker 02

  young and fun and interesting. You're thirty four, you're still fucking.

• 1:45:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point.

• 1:45:48Speaker 02

  You're still young, so have some fun with her.

• 1:45:51Stavros Halkias?

  Have an old school date.

• 1:45:52Speaker 02

  Cause it is fun. It's like, and sometimes, I mean, this goes for all relationships. You just need to do that sometimes.

• 1:45:58Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:45:58Speaker 02

  And be open when the other person says it. Katie was like, we never go to the movies anymore. I was like, let's go to the movies. What are we gonna go see this weekend?

• 1:46:04Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 1:46:04Speaker 02

  You're like, bam.

• 1:46:05Stavros Halkias?

  And listen, and maybe, look, clearly she's not into the shit you do. You golf, hunt, fish, whatever. Can you meet her halfway?

• 1:46:11Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:46:11Stavros Halkias?

  Can you, whatever her shit is, like, you know, does she like?

• 1:46:14Speaker 01

  Shoot a Barbie doll or some shit.

• 1:46:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, comb a doll's hair.

• 1:46:17Speaker 02

  Teach me how to cook a dick.

• 1:46:19Stavros Halkias?

  Take a souffle. That's literally what I said, by the way. I said, cooking class. I literally did make a sexist joke.

• 1:46:25Speaker 02

  You go, maybe, I don't know, maybe you see how good she is at vacuuming.

• 1:46:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, yeah, is there some shit that you don't love that you can survive a weekend at the museum? Or like, uh, just some event she wants to go to, some concert? I don't fucking know, but yeah. Start folding it in with her having fun. Just make sure she has fun, even if you're there. And then just, just be like, listen, we decide that like, four months in advance, be like, I am going to this thing. I will take this weekend, I want you to watch kids there, you pick a weekend, you can even just be in the other room and watch TV. But we, you have to sort of equal, because I think two things are bothering her. That it's not equal, that he gets more fun than her, like whatever, that she always watches the kids.

• 1:47:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:47:09Stavros Halkias?

  And that she just doesn't have fun.

• 1:47:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:47:11Stavros Halkias?

  And you need to rectify both of those things. And I think you start with what your guys are saying, date nights, more shit that she's having a good time.

• 1:47:17Speaker 01

  Eat her ass from behind.

• 1:47:18Stavros Halkias?

  Eat her ass from behind.

• 1:47:19Speaker 02

  Oh my god, I go, we didn't go to high school together.

• 1:47:24Speaker 02

  I, it reminds me of when I used.

• 1:47:26Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, we were broken up, you fucking whore.

• 1:47:28Speaker 02

  Tell me about it. I remember when, uh, I used to wait tables and I would close lunch with another waiter. They would always get mad because I smoked cigarettes. So I'd go, I'm gonna go outside and smoke a cigarette. And they'd be like, well, what the fuck? I don't get a break?

• 1:47:40Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:47:40Speaker 02

  And finally I had to go like, go look at your phone. I'll watch the section.

• 1:47:43Stavros Halkias?

  Have seven minutes of phone looking.

• 1:47:45Speaker 02

  That's what I did. And that was like, back when, this is like, oh eight, when like, smartphones became a thing.

• 1:47:49Stavros Halkias?

  Fresh.

• 1:47:50Speaker 02

  And I go, go look at your phone outside. I'll, it's just, I'll, you're not smoking, but.

• 1:47:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go beat your dick in the bathroom. I don't care. And that, I think you have to do a little of that.

• 1:47:58Speaker 02

  And by the way, completely rectified it.

• 1:48:00Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:48:00Speaker 02

  Cause they were just like, oh yeah, cool.

• 1:48:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yes. I, yeah. So good luck, you know, I do, I am very curious about this friend group though. I kind of want to know what his friends are like. Is she just like, doesn't jive culturally, like?

• 1:48:12Speaker 02

  Or she calls in and she goes, you have no idea about these bitches.

• 1:48:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:48:16Speaker 02

  They suck.

• 1:48:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:16Speaker 02

  They married a bunch of bims.

• 1:48:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It's a bunch, it's some Stepford wife shit. Um, but, you know, whatever. Good luck. Use some of that corporate America, middle, middle manager money to buy your, buy your wife some nice stuff and some experiences and, uh, you know, it's good that you're communicating at least. This guy's at least has this, a lot of guys who hunt, fish and play golf would be like, she fucking nags me dumb.

• 1:48:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:48:41Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:48:41Speaker 02

  Lucky I don't stuff her.

• 1:48:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:48:45Speaker 02

  Bitch. And you go, whoa, fuck her.

• 1:48:48Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, brother. Good luck. Good luck out there. And thank you to everybody who listened. Fellas, thank you so much for coming on for this.

• 1:48:56Speaker 02

  Love the new studio.

• 1:48:57Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 1:48:57Speaker 01

  This is awesome.

• 1:48:58Stavros Halkias?

  I love you guys so much. Truly, I wanted to have you guys on the, the special release week, because it's like, you, for real, if you guys don't, aren't nice to me when I first moved to New York, my life is so bad. Like, you guys were like, like, the lighthouse for me. When, when you first move here and you get no stage time.

• 1:49:14Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:49:15Stavros Halkias?

  You're not passed anywhere. Like, you know, I was living in a windowless room. Eldis was doing much better than me in life, right? This is the kind of shit I had to deal with. And you guys were so fucking nice to me in a way that was like, even, obviously we all knew Bobby and we were like, we were like, the Bobby coaching tree.

• 1:49:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:49:32Stavros Halkias?

  And you.

• 1:49:33Speaker 02

  It's absolutely what it was.

• 1:49:34Stavros Halkias?

  And it was the like Bobby support system too of like, you guys be like, don't worry, you're, you're actually kind of lucky. He's actually been to therapy now. You know what I mean? Like, we would have first conversation.

• 1:49:41Speaker 02

  I remember calling you when you did thirty shows in like, thirty days of them. And I go, I bet you're getting screamed at a lot. And you go, how did you know that? And I go, brother, because we all played for this, we all coached under him. We've all ran a film room with him.

• 1:49:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and like, I remember like, I remember when, when like, I first moved and it was, weed pens had just come out. And you hit, we were driving to like, you wanted to get specifically Wolf Nights? You remember that era?

• 1:50:10Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:50:11Stavros Halkias?

  There was a specific, in the Lower East Side, we were living in Astoria.

• 1:50:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, Riving.

• 1:50:14Stavros Halkias?

  You drove, Riving, I, yeah, I'm like, now I'm in, I'm in downtown, I pass it all the time and I smile.

• 1:50:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50:19Stavros Halkias?

  And dude, I just remember being so pumped to hang and being like, and also not wanting to think I was a bitch and like, hitting the gas and being so high the entire hang and being like, fuck, Dan Soder thinks I'm a fucking idiot.

• 1:50:31Speaker 02

  No, dude, I was getting, I was getting crazy strong vapes from Colorado.

• 1:50:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:50:36Speaker 02

  That I had to put down.

• 1:50:37Stavros Halkias?

  And they didn't have them anywhere else and like, and, and just fucking.

• 1:50:40Speaker 02

  It's like twenty fifteen.

• 1:50:41Stavros Halkias?

  I was hanging out in Astoria, like, yeah, it was twenty, it was, it was literally twenty fifteen.

• 1:50:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50:45Stavros Halkias?

  It was twenty fifteen. It was, Obama was president.

• 1:50:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50:47Stavros Halkias?

  When you guys literally took me under your wing, helped me out so much. Joe, when you invited me to your wedding, I was like, holy fuck, Joe likes me as much as I like Joe. It was literally a moment in my, like, truly, I, I, this is on purpose that I had you guys, because I, of all the guys, and, you know, we have a ton, a ton of people have been awesome to me, but you guys really held it down.

• 1:51:07Speaker 02

  Hell yeah.

• 1:51:08Stavros Halkias?

  When I was like, wanted to kill myself when I first moved, so.

• 1:51:11Speaker 02

  What's crazy is I remember even, I remember Nick opening, he was featuring for me at Boston, at Laugh Boston. And we were driving back, like Saturday night through the night, because I, I wanted to, you know, get back to Astoria.

• 1:51:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:25Speaker 02

  And I remember him going, Stav and I are gonna do a podcast and I don't really care about it. I just want the logo to look like cum. That was literally what he said to me.

• 1:51:35Stavros Halkias?

  I, dude.

• 1:51:36Speaker 02

  And then the next thing you know, it's like, Cum Town's like the biggest thing in the world.

• 1:51:39Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, the funniest thing of all time.

• 1:51:40Speaker 02

  It was, but I remember him specifically going, Stav and I are gonna do a podcast and all I care about is making the logo look like.

• 1:51:46Stavros Halkias?

  I know. I remember that era too, because I was like, I was like, yeah, dude, I, I remember being like, yeah, Nick, whatever, like, because Mullen, I met him, dude, when it was.

• 1:51:54Speaker 02

  You guys were DC, right?

• 1:51:55Stavros Halkias?

  He had, he was like, truly, he was, he, his plan was, he left Austin, was planning to come to Maryland to kill himself. He was playing, his plan was to drink himself to death in Baltimore. And I met him at the sidebar open mic. And he was, and I was like, I was like, I thought he was a new open mic'er. And I was like, this guy just started doing comedy and he's so fucking fu- I was like, well, I'm never gonna make it. And then he reveals he had been in Montreal. He was already like, working for like, ten, and they could start to say about seventeen. And he was, and I was like, oh, thank god. Like, I was like, I thought, oh, this is how funny you have to be.

• 1:52:31Speaker 02

  That was the reverse of like, when I moved to New York and someone was like, John Mulaney's your age. And I went, I'm gonna kill myself.

• 1:52:39Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, that was so, I mean, I remember that, that fucking era. And then Nick being like, let's do a podcast. And me being like, dude, podcasts are over. Cause I was like, I was like, Marin already did it, comedy bang bang, all this shit. I was like, it's never gonna work. And then he's like, but what if we make it jizz? And I was like, yeah, whatever, man. Just let's fucking do it.

• 1:52:56Speaker 01

  And I was like, wait, we've been doing that for several years.

• 1:53:01Speaker 01

  Where are the cum guys?

• 1:53:04Speaker 02

  These new guys come in and they take the cum market right from under us.

• 1:53:07Stavros Halkias?

  You fucked up not making it the logo, Joe.

• 1:53:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:53:10Speaker 01

  Should have just made it.

• 1:53:10Stavros Halkias?

  Tuesdays with jizz.

• 1:53:11Speaker 02

  Cummeroo.

• 1:53:12Speaker 01

  Cum, yeah.

• 1:53:12Stavros Halkias?

  Tuesdays with, with pussy.

• 1:53:16Speaker 02

  Jizz days with cum stains? I gotta go, it's fucking late.

• 1:53:21Stavros Halkias?

  But anyway, that's enough reminiscing and modeling and the episode.

• 1:53:24Speaker 02

  Uncle Stav on Netflix right now.

• 1:53:26Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you so much. And just go see the boys live, truly, the, the best comics in the fucking country. We love you guys and, uh, we will see you next week. Bye bye. Watch the special, please.